Oh God, a reader! I guess you were expecting a story or something. Fine if that’s what you want whom am I to tell you "No get off this page this instance and get a job!" Today I’m going to tell you the epic tale of something, something about a pony or something magical like that.
So yeah the story begins in the World War 2 pony era. Cause World War 1 is never as relevant because come on! World War 2, that shit was awesome! There the Axis Powers was made up of the Griffons, Dragons, and the Decepticons against the United States of Equestria. So yeah, just like in the history books. We meet our hero Pinkie, because when isn’t she the hero? Well, except when she isn't the hero cause Twilight and junk. Oh yeah, the other mane characters were there too. The solider ponies were hiding from enemy fire in trenches while mortars hit the field. Don’t know why they beat the poor, helpless field. Maybe it was a cheating whore! I don’t know, they don’t pay me to analysis relationships. So since Pinkie was getting tired of the enemies attacking, so she loaded up all her friends in her party cannon and launched them to the Griffon side of battlefield. Some how this worked and none of them were killed when they were shot into the air. I need a drink.
So yeah Griffon Soldiers are pretty badass, but Rarity was there to make sure none of them did anything because she sewed them all pretty dresses ...made with C4, who knew they had such an explosive fashion sense? So they entered the Griffon hideout, which the unicorns lit up the area with their horns. And there he was, the Griffon King. Which was actually Trixie? Why you may as? She is Great and Powerful! Buck you, that’s why! Twilight however quickly tricked her as she got off her throne with the most powerful dark magic of all. The Magic Banana Peel! So she tripped just like in a fighting game that has no business for tripping! I’m looking at you Brawl! Twilight decided to help the now Bruised and Beaten Trixie because she’s paragon and shit. So Trixie joined the merry band of heroes. The Griffons didn't care and remained evil. With the three Unicorns they used their power to teleport to the Dragon’s Lair, not the game or the movie, just shut up and let me narrate.
It was a giant cave! But oh no! Look it’s dragon guards! Fluttershy had that shit covered! She used her Dragonborn Shouts to summon the meteor that killed the dinosaurs and thus killed the dragon guards. They are kinda like dinosaurs... right? It was pretty metal, I must say. So the heroines trotted into the cave and the second boss was laying on his treasure. He wore a hat that said “Obey” and a #SWAG gold necklace. After closer inspection the team realized it was Spike! Damn kids these days and their YOLO and sound boxes! He was corrupted by the Swag! His doo dads and fancy sandwiches with the crust cut off confused Applejack, but none would stop this southern bell from kicking flank and chewing hay! She was all out of hay, so she grew a giant apple tree and bucked it down on the Swaggon! But this sole feat of agricultural wonder was not enough to stop him! He breathed fire, burning up Applejack! She alrigh' though. So Trixie decided to switch sides and performed feats beyond imagination leaving everypony shocked and awed with her fireworks and snakerope. However, she charged Spike all of his money for it. Being a Gentledragon he paid up and returned to normal Swagless Spike. He just went back to the library. Hooray for overpriced show tickets! The ponies had to get to the Decepticon’s ship called ‘Nemisis’ but to defeat such a powerful enemy they would need help form Joseph Stalin, better know as Chrysalis! Seriously a life draining monster and malicious destructive tyrant? Who the buck did you think was going to be Stalin?! So with all of the newfound bling they just up and buy plane tickets to the Russian Hive.
Chrysalis was waiting for the epic pony team of fudge-coated awesomeness to arrive, fudge coating courtesy of Pinkie. They bribed Chrysalis with a Poptart cat Pinkie stole from the Internet. She can do that because she's pink! Chrysalis calls forth a giant magical ostrich that flies (yes I know they can’t fly but, MMMMMMAAAAAGIC!) them to Nemesis. Inside lay the most badass robot creatures ever. Cause Starscream and Soundwave are epic. Rainbow Dash challenged Starscream to a race, the cocky seeker accepted and he was out of the way and Soundwave was told to provide sick beats rather than fight. So the team entered the room where Megatron would usually be. But no, not today for there was a new champion. Robohitler better know as Blitzwing from Transformers Animated. Though Megatron was still there, he just wasn’t in charge. Chrysalis fought against the former Decepticon leader, ironic them both being creatures of deception.. huh. Chrysalis transformed into Megatron’s G1 gun and Starscream came back and shot, as he would say, his former 'Glorious' Leader. Megatron got schooled! Cuz yeah, a race with him and Rainbow Dash was quick. They are like the two fastest things ever. Now came the final battle. Blitzwing versus Pinkie. Fair is fair. They were both quite loco in the cocoa! Insane in the membrane, if you will. So Pinkie grew to the size of a Transformer and the two flew into space trading punches as they fought. Blitzwing turned into a tank and shot the epic pony into Unicron, who was hit into the sun, tough luck buddy. Blitzwing then shot the pink pony into the sun, as well. In that instance, all hope looked to be lost, but then the sun exploded from sheer power and out came Super Saiyan Pinkie or Surprise wielding a hammer forged from Unicron. (Yes, I know Unicron is the size of a planet, Transformer sized Surprise can divide by zero, shut up!) She charged at the surprised robotic German and swung her Unicronic Hammer, sending him down through the Nemesis and creating a crater in Equestria.
Thus the day was saved and all dat shit was good. All of the bad nations took a time out and were fine (except Soviet Russia, because commies). Blitzwing even became good because he is awesome. So they all had cookies and ice cream. The End.
