Chapter 1: The New Pony In Town
Fluttershy was having a wonderful morning as she made her third and final patrol sweep of the morning around Ponyville. The sun was shining in a largely clear sky, the breeze was pleasant and Angel Bunny had yet to have a single temper tantrum all day, probably on account of him having not actually woken up yet.
Not that minor details like that had ever stopped him before mind you.
The butter yellow pegasus waved as she passed over the colorful ponies who were just starting their days business. Foals chattered excitedly as they made their way to the schoolhouse, farmers set up their stands in the markets and the air was starting to fill with the million wonderful smells that signaled the bakers and confectioners were hard at work preparing for their doors to open.
Finally, just as Fluttershy was preparing to head back home and begin her morning feeding routines, she spotted a telltale flash at the edge of the Everfree bordering the town. After a quick flyover to confirm her sighting she set herself down on a rooftop and pulled a small notebook out from her mane.
She hated all the Celestia-damned paperwork, it wasn’t like anypony ever actually read it, it was usually filed away in the darkest, dustiest corner of whatever plot-end of nowhere town had the infernal joy of keeping these records but woe betide anypony that didn’t kill the requisite number of trees in the tireless pursuit of bureaucracy.
Skycutter Phoenix looked tall and proud as he stood before the quaint and tiny hamlet of Ponyville, whatever answers he needed to help him attain revenge for the many and startlingly tragic events of his past were no doubt to be found here.
The Jet black alicorn flexed his mighty draconic wings just enough to send a dramatic wind through his blood red mane as he panned his reptilian eyes in search of this ‘library’ his sister Celestia had recommended. He’d been informed that it was staffed by her own student and if there was one thing Skycutter knew for certain it was that librarians were plain and thus in no way suited to his particular brand of mare pleasing, which mainly consisted of drinking a lot and being awesome.
He set his sight upon his destination and took his first step toward his destiny...
Then promptly fell straight onto his face as his legs buckled under him.
“Wha... what the buck is going on?” he cried weakly, trying desperately to drag himself toward the nearby population center and finding that his muscles were simply unable to respond. At best he could feel his tendons moving under his skin and that only resulted in pain as his doughy flesh was cut into by the small rocks that littered the path.
An attempt to cast a teleportation spell only resulted in painful feedback that felt like somepony was splitting his skull in two.
After a protracted period of cursing at the many, many enemies he had made in his tragic and interesting past, he finally settled on the one that had given him the sexy scar over his right eye to blame for whatever dark magic it was that had befallen him.
Skycutter Phoenix was cursing the stallion that did that... thing, he was totally NOT crying.
It was then, at the lowest point in his life that Skycutter looked up and saw an angel descending from the heavens, she landed next to him and looked into his eyes, in that moment, Skycutter felt completely at peace. This was the kindest and most gentle face he had ever set his eyes upon, he could only imagine how beautiful she would look if he wasn’t looking upon her through a haze of tears...
No dammit, he was NOT crying, it’s just liquid pride.
Fluttershy gently set herself on the ground and began her inspection. It looked like a type-D, even had a full set of draconic features scattered around its body so at least the paperwork would be done quickly as she wouldn’t need to write out any distinguishing features and simply set to work putting check marks into the required boxes. That done, she tucked her notebook back into her mane and started looking the poor creature over.
As usual, it was making those same horrible rasping sounds as its lungs struggled to function. Fluttershy put them to the back of her mind as she looked down into its eyes to check for response and sure enough, it was looking back at her, the wild panic in its eyes subsiding as she gave a placating smile honed from hundreds of wildlife encounters.
“Now,” Fluttershy began as she wrapped her front legs around the barrel of the creature, “you’re probably confused and disorientated because you’ve suddenly found that you can’t move.” She flapped her wings to begin gaining altitude as she continued, “Don’t worry, that’s normal and it’s only because you’ve never used your muscles before.”
The obsidian creature whimpered something about curses and old enemies, clearly now even more confused than before as it hung limply like a doll from under Fluttershy, she stopped ascending and began a measured cruise in the direction of her cottage.
Skycutter Phoenix was very confused and a little afraid if he was honest with himself. Then again, he wasn’t honest with himself often, so why start now?
Still, he couldn't wrap his mind around how this had happened. This crazy, beautiful and kind pegasus carrying him toward her cottage for what was no doubt going to be a long and sexy recuperation was saying something about ‘atrophied muscles and organs’ which simply made no sense. Skycutter had spent every waking moment he could remember being awesome, enduring tragedy and bedding a cornucopia of lovely ladies and the last time he’d checked, those were all strenuous physical activities.
Oh well, could be worse.
Fluttershy found herself humming a merry tune as the various animals that enjoyed nesting in and around her cottage started to come into view. The creature she held seemed to have become contented after her initial explanation of his situation and she’d learned long ago to stop once they’d reached that point, after all, nopony would react well to being told that up until their appearance in front of her village, they had never actually existed.
Sometimes she wondered what they thought about, if anything at all, they seemed to speak and understand Equestrian well enough but nothing they ever said made any sense and they often used words that nopony understood, not even the princesses. Ponies had initially tried to study them when they first started appearing but they never lasted long enough as they suffered multiple organ failure due to their weak muscles and completely nonsensical anatomy.
The only fact that had been established through this was that something called whiskey existed and that it was somehow indelibly linked to the procurement of a lot of felines.
The worst part was that ponies would come running in, convinced completely that they were suddenly closely related to the creature suffering in its death throes. Then, when it finally passed, their eyes would shimmer as the magic fizzled and died and they would have no idea how they ever convinced themselves they knew them in the first place.
Then they tended to actually look at the grotesque thing and would require a bucket.
No, it was best to minimize their suffering and keep them away from the notoriously shaky and panic prone citizens of Equestria and that was where ponies like Fluttershy came in.
Wait, what was going on? Why was Skycutter’s angel suddenly banking away from the rustic cottage with all the animals that clearly knew her?
The pegasus looked down at him and noticed the panic growing in his face again as they continued to glide gently over the Everfree forest. She gave him another comforting smile and held him tighter before resuming her scan over the ground. What could she possibly be looking for?
He soon got his answer as they once again began to bank, this time toward a clearing in front of a large cave, perhaps she was going to have him rest in there, away from the prying eyes of so many small critters. That was a strange thought though, given the many dangerous beasts that lived in the Everfree. Maybe she was betting that all beasts knew to stay away from an alicorn, even a magically injured one like him.
Fluttershy glided with her passenger toward a small outcropping above the cave she’d previously marked by cleaning a big X into the moss growing on the cliffs above it, she gently set him down before flying back out to ensure the cave was still occupied.
Not spotting anything at her first glance, Fluttershy brought her hoof to her mouth and attempted to whistle. She failed utterly and had to settle on calling instead of blowing even more saliva all over her fetlock.
“Hello, is there anypony there?” she squeaked. It was a loud squeak but still was hardly going to be heard over the cacophonous din of the many things lurking in the forest.
With a sigh, she reached once more into her mane and produced a small whistle shaped like a lion. Hopefully this would work.
A quick blow produced what sounded to the pegasus like a small puff but the results were fast, stampeding out of the cave came three juvenile manticores. Fluttershy had come across them months ago when their mother had succumbed to injuries from a territorial dispute. She’d been looking over them every few days ever since.
This, of course, meant that they immediately recognized her and set to swarming and giving her affectionate nuzzles and licks all over her body, producing giggles from the ticklish yellow pegasus.
Skycutter was unsure of exactly what was going on as he heard what sounded like a lot of giggling and purring coming from over the edge, he would have taken a look but once again found himself unable to move under his own power, magical or otherwise.
One thing he was starting to realize was that his black coat was absorbing a great deal of heat from the sun and was starting to become extremely uncomfortable. It was odd that he’d never really noticed this rather obvious problem up to now but settled on the explanation that he was simply in a hotter climate than he was used to. Post apocalyptic deserts certainly never got this damned hot.
After a few minutes of this contemplation, the pegasus once again fluttered up onto the outcropping and started to pick him up, she flapped her wings for a little altitude and he was sure that now she was going to take him back to her cottage.
She wrapped her front legs in a hug around his shoulders and nuzzled him, this was going to be nice.
Then he felt a snap and started to feel... distant, almost numb. What had happened?
“Shhhhhh” the pegasus comforted him as he started to lose all feeling, “just go with it, it’ll all be over soon.”
She stayed hugging him tightly as he started to feel warm, it was a pleasant feeling, like she was hugging every part of him at once, then he just stopped feeling all at once, he saw the ground pull away and floated weightlessly over the edge, he found himself coming down at a group of cats and thought that was a cute image.
Then he landed, and all thought vanished.
Fluttershy flew away. This was the part that she could never bear to watch, plus, she still had to get home and make sure that her animals were all fed.
Princess Luna was bored.
She’d been sitting at a Ponyville cafe with two of her most trusted guards waiting for her long lost brother Skycutter to turn up for over two hours now and was going to be giving that slacker a piece of her mind with a double, no... TRIPLE power royal Canterlot voice if he ever decided to show up.
Then, just as the sovereign of the moon was starting to regret having ordered quite as much tea as she had, there was a flash in her eyes and she found herself slumped in her seat as realization dawned on her for the third time that month.
“Oh, for the love of..!”
Having versed the ponies that had been going about their day in her general vicinity with a large array of new swear words, some of which hadn’t been heard by mortal ears in over a millennium, Princess Luna left her check and a generous tip before she stormed off in the direction of the Ponyville town hall.
As she trotted to her destination, the moon princess opened a small door to a pocket dimension in front of her and floated out a small card before closing it again. She gave it a quick scan and found herself smiling as she saw that four of the five slots on the card had a stamp in them.
“Huzzah,” she announced to nopony in particular, “free lunch at Sugarcube Corner for all.” This produced a beaming smile in her guards.
The conversation between the three ponies on the merits of various forms of pastry lasted all the way to the small kiosk for S.U.P.R. (Sudden Unknown Pony Relationships) recompense. They didn’t even mind having to wait in line this time.
Author's Note
Yes, I know and I'm sorry.
This is the result of a random conversation about a completely unrelated fic a friend of mine is working on, I made this pitch as a joke and then ended up actually writing the damn thing out because there seemed to be a real idea here.
Turns out there wasn't.
Anyway, I churned this out in a day just to see if I could and have submitted it unedited, so please let me know if there's anything egregious I need to correct.
