Fourth wall? What fourth wall?

by Zystral

Rating: everyone
Tags: Slice of Life, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Random
Length: 12695

When the border between humans and ponies is a computer screen, unlikely friendships form.

I'm your average, everyday teenager. Struggling with school, girls, and the complex mysteries of life. Oh, and a little pink hyperactive pony that lives in my computer. I don't think there's anything wrong with me, and I just want to get on with my life. Of course, this pony disagrees. Nothing special, just an outlet for the events of my daily life, with a little creativity and fun thrown in. Little bits here and there can make our whole worlds brighter, after all.

Follow my daily life and hijinks as Pinkie Pie and friends try to make my life more interesting, all through a computer screen and keyboard.

This is marked as complete, as I plan on adding more chapters at some point, I just don't know when. More characters will be added as time goes on. Granted, I use the Comedy tag when the only comedy is in passing moments, but honestly, FimFiction doesn't have a "philosophy" tag.

Style is primarily taken from this. I thoroughly enjoyed the idea of consciously breaking the fourth wall beyond repair. This isn't a parody nor a rewrite nor a tribute, it isn't anything like that - I simply took the writing style and did it my way and my story. I'm sorry if I ruined anything. It was an interesting experience, as usually I enjoy long narratives and such, and so having to maintain constant concentration with the writing itself - like holding a conversation was very difficult to keep to. I hope some parts aren't too foncusing. All opinions and criticisms welcome!

I notice now that the source I drew inspiration from was not the first of it's kind. This really hasn't deterred me. I also get that some are more active in their ruination of the fourth wall. Some are even more structured story-wise. I still hope you all enjoy reading my offering.

Legal stuff... Characters and such owned by Hasbro and Lauren Faust. I am copyright myself. Cover image by semehammer from deviantart.

Published 2012-03-11 20:04:02 UTC
Last updated 2012-06-16 11:16:54 UTC

Hey, Mister Writer!

Come on, ibojangles. Drop Wrath of God. I know it’s in your hand. There we go, now pass the turn. Wait why are you tapping lands? Oh, I thought it was something bad.
“okay, zy you need to change the course of this game now”
You’re telling me. I need to get either Beacon or Time Stretch if I’m to pull this off though.

“Hi there, Mister Writer!”
Pinkie Pie, what did we say about the Fourth Wall?
“Uhm… that he’s a fragile being and I shouldn’t bother him too much?”
Correct. And what are you doing?
“…Bothering him?”
The sheepishness of that smile is hilariously cute but I’m not telling her that.
Sigh. Nevermind. What is it?
“Oh I just came to say and hi and see what you were doing and if you were writing anything new!”
I see. Well I’m not. Just playing some EDH with the guys.
“Ooh, are you playing Kaalia? I love Kaalia she’s really pretty and there’s this combo I discovered where if you put Sword of Feast and Famine on Hellkite Char-“
Stop. Please. Mistform Ultimus if you really want to know. This is my day off and I would like to enjoy it in peace.
“But did you forget about your deadline tomorrow?”
The what.
“Deadline! You have to write a totally original story for the contest!”
I wasn’t going to take part in that contest…
“But you have to! Please? Pretty please? Pretty please with sugar on top bathed in a sea of chocolate inside a huge cake?”
I dunno… I can’t think of anything worth writing about that'll stand a chance of winning…
“Don’t worry, I’ll go get inspiration!”
…Sigh. That girl.
“I heard that!”

“Hey! Pinkie! Lemme go!”
“Nrr-hrr, Hrshie! Hr hrn hroo mreet dish guy!”
Oh boy. Gotta say, I’m impressed, Pinkie. Pulling a resisting Dash all the way here.
“Hra-”
Spit her out first.
“*ptoo* - Thanks!”
“Who the hay’re you talkin’ to?”
“Just look out there, Dash!”
“Out where?!”
Er… Hi.
“Whoever you are, I can't see you.”
Of course. I apologize. I'm a human in the human world-
"OHMIGOSH A HUMAN WHAT WHERE I'VE NEVER SEEN A HUMAN BEFORE I'VE HEARD STORIES BUT-"
Whoa whoa whoa whoa. Calm down, please. I mean no harm. I am just someone who lives in an alternate world to you. It just so happens that I observe your world through a screen. A badly damaged screen…
“Ehehe… oopsie!”
“Ooookaaay… And so what do you want with me?”
Ask Pinkie.
“Well basically Mister Writer – that’s what I call him – is a really good novelist and occasionally he writes stories about us and our friends now one day I looked around and noticed him watching us and writing his stories as normal and we got to talking and then one day I was browsing his computer and this site where a WHOOLE bunch of people get together and write stories about us and our friends and they were running this competition about who could write a good short story – there’s even a prize involved, I hope the prize is a cake I would really like a cake because they’re really delicious in fact I might even write a story about a cake in Ponyville myself and enter this competition to win because if I win then I get cake and cake is really delicious in fact there was this new recipe Mrs Cake came up with and it was full of berries and chocolate and really delicious I hope I become as good a cook as she is one day because that would make me happy because I could make cakes all day long and-”
OH DEAR GOODNESS I LEAVE FOR FIVE MINUTES TO GRAB A COFFEE AND THIS IS WHAT YOU GET UP TO. You haven’t even explained to her why you’re here.
“Oh right. Basically he wants to write a story and I thought we’d help him!”
Dash?
“I think she’s still in shock from me talking too much what do you think do I talk too-”
Yes oh god yes please stop.
“A buh…I…wuh…aah…”
I am so sorry I promise I will not leave this chair again until you guys go home.
“Uhh…”
“Dashie? Please tell me you’re okay, I went through all the trouble of bringing you here to help him!”
“…I’m… Kind of okay?”
“Great! Let’s get started!”

…And as the rain beat down upon the plains-
“Come on! What is this? This isn’t cool! How do you expect to win anything with this garbage?”
Well… This is why you’re here – to give ideas and suggestions.
“I dunno… Something cool! Like lightning, tearing up the skies, and fire, raging across the horizon, and-”
“AND BALLOONS!”
Balloons?
“Yeah!”
.....
…And as lightning tore the skies, fire ravaged the horizon. Away from this scene of no no no! This is getting ridiculous. Why don’t we try a short story?
“How are you going to depict my coolness in a short story?”
“How are you going to make it funny?”
This clearly isn’t working.
“Well, I don’t see you doing anything?”
What are you, crazy? I’m doing all the hard work!
“Oh boo hoo, I am typing so much my hands are starting to cramp, oh dear, however will I write imaginary stories about ponies now?”
Hey, watch it, little filly.
“Kiss my flank, I’m outta here!”
Any OTHER ideas, Smarty Pie?
“Oh silly, my name’s Pinkie Pie, not Smarty Pie!”
Whatever, just do something.

“Ah’m mighty sceptical, Pinkie. Yer ideas are usually as out there as Granny Smith’s hip.”
“Don’t worry, I want you to meet a very awesome human!”
“Ah beg yer pardon?”
“He’s this human that can see our world through his world. I need to help him write a story about out world!”
“Surely if he can see ar’ world, then he can write for himself about whatever he sees?”
I wish it were that easy.
“Darn tootin’ ya sure scared me!”
Apologies. Apparently only Pinkie is able to see me at all. All the rest of you can only sense my presence.
“Alrighty, pard’ner, you got any ideas?”
As a matter of fact… Eeee…nope.
“Well consarn it, that ain’t no good place to start.”
Sorry, Applejack. I hadn’t anticipated on writing anything at all.
“zy, you there? It’s your turn”
Ah, sorry girls, give me one moment.
“Ooh, Counterlash, I haven’t seen that one before!”
It’s from the new set, Pinkie.
“Looks delicious!”
“Hah, sorry. There’s… some activity at my place so I’m having trouble concentrating. Anyway, this time I’m gonna resolve Argentum Armor’s trigger before Eldrazi Conscription.”
“What in tarnation is goin’ on here?”
“It’s called ‘Magic: the Gathering’, it’s this card game humans play.”
Lots of thinking, and quite fun, in my opinion.
“Looks mighty complex.”
It is.
“sorry zy i need to mana drain that time stretch.”
“sorry nexus i need to spelljack your mana drain.”
“Good going, Mister Writer!”
So, where were we?
“Ah’m afraid storytellin’ ain’t mah for-tay – growin’ up as a filly, Granny Smith always used’ta tell me n’ Big Mac stories. Looks like ah didn’t get the same gift. Sorry ah couldn’t be of more help.”
It’ll be fine; I’ll come up with something. I usually do.
“Don’t worry Mister Writer, I have more friends!”
Pinkie…
“Back in a jiffy! Come on, Applejack!”

“lolol zy come on deliver the finishing blow already”
“but that would be such a waste when mistform ultimus is 22/22 and he only needs 2 more points of general damage”
“what are you waiting for, an extra turn or something”
“…basically yeah, that way I can eliminate you as well”
“Hi Mister Writer, I’m back!”
Hello Pinkie.
“I came back earlier but you were gone!”
I was probably eating lunch.
“Oh okay! Speaking of which I had these really nice cupcakes for lunch they were super yummy and soft and I had never eaten something like th-”
Gonna have to stop you there. I see you’ve brought Twilight Sparkle along.
“It’s a pleasure, Mister Writer.”
You as well. Please, Zy will suffice.
“So do you even have any grounding ideas about what to do?”
I’m afraid I don’t. I’ve only written two so far, and they’re both contrasting works. So to say that either “I want to stick with what I know” or “I want to break away from the norm” is not acceptable.
“Well, I’m no novelist myself, but whenever I write, I usually take an idea and expand on it as much as possible, taking it to the furthest extent of which it makes sense.”
I see… I am not sure I am capable of letting my mind wander like that – it would certainly help make the story-writing task much less tedious.
“Wouldn’t it be ‘make the task of story-writing?’”
Both are acceptable forms; in your case you use a preposition to place the verb before the noun. I personally prefer to avoid prepositions altogether.
“Wow. You’re good at your grammar.”
Such a shame that the skill does not directly correlate to good story-telling.
“I know, right?”
Let’s try this angle – Twilight, what sort of books do you enjoy the most?
“Oh gosh, let’s see… I don’t think I can narrow the selection down enough… I love action-based fiction like The Adventures of Daring Do, but I also get completely spellbound when I read up on the History of Equestria…”
So would something that tells past events or something that depicts non-fictional material in a prose-based manner be the best of both worlds?
“Oh no, I’ve tried reading those before. In my eyes, they just ruin the material in question, and the material in question makes it difficult to make a gripping novel.”
I see…
“If it helps, rather than thinking about books, you can try thinking of a story. After all, the contest is only asking for a story, not a book, right?”
Of course! I’ve been so foalish!
“Again, if you’re asking me, the best stories I would be able to tell are the adventures and fun I’ve had with my friends.”
I daresay, that’s genius. I think I may well have an idea at this point…
“Oh? Care to share?”
I’m afraid I’d rather not ruin the plan whilst it is still fresh in my head. I’m sorry. However, if you ask Pinkie she can show you where to find it on the Internet once I am done writing it.”
“I beg your pardon?”
Sorry. The human version of the ponynet.
“Oooh, what’s this silvery-blue thingy?”
Pinkie no, don’t touch that, that’s-
“I, want to kill, everybody in the WORLD – BRRRR badrdrdum wubwub drr-rr-rr wubwub badum dum tsh weee ooo-”
-iTunes.
“Oops. Sorry. Nice music though!”

Right. Nearly done, just the ending. Thanks, Pinkie.
“Anytime, Mister Writer!”
I promise next time we’ll do something more fun.
“Don’t be silly! Firstly, that’s my job; secondly, helping and watching you write is already fun in itself!”
… Thank you, Pinkie. So much.
“No problemo, Josémo! I’ll see you later!”
See you soon, Pinkie.

Alright, let’s do this.
“…and so, dear readers, here I am now. Thanks for sticking with me, on this perilous journey of inspiration and interactions. I hope you enjoyed reading the transcript as much as I enjoyed living it. I do not doubt that I will have more experiences like this one, but for now, this particular story ends. My day with the Ponies.”

XXXXXX “Zystral” XXXXXX and Pinkamena Diane Pie

Writer's Block

“…And so we see that the experiment is not yielding results within the expected 320-333ms-1 range, but rather well below this, instead giving values of around 200-260ms-1 ”
“Hello Mister Writer!”
Ah, Pinkie. A well-timed distraction. What are you doing back here, anyway?
“Distraction? From what? And I can’t come visit you now and again? You’re my favourite writer!”
Physics. I used to enjoy this science, and now it is becoming dreary. Anyway, never mind the second half of our conversation now.
“Ooh! I know someone who really likes science and would be able to help your interest get going again! She gets annoyed that sometimes what I do goes beyond these laws, but I don’t know why Physics has laws, because it’s not a country, so I don’t know if what I’m doing is actually wrong, whatever it is I’m doing!”
It’s a mystery. Anyway, I won’t be doing much in the meantime. Just analysing my results and trying to find out why the speed of sound isn’t actually 330 metres per second.
“Okie dokie lokie! Be back soon!”
Where was I? Oh, right.
“Despite this setback, I moved onto the Rijke’s tube from the resonance tube. As the Rijke’s tube incorporates changes in temperature, which is known to cause changes in the speed of sound, this seemed like a logical advancement…”

“I’m back!”
Hello Pinkie. Hello Twilight.
“Good afternoon, Zy. Are your studies going well?”
In some ways yes, and in some ways no.
“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. Anything I can do to help?”
I’m not too sure myself. In a sense, I’m doing as well as I was – I understand the material and I can do well when tested on it, but it doesn’t seem gripping anymore. It may be because I chose my current assignment on an extremely basic project and theory.
“May I ask what your assignment is?”
“I’ll leave the two of you to talk, I have cookies to bake! Which reminds me, why do we bake cookies but cook bacon? It doesn’t make sense.”
Pinkie, stop before you make me crave a second lunch.
“Right, now that she’s out of our manes – sorry, slip of the tongue…”
Don’t fret, I’m perfectly fine with equine terms.
“If you say so. As I was saying, what is your assignment about?”
Well, the title is this, ‘Sound and Acoustic Phenomena: An investigation into sound and the unique properties of its pressure wave.’ So far, I’ve analysed the speed of sound in various circumstances, and I’m writing up on my results so far, but it’s extremely tedious, as all of my experiments have resulted in failure. As well as this, I’m starting to despise the subject itself. Let’s not get onto the fact that I still need to do two separate other experiments for a more conclusive investigation, and due to the clunky schedule of my professor, that hasn’t been possible…
“Oh my. That is quite troublesome. May I have a quick glance at what you do have so far?”
Of course. There is a distinct lack of diagrams and results, though.
“Hmm… Right… Okay… Ah… I see…”
Right now the biggest problem is that both experiments have lead me to the conclusion that the speed of sound is 240 metres per second.
“I think the biggest problem is your measurement of the maximum amplitudes along the tube. Couldn’t you possibly work backwards, knowing where the maxima should occur, given the speed of sound, and pretend that’s at least right?”
Miss Twilight Sparkle. Are you of all people suggesting I cheat?
“No… Not exactly… But if you need correct results to gain a good grade, then you should do all you can.”
I think cheating and fudging my results is a last resort. I still have many qualms to sort with my professor before then. Namely, where I should go from here to get more correct results. Sigh. Enough about my ails, Pinkie tells me you are also someone of the sciences. I would never have guessed, I figured you’d be more into humanities and such.
“Oh I am! But there’s something about knowing and understanding everything on a deeper level that just enraptures me so. For example when I was studying about Albert Einstable’s Theory of Relativity, I began looking at everything in a whole new light! Or when I was working on Neighkolai Tesla’s equations for electricity, that was so amazing how it all linked up correctly! There was also…”

“Yes, I quite agree, the idea of dimension-hopping seems like a much more interesting theory than a loose cable.”
Oh, I would have loved for a new scientific discovery to be made in my lifetime. In this day and age, sadly, I think humanity has reached their peak. All we can do now is use current knowledge to fuel further exploration. I doubt there is much room for something truly groundbreaking anymore.
“You never know. After all, we ponies play with magic all the time – something humankind still hasn’t figured out.”
I think that is where the physics of our respective worlds stop being similar.
“It really is a shame that you can’t visit our world though.”
I could say the same. Although I’m not too sure you guys would be safe considering some the people that exist in our world.
“Well, I’d better let you get back to it. I hope I’ve helped.”
I think you have. While you’ve not rekindled my love for thermoacoustics, you have at least reminded me why it is I took physics as one of my four choices in the first place. I think I have enough motivation and thinking to get me through.
“It was great speaking to you again. I think Pinkie should do this more often.”
Speaking of that girl, shouldn’t you go make sure she isn’t causing havoc in Ponyville?
“She’s only baking cookies.”
She’s baking cookies.
“Oh sweet Celestia. I am so sorry, I must be off!”

“Hello Mister Writer! Did Twilight help at all?”
Somewhat. I think I can finish this assignment, at least.
“That’s great-errific! So how about a game?”
Hm, I was hoping to finish what I could of this off while I still had the motivation, but if you insist. Anything in mind? Magic? Scrabble? Beat Hazard?
“I was thinking Audiosurf, Rainbow Dash said she wanted something more interesting while flying.”
You want Rainbow Dash to fly into coloured bricks along a runway?
“Of course not, silly billy! I’ll be riding her back with a spear, breaking any blocks so they don’t hit her head!”
That’s hardly fair! You can just go and break every block and get every point available!
“Nu-uh! Pinkie rigged up a system so that whatever her lance touches interacts with the score. Whatever that means.”
I see. Thank you, Rainbow, for appearing out of nowhere.
“It’s what I do. So anyway, are we gonna do this?”
I suppose I’ll let you guys choose the first song…
“Okay. Let’s see what we got. What’s new?”
“I downloaded the latest SUPER EUROBEAT compilation CD…”
“Alright, let’s go!”

Ugh, I told you this would be unfair.
“Quit whining! Just because we’re more awesome at this!”
“You tell him, Dashie!”
Whatever.
“Hey, what’s got you all messed up?”
I don’t know. Right now I’m tempted to say Pinkie’s presence, because I thought I saw the last of her when we wrote that story.
“Oh that pile of garbage? You know, it could have been awesome but you never took my suggestions.”
“How did you do in the competition anyway, Mister Writer?”
I never entered.
“What? Why not? After Pinkie dragged me along to help you, you just decided to not enter?”
In a word, yes. I didn’t feel like it. I don’t think I could’ve won. Besides, I don’t like getting fame and glory. I write because it’s an outlet for me. I write because I enjoy the act of writing. I only share my works on the off chance that my writing delivers joy to others in some other ethereal form.
“My brain hurts…”
Don’t worry yourself Pinkie. Anyway, I appreciate you and Dash coming along and keeping me company during this long day.
“Hey, what’s “Cockatrice”? Isn’t it some horrible creature Fluttershy fought?”
Correct, the name of the program is derived from the mythical beast. However, the Cockatrice on my computer is simply a simulator for a card game my friends and I play.
“Card games? I can take reading, but nerd things like that are too egghead for my level.”
Well, the game does involve a lot of patience and thinking, so it’s not for everyone-
“Are you saying I’m dumb? Come on buddy, shoot me a deck and let’s rock.”
That’s not what I was saying at all, but if you insist. Allow Pinkie to walk you through the rules.

…At the end of your turn, resolve Birthing Pod, sacrificing Vorapede to grab Wurmcoil Engine. Vorapede’s Undying trigger activates, and so it returns to play with a +1/+1 counter.
“Look out Dashie, he has a 6/5 Vigilance Trample and a 6/6 Lifelink Deathtouch!”
“What’s Wurmcoil Engine do? Lemme see that… *mumble* …So it splits itself upon death? That’s awesome! What’s Lifelink?”
Whenever it deals damage – not combat damage, and not necessarily to a player – I gain that much life. Basically, as long as it doesn’t get killed by something with First Strike or Double Strike I gain 6 life whenever it fights.
“Are you serious? That gets you back up to 20 in one attack!”
I’m quite aware. And because I brought it out during your End Phase, it doesn’t have sickness during my turn.
“That’s bad.”
“It’ll be fine, Dashie, you have Mirran Crusader with Sword of Feast and Famine and Sword of War and Peace! You can kill that nasty wurm before he can gain life!”
Not that I’m a sore loser, but that’s not happening.
“Why not?”
Because I have a Solemn Simulacrum in play and an Acidic Slime in hand. Meaning I’m going to destroy both Swords this turn. Then I’ll crack the second Pod so Perilous Myr kills Mirran Crusader.
“Aw buck! *sigh* Fine, you win.”
I must say, I’m rather impressed. You picked it up incredibly quickly.
“Yeah, well, what can I say? I’m a natural at these sorts of things.”
Quite. There’s still room for improvements but considering you only learnt not too long ago, that’s to be expected.
“Thanks, I guess…? Anyway I better get going, there’s some rain due for tonight.”
Take care. Hope to see you soon.

“Soo… what now?”
Isn’t it time you started thinking about going home?
“Aww, but Mister Writer… You’re an interesting friend to have. You talk all fancy “like this because it is proper of an English gentleman” yet you’re totally down to Earth!”
Thank you for saying that.
“Oh, but I’m not just saying that! You’re super smart and you’re nice to be around and you can put up with me while still talking to Twilight and dealing with Rainbow Dash! I just don’t get why you’re glum all the time… Please don’t say it’s because you don’t have friends because I’m your friend, right?”
Of course. I apologize if I come off as sombre. It’s just how I am.
“If you say so… But I like seeing you smile, because then that makes me smile and I like smiling and so it makes sense that you should like smiling too! OOH I know! How about next time I come see you, you try smiling a bit more! Then we’ll both be super happy!”
…Next time?
“Well, I came by last Sunday and I’m here today which I think is also a Sunday because yesterday the Cakes’ were closed and they’re always closed on Saturdays which means that it should be a regular thing that I come every week, right?”
As a computer science student, your logic is painful. But there’s no arguing, I guess. It’s not like I can stop you coming along.
“Whee! That’s super duper hooper! Can I bring the others also?”
By all means. It would be nice to have some company to talk to on a regular basis.
“Wait, regular basis? Mister Writer don’t you have any friends in real life?”
I do, but not many. And they live some distances away.
“Oh no, that makes me sad! I’m gonna cheer you up!”
I’m sceptical.
“Well, I can’t throw you a party because of this glass screen, and I can’t bake a cake for you because of this glass screen… I’ll come up with something next week! Bye Mister Writer!”
I’ll see you around.

Interesting. She said to try and smile more next time, but I’m already starting to grin naturally. Funny. Looks like they were right. Friendship really is ‘magic.’

BONUS: Leaky Tube

This is the by-product of a bet, and I figured it had some relevance, so here I shall share.

The little purple unicorn stumbled across Canterlot, her worry growing with each step. She had already woken up to events of turmoil that day. Something was wrong with everything and everypony she knew. It was almost like she was transported across dimensions to an alternate Ponyville where everypony acted differently. At first, she shrugged it off as some sort of joke she wasn’t part of, but as more strange behaviour littered the streets of Ponyville, she decided to see the Princess directly. After all, she couldn’t send a letter asking for help – not with Spike being entirely incapacitated. It was still a ways to go to the castle, and the scenes around Canterlot were not much different to those in Ponyville. Ponies were acting horrifically strangely. Fleur de Lis suddenly turned into the new top pony, Photo Finish and Hoity Toity were engaged in Celestia -knows what, the famed orchestra musician Octavia was spinning discs amongst a smashed cello, and local DJ P0N-3 had dropped the turntables for a violin.
“The ponies here are no better than in Ponyville…”
She started to recall the events earlier that day on the way up to the castle.

The morning had been uneventful, although the lack of Spike was slightly worrying. Knowing he’d be at Rarity’s boutique, after a botched breakfast, Twilight Sparkle decided to fetch the dragon herself. It was a simple task before the daily book rearranging. Or rather, it should have been. Instead, she walked through scenes that would have put Discord to shame.

“F-F-Fluttershy?! Big Mac? What are you two doing together?”
“Oh Twilight, I’ve been meaning to tell you, Big Mac and I…”
The normally timid Pegasus exploded into a blush.
“What on Equestria?”
“In fact, we’re even getting m-married soon, and were hoping you could attend the ceremony…”
“Married?!”
“Eeyup.”
Jaw slack, brain slightly numb, Twilight Sparkle suddenly had about 10 things added to her already long to-do list for the day – item number 10 being “purchase a wedding gift.”

“Good morning, Twilight Sparkle!”
“Oh, Derpy, it’s you- wait. Why are your eyes normal?”
“I have no idea. I woke up this morning and my vision was completely perfect! I understood everything completely! It’s miracle!”
“Huuuh. Anyway, have you seen Rainbow Dash or Pinkie Pie?”
“Sure did. Rainbow was flying off to Sweet Apple Acres, about 551.2 metres on a bearing of 033.2 degrees from our current location. Assuming you’re a fit pony, running at an average of 15mph, by converting 15 miles per hour into metres per second, that’s 6.7056 metres per second, and thus the journey will take you 82.2 seconds, not accounting for drag, friction, and – hey, where did she go?”

“This can’t be happening, this can’t be happening.”
Whatever was going on, the little mare knew it wasn’t normal, nor was it good. She had to get to the bottom of it. Why would Rainbow Dash fly to Sweet Apple Acres? In any case, it was helpful as Twilight could then seek answers from two of the more sane ponies she knew.
As she ran, ignoring the burning in her chest, she saw the gate of Sweet Apple Acres, and beyond that, yet another frightful scene.
“So, sonny boy, that’s how Equestria was made!”
Granny Smith, up, kicking, dancing and telling stories. Although this was not the most abnormal thing Twilight had seen so far, it definitely warranted a few seconds for the scene to sink in.
“Granny Smith, where’s Applejack?”
“Whippersnappers, these days! No manners, no siree. Young filly an’ her blue friend went and flew off to the barn, starin’ inta’ each other’s eyes like no tomorrow!”
Thoughts raced through Twilight’s mind. “Please don’t let it be what I think…”
The barn was a short trot away, but even so, trying to regain her breath, Twilight had to slow down or risk collapsing and falling prey to… to… to whatever it was that was causing everypony to go insane.
“*gasp* Applejack! *wheeze* Rainbow Dash *pant* Are you guys in here?”
Struggling for air, Twilight surveyed the scene, and what her eyes found was something that should not be found. Something that would haunt Twilight Sparkle for the rest of eternity. Something so terrible and heinous that should any of it be detailed in this fiction, then the very fabric of our reality would tear. Putting two and two together, Twilight decided to forego checking on Rarity and reclaiming Spike.

Closing the barn door, her sanity slowly trickling back to her, Twilight took yet another breath.
“Wait, if everyone’s going crazy, then the normally crazy Pinkie Pie must be rational! Of course! I must find her.”
The Cakes hadn’t seen her. The pranks and gift storekeeper hadn’t seen her. Nopony in Ponyville had seen her. And that’s because Pinkie Pie was not visible.
“Hi Twilight!”
“Pinkie Pie! I can hear your voice, but where are you?”
“Right here, silly!”
“Where?”
“In front of you!”
“Where?! All I see is a door!”
“And all I see is a pony who has lost her mind and is talking to herself!”
“What?”
“Don’t you worry your pretty little head, Twilight, everything’s going to be fine! I’ve already ascended our plane. It’s actually really cool looking down on Ponyville like this. But I can understand now how it feels when the fourth wall gets broken.”
“How do you know? Did you do this to everypony? What’s wrong with everyone?”
“I don’t. Nope. And I dunno lol. Ask the readers!”
““I dunno lol.”?”
Had Pinkie Pie not been beyond the fourth wall (or reason but that’s a different story), Twilight Sparkle would have seen a pair of shrugged shoulders and the oddest expression plastered on a pink face.
“Oh no. I need to find the Princess!”

Twilight had used nearly all of her magic teleporting to Canterlot – it is a dangerous risk to any unicorn when they cannot see their destination. However, she was confident enough in her abilities, and although she missed the castle by some ways, she was still close enough to make it on foot.
“I hope the Princess is okay… Whatever it is, it’s spreading to Canterlot…”
“HEY HEY HEY, STAY OUTTA MY SHED!”
Twilight didn’t even bother to look at where the sound was coming from. The voice was scary enough, and she had more pressing matters. Breaking into a quick trot, she turned a corner towards the main castle.

“Good morning, ma’am, would you like to try one of our special cupcakes on sale? They’re made out of super-special ingredients, handpicked and extracted with care!”
Somewhere even further along seemed to be what could only be described as a daytime rave. If Twilight had the experience of living in our world and tasting our culture, she may have encountered the name of the song, Catgroove by Parov Stelar, but right now, it was just mindless disco music. She had to resist the urge to bop her head and spin her eyes. “Stay focused.”
Eventually, she neared the castle. The castle with a guardless gate.
“Now this is just wrong.”
“WOOF!”
Understandable freaked out by the guard stallion that just poked its head from the ground, Twilight began walking into the castle grounds. All of a sudden, as if the skies themselves had opened, a sudden screaming came from the throne room.
“The Princess!”
Breaking into full sprint, Twilight found her way to where her beloved mentor would hopefully be. Barging past crowds of ponies, and smashing the door in, Twilight entered the throne room, not at all ready for what was she about to see; only full of vigour to protect the most important pony in her life. Stumbling slightly under the frailty of the door, or perhaps under the unexpected strength of her own back hoof, Twilight took a moment to regain her composure and inspect the damage…

..Of which there was none. Princess Celestia was sat on her throne, not a single hair out of place, smile as warm as ever. It was… completely normal? The sight of everything not upside down put Twilight’s mind at considerable ease.
“Oh hello Twilight Sparkle. How nice of you to visit!”
“Thank goodness you’re safe, Princess. I’ve been all over Ponyville, and everypony’s acting insane! Moreso than normal! It’s worse than Discord! I rushed over as soon as I can to make sure you were okay because I couldn’t send you a letter because Spike was missing and so I went to find him and ran into Fluttershy who was getting married to Big Macintosh and I was absolutely gobsmacked but then I ran into Derpy Hooves who suddenly became intelligent but she told me where Rainbow Dash was and when I found Rainbow Dash she and Applejack were-”
“Hold on there, Twilight. It seems like you’ve had a busy day.”
“You have no idea, Princess, but as long as you’re okay, that’s fine. All I ask is that you help restore everything to normalcy.”
“Of course, Twilight. But first, I must ask you a question.”
“Anything, Princess.”
“…Do you like bananas?”

A Novel Idea

"Mister Writer... You don't look too good."
I have never been this painful in my life. Even the time I got hit by a car hurt less. Even the time I got electrocuted hurt less.
"What happened?"
I don't want to bore you with the details...
"You won't bore me! You're my friend and if something is troubling you, you need to tell me!"
Sigh. Earlier today my school held a charity event where we swam to raise money for a cancer foundation.
"Oh wow! That's so thoughtful. Did you take part?"
Five kilometres. I'm hurting allwhere. I can't feel my biceps. Bending my knees by even half a gradian causes immolaing pain.
"But you did it for charity, right? That should make it all better!"
Should. It's a shame it doesn't. I don't know if what I did was really that impressive. This is what annoys me - even though I think I've become a better person, I still feel insignificant. It feels like everything I do just gets glossed over. It's not that I'm doing badly - I'm doing pretty well overall. It's just that what I do is never enough to breach the barrier of "amazing." I never get any praise I wonder if I'm doing something wrong.
"You should absolutely not think like that!"
Ah, Miss Rarity. I apologize. I didn't see you arrive.
"It is quite the pleasure to make your acquaintence also, Mister Zy. I must say, after the bright words and complements from my friends, to hear moping and self-doubt like this is rather disheartening. I was told of a kind and compassionate human, one who has bounds of potential and is capable of so much, and I thought - 'Why Rarity, you should meet such a person, he would surely be quite the gentleman!' - and what do I encounter? Someone who considers himself worthless?"
I never said that. I was just disappointed how there seems to be such high standards for me, and even though I meet them, it's little to no recognition.
"Nonsense! Being who you are should be recognition enough! Pinkir tells me all about how intelligent you are, how thoughtful you are, your politeness and amiability! You shouldn't need praise from others to know you are someone special and to be proud of it!"
Harsh as your words are, you're right...
"Rarity is the most charitable pony I know! She can tell you all about how you can make yourself feel better by making others feel better! You need to be proud of yourself, and happy of what you accomplish, even if it doesn't seem like it to anypony else!"
"I know you're a nice person, Mister Writer - you need to treat yourself with the same respect!"
...I guess.

"...And then she had the gall to claim that I had gotten the order wrong! It must've been the only time I didn't enjoy doing a favour for someone else..."
I know it sounds awfully selfish, but I just can't imagine myself ever trying to bend over backwards to please someone. I do a few things with a large amount of effort, but that's mainly because I want to...
"That's why, darling! Nopony will ever praise you for building a tower made of cheese, even if you think it's the right thing to do, but if they ask you to fix the bridge, even though you hate the bridge, you'll get much more praise."
That's what I hate about society, I guess. You need to conform to their standards and what they want.
"But that's only because you crave praise in the only form you know how. You can be proud of yourself and be happy with yourself without others telling you that you've done a good job. I'm sounding selfish at this point, but you don't need the praise of others. If you know you've done a good job, you can praise yourself. That's why I do what I do - I know I do my best and so I know that whoever it is I do a project for will be happy with the end result - and because I know I've done a good job and improved the life of another, that makes me feel good inside! If you try to keep everyone happy, then everyone will be happy except you."
How philosophical.
"Well, it's only natural that if you look this good then your intellect follows suit, no?"
If only the reverse was true...
"What are you saying?"
Never mind. In any case, if I may be as rude as to ask why you would pay a visit to me?
"Well, after what Twilight, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Applejack and Pinkie told me, you seemed like a very nice person - someone with a truly compassionate heart. Of course I would like to meet someone described as such - wouldn't you?"
I suppose.
"Of course you would! Stop being so negative about yourself! Honestly, if it weren't for the others, I would not have the patience for this."
I apologize, but I'm not the sort of person who likes to blow my own trumpet. Not anymore, anyway. I'm not quite sure where or when I changed my thinking, but nowadays I don't feel it right to justify my own actions by my own hand and eyes.
"That shouldn't matter."
I beg your pardon?
"You heard me. It doesn't matter whether you think it is right or not. From what I know through hearing of you and gleaning off you in this conversation, you are truly an incredible person. You do not need acknowledgement to be someone amazing. You just need to know for yourself when what you have done is worth doing."
...You're completely right. I think it's because I set my own standards unnecessarily high, and so I need others to tell me that it's okay if I don't reach my own standards because what I do is impressive elsewhere...
"That's exactly right! It's good to have goals, darling, but you cannot mix up your goals and expectations!"
Thank you, Rarity. Very wise words.

***

"Come on everypony, smile smile smile... Fill my world with sunshine, sunshine..."
"Hey, you're listening to my song!"
It's catchy, and it brings a smile to my face. So it does exactly what it should, right!
"Yeah! It makes me super-duper happy that you're enjoying my singing! How was your chat with Rarity?"
It wasn't so much as she made me appreciate the joys of giving, it was more she helped me to understand the importance of knowing yourself. Something I'm sure she's equally good at, and something that's undoubtably equally important in life.
"That's Rarity! She's one of the smartest yet nicest ponies I know, probably not as smart as Twilight or as nice as Fluttershy, but still a good contender!"
Quite.
"Oh hey, lift me up there so I can skip forward a few seconds, there's something I need you to hear."
"From these happy friends of miiine........... ...Yes the perfect gift for me, Is a smile, wide as a mile... To make me happy as can be... Smile, Smile, Smile..."
"Yeah that! That's one of my favourite lines because it doesn't just apply to me! It applies to everyone. Smiling makes everypony happy! So even if you think that what you do doesn't help others and isn't that gratifying, just give them a smile! It'll make both your days better!"
How surprisingly deep, Pinkie. That's quite something... Oh, one second, door.

Sorry about that, one of my hallmates wanted borrow some money and I had to scream at him to clean up the kitchen before he should even think about purchasing a drink.
"That's bad. Is it his turn to clean up?"
It's been his turn for an entire bloody week. Honestly, that cretin gets on my nerves in ways unimaginable.
"That's bad."
Honestly, he's the single source of hatred and disdain in my life.
"Well, just remember, Mister Writer - there's always a reason to smile, and smiling makes almost everything better."
'Always a reason to smile', huh? I might write that down. That's quite good.
"Yep! After all, I have an honorary degree in joyology from you, don't I?"
I thought we agreed to call it 'happyology'?
"I don't mind!"
Hm. It's getting rather late. Shouldn't you be going home, round about now?
"Yeah... It's only because you came to your computer late though..."
Because I was doing that swimming thing. I couldn't help that.
"But you're proud that you did it now, right?"
Indeed. I know that what I did was in fact impressive, and even if I don't get praised, I should know that it was worthy of it anyway. I should know that what I did has improved someone's life for the better, and even if I don't get the benefit, the act of doing good should in itself be enough reward.
"You got it! Rarity sure helped!"
Indeed. But I daresay you're the underlying factor here, Pinkie. I must thank you again. As well as laying the foundations for happiness, you introduce me to your friends, who in turn also help me...
"Take you away, to Wonderland... Show you the way, we'll ride the lights..."
"What band is this?"
Genki Rockets. They're pretty good. I think. I like them. That's good enough for me.

***

In giving someone else a smile, you're performing the greatest act of charity imaginable - you're sharing happiness. As if the act of giving isn't enough reward, the smile itself, as well as the smile you get back, only serves to compound people's joy. Do what you can - it's always more than enough in somebody's standards.

Write and Wrong

"Hello Mister Writer!"
"Good evening, Zy."
"Howdy."
What a pleasure to see you girls. I'm afraid I can't be of much entertainment quite yet - I've some work to get working on.
"Is it the physics assignment you were working on last time?"
Indeed, Twilight. However, a new experiment has yielded some spectacular results, and I am extremely close to finishing.
"That's great!"
"I have no idea what's going but whoo-hoo!"
So what can I help you girls with on this fine evening?
"Well, in Ponyville there's this problem where a pegasus has gotten on a unicorn's nerves and the situation is escalating, like in a huge building, and we need someone to help sort it out, and Twilight isn't sure what to do so we came to ask you because you were smart and easy to find!"
Well... Thank you, I suppose. But this is a pony problem, is it not? How can I help?
"...We thought you'd come up with that!"
Ugh...

Okay, let's hear your stories, girls.
"Well, I was minding my own business, when all of a sudden Derpy flew straight into me!"
"I'm sorry, I couldn't see where I was going, I told you this."
Okay, hold on. Miss Amethyst Star, I think you aren't looking at this the right way.
"What do you mean? How can you ignore such a blatant act of rudeness?!"
What I mean is I don't think you appreciate who Miss Derpy is.
"It's not like I fly into people on purpose..."
She has said sorry, and that's the most she can do. It was no fault of hers from what I can tell, and you are blowing this way out of proportion by demanding compensation. Am I not correct in saying that barring your dignity, there was no damage caused?
"Well, yeah, but..."
So then that's that. I get that you feel injusticed, but there's nothing to feel injusticed about. Think about it - Miss Derpy was simply going about her rounds as usual, and a flyer happened to hit her in the face. Of course, being the unique pony that she is, not only did it take her some time to clear her vision, but of course she would lose control.
"People shouldn't leave posters around - they're hazards!"
And she happened to crash into you, sending the pair of you tumbling a small distance, just before you were about to enter your home. Besides, even if she was in the wrong, the least you could do is actually accept her apology.
"Fine..."
"Sorry for the trouble, Amethyst... And sorry for bringing you into it, Mister Human."
It's no big deal. I just wonder - was there nobody else you could go to for help?
"It's not that, just Pinkie suggested she knew someone who could sort the problem out easily. And you did."
Right.

***

...Land, crack, fetch, take 2.
"lol zy, channeling conley woods?"
yeah, and now i'm gonna channel iyanaga and quadruple galvanic blast you for 16. gg. edh?
"You know, Mister Writer, what you did was really great!"
I don't see how. You asked for a favour, and I simply complied.
"Yeah, but it was great how you managed to reason with them. Something about you just makes you a nice person, and perhaps people just follow that?
Like lemmings or like sheep?
"There's a difference?"
Subtle, but yes.
"Well, in any case, we solved the problem at hand. Let's go home girls."
"Now hold on a sec there, Twi. Howzit y'all can even communicate with us ponies, anyhow?"
Your guess is as good as mine, Applejack. If you really want me to give it consideration, I would have to say that it's a pure chance that my internet somehow causes enough of a temporal rift, giving me an outlet into your world. But that's just a theory.
"I see... Well, I ain't arguin' with that - after all, yer pretty swell comp'ny. Mah head just ain't wrapped around science properly is all."
I don't think it's science. Believe me, I study science, I should know.
"stony silence. aka shut down target zy"
wow really? in response planar portal
I mean, as far as I know, humans are nowhere near perfect creatures. There's a lot we don't know, and this is just another. If anything, I've learned a bit from you guys in that how you take things as they come is important. Even if things seem slow and down, there's a way out.
"Well that's real good news. Pinkie here says that when she first went and found you, you were as sad as an unbucked apple tree."
That doesn't even come close. I have no doubt it was just another phase, but I'm just glad you guys helped lift me out a bit earlier.
"Well shucks, what're friends for?"

You know, I did wonder how you managed to find me, Pinkie.
"Well, it was easy! I was just going about my everyday, then suddenly I see this big black square in the sky. I tried to point it out, but everypony else couldn't see it! They said I was being the same old Pinkie Pie! ...Whatever that means..."
I see. You just stumbled across the border one day?
"I guess you could say that! I was just bored and taking a walk and I noticed it only because it's something you notice because it's not normally there!"
I suppose that's as good as an explaination as I'll get.
"Anyway, thanks again for helping with that doozy between Derpy and Amethyst! We didn't want to bother the Mayor because she was busy, I hope it wasn't too much of a bother?"
No, not at all. It's just... I don't like being a role-model. It's because I know I don't always make the best decisions myself. Being in a position of controlling right and wrong isn't something I deal with well.
"You don't need to be able to deal with it well!"
Beg your pardon?
"People only ever come to you if they know you can help them! It doesn't matter what you do! For example I'm good at making cakes, but I'm really bad at fixing things, but ponies still come and ask me to help them because they think I'm nice, willing to help, and good company! Just like you, Mister Writer!"
So... It's not about right and wrong, it's about who you are, hmm? Interesting. I'm not normally one for philosophy or morality debates, and I'm sure neither are you - no offense intended - but that was a really deep thought. I'm impressed, Pinkie.
"I don't know what I say sometimes! It makes sense in my head and I say it because I think it means something, but if you think it also means something then that makes me happy! Because someone understands me, instead of me understanding myself only! That's why I like you, Mister Writer - we're on the same wavelength!"
De Broglie?
"What?"
Nevermind.

"So whatcha doin'?"
Well, I was going to go to sleep, because hey, this physics coursework is already two weeks overdue, it can't hurt to put it off three more days, can it?
"Mister Writer I'm ashamed of you!"
What?
"You're neglecting your duties?"
Please, they're hardly duties. More like an annoyance. To be fair, we were given three weeks to do it - I could very well have accomplished that, but the utter failure of my school combined with the lack of funding for the department, factoring in missed lessons, there have been too many roadblocks. I'm going to get it done - I care about my grade. It's just... I'm running out of patience for my studies and my performances in them. Or should I say, lack of...
"How do you mean?"
I'm not doing as well as I hoped I would be at this stage.
"There's still hope! You just gotta buckle down and work hard!"
Easier said than done, dear Pinkie.
"I know that me coming over can be distracting, but don't worry, Mister Writer! I'll make sure over the next three weeks, we'll get your studying up by tons!"
I'm half-looking forward to that, and half-dreading it.
"Hey, what does that mean?"
Ask the others, Pinkie, I'm sure they'll tell you...

***

Don't tell me I have to spend my Easter holidays with her also!

Short Bonus: Machinations

...And so, by adjusting the flux density across the connectors Wb and Wc, the voltage going to the element increases, meaning we get a higher temperature gradient. This is actually quite important because beyond a certain threshold the vitellus and the albumen start to separate - the albumen is known to coalesce faster. If the temperature gradient is high enough, then this threshold is crossed in milliseconds - this allows the final result to take form much more effectively and with a smaller error margin. Granted, even if the albumen proteins start to deform before the vitellus, it doesn't affect the end that much. Of course, it's always worth striving for perfection.

Annoyingly, when it comes to the process of mixing the endosperm solute and the monosaccharide grain, the rotary armature that has been incorporated into the design is subject to failure, and the reliability of its results leave a lot to be desired. Of course, bringing in human error is a step backwards, so the only reasonable answer is to process the two constituent parts separately into a form that is more prone to diffusion. This is a simply fix, actually, as inducing an electrostatic field across one of the two constituent parts and then stirring them withint a charged drum will allow for the largest volume flow. It may be an idea to test this device small scale first, however, as it is likely that due to the size of the particles, relativisitc physics kicks in and charge can be transferred - this would negate the entire method itself.

Moving onto the concentration of the protective solution, it was discovered that there are actually up to three different methods of producing the chemical required. Even though all three vary slightly, the texture and physical properties required for this experiment are all similar. Solution A may require some more exotic constituents, however, such as an extract of camphor laurel and fragaria × ananassa. Solution C seems to be the best compromise, offering a softer texture than both of its competitors, while also having the simplest production method of running at least 330K across a generous volume of theobroma genus.

If we use Newton's equation F=ma, by knowing both mass and launch impulse, acceleration can be calculated. This can be subsituted into D=0.07Cf(ge/g)^(1/6) * (W pa/pt)^(1/3.4), as most of the other variables can be measured, we can calculated the size of the impact crater from the rubus fruticosus, and knowing the working area we have to deal with, appropriate designs can start to be formulated based on any area with a gradient of less than 0.25 in the direction of the outer ring. Depending on the results of this experiment, it may well be the case that firing said rubus fruticosus into the final product is not even needed. If this is the case, more of the protective solution will be required. Thus, it is best to mix up an excess batch, any wastage can be dealt with in a clean and humane manner.

Coming back to the conundrum of the solute and grain, the charged field drum experiment was a failure. As I suspected, the charge was not being carried consistently. While the results suggest that relativisitc factors had nothing to do with it, a more plausible explaination would be the atomic structure of the endosperm grain - a particle heavy in carbon, nitrogen, and oxygen is less likely to carry a charge, due to having a more balances proton-neutron structure. Charging the monosaccharide is not an option either - both are composed of primarily organic matter, and as a result an electrostatic method will not work. The use of explosives has been prohibited, and so it results that human error must be incorporated. Sadly, the traditional chemical spatula is too small an instrument to use in this scenario, and my own antebrachium is not very strong. Despite this, the operation will proceed - the measured volumes of each constituent shall be mixed before it is required in the overall experiment. This will allow me time to set up the various equipment and utilities for the processes which can be mechanized, increasing efficiency.

The final problem however, is the solvent that is to be used to fuse the upper half of the experiment with the bottom. This is assuming the grains, vitellus-albumen, butter, and triglyceroid colloid protein solution mixture does in fact set and solidify at the given temperature outlined above. It is also imperative that said mixutre is not overexposed to heat, as this causes many of the proteins in the vitellus and colloid to denaturize, leading to a blackened, unwanted product. In any case, the task at hand allows for two solutions: fragaria extract or dehomogenized triglyceride casein. Of course, the fragaria genus is already being consumed within this experiment, and so a recursion of produce may lead to unfavourable results. Also I personally dislike fragaria. However, one also questions the suitability of the creamed casein with theobroma extract. Regardless, the outcome is less likely to end in distaste.

***

The experiment was a success - human error did not occur, but as expected, my antebrachium gave out after a while. Fortunately, the mixture was already at a suitable viscosity, and this did not affect the end result. Despite speculation about the quality of the casein cream extract with theobroma, the end result was very enjoyable.
"Gee Mister Writer, that was an awful lot to go through to bake a cake..."

Science is delicious.

Limitations of a Mind

I'm not going to claim that I'm some amazing person. Like I've said, I'm your average kid who likes video games, cricket, My Little Pony, and mathematics. And the events of my life are no long tale either; normal days with normal teenager problems. But sometimes, everyone wishes there was a little excitement in their life, no? I've been in that situation many-a-time, and many-a-time, I've found my own raison d'etre. What am I trying to say? Keep at it. You'll find your own way through.

***

"Mister Writer, can you remember the first time you made contact with Pinkie?"
I'm afraid not, Twilight. Even the details themselves are fuzzy at best. Why do you ask?
"I was just curious; we get Pinkie Pie breaking the fourth wall a lot, but never in this calibre. You're also the first human we've ever had contact with."
Humans don't exist in your universe?
"Not one."
I see. What I find interesting about your universe, however, is that a variety of species are more than just sentient; they are comparable to a human's level of intelligence, relative to their human-universe counterparts, that is. For example, most equines in the human world barely know of any cognitive function outside of "eat, sleep, breathe, run". I'm no philosopher or biologist, so I can't even begin to fathom an explaination, but it just strikes me as interesting.
"Perhaps it's all in the mind."
How do you mean?"
"Perhaps it's not important what the brain is capable of, but what the user makes of it. Or even, what the brain makes of itself."
That's odd, interesting, and very deep. I have no idea how to respond to that.
"If there's one thing that the study of friendship has taught me over science; is that not everything needs to be investigated. You can often revel in the beauty of what is."
I'm sorry, is this My Little Pony or My Little Nietsche?

"Say, Mister Writer, shouldn't you be studying?"
What is this, Pinkie Pie, giving me sensible suggestions? What is the world coming to? Yes, you're right Pinkie. I do have a Mechanics exam this Friday.
"So study!"
It just so happens mechanics is my forte when it comes to mathematics. Well, perhaps not as much as algebraic calculus, but applied mathematics. I am confident for this Friday. Besides, I've already exhausted the supply of study material.
"Ooh, look at you, Mister Writer! Or should I say, Mister Smarty-McSmart-Smarts?"
That's a terrible name
"Well, in that case, how about I give you some practice instead?"
Correct me if I'm wrong, Pinkie, but your cutie mark is of a bunch of balloons. Are you suggesting you can give me a run for my money on frameworks and kinetic dynamics?
"Try me."

***

...And so, because the change in kinetic energy is 33000 Joules, and the change in gravitational potential 22000 Joules, we can deduce that 11000 Joules of work has been done against resistive motion.
"Alright, then given that the coefficient of friction is 0.5, how far as it travelled?"
Oh god, what was that equation.... Uh... F=μr? Right. So we know that Work = Force x Distance, and so the force is 0.5 x 800 * 9.8 * sin 30, which is... 1960. So 11000/1960 is... 5.6 metres, to one decimal place.
"I'm impressed!"
I should say the same. I would not have expected a party pony to be able to come up with questions like those. Believe me, it's helped solidify my confidence for the upcoming exam. Not to mention fufilled my quota of studying for the day. Or as my friends would say; "Ben, you're Chinese, you cannot fufill your study quota because there aren't enough hours in the day."
"Hahahah, your friends are funny!"
Yeah, they're a riot (!) Anyway, back to the point; if you're up for it, I've another exam coming up in a few weeks for physics.
"I'm not so good with those. You know that."
Of course. Pardon me to forget that you and physics are not the best of friends.

"What was that noise?"
That was my stomach. I've not eaten much today.
"But that's terrible!"
It'll be fine, I'll stomach it out.
"..."
See what I did there?
"No, what do did you do dided there? I was thinking more how bad it was that you aren't eating."
Sigh, nevermind. Look, it's no big deal. Honestly.
"No! You eat something right now, Mister! Preferably with sugar!"
Okay, okay... . . . Look, here. I am eating a cereal bar.
"Then how comes you're still talking fine?"
Because I am typing one-handed, maybe, and not actually talking?
"That's not gonna fly with me!"
AUGH. Hrrrkay, rrrrk. Hr hmf hrtng hr hr hrf hrrrlll.
"I don't understand what you're saying."
This isn't funny anymore.
"A-Ha! You weren't actually eating!"
This has devolved into a circular argument. I am stopping now.
"You really need to eat something though!"
And I have! I just finished an entire pack of cereal bars. Four whole bars.
"...Whoa. Okay. You don't joke about that kind of stuff."

"So Mister Writer, why do you do?"
Do what I do why I do what?
"Like, why do you do stuff?"
Because I like to analyze things and have the logic tell me what the best idea is for any given situation.
"No, I mean like what is your goal at the end of the day?"
Make it through alive, do what I did the best I could, and try not to make myself a problem for others.
"No no no! I mean what is your goal or target that you reach for?"
Hmm... That's an interesting one. I've not thought of that before. I would say... Rather than pursuing happiness, I delight in momentary contentness and enjoyment, while maintaining a good balance of everything else. Keeping things as they should be, doing everything I can, as well as I can, doing what should be done, being a good person. Not the best, but the best I can be.
"Mhm..."
Why do you even ask?
"Oh no reason, people just seem to talk better after they've just eaten."
Your logic is both infallible yet ridiculous at the same time.

***

Hey Mister Music, tsuyoki daite... Hey Mister Music, odorasete yo...
"Why don't you ever use the Gem Bombs?"
Because it is not necessary. I just want to win, not be flashy.
"But isn't that the point of EDH?"
Yes, which is why I do it there. Time and place, Pinkie. It's about knowing when to act a certain way and when to behave in another. Reading and understanding the surroundings and the situation to adapt and behave appropriately is something I've always believed to be important.
"Does that mean I should try to be less shouty and excited all the time? Twilight is always complaining that I'm too loud or always partying and that I should "relax and take it easy" some time."
That's a different situation, I think. You being bright and loud is a factor of who you are, not of your behavior about your surroundings. It's not something you can change, I don't think. It's who you are. I mean, even you can tell when you should keep your mouth shut. I'm thinking less about how you make yourself look in relation to your surroundings and more about how you conduct yourself based on what you currently know. If that makes sense.
"Not one teeny-tiny bit!"
Never mind then.

"You know, the more I think about it, the more I realize how long it's been."
In a few weeks it'll have been a year. Correct.
"That's spooky!"
It is if you stop to consider it. I've got some more important things to worry about however.
"Oh of course! We always have more important things to worry about, like whose party to throw next, or when your friend's birthday is next coming up! But you've always gotta look at the little things to keep yourself occupied in the mean time. After all, if you spend all your time worrying about meteorites you're going to miss the volcanoes! It's the same the other way - if you care only about ants in your yard, you'll forget about the bear in your kitchen. It's a balancing act of keeping yourself entertained with the little things while working towards the bigger things! That's life!"
...My goodness.
"What?"
That was... unbelievably insightful.
"No it's not, it's just common sense!"
And there we go, back to normalcy.
"Back to wha?"

Left and Write

".And by substituting in that e to the power of n is equal to cos n-theta plus j-sin n-theta, it is clearly evident that e to the negative j-pi is equal to negative one, which we can rearrange to form the ever famous identity of e to the negative j-pi all plus one equals zero. From here, we can apply this to-"
"Hello Mister Writer!"
Good afternoon, Pinkie. How have you been?
"I've been fantasta-super! What about you?"
Ah, I've been home these past few days. Every three weeks my school allows the students home for a weekend to unwind. Which has been really appreciated.
"Well that's good! You always need to unwind, especially when you're watching Rainbow Dash do her flying because then your neck gets twisted in really odd ways."
So I can imagine.
"So anyway, I was talking to the others about me coming every week to learn more about your culture and stuff, and Fluttershy said she would like to meet you and learn some also!"
How nice. I would be agreeable to that.
"Well she's here!"
"Um... Hello..."
A pleasure to meet you Miss Fluttershy. I apologize for the intimidating temperament, especially as you cannot see me. I know how timid you are.
"Oh no, it's not a worry, I just hope I'm not intruding or anything."
Not at all, I'm just whiling away the time before I go catch my train.
"Train? Are you going somewhere?"
Indeed. Back to my dormitories. My school term is nearly finished, which is a relief.
"I see. What is your school like?"
Hmm... That's quite an interesting question... Tell you what, Pinkie says you'd like to know a bit more about my world, so why don't I answer your question with a story?
"That would be lovely, but I wouldn't want to be bother..."
As long as I don't take three hours, it won't be.

***

It was founded about 500 years ago by King Edward the Sixth. In the human world we have royal monarchs as you would the two Princesses, but as humans have limited lifespans, we change monarchs every now and again. King Edward was very young when rose to the throne - in pony terms he would still have been a young colt. And yet, during his first year on the throne, he instated a school for the intelligent children who would otherwise have been unable to afford education. That said, nowadays most education where I live is free, but this was a long time ago. He was young, and his constitution was frail, but he was a caring monarch, going out of his way to do as much for the country as he could. It's a shame he passed away only years later, at the height of his adolescence.
"Oh my, how tragic. But he sounds a lot like Princess Celestia."
Quite. The school used to be located in the main city, but after a few years it relocated into the countryside. A few years after that and it relocated again even deeper into the middle of nowhere. But fortunately by that time, the country was developed enough to have good transport links, so it wouldn't be a problem. Originally, the site where the school used to be has since been converted into a different school - one for veterinary sciences.
"That's incredible, you have separate schools for that?"
In the human world, humans often take on the same tasks, jobs, and talents. And so yes, we do have dedicated places for passing on those skills. Think of it as a cutie-mark enhancement center, if you like. Of course, my school is not like that. It is more of a bridging between the school that fillies and colts would go to in your world and the higher-levels of education like university. You might call it a high school?
"I see. Yes, we call them that here in Equestria, but universities are only for unicorns. In fact, most ponies finish their primary education and that's it."
That's an awful shame. Did you go to high school?
"Yes, I did. You know the story of how I met Rainbow Dash and earned my cutie mark. Well, that flight camp was arranged by the three-stage school in Cloudsdale. Rainbow was only in middle school at that time, however."
Ah, I see. Well, what differentiates my school from most others is the uniform. We kept the same traditional overcoat and shirt from centuries ago. As a result, the entire uniform looks medieval, and to an outsider, rather ridiculous. That's the school in a nutshell.

***

I would probably say that the human world is actually very close to the pony world - we live in houses in cities and towns, each person has a job they do, and so on. The only real distinction is that obviously various utilities and living instruments are more geared towards bipedal, fingered use. For example our stairs would probably be different in terms of size, and our doors would be shaped differently too.
"I could imagine. I don't know what humans look like but Pinkie tells me you look a bit like a horse but standing upright, and with a flat face."
That's not entirely incorrect, but there are some differences in shapes and sizes here and there too.
"So do humans have cutie marks?"
Sadly no, we don't have anything to tell us what we were meant to do. That's mainly the reason people go to school here, so they can find out what they're good at or what they enjoy, as well as picking up the skills needed to do that. We just trundle along, trying what we can. A lot like the three tykes you have to deal with Ponyville.
"I see. And so have you decided what you want to do yet?"
Not entirely. I'm almost going to university, and I've decided what I want to study, but I still don't know what my true calling in life is. It's a lot harder when you could technically have any option open to you. Ponies are somewhat limited in their species and whatnot. The human world is much wider, but it's also much more integrated. Thus, your options are far wider.

"What's the animal life like in the human world?"
This is an awkward question to answer. As far as I know, they're the same. We probably all have the same various different types of animal, such as dogs, cats, lizards, birds, bears, etc.. The only difference that really comes to mind is that horses and ponies in the human world don't look very similar to you and your friends.
"What do you mean?"
Let me try this... Pinkie Pie, stop playing Minesweeper for a second and come here.
"What's the dilly-o, daddy-oh?"
This is what a pony looks like in the human world. Describe it to Fluttershy.
"His face is really long and goofy looking, and his eyes are tiny! Also his mane and fur look really boring. His legs are really skinny and his body is really fat. Other than that, he looks just like us!"
"So ponies in your world don't talk and such?"
Nope. Think of them as like any other animal in your world, and think of humans as your equivalent in your world. I know it's kind of weird to get your head around, but that's just how it is.
"I think that's incredible, though. Your world is almost exactly like ours, just with a slightly different life chain."
When you think about it like that, it really is quite something, isn't it?
...I must thank you, Fluttershy.
"O-Oh, really? N-no, it's nothing... I... I'm not even sure what I did."
The best phrase I can find would be "opening my mind's eye". I'm not normally a deep thinker.. This has been one of those few times I've thought beyond my senses. It's not too bad every now and again, to lose yourself in the deeper meanings of life.
"M-my... How philosophical..."
Maybe it's just Pinkie Pie wearing off on me? Haha, oh well.

***

"...And that's the best thing about animals! It's just such a shame you're not an animal person..."
I'm sorry Fluttershy. I'm barely a people person.
"I don't think so. You listen very well to what people say, and you always have an interesting opinion of your own. I think you just have your own way of showing it. Some of the animals I deal with, they don't behave like normal animals, but you just need to know how to respond to them. Maybe Pinkie Pie knows how to respond to you."
Maybe indeed.
"Hey Mister Writer! You're smiling! See, what did I tell you, doesn't it feel great? When you smile, it makes you happy, and when you're happy that makes everyone else happy, and when they're happy they smile, and it's a whole big loop of happiness and smiles!"
Haha, you could probably get a doctorate in Happyology. No, that doesn't sound right... Joyology?
"What about Smile-ology?"
That's worse than "happyology." But it'll do.

***

Well, that's all my bags packed. I need to go now, I'll barely make the train at this rate. That also means laptop off. Sorry to cut our playdate short, Pinkie.
"It's fine, I got to see you smile, which is great! You also met Fluttershy and seemed to make good friends, which is also great! So I'll see you next week!"
I'll probably be busy gearing up for exams, but I can make time for you, Pinkie.
"Bye!"

"...However, due to the principal argument needing to lie between positive and negative pi, when the values for theta are solved algebraically, they do not produce results within this region. However, by investigating the graph, we can use trial and error to approach a numeric solution..."
She's right. It's been a while since I've sincerely smiled our of happiness. And it feels so good I just want to do it some more. I wonder what she's going to surprise me with next week...

***

Confound these ponies, they drive me to smile.