When Rainbow Dash leaves her, Pinkie Pie decides it's time to off herself! But when her own methods fail, it's up to her friends to help her. And thus, begins an exciting adventure of assisted suicide and the horrible hijinks which ensue!

Raccoon, you are not funny and should feel bad.

This is a crack-fic I wrote back before Season 2 aired. At the time, the Equestria Daily mods refused to even read it, saying it was sick, unfunny, and completely inappropriate. As a result, it's a bit out of date, but you know what? I still think it's hilarious, even years later, so I'm posting it with only minor revision.