Rule 40.8

by Distorted Flare

Rating: mature
Tags: Slice of Life, Human, Romance, Comedy
Length: 4077

It's like Rule 34, only twenty percent cooler.

It's like Rule 34, only twenty percent cooler. You end up in Equestria as a fairly lonely stallion, and have to figure out ways to entertain yourself. And who better to help you than Rainbow Dash?

Just my attempt at a second pov present tense because I feel like it.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-08-26 19:21:40 UTC

You're Awesome

It's been nearly three weeks since you were ripped straight out of your home and stuffed right into Equestria in the body of a stallion. It probably makes at least a little sense to you, considering the fact that the whole concept of being ponified in Equestria was a cliche meme that pretty much every brony worth his or her salt claims to hate, despite the fact that most of those same people all secretly fantasize about it.

When you'd first woken up in Equestria, you'd wondered whether or not you'd huffed just a little too much to wake up here.  After being here for three weeks, however, if it was a drug, you would be instantly addicted. Man, this place was a fucking paradise! There were no real predators, no insanely long job interviews that go no were, NO TAXES beyond a small sales tax (like 6.8% or some shit like that), and a stallion to mare ratio of better than four to one. Everything was perfect! Yes, almost too perfect.

Last week, you were finally shipped out by the princesses to meet the mane six for the sake of "making friends." Even more cliche, right? Well, if that wasn't enough, Celestia (Not giving her the pleasure of Molestia yet) was totally smirking when she told you where she was sending you! That white bitch even mentioned that clopping with hooves would be more than a little difficult. She said that spa trips would be wonderful. What the fuck?! How did she know?!

It was really remarkably, considering the fact that you had been deemed fairly pathetic by your peers back on Earth (seriously, did Trollestia choose you just to follow the fandom's biggest fucking tropes?) Well, with all that aside, you were now very neatly settled into the wonderful wide world of Ponyville. And that's when everything, and I mean everything, blew up in your face.

One week to the day ago, you found out upon arrival how most mares cope with being in a world of fewer stallions than there were generous Jews. I mean, seriously, how did they cope? The answer became blatantly obvious when the first thing you saw was Rarity and Fluttershy kissing passionately right in front of you.  As it turned out, the world had a sense of vengeance on you, considering who you spent the most time fapping to on your old world. To top if off, the only two that weren't in fact gay as shit were Applejack and Rainbow Dash, both of whom were bi as hell. Go figure.

While you had no qualms about homosexuality, especially considering the fact that your door tending to swing both ways, it did get a little annoying to see every single one of your perverted dreams get dashed upon the rocks of cold, grim reality. What hurt more than anything was the fact that there was indeed an AppleDash ship going on as well, cutting off all hopes of ever banging any of the mane six and cutting off your fantasies by the balls.

And now, here you are, being told to watch Spike so that Twilight and Pinkie could have a private little...discussion. Yeah right, they'd been having "private discussions" every night for the last week, and they tended to moan loud enough for you to hear every phrase and syllable of what it was they were talking about. Watching Spike fap the shit out of his meat while listening in didn't help at all. You suppose that the whole illusion of ponies being less perverted than humans is a baldfaced fucking lie.

Again, while talking to Lyra about humans turned out to be rather interesting, she still swung towards mares and really didn't care since her only interest in the matter turned out to be tits. Great...at least you got the opportunity to watch her fuck the brains out of Bon Bon. What, so you were a bit of a perverted fuck, who cares? It didn't help that Ditzy was in fact a virgin and didn't need your help. Or your shaft for that matter.

As you watch Spike ejaculate on the kitchen refrigerator, you idly wonder what the fuck you'd gotten yourself into. Shrugging it off, you go back to listening to Pinkie screaming out as Twilight obviously did some sort of spell to enhance her fourth orgasm. Damn, they're only getting started! Without further ado, you drop your own pants and start fapping the shit out of your schlong. Such is the life of a single male in a world of lesbian mares.

Who'd have thought that Rainbow Dash was that horny? Or desperate for that matter? You aren't really the kind to question a gift horse in the mouth, though, and now you find yourself being led into her skyhouse for no apparent reason. Well, almost no reason, that is. After all, she's swaying her hips rather sexily, her beautiful rainbow tail flicking from side to side as she gives quick opportunities to glance at her obviously gleaming slit.

It all started a few hours ago when you got her rubbing off behind Sugarcube corner. You'd just left the place after gorging on the delicious cupcakes that Pinkie came up with half the time, and were just about to head back to the library before Pinkie could get there and make it too awkward to enter when you heard some noises behind the nearby dumpster. Concerned, you'd rounded the corner, only to find Rainbow Dash vigorously go at her own clit.

"Uh, RD?" you'd asked rather timidly. She suddenly stopped, staring at you like a deer caught in the headlights before sighing in frustration. The cyan mare had then proceeded to stand up on her now quavering hooves, obviously mildly embarrassed for several reason, not including the fact that she'd been doing so behind a dumpster.

"Hehe, sorry about that. It's a long story."

"You know, if you need to tell anyone, I'm here for ya. That's what friends are for."

She opened up after that, explaining the dilemma that she'd been keeping secret for the past few months. Apparently she and AJ had had a little bit of a falling out a few weeks earlier when the latter had formed a crush on some stallion, and RD, being the nympho she is, was getting really horny due to the fact that she hadn't had the opportunity to get off for nearly that whole time. So naturally, she'd resorted to the only thing left to take care of her.

Now you're no dumbfuck, so rather than beating around the bush, you explained that she could of just asked for some help. This immediately perked her up, and she even led you to the library to ask for Twilight's help in granting you wings. Having been no stranger to the show, you had barely repressed the urge to vomit at the thought of gaining fairy wings. Well, if it got you laid, that was fine as well.

So here you are, now standing on clouds (yes, standing on fucking clouds!) as Dash leads you into her mammoth of a mansion. Did you mention huge? It was a fucking monster! You had been no stranger to visiting the odd mansion now and again, of course, but you hadn't seen anything this size since Herst Castle! Without skipping a beat, you follow the sexy mare into her house.

"You know, this will be the first time I've...mated with anything but a mare since Gilda," Dash comments, strutting over to the nearest couch to lay down, splaying out with a perfect view of her winking hole. Hot damn you're getting a boner! "Hey, do you think you could take off your...whatever those are?" You don't need to be asked twice, and without further ado, you rip your belt off rather violently. You start undressing so fast that you nearly tie yourself up in your own clothing, but RD just giggles at that. "You're cute when you're flustered," she comments.

"I sometimes have that affect on people," you reply as the last of your attire drops to the cloud. Actually, through it. Were you anywhere but among ponies, this would have been an embarrassing mistake. You look up to find Rainbow Dash staring long and hard at your now engorged cock, idly licking her lips for what would inevitably come.

Having been around ponies long enough, you'd seen enough pony cock to know that they weren't as well endowed as the brony community claimed. For one thing, even stallions average somewhere around 60 kilos of mass (132 pounds for you idiots out there), and their dicks reflected that. Given that you are no slouch in your own weight, and severely outclass them in sheer body mass, it's understandable that Rainbow is staring at your cock like she'd just won the lottery, which in a way she had.

"Dude, please fuck the shit out of me. Now!"

You view this as the perfect opportunity to jump all over her, and with a body as drop dead sexy as hers, this left no motivation to decline. You hop right onto her, rubbing up against her body as you prepare to insert yourself. The smexy pegasus nuzzles you affectionately as you line up, taking aim before slamming your twitching cock violently into her marehood. Rainbow lets out a gasp as your balls slap against her ass.

"Well, what are you waiting for? Get pumping!"

And so you do, immediately going into hyperdrive as her really tight walls tug on your dick. She gasps with every stroke, immediately getting verbal as you slam your cock in and out of her pussy. You start to moan yourself, idly wondering how you could even fit into such a tight space. Well, apparently the friction was doing Rainbow justice. That, or she's just a screamer. Either way, this is probably the best sex you'd ever had in your life. Not that you'd had that many, but still. Better than getting sucked off by your best friend while you're drunk, that's for sure.

"Ngh! Can you-ah! Go any harder?!"

"F-f-fuck yeah!"

You start treating her clenching walls like it's some filthy sewer while your dick is the cleaning scrubber. Basically, your cock rubs against her walls like you're trying to create a rash or something, building up even more pleasure for both of you. Rainbow Dash's hips begin to buck in time with each thrust, her moans becoming louder and louder.

"Who's your man?"

"You are!"

"I can't hear you, who's yo daddy?"

"Wha-hng!"

"I said, who's yo daddy?!"

"YOU ARE!!"

With that, you feel Rainbow's filly juices spray all over your dick, her voice crying out in ecstasy as she goes into an intense orgasm. The sexy squeals and clenching pussy are more than you can take, and you don't even have time to pull out as you start to spurt your seed all over her insides, filling her womb with semen. It's probably a good thing she's not in heat, right?

"Dude, that was...AWESOME!"

"I know, right?"

"We should do that more often."

"Well, I'm cool with that."

You look at her now sweating form, and idly wonder what you should do next. You'll obviously need a little recharge before you can go for round two, but that doesn't mean that she can't have some fun in the meantime. You get up off of her, and move your head down to her already leaking cunt.

"Hey, what're you-oh, I get it." Rainbow immediately lays back to enjoy the treat you have coming for her. Your lips slowly meet with her dripping pussy, and you slowly kiss it, rubbing up against her cunt. You lap up her juices along with your own, ignoring the fact that that's your own cum that you're basically eating. Hey, what's stopping you?

It doesn't take very long before you dive your tongue right in, slowly licking the sides of her already clenching vagina. The muscles in your tongue contract opposite to the contractions of her own, and the hot mare starts to softly moan as you start to write your name with your tongue. The only guys out there that haven't bothered watching porn every now and again were either dead or in a coma, and you were neither. Being no stranger to such acts, you soon pull your tongue out.

With both hooves carefully moving outside of her marehood, you spread her lips apart to give yourself better access to your prize: her highly engorged nub. Yes sir, the clit is definitely the best place to go if you want to please a woman, and mares are in of themselves similar in their own accord. Soon your tongue starts licking it, covering her clit in a mix of saliva and her own pre-cum. Rainbow gasps at the fervent form of cunnilingus you're granting her.

You lose track of time as you pleasure her, and somewhere around her sixth orgasm she starts to ask that you stop for now. Being the fairly nice guy you are, you agree. You lay down next to the cyan pegasus, and cuddle up, slowly drifting off into a light nap.

You guys wake up the next morning to the sound of birds chirping in the trees below, and you idly wonder what's on your schedule for the day. Rainbow Dash stands up and walks over to the nearest window to look outside, and you yourself stumble a little as you stand up.

"So...what now?"

"Well," Rainbow Dash comments as you walk over next to her. "As I see it, there are about three days before the spell wears off, and I still have a lot of jelly sitting around in my kitchen. Care to..."

Life has never been sweeter.

Rainblowjobs and Showers

You wake up to the blazing sun beating its annoying, horrid light down on your soft little head as a hangover from Tartarus goes through Operation: Desert Storm in your skull. Apparently the debauchery gods are not smiling on you today. "Bleh!" you mutter as you feel the aftereffects of the moonshine kicking in. Well, that went well. Rolling over, you take in the still form that had remained perpetually cuddled up to you. Rainbow's soft, still form looks rather adorable when she's asleep, and her prismatic mane complements the sky-blue coat beautifully. Why nopony else had really hit on her that much is still a mystery to you.

A soft sigh escapes her lips as she starts to wake up, and she rolls over to wrap her hooves lazily around your neck. "Mmpf, you're so soft and cuddly," she mutters as she drifts back off to sleep. This softer side of Rainbow Dash is something you'd never seen before, but it's not particularly unwanted either. You look around for a moment, taking in the appearance of her room. Everything is rather neatly placed for somepony that could easily be assumed for a slob. Her entire home had been kinda that way, so it doesn't really surprise you to see that here as well. Of course, there's all sorts of Wonderbolt merch sitting around as well.

You lay back down, cuddling up to Rainbow's still form. Her fur feels soft and fluffy, and the feathers on her wings are probably the most wonderful thing you've ever felt against your body. Period, exclamation point, end of statement. You slowly drift off, feeling her chest rising and falling against your own, your hearts beating in time to eachother.

Nothing lasts forever, even cuddling with the hottest mare you've ever known. You stand up, trotting over to the restroom. As soon as you walk in, the mirror makes it abundantly clear that you are, in fact, still a stallion. For someone who'd lived almost perpetually as a human, it's still a little hard to wrap your head around. You also realize that there are absolutely no pants on your body.

"Fuck..."

Even though most people would gladly drop their breeches as soon as the opportunity arose, you are not most people. As a human, you didn't have enough experience seeing other dudes' chodes to know whether or not you were small or anything like that. It really didn't help that you didn't get laid very much, or stayed in any of those few relationships very long. And now, here you are, with a gigantic stallion morning glory poking out of your sheath in front of a mirror in some fucking sky castle. Old habits die hard, mate!

You feel Rainbow Dash rubbing up against your side as you stare at the mirror, taking in your own features. Yes, it's been hard as fuck to get used to having hooves, and your ability to grasp pretty much anything with them (what the fuck?) still doesn't help. You look at your brown mane as it cascades down your beige coat. Your blue eyes look back to haunt you. So this is what be a pony is like, eh?

"Dude, I'm going to take a shower. You game?"

You over at the cyan pegasus, her rose colored eyes meeting yours in a half-lidded manner. Whelp, that finished growing your morning boner, and your large cock splayed out for a perfect view. Rainbow smiles as she looks at your meat, and as she turns to trot into the shower, you can tell her slit is practically gleaming. You did need a shower...after all, there was still some jelly on your crotch. The mare's really good at licking it up, but that shit's hard to get out of your fur.

RD turns the water on, letting it cascade down her body in rivulets of pure, warm water. As her mane mats down in the water, your boner starts to tingle excitedly. If anypony ever thought that Rainbow Dash was hot out of water, wait until you see her mane wet! You saddle up next to her to start cleaning yourself at the same time. She looks over to meet your gaze, rose eyes meeting sapphire.

"You know, Anon, it's rather hard to clean this myself..."

You mentally facehoof for not thinking of that before. Eh, inexperience wins again. Your hooves pick up the soap, and you start rubbing it against her body as she does the same to yours. Your chest brushes up against hers as you start to get nearer, searching for ways to clean each others backs simultaneously. Her muzzle starts to rub against yours, and pretty soon your lips lock together in a deep kiss.

You can feel her body brushing up against yours as your eyes close to enjoy the sensation of her tongue battling your own. You continue to wash her back as you feel your cock rubbing up against her belly, now fully exposed and any pretense of another option abandoned. She starts to moan into your mouth, trying to take every ounce of your breath as she pulls you closer.

After a minute, you both draw back, panting. A small smile is breaking on her lips, and she looks down at your engorged junk with a hungry look on her face. Damn it was good to be the biggest stallion around! She looks up at you, and mutters in a husky voice, "Mind if we have some fun, cowboy?" She then straddles you as you lean back, her dripping folds spreading to accommodate your cock. The cyan mare lets out a somewhat noisy moan as she hilts you.

You feel her folds around your dick as she starts to bob up and down, and the water continues to slide down her form as she goes crazy all over your genitals. You feel her marehood clenching to your shaft as she moves up, only to welcome its return as she drops back down. "So...full," Rainbow mutters as she comes back down on your for the fourth time.

Minutes start to pass by that way, and you don't cum too fast due to the fact that you'd gotten off probably five times the night before. That doesn't take away the fact that it feels good as fuck when she does this to you, and you can start to feel your own climax building up as she gyrates on top of your meat. You involuntarily start to thrust, her own hips moving in time to yours.

A few moments later, you feel Rainbow's sticky juices spray all over your crotch as she cries out in ecstasy, and that's more than enough to send you over into your own orgasm. You start thrusting up, letting every ounce of your seed spray all over her insides as she collapses against you. The water continues to flow down your bodies as you ride out the last of your respective orgasms.

"Dude, where'v you been all my life?" Rainbow says as she lays back on top of you. You don't quite know yourself, and admit that while you guys drift off into a nap, ignoring the fact that the water was STILL flowing, and if pegasi were to have water bills, you'd be fucked.

After a little while, you wake up to her soft, adorable snoring as she sleeps draped on top of you. Damn, it'd been like what, twenty four hours, and you'd already slept with her several times! It's a pity that this can't last for ever, but meh. You start to nudge the dozing mare, and she wakes up quickly enough. "Huh, what'd I miss?" she asks, standing up.

"Nothing much, just my awesomeness," you reply.

She looks down at your 'awesomeness' for a moment, before recapping what had happened the night before. The prismatic mare took a moment to consider, before suddenly gasping. "Dude, I totally forgot!" she cries out before suddenly pulling you up and rushing you out of the shower (while the water still ran. Seriously, what the fuck?!). You promptly find yourself dragged into the living room at a pace that would have rivaled Pinkie's.

"Okay, so you know how yesterday you licked me off?" she asks, enthusiastically bouncing up and down in one of her signature "ohmygosh" moments.

"Uh, sort of. Why?"

"Well, I never really returned the favor."

Holy Shit!

"So...do you want to get some action, hot stuff?"

Fuck yeah!!

"Eh, sure, why not?"

With that, Rainbow forces you to lay back, your legs getting promptly spread to make your shaft more available. She leans down and starts coaxing out another hard on with hooves while looking up into your eyes. "Ya ready? I call this my patented, one of a kind, Rainblowjob!"

"Have you ever done it before?"

"Not to a stallion, no."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"What? There's a first time for everything!"

Well, you can't argue the logic of it, you suppose. By now, her hoofjob was making you hard as fuck, and your dick was hanging out again. She pulled her hooves back, before suddenly engulfing your mass in her mouth, trying to take in ever inch of it. You'd never had fellattio performed on you before, so this is something new and fantastic to feel.

"Holy shit!"

Rainbow would have replied, but she's far to busy trying to deep throat you, and it's sure as hell paying off. Soon, you just lean back and close your eyes to experience the amazing pleasure that she's giving you. She's perhaps doing it a little too skilled, as you soon find yourself resisting the urge to thrust your cock even farther down her throat. As it is, you're finding yourself nearing yet another orgasm, and her constant bobbing and slurping isn't helping at all.

A few minutes later, you feel yourself ejaculate down her throat, and she does her best to swallow all the seed that you'd managed to store from the last encounter. Her eyes look up to meet yours as she finishes consuming the high-protein diet you'd just given her for breakfast. She pulls back, your dick exiting her mouth with a loud 'plop!'

"That...was awesome."

"Glad you liked it."

You pull her in for a tight embrace, meeting her cum dripping lips with your own. While the off-white liquid isn't really something you were inclined to eat, frenching Rainbow Dash totally makes it worth it. She crawls up on top of you, and lays across your body as you drift off to sleep yet again. Damn it was good to be a pony!