Batman's Batmobile

by Wasabi-beans

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, Princess Celestia, Crossover, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Other
Length: 2015

Batman has a new Batmobile. It's a pony... OF THE NIGHT.

Batman has a new Batmobile.

It's a pony... OF THE NIGHT.

Published 2014-06-13 13:20:05 UTC
Last updated 2014-06-13 13:20:05 UTC

I'M BATMAN.

Gotham City. The city of crime and madness.

The city where the World's Greatest Detective takes out the criminal scum.

Recently, he has had help from a crack team of really young people. And Superman, but he won't admit that to anyone.

But more recently, he has gotten himself a brand new Batmobile, one that has threatened the Batman mythos in ways no one thought possible.

For instance, collateral damage and destruction of public property is on an all-time high in Gotham; a record only bested when Superman came to town a few seasons back.

A van was stuck on the fifth floor of the Gotham City Police Department building being a recent incident caused by said Batmobile.

And Commissioner Gordon was up on the headquarters, flashing the Bat-signal up in the sky, ready to get to the bottom of it once and for all.

It wasn't long before the clouds that was the canvas of the Bat-signal were split apart to make way for a familiar bat-shape, and a less-familiar but now infamous blue creature.

They landed before Gordon, and he took a good look at them, and raised an eyebrow at just how weird, yet right the image was before him.

Batman was saddled bareback on a medium sized winged unicorn. Its coat a dark blue, and its flanks have crescent moon birth marks on it. It even had a crown and an even haughtier, almost cold expression on it. Most strikingly was its mane; though it was tied in a pony tail, it looked the starriest of nights, flowing ethereally, but strangely, never directly on Batman's face.

Batman almost looked too big to be on this 'Batmobile' of his, but his weight didn't seem to bother the creature at all.

"So this is what it takes for you not to sneak up behind me," commented Gordon, "A magical sparkly horse thing,"

"Sorry to disappoint," replied Batman, getting off of the Batmobile, "I believe you have not been formally acquainted with this magical sparkly horse thing. Commissioner Gordon, Princess Luna. Princess Luna, Commissioner Gordon,"

"You've actually named this horse Princess Luna?" asked Gordon in disapproval.

The 'horse' leaped quick a whip, and came face-to-face with a surprised Gordon. "Watch your tone, Commissioner Jim Gordon! Thou art fortunate that the Dark Knight speaks of thee with utmost respect and admiration, and for the matter, I am most certainly not a horse!"

Gordon stared at the glaring 'Princess' with the sparkly ponytail. Then he glared back at Batman, "Alright then. Let's get something out of the way first. The question I'm about to ask you is on behalf of myself, the entire GCPD, the various Gotham City news organizations, three-quarters of the Gotham public in a recent poll and even the Gotham's mayor himself practically ordered me to ask you what I'm about to say,"

He took a big breath, and exclaimed whilst pointing an accusing finger at Luna, "What... in the name of all things holy... is this thing!? It look like it could come from my daughter's imagination, but makes BANE looks like some cute little pony!!??"

"Funny you should say that, Commissioner-"

"Don't you get smart with me, Batman! I have had it with your lame jokes, calling this whirling dervish a 'Batmobile' the few times I've seen you these past few months! She's not even a 'mobile', for pete's sake!"

Batman merely shrugged his shoulders, "She calls herself a Batmobile, and the title stuck,"

"What!?"

"'Tis a most fitting title for one such as myself!" Luna proudly injected, "The Batman and his compatriots have discovered that when I sprint as fast as the wind, my legs look like giant blue wheels, as if I was a 'mobile' fit for the Dark Knight himself!"

"She's your car," stated an un-amused Gordon.

"I gave her the tour of my vehicles. And after Robin joked that she'd make an excellent ride for me, the idea stuck and now she's determined to escort me around,"

"I got a first-hand impression of that alright," grumbled Gordon, "Now I'm going to show you something that recently, made the news,"

He pulled out a smartphone.

"This is one of those wise-phones, is it not?" inquired Luna.

"Smartphones, Princess," said Batman, nodded in approval, almost smiled even, "I see you've finally decided to get up to speed with the latest technology, Commissioner, good for you,"

"Don't you patronize me, Batman!" snapped Gordon, "Now I want to show you some footage that you should be familiar with,"

Gordon with his left hand tightly gripped his smartphone; with great discipline, he stuck out his right index finger and began to flick and press on the touch screen.

Ten seconds later of watching Gordon getting increasingly frustrated with the phone, Batman whispered in, "Your password is 1111, Commissioner,"

"What? How did-" but he turned back to flick it around, and his accursed phone finally allowed him in. Gordon actually turned away a bit and flicked and pressed even more.

"It''s probably in the videos section," Batman added again.

"I know, I was just double-checking!" snapped Gordon in frustration. He quickly pressed the back button to return to the homepage, out of the photos section.

He pressed the videos section, and then looked rather lost.

"I'm guessing it's in the third file that has today's date, with the thumbnail of my Batmobile,"

"Batman, I appreciate your help, but could you stop looking over my shoul-" but he wasn't. Batman was standing about five feet away from him absolutely still.

As he clicked the album open, Batman asked, "Commissioner..."

"Yes?"

"Why is your phone pink?"

Gordon sighed, "My daughter said I'll lose it less easily if it's brightly colored,"

"Clever. I always have to double check if my own phone is in-"

"Shut up and come here, will ya'? You too... Princess," Batman and Luna glided closer in and leaned over to see the first video.

"There," Gordon pressed play, and a news footage began to run.

"This is Vicki Vale! Reporting live on the scene!" exclaimed the reporter excitably, "As you can see, the streets of Gotham are in extra shambles after Clayface went on an angsty actor rampage, once again!"

Beside her was the commissioner, "And here with me this evening is Commissioner Gordon. So, Commish', I believe it's not just Batman that defeated Clayface this time, but also a rather unique... ride of his, wouldn't you say?"

"Well first of all I would like to clarify your comment, in that the GCPD also had a hand in Clayface's apprehension," said Gordon instinctively, as he's made this statement dozens of times already, "but it is true that Batman seems to have a new partner in vigilantism. It calls itself a Batmobile as it seems to be his latest ride, but in all honesty, it acts like a tank on wings and four legs,"

"And is it also true this steed of the Batman's, oh, how do I put this delicately, gave the beatdown of a lifetime on the villain?"

"My men did say that thing of his threw everything it had at Clayface. She even pried off a kitchen sink and smacked him with it, that I saw. Nasty Gotham water everywhere, as you can see," Gordon added disapprovingly, "But... when my men finally found him in one of the ruins, he literally was in a quivering mess. Apparently she did something so horrible that he surrendered right in front of the GCPD,"

"You'll be hearing from my lawyers, all of you! Back off, no cameras!!" cried Clayface in the distance, trapped in a glass containment chamber and being forklifted into a police truck.

Suddenly, a piercingly loud lightning bolt struck right beside the chamber, startling everyone and even staggering the camera footage.

"Jeez, what was- oh my gosh, it's the Batmobile...! I've never seen it this close before," exclaimed Vicki in hushed, excited tones.

The mike could just pick up what the 'Batmobile' was saying, "I thought I ordered thee to cease thine prattling, criminal scum! Else I shall dole out my brand of justice on thee!" haughtily bellowed the creature at Clayface, who, to everyone's shock, was openly cowering in its chamber.

"Aargh!! Don't turn me into a latex mask again!" screamed Clayface, "I don't wanna' be put on a sub-par actor again, I DON'T WANNA'!!"

"So that's what it did," muttered Gordon.

"Oh my gosh..." whispered Vicki, her eyes twinkling, "It looks so... so cute...!"

The camera clearly caught Gordon rolling his eyes.

Clearly others shared Gordon's sentiments, as there was a bunch of cops further in the background that snickered and laughed quietly at the Batmobile.

And clearly, she heard them. And she roared so powerfully the feedback on the Gordon's phone sounded as if it was in agony.

"HOW DARE YOU SHOW SUCH DISRESPECT TO THE DARK KNIGHT'S GREATEST SET OF WHEELS! WE SHALL-

But the feedback was too much and video was reduced to static. Gordon paused the video, and wiggled his ears to get rid of the static.

"We all know what happened next. Everyone grabbed their ears in pain, you appeared and the two of you flew off. Took me a week to get your foghorn of a voice out of my head," He returned the pink smartphone to his pockets and looked at them both, "Well then, what have you two to say about yourselves, then?"

"Princess," Batman signaled to Luna.

"Right," Luna coughed a bit, as if uncomfortable in what she was about to do, "I... err, apologize for my sudden outburst. I did not mean to further deteriorate your hearing, Commissioner Jim Gordon, but your subjects doth insulted my pride with their sniveling giggles!"

"And a little thing like that can set you off?" Gordon accused.

"Her ego, and honor, Commissioner," added Batman, "They're big,"

"Wonder Woman-sized?"

"Ra's Al-Ghul sized," Gordon's eyes widened, "But, she is on our side, I can attest to that. And the Princess here was disciplined thereafter,"

"How the heck do you discipline something like her?"

"I told,"

"Batman!" whined Luna in shame, her face turning into a cute blush.

"She has a father,"

"She has a sister,"

"Older than her?"

"Imagine Superman, but more perfect. And getting lectured by her..." Batman's eyes narrowed grimly, "Not pleasant,"

Luna even whispered a whine, "... confiscated my batarang collection to boot..."

Gordon didn't hear that as his hearing really did deteriorate, but sighed, "Can't do much but trust you as usual, huh?"

"As usual,"

"So, should I expect more of you carrying his paunch around then?" Gordon inquired.

"Actually, that's something we're going to discuss later," said Batman.

"I... was not informed of this, Batman," said Luna, not altogether pleased with the sudden revelation.

"You're informed now," And he smoothly got up on her back again.

"Glad to see this is being settled in some way," said Gordon, "Well, that's all from me then, carry on,"

"Yes, Commissioner," then Batman noticed something, "You are staring at me, Commissioner,"

"Got that right, Bats," he answered sternly, "This time, I'm watching you leave the building, and now that you're saddled on this boombox of an equine, you're not slipping by me this time,"

"Got it,"

"Good. Now don't keep me-" his phone rang, "Jeez! Of all the times...!"

He pried his phone out, and took a quick glance. It was Bruce Wayne.

Gordon rubbed his temples. "Gone already, aren't ya'?"

Not a word. Gordon was once again alone.

"Gotta' get me some Lasik surgery,"

Author's Note

1) Lunaphobia?? Wow, that is really on the button! http://voices.yahoo.com/selenophobia-fear-moon-2172986.html

2) This universe is a little of an amalgamation of everything Bat-related, up to my discretion really, but I am basing this mostly off of the B:TAS universe.

3) Obviously inspired by the infamous IDW Big Mac two-parter, where we get to see Luna literally turn into a Batmobile!

4) Next chapter will delve into how Luna came into this world in the first place. And Celestia for the matter...

5) The Lunamobile is from this link here: http://imageconstructor.deviantart.com/art/Luna-from-MLP-Comic-9-with-proper-body-and-tail-392510273