My Little Pony & Robot Friends: Infiltration

Shining crawled off the Guard he tumbled and righted himself on his hooves. Taking in a deep breath to calm himself, he thought about what to do.

"Send a letter to the Princess to Bridge me to Omega One." Shining instructed the Guard.

The Guard was hesitant. "Are you sure, sir? It's so early in the morning..."

"Just do it!" Shining snapped. "I know everypony will be at the base already anyways..."

The Guard saluted and ran off. Shining listened intently for the sounds of scribbling, the scratch of ink upon a quill that was in itself upon a scroll of papyrus...

Within minutes, a swirling Space Bridge portal was open in the middle of the hallway.

As legal papers and mane accessories began flying through the hallway, sucked in and blown away by the pull of the Space Bridge's defiance and stubborn refusal to submit to the laws of physics, Shining realized he may not have thought opening a Space Bridge in the middle of a hallway smaller than the Bridge portal was all the through.

Shining galloped straight through the Bridge, coming out on the military-grade floor. His horseshoes purchased plenty of unused friction for sale, and he began slip-sliding all over the control room. He scrambled and flailed to stop himself, but whoever the Autobots payed to wax their floor – assuming it wasn't something Twilight or Fluttershy had taken upon themselves to do so without Optimus' notification- had done a darn good job, and there was no way for Shining to stop himself, except for slamming into the huge lead-iron sheets Ratchet's incomplete Synthetic Energon formula was written on. Which the poor stallion promptly did.

"Captain!" Ratchet complained, attention drawn by the crash Shining made when he crashed into the sheet. "Don't break that! It is a highly complex formula for an Energon substitute which I still have not completed!"

Shining Armor groaned and attempted to lift himself up, but he was wracked with pain and couldn't tell his foreleg from his haunch. He fell back down on the sheet. Shining looked up at the huge, heavy plating of metals and materials designed to withstand impacts that would completely demolish most Canterlot chariots and wagons into piles of little teeny-tiny splinters.

Shining had to wonder how exactly, Ratchet expected him to be able to break plate metal by colliding into with his squishy organic body. He felt mildly nauseous after crashing into the metal so roughly.

"Where is everypony?" Shining asked, shaking the nausea from his head, or at least tried to. "I have news!"

"They should be arriving shortly." Ratchet answered, leaning down and picking Shining Armor up in his hands and lifting the white horse onto one of the many elevated organic platforms in the base. Shining stumbled on the platform, still dizzy from his experience with the polished floor.

As Ratchet said, everyone else began arriving shortly, but only after it had transitioned from morning to afternoon. So Shining shot over his mark a little, but at least that gave him time recover from his accident so his jaw quit trying to crack open sideways like the maw of some horrific mechanical dragon.

Rarity, Pinkie, Applejack, and Fluttershy came in from another Space Bridge, while Twilight was absent, and Rainbow Dash missing...

Shining knew why Twilight was gone, but he didn't know anything about what happened with Rainbow Dash to make her opt out of visiting the base today. Later still, they were joined by Raf.

Arcee and Bulkhead came into the room, the former of whom yawned and stretched, which got Shining Armor thinking. Did Cybertronians really need to stretch? Did they have their own morning rituals? Where did they sleep or whatever they did in place of sleep? In stasis pods or on their recharge slabs or what?

They were shortly thereafter joined by Magnum, who Shining had yet to meet. Shining observed his frame with interest. Magnum looked like someone had gone all Doctor Frankenstein on a canvass using Optimus Prime's and Ultra Magnus' parts as his artistic tool of choice. Shining also saw that Magnum's Autobot symbol had wings with three lines on them, and that his symbol was part of a glowing runic line common to Cybertronian bodies. Shining wasn't aware that Magnum's symbol was as glowing as his social manners were stale.

"Where is Optimus?" Magnum inquired of Ratchet.

"He should be here shortly." Ratchet answered, motioning for Magnum to take a seat.

"Hey!" Shining called for Magnum's attention. "I haven't seen you around before. What's with the funky badge?"

Magnum narrowed his optics at Shining and humphed. "So you are the one they call Shining Armor."

"That's me!" Shining gestured to his chest proudly.

"My assigned name is Magnum. I am the commander of the Cybertron Elite Guard."

"Guard, huh?" Shining mused, brushing his hoof across his chin as he contemplated he better relate to Magnum than he did to most of Optimus' crew. "I guess that means we have a lot we could talk about..."

Magnum scoffed with an incredible derisiveness that could only have come from a no-nonsense militant like himself. "Please. Captain, do not insult the Elite Guard badge..." Magnum gestured to himself proudly the same way Shining had done, only much less graciously. "By comparing it to your own lackluster attempt at defending your home."

Shining was blindsided by Magnum's open contempt of him, but before he could argue something back, there was a soft, but stern voice interrupting.

"Magnum."

All optics turned to Optimus Prime, driving into the room in his truck mode before transforming for them and affixing gazes with Magnum.

Magnum straightened up and saluted. "Sir."

"Though Shining Armor may sometimes overestimate his authority," Shining bit his lip when he heard Optimus say that, no doubt referring to the events of yesterday. "That was uncalled for."

"My apologies, Sir. I will not allow it to happen again." Magnum assured him, though he kept an optic trained on Shining the whole time.

"What brings you here?" Optimus inquired as he stepped into the room.

"I thought you would be pleased to know that preparations for invading Darkmount on Regulon IV are underway."

"Very good." Optimus concluded before turning to Shining Armor. "Good morning, Captain Shining Armor." Optimus greeted politely, overlooking Shining's rude mannerisms from yesterday when it wasn't relevant to scolding one of his own officers. "What brings you to Omega One?"

Shining raised his hoof to answer, but Optimus raised a hand for silence.

"My apologies, Captain. Where are Bumblebee and Smokescreen?"

There was a collective muttering around the room while everyone looked around for signs of their two speedster young ones.

"I believe Smokescreen mentioned something about getting a new paint job." Ratchet supplied when he felt the muttering had gone on long enough.

"A new paint job?" Raf asked. "What's wrong with Bumblebee's old one?"

"Nothing...as far as I'm aware." Ratchet shrugged. "Perhaps the answers will reveal themselves soon enough."

The answers did indeed, as no sooner had Ratchet said that an ear-splitting painful screech of wheels rip through the room, making everyone closes their optics and wince as they tried to shut out the noise.

A familiar Urban 500 and Indy LeMans drove into the room, their wheels playing a symphony of screeching metal and poorly treated brake pedals desiring transfer to a more slow-going Autobot. The Urbana 500's color, however, had inverted from what it was, turning from yellow with black stripes to black with yellow stripes. It was actually quite fetching, really. The LeMans had gone a more involved transformation, going from being a blotch of silver with a blue chunk on it and racing checkerboard patterns to a block of dark blue with yellow racing stripes with a screaming 38 that was unchanged between paint jobs.

The two cars transformed, revealing themselves to be Smokescreen and Bumblebee. Smokescreen's helmet had the same recolor as the rest of him, but Bumblebee's helmet remained mostly yellow bar a black faceplate.

"Yeah!" Smokescreen struck a pose and began flexing his biceps. "Well? Do we look good, or what?"

Before Ratchet could reply with a sarcastic snark of a remark, Rarity stepped forward and used her magic to drag Bumblebee and Smokescreen over to her by the soles of their boots.

"Hmmmm..." Rarity eyed the color schemes with all the inquisitive, discerning, judgmental eye of a top-notch fashion designer whose company was solely with the most snobbish of snobby snobs. "Hmm... hmm..."

Using her magic to manipulate their bodies, Rarity brought Bumblebee's and Smokescreen's heads to the floor where she could get a good look at them. She tapped a hoof to Bumblebee's faceplate all the while narrowing her eyes at him. Bumblebee's optics dilated their zoom and the bot made an innocent bleep of curiosity for what Rarity was doing.

"I approve, darlings!" Rarity said at last, patting Bumblebee's cheek before releasing her magic hold on his and Smokescreen's bodies.

"O...kay." Smokescreen concluded, not used to being subjected to a fashion-conscious unicorn's excessive critique.

He shook it off and proudly turned to Optimus. "So! What's on the agenda today, Boss Bot?"

Optimus turned to Ratchet to ask for any news reports from human web sites of intercepted Decepticon radio chatter telling of a plan to destroy the peace treaty, but Shining spoke over him.

"TWILIGHT'S GETTING MARRIED!"

The responses from the assorted crowd of ponies, a lone human, and Autobots were as fitted, mixed. Bumblebee bleeped happily, Smokescreen, Arcee, and Bulkhead all gaves thumbs-up motions, Ratchet clapped while Optimus and Magnum looked down as concerns began forming in their minds.

"Wut? Our little Twilight is tyin' the knot already?" Applejack adjusted her hat.

Rarity shed a tear. "They grow up so very fast!"

"Oh! I wonder if she'll want lots of cake and candy and cake and candy-"

"That's not all!" Shining Armor interrupted before Pinkie's tangent got sidetracked and lead them all down into the rabbit hole to pursue Pinkie's inane superstitions where they would forget the original problem. "She's getting married to...Shockwave!"

"WHAT!?"

"Yay?" Ratchet confusedly muttered, clapping again.

"As in, some Earth pony we've never met before who works in construction and has very powerful hooves, Shockwave." Rarity squealed, trying to come up with a plausible scenario that would make this seemingly terrible thing not all that bad after all. "And not one-eyed one-armed Decepticon Lord Shockwave, right?"

"Nope! It's one-eye one-armed Decepticon Lord Shockwave, all right!"

"Are you sure?" Rarity asked desperately, practically begging for Shining Armor to say otherwise.

"Well, I can't think of why an Earth pony who works in construction would go around telling ponies to address him as 'Lord' in their marriage invitation letters."

"She sent you a letter!?" Rarity shrieked.

"Yeah. Just arrived in the mail this morning."

"Well, I applaud Twilight Sparkle's brevity in pursuing such a daunting task as marrying Shockwave!" Ratchet said with enthusiasm, raising a hand to his Spark chamber.

The ponies and Raf glared at the Autobots, all of whom had uneasy broad grins they were obviously forced and exchanging shifty glares with each other, bar the two commanders.

"Marriage is a totally alien concept to you, it doesn't exist on Cybertron, and you have no idea what this means, do you?" Shining speculated, putting a hoof over his forehead.

The awkward glance Smokescreen gave to Bulkhead and Bumblebee confirmed Shining's hunch was right on the money.

"I believe I have an understanding of it." Magnum said. "Marriage is the ritual in which an adolescent male dances on a pile of sticks which have been set aflame, which the humans organizing the harmful event believe is proof he is worthy of being granted the status of 'manhood' should he complete the dance successfully without succumbing to injury."

Optimus raised an optic. "No. That is one but one of many wide and varied African rites. Marriage is when two consenting individuals enter a non-material, but binding legal contract obliging them to aid and serve each other in equal measure for what is intended to be the rest of their natural life cycle, but can be rendered null by a process I'm given to understand is known as 'divorce'."

"Sounds about right, actually!" Shining exclaimed at Optimus' surprising grasp on what must have been an utterly bizarre and completely alien rite to him with no obvious practical purpose. "Eeexcept for the 'equal measure' part..." Shining said with his voice descending in saddened pitches. "It's more like I bend over backwards for her, really..." Shining drifted off into bitter mumblings.

"Frankly," Magnum spoke up, "I'm surprised Shockwave would even know of this marriage ritual, let alone engage in it."

"All the more reason it is to be investigated." Optimus responded. "Autobots-"

"Wait!" Ratchet held up his hand as a loud beep came from the computer monitor. When Ratchet was receiving information, it was one of the few and rare times when someone could override Optimus' commands. "I've received a message!"

"From whom?" Magnum asked, browplate raised to the side.

Propping his hands on the sides of his precious computer, Ratchet scanned the message over, and with some disbelief, turned over to Magnum. "Twilight Sparkle. She wants the team and her friends to meet her on a bridge at Canterlot. She says she has a...surprise?"

"I think we all know what that really means." Shining Armor drawled. Every pony nodded.

"What?" Ratchet questioned. "What does it mean?"

Shining Armor applied his hoof to his face. "The wedding!? Shockwave? That?"

"Oooh..." Ratchet groaned in understanding. He turned to Fluttershy. "How did I miss that?"

"It's okay, Ratchet." Fluttershy assured him. "It...is an alien concept to you, isn't it?" her words of comfort were tempered with the fact she wasn't sure if those were the right words to comfort him.

"Prepare the Space Bridge." Optimus ordered.

Meanwhile In Canterlot, everypony passing by the suspended bridge over the water absolutely had to stop and stare the ridiculous sight ahead of them.

Lord Shockwave, holding up Twilight Sparkle in his claw, nuzzling the epicenter of his optic to her cute little nose, the two of them both giggling like little schoolfillies. It was a bit questionable, enough so that the various reactions from the Canterlot populace was understandable, even when one colt screamed about everything his mother taught him being a lie and jumping off the edge of into the river the bridge was suspended over, only to land on an inflated lily pad and bounce right back up onto dry land, where he came to his senses and excused himself.

The Space Bridge opened just a few steps away from the other side of the Bridge, and the most of Team Prime, ponies, Shining Armor, and Magnum, but not Ratchet included.

The group made their way towards the bridge where Shockwave and Twilight were waiting for them. Once they all managed to cram themselves on to the impressive structure, Shockwave and Twilight finally noticed them.

"Oh!" Twilight exclaimed, sounding a little embarrassed they caught her and Shockwave in the midst of their cuddling. "Hello, everypony!"

"Hello...Twilight Sparkle." Optimus hesitantly answered. "We received a message from you indicating you had something you wished to tell us?"

"Yes!" Twilight answered. "Lower me down, sweetie." She instructed Shockwave, who bent over and let her jump from his claw onto the bridge. She cleared her throat. "Ahem. I am quite happy and more than a little excited to announce-"

"You and Shockwave are getting married!" Shining Armor accused, pointing his hoof.

Twilight seemed horrified. "Wha- well, yes, but how did you know?"

"I got a letter this morning." Shining answered flatly.

Twilight blinked, trying to take this in. She had been so upset with Shining for not telling her in person he was getting married, and it wounded her heart to think she had done the same to him. She quickly worked out a conclusion that would both explain the letter while absolving her of all guilt. "Shockwave! Did you send my brother a letter spoiling the surprise?"

"My apologies, my dear." Shockwave bowed graciously. "It was my understanding that was the usual way of convening to others that a marriage was underway."

Twilight grunted frustratedly, but she took in a deep breath and let it slide. "So! You heard him. We're getting married!"

"Uh, uh...yeah." Shining stammered. "Married. You two. Great."

"Anything you'd like to ask?" Twilight asked her brother gleefully, totally ignoring the awkwardness of the situation, or perhaps honestly just ignorant of it.

Before Shining could say anything, Magnum launched himself forward in front of him.

"Lord Shockwave, Twilight of the House of Sparkle, I would be honored if you would put me in charge of security for your ceremony."

Shining Armor narrowed his eyes at Magnum, rightfully suspicious after Magnum's comment at the base.

"Hmm, I don't know..." Twilight muttered, hoof on her chin. "What do you think, Shockwave? Is Magnum a logical enough choice for head of security?"

"One moment, please." Shockwave said before freezing up and standing completely rigid. He was totally frozen, lost in his calculations. A daring prankster could have run up and threw an egg his optic right then, and he wouldn't have noticed until they were long gone.

"Yes." Shockwave answered, coming out of his trance. "Yes, he would."

"You're hired!" Twilight declared, pointing at Magnum proudly.

Magnum saluted. "I won't let you down, either of you."

Magnum walked off, presumably to begin preparations. Shockwave picked Twilight up in his claw, and they resumed nuzzling.

"Hmm..." Shining Armor turned around, and with a hoof signal, he, Twilight's friends, and Team Prime were huddling and whispering to themselves. Except Bumblebee. Bumblebee was observing the curious ritual Shockwave and Twilight were engaging in. He had never seen humans do something like that. Then again, he had never seen humans fall in love with a Decepticon.

Then something totally whacko and somewhat trippy happened. Pink rings of magic flashed across Twilight's eyes and Shockwave's optic in a disorienting loop, where the rings got bigger and wider, stretching out across their eyes, only to disappear, closely followed by the next ring behind him. Now, Bumblebee was no zoologist, but he was fairly certain that wasn't a normal thing for ponies to do when they were in love with another, even accounting for all the differences in their biology from Cybertronians.

Whoa, Bumblebee exclaimed to himself. Did anyone else just see that?

He turned around, and to his dismay, everyone else had their backs turned, so there was no way for them to have noticed the bizarre happening.

"See what, 'Bee?" Bulkhead asked, raising his head from the crowd.

Oh...okay. I guess it was nothing... Bumblebee quietly assured him, a quiet part of himself content to just let the weirdness slide and just let Shockwave and Twilight enjoy each others' company. But that small part of himself paled in comparison to every other part of himself, which were all screaming for him to sound the alarms, call in the has-mat team, and put both purple scientists under quarantine until such a time that other, more sane scientists could deduce the exact cause of the pink lights appearing and disappearing in their visual sensors.

"Bumblebee,"

Bumblebee turned around to see his leader approaching him. Optimus placed a comforting hand tenderly on Bumblebee's shoulder.

"If you have a concern, or something is troubling you..."

Optimus spared a knowing glance at Shockwave and Twilight.

"That is, to say...besides the obvious questions such a union would bring..." Optimus interjected, before turning his gaze back on Bumblebee. "Do not be afraid to speak your mind. I will listen."

Bumblebee nodded.

Okay. Thanks, Optimus. I'll make a note of that.

"Any time, my young Scout." Optimus said with a brief, blink-and-you'll-miss-it smile before rejoining the main group.

Shining Armor separated himself from the group and approached his sister. He cleared his throat. "Twiley...are you sure you should marry, y'know, a Decepticon?"

Twilight seemed utterly confused by Shining's question. "What do you mean? We were made for each other!"

"But Twiley!" Shining protested. There was a pause in his speech as he tried to come up with a good reason for not marrying Shockwave that wouldn't offend either his sister of the Decepticon Lord.

"Yes...?" Twilight raised an eyebrow at his silence.

"What would the children look like!?" Shining shouted, coming up with something at last.

Twilight looked towards Shockwave, who shrugged and shook his head.

"Uh..." Twilight tapped her hoof to her chin. "I'm not sure...uh...horrific mechanical robo-dragons?" Twilight made a bashful smile.

Shining scowled and shook his head disapprovingly, his mind still hard at work for an argument that would demonstrate to Twilight quite clearly that he did not approve of this while still keeping him safe from the wrath of an infuriated bride.

"Twiley, are you sure you love each other the way Cadence and I do? Like, really really love each other?"

Twilight stared blankly before cracking a wide smile. "Of course!"

Shining's teeth chattered as he struggled to maintain his deceptive smile. "Are you really sure?"

"Shining Armor, I am going to have to sing it for you?"

"Oh," Shining pretended to tug at the non-existent collar of his non-existent suit, "no, no, that's not really necessary at all..."

"Too late!"

Twilight climbed up Shockwave's leg, and from there, Shockwave picked her up in his claw, and the two began to sing, over and against everypony's wishes.

There are plenty of civil laws we'll have to circumvent

But that's okay, nothing will prevent

Our little

Looove experiment!

He may be a machine,

But he's a machine that was made for me!

Naysayers, cast aside all doubt!

We accept each other,

And isn't that what

HAAARMony is all about?

All that matters is that I love him

and she loves me!

Nothing will ruin our holy MAAAtrimony!

When the impromptu song, and terrible dance to go with it, had finished, Smokescreen was staring at the two in jaw-dropped horror.

"Aaagh..." Smokescreen groaned with his left optic twitching. He put his hands on his head. "Brain bleach! Somepony! Please!"

"And then what happened?" Vinnie asked Pinkie. Pinkie looked to Bumblebee. Bumblebee bleeped at Pinkie.

Bleep beep be-bep wheeeeeoop...

(Well, what happened next was that as everypony prepared for Twilight Sparkle's and Shockwave's big day, more weird stuff happened, and I was the only one who noticed.)

Later in the morning, when everypony had returned to their homes for lunch or similar things to be attended, Rarity was slowly stirring a pot of something for her and Sweetie Belle to eat when Twilight came dashing in to the Boutique. Her sudden and unannounced arrival caused Rarity to let up on her magic, causing the wooden spoon she was using to plop into the pot.

"Rarity!" Twilight raised her voice urgently, "Rarity! Rarity, can you help me?"

"That depends..." Rarity said dryly, fishing out the utensil from the pot and observing as the mush from the pot dripped off its handles. "How many wooden spoons must I filthy up before you can be helped?"

"Very funny, Rarity, but we have more important problems than the maltreatment of your cookware!"

Rarity raised an eyebrow at Twilight's phrasing, but didn't think too much of it. "What do you need?"

"A dress for my wedding!" Twilight exclaimed. "I need something that's absolutely perfect, and you're the pony for the job?"

"Oh...well..." Rarity blushed at receiving such an unabashed praise from one of her best friends. She composed herself and let her ego shine through. "You are absolutely right, darling! What do you want?"

"Well, I'm not sure." Twilight answered. "It needs to be perfect, whatever it is!"

"'Perfect'." Rarity said dryly. "Right-o, then. That's so very helpful and totally specific. Let me finish lunch for Sweetie Belle, and we'll start working..."

Twilight groaned frustratedly. "Uugh! Fine..." She plopped down onto her haunches.

After Rarity finished making the lunch, she served a bowl to Sweetie Belle, and then whisked Twilight away to her fitting room, where she set about, with the intent to kill and make a dress for her friend that knocked it right out of the park. As she was working, Spike, came over looking for Twilight, but Twilight told him to shush up and not let his crush on Rarity get in the way of her dress, to his dismay.

Unfortunately, all the latent dress designs she had that went unused for past clients failed to meet Twilight's ideal of perfection.

Twilight raised her hoof in front of the mirror, clad in a light teal dress with crisscrossing straps on the boots.

"Mmm..."

"Well?" Rarity asked eagerly, wagging her tail. "What do you think? You like?"

"Mmmmmmnnn no." Twilight drawled. "It's too plain."

Rarity was disappointed, but pressed onwards in the name of fashion and the holy bells of marriage. "Vey well...I suppose I can see that. Let's see what else I can do."

Rarity then dressed Twilight up in several different dresses, each more radically different than the last, more extravagant than the last, yet more alluring than the on before it. Twilight kept dismissing them all with two or three-word complaints that sounded a lot like the things Rarity said during the first time she and Twilight met.

"Too frouffy."

"Not frouffy enough."

"Too plain!"

"Too extravagant."

"Too many colors."

"Not enough colors."

"Too many frills."

"WAY too many frills."

"Oh- oh my Celestia, Rarity, how many slagging frills can you FIT on ONE DRESS!?"

"A lot." Rarity answered lecherously.

"I feel like I could suffocate myself with all the frills on this one!"

Rarity giggled, holding a hoof in front of her muzzle. "Why yes, darling. That was one of the goals for this one!"

"Hmm..." Twilight scrutinized her reflection. "Let's go back to the one we started out on... I have an idea that might fix it right up!"

Rarity got the dress they had started with and began making alterations according to Twilight's instructions; of which was to give it a very long train, some roses, (plastic, so they wouldn't wither and make the dress all smelly) a very, very, very long train, a headband, and was it mentioned that there was a very very very very long train?

"Yes!" Twilight cried for joy at the end result, looking at herself on the pedestal of Rarity's. "Yes, this is perfect!"

Spike had other thoughts about it, however. "Are you sure, Twilight? In the time it took you to walk that thing all the way across the aisle, I could finish a birdhouse or two..."

Twilight scoffed. "Don't be ridiculous, Spike."

"I'm not the one marrying a Decepticon..."

"What was that?"

"Nothing!"

"Perhaps you should try walking around." Rarity said demurely. "Just to get used to it."

Twilight nodded, and with her held arrogantly in the air, she trotted around the room. Spike whipped out some tools and wood, and began work on his alleged bird house. He was right; by the time Twilight had walked the train in a full circle around the room, he was holding up a beautifully-painted birdhouse. Several birdhouses, actually, stacked on top of each other and connected by wooded sticks.

Twilight was aghast that Spike finally managed to follow through with one of his many boasts.

"See?" Spike taunted.

Twilight grinded her teeth, then trotted towards Spike and put the tip of her horn to the stack of birdhouses. Spike didn't understand what she was doing until he heard a sizzling sound, and saw a thin wispy tendril of smoke rise up from Twilight's horn. Realizing she meant to set it aflame, he jerked it away, but the magic stuck and all his hard work went up in flames.

"AAAAH!" Panicking, Spike began running around the house.

"Spike!" Rarity hissed. "Don't run around my house swinging the birdhouses that are on fire!"

Twilight magically conjured a bucket of water with ice in it. Rarity bolted for it, taking into her hooves and splashing in Spike's generally direction, which put the lower half of the birdhouse tree-stack out and soaked him in freezing ice, but the upper half of the birdhouse continued to burn.

"Aaaagh!"

Twilight refilled the bucket, smiling as she awaited Spike being splashed with icy cold water again...and again... and again... however many times until either Rarity wizened up to Twilight's ploy, or the fire was put completely out.

Spike's life was not one to envy, that was for sure.

After dealing with that mess, Twilight, Rarity, and a very damp Spike stepped through the Bridge network into the Autobot base, where Optimus was scanning his optics very furtively over the computer and Smokescreen was chatting with Bumblebee about the wedding, but they smartened up and zipped it when Twilight stepped inside.

"Optimus?" Twilight piped up, ignoring Spike's reserved signs about his lot in life. "Optimus?"

"Yes, Twilight Sparkle?"

"I was wondering... I want my special day to be, well, special, so I was thinking...would you preside over the ceremony and marry Shockwave and I!?"

Rarity and Spike stepped backwards, observing the depth of Twilight's insanity from a comfortable distance. Smokescreen and Bumblebee missed how odd this was.

"I would love to," Optimus answered, somehow able to sound serious while still being dry, "but I am very busy monitoring war preparations for the outer rim Decepticons."

"Mmm... oh, sigh, oh swoon!" Twilight did a mock swoon.

"Very touching, Twilight Sparkle, but I mean what I say." Optimus answered, giving Twilight a sort of wise-guy glare. "I was told Her Majesty Celestia presided over your brother's wedding. Why do you not ask her?"

Twilight pursed her lips. Rarity wrapped a leg around Spike's sopping shoulders to comfort him, and suddenly, Spike found that he didn't mind being so soaked if meant Rarity was touching him.

Then Twilight's eyes did the thing with the pink lines they did earlier while looking at Shockwave, and once again, Bumblebee was the only to notice.

Tell me somepony saw that. Bumblebee said, pointing at Twilight.

"Saw what?" Smokescreen shrugged.

Aaaagh...

(You had to be an idiot to see what I did not once, but twice, and not realize something fishy was going on, and I'm not talking about Pinkie's most recent prank going wrong.)

Bumblebee narrowed his optics at Twilight. Twilight exclaimed in alarm. "Oh my gosh! I need to go make sure Pinkie has some cupcakes ready!" Twilight merrily pranced back through the Bridge, unaware of Bumblebee's slightly-miffed glare.

Optimus! I have an actuator to pick with Shockwave! Send me to Kaon!

Optimus turned from his computer gravely. "Bumblebee, do you intend to do anything that would threaten our truce?"

(I assured him I wouldn't do anything wrong, or anything that would provoke an assault from the 'Cons.)

No, no, I just want to ask a few questions about the wedding...

(He seemed strangely okay with this, and even encouraged me to go for it.)

"Do make sure you don't leave anything out of your questioning, Bumblebee." Optimus pulled the GroundBridge lever.

(Seeing the Bridge open, I dashed through, where the other side deposited me right in front of Shockwave's Tower, being guarded by two Vehicons at the doors. I walked up to them, and they pointed their cannons at me.)

"What business do you have here, Autobot?"

(Naturally, the war being over didn't mean hostilities were. Clearly, this situation was going to demand some social engineering 101, which I, as a Scout and espionage agent, am required to take.)

Come on, guys! (I said, walking up to them with my hands in full view.) I just want to ask some questions. You know, look around the fabulous Decepticon capital a little bit.)

(The Vehicons kept their gaze on me.)

A few questions for Shockwave. About the wedding with Twilight? Come on!

The two exchanged glances.

"Uh, yeah..." One of them turned around and started punching in the entry access code to the building. The door slide away with a quiet, soft hiss.

"Don't break anything, now." One of them warned me before they stepped to the sides to allow me entry.

(I guess they didn't like the wedding anymore than I did, but they didn't think they could question Shockwave themselves without being shot. Shockwave was lot more logical than Megatron was, but when you're the one-eyed 'Con who can directly after Megatron, it's understandable the generic mooks might question their chances of survival when confronting you. It's what the old boss did, after all! They probably figured I could question Shockwave about and be granted immunity by legal bureaucracy. After all, if Shockwave shot me, it'd hurt his image to the political crowds if he shot me a lot than if he shot some random Vehicon.)

(Poor Vehicons. Only existing as a piece of animation the animators can copy and paste over and over that the good guys can slaughter mercilessly without any moral comeuppance.)

I went inside the facility and started making my way up to the top. The insides of Shockwave's Tower would best be described as slate grey version of the Nemesis' halls. Except with less computers and terminals.

I kept walking, leisurely to avoid any undue attention from a more daring 'Con whose more willing to break the rules. Unfortunately, I walked into Vortex shortly after. Vortex was a Combaticon, a team known being extremely violent, brutal, and unusually organized for Decepticons. He came down the hallway from a left-side door and stopped dead at the sight of me...

Sigh. I had to say 'dead', didn't I?)

"Oh, um, wow." Vortex stuttered. "Hi, uh, Bumperlybee."

(I tried to correct him on my name.)

Bumblebee.

"Right. Sorry."

(We stood there quietly. I was waiting for him to make a move. Reach for his gun, lunge at me, something. He was more loyal to Shockwave than I realized, as he didn't try to slug me or anything.)

"You have to understand, this is really awkward for me, because I'm fairly sure I killed anywhere from one to three hundred of your Autobot buddies during the war."

(I bit back the reply that formed in my head; "That's okay, I'm sure I killed three of your buddies for every one of mine that you killed" for three reasons. One, Optimus expects better of an Autobot under his command, two, I didn't have the math to back that up, three, I'm not sure Combaticons had buddies.)

"Well, uh...nice seeing you?" Vortex waved and walked past Bumblebee. Bumblebee watched him go, before shaking his head to compose himself and walking down the hallway, where he made his way further up the tower. His goal was to reach the top where Shockwave's office lay, and ask him some questions that would make him seriously re-think marrying Shockwave. Except instead, midway through the hallway on one of the higher floors when...

(I suddenly felt something on my boot. I stopped and lifted my leg up to investigate it, and I saw a little pink spot on my shoe. Some sort of gunk from the Kaonian lower classes? No, no. The lower classes wouldn't be in the Tower of the current highest-ranking Decepticon authority.

I further examined the pink spot. As I brought closer to my face, I saw out the corner of my optic another identical pink spot on the floor. Both spots, the one now on my boot and the one still on the floor, were so small and tiny I never would have noticed it I hadn't stepped right on it, I mean smack-slagging-dab on it.

It was time for a little investigating, Bumblebee style.

I put my foot down, and leaned in down to examine the second spot. Hmm... I'm not getting anything from it, aside from a few strange emissions. It appears to contain some citric acid and some other materials I can't quite make out.

I adjust my optics and start selecting some options, scrolling through my UI to discuss what programs I want running. I make some adjustment to my usual scanner program, and let it run. My vision shifts into a black, white and grey monochrome version of what it was before. Everything in the room is some shade of grey...everything, that is, except the little pink splotch. Now that its the only color thing I the room, I can see much more clearly that there is more than just the two pink spots I have already discovered, leading all the way to a hole in the wall, probably by some Scraplet chewing its way through before Shockwave used the Changelings to bring the power back to Cybertron.

That still creeps me out, by the way. Beats the alternative by a long shot, but you can see those poor Changelings are suffering terribly to keep our home alive.

I didn't hear any footsteps behind me, too entranced with tracking the pink spots to their source, so it was wonder I was surprised when I heard a bashful sounding 'Con behind me.)

"Oh, uh. Hi, Bumper."

(I turned around and saw it was another Combaticon- in this case, Blast Off, the white speed demon.)

One, it's Bumblebee. Two, I am in the middle of some very sensitive important detective work right now, so if you don't mind...

"Oh, wow, okay, yeesh!" (I bemusedly observed Blast Off raise hands in the air.) "I'm sorry. I didn't realize 'important detective work' was going on!"

Would you be quiet? I'm trying to focus.

"Hey, you're in our house, not the other way around."

(I had to concede to Blast Off's point. I was, in fact, in Kaon, and we were not in neutral or Autobot territory. I bleeped my acknowledgment of his point before crouching and observing the hole in the wall a bit more closely. In it, I saw pieces of glass shards covered with the pink liquid.

As I stared harder and harder at it, as if expecting that it would come to life and tell me all its secrets in the form of a cute little ditty, I realized something. This was wrong. Shockwave was one of the tidiest and most secretive Decepticons around. If he had known about this hole, he would have a Constructicon fix it right away. And this glass? This glass wouldn't be here. It would be safely tucked away in his laboratory, under several microscopes and other, less friendly scientific tools.

Something was going on.

And with that in mind, I figured trying the wring the truth of the matter out from Shockwave himself would get me on the fast track to nowhere's ville.

I reached my hand into the hole and plucked the largest glass shard from the pile. I stood up and shut off my monochrome vision program, restoring my vision to full functionality. I put my hands over my mouthplate and hardened my gaze at it.

Blast Off noticed my confused expression.)

"Hey, is this about the wedding?" (I didn't answer him, as I didn't know anymore than he did. That was a good lead, though.

Blast Off grabbed my shoulders and turned me towards him. He appeared to become quite distressed.)

"Don't be afraid to tell me anything. This is my boss we're talking about, man! DON'T BE AFRAID TO GIVE ME THE BAD NEWS, MAN!"

(Taken aback by his sudden shaking of my shoulders, and his concern for his boss, I tried to pry his arms off me and took a moment to relax before I assured him I would let him know anything...once I knew more.

Right now, I needed a Bridge to Twilight's house. I put my finger on my head and activated my comm. Hopefully, Twilight would be in cooperative mode and the chances of answers from her would be better than from Shockwave's).

Base? It's Bumblebee, still at Shockwave's Tower in Kaon. Can I get a Space Bridge to Twilight's library, please?

"In Shockwave's Tower? At the heart of Decepticon shielding?" Ratchet snapped at Bumblebee through the comm. "Bumblebee, do you realize how difficult-"

"Just give him the slagging Bridge!" Blast Off shouted, overhearing Ratchet's appall. Bumblebee whistled appreciation for Blast Off's support.

"Fine, but don't be surprised if it doesn't work, or... you end up with an extra arm or something!"

The Bridge, Ratchet?

Ratchet sighed, but a Bridge appeared for Bumblebee in short order.

(I stepped through the Bridge, walking very slowly in cause there was a dimensional accident waiting to happen and tear me in half from the head down. Making it to the other side, I miraculously arrive completely fine and – as far as I can tell – not turned into some horrific fusion of Autobot and disrespected physics. I'm a little further away from Twilight's library than I would like, but that's fine.

As the Bridge closes behind me and I head for the library, I noticed the Cutie Mark Crusaders lying on the grass, doing their schoolwork. I raise up the glass shard and examine it.

I suppose it couldn't hurt to ask them if they know anything about it, would it?)

Bleep bleep!

The Cutie Mark Crusaders sighed at their boring, tedious homework, then dropped the papers to the ground when they felt the quaking of earth that accompanied an approaching Cybertronian.

"Oh, hey, Bumblebee!" Scootaloo waved happily at the yellow bot.

"Wut are y'all doin' here?" Apple Bloom inquired, sneakily shoving her homework off to the side.

Beep beep be-boop blee-ble-bleep! Bumblebee raised the glass shard up for them to see. They saw it, but made no note of it.

"It's...glass." Scootaloo concluded. "Yay?"

(It was at this point I remembered that they couldn't understand my bleeping the way Rafael and Pinkie Pie did. D'oh! I resisted the urge to introduce my face to my palm and instead pondered how to communicate with them what I was trying to ask.)

I bent down and presented the glass to them.

"You want us to take the glass?" Scootaloo guessed.

Bleep bleep bleep!

"I think he's trying to ask us a question about it..." Sweetie Belle suggested, which Bumblebee confirmed with a very happy 'deee-ooo!'

"Okay, um..." Sweetie Belle nervously took the glass into her hooves and began examinig it. "There's this pink stuff on it..."

"Pink stuff?" Scootaloo asked. "What kind of pink stuff?"

"There aren't any 'kinds' of pink stuff, ya ninny!" Apple Bloom shouted.

"Are too!"

"Are not- wait a mo'..." Apple Bloom reached over Sweetie Belle's neck and took the glass. "Ah have an idea...

Really? What? Bumblebee asked, but again, all they heard was be-beep beep.

"Ah think...sompony used a love potion!" A

"Oooh!" Scootaloo nodded her head. "Like the love poison we used on Big Macintosh and Cheerilee?"

"Eeeyup." Apple Bloom answered, doing an impression of her brother that caused her fellow Crusaders to giggle. "Ah don't know who or why, but somepony's used a love potion or love poison on somepony, and the glass with the potion in it broke somehow. Here ya go!" Apple Bloom offered Bumblebee the glass back, but Bumblebee was too enraptured with himself as the obvious conclusion hit his circuits like a speeding bullet.

(It was so obvious. So very obvious. The realization hit me like somepony had stamped "Realization!" in bold pink lettering on the Forge of Solus Prime, then lifted the Forge up, gave a few spins, then slammed it into the side of my cheek. My head tilted back, I was so dumbstruck. I mean, come on! A love potion is the reason Shockwave and Twilight are getting married! How would that not be obvious? Do people really think they would be getting married in their right minds!?)

"Uh, 'Bee?" Apple Bloom raised an eyebrow and twitched her hoof. "Yer glass?"

Rather then Bumblebee taking the glass like Apple Bloom was expecting, Bumblebee met her inquiry with a very loud, piercing screech of 'DEEEEEET!' and took off running in the other direction.

"So..." Sweetie Belle drawled, before her neck made an unnatural crick. Scootaloo and Apple Bloom's necks followed suit, and they were soon talking in hushed tones, like they didn't want anypony overhearing them. Which was odd, as stealth, secrets and subtlety were not the Crusaders' strong suit, to say the least.

"Bumblebee's figured out about the love potion..." Sweetie Belle started.

"And now he's probably going to try to stop it..." Scootaloo added.

"Well now..." Apple Bloom finished. "We can't have that, now can we?"

"No. No, we can't."

Having finished their conversation and silently slipping the obvious hidden message that they were going to ensure Bumblebee had an 'accident', their necks cricked back to their original positions, and they forgot what they were talking about.

"Say, does anypony else feel plumb tuckered out?" Apple Bloom asked, rubbing the back of her neck and stifling a yawn.

"Yeah..." Scootaloo added. "Does anypony else feel like we were just talking about something evil and ominous, and then promptly forgot it once we had a goal in mind?"

"Ah can't believe Ah'm saying this, but yes!"

(After finishing up with the Crusaders, my first priority was to inform somepony else that Twilight's and Shockwave's love wasn't true, and they were in fact under the influence.

I ran away from the direction of the library, meaning to call up The Doc-Bot for another Bridge to base, but just as I was about to put my finger on the comm, I saw a suspended wooden bridge in the distance that appeared to have an Autobot silhouette waiting on, amidst a crowd that including Shining Armor. I abandoned my plans for a Bridge and headed towards the, well, the- the bridge, unaware of the of the implosion that was happening as I made my way towards it.)

"I'm so happy!" Twilight decried to her friends, gathered on the bridge, along with Smokescreen, clad in her wedding dress that Rarity had made earlier. "The wedding's in only a few hours! I hope everypony is reeaaady!" Twilight tilted her head and said the last part in sing-song.

"Uh, about that..." Applejack said quietly.

"Yes?" Twilight tilted her head back, the very stars twinkling in her eyes with the idea of romance soon to come, here and hereafter forever more, between her and the Decepticon Lord.

"We've talking about the wedding..." Rarity gently supplied, trying to maintain as soft as voice as she could.

Twilight laughed and waved her hoof. "Of course you have! I mean, it is going to be the wedding of the century! Even better than my brother's, in fact!"

Shining made a frumpy face.

"In order to make make sure my wedding is absolutely perfect and nothing goes horribly wrong, I made sure my wedding is as far removed from his as possible! Starting, of course, with asking Luna to preside over the ceremony."

"What!?" Everypony exclaimed.

"Twilight, Luna's yer friend, but y'all have known Celestia a lot longer than ya have Luna!" Applejack complained.

"True, but everything has to be perfect." Twilight answered nonchalantly. "Which means Celestia can't be presiding."

Applejack sighed and closed her eyes. "Well, we were hopin' to be gentle about this, but ya forced our hooves, Twilight."

"W-what?" Twilight stammered, quivering her lip. "What are you talking about? Did you discover something? Is Shockwave cheating on me!?"

"I wish." Shining muttered bitterly.

"Twilight." Applejack stomped her hoof on the bridge, producing a loud clunk as the wood shook from the vibrations sent by her applebucking hooves. "Y'all can't marry Shockwave."

Twilight gasped. "Whaaat!? Why ever not?"

"Cause he's a Decepticon, he's creepy, and you marrying him is creepy too!" Pinkie explained.

"But-but..." Twilight stammered. "How could you ever...I thought my friends would support..."

Twilight's blubbering, stammering sentence fragments came to an abrupt halt, and Twilight narrowed her eyes at her friends. "Oh, I see. I see perfectly. I know what's going on here."

"What?"

"You're all jealous!" Twilight pointed her hoof at Applejack. "You're jealous I'm getting married before any of you, and you," Twilight pointed to Shining, "are jealous because my wedding is going to be so much better than yours!"

"What!?"

"Twiley, that doesn't make any sense!"

"Indeed!" Rarity chimed. "If we were truly jealous, we wouldn't trying to calmly talk you out of it, but instead we would mask our bitterness by pretending to happily congratulate you!"

"Well, I see right through your charade of calmness!" Twilight shouted, like she didn't hear a word Rarity had said. "I thought you were my friends! Well, you know what? You're all dis-invited to my wedding!"

Twilight turned her nose up and trotted off the bridge, the long train of her dress slithering along the ground.

Applejack brought her hat over chest, nearly reduced to tears. Was this was what Twilight felt when Shining Armor said she couldn't come to his wedding while he was still brainwashed? "D-do you really mean it, Twi?"

Twilight stopped. She looked over her shoulder and glared at Applejack.

Applejack's lips quivered, her sadness mounting to the point she couldn't control her facial expression. Her involuntary twitching seemed to break Twilight's resolve.

"No." Twilight answered repentantly. "It is my wedding, and I want all of my best friends to be there...but you are all off the V.I.P list!" Twilight turned her snout back up and continued to march down the ramp of the bridge.

"I...what just happened!?" Shining exclaimed.

"Weren't you paying attention, Shiny?" Pinkie asked. "We just got kicked off the V.I.P list for Twilight's wedding!"

"Ah don't like it, y'all...Twilight would never do that to us. Sumthin' sumwhere ain't right." Applejack said.

Bumblebee arrived to the bridge, just as Twilight was leaving.

(I stopped and lifted my leg up to let Twilight pass me. Or more specifically, let Twilight's train pass me. I swear, that thing is long enough to wrap me up and crush my chestplate in. I walked up the bridge and was relieved to see Pinkie Pie there. She was one of the few non-Cybertronians who could understand my bleeping, after all. I waved my arms for their attention and started beeping like a crazed mech.)

Hey, hey! Everypony! Listen to me carefully; Twilight and Shockwave have had a love potion cast on them!

"I still can't believe how much she dislikes my wedding..." Shining muttered.

"Eeyup." Applejack rested a hoof on Shining's neck.

"Well...it's only fair." Smokescreen said off the cuff, prompting everypony to stare.

"An' jus' wut is that supposed tah mean!?"

"You guys totally dissed, ditched, and were just rude to Twilight at Shining's wedding, according to what I'm told at least." Smokescreen idly checked out his nails. He actually had no nails, but he knew the gesture conveyed flippancy to organics. "Turnabout is fair play."

Uh, guys? Listening to me? Come on. This is kind of a big problem.

"Why you dirty snake!" Applejack growled at Smokescreen, adjusting her hat on her head. "Ah don't have tah stand for yer mouth, mister!"

"You can sit right there, on the bridge!"

Guys! Guys? Seriously? Love potion...

(Seeing that they weren't listening to me, I grabbed Pinkie by the tail and lifted her up. She threw her hooves out and made an exclamation of 'whee!' as she was taken up and away, before I cupped my hands around and pulled down on her tail. See, Pinkie is capable of all sorts of crazy things that were, quite frankly, impossible for any creature's biology to do that.

I was about to use that.

Aiming her like a rifle at the nearest wall, I began to pull down and crank her tail several times. Each time, a little piece of confetti would launch from her mouth, where it stuck to the wall. Just as I planned! After a minute or two, I was able to paint an image of a potion beaker on the wall, the confetti arranged just so to make the image I was going for. I pointed at my impromptu artistic work and bleeped again.

No pony noticed. Smokescreen and Applejack were escalating their argument. No one cared. No one wanted to listen to me.

Just listen to me...

I cursed my lack of a voice box, seeing as the source of the problem. If I could just speak normally, I might be able to get them to pay attention! ARGH!

My frustration began to mounting. My Energon began to boil and my circuits began fizzle with the desire to lash out and break something. Anything would do, so long as it was one piece when I started and two when I finished. Not thinking rationally, I lifted up Pinkie and threw her to the ground. Being practically made of elastic, she didn't mind it, so she more or less bounced on the ground. I turned around and screamed at the group that was ignoring me.)

SLAG IT!

DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!

WHY WON'T YOU ANY OF YOU LISTEN TO ME!?

"Whoa." Smokescreen gawked and pointed at me while looking to our pony friends. "Doe he always do that?"

Yes, Smokescreen, I always scream and swear at the ponies who aren't slagging listening to me!

"I listened to you, Bumblebee!"

(Pinkie. That was Pinkie's voice. Oh, Pinkie Pie. Bless her Spark. I leaned down and adjusted the zoom on my optics to let her know I wanted to elaborate.)

"Oh, and I totally forgive you for throwing me like that." Pinkie added mischievously. "You were angry, and you were upset, and-"

Pinkie! (I snap at her.) Enough rambling! You said you were listening! So you know about the love potion?

"Eeeyup!"

(Vunderbar. I don't really know what that means, but I hear ponies and other Autobots say when something good happens, so I would think it means something good, right?

Let's put that on the back burner for now. We have more pressing concerns than my usage of words that I don't know what they mean.)

Pinkie, talk to me; we need to do something about the love potion, and the wedding is in a few hours. What do we do?

"Oh, um, well..." Pinkie put her hoof on her chin. She gasped and raised her hoof dramatically in the air. "I know! We go and get Raffie's help!"

Good idea!

… Did I really just say that to Pinkie Pie? Oh, well, whatever. What matters now is getting all the help we can get, and Raf shares Pinkie's ability to understand me. Or rather, Pinkie shares Raf's ability. Either way, we could use him right now.

I put my comm on and asked for Ratchet to send Raf through the Bridge network.)

Ratchet? I need Rafael over here, right away.

"What for?"

I need him for a mission.

"What!?"

Don't have a panic attack on me now. You know I wouldn't be asking for Raf's help if there was any chance he could get hurt, do you?

"Well..."

Ratchet, please? I have some... mischief I need done, and I could really use his help.

(Finally, after a while, my whimpering broke down Ratchet's natural defenses, and Bridge opened up that Raf merrily stepped out of, carrying his backpack with his laptop.)

"Hey guys!" Raf flexed his hand. "I heard you need my help with something?"

"That's right!" Pinkie answered. "We need to stop Twilight's and Shockwave's wedding!"

"Pinkie, we all knew we needed to stop it the moment we heard about it." Raf replied dryly.

"Well, yeah, but now we REALLY need to stop it because we Bumblebee's found out that they under the influence of a love potion!"

"What? Love potions don't exist..." Raf was incredulous. It was understandable, at first, as the seeming existence of unicorn aliens did not automatically translate into the existence of love potions being a real thing. But after a moment to let the ridiculousness ebb away, Raf remembered all the other things that existed on Equestria that were myths on Earth, like dragons and the whatnot. Raf composed himself.

"What do you need me to do?"

Let's walk and talk.

Bumblebee, Pinkie and Raf began walking away from the bridge to discuss what their battle strategy was to be. Of course, a strategy made from the youngest Autobot, a 12-and-a-quarter year old hacker, and Pinkie Pie, did not have reasonable chances of success.

"Hi, Pinkie!" A passing pretty pony with a blue coat waved, accompanied by mint-green mare and a white mare with a pink coat.

"Hi, girls!" Pinkie waved back. "Sorry about replacing you at Cadence's wedding!

Hold the phone here. What? Bumblebee inquired.

"Oh, those girls are the fillies me and my friends replaced as the bridesmaids at Cadence's wedding after they got brainwashed into being prison guards! Basically!"

"Well, this is fine and dandy," Raf said, "but shouldn't we be focusing on stopping the wedding today?"

Hold on... Bumblebee raised his hand. I have an idea... Raf, think you could talk those girls into being bridesmaids again?

"What!?"

I have a plan in mind! Bumblebee pointed to the mares. We send them to hold up Twilight, while you and Pinkie distract Shockwave, and I remain in an easily accessible position between the two points in case things get hairy, so you and them can both call me and I can get there quickly!

"That's a good plan..." Raf admitted, stroking his chin.

"Great!" Pinkie slapped Raf on the back, sending him stumbling towards the ex-maids. "Go get them on our side!"

"What am I supposed to do?" Raf whined.

Pinkie waved her hooves at him. "Use your boyish charm!"

Raf shuddered, having the urge to facepalm so badly it was almost painful. Choking his way through without losing his control. He gritted his teeth and turned towards the mares in a grimace. After a moment of awkward stares from the herd of mares, Raf managed to force his grimace into a broad grin that was kind of unhinged.

"Um, can we help you, little boy?" The blue mare asked kindly, but nervously. Thankfully, Raf saw the oppurtunity that had just been offered to him and took it.

"Yes! Yes, you can." Raf nodded his head. "You see, my friend Twilight Sparkle is getting married today."

"Oh, we heard!"

"Such a lucky gal. So few ponies can find true love these days..."

"And with an alien! Why, that's like falling in love with a foreigner, which is quite prone to happening! In fact, estimates show 4786.5 percent of ponies are more likely to fall in love with a foreigner than with somepony from their own country!"

Raf raised an eyebrow, and had to seriously struggle to come up with an appropriate response that wouldn't cause the mares to be offended and slap him the way ladies were prone to were to doing when offended.

"Okay! Um, anyways, my friends and I have a good reason to be suspicious that something is going on, and we need to delay the wedding as much as possible."

"Oh, I don't know, little guy... Cadence was so upset about her wedding getting disrupted."

"Please?" Raf put his hands together.

"Boyish charm!" Pinkie reminded him.

Raf pouted, realized there wasn't any way to avoid it, and made his eyes as big as possible, blubbering his lips at the mares. "Please!?"

The mares fell for it, head over hooves. "Oooh...poor little guy."

"Come on, girls!" The white one at the end declared proudly. "We're going to go stall a wedding!"

The three mares took off galloping towards the general direction of Canterlot, already devising plans to stall a waiting bride for as long as possible.

"Well, that's one thing done!" Pinkie declared. "What do we do next, Bumblebee?"

Bumblebee pointed his fingers over to the direction of where the ex-maids had run off towards. I'm going to set up my sentry position; you two come up with something to distract Shockwave.

"Like what?" Raf shrieked.

"I have an idea..." Pinkie answered, tapping her hoof to her chin.

Raf appreciated Pinkie's company. She was like a nanny to him, always coddling him by countering Rainbow Dash's rude and insensitive sarcasm while rubbing his shoulders, muttering assurances and occasionally giving him a piece of chocolate. (It was usually experimental chocolate the Cakes' were planning on using if tested well, so that wasn't always fun...)

But even with all that, even though Pinkie always only ever showed him her hidden mothering side, hearing her say "I have an idea!" slaggin' terrified him.