Lessons From a Draconequusby TerrasoraChaptersNothingChaosOrder and HarmonyStonedNothingTwilight Sparkle stood in front of a door. It was, for all intents and purposes, a door one would expect to find in Canterlot Castle. The door was large, wooden, ornately carved and could be described as ‘an all-around nice door.’ Well, ignoring the large sign that had been nailed to the masterfully-carved door. And it wasn’t even the sign itself that, in Twilight Sparkle’s opinion, ruined centuries of history. No, what bothered Equestria’s newest princess was the message written on the sign that had been haphazardly ruined centuries of Equestrian history. The sign read, in crayon that seemed to shift between the most awful colors known to ponykind such as ‘Foal-food green,’ ‘Neon yellow,’ and ‘orange,’ “Discord’s Room. Don’t come in here unless you have the power to turn me into a statue. In which case, come right in.” This was accompanied by a grey crayon sketch of the Draconequus himself. Twilight sighed and knocked on the door. The sign promptly erased itself, and the crayon drawing grew until its grey facsimile of a face took up the entire space. Crayon Discord spoke with the voice of the classic bored secretary. “Discord’s room, where the Chaos happens, this is Discord speaking, how may I help you?” it droned. “I have to speak to you Discord. Celestia’s orders.” The drawing shook its head. “I’m sorry, Discord isn’t in right now. I, Discord, would be happy to leave a message for Discord that he will receive upon his return.” Twilight brought a hoof to her forehead; a movement that had become quite polished ever since she first became a Princess. “Discord, do we really have to do this each and every time I come here?” “Yes. Discord’s orders.” “I swear, I will personally rip your historically damaging sign from the door if you don’t open it in two seconds!” “I’m sorry, Discord isn’t here right now—“ “One.” “I would be happy to take a message that he would receive upon—“ Twilight’s horn began to glow, enveloping the sign in her magic. Crayon Discord rolled his eyes and, without so much as a puff or shine, disappeared from the sign. The genuine Discord appeared behind Twilight. He put a paw on the Princess’s shoulder. “You know, if you hadn’t always been such a stick in the mud I’d think that you’ve lost your sense of humor.” Twilight shrugged off the paw. “My sense of humor is perfectly fine, thank you very much.” Discord shrugged. “Whatever you say. Now, what brings you to my humble abode?” “I’m supposed to speak with you ab—“ Twilight was cut off by the boom of a party favor. “Oh, congratulations Twilight Sparkle!” shouted Discord giddily as he made balloons and confetti appear throughout the hallway. “You’ve already spoken to me and are free to go!” A party hat snapped itself around Twilight’s head. “O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!” The Draconequus pranced around the alicorn, throwing streamers and party favors in his wake. “DISCORD!” Discord turned with a sly grin. “Yes, Twilight?” “Let me finish my se—“ “Sandwiches?” The Draconequus conjured a dandelion sandwich from thin air. Twilight Sparkle attempted to make Discord burst into flames with a look. Unfortunately, the Draconequus was a bit too powerful; not to mention fireproof. “Sentences,” finished Twilight. Discord smiled and snapped up the sandwich. He motioned for Twilight to continue. “As I was saying,” said the alicorn with a huff. “I’m supposed to speak with you about Equestrian history.” “History?” asked Discord. “Do I look like a tutor to you? I’m sure that there’s somepony in a university who would love to speak to an egg-headed princess about history. I, however, have better things to do.” He attempted to dramatically float away. “It’s not that kind of history,” said Twilight. Discord’s ears stood on end. And then they left his head completely and floated over to Twilight. The rest of the Draconequus materialized under the disembodied ears. “What do you mean ‘not that kind of history’?” “Do I have your attention now, Discord?” asked Twilight with a smirk “For now. Though I have to admit that it probably won’t stay with you for—“ Discord decided that he was hungry and turned a nearby suit of armor into chocolate. He broke off the visor and began to eat. “I’m sorry, what were we talking about?” Twilight shook her head, mentally adding a destroyed suit of armor to the list of Discord’s offenses. “Celestia wants me to learn about history from a first-hoof source. And it’s not the usual Pegasus clan versus Unicorn kingdom versus Earth Pony tribe history.” Discord put a claw to his chin and rubbed it thoughtfully. “I see. So, little Princess, you’re supposed to learn about the Old Days.” “Old Days?” “Yes!” Discord’s voice gained a nostalgic, giddy edge. “The Old Days; back before all of this silly nonsense about ponies and Princesses and alicorns…” The Draconequus glanced at the pony alicorn Princess in front of him. “No offense. I’m sure that you’re all doing a fine job, but everything was so much more fun back in those days. Even before I took over!” He placed a paw on Twilight’s shoulder. “I’m sure you’ll find it very interesting.” The Princess, however, was caught between her love of knowledge and her dislike of Discord. She shrugged off the paw for a second time. “So… you’ll teach me?” she asked in a tone reserved for questions where neither answer would be pleasant. It was much the same as asking whether one would prefer being clubbed to death or listening to country music. A terrible fate no matter what the answer. “Of course not!” bellowed Discord. “That sounds absolutely terrible! Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be in my room!” He swept up his tail dramatically and quickly floated through his door. As in, literally floated through the door. He didn’t open it, merely went through it as though it weren’t there. Twilight sighed for the umpteenth time that day. Had she kept better count, she would have realized that it was her millionth sigh. Miles away in Ponyville, the multi-dimensional being known only as Pinkie Pie began millionth-sigh Party Preparation Plan #63005. However, upon noticing that attention had shifted onto her, she straightened up and pointed back in the direction of Canterlot Castle. In the aforementioned castle, in front of an aforementioned sign, which was hammered to an aforementioned historically relevant door, Twilight Sparkle decided that she had done everything she could to convince Discord and could now leave. She had, in fact, taken a few steps in the direction of her temporary room before stopping. Twilight glanced down at the floor, then back towards Discord’s room, then at the floor again, then over to just about where the Throne Room is. Princess Celestia asked me to do this. And there it was: the thought that never allowed Twilight Sparkle to give up. Celestia had asked her to accomplish this; the elder Princess had needed Twilight to do something, to learn from her experience and to grow as a pony because of it. How heart breaking would it be to let Princess Celestia, who had acted as mentor and mother, who had trusted Twilight enough to invest her with Princesshood, know that her ‘Faithful Student’ and fellow Princess had failed her? Twilight sighed for the million and first time. Pinkie Pie added a ‘Belated’ to her sign before promptly scolding what she called ‘the author’ for being so easily sidetracked. She pointed a hoof back towards the castle where, coincidentally, Twilight Sparkle had just raised a hoof to knock at a Draconequus’s door. Her hoof came forward, as hooves tend to do when they knock on doors, with the intent of transferring energy into the wooden door, some of which would manifest itself through sound, thereby producing the effect of ‘knocking on a door.’ Most of this went through Twilight Sparkle’s mind in that fraction of a second in between deciding to move her hoof and her hoof actually making contact with the door, taking part in the aforementioned phenomena and ‘knocking on the damn door already,’ as a certain pink multi-dimensional being yelled out at that moment. Twilight briefly wondered why this fraction of a second was taking so long. And then her hoof came into contact with the door. And then her hoof passed through the door, closely followed by the rest of her body. One of the Princesses of Equestria had made her rather ungraceful and dramatic, crashing exit into Discord’s room. “Miss Sparkle, I’m so glad you could join us,” said Discord in a droning voice. “Please take your seat.” Twilight looked up, rubbing her muzzle with her hoof, and found herself in an auditorium. It was, in fact, an exact replica of the auditorium of Celestia’s School for Talented Unicorns. Discord himself was sitting on the desk in the middle of the lower portion of the auditorium. He vaulted off of it and snapped his claws, making the desk dissolve into the ground. Another snap and he was dressed in a business suit. “You, dear Princess, are here to learn about the Old Days. Just leave it to Professor Discord; you’ll be an expert by the time you leave.” Discord winked. “I thought you weren’t going to teach me.” “I changed my mind.” Discord quietly attempted to push a basket away. Which is to say, he wanted to draw attention to it; how stupid would it be for a Draconequus of untold power to try to hide something when he could just make it disappear? Twilight, as she was supposed to, noticed the basket. “And what’s that, Discord?” “What, this?” he asked, cradling the basket. “This is only a basket of the finest chocolate from every corner of our world! The Griffin Kingdom, Saddle Arabia, Equestria, practically every!” He took a bite from the basket. “It’s delicious! And Celestia just teleported in and promised me free reign as long as I gave you the lesson,” he added in a hurried and hushed whisper. “What was that last part?” “Nothing,” replied the Draconequus with a grin. “Ready?” Twilight nodded and took a seat. She couldn’t shake the ball of tension that had formed in her stomach. Discord seemed too excited, far too excited for a simple basket of chocolate to warrant. Even now the Draconequus was sporting a malicious grin as he picked up an eraser and turned towards the chalkboard. “Now Twilight Sparkle, we’ll be starting at the beginning. I trust that you have the old myths of creations memorized by heart?” Twilight nodded. “In the original archaic languages?” Another nod. Discord stifled a chuckle. “Nerd.” “What was that, Discord?” “Nothing Princess; merely the musings of an old Draconequus.” Discord turned away from the chalkboard, tossing the eraser with one of his paws. “So tell me, Twilight Sparkle, how did those stories begin?” Twilight put a hoof to her chin. “Well, most of them say that the Universe began with Nothing.” Discord grinned and raised a claw. “Exactly.” A snap resounded through the room. A tendril of shadow rose from the ground. “Discord?!” shouted Twilight. “What are you do—“ The tendril expanded, forming a sphere around the alicorn, cutting off her cry. The Draconequus turned back to the board. “A few seconds will do,” he said as he wrote the word ‘Nothing’ with an eraser. He began to sing to the tune of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. Sparkle, Sparkle, new Princess No more anger, no more stress Lost your sadness, lost your fear, Losing laughter, losing tears. Sparkle, Sparkle, new Princess All is lost in Nothingness. Discord snapped again and the orb dissipated. Twilight Sparkle stood on the auditorium’s floor. She was visibly shaking. “Discord,” said Twilight. “What the buck did you just do?” The Draconequus grinned. “Nothing, Princess. Or at least a poor facsimile of Nothing.” The alicorn closed her eyes, bringing her hoof to her chest as she breathed in; trying desperately to maintain her cool. Her trembling slowly stopped. “Feeling better?” asked Discord with a smirk. “I should turn you back into a statue for that,” snarled Twilight. “Oh please. Do you really think you have the power to do that? It took two Princesses, whom also happened to be the bearers of the Elements of Harmony, to petrify me the first time.” A slightly manic gleam came into Discord’s eyes. He snapped his fingers and the auditorium began to break apart; cracks of bright light appearing in the walls and floor and the very air before dissolving. The two were suddenly standing on pieces of floating land. “And don’t forget, Princess,” said the Draconequus with a smile. “This is my domain. The one space in the castle where I am free to use my magic to its fullest.” He glanced at the empty space below them. “Watch your step.” Twilight threw one more glare at Discord. The Draconequus merely rolled his eyes in response. “Follow along, my little alicorn; this is where it gets fun.” Discord stepped off of his platform, plummeting straight down into emptiness. Twilight’s eyes widened as she ran to her own platform’s edge and peered over. There was no sign of Discord. Minutes passed, and still there was no sign of the Draconequus. “F—Follow along?” she stuttered. “He couldn’t expect me to simply… step over the edge! That’s crazy! It goes against every single instance of—“ “Logic?” suggested Discord’s voice. Twilight gave a start and turned around towards the voice. Nothing there. “Oh, Twilight Sparkle,” continued the voice. “There’s no room for logic here. Ask yourself; what comes after Nothing in your precious little stories?” “I—I…” Twilight composed herself for the umpteenth time that day. “Once Nothing has passed, Something naturally appears.” A giant, bright red buzzer appeared in front of Twilight. It floated there for a moment before a giant replica of Discord’s paw appeared to press it. The buzzer croaked like a frog. “Partially correct,” said the disembodied voice of Discord. “There was something, but it was a particular kind of something. Something very near and dear to me. Care to take a guess?” Twilight didn’t respond, opting instead to continue looking for the voice. Discord materialized, preceded by a disembodied sigh. However, the Draconequus and his voice weren’t in sync. “Chaos, Twilight Sparkle, is the correct answer,” said the voice from the opposite direction of the body. “Chaos comes after Nothing. You see, Nothing is very boring and drab; it’s all murky black and, well, there’s nothing to it. In fact, all I did to you a few minutes ago was give you an idea of Nothing. It was more darkness and silence than anything else.” Twilight shivered involuntarily. Discord didn’t seem to notice. “True Nothing is impossible to experience,” he continued, “you wouldn’t remember anything happen because Nothing is not suited for life or independent thought. But the Universe decided that Nothing was boring and it wanted something fun to fill up the space.” The Draconequus gave his toothy grin. “And that’s where I come in.” The image of Discord walked away, supported by empty air. But his voice seemed to remain at Twilight’s shoulder. “Now, Twilight Sparkle, I really do need you to follow this time. It would do you no good to be left behind.” The Princess gulped and nodded, bringing a hesitant hoof over the edge. The empty air felt solid enough. “Yes, Princess,” continued the voice of Discord. “One hoof in front of the other, onto the empty air. Pinkie Pie does it on a daily basis.” Twilight nodded, not trusting herself to speak. “Onwards,” said Discord, “towards Chaos. Now if you’ll excuse me, I really should catch up to my body.” Author's Note This fic could also be called 'Headcanon Ahoy!' In fact, it almost was. And then it wasn't. ChaosDiscord’s voice strode away. It was quite a disconcerting feeling for Twilight. Not only had she been left alone in a realm where everything went according to a chaotic whim, but the invisible presence of Discord’s voice hummed to itself as it left. The alicorn could even hear its footsteps. But there was clearly nothing there. Twilight Sparkle shook her head. This isn’t the time to get distracted, she chided herself. Princess Celestia wants me to do this. She looked down, expecting to see some kind of chasm that heralded her death. Apparently, the Princess hadn’t gotten used to the concept of wings. But, truth be told, Twilight couldn’t tell where she was standing. The darkness was so utterly complete that it could have gone on forever or ended after a few second’s jolt. She gulped visibly. “O-one hoof in front of the other,” she muttered to herself. Her front hoof went up as hooves tend to do when ponies decide to walk. It paused in the air for a moment, just enough time for Twilight to close her eyes and take a deep, calming breath. And then it came down again. Cold. Burning cold. Twilight gasped as a flurry of snow assaulted her body and her hoof came down on a pile of snow. Her eyes snapped open. “W-what?” stammered the alicorn. Twilight Sparkle found herself in the middle of a clearing. Thick, dark pines formed a circle around it. The strangest part, however, was the lamppost that stood in the middle of the clearing, cheerfully lighting everything around it. Where am I? wondered Twilight, her teeth beginning to clatter together. “Mr Tumnus!” called a young girl’s voice. “Mr. Tumnus! Oh, where has he gone?” The alicorn turned slightly. “Somepony else is here!” She lifted her hoof with the intent of putting it back down, lifting another hoof, putting that one down, and continuing the process until she had found that promise of intelligent conversation. Her hoof came down, breaking the top layer of snow with a soft crunch. Lights, shiny things, machines whirring, and a giant window through which gleamed the vastness of space. Strange, bipedal creatures were milling about, trying desperately to do... something. “Divert as much energy to the shields as you can!” shouted the bipedal creature seated in the middle of the room. “Scotty, do we have the engines up yet?!” “I cannot do it, Captain! I just don’t have the power!” replied Scotty. Twilight didn’t even have the time to think, “What the buck?” before something rocked against the starship Enterprise and sent the alicorn reeling. She would have fallen if it weren’t for her reflexes, which guided her hoof to the floor without asking for the brain’s permission. “No! Ben!” called a voice in anguish. The alicorn turned, catching sight of a tall, black, metallic looking bipedal creature, standing in front of a pile of brown robes. He was holding a red beam of light in his hands. See, thought Twilight, that’s just impossible. There was a roar of a giant, powerful engine. The Princess turned just in time to see some kind of disk speed away and out into a dark void studded with stars. “This is the second time I’ve been in space in the last half minute,” marveled Twilight out loud. “Okay, I’m actually starting to like this.” The black-colored tin man turned with a heavy breath. His eyes locked on the cartoonish purple pony before him. “Then again,” said Twilight. She took a step back, slightly looking forward to what was next. The alicorn blinked and found herself on the edge of a chasm, one that clearly went on forever. “You shall not pass!” shouted a voice. Twilight Sparkle tore her eyes away from the glorified hole. There was a very thin bridge spanning the chasm and on that bridge stood a giant, fiery demon and a small bipedal creature brandishing a sword and staff. “Starswirl?” said Twilight breathlessly. Bipedal Starswirl slammed his piece of wood against the bridge. Amazingly, the stone broke into pieces and the demonic creature fell to its doom. “Yup, definitely Starswirl.” A thin line of fire whipped up from the chasm, wrapping itself around that powerful caster. Twilight took a step forward, instinctively trying to help. The alicorn found herself on a raised platform. A conical board of switches, buttons and various whirligigs stood in the middle of this platform with a cylindrical tube reaching up to the ceiling. A head, one of the bipedal creature’s head, popped up from behind the cone. “Well, hello,” said the head. “How’d you get there?” “I-I don’t know. I just kind of walked and then I—” “You can speak!” the figure stood on what Twilight considered its hind hooves and walked over to her. “I love it when things can speak; it makes it so much simpler for me to talk to them. Not that I don’t always try to talk to something, but I especially like it when the being in question can respond in kind.” The creature reached into its coat and pulled out a metallic cylinder. “Don’t worry, this will only take a second and it won’t hurt at all.” It pointed the cylinder at Twilight and a quiet buzzing sound emanated from the device. “Who are you?” asked Twilight, remarkably calm after literally walking through various dimensions. “Hmmmmm,” said the thing thoughtfully, staring at the metal cylinder. “A temporal-spacial anomaly. But there’s something else to you. Something that doesn’t really make sense.” It grinned. “Oh, I do love a good nonsense maker.” The alicorn leaned forward, slightly squinting. “You look familiar. I think I’ve met somepony like you.” The thing laughed. “‘Somepony’? I quite like that! Yeah, that’s really good. You know, I’d normally say ‘someone’, but ‘somepony’ makes a lot of sense for you.” Twilight gave a forced half-smile. “Right, well, I’m T—” The alicorn felt something tug at the back of her neck. She disappeared quite suddenly, leaving behind a slightly confused bipedal creature. “Riiiight,” said the creature. “There’s that temporal-spacial distortion.” He leveled his metallic cylinder, pointing it at the point where Twilight had just disappeared. “Now, how did you get on and off my TARDIS?” He flicked his wrist, extending the cylinder. “Now that is interesting... Oh, that is very interesting.” The Doctor ran up to his TARDIS’s control panel. “Come on old girl,” he said. “I think I found us someplace new to see!” *** “Honestly Twilight Sparkle, what am I going to do with you?” Discord was floating in the air, laying down as though he were on a comfortable couch. “I turn away for one second and you decide to go universe hopping. Without me! I would expect better from you, Twilight.” The alicorn was also floating, though not of her own volition. No, the invisible force that it lifted her out of that TAR-thing hadn’t let go. The overall effect was the same as a mother cat carrying her kitten. Discord found it adorable and had no reason to dispel it. “I don’t think that you have any right to chide me,” said Twilight testily, “since I’m pretty sure that you’re the one who sent me out in the first place!” “I take offense at that statement!” Discord conjured a box of tissues and began dabbing at his eyes. He continued in a teary, sobbing voice. “All I want to do is teach... Is that so much to ask?!” He blew his nose, producing the sound of a foghorn in the process. Twilight wasn’t buying it. She crossed her hooves to show as much. Discord peeked through one of the tissues. He sighed at the alicorn’s stubborn attitude. “Everyone’s a critic,” said Discord as his tissues and tissue box disappeared with a pop. “Well, Twilight Sparkle, you are free to believe whatever you want. Of course you would be wrong, but you are still free to believe.” The draconequus spread his claw in an arc, leaving a trail of glittering dust that spelled out the word ‘Wrong’ in its wake. “Shouldn’t that say ‘Believe’?” asked Twilight. “Not when you believe in something wrong. And, I assure you, you are wrong to believe that I sent you out there. Have you forgotten where we are? This is Chaos, Princess. One false step can lead you astray.” Discord, deciding that staying still was boring, began to back stroke through the air. “You can take that as literally as you need to.” “Hmmmph,” hmmmphed Twilight. Discord turned himself upside down. “I suppose I should explain how you ended up in various universes.” “I’d appreciate it.” The draconequus smirked. “Care to take notes?” The alicorn blinked. “That’s surprisingly thoughtful of you. A notepad, college rule, standard size, a few quills, and an inkwell would be very appreciated.” Discord’s smile widened at Twilight Sparkle’s highly convincing use of sarcasm... Twilight Sparkle... Sarcasm... “You’re being completely serious, aren’t you?” The Princess knit her eyebrows together. “Why wouldn’t I be?” Discord sighed and snapped his talons. A notepad, a few quills, and an inkwell floated in space in front of Twilight. Another snap and one of the most powerful ponies in all of Equestria was unceremoniously dropped onto the floor. “One day,” said the draconequus, “you’ll be fun to talk to. Today is not that day.” “Discord,” warned Twilight. Another sigh from the personification of Chaos. A snap later, and the same chalkboard from the auditorium room reappeared. Discord took up his eraser and wrote the word ‘Chaos’ under ‘Nothing.’ “What you just experienced,” said the draconequus, “was only an interpretation of chaos.” Twilight scribbled something onto her notepad. Discord raised an amused eyebrow, but merely continued with his lecture. “It was, in more advanced terms, a very powerful form of temporal-spacial distortion. So powerful that a single step allowed you to step into a separate universe. If Rainbow Dash were here, I’d dumb it down and call it a wormhole.” The Princess frowned at Discord’s jab towards the pegasus. She would have said something, but the draconequus continued before she could. “Of course, this is trying to actually explain Chaos which is a rather stupid and fruitless idea.” Discord decided that fruit was actually a great idea and a watermelon popped into existence next to him. He spun it around, using one of his talons to scrape off the rind. “Well, I guess that it’s not fruitless anymore, but it is still stupid and useless.” The watermelon was now fully exposed. Discord shoved it into his maw, eating it in one go. “Anyway,” he said with his mouth full, “we should move on from the basic stuff.” The draconequus clapped his mismatched arms together, and the murky darkness gave way to another, brighter background. “Have a look around, Princess,” said Discord with a slight bow a flourish. This new area was a mirror to what Ponyville had looked like during Discord’s brief reign. Random chunks of the landscape had broken away and floated upwards. They would have kept floating if not for the lines of rope that tethered them to the ground. Clouds of cotton candy floated across the sky, casting shadows onto a multi-colored ground. And then it was suddenly night. Or, at least a facsimile of night as the Moon had been replaced by a giant roll of cheese. Off in the distance, rolling hills literally rolled across the horizon before sinking into the ground to form yawning chasms that stretched and cursed their long work day before getting into bed. The trees seemed to be made of candy canes, the rivers were chocolate, the lakes were hot sauce. As the alicorn looked on in wonder, Discord reached down and took a pawful of jelly bean stones. A flock of cuckoo clocks, each one’s clock hands bent and pointing in random directions, flew across the sky, entered a dive, and continued flying underground. Discord flicked a piece of dust from a red jelly bean. He popped it into his mouth. “So, what do you think?” Twilight looked around again, her eyes watering slightly from the various bright colors. “It’s... not natural.” “Well, duh,” said the draconequus with a roll of his eyes. “Chaos is unnatural by nature! Look around again, Twilight Sparkle, what else can you notice? It’s staring you right in the face.” The alicorn scrunched her muzzle slightly but complied. Candy cane trees, cuckoo clocks flying overhead, literal balls of cotton that seemed to be tearing up a green carpet. Discord watched Twilight all the while, looking for that flash of recognition that signaled that she understood. It didn’t come. The draconequus sighed. “The point I was trying to make, Twilight Sparkle, is that there are only two living things in this entire area. Both of them are standing here.” Twilight Sparkle blinked and looked around again. The draconequus spoke all the while. “Cuckoo clocks, cotton, candy canes, carpets, these were not born out of the seduction of the dangerously curvy letter ‘C’. Though that is a part of it. There’s no living, breathing beings out here because Chaos does not create life. Not even plants.” A small, high-pitched bark came from the floor at Discord’s feet. The draconequus looked down to find a very familiar looking gravy boat looking back up at him. Chaos itself scooped up the small porcelain tub, nuzzling against it slightly. “Even little Gravy Boat isn’t alive.” He put it back down, and Gravy Boat scurried away. Discord sighed. “Only animated.” Twilight could have sworn that she saw an inkling of sadness in the draconequus’s eyes. But it was quickly replaced by the normal slightly amused glint. “In any case,” continued Discord flippantly, “Chaos does not create life, but we are certainly allowed to shape it.” He crossed his arms and scowled. “But Celestia doesn’t allow me to bring any pets into the castle. She say I’m not responsible enough. Tell me, Twilight Sparkle, how is that fair?! All I want to do is put uselessly long legs on rabbits!” “I don’t think Fluttershy would appreciate that, Discord.” “Oh, bunk! She’d probably think they were cute.” A thought occurred to Twilight. “Twilight Sparkle... are you... raising your hoof?” “I have a question,” replied the alicorn as though it were obvious. Discord smirked. “Of course. And what is your question, Princess?” “If there is no life in Chaos, then what about you?” The smirk seemed to intensify as the draconequus looked down at Twilight. “Why am I alive, Twilight Sparkle?” he asked. The alicorn thought for a moment. “I guess that’s one way of phrasing it.” “You know, normal ponies would freak out if they thought that they were questioning the reason why something was alive.” Twilight shrugged. “I’m a scientist.” That drew a chuckle out of Discord. “A sense of humor. I never would have expected it. As for why I’m alive, it’s likely because I was not exactly born out of Chaos, per say. I was born with Chaos and out of Nothing.” The alicorn scribbled down a few more notes. A towel slithered along the ground next to her. “And Nothing can create life?” “All life stems from Nothing.” Discord spread out his paws. “Just look at me. I’m an amalgam of random living things. Nothing thought up the idea of life and formed bits and pieces of other living things. It gave me the best of everything and kept spewing these random chunks out. Trust me, it’s actually more disconcerting than it sounds. It was also really entertaining to watch little bunny feet hop around without any other bunny part.” The draconequus both literally and figuratively drifted off. Twilight had to clap her hooves in front of him to get him back. “What were we talking about?” asked Discord. “Hopping bunny feet,” replied Twilight in a slightly nauseous tone. “Ah, yes.” Discord conjured a bar of chocolate from the basket Celestia had given him. “So, bits and pieces of random animals were lying around. I was left to put them back together. I didn’t bother mixing-and-matching, where was the fun in that?” He took a bit of the chocolate. “Mmmm, peanuts. So, by the end of Chaos, I had alligators running around with woodpecker heads and bunnies with horse legs and a duck with a hippo’s head and the platypus... I think that they never got rid of platypuses... or is it platypi? Platyplypuses?” The draconequus looked at Twilight for confirmation. “I’m not really sure...” “Really? Isn’t it your job to know things like this?” “That’s Fluttershy’s department.” Discord snorted. “Of course.” They lapsed into a slight silence as the draconequus polished off the rest of his chocolate. A paper airplane streamed past, performing loops and rolls. The cotton candy clouds floated at a more reasonable pace. Discord squinted up at one of the clouds and pinched it between his claw. Miles up in the air, the cloud stopped. He conjured a glass with his lion paw, putting it under the cloud in his claw. The draconequus squeezed down with his talons and the cup filled to the brim with chocolate milk. Twilight Sparkle watched on in disbelief. She shook her head. “That doesn’t make any sense.” Discord glanced at her as he drank his glass. “That’s another thing.” Discord was still drinking, but his voice was still clear. “There’s no real smell in here.” “And why is that?” asked Twilight. The draconequus grinned. “Because there’s no fun in making scents.” The Princess was only just able to stave off a groan. “Well,” said Discord, “that was the most exciting part of the lesson. Let’s hurry through everything else.” He held out a single talon, drawing a vertical line in the air. The line thickened, until it formed rectangular passageway. Twilight nodded. “What’s next?” “Oh, eager to get to my lessons are we, Twilight Sparkle?” Twilight gave a start. “M—Maybe.” Discord smirked. “Either way, anything sucks when compared to Chaos. Especially Order.” The draconequus stepped through the passageway, disappearing instantly. The alicorn followed, hesitating slightly every time her hoof made contact with the ground. There was, however, not incident as she made her way through the portal. As the tear in space closed, a flock of cuckoo clocks deanimated, crashing to the ground in a heap of gears and springs. Gravy Boat curled up and everything that shouldn’t move waited for the return of Discord. Author's Note In case you were wondering, the Doctor, as per usual, misjudged the Equestrian timeline. He landed in Equestria in the form of a brown stallion with an hourglass as his cutie mark years before Twilight ever became a Princess. (I'm considering tying this into my main fic Syncopation. This is totally not a cheap attempt to get more people to view Syncopation... Totally.) Also, I ship DiscordxTheLetterC. Look forward to my next fic: "C is for Chaos." Order and HarmonyDiscord yawned, stretching slightly as he and Twilight Sparkle stepped out into the bright sunlight. The draconequus cast a bored eye around the serene, green fields and wonderfully quaint thatched-roof cottages. Canterlot Castle shone off in the distance. A pair of butterflies flitted above the grass. How drab, thought Discord. This place could use a fresh coat of Chaos. “It’s... Ponyville,” said Twilight with slight disappointment. “Of course it’s Ponyville. What better place is there to exemplify the terrible boredom of Order?” Discord conjured a bar of chocolate, popping it into his maw without taking off the wrapper. “I can’t even eat creatively here.” “But why Ponyville? I love the place to death, but shouldn’t Canterlot be the example of Order?” Discord turned towards the alicorn. “Twilight Sparkle, if there is one thing I’ve learned in my millenias of living, albeit some of that time in stone, it’s that there is no orderly capital city anywhere.” He pushed off the ground slightly, floating aimlessly over the glade. Twilight scribbled down a few notes before trotting off towards the draconequus. “But Ponyville isn’t always the most peaceful place. Hardly anypony living there can get a decent insurance rate.” Discord yawned again. “What a perfectly orderly observation you’ve made. This town has been destroyed multiple times, many of which were caused by you and your friends, and the worst that’s come of it is a bad insurance rate. By all rational thought, Ponyville should be deserted and you should have been ostracized.” The draconequus rested his head in his claw. “But that would have been too exciting for little ol’ Ponyville.” “I never thought that I’d hear you talk about ‘rational thought’.” Discord stopped in surprise. “Good point. And I never thought that you’d actually listen to me.” The alicorn looked down at her growing pile of notes. She frowned slightly. “Neither did I.” A few moments pause. Then Discord shrugged and continued his floating. “Well, that’s Order for you. Always unpredictable, always surprising in its changes.” Twilight knit her eyebrows together, having to trot slightly to keep up. “Says Chaos incarnate.” The draconequus turned, slowing slightly so that Twilight could take a more comfortable pace. “Chaos does not attempt to be understood; change happens on a literal whim. Order tries to maintain its superior attitude as it turns everything on its head.” Twilight Sparkle was trying to rap her own head around that idea. “I thought that Order was supposed to be... orderly.” Discord shook his head. “Not at all. Order is little more than Nature, and it is every creature’s nature to change in an attempt to better suit itself. That change is gradual, but everything is constantly shifting.” He did a turn, taking in the horizon. “A kingdom is lost.” The draconequus took in the sight of Ponyville. “A single family settlement grows into a town.” His eyes returned to Twilight. “A unicorn grows wings. You see? Order is far closer to Chaos than most believe.” The alicorn frowned again. “Oh, don’t look like that! How else could it have worked out when Chaos and Order are siblings?” Twilight raised an eyebrow. “Yes,” said Discord. “Chaos comes from Nothing, and so does Order. In a sense, Chaos provided little more than the framework to the world. Order filled in the blanks. The ground became the ground, the sky became the sky. Day and Night started playing nice, the animal pieces started matching up.” Discord picked up a blade of grass, only to drop it again with a huff. “The grass turned green. And the clouds started to rain water! Water! Oh Twilight Sparkle, it was a crime against Chaos itself!” The draconequus summoned a napkin, loudly blowing whatever constitutes a draconequus’s nose. He dabbed at his eyes. Twilight Sparkle gave him a sideways glance. Discord threw his napkin into the air and it vanished with a slight crack. “Anyway, this concludes your lesson. Please, try not to bother me again. Unless you have chocolate, or Princess Celestia has taught you her binding spell.” He blinked. “Don’t ask Celestia to teach you her binding spell.” Discord held up his talons, poising them for a snap. “That’s it?” asked the alicorn. The draconequus turned. “What do you mean, ‘That’s it?’” Twilight grasped for the right words. “I mean... is that it? After everything you said about Nothing and Chaos, Order gets a few words and then we’re done?” Discord snorted. “What am I supposed to teach you about Order? You’re an alicorn, for Chaos’ sakes!” The Princess of Equestria turned her head. She spread her wings slightly. “But,” she began in a quiet voice, “what is an alicorn?” Discord started. He considered Twilight Sparkle for some time. Twilight looked up, locking eyes with the draconequus. “There’s no books on them!” she said defensively. “At least, nothing comprehensive... or even credible.” “Ask your Princesses,” said Discord coldly. The alicorn nodded slowly. She turned slightly, beginning the trek to Canterlot. Discord sighed. He also turned towards the castle. Snap. Twilight was seated in a very familiar plush armchair. Discord sat on the couch, once again in the business suit he had conjured for himself. The draconequus sipped whatever liquid he had placed in his teacup. They were back in Discord’s room, but, for all intents and purposes, they were in Fluttershy’s cottage. Even the teapot that the pegasus always put on for guests was in its place. Said teapot levitated slightly, pouring itself into a teacup that slid to a stop before Twilight. “Fine, Twilight Sparkle. I will indulge your search for information. If only to twist whatever story Celestia and Luna will tell you about the alicorns.” The alicorn nodded, hiding a smile behind her teacup. “You’re really taking a shine to this tutoring business.” “I despise it with every fibre of my being and I am offended that you think I’m enjoying this.” Discord finished the rest of his tea in one scalding motion. The teacup refilled with hot chocolate. Twilight Sparkle nodded and sipped at her tea. “In any case,” continued Discord, “I will quickly get through this explanation if only to get you out of my hair.” He tossed the teacup into his maw. “An alicorn is to Order what a draconequus is to Chaos. Each of our races represents the epitome of the force they command. The main difference is that I came with Chaos while alicorns came from Order.” Discord paused for a moment, partly to sort through his thoughts and partly to allow Twilight to take her notes without straining herself. “Well,” considered the draconequus, “there’s also that matter of Harmony. But that’s it.” “Harmony?” asked the alicorn. “Honestly, Twilight Sparkle, is there anything you do know?” replied Discord, hiding his amusement behind a snide glare. The taunt had its intended effect. Twilight bristled. “A lot of things! I’ve read books on every subject I could get my hooves on, which is quite a bit since I live in a library!” The draconequus held up his mismatched arms. “Simmer down, Twilight Sparkle. You’re beginning to look like this teapot.” He brought a single talon down on the kettle and a steady stream of steam spurted from it, complete with a high pitched whine. Discord smirked. “You sound like it too.” Twilight scrunched up her muzzle, leaning back in her chair with a resounding ‘humph.’ Discord was rather pleased with himself. “But yes, Harmony,” said the draconequus as he poured another tea of cup. “This is... a bit more complicated. It’s not like Nothing or Chaos, nor is it like Order or Day and Night. Harmony isn’t,” Discord paused for a bit, turning his arms in circles in an effort to think of the word, “Harmony never ruled anything. There was not time of Harmony as there was for Chaos or Order.” Twilight nodded, scribbling something in her notebook. The draconequus shook his head. “Perhaps an example would be more effective.” Discord thought for a momen. He snapped his talons, lifting up three small spoons. He took the teapot in his mismatched claws, effortlessly making the spout stretch before levitating the kettle above the spoons. Discord tilted the teapot, and an impossible amount of tea fell from the spout, falling around the spoons, making contact with the floor and quickly disappearing. “Say that these three spoons represent the history of our world. Nothing, Chaos, and Order. Harmony is the tea. It flows around this current time of Order in the same way it did when the world was Nothing.” Discord snapped again. The small aura levitating the spoons dropped. The spoons however, didn’t. “Harmony provides shape, Harmony provides support for this world. Harmony gave you and every unicorn and alicorn their magic. It gave pegasi the ability to fly and earth ponies the ability to grow. If Harmony ever disappeared.” The tea vanished and the spoons clattered to the floor. “Well, you get the idea.” The draconequus narrowed the spout again, pouring another cup of tea for himself. Twilight looked horrified. “And you… you wanted to get rid of Harmony?” Discord gave her a toothy grin. He winked. “Wouldn’t that be more interesting?” “What?!” The alicorn’s eyes flared. “No! That… you just said that that would have destroyed the world!” The draconequus looked at her from over his teacup’s brim. “Nothing so melodramatic. Everything would have simply fallen into disarray. No more harmonic framework to support the world. All that’s left is, well, discord.” Twilight Sparkle scowled. “But that’s all in the past. Friendship is magic, remember?” Discord traced the teacup’s brim, forcing out a high-pitched whine. “I’m all reformed and calm and completely incapable of doing anything short of helping our wonderful Equestria. Like one of you Princesses.” The alicorn frowned slightly and closed her notebook with a snap. “I hope that that’s true.” Discord smiled slightly. “You don’t care for me, do you Twilight Sparkle?” “What gave you that idea?” deadpanned the Princess. “Lucky guess,” replied an equally sarcastic Discord. “Anyway, I’m tired of explaining things.” The draconequus snapped one last time. The room shifted, the comfort and warmth of Fluttershy’s cottage turning into a rather normal room within the Canterlot Castle. “Lesson’s over Twilight Sparkle. You’re free to leave.” The alicorn looked around. Whatever magic Discord had used to manipulate his room had been completely removed. The room was barren. No curtains, no rugs, no posters or pictures. Only stone, a sparsely blanketed bed, and a wide open window that looked out over Canterlot. Twilight Sparkle looked at the draconequus. Discord made a shooing motion with his eagle claw before taking up a lounging pose in the air and closing his eyes. The alicorn trotted away, pausing slightly at a certain historically important door with a certain crayon message written on it. “Thank you, Discord.” The draconequus gave a start. He turned toward the doorway. Twilight Sparkle was long gone, heading back to Ponyville where, unbeknownst to her, Pinkie Pie had gathered nearly the entire population for an Ump-millionth Sigh Party. The party pony promptly scolded that being she had recently taken to talking to for possibly ruining the surprise party, getting side-tracked, and taking forever to write a single chapter of the story. The ‘writer,’ as she called it, headed back to Canterlot Castle in an effort to escape his character. Discord was writhing in laughter. “Oh! ‘Thank you, Discord.’ And ponies say that Twilight Sparkle doesn’t have a sense of humor!” A new wave of mirth shook the draconequus. “H-Honestly Celestia, you raised a comedian of a student!” The eldest Princess of Equestria stood behind Discord. Nobody else would have noticed entrance. Indeed, she could have stood there for hours without making anypony else the wiser. The draconequus noticed. “She wouldn’t appreciate the remark,” said Celestia with a smile. “Doesn’t make it any less true.” The basket of chocolate appeared again. Discord picked out a bar for himself before proffering it towards Celestia. “I know you have a sweet tooth.” “I wonder whose fault that is.” “He must have been a terrible influence. And you two had such a rocky relationship.” The Princess picked one out, quickly unwrapping it with her magic. “How did the lessons go?” “As if you weren’t watching us the whole time.” “I wasn’t,” replied Celestia serenely. Discord cast a disbelieving eye on the alicorn. “You send the youngest Princess of Equestria, who has untold magical prowess and was your personal protege, to a being capable of corrupting any mind and you say you didn’t watch over her?” The draconequus snapped up another piece of chocolate. “Likely story.” “I trust you. Admittedly, it’s a strained trust, but it’s still there.” The draconequus laughed again. He wiped a pretended tear from his eye. “So that’s where little Twilight Sparkle gets it from.” A few moments passed. Two of the most powerful beings in the world silently munched on chocolate bars. “You didn’t tell her everything,” said Celestia. “No, I did not,” agreed Discord. “Why?” “I was tired of tutoring her.” “I think you’re lying.” Discord brought his paw to his chest. “I? Why would I lie?” Celestia laughed slightly. “I think you’re a better tutor than you want to admit.” The draconequus shrugged. “Possibly. Of course, I can do most anything.” “Of course.” Another few moments of quiet. The chocolate, Discord noticed, was running dangerously low. “She didn’t know anything,” said the draconequus. “We haven’t had the time for it.” “You can’t trust me to explain everything. If you try to pawn that task off on me, I promise that I’ll convince her that diamond dogs used to run Equestria.” The alicorn laughed again. “We’ll see,” she said simply. “Is this it, Celestia? Am I done for today?” “You offer a different perspective than can be found anywhere in Equestria. You probably won’t be done until Twilight runs out of questions.” Discord groaned. “Do I at least get another basket of chocolates when she comes back?” Celestia nodded, lifting the last chocolate bar and breaking it in half. She gave half to the draconequus.“Look forward to it.” “Subjecting Twilight Sparkle to more lessons from a draconequus?” asked Discord. “Celestia, you’re worse than I am.” Author's Note I never touched on the subject of Disharmony because it didn't seem to flow well with the dialogue. In any case, I think Disharmony acts as a negative Harmony. It flows and gives life and shape like Harmony does, but everything it does is distorted. Which is why in Lauren Faust's original sketches of Discord his talons/paw and his horns would constantly change sides. Thank you for sticking with this story for it's three chapters. I hope you enjoyed it. StonedStoned. It’s a funny word, don’t you think? It used to be something terrible, something to be feared. You never wanted to be stoned, hardly even wanted to think of a stoning. Now it’s common enough. I hear them talk about it all the time. Not around Canterlot Castle, certainly, but every once in a while when I’d venture out to Manehattan-- What? No, I didn’t do anything. Honestly, you have no faith in me. You really should, too, I’m reformed, remember? Nothing but a puppy dog on a leash. Especially now that there’s four Princesses poking around. I could hardly deal with two, after all. So don’t worry. I’m harmless. Where was I? Ah, yes. Manehattan. Stoned. I must have heard that word a dozen times every--I mean--that one time I snuck out of the Castle and headed there. No, they didn’t see me there! What do you take me for? You’ve seen my professor’s disguise, its perfect, nopony can see past it! Yes, I’m sure that my eyes didn’t shine through this time. Now, will you let me get back to my story? Honestly, you’re the one who asked in the first place. In any case, stoned. The point that I was trying to make until you so rudely interrupted me is the sheer strangeness of the word. I simply can’t bring myself to connect it to smoking. I do have a certain connection with being ‘stoned’ after all. Not that I have to tell you that. Wait, yes I do. You asked, after all. How was it to be a statue, that’s what you want to know? You want to know how it felt as my nerves died, as I felt myself rooted to the spot, as I realized that I had failed that I of all possible beings had failed and was being reduced to nothing more than a mere garden gnome?! Oh, I felt positively peachy. That was sarcasm, by the way. You always seem to have a problem recognizing it. And that’s the way I felt for the first few centuries. Wait, no, that’s not entirely true. There was that brief stint where I decided to be a dog, just to see how it was. Surprisingly pleasant. Don’t look at me like that. I needed some way to distract myself. You try not having a body. It’s the strangest sensation. Hmmmm? Ah, yes. I didn’t exactly have a body when I was stoned. It wasn’t like I was just covered by a thin layer of plaster. I was the statue. And at the same time I wasn’t. There aren’t many nerve endings in stone. Or fur. Or talons or feathers or skin. To that end, I was little more than a consciousness for those 1231 years, seven months, three days, two hours, 32 minutes, and 43 seconds that I was in the garden. Not that I was counting. The entire time. Dogs aren’t particularly good at counting. But yes, I had to stay in the confines of my own mind during my forced lessons in statuary. I built worlds, destroyed worlds, buried bones, drank wines of glass, all at a thought’s whim. Now that I think about it, it wasn’t much different than the real world. And yet, it was completely different. Like a dream. Oh. Ooooh! Oh, that explains a lot. Yes, it was a dream. A very long dream. Oh, that explains it. I wasn’t alone, you know? In my mind. I had a visitor. She came to see me. And it makes so much sense now that I think about it! It’s amazing that I didn’t draw the connection before! Ah, stupid me, stupid! Hmmmm? Princess Luna, of course. Or was it Nightmare Moon? Both of them, I think. If you still think that they’re separate ponies. Yes, she came to visit. Or, rather, it would be a bit more accurate to say that she stumbled into my mind. Like a vagabond. She was crying mostly. Kind of flickering between that sweet alicorn that banished me and the dark shape that she had become. Yelling at herself, turning towards the side and yelling with a slightly different voice. She never cared for us! We weren’t loved! They only cared for her! Sister did what she had to! It got annoying, really. She didn’t even realize that I was there. That must have been some two centuries into my imprisonment. She’d show up randomly for the most part, but I could always count on her being there every two weeks or so. When the moon was full. It was strange to watch. The first Luna, the one I had known, got quieter as time went on. Ran out of the strength to argue with herself, I suppose. That darker alicorn, Nightmare Moon, dominated the arguments. One day, Luna didn’t show up at all. It was only Nightmare Moon. It was a shame, really. I didn’t have any entertainment to go with my popcorn. Anyway, once the yelling stopped the alicorn seemed to actually notice where she was. It was a beautiful sight, one of the best works of chaos I’ve ever done. You really should see it one day. Of course, it was all in my head, but I’m sure that Princess Luna would give you a full reaction to it if you asked her. If she remembers. I had to knock Nightmare Moon down a few pegs and I may have been a bit too rough. Don’t look at me like that! She was challenging me in my own head! Hitting her with a rubber chicken was the least terrible thing I could do. But one of the most amusing. That was 1231 years into my sentence. I never spoke to her. She was, after all, so busy speaking to herself for one thousand years. You know, in all of my years of living I don’t think I’ve ever seen somepony so consumed with anger and pain and jealousy. Especially jealousy. But you can’t really blame her, can you? Completely eclipsed by her sister; it’s a bit ironic, isn’t it? The Sun eclipsed the Moon. Oh, that’s pretty good, if I do say so myself. I should write a book. Oh, but that tale has such a happy end, doesn’t it? She came back to Equestria and was saved by the power of friendship! After the millennia that her body spent on the Moon and her mind spent… Well, I honestly have no idea what happened to her mind. I joined her a few months later, came back to Equestria and met my own welcoming committee. But we all know how that turned out. It was stupid of me, really. I had thought that after 1231 years, the seeds would have finally had enough time to strangle the Tree of Harmony. I even decided to take insurance, separating the Elements of Harmony, rendering them useless. But it didn’t work, did it Celestia? Your student was able to stop me. Where were you back then, by the way? You just disappeared after I greeted you. I was terribly lonely, you know. “It wasn’t my place to fight. Twilight and her friends are the bearers of the Elements of Harmony, not Luna and I.” It all worked out in the end, didn’t it? Twilight Sparkle and her friends learned valuable lessons and I was returned to masonry. It was terrifying, Celestia. Having to return to that. “What other choice did you leave me?” None. None at all. You were right in that regard. Sealing me away is the only option. At least, until you decided to set me free. I’m terribly grateful for it, Celestia, but what in the dark depths of Tartarus possessed you to do such a thing? “Because I felt that you could be changed.” How sure of that are you? “You already have changed.” Chaos changes all the time, dear Princess. And not always for the better. “Would you rather return to your post in Canterlot Gardens?” Of course not. Now, I don’t suppose that you came to my room to have a nice chat. Has it anything to do with Twilight Sparkle coming in here asking for ‘lessons’? “She needs to hear it from someone. I’d like it to be you.” You’re insane. “Please, Discord?” … Fine. For a price. “Name it. Within reason.” I’m not very good with reason. I’d like freedom, Celestia. I grow tired of yellow curtains and bare walls. I need to stretch out and exercise my magic. “I can’t give you that.” Then I can’t give my lessons. “I won’t allow you to head out into Equestria and do as you please to it. But I can give you this room. You are free to do as you like with it so long as it does not affect the rest of the world. It will be your own personal realm of chaos.” That’s a very large step down. “It’s the best I can do.” Fine. I’ll take it. But Twilight Sparkle must come here to learn. I will be a teacher but I will teach in my own way. “Thank you, Discord. One last thing. A gift.” Chocolate, Celestia? You do realize that I can conjure this on a whim? “It’s a gift. Just take it and appreciate it.” A pause. Celestia cocked her head, listening to the hoofsteps coming back down the hallway. “Twilight’s coming back. I’ll take my leave.” She disappeared. I heard it too, hoofsteps pausing just outside of the door. I snapped my talons, once to change into my more proper attire and again to make the door insubstantial. Twilight Sparkle fell through the door with the grace of a hippo. Miss Sparkle, I’m so glad you could join us. Please take your seat. Author's Note Surprise.
NothingTwilight Sparkle stood in front of a door. It was, for all intents and purposes, a door one would expect to find in Canterlot Castle. The door was large, wooden, ornately carved and could be described as ‘an all-around nice door.’ Well, ignoring the large sign that had been nailed to the masterfully-carved door. And it wasn’t even the sign itself that, in Twilight Sparkle’s opinion, ruined centuries of history. No, what bothered Equestria’s newest princess was the message written on the sign that had been haphazardly ruined centuries of Equestrian history. The sign read, in crayon that seemed to shift between the most awful colors known to ponykind such as ‘Foal-food green,’ ‘Neon yellow,’ and ‘orange,’ “Discord’s Room. Don’t come in here unless you have the power to turn me into a statue. In which case, come right in.” This was accompanied by a grey crayon sketch of the Draconequus himself. Twilight sighed and knocked on the door. The sign promptly erased itself, and the crayon drawing grew until its grey facsimile of a face took up the entire space. Crayon Discord spoke with the voice of the classic bored secretary. “Discord’s room, where the Chaos happens, this is Discord speaking, how may I help you?” it droned. “I have to speak to you Discord. Celestia’s orders.” The drawing shook its head. “I’m sorry, Discord isn’t in right now. I, Discord, would be happy to leave a message for Discord that he will receive upon his return.” Twilight brought a hoof to her forehead; a movement that had become quite polished ever since she first became a Princess. “Discord, do we really have to do this each and every time I come here?” “Yes. Discord’s orders.” “I swear, I will personally rip your historically damaging sign from the door if you don’t open it in two seconds!” “I’m sorry, Discord isn’t here right now—“ “One.” “I would be happy to take a message that he would receive upon—“ Twilight’s horn began to glow, enveloping the sign in her magic. Crayon Discord rolled his eyes and, without so much as a puff or shine, disappeared from the sign. The genuine Discord appeared behind Twilight. He put a paw on the Princess’s shoulder. “You know, if you hadn’t always been such a stick in the mud I’d think that you’ve lost your sense of humor.” Twilight shrugged off the paw. “My sense of humor is perfectly fine, thank you very much.” Discord shrugged. “Whatever you say. Now, what brings you to my humble abode?” “I’m supposed to speak with you ab—“ Twilight was cut off by the boom of a party favor. “Oh, congratulations Twilight Sparkle!” shouted Discord giddily as he made balloons and confetti appear throughout the hallway. “You’ve already spoken to me and are free to go!” A party hat snapped itself around Twilight’s head. “O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!” The Draconequus pranced around the alicorn, throwing streamers and party favors in his wake. “DISCORD!” Discord turned with a sly grin. “Yes, Twilight?” “Let me finish my se—“ “Sandwiches?” The Draconequus conjured a dandelion sandwich from thin air. Twilight Sparkle attempted to make Discord burst into flames with a look. Unfortunately, the Draconequus was a bit too powerful; not to mention fireproof. “Sentences,” finished Twilight. Discord smiled and snapped up the sandwich. He motioned for Twilight to continue. “As I was saying,” said the alicorn with a huff. “I’m supposed to speak with you about Equestrian history.” “History?” asked Discord. “Do I look like a tutor to you? I’m sure that there’s somepony in a university who would love to speak to an egg-headed princess about history. I, however, have better things to do.” He attempted to dramatically float away. “It’s not that kind of history,” said Twilight. Discord’s ears stood on end. And then they left his head completely and floated over to Twilight. The rest of the Draconequus materialized under the disembodied ears. “What do you mean ‘not that kind of history’?” “Do I have your attention now, Discord?” asked Twilight with a smirk “For now. Though I have to admit that it probably won’t stay with you for—“ Discord decided that he was hungry and turned a nearby suit of armor into chocolate. He broke off the visor and began to eat. “I’m sorry, what were we talking about?” Twilight shook her head, mentally adding a destroyed suit of armor to the list of Discord’s offenses. “Celestia wants me to learn about history from a first-hoof source. And it’s not the usual Pegasus clan versus Unicorn kingdom versus Earth Pony tribe history.” Discord put a claw to his chin and rubbed it thoughtfully. “I see. So, little Princess, you’re supposed to learn about the Old Days.” “Old Days?” “Yes!” Discord’s voice gained a nostalgic, giddy edge. “The Old Days; back before all of this silly nonsense about ponies and Princesses and alicorns…” The Draconequus glanced at the pony alicorn Princess in front of him. “No offense. I’m sure that you’re all doing a fine job, but everything was so much more fun back in those days. Even before I took over!” He placed a paw on Twilight’s shoulder. “I’m sure you’ll find it very interesting.” The Princess, however, was caught between her love of knowledge and her dislike of Discord. She shrugged off the paw for a second time. “So… you’ll teach me?” she asked in a tone reserved for questions where neither answer would be pleasant. It was much the same as asking whether one would prefer being clubbed to death or listening to country music. A terrible fate no matter what the answer. “Of course not!” bellowed Discord. “That sounds absolutely terrible! Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be in my room!” He swept up his tail dramatically and quickly floated through his door. As in, literally floated through the door. He didn’t open it, merely went through it as though it weren’t there. Twilight sighed for the umpteenth time that day. Had she kept better count, she would have realized that it was her millionth sigh. Miles away in Ponyville, the multi-dimensional being known only as Pinkie Pie began millionth-sigh Party Preparation Plan #63005. However, upon noticing that attention had shifted onto her, she straightened up and pointed back in the direction of Canterlot Castle. In the aforementioned castle, in front of an aforementioned sign, which was hammered to an aforementioned historically relevant door, Twilight Sparkle decided that she had done everything she could to convince Discord and could now leave. She had, in fact, taken a few steps in the direction of her temporary room before stopping. Twilight glanced down at the floor, then back towards Discord’s room, then at the floor again, then over to just about where the Throne Room is. Princess Celestia asked me to do this. And there it was: the thought that never allowed Twilight Sparkle to give up. Celestia had asked her to accomplish this; the elder Princess had needed Twilight to do something, to learn from her experience and to grow as a pony because of it. How heart breaking would it be to let Princess Celestia, who had acted as mentor and mother, who had trusted Twilight enough to invest her with Princesshood, know that her ‘Faithful Student’ and fellow Princess had failed her? Twilight sighed for the million and first time. Pinkie Pie added a ‘Belated’ to her sign before promptly scolding what she called ‘the author’ for being so easily sidetracked. She pointed a hoof back towards the castle where, coincidentally, Twilight Sparkle had just raised a hoof to knock at a Draconequus’s door. Her hoof came forward, as hooves tend to do when they knock on doors, with the intent of transferring energy into the wooden door, some of which would manifest itself through sound, thereby producing the effect of ‘knocking on a door.’ Most of this went through Twilight Sparkle’s mind in that fraction of a second in between deciding to move her hoof and her hoof actually making contact with the door, taking part in the aforementioned phenomena and ‘knocking on the damn door already,’ as a certain pink multi-dimensional being yelled out at that moment. Twilight briefly wondered why this fraction of a second was taking so long. And then her hoof came into contact with the door. And then her hoof passed through the door, closely followed by the rest of her body. One of the Princesses of Equestria had made her rather ungraceful and dramatic, crashing exit into Discord’s room. “Miss Sparkle, I’m so glad you could join us,” said Discord in a droning voice. “Please take your seat.” Twilight looked up, rubbing her muzzle with her hoof, and found herself in an auditorium. It was, in fact, an exact replica of the auditorium of Celestia’s School for Talented Unicorns. Discord himself was sitting on the desk in the middle of the lower portion of the auditorium. He vaulted off of it and snapped his claws, making the desk dissolve into the ground. Another snap and he was dressed in a business suit. “You, dear Princess, are here to learn about the Old Days. Just leave it to Professor Discord; you’ll be an expert by the time you leave.” Discord winked. “I thought you weren’t going to teach me.” “I changed my mind.” Discord quietly attempted to push a basket away. Which is to say, he wanted to draw attention to it; how stupid would it be for a Draconequus of untold power to try to hide something when he could just make it disappear? Twilight, as she was supposed to, noticed the basket. “And what’s that, Discord?” “What, this?” he asked, cradling the basket. “This is only a basket of the finest chocolate from every corner of our world! The Griffin Kingdom, Saddle Arabia, Equestria, practically every!” He took a bite from the basket. “It’s delicious! And Celestia just teleported in and promised me free reign as long as I gave you the lesson,” he added in a hurried and hushed whisper. “What was that last part?” “Nothing,” replied the Draconequus with a grin. “Ready?” Twilight nodded and took a seat. She couldn’t shake the ball of tension that had formed in her stomach. Discord seemed too excited, far too excited for a simple basket of chocolate to warrant. Even now the Draconequus was sporting a malicious grin as he picked up an eraser and turned towards the chalkboard. “Now Twilight Sparkle, we’ll be starting at the beginning. I trust that you have the old myths of creations memorized by heart?” Twilight nodded. “In the original archaic languages?” Another nod. Discord stifled a chuckle. “Nerd.” “What was that, Discord?” “Nothing Princess; merely the musings of an old Draconequus.” Discord turned away from the chalkboard, tossing the eraser with one of his paws. “So tell me, Twilight Sparkle, how did those stories begin?” Twilight put a hoof to her chin. “Well, most of them say that the Universe began with Nothing.” Discord grinned and raised a claw. “Exactly.” A snap resounded through the room. A tendril of shadow rose from the ground. “Discord?!” shouted Twilight. “What are you do—“ The tendril expanded, forming a sphere around the alicorn, cutting off her cry. The Draconequus turned back to the board. “A few seconds will do,” he said as he wrote the word ‘Nothing’ with an eraser. He began to sing to the tune of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. Sparkle, Sparkle, new Princess No more anger, no more stress Lost your sadness, lost your fear, Losing laughter, losing tears. Sparkle, Sparkle, new Princess All is lost in Nothingness. Discord snapped again and the orb dissipated. Twilight Sparkle stood on the auditorium’s floor. She was visibly shaking. “Discord,” said Twilight. “What the buck did you just do?” The Draconequus grinned. “Nothing, Princess. Or at least a poor facsimile of Nothing.” The alicorn closed her eyes, bringing her hoof to her chest as she breathed in; trying desperately to maintain her cool. Her trembling slowly stopped. “Feeling better?” asked Discord with a smirk. “I should turn you back into a statue for that,” snarled Twilight. “Oh please. Do you really think you have the power to do that? It took two Princesses, whom also happened to be the bearers of the Elements of Harmony, to petrify me the first time.” A slightly manic gleam came into Discord’s eyes. He snapped his fingers and the auditorium began to break apart; cracks of bright light appearing in the walls and floor and the very air before dissolving. The two were suddenly standing on pieces of floating land. “And don’t forget, Princess,” said the Draconequus with a smile. “This is my domain. The one space in the castle where I am free to use my magic to its fullest.” He glanced at the empty space below them. “Watch your step.” Twilight threw one more glare at Discord. The Draconequus merely rolled his eyes in response. “Follow along, my little alicorn; this is where it gets fun.” Discord stepped off of his platform, plummeting straight down into emptiness. Twilight’s eyes widened as she ran to her own platform’s edge and peered over. There was no sign of Discord. Minutes passed, and still there was no sign of the Draconequus. “F—Follow along?” she stuttered. “He couldn’t expect me to simply… step over the edge! That’s crazy! It goes against every single instance of—“ “Logic?” suggested Discord’s voice. Twilight gave a start and turned around towards the voice. Nothing there. “Oh, Twilight Sparkle,” continued the voice. “There’s no room for logic here. Ask yourself; what comes after Nothing in your precious little stories?” “I—I…” Twilight composed herself for the umpteenth time that day. “Once Nothing has passed, Something naturally appears.” A giant, bright red buzzer appeared in front of Twilight. It floated there for a moment before a giant replica of Discord’s paw appeared to press it. The buzzer croaked like a frog. “Partially correct,” said the disembodied voice of Discord. “There was something, but it was a particular kind of something. Something very near and dear to me. Care to take a guess?” Twilight didn’t respond, opting instead to continue looking for the voice. Discord materialized, preceded by a disembodied sigh. However, the Draconequus and his voice weren’t in sync. “Chaos, Twilight Sparkle, is the correct answer,” said the voice from the opposite direction of the body. “Chaos comes after Nothing. You see, Nothing is very boring and drab; it’s all murky black and, well, there’s nothing to it. In fact, all I did to you a few minutes ago was give you an idea of Nothing. It was more darkness and silence than anything else.” Twilight shivered involuntarily. Discord didn’t seem to notice. “True Nothing is impossible to experience,” he continued, “you wouldn’t remember anything happen because Nothing is not suited for life or independent thought. But the Universe decided that Nothing was boring and it wanted something fun to fill up the space.” The Draconequus gave his toothy grin. “And that’s where I come in.” The image of Discord walked away, supported by empty air. But his voice seemed to remain at Twilight’s shoulder. “Now, Twilight Sparkle, I really do need you to follow this time. It would do you no good to be left behind.” The Princess gulped and nodded, bringing a hesitant hoof over the edge. The empty air felt solid enough. “Yes, Princess,” continued the voice of Discord. “One hoof in front of the other, onto the empty air. Pinkie Pie does it on a daily basis.” Twilight nodded, not trusting herself to speak. “Onwards,” said Discord, “towards Chaos. Now if you’ll excuse me, I really should catch up to my body.” Author's Note This fic could also be called 'Headcanon Ahoy!' In fact, it almost was. And then it wasn't.
ChaosDiscord’s voice strode away. It was quite a disconcerting feeling for Twilight. Not only had she been left alone in a realm where everything went according to a chaotic whim, but the invisible presence of Discord’s voice hummed to itself as it left. The alicorn could even hear its footsteps. But there was clearly nothing there. Twilight Sparkle shook her head. This isn’t the time to get distracted, she chided herself. Princess Celestia wants me to do this. She looked down, expecting to see some kind of chasm that heralded her death. Apparently, the Princess hadn’t gotten used to the concept of wings. But, truth be told, Twilight couldn’t tell where she was standing. The darkness was so utterly complete that it could have gone on forever or ended after a few second’s jolt. She gulped visibly. “O-one hoof in front of the other,” she muttered to herself. Her front hoof went up as hooves tend to do when ponies decide to walk. It paused in the air for a moment, just enough time for Twilight to close her eyes and take a deep, calming breath. And then it came down again. Cold. Burning cold. Twilight gasped as a flurry of snow assaulted her body and her hoof came down on a pile of snow. Her eyes snapped open. “W-what?” stammered the alicorn. Twilight Sparkle found herself in the middle of a clearing. Thick, dark pines formed a circle around it. The strangest part, however, was the lamppost that stood in the middle of the clearing, cheerfully lighting everything around it. Where am I? wondered Twilight, her teeth beginning to clatter together. “Mr Tumnus!” called a young girl’s voice. “Mr. Tumnus! Oh, where has he gone?” The alicorn turned slightly. “Somepony else is here!” She lifted her hoof with the intent of putting it back down, lifting another hoof, putting that one down, and continuing the process until she had found that promise of intelligent conversation. Her hoof came down, breaking the top layer of snow with a soft crunch. Lights, shiny things, machines whirring, and a giant window through which gleamed the vastness of space. Strange, bipedal creatures were milling about, trying desperately to do... something. “Divert as much energy to the shields as you can!” shouted the bipedal creature seated in the middle of the room. “Scotty, do we have the engines up yet?!” “I cannot do it, Captain! I just don’t have the power!” replied Scotty. Twilight didn’t even have the time to think, “What the buck?” before something rocked against the starship Enterprise and sent the alicorn reeling. She would have fallen if it weren’t for her reflexes, which guided her hoof to the floor without asking for the brain’s permission. “No! Ben!” called a voice in anguish. The alicorn turned, catching sight of a tall, black, metallic looking bipedal creature, standing in front of a pile of brown robes. He was holding a red beam of light in his hands. See, thought Twilight, that’s just impossible. There was a roar of a giant, powerful engine. The Princess turned just in time to see some kind of disk speed away and out into a dark void studded with stars. “This is the second time I’ve been in space in the last half minute,” marveled Twilight out loud. “Okay, I’m actually starting to like this.” The black-colored tin man turned with a heavy breath. His eyes locked on the cartoonish purple pony before him. “Then again,” said Twilight. She took a step back, slightly looking forward to what was next. The alicorn blinked and found herself on the edge of a chasm, one that clearly went on forever. “You shall not pass!” shouted a voice. Twilight Sparkle tore her eyes away from the glorified hole. There was a very thin bridge spanning the chasm and on that bridge stood a giant, fiery demon and a small bipedal creature brandishing a sword and staff. “Starswirl?” said Twilight breathlessly. Bipedal Starswirl slammed his piece of wood against the bridge. Amazingly, the stone broke into pieces and the demonic creature fell to its doom. “Yup, definitely Starswirl.” A thin line of fire whipped up from the chasm, wrapping itself around that powerful caster. Twilight took a step forward, instinctively trying to help. The alicorn found herself on a raised platform. A conical board of switches, buttons and various whirligigs stood in the middle of this platform with a cylindrical tube reaching up to the ceiling. A head, one of the bipedal creature’s head, popped up from behind the cone. “Well, hello,” said the head. “How’d you get there?” “I-I don’t know. I just kind of walked and then I—” “You can speak!” the figure stood on what Twilight considered its hind hooves and walked over to her. “I love it when things can speak; it makes it so much simpler for me to talk to them. Not that I don’t always try to talk to something, but I especially like it when the being in question can respond in kind.” The creature reached into its coat and pulled out a metallic cylinder. “Don’t worry, this will only take a second and it won’t hurt at all.” It pointed the cylinder at Twilight and a quiet buzzing sound emanated from the device. “Who are you?” asked Twilight, remarkably calm after literally walking through various dimensions. “Hmmmmm,” said the thing thoughtfully, staring at the metal cylinder. “A temporal-spacial anomaly. But there’s something else to you. Something that doesn’t really make sense.” It grinned. “Oh, I do love a good nonsense maker.” The alicorn leaned forward, slightly squinting. “You look familiar. I think I’ve met somepony like you.” The thing laughed. “‘Somepony’? I quite like that! Yeah, that’s really good. You know, I’d normally say ‘someone’, but ‘somepony’ makes a lot of sense for you.” Twilight gave a forced half-smile. “Right, well, I’m T—” The alicorn felt something tug at the back of her neck. She disappeared quite suddenly, leaving behind a slightly confused bipedal creature. “Riiiight,” said the creature. “There’s that temporal-spacial distortion.” He leveled his metallic cylinder, pointing it at the point where Twilight had just disappeared. “Now, how did you get on and off my TARDIS?” He flicked his wrist, extending the cylinder. “Now that is interesting... Oh, that is very interesting.” The Doctor ran up to his TARDIS’s control panel. “Come on old girl,” he said. “I think I found us someplace new to see!” *** “Honestly Twilight Sparkle, what am I going to do with you?” Discord was floating in the air, laying down as though he were on a comfortable couch. “I turn away for one second and you decide to go universe hopping. Without me! I would expect better from you, Twilight.” The alicorn was also floating, though not of her own volition. No, the invisible force that it lifted her out of that TAR-thing hadn’t let go. The overall effect was the same as a mother cat carrying her kitten. Discord found it adorable and had no reason to dispel it. “I don’t think that you have any right to chide me,” said Twilight testily, “since I’m pretty sure that you’re the one who sent me out in the first place!” “I take offense at that statement!” Discord conjured a box of tissues and began dabbing at his eyes. He continued in a teary, sobbing voice. “All I want to do is teach... Is that so much to ask?!” He blew his nose, producing the sound of a foghorn in the process. Twilight wasn’t buying it. She crossed her hooves to show as much. Discord peeked through one of the tissues. He sighed at the alicorn’s stubborn attitude. “Everyone’s a critic,” said Discord as his tissues and tissue box disappeared with a pop. “Well, Twilight Sparkle, you are free to believe whatever you want. Of course you would be wrong, but you are still free to believe.” The draconequus spread his claw in an arc, leaving a trail of glittering dust that spelled out the word ‘Wrong’ in its wake. “Shouldn’t that say ‘Believe’?” asked Twilight. “Not when you believe in something wrong. And, I assure you, you are wrong to believe that I sent you out there. Have you forgotten where we are? This is Chaos, Princess. One false step can lead you astray.” Discord, deciding that staying still was boring, began to back stroke through the air. “You can take that as literally as you need to.” “Hmmmph,” hmmmphed Twilight. Discord turned himself upside down. “I suppose I should explain how you ended up in various universes.” “I’d appreciate it.” The draconequus smirked. “Care to take notes?” The alicorn blinked. “That’s surprisingly thoughtful of you. A notepad, college rule, standard size, a few quills, and an inkwell would be very appreciated.” Discord’s smile widened at Twilight Sparkle’s highly convincing use of sarcasm... Twilight Sparkle... Sarcasm... “You’re being completely serious, aren’t you?” The Princess knit her eyebrows together. “Why wouldn’t I be?” Discord sighed and snapped his talons. A notepad, a few quills, and an inkwell floated in space in front of Twilight. Another snap and one of the most powerful ponies in all of Equestria was unceremoniously dropped onto the floor. “One day,” said the draconequus, “you’ll be fun to talk to. Today is not that day.” “Discord,” warned Twilight. Another sigh from the personification of Chaos. A snap later, and the same chalkboard from the auditorium room reappeared. Discord took up his eraser and wrote the word ‘Chaos’ under ‘Nothing.’ “What you just experienced,” said the draconequus, “was only an interpretation of chaos.” Twilight scribbled something onto her notepad. Discord raised an amused eyebrow, but merely continued with his lecture. “It was, in more advanced terms, a very powerful form of temporal-spacial distortion. So powerful that a single step allowed you to step into a separate universe. If Rainbow Dash were here, I’d dumb it down and call it a wormhole.” The Princess frowned at Discord’s jab towards the pegasus. She would have said something, but the draconequus continued before she could. “Of course, this is trying to actually explain Chaos which is a rather stupid and fruitless idea.” Discord decided that fruit was actually a great idea and a watermelon popped into existence next to him. He spun it around, using one of his talons to scrape off the rind. “Well, I guess that it’s not fruitless anymore, but it is still stupid and useless.” The watermelon was now fully exposed. Discord shoved it into his maw, eating it in one go. “Anyway,” he said with his mouth full, “we should move on from the basic stuff.” The draconequus clapped his mismatched arms together, and the murky darkness gave way to another, brighter background. “Have a look around, Princess,” said Discord with a slight bow a flourish. This new area was a mirror to what Ponyville had looked like during Discord’s brief reign. Random chunks of the landscape had broken away and floated upwards. They would have kept floating if not for the lines of rope that tethered them to the ground. Clouds of cotton candy floated across the sky, casting shadows onto a multi-colored ground. And then it was suddenly night. Or, at least a facsimile of night as the Moon had been replaced by a giant roll of cheese. Off in the distance, rolling hills literally rolled across the horizon before sinking into the ground to form yawning chasms that stretched and cursed their long work day before getting into bed. The trees seemed to be made of candy canes, the rivers were chocolate, the lakes were hot sauce. As the alicorn looked on in wonder, Discord reached down and took a pawful of jelly bean stones. A flock of cuckoo clocks, each one’s clock hands bent and pointing in random directions, flew across the sky, entered a dive, and continued flying underground. Discord flicked a piece of dust from a red jelly bean. He popped it into his mouth. “So, what do you think?” Twilight looked around again, her eyes watering slightly from the various bright colors. “It’s... not natural.” “Well, duh,” said the draconequus with a roll of his eyes. “Chaos is unnatural by nature! Look around again, Twilight Sparkle, what else can you notice? It’s staring you right in the face.” The alicorn scrunched her muzzle slightly but complied. Candy cane trees, cuckoo clocks flying overhead, literal balls of cotton that seemed to be tearing up a green carpet. Discord watched Twilight all the while, looking for that flash of recognition that signaled that she understood. It didn’t come. The draconequus sighed. “The point I was trying to make, Twilight Sparkle, is that there are only two living things in this entire area. Both of them are standing here.” Twilight Sparkle blinked and looked around again. The draconequus spoke all the while. “Cuckoo clocks, cotton, candy canes, carpets, these were not born out of the seduction of the dangerously curvy letter ‘C’. Though that is a part of it. There’s no living, breathing beings out here because Chaos does not create life. Not even plants.” A small, high-pitched bark came from the floor at Discord’s feet. The draconequus looked down to find a very familiar looking gravy boat looking back up at him. Chaos itself scooped up the small porcelain tub, nuzzling against it slightly. “Even little Gravy Boat isn’t alive.” He put it back down, and Gravy Boat scurried away. Discord sighed. “Only animated.” Twilight could have sworn that she saw an inkling of sadness in the draconequus’s eyes. But it was quickly replaced by the normal slightly amused glint. “In any case,” continued Discord flippantly, “Chaos does not create life, but we are certainly allowed to shape it.” He crossed his arms and scowled. “But Celestia doesn’t allow me to bring any pets into the castle. She say I’m not responsible enough. Tell me, Twilight Sparkle, how is that fair?! All I want to do is put uselessly long legs on rabbits!” “I don’t think Fluttershy would appreciate that, Discord.” “Oh, bunk! She’d probably think they were cute.” A thought occurred to Twilight. “Twilight Sparkle... are you... raising your hoof?” “I have a question,” replied the alicorn as though it were obvious. Discord smirked. “Of course. And what is your question, Princess?” “If there is no life in Chaos, then what about you?” The smirk seemed to intensify as the draconequus looked down at Twilight. “Why am I alive, Twilight Sparkle?” he asked. The alicorn thought for a moment. “I guess that’s one way of phrasing it.” “You know, normal ponies would freak out if they thought that they were questioning the reason why something was alive.” Twilight shrugged. “I’m a scientist.” That drew a chuckle out of Discord. “A sense of humor. I never would have expected it. As for why I’m alive, it’s likely because I was not exactly born out of Chaos, per say. I was born with Chaos and out of Nothing.” The alicorn scribbled down a few more notes. A towel slithered along the ground next to her. “And Nothing can create life?” “All life stems from Nothing.” Discord spread out his paws. “Just look at me. I’m an amalgam of random living things. Nothing thought up the idea of life and formed bits and pieces of other living things. It gave me the best of everything and kept spewing these random chunks out. Trust me, it’s actually more disconcerting than it sounds. It was also really entertaining to watch little bunny feet hop around without any other bunny part.” The draconequus both literally and figuratively drifted off. Twilight had to clap her hooves in front of him to get him back. “What were we talking about?” asked Discord. “Hopping bunny feet,” replied Twilight in a slightly nauseous tone. “Ah, yes.” Discord conjured a bar of chocolate from the basket Celestia had given him. “So, bits and pieces of random animals were lying around. I was left to put them back together. I didn’t bother mixing-and-matching, where was the fun in that?” He took a bit of the chocolate. “Mmmm, peanuts. So, by the end of Chaos, I had alligators running around with woodpecker heads and bunnies with horse legs and a duck with a hippo’s head and the platypus... I think that they never got rid of platypuses... or is it platypi? Platyplypuses?” The draconequus looked at Twilight for confirmation. “I’m not really sure...” “Really? Isn’t it your job to know things like this?” “That’s Fluttershy’s department.” Discord snorted. “Of course.” They lapsed into a slight silence as the draconequus polished off the rest of his chocolate. A paper airplane streamed past, performing loops and rolls. The cotton candy clouds floated at a more reasonable pace. Discord squinted up at one of the clouds and pinched it between his claw. Miles up in the air, the cloud stopped. He conjured a glass with his lion paw, putting it under the cloud in his claw. The draconequus squeezed down with his talons and the cup filled to the brim with chocolate milk. Twilight Sparkle watched on in disbelief. She shook her head. “That doesn’t make any sense.” Discord glanced at her as he drank his glass. “That’s another thing.” Discord was still drinking, but his voice was still clear. “There’s no real smell in here.” “And why is that?” asked Twilight. The draconequus grinned. “Because there’s no fun in making scents.” The Princess was only just able to stave off a groan. “Well,” said Discord, “that was the most exciting part of the lesson. Let’s hurry through everything else.” He held out a single talon, drawing a vertical line in the air. The line thickened, until it formed rectangular passageway. Twilight nodded. “What’s next?” “Oh, eager to get to my lessons are we, Twilight Sparkle?” Twilight gave a start. “M—Maybe.” Discord smirked. “Either way, anything sucks when compared to Chaos. Especially Order.” The draconequus stepped through the passageway, disappearing instantly. The alicorn followed, hesitating slightly every time her hoof made contact with the ground. There was, however, not incident as she made her way through the portal. As the tear in space closed, a flock of cuckoo clocks deanimated, crashing to the ground in a heap of gears and springs. Gravy Boat curled up and everything that shouldn’t move waited for the return of Discord. Author's Note In case you were wondering, the Doctor, as per usual, misjudged the Equestrian timeline. He landed in Equestria in the form of a brown stallion with an hourglass as his cutie mark years before Twilight ever became a Princess. (I'm considering tying this into my main fic Syncopation. This is totally not a cheap attempt to get more people to view Syncopation... Totally.) Also, I ship DiscordxTheLetterC. Look forward to my next fic: "C is for Chaos."
Order and HarmonyDiscord yawned, stretching slightly as he and Twilight Sparkle stepped out into the bright sunlight. The draconequus cast a bored eye around the serene, green fields and wonderfully quaint thatched-roof cottages. Canterlot Castle shone off in the distance. A pair of butterflies flitted above the grass. How drab, thought Discord. This place could use a fresh coat of Chaos. “It’s... Ponyville,” said Twilight with slight disappointment. “Of course it’s Ponyville. What better place is there to exemplify the terrible boredom of Order?” Discord conjured a bar of chocolate, popping it into his maw without taking off the wrapper. “I can’t even eat creatively here.” “But why Ponyville? I love the place to death, but shouldn’t Canterlot be the example of Order?” Discord turned towards the alicorn. “Twilight Sparkle, if there is one thing I’ve learned in my millenias of living, albeit some of that time in stone, it’s that there is no orderly capital city anywhere.” He pushed off the ground slightly, floating aimlessly over the glade. Twilight scribbled down a few notes before trotting off towards the draconequus. “But Ponyville isn’t always the most peaceful place. Hardly anypony living there can get a decent insurance rate.” Discord yawned again. “What a perfectly orderly observation you’ve made. This town has been destroyed multiple times, many of which were caused by you and your friends, and the worst that’s come of it is a bad insurance rate. By all rational thought, Ponyville should be deserted and you should have been ostracized.” The draconequus rested his head in his claw. “But that would have been too exciting for little ol’ Ponyville.” “I never thought that I’d hear you talk about ‘rational thought’.” Discord stopped in surprise. “Good point. And I never thought that you’d actually listen to me.” The alicorn looked down at her growing pile of notes. She frowned slightly. “Neither did I.” A few moments pause. Then Discord shrugged and continued his floating. “Well, that’s Order for you. Always unpredictable, always surprising in its changes.” Twilight knit her eyebrows together, having to trot slightly to keep up. “Says Chaos incarnate.” The draconequus turned, slowing slightly so that Twilight could take a more comfortable pace. “Chaos does not attempt to be understood; change happens on a literal whim. Order tries to maintain its superior attitude as it turns everything on its head.” Twilight Sparkle was trying to rap her own head around that idea. “I thought that Order was supposed to be... orderly.” Discord shook his head. “Not at all. Order is little more than Nature, and it is every creature’s nature to change in an attempt to better suit itself. That change is gradual, but everything is constantly shifting.” He did a turn, taking in the horizon. “A kingdom is lost.” The draconequus took in the sight of Ponyville. “A single family settlement grows into a town.” His eyes returned to Twilight. “A unicorn grows wings. You see? Order is far closer to Chaos than most believe.” The alicorn frowned again. “Oh, don’t look like that! How else could it have worked out when Chaos and Order are siblings?” Twilight raised an eyebrow. “Yes,” said Discord. “Chaos comes from Nothing, and so does Order. In a sense, Chaos provided little more than the framework to the world. Order filled in the blanks. The ground became the ground, the sky became the sky. Day and Night started playing nice, the animal pieces started matching up.” Discord picked up a blade of grass, only to drop it again with a huff. “The grass turned green. And the clouds started to rain water! Water! Oh Twilight Sparkle, it was a crime against Chaos itself!” The draconequus summoned a napkin, loudly blowing whatever constitutes a draconequus’s nose. He dabbed at his eyes. Twilight Sparkle gave him a sideways glance. Discord threw his napkin into the air and it vanished with a slight crack. “Anyway, this concludes your lesson. Please, try not to bother me again. Unless you have chocolate, or Princess Celestia has taught you her binding spell.” He blinked. “Don’t ask Celestia to teach you her binding spell.” Discord held up his talons, poising them for a snap. “That’s it?” asked the alicorn. The draconequus turned. “What do you mean, ‘That’s it?’” Twilight grasped for the right words. “I mean... is that it? After everything you said about Nothing and Chaos, Order gets a few words and then we’re done?” Discord snorted. “What am I supposed to teach you about Order? You’re an alicorn, for Chaos’ sakes!” The Princess of Equestria turned her head. She spread her wings slightly. “But,” she began in a quiet voice, “what is an alicorn?” Discord started. He considered Twilight Sparkle for some time. Twilight looked up, locking eyes with the draconequus. “There’s no books on them!” she said defensively. “At least, nothing comprehensive... or even credible.” “Ask your Princesses,” said Discord coldly. The alicorn nodded slowly. She turned slightly, beginning the trek to Canterlot. Discord sighed. He also turned towards the castle. Snap. Twilight was seated in a very familiar plush armchair. Discord sat on the couch, once again in the business suit he had conjured for himself. The draconequus sipped whatever liquid he had placed in his teacup. They were back in Discord’s room, but, for all intents and purposes, they were in Fluttershy’s cottage. Even the teapot that the pegasus always put on for guests was in its place. Said teapot levitated slightly, pouring itself into a teacup that slid to a stop before Twilight. “Fine, Twilight Sparkle. I will indulge your search for information. If only to twist whatever story Celestia and Luna will tell you about the alicorns.” The alicorn nodded, hiding a smile behind her teacup. “You’re really taking a shine to this tutoring business.” “I despise it with every fibre of my being and I am offended that you think I’m enjoying this.” Discord finished the rest of his tea in one scalding motion. The teacup refilled with hot chocolate. Twilight Sparkle nodded and sipped at her tea. “In any case,” continued Discord, “I will quickly get through this explanation if only to get you out of my hair.” He tossed the teacup into his maw. “An alicorn is to Order what a draconequus is to Chaos. Each of our races represents the epitome of the force they command. The main difference is that I came with Chaos while alicorns came from Order.” Discord paused for a moment, partly to sort through his thoughts and partly to allow Twilight to take her notes without straining herself. “Well,” considered the draconequus, “there’s also that matter of Harmony. But that’s it.” “Harmony?” asked the alicorn. “Honestly, Twilight Sparkle, is there anything you do know?” replied Discord, hiding his amusement behind a snide glare. The taunt had its intended effect. Twilight bristled. “A lot of things! I’ve read books on every subject I could get my hooves on, which is quite a bit since I live in a library!” The draconequus held up his mismatched arms. “Simmer down, Twilight Sparkle. You’re beginning to look like this teapot.” He brought a single talon down on the kettle and a steady stream of steam spurted from it, complete with a high pitched whine. Discord smirked. “You sound like it too.” Twilight scrunched up her muzzle, leaning back in her chair with a resounding ‘humph.’ Discord was rather pleased with himself. “But yes, Harmony,” said the draconequus as he poured another tea of cup. “This is... a bit more complicated. It’s not like Nothing or Chaos, nor is it like Order or Day and Night. Harmony isn’t,” Discord paused for a bit, turning his arms in circles in an effort to think of the word, “Harmony never ruled anything. There was not time of Harmony as there was for Chaos or Order.” Twilight nodded, scribbling something in her notebook. The draconequus shook his head. “Perhaps an example would be more effective.” Discord thought for a momen. He snapped his talons, lifting up three small spoons. He took the teapot in his mismatched claws, effortlessly making the spout stretch before levitating the kettle above the spoons. Discord tilted the teapot, and an impossible amount of tea fell from the spout, falling around the spoons, making contact with the floor and quickly disappearing. “Say that these three spoons represent the history of our world. Nothing, Chaos, and Order. Harmony is the tea. It flows around this current time of Order in the same way it did when the world was Nothing.” Discord snapped again. The small aura levitating the spoons dropped. The spoons however, didn’t. “Harmony provides shape, Harmony provides support for this world. Harmony gave you and every unicorn and alicorn their magic. It gave pegasi the ability to fly and earth ponies the ability to grow. If Harmony ever disappeared.” The tea vanished and the spoons clattered to the floor. “Well, you get the idea.” The draconequus narrowed the spout again, pouring another cup of tea for himself. Twilight looked horrified. “And you… you wanted to get rid of Harmony?” Discord gave her a toothy grin. He winked. “Wouldn’t that be more interesting?” “What?!” The alicorn’s eyes flared. “No! That… you just said that that would have destroyed the world!” The draconequus looked at her from over his teacup’s brim. “Nothing so melodramatic. Everything would have simply fallen into disarray. No more harmonic framework to support the world. All that’s left is, well, discord.” Twilight Sparkle scowled. “But that’s all in the past. Friendship is magic, remember?” Discord traced the teacup’s brim, forcing out a high-pitched whine. “I’m all reformed and calm and completely incapable of doing anything short of helping our wonderful Equestria. Like one of you Princesses.” The alicorn frowned slightly and closed her notebook with a snap. “I hope that that’s true.” Discord smiled slightly. “You don’t care for me, do you Twilight Sparkle?” “What gave you that idea?” deadpanned the Princess. “Lucky guess,” replied an equally sarcastic Discord. “Anyway, I’m tired of explaining things.” The draconequus snapped one last time. The room shifted, the comfort and warmth of Fluttershy’s cottage turning into a rather normal room within the Canterlot Castle. “Lesson’s over Twilight Sparkle. You’re free to leave.” The alicorn looked around. Whatever magic Discord had used to manipulate his room had been completely removed. The room was barren. No curtains, no rugs, no posters or pictures. Only stone, a sparsely blanketed bed, and a wide open window that looked out over Canterlot. Twilight Sparkle looked at the draconequus. Discord made a shooing motion with his eagle claw before taking up a lounging pose in the air and closing his eyes. The alicorn trotted away, pausing slightly at a certain historically important door with a certain crayon message written on it. “Thank you, Discord.” The draconequus gave a start. He turned toward the doorway. Twilight Sparkle was long gone, heading back to Ponyville where, unbeknownst to her, Pinkie Pie had gathered nearly the entire population for an Ump-millionth Sigh Party. The party pony promptly scolded that being she had recently taken to talking to for possibly ruining the surprise party, getting side-tracked, and taking forever to write a single chapter of the story. The ‘writer,’ as she called it, headed back to Canterlot Castle in an effort to escape his character. Discord was writhing in laughter. “Oh! ‘Thank you, Discord.’ And ponies say that Twilight Sparkle doesn’t have a sense of humor!” A new wave of mirth shook the draconequus. “H-Honestly Celestia, you raised a comedian of a student!” The eldest Princess of Equestria stood behind Discord. Nobody else would have noticed entrance. Indeed, she could have stood there for hours without making anypony else the wiser. The draconequus noticed. “She wouldn’t appreciate the remark,” said Celestia with a smile. “Doesn’t make it any less true.” The basket of chocolate appeared again. Discord picked out a bar for himself before proffering it towards Celestia. “I know you have a sweet tooth.” “I wonder whose fault that is.” “He must have been a terrible influence. And you two had such a rocky relationship.” The Princess picked one out, quickly unwrapping it with her magic. “How did the lessons go?” “As if you weren’t watching us the whole time.” “I wasn’t,” replied Celestia serenely. Discord cast a disbelieving eye on the alicorn. “You send the youngest Princess of Equestria, who has untold magical prowess and was your personal protege, to a being capable of corrupting any mind and you say you didn’t watch over her?” The draconequus snapped up another piece of chocolate. “Likely story.” “I trust you. Admittedly, it’s a strained trust, but it’s still there.” The draconequus laughed again. He wiped a pretended tear from his eye. “So that’s where little Twilight Sparkle gets it from.” A few moments passed. Two of the most powerful beings in the world silently munched on chocolate bars. “You didn’t tell her everything,” said Celestia. “No, I did not,” agreed Discord. “Why?” “I was tired of tutoring her.” “I think you’re lying.” Discord brought his paw to his chest. “I? Why would I lie?” Celestia laughed slightly. “I think you’re a better tutor than you want to admit.” The draconequus shrugged. “Possibly. Of course, I can do most anything.” “Of course.” Another few moments of quiet. The chocolate, Discord noticed, was running dangerously low. “She didn’t know anything,” said the draconequus. “We haven’t had the time for it.” “You can’t trust me to explain everything. If you try to pawn that task off on me, I promise that I’ll convince her that diamond dogs used to run Equestria.” The alicorn laughed again. “We’ll see,” she said simply. “Is this it, Celestia? Am I done for today?” “You offer a different perspective than can be found anywhere in Equestria. You probably won’t be done until Twilight runs out of questions.” Discord groaned. “Do I at least get another basket of chocolates when she comes back?” Celestia nodded, lifting the last chocolate bar and breaking it in half. She gave half to the draconequus.“Look forward to it.” “Subjecting Twilight Sparkle to more lessons from a draconequus?” asked Discord. “Celestia, you’re worse than I am.” Author's Note I never touched on the subject of Disharmony because it didn't seem to flow well with the dialogue. In any case, I think Disharmony acts as a negative Harmony. It flows and gives life and shape like Harmony does, but everything it does is distorted. Which is why in Lauren Faust's original sketches of Discord his talons/paw and his horns would constantly change sides. Thank you for sticking with this story for it's three chapters. I hope you enjoyed it.
StonedStoned. It’s a funny word, don’t you think? It used to be something terrible, something to be feared. You never wanted to be stoned, hardly even wanted to think of a stoning. Now it’s common enough. I hear them talk about it all the time. Not around Canterlot Castle, certainly, but every once in a while when I’d venture out to Manehattan-- What? No, I didn’t do anything. Honestly, you have no faith in me. You really should, too, I’m reformed, remember? Nothing but a puppy dog on a leash. Especially now that there’s four Princesses poking around. I could hardly deal with two, after all. So don’t worry. I’m harmless. Where was I? Ah, yes. Manehattan. Stoned. I must have heard that word a dozen times every--I mean--that one time I snuck out of the Castle and headed there. No, they didn’t see me there! What do you take me for? You’ve seen my professor’s disguise, its perfect, nopony can see past it! Yes, I’m sure that my eyes didn’t shine through this time. Now, will you let me get back to my story? Honestly, you’re the one who asked in the first place. In any case, stoned. The point that I was trying to make until you so rudely interrupted me is the sheer strangeness of the word. I simply can’t bring myself to connect it to smoking. I do have a certain connection with being ‘stoned’ after all. Not that I have to tell you that. Wait, yes I do. You asked, after all. How was it to be a statue, that’s what you want to know? You want to know how it felt as my nerves died, as I felt myself rooted to the spot, as I realized that I had failed that I of all possible beings had failed and was being reduced to nothing more than a mere garden gnome?! Oh, I felt positively peachy. That was sarcasm, by the way. You always seem to have a problem recognizing it. And that’s the way I felt for the first few centuries. Wait, no, that’s not entirely true. There was that brief stint where I decided to be a dog, just to see how it was. Surprisingly pleasant. Don’t look at me like that. I needed some way to distract myself. You try not having a body. It’s the strangest sensation. Hmmmm? Ah, yes. I didn’t exactly have a body when I was stoned. It wasn’t like I was just covered by a thin layer of plaster. I was the statue. And at the same time I wasn’t. There aren’t many nerve endings in stone. Or fur. Or talons or feathers or skin. To that end, I was little more than a consciousness for those 1231 years, seven months, three days, two hours, 32 minutes, and 43 seconds that I was in the garden. Not that I was counting. The entire time. Dogs aren’t particularly good at counting. But yes, I had to stay in the confines of my own mind during my forced lessons in statuary. I built worlds, destroyed worlds, buried bones, drank wines of glass, all at a thought’s whim. Now that I think about it, it wasn’t much different than the real world. And yet, it was completely different. Like a dream. Oh. Ooooh! Oh, that explains a lot. Yes, it was a dream. A very long dream. Oh, that explains it. I wasn’t alone, you know? In my mind. I had a visitor. She came to see me. And it makes so much sense now that I think about it! It’s amazing that I didn’t draw the connection before! Ah, stupid me, stupid! Hmmmm? Princess Luna, of course. Or was it Nightmare Moon? Both of them, I think. If you still think that they’re separate ponies. Yes, she came to visit. Or, rather, it would be a bit more accurate to say that she stumbled into my mind. Like a vagabond. She was crying mostly. Kind of flickering between that sweet alicorn that banished me and the dark shape that she had become. Yelling at herself, turning towards the side and yelling with a slightly different voice. She never cared for us! We weren’t loved! They only cared for her! Sister did what she had to! It got annoying, really. She didn’t even realize that I was there. That must have been some two centuries into my imprisonment. She’d show up randomly for the most part, but I could always count on her being there every two weeks or so. When the moon was full. It was strange to watch. The first Luna, the one I had known, got quieter as time went on. Ran out of the strength to argue with herself, I suppose. That darker alicorn, Nightmare Moon, dominated the arguments. One day, Luna didn’t show up at all. It was only Nightmare Moon. It was a shame, really. I didn’t have any entertainment to go with my popcorn. Anyway, once the yelling stopped the alicorn seemed to actually notice where she was. It was a beautiful sight, one of the best works of chaos I’ve ever done. You really should see it one day. Of course, it was all in my head, but I’m sure that Princess Luna would give you a full reaction to it if you asked her. If she remembers. I had to knock Nightmare Moon down a few pegs and I may have been a bit too rough. Don’t look at me like that! She was challenging me in my own head! Hitting her with a rubber chicken was the least terrible thing I could do. But one of the most amusing. That was 1231 years into my sentence. I never spoke to her. She was, after all, so busy speaking to herself for one thousand years. You know, in all of my years of living I don’t think I’ve ever seen somepony so consumed with anger and pain and jealousy. Especially jealousy. But you can’t really blame her, can you? Completely eclipsed by her sister; it’s a bit ironic, isn’t it? The Sun eclipsed the Moon. Oh, that’s pretty good, if I do say so myself. I should write a book. Oh, but that tale has such a happy end, doesn’t it? She came back to Equestria and was saved by the power of friendship! After the millennia that her body spent on the Moon and her mind spent… Well, I honestly have no idea what happened to her mind. I joined her a few months later, came back to Equestria and met my own welcoming committee. But we all know how that turned out. It was stupid of me, really. I had thought that after 1231 years, the seeds would have finally had enough time to strangle the Tree of Harmony. I even decided to take insurance, separating the Elements of Harmony, rendering them useless. But it didn’t work, did it Celestia? Your student was able to stop me. Where were you back then, by the way? You just disappeared after I greeted you. I was terribly lonely, you know. “It wasn’t my place to fight. Twilight and her friends are the bearers of the Elements of Harmony, not Luna and I.” It all worked out in the end, didn’t it? Twilight Sparkle and her friends learned valuable lessons and I was returned to masonry. It was terrifying, Celestia. Having to return to that. “What other choice did you leave me?” None. None at all. You were right in that regard. Sealing me away is the only option. At least, until you decided to set me free. I’m terribly grateful for it, Celestia, but what in the dark depths of Tartarus possessed you to do such a thing? “Because I felt that you could be changed.” How sure of that are you? “You already have changed.” Chaos changes all the time, dear Princess. And not always for the better. “Would you rather return to your post in Canterlot Gardens?” Of course not. Now, I don’t suppose that you came to my room to have a nice chat. Has it anything to do with Twilight Sparkle coming in here asking for ‘lessons’? “She needs to hear it from someone. I’d like it to be you.” You’re insane. “Please, Discord?” … Fine. For a price. “Name it. Within reason.” I’m not very good with reason. I’d like freedom, Celestia. I grow tired of yellow curtains and bare walls. I need to stretch out and exercise my magic. “I can’t give you that.” Then I can’t give my lessons. “I won’t allow you to head out into Equestria and do as you please to it. But I can give you this room. You are free to do as you like with it so long as it does not affect the rest of the world. It will be your own personal realm of chaos.” That’s a very large step down. “It’s the best I can do.” Fine. I’ll take it. But Twilight Sparkle must come here to learn. I will be a teacher but I will teach in my own way. “Thank you, Discord. One last thing. A gift.” Chocolate, Celestia? You do realize that I can conjure this on a whim? “It’s a gift. Just take it and appreciate it.” A pause. Celestia cocked her head, listening to the hoofsteps coming back down the hallway. “Twilight’s coming back. I’ll take my leave.” She disappeared. I heard it too, hoofsteps pausing just outside of the door. I snapped my talons, once to change into my more proper attire and again to make the door insubstantial. Twilight Sparkle fell through the door with the grace of a hippo. Miss Sparkle, I’m so glad you could join us. Please take your seat. Author's Note Surprise.
