In Which a Heart to Heart is Had.
Radioactive
A low moan left the lips of a grey pony, his head laying on the glass table and his body sitting on the floor. His posture was sulky; obviously overworked and his mood party angered by recent events. His name was Fabric Detail, a unicorn with a coffee blue mane and myrtle green eyes. For his cutie mark, just a quill looming over a squiggly line of ink. He let his hoof slide slowly off his head and knock a bottle to the floor. As it made the predictable thud, he thought he’d heard another clanking noise, but further off and more repeatedly.
Listening closer, he heard the sound again, but this time, much more persistent. A slight grunt, and identified the noise as his knocker to the front door. With a dejected sigh, he heaved himself off of the floor and shuffled over to answer. If it was any farther away than a few steps, he would’ve ignored it. However, with it being directly next to him, Fab chose to respond.
Opening the way, the stallion found himself face to face with a familiar looking cobalt pegasus. With his chocolate eyes and mint green mane, Fab was quickly able to identify him as Cloud Winder, a old friend of his. By the look on his face, he was quite concerned about something.
Fab had an idea of what that was.
“Did we... piss you off?” Fab gave his friend an internal nod.
Knew it he thought. “Nah,” Fab admitted. He turned around and gestured to his living room and invited Cloud in. It wasn’t exactly a tidy room to be in, but neither was it dirty. A few glasses and a bowl or two sat on the floor near the pillows and table, but other than that, the place was well kept.
“Too many of us to keep track of?” Cloud joked.
A quick sniffle was heard before Fab replied. “Exactly.”
“Ahhh. I get ya.” Cloud smiled as he sat on one of the cushions. “Well, you know, if you ever want back in or whatever, you need only ask.”
“Eeyup.” Fab took a moment to look at Cloud, a serious expression firmly in place. “Tell me something, is it funny to keep going even when I feel like stopping, or taking a break?”
Cloud looked down and thought about that for a bit. “If you feel like stopping, just stop. No need to burn yourself out.” He smiled lightly, “Take a breather and relax.”
Fab gave a dejected sigh, “I have so many incomplete works... What was I doing earlier?”
“So? You aren't the only one who has that issue. If you need to, go through what you have and prioritize your life.”
For a long time, Fab had been contemplating many things. His work, whether or not he wanted to go back to his old job, and what happened to him and Daisy, his ex-girlfriend. Cloud knew not to bring her up, but at the same time, understood what a big influence she truly was. Just recently, both he and his ex were invited to a small get-together. Shortly after; not even three drinks in, the unicorn left without another word.
“I've trotted through memory lane. I have the most incomplete projects...” Fab fixed him a stare. “I sometimes think about how much I’ve yet to complete.” He deadpanned. “Like what happened with her, and so much more...”
Cloud gave a loud laugh, hopeful to lighten the mood. “So have I. Save for the work I’m doing right now, I can't complete a single project I’ve started.”
“It's been eating away at me for weeks; no, months... Maybe even all year,” he continued.
Cloud nodded sagely. “Don't let it do that. That job? It's just a job. No one will hold it against you if you fail to complete a few assignments. And those who do?” Cloud grinned widely at this point,
“Screw 'em. They're idiots anyway.”
“I can't let them down,” Fab claimed while taking a deep breath. “I've let too many down already...” He scowled at the reflection he saw on the glass. “What kind of pony am I...”
“Like who?”
"If I get everypony hooked on something, fall in love with it,” Fab continued dejectedly, “only to deny them the result of what I not only promised them, but several others as well?” He looked up at Cloud. “Friends, familly.”
Cloud’s mouth formed an ‘oh’ of understanding, “So they know of your assignments?”
Fab nodded, “Yes, but I've let them down in other ways.” Cloud stayed silent in understanding, letting Fab continue at his own pace. “I've developed a sort of phobia of letting others down. All because I’ve done this before, and it never ended well.”
A small chuckle followed Fab’s words making Cloud think hard about his next statement. “You aren't the only one to do that. I've done it as well.”
“I just feel like crap, for not finishing my stuff.”
A steely glare hit Fab, “Don't. That’s one of the fastest ways to become depressed, trust me.”
Fab returned the glare in kind. “Depression's always been a problem for me.”
“Same here, so I know how you feel.” A quick quirk of an eye, “More or less.”
“Sometimes... I just feel like I need to stay connected to other ponies, be in somepony else's company and around others... but there's nopony here to help...”
At this, they both stayed silent. Cloud glanced elsewhere, then nodded, as if answering a question. Extending a wing, he draped it in a friendly gesture over his good friend. “You just need to take a step back, breathe, and rethink a few things.”
Fab made no move to end the embrace. “Been doing that for the last few days. Work's been piling up.”
“Your Job?”
“I've done a shoot, helped build these devices, and we're finally done, but I feel so wiped out.”
“Ahhh. Long project, to a degree? You’re into filming and the like?” Cloud furrowed his brow and withdrew his wing. “I don’t think you ever mentioned that.”
“We build this awesome box from scratch,” he went on. “It's got a hole on top that you put a camera in, used for special effects and the like. The camera pony inside plays with it, and makes things easier for the movie.”
The pegasus smirked, happy to catch something Fab liked. “Go on...”
A slight snicker showed on Fab’s muzzle as he kept talking. “We painted it this radioactive green, for the green screen, you know? It took me hours to sand the whole thing.”
“Forgive me… The second you said it was a box that you put a camera into, I thought of Alice in Balloon’s Pony in the Box.” He paused. “Hoof sanded?”
“Yep, but it was so worth it.” Fab adjusted his shoulder and held to it, half way showing how sore he was and almost making a pained sound as he did.
A grimace crossed Cloud’s face. “Yikes... I had to do that for a few speaker cabinets. Talk about tedious and painstaking.”
“So you know how tired I am, then.”
He didn’t even hesitate in a reply. “Oh, of course. Your forelegs probably feel like lead.”
Fabric Detail could only nod his head in affirmation. “I just...” A small, pained shrug, “I wanna work on my side projects, but my mind's wasted. I can barely think straight.”
“Alright, here's what you do.” Cloud donned a serious expression, looking right into the eyes of his friend. “You go out to a fast food joint, or a sub shop. Just go to someplace with some sort of food you like, and get something. Anything will do. Then, go home.” Fab looked away, but his gaze was soon returned to Cloud’s with a hoof. “Then, play an episode or two of your favorite show. And just...” He trailed off, with a slight raise of his wings. “Zone out. Screw the world. Screw the assignments. Just... Relax.”
Fab lowered his head and closed his eyes. “I've listened to music, meditated, but I just had to talk.” He looked down, closing his eyes momentarily, but reopened one to cast a sidelong look at the pegasus.
“So… Talk. I'll listen.”
A pause.
“What would happen if I simply disappeared?” He took a few steps away from Cloud. “From my job, my friends, my life?”
Cloud scrunched his face in concentration. “Ponies would be upset. They would rage. They would cry, and probably search...” He paused, closing his eyes and turning his head upward. “But in the end? I think most would eventually move on. Because something else would catch their interest.” He looked at Fab once again. “Out of all the ponies you know, about a quarter would hope for your return. It will only matter to you if you make it matter.” A smile. “So, don't let it matter. Just do it for fun.”
“I hate emotions.”
Cloud laughed. “So do I. They get in the way...”
“I know it's just life, but whenever I think about this, my back shivers...”
“Wish you could suppress all those feelings...?” Said Cloud, more to himself.
“My whole being loses its nerve,” Fab continued, “And I feel cold, lonely, and in need.”
“Of what?”
“I don't know.” Fab kept looking around the house as if seeking for something that’d been long lost for too much time.
“We all feel that way along the road,” Cloud reminded. “It's what makes us, well, equine.”
“I think, sometimes, I've lost my mind and slipped slowly into madness.”
Cloud grinned again. “Sanity is a lie.” He began to speak with confidence. “Someone, I think Steepen Kick, said it best: ‘We're all insane. It's just the ponies who are in the asylums hide it better than most.’ Very apt statement, yeah?”
“I kinda feel radioactive,” Fab said with a sigh, almost shrewdly ignoring the words as though they didn’t apply to him even though they most certainly did.
Cloud looked confused. “Radioactive? How so?”
Fab raised his hoof up and looked at it critically. “I shake a lot; I've been getting nervous twitches, and disoriented.” He paused, lowering his hoof and frame. “But, only when I think about my life.”
Cloud pressed a hoof gently into his chest. “You need to stop then. You're making that too much like a job and forced task.”
Fab simply continued, looking off into space. “When I talk to those ponies in the bar, it's like a bad drug.”
“Not something you want to do with that.” Cloud remarked.
“The high isn't bad, it's the effect. Does that make sense?”
Understanding dawned on Cloud’s face “Oh, so, you still enjoy socializing?”
“Mmh, yeah... Kinda.”
“Then just go with it. Just don't put out anything for a few days longer. Meditate on something for some other purpose, or whatnot.” Cloud smiled, trying his best to keep track of Fab’s apparent problem. “Good that you enjoy being with your friends… But it's not something you should make into a forced thing. Doesn't work like that.” He set a hoof on his lower jaw. “At least, that's what I think.”
Fab sighed. “You're right, but still. I know I need a break, but I'm almost done... Almost complete with work. But, I’m letting others get in the way.”
A soft, “Ahh...” was heard from Cloud, nodding his head slightly in understanding.
“Half way through that time in the bar, just last week...” Fab reached a hoof out, like he was trying to grasp something just out of reach. “So close... and then Para had to invite me over for a ‘good time’...”
Cloud smiled. “So close you could taste it?”
“Yes, but I soon became too mentally frustrated and physically weak...” Fab trailed off again.
Cloud picked up on it. “Probably from the job you just did.”
“Probably.” Fab gave a short chuckle. Cloud, not so much.
“In that case, no need to force anything.” A thought occurred to him. “Have you gone out and done anything? Just enjoyed a day out?”
This only made Fab more annoyed looking. “I didn't even enjoy my birthday... Rent was due, and I hadn't enough bits. I had to fork out so much.”
Cloud grimaced. He knew exactly what that was like. “Eugh… That really sucks.” His face darkened. “That was me on a monthly basis.” Then he scowled. “Goddamn deadbeat brother.”
Fab shot a look at a corner of his living room. Sitting there, in pristine condition, was a computer that Fab used quite often. “I shouldn't have gotten this computer.” He made an off-hoof gesture toward it. “Two thousand bucks for business, and I haven't been getting any income.” A frown crossed his face. “Ponies keep messing up on me.”
Fab took this moment to head to his kitchen, leaving Cloud Winder in the living room. The distant clink of a few glasses could be heard, as well the familiar sound of a levitation spell. Cloud took a seat on the pillows while waiting.
When Fab returned holding two glasses filled with a dark caramel liquid, Cloud hesitated, but Fab only laughed. “Don’t worry. I know you don’t drink. It’s just soda.” Cloud’s eye’s lit up, and he took the glass without complaint.
They sat there in silence for a few minutes, the sound of liquid sloshing about and the soft gulps being the only thing to be heard. It was Fab who broke the silence.
“Just before the shoot, one of the guys personal messaged me saying he lost his god-damn ID, so he couldn't make it. Then, the girl showed up looking like she'd been crying...” He gestured with his free hoof and frowned. “And this is a regular thing, too. Bullcrap that sends me back two steps.”
Cloud, grasping his glass with both hooves, merely nodded. “We all have those days.” A glance at Fab, and like it was nothing more than talking about the weather, said to him, “I was accused of theft at Maremart.” Fab looked at Cloud in alarm, but before anything could be said, Cloud continued. “Jerks stuck me in a room the size of a closet and interrogated me. Then, get this.”
Fab sniffled and asked, “Yeah?”
“They let me out, didn't say sorry...” He set his glass down and look at Fab with a bit of anger showing in his eyes. “And then... Told me not to say anything about it.” He shook his head in disgust.
Fab scoffed, “Douchebags.”
But Cloud wasn’t done yet. “Then, when my yearly evaluation came around? I never got the raise just because of that.” He took a sip. “I was bleeding livid.” Another sip, and another frown took hold. “Here's the best part… The reason they accused me of theft? The guy who actually did steal the merchandise accused me of the whole thing!”
Fab look at Cloud in concern. “I'm sorry about your troubles, I really am. That's just... There's not enough words to describe how stupid that it.”
Cloud smiled. “Nah. I quit later on. Never looked back. But, my first job? I worked the concessions stand at a baseball stadium.” He looked up in nostalgia, a dreamy expression crossing his face. “The manager over me? Went to school with him.” He leaned back into the soft seat, fixing Fab with a stare. “I was the single most hated guy in the entire school of about four hundred to five hundred ponies.” He made an off hooked gesture. “This persisted outside of it. Anyway, this guy, he stopped scheduling me to work.”
Fab was shocked. “Damn...” was all he could say.
Cloud agreed, nodding his head slightly. “Yeah.” But he wasn’t finished with his tale. “Then, there was my fast food job. At Ray Rod-hangers, a small little fast food joint near Baltimare. I was one of the best they had on the front line.” He smiled with obvious pride. “Comment cards came in daily praising me.” His smile faltered. “One day? I almost told the manager to shut up, but caught myself before I actually said it. He told me to go home early, then the next day?”
Fab listened attentively, waiting for the pause to end and leaning in slightly as he gave the pegasus his undivided attention. “Yeah?”
Cloud shook his head in irritation. “He tried to fire me. I was forced to quit. The general manager, who I still talk to, was pissed. At him!” He smirked. “I think he felt threatened.”
Fab was once again at a loss for words. “That sucks...”
Cloud dismissed it with a sigh. “Eh, hate to say it, but that was a dead end job.”
Fab looked long and hard at him. Here was a pony whose life was filled with bad and unfortunate events. A pony, who on all accounts, should have just given up and stopped. But despite all of that, here he was, helping a friend. Putting someone else before himself. The stress he must be under was quite evident, but unless one knew him, they would’ve never noticed.
Fabric Detail set his glass down. Looking into the half filled object. He noted that if he looked into it just right, he could see his his reflection.
Almost unbidden, Fab felt a familiar tune enter his mind, and he began to sing, but in a whisper, “I'm waking up, I feel it in my bones, enough to make my systems blow...”
To his surprised, Cloud picked up on it and continued. “Welcome to the new age, to the new age...” Smiling all the while.
Fab stopped and look at his friend critically. “The world makes you radioactive, doesn't it?”
Cloud picked his drink back up, finishing it off with but a few gulps. Setting it roughly down, he said, “Yes indeed.” Then he smiled. “But you see, the trick is to not let it get to you.”
Cloud Winder looked at Fabric Detail, fixing him with a stare that hit his very soul.
He couldn’t be sure how long it lasted. But then, Cloud broke out into the biggest grin ever, raising his empty glass high in the air and spoke with an authority matched only by the regal sisters themselves:
“Never let it get to you.”
Author's Note
Truly hope you enjoyed reading this fic. It was quite cathartic to write, really.
~Skeeter The Lurker
