A Toast, then! To Pinkamina Pie and her Daring Endeavor!
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Five Minutes in a Balloon
A Toast, then! To Pinkamina Pie and her Daring Endeavor!
Evening was gently closing her many-hued curtain over the small rural town. From beneath the softly falling veil of eventide, a commotion drifted from Sugarcube Corner, 135 Hoofington Way, Ponyville. For this reason, the disturbance was hardly heeded. Nocturnal activity was not uncommon at Sugarcube Corner, and was never dull in its modus operandi, this evening's being no exception. Weekly meetings of the Equestrian Exploration Institute, that being the source of the evening's fracas, had become second-nature disturbances. These meetings would typically carry on into all hours of the night, or until no topics of key interest remained to be fully discussed. The key of these topics, of course, being the geographical exploration of the land of Equestria, "For Princess and Prowess," being the premise. Warm and topical banter, over good cider and biscuits, would fill the second floor hall during these weekly assemblies. The caucus had become particularly sonorous over the past fortnight-and-a-half, justifiably owing to the vast undertaking upon which one of their own was about to embark. The excited discussions and devices laid behind closed doors were reaching their forte on this night, and a modest crowd of Equestrian exploration and intellectual elite occupied the upper hall, raising all Tartarus of a din. Explorers all, having between their various experiences, a near complete atlas of Equestrian geography. There was the dauntless Mr. Turnip, having in his time led expeditions throughout the southeast of Equestria. In a mere one hundred and twenty days, his party of thirty mules and ponies completed a geographical cataloging of the Hayseed Swamps. There was the contumacious Rocky, whose stubborn resolve pulled him and his exhausted expedition through the perils of the San Palomino Desert. There was Madame le Flour, whose exploits included the White Tail Woods and the regions encircling the Smokey Mountains. The stoic Admiral Gummy counted amongst their numbers as well. Though he never spoke, none doubted the magnitude of his naval explorations. Then, of course, the Chairman Sir Lintsalot himself, having led expeditions throughout the regions of northeastern Equestria, even crossing the Crystal Mountains. These daring explorers, these giants of intellectual exploit, were all gathered here on this night to bring together the fruits of their ambition. Chairman Sir Linstalot, midst hearty applause, echoing sentiments, and many a chorus of "here here!" continued to dictate with an air of pomp, regarding their most intrepid enterprise.
"And yes, friends, you may believe that it shall succeed!"
"It shall! It shall!" came the unanimous response of those gathered. Another toast was raised with much applause and cheering. Through the raucous clamor, the Chairman continued his rousing speech.
"For while our institute exists to expel the unknown, we must therefore seek out that very heart of darkness, which is our sovereign duty!"
"Indeed! Our sovereign duty!" More applause filled the hall.
"Yes!" continued the Chairman, "one of our very own sisters, a prime exponent of our sovereign nation, shall penetrate that heart of darkness that lies in the center of the Everfree Forest! This endeavor, should it succeed (And it will!), will be on the tongues of every Ponyvillite, nay, every Equestrian, in the land!"
"Here here!"
"And indeed, our most intrepid explorer, our own sister savant of science, shall go forth boldly on this endeavor, and bring back the glory, for Princess and Prowess!"
Cheers rang forth from every throat, along with enthusiastic applause and the intermittent "For Princess and Prowess!"
"I propose another toast!" Every head in the room turned to address the speaker. Admiral Gummy raised his mug of cider, his lips framing a toothless grin.
"A toast, then! To Pinkamina Pie and her daring endeavor!"
"To Pinkamina Pie and her daring endeavor!" came the unanimous response.
Five Minutes in a Balloon
For the Greater Cause of Science!
Pinkie Pie eyed her provisions carefully. From her experience in numerous expeditions, she knew her health and nutrition were all too crucial.
"Hmmmm.....I think that one needs more frosting," she mused as she spied a particularly underwhelming specimen. She wasted no time in applying the frosting tube she carried, generously administering frosting until she was satisfied. "That could have very well meant life or death on my expedition!" she gasped.
No sooner had she resumed her inspection did a soft knock resonate from the front door. "Aha! She has arrived at last!" said Pinkie with a grin. Briefly abandoning her inventory, she skipped to the front door to address the timid pegasus who would be waiting there. "My dearest Fluttershy, do come in! I have been expecting you!"
The butter-yellow pegasus hesitated momentarily, astonished that she was expected. "Me?? I just wanted to ask what that giant balloon-thing is for." She gestured outside to the hot-air balloon Pinkie had moored in front of the shop.
"Ah! A time will come for answers," replied Pinkie, "but for now, I require your help with these provisions!" Without waiting for a reply, the excitable pink pony pulled her timid friend inside.
The yellow mare drank in the sight, gaping at the awe-inspiring mountain before her. "Wow, Pinkie! That's a lot of cupcakes!"
"Cupcakes! Oh ho, not just cupcakes!" replied the irrepressible Pinkie Pie. She dove into the pile, resurfacing with her hooves full of all manner of pastries.
"What in Equestria is it all for?" inquired Fluttershy, now more puzzled than awed.
"Variety, dear Fluttershy! Got to have the four basic food groups, you know: Pie, Cake, Cookie, and Candy! A balanced diet is essential for any enterprise!"
Fluttershy looked at the pastry-covered Pinkie Pie, scratching her chin with her hoof. "Umm, I'm not so sure that you can split those into different food groups."
Pinkie narrowed her gaze upon Fluttershy, quite serious now. "Now, Fluttershy! That is an attitude I simply will not stand for!" Pinkie put her hoof down for emphasis, an emphasis which was squelched in a chocolate cake. "Think of those others out there! Those others who say that we cannot do certain things! Their minds are limited by what they imagine are the limits placed upon us by physics and natural law! How dreary it must be to see only walls, never imagining the greener pastures on the other side! You are not one of those, Fluttershy! Remember that!"
Fluttershy stared back blankly, now utterly lost.
"Yes, we stare down those nay-sayers! We are truly ponies of vision!" Pinkie held her chin up nobly and put a hoof over Fluttershy's shoulder. "Come! Let me show you what I mean!"
Bewildered, Fluttershy followed Pinkie outside. There she saw the bright pink balloon hovering meters above the ground, held fast by mooring lines. "What are you doing with Angel's Royal Bunny Basket?" asked Fluttershy upon noticing an oversized wicker basket with ropes trailing from it. "I have been looking everywhere for that!"
"Have no fear, my dear Fluttershy, for it is being used for the greater cause of scientific exploration!"
"But, Angel has been missing it so much....." Fluttershy squeaked as she trailed off.
"I'm sure Angel could not deny this most noble use of his basket!" said Pinkie as she admired the gaudy pink balloon.
"But....it's his favorite-"
"And he is not the only one to make a contribution to this most worthy endeavor!" exclaimed Pinkie. "Look here! These ropes were all provided generously by our dear friend, Twilight Sparkle!" She beamed amicably at the yellow pegasus. "Oh! And of course Rarity, a most altruistic benefactor of science, indeed! She provided the material necessary for the construction of the envelope!"Pinkie said, gesturing excitedly to the rotund floating balloon.
"What about that thing?" indicated Fluttershy to the device beneath the balloon.
"Ah, yes! That ingenious device is pumping the balloon with the hot air. Once again, this hot air was generously supplied by our friend Rarity! Haha!" Pinkie Pie chuckled at her own joke.
Fluttershy looked at the curious hot air device incredulously. "Where did Rarity even get such a thing?"
"Wonderful, isn't it?" replied Pinkie, "Rarity was most generous to part with her precious mane dryer!"
"Actually, I think Rarity mentioned that she has been missing that-" Fluttershy's reply fell on deaf ears.
"Science is grateful for her sacrifice!" proclaimed Pinkie.
The yellow pegasus, deflated, resolved to listen to Pinkie Pie's pompous prattle.
"Indeed, great intellectual pursuits require such sacrifices. No pursuit as daunting and lofty as this could exist without great provisions from our benefactors, who are to be thanked tenfold! For their reward is not one of material gain, nor of potent standing among society. No! For them, it is rewarding enough to further the noble pursuits of science and exploration, for Princess and Prowess!" Pinkie stood atop the basket, one forehoof over her heart, the other raised high in the air. A few passersby had stopped to examine the spectacle that was Pinkie Pie.
"What are you talking about?" asked a curious green mare.
"That's the very thing, isn't it?" Pinkie said staring directly at the bewildered pony. "What great venture do I now speak of? What do I, the intrepid Pinkamina Pie, intend to do, in the spirit of science and exploration?" Quite a crowd was beginning to gather, wondering what the commotion could be about. Between the bizarre balloon and the animated Pinkie Pie, the entire thing was quite a curiosity.
Pinkie now addressed the gradually growing crowd. "Have it be known that this very afternoon, that I, Pinkamina Diane Pie, shall go forth into the unexplored regions of the Everfree Forest in this very device I have fashioned!" she said gesturing to the balloon. "I will bring back a bounty of knowledge and glory, for Princess and Prowess!" Pinkie opened her hooves wide to the skeptical onlookers. "I do this on behalf of all Ponyville, of all Equestria!"
"Good luck!" scoffed a pretentious blue colt.
"I thank you for your blessings and fair wishes, my good ponies. But indeed, I shant need them!" She patted the side of the pink balloon affectionately. "I have the upmost confidence in my device and my abilities. I shall not fail!"
A number of snickers rippled through those gathered, unnoticed by the grandiloquent Pinkie.
Fluttershy, quite overwhelmed by Pinkie's claim and lofty speech, could not manage more than a silent, "What?"
"Fluttershy! Dear Fluttershy! T'would be unfortunate, nay, a sin, to forget your role in this scheme!" said Pinkie, noticing the timid pegasus for the first time since she began her speech.
"M-my role??"
"Quite! You shall verily share in the glories to be had in the exploits of the vast unknown!"
"What??"
"You're coming with me, my dear!"
"WHAT???" Fluttershy froze where she stood, not knowing whether to run or curl into a protective ball.
Pinkie trotted over to her friend, a reassuring smile on her face. "Yes, that was my reaction too when the Institute chose me for this expedition! Don't worry, your shock will wear off shortly! The excitement is almost too much, I know! But we must try to contain ourselves. We are ponies of science, of great prowess! We are about to undertake a great enterprise!" She waved her hoof, gesturing to the great beyond.
Fluttershy was rooted to the spot, paralyzed by fear. Pinkie gave her a curious look, which was quickly replaced by her typical sunny grin.
"Fear not, my friend! I shall attend to the final preparations of the balloon myself. Once all is prepared, we shall embark on our great journey, high in the air, into the interior of the Everfree Forest!"
Pinkie began making the final preparations for the balloon, attaching the wicker basket, loading her superfluous provisions, and ensuring the balloon had enough lift for the load.
All the while, Fluttershy remained motionless, one eye on the edge of the forest and the other on the pink balloon floating high in the air. "...Help!..." she squeaked, but nopony paid any heed. The gathered ponies remained fixated to the balloon, fascinated and amused by the wanton preparations being made.
Five Minutes in a Balloon
Excelsior!
Swaying gently in the afternoon breezes, the form of the massive balloon veritably obscured the entire front of Sugar Cube Corner. The crowd continued to gather, anticipating that exciting moment when the daring Pinkamina Pie, and her assistant Fluttershy, would embark on their great enterprise into the Everfree Forest. Those more anxious began to help load the balloon with Pinkie's proliferous pastries.
"Fiend! I saw that! Unhand that cookie immediately!" cried Pinkie, espying a claimed-to-be helper scarfing down a Snickerdoodle. "I have carefully cataloged my entire inventory!" she yelled, pausing to address those gathered. "If I find one cupcake unaccounted for, I will upturn Tartarus to find the culprit!"
Fluttershy remained as immobile as a stone, racking her brain for some sort of escape plan. She could simply walk away, blend into the crowd, but she knew Pinkie would be expecting that. PInkie knew everypony, and identifying Fluttershy in a crowd would hardly be a challenge for her. Her eyes darted about for one of her other friends. Perhaps they could create a distraction long enough for her to reach the nearest tree so that she may hide. To her dismay, she saw none of her friends, or even a tree near enough to escape to. Perhaps she could dig her way out? Or at least bury herself, hiding until Pinkie gave up on this absurd endeavor? A bead of sweat rolled down her cheek as Pinkie began to approach her. Fluttershy remained as still as ever. Smiling, Pinkie gave her a shovel.
"You may need this!"
Drat! She knew! Pinkie was too smart, she had all the exits blocked. There was nothing for it but to play dead and hope the buzzards got to her before Pinkie did.
Pinkie worked her way into the basket, which was floating a few feet above the ground in spite of the mountain of pastries it contained. Donning a sporty pith helmet, she once again addressed the crowd. "Thank you one and all for your heartening efforts! Your sentiments shall be with us as we venture forth into the great unknown! Ah, dear me! Somepony! Help my dear assistant Fluttershy find her legs! She seems to have fallen over midst all the excitement! Lift her up before the buzzards find her! Ha!"
Willing hooves went to fulfill Pinkie's request, and carried the debilitated Fluttershy all the way up into the basket. Fluttershy attempted one last squeak for help, but it was lost beneath Pinkie's exalted Farewell Address.
"We go now, to the dark interior of the Everfree Forest, for all Ponyville! For all Equestria! For Princess and Prowess! Excelsior!" With her last exclamation, she released from her hooves a cloud of small wood shavings. The action yielded exactly the intended result. Tumultuous cheering and stomping of hooves filled the street in front of the shop, and echoed down throughout Ponyville.
Pinkie released the lines which held the balloon moored to solid ground, and they were aweigh, the clamor of cheering following their ascent.
"Fluttershy! Join me in waving to our admirers, supporters, and benefactors! Look! Listen! Ponyville is giving us an admirable send-off! Hello! What did that one say? 'Look out' is an odd way to send off intrepid explorers, wouldn't you sa-" She had no time to finish her statement, for just in the path of the balloon lay the Ponyville Clock Tower. "Brace for impact!" cried Pinkie, diving into the pile of provisions.
Fluttershy had just enough time to grab a nearby cherry pie that seemed sufficiently impact-resistant. She braced the pie between her and the basket, a split second before it collided with the massive clock tower. Her head slammed into the pie with a splat, the cherries absorbing much of the shock on impact. The balloon continued to rise, dragging the heavily laden basket with it over the clock tower. Still dazed, Fluttershy checked herself for injuries. Besides a minor headache, she felt perfectly intact, though the cherry filling covering the right side of her face may have concealed any injuries existing there.
Pinkie Pie emerged from amidst the provisions, which were now littering the floor of the basket. "Bit of a miscalculation on my part," she said between bites of a blueberry muffin. "Should be smooth and fair winds from this point on."
"I don't know about that," said Fluttershy nervously as she wiped off the remains of the pie. "I think we lost some provisions in the collision."
Pinkie turned to look back at the clock tower. Sure enough, a multi-colored smear of destroyed pastries lay across the top of the clock tower where their basket had been dragged. Pinkie, optimistic as ever, waved her hoof as if the thing was completely inconsequential. "Psh! We shan't need them! Once we reach the forest, we may simply land and forage to our hearts' desires!"
Fluttershy shuddered and looked down upon the scene below them. It was quite a magnificent view. They were high enough to see the entire town of Ponyville, like a miniature model, set in a picturesque green patchwork. "We seem to be going up pretty fast," said Fluttershy.
"Astute as ever, dear Fluttershy!" beamed Pinkie. "Indeed, we do seem to be ascending rather rapidly. The sudden drop of our provisions must have caused this! Never fear, for I shall shortly settle this minor setback!" With that, Pinkie stood herself up as high as she could, reaching towards the rope dangling from the side of the envelope. "I cannot seem to reach it! Please, Fluttershy, give me a hoof-up!"
Fluttershy set her fore-hooves to support PInkie's weight. Bracing herself against the ropes, Pinkie reached out to the relief rope which she could pull to release excess hot air from the envelope. It was still a mere inch beyond reach.
"Yes," sighed Pinkie, "that is where Twilight refused to provide me with any more rope." Suddenly, the balloon lurched and Pinkie tumbled back into the basket. "What the blazes was that?" she exclaimed.
Fluttershy could not speak, but only point with a shaky hoof at the massive thunderhead they were now ascending straight into. Violent winds began to rack the balloon to and fro as they traveled straight into the grim storm.
"Ah, a thousand plagues upon this foul weather!" growled Pinkie. "Rainbow Dash will certainly get a stern telling of after this!"
"If we survive this!" gulped Fluttershy. She lay flat against the floor of the basket, her whole body quivering in fear. Quietly, she prayed that she would live to see the sweet ground again.
Pinkie turned to the miserable Fluttershy sternly. "Fluttershy! Don't you remember that conversation we had? About those nay-saying ponies tellling us what we can't do?"
"Can we not die?"
"No! We can! No...wait...."
A bolt of lighting cracked the sky. Fluttershy covered her head with her hooves as the sonic wave of thunder rocked the balloon like a buoy in a monsoon. Wind seemed to blow the balloon about from every direction and the rain began to fall in torrents against its rotund side.
"Agh! The provisions! They are getting spoiled!" cried Pinkie, trying to save an already soggy souffle. "We must make our presence scarce from this beastly weather!" Pinkie faced out into the storm, trying to find a break in the wild tempest. "We must descend!" Pinkie lifted Fluttershy's chin and stared directly into her eyes. "I cannot do this alone, Fluttershy!"
Fighting back her fear, Fluttershy shakily rose to her hooves. Pinkie nodded to her and once again climbed onto Fluttershy's hooves. The basket swayed violently in the gale; it was all Pinkie could do to keep from falling. Pinkie wrapped a hoof about a rope to support herself and reached as far as she could to the relief rope. It remained adamantly just out of reach. In an act of desperation, she wound herself up for a leap.
Fluttershy, sensing what Pinkie was about to do, let out a terrified, "No!" But it was too late.
Pinkie leaped up. Her flailing hoof found the relief rope and firmly grasped it. She hung from it for several seconds, allowing the hot air to escape. It soon became evident that they were indeed descending. The frightful violence of the storm began to subside as they descended through the cloud.
"Pinkie! You did it! Thank Celestia!" said Fluttershy with a relieved sigh.
"Yes, never doubted for a moment we would be fine! My skill-" Her statement was interrupted by a tearing noise, followed by a several-foot fall back into the basket. She landed with a heavy "OOF!" midst the soggy pile of pastries. Stunned, she picked herself up, and found the severed relief rope still in her hoof, a large portion of torn fabric attached to it.
"Oh dear."
The balloon was now out of the storm cloud and was beginning to pick up speed in its descent. The wind began to whistle past them on a distinctly upwards course, relatively speaking. Fluttershy had prayed to see land again, but did not want her prayers to be answered quite this rapidly. She gave the bewildered Pinkie a glare of icy daggers.
Thinking quickly, Pinkie leaped onto the edge of the basket and faced upwards into the envelope, into the very maw of the balloon. With all her might she began to blow into the balloon. "I've got all this hot air, so I might as well use it!" she said frantically between breaths. "I'm open to suggestions at this point!"
Fluttershy did not say a word as the balloon continued to pick up speed. She had resolved herself to this fate, plummeting from the sky in some ill-fated expedition. "They'll have my epitaph read: 'Twas not the balloon, but the foolhardy buffoon, that ended Fluttershy's life, all too soon.'" she moaned.
"Wait! Hold the funeral processions! Why, I do believe that we are slowing down! Yes! Look!" cried Pinkie ecstatically.
Fluttershy, could not believe this claim, but it was undeniable. They were indeed slowing in their descent. Ponyville, in all her beauty, was approaching at a much more comfortable rate than moments ago. As they neared the town square, they saw a crowd of ponies gathering, cheering them on their descent.
"Haha! Listen to that, Fluttershy! Cheers to welcome back the conquering heroes!" said Pinkie as she gave Fluttershy a hearty smack on the back. "I told you, nothing to worry about! We return to Ponyville, as intrepid explorers, going further than most have ever dreamed!"
"We really didn't go anywhere," muttered Fluttershy.
Pinkie Pie, optimistic as ever, countered her claim cheerily. "Ha! You are much too modest, Fluttershy! We have just braved the perils of clock towers, storms, near starvation, and gravity, all in the span of a mere five minutes!"
The cheers from the crowd below followed the balloon in its gentle descent. It landed in the middle of the street with throngs of ponies gathering to hail the daring Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy. The two peril-braving ponies clambered down from the basket to welcoming hooves and cheers. Pinkie was utterly submerged in her element, blowing exuberant kisses and eagerly shaking hooves. Questions came at them quickfire from all directions.
"What happened up there?"
"How did you manage to slow the balloon while you fell? Pinkie's hot air, no doubt."
"You didn't lose my mane dryer, did you??"
"Are you gonna try it again? Celestia, spare the pastries!"
"Fluttershy, dear! Why on earth do you have a shovel with you?"
Pinkie put up her hoof, gesturing for peace. "Dear ponies, I thank you all for this welcome! Our expedition was a bit....shorter than expected. But please, do not let its short span fool you! It was fraught with excitement and enlightenment! For the moment, we must recuperate over some cider and cupcakes." She grabbed the stunned Fluttershy, who had attempted to back away unnoticed into the crowd. "Come! To Sugar Cube Corner where we may discuss our future plans!"
Fluttershy donned a look of sheer horror at the statement. "Future plans?" she squeaked.
"Of course! The pursuit of science rests for nopony! The Institute has already selected me for its next exciting endeavor!"
Fluttershy tried to stop herself from asking, but the question came out unbidden. "What? Where?"
Pinkie turned to her friend, nearly bursting with glee. "The bottom of the sea! I already have my submersible craft ready to embark! I can imagine it now: piercing the Stygian depths of the sea, exploring a world unlike anypony has ever seen before, uncovering untold riches of knowledge. We will traverse the depths bravely, a good twenty-thousand leagues, I'd say, give or take. And all with you, my dear Fluttershy! You are, of course, coming with me! Fluttershy?"
The butter pegasus had lost consciousness at "Stygian."
Pinkie shrugged with a smile, and picked up her friend. "Never fear, I shall attend to the preparations myself!" She once again donned her pith helm, which was now covered in blackberry pie filling. Toting her friend behind her, Pinkie hoofed off towards Sugar Cube Corner, gallantly pointing to the horizon. "Exploration awaits!"
Author's Note
My first jab at comedy, and may end up to be a continuing series. Let me know if I should kill it with fire, so feedback requested.
