Chapters The Beginning of The End That Was the Sequel To the Epilogue.
In a world...
...Where might makes right...
...And cash is king...
The casino air was thick with smoke from the gamblers. But the one spot in all of Canterlot Casino -And water-park- that had the most smog filled air was the chief dealer's table. The table where all the big wigs and high rollers threw their cards down. Seated there now, with a crowd of onlooking mares and stallions was a little purple dragon; cigar loosely tucked between his lips and a hand of cards shuffling against his claws. Across from him, Celestia smirked and licked at her lips once. "What's it going to be, Spike?"
One dragon...
...Will play his cards...
...And walk away with the pot...
Spike spat his cigar out from his mouth, making it smack a nearby mare in the face who subsequently fainted. "Heh.. Does this answer your question..." Spike's cards fell to the table right-side-up and revealed what kind of hand he had.
Every mare in the casino fainted out of their swooning of this master of manliness, soon followed by the stallions knowing they couldn't compete. The only two left up were Spike, a look of smug victory on him, and Celestia with clenched teeth and a dribble of blood coming from the corner of her lip. On the table, the cards spelled out the fate of the game... Yahtzee.
Ponyville crackled with the splitting of trees and the incoming fire that threatened to encompass the entire village. What ponies remained in the doomed village screamed and tried to run from their coming demise. All in vain though. Those that ran just caught on fire the second they were spotted by the enemy. It was only Twilight Sparkle and those she saved fast enough to get into her library that now stood a chance. From one of the windows, Twilight looked out at the blazing village with horror. The carnage, the violence... Only a few small, bitter words could describe for Twilight the inhumanity she saw before her. "Damn you, Care Bears..."
In a time...
...Where humanity itself is threatened by beings of uncontrollable chaos...
...Two sisters...
...Will fight back...
CLANG! SHING! Celestia, ruler of Equestria and sole protector of the Light, parried the swift rapier jabs of her challenger. Her breast heaved and blood salted sweat dripped down her labored body as she staggered from the tireless advances of this beast of a man. Her fingers tensed around the handle of her blade before she returned a strike towards the man, only managing to drive a momentary wedge between them and labor her all the more. The man, a crooked yellow tooth grin on his face, pointed the point of his rapier upon Celestia's blood soaked cheek. "Celestia... At last... You will fall at my hands..."
SHING! Discord was caught by surprise as a new blade clashed against his own and repelled him away from Celestia's weakened form. Following the assault's origin, he came to see Luna, protector of the Night and ruler of Equestria brandishing her blade in his direction. "Before thee speaks another word, dastard, allow me the pleasure of carving thee a new hole from which to defecate from!" Again, Discord fell under assault with Luna now upon him, clashing blades and twirling slices in his direction.
This Summer...
...You must fight to survive...
...She was just an innocent mare looking for a way home...
"I'm looking for a way home," Twilight Sparkle said while standing in the middle of a desert.
...But the rebellion wasn't having it...
"I don't know about the rest of you's..." the young Babs Seed shifted in her chair, looking at a picture of Twilight Sparkle along with a group of other shady ponies standing around her, "But I want this Twilight Sparkle...? I want her... DEAD!" She threw the table up into the air, breaking all the cups on top of it as it crashed to the floor.
She tried to run...
Twilight darted through the darkness of the night desert, huffing and puffing.
But she wasn't fast enough...
While running, from around her, a pack of cars drove up around her at speeds easily beating her out. When they got close enough, the windows rolled down and signaled for gun fire to rain out on the mare. Once Twilight fell to the floor, bullets covering the sand around her, the cars drove off... How ponies drove them, she would never know.
They left her for dead...
"T-They left me... For dead..." Twilight coughed out.
But she swore she'd have revenge...
"I'm going to get revenge..." She managed to wheeze out.
But she'd need help...
Lyra Heartstrings as "The Doctor"...
"And we'll put the ion cannon HERE!"
"How's that going to make me better?"
"Do you have an ion cannon now?"
"No."
"Well there you go..."
Flutter "P." Shy as "Homeless Love"...
"Twilight, you can't go out there!"
"Try and stop me..." Twilight swung the door open and took a step forward, immediately falling off into a ravine.
"No! I mean that door goes nowhere!" Fluttershy yelled after her.
Action...!
"HOLY BUCK!" Babs Seed screamed while looking down the barrel of a twelve foot ion cannon.
Suspense...!
"WHEN ARE THOSE DAMN TACOS GETTING HERE!?" Twilight cried, bullets sounding off against the wall she and Fluttershy were using as cover in the abandoned shelter. Twilight swung her front hoof up and aimed a gun out the window, firing a few round off towards the attackers. "The tacos were supposed to be here!"
Romance...
"Fluttershy, wait...!" Fluttershy turned to look at Twilight, tears welling in her eyes, "This..." Twilight allowed a plate on her body fall, revealing something that made Fluttershy's eyes widen a great deal, "Is my 'Ion Cannon'..."
Come see this Summer's Greatest Blockbuster...
Twi-Knight Spar-Kill...
The Beginning of The End That Was the Sequel To the Epilogue.
What happens when you put two mares with totally different ideals in the same house?
"Hello. I'm Fluttershy, your new roommate? You must be Rainbow Dash?"
You get nothing but absolute comedy!
"Really? Alright. Make yourself comfortable."
The wacky hijinx!
"Can you pass the milk?"
"Sure, here."
Big time tension!
"Would you mind if we change the channel?"
"Eh. Whatever. The team's down ten points anyway. Whatever you want on is cool with me."
Dramatic discoveries!
"Oh. You wear glasses?"
"It's only when my contact lenses are gone."
"No worries. They suit you."
And of course...
...Romance...
"Fluttershy, are you gay?"
"Maybe."
"That's cool..."
CRAZY~!
A single table flung up into the air before crashing against a lone counter at the end of the long room. Ponies of all ages coward off to the side, hugging close their loved ones as this horrible monster stormed from one end of the room to the other, thunder its hooves against the lowly floor. The stallion behind the counter that had just been assaulted by the table projectile shook all over, tears ringing in his eyes as the monster stood before his counter. Its hooves, as heavy as the forge of the Makers slammed against the counter before the monster leaned in close, a muzzle frothing with rage. "To what do you mean to tell The Great and Powerful Trixie by saying she needs to retake her DRIVING TEST!?" The stallion wept as he was berated by the monster more and more.
This Winter...
...From the makers of Twi-Knight Spar-Kill...
...She was a door-to-door book seller...
"Apparently some ponies still read books..." Sunset Shimmer grumbled will knocking on a random house's door.
...And the Grindle corporation wasn't happy...
"Books? BOOKS!?" Gilda paced around the dark room before a group of ponies before she latched out to one of them and threw them out a nearby window, "BOOKS'RE FOR NERDS!"
...They told her to stop...
"Stop selling books!" a pony dressed in an overcoat shouted down the street before being hit by a fruit cart.
Looking down the road, Sunset Shimmer finished pushing the cart with her glowing horn and yelled back. "No!"
...They threatened her loved ones...
"Gilda, we looked as best as we could, but she just doesn't like anyone enough to care."
...But when that didn't work...
...They got creative...
Sunset Shimmer casually walked down the road of Ponyville, when from out of an alleyway, several cars drove out beside her. Before she could question it, the windows rolled down and several gun barrels aimed at her and clicked with fire. It took only a second before Sunset Shimmer fell to the ground like a rag doll and the cars to drive away.
They stole her books...
Realizing not a single bullet hit her, Sunset stood up and looked at her bag of books which had been riddled with bullet holes. "Oh come on!"
And she wanted vengeance...
"Each of those books come out of my paycheck!" She snarled, slamming the book bag against the ground. "VENDETTA!"
But she couldn't do it alone...
Vinyl "PON-3" Scratch as "Bater, Master of the Sword"...
"This is a serious mission!"
"Dude. I get that. Stop yelling at me. Chill!"
"Then stop laughing."
"Alright, alright. Start over."
"Fine... Great Master Bater--"
"BA-HAH-HAH-HAH-HA!"
"UGH!"
Pipsqueak as "Whitey McCracker Snow"...
"They say you are the greatest craftier of swords?" Sunset Shimmer sat before the young colt as the fireplace crackled beside them.
"No, my child..." Pip sighed, cupping a small tea cup between his small hooves so he could drink, "...The swords just come to me."
"Like... A dream?"
"No. I use E-Bay. What sorta' sword are you lookin' for? I still 'ave a tab open."
Double the excitement...
"Are those two robot dragons coming at us!?"
"No... I think it's just a bird..." Vinyl squinted her eyes for a better look while Sunset Shimmer was viciously attacked by a colossal robotic dragon and Pipsqueak was eaten by another.
Half of the suspense...
"Where's your leader!?" Sunset thwacked a stallion across his already bruised face.
"I already told you! She's upstairs!"
"'E ain't talkin'!" Pip walked into the room, trudging behind a car battery, "But we'll get answers one way or another!"
"I TOLD YOU WHAT YOU WANTED TO KNOW!"
Come see the movie all the critics are saying is "as preposterous a concept as the first movie"...
Shun-set Shim-itar.
The Beginning of The End That Was the Sequel To the Epilogue.
"Hey, doc! You want to do something special today?"
"Of course. As we do each day, my dear Ms. Hooves. Try and make Ponyville more interesting!"
They're Derpy and the Doc.
Yes, Derpy and the Doc,
One likes to think,
The other to talk,
They're all around nice,
Though give bad advice,
There's Pinkie, (Pie!)
They're Derpy and the Doc, Doc, Doc, Doc,
Doc, Doc, Doc, Doc,
Doc.
"Ms. Hooves, are you sure you don't hear that?"
"Sorry, Doctor. I really don't hear a theme song when you say 'Try and make Ponyville more interesting!'."
"I cannot be imagining it!"
Running candidate Pinkie Pie is one of the most -if not thee most- energetic ponies you will ever know. For every laugh she brings, she brings just another to every pony else. This is a mare who doesn't care about her own goals; just to be sure that every pony is smiling and having a good time. Pinkie Pie not only values the worth of joy, but also the importance of hard work. Hard work like the work some ponies do on rock farms; like the one she spent her young filly life tending to.
A bright smile and a dedicated missionary; Pinkie Pie does and have both. And no mudslinging can change that.
OR CAN IT!?
Fun is fun, but Pinkie Pie takes it too far. In a recent toe-tapping musical number, this mare had admitted to the reason she wants to make ponies happy is because it makes herself happy. What's next? Is she going to give money to the poor so they'll give her money back? That's SOCIALISM! And what does Pinkie plan to do with the money the poor give her? My guess is on sugar parties.
Pinkie Pie:
Exciting Road Maker for the Future?
Or
Drugged Up Socialist?
YOU DECIDE!
This Fall...
...From the producer of Shun-set Shim-itar...
...She was just a small town girl...
"Man this is a small town..." Sonata Dusk huffed and kicked her feet out under her while she sat on a bench.
...Living in a lonely world...
"And it sucks worse because I'm lonely in it! I thought small towns were supposed to be close-knit! TV lied to me!"
...But that was before she took a midnight train...
Suddenly a huge billowing steam train came ripping down the street in front of Sonata; ripping the pavement out of the ground as the head of the train lead its whole being down the road without any tracks. Sonata panicked and brought her legs against her body, eyes wide while the train stopped right in front of her. A passenger door swung open and two girls stood there, reaching a hand out to her each and looking at her exactingly. "Get on the train..." One of them spoke.
"W-Where does this train go?" Sonata asked.
...To hell...
"Wherever the Grezma Incident strikes next..." They both put on a pair of shades and drew giant alien-esque riffles, "We need your help to stop them."
"You're the key."
Adagio Dazzle as "Chief Firs Wan Ted"...
"I've been doing this for so long, it's almost second nature to me. Stick with me, new girl, and you'll never lo--" as she finished her sentence, a bulky alien pops around the corner and shoots a round into the back of her, causing her to fall flat on her face.
"NOOOOOOOO!" Sonata cried out, kneeling down next to her fallen partner.
"I-I'm not dead..."
"Oh..."
Aria Blaze as "Fun Haus"...
"Why do they call you Fun House?"
"Because I love to laugh... And it's Haus... Like German."
"I don't think that's--"
Special Guest Starring Twilight Sparkle as "Twi-Knight Spar-Kill"...
"Who're you?"
"Someone that doesn't belong..."
"Because this whole war should've never happened?"
"No, because my movie took place in modern times. This is a sci-fi."
Triple the action...
"WHERE'S THE BOMBS!" Sonata whipped her gun against the face of one of the aliens, massive explosions happening behind her. "HE'S NOT TALKING!"
"They don't speak english!" Aria shouted over the explosions.
"I'll be the judge of that! Keep throwing those bombs! I think the explosions are getting to him!"
One-fifth the plot...
"The Grezma Incident is an all encompassing anomaly within space and time that may or may not occur at any juncture in creation. But out job is to go to the center of the incident wherever in occurs, stop it, and then travel back before it occurs and disrupt it so that it never happens in that moment in time again. But, it may have already happened; in which case, we need to enact a Reactor Gate and perge the source of time itself to end the Grezma Incident for eternity. But eternity for one time is not for another time. Any questions before we move onto the plot?"
"Can I go home?"
"No. Now, onto how the Grezma is the birth of us..."
Come see the only movie to receive such praise as "the second one was better, and it sucked"...
"Sun-Nada Dutch".
"That title doesn't make sense...!"
The Beginning of The End That Was the Sequel To the Epilogue.
"Hello everyone, I'm Trixie Lulamoon... You may remember me from such movies as No County for Old Mares , or Les Miserobble Robble where I played the dual roles of the Hamburgler and Officer Big Mac and was snubbed by the Academy for it. I mean, I was literally acting opposite of myself in half the movie. And those weren't special effects! I literally used magic every scene to create a perfect--PERFECT--duplicate of myself! OH! And I need to act for myself AND the copy! I was playing two roles at the exact same time! DO YOU HAVE ANY--!?
--BEEEEEEEEP--
"Eh-hem! As I was saying... I'd like to take a moment to talk with you lovely people about something near and dear to me. We have a lot of fun out there in the wide world we live in. Playing with our friends, reading books, getting robbed at the award ceremony by Countess Coloratura because she stumbled through a movie on a broken leg! UGH! I'm Coloratura, I'm a hero for doing the bare minimum! That's not even her real--!"
--BEEEEEEEP---
"All this to say, we like to have our fun here and there. But you know what isn't fun? Identity theft.......... Well, goodnight."
This Easter...
In limited Theaters...
You will--
"--Alright the producer said I went on an unnecessary tangent, but I need you all to understand it was highway robbery ! Do you know how many days I spent practicing doing two roles at the exact same time?! You think you can just DO that magic!? I--No ! I will not be silenced! The Academy is corrupt! They just want feel-good stories! Nothing re--!"
---BEEEEEEEEEEP!----
From the desk of the co-author of " Twi-Knight Spar-Kill "...
...No child gets left behind...
"Welcome to the Last Hope Orphanarium," Fluttershy greeted the guests with the kindness smile as she ushered them into the dingy estate.
...No child is forgotten...
Along the walls, several nameplates sparkle with the painstakingly written names of every child. Though, the initial writing is somewhat obscured by the several layers of sticky-notes piled over them with hastily redone names.
...No child...
"So? What do you think of your new home?" The caretaker looked as hopeful as she was exasperated that maybe this time, the placement would stick.
"Yeah..." Scootaloo nodded as she looked the place over before drawing her katana.
...Is taking prisoners...
In a single fluid motion, the young ward sliced the caretaker down. Fluttershy looked on in horror, though a small level of respect for the sheer skill for someone so young.
"Fluttershy, we don't have much time before they find us. I need your help to raise these other kids to be able to stop the robot uprising!"
"Wow, that's a lot to take in..."
"Oh we're just getting started on the things you're going to be taking in!"
She traveled from the past...
...To save the future...
"When I was a baby, I was told that in the future Twi-Knight Spar-Kill would raise a robot army to travel into the past and take over everything! So I stole a time machine to travel to the future to stop that from happening...!"
"...Wha?"
A powerful hero...
...Becomes a dangerous enemy...
"Wait, I thought Twilight--Twi-Knight Sp... I thought they were a good pony?" Fluttershy voiced her objection while she watched Scootaloo flip furniture around in the orphanage.
"Yeah, that's what we thought too... Then the virus took over..."
"She was hacked by an even more powerful villain?!"
"No, she was just on the wrong sites without a VPN. Those are still a problem in the future."
Ten times the threat...
"S-So what should we be looking out for?" Fluttershy shuddered at the implications of her former lover turning on her, though she followed suit with Scootaloo in preparing the area for war.
"Tens of thousands of robots. An endless army armed with three Ion Cannons at least...!"
Fluttershy's face fell beet red as she clutched at her chest, "Oh my..."
At a tenth of the budget...
"When do you think they'll be here?"
"Uh... Soon... Just don't actually look out the window for them... Take my word for it when I say there's a lot." Scootaloo instructed, taking care to shut the blinds.
Come see the movie critics are claiming "really shows the budget this company has on offer"...
...The Fourth One...
"You may not even see or hear any explosions. The ion cannons do all their damage super quiet in the future."
"I thought you were from the past...?"
