The World-Jumper

Chapters

Prologue: The Day Everything Changed
I Like My Mares Well-Done Pt. 1
I Like My Mares Well-Done Pt. 2
I Like My Mares Well-Done Pt. 4
I Like My Mares Well-Done Pt. 5
A Chaotic New World Pt.1
A Chaotic New World Pt. 2
A Chaotic New World Pt. 3
A Chaotic New World Pt. 4
A Chaotic New World Pt. 5
Turning Trix
Lord and Master
Lord and Master (Appendix/Reference Guide)
Twilight of the Gods
Dazzled
I Like My Mares Well-Done Pt. 3

Prologue: The Day Everything Changed

Author's Note

If this is your first time reading this, I know it's not very fun to read. But don't judge this entire story by it. This is a backstory dump, and if I didn't do it, you'd be really confused reading the rest of the story. Please, I beg of you, go on to the next chapter. It's more like what the whole story will be like.

(Also, if you just want to get to the good part, skip to Turning Trix. The first two stories are a lot older than those that follow, and don't reflect my writing style as well.)

Prologue: The Day Everything Changed

Ever notice how some writers can write so well, they seem to create entire worlds with their work? Not just any old gas-station novel, mind you, but the real stuff. That kind of creation that you know isn’t real, but is so vivid and imaginable that it very well could be. Well, there’s a reason behind that. Some people say it takes a special gift to be an author, or a painter, or a storyteller. To an extent, they’re right. You see, these “separate worlds” that writers seem to create are nothing of the sort; in most cases, they actually predate the artists who tap them. Certain people have a subconscious link to other dimensions, and this link manifests itself in their imaginations. This is what inspires them to create, and often, they reproduce the world they are linked to in their work. So your favorite comic book series? It’s actually happening, somewhere on the other end of the space-time continuum. But for the better part of human history, these creative works were the only links between the dimensions. There was no way for them to actually interact, until about a year ago. The accident changed all that.

That year had been a particularly profitable year for Jack West. He had made some very ingenious advances in nanotechnology, perfected his combat exoskeleton design, and shaken the world up more than a few times. Those were fun. Then there had been the stuff like the anthrax vaccine, tornado-detecting systems, and the other, more benevolent tools he had developed. Of course, no one would accept such gifts from the master-criminal and psychopath he was painted to be on CNN. This was the unfortunate side-effect of his style of living. Then again, most of what Jack did would be considered criminal in the free world, though he did try and be decent about it. That is, he didn’t kill without reason, he considered bio-weapons and terror tactics off-limits, and those he stole from wouldn’t miss what was stolen. He possessed an uncompromising sense of honor, and it always left one wondering where his moral compass pointed.

Jack’s true pursuit had always been personal gain, but it was closely rivaled by his scientific quests. He was undoubtedly one of the smartest men on the planet, and used this very much to his benefit. His skill at invention, and the bleeding-edge technology he considered a standard were proof of that. He had a printing press to rival any American mint’s, and even then, he could create false credit instantly in an online account. To put it mildly, he was set for life. And he had the skills to enjoy such wealth. He had trained himself to the peak of human physical ability, and was disciplined in almost every style of martial arts and hand-to-hand combat. Combined with his scientific knowledge and financial capabilities, this made him a very powerful and dangerous man. One might compare him to Batman, but on the other end of the ethics spectrum.

With all the luxuries his gifts afforded him, Jack’s biggest day-to-day problem was boredom. To this end, he pursued breakthroughs in every field of science, almost like an intense hobby. As part of this hobby, he would then weaponize his developments and take them onto the many battlefields the world set up for him. It needs not be said that every arm of the American military, and several foreign powers had him at the top of their kill lists. This allowed a perfect testing ground for his technology, with disastrous results for the opposing forces. On this particular day, Jack was working toward what was probably his greatest achievement yet: teleportation. It seemed like the stuff of a Flash Gordon comic, but his research had proved it very much possible. There was a buffer-space outside of our dimension, separating it from others. By entering that space, then returning in a different position, he could theoretically warp from one end of the Earth to the other in seconds. The device he was working on would allow him to do just that. He had just finished the final modifications, and by throwing a switch, he began the test. The portal-like device started humming, as various lights and dials came to life on the control panel. After a minute of warming up, a neon-blue energy vortex began forming in the center of the device. It looked like something out of Back to the Future, swirling almost hypnotically with the appeal of the unknown. Jack’s trance-like wonder at his own creation was broken by a shrill chirping from the control panel. Indicators were shifting around erratically, and the sparks flying from the portal indicated one thing: a power surge. At any second, the vortex could collapse on itself, and his chance at the breakthrough would disappear with it. The portal had not yet stabilized; there was no way of knowing what would happen if he tried to enter it. It was the now-or-never moment. Remembering his own adopted maxim of carpe diem, he ran from the control panel and into the energy cyclone. As he entered, he could feel his own body puncturing an invisible barrier, and he disappeared in a flash of light.

Jack rocketed out into subspace, looking back to see the rift his jump had left in the dimensional membrane. He was completely enveloped in prismatic light, and could barely make out the globular shapes of other realities. He was speeding through the buffer zone uncontrollably, zipping every which way and several times bouncing off dimensional boundaries. After almost a minute of chaotic ricocheting, he saw himself clearly heading toward his own rift. His course was unobstructed, but his journey was not finished. As he picked up speed, a shape he recognized as a mach cone formed around his swirling body. A split-second later, the entire sub-space rocked in a massive explosion, almost like a sonic boom. Jack raced through the shockwave, charging head-on into his own dimension. Back in his lab, he shot back out of the portal at breakneck speed, tumbling across the floor until he smacked into the wall opposite.

That experiment had further-reaching effects than he realized. Previously, the separate realities had been spread out, none in contact with any other. But thanks to Jack’s racing about the space-time continuum, more than a few of those dimensions had been knocked out of place, drawing them towards our own. The end result was that the dimensions crossed over. This meant objects in one dimension would unexpectedly shift to another. This led to a rise in unexplained disappearances, as well as a few unfortunate incidents of things from other realities entering ours. Such incidents were promptly dealt with and covered up by the separate efforts of Jack and the covert intelligence agencies of the world. As time progressed, Jack focused all his efforts on the teleportation project. He eventually found a way to form stable portals much more quickly, and he could use these to warp across dimensions at will. But he was by no means immune to the effects of his own experiment.

This brings us back to the present. Now, Jack was dropping through the sky at terminal velocity, a few thousand feet above the Everglades. Ra’s al Ghul, villain from the ever-popular D.C. Comics universe, had been warped into the real world. He had brought a massive flying fortress with him (not the WWII plane, a literal flying fortress), and that meant he probably had ill intentions for the Sunshine State. Being he was a Batman villain, Jack had decided to take a similar approach in his armor. He told any partners he had it was his stealth combat suit, but he had really just lifted The Dark Knight’s loadout from Arkham City and made a few improvements. Those tools were what he was equipped with right now. He planned to land on the airship, infiltrate it, then destroy it. But destiny had other plans. Just as Jack spread his cape to begin gliding, he was surrounded in a millisecond flash of blue light. By the time the burst of light had faded, there was nothing but empty air where he had been.

Across dimensions, another flash appeared, and as quickly as he had disappeared, Jack reconstituted in a new world. He was pulling out his cape to glide, but there was no room for it now. He did cut a lot of his momentum by gliding along for a few seconds, until he inevitably slammed into the ground. He had landed on a hillside of lush, green grass, nothing like the swamps formerly below him. Jack knew something was wrong. He pulled out his PDA and began searching for his location. Nothing showed up. No signal at all, and he used one of the strongest transmitters on the planet. This led him to the most logical conclusion: he wasn’t on Earth anymore. But he wasn’t the only one surprised at this new development. About 15 feet above him, he heard a cloud call out.

“Who, or what, are you?”

Jack looked up to see his inquisitor, but what he saw was entirely unexpected. He figured he must have been under the influence of some mental power or very potent drug, because hovering above him, sitting in the cloud, was a cyan blue, rainbow-maned pegasus.

I Like My Mares Well-Done Pt. 1

Jack could think of nothing else to do but stare back. He had encountered mythological beasts before, but this one was different. She (he could tell by her voice she was a she) looked almost animated, sort of surreal. For all his wisdom and experience, this time he was well and truly baffled.

"Hello? Equestria to freak, can you hear me? What in Celestia's name are you?"

Equestria. Celestia. An animated blue pegasus. That's when it hit him. He was in another reality, this one based off of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. The show had just taken off about a year ago, and when it developed such an unusually large fanbase, Jack took interest. He followed the show, but not fanatically: being known as a brony didn't exactly command respect. He had developed some knowledge of his surroundings, enough to restore his faculties and confidence. By now the cloud-riding pegasus had dropped to the ground, standing in front of him.

"My name is Jack West, and I am a human. You are?"

"Name's Rainbow Dash. A human, huh? I think I've heard Twilight mention that from some Equestrian mythology textbook. I didn't even think they, I mean you, were real."

"Well, as you can see, I'm as real as you are. But as you can also see, I'm not from around here."

"Where are you from, then? And why are you in Ponyville? Are you a spy?"

"Easy, easy! I'm not a spy for anyone. As for where I'm from, it's a long story. And I don't particularly know why I'm here. You might say I showed up by mistake."

"Oh, well. Alright then."

Rainbow fluttered back up to her cloud, which he just noticed looked very overcast. The anger in her voice was replaced by depression, as if his lack of concrete answers had disappointed her.

"I'm sorry for going off on you like that, Jack. I've had a lot on my mind lately."

Jack's memory of the show was coming back. He remembered this one best of all. Rainbow Dash was a speed-demon and tomboy, and the Element of Loyalty. Given this, one would expect her to be surrounded by friends. The fact that she wasn't, coupled with the sadness that emmanated from her voice, told him plenty about her situation. Here, he saw an opportunity to make an ally. In this unfamiliar world, that would probably be the best asset he could ask for.

"Don't worry. You wanna talk about it?"

"Not really... Alright, look. I know I just met you, but for some strange reason I feel like I trust you more than anypony else. Does that seem weird to you?"

"Not at all. You have no reason to distrust me, so your natural inclination is to trust me."

Rainbow descended from her cloud, curious but somber.

"Well, I've got a lot on my chest right now, and letting it all out would probably be good for me. Do you mind?"

"Not in the least. Besides, you're about the only person, or pony, I suppose, I know around here. I'd rather have a single friend than a single enemy any day. Go ahead."

Rainbow, relieved at having found an unlikely ally, opened up to the stranger.

"Thanks. Well, I live in Ponyville, just at the bottom of that hill. I don't really have a lot to do once the daily weather is arranged, so..."

Weather manipulation? This piqued Jack's interest immediately. But he didn't dare interrupt. If he wanted to get her on his side, he just needed to listen.

"...and a few random rescues turned me into the resident hero. Ponies were cheering my name, watching in awe as I put my life on the line to save somepony else. I really was their hero, and I got the glory that came with it. I even had my own fan club! It was awesome! Until she showed up."

The problem! This story was getting interesting. And it probably held the root to gaining Rainbow Dash's loyalty, he decided.

"She who?"

"Mare-Do-Well! She's this masked vigilante who's been stealing all my rescues lately. It started during a balloon crash. You know, the balloon popped, innocent pony falling to her doom, yadda yadda. I'm all set to make the save, when she jumps out of nowhere and grabs the pilot. I was about to grab hold of the balloon, but she distracted me and made me crash. When I landed everypony was worshipping her! They treated her like a celebrity, and ignored me entirely! It was all downhill from there. I try time after time to make a rescue, be a hero again, but she always shows up first and snatches it! And the glory that comes with it. Now they're about to give her a parade in a few days, while everypony's forgotten about me! As Rarity would say, I'm so pathettttic!"

The fake whine made Jack laugh. Rainbow, unable to keep up the imitation, joined in. Jack knew he was making progress in cementing the alliance.

"I get how you feel. Fortune is fickle, as are the hearts of most people, err, ponies. By the way, who's Rarity?"

He was feigning ignorance this entire time. If he let on that he knew too much, she would never trust him.

"Oh, yeah. That's the worst part. Rarity is, or was my friend. I have about five best friends, and she's one of them. Anyway, I'm hanging around Sugarcube Corner after Mare-Do-Well's latest appearance, and what do I hear? All five of them, lavishing praises for their precious Mare-Do-Well. And I'm supposed to be the loyal one! I thought it worked both ways, but no! Even my best friends abandoned me for her."

Forget a turn-and-burn alliance, Jack thought, I feel for this one. I'm not going to use her, leave her behind like everyone else. I'm going to help her, even if I don't benefit from it. At this line of thought, an idea occurred to him. She didn't know who he was, what he'd done. This world was like a blank slate for him. If he wanted to be a hero, he could be one here. No one needed to know his past. Jack West realized he had stumbled onto one of the greatest opportunities of his life: the opportunity to be the good guy, for once. But regardless of this idyllic daydream, there was still the conversation at hand, which he needed to keep going.

"I know how that feels, to be betrayed. It hurts deeply, makes you doubt everything you thought you knew about someone. But I've found that a betrayal often shows you who your real friends are."

"If I had any friends left, that might work for me, Jack."

"Well, call me crazy, but I feel like I empathize with you. In fact, you remind me of myself. I had to go through a time where I couldn't trust anyone. Let me help you get through yours."

"Wait a second, we just met, you're from a species I didn't even think existed, and you want to help me?"

"I know. Crazy, right? Well, more than a few people have called me that, so it may fit me. But yes, I'd like to help you. Will you accept my offer?"

"At this point, Jack, I don't feel like I have any other choice. So I accept. And thank you."

To quote Casablanca, Jack thought, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

I Like My Mares Well-Done Pt. 2

Jack and Rainbow left the hillside, walking back towards Ponyville. Rainbow stopped them at the edge of town, with a clear view of Central Square. Preparations for the parade were already underway.

"Is this the parade you were telling me about?"

"Yeah. It makes me sick just looking at it."

"When is it?"

"Tomorrow. That's when I make my move."

"Hold on a second. No one said anything about "making a move." What exactly are you planning on doing?"

"Unmasking Mare-Do-Well, of course! She's bound to make an appearance at the ceremony, and as soon as she does, I'll swoop in, snatch the mask, and see how she likes the hero business then."

"Yeah, great plan, except it really isn't one. Based on what you've told me about her, I doubt she'll be that easy to get at. And there's a lot more to think through than just smash-and-grab."

"Ugh, you're right. She has wings, after all, and she's pretty fast on her hooves, too. I'm not that good at the planning thing, you know?"

"Then it's a good thing I'm here. I agree with you that the parade is a good chance to strike. Tell me everything you know about Mare-Do-Well's abilities. It'll help me plan for any tricks she might have up her sleeve, and I just might be able to figure out who she is."

"Okay. Like I said, she's fast and she has wings. She's pretty strong, too."

"How strong?"

"Like buck-a-speeding-carriage strong. And she has a horn, and she can use it pretty well."

"You mean like a unicorn?"

"Yeah. I forgot to tell you, unicorns can use their horns to do magical stuff. Mostly they just make things float around, but I don't get it very well."

"I see. So she's an alicorn?"

"Yeah, like the princesses. It's like she has all the best parts of each kind of pony wrapped up in one: unicorn magic, pegasus speed and flight, and earth pony strength. Not really fair to me, I say."

"Interesting. I think I'm getting some ideas..."

"Maybe we should go visit Twilight. She could probably tell us more about Mare-Do-Well, and humans, and maybe figure out why you're here."

"Good idea, except for one thing. We don't know who Mare-Do-Well is, so she could be anyone. We thus can't trust anyone, or we might lose the element of surprise. Right now, no one knows that I'm here except for you. I'm our wild card. Even if Mare-Do-Well is completely prepared for you to attack, she still won't expect me; that's our edge."

"Ohhh, clever. I like your thinking, Jack. Do you have a plan yet?"

"As a matter of fact, I do. We're going to play a few mind games with Mare-Do-Well. Here's the plan..."

Jack drew out figures in the dirt below, as Rainbow's devious smile slowly widened. She knew she was going to like this.

A hoard of ponies had gathered in town square, collectively boiling over in anticipation. Each of them was excited to see Mare-Do-Well, and hopefully some of her famous skills and tricks. The Mayor called the energetic herd to attention with a few taps on the microphone.

"Welcome to Ponyville's first, but surely not last, thank-you parade, in honor of our city's greatest hero, the Mysterious Mare-Do-Well!"

At this, Mare-Do-Well leapt through the backdrop, onto the stage. Perched from the roof of a nearby bell tower, Jack could make out every detail of her. She was wearing a long cape, similar to his own, and large hat: neither wings nor a horn were visible. He would just have to trust Rainbow Dash on this. He studied the stage, then the crowd, and finally Rainbow. She was hidden in the throng, ready to pounce when the time was right. Jack, sensing the group's enthusiasm at a fever pitch, nodded to his partner, who had discretely looked up to him. He began recalling his plan word-for-word, just as he told Rainbow the day before, as it materialized before him.

When I give you the signal, jump out of the crowd and call Mare-Do-Well out.

Jack watched her fly up a few feet above the mob, and he could hear her loud and clear.

"The Mysterious Mare-Do-Well, huh? So what are you hiding? Let's see how mysterious you are without that mask!"

She charged forward from the mass, straight towards Mare-Do-Well. As he had expected, she took off running.

If she's someone who knows you, this is what she'll expect you to do. We'll give her a false sense of security. She'll probably run. Follow her, and don't worry: I'll be right behind you.

Jack leapt off the tower, down to the buildings below. He extended his cape and glided after Rainbow. Of all the ponies below, only Twilight wasn't distracted enough to miss the shadow passing across the crowd. Jack landed on a lower rooftop and kept runnning, keeping pace with Dash and Mare-Do-Well.

She'll try to evade you by any means she can: magic, flight, anything. But keep with her. I'll be close.

Having essentially a birds-eye view gave Jack a certain advantage in the pursuit. He was able to follow Mare-Do-Well's every move, better than Rainbow could on the ground. He kept up the chase, until he noticed a disturbing new development. Just across the road, level with him on the rooftops, stood Mare-Do-Well. Yet he could still see the one Rainbow was chasing. And on top of that, there was another Mare-Do-Well on the street opposite from him. Three different Mare-Do-Wells. This didn't figure into his plan at all.

Jack stopped, staring down the other Mare-Do-Well. Screw the plan, he decided. Rainbow could handle alone for a little while. But right now he needed some real answers. He drew a razor-disc from his hip. Mare-Do-Well attempted to turn and run, but he threw too fast: her legs were knocked out from under her. As she recovered, Jack leapt across the gap onto the same rooftop. She galloped towards the edge of the building and jumped down. But once again, Jack was too fast for her. He drew a grapnel gun from his bandolier, aimed, and fired. The hook passed right over Mare-Do-Well, snagging her cape and hanging her over the edge like dirty laundry. He tied the gun to a nearby chimney, then ran to the ledge.

"I'm not done with you yet. Do me a favor, Mare-Do-Well. Hang around a little while."

He jumped off the edge, bounding across rooftops in the direction he had seen Rainbow and the other two Mare-Do-Wells go. He figured he could at least somewhat return to the plan now.

Keep her on the ropes, but if you get a shot at her, take it. I can deal with any potential interference.

He looked down an alleyway he was about to cross, and saw that Rainbow had followed instructions: she had apparently found her shot, and taken Mare-Do-Well down. One of them, anyway. She stood over her capture triumphantly, but out of the corner of his eye, he noticed the other hiding in the shadows close to him. He could just make out the tip of a horn under the brim of her hat, and he knew that meant trouble. Diving from the rooftop almost instinctively, he glided directly at the only Mare-Do-Well still standing.

"Rainbow, look out!"

All shocked eyes went to him, as he ran into a surprised Mare-Do-Well and knocked her into a wall. She bounced back onto the pavement, and Jack put his hand over her torso, forcing her down. Rainbow gave her captive a quick curb-stomp, and ran over to him, stuttering.

"Jack! I thought you'd left me! But how do you have... if I have over there... what is this?"

"There's another one hung up a few blocks down. I should've seen it before: more than one Mare-Do-Well. It would explain all her powers, and how you could never quite keep up with her. But whoever she, or they, are, they're finished. Mine's out, and yours appears to be, too. Let's get them together, be sure the other one doesn't escape."

As he hoisted the vigilante onto his shoulder, he couldn't help but feel he wouldn't like what he and Rainbow found under those three masks.

I Like My Mares Well-Done Pt. 4

He could see her from quite a ways off. In addition to her naturally attention-catching features, he had a polychromatic cloud contrail to follow. They had left Ponyville city limits a long time ago, and though he was much slower on foot than her in the air, he figured she should at least have some time to herself. He had followed her trail through a small forest, until arriving at the edge of a steep canyon. She was hung in a tree branch, lying on her back. He approached slowly, almost stealthily, but then he remembered she would probably lose her mind if he surprised her at a time like this. His footfalls intentionally became louder, until one snapped a loose twig on the rocks. Her head jerked around, contorting her neck in a way that looked very painful. Her face was one of pure rage and scorn.

"WHAT DO YOU WANT! Oh, it's you, Jack. Sorry."

Briskening his pace, he slid down to sit on the ledge next to her.

"Don't worry, Dash. I can't blame you for being tense. Where are we?"

"This is called Ghastly Gorge. Most ponies are terrified of the place by the name alone, which means peace and quiet for me. I almost died down there, once. Got overconfident then, too."

"Nice view."

The peace was further murdered by a sudden, irritating chime from Jack's pocket: his iPhone was telling him something. He pulled it from his pants and held up the screen; he shouldn't be notified of anything, given his lack of connnection. But the message he saw shortly debunked this. It read: JACK WEST located. Dimension Code: 75234. Link Established. He had programmed an interdimensional search system for this eventuality just after the accident, and this field test proved its worth. He could now move between dimensions as he willed, and he was no longer cut off from the myriad of technology at his disposal. He had no plans of leaving, though.

"What's that, Jack?"

Startled by this devlopment, Jack had completely forgotten about Rainbow.

"This is a smartphone, Dash. I can do a lot of things with it. And it looks like where I came from just found me."

Just as he put the phone back in his pocket, it chirped again. His new message read: ALERT. Threat detected. He unlocked the device to find a hi-def diagram of space-time awaiting him. It looked solid, like the fabric so many describe it as, but there was a hole in it. A small vortex ripped in the bottom-left corner of the screen, ever-so-slightly expanding. Its caption read: DIMENSIONAL RIFT DETECTED. CRITICAL TIME: 15 MINS. This was bad.

"Jack? What's going on?"

"It's a long, complicated story, Rainbow Dash. Is there a big, open space around here, not very many trees?"

"Yeah, there's a park about a mile to the east..."

She suddenly fell silent, her eyes fixed towards the path Jack had blazed. Standing on it, 30 ft. away, were the Mane 5. They had clumped up in a tight group, with Twilight in the lead. Dash, dropping to the ground, was not pleased with the unexpected company.

"What are you all doing here?"

"We want you back, Rainbow. We're sorry that we hurt you, but moping around out here isn't going to fix anything. We're going to fix this friendship, one way or another."

"What's the point? I've already found a new friend: Jack. His track record's clean, and y'all's has a big, purple-and-navy splotch on it."

"That's another thing. 'Jack' is coming back to Canterlot for a personal audience with Princess Celestia. No matter what's happened between you two, he has quite a bit of explaining to do."

"We don't have time for this, Dash. I need to get to that park. Now."

"I don't think we asked if you were interested, partner. Get moving."

"We're out of options, Dash. Time to leave."

With equal urgency, both Twilight's and Jack's screams hit Rainbow silmutaneously.

"No!"

"Jump!"

It was decision time for her. Jack was running towards the edge, and Twilight towards her. She was stuck between them, not sure who to trust. She felt a desire to rekindle the friendship of the others, but at the same time, the angry fire of betrayal still burned in her heart. Her loyalty was split.

Instinct took over sluggish logic, and Rainbow Dash made a running leap into Ghastly Gorge. She opened up her wings, catching up quickly with Jack. He was using his cape to glide along air currents, like he did in Ponyville. Back on the edge, Twilight pulled herself away from the drop, and watched the two float across the canyon. Fluttershy was the only one who could follow them, and even being near Ghastly Gorge terrified her. All Twilight could do was watch, until Applejack shouted to her from her right.

"C'mon, Twi! He said they were going to the park! We can cut 'em off at the pass!"

She was already galloping along the cliffside, and had inspired Rarity to do the same. Twilight took off close behind them, leaving Pinkie and Fluttershy behind. Fluttershy was curled up in the fetal position, whimpering "Ghastly... g-g-Gorge...". Pinkie just stood there, and promptly warped out of sight.

Jack had pulled behind Dash, using her current to keep himself aloft. Besides, she knew the way to the park, which he needed to get to. He couldn't explain it to anyone else, but it looked like his native dimension and this one were merging, threatening to destroy each other. All of a sudden, a mass of pink appeared on a nearby rock formation, sending Dash spiraling away. Without her to draft behind, he descended rapidly, running into the side of the rock. He clasped on for life, noting the sheer drop below him. As he searched for an escape route, he could hear the pink blob incessantly talking above him:

"Hey, Rainbow Dash! Where are you going? I wanna come! Can I? Can I? Oh. Hey, you down there! Jack, or whatever your name is! What are you doing here?"

"I'm afraid I don't have time for Q&A right now, but when I do, you'll be the first to know."

Jack had drawn his grapnel gun, and aiming for a nearby cliff, pulled himself off the formation and back into the air. He gradually maneuvered back behind Dash, but that proved to be very little benefit; they had already arrived. She put down just past the railed edge, and he grabbed onto it and swung over.

"Alright, Jack, we're at Ghastly Gorge Park. Now what's so important about us being here?"

Just as he got to his feet, a magical energy bolt exploded before him. The origin was Twilight's horn, still simmering with power.

"Yes, Jack, tell us. Why do you need to come here so badly?"

"It's a long story, but in the end, something very bad happens if I don't get here."

Jack had already whipped out his iPhone, fiddled with a few controls, and set it down in a nearby clearing. Applejack was approaching him fiercely.

"I don't buy it. There's too much he ain't telling us. This is your last chance to come clean, partner, or we're going to have to get rough."

Jack, sensing a brawl ahead of him, turned to Dash.

"Listen, I need this phone to stay right where it is for a few minutes. I'm bringing in some important equipment, and it will tell another person where the stuff needs to go. Do you trust me?"

"A lot more than I do them, Jack."

"Then don't let them touch this phone."

Jack turned back to the other 4, ready for a fight.

"Then let's get rough, cowgirl."

He and Dash took defensive stances, as the other side readied their charge.

"AJ, Rarity, take care of Jack. Pinkie, you're with me. I want to talk down Rainbow; she's acting almost out of her mind."

"Right."

"Eeyup."

"Okie dokie lokie!"

With this, the battle began. Rarity launched a volley of pulse bolts, which Jack expertly dodged. Applejack was more direct, charging forward and bucking at him several times. He evaded these as well, until one connected, knocking him backwards. He recovered with a backflip, produced a razor-disc in his right hand, and flung it towards them. It soared, wide right.

"You missed, you uncouth ruffian!"

"Did I?"

Almost on command, the disc came back towards him, cracking into the back of Rarity's neck. It bounced, spun through the air, and landed in his hands. She fell to the ground, while Applejack resumed her charge. She spun sideways and leapt into the air, dropkicking with her hind legs. Watching her carefully, Jack bent backwards, Matrix-style, and let her pass right over him. She careened into the dirt behind him, as he stood back up and turned to her. She was already back on her hooves, ready for another attack. But Jack cut the battle off before she could, drawing his Taser pistol and expertly placing a single dart in her right shoulder. A curt electrical spark ran over Applejack's body, and as quickly as she had gotten up, her snarl fell flat, her pupils dilated rapidly, and she tipped onto her side, shuddering. But no sooner had this happened then Jack felt a powerful bolt of force, almost like a bullet, hit him from behind at the base of his neck. It was enough to knock him down, and he recovered to see the still-glowing horn of a fuming Rarity.

"That is not any way to treat a lady!"

She screamed again, and began to charge him, coating herself in a swirling, neon-blue cloak of magical energy. Jack dropped to a knee and fired three times, but each Taser dart bounced off her shield, and she continued to advance on him. She was upon him in an instant; he barely managed to dive away from her. She skidded to a stop on the other side, and turned back to him, nostrils snorting smoke. Still magic-cloaked, she charged again, but this time Jack had a plan. He waited for just the perfect moment, then leapt into the air, spinning around. He landed on her back, and Rarity reverted to full-on bronco mode. She stopped all forward movement and began bucking wildly, jumping around and kicking. Jack held on, though, and once her initial burst of energy subsided, he pressed his pistol into her flank and let loose a single shot, right in the Cutie Mark. Rarity stopped in her tracks, allowing him to spread his legs to stay up as she collapsed beneath him, with the same electrical crackle as he had seen on Applejack.

Meanwhile, Rainbow, Twilight, and Pinkie were having their own tussle, trading words more quickly than blows.

"Leave me alone! I'm done with all of you!"

"Rainbow, please stop! We just want to help you!"

Twilight projected a small magical claw from her horn, which an airborne Rainbow easily dodged. She quickly ascended afterwards, noticing Pinkie's leaps increasing in altitude.

"I don't need your help! I don't need any of you! I have Jack now!"

"Rainbow, Jack is a human. We don't know anything about him. He could be dangerous."

"You'd know all about that, wouldn't you, Twilight? He couldn't do much worse than stab me in the back, and a certain five ponies have already tried that!"

Pinkie, straight hair bobbing as she jumped, broke in and started pleading.

"Please, Dash, come back to us. We miss you!"

Dash stopped in midair, looking back at her. She was filled with regret for deepening the wound, and now wanted more than all else to be reunited with her old friends. Pinkie started to smile, but Dash's attention was stolen by the cracking impact of a magical bolt. She was distracted, though only long enough to see Jack fall to his knees, then on the ground. Behind him, Rarity's horn was smoking with power. Dash's soft feelings hardened into rock, baked by flaming rage. Bad timing.

"No! You betrayed me, upstaged me, and next to ruined my life. But if you're trying to hurt Jack, then I'm going to hurt you!"

She blasted past Twilight and Pinkie on the ground, disappearing in a rainbow trail. But the absence was short-lived, as she began whizzing between them, knocking them about in every direction at high speeds. Twilight was downed, but was able to muster up enough magical energy to create a force field. Still a blur, Dash ricocheted off the dome, regaining control after the rebound. She and Twilight were poised to assault each other, while Pinkie just stood by, dumbstruck. Before magic and flight could collide, and just as Jack stood up over Rarity, twin flashes illuminated the skies. One resulted in several metal containers falling to the ground between the two groups, just in front of Jack's phone. Another released an ornamental chariot, loaded with a driver and two passengers. Pulled by a powerful guardstallion team, it gracefully descended in front of the pile of containers. Out stepped Princesses Celestia and Luna, flanked by even more guards. Luna was the first to talk.

"JACK WEST! YOU HAVE BEEN...

Her Royal Canterlot Voice was silenced by a tap on the shoulder. Much more softly, Celestia continued.

"Rainbow Dash, Jack West. We need to talk."

Fluttershy, having gained a healthy dose of courage, had followed the group to the park (the long way around, of course). Her first sight was Luna's shouting, powerful enough to be visible in the air. Noticing an extremely serious Celestia next to her, Fluttershy realized she had arrived at a bad time.

"Oh, my...."

She promptly fainted, falling into the dirt beside her.

I Like My Mares Well-Done Pt. 5

Ignoring the new arrivals, Jack quickly got his hands on the containers. He picked one up and placed it 20 ft. away from the other two. He then dropped another one the same distance away, forming a triangle pattern.

"Jack West, I said we need to talk."

"I know, but it'll have to wait."

He payed Celestia no attention, instead pulling out cords from the containers to connect them to each other. She was not in a patient mood. With a burst of magic, she telekinetically grabbed him and yanked him away. Pulling him face-to-face with her, her eyes landed not on him, but the small, steel combat knife now pointing at her. She tried to rip it from his hand, but his grip was too firm, even for her. Sensing the threat before he spoke it, she promptly set him down.

"We are threats to each other, understood."

"Wrong. I am a threat to you, not the other way around."

"Very well then. But if you expect me to sit by while you do who-knows-what in my kingdom without even an explanation, you are the mistaken one."

"Alright, then. I've tried to avoid this, but if we all die because of it, it's on your head."

At the mention of death, the tense atmosphere only became worse. Everypony was staring attentively at him.

"Dash, when I told you I wasn't from around here, I'm afraid that may have been an understatement. I am from another dimension."

Confused and surprised looks propagated the group.

"In my native dimension, humans like me are the ruling species. There are no ponies as you think of them. A few years ago, I had an accident while experimenting with some dangerous technology. This accident broke the barrier between our dimensions, causing many other dimensions to shift towards mine. Yours is one of them. In a plane of subspace, our dimensions are like large orbs, drifting towards each other. According to my data, they're getting too close to each other, starting to overlap. Once they overlap completely, and occupy the same space, it will create a time-space anomaly that will destroy both dimensions. It sounds crazy, but believe me, this isn't my first time at something like this."

Twilight was awestruck, but everypony else was dumbstruck. While her apprentice babbled on, unintelligable with worry, Celestia tried to make sense of the situation.

"So both of our homes are at risk?"

"Exactly. In a few minutes, both this world and mine will completely cease to exist. That's why I have this stuff. Our dimensions are being pulled together by a kind of subspacial gravity, the force of which I can concentrate into one mass with this equipment. From there, I can hopefully seal it, and thereby set your dimension back in its rightful position."

"Applejack, what do you think?"

Knowing what the princess wanted her to do, Applejack placed a hoof on Jack's shoulder and closed her eyes. Her cutie mark began to glow, and after a few seconds, she backed away.

"He's tellin' the truth, so I say we oughta let him get back to work."

"Indeed. Please continue, Mr. West. We will do whatever you need of us."

Smiling for once, Jack knealt back down to the containers. He flipped up a control panel and began typing into a monitor. Each rectangular box hummed to life, and lights on the outside began to blink. He pulled out another set of cords, one from each container, leading to the center of the triangle. Soon, all of the cords began to glow a luminescent blue, and electrical sparks connected the ones in the center. Jack glanced at his phone.

"We've got a minute left. The gravity force should be concentrating right... about... now!"

Almost on cue, an orb of energy and light began to grow from the center, reaching almost 6 ft. high.

"Initiating containment procedure... sealing as we speak... dammit!"

"What's wrong, Jack?"

"I'm sorry, Dash, but I can't seal the gravity force orb. The power redirection is there, but I need more energy to complete the process. I just need more... power. Princesses!"

"What dust thou require, Jack West?"

"Stand on either side of me. Blast that ball of energy with as much magic as you can. It may give me enough power to seal the gravity force."

"On it. Luna, now!"

Two radiant blasts, one of pure sunlight, the other glimmering with stars in a black void, shot from the horns of the respective princesses. Their bodies began to glow with energy, and an otherworldly shriek emmanated from the orb as it was struck. It began shrinking, but only slightly.

"Dammit, still not enough! We need more power! Twilight, Rarity, blast it with magic!"

On command, they launched their own beams of magical energy, and the orb shrank even more. It still would not disappear, though.

"What? Eh, um... kinetic energy! Applejack, Pinkie Pie, buck it!"

The two charged foward, spinning in midair to dropkick the energy ball. Each time they hit it, it grew smaller, but also knocked them away with powerful feedback. They were persistent all the same, continuing to charge, kick, get up, and charge again.

"Still not enough! Fluttersh... oh, never mind. Dash, can you do anything? I just need a little more power!"

"Give me a sec!"

He watched as she rocketed into the air, gaining altitude until she was next to invisible. At 20,000 feet up, she curled herself into a ball, hit the peak of her parabolic trajectory, and spread out as she began falling. Maneuvering precisely with her wings, she angled herself directly above the orb, then retracted her wings; she was in free-fall. A mach cone began to form around her face, and it was all she could do to keep her eyes open. The ground was approaching fast, but even closer to her was the edge of blacking out. Back on the ground, Jack turned his eye to his phone, which was now beeping out a countdown.

He noticed a strange, bullet-like object descending directly above him, and through the air-rush he could make out Rainbow Dash.

A small protrusion of rainbow-colored energy developed at her nose, and began to spread across her body.

The rainbow blazed across her, making its own cone.

Now 500 feet above him, she was descending rapidly, coated in rainbow energy.

Her hooves touched the orb, and the rainbow began to explode out from her in a radial shockwave.

His phone timer had frozen, as apparently the world around him also had. He still had consciousness, but he was trapped in place, immobile. It was like a screenshot, frozen in time. The princesses, Twilight and Rarity were maintaining their magical beams, each glaring with determination. Applejack and Pinkie Pie had their back hooves in contact with the orb. Each was covered in bruises, Applejack had lost her hat, and Pinkie the curls in her mane. And most striking of all, Rainbow Dash, face painted with righteous fury, had slammed herself into the orb, and a burst of rainbow energy surrounded her. All around them, machinery glowed with heat and power, as sparks were motionless in midair. It was a living monument to perserverence; the only shame was that he was the only one who would ever lay eyes on it.

But the crisp, painting-like stillness was broken by motion of the energy ball. It was still shrinking, this time continuously. It compacted itself into a micro-orb, which glowed pure white. But a split-second later, it released itself in a massive blast of raw power. Time returned to normal flow, and the combined blasts of the implosion and the Sonic Rainboom knocked everypony in the vicinity off their hooves. The ponies took the brunt of it, and were shot back into the brush in opposite directions. Jack, shielded behind a container, was thrown backwards, tumbling several times over. But Dash was worst hit, launching back into the sky at breakneck speed

Jack pulled himself to his feet, seeing Dash's silhouette above him. Looking about, he saw none of the other ponies were even conscious, much less able to help. He followed in her direction, which happened to be heading directly into Ghastly Gorge. She had hit the arc, and was now falling towards the canyon. Jack pulled the railing off the edge where he stood, and watched her carefully. Drawing his grapnel gun, he timed himself, then took a running start and leapt off the side. He quickly shot towards a high rock formation, turning his fall into a swing. Midway through, Dash descended upon him, and he grabbed her by the hoof. He swung her up to hang around his shoulders, and slammed into the cliff wall opposite, swinging back into the canyon.

"So Jack...ack! how'd you like my Sonic Rainboom?"

"Nice. How did you like my catch?"

"Pretty good. But it needed to be about.. hack! ugh! 20% cooler."

"I'll keep that in mind next time."

Back in the field, Fluttershy, who had barely moved an inch (due to being so pressed into the ground in fear), slowly raised her head.

"Is..is it over?"

The next day, Jack, the Mane 6 and the princesses returned to Ponyville, taking the chance to lick their wounds (Celestia had decided againt Canterlot, on the grounds of overzealous guards and inquisitive nobles). One could imagine the surprise of the nurses when the rulers of Equestria and the Elements of Harmony entered Ponyville General Hospital as patients. They were served promptly and efficiently, even though their injuries were relatively minor. Jack hung back, hiding in the library to avoid the panic his appearance would undoubtedly cause. The others returned soon, and a rested Celestia was able to teleport them to her private chambers in the palace.

"So, what should we do with you, Jack West?"

"Sister, standard policy requires that, as a foreigner, he be turned back to his native land."

"That policy was revoked during your, um...absence, Luna."

"It is perfectly acceptable to speak of the incident now, Tia. I believe I've, how you say, gotten over it."

"That's good, Luna. But the question still stands: what do we do about Jack West?"

"Actually, Celestia, Luna was closer to the truth than she thought. I have the technology to return to my own dimension, and I can do it at any time, now that I'm linked to my base computer system. All I have to do is press a few buttons and I'm gone."

Dash, perking up her ears, took the chance to speak out.

"No, Jack, you can't leave! I want you to stay with us! I'll mi...er, it won't be as cool around here without you!"

Jack playfully ruffled her mane, as a parent reassuring a child.

"Relax, Dash. If I can leave, I can come back, right? And don't worry, I plan to come back soon. I just need some time to gather equipment, so I can make a more suitable home here."

"You promise you'll come back?"

"Hey, have I ever let you down before?"

Rainbow quickly smiled at this.

"Well, Jack, that sounds like a fine idea, but I simply can't allow it."

"I beg your pardon, princess?"

"I cannot allow you to leave... without accepting my personal thanks for saving Equestria. And I would also like to bestow upon you the Equestrian Award of Gallantry, for bravery and perserverence in the face of danger."

A small, golden medal materialized on his right breast, hanging from a light blue ribbon. On the medal was a design split into three parts: one of a unicorn, another a pegasus, and the third of an earth pony.

"It's an honor, Princess Celestia. Thank you. Now, if you'll excuse me..."

Whipping out his phone, Jack pressed a series of buttons, and a small blue portal appeared next to him.

"...it's time for me to leave."

He began to step into the portal, much to Rainbow Dash's disappointment.

"But don't worry: I'll be back."

With this, Jack walked into the portal, disappearing in a flash of light.

A Chaotic New World Pt.1

It was almost a week since Jack had left, and for once, all was peaceful in Equestria. No psychotic menaces, no foreign invasions, no interdimensional harbingers of doom. Who knew why, but somehow it was nice to not have to worry about things so much. In this peace, the Mane 6 made a realization: they had been neglecting their pets for a while. As such, they decided to have another field day. The twelve of them returned to the park at Ghastly Gorge, which had managed to restore itself from the thrashing they had put on it last time. As they entered the area, Rainbow Dash couldn't help the resurgence of memories.

"This is where we last saw him."

"Jack West? Cummon, R.D., you gotta put that feller behind ya."

"Applejack's right. Like he said himself, he's from another dimension. Even Celestia couldn't figure a spell to get to him, wherever he is. I don't think he's coming back."

"I know, Twilight. But he said he'd come back, and he never let me down before."

"There's a chance he can use whatever he did to get home to come back, and even then it's a remote one. But if what you told us about him is true, I guess you may be right. Once he stopped fighting us, he seemed like a decent, trustworthy person. Of course, I don't know very much about human personality, so there's nothing certain. But if he gave you his word, he seems like the type to hold to it."

"I sure hope so, Twilight. I sure hope so."

She gave Tank's propeller a twirl, and the enchantment on it kicked in, lifting him into the air. Everypony else's pets were already scampering about with their owners, save for Gummy, of course. He just sat there, looking oblivious as always. That is, until he started walking towards the treeline. Pinkie bounced behind him, cheerfully curious.

"What is it, Gummy? You smell something?"

If he had, he apparently thought it smelled good, because his next move was to leap into the bushes, mouth agape.

"What the? Get off!"

An unknown voice came from deep in the bushes, and its owner stepped out into the clearing. Rainbow Dash was the first to notice.

"Jack! You're back! See, girls? I told you he'd come back!"

"Well I'll be darned."

"I guess a remote chance is a chance all the same."

The group immediately crowded around him, while the pets approached more slowly.

"Hey, I told you I'd come back, didn't I? Never doubt me, Dash; I always come through for my friends. I just needed to do some bushwhacking from the spot where I landed, and luckily I found you all. And speaking of friends, I brought some trinkets I thought you might appreciate."

"Ooh, do share, Mr. West!"

"It's just Jack, Rarity. And as the Element of Generosity, you can go first."

Reaching into his backpack, Jack produced a small bundle of knick-knacks and devices. The first thing he grabbed looked like a reading lamp on a robotic arm.

"This is a stone-cutting laser. You simply set your stone on the base, press this button, and it cuts you a premium-grade gem. No labor required, and the cuts are flawless."

"Oh my stars! This will be perfect for my latest line! No more using Spike's teeth as sawblades! Thank you so much, Jack! How can I ever thank you?"

"Make good use of it, that's all I ask. Next is for Pinkie Pie."

He reached for a small, laptop-like device. It unfolded into several speakers and a digital display.

"This portable boom-box is preloaded with some of the best party music on Earth. Just press here, and instant songs. And it updates itself as new music is released, so you're always up-to-date with the latest hits. And you can use this line-out jack to hook up to even larger speakers."

"Awesome! I wanna try it out!"

Pinkie pressed as instructed, and her newest party toy began blaring exactly the kind of music Jack promised. An annoyed Applejack quickly hit the button again, ending the song prematurely.

"Quick save, A.J. You're next."

From an insulated pouch in the pack, Jack pulled a small vial of green chemical.

"This stuff is hypersaturated with nutrients and restoratives. Add a few drops to an acre of farmland, and your next crop will be larger, stronger, and higher-quality."

"Hay, we won't have to alternate fields every season with this stuff! Gee, thanks, Jack!"

He was already on to the next gift: a set of candles and another protected vial.

"This is yours, Fluttershy. First, some liquid bandage chemical. You paint this on a wound, and it acts just like a bandage. It's self-sterilizing, so you don't have to worry about that part. And second, these are aromatherapy candles. The scent they produce when burning promotes healing and revitalization, and has a calming effect on anyone, or anypony, I suppose, who inhales it. I hope both will be useful for your work."

"Oh, my... these will help.... thank you, Jack."

Next was the biggest item in the pack, a huge hardback book.

"Twilight, you're next. This encyclopedia contains a basic amount of knowledge of my world. It includes culture, sciences, human biology, and a lot of other topics. Basically, anything you want to know about humanity. Enjoy the read."

"Wow.. I've got to start now!"

Twilight eagerly snatched the book from his hands and opened it up to begin her pursuit of new knowledge.

"Yeah, okay... Alright, Dash, I saved the awesomest for last. Try these on."

He was holding a pair of luminescent orange goggles, held together by a thick strap. Dash took them and slid them onto her eyes.

"Perfect fit. These look really cool, Jack."

"That's not all. Here, just flick this..."

He hit a small switch on the strap, and the goggles came to life with animated imagery.

"They act as a heads-up display for flying, too. The strap contains sensors that can track your speed, altitude, etcetera. It will also tell you about incoming objects, the fastest flight paths, and other useful information. It can even give you night vision."

"Alright, that is twenty percent cooler than anything I've ever seen in my life."

"Glad to hear it. For you, Rarity, and Pinkie Pie, your gifts recharge with sunlight, so just leave them by the window and they'll never run out of power. Applejack and Fluttershy, I can easily resupply your gifts when you run out, just ask."

Twilight quickly glanced up from her book.

"Jack, this is all very nice and all, but why are you giving such very nice gifts to us?"

"Simple; I like to share my technology and knowledge with my friends. And for how quickly you accepted me as a friend, I thought you deserved them sooner, rather than later. Call it part-act of thanks, part-gesture of friendship. Or just enjoy your gifts. I prefer the latter."

Everypony was content to follow his suggestion. With Jack's arrival, they all agreed to return to Ponyville to catch up. Pets by their side, they began the short journey home. Sugarcube Corner was chosen as the best spot to meet, and though he doubted it could cater to his tastes, Jack willingly went along. His plan was coming along very well, indeed. He believed that if he exemplified each of the six elements his friends represented, he would have an excellent springboard to becoming a good guy in Equestria. He had gotten loyalty down for Rainbow Dash in his first adventure, all he needed was a little more time to show it to the others, and now generosity was taken care of. He could only show honesty by a long period without dishonesty, so all he needed to do was wait on that one. Magic he still wasn't sure about, though his tech would probably seem magical to the locals. He would show kindness at the first opportunity he got, but unfortunately, in his line of work such opportunities were few and far between. And now he was on his way to show his talent for laughter.

They arrived without delay, and as the Cakes got to work catering for their unexpected arrivals, the seven of them vassalated between toying with their gifts and chatting with each other. Mrs. Cake had just come out of the kitchen, carrying a fresh plate of cookies, when the whole building was shook by a loud thumping at the door. The next sound they heard was the shattering of a china cookie plate. It was soon followed by a muffled yelling, which they could barely make sense of through the thick walls and chattering outside.

"Y'all listen up! We know yer' harborin' a freak in there, and we don't much like havin' freaks in these parts! So open up this here door and give him to us. We can take care of 'im good and proper-like."

Of the eight ponies inside, only Applejack could recognize the speaker.

"Consarn it, it's Black Powder! I reckon' he's mustered up a lynch mob for Jack. Listen up, Powderhead! We ain't budgin', so y'all had best git on back home!"

"Applejack, you best let us in or let that freak out, or we're gonna have to come in and git 'im ourselves!"

Jack knew an angry lynch mob meant nothing but trouble for all of them. Perhaps he hadn't been discreet enough when they were walking through town. They needed a way out, and he was already working on one.

"Hurry, put something heavy in front of the door. We'll seal them out."

Dash was on it, using her wings to push a large bookcase to the necessary spot. There were several bangs on the door, but each had no success as the shelves held firm.

"Good. Now to take care of that angry crowd... Fluttershy, toss me your candles!"

She did as instructed, throwing them with her mouth into Jack's hands.

"Mrs. Cake, you should go up and stay with the little ones. Keep them safe. Mr. Cake, where is the ventilation duct for your oven?"

"Right up there, just above the refrigerator. There's a pipe running from the oven to the vent, and we have a fan to push the smoke out."

"Good. Be ready to turn it on when I tell you."

Mr. Cake placed himself next to a button on the oven, marked by a fan blade. Jack was already climbing up the furniture, to the top of the refrigerator, where he perched himself. Examining the ventilation duct, he called back down to the others.

"Rarity, give me your gem cutter."

She ran over and heaved it up to him. He caught it by the beam projector, at the top of the mechanical arm. Aiming it towards the pipe, he tapped a button on the device. A short laser beam was spat out, cutting cleanly through a bolt on the pipe. He repeated this three more times, then held the button to cut through the pipe itself. With a portion of the pipe freed, he pulled it away from the wall, revealing the duct outside. It was wider than the pipe, and rectangular, so that Jack could see a large crowd rabbling outside.

"Hmm, the shaft is too high for the candle to reach. I need some kind of stand to hold them up. Umm.... Twilight! Encyclopedia!"

Reluctant to give up her newest reading, she slowly lifted up to him. He plucked it from her mouth, set it up below the duct, and placed Fluttershy's candles on top. All he needed was a light.

"Dash, toss me your goggles!"

Dash slid them off easily, and hurled them upward. Snatching them in midair, Jack grabbed each lense and began adjusting. If he could angle the concave sides just right, they would focus the light of the overhead lamps onto a single spot; namely the wick of a candle. It took a few seconds, but soon he achieved a smolder, which became a spark, which then became a full-blown flame. He touched off the other candles with this one, setting all three down on the encyclopedia.

"Hit the fan, Mr. Cake!"

He tapped the button, and Jack could feel a rush of air coming from the pipe. It coursed over the candles, making the flames flicker, but not die. Now all they had to do was wait. The ever-nervous Twilight was not prepared to do so.

"What exactly are you doing, Jack?"

"Simple, Twilight. Taking a page out of the playbook of a guy from my world named MacGyver. He could use everyday items to make extraordinary devices that saved peoples' lives. I actually met him once. Really nice guy. But this is something like he would do. See, Fluttershy's candles produce a calming aroma, which we are using the current from the Cakes' oven ventilation fan to propel outside. I used the laser from Rarity's gem cutter to pull it off the wall, and bent it so I could fit the candles between it and the exterior duct. I propped them up high enough with your encyclopedia as a stand. Then I reflected the overhead lights using the lenses on Rainbow Dash's goggles to light the wicks on the candles. Hence, by now, a calming, peaceful scent should be washing over that mob. Who knows, we may even inspire Ponyville's largest naptime when we walk outside."

It was just as Jack said: the candle scent was entering the noses of every angry pony outside. The group's conversation was often interrupted by the thumps of forced-entry attempts, but as they progressed, the thumps grew quieter and less frequent. The same effect took hold on the loud chatter, which gradually drew to nothing more than a dazed murmur. Taking this as a sign, Jack slid off the refrigerator and pushed back the bookcase. He opened the door, meeting his own prediction; a large crowd of ponies, slumped over on the ground, each one asleep. Directly at his feet was a grey, bearded one with a flintlock musket for a Cutie Mark. My, how the mighty have fallen.

"It's all clear, everypony. And I think I'm finally getting a hold on your language. Just add 'pony' onto things and I'm set."

He pulled down the encyclopedia and candles, returning them to their respective recipients. The seven of them strolled outside, as they carefully stepped over fallen bodies. But the somewhat goofy mood was broken by a deep, booming voice which Jack could not pin down a source for. It was almost intimidating, but sounded very much like it was mocking him.

"Aww, a good murderous riot breeds so much chaos! Why do you all have to go and ruin my fun?"

It was peculiar; Jack never imagined God sounding like that. But the Mane 6 were knowingly startled, and for once, Fluttershy was the only one who could speak.

"Di...dididi...Discord!"

A Chaotic New World Pt. 2

"Discord? Who the hell is Discord?"

The echoing voice replied to Jack.

"What is a better question."

In Jack's hand appeared a red Pokedex, unfolding without command. Dex's electronic voice rang out as a strange picture appeared on the screen.

"Discord: the Chaos God pony. Discord is a draconequus, and controls a wide variety of chaos powers. His only ambition is spreading mayhem."

As soon as Dex had finished, the image grabbed onto the edges of the display and pulled itself up, popping from the screen into the three-dimensional world. He snapped his eagle claw, and a door materialized in front of him. He pushed it open, now wearing a grey fedora. His booming god-voice was gone, replaced by what Jack though sounded like John de Lancie.

"Honeyyyyy, I'm hoooooome!"

"And you are Discord?"

"Oh, yes, where are my manners? Discord, God of Chaos, Ponyville's resident freakshow, and a respectable TV producer, too."

He handed Jack a 3x5 card, which read with nothing but a circle-A.

"And you are Jack West, new guy in town and apparent savior of Equestria. Pack a few cool toys as well."

"How do you..."

"Please, ever since you showed up, I've been keeping an eye on you. A human doesn't just show up in Ponyville without my taking interest. And yes, I know what you are as well. I was around to see your kind before they left our world, so don't expect the oohs and aahs you've been getting."

"I'll appreciate the change."

"Glad to hear it! But anyway, I saw you as you and Rainbow Dash battled Mare-Do-Well on the rooftops, then on as you were chased through Ghastly Gorge, then down to the final fight at the end. And of course, the display of creativity you just treated us to. I know what you're capable of."

Twilight, out of her fear-induced paralysis, finally spoke up for the Mane 6.

"How did you get free, Discord?"

"Oh, silly little Twilight, don't you know that interdimensional chaos is the best kind of chaos there is? Even after you sealed up that wormhole of doom, I had absorbed enough energy to break out. So here I stand. Or rather, float. But keep it down, Twi. The big boys are trying to talk."

"So you've been following my exploits, so what?"

"Simple: you are a being of power. It's not innate, like mine or Celestia's, but you have it all the same. And there's nothing like it here. So, listen to this: let's team up! With my chaos magic and your technology and fighting skills, we could take Equestria by storm! There'd be nopony in our way; you've proved you can handle Celestia, and Luna can't be that much tougher. We could be kings! So, you up for a shot at power beyond your wildest dreams?"

"Hmm, interesting offer. What I'm hearing here is an alliance with a verified psychopath who has no goals beyond complete chaos. You have no goals, no assets, no weapons, and no subtlety. You want me on board because I'm powerful, and beyond that, because you know I'm a threat to you. If I wanted to conquer Equestria, I could do it alone. The same apparently can not be said of you. So yeah, I think I'll pass. And besides, I was just getting warmed up to my new friends over here."

"Fair enough, fair enough. You trust the magic of friendship to save you, just like the others. But very well; you can die with them, too."

And with another snap of a claw, Jack found the ground beneath him had been removed, becoming a funnel into dark oblivion. The ensuing drop began almost immediately, but he was just able to clasp onto the edge of the pit. He could see the other six fall into similar holes behind him, though Discord remained. In what he knew could possibly be the last thing he did, Jack dropped his right arm down to his belt, and drew his Walther P99 from its holster. Slinging it back up, he took a quick aim. But the ground he was holding onto crumbled away, releasing his grip and sending his shot wild and high. The gun fell from his hand as he dropped, and less than a second later he was enveloped in total darkness, blacked out.

As Jack slowly became aware of his own consciousness, the first thing he noticed was the light. It was uncomfortably bright wherever he was, which could've been anywhere. The next thing was the heat; just as stiflingly hot as it was uncomfortably bright. So he could gather he was outside. But once again, that could've been anywhere. He opened his eyes a little more, trying to bring up his hand to block out the sun. His arms responded stiffly, obviously bruised and possibly broken. As he tried to stand, he recieved the same message from his legs. It felt like he had been dropped from a few stories up.

Jack was finally able to pull himself up to his feet, though not without effort. He began to survey his surroundings, and in front of him saw nothing but vegetative green. Hedges, specifically, eight feet high and perfectly uniform. He was standing on dusty cobblestone, underneath a cloudless sky. He turned about to see the Mane 6, in varying states of consciousness, lying behind him. The hedges extended around them, as well, forming a box. But then it occurred to him: why weren't they all dead? If Discord had dropped them down pits as deep as he remembered them being, surely they would've all died from the fall. And even then, it would still be a dark void around him, not a bright bunch of hedges.

"Jack? Where are... oh, no."

Of the six ponies, Twilight was the first up. The others were starting to awaken, going through the same routine Jack had.

" 'Oh, no' what, Twilight? Where are we?"

"This is the hedge maze at the Royal Palace in Canterlot. This is where we first fought Discord, and where he..."

"That explains it! Those weren't pit traps he dropped us in, they were portals! That's why we're not dead, and how we got here. Now, you were saying?"

"Oh, it's nothing. Nothing important."

"If it has to do with you all, Discord, and this maze, it's important. I need every detail I can get so I can figure out how to beat him. Please, Twilight."

"Discord split us up and corrupted us individually. He made Applejack a compulsive liar, Pinkie Pie a short-fused cynic, Rarity possessive of a boulder, Fluttershy a complete jerk, and Rainbow Dash a turncoat traitor."

"Ughh.... don't remind me..."

The two of them turned around to see Rainbow Dash making her way to a standing position, with the others close behind. At least they were getting some time to recover and plan, Jack thought.

"And did he do anything to you?"

"He made me doubt the magic of friendship, and lose hope for Equestria."

"I think I see. And he lured you in with?"

"The Elements of Harmony. They're very powerful artifacts that channel the most positive aspects of each of us into a single power. They've saved Equestria several times over."

The other four were up and moving now, though Jack noticed something strange about them. He couldn't really put his finger on it, until he looked Twilight in the eyes. She was missing her horn! So was Rarity, and Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy were missing their wings.

"Umm, Twilight, there's not an easy way to say this, but... well... your horn's gone."

"It is? Dear Celestia, this is just like last time! He did that to us before."

"My wings? No, no, no, not my wings! Not again!"

Rainbow Dash was having a panic attack in the background.

"Calm down, Dash. Based on what Twilight's told me, I think I've got this situation figured out. Discord's a trickster with a taste for theatrics. He'll never do directly what he can do stylishly. And he's out for revenge; he's going to try and replicate the circumstances of his only victory over you. He wants to play mind games with you, catch you at your weak points, and turn you against yourselves."

"Oh, guilty as charged, officer! Lock me away!"

Discord's head materialized above the group, staring down on them.

"Welcome back to the labyrinth, my little ponies. Unfortunately, we couldn't bring in David Bowie, so you'll have to put up with me."

Jack chuckled to himself, as did Pinkie Pie, though the others were totally puzzled.

"What? Labyrinth, 1986, starring David Bowie... oh, wait. Earth movie. I'll have to bring it sometime."

"Hey, someone besides Pinkie Pie actually got my joke! Finally! But that's enough of that. Here's the way things will work. Like last time, you are going to have to find the Elements of Harmony inside the maze. This time, they're actually in here. But here's the catch: if you can't find them and bring them together at the center by sundown, this maze is sealed in a pocket dimension for eternity. There will be nothing you can do to stop me then. By the way, I accelerated the timestream, so the sun should be setting in about an hour and a half. Chop-chop, now, time's a-ticking!"

As he said those words, one of the walls lowered into the ground, revealing a single passageway. Discord's head disappeared, and Jack turned to the Mane 6, all of whom were up and attentive.

"Simple enough. He beat you last time by dividing you up and taking you out one by one. This time, we stay together. We'll back each other up, and beat back Discord at every turn he throws at us."

But in response to this, Discord's head reappeared, and the single path was divided into seven by rising hedges. At the end of each path was a curve, with a pattern grown in the wall. From left to right, there was a set of three apples, then balloons, then diamonds, then butterflies, a rainbow thunderhead, pink-purple fireworks, and two crossed handguns on the far right. Cutie Marks, of course, but the last one was unfamiliar.

"Quaint idea, idealistic, great use of the 'magic of friendship'. Would be effective, except for one thing: these separate pathways. Each one leads to a certain Element, along with its bearer's ability, then has a path to the center. I took the liberty of lengthening the maze; together, you'd only have time to go through one. And Jack, there's a separate path for you. At the end of it, you may find a few useful little toys."

Jack reached for his holster, only to grab air; his P99 was gone. As he checked himself, he also found missing his watch, razor-discs, and cape. In the dead time when he was out, Discord must've disarmed him. This was problematic.

"Oh, and by the way, I've added a few little surprises on each path, just to keep you entertained. Enjoy, everypony!"

And he was gone again. Now, Jack's strategy was going to have to change up a little. He reached into his pocket, pulling out a pen. It actually concealed a poison dart, but somehow had been left. Maybe Discord hadn't disarmed him as well as he thought he had. Jack suddenly realized the pattern: cape, razor-discs, P99, he had used them all before. And because it was Earth technology, Discord had no way of knowing what was a weapon and what wasn't, except how Jack had used them. He did say he'd been watching him. But if Discord hadn't seen him use it, he wouldn't have known to take it. So Jack had a few weapons more than he thought.

But his thoughts were broken by a tap on the shoulder. He turned back to see Dash, and the others, apparently waiting for his plan.

"Jack, what do we do now?"

"I've got an idea. We will have to split up, by necessity. Discord's taken several of my weapons, and that's probably what he's baiting me with on my path. But he left me with enough, so I don't need them. Assuming he follows the same order as last time, he's going to strike at you as you search. But I want to try something."

Jack took his pen and walked up to one of the dividing hedges. He stabbed at it from the left, right hand waiting to pull the pen through. But he felt it bounce off the shrubbery, with almost no progress through it. There was something keeping him from going through the walls, even though they should've opened up to the smallest of prods. To conclude his test, Jack tossed his pen up and over the wall; this time it passed on through, falling into his waiting hand. Interesting.

"Uh, Jack, what the hay are you doin'?"

"Simple, Applejack, I just figured out two things. One, these hedges are magically augmented so that they can't be broken through. Two, Discord didn't figure on any of us flying, so he failed to put in a ceiling to this place. Combine those, and I think I can both climb over the walls, and with luck, walk on them."

"So how'll that help us?"

"It means I'm not limited to a single path, like Discord said. I'll be able to move in a way he wasn't expecting, and there is our edge. Each of you, go on down your path, and find your Element. Don't worry about Discord; you won't be alone to face him. Applejack, I'm with you first. Let's take this sucker down."

A Chaotic New World Pt. 3

The two Jacks nervously pressed down the pathway, watching all around for a potential ambush. They ran into several dead-ends, but continued to progress after the necessary backtracking. In fact, it was becoming rather mundane, after five minutes of wandering. And based on what he knew about Discord, Jack decided anything mundane had to be a calm before the storm. About ten minutes into the maze, Applejack spotted a clearing ahead. It contained a grove of apple trees, each ripe for picking. They entered the orchard, Jack with his head on a swivel. Applejack, however, had already found what she was looking for, and rushed headlong through the trees. He followed her path to see a gilded necklace at the other side, embedded with an apple-shaped citrine quartz gem.

"Applejack, wait!"

She skidded to a halt, turned back to look at him, and was almost immediately pelted by an apple. It came from somewhere in the treeline, and hit her square in the jaw.

"Get out of there!"

She ran back towards him, a continuous barrage of apples from both sides colliding behind her. As she cleared the grove, the hail of fruit stopped, and the apples on the ground began to vibrate. The two of them looked to see them rolling together, forming three color-coordinated blobs of apples. Each had eyes and a mouth, and pulsated as if breathing, like something from a B-grade horror movie. They seemed just plain wierd to Jack, but Applejack withdrew, knowingly.

"No, not y'all again!"

The blobs charged at them, faces contorting into devious smiles. Jack leapt over them, but Applejack was not so lucky. The green pile of apples threw itself on her, bringing her down and beginning to smother her. The other two were jumping on, as well. Jack ran back to the pile, reached in, and finding the warmth of a hoof, pulled Applejack from the horde. She took off through the grove, while the blobs began to reform around him. He threw a right jab at the center one, but his fist passed cleanly through, apparently ineffective. He then retreated as well, feeling around his jacket and belt for some effective weapon. The apple-monsters were pursuing them now, gradually clumping together into a single large blob. Jack's hand fell upon his left breast pocket, and he reached in to grab at a pen-like device. It was his laser pen! Better than any knife for cutting, and at longer ranges, a great firestarter.

Spinning in place, Jack lined up the laser pen in his right hand, pointing it directly at the pursuing apple-monster. He pressed the trigger button, and a red beam shot from the tip, connecting with the beast in its chest. It continued to advance for a few seconds, but then almost immediately it burst into flames at the contact-point. The blaze spread to the rest of its body, leaving nothing but a flaming mass of apples attacking him. They collapsed soon thereafter, deprived of life, and rolled across the ground, smoldering. Applejack had returned behind him, and looked upon the unusual scene.

"What a waste of produce."

"Believe me, AJ, those apples were beyond rotten."

"Oh, nice moves, both of you. Cool trick with the pen as well. But Jack, I do believe you've gotten a little off-course."

Behind them, Discord had materialized on a tree branch. He bit into an apple in his hand, taking a chunk out of the opposite side.

"My course is whatever I choose it to be, Discord. A guy like you should understand that. Besides, I thought AJ might need a hand, and it looks like I thought right. But I'd hate to be a third wheel around here, so if you two have something to discuss, go ahead. I'm serious, just pretend I don't exist."

"I could make that a reality. But never mind that, Applejack, we really must reminisce! Chat about old times, you know, all of that. I got to thinking of something last time we met, but I was petrified before I could tell you. It's funny, you know, how you make your big stand for honesty, when it's such a pointless virtue!"

"Whaddya mean? Honesty ain't pointless!"

"Maybe not in theory, sure, but look at practice. You can't live without lying once and a while! Society is founded on lies. You lie to your friends when you think it will keep them happy, you lied to Pinkie to keep her birthday party a secret, and you even lied to yourself when you said you could handle all that farmwork. And don't even get me started on half-truths and misleading statements. How many times has Celestia kept you six in the dark about the big picture? She's a politician with an eternity of experience, and she knows how to cover up an inconvenient truth. Did she tell you she and I used to be a thing?"

"Sweet Celestia, that ain't a pleasant thought."

"Yeah, well, maybe she was right not to tell you about it. You could say things got awkward. But it only proves my point. Everypony talks about honesty like it's such a great thing, but nopony would even want to practice complete honesty! Society as we know it would fall to pieces! Isn't that a great principle to represent?"

Applejack was speechless, staring at her hooves. Jack could see her coat losing its color, turning her gradually into a greyscale version of herself. It was a bad sign. But at least he now knew the game he was playing. Discord loved to play with words, and that was a game Jack could play, too.

"A valid point, perhaps. But in the big picture, it's nowhere near the truth."

"What?"

AJ had been shocked back to color by this sudden rebuttal, drawing her out of depression and into a fight.

"You see, Discord, I used to be in the Boy Scouts. And in the Scout Law, we didn't say "A Scout is Honest". We said "A Scout is Trustworthy". So I think Applejack's title is a misnomer. She may be called the Element of Honesty, but what she really represents is the value of trust. Honesty and trustworthiness are a lot alike, but there's a difference or two. If I'm being honest with someone, I'm being bluntly truthful, regardless of what I'm saying. But when someone trusts me, they know that even if I bend the truth or leave something out, I have their best interests at heart in the end. At in just about every case, they'd prefer that to blunt truthfulness. So I'd say it's better to be trustworthy than completely honest."

"Yeah, I am trustworthy! And there ain't no way you can say the world would end if all of us were. So how 'bout them apples?"

Applejack was sparkling with color, in a fighting spirit as well. Discord's mind game had been turned back on him.

"Ohh, you two are no fun! I'm gonna go find somepony else to play with."

And at that, he vanished from the tree branch, off to some other spot in the maze.

"Hay, we beat 'im at his own game! Ain't that somethin'?"

"Yeah, but I'm not done yet. If Discord's left you, he's probably about to go after Pinkie Pie, which means I have to get to her first. I bet he'll leave you alone now, so go on ahead. I'll meet up with you and the others at the center of the maze."

"Gotcha, Jack. See you there."

He climbed up to the top of a nearby hedge, and looking at the sun, positioned himself towards the east. Carefully leaping to the next hedge, he scanned the horizon for his next objective's signature pink curls. But what immediately caught his attention was a swarm of yellow-and-green balloons. They were steadily floating across the maze, descending slightly, then stopping and rising again. Tangled in their strings, Jack could see Pinkie Pie struggling to break free. He bounded from hedge to hedge, watching her slowly rise into the air. He reached a point beneath her seconds later, and barely managed to grab a hold onto her back hoof as they ascended.

"Hey Jack, what's up?"

"Right now, Pinkie, I think we are. And a little too high up for my tastes. Give me a second, I'm going to try and cut you loose."

Wrapping his ankles and left wrist in balloon-string, Jack pulled from his belt a combat knife, and brought its serrated edge to bear on the nearest bunch he could find. The first strike didn't appear to have any effect, so he pressed in and started sawing. Still nothing. After a few unsuccessful slashes, Jack realized that the strings were apparently unbreakable.

"Alright, forget cutting you loose. Discord's probably enchanted these balloon-strings. Time for a Plan B."

Jack reached up and took a few stabs at the balloons, but once again, to no avail. His knife bounced out of the latex skin as quickly as he had thrust it in. So, tied up by indestructible strings, floating on unbreakable balloons, about 300 feet in the air. This is not good. Pinkie seemed to be losing hope as well; he imagined how scary it must have been running from a cloud of her favorite party accessory, then being tied up and lifted into the air.

"Jack, can you get me out?"

"Yeah, Pinkie. Just give me a second, this is kind of a tough spot."

"Are we just going to keep floating forever?"

"No, more likely we'll hit a point in the atmosphere where the pressure difference inside and outside the balloons is so great that they all pop at once. Then we fall and most likely die. Hang on, what's that in your mane?"

Jack had spotted a small, green gleam in Pinkie's twisted curls. He plunged his hand into the mess, and found a tubular piece of metal. Withdrawing it, he discovered in his hand a familiar, yet exotic device: a sonic screwdriver! He had seen this once, when he met the Doctor a few years ago, and to date, it was the one bit of technology he could not copy. And it was about to save his life a second time.

"Pinkie, how did you get this sonic screwdriver in your mane?"

"Oh, that's where it was! Doctor Whooves gave it to me a week ago, and told me to pass it on to Highlander. But I lost it the next day, so I never got to. She was yelling at me for days, in that crazy Trottish accent, too!"

"Amy..."

"So I guess I lost the soni-whatever thing in my mane. It's not the first time, you know; I once got an entire birthday cake to fit in there!"

"I don't want to know. But for once, be glad you lost something, because it's about to save our lives. Now, let's see, the Doctor said it works by mental command... provided it doesn't have isomorphic controls... can perform alchemical transmutations... there we go! If I dilute the helium in the balloons with oxygen, I should be able to get us to descend. Now, just point..."

Jack pressed a small switch on the screwdriver, extending its claw outward and revealing a green glow of energy from within. He then pointed it towards the balloon-cloud, waving it across them all.

"...and shoot."

Instantaneously, the ascent stopped, and they both began to float downward, returning to the spot Pinkie had been picked up from. As their feet (and hooves) touched the ground, the coils of string began to loosen, and Pinkie easily slipped out from the bindings. The swarm of balloons stayed close to the ground, but a hole began to open in the grouping. In front of them, a large, blue police box appeared, and the door popped open. Out leaned the stallion, Doctor Whooves, and Pinkie could see Highlander behind him. He plucked the screwdriver from Jack's hand, flinging it over his shoulder to Highlander.

"Hello, Jack. Long time no see! Thanks for finding that thing for me; I'd be a dead Doctor without it. Anyway, see you around!"

Doctor Whooves shut the door, and as soon as it had come, the police box faded out of reality.

"The Doctor and I have great times together! He's so funny! And he always has really fun people around when he drops by!"

"Yeah, I know him, too. He's a peculiar chap, that one."

But behind them, another 'peculiar chap' had materialized: Discord. The two turned back to find him leaning against a hedge.

"Oh, so the Doctor got you here? I'll have to deal with him later. But regardless, I saw the whole show. Nice chemistry trick up there, even if you kind of got some deus ex machina help. You missed one detail, though."

"Did I?"

"It's small, but not insignificant. You said you were going to dilute the helium in the balloons to land. Well, you diluted something, but not helium. I just so happen to fill my killer balloons with hydrogen. And you know what the best thing about hydrogen and oxygen gas is? It's flammable."

A matchbox and match appeared in his hands, and as he struck the two together, the matchbox caught fire. He tossed it into the balloons nonchalantly, prompting Jack to grab Pinkie by the hoof.

"Get down!"

The entire bunch exploded in a fiery burst, sending them tumbling away. As they both pulled themselves up, Discord took the opportunity to make his move on Pinkie.

"Are you laughing now, Pinkie? I always thought you liked balloons!"

"Yeah, well not when they try to pony-nap me then explode!"

"Aww, does the party pony not want to play? Did mean ol' Discord spoil her fun?"

"Be quiet! That's not funny!"

"You're right; it's abso-freakin'-lutely hilarious! I'm laughing my screwed-up head off!"

"Well stop it!I It's no fun when somepony's laughing at you!"

"But I thought you represented laughter! Making ponies laugh is supposed to be your thing!"

Pinkie was crazily bawling her eyes out, hair straightening and coat dulling by the second.

"So... so did I! But it's not the same anymore!"

"It's called a taste of the real world, filly. This isn't a fairy-tale dream, Pinkie. Ponies these days are so cynical, so sadistic, most every laugh they get is at the expense of somepony else. They laugh at misfortune, laugh at pain, laugh at weakness. And that's you now, Pinks. You represent all the mean jokes, all the put-downs, and all the cruelty done for a cheap laugh. Don't you just love that?"

"No, I hate it! I hate being the Element of Laughter! I hate my Cutie Mark! I hate it hate it hate it! I want to just peel it off and throw it away!"

Sensing a break-point, Jack ran through the finishing touches of his counterargument, and prepared to work on adding another tick to his extensive resume: motivational speaker.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold up there, Pinkie. Hate is a strong word. You should really get a second opinion before you start declaring hatred for so many things. Try mine?"

"What's the point? I'm worthless; all I represent now is being a jerk to make yourself feel good."

"Yeah, here's the thing about that: it's a bunch of bull."

"Jack, are we really playing this game again? I don't like repeating things."

"Then I'm definitely playing this game again. Besides, I thought word games are supposed to be your thing!"

"Where'd you get that one from? Please, can we just get on with this? I have chaos to wreak."

"Sure. Now, like I was saying, Pinkie, what Discord told you is completely untrue. All those jerks he was telling you about don't even understand the concept of laughter. You couldn't represent them if you wanted to. They think taking advantage of other people is a good way to have fun, but that's not even real laughter; it's cheap and shallow. Now, you represent something beyond laughter. Laughter can signify a few things, from amusement to irony to sadism. But your brand of laughter is always a result of happiness and a desire to spread it. There's a special name for that kind of happiness: it's called joy. Joy never comes at the expense of others, but spreads to all in its presence. That's you, Pinkie Pie. Like Applejack, I say you're misnamed. The Element of Laughter may be the official title, but your real element is joy."

Pinkie's hair had completed reinflation, and her coat was returning to it's normal shade.

"Alright, I got a new Element! I have the power!"

Pinkie coated herself in light, but emerged from the flash completely unchanged.

"Umm, Pinkie, I think if you do that, you're supposed to do a costume change with it."

"Nahh, Jack. If I did that, how could I call myself Pinkie Pie?"

"Can we get on with this? Hoop-dee-do, you kept me from corrupting Pinkie Pie. I mean, she's already chaotic enough by herself; it's not really that great a victory. She's only two of six, anyway. I've still got more work to do, so you two can hang around and make He-Man jokes. Discord is out!"

The draconequus disappeared in a huff and a cloud of smoke, revealing behind him a pink quartz gem, shaped like a trio of balloons.

"Okay, my Element! Now we can really have some fun! You want to stick around and party, Jack?"

"I wish I could, Pinkie, you know I do. But like he said, you're only the second of six. I have a feeling Rarity is next on his list, and as great as she is at whining her problems away, she's going to need back-up. That's where I come in. But we'll have ourselves one heck of a bash when this is all said and done."

"I'm holding you to that, Jack!"

"Hey, have I ever let you down?"

Climbing back to a perch on the hedge-line, Jack pondered his hastily-made promise.

Well, they say there's a first time for everything...

A Chaotic New World Pt. 4

As he bounded over the shrubs, Jack continued to search for any sign of Rarity. With no signal as obvious as balloons to go off of, he really had no option but to just scan for abnormalities in the maze. That included a thundering rumble that shook the ground about him. Turning to its source, he found what seemed to be a depression in the maze, another abnormality in and of itself. Perching himself on a ledge above the depression, he was startled by what he found below: Rarity was racing down a ramp, trying to escape a massive boulder following her. They banked several corners, and after following them for a few seconds, Jack realized the path she was on was a closed square. Discord must've trapped her in some sort of Escher's stairs, so the boulder would always roll after her. This meant no exit for the thing to be stopped by, and thus, no Raiders of the Lost Ark-style escape. Such a situation called for direct intervention. Jack slid down the embankment into the lower section of the maze, then climbed back on top of the foliage. Once again leaping over passageways, he tried to keep his eyes on Rarity as she circled the path. Her voice rose and fell as she ran by him, and he had to shout just to be audible.

"Tooo-oommm! I'm sorry I pushed you away, but if you wanted a divorce, we could've just gone through the courts like a normal couple!"

"Rarity!"

"Oh, hello, Jack! I'm in a rather slight jam here. This is Tom, my ex-rock. We're having a bit of a spat at the moment, and he won't give up!"

"I see that! I'm going to get you out of here! Listen, next time you pass me, jump and reach out for me! I'll grab your hoof and swing you out!"

She pulled around the bend approaching him, his arm extended for her to grasp. As she (and the boulder) approached, she took a single bound, then leapt up for him. Her hooves wrapped around and clutched his hand, and he redirected her momentum radially to swing them both to the other side of the hedge. The two of them tumbled headlong to the cobblestones, slowly forcing themselves back upright.

"So...Tom?"

"It is a very long story, Jack, but put concisely, never get yourself into a sedimentary relationship."

"Good one."

"It was, wasn't it? Oh, I would say so, Rarity! It seems Jack's wit is starting to rub off on you! Though I'd hope it's the only thing."

Discord had pulled another appearing trick, standing before them.

"You know this is starting to get predictable, Discord. Very unlike you, I'd think."

"I know! But since being predictable is about the least predictable thing I could do, it just makes it even better!"

All this exclamation elicited was a pair of blank stares.

"That does make sense, right? I know I'm all into not making sense and all that, but if you can't understand what I'm saying, it really messes up the witty banter."

"I think I follow, and for once I sympathize. What point is there in being powerful if you can't get a few laughs out of it?"

"Exactly! But I digress; how have you been, Rarity? I see you and Tom are finally un-tying the knot. I do hope things went well during the proceedings!"

"Wait a sec, just for the record, are we still in the witty banter section, or have we gotten to the part where you try to corrupt Rarity's soul, because if that's the case, I may want to take some notes."

"Corrupt my whaa..?"

"Oh yes, thank you for reminding me, Jack! I decided to shake things up a bit, drop the dramatic monologue idea. Instead, to cater to our guest of honor's more, ahem, high-class tastes, I've given my speech a cultural flair. Now, I present to you..."

And with a snap, crackle, pop, cue spotlight and microphone, and a pair of hipster shades for Discord.

"...Poetry on the Values of Generosity." snap

"Wait, poetry?"

"First up, haiku.

The generous give
Until poor, while the stingy
Live long and prosper

Second, a sonnet.

The Element of Generosity
Lives as a truly sad pony, indeed
Condemned to a future atrocity
Forced by her Mark to help others in need
What shall become of her penchant to give?
She'll never profit of it, that is clear
Au contrare, I say, for how's she to live
When all that's hers goes to those she holds dear?
When money for food goes to the needy?
Will she willingly starve, just for their sakes?
'Twer better for her if she were greedy
For having a home, a happy heart makes
When she's lost it all from helping the poor
Then all her charity will be no more

And finally, a limerick.

There once was a pony named Rarity
Whose life was wasted on charity
All that was hers
Was given to others
Now her life's spent in despair-ity"

Taking a sweeping bow, Discord looked up to find a startled Rarity and a bemused Jack. The former was definitely on the verge of a break-down.

"Oh, it's true! If I'm generous, I'll bring ruin to myself, and how will I be generous then? Not only will I fail my Element, I'll be failing my Element as a destitute proletariat! Oh, what am I to do now? I'm so pathetttic!"

Mission accomplished, Discord thought. She's lost her marbles about the whole thing, and not even Jack West could outdo that genius wordplay!

"Well wait a second, the show's not over yet!"

"What show, Jack? I've a horrible Element that I could never hope to live up to, what kind of show could be made of that?"

"I'll show you. Now, Discord, truth be told, I never really cared for poetry. Too hard to understand in most cases, if you ask me. But, there is one kind of metered verse I am quite enamored with."

"Really, what's that? Because I really do care so much about it."

Jack reached into the inside breast pocket of his black jacket, pulling out his iPhone. Not a weapon anyway, so he figured it would still be there. He flipped through the menus, opening music folders until he found what he was looking for.

"Hey, could I borrow an amp?"

"Ughh, if you must..."

With a snap of the claw, a good-sized amplifier materialized at Jack's feet. He plugged in his phone and started the beat.

"So, that metered verse you are quite enamored with is...?"

"Rap. Let's do this, punk.

EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!

Jack West

Versus

Discord

Begin!

You may think that this battle style is crazy or strange
But poetry's outdated, so it's time for a change!
Jack West here, the best here, the one that you had best fear
Take ya to the curb for Rarity then go save all the rest here
I'm an ace of all trades, like her ace in the hole
You're not playin' with a full deck, so it's about time you fold
You think you can corrupt her soul and that I will just stand right by it
But I've beat your sorry ass twice so expect me to defy it
Now generosity, self-defeating? That's a load of horse crap
You gave it what you've got, and that's a very bad rap
It doesn't matter what is given, be it large or small amounts
'Cause it's like they say at Christmas, "It's the thought that counts"
You hear that? 'Least she cares, 'least she thinks of her friends
She's the Element of Caring, and that never ends
She'll do all she can; more than can be said for you
That's why you'll die with no friends, 'cept those crazy-ass balloons"

"A rap battle? I'm intrigued! Just think of the fun
I'll have had with your minds by the time that I'm done!
You think you'll beat me? Please, your skills have gone cold
Do you think you're the only ace in Miss Rarity's hole?
The Elements, what's this, time number 3?
For all your best defenses, you still lost them all to me!
I'm the God of Chaos, you're a freak on a leash
So bat-shit insane, I can't believe you're in one piece
And Rarity, do you really trust this whack to save the day
When his fashion sense is straight-up Fifty Shades of Grey?
Jack, check the weather on your little iPhone thing
'Cause all over the West, a big ol' chaos storm's brewing!"

"Oh yeah, insult my style. At least I've got clothes!
In the end, you're the bad guy, so who ends up stoned?"

"I hope you realize your chances are thin
I have the power of the god, there's no way you can win!"

"Ha! Don't bring up power, dude, I've got more than you!
I've got 21 guns that'll chop you in two!

"Oh, I'm so scared! So where are they now?
This is my world, Jack, so your power's got no 'pow'!"

"I don't need my guns when you're too scared to fight!"

"Yeah, well, you're stupid!"

"You're stupid!"

"Nuh-uh!"

"Errgh!"

"Arrgh!"

"STOP!
I will fight my own battles, now that I may
And Discord, to you, I've quite a bit to say!
You! You ruffian, you cowardly thing,
If this be your kingdom, then death to the king!
I mean this, you monster, you're a living mistake!
Whoever spawned you has very much atonement to make!
I'll finish this with style, like I do my designs
You ought to retreat, or do you want me to WHINE!?"

"Alright, even I don't need to be told twice to avoid that. See you on the flip-side, dawgs."

And Discord ducked into the face of his amp, reaching a claw back out to grab the handle and pull it through with him. As the device imploded, Jack barely managed to unhook his iPhone before the cord was sucked in.

"Whoa!...I'm not giving this thing up so easily."

In place of the amp was left a gemstone-embedded necklace, and what seemed to be an ivory tusk. Was Discord making a Fleetwood Mac reference, did elephants exist in Equestria, or was this something else entirely? It turned out to be the third, as the tusk flung itself upon Rarity's head, reattaching itself as her lost horn.

"My horn! I finally have my horn back!"

"Well, at least that's taken care of. Discord gives you back your powers when you get your Element."

"Oh, indeed. Very nice rapping, Jack. I never thought such a base style of music could be so much fun to compose!"

"Yeah, cool... call me when this is over and we'll...uhhh...mix beats together sometime. But right now I've probably got the biggest problem of the day on my hands."

"And what could that possibly be?"

"Discord's following the pattern of the Cutie Marked shrubs from the beginning of the maze. He's already hit Applejack, Pinkie, and now you."

"So that means...?"

"His next target is probably our weakest: Fluttershy."

Mantling over the shrubs, Jack once again searched to find a trace of Fluttershy's path. Discord would almost doubtlessly have a trap waiting for her, and based on what he had seen, she would need the most support of any of the 6 when he tried to break her spirit. But as he scanned the cobblestones beneath him for any hoofprints, his ears picked up the strangest pitter-patter of wings. He stood back up to find a pink butterfly floating down the pathway. On an odd hunch (and as the best lead he had), Jack followed, jumping the bush at the end as the insect flew over. For a split-second after, he could swear he saw a yellow pony.

"Ohh!"

And almost instantaneously, that image was gone, replaced by a similarly-shaped dust cloud and an inexplicably-shaking shrubbery two feet to the left.

"Fluttershy? It's me, Jack."

As he suspected, two startled eyes poked out of the bush, soon followed by a yellow face with a pink mane.

"Oh, hello Jack, I'm sorry I jumped away from you like that. It's just, I knew Discord was going to be lurking around in this maze, so I've been kind of wound up about meeting him."

"Well, then I'm glad I found you in time. Discord's been going after all of you one by one, and I've been trying to head him off at every chance I get. He's using his old M.O. of trying to corrupt you with trickery and lies."

"I haven't seen him yet, but I'm glad you're here in case we do run into him."

"We will, but usually I met him as he was attacking. I must've gotten here sooner than before, thanks to following that butterfly."

"Butterfly?"

"Yeah, I followed a butterfly just like the one on your Cutie Mark, and it led me right to you. In fact, there it... is now."

Spying said butterfly in the air, Jack noticed some very disturbing changes. While retaining its pink-and-blue coloration, it had grown at least a hundred times over, to the size of a small plane. It had gained bulbous bug-eyes, and a set of razor-sharp teeth in its gaping maw. It looked more like some Japanese moth-monster than a real butterfly any more, and it was diving down towards them in a suspicious strafing pattern. Noticing a flicker in the creature's mouth, Jack pushed Fluttershy aside and dove away himself, his feet being licked by flames seconds later. Perfect, he thought, a fire-breathing moth monster. Only Discord.

"Get down and stay there! I'll take care of this thing!"

Jack felt around in his breast pocket for the poison-dart pen, thankfully still with him. The only problem was he couldn't hit such a fast airborne target with a ballistic dart. He would either have to stop the thing, or get on it for a clear shot. Stopping it didn't seem like an option, which only left...

"Hey big ugly! Come down here and get me!"

Waving his arms franticly, Jack hoped the taunt would not fall on deaf ears. Or antennae. Or whatever bugs hear with. Whichever it was, the approach worked. Mothzilla came swooping down across the maze, ready for another attack. This time it was reaching out its talons, trying to grab at him. Jack ran up the side of a hedge, springing off to gain altitude. As he came down, he landed on the moth-moster's back, immediately grabbing its wing to hang onto. The creature felt the disruption, fluttering backwards to shake him off. Jack's right arm slid off, gripping at his jacket pocket for the dart pen. He pulled it out, and jamming it into Mothzilla's wing, shot the poison-tipped projectile into it. The creature spiraled into a nose-dive, and Jack let himself be pulled off by the drag. As he hit the ground, he saw the moth-monster begin to shrink, until all that remained was the form of a draconequus skidding across the ground.

"blech Seriously, Jack? Tranquilizer dart in a pen? If you're going to be like that, I might as well not even play."

"Well, if you're going to be like breathing fire at us and ripping off Godzilla movies, I might as well kill you now."

"Oh yes, I'd love to see you try. But I'm ignoring our guest of honor! How are you doing, dear Fluttershy? Have I scared you out of your wits yet, or are there more left for me to have fun with? Obviously, you have half a wit right here with you."

Fluttershy could do no more than quickly backpedal, crouching ever lower with each step she took, until she was cowering behind her front hooves in the dirt.

"Oh, come now, don't be nervous! Let Uncle Discord put some of that old spunk back in you! Now let's see, how did I talk you into it last time?"

Fluttershy's head poked up an inch, so that her mouth became visible.

"Oh, you, ummm, didn't."

"What?"

Two proverbial jaws hit the floor at that moment, Discord's in sheepish shame, and Jack's in joyful surprise.

"Yes, you couldn't make me mad by saying things to me, so you, sorta, well, touched my forehead to do it."

"You're kidding me! The mighty Discord, killed by kindness! Oh, that's rich, that's just too good!"

Jack had almost doubled over in laughter.

"Hey, in all fairness, she was responding the wrong way to my questions. She said she was happy her friends criticize her because she thinks that helps her be a better pony!"

"Exactly! You couldn't do a thing to corrupt her! Even when you dropped bending the truth and outright lied to her, she was okay with it anyway! Give me a sec, I need to catch my breath and get over this."

He did so, and Fluttershy slowly rose to her hooves from the ground.

"Alright, so let me get this straight: you tried your best wordplay to turn Fluttershy into a cruel jerk, and none of it worked. Even when you lied to her, she turned your lies upon themselves, even though she didn't know they were lies. You were so thoroughly trounced, you resorted to just touching her to corrupt her. And this was all done to you by Fluttershy: a pony most would consider the weakest in Ponyville, if not Equestria. Is that it?"

"Erghh, yes, that's it."

"Then first of all, congratulations, Fluttershy. You were the only one to completely resist Discord's mind tricks. I don't even think I need to rename your Element, but based on this, Purity wouldn't be an inappropriate choice. Now, back to you, Discord. . . Are you kidding me? She should've been so easy to get to! She doesn't know the meaning of the word "resist"! You could have told her to be cruel or else a mosquito in Zebrabwe gets it, and she'd have done it willingly for the mosquito! She should've been like a twig to you! How can you call yourself the God of Chaos when you can't even outfox the simplest, most naive, gentlest pony to ever walk the face of Equestria? It'd be funny, if it weren't so pathetic. . . Oh, what the heck, I'll laugh anyway!Bahahahaha!"

Discord was fuming now.

"Damn you, Mark Hamill."

"Hey, I happen to like Return of the Joker, uncensored version especially."

As was to be expected, Fluttershy could make neither heads nor tails of this.

"Return of the who?"

"Sorry, Fluttershy, Discord and I are prone to make human cultural references that ponies don't get. I just can't help myself, I'm afraid, and neither can he. But can you just give her the Element and her wings and let us move on?"

"Indeed, I find it best not to dwell on past failures. Merry Hearth's Warming, Fluttershy, I guess you earned it. But Jack, I'm going to get you for this next time around. And speaking of which, dash you to the next pony!"

With a corny drawback, Discord took off in a sprint, legs spinning around a la Roadrunner.

"What'd he mean, 'dash you'?"

"Oh my God. . . he's going after Rainbow Dash now. . . If he hurts her, I'm going to break him in two!"

Jack was back up on the hedges in a heartbeat, launching himself from wall to wall. Fluttershy was left behind, awestruck and frightened. She tried to holler after him, but all she could manage (of course) was a Fluttershy holler, which not even a microphone could pick up.

"Oh... please don't break him in two... the poor guy just needs a friend, that's all..."

A Chaotic New World Pt. 5

Well, this was breakpoint. No more fancy gadgetry, no more witty banter, no more beating around the bush. If the pattern kept up, Discord was targeting Rainbow Dash next. And that meant the kiddy gloves were coming off; time to get serious. Regardless of whether Twilight Sparkle was still out there, regardless of getting the Elements back together, Jack was going to protect the best friend he had. Either he was walking away from this, or Discord was. The paths in the maze all began to merge together, into a single trail ending at a clearing. In the open he saw both Rainbow Dash and Twilight Sparkle, standing motionlessly. Between them, at the opposite end of the clearing, sat Discord on a throne stolen (or copied) from Canterlot.

"Ahh, you finally showed up. Hoop-dee-doo, we can get this over with."

"What have you done to them?"

"Oh, I believe the term is torture by chagrin. Simply put, they are both in trances. Each is being forced to relive particularly painful memories. I'm forcing Rainbow Dash to remember every time her friends have fought, every time she's had conflicted interests, every time her loyalties have been divided. Twilight is reliving all the occasions where the magic of friendship failed to save her, her friends, Equestria... It's not causing physical pain, but I'm hoping by the time they've completed therapy, they'll be completely rid of such bothersome character traits."

"Release them. Now!"

"Or what? Please, Jack, we've been over this a few times now. I have the powers of a god of chaos; what few toys I left you with, albeit unintentionally, you've already expended. If you actually wanted to pose a physical threat to me, you would've been much wiser to go get them on your own path; I had an entire deathtrap just waiting for you. But you didn't, so you don't."

Jack took a second to a calm himself.

"Then I suppose we are at an impasse."

"How so?"

"I can't compete physically with your god-like powers, even if I had all my tech, but you're still no match for my intellect."

"I beg to differ," Discord replied haughtily.

"Well then, I challenge you to a battle of wits."

"Life-or-death stakes?"

"Not quite death, but unconsciousness. And let's play for an even higher prize: these two. Whoever wins gains control of Rainbow Dash, Twilight Sparkle, and the Elements of Loyalty and Magic."

"Well, a chance to not only eliminate my new worst enemy, prove my intellectual superiority and cement my rule over all Equestria, but also do it all in a classic movie reference? I accept!"

Discord snapped into existence a polished-wood table between them and similar chair behind Jack, then floated himself to the table. With another snap, two glasses of wine materialized before them. Jack took a sip hesitantly.

"Bollinger '59, you were expecting me."

"Be warned, I am immune to iocane poisoning. So what are the terms of your challenge?"

"First, I'll need a few things. My gun..."

Discord placed Jack's Walther P99 on the table and slid it across to him. Jack picked it up and released the magazine. To his irritation, it was empty.

"...and some bullets."

With a tap on the table, Discord (for lack of a better word) grew three 9mm bullets from the polished surface, which became metal as soon as they were done.

"Is three enough?"

"Perfect. And lastly, I'll need Twilight."

"What for? This is between you and me, no outside help."

"Of course, but once I've laid down the rules, I want a magically-binding contract to keep either of us from breaking them. Hence, I need a magician."

"Fine..."

Twilight instantly snapped out of her trance, and noticing the two of them at the table, ran to Jack's side.

"Jack! What are you..."

"Not now, Twilight. Discord and I are about to start a battle of wits, and I need you to make up a magically binding contract."

"Well, umm... sure."

"Good. Take down everything I say. Here are the rules to our battle of wits. This is a Walther P99 9mm handgun. It is a semiautomatic weapon, firing one bullet per trigger squeeze. Bullets are a special concussive-head variety; non-lethal, but effectively painful nonetheless. I've disabled the fingerprint-scan in the grip, so both of us can use it. Here's the way it works."

Jack once again released the magazine and held it up in his left hand to show Discord.

"This magazine holds up to 16 bullets. As you can see, it is empty, and..."

Raising and pointing his gun to the sky, Jack pulled the trigger, but only produced a hollow clicking of the action.

"...there are no rounds in the chamber. So, I'm going to load one of the rounds now, for you to see that it's normal and I haven't tampered with it."

Jack did so, then removed the bullet head from one of the other two rounds.

"Now, as you can see, I have two rounds left to load. But one is a blank; if fired, no projectile will come out the front. Here is the bullet head I removed."

Flicking it at Discord, Jack turned his back to him, hiding from his sight the gun, magazine, and rounds. Loading the remaining two, he clicked the magazine back closed and turned back, placing it back on the table.

"Now I've loaded both the regular and blank bullets into the gun. One is the first round, the other second. Here is where our game becomes much like Russian Roulette. You will take the gun, point it at your head, and shoot. However, beforehand, you may fire one shot into the air, effectively removing the first bullet from play and firing the second at yourself. If you guess right and shoot the blank at yourself, you may then fire the remaining live round at me. Otherwise, you'll be too concussed to stand, let alone shoot me."

He slid the gun back across the table to Discord.

"You cannot use your chaos magic, nor can I use any technology, to affect the fairness of the contest. Twilight, is that contract ready?"

Twilight, using her horn like a pen, had crafted a contract in the air, wording made of pure energy.

"And....finished! One magically-binding contract spell. Both of you sign there."

She blasted the 'document' with another spell, and copies of it instantly transcribed themselves in front of the two, printed on the table with indigo energy.

"Sign with your finger, please."

They each did so, and as soon as Discord's claw left the wood, a violet aura of magic surrounded them both, then disappeared in a small flash.

"The contract is now signed and magically binding."

"Thank you, Twilight. The battle of wits has begun. It ends when you either keep or throw out the first bullet, and one of us wins, and the other is dead."

"But it's simple! All I must do is use what I know about you to decide whether you would put the blank in first or second. Now, if you were clever, you would put the blank in first, because you'd realize that only a complete idiot would shoot himself in the head with a gun he was given and expect to get a blank. I am not a complete idiot, therefore I cannot shoot myself with the second bullet."

"Is that your decision?"

"Of course not! See, you would expect I am not a complete idiot, so you would expect me to come up with that line of reasoning and planned accordingly. Therefore, I cannot shoot myself with the first bullet. But, perhaps you expected that, and expected me to realize that you would expect me not to be a complete idiot. So you would put the blank in on top, and thereby I cannot shoot myself with the second bullet."

"Maybe I expected that."

"Dammit! How many levels of reverse psychology did you use on me? There's no safe way to know, is there? So I must use my other knowledge of you. Well, your first friend in Equestria was Rainbow Dash, so you no doubt trust her to help you when you need her. Thus, you would've put the blank on the bottom, since I would thereby have to shoot the gun twice to survive. You would be counting on the sound of gunshots to snap Rainbow Dash out of her trance and realize you were in danger, so that she could then attack me before I could shoot you, and therefore I cannot shoot myself with the first bullet."

"Your intellect is truly dizzying."

"I'm not even warmed up yet! You got Twilight Sparkle to make a magical contract binding us to obey the rules of this battle, even though you'd know I would never cheat at something like this because doing so would only prove your intellectual superiority. Therefore, you do not trust me; you would've put the blank on top so that if I double-crossed you and shot at you first, you would have more time to react before I shot a real bullet at you, so I clearly cannot shoot myself with the second bullet. But since you do not trust me, you would've expected an immediate physical confrontation if I did not agree to your terms, so you would've put the blank in first, so that you would have a live round on top to use on me if you needed to, and therefore clearly I cannot shoot myself with the first bullet."

"You're stalling."

"You'd like to think that, wouldn't you?! You like Bollinger champagne, which means you are cultured. And you use nonlethal ammunition, so I can tell you are not ruthless. Furthermore, because you made sure this contest involved a fair chance for either of us to win, you are a sporting man. From you being cultured, not ruthless, and sporting, I deduce you would've subconsciously wished to reward me for taking the bold option of shooting myself with the first bullet. Thus you would've loaded the blank on top, and therefore I cannot shoot myself with the second bullet. But as everypony knows, Walther is a German brand, and Germans are known for their efficiency. Seeking to be efficient with bullets, you would've put a live bullet on top so that I'd kill myself on the first shot and not waste the other two, so I can clearly not shoot myself with the first bullet."

"You're getting fuzzier by the minute."

"You mean I'm getting even closer to the truth! You're losing and you know it! Now, I know you are well-educated, meaning you must've studied. And in studying, you would've learned that man is mortal, and thus put the live bullet as far away from being fired as possible, so I clearly cannot shoot myself with the second bullet. But I also know you are physically strong. You would've put the blank bullet on the bottom, knowing that if I discarded the first one by shooting into the air, you would have a cue to be ready to jump away when I survived the second shot and attempted to shoot you. Thus, with no bullets left in the gun, you would be free to attack me, so I cannot shoot myself with the first bullet."

"You're trying to trick me into giving something away. It won't work."

"It already has worked! You've given away everything, I know where the blank is! I choose to. . . Oh my Celestia, what is that?"

Discord pointed over Jack's shoulder towards Rainbow Dash. He turned to see what could be afflicting her in her trance, but found no change.

"I see nothing."

"Oh well, could've sworn I saw something. No matter, I choose to shoot now and not fire into the air."

Discord raised the gun to his head and tensed his claw.

"You chose wrong."

"Ha! You only think that! I tricked you; I shot into the ground when your back was turned! You've committed one of the classic blunders! The most well-known is never get involved in a game of charades against a changeling, but only slightly less well-known is never go up against a draconequus when the Elements of Harmony are on the line! Haha!"

Discord closed his eyes, smiled contently, and pulled the trigger. A loud gunshot rang out in the maze, and a large puff of smoke seeped out from the space between the barrel and his head. Face frozen in place, Discord then fell headlong to the ground, dropping the gun and toppling his own throne. Twilight ran over to investigate what seemed to be a corpse.

"Jack, did you...?"

"Based on the shape of his skull, I'd say only a temporary concussion. But it's going to be one hell of a migraine to wake up to."

"Which bullet did he..."

"Discord guessed right. The blank was second in the clip. But at point-blank range, even a blank round expels enough heated gas from the barrel when fired to cause serious impact damage. I think an actor died from it once. Either way, when Discord put the gun right up to his head, he was doomed."

"Isn't that cheating?"

"Not at all; Discord always had a choice between the two bullets. I never told him the blank was just as dangerous as the live one. I just used a little science and wordplay to lure him into a lose-lose situation. Just like in the movie."

Hedges began to fall around them, and the polished-wood table sank back into the ground. The microverse, entirely a creation of Discord, was crumbling without his consciousness to sustain it. Rainbow Dash, her trance having lost the power behind it, slumped to the ground. Jack slid to his knees to catch her, and held her head up to his.

"Rainbow Dash, snap out of it! Wake up! Discord's beat, we won!"

"Eh...eh...Jack? Am I still dreaming?"

"No, Dash, this is real! You're in the real world now!"

She stumbled to her hooves, the daze in her mind clearing.

"Damn, I just had the worst dream..."

"Yes, I know. But we can sort through that later. Right now we have this guy to deal with it."

Discord was beginning to come to. Applejack, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, and Fluttershy made their way out from the hedge maze, each bearing their Element. Rainbow Dash and Twilight Sparkle had found theirs beneath the table; the entire 6 were suited up and ready to go.

"Oy vey, what just happened?"

"Simple. When you made this pocket dimension, you used normal reality as a template to adjust. In adjusting, you failed to manipulate the basic laws of physics. And those laws of physics conspired against you. I'll give you that by logic or dumb luck, you picked the blank. But by shooting it point-blank at yourself, you subjected yourself to the expulsion of heated gas. The force of that heated gas was enough to knock you out."

"You cheater."

"Call it what you want. Girls, charge me up."

The six of them, in a hexagon formation, each focused their Elements, and released a blast of colorful energy towards Jack. He absorbed them one by one, feeling a wave of power wash over him. Maybe there was something to this 'magic of friendship' stuff. It was pure invigoration, like he had so much raw energy to dispose of at a whim. But this was still a new experience; he would keep it simple. A prismatic sword formed in his right hand, gleaming with polychromatic light.

"I guess this is where it ends for you, Discord. Too bad, you were the best opponent I've had to match wits with since God knows when... But it doesn't have to."

"What are you talking about?"

He kneeled down to speak privately to his foe.

"Search my memories. You have the power. See where I've come from."

Discord closed his eyes, probing Jack's mind for stories and events. What he found shocked him.

"Tehran. . . the London Riots. . .Deepwater Horizon. . .what have you done?"

"I've been walking through shadows, and I'm trying to find the light."

Jack tipped his sword to the ground, and extended his left hand to Discord.

"Care to join me?"

"You mean that after all I've done, all the hell I've put you through, you want to offer me forgiveness?"

"More than forgiveness. Redemption. I've found life isn't so bad being a good guy."

"I don't suppose I ever considered the possibility."

"Based on what I've seen, you have plenty of potential."

Discord reached up and grabbed Jack's hand with his paw, and Jack pulled him to his feet.

"Then I'll give it a shot."

All around the eight of them, the sky and ground depixelated into black. The last pieces of Discord's pocket dimension were coming undone. Eventually, there was nothing remaining but them, and in a flash of light they vanished, as the microverse folded in on itself and imploded into nonexistance.

Sprawled out on the ground, the first thing Jack noticed was that he felt like he weighed more than before. But reaching up to feel at the pockets of his jacket, he realized it was simply because his weapons had been returned to him. He groggily picked himself up to his feet, trying to discern anything from his new surroundings. After a second, he realized he was back in Ponyville. The Mane 6 and Discord, in various states of alertness, were scattered at his feet. But immediately, Jack noticed a white figure racing towards them, horn lowered. Sensory acuity slowly returned to him, and he realized that it was Princess Celestia. She stopped short of him, but kept her horn lowered, pointed towards Discord. Jack's ears strained to make out what followed.

"Discord! I knew you'd escaped, so I wasn't surprised that you targeted the Elements. But imprisoning you doesn't seem to work anymore."

The draconequus was only now beginning to realize the gravity of his situation, and was in no position for a coherent response, much less a signature witty retort.

"Wha...?"

"I'm afraid that leaves me no choice but to destroy you, for the safety of Equestria."

"Whoa, whoa! Just, just hang on a second!"

Jack stumbled over to get between the two of them. His mind was still throbbing from the leap home, and what he could say, he was only able to stammer out.

"Celestia, we just jumped dimensions, and honestly, it wasn't a pleasant trip. Now, I don't blame you for not knowing, but Discord here has reformed! He and I are gonna walk the straight and narrow together. So, yeah, don't kill him, because he's a good guy now."

Celestia was visibly surprised at this.

"Jack, what are you doing here?"

"Oh, well, I decided to visit, and right around then, Discord sucked us all into a pocket dimension. But I talked him into switching sides and letting us out."

"Is this true?"

"Oh, yes. I want to repent from my sins and bask in the magic of friendship. Please don't kill me."

There was a suspenseful pause as Celestia made her judgement.

"I may come to remember this as a foalish mistake, but I'll err on the side of good faith for now. I grant you royal pardon from all past crimes, on the condition you turn from your malicious ways and use your chaotic powers for good."

"I accept, with gratitude."

The Mane 6 were up and awake now, and Jack had managed to shake off any weariness. Celestia backed away from them, and free from the tip of her horn, Discord was able to stand.

"So, what will you do with your new freedom and purpose, Discord?"

"Well, Tia, I actually thought I'd travel a bit. See the world, meet new faces, right wrongs where I can. Don't worry, I'll check in once and a while. Next time some great menace rears its ugly head in Equestria, I promise it won't be me."

"That sounds like an excellent plan. Jack, are you going to stay?"

"Of course. In fact, before this little adventure, I was bringing in a sufficient amount of supplies to build a home here. I think I'll get to work on that, then come back to town. I've got plenty of technology I think Equestria could benefit from, so I'd like to use Ponyville as sort of a test-bed for it. With your permission, of course."

"Granted. I look forward to seeing what you do with it. But I suppose the time had come for the parting of ways. I must return to Canterlot, now that this situation has resolved itself. I bid all of you good luck in the your future ventures."

With that, she took to the skies, flying westward with the setting sun. Waving goodbye, Discord snapped, and before them a motorcycle appeared. He donned a helmet and goggles, and mounted his new ride.

"Time for me to go, too. It was fun, everypony; take care!"

He hunched over the handlebars, revved his engines, then turned back to them.

"And remember, if there's one thing I learned from this, it's that with Jack West, nothing's incon..."

The roar of his engines drowned him out as he rode out of town.

"What was that last word?" Rainbow Dash asked of nopony in particular.

"Well," Jack answered, "I think it's the same word we could use to describe every detail of this entire escapade. Inconceivable."

Turning Trix

Author's Note

This story takes place where "Magic Duel" is in the continuity. I'm writing this as a one-shot because it would be easier to put this down while it's fresh than start on another long story. It also gives you a taste of Jack's capabilities when he has full access to his technological arsenal, which he's had a chance to move into Equestria since "A Chaotic New World". Anyway, enjoy.

Second note: This has been a long time in the making, so apologies if it shows. I came up with the concept after the episode, when I really wanted to bitch-slap Trixie, so who better to do it than Jack West?

Turning Trix

Today was tinkering day. Now, without the CIA or Interpol breathing down his neck, Jack was free to have a few more tinkering days than usual. And with a full garage and workshop now in Equestria, he didn't lose anything in the move. Today's subject was his V22 Osprey. Switching out the propellers for ducted turbofans was an ambitious idea, but in the end it would be more efficient, less obstructive to weaponry, and most importantly, personalized. After these last few tests, he would be ready to take the new design flying. Alright, pre-test checklist. All cameras online? Check. Data readout synced to iPhone? Check. Emergency response systems on standby? Czech. Proximity alert going off? Che... wait a minute.

A shrill, monotonous chirp alerted him that someone (or more likely somepony) was approaching. Most of Jack's labs and hangars, including this one, were underground, but he did have something of a house on the surface. Pulling up the front-door security camera on his iPhone as he stepped into the elevator, he saw it was Twilight Sparkle who was urgently pounding on his door.

"Oh, it's her. Let her in!"

A few clicking locks and whirring gears later, the front door slid open for Twilight, and she entered the complex cautiously. Only a second later, Jack's elevator car arrived at the ground floor, and he made his way into the front room to meet her.

"Ah, Twilight, I see you've found my new home base! Good thing, too, it gets so lonely out here on the edge of the Everfree. What can I do for you?"

"Oh, Jack, it's horrible! Trixie'scomebackandmagicduelandagespellsandprincessgoneandbanishedforever!"

"Okay, hold up. I heard Trixie, not much more. She's that magician unicorn you told me about before, right?"

"Yes! She came back to Ponyville today and challenged me to a magic duel! She's so much stronger than she used to be, and she won the duel, and now I'm banished from Ponyville forever!"

"So how does Trixie have the authority to keep you out?"

"She's did it with magic! Now there's a huge force field around Ponyville, and nopony can go in or out!"

"Hmm, well that won't do at all. Let's go have a look, and I'll see what I can do. Just let me get some things together. Computer, prepare me a daypack with the following contents: field surveillance quadrotor drone. Advanced scanner attachment for iPhone. Thermal cutting tool. Two standard smoke grenades. MP7 submachine gun with concussive ammunition."

"Submachine gun?"

"You can never be too careful, Twilight. If Trixie finds us and decides she doesn't like me, I want something I can fire back with. MP7's always been my personal favorite for short- and medium-range combat. But back to the gear. Suppressor and targeting laser attachments for MP7. Two extra magazines of concussive ammunition for MP7. Finally, two bricks of C4 explosive with separate wireless detonators."

After about 10 seconds, a mechanical arm descended from the ceiling holding a camo-print backpack made of heavy synthetics. Jack grabbed it and slung it on his back, then headed for the door, Twilight right behind him. Walking in the direction of Ponyville, they soon encountered Trixie's transparent force field. All descriptions failed Jack except 'giant upside-down goldfish bowl'. Rapping on it with his knuckles, his suspicions were confirmed.

"It's not a force field, it's glass. Which means..."

Drawing a Walther P99 from inside his black windbreaker, he aimed point-blank and fired. With a low-pitched, reverberating 'ping', the shot seemingly bounced off the dome. If it could withstand that...

"Magically-shielded glass. Of course. Well, time for the next-best option."

Jack dropped his pack and started rummaging through the center pocket, then pulled out a futuristic-looking gun. He aimed and fired, and the barrel produced a glaringly bright beam of red light. When it hit the dome, the laser produced a sharp humming noise, and the area around the impact point began to glow red with heat. Shortly after, Jack stopped the beam, and as the glow faded away, it was clear the laser had done no damage.

"Damn, she's good. I guess if we can't get in, we might as well learn as much as we can from the outside."

Replacing the thermal cutter in his pack, he unzipped the largest pocket and pulled out the quadrotor drone. Holding its body with his left hand, he used his right to press a series of buttons on his iPhone, and instantly the drone's four rotors began to spin rapidly. He then tossed it up in the air, and it ascended along the edge of the dome, programmed to reach the highest point of the bowl, then take wide-range surveillance of Ponyville with its undermouted camera.

"Wait a second, Jack. If the dome is made of solid glass, then there's no airflow in and out of Ponyville. And if there's no airflow in and out of Ponyville..."

"Everypony inside will suffocate. You're right, and that means our situation just got much more urgent."

"Umm, Jack, don't look now, but I think you're more right than you know!"

Twilight was pointing back towards Ponyville, panic in her eyes. As Jack's eyes followed into the dome, he could make out what appeared to be a turquoise mare sitting inside a wooden... sled? Whatever it was, she was being dragged along by two oddly-shaped ponies in front. That must be Trixie.

The Great and Powerful Trixie charged valiantly in her grand carriage, free of those treacherous wheels, towards whatever foal had such unmitigated gall to disturb her force field. But The Great and Powerful Trixie knew she could not give the intruder any more time to continue intruding or even escape, and her carriage was progressing far too slowly, pulled by those incompetent buffoons who threw themselves prostrate at her hooves from the very beginning.

"Bah, you foals are too slow! The Great and Powerful Trixie must punish this intruder before they have the chance to escape! You leave The Great and Powerful Trixie no choice!"

Forced to use her own magic by her lackeys' weakness, The Great and Powerful Trixie picked up her carriage and levitated it towards the force field. With unmatched magical prowess such as hers, it hardly took any effort at all, but she could not spare a thought to Snips and Snails, who could endure the first part of their punishment by being dragged along the ground by their harnesses.

The sled was approaching more rapidly now, almost flying, so Jack quickly took action. Unclipping a pair of cylinders from the side of his backpack, he used his thumbs to flick open the plastic trigger-guard on both grenades, then pressed down on the triggers and tossed them towards Trixie. They rolled along the ground, and just as they reached the glass dome, both exploded in a cloud of thick grey smoke.

"Twilight, get to cover!"

Waving her towards a thick clump of bushes, Jack grabbed his daypack and pulled a brick of C4 from the very front pocket. He twisted the detonator capsule's head, priming it and causing it to blink with red light, then tossed it between the smoke grenades and followed Twilight into the brush. As Trixie lifted up her glass dome to pursue, Jack slid into cover behind a tree and pulled out his phone. With three taps to the home button, the C4 brick exploded with a massive fireball, enough to frighten Trixie into retreating and lowering the fishbowl again.

"What sorcery is this? Back to the city, quickly!"

Both parties hastily returned to their respective bases. Jack pushed through his front door, tossed his daypack on the couch in his front room and pulled out his phone. Punching in numbers, he brought it up to his ear as the connection went through. This sudden stop for something so mundane surprised Twilight.

"Who are you calling?"

"Pinkie Pie."

"How can you call her? You don't have her number."

"I may not, but I do have that speaker system I gave her before the whole Discord thing. It has a voice command function, so hopefully I can tap into it and use it like a phone. Hang on, it's connected. Hello? Pinkie, it's Jack, can you hear me? Pinkie?

After a few seconds, a garbled reply came through. "Mmhmm mmmm! Mmmh mh!"

"What?"

Twilight proceeded to put two and two together. "Trixie used her magic to remove Pinkie's mouth!"

"OK then. Pinkie, listen, can you get somepony else in the room who can actually talk?"

"Mmhm mhm!"

After a brief silence, Rarity's voice came through on the other line. "Hello, Jack, is that you?"

"Yes, Rarity. Listen, I have a plan to beat Trixie, but I need your help. I need you and the others to get everypony in Ponyville to go to the east side of the glass dome and start pounding on the glass. Make as much of a ruckus as you can, get Trixie's attention. It'll distract her and make it harder for her to focus on keeping the dome magically protected. I'll do the rest. OK?"

"Will do. Good luck, Jack."

Jack ended the call and made for the elevator. Barely holding the door open long enough for Twilight to get in, he ordered the computer "Take us to the hangar."

"Why do you want them to do that?"

"If Trixie's attention is focused on the east side, it'll make it easier for me to break through on the west side. That's how we get the air in and how we get in."

The two stepped out a few seconds later, and Jack lead Twilight through rows of assorted jet aircraft and helicopters. Some of the vehicles didn't either description, while others could be called both. What Jack was leading Twilight to was one of the latter: his V22 Osprey, newly retrofitted with massive ducted turbofans. He climbed into the cockpit and began flipping switches to initiate the preflight sequence, as Twilight stumbled amazedly in through the bay door.

"Jack, what is all this? "

"This is my Osprey! I just changed out the propellers, normally I'd like to test them out in a controlled environment, but we're out of time. Preflight sequence complete, rotors spinning up!"

Twilight looked out through a porthole window to see a huge metal blade spinning inside some sort of wide but short barrel, with no magic at all. The rotation grew ever faster, and she could feel the vibration from each spin beneath her hooves.

"This is... incredible!"

"No, this is what happens when a lot of brains meets a lot of money. Open hangar doors, raise the helipad."

Smoothly but suddenly, the vehicle rose upward, and Twilight watched the hangar fall away below them. Soon she could see they were now outdoors, behind Jack's surface-level house.

"But how is this possible? The Everfree Forest runs right up against the back of your house, I saw the trees!"

"Holograms, Twilight," Jack answered, not the least bit smugly. None of those trees are real in the least. I've got a whole runway hidden back there, under holographic vegetation. Weapons systems online, avionics online, clear for take-off. You ready?"

"I guess..."

"Then... lift-off!"

With a roar from the engines, the Osprey's fans tilted downward, throwing twin blasts of air to the ground. The craft soon lifted off, rising above Jack's house before adjusting the turbines to fly horizontally.

"Good, we're in the air, no problem. Now let's get set to attack. It'll give Ponyville the chance to get riled up. Deploy nose-mounted minigun, extend Hydra rocket pods, exterior speakers online..."

"Speakers?"

"Yeah, speakers. If we're going to beat Trixie, let's at least do it with some style. Now, let's see how Ponyville is doing. Activate long-range magnification on main viewscreen!"

A small box appeared in the center of the windshield, which then grew lines from its corners leading outward and to the left to the corners of a larger box. Inside that box, whatever was in the smaller box was blown up in size several times. Jack tapped his finger on the windshield where he could see down Mane Street, to the far east end of Ponyville, and the small box followed his touch. In the larger box, they could see a growing mob of ponies pounding at the magical force field, and others just screaming and making a scene. It was a riot waiting to happen. And as expected, Jack saw Trixie levitating her wheel-less carriage down Mane Street. When he locked the magnifier onto her, he could see that she was obviously in pain from the disruptions to her force field. The time to strike was now.

"Silence, you foals! The Great and Powerful Trixie demands silence!"

But silence would not fall, no matter how many times the demand was made. It seemed that everypony in town was outside, Tartatrus-bent on starting a riot. Every hoof pounded against her magical shield was like a small shock inside her brain, and the constant angry shouting only made it worse.

"We want out!"

"Down with Trixie!"

If what was happening could even be described as a headache, it was beyond a bad migraine. Even with the Alicorn Amulet, she could hardly focus enough to keep the force field up. Maybe if she focused more on this one part instead of the whole thing... But at that moment, a punch like a hundred hornet stings ripped through her neurons, causing unimaginable pain. On top of the existing stimuli, it was enough to send her into mild shock.

Back on the west side of Ponyville, without Trixie's mind to keep up the magical half of the force field, the bullets from the Osprey's minigun easily punched through the remaining fish-bowl. "Perfect! Fire missiles!" Jack instructed the computer, and two Hydra missiles coursed from twin pods on either side of the craft. They slammed into the glass dome, and the shockwave ripped a gaping hole in its side.

"And... cue the music!"

With a touch on the computer screen, Jack called up an MP3 file, and through the outboard speakers roared a triumphant strain of electric guitars. The Osprey charged through the opening and into Ponyville, barreling down Mane Street only a few hundred feet above street level. At the sight of this airborne metal behemoth, most ponies ran for cover panickedly, as Trixie crawled back on her hooves. Seeing Snips and Snails treadmill-running in opposite directions away from the carriage, held back by their harnesses, she stepped out through the side.

"What... what is this?!"

The Osprey came to a hover just before her and just above the roofline. Inside, Jack set the controls on autopilot and climbed out of his chair, into the cargo bay. As Twilight followed, he hit a switch on the wall, and the rear bay door began to lower.

"Computer, I need my M1216 and the rappelling winch! Load first and second chambers with concussive airburst rounds, third with a grapnel line set of shells, and fourth with electroshock dart rounds."

A compartment on another wall opened up, and Jack pulled a larger gun from inside. From the floor emerged a large spool of double-weave paracord, with a carabiner clipped to one end. Slinging the shotgun over his shoulder, he clipped the rope into a metal loop on his belt, then approached the open cargo bay door. Twilight was, once again, puzzled.

"What are you doing?"

"Getting down there." Jack sat down on the edge of the bay door, pulling most of the slack out of the cord. "Engage rappelling winch, standard release speed." The spool from the floor began turning, spitting out cable.

"So how am I supposed to follow you?" Twilight questioned.

"You can levitate things, right?"

"Yes, but..."

"Then levitate yourself!"

With that, Jack slid off the back of the Osprey and plummeted towards the street, until the line caught him and held him steady. Taking a moment to think until the pieces clicked together, Twilight created a force field of magical energy around herself, then lifted up off the deck and followed Jack. "Fear me, you lords and lady preachers, I descend upon your earth from the sky..." Jack began to whistle, until his feet hit the cobblestone street, and his eyes met Trixie's.

"You! The human!"

With a click to his phone, Jack shut off the music suddenly. Unclipping the rappelling cord from his belt, he then grabbed hold of the grip of his M1216 and unslung it.

"Yeah, that would be me. And this is..."

"Silence! The Great and Powerful Trixie shall make you suffer for your interference!"

A bolt of red energy coursed from the Alicorn Amulet, illuminating Trixie's scowl of rage in crimson, only to be blocked by the sudden materialization of a violet wall in front of Jack. Twilight stepped out from behind him, horn aglow.

"And if it isn't Miss Twilight Sparkle! The Great and Powerful Trixie is unsurprised to see you allying yourself with this animal. But it matters not; with the power of the Alicorn Amulet, the Great and Powerful Trixie will destroy you both!"

And with that, a stream of blood-red bolts came at them, each one cracking Twilight's shield a little more. As it reached breaking point, Jack dove out of the way, then rolled, came up on one knee and fired two shots. Both detonated prematurely as Trixie raised a magical force field of her own. Keeping his weapon trained on her, ready to fire the moment she let her guard down, Jack barely noticed as a ruby glow surrounded him, but did become aware of it when it lifted him right off the ground, and if was hard not to notice the sudden momentum as he was flung backward and upward.

"Ha! Face the magical power of the Alicorn Amulet, beast!"

As he tumbled through the sky, Jack prayed a very quick prayer that cartoon physics would not fail him now, but the need for it was averted as he came to a joltingly sudden stop, surrounded by an aura of purple this time. Twilight quickly uprighted him and set him down, but both had to scramble for the cover of a nearby alleyway as another volley of magic bolts came at them.

"Can I pick friends or what, Twilight?" Jack half-joked as he leaned against a wall and set down his gun, then pulled out his phone.

"Don't thank me yet," she replied. "We need to get the Alicorn Amulet off of Trixie if we want to beat her."

"I assume that's the red-and-black glowing necklace, correct?"

"Yes. It gives its user untold magical power, but corrupts their mind with ambition and pride."

"I see. And I'm guessing you can't just rip it off with your own magic."

"No, the user has to part with it willingly or it won't come off."

"Well then..." Jack pondered for a moment, then picked up his M1216 and cycled the oversized magazine to its third chamber. "How about the old one-two punch? Give me a flare!"

Barely peeking her head out of cover, Twilight shot a brilliant star-bolt into the air, which exploded with enough flash and bang to make the average pyrotechnician jealous. Trixie stumbled back at the unexpected move, shrieking in shock, and on cue, Jack popped around the wall and took his shot. But instead of a bullet, or slug, or concussive explosive, the gun's barrel produced a small grappling claw, tethered back to the weapon. Another pop from the gun loosed even more of the tether line, and the claw expanded and grabbed hold of the Alicorn Amulet.

"One..."

Another pop from the M1216 as the last of the cable came free, then Jack let the barrel dip toward the ground and fired again. Immediately below, another claw embedded itself in the pavement. Releasing the gun to hang from its shoulder-strap, Jack ran from cover and reached out for the rappelling winch, which was hanging exactly where he disconnected from it before. As he pulled down the carabiner and clipped it onto the grapnel cord, he pulled his phone out with his other hand and keyed in a series of commands. The winch cable began to retract back to the Osprey, pulling the cord with it and steadily removing any slack.

"...two!"

What Jack had effectively created was a pulley with one end of the rope stuck to the ground. As the carabiner moved upward, the only way to elongate the rope was to pull double-strength on the other end. Or in other words, yank Trixie up in the air barely seconds after she had recovered from the flare spell. She cried out, frightened, and with the threat neutralized, Jack and Twilight could lower their guard.

"Trixie, I'm going to avoid the obvious "hang-up in your plans" joke, but to state the obvious, the only way you're coming down is by letting go of the Alicorn Amulet. Now, if you really know anything about me, you'll know I've been pulling my punches so far. No heavy artillery, no firepower from my air support up there, nothing. Because a very old friend taught me that there was a better way, so listen."

In spite of the chaos, the world suddenly became a very quiet place for the three of them.

"You get one chance. Just one, that's it. Leave Ponyville alone and I'll walk away like this never happened. But after this, all bets are off. I will stop you, by any means necessary. So what will it be?"

Trixie paused, actually considering the offer for a second, but suddenly her eyes glowed red and a beam of similarly-colored energy shot from her horn, slicing through the grapnel cord. The Osprey lurched upward at the sudden shift in balance, while Trixie floated back down, body crackling with power.

"Ha! As though anyone, pony or otherwise, could threaten the Great & Powerful Trixie!"

"So be it," Jack muttered, and with a kneejerk series of movements, he brought up his M1216 and hipfired. The shell exploded against Trixie's personal force field, but provided enough of a distraction for Jack to grab Twilight and dive back into the alley. "I need you to distract Trixie, put some cover fire on her while I work. She's powerful, but there's only one of her. If we give her an obvious target, she'll focus on it and nothing else."

"Sure, but how do we get her to focus on..."

"Like this!" Jack suddenly ran back into the street, waving his arms madly. "Hey look at me I'm a target!" Surprised as she was, Trixie responded predictably, and Jack barely outstepped a series of magic bolts as he ducked into a corridor opposite his previous cover. With a covert hand motion and mouthing of the word "Now!", he signaled Twilight to attack; she once again poked her head out, but this time loosed a volley of energy bolts. Blocking this attack took Trixie's attention off of Jack, and with that figurative safety net in place, he slumped down against a wall and began tapping at his phone once more.

Up above, an incredibly out-of-place airborne tank picked up on these wireless instructions. Servo motors spun to life, previously unused circuits fired with electricity, and the mutant Osprey bore its claws. From the nose, a massive Vulcan minigun deployed by a prehensile mechanical arm. Simultaneously, twin Hydra missile pods split out from either side of the fuselage, and the belly sprouted two 40mm BOFORS cannon turrets. Hovering just above the roof line, the gunship tilted forward, each of these weapons lined up on Trixie. She noticed this, Jack noticed her noticing it, and with a decisive, if regretful final tap on his phone, he signed what he thought was her death sentence.

At that moment, a roar unlike any Equestria had ever heard before chewed apart the quietness of Ponyville. Even Trixie, with her god-like power, barely had the chance to bolster her shields before 6000 rounds of incendiary 20mm fire a minute came down upon her like acid rain. They were joined immediately after by the repeated thunderclaps of Hydra rockets as they pounded against her resistance, one after another. The 40mm turrets sounded out a beat of their own, combining into a staccato of armor-piercing shots. Even Jack had to recoil from the mighty blast of sound, shielding his eyes from the swirl of dust and smoke; Twilight had reflexively thrown up a protective shield of her own.

Trixie, meanwhile, was truly in a fight for her life, sucking every last drop of power from the Alicorn Amulet to protect herself from the onslaught from another world. Blood running thick with adrenaline, she let out a primal scream in defiance of he who dared oppose her with his mechanical false idols. Jack fumblingly pulled a pair of sunglasses from his pocket, put them on and pressed a button on the frame. The inward face of the glasses expanded against his face, then sucked itself tight, forming a protective seal around his eyes. He walked cautiously to the edge of the alleyway, then peered around only to be struck by the intense blood-red brightness of Trixie's overcharged force field, immobile against a torrent of equally-bright tracer rounds.

Glare reduction set at a woefully-inadequate maximum, Jack glanced around the corner once more, but what he saw was even worse. Though his pet gunship had not let up in any sense of the term, Trixie seemed to be standing up to it. In fact, her shield was getting bigger. It formed around her, a bubble instead of a wall, and slowly began to sculpt itself. Protrusions developed on the bottom, front and back, thinning the sides of the bubble as they grew outward. As time went on, these protrusions took on more definite shape, and soon Jack recognized a pattern. Legs, head, tail, horn...

A giant, crimson-energy Trixie stood in the middle of Ponyville, its creator held aloft in the middle of its body. Standing immobile, but replicating a smirk on its face, it glared in triumph against the other giant of steel and wire who had challenged it. It lunged its horn forward, and shot a fiery beam of energy straight into the Osprey. With a rather humble shower of sparks, the craft's right wing pulled away from the rest of the body, then dropped out of the sky. The rest of the body, however, was hardly as graceful, spiraling counterclockwise around its remaining rotor, guns still ablaze as if the attack would continue unaffected. Jack saw this, of course, but had barely enough time to get away as two stray missiles blew the side out of the house he was taking cover behind, bringing it down. And as he ran, he saw the Osprey tilt about, lopsided, then slam into a pair of cottages on the opposite side of the street. Immediately the crash produced a fireball of aviation-grade fuel and cooked-off ammunition, large enough to throw Jack backwards in a scattered shower of debris.

The black of a blackout fading into the black of smoke clouds, Jack found himself on his back, cut up and bruised. He rolled onto his side reflexively to stand, only to feel a sharp pain in his rib as it pressed against the ground. Biting his tongue and sitting up, he then rose to a knee and slowly stood, trying to get his bearings. As the fog wore off, he recognized the caved-in house and Osprey crash site. A woozy, unfocused anger ran through him. Someone's gonna pay for that. But the details suddenly drew into sharp focus as he saw several shades of purple beneath a thin pile of debris. Jack called out to Twilight, but when she failed to reply, he called up a second wind to start running for her. Before he could even get up to speed, however, he was floored by a blast of magic to his side. Recovering and restarting the process of standing up, Jack looked up to see Trixie approaching, surrounded by an aura of red.

"Ha! The Great and Powerful Trixie has found you, you impudent foal!"

It was all too easy to tell her intentions, and as he first noticed the lack of an M1216 hanging from his shoulder, Jack's eyes began darting about, looking for any kind of defense he could mount. The first thing he spotted was his missing shotgun, lying on the ground just too far away to reach before Trixie could react. The second thing was the wreckage of his Osprey, which was beyond salvage but not totally destroyed. Some pieces were still relatively intact, and one of those pieces was a 40mm turret sticking out of the side (formerly belly) of the craft. Panickedly, Jack pulled out his phone and swiped through various control menus. Dammit, this is taking too long! It's just taking manual control of a vehicle turret, it should be easy!

Eventually (as it seemed to Jack), his screen shifted to a camera-view, looking down the barrel of the BOFORS cannon. He locked his thumb against the right side of the screen, and slowly the turret began to rotate. As soon as Trixie was visible onscreen, he tapped on her, and the gun took precise aim. With assured relief, Jack hit the "fire" button...

...And nothing. The cannon had fired, he heard it go off, but there was no contact, no impact, no explosion, not even against a shield. Instead, as he looked back to Trixie, he noticed a small metal cylinder hovering next to her head, surrounded in the blood-red glow of Alicorn Amulet magic. She had caught the bullet shell. She actually caught the God-damned shell. Stunned with astonishment, Jack regained his focus, only to be denied as the gun's cycling action delayed a follow-up shot. It was plenty of time, though, for Trixie to magically grab hold of the barrel and twist it into a loop. Throwing the shell backward to explode nowhere in particular, she loosed an unapologetically-cliche maniacal laugh, while Jack swore in frustration. There went that defense.

Desperately, Jack looked back to his phone and flipped through screen after screen to find any active assets he had left. Everything he could come up with seemed to be a dead end. It would take too long to scramble anything from his Everfree base, and anything in-area was either knocked out of commission in the crash or of little tactical value. But little value was value all the same, and right now that was all Jack had. Time to get creative. As Trixie drew ever-closer, he took a calming series of deep breaths, then set his fingers in motion as fast as they could tap. What he was doing was unconventional to say the least, so much so that he would have to write a few of the commands from scratch. By the time he was ready to execute, Trixie was almost on top of him, and his phone was starting to lag from the strain he was putting on its capabilities. Backpedaling across the ground to buy time, he thrust his phone into the air as he repeatedly hit the "execute" button, like some defective TV remote.

"Technological trickery won't save you this time, human!"

"Mmm, you're probably right, I don't guess it will."

"The Great and Powerful what?" Shocked by her enemy's sudden acquiescence, Trixie stopped in her tracks, and the glow of magic faded. "You agree with me?"

"Well, sure," Jack replied, trying to sound as calm and conversational as possible. "I mean, look, you took down my most powerful weapon with one shot, after withstanding literally everything it could hit you with. I don't have anything else that could hope to match up to that power."

"So are you saying that...?"

"Yes, I'm a good enough man to know when I'm beaten. Congratulations, you're just too much for me." Jack got up on his knees, then held his arms out theatrically. "I surrender!"

This flustered Trixie quite a bit. "Well then, um, I... The Great and Powerful Trixie will now..." She was so flustered, in fact, that as she tried to figure out what to do next, she failed to notice the steadily growing whirr of small rotorblades. This error cost her dearly, as a small, unarmed surveillance quadrotor plowed into her side at full speed, sending her reeling. Jack immediately brought a foot up and planted it on the ground, then threw himself toward his M1216. By the time Trixie had recovered, Jack was already up on his feet, gun trained on her. Wasting no more time with words, he squeezed off a shot, and Trixie felt the hit of a dart sticking itself to her neck. More specifically, sticking itself to the Alicorn Amulet.

What followed was very unpleasant to watch, but even worse to experience. A jarring degree of voltage shot through the metal choker and straight into Trixie's body, setting off every pain receptor she had. Mounting any sort of magical defense would require focus, and that was one thing this Taser dart would not let her have. Unflinchingly, Jack fired again, sticking the Amulet with another shell and doubling the electrical power.

"Take it off, Trixie! It's the only way to stop the discharge!"

Her response was little more than a scream, the furthest thing from intelligible speech. Jack answered it wordlessly, shooting another Taser dart into the Amulet pitilessly. But to his surprise, Twilight appeared at his side, scratched and bruised but otherwise in good condition.

"Jack, what just hap..." She then finally appreciated the immediate situation, as Trixie's pure rage and anguish caused random sparks of red-and-light-blue magic to join the ever-shifting web of electrical bolts surrounding her. "What are you doing to her?!"

"What I have to. I gave her one chance to give it up, and you saw what she did. Now I'm taking that amulet from her, one way or another."

"But how do you know this won't kill her?"

Jack thought for a brief moment, then decided to give her the truth. "I don't. I really have no idea how much voltage it takes to kill a pony, and her having the Alicorn Amulet throws another random element into the mix. But I have one shot left, and if she doesn't give up the amulet..."

"You can't! She'll die!"

"...she'll get what she asked for and what she earned. I gave her the chance to stand down, Twilight, you saw it. She brought all of this on herself. Now then..."

"No!"

But before Jack had the chance to take a final shot, the light show and screaming stopped, and Trixie collapsed onto her side, immobile and unconscious. Breaking his firing stance, he ran over to her body, Twilight close behind. Almost in response, the Alicorn Amulet unfastened itself and popped off Trixie's neck, three custom-made shotgun shells still jutting out of it. "Careful, it still has voltage going through it," Jack warned Twilight.

"Is she...?"

"Let's see." Jack stuck out two fingers and began to feel around Trixie's neck, then found a spot, settled on it and tried to take a pulse. What he felt was very hard to interpret. "She still has a pulse, but it's erratic and unstable. We need to act fast."

He felt across her chest like he had her neck, finding a spot and marking it in his mind. "Alright, Twilight, listen carefully, I'm gonna need your help here. I'm going to shoot Trixie with my last electroshock dart, as close as I can get to her heart. When the shot hits, I need you to count to two, then pull it off magically. Then, when I tell you, stick it back in the same spot, count to two, and pull it back again. It may take three or four shocks to get a result. There may be some resistance when you try to remove it, but just rip hard and fast."

"Okay, I see where you're going. But what if your electric dart thing isn't strong enough, or it's too strong? There's no way it's as smart as an AED machine!"

"Fair point, but right now I think this is our only option. Let's do what we can and hope for the best. Ready?"

Twilight sighed with resigned agreement. "Ready." Jack took aim with his shotgun, shooting almost point-blank at Trixie's chest. "In 3, 2, 1, fire!" The M1216 went off with the usual smoke and noise, unaware that it was now working to save a life instead of take one. "One Manehatten, two Manehatten," Twilight counted aloud, before yanking the dart free and holding it aloft. Jack tossed away his gun and bent down to take another pulse. "No good, hit her again." Twilight stuck Trixie with the dart for another two-count, then removed it. Jack checked again, only to get the same result. "Again." Both repeated the process, with frustratingly similar results.

"Damn, there can't be that much juice left. This time, give it to her in shorter intervals: one second on, one second off. Four times, then we'll check again."

"Right. One on, one off, four times." Twilight pressed the shock dart back into Trixie with diminished enthusiasm, but kept a very reliable count as she withdrew and replaced it. One after the other, Jack could barely hear the sizzle of electricity as it surged into his patient, and by the last time there was almost no sound at all. "Dammit, Trixie, don't give out on me!" As the final surge went through, he brushed away the shell and dug his hand into her neck. Through the rush of his own adrenaline-soaked blood, he could barely feel a thing, but as his nerves steadied there it was: a steady pulse, weak but reliable. Jack fell on his back, laughing with relief through exhausted breaths.

"We did it, Twilight. We beat her, then we saved her... Good day's work."

And at that moment, a small filly poked her head up over the crates she had been hiding behind, and declared "Awesome!"

As Trixie was loaded into an ambulance cart, Jack, Twilight, and now a little fan-filly called Scootaloo watched Ponyville slowly come out of hiding.

"And so it was about one part science, two parts luck. If the Amulet couldn't be removed unless Trixie wanted to take it off, I reasoned it was somehow interfacing with her brain. Since the brain runs on electrical impulses between neurons, it made sense that overloading the Amulet with electricity would disconnect or at least weaken that interface. And when Trixie was shocked into unconsciousness, her brain basically went into standby, so there was no willpower to keep the Amulet for it to reference. Lacking that, it came loose, like it was attached to something that couldn't think at all."

"I couldn't understand half those words, but that was still one of the most awesomest things I've ever seen in my life!"

"I could understand all those words, and I will admit it was a clever strategy. But Jack, did you even think about the risks to Trixie?"

Sensing the impending tense conversation, Jack sighed nervously, then prepared to confront a moment he knew was coming from Day 1.

"Hey kid, I appreciate the praise, but Twilight and I need to have some grown-up talk. Think you could, uh... go find Rainbow Dash and hang with her?"

"Oh yeah, where is Rainbow Dash? Why wasn't she fighting Trixie by your side? That would've been something..."

Scootaloo happily trotted off, the potential awkwardness having gone right over her head. That minor issue dealt with, Jack turned back to Twilight.

"Yes, Twilight, I did think about what could've happened to Trixie. I knew there was a chance the voltage could've been too much for her, just like I knew there was a chance she wouldn't be able to withstand my Osprey's firepower and it would've torn her apart. But you heard me, I gave her a chance to stand down. I warned her that the gloves were coming off, and she kept pressing."

"But just because she won't give up doesn't mean we should try to kill her!"

Jack took a knee, hoping to end this debate before it really began.

"Listen, I know that intentionally killing other ponies isn't a concept that comes up a lot in Equestria; that's just how this world works. But have you ever thought about just how lucky you've been up to now? What if Discord decided he wanted you out of the way for good instead of just trapped or corrupted? What if Nightmare Moon had attacked you with all her magical power before you even discovered the Elements of Harmony? You may not have noticed, but you and your friends face very real threats every time you go on an adventure."

Twilight admitted to herself that she had never really thought too hard about how powerful and dangerous her enemies actually were.

"Like I said, you've been lucky. But you saw yourself how much power Trixie had at her disposal. Even if it was just through carelessness and not malice, she could've very easily killed you. I wasn't willing to risk that. So I'm sorry if my methods seemed extreme, but it's only because I wanted to do everything I could to keep my friends safe from my enemies. You over them, every time."

Twilight opened her mouth, but no words came to her; suddenly, what Jack was saying made a lot of sense.

"Oh my Celestia, you're right. We've been brushing with death almost every day since the six of us met, and we never even realized it! What if..."

Jack knew he had killed the argument, but the conversation wasn't over. "Stop right there. That's a dangerous game to play, second-guessing yourself. You never know when to stop, believe me. Now, I'm not saying you need to start carrying weapons or anything; your methods are pretty reliable as is, and there's no reason to change. But I want you to know that if it ever seems like I'm taking things too far, it's only because I think the situation warrants it. I just need you to trust me and trust my judgement. Can you do that for me?"

Pondering for a moment, Twilight hit a snag. Something Jack had said didn't sit right with her. It was something small, and she couldn't say why, but there was just enough unease to make her think twice. She turned his words over once or twice, convinced herself that whatever it was was unimportant, and resolved not to let such a tiny misgiving affect their friendship. "I'm sure I can."

Jack wrapped his arm around her and they shared a moment's embrace. "Great. Now then, we should probably start work on cleaning all this up."

"Yeah. Speaking of which, did you get the Alicorn Amulet? I was looking for it on the ground after the ambulance came for Trixie, but I haven't been able to find it."

"I got it, don't worry. I can store it at my place, behind every layer of security system I can think of. It'll be safe there."

"Good plan. And I think I have one of my own for cleaning up what's left of your jet-helicopter-thing."

"Twilight, I'll worry about the Osprey, you take care of the bigger problem."

Twilight looked around with alarm. "What bigger problem?"

Jack pointed upward, to the mile or so of jagged edges suspended above Ponyville. "What's left of that fishbowl."

Though the Osprey's telecom systems had gone offline with the rest of its computer upon its uncontrolled flight into terrain, if it was still operating, it would've picked up the very angry tight-lipped cries of one still-mouthless Pinkie Pie, yelling into her sound system like it would make some kind of difference.

Lord and Master

Author's Note

As the video below should illustrate, this story will be crossing over heavily with the British world of Doctor Who. With this in mind, a few notes on my part:
1. Of course, if you've never seen the show, I encourage you to give it a try. It's Netflix streamable, and if you're looking for a place to start, I'd suggest "Smith & Jones" (Series 3). And if you've never watched the classic series (like from the 1960s), watch "The Three Doctors". It's also Netflix streamable, gives you a good look at the first three Doctors, and lets you in on a few of the jokes I set up.
2. (and most importantly) The next chapter is an appendix and reference guide. The appendix is a proper crash course in Doctor Who, and the reference guide explains every joke/reference I make. If you're new to Who, feel free to follow along, but if you've watched the show, I challenge you to save it until you've finished the story and see how many references you caught. Otherwise, use it as you like/need.
3. Rassilon bless you for putting up with my nerdiness.

Lord and Master

"Lesson one of being human, Twilight, opposable thumbs are your friends."

As if to demonstrate, Jack West balanced his laser pen in his fingertips, aiming precisely into a rather ordinary metal door-lock. The tip produced a powerful cutting beam which shot into the lock and began to melt its insides, bathing his section of the sparsely-lit hallway in a red glow. Hiding in his shadow, Twilight stepped forward hesitantly.

"I could really prove it to you if I had brought an old-school lockpicking set, but those things are painful to use, even for me."

"Umm, Jack, if this is a school, wouldn't breaking into Princess I mean Principal Celestia's office be the equivalent of invading the Royal Palace?"

"...mmm, never thought of it that way. Yes, I suppose it could get you expelled, that is if you were actually a student. Me, well, I guess they'd call the police on me, but if the police here are like the ones in my world, they shouldn't be a problem. But what's the alternative?"

"Principal Celestia said the crown would be presented to the Princess of the Fall Formal tomorrow night. If I win that, I get the crown."

"Too risky- your odds of winning a popularity contest here are slim to none. And before you say anything, it's high school; everything's a popularity contest. Besides, done."

Jack stood up and pushed the door open. Trading out his laser pen for his phone, he turned on the flashlight and began to scan the office. "Now then, where did Celestia say that crown was?" Close behind, Twilight watched the beam of light and tried to follow along with what Jack was examining. "All she said was that Vice-Principal Luna had put it away for safe keeping."

"That narrows it down a bit."

Jack's eyes turned to the other doors in the room- two of the three had nameplates next to them, definitely sub-offices. As he approached, he noticed one labeled "Luna" in large, block-capital letters. Well, that makes it easy. Shifting his phone-light to his left hand, he pulled out his laser pen again, but then put it back, reached out and tried the handle. The door opened without resistance.

"Why isn't it locked?"

"My guess is since it's an interior office, it's already behind one locked door, so they figure why lock it too? And of all the places in the world to break into, who would target a Vice-Principal's office?"

"Umm, us?"

"Fair point," Jack noted with a bit of chagrin. He began scanning around again, finding only a filled desk, a nightstand and more filing cabinets. As he tried each one, he discovered little more than papers and ordinary office supplies, and took a moment to reflect on the irony. Jack West, master criminal, the peak of human ability, the Moriarty of the 21st Century, and here he was breaking into a high school office. But remembering his encounter with Trixie, he decided to appreciate the easy victories as they were handed to him. Woken from his thoughts by a filing cabinet drawer that would not budge, he deduced something important must be inside.

"Let's see, what are you hiding in here, Vice-Principal Luna?"

Overcoming the relatively weak cabinet lock with simple brute force, he yanked the drawer open, and from inside pulled a very familiar piece of ceremonial headgear.

"Safe keeping is a locked filing cabinet? How very high school."

He handed it to Twilight, who took a moment to examine it, then clutched it close to her chest. As Jack slid the drawer back shut, they heard the pitter-patter of small feet (or rather paws) from the hallway.

"Twilight, Jack, she's here! I mean, bark bark! Ruff, bow-wow and all that!"

The two raced out of the office to find their lookout dragon/dog scampering toward them. He jumped into Twilight's arms, and Jack looked down his path to see a figure following, with a truly fire-like head of hair and a distinctively contrasting leather jacket. "That's Sunset Shimmer, I presume?" She came to a stop, staring the three of them down across the hall, lit only by a single line of fluorescents.

"Breaking into the principal's office in the middle of the night? Didn't think a Princess had it in her."

"Sorry to disappoint, but the breaking-in was my idea. And my handiwork, for that matter." Jack couldn't resist a chance to banter. But Sunset noticed Twilight's cargo, and immediately took off running toward them again. "The crown!"

"My crown!" Twilight replied defiantly. Already formulating a battle plan, Jack brought his sunglasses up from his pocket and put them on, then sent his right hand into his jacket as his left moved toward his ear.

"Twilight, remember the hospitality I showed you when we first met?"

In simultaneous motion, he pressed a button on his sunglasses and drew his Taser-dart pistol. The lenses of the glasses momentarily glowed green, illuminating a fine network of circuitry before returning to black. He brought the gun up, level with Sunset Shimmer, enough to stop her in her tracks.

"I think it's time I showed Sunset Shimmer here the same!"

Jack suddenly lifted the gun up, then fired, sending a Taser-dart punching through glass into a fluorescent light. As electricity coursed into the wires, the spike in voltage overloaded each bulb down the line, causing them to explode brilliantly with light before going dark entirely. The wave of darkness rolled over Sunset Shimmer, plunging the entire hallway into night in hardly a second. Her eyes struggled to adapt to the sudden change, and by the time she had recovered, she barely had time to see the incoming heel of a black combat boot before it threw her by the face sideways and to the floor, utterly unconscious.

"How about those pumped up kicks?"

Jack doubled back and grabbed Twilight's hand, dragging her through the darkness toward the other end of the hallway. His night vision guided them until they reached another section of the school where the lights were unaffected, at which point he flipped his sunglasses up onto his forehead. Retracing the path they cleared on the way inside, the dynamic trio raced for the front door. Though Twilight's discomfort with her new anatomy did them no favors, she did appear to be learning as quickly as she could. As though her life depended on it, in fact. Soon they reached the lobby, where a line of glass doors waited for them. Finding the one he picked (well, melted, but no sense in nitpicking), Jack shoved it open, then hurried Twilight and Spike through. From there, it was a straight shot to the statue containing the portal, so they could afford to slow down.

"See? Told you this was the easiest way to get your crown back."

"But what about Sunset Shimmer?"

"Oh, she's out cold; I learned to roundhouse kick from a Texas Ranger. But between her lying there in the hall, the opened doors and the missing crown, I think when Principal Celestia arrives tomorrow morning, things will not look very good for miss Sunset Shimmer. It's convenient, really."

"How so?"

"If she hadn't shown up, there's no one to pin this on, so they'd investigate. That's bad. But now she's pretty much framed herself for us, so case closed."

"And if not?"

"Being here for a day doesn't give them enough information to identify us, much less pursue us. But anyway, I doubt we'll be returning anytime soon. As for Sunset Shimmer and the rest of the school, I'd guess things will just return to business as usual for them. We'll be forgotten, and pretty soon it'll be a question if we were even here at all."

"Jack, my friends are miserable here! They all hate each other, and I think it's because of Sunset Shimmer! We have to do something to help them!"

"No, we have to get your crown back to Equestria and secure that portal. When that's done, we can make a return trip and clear up all the friendship problems you can find. But let's not overcomplicate things, Twilight, not until the job is done."

They approached the statue containing the portal, and Spike was the first to make the jump. "Goodbye, floppy ears, hello, fire breath! See you on the other side!" He lept on through, and Twilight followed, crown in hand. Before going in, Jack turned away, pondering. Like a halfway point between Equestria and Earth. Very curious indeed. He came down to a knee and dove in. As he finished the instantaneous journey, he landed on his stomach, sprawled out clumsily. Somehow, along the way he acquired a very grating headache. Though he knew it wouldn't actually help, he brought his hoof up to rub his temple...

Wait, his hoof?

"This is not happening, this is not happening!"

Jack was panicking. For the first time in a very long time, Jack was honestly, completely panicking. He flailed about on his stomach for a few seconds before trying to stand, which was quite a spectacle of trial and failure. Each attempt at getting up on four hooves was met with a slip or off-balance fall and an appropriately minor swear word. After a few goes at it, he gave up, held his hooves up to his face and let the reality sink in, then returned to panicking. "Ohgodohgodohgod crapcrapcrapcrapcrap I am so screwed, dear God..."

The Mane 6, shocked and slightly embarrassed at the sight of Jack as a pony, were trying to give him his space, but at this point Twilight decided action needed to be taken. She picked him up magically, letting his legs hang beneath him, hooves a few inches above the floor. "Jack, calm down! You are OK! You may be a pony, but you are OK!" The two stimuli proved enough to snap him out of it, and he took a deep breath or two to steady his nerves.

"You're right, I am fine," Jack repeated, almost like he needed to convince himself. "I am alive, healthy, just with a new body. Upstairs, I'm the same me I was just a minute ago."

Not quite, I'm afraid.

What?

For barely a second, he experienced a thought he could not claim ownership of. Combined with that headache, it made him flinch momentarily, but he dismissed it as his anxiety talking and carried on.

"Jack, I'm going to lower you down. Lock your legs and find your balance once you're on the ground. Then you can loosen up and we'll try to get you walking. It should feel natural"

"Alright, legs locked, one, two, three, four of them. Let's give this another try."

Twilight slowly brought him to the floor, and by the time his hooves hit and she let go, he was rigid as a table. "Alright, now start loosening up, bend your knees and try to stand comfortably." Jack slowly let his knees unlock, one by one, to what felt like a natural standing position. He wobbled a bit, of course, but soon he managed to get a feel for it. "There, I'm standing. Good for me."

"Now let's see if you can learn to walk just as fast. The key here is to use opposite legs between your front and back, so when you move your left front leg, you move your right back leg at the same time..."

"...and vice-versa. Alright, let's give it a try. Should come natural."

Slowly but steadily, Jack began taking steps. It truly was coming naturally; soon he was comfortably walking around the room, actually rather pleased. With mobility established, he turned to the mirror and examined himself. His khaki cargo pants had become his coat, which fit as everything he was carrying in those cargo pants appeared to be scattered around his landing point. Meanwhile, his black windbreaker was still there, albeit shrunken down to fit his new body, and its color appeared to have been copied onto his mane. But there seemed to be something pushing the jacket up on his back, so he began to shed it. Manipulating synthetics without fingers was a bit of a challenge, but eventually he managed to get it off.

pomf

"Hello!"

There they were: a beautiful, strong pair of wings, begging to be broken in. Jack flexed these new muscles with unrestrained enthusiasm, which Rainbow Dash definitely shared.

"Jack, you're a pegasus! And look at those bad boys! You can get some serious airspeed with those!"

"I'm not gonna lie, this is freaking awesome! But flying, with wings? I'm gonna have a busy week ahead of me, learning to be a pegasus."

But with a sudden, photo-negative gleam in his eye, Jack reversed course. "Maybe not... Twilight, you've shared memories with other ponies before, right?"

"Yes, but how would that help?"

"Could you take another ponies' memories, then copy and share them?"

"I suppose so, but..."

"And if muscle memory is just another kind of memory, couldn't you copy Rainbow Dash's flying-related muscle memories and give them to me?"

Twilight thought for a second. "Theoretically yes, with difficulty, but muscle memories are more ingrained in the mind and harder to reach than ordinary memories. You would need..."

"...an acute neural stimulator array?"

"Exactly! But nothing like that exists in Equestria."

"No problem, here's how you build one."

As Jack proceeded to gather the small weapons and gadgets previously held in his cargo pants, then rearrange them in his jacket pockets, he launched into a thick stream of technobabble unlike anything the others had heard from him before; even Twilight had a hard time keeping up. By the time he was done, everything was cleaned up and Jack was walking for the exit. "I can 3-D print the parts we'll need back home. Twilight, can you teleport us back to Ponyville? I need to get working while the idea is fresh!"

"Yeah, just give me a second to charge my magic up."

But suddenly, Jack stopped, recoiling like he had just tasted something unpleasant. "Wait, what are we doing?"

"You wanted Twilight to teleport us back to Ponyville, dear, don't you remember?" Rarity asked, surprised by his sudden amnesia.

"Oh, yes, we need to get to my lab fast. That's our best chance to figure out how this happened to me, and maybe how we can change me back."

Now it was Applejack's turn to be confused. "I thought you said you wanted to get back to start workin' on that neural whoseewhatsit?"

"Oh yeah, that was it... I guess I have two important reasons to get back to Ponyville in a hurry."

Long-range teleportation spell ready, Twilight took notice of Jack's odd behavior. But then again, she supposed, if she had suddenly changed species, she would be behaving oddly too. Oh wait, she had suddenly changed species, and she did behave oddly; no supposition necessary.

One teleportation later, the eight of them approached Jack's home, near the edge of the Everfree Forest. From the outside, it appeared to be an unassuming though modern log cabin, but it wouldn't take much prodding to reveal the fortress' true nature. Underground were three levels of hangars, workshops and laboratories, and hard-light holographic trees in the back concealed an airstrip and elevating helipad. Jack climbed cautiously up the steps to the front porch and tried to open the door, surprised when it would not budge for him. Even with hooves he shouldn't have a problem just opening a door, unless... Then he remembered the very first level of security he built into the house, and groaned.

"What's the problem?" Spike asked.

"Genetic scanner built into the door handle. It reads my DNA when I grab the handle, and if it matches with the DNA it has on file for me, it opens the lock. Problem is, changing into a pony must have altered my DNA well beyond the computer's ability to recognize me. In short, I'm locked out."

Fluttershy briefly looked about. "Is there another way in?"

"The back door would have the same scanner, and windows can only be opened from the inside. But I built in other layers of security to this door, in case one ever went out. The trick is figuring out which one will still work for Jack the pony."

"Ooh, ooh, Jack, that reminds me, you need a pony name!"

"What, Pinkie?"

"Yeah, a pony name! You're a pony now, no more boring old proper-nouns human name! It can be anything: descriptive, or cool, or best of all, punny! But make it fast; I need a name to announce you by at our big "Jack's a Pony Now" party!"

"Umm, how about Jack of All Trades?"

"Wow, that was fast!"

"Yeah, thought it up a while ago, in case I ever needed a false name to use on documents or things like that."

"Oooh, crafty! But I like it, it definitely sounds like you!"

"Sounds like you... Pinkie, you're a genius!"

"No matter how many times ponies tell me that, I still don't feel any smarter."

"What do you mean, Jack?" Twilight interjected.

"Of everything about me, I thought only my mind hadn't changed, but I was wrong. Listen: my voice is still the same! I can use a voice-print override code to open the door. Hang on, it's a doozy... Computer, activate vocal print-recognition override, code Bravo Alpha Delta Dash Whiskey Zero One Foxtrot, engage!"

With the subdued hum of circuitry, locks were retracted and the door swung open. They all entered the front room, and Jack walked toward the elevator in the hallway. "Make yourselves at home; I'll go downstairs and get the lab cleaned up." He stepped inside as the doors opened, leaving the girls and Spike to their own devices.

"Alright, was it just me, or was Jack acting really weird back there?" Rainbow Dash asked. Twilight was the first to come to his defense.

"Yes, but think about what he's going through, and what we know about him. He's used to having power, being in control. If you had your body changed like that and you had no idea why, would you feel in control?"

"Well, no... I guess I'd be kinda scared."

"Exactly. Do you think Jack's used to being scared? The point of this is that he's out of his element, and that's going to put him under a lot of stress. He may be acting weird, but he needs us more than ever to help him through this."

There was a moment of silent agreement, which Rarity was the first to break. "Twilight, you seem very... familiar with this situation. Did something happen on the other side of that portal that we should know about?"

"It's a long story..."

Twilight proceeded to recount her experience at Canterlot High School, all the way through turning into a human, meeting her friends' parallel selves, and encountering Sunset Shimmer. She had just finished the part about breaking into Principal Celestia's office when the elevator car arrived, and a much less pleasant Jack stepped out.

"Alright, so voice-print ID will get us inside, but I can't get much further downstairs without genetic confirmation. That means no labs, no armory, and no hangar access. Automated assistance programs are down, manual controls are locked out, the whole nine yards. I tried every override I know, remote reprogramming, even rewiring the hardware, and all it's done is annoy the computer; if I go down there again, the defense turrets will probably tear me to bits. And apart from a few hidden weapons and gadgets on this floor, there's nothing for us here but living space. Oh, I'm sorry, am I interrupting something?"

"Not at all, I was just getting the girls caught up on our little adventure at Canterlot High School."

"Well, unless anypony's fallen in love with my decor, I'd suggest we go back into Ponyville. The scientific equipment at the library will be our next best bet for studying my DNA and building an acute neural stimulator array."

Leaving the building the way they came, the group began walking toward the not-quite-paved pathway that would take them back to Ponyville. But as Jack pulled the door shut, its locks spinning back into place instantaneously, he caught out of the corner of his eye a mobile bit of yellow color. He turned his attention to it, recognizing it through the trees as some kind of old-fashioned automobile. With an impulse he couldn't quite completely explain, he leapt off the front porch into as much of a gallop as he could manage, making it to the path ahead of the old car. Jack stood brazenly in the roadway, waving a hoof in the air and obstructing the vehicle's path. The rest of the group, surprised yet again, followed frantically; Rainbow Dash was the first to catch up.

"Jack, what the hay are you doing?"

"Getting us a ride! Excuse me! Hello there!"

The automobile squealed to an impressively sudden halt. Driving was a unicorn with a dark red coat, curly white mane and very displeased look on his face.

"Young stallion, what exactly do you think you're doing, apart from irritating me?

His voice betrayed both his age and a very high opinion of himself, although it was tempered with a kind of stateliness that, in better circumstances, could make him seem quite charming. This was, of course, not such a moment where he was so particularly inclined. Not that that mattered to Jack, though.

"Ah, hello! My friends and I, we're trying to get to the Ponyville Library, and we're in a bit of a hurry. I do hate to be a bother, but is there any way you could give us a lift?"

The driver surveyed him, along with the Mane 6, who had managed to group up behind him as he made his way to the right side of the vehicle, close to where the old stallion was sitting. After looking them over for a second or so, he had a sudden change of heart.

"Well, you do look like rather friendly company, and who am I to refuse service to a Princess? Please, come aboard."

They swarmed around his car, climbing into whatever open seat they could find (although Rainbow Dash elected to fly overhead). Jack managed to find his way into the passenger seat, and noted the unusually large amount of switches and odd devices wired in on the driver's side. As soon as they were all situated, the old girl shot off along the road once more.

"Thank you, sir, we really do appreciate the ride. I'm Jack of All Trades, by the way. This is Princess..."

"Yes, yes, Princess Twilight Sparkle and the Elements of Harmony; Applejack, Rarity, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie." He rattled off their names like he was reading down a list. "And faithful assistant, Spike!" the young dragon enthusiastically added.

"Of course, Spike, how could I have forgotten?" the old stallion replied, more than a hint of pandering in his words. "I'm the Doctor, and it's a pleasure to make your acquaintance, all of you."

Despite its age, the Doctor's car was incredibly fast, and he maneuvered it with expert precision as the slowly-improving road turned into Ponyville proper. After navigating through several pedestrians and the occasional traffic light, they reached the library and disembarked.

"You've actually reminded me, I have some business at the library as well. Your Majesty, if you would be so kind as to do the honors?"

Twilight was befuddled. In the swirl of official business that kept her in Canterlot or the Crystal Empire so often, had she forgotten something important in Ponyville? "The honors?" The Doctor realized what the situation had become and chuckled to himself. "I meant opening the library."

Smiling with relief and embarrassment, Twilight magically caused a key to appear, then placed it delicately inside its lock, turned and opened. As the lights came on inside, the group streamed in, each one going their own way once inside. Jack and Twilight immediately made for the downward staircase, the rest of the Mane 6 and Spike in tow. When they reached the lab, Twilight pulled a microscope from a cabinet and began setting it up.

"So what do we work on first, your DNA or the neural stimulator?"

"DNA. I'd rather work to see if I can be changed back than to make myself more comfortable as a pony. You have a blank slide for me?"

Twilight tossed him one, and he set it down on the counter and pulled a small knife from his jacket. He rolled up his sleeve, then clenched his teeth and made a small cut on his foreleg. Red welled up around the wound, and soon there was enough of it to drip. Jack held his leg straight out over the counter, let one drop hit the counter, then moved the slide immediately over where it hit. Surely enough, the next drop hit the slide dead on. Passing it back to Twilight, he pressed against his self-inflicted cut with his other hoof, stopping the flow of blood and allowing it to clot and seal. She covered the slide with film, then loaded it into the microscope and began to examine it.

"What do you see, Twilight?" Rarity asked hesitantly.

"It's strange. His cells are very much like a normal pony's, but there are differences... I'm noticing a faster metabolism, and almost twice as many red blood cells. And these aren't just benefits of physical fitness carried over from Jack's human body, these are actual biological differences. I don't know what to make of it."

"I assume a cure's out of the question," Jack chimed in rather despondently.

"For the moment, yes. What would help is if I had access to DNA samples from your human body, for comparison. But I may need to consult one of my cellular biology textbooks for more information."

"Yes, Princess Twilight, actually I was wondering if I could talk to you about that as well."

The Doctor had appeared from upstairs, surprising the deep-in-focus librarian. With magic he had brought with him two rather thin books, each with a strip of black-and-yellow striped tape holding it shut.

"What I can do for you, Doctor?"

"It's these two books. I think the information inside may be of use to me, but as you can see they're taped shut."

"Yes, normally that's what I do when a book is so old or worn that even opening it may damage it, or if the book can't be checked out to just anypony. But I don't recognize either of them, and they don't look old or worn. So why would I tape them shut?... Where did you find these?"

"Cellular biology, on a high shelf, wedged between the larger textbooks."

"I see. Give me a moment and I'll run them through the computer, see what I can dig up."

"In the mean time," Jack added, "I'm going to start working on that neural stimulator." The term caught the Doctor's attention instantly. "A neural stimulator?"

"Yes, specifically an acute neural stimulator array." Jack moved over to another work table, flipping open a new piece of paper on a legal pad full of scientific notes, with the Doctor close behind.

"That kind of technology is far too... oh, never mind. I expect I can help you."

"I'd certainly appreciate it."

The two got down to sketchwork and listmaking, while the rest of the group returned to chatting about what Twilight had just told them, and just about a minute later she returned from upstairs, looking concerned. "Doctor?"

The old unicorn looked up and turned to her. "Ah, Princess Twilight, what can you tell us about those books?"

"Nothing. I searched both of them by title, shelving numbers, and ISBN. Nothing came up, so I tried searching them through the Canterlot Royal Library catalogue, in case they were loaners that we somehow ended up with. But the Royal Library hasn't heard of them either; these two books are complete mysteries."

"So what do we do with them, Twilight?" Jack asked. "Well, since I can't remember sealing them, and we can't figure out why they would be sealed in the first place, I say we investigate."

"Spectacular idea, my dear," the Doctor commented, as she magically peeled back the striped tape. Opening up the first book, she found it filled not with pages, but several trays attached to the spine, like multi-disc DVD case. Each tray held a pair of discs, no bigger than small Frisbees, metallic silver and uniform, except for several buttons clustered on the lateral edge. Twilight pulled one loose with magic, holding it up for all three of them to examine.

"A holocorder, designed to record then project information while the recorder provides narration. Consistently voted "Galaxy's Best Notetaking System", though a bit out of place here. Well, I say 'a bit out of place', I mean 'this technology shouldn't be developed for at least another half a century'."

They spun around to face the Estuary-English voice, only to find an earth pony very similar to Jack had suddenly appeared. His coat was a lighter shade and his mane was dark brown, not black, but the similarity was there.

"Oh, I'm sorry, forgot to knock. Hello, I'm the Doctor!"

He extended a hoof in animatedly friendly greeting. Jack reached out to receive it, but the Doctor already with him held his hoof back. The girls seemed to be very confused about the entire thing.

"My dear fellow, you simply cannot be the Doctor."

"Oh yeah? And why is that, curly?"

"Because I am the Doctor."

The new Doctor opened his mouth to retort, but no words came out, and he just as quickly shut it and began examining his compatriot. As he studied him, Jack realized the situation: the Doctor he had stopped and rode into Ponyville with was the Third Doctor, and this one he had just encountered was the Tenth Doctor (the 'well I say...' line sealed it). Three wouldn't have a reason to recognize Ten, them being so many regenerations apart, but Ten would remember being Three. And that's what he's doing right now.

A smile of realization hit Ten's face. "Yes, yes you are, Doctor! You most certainly are the Doctor, Doctor." His face suddenly turned rather unimpressed. "Eh, you were alright. Not much fun, but you got the job done, I'll give you that."

"Oh, now you're just talking gibberish. Now who the devil are you?"

Jack decided intervention between the two incarnations was necessary. "Hold on, hold on. Now then, Doctor, Doctor, there's a good chance you're both right. I'm sure you could find out for sure if you were to examine each other with your sonic screwdrivers..."

"How do you know about the sonic screwdriver?" They demanded of him in unison. They then realized that and turned to each other, Three looking at Ten in surprised confusion, Ten looking at Three with a subdued but victorious smile. Both proceeded to draw their sonic screwdrivers and point them at each other. Scanning, then examining, both put them away and shook hooves.

"Well, I have worked with my own previous incarnations before, I suppose it isn't so difficult to conceive that I would one day work with a future incarnation of myself as well," Three conceded. "Pleasure to meet me."

"Me too," Ten replied wryly. "Now then, shall we see what's on these holocorders?"

"Indeed. Twilight, if you please."

Three held his hoof up expectantly, and Twilight complied, passing the device over to him. He looked around its rim for a moment, then pressed one of the buttons. A holographic image of a human female with very long hair and unhealthily tight leather pants appeared above the disc, small but in very high definition. "The Rani..." Ten murmured. "Who?" Three asked in response.

"The Rani, Time Lady, immoral scientist, would kill millions just to study how they die. We were mates back at the Academy, remember?"

"...Oh yes, I do remember her. Last I heard of her she had gotten in a bit of a tiff with the President, something about his cat."

Ten considered his enemy's... humble beginnings with bemusement. "Yes, well, the Rani wasn't exactly content with being unkind to animals. I can't tell you a lot, that would be spoiling, but she's managed to earn her place on the Time Lord Naughty List. Real question is: what is she doing here in Equestria?"

"Let's find out," Jack interrupted, pointing at the holocorder. Three pressed another button, animating the hologram as video playback began.

"Experiment Notes File Gamma 214. Personal log and technical notes. I have successfully integrated Dalek Void Ship technology into my TARDIS, allowing me to enter and leave the Void at will. Hopefully this will allow me to carry out my research without interference from the rest of my race and their accursed Time War. Included here are technical schematics of the technology, my own modifications to both it and my TARDIS, and my analysis of it from a scientific standpoint."

"A Void Ship? Impossible!"

"No, the Daleks came up with one eventually," Ten countered. "And the Rani having her hands on its technology is bad news. But this is going to be a lot of techno-nonsense, it won't help us."

"Indeed, go to the next holocorder."

Three hit another button, shutting off the hologram, and Twilight replaced it in its tray. She then flipped the tray over and took out another, passing it back to Three, who started to activate it.

"Hold that thought, Doc. BEEBOOBEEBOO Awesome alarm! Awesome alarm! Check out those Cutie Marks!"

Pinkie pointed at the Doctors and Jack, and Twilight took a step back to observe them. Indeed, all three of them had an identical hourglass Cutie Mark.

"A pair of matching Cutie Marks is cool enough, but a trio? Absolutely awesome!"

"Pinkie's right, it's uncommon to find two ponies with the same Cutie Mark," Twilight noted, "but three of you at once is very rare."

"An intriguing curiosity," Three agreed. "But may we get back to more important matters?"

"Sure! Alarm canceled," Pinkie replied with obvious ignorance to Three's irritation.

"Experiment Notes File Gamma 215. Study of Temporal Displacement and Self-Interaction. Traveling through the Void has enabled me to explore many other worlds, some radically different from my own. I have found one where the laws of space and time appear to be much more... malleable than on most worlds. Thus, this world will be the site of a long-term experiment to study the effects of an individual interacting with other versions of themself from various points across their timeline."

The academics in the room were shocked at such an audacious proposal, while the rest of the Mane 6 looked on in various states of interest, like they were watching a movie. Pinkie, however, was sitting on the ceiling, watching the show with 3-D glasses and popcorn.

"Malleable? I don't know what she's talking about."

"The unusual physics of this world, which is apparently called Equestria, will hopefully stave off the Blinovitch Limitation Effect, an unreliable phenomenon occurring when an individual comes into contact with their time-displaced self. Its usually negative results have up to now discouraged such an experiment in my native dimension. For the subject, I have chosen a fellow Time Lord who has already come into contact with himself on numerous occasions; the Doctor. Traveling up and down his timeline, I have taken a thorough mental scan of each incarnation of the Doctor, then imprinted those scans on the minds of biogenerations resembling the natives of this new world. Although I could not access his ninth incarnation due to a powerful time-lock around that portion of the Doctor's timeline, I was able to collect a total of twelve samples, more than enough for my purposes."

Both Three and Ten were visibly disgusted at what was panning out to be their origin story.

"Of course, some alterations were required. Biologically, I spliced each biogeneration with a sample of the Doctor's genetic material, giving them most of the advantages of Time Lord physiology, with the notable exception of regeneration. Psychologically, I adapted their mental prints to a baseline established by study of the indigenous population of Equestria. When they wake up, they will be familiar with and comfortable in their new bodies, and will not believe they ever had any other form. I was even able to create artificial muscle memory, through use of an acute neural stimulator array."

Jack's eyes lit up with subdued delight. Why build a stimulator myself when the Rani might have left one for me?

"In short, my goal was to, as accurately as possible, replicate the conditions of the Doctor's life on Earth in Equestria. I even forced several pieces of TARDIS coral through accelerated growth, so that each of them has their own TARDIS, although they are limited to this world's spatiotemporal range. The environment will provide them with companions to travel with and dangers to face, and they will eventually cross paths with each other. As for myself, I will use my TARDIS' chameleon arch to conceal my personality in a micromatrix. Because of the obvious physiological differences, I will not be able to disguise myself as a native, but I will capture and imprint my psychic anchor on one of them. For this purpose, I have selected the..."

"That's enough of that!" Ten practically pounced on the holocorder, covering up the display and jabbing at it until it shut off. Incensed, Three pulled him up and away from the others.

"You fool, what are you doing? If there is another Time Lord in Equestria, masquerading as a pony using a chameleon arch, I would like to know who it is!"

"Think of them! How would you feel if you found out one of your best friends was just a disguise for a psychopathic alien scientist?"

The prospect flustered Three. "You have a point. But we still need to find the micromatrix the Rani is concealing herself in."

"Agreed. Hmmm... ooh, idea! One moment please!"

Ten suddenly ran back up the stairs, leaving the entire group confused. "What's going on, Doctor?" Jack asked Three.

"The Rani is disguising herself as a pony, but my other self most likely has come up with a way to detect her. If only I knew what it was..." he replied, irritation obvious in his tone. Seconds later, Ten came blundering back down the stairs, holding an odd red box with a number of other devices attached to it, such as a small clock, tape reel, and telephone handset. "Oh, dear," Three commented.

"Oi! Don't diss the timey-wimey detector!"

"Timey-wimey? Have you gone mad, old chap?"

"It sounds cool! It's easy to say and it sounds cool. Dudn'tit sound cool, girls?"

Twilight and Rarity gave a polite nod, Pinkie gave a more excited nod, Applejack and Fluttershy hadn't quite caught up yet, and Rainbow Dash gave a slightly-smiling shrug that said 'I guess so'.

"I rest my case. It's a timey-wimey detector, it goes ding when there's stuff!" Ten pronounced, exasperated. For both the Doctors arguing and Ten pulling out the timey-wimey detector, Jack could barely contain his grin. For his part, Three was done arguing, especially now that he had a few moment to think about what a 'timey-wimey detector' would be."

"Ahh, I understand. It's a temporal anom..."

Ten quickly shushed him. "No, don't ruin my moment. It's a timey-wimey detector, it goes ding when there's stuff, and you were about to ruin my moment with your grown-up-sounding joy-killing technobabble."

"I would not... well, if I'm completely honest with myself I suppose I would. But a micromatrix and a temporal anomaly are two very different things! Your detector would have to be fine-tuned to scan for that kind of technology."

A smile crept over Ten's face.

"Would you care to do the thing?"

"If by 'the thing', you mean reverse the polarity of the neutron flow," Three answered with mild annoyance, which then changed to warmly match Ten's grin, "then yes, I would." He pulled out his wrench-like sonic screwdriver, extended the head, and went to work on the timey-wimey detector like only a Doctor can. By the time he was done, the device was clicking steadily, and Ten picked it up and waved it around.

"Alright, there we go! Ooh, it's close!"

Giddily, he waved it about, arousing everypony's confusion (except Three's, of course).

"It being what, Doctor?" Twilight asked as he swept the detector up and down her expectantly.

"The Rani's micromatrix," Three answered. "She's hidden herself here in Equestria, and when we find it, we can flush her out of hiding, stop her meddling with ponykind."

The ticking stayed constant, like the beat of a fine watch, as Ten went about the lab with the timey-wimey detector. Checking every shelf, cabinet and table, he then moved on to the other ponies, wanding them up and down in the old TSA style. But when he reached Jack, the tick sped up to a chattering, and then to a solid hum when Ten scanned his windbreaker.

"Oh, my," Ten said worriedly. Not that Jack could hear him, though. He was more inwardly focused, on a kind of mental background noise that he had just now become truly aware of. Before it had been so insignificant and unintelligible that he had been able to ignore it, but the tone was rising. The noise was becoming chatter, no, not just chatter, voices. A hundred voices talking to him, almost impossible to tell apart.

drumsdrumsneverendingdrumsmasterofallmattersaymynamesaysomethingniceonlyhatekeepsmealiveopenmeyoufoolandrevealmyglory

Locked out to the world around him, Jack slowly, almost unconsciously reached for a pocket in his jacket, pulling from it a silver fob watch.

"Must've picked it up when I came through the portal..." he murmured to himself. But Ten quickly grabbed hold of Jack's hoof, trying to hold it steady. "I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry, but you cannot open that watch. The Rani has anchored herself in your mind, and if you open that watch she will take over your body and wipe you away."

"Didn't even know I had it... not my style," Jack kept murmuring, as the Mane 6 circled in around him, now more frightened than curious. Ten moved his hoof toward the watch to take it, but suddenly Jack flung him away, squeezed his hoof and the watch cover sprung open. From inside erupted a violent stream of color, tendrils snaking toward Jack's face and enveloping it. He screamed as energy surged through his mind, drowning his senses with overwhelming pain. Everypony around recoiled, but as suddenly as the phenomenon had come it vanished, leaving Jack silent, head bobbing down with eyes closed.

Elsewhere in Ponyville, an old chap stepped out onto a balcony, leaning on his walking cane, and looked next door to the library with grave concern.

A younger stallion walking down the street almost tripped on a dangling end of his scarf. As he stood back up and adjusted his hat, he became very troubled, in a way he had not felt in a long time.

In Canterlot, another stallion took a pause in his verbose berating of a Royal Guard, tightened his patchwork jacket and ran off.

And back in the markets of Ponyville, a Northern pegasus was loudly arguing with a curly-white-haired Scot, but both suddenly fell silent, took an aside glance, nodded to each other and took off for the center of town.

"The Rani?"

Jack's eyes snapped open, cut with deadly intensity. His voice had the same cold edge.

"You thought I was the Rani?"

Ten was back on his hooves, but backed away slowly, filled with fear. "No, no, no, it can't be..."

"Oh, but it is, Doctor!" Jack hissed the word acidically. "You of all people should know I never stay dead for long!"

"Who are you?" Three demanded.

"Doctor?" Jack seemed to suddenly realize his existence, delightfully surprised. "Your best enemy, isn't that what you called me? And you've forgotten me too?"

"No..."

"Is there an echo in the room?!" he raved.

Now the Mane 6 were starting to close in, very, very worried. "Jack, what are you talking about?" Twilight asked.

"I am not Jack! No, my dear, I am..." Not-Jack took a moment to realize the fact that he was talking to a lavender unicorn and her pastel-colored friends. "...a pony?" He raised a hoof and studied it, almost trying to affirm its reality. Were it not for the overpowering menace of the moment, there would've been a kind of deja vu about it.

"Hello, I'm a pony! And a cartoon pony no less, oh, this is brilliant! Hooves, all four of 'em, big old neck, everything. And..." He flexed, until his jacket tore and his wings emerged on full display. "Oh yeah! I could get used to this body! But who did I steal it from?" Not-Jack suddenly tempered his excitement and began to think, or more accurately, to remember. When he woke back up, he was almost ecstatic.

"You called me Jack, Miss Twilight Sparkle, but Jack who? Jack of All Trades? Nope, Jack West, that's who! Of all the bodies to take over, I land on the body of the most powerful man on Earth! Hahaha!"

"What are you talking about?" Rainbow Dash was on the asking end of this question, furious about what appeared to be some kind of demonic possession. Not-Jack ignored her.

"Why's he a pony, oh, who cares? I have his skills, his brains, and most importantly, his toys! With an arsenal like his at my beck and call, I will truly be... the Master!"

Now the girls were backing away, forming a tight group with the Doctors on one side of the lab. "M-m-m Master?" Fluttershy whimpered.

Three replied, "Yes, an evil Time Lord and my arch-enemy. Charming, clever, and utterly ruthless."

Ten cut him off. "No, this is my Master. Much younger body, less Professor Moriarty, more giggling sociopath. Done more than a few body-swaps since you knew him."

"Yeah, well hate to break it to you, Master," Rainbow Dash sneered, "but there's a lock on your toybox!"

The Master closed his eyes for a moment, accessing Jack's/his memories. "Mmm, West put a genetic lock on all the good stuff. Good one, too, for a human. Nothing I can't deal with, though."

But the Mane 6 and the Doctors had already formed a barricade in front of the stairwell, blocking his exit.

"Oh no, not this time. I don't know how you came back from the dead, frankly I don't care, but this ends here and now," Ten declared.

"You're not getting your hooves on Jack's technology!" Twilight shouted.

"But I already have my hooves on Jack's technology!" the Master retorted. He pulled from a jacket pocket a small metal orb, no bigger than a marble, and held it up for all to see.

"For example, I wonder what this does? Oh wait, I know! It does this!"

He drew his hoof back and flung the orb at them, then ducked away. "Look out!" Rarity shrieked, but she was cut off by the massive explosion of light and sound. The seconds of dark silence that followed were all the Master needed to shoot through a gap in the barricade and make good his escape. By the time the group had recovered, it was fairly obvious what had happened, and they all hurried up the stairwell in pursuit. But as they reached the door, Three reached for something close to his chest, only to find it no longer there.

"My TARDIS key! He stole my TARDIS key!"

"Tar-what?" asked Applejack.

"Where did you park it?" Ten replied.

"Just outside the library."

"Well, good thing you're used to being TARDIS-less, 'cause he's definitely got it now."

Indeed, as they emerged from the library, Three saw the door slam shut on his TARDIS. "Oh no, you don't!" He drew his sonic screwdriver, quickly extended the wrench-like head and activated it. But all the same, the TARDIS dematerialized, with a pained vworp vworp vworp as it vanished.

"TARDIS. Time and Relative Dimension in Space," Three explained with frustration. "Allows you to go wherever you like in all of time and space. And now it belongs to the Master."

Ten approached Three. "Don't worry, he pulled the same trick on me, with the micromatrix and the TARDIS-jacking. What did the sonic do for us?"

"I disconnected the primary fluid links from the time rotor. He can travel anywhere in space, but not in time."

"Clever. But that still leaves anywhere in Equestria."

"Umm, would that include across the street?" asked Twilight. Indeed, the vworping had returned, as a police box materialized in front of the group. Rainbow Dash charged it headlong, pounding on the door to get to her enemy. "Open up, Master!"

"Master?" came an indignant shout from inside. Not recognizing the voice, Dash cut her assault short, allowing the curly-haired unicorn inside to exit. "Master?!" he repeated to her with much greater gusto. "My dear, I don't know how you came upon the foolish notion that I am the Master, but I can assure you that you will find me infinitely preferable to that scoundrel." Rainbow Dash couldn't decide which to focus on, his imposingly pompous voice or his garish technicolor dreamcoat.

"And exactly who are you?"

"Why, I'm the Doctor, of course! Haven't you heard of me?"

Rainbow facehoofed. "Yes, twice now. Twilight, we got a third one!"

"A third one? Ludicrous! I am the Doctor, the one and..." The new Doctor suddenly noticed Three and Ten, glaring at him. "...only?"

"Well, yes and no, I'm afraid. You see, I am the Doctor, and so is he..." Three responded, pointing to Ten.

"...and so is he, I remember him. He comes a few incarnations after you," finished Ten. The Three Doctors smiled in mutual realization, but the Mane 6 had been left in the proverbial dust. "Alright, would somepony mind tellin' me what in tarnation is happenin' here?" demanded Applejack.

"Yes, without Jack here to explain things, it's all become rather mind-boggling," Rarity chimed in.

"Well, it's all very simple," responded Ten, gesturing to the other Doctors in turn. "I am he, and he is me."

"Ooh, ooh, I know this one!" Pinkie interjected. "And we are all togeth..." But the new Doctor interrupted her.

"Please don't finish that, dear."

"It wasn't terribly funny the first time," agreed Three. "But suffice to say, we are all the Doctor."

"I'm sorry, my dear fellow, but that simply isn't so. You may be a doctor, but I am the Doctor. The definite article, you might say."

A new voice had appeared, belonging to a gangly earth pony in a floppy brown hat and scarf that, though wound twice and very loosely at that, still managed to drag the ground on both ends. But before anypony, Doctor or otherwise, could correct the new new Doctor, back came the vworping sound, and another TARDIS materialized down the street. Out of it came running a rather small stallion, with a coat of grey and an overcoat of fur and size much too large.

"I say, have I missed anything, gentlestallions?"

But the alien noise had not stopped. As yet another TARDIS appeared, even more stallions were appearing from across Ponyville, all approaching the library in great haste. "What in Celestia's name is happening?" asked Twilight. Sensing the group's confusion, Ten pulled the Mane 6 back from what was becoming a crowd.

"Girls, this is a lot to explain in a very short time, so I need you to open your mind a bit. I, and by extension all these nutters, am a Time Lord. I look like a pony, I'm a lot like a pony, but I'm not a pony. See, Time Lords live a lot longer than ponies, and when we get too old, or get hurt bad enough that it should kill us, we do this thing called regenerating. It's like a fresh start; new body, new face, new personality, but it's still the same Time Lord. That's what everypony here is: a different body of mine. I can remember being almost all of them. And I've always had a TARDIS, so each of them has a TARDIS, so they can time-travel and that's how they got here."

The other Doctors were beginning to squabble. "You lost me somewhere in there, Doc," Rainbow Dash admitted.

"Alright, think of it like this. Say I have a time machine, yeah? And on three different days, I decide to come to one specific time. So it's like yesterday, today, and tomorrow I time-travel to today. But to you, who's not time-traveling, what does it look like today? It looks like there are three of me, one from yesterday, one from today and one from tomorrow. But they're all me, just from different times. That's what this is; everypony here is me, from sometime in my past or future, all time-traveled to the same day. They're just easier to tell apart, what with the different bodies and all."

The lack of questioning made it apparent that the hypothetical had helped. "But Doctor," asked Twilight, "if all of these ponies are different versions of you, how did they all know to come to this exact place at this exact time?"

"That's another thing about Time Lords: our minds are a lot more powerful. We can tell when there's another Time Lord in the same time zone as us. When Jack opened the watch and let the Master out, every Doctor in that moment sensed that there was another Time Lord in Equestria. So, they all came here to see who it was."

"Perfect!" shouted Rainbow Dash. "If there's an army of Doctors on our side, the Master doesn't stand a chance!"

"Not so easy, I'm afraid. Before we can worry about the Master, I have to get control of myselves..."

Breaking the silence only momentarily, a TARDIS touched down in an empty hallway, just in time to meet a Royal Guard on patrol. Startled, he drew his spear just because he could and approached with a bit more caution than was due. He ~~poked~~ probed the police box with his weapon, then tried the door only to find it locked.

"Alright, open up! This is the Royal Guard!"

Nothing. He backed away, spear at the ready. Hearing motion inside, the guard tensed up, ready for the action he had always expected but never seen. After a few seconds, out stepped a friendly-looking pegasus in a black windbreaker.

"Alright, soldier boy, put the big stick down. Someone could get hurt."

"Get on the ground, hooves behind your head!"

"Ooh, wrong answer."

From seemingly out of nowhere, the pegasus pulled a black metal tube and pressed on one end. The other, tipped with a sphere, popped forward, opening up the sphere to produce a beam of energy. A beam which struck the lone guard, contorting his every feature as it began to compress him down to scale. By the time the very painful process was done, there was nothing left of him but a miniature figurine, very much dead.

"Oh Doctor, you are a sentimental old fool."

The scene outside the library had devolved into chaos. Doctors who had met before were reacquainting themselves, some more amicably than others. Between them all, the only commonality was an eccentric sense of style. What this resulted in was an oddly-dressed mob that couldn't decide whether it wanted to share a group hug or become a big ball of violence.

"Oi, will you lot just SHUT UP!!!

And indeed, that lot did shut up. They had been called to attention by a great curly-haired unicorn, with a thick Scottish accent and eyebrows thick enough you could take off bottlecaps with them. By his side was a short-haired black pegasus, wings protruding from his leather jacket.

"Will you look at yourselves! Just once, can we Doctors get together and fight evil wiffout having to bicker like a bunch of stupid apes?!" he bellowed, in an accent very clearly from oop north.

"I say, aren't you being a little high-hooved, young stallion?"

Everypony looked up, to a balcony where an old stallion with slicked-back white mane and a cane stood.

"Yes, I seem to be stuck up here." He looked down upon the gathering of Doctors. "So you're my replacements? A dandy and a clown, several times over." Most of them took silent offense at the remark. "Now then, we are all the Doctor, are we not? I know I have not regenerated yet, so I must be our first incarnation. Now, for the sake of our guests, let's try and get into some kind of order, yes, hmmmmm?"

The Master snuck down the hallway at rapid pace, tight to the wall. As he reached a doorway leading to another passage, he hugged the corner, then burst out of concealment, sweeping the hallway with the deadly device as he scanned for other guards. Finding none, he put it back in his jacket pocket, drew close to the wall and kept moving.

"Thank you for the training, Mr. West. I know it's kinda like cheating, what with you spending so many years to learn these skills and for me to just pop up one day and take it all, but, hey, that's life!"

"Freeze! Hooves where I can see 'em!"

Reacting in a split-second, the Master spun around, drew and leveled his weapon at the two-guard patrol that had caught him from behind. He was not, however, as fast as a thought, which was all the unicorn in the lead needed to magically grab the device and yank it out of his hooves.

"You're coming with us!"

"Yes, well, good luck with that..."

The Master's hoof shot toward his shoulder, drawing his handgun from inside his jacket and firing as soon as he had a shot lined up. Well, trying to fire. The trigger guard, which a human finger could easily slip behind, was not so easy for a hoof to get around. Suddenly, he staggered, wincing in pain, and threw the gun away. Still on weak hoofing, he called out to the guard.

"My name is Jack West, you've got to help me! Send for Princess Twilight and the Elements of Harmony, they're the only ones who can stop Oh no you don't!" He staggered again, but this time stood up firmly, much to the guards' surprise.

"Sorry about that, I just can't shut him up! Back to business, gents?"

Using his wings for extra thrust, the Master flung himself at the lead guard, rattling him with a powerful uppercut to the jaw. He then snatched the guard's spear, flipped it about, and jabbed it into his exposed chest. With a sharp pull he broke the shaft off the tip, then ran down the second guard, who had turned tail when he attacked. The Master swung his staff wide and low, knocking the guard's back legs out from under him. As he hit the ground, the Master pounced on him, using his staff to press both his hooves and (more importantly) his throat to the floor.

"Please, please don't kill me! I'm just a grunt, and my tour's up in a week!"

"Shhh, shhh. Listen to your Master." His voice had suddenly become very calm, quiet, soothing even. His eyes penetrated into the guard's mind, overpowering his free will effortlessly. "Now then, there's something I'm looking for. You're going to help me find it."

The mob outside the library had now formed itself into an orderly line, with some 'help' from the more forceful of the group. The elder Doctor on the balcony had been helped down by two pegasi Doctors, though he still seemed to be overseeing the entire affair. He approached the Mane 6, who had stood by patiently as they organized themselves.

"Now, my dears, I would like to introduce you properly to the Doctor. Since there appear to be twelve of us, we will be identifying ourselves by our position in our own personal timeline."

The girls gave him a confused look. "He means which one of us came first, second, and so on," explained the scarf-wearing Doctor. "Indeed. As I mentioned earlier, I am the First Doctor."

The Mane 6 began making mental notes about each Doctor, matching each number with their individual distinctions. The First Doctor, oddly enough, appeared to be the oldest of the group, a unicorn with curled-back white mane, a walking stick, and a small sapphire ring around his horn.

"I'm the Second Doctor, howd'you do?" On the far left of the lineup, this one was quite a bit shorter than the others, and almost enveloped by his large fur coat. In his hoof was a recorder, and he wore his black mane in a mop-top style.

"We've already been introduced, but I'm the Third Doctor, for formality's sake. If it helps, I'm the one with a car and without a TARDIS."

"The Fourth Doctor, delighted to meet you. Would you like a jelly baby?" Pinkie, of course, accepted the offer, bounding up to take a few of the sweets from the paper lunch-sack he had produced. As he chuckled and she chewed, the others noted him to be the earth pony with the overly-long scarf and floppy hat. His coat was just a shade of brown lighter than that of the other Doctor they had met before, and his mane approximately the same tone as his, but curly instead of straight.

"Fifth Doctor. It's a pleasure." This one was the first pegasus in the line-up, with a very light tan coat and blonde mane. He looked like a charming young stallion, albeit one with a piece of celery inexplicably pinned to his hat.

And now they had come to the new Doctor, the unicorn with the very loud voice and very loud-colored jacket. "I would be the Sixth Doctor, and quite possibly the best if I do say so myself. Ow!"

He received a good whacking on the back of the head, courtesy of the next Doctor in line, via the question-mark-shaped handle of his umbrella. "Good afternoon, mares! I'm the Seventh Doctor." The pegasus tipped his Panama hat to them.

"...which would make me the Eighth Doctor." This one was another curly-haired earth pony, though unlike his predecessors he let his curls hang down. His accessory of choice was a dark brown cravat tied around his neck.

"Hullo! I'm the Ninth Doctor!" This was the pegasus who had yelled at the group earlier, with a very short-cut mane and wings threaded through openings in the leather jacket he wore.

"The Tenth Doctor, we've already met."

"But we haven't! Hi, I'm the Eleventh Doctor!" He was also a pegasus, with a coat about the same tone as the Fourth Doctor's, a mop-top mane, and a very pronounced jawline. More conspicuous, though, were his red bowtie and fez. "What? I like fezzes now, fezzes are cool," he said defensively.

"Yes, yes, I'm the Twelfth Doctor, now can we actually get to work?" This was the Scot from before, a unicorn with white curls similar to the Third Doctor's, albeit shorter than his.

"Indeed, my boy. I presume we all came here because we sensed the presence of another Time Lord in Equestria?" asked One. The line was curling into a circle so they could discuss the situation properly.

"Yes, you would've," answered Three. "It was the Master." Looks of shock and dismay all around for those who were not already aware of this. "He used a micromatrix to take over the body of another pony."

"More specifically, it was my Master. He's changed a lot since most of you knew him," Ten chimed in. "He's younger, he's cleverer, and he's sociopathic...er. In short, more dangerous than ever before. And he has a TARDIS."

"So he could be anywhere in time and space?" asked Five.

"Not quite," Three replied. "I was able to disconnect the primary fluid links from the time rotor, so he's limited to space travel."

"So how do we find him?" interjected Rainbow Dash. Seven stepped up to answer her. "Miss Dash, the Master is nothing if not predictable. And if he just emerged from a micromatrix, he can't have any grand machinations in place or traps for us to walk into. So what's his game? Revenge?"

Three stepped into the center of the ring. "No, if that was the case he wouldn't have run away. My running theory is that it has something to do with the pony whose body he took over. Jack of All Trades, wasn't that his name, Princess Twilight?"

"No, well yes, umm... kind of. It's a false name; his real name is Jack West."

"The human?" asked Nine, incredulously.

"Yes, but he's not a human any more."

"And how is that, my dear?" Two asked, more than a hint of skepticism in his voice.

"It's a long story..." She recounted to the assembly a very abbreviated version of their adventure at Canterlot High, ending with Jack arriving in Equestria as a pony.

"Yes, well that puzzle has as many pieces missing as a... very not-worked-on puzzle," commented Eleven, "but it's enough. If the Master took over Jack's body, he would have access to Jack's memories, so what would Jack know that the Master could use?"

"It's gotta be the weapons!" Rainbow Dash interjected. "Remember, he talked about having Jack's toys? What else would that mean?"

"Yes!" answered Twilight, "Jack has a huge arsenal of weapons under his cabin! I saw it once, when he was helping us fight Trixie."

"Mmmm, yes, I remember the V-22 Osprey roaring over Ponyville," recounted Seven. "A wonderful display of subtlety."

"Hey, it got the job done!" argued Rainbow Dash.

"The issue's irrelevant," Twilight interrupted. "The point is, Jack has a hundred things just as dangerous in his hangar underground, and since he built them, the Master would know about them."

"He'd be a fool to pass up that kind of opportunity. So has he gone to Jack's cabin to collect his prize?" asked Eight.

"No, he couldn't get to it even if he was there. There's a genetic lock protecting the arsenal, and unless Jack unlocks it, anypony who gets inside would still be attacked by the defense system. Jack said turning into a pony must have changed his DNA so much that his computer doesn't recognize it as his, so he's locked out too unless he can turn back into a human."

"And the Master knows that," observed Six. "So we can assume his goal is to turn from a pony back into a human, so he can get past the lock on the arsenal and take control of the weapons inside. So how would he do this? The most obvious solution would be reversing the process that turned him into a pony."

"Going back through the portal," Twilight concluded.

"Exactly," replied Three. "So the Master's destination is the Palace of the Crystal Empire!"

"Then what are we waiting for?" Twelve begged of them. "Indeed, see you all in the Mirror Room, shall we say, ten minutes ago?" Four answered wryly, followed by a chuckle as he ran off. The other Doctors in turn raced away to their own respective TARDISes, with a common set of time-space coordinates to aim for. Except for Three, of course, who gathered up the Mane 6 and led them back to his yellow roadster. "Doctor, wouldn't it be faster for me to just teleport us to the Crystal Empire?" asked Twilight as she climbed into the passenger seat.

"Save your magic, my dear, you might need it later. Bessie might not be instantaneous, but she'll get us there in good time. Now then, everypony secure?"

Looking back to see for himself, he then floored the accelerator, nimbly maneuvering "Bessie" through traffic to get out of central Ponyville until they reached less-traveled roads. A recently-constructed sign confirmed that they were on their way to the Crystal Empire.

"Hold tight!"

The Third Doctor barely gave them a moment to do so before pressing a button labeled "Turbo Drive", which shot Bessie down the road at a speed that even Rainbow Dash had to admit was adrenaline-raising.

With his prize dangling from one jacket pocket and his Tissue Compression Eliminator poking out of the other, the Master strutted out into the hall, closing the door and leaving a shrunken guard behind him. Poor fellow, even worse excuse for a soldier, hadn't even tried to resist. But he did give excellent directions. But as the Master approached the Artifact Hall, he found an all-too familiar sight ahead, and multiplied, no less. A wall of TARDISes blocked off all but the very top of the Crystal Mirror, and in front of them stood a small army of Doctors.

"Punctual as ever, Master," welcomed Five, mockingly.

"Hahaha, Doctors, I'm flattered! All of you for just one little old me? It's the Death Zone all over again! No, wait, don't tell me; there was a draft! 'All able-bodied Time Lords, report...' Well, most able-bodied Time Lords, it looks like."

"Yes, I'm afraid my second incarnation never was that good a navigator," replied Eight. "And my fourth incarnation may have forgotten to turn off his TARDIS randomiser, but there's more than enough of us here to stop you."

"If you say so, Doctor. But don't forget: I've always been full of surprises."

Suddenly, the Master turned tail and ran back down the corridor, to the surprise and amusement of the gathered Doctors. "Ha! The Master, running away with little more than a bluff to hide his cowardice behind!" chortled Six.

"The Master does not run," Seven corrected, contemplatively. "Nor does he bluff." Eleven shared his past self's unease, and leapt into the hall, abandoning the barricade to pursue the Master. "On it!"

Barely following the whiff of the Master's tail as it rounded corners, Eleven struggled to keep up. Corner after corner, through a maze of hallways, until he came upon the stolen TARDIS, door about to shut. "Wait!" The door paused, part-way between open and closed.

"I saw you go back into the Time War with the High Council, how did you escape?"

The door quivered a bit, unsure what it was going to do, before eventually holding still. From inside came a voice, devoid of its usual sadistic glee, the voice of a survivor still harrowed by what he had survived. "I got away from Rassilon and disappeared into what was left of Gallifrey. You were right; the War had become hell, and I was trapped in the middle of it. Of course, I knew what you were about to do, and my body was still decaying, so I sought out our old friend, the Rani, for help. But before I found her, I found her TARDIS, and when I realized how she had modified it into a Void ship, I did the logical thing and stowed away."

"You and her never did quite get along, did you?"

"She took us both out of the Time War, and I managed to stay hidden as she did her precious research. But my body could not last, and on the last throes of life, I was able to commandeer her chameleon arch and force my mind back into that watch. She discovered me, just as my body completely disintegrated, and threw the watch out into the Void. But without a body to be anchored to, my sentience was fully attached to the micromatrix, and in that place of absolute nothing, my force of will alone was enough to guide me towards this dimension."

"But how did you get a hold of Jack West?"

"Very good luck, Doctor. I found a weakness in the dimensional barrier, a kind of passageway between this world and a pocket universe. It drew me in, but I still needed a body to anchor to. When Mr. West came through the portal, I saw him as a human body in a state of biological flux, the perfect target for me to imprint myself on. That he emerged in this form was... regrettable, but I'll deal with that issue shortly."

"No, no, no, you listen to me, Master. We don't have to do this anymore, the Time War is over, the drums are gone! I can find the Rani, she can make a new body for you, and we can live here in Equestria, together. No more fighting, no more running, just you and me, like when we were kids."

The door creaked a little, then slowly began to shut.

"Sorry, Doctor, but you tried that trick before, and it didn't work on me the first time. Now, where was I? Oh, yeah, I'm putting this baby down in the Artifact Hall. Your past selves might wanna get out of the way."

It took a second to click, but the Doctor realized what he meant, and bolted for the TARDIS. "No, you wouldn't!" The door flung open, and the Master poked his head out, the fire of a maniac back in his eyes.

"Really? Try me!" The door slammed shut, the lock clicked, and Eleven wheeled around to sprint back toward the Artifact Hall as the vehicle dematerialized. The other Doctors could easily hear his approach, but mainly because as he ran he was screaming at the top of his lungs, "Time ram! Time ram!"

As evening began to fall, Bessie roared down the crystalline pathways of the Empire, startling the crystal ponies as she weaved around them on her way to the Palace. With the nearest leg of the tower-like structure fast approaching, the Doctor engaged the inertial brakes and brought them to an incredibly sudden stop at its base.

"Can you do the rest, Twilight?" he asked, to which she gave him a confident nod. A second later, the seven of them were in the Artifact Hall, expecting to join in the barricade. But what they found looked more like a disaster area. TARDISes were scattered about the room, one even tipped on its side, and Three was sure there were less than the eleven there should've been. What he did see was his own machine, parked in front of the Crystal Mirror like the epicenter of an earthquake. The Doctors that were there mulled about and chattered with each other in confusion, until Three called them back to attention with a resounding "Be quiet!".

"Now then, can somepony tell me what the devil has happened here?"

"Two words: time ram," offered Nine.

"The Master tried to time ram you?"

"Yes, we had to scatter our TARDISes to avoid annihilation. Of course some of us are just arriving now..." Six glared pointedly at Two and Four, who just returned their usual sheepish grins.

"Um, I don't mean to interrupt, but what's a time ram?" asked Fluttershy with concern. Ten quickly volunteered to answer.

"Think of it like this; you've got a unicorn, and they want to teleport somewhere. That's fine, nothing wrong with teleporting, right? But, uh-oh..." His voice for a moment became very hushed. "...what if there's something already there? What happens?"

"Umm... something bad?"

"Now there's an understatement of the year for you. But yeah, something bad would be the general idea. One of the two would be destroyed. But imagine if, instead of a unicorn and a something, you had a TARDIS, which has an engine powerful enough to drive it through all of time and space, and another TARDIS? One of them would have to be destroyed, which means a very, very big boom. That would destroy the other, and make a second very, very big boom." Ten gestured to the other vehicles in the room. "And if all of these were hit by those two very, very big booms..."

Fluttershy was already frightened well out of her wits. "I think I get the picture!"

"Yes, that colt is an utterly reckless fool!" commented One.

"Maybe, but he's also utterly clever," Seven replied. "We all know he's too vain to risk self-destruction, but he knows we're too good-natured to risk the consequences of being time-rammed. He probably just waited in the vortex for us to scatter, than landed and waltzed right through the mirror."

"The Master is at Canterlot High?" asked Twilight panickedly.

"I'm afraid so," replied Five. "And before he tried to time-ram us, I saw that he had your crown as well.

Two legs now, only two, arms, hands, fingers, ooh fingers, love those... "Good to be back!" The Master looked upon his new human body with excitement. Already he could feel its greater strength and athleticism, its speed and agility. A thousand images flicked past his mind's eye, of Jack's catalog of blocks, grapples, strikes, counters and the like. But he had work to do...

Now then, where am I? Digging into Jack's memories, the Master welcomed himself to Canterlot High School, where every pony in Equestria had a human counterpart. He ran through recollections of on-the-fly cover stories, great escapes and a new but not quite threatening enemy. Who was approaching him now...

"Stupid formal, doesn't even matter if I win if I don't get the..." She noticed him back. "You! You are..."

Sunset Shimmer, the school's queen bitch. Former student of Princess Celestia, strong in magic but ambitious and egotistical. Stole Twilight's Element of Magic crown for her own nefarious purposes, until Jack and Twilight recovered it. Probably still wants it. That covered the basics; the smaller details would fill themselves in as the Master needed them. Literally a second after seeing her, he knew everything he needed to about her.

She would do.

He reached into his jacket pocket and grabbed hold of the crown, then tossed it to her. She snatched it out of the air, surprised but thrilled.

"...my new best friend!"

"Have some fun, kid."

After Twilight had finished panicking about losing her crown (again), the group calmed down and paused to take a collective breath. Two was the first to break this rest. "Well then, what are we waiting for, everypony? There's the portal..."

"Yeah, 'cause it makes a lot of sense for all of us to just go charging in like an Ogron raiding party, doesn't it?" bellowed Twelve in his incurably thick Scottish accent. Following him was the other Scot in the room, Seven.

"I agree, we need a plan. There's no point in all of us going through the portal, especially if it closes tonight at midnight. There's too much of a risk somepony would get left behind. Even the TARDIS couldn't get through to you then..." he noted with melancholy. "What we need to do is split up into teams, each working on a specific task. Only one team would go through the portal..."

"Oh no, no, not this time," Ten growled, vindictively. "I'm not gonna let you send them to their deaths just so we can keep our hooves clean! They are more than pawns on your chessboard!"

Seven's tone was rising as well. "You listen to me, I am not proud of many of the things I've had to do in my lifetime, but I had to do them anyway!"

"SHUT UP!"

Both fell silent, shocked, as Twilight recovered the air previously occupying her lungs. The inner control freak had been let loose.

"This portal closes at midnight, we do not have time for any more bickering!"

Applejack stepped up next to her, laying a hoof on her back and trying to calm her down. "Sugarcube's right, if y'all want to make a plan, it needs to happen quick, 'cause we now have two problems to deal with over there before this puppy closes up."

"She's absolutely right," answered One. "Gentlestallions, it may be time for a meeting of the minds, hmmmm?"

"Definitely," Nine replied. "It would be prudent at a time like this," Four observed, somewhat unnecessarily.

The Doctors closed their eyes, and the room suddenly became very peaceful. A telepathic link was forming between the Time Lords, like a massive psychic conference call. Ideas circled from Doctor to Doctor to Doctor, arguments and agreements flying by at the speed of thought. Seconds later, the unicorn Doctors lit up their horns, using their collective magic to draw the Mane 6 in on the call. A plan had indeed been formed, and instantly, each pony knew their part to play.

Twilight would be going back through the portal, given her existing knowledge of the other universe, accompanied by Doctors Three, Four, Nine and Ten. Three and Four would help her recover the Element of Magic, while Nine and Ten subdued the Master.

The rest of the Mane 6 would accompany Seven back to Ponyville, to acquire the remaining Elements of Harmony should they be needed. From there, they would use Seven's TARDIS as a control station, monitoring each group's progress and keeping them in contact with each other via radio earpiece.

The First, Eighth and Eleventh Doctors were to follow Seven and recover the Master's micromatrix watch from the Ponyville Library, then begin work on making the Chameleon Arch in Eleven's TARDIS portable. From there Eleven would deliver both pieces of equipment through the portal, where they could be used to remove the Master's personality from Jack's body.

Two and Five would contact the other Princesses and inform them of the situation as best they could. They would coordinate with Princess Cadence and the Royal Guard to keep the Equestrian side of the portal secure, and if necessary begin the evacuation of the Crystal Empire. If anything got past the team at Canterlot High School, they were Equestria's first line of defense.

Conversely, Twelve and Six were sent to Jack's cabin near the Everfree Forest, to act as the last line of defense. If the Master got back to Equestria and escaped the Crystal Empire, that would be the first place he'd go, and their job was keep him from getting to Jack's arsenal while the others tried to catch up. But if events reached that point, it was an acknowledged possibility that the situation would be too far gone for them to reverse.

The not-quite-steady beat of boots on gym floor as high school students launched themselves up and down en masse and called it dancing. Flashing lights of every color and pattern imaginable, with even the odd laser or two thrown in for effect, trying to prove to the world that their era of origin (disco) wasn't quite dead yet. A student band playing a mismatched mix of original songs and radio-friendly pop hits, filler between covers of the obligatory school-dance classics. Yes, it was another very typical Fall Formal in full swing.

Until someone pulled the plug.

Lights, sound, everything went dead, causing a moment of panic until the emergency lights came on. Those who weren't already making their way to the nearest exit were surprised as Sunset Shimmer came back on-stage, shoving Flash Sentry out of the way. Her voice was loud enough to fill the gym, even without a microphone.

"Attention, students of Canterlot High! As four-time Princess of the Fall Formal, I have each year been proud to receive a crown almost as regal as I am. That's why it was so heartbreaking when I discovered that this year's crown had been stolen last night."

The group froze in collective confusion, as rumors were confirmed, suspicions risen, and the spectacle on stage continued.

"But it is my pleasure to inform you that the crown is now exactly where it belongs: in the hands of your rightful Princess!"

She held the Element of Magic in the air like the prize it was to her. This received in response scattered clapping and a few half-hearted cheers.

"It's alright, I don't need your applause. What I need, my subjects, is for you to tell me something..."

She donned the crown triumphantly, eyes flashing black.

"Don't I look just magical?"

"Trainers! Oh, that's brilliant!"

Now humanoid, Ten looked upon his newfound sand-shoes with delight.

"Indeed," echoed Three, examining his burgundy smoking jacket and frilled shirt. "The portal may be just a weak point in the walls between dimensions, but obviously there's a tailor somewhere inside, and I must remember to thank him."

"Yes, how the portal handles clothing is quite a mystery, but for now can we get on to more important issues?" Twilight replied with very obvious irritation.

"Yeah, like that." Nine pointed down the walkway to the school gymnasium, where the upper windows were venting bursts of bright orange light.

"Sunset Shimmer..." Twilight suddenly bolted toward the gym, fearing the worst. "We may be too late already. Hurry!"

"No time to lose?" remarked Four with a grin before taking off in pursuit. Three barely even took a moment to roll his eyes before following. Left behind were Nine and Ten.

"Unfortunately, the Master won't be quite as obvious about his location," Ten thought aloud.

"No, but he's still the only other Time Lord here." Ten smiled at his past self, then both closed their eyes and concentrated. After a few seconds, Nine got something definitive. "He's in the school!" Both took off for the front entrance. "Second floor, science wing." As they approached, Ten drew his sonic screwdriver and used it to open the locks on the entire row of glass doors, allowing the two of them to burst through at full running speed.

"Allon-sy!"

Working by the light of a desk lamp, The Master hunched over a small circuit board, modifying it with a soldering iron. His movements were quick but precise, with the touch of an experienced engineer. Around his work space were the cannibalized remains of a desktop computer, a graphing calculator, several other odds-and-ends-type implements, and a Tissue Compression Eliminator. Moonlight streaming through the lab's wall-to-wall windows glinted off his synthetic grey undershirt, exposed after he had shucked the windbreaker to unencumber his arms. Between the single lamp's light and the darkness of everything else, it was more than enough to play tricks on the eyes. In fact, Cheerilee wasn't even sure there was someone in the lab as she passed by, on her way to her car.

"Excuse me?"

The shadowy man's head flicked to the side; there was indeed someone in the lab. She opened the door all the way and stepped in, expecting a student working late or a custodian or something.

"The building's closed, this lab needs to be locked up. You can't be in here!"

What she was not expecting was for the shadowy man to stand up and whirl around to face her literally too fast for her to follow, to say nothing of the gun he held and was aiming right at her.

"Yes, actually, yes I can. I have my all-access pass right here. Now be quiet, and shut the door."

Terrified but comprehending the situation, she did so.

"Good. Now come here."

An innocent enough request. She approached cautiously, until he lowered his gun and stared quietly at her. The gun was down, she could escape! But Cheerilee's legs would not turn and run. It was his eyes; they were just so calm, so charming and persuasive, like he had given her the perfect sales pitch in nothing but a look. Those eyes were staring at her, and somewhere inside she knew she had no choice but to stare back.

"I am the Master, and you will obey me."

What? Obey him? No, get away! Why would she obey him? Why? Why, why... just because, that was why. There wasn't a reason for it, she just needed to obey him. No, don't obey, run! No, don't run, obey. It was all so simple, really. All she had to do was obey and everything would be fine.

"...I will obey you."

No! Don't fight it, just obey. Just obey. Obey the Master.

"Now then, I have a bit of a science project going on here, and you're going to help me. Be a good girl and fetch me some duct tape."

Duct tape, now where would that be?

The Master chuckled to himself as his new "assistant" started combing through drawers and cabinets to complete her errand, while he sat back down at his work station and returned to his soldering. Barely a minute later, as he put the finishing touches on his creation she returned, having found the required duct tape.

"Very good, now I've got another job for you. You see these gas nozzles here?" He pointed to one on the table he was working at, and twisted the handle on top. The nozzle began to hiss with escaping gas. "I need you to turn every nozzle in this lab to on. Can you do that for me?"

With a curt nod, Cheerilee happily walked about the lab, turning on every nozzle she found.

"Everypony, this is Seven, we have arrived in Ponyville and communications are online. Field team, check in and give me a status update. How are things over there?... Field team, come in. Field team, I repeat, come in, do you read me?... Nothing. Field team is incommunicado, noted. Technology team, report!"

"Technology team checking in, this is the Eleventh Doctor speaking. All three of us rode on your coattails just fine, Umbrella Man. How are things on your end?"

"The girls are still trying to wrap their heads around the "bigger on the inside" concept."

"Oh, I've been there. But who else is out there in Radioland?"

"Hello, young friends, this is Doctor Number Two! Do you read me?"

"Loud and clear, Two."

"Yes, well, things are moving along on our side of the picture. Princess Cadence has mobilized the Crystal Empire's Royal Guard detachment, and we have sent summons to Princesses Celestia and Luna. More soldiers arrive to guard the Mirror by the minute."

"Oh yah, soldiers make everythin' better, don't they? That's exactly what we need right now, more soldiers! This is Twelve, and Jack's hut is as safe as it's ever gonna be."

"Fair question, when I regenerate into you, do I forget how to do everything except complain?"

"Oh you shut up, Fezzy, I don't think you..."

"Wait for further instructions, I'm closing this communications channel----"

Seven slumped down, leaning back against his TARDIS console in exhaustion. Rainbow Dash was flying laps overhead giddily, Fluttershy had no doubt already gotten lost in the corridors, and Pinkie Pie was on her 47th repetition of the "inside take, outside take, gasp" routine. He mashed his Panama hat down over his eyes.

"Foals. I am surrounded by complete and utter foals."

Twilight charged through the gymnasium door, Doctors close behind. What they saw inside was downright frightening. A fire-breathing she-demon wearing the Element of Magic hovered over the dance floor, zapping the panic-stricken students below with mind-control rays like bugs in a jar. She looked familiar enough that Twilight was able to make an educated guess of what had happened.

"Sunset Shimmer, give me back my crown!"

The beast took notice, and ceased her attacks.

"Twilight Sparkle! I'm so glad you're back, to witness my final victory! When I lead this army back through the portal, even Princess Celestia will have to bow before the new Queen of Equestria! Mwahahaha! Oh, and what's this? You've brought some new friends for me to play with? Well, I'm sure we can accommodate them! Boys!"

Similarly demonic Snips and Snails swooped down toward the group, but Three stepped forward, pushing Twilight to the side.

"Let me handle these two."

Snips and Snails landed, then approached slowly, bearing their claws and fangs in an E-for-effort attempt at intimidation.

"You are so done for, old man," challenged Snips, although his very not-menacing voice kind of deflated the threat. "Yeah, it is on like Donkey Kong!" echoed Snails, who suffered from the same issue. Three merely extended his hand to them, flat with palm up, and invited them non-verbally to bring it on. Snips charged him, claws in the air like a Scooby-Doo monster. At just the right time, though, Three side-stepped and jabbed him in the chest with his palm, causing him to double over.

"Hai!"

Three then brought the same palm out, up and down, chopping Snips in the back of the neck. The little blue demon fell to the floor, out of the fight. Snails charged immediately after, but Three was more than ready for him, throwing him over his shoulder with his own momentum. As his body hit the wood with an audible crack, the Doctor flipped him on his stomach, then bent his arm at an angle most definitely outside its range of motion. Neither was getting up any time soon.

"Venusian aikido, I do hope I didn't injure you. At least not permanently."

With a furious scream, Sunset shot a blast of fire at the group, forcing them to scatter to avoid it. "Split up!" advised Four, and while he and Three exited the gym promptly, Twilight ran for the hallway on the other side of the room. Her enemy's indecision about who to pursue gave her time to get away, but as she rounded the corner, a previously-unseen third party grabbed her and yanked her into a custodian's closet. Although her first instinct was to scream, Twilight managed to avoid it when she saw that the third party was Applejack. In fact, all five of her friends were hiding together in the closet.

"Girls! I'm so glad to see you!"

"And you too, sugarcube. Have to admit, when you didn't come back this morning, I was afraid Sunset Shimmer had done gone off the deep end. Which it kinda looks like she has anyway."

Pinkie was flailing her arms about in a bid for attention. "Ooh, ooh, Twilight! Guess what we've been doing for the past half-hour!"

"Hiding from Sunset Shimmer?"

"Well yeah, duh, but we've also been having a big, friendship-salvaging heart-to-heart that I feel like could actually be really important to defeating Sunset Shimmer!" The others wrote this off as Pinkie Weirdness.

"You have no idea," Twilight deadpanned.

Following a psychic signature that was stronger than ever, the Ninth and Tenth Doctors burst into the science lab, sonic screwdrivers extended and leveled at the ready. Although they were scientific instruments, not water pistols, this weapon-like grip proved to be entirely justified, as when Ten flipped on the lights with his free hand, they found the Master. In his right hand was a Walther P99, and in his left was Cheerilee, who was oddly content for someone being held at gunpoint.

"Not another step, Doctors!"

"Let her go, Master!" bellowed Ten. "This is between you and me!"

"And him," the Master noted matter-of-factly, nodding at the other Doctor. "In fact, it's been a lifetime since I've run into you, Doctor number Nine! Number Nine. Number nine, number nine, number nine, number nine, number nine!" he repeated, in an increasingly irritating tone. "...It is number nine, right?"

"Yeah, and not long enough," he replied with disgust. The Master returned fire with an overly-affected frown, almost a pout.

"Oh, come now, Doctor, no one likes a poor sport. Besides, have you seen my latest handiwork?"

Suddenly excited again, he pushed Cheerilee to the side, switched the gun to his left hand, and bore his right arm to the Doctors with pride. Just below the shoulder, secure behind a band of duct tape, was a circuit-board sandwich, no bigger than an index card. An indescribable mess of electronics was nestled safely inside, separating the two silicon boards. Its purpose was easy to guess.

"A genetic stabilizer," Ten observed, "to preserve your human form when you return to Equestria through the portal. Crude, yes, but I'll give you bonus points for building it out of a high school science lab."

"You forgot the part about unlocking the cookie jar of superior firepower on the other side. But we're getting ahead of ourselves; you have a bit of a hostage crisis to resolve, Doctors!"

The Master switched his gun back to his right hand, took a firm hold of Cheerilee again, and slowly walked them both to the other side of the room, putting several work tables between the two pairs. Given this was his Master, Ten took up the challenge.

"Listen to me, killing her gains you nothing! We've played this game across time and space, with companions and henchmen and robots and everything, but in the end it just comes down to you and me."

"And..."

"And him! But look at her! She is so small compared to us. Don't waste the effort to ruin a life that doesn't mean anything to you!"

The Master paused for a moment, shrugged, and lowered his gun.

"All I needed was a 'please', but that works as well. Go to them," he whispered in Cheerilee's ear. She stepped towards the Doctors, still in a daze. Nine took an aside glance, as if realizing something, then suddenly began to sniff the air.

"Do you smell that?"

"Yeah," Ten replied, as if it was just an unpleasant odor he was acknowledging, but then the realization hit him too and he became much more panicked. "Gas!" But both of them had their attention returned to the Master when he staggered unexpectedly, holding himself up by leaning into a table.

"Cheerilee, hit the emergency stop button!"

His words were pained, like he had just recovered from having the wind knocked out of him. It wasn't the Master talking anymore, but Cheerilee didn't know that. She just heard her Master's voice, and hit a big, friendly red button on the wall near the door. The background-noise hiss of the nozzles stopped abruptly.

"Doctor, it's me, Jack! I think I can punch through for a few secThat's enough!"

The Master suddenly contorted his body backward, off the table, then stood up as if nothing had happened.

"I really need to get rid of him, don't I? But anyway, room's about to explode, have fun. Bye bye!"

"Run!"

Though the Doctors were too busy getting away to notice, the Master broke into a sprint for the windows, jumping up on a table on the other side of the room. As he ran, he aimed ahead and fired, punching a small hole in the glass and causing the rest of the window to spiderweb. He then dropped his right arm back, looked over his shoulder and, aiming for the largest target he could find, fired again. The bullet hit a metal storage cabinet, shooting off sparks on impact, and as the Master's left elbow began to break through the window, the sparks erupted into a fireball that swept across the room and out into the hallway.

The Doctors just managed to drag Cheerilee around the corner and part-way down the stairwell before the blast of heat reached them. They kept helping her downstairs, then moved her off to the side, to be dehypnotized later. Ten pointed to the emergency exit at the bottom of the stairwell.

"Outside. The Master has the body of an action hero; knowing him, he probably tried to go..."

"...out-tru-da-window?" Nine finished wryly.

"Exactly," replied Ten, as he twirled in place, his longcoat billowing with flourish behind him, and set off.

Indeed, the Master had done just that, but he had overestimated his own (stolen) ability. Even Jack West couldn't outrun an explosion that close, especially with a window to go through in the process. The fireball caught him as he was half-way through, throwing him out of the room, tumbling down a slanted metal overhang, and hitting the sidewalk below with an audible thud.

"...And now you need to both get your crown back and keep the Master from getting back through the portal to conquer Equestria with a bunker full of superweapons!"

Pinkie had just finished repeating back to Twilight the entirety of the past day-and-a-half's events at breakneck verbal pace. She was understandably floored.

"How did you know that?"

"Meh, lucky guess."

"Wait, you mean all of that is really true, Twilight? Ponies, time-travelling aliens and all?" asked Rainbow Dash with great confusion.

"Yes, I'm afraid it is. If we can't stop both Sunset Shimmer and the Master, either one could easily take over Equestria."

"And this Master fella stole the body of that older gentleman we saw you with yesterday, uh, Jack of all Trades, wudntit?"

"Well, Applejack, his real name is Jack West, and he's from another universe entirely. He's a human just like you, but yes, the Master does have control of his body."

"But if the crown was yours," Fluttershy offered, "why didn't you just tell Principal Celestia that and ask for it back?"

"Breaking in was actually Jack's idea; he kind of has an affinity for living dangerously. But he seems to be pretty good at it. Besides, would you believe the story I, or rather Pinkie, just told you?"

"After that minor miracle Sunset Shimmer pulled off in the gymnasium, I could believe a lot of things," Rarity replied half-consciously, still watching through the crack in the door for trouble. She caught herself quickly enough; "But I do see your point, darling."

"But after what that crown did to Sunset Shimmer, why would you ever want it?" asked Rainbow Dash frankly.

"The crown only turned her into a monster because of the evil in her heart." Rainbow Dash, who was the first in her grade to publicly denounce the existence of the Tooth Fairy, responded with a cynic's eyebrow-cock. "Yes, I know, it sounds hokey, but this is magic we're talking about. Magic can give ideas power, ideas like good and evil, love, kindness, honesty, loyalty..."

"Twilight, I hate to interrupt," Rarity interrupted in a very nervous tone, "but I think we might have company!" She backpedaled away from the doors, just in time before they were magically ripped off their hinges. Light streamed into the closet, less from the emergency lamps in the hallway, more from the flame-like energy radiating from Sunset Shimmer's demonic form.

"Running and hiding, Princess Twilight? Such a shame; I hoped you'd be more of a challenge."

She held up a claw, and inside began forming a ball of dark magical energy. But before she could attack, yet another third party managed to sneak behind her, then throw his very long and almost as colorful scarf around her face.

"Here's wool in your eye!"

Yes, the cavalry had arrived, in the form of the Third and Fourth Doctors (whether they were qualified to be considered a new third party instead of part of the original second party is neither here nor there). As Four looped fabric around Sunset Shimmer's head, completely bundling her in the garment, Three swooped to the doorway.

"Come along, girls," he beckoned, before being interrupted by the entire building rumbling for no immediately noticeable reason. "It's not safe here."

They streamed out obediently, with Three close behind. Four continued to rodeo the she-demon about the hall, until she suddenly came to a stop, and the scarf fell limp on her shoulders. The loops fluttered to the ground in burnt tatters, seared clean across on each end. Sunset Shimmer spun around, scowling and bearing her fangs, to which Four could only grin sheepishly.

"You know, the scarf looks so good on you, I'll let you have the hat as well."

He lifted his floppy fedora off his head, then mashed it down on hers, swallowing her face up. By the time she had burnt through it, he had already beat a hasty retreat.

"So what happened to 'split up'?" Twilight asked Three as they approached the front entrance at full sprint.

"Well, my dear, when we found that the creature was not pursuing us, we deduced it must have been pursuing you. Naturally, we came back inside and tried to help."

Three darted ahead, pulled open a glass door and waved the rest of the group through. They all came to a stop at the portal entrance, catching their breath as the last bit of sunlight sank over the western horizon.

"Okay, Sunset Shimmer has an army of hypnotized students in the gym. We can't let them get through this portal," Twilight told them.

"So this is like our rally point, our final stand!" noted Rainbow Dash, playing up the heroic bravado.

"Yes," confirmed a much less-dressed Four, "and if we don't stop Sunset Shimmer here, Equestria is doomed." His melodramatic emphasis on that last phrase gave the less brave-hearted of the group chills. "Not to mention the Master..."

Twilight panicked, having forgotten that detail. "The Master! What if he's already gotten through?"

"He hasn't." This familiar voice came from the other side of the building, belonging to Ten as he rounded the corner. He and Nine were dragging the Master along, supported between their shoulders. The villain was clearly unconscious. They brought him to the group and laid him down in the grass. Three bent down to examine him.

"What happened to him?"

"Oh, nothing too unusual. He tried to blow up a science lab on us, but couldn't get himself out in time. Had a bit of a nasty fall," Ten explained. "Typical Master: got so wrapped up in destroying us he forgot the small details, like an escape plan."

Three pointed to the device on his right arm. "And this is?"

"Genetic stabilizer," answered Nine. "Would let him go back to Equestria and stay a human. Lucky bastard, looks like the thing's still intact."

"It would also keep the chameleon arch from working on him. We need to remove it."

Three drew his screwdriver, and with highly focused sound waves, cut through the duct tape on the Master's arm. He peeled it away and bundled it up on itself, then tried to lightly brush the assembly off. It would not budge. Leaning almost horizontally, Three inspected the gap between the device and the Master's arm, but then recoiled with a somewhat disgusted look. He looked up to find the rest of the party had surrounded him.

"Girls, you might want to turn away, I'm afraid this isn't going to be pretty."

They did so, except for Rainbow Dash, who (of course) thought she could handle it. She very nearly couldn't. With a firm, controlled pull, Three removed the genetic stabilizer from the Master, revealing two blood-soaked, almost nail-like needles on the underside. He set it carefully down on top of the statue, as blood began to seep from the wounds left where the nails used to be. But the grim mood was broken clean through by the echoing shout of "Geronimo!" Indeed, out of the portal tumbled Eleven face-first, in his hand a very odd metal helmet. He stood up, dusted off his tweed jacket, and straightened his bowtie.

"Someone order a portable chameleon arch?"

Though the rest of the group was looking at him, he turned his attention to the school behind them, and his voice became much more hesitant.

"I could come back later, if now's a bad time for you."

Out of every door of the school, zombie-students were marching toward the portal. They filled up every sidewalk, every doorway, and began to surround it. Flying through an upper window of the gym, Sunset Shimmer floated nearer, ready to command her army from on high.

"Don't just stand there! Get them!"

The growing hordes around the group advanced, with no weak point in sight. But Nine had an idea, and whipped out his sonic screwdriver.

"Use your sonics! Girls, cover your ears!" As they ducked away and cupped their ears tight, the other Doctors drew their screwdrivers and brought them together in the air. As the heads extended and some lit up, a shrill screech tore through the night air. It caused the approaching high-schoolers to stagger in pain, and after a few seconds most of them were good and stunned. When the Time Lords discontinued their attack, Sunset Shimmer found her army unresponsive, and screamed in frustrated rage.

"No more tricks, Princess! Now I end you!" She charged at them, eyes aglow with dark magic.

"Quick," urged Three, "the chameleon arch!" But Sunset Shimmer slowed down as he took it from Eleven, then saw him move for the Master's body. A simple deduction later, an energy tendril snatched him away from the group, well out of Three's reach. With a bit of a jolt, the Master woke up, only to realize he was somewhere completely different, suspended in the air by a beam of magic. At the other end of it was a monstrous demon-lady, who looked too much like Sunset Shimmer not to be her.

"Phew, note to self: don't try that again. Um, Sunset? Yes, haha, what are we doing?"

"Oh, new best friend... I need a favor."

Denying the Master time to draw a weapon, escape or make a witty retort, she sent a surge of dark magic into his body. With a scream of pain he began to contort, as the energy built until nothing but a silhouette of his body could be seen. A silhouette which was growing taller, lankier, with sharper and more pronounced fingers. Well, they weren't fingers anymore, they were claws. And, much to the Doctors' horror, the silhouette grew wings. When the energy bubble around him exploded, it revealed an entirely new Master - demonic in every sense of the word.

Hovering by bat-like wings, the Master flexed his claws with glee. His silver undershirt had now become his skin-tone, blending seamlessly at the waist into the dark khaki that had once been his cargo pants, which in turn became jet-black boots at his feet. With wounds healed instantly and invigorated by Sunset Shimmer's magical power, he cackled wildly.

"Ohhhhh, what is this feeling of power and drive?..."

"Stoooop!" The Master scowled down at Pinkie, who had just very rudely ruined his moment.

"What?!"

Suddenly, she was alongside him, bouncing up to eye-level and back again. "There's no villain song in this one, silly! You have to wait for the sequel for that. Don't worry, you get some good ones!" she somehow managed to whisper in his elongated ear. He flung his claw out to snatch her from the air, but she was already back with the others, like the entire conversation had never even happened. He and Sunset Shimmer exchanged puzzled shrugs.

"Now then, love, you were saying something about a favor?"

"Yes." She cast a damning finger in the direction of the Humane 6. "Destroy them!"

Fortunately for the Master, the Five Doctors were standing in the same group. Interpreting the order as broadly as he liked, he swooped down and split the group in two. While the girls ran one way, he pursued the Doctors the other. Noticing this, Sunset Shimmer faceclawed at yet another minion failing her. Oh well, at least he was keeping those five distracted. But if you want something done right...

As the Doctors took off through the grass, Three was the first to turn around and face his enemy, who came down from the sky in a diving kick. Three quickly crossed his arms in front of him and braced himself, blocking the attack. The Master bounced backward, then slashed with his right claw, but Three was able to drop back and grab the Master's arm. Though normally this was the ideal position to flip his foe, he never got the chance; The Master grabbed his arm as well and, with newfound strength, flung him over his head.

"Have a jelly baby, old friend!"

Though Four had been relieved of his iconic scarf and hat, he still had a few tricks left in his coat, one of which was that bag of jelly babies he always kept handy. Said bag was now flying through the air, toward the Master. He dismissed it as a feeble attempt at a projectile attack, and firing a beam of dark magic from his left claw, vaporized it in midair. What he did not consider in his dismissal was the possibility that the Fourth Doctor had added a lit Draconian candle to the bag of sweets. The chemicals produced by this flame would've reacted with the sugars in the candy, resulting in a very unstable compound. Add to that an intense burst of energy?

Boom.

The explosion threw the Master back and into the ground, shell-shocking him. Though the proximity of the blast caused Four to stumble back a little, he quickly regained balance, chuckling at his success like a schoolboy. Unfortunately for him, the Master could still throw energy bolts from a downed position, and one such bolt caught him off-guard and floored him. The three remaining Doctors were holding their ground behind him, waiting for the Master's next move as he got back on his feet. And boy, did he give them one.

Throwing both claws up, the Master shot off two more beams of dark magic, striking down Nine and Eleven before they even had the chance to react. Then, carried through the air at incredible speed by his wings, he launched himself at Ten, pouncing on him barely a second later. Pinning him, he brought his right index ~~finger~~ claw up to Ten's cheek.

"Like you said, Doctor." He raked his claw down Ten's face, digging just deep enough to draw a trickle of blood. "Just me and you."

Rainbow Dash led her friends in a dead sprint away from the school, in a path diagonal from the Doctors'. They panickedly serpentined across the front lawn as blast after earth-scorching blast of magic rained down on them. Although the portal was left completely unguarded, Sunset Shimmer was too consumed with revenge to care. In a spark of creativity, she decided to change up tactics. She raised her finger again, and this time it produced a jet of flames, carving a half-circle wildfire in the grass and penning the girls in. Realizing they were trapped, they turned around to face her, and she, in kind, descended to meet them.

"End of the line, Princess Twilight! I told Celestia she would never have a better student than me, and you're not going to live long enough to prove me wrong!"

Unfazed, Twilight stepped to the front of the group, but then, surprisingly, stepped even further forward, well away from the others.

"If you want me, Sunset Shimmer, here I am. You can have me. But leave my friends alone!"

This elicited several shocked gasps; some were genuinely touched by her devotion to protecting them, while others (you can guess who) wanted to run up and protect her from what appeared to be a pointless act of self-sacrifice. But something held them back. This needed to happen.

"Oh, how sweet! Friendship really is magic!" Sunset mocked. "But you have given me a lovely little idea."

Suddenly, Twilight was lifted off her feet by the power of telekinesis, and flung sideways.

"Just killing you here and now would be too quick and painless, too easy. How much better if I make the Princess of Friendship watch as her precious little friends are burned alive!"

Bringing her claws together, she began to charge up a fireball. Her threat made the Humane 5 tremble, but as they quickly realized they had flames on all sides, all they could do was hold each other tight and wait for the inevitable.

"So long, and goodnight!" bid Sunset as she launched her blazing orb. But as it left her hands, she could see a purple blur, obscured by the light of the flames, racing across the field in her peripheral vision. Indeed, Twilight Sparkle had recovered, and was sprinting back toward her friends. With every step she fought off fatigue and weariness, just hoping she would make it in time. And in one last bound, she launched herself forward, right into the course of the fireball.

"Why can't I kill you, Doctor?" the Master mused quietly as he played with the blood about to roll down Ten's cheek. "I've had chances, chances upon chances; there was a whole year when I could've struck you dead whenever I felt like it."

His right claw suddenly clamped around the Doctor's throat. But his voice didn't change, still soft, almost sad. "And even now, when you've been served up to me on a bloody platter... I still can't do it. I mean, you sent me back into the Time War, I should hate you worse than ever, it should be easy!" He was almost sobbing by now.

"We used to be best friends," Ten replied, in calm, controlled breaths. "I think somewhere, behind all the charm and bravado and megalomania, my best friend is still in there."

"Master!"

Suddenly, a familiar voice rang out from behind them. It was the Third Doctor, who had managed to make his way back to the statue. In one of his hands was the genetic stabilizer, in the other was his sonic screwdriver. "Let him go, or I scramble this like Sunday breakfast!"

"Do you mind?!" the Master bellowed back. "We are having a moment!" He returned his attention to Ten only briefly, and let his voice slip back to normal.

"Now I remember! I can't kill you because you're just too much fun to do without!"

He leapt up, hovering once more, and approached Three at a steady but nonthreatening pace. Meanwhile, Ten got back to his feet, wiped the blood off his face, and made his way to check on Eleven and Nine.

"Do you really think I care about that anymore? My old body was great, but this is a real upgrade!"

"You mean being the minion of a flaming harpy?" Three pointed to Sunset Shimmer, spewing fire at the Humane 6.

"I am no one's minion, Doctor. You should know that better than most."

"Your power comes from her," the Doctor noted casually. "It was hers to give, and hers to take away if you displease her."

"So what? If we go our separate ways I'll still turn back into a human, which will get me back to Plan A and into that vault in the Everfree."

"Actually I doubt that. If you go through the portal without this, you'll turn back into a pony. A demon pony, perhaps, but still a pony."

The Master was forced to pause, realizing he had been caught without a backup plan.

"You made the same mistake you made with the Nestenes," Three noted. "You form an alliance to get at me, but you don't think of what will happen if your new ally's plan plays out."

At the end of his rope, the Master lashed out. "Then what's the bloody point of this?"

"Oh, nothing, dear fellow. I was just keeping you occupied until something like that happened."

Twilight winced and clenched her teeth as she felt her shoulder take the brunt of the landing. That was definitely going to bruise. Wait a second... shouldn't she be burnt to a crisp right now? Yes, she should, except for the glow of purple magic surrounding her and her friends. That was when it truly clicked for her. Standing back up, she faced the she-demon with confidence.

"The magic of my Element united with those that helped create it!"

A beam of lavender light formed between Twilight and the crown. Realizing what was going on, the rest of the girls stood up and came to her side. Suddenly, magic coursed through the group, lifting them into the air. As Twilight recited each Element, the girl who represented it was charged with colorful energy, and transformed. They gained pony-like ears, incredible hair extensions, miscellaneous enhancements to their wardrobe, and in Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, and Twilight's case, angelic wings. But wings or not, they all floated above Sunset Shimmer as a group, aglow with magical energy.

"Together, they create a power beyond anything you could imagine! But it is a power you don't have the ability to control. The crown may be upon your head, Sunset Shimmer, but you cannot wield it, because you do not possess the most powerful magic of all: the magic of friendship!"

The Humane 6 came together in a heart-like formation, then channeled the magical energy running through them into a single, polychromatic beam. It corkscrewed above their head, then came down on Sunset Shimmer with full power. As she panicked in disbelief, the beam swirled about her, forming a rainbow vortex that enveloped her whole.

"Here and in Equestria, it is the only magic that can truly unite us all!"

With a glance, Twilight shot a similar, smaller beam toward Sunset's hypnotized army. It impacted a single student, then forked out like lightning to dart between everyone she had influenced. Awaking, they were brought back to themselves again. Another glance, this one closer to the portal, caught the Master right as he followed Three's gesture toward the girls. Magic wrapped around him as well, forming a smaller rainbow tornado as he screamed in agony.

Twin whirlwinds shot sparks of colorful energy. The recovered Doctors looked up to see the incredible show being put on above them. The Humane 6, back at each other's sides, released a corona of pure light. And it was all over.

Back in a human body, the Master recovered surprisingly fast, jumping to his feet before the Third Doctor could restrain him.

"Not this time, Doctors! It takes more than the magic of friendship to stopGive me the chameleon arch, Doctor."

Taken aback, Three placed it in the now-calm Master's waiting hands. He proceeded to slam it down on his head, press the two plungers on the front into his forehead, and leaned toward the Doctor. "Be with you momentarily." By the light of a streetlamp, Three punched in a code on the headpiece, the processor packs on the back began to hum, and the Master let out one final scream. But after a second or two, an anticlimactic "ding" sounded, and everything fell silent.

"Oh, it's good to be back!"

Doctors Four, Nine, Ten and Eleven approached as Jack stood up and removed the chameleon arch. He handed it to Three, then went around the group, giving each a very firm handshake and his thanks.

"How much do you remember?" asked Nine.

"Everything. He may have been working the body, but I saw, heard and felt every bit of it. Sorry about the whole blowing you up thing."

"No problem."

Three removed a silver fob watch from the arch and held it up. "Here lies the Master."

"And here stays the Master," Ten finished as he plucked it from his grip. "We'll need to have another conference call when we get back to decide what to do with it."

Three reached over to the statue and plucked something off its pedestal, then handed it to Jack. "Glad I remembered. Jack, I suppose you know what this is and what it does. With this, you can come and go through this portal as you please, without worrying about changing bodies. Unfortunately, it is a bit unpleasant to wear."

"I noticed. If you'll give me a second..."

He walked around the base of the statue, there was a stifled grunt, and he came back around with the genetic stabilizer back in its original position.

"There we go. I can reverse-engineer the technology back in Equestria and come up with a more user-friendly design."

"Excellent," replied Eleven. "Now, can we go ahead and pop off before this baby closes and we're stuck in high school for a month?"

"What about Miss Twilight?" asked Four. Jack popped his head around the statue to see her and the Humane 5 standing on the edge of a crater, helping a normal, teary-eyed Sunset Shimmer out of it.

"She has her own business to take care of. But yes, let's get out of here; happy endings give me spectrox poisoning."

And on that note, six bipeds stepped through the portal, but only one biped came out the other side. And that was perfectly fine.

Unknown to Jack, the Doctors, and those at Canterlot High, they were not the only ones who enjoyed the light show put on by the Elements of Harmony that night. More than a few blocks away, three teenage girls with hair-styles much larger than the hoodies they hid them in witnessed the spectacle. With a smile, they began walking toward the school, humming in harmony with each other.

Upon the safe return of Jack, Twilight, the Doctors and the Element of Magic, there was much rejoicing. Royal Guards were sent back to bed happily, and the Princesses retired to quarters after all necessary congratulations had been given. But for the Doctors, Jack and the Mane 6 (largely at Pinkie Pie's urging), an immediate victory party was to be held. Eight opened up his TARDIS to the group, and with its infinite resources and space, Pinkie really outdid herself. Stories were shared, drinks had, and a rare quality of company enjoyed. In the midst of the celebration, a not-quite-tipsy-just-yet Twelve grabbed Jack.

"Oi, War Machine!"

"Is that my nickname now, 'war machine'?"

"Yeah, war seems to be what you're best at! Listen, while me and Sixy were guarding your cabin in the woods, something showed up at your doorstep." He pulled from his cloak what seemed to be a glass cube, filled with fluorescent light.

"What is it?"

"It's a hypercube!" answered an eavesdropping Eleven. "It's how Time Lords send messages to each other. Why would you be getting one?"

"Let's find out." Jack raised his voice appropriately. "Excuse me, can I have a moment?" The party froze obediently. With both quiet and the curiosity of everypony else in the TARDIS, Jack twirled the hypercube in his hands, looking for some kind of interface. But when he had just given up on finding one, the box started talking.

"Aughh!...Princesses defeated... Elements captured, no hope, no hope... Tirek's won."

Jack could only stare at the cube in shock and disbelief. It was his own voice talking to him.

"We're still not exactly sure how the explosion happened, but we'll keep you informed as the police investigate."

Early the next morning, Vice-Principal Luna led a representative from Canterlot High's insurance company toward the building. "This stairwell is the closest to the blast zone." With a key, she opened an emergency exit door from the outside, then reached in and flicked on the lights. But both she and the inspector were startled to see Cheerilee standing inside, staring at them with a dopey grin.

"Where's the Master? I want my Master, please."

Lord and Master (Appendix/Reference Guide)

Author's Note

Hullo! I'm NightmareDash, and if you're a brave soul just stepping into the 50+-year-old British franchise of Doctor Who, it can be a bit confusing. So, given how crossover-continuity-heavy Lord and Master is, I figured a reference guide might help make sense of things and help you enjoy the story better. The appendix is a crash-course in Doctor Who, while the reference guide points out every little outside-continuity reference I make. It'll ruin the jokes, of course, but better to get a ruined joke than not get it at all. Have fun!

Lord and Master (Appendix/Reference Guide)

APPENDIX OF WHO

The Time Lords- An ancient species who discovered the power of instantaneous travel in time and space. They are notable for having two hearts, a respiratory bypass system, and the ability to regenerate, or change and renew their bodies, to avoid death. Regeneration changes their appearance and mannerisms, but not their knowledge, memories or basic character. They are currently sealed in a pocket dimension after fighting the Time War, making Time Lords outside that dimension very few and far between. Notable Time Lords include the Doctor, the Master and the Rani.

The Time War- A massive war fought between the Time Lords and the Daleks, a race of cybernetic killing machines who believed themselves inherently superior to all other life in the universe. Both were capable of time and space travel, allowing wartime atrocities beyond the scope of human comprehension to occur. The entire conflict was eventually time-locked, meaning no time traveler could enter or leave the time-space coordinates of the war. The war had two separate outcomes: originally, the War Doctor destroyed both sides to protect the rest of the universe, committing double genocide in the process and leaving him the last of his kind. But when the Tenth and Eleventh Doctors broke through the time-lock, they were able to alter events so that the Time Lords won the war: the Doctor(s) sealed their home planet (Gallifrey) in a pocket dimension, and the Daleks firing on it from all sides blew each other up. However, the Doctor would still remember the original course of events (him destroying both sides), at least until the point in his life when his eleventh incarnation intervened.

The Doctor- "Never cruel or cowardly; never give up, never give in." A Time Lord who travels the galaxy, looking to help others and fight injustice. Polymath genius and experienced traveler. Travels with others, usually humans, known as his companions. Has had 13 different bodies or incarnations, each with its own unique personality and quirks.

The First Doctor- William Hartnell. Ironically the oldest in appearance, this Doctor made up for physical frailness with a sharp mind. He was often domineering and self-righteous, although traveling with human companions mellowed this out to a degree, and brought out a more caring, compassionate side to him. Firmly opposed to using time travel to alter history, a belief his later incarnations would not share.

The Second Doctor- Patrick Troughton. This Doctor was known as a "space hobo", wandering about in time and space and finding trouble wherever he went. Between an oversized fur coat and a penchant for playing the recorder, he acted the fool to deceive his enemies and intervene without being noticed. Known to get trapped in bases under siege by alien enemies.

The Third Doctor- Jon Pertwee. An action hero worthy to go up against James Bond, this Doctor wouldn't just outwit his enemies, he would beat them senseless with Venusian Aikido. Exiled to 1970s Earth by the Time Lords for several years, he became the scientific advisor to the United Nations Intelligence Task Force (UNIT). Always had a new gadget up his sleeve to deal with alien menaces, and rode around in modified classic roadster "Bessie". The first Doctor to be shown in color, and the first to encounter the Master.

The Fourth Doctor- Tom Baker. The quintessential classic Doctor; if you know any of them, you know Four. With an impractically (but sometimes very practically) long rainbow scarf and a bag of jelly babies in hand, the Fourth Doctor never took himself too seriously. Even when facing fearsome foes and threats to the galaxy, he was always ready with a witticism or wisecrack. Had the longest tenure of any Doctor, and still remains a fan favorite.

The Fifth Doctor- Peter Davison. This Doctor was a young gentleman dressed like a cricketeer and wore a stalk of celery on his lapel. Chivalrous and kindhearted, he nevertheless found himself in some of the most bleak and desperate situations he had ever encountered.

The Sixth Doctor- Colin Baker. Everything his predecessor wasn't: overbearing, self-righteous and prone to violence. Wore a garishly-colored patchwork jacket, representing how little he cared about your opinion of him (or anything else for that matter). Old Sixy was the most flamboyant Doctor of them all, and certainly the oddball of the lot. The first Doctor to encounter the Rani.

The Seventh Doctor- Sylvester McCoy Beneath this spoons-playing, metaphor-mixing goofball was a dark chessmaster, manipulating friend and foe alike to achieve his end goal. Known as Time's Champion, this incarnation of the Doctor played for high stakes and was more often than not called to make the hard choices, crossing lines of morality for the sake of the greater good.

The Eighth Doctor- Paul McGann. A lighter turn from his previous self, the Eighth Doctor was closer in personality to his fifth incarnation: a kindhearted traveler, always willing to help. He only appeared in the 1996 television movie Doctor Who, so there's not as much of him to play with as with other Doctors.

--This is generally where the divide is made between "classic" and "modern" Doctors. --

The War Doctor- John Hurt. A truly dark incarnation of the Doctor who broke a (loose) code of pacifism and fought in the Time War against the Daleks. He made the impossible choice to use a Time Lord superweapon called the Moment to wipe out both the Time Lords and the Daleks entirely. Because of the time-lock and to avoid general Time War-related confusion, he will not be joining us in this adventure, but deserves mention all the same.

The Ninth Doctor- Christopher Eccleston. The War Doctor's darkness carried over into his next incarnation, who was defined by his profound guilt for his actions during the Time War. This Doctor was no-nonsense and sometimes brutal, but free to explore the universe once more, he regained some of his previous wanderlust, boyish charm, and sense of humor.

The Tenth Doctor- David Tennant. This Doctor was a dichotomy, halfway between joy and regret. He could be cheerful and enthusiastic at one moment, but get deadly serious the next. His rule was to give his enemies one chance, but after that all bets were off. Ten was quite a talker, and had more than his fair share of vocal quirks and catchphrases. A modern fan favorite, he actually deposed 4 for the top spot on several "best Doctor" polls, and there was much weeping of fangirls (and boys) when he left the role. "I don't want to go", indeed.

The Eleventh Doctor- Matt Smith. If Nine was dark and Ten was halfway, Eleven was the other end of the scale. This Doctor was downright bubbly and boyish, keeping his hands as busy as his mouth when he talked. Rather than the traditional gamut of destruction-bringers or race-enslavers, he more often faced psychological threats, and many of his adventures dealt with the complicated nature of time itself.

The Twelfth Doctor- Peter Capaldi. The incumbent Doctor, Twelve has bucked the trend of young and sexy and let his inner old man out again. This Doctor is very aloof, temperamental, and pragmatic to the point of callousness. Rough around the edges, and having abandoned his predecessors' charisma and sense of humor, he's really still trying to settle into the role. Stay tuned.

The Master- John Simm. A rival Time Lord and the Doctor's archenemy, the Moriarty to his Holmes. Formerly the Doctor's childhood friend, the Master has been through a number of incarnations of his own, though with far less variety between them than the Doctor's. Arguably even smarter than the Doctor, he is ambitious and power-hungry, with the ultimate goal of ruling the universe. Used by the Time Lords as a soldier in the Time War, he escaped to the far future, then came back to present-day Earth, only to go back into the War to prevent the Time Lords from escaping the time-lock and destroying all of reality. Unlike the Doctor, the Master is more than happy to carry weapons; when he encountered the Third Doctor, his weapon of choice was a Tissue Compression Eliminator, which shrunk its victims in addition to killing them. Later on he adopted the laser screwdriver, a deadly equivalent to the Doctor's sonic screwdriver.

The Rani- Kate O'Mara. A Time Lady, and another enemy of the Doctor's. She is a brilliant scientist and chemist, more skilled in some sciences than both the Doctor and the Master. Unlike the Master, her goal is the advancement of scientific knowledge, but her villainy lies in the fact that she values her research above any kind of morality. She has yet to appear in the modern television series.

TARDIS- Time and Relative Dimension in Space. A Time Lord vehicle, capable of traveling through time and space. Uses dimensional manipulation to be bigger on the inside than it appears on the outside. Almost all Time Lords possess one, including the Doctor, the Master and the Rani. Can camouflage itself as almost anything to blend into its environment, but the Doctor's is stuck as a 1950s police box. Makes a 'vworp vworp vworp' sound when it materializes and dematerializes.

Sonic screwdriver- The Doctor's futuristic equivalent of Swiss Army Knife. Doesn't wound, maim or kill, but can do quite a few other things, including actually drive screws. Normally used to open locks, bugger with technology and scan things of all sorts. Like the Doctor, it goes through incarnations of its own, from a pen light to a sci-fi torque wrench to the scientific equivalent of a magic wand.

The Void- Emptiness outside of time and space, the gap between universes. What separates our dimension, the Equestrian dimension and the Doctor Who dimension.

REFERENCE GUIDE

First reference is an easy one, not even Doctor Who. Pumped Up Kicks is a song by Foster The People

"I learned to roundhouse kick from a Texas Ranger." Guess which one. Hint: starts with a W, ends with an alker.

And now we begin the Whoniverse crossover! I figured the part up to Jack turning into a pony would serve as a good cold open, were this a real episode of Doctor Who, so I put the opening titles in where appropriate. Plus, it's great mood music for what's to come. But sadly, Catherine Tate will not be appearing in this adventure.

"The Mane 6, shocked and slightly embarrassed at the sight of Jack as a pony..." Yes, I am referencing VeggieTales. This one is from "The Hairbrush Song".

"No problem, here's how you build one." Reginald Barclay faces a similar problem (needing technology that doesn't exist yet) and responds the same way in Star Trek: The Next Generation's "The Nth Degree".

"...code Bravo Alpha Delta Dash Whiskey Zero One Foxtrot, engage!" What's this spell in the NATO alphabet? BAD W01F, a corruption of BAD WOLF, the arc words for Series 1 of revived Doctor Who.

That classic yellow roadster Jack spots? Bessie, the signature vehicle of the Third Doctor. Note the right-hand drive; it is a British car, after all.

"His cells are very much like a normal pony's, but there are differences..." The differences she lists are the kind you could expect comparing a human to a Time Lord.

When Ten meets Three, his behavior is very similar to when Ten met Five in the charity TV special Time Crash. Their later sonic screwdriver comparison also happens between Ten and Eleven in Day of the Doctor.

"Well, I have worked with my own previous incarnations before..." In both The Three Doctors and The Five Doctors, in fact. More on those later.

"A holographic image of a human female with very long hair and unhealthily tight leather pants..." Based on the Rani's costume in her first appearance, Mark of the Rani. She, the Doctor and the Master were indeed friends at the Time Lord Academy, part of a society called the Deca. As noted in Mark of the Rani, she once experimented on rats, causing them to grow very large, and one ate the Lord President's cat. This earned her an exile from Gallifrey.

The Dalek Void Ship appears in Series 2, "Doomsday", the concept was long believed to be impossible, and it does in fact enable travel between alternate realities.

Pinkie's 3D glasses while watching the holocorders are an indirect reference to Ten's iconic 3D glasses, which he wore in Series 2's "Army of Ghosts".

According to some sources, TARDISes are grown rather than built. TARDIS coral is what the machines grow out of.

Chameleon arches and micromatrixes (a term I invented) are important plot devices in Series 3's "Human Nature", "The Family of Blood", and later "Utopia". The Matrix (not that Matrix) is a Gallifreyan supercomputer that holds all the knowledge Time Lords have gathered across space and time, as well as the personalities of dead Time Lords (so I guess it is kinda that Matrix). Where else would a Time Lord store his personality while on the run than a micromatrix?

The timey-wimey detector is straight out of "Blink", also from Series 3, and does in fact go "ding" when there's stuff (quoth the Doctor). The term "timey-wimey" has since become more popular than the device itself, for talking about complicated temporal physics that doesn't always make sense, and Three's reaction to it is much like the War Doctor's in Day of the Doctor.

"Reverse the polarity of the neutron flow" is a lovely bit of technobabble filler associated with the Third Doctor, even though he only used the entire phrase once.

Jack hears voices in his head just before he unleashes the Master. The same thing happens to Professor Yana in "Utopia". The string of chatter is all Master quotes (except the phrase in bold). "The drums" refers to the drumming the John Simm Master heard in his head. What it really is is too long to explain here. "Master of all matter" is what the Master specifically wishes to be master of, although this is a very flexible/unreliable goal. Every Master enjoyed having his name said to him, as it fed his massive ego. "Say something nice" is an anachronism, coming from a future Master known as Missy, or the Michelle Gomez Master. She wanted her victims to say something nice before she killed them. "Only hate keeps me alive" comes from the emaciated Peter Pratt Master, whose appearance beggars description.

Nine was often called a soldier, given how much the Time War influenced him, but Twelve hates soldiers, so it's only natural they would fight.

"You of all people should know I never stay dead for long!" The Anthony Ainley Master was in particular known for coming back from almost certainly-lethal situations to menace the Doctor again. Really, no one in fiction cheats death more than the Master.

The Third Doctor did indeed once call the Master his "best enemy".

The John Simm Master enjoyed watching Teletubbies, and the Delgado Master watched British puppet show The Clangers on one occasion, so the Master wouldn't mind so much becoming a cartoon character.

Ten is meeting the Master after he thought he saw the Master die and not regenerate at the end of "Last of the Time Lords" (Series 3). But the Master was resurrected by a cult to reappear in "The End of Time", Ten's final story before regenerating. This Master comes from after the end of that story, where he went back into the Time War. For once, the Doctor and the Master are not on parallel timelines; the Master is meeting an earlier Doctor.

The Master would also pickpocket the Doctor in the novel "Harvest of Time" (good read, for you Whovians).

Three is "used to being TARDIS-less" because he started his tenure being exiled to Earth by the Time Lords, who forced him to regenerate and disabled his TARDIS for a time, unless they wanted to send him on an errand.

"Don't worry, he pulled the same trick on me, with the micromatrix and the TARDIS-jacking." This happens to Ten at the end of "Utopia", and he also disables his own TARDIS with his sonic screwdriver.

The Sixth Doctor was fond of exclaiming something at someone, then repeating the exclamation at even greater volume, as if in disbelief. He also had a penchant for verbosity.

The Three Doctors was the first multi-Doctor story, for the program's 10th anniversary.

"I am he, and he is me." This is a quote from The Three Doctors, though it is between Two and Three. Pinkie's attempt to finish the line with words from the Beatles song "I Am the Walrus" is exactly what companion Jo Grant tried to do the first time.

"You may be a doctor, but I am the Doctor. The definite article, you might say." This is a quote from the Fourth Doctor's first story, Robot.

It is almost a tradition that when Doctors meet, they bicker and squabble. With all 12 of them involved, we see plenty of that here.

The Tissue Compression Eliminator the Master attacks numerous guards with was a favorite of the Delgado Master, and because he most frequently encountered the Third Doctor, the Master could expect to find a confiscated TCE on Three's TARDIS.

"Shut up!" has become the Twelfth Doctor's unofficial catchphrase.

"Stupid apes" is Nine's favorite diminutive term for the human race.

"I say, aren't you being a little high-hooved, young stallion?" A paraphrase of one of the First Doctor's lines from the very first episode, An Unearthly Child.

"Yes, I seem to be stuck up here." ... "So you're my replacements? A dandy and a clown..." Oh boy, this was a fun one I knew I had to work in from the start. It comes from The Three Doctors, and it's the First Doctor evaluating Three and Two, respectively. That really is the best multi-Doctor episode of the classic series, and I had to restrain myself from pulling too much material from it. Just watch.

Due to a verbal tic on the part of older actor William Hartnell, the First Doctor would often end sentences with a demanding "Hmmmm?"

"Oh no you don't!" is more or less a catchphrase of the John Simm Master. It's funny, because Three gets to use it in this story even before he does.

"Listen to your Master." From "The End of Time".

Eleven has a well-noted penchant for bow-ties and fezzes.

Bessie's Turbo Drive was introduced in The Time Monster, shooting her along at ludicrous speeds even by modern standards.

The Death Zone is where The Five Doctors took place, where one Master (the Ainley incarnation) encountered four Doctors at the behest of the Time Lords.

Four employed a TARDIS randomiser at one time to keep him from being pursued through time and space by the Black Guardian (think space Satan). As implied, it made his trips completely random.

During "The End of Time", the Master's body was slowly disintegrated because of a resurrection attempt gone wrong.

In "Last of the Time Lords", the Doctor offers to take the Master on as a companion to travel with him. The Master refuses, of course.

The idea of a time ram was also introduced in The Time Monster, and though never seen in actuality, was predicted to have devastating consequences.

Ogrons are a species of alien mercenary best described simply as monkeys with guns. Yeah, they went over just as well as you can expect.

"I'm not gonna let you send them to their deaths just so we can keep our hooves clean! They are more than pawns on your chessboard!" Seven's chessmaster tendencies earned the ire of other Doctors, who disproved of his ends-justify-the-means philosophy.

"Allon-sy!" Ten's catchphrase, French for let's go.

"I am the Master, and you will obey me." The Master is known for his downright hypnotic charm, and this was the phrase he often invoked to seal his control over someone. It also became more or less the Delgado Master's catchphrase.

Getting lost in the corridors of the TARDIS has happened before, in The Invasion of Time and "Journey to the Center of the TARDIS" (Series 7).

Three beats the crap out of Snips and Snails using Venusian Aikido, a defensive martial art involving pressure point attacks, momentum redirection, and lots of "Hai!"s. Speaking of which, "Venusian aikido, I do hope I didn't injure you." is a paraphrase from after a similar beatdown in The Green Death.

"Although they were scientific instruments, not water pistols..." The War Doctor says something to this effect in Day of the Doctor.

The Ninth Doctor never met the Master on-screen, and for that matter neither did Eleven. And the song the Master quotes is obviously the Beatles' "Revolution 9", probably the worst song the band ever produced (if you can even call it a song).

"We've played this game across time and space, with companions and henchmen and robots and everything..." Indeed, the Master has met the Doctor's companions, the Doctor defeated the Master's henchmen (alien and human), and the Master once built a shape-changing robot called Kamelion, who the Doctor promptly reprogrammed and adopted as a companion (The King's Demons).

" a big, friendly red button..." A big friendly button plays a part in "Journey to the Center of the TARDIS".

"But anyway, room's about to explode, have fun. Bye bye!" Paraphrase from "Utopia".

"...he probably tried to go... ...out-tru-da-window?" Bit harder to explain this one, just watch.

With Nine and Ten meeting, I just couldn't resist.

"Geronimo!" Eleven's catchphrase. 'Nuff said.

Combining sonic devices to emit a sonic screech comes from "Partners in Crime" (Series 4)

And then comes the Jekyll and Hyde reference. The Master does have a penchant for villainous music, and it fits him. And if nothing else, it's good foreshadowing.

The Five Doctors again. Name-dropping for name-dropping's sake, I admit.

Draconia, home of the feudal-Japanese-esque Draconians, appears in Frontier in Space.

Fair warning, the Master-Ten scene is very big nod to the interesting relationship those two shared.

"So long, and goodnight!" Or as you might recognize them, the last line of the My Chemical Romance song "Helena", and thus the last words the band ever sung live before breaking up.

"...there was a whole year when I could've struck you dead whenever I felt like it." See "Last of the Time Lords".

"You made the same mistake you made with the Nestenes..." The first appearance of the Master involved him allying himself with the Nestene Consciousness, against the Third Doctor.

"...happy endings give me spectrox poisoning." Which is what killed the Fifth Doctor in The Caves of Androzani.

Colin Baker's nickname for the Sixth Doctor is Old Sixy, and it seems to have caught on.

Hypercubes appear in both The War Games and "The Doctor's Wife" (Series 6).

Twilight of the Gods

It began and ended with that cube.

The Doctor(s) had warned Jack of the dangers of taking messages from the future too seriously. Time was flexible, the future could be rewritten. Twilight shared with him her own experience with time-travel, and meeting her future self. But no matter what they said, he could not shake the utter, gripping fear as he himself narrated what appeared to be his own demise.

Of course, he was there when Ponyville was attacked by sentient plant life, fending off rogue foliage with a flame-throwing pistol and, when that ran out of fuel, a stylishly-wielded katana blade. It seemed danger could still reliably bring him out to play. He even followed Twilight into the Everfree and to the Tree of Harmony, protecting her from whatever vines or pony-eating flowers got in their way. As Spike managed to catch sight of the others by crawling up to a tree branch, a particularly vicious pack of rhododendrons attacked, forcing Jack into action.

"Keep going! Get to the others, I'll catch up!"

Not even bothering to argue, Twilight and Spike made a break for the gorge, teleporting down to catch up to the rest of the group. They had their friendly make-up moment, but then looked back when Twilight mentioned what had happened. And to their relief, Jack stood at the top of the gorge, scratched up in places but otherwise none the worse for wear. As he descended the very long stone staircase to reach them, they proceeded into the cavern containing the Tree of Harmony. After some mild debate, they agreed to sacrifice their Elements to restore it. Jack, who had just sliced a smaller black vine off of its root for study, only took notice of what they were doing when that root, along with all the others, were vaporized by a rolling wave of magic. He raced into the cavern, in time to watch as Princesses Celestia and Luna were freed.

"We know how difficult it must have been for you to give up the Elements," Celestia congratulated the group. "It took great courage to relinquish them." This forced Jack to take notice of the Tree itself, which now housed six very familiar gems.

"Oh, God..." Feeling suddenly nauseous, he quickly took leave of the others, trekking back to base while muttering, "Elements captured, no hope, no hope..."

They did not see him for a long time after that.

While Rainbow Dash convinced the others to join her in her stalking of one A.K. Yearling, Jack went looking for a few books of his own. Under the cover of darkness, and with the help of a nanotechnological skeleton key (reforming itself to fit the lock it was inserted into), he paid an after-hours visit to the Ponyville library. Down the stairwell, into the lab, where a very traumatic experience had once begun. And on one of the worktables, just where he last remembered them, were two thin black books, striped tape still hanging off their edges.

"Hello, Rani."

Knockknockknock "Hey Jack! Open up!"

Twilight had told everypony to give Jack his space, after what he had been through with the Master and the hypercube. But Rainbow Dash had never been a very good listener, and now she had the perfect bait to draw him out of his shell. And with Pinkie by her side, she was certain she could sell him on getting back into action.

"Hey, Spike found this awesome new kind of comic book! It literally sucks you in and makes you part of the story! You should totally come with us and fight crime!"

No reply.

"Jaaaaack!" Pinkie offered, "There'll be major flank-kicking involllllved!"

Still no reply.

"Alright, new strategy!" She reared back and pressed both hooves against the door, as if to climb it. "Do you wanna build a snowman?" she sang in a ridiculously cute voice.

Dash gave her a decent slap on the back of the head. "Pinkie, it's July!"

"Oh, yeah. Do you wanna build a sand castle?"

"Pinkie, I don't think that would work on ordinary Jack."

She backed down, head sinking low.

"Hey, it's alright! We can try again tomorrow! I bet he's just... out getting groceries!" Dash reassured her.

And try again they did, the next day. And the day after that. And the day after that...

Alert! Intruder detected! Scanning... Intruder identified: Princess Luna, alicorn. Threat Level: 8. Engage?

What? Jack was ripped from his work by a sudden alert pop-up on his computer screen. No, he typed, then spun around in his chair to see that indeed, Princess Luna had appeared in the middle of his weapons lab. She looked around, surveying the racks and racks of guns, launchers, a few crossbows, and the odd shelf of melee weapons. Jack sat at a 3-screen computer workstation, against the only wall not lined with weapons.

"Princess Luna, what an unexpected pleasure. What can I do for you?"

"Mr. West, Princess Twilight informed me of your sudden reclusiveness, and given my... similar social experience, asked me to speak to you on her behalf."

"Please, call me Jack." His casual tone practically reeked of practice, though Princess Luna only knew this because she had practiced it herself. "Can I show you around?" Without waiting for an answer, he strolled out the door, which wooshed open on approach. He led her into a very much larger room, with at least two more stories of overhead clearance, and littered from wall to wall with vehicles and machines. Jets and helicopters, cars of all sorts, from utility to sport, and even a few boats mounted on large trailers. Rows upon rows of fluorescent lights shone down on them, glinting off glass windshields and filling up almost every dark corner. Jack suddenly took a running start, leapt up and handsprung off the roof of an Aston Martin Vanquish, then vaulted onto and slid across the wing of an A-10 Warthog. To conclude, he made a wall-jump off the side of a black Hummer, reaching out for then pulling himself up to sit on the rotorblade of what appeared to be a Comanche gunship.

"You spin my head right round, right round... Computer, a Dr. Pepper, if you please!"

Riding around on the rotorblade almost merrily for a few seconds, Jack then reached out to pluck a maroon can from a mechanical arm that had descended from the ceiling. He proceeded to swing down from his perch one-handed, then popped the tab and indulged. Slightly irritated, but also just-ever-so-much-more-slightly amused by this sudden burst of youthful exuberance, Luna followed with her wings, touching down as he did.

"Quite a display of agility, Mr. Wes-Jack, I mean."

"Thank you, nothing like a bit of acrobatics to rouse the spirit. Except Dr. Pepper, of course. This is one of the few reasons I ever go back to Earth: grocery shopping."

He took another long swig from the can.

"Anyway, this is the hangar, where I keep all my larger toys. You arrived in the armory, where the small ones go. There are other labs and facilities down here, but that's enough of that. Twilight wanted you to check up on me, eh?"

"...Among other things."

"Such as?"

"There was a break-in at the Royal Library in Canterlot several weeks ago."

"Oh, how horrible! What was stolen?"

"Nothing, actually, but several archives that we ordinarily restrict access to had been compromised. My sister wanted to know if you had any involvement in the affair."

"What, me?" He gasped in feigned shock. "Well, I don't know what to say, except that I'd suppose this intruder, whoever they were, probably didn't find what they were looking for."

They exchanged knowing smiles.

"What do you suppose 'they'd' have been interested in?"

"Oh, that would be little more than a wild guess on my part, but I'd have to put my money on it having something to do with the name 'Tirek'."

Luna's smile vanished at the drop of that name. Both of them knew things had just become very serious.

"Some information is better left unwritten, Jack."

"What do you know about it, Luna? Believe me, it's important."

"That is a story it is not my place to tell."

Jack knew he was hitting a brick wall. Or rather, a stonewall.

"I see. But back to our intruder; I suspect he did uncover information about another name."

"Whose?"

"Yours. Apparently, in an age gone by, you were referred to as 'Dreamwalker'. True?"

"Yes, I am the guardian of ponies' dreams. I keep watch, and sometimes intervene, but only for the benefit of my subjects."

"Have you ever walked through a human's dream?"

"No, though I did try on occasion. Your mind is too unlike that of a pony for me to see your dreams. Your subconscious, in particular, is radically different."

"Mmmm... There was another name you were once known by."

"What would that be?"

"...Nightmare Moon."

"That part of my life is long behind me!" Luna replied adamantly.

"No, no, I'm not accusing you! In fact, I think I can relate..." Jack wobbled backward, leaning against the helicopter with his right index finger and thumb on his temples. "But what I've learned intrigues me. When you became Nightmare Moon, you gained physical strength and magical power, yes?"

"That is true," she replied with obvious discomfort.

"So, if there was a threat, a danger, something you needed every bit of power you could muster to confront..."

"If you know of Nightmare Moon, you also know the great evil she brought with her."

"Yes, yes, but is it possible? Could you become Nightmare Moon again?" His tone was very nearly a shout.

"Twilight gave me reason to be concerned, but now you truly frighten me, Jack West."

The two stood there for a good long time, silent. At a conversational impasse, both were afraid to press their points any further for fear of alienating the other. Taking a final sip, Jack dropped his Dr. Pepper can and crushed it under his heel. "Come on, I want to show you something." He took them back to the armory, and sat down at his work-station. Hypercube in hand, he spun back to face Luna and held it up to her.

"So Twilight told you about this?"

Luna nodded. "She told me you received a message from your future self, and its contents were... harrowing."

"That's one way of putting it." Concentrating, Jack mentally persuaded the Gallifreyan device to repeat its message, which had lost none of its original effect in spite of being replayed, dissected and analyzed several times over.

Luna took a few seconds to ponder the warning. "I can imagine what this means for you."

"You don't have to imagine, I'll tell you!" Jack replied, with flippancy born of desperation. "It means not only am I going to die painfully, most likely at the claws of this Tirek, but it won't just be me! You and Celestia, the Elements of Harmony, probably all of Equestria will suffer, and there's nothing I can do about it!"

The Princess brought a hoof to Jack's shoulder. "You have every right to be concerned about this, but if you are to change the future, you will not do it by panicking!" With a few deep breaths, he took back his composure.

"Yes, yes, you're right.... I suppose I've never really had to confront my own mortality like this before. I've always been the 'never say die' type, but now I'm telling myself 'die'... Meh, it's irrelevant. Yes, let's change the future!" The spirit had definitely returned to his voice. "Now, anything strong enough to defeat the Elements of Harmony, all four Princesses of Equestria, and me must either be ridiculously powerful or have some kind of edge on us. My running theory is that we underestimate this 'Tirek', and by the time we realize our mistake it's too late." Jack was on a roll, and it was all Luna could do to keep up as he wandered about the room, making energetic gestures like an excited college professor. Like the Doctor, even.

"That would make sense."

"But even then, at that point I'm sure we would all fight with everything we had. But it appears that that will not be enough."

"So what do we do?"

"We need an edge of our own, something truly extraordinary. Now, the problem is we can't really seek out and attack Tirek, we have to wait for it to strike first. That takes out a lot of the usual options, like surprise or advanced planning. So we have to look at the unusual. Right now, I think our most likely option to turn this thing around is a limit break."

"A limit break?"

"Yes. Barring an act of God, or I guess you'd call it an act of Faust, one of us would have to do something completely out of left field, something we would never even try to do otherwise. Something like..."

"....Nightmare Moon?"

"Exactly. If we're willing to truly disregard our inhibitions, open up to every possibility, I think that's how we find our game-changer."

Luna couldn't help but pause, and the excitement quickly faded. "...So you are still serious about that proposal?"

Jack sighed, collecting his thoughts. "Luna, I certainly can't force you to do it if you're not comfortable. But please, ask yourself: if Nightmare Moon was all that stood between Equestria and Tirek..."

"Would I be willing to use her to defeat him?"

"...It's something to think about. It may be necessary, but at the same time it might not. I just need you to know your answer in advance, should the need arise."

"I will give it thought."

Jack was already back to work on his computer. "Good. In that case, unless you want me to build a gun for you, I can't think of anything else to talk about."

Luna turned to leave, but doubled back. "Jack?"

He stopped typing and looked over his shoulder at her. "Yes?"

"Please, do not isolate yourself because of this. It will do nothing but destroy you inside, and I speak from experience."

"Thank you for the advice. Oh, wait, I did think of something! Tell Rainbow Dash that if she needs me, the key is in her hoof. She'll know what I mean."

"I will pass on the message. Good night to you, Jack West."

She walked away, then vanished in a magical flash of light. With her gone, Jack could return to his work.

Limit break, limit break... now then, which of my limits can I break?

Books. Endlessly tall shelves of books, never-ending rows running out into the horizon. More than anypony could ever hope to read...

Paradise!

Twilight ran down the first aisleway she could find giddily, simply awestruck. But awe turned to horror as she pulled a random book out, only to find it completely unreadable. Where there should have been words, there were only mindless scribbles.

"What? No!" She pulled out the next book in the row, which was equally illegible. "No! No! No!" She teleported down the aisle, examining books but never finding one to read. Somewhere along the way, she lost all hope in this false heaven, breaking down sobbing.

"Worry not, Princess Twilight. The world of dreams was not made for merely reading books."

Princess Luna descended from somewhere above, snapping Twilight out of it and causing her to think for a moment.

"This is... a dream? Wait, of course! Word processing is done by the left hemisphere of the brain, but dreams are controlled by the right hemisphere! Hello, Twilight!"

"And it does not strike you as odd that you, without cause or reason, appeared in a seemingly infinite library?"

Twilight chuckled with embarrassment. "Well... Why are we here, anyway?"

Luna shrugged. "This is still your dream; I am but a visitor."

"Well then, why are you here?"

"It appears I prevented a nightmare in the making," the dark Princess replied with a royal smirk.

"I would've figured it out!" A cocked eyebrow of disbelief shot that assertion down. "Eventually..."

"Regardless, I have done as you asked."

"You got through to Jack? How is he doing?"

"You were right to be concerned. He appears truly traumatized by the message he received, although he's very good at keeping up appearances, I believe the phrase is. He's become obsessed with finding an 'edge' with which to defeat the enemy he believes may eventually kill him."

"So what do we do?"

"I would advise you to give him his space. Let his obsession run its course: he will either discover the 'edge' he seeks and be satisfied, or eventually realize that he is overreacting to an event that may never come to pass. But if you intrude on him now, it would only aggravate him. I believe he resents that you relinquished the Elements of Harmony to revitalize the Tree, since they are the most powerful defense against threats to Equestria. At least for the moment, the more you push him, the more he'll push back."

"But how long is that? We can't just let him rot alone down there in his bunker!"

"I believe it may not be as long as you fear. That is the other reason I am here; we have another dreamer to meet with."

Luna magically pulled a book from the shelf behind her, causing it to slide open and revealing what seemed to be a classroom on the other side. It was full of foals, though there was not a teacher in sight, and all of them were laughing and jeering. At what? Twilight wondered. And then she saw it: Rainbow Dash, standing in the middle of the class, with the body of a filly and wings in full molt. Tears in her eyes, she was viciously tugging at the ground, where her hooves were stuck fast by some kind of tar. Princess Luna immediately zapped the substance with a magical beam, vaporizing it and allowing the Element of Loyalty to escape through the open bookcase and to her friends. As she ran, the molting feathers vanished and she regained her full-grown body.

"Ohmigosh thank you Princess Luna! I can't believe... Oh, wait. None of this makes sense, and you're here. I'm dreaming, aren't I?" she asked with obvious annoyance and frustration.

"What an astute observation," Luna mockingly congratulated, further aggravating Twilight. "I have brought you into a shared dream, because Jack asked me to relay a message to you."

"He did?" they asked simultaneously, surprised but hopeful all the same.

"Yes. Rainbow Dash, he told me to tell you that if you need him, the key is in your hoof."

"Just Rainbow Dash?" asked Twilight.

"Yeah," Dash replied smugly, "me and Jack are like this!" She flared her wings up, then wrapped their tips about each other and pulled them tight.

Snubbed as she felt, Twilight pressed on. "But what does that even mean?"

"Well, duh! Jack's given me the key to get into his home! I'm the one he trusts the most!"

Alright, Twilight could handle the usual Rainbow Dash brand of braggadocio, but this was becoming ridiculous. "When did he give you this key?"

"Don't you remember, it was when he... When he... Wait, when did he give me that key?"

"I think the better question is, did he give you a key at all? If you had a key to get to Jack, wouldn't you have used it by now?"

"Twilight may be right," Luna intervened. "Jack was not in a very sound state of mind when he gave me this message. It would not surprise me if he is speaking in riddles. Even so, if you somehow do have a key to get to him, I would suggest you refrain from using it just yet. If Jack is given time to return to society of his own accord, so much the better for both of you."

"Agreed," replied Twilight firmly.

"...Agreed," concluded Rainbow Dash with a sigh, much less firmly.

"Very well then, I shall keep you informed of any new developments. Now, would you like to return to your respective dreams, or shall I wake you up?"

"Yeah, if you could just go ahead and wake us up, that definitely sounds like a better option," Rainbow Dash answered hastily.

The night Rarity and the girls left Ponyville on the train to Manehatten, a number of trees disappeared from the Everfree. The now-bare ground shifted and parted, creating a massive chasm and sending woodland creatures scattering. From this opening rose a large metal platform, and from that platform rose a Comanche helicopter. It soared out over the Everfree, deployed its payload, and returned to base, all in less than 15 minutes.

Very high above the Mane 6's train, two bird-like drones, dorsal surfaces covered in solar panels, followed.

"En garde, mon capitan!"

Foils cracked against each other as two white-suited humans dueled in a stylish 18th-century English club. They exchanged advances and retreats, lunges and parries, ever-increasing in pace. But as the foils swung frantically, one of the duelists managed to land his tip dead on his opponent's chest. "Point!" he called proudly.

The two figures disengaged, backing away and removing their masks. The victor was a fresh-faced lieutenant, sweating profusely but grinning unusually wide. The other, a much older, bald Frenchman, smiled back kindly, far from a sore loser.

"Mr. Barclay, that was very impressive! You said you're self-taught?"

"Yes sir... well, I mean... I used to spend so much time on the holodeck, I figured why not learn something from it? So I started with a basic fencing tutor program, and..."

"Captain?"

A radio-like crackle interrupted Lieutenant Barclay, with a voice belonging to one Commander William Riker, second-in-command of the U.S.S. Enterprise-D.

"What is it, Number One?" Captain Picard answered.

"Captain, you may want to come to the bridge, Lieutenant Data has something you should see."

"Understood. Picard, out. I'm sorry, Mr. Barclay, I have to cut our match short."

"Of course, Captain. Um... another time, perhaps?"

"Certainly."

As Picard left the holodeck, his fencing gear was wiped away instantaneously, leaving only an immaculate Starfleet uniform beneath. A turbolift trip later, he arrived on the bridge. "What do you have for me, Mr. Data?" Without waiting for a reply, he followed the rear walkway of the room to the tactical station where the android was sitting.

"Captain, a Lieutenant Hogan reported several minutes ago that the replicator in his quarters had disappeared. Mr. La Forge dispatched an ensign to investigate his claim, and it appears that Lieutenant Hogan's replicator has indeed disappeared."

Data tapped a few commands into the computer, pulling up an image of a very standard Starfleet wall. Standard, except for the fact that a large rectangular section was completely missing. A few wire bundles dangled about in the opening, but otherwise it was a perfectly empty box, as though the replicator had been pulled out like a Jenga block.

"What in God's name..."

"I checked the security footage in Lieutenant Hogan's quarters for the past hour, and until approximately 1324 hours, it remained unoccupied."

Another image came up, showing the cabin in question, with the replicator still there. The picture came to life, as a black-jacketed figure suddenly appeared inside. He attached four small disks to the wall around the replicator, then tapped on what appeared to be a small data-pad he had produced from his pocket. And as quickly as he came, he (and the replicator) vanished.

"Someone transported onto the Enterprise, how did we not detect it?" Picard demanded angrily.

"Sir, that is impossible," Data replied with android unflappability. "We are in deep space; there is not a staging ground in range from which someone could transport aboard. However, internal sensors did detect sudden spikes in verteron particle emissions, indicating the quantum flux associated with a rip in the space-time continuum."

"So if he has the technology to do that, he can teleport himself anywhere, at any time he wants?"

"Theoretically, yes."

"Wonderful..." Picard sighed, because he really needed yet another menace to worry about.

"Captain, I was able to determine the identity of the intruder."

"Then please tell us, Mr. Data!"

"Sir, after the theft was reported, the security team investigating initiated a localized genetic scan of..."

"Today, Data!" bellowed the captain, at the end of his rope.

Data paused, affecting surprise. "I matched the foreign DNA in Lieutenant Hogan's quarters through the Starfleet database. It belongs to a 'Jack West'."

A third image appeared on the computer-screen, a large profile picture with accompanying biography in small print.

"Jack West?" asked Riker incredulously.

"Yes, a mercenary and criminal mastermind from 21st-century America. He was rumored to make use of incredibly advanced technology.

"...Including one Starfleet replicator," Picard finished, with a sense of resignation. "Move Lieutenant Hogan to new quarters until his replicator is replaced, and ask Starfleet Command to put out a fleet-wide advisory about Mr. West." He walked down toward the conn, then took a seat in his captain's chair. "But until we learn to shield against rips in space and time, I'm afraid the best we can do is hope he doesn't come back for more."

As Rainbow Dash's birthiversary approached, an invitation was left on Jack's doorstep. And on Jack's doorstep it stayed, presumably until a strong gust of wind or small animal carried it away to parts unknown. He was able to watch the festivities, however, as both of the two high-altitude surveillance drones circling Ponyville detected the large crowds gathering and alerted him. Checking in on the situation occasionally, he quickly became annoyed with the incessant polka music, and responded by muting the proceedings, turning up the Fall Out Boy, and returning to his design work.

"Back to business... geo-synchronized orbit... orbital launch platform... precision munition guidance..."

"But why do we wait, father? These ponies barely know how to defend themselves, all their land is ours for the taking!" Kamran spoke with the fire of youth, burning as passionately as the evening flames he and the Hookclaw tribal chieftain had gathered around. "My warriors are ready, and await my command; with your blessing, we could set out tomorrow morning, charge over the Great Forest and take the settlement they call Ponyville by sundown!"

"Calm yourself, my son," the wizened old griffon replied. "Just as there is a time to hunt, there is a time to eat. As we will, in time, leave for the warmth of the southern plains, we will someday after return to this, our mountain home."

Though Kamran had expected such an answer, it was none the more pleasing for its predictability. "But think of the glory, father! The first victory against the Equestrian Empire in at least a hundred moons, struck by the Hookclaw! Now is their moment of weakness, and our moment of opportunity!"

"Look around you, Kamran," the elder instructed. "These mountains grant us refuge from wind and storm, and there is fresh water and game to hunt in the valleys below. What need have we for your 'glory'?"

"Father, we aughh!" Suddenly, Kamran was struck in the head by some projectile, small but painful. He instinctively clutched at the wound with his claw, gripping it tightly to ward off its sting. "Father, what was that?"

But his father did not reply. As the young griffon prince turned, he found him laying on his side, a puddle of blood forming about his head. Though Kamran couldn't hope to understand how, he did know that his father was dead, and as such, cried out with agony into the empty mountain night.

And in response, a large metal bird, the likes of which griffonkind had never seen before, turned about and began to hover back toward Equestrian airspace. Its many small wings did not flap, but rather spun about themselves, and smoke still trailed from its long, shaft-like nose.

"Hey, uh, Jack? Ah need some help!"

Applejack pounded on his door relentlessly, disregarding the previous failures of the direct approach.

"Hello, Applejack! What can I do for you?" Jack's modulated voice replied, although he was still nowhere to be seen.

"Jack? That you?"

"Of course!... Oh, wait, I see the problem. Look up, and to your left."

She did so, and spotted a small black dome tucked in the ceiling corner of the cabin's front porch.

"Hello there! Yeah, I've got the porch wired for video and sound, so go right ahead."

"Pheww, glad yer not... I mean, sure is good to talk to you. But the Flim-Flam Brothers are back in town, and they're peddlin' snake oil to everypony!"

There was a brief pause at the other end. "Hmm, yes, I see... That is a problem. Not a Tirek-level problem, but a problem all the same... Oh, there they are! Don't worry, Applejack, I'll take care of them!"

This last phrase, stated as carelessly as it was, made Applejack realize that Jack might've taken her request the wrong way. "Whaddya mean, 'take care of them'?"

"Oh, look around back, you'll see what I mean."

She quickly circled the house, to find the trees once again disappearing and the ground opening up. Out of the garage rose a khaki-colored Humvee, which could've easily been imported straight from Afghanistan. Its motor gunned threateningly, telling the Element of Honesty exactly what Jack meant.

"Whoahboy..." She threw herself onto the vehicle, grabbing hold of the gear rack on the roof as the truck shot off. Using the momentum of a right turn to swing herself up onto the roof, she rode the mechanical bull like her life depended on it. Every bump in the road or sudden turn sent her back legs swinging about wildly, as she struggled to keep a firm grip on the metal bar. But after a near-eternity of bull-riding, the beast came to a stop, allowing Applejack to roll off the side unceremoniously, then pick herself up. They had returned to the field where the Flim-Flam Brothers were peddling their latest ware, pitching to even more customers now that they lacked a tent to pen them inside.

"Everypony clear out! You're in danger, get out of here!"

Verifying her claim were two horn blasts from behind, and two hatch-doors on the top of the vehicle opened, allowing a very large, very frightening M134 Minigun to emerge. Ponies screamed and fled in panic as it rotated toward the sales platform; even in Equestria, it was a well-known fact that you run away from big guns. Flim and Flam exchanged nervous glances.

"Brother?"

"Brother!"

They bolted for each other, hiding behind a shared magical force-field as the rotary cannon spun to life. 2000 rounds a minute shredded their display into very tiny bits, every flourish and decoration receiving a new lead aesthetic. Applejack didn't even bother to scream in fright over the chainsaw-like roar of the gun, but was able to pull Silver Shill away to relative safety. The burst of fire soon ended, though, and the Humvee pulled forward, back wheels running over the pile of brass it had deposited in its wake. But as the minigun retracted, the truck shifted into reverse gear, turning and backing toward the decimated platform. When the rear doors began to swing open, Applejack knew Jack wasn't done quite yet.

"Flim, Flam, get out of there!"

The two scrambled out of the hole in the stage their magic-bubble had sunken into, as an automated turret deployed from the rear of the vehicle. Though nopony would recognize it by name, it was rigged with a Milikor MGL grenade launcher, with several mechanical enhancements fully automating the firing process. The P.A. system from inside announced, "This show's closing early, due to criminal intent! And bad reviews." And with a motorized whir and a solitary pop, the ramshackle stage burst violently into flames. A thump as the drum magazine rotated, another pop, and the backstage area was ransacked instantaneously. The doors closed, signifying completion of the onslaught, but Flim and Flam were stunned, if not furious.

"What outrage! We are a legitimate enterprise..."

"...free to do business in Equestria as we wish!"

"Who has the utter gall to interfere with our sales..."

"...and, even worse, insult our showmanship?!"

"Show yourself, you ruffian!" they chanted in unison. And in response, the driver's door opened, revealing... an empty cockpit. The speaker mounted on the inside of the door spoke in place of the driver.

"Let's just say I'm a concerned citizen who conscientiously objects to your business practices." The voice was definitely Jack's, of that Applejack was sure, but there was an icy menace to it that caught her off guard. She had never heard him... but she had, hadn't she? The words rang back from so long ago, as she remembered herself tied up and hung from a rooftop, hidden beneath a navy mask and purple hat.

"Do me a favor, Mare-Do-Well. Hang around for a little while."

And the gap between what seemed to be so long ago and the immediate moment was closed in a heartbeat.

"So he accepted responsibility for the library break-in?"

"He did not deny it."

"Of course..." Celestia replied. She strolled over to a large plate-glass window, looking down on Canterlot by evening as she mused to herself. Freed by the privacy of the throne room, shared only with her sister, she found it much easier to think clearly. "But who else could it be?"

"It does fit with what we know. Jack told me he was looking for information on Tirek..." Luna was troubled, not by this fact but by the other name Jack had mentioned to her, and the decision he'd asked her to make. But Celestia would've stamped that idea out entirely had she brought it up, while she herself was still unsure, which is exactly why she didn't bring it up. Some things were better kept to herself, anyway. "Sister, perhaps it is time we told Equestria..."

"No." The word was definitive, murdering any sort of chance for argument or appeal. Very typical of the serious side of Celestia Luna had come to know and not-quite love. "I had those books destroyed for a reason, Luna. Tirek is powerless, imprisoned for all eternity in Tartarus; spreading his name would only sow unnecessary fear." Celestia approached her throne, pensively. "Which is why Jack's sudden and relentless interest in him concerns me."

"Twilight Sparkle told you of the message he received, did she not? He has every right to be interested in Tirek!"

"He is overreacting..."

"He is facing the possibility of his own death and the destruction of everything he cares about, including us."

Celestia sighed, at an impasse with her sister. With a few calming breaths, they restored their conversational tone.

"He is a good man at heart, and he does have his reasons. But his methods are growing out of control."

"He told me he thought Tirek would catch us off-guard, and he was looking for an 'edge' that could do the same to Tirek."

"Twilight told me he nearly killed two traveling salesponies with heavy weapons after Applejack told him about their fraudulent practices."

Luna had seen the brothers' nightmares afterward, and privately believed they had it coming. But that did not exactly become a Princess. "That is regrettable."

At such underreaction, Celestia did not believe her point was getting across. "And I believe we have already encountered one of his 'edges'." From behind the throne she pulled out a large metal bird, fixed wings swept back and covered in reflective paneling. "A guard on patrol found this circling the city at high altitude. Guards in Manehatten, Fillydelphia, every major city in Equestria, are starting to report the same thing. Jack has been keeping most of the nation under 24-hour surveillance."

But she paused after that, clearly stuck on a certain thought. Closing her eyes almost serenely, she meditated for a few moments, then suddenly snapped them open. "Including this room." With an energized flash, she telekinetically ripped a small metal spider from the wall and pinned it to the cobblestone floor. Its body was little more than a camera lens, with six legs attached around the edge. Disgusted, Celestia crushed the small robot where it lay.

And elsewhere in Equestria, a live video-feed, triggered by speech recognition of the word "Tirek", went dead. This development was met with a very loud string of curse words, and a fury-induced blast of energy from the palm of an armored gauntlet, leaving a scorch mark on whatever concrete wall it hit.

"This is too far, something has to be done!" Celestia declared, making for the balcony as though she was going to fly off and put paid to Jack herself.

"What would that be, Celestia, overpower him? You don't even know if you can!" Incensed as the Sun Princess was, Luna spoke with reason, which forced her to stop and pay heed to it. "If you and Jack waste effort trying to destroy each other, how much easier will it be for Tirek to defeat us? Something can be done, but not by a show of force!"

Celestia reflected on her options, now that the obvious military solution was out of the question. Settling on a good one or two, her voice lost its fire. "The magic of friendship has much more power than I sometimes give it credit for. When are Twilight and her friends supposed to return from that trade convention? I have a job for her."

Dammit, not ready yet!

Orbital strike platform was a failure, too large to build here, no way to get it off the ground without waking up all of Ponyville. Really a shame, I haven't put anything into orbit for a long time, and space-based missiles could definitely be useful. Can't get the same delivery speed with ballistic launches, or payload size with air-to-ground strikes. Meh, it's a lost cause. At least for now...

Oughta eat something, probably. But got to keep working, it'll have to be another snack meal. Let's see, sweet, spicy, salty, yes, salty would be nice. Jerky, sure, could use some protein anyway. And a drink, of course. Computer, a bag of Jack Link's and a can of Coke! Wow, out of Jack Links already? Scrap it... Alright then, just the Coke. Good, at least we still have that. Christ, I'm gonna have to work all these off eventually. Might as well start designing a running track down here...

Wonder if Luna made her decision yet. If she's willing, Nightmare Moon could be the most powerful ally we have. I don't believe, I don't, don't buy her evil monster theory, she's already transformed of her own free will once. When was that?... Oh yes, the, uh, Nightmare Night celebration, Twilight told me. It's like their version of Hallo...

Dammit, did I just doze off? Caffeine's not doing it, have to up the ante. Computer, do we have any Red Bull? Monster? No, didn't figure we did, never liked that stuff anyway. So what's left, alcohol? No, not going to waste my good scotch just to stay awake. Alright, have to go to the hard stuff. Computer, 20cc's of neuromuscular stimulant. Alright, let's get it over with. Here we go... Ugh, it's easier when there's someone else to do it for you. But I can definitely feel the stuff working. Ha ha, gonna live while I'm alive, I'll sleep when I'm dead! Oh, there's an idea. Computer, move music playback from headphones to overhead speakers, and increase volume to 35%! Now change track to "I'll Sleep When I'm Dead" by Bon Jovi, from album Keep the Faith. There we go! Now, back to work.

Could probably use some range time, get back in practice with the big guns. Haven't really needed to handle anything bigger than a submachine gun since I got here, and God knows where my sniping skills have gone in that time. But then again, if I want accuracy, might as well computerize it, and those sniper drones do get the job done. Really, I just need to be sure I'm good with my MP7, M1216, and... the crossbow. Shotgun and crossbow have a ton of variant ammunition loadouts, should probably go through them all, just to refamiliarize myself. Let's see, the range, one floor up and to the right...

Damn, that took too long, gotta keep planning. Computer, use the replicator to replenish all the ammunition I just used up, and I'm feeling groggy, give me 30cc's neurostim and a Dr. Pepper! God, I hate this part. Just take the shot... and knock it back, there goes. And now comes the muscle soreness, gotta take my mind off that. Up the volume to 50%, and switch over to Skillet, shuffle all songs by artist!

Endgame, what's my endgame? Endgame, endgame, endgame... If all else fails, it's just me against Tirek, what do I do? Obviously, first move is to retreat, if he's that powerful, I'm not going to stand a chance going head-on with him. Next step would be full mobilization, first aircraft then ground vehicles, faster ones going first. No watercraft of course, and the running track... Wait, what? Running track's not even off the drawing board yet, and none of this is the least bit relevant, is it? Wow, I am going crazy. But anywho, leading the charge would be the Osprey Oh wait, Osprey's not repaired yet. Whole wing got sliced off, and the rest hit the ground and exploded, yeah, that would mess it up pretty bad. Okay, new plan, leading the charge will be the A-10...

Blast it, I can't think straight with all this noise! Computer, up the volume to 75%! And switch to my 1:16 Clique playlist! So if Tirek doesn't follow me in, I'll have to use the fleet to push him towards base. Then I turn on the full defense system, hit him with literally everything I have. I'll armor up, go for the hit and run. He'll probably try and shield himself like Trixie did, so we have to go for 360-coverage with firepower, never let up. That will buy me time to launch the ballistic arsenal on him, and between the ground support and the punch those things pack, there's no way he'll be able to survive. But what if he does? If he can take every last thing I throw at him, what's the single most powerful attack I have?... No, I couldn't! Well... Actually, I guess I could.... Oh, dear. Better get to work on that, and probably ought to take another round of neurostim for good measure.

Woohoo! Day I-don't-even-know-and-don't-really-care-either of the neurostim and Dr. Pepper diet! Haven't touched a bed the entire time, not to mention how much weight I'm losing from the neurostim speeding up my metabolism! And this time, I'll keep it off. Oh wow, now I'm making jokes to myself. Or was that a reference? Or was it both? It was both. But anywho, track idea didn't work out, so I changed plans and built a treadmill. I run on a treadmill now, treadmills are cool. Really wonder why I didn't think of it before, so much more economical. But between that, improvised weight-lifting and garage gymnastics, I'm definitely staying in shape! In fact, I'm up here now, might as well fit in a handspring or two. No, I'm drinking a DP, you can't handspring and drink DP at the same time. Just gonna finish this one, crush it and throw it in the pile with the others. There we go, now I'm good to handspring. Oh, stop, no, not good to handspring, not to this song. This isn't a handspring-y song. Change it! Computer, play "Uma Thurman", and if you ask 'which one' again I will personally restore you to factory defaults, because there is only one song in the world called "Uma Thurman" and it's by Fall Out Boy and you should know that! And up the volume to... more than whatever it is now! Now then, where was I? Yes, have to handspring over to the Osprey and fix it before Nightmare Moon and the orbital strike Oh hello, there's the ground-

"The key is in her hoof. What could that mean?" Although Twilight supposed she probably should've answered this question before they literally showed up on Jack's doorstep, it did bring some mind-clearing immediacy to the problem.

"Obvious, ain't it? Jack meant he gave Rainbow Dash a key, she just didn't know he'd given it to'er."

"But if Rainbow Dash had a key," Rarity replied, "wouldn't Jack have asked her to use it to get inside when he was turned into a pony?"

"Umm, maybe it's some kind of metaphor. Not that your ideas aren't good, of course, but what if he was talking about a figurative key?"

"Ooh, ooh! I know! I bet Jack surgically implanted a key to the door inside Rainbow Dash's hoof when her back was turned! Somepony get me a scalpel!"

The intelligent conversation quickly fell apart, until one by one, the others noticed that Rainbow Dash had managed to open the door herself. "I think he meant the key was my hoof. Remember, he has that fancy scanning lock that looks at your DNA or something?"

"A biometric lock!" exclaimed Twilight. "Jack must've added your genetic material to his computer, so the lock would recognize you and let us in! Brilliant!"

"Umm, I just turned the handle and it opened," Rainbow Dash replied sheepishly, not even trying to dissect the egghead-speak. Entering, the first thing she noticed was a steady pounding in the floor, like some kind of heavy machinery at work. "Hey Jack, you home? Celestia wanted to know if you could work security for the Equestria Games!" The offer received no reply.

"He's probably downstairs; that's where all his labs and workshops are," supposed Twilight, following close behind into the front room.

"Well, how do we get there?"

And almost in reply, there was a soft ping as a set of double-doors opened in a connecting hallway. Recognizing the elevator for what it was, the Mane 6 loaded up inside, then let the doors close and began to descend. The pounding grew more pronounced, almost rhythmic, and when the doors opened to the main hangar, treble was added to the bass. It wasn't machinery, it was music. And more importantly, it was deafening. As the elevator car flooded with sound, the girls scrambled out, shocked and painfully battered by the sheer volume.

"So loud... So violent!" Fluttershy was the exception, recoiling into the back corner of the elevator until the closing doors forced her to make an escape.

"Turn this crud off!" shouted Applejack, who was no stranger to very loud noises in the past few weeks. But unlike the survivably low roar of the minigun, the song's shredding electric guitar slashed at her ears viciously. Even Pinkie found the genre less than pleasant.

"Turn it down!" cried Rainbow Dash in desperation, and surprisingly it did so, down to a bearable 15% from its previous full blast. The girls took a moment to recover from shell-shock, but it took another moment for them all to realize that they were not the only ones in the area. Sprawled out on the concrete floor, with a large brown sticky spot and upturned, long-since-gone-flat can of Dr. Pepper at his fingertips, Jack lay wide-eyed and comatose.

"Sweet Celestia..." stuttered Rarity, before the ponies sprung into action to help him. And all the while the band played on.

"Give me a shot to remember, and you can take all the pain away from me. Your kiss and I will surrender, the sharpest lives are the deadliest to lead..."

After all this time, it appeared the edge Jack had been living on had finally cut him down.

He woke with his feet pressed against the railing of a hospital bed, definitely built for a pony and definitely too small. Trying to kick his heels up, Jack found them unresponsive, as were his arms. This white sheet was practically tying him down to the bed, and he flexed any muscle he could access in a desperate bid to get free. All this managed to do was attract the attention of a nurse.

"Please, Mr. West, don't struggle. You're still recovering, physical activity would only make you backslide. Redfern, Princess Sparkle, he's awake!"

A British accent? All this time in Equestria and he had just now met a mare with a British accent. Refreshing. But suddenly the Mane 6 came streaming into the room, all relieved smiles and chatter, until the British nurse managed to calm them down.

"...What the hell happened to me?"

"Welcome to Ponyville General Hospital, Mr. West. When your friends brought you here the other day, you were deep in a coma; frankly, it's a miracle you lasted as long as you did in that condition."

"Wait, a coma?"

"Jack, Rainbow Dash got us into your cabin," interjected Twilight, "and when we came down to find you, you were passed out on the floor!"

"As I was saying, we took blood and tissue sample and ran some tests. In your muscle tissue we found heavy concentrations of toxic residue associated with the breakdown of steroids. You also appeared to be suffering from massive sleep deprivation."

"Ha, the Dr. Pepper and neurostim diet..."

"Neurostim?"

"Neuromuscular stimulant. Cool-sounding name, but at the end of the day, I guess it's a steroid like any other."

"Yes, well, thankfully we were able to magically detoxify your system, and your body appears to be healing itself now. As for your sleep issue, all that can be done for that is the combination of time and rest."

"Jack...?" Rainbow Dash asked with worry.

"Yes, yes, confession time, I suppose. Nurse, could you give us a moment?"

She ducked outside politely, leaving the seven of them alone in Jack's room.

"I've been pushing myself past normal limits for about the past week or so, working harder than ever before. Designing, building, upgrading, repairing, everything. That didn't give me a lot of time for things like sleep, and when that started taking its toll after a few days, I resorted to caffeine to keep myself awake. Eventually that quit working, so I started using neurostim. It's a chemical I developed to temporarily enhance my body and mind, so I can think and act faster than normal. That residue is the price I pay for the boost. I had to keep upping the dosage to get the same effect, and I guess I eventually overdosed. All the stress I was putting on my body came together and made me crash."

"Jack, why in Celestia's name would you do this to yourself? If we hadn't arrived when we did, you could've died down there!" Rarity chastised.

"Because I need to be ready. Any one strategy I came up with or weapon I built during the time I was down there could be the key to defeating Tirek and saving all of us. That hypercube told me that carrying on business-as-usual was not gonna cut it..."

"Jack, you stupid, stubborn, arrogant, pig-headed, scruffy-looking..." Twilight paused to catch her breath. "...At this rate, it isn't going to be Tirek that kills you, it's going to be that cube!"

The silence that followed was long and awkward, as Jack realized she had a point.

"I've been a pretty crappy friend, haven't I? Locking you all out and almost getting myself killed like that."

"That'd be one way to put it," Applejack noted.

"Well, if time itself has me scheduled to go down in a blaze of glory against Tirek, then so be it. It's not worth ruining the present trying to fight the future. As soon as I'm out of this bed, I'm going to put things back to normal and make it up to you, and that's a promise."

"Finally, some good news!" cheered Pinkie. "That's a reason for a party if I ever heard one!"

"And something I'm sure Princess Celestia would be happy to hear as well." Jack leered at Twilight with suspicion, very aware of what the monarch's sentiment toward him must've been after the destruction of his surveillance drone. "...She asked me to keep her updated on your condition- she's been as concerned as we were."

"Very good, very good..." The forgiveness must've been running thick today. "Rainbow Dash, can you go back to my place? Tell the computer a Code Omega-5 is in effect, and tell it to give you a wireless tablet to bring back to me. It's about time I got back on the grid."

"...and after a substantial period of rest and recuperation, we expect Mr. West to make a full recovery," Celestia read from the enchanted parchment. Although it was indeed a letter from Twilight, Nurse Redfern had apparently insisted on attaching a professional medical note to the end. Though somewhat redundant, it was helpful all the same.

Luna retreated from the balcony window, having surveyed Canterlot to her liking. "Excellent news, in light of the circumstances. As the nurse said, he could've died alone, had you not sent Twilight Sparkle to reach out to him."

"Yes, but it could not come at a worse time." Unable to help but shudder as she remembered the nightmare, Celestia approached her sister from the throne. "After our visions, it occurred to me that Jack may truly have been onto something. If we shared with him the information he sought, I doubt there would be a more qualified individual in Equestria to hunt Tirek. But now..."

"Who else in the world could oppose his wickedness and power?" Luna replied with the same despondency. "Cadence is too young, as are Twilight Sparkle and her friends."

"And without the Elements of Harmony, Tirek would overwhelm them. We do not have enough evidence to justify mobilizing the Guard or the Wonderbolts... What is left?"

After a bit of thought, a memory struck Luna, one she decided was finally worth sharing. "When I met with Jack, he talked about something he called a 'limit break'. According to him, we might find a method to defeating Tirek by looking beyond our usual inhibitions. I believe the phrase he was referring to is 'thinking without packaging'."

"You mean 'thinking outside the box', and while that may be the concept, I'm afraid Jack's intention was most likely far more extreme. The inhibitions he's referring to are those of morality, and we cannot..."

"Oh, morality, what a pesky little thing it is. That's why I decided to give it the proverbial boot ages ago!"

With a not-quite-as-menacing sense of deja vu, a stained-glass figure came to life once more, and the throne room echoed with that charming, serpentine voice.

"Now then, you want to think outside the box? Well think no further, ladies, because you just got there! Say hello to your very own personal limit break!"

Rainbow Dash returned the next day with a tablet and a get-well-soon card, and between the two of them it made it much easier for Jack to tolerate an otherwise murderously-boring recovery period. But after running down a checklist of plans to undo, he found 'getting back on the grid' to be more difficult than anticipated. Equestria had not yet developed internet, meaning no online journalism, and having recalled his swarm of surveillance drones, he had no way of keeping tabs on current events. Nurse Redfern was kind enough to bring by a newspaper every so often, but it was definitely a poor man's substitute. Which left him with solitaire, a nice little library of e-books, and not much else. Next time he would be sure to ask Rainbow Dash to bring him a tablet loaded with a few seasons of NCIS...

The problem with newspapers was that somepony had to report the news for it to be published. So when everypony in Fillydelphia was drained of their magic en masse, that included anypony who could do so, as well as anypony who dared investigate when the city seemed to fall off the face of Equestria. No trade, no news, no travelers, nothing. Fillydelphia might as well have been dead, and its citizens with it. As the days went by, other cities followed; Manehatten, Cloudsdale, Appleloosa... With magical omnipresence, the Princesses watched as the Tirek-Discord tag-team ran roughshod across the nation, until Canterlot and Ponyville were the only enclaves of ponykind left unmolested. They watched and planned, hoping to make the best of a hopeless situation. And all the while Jack recuperated in Ponyville General, his greatest concern being whether Ziva's replacement was up to snuff.

"Jack?"

"Nurse Redfern? What is..." It wasn't Nurse Redfern. "Princess Celestia, what can I do for you?"

"How are you recovering?"

"Slow but steady, slow but steady. I should be out by the end of the week, they say."

"I'm afraid I may need to ask you to leave sooner than that."

"What are you talking about?"

"Jack, I haven't been showing you the trust you deserve, and for that I apologize. But your theories appear to have been vindicated; Tirek has returned."

He suddenly snapped out of the daze recovery had let him linger in, battle-ready mindset taking hold once more.

"Now's not the time to hold grudges, Celestia, but I can't help you if I'm not in the loop on this. What's our situation?"

"Tirek has been draining ponies of their magical energy and using it to grow stronger. You had just started recovery, so Luna and I sent Discord to track and capture him."

"Unconventional thinking, I approve."

"Unfortunately, Tirek was able to convince Discord to return to his old ways, and now the two of them are absorbing energy from entire cities of ponies. Unicorns have no magic, pegasi cannot fly, and earth ponies have become frail and weak. Tirek has become powerful enough to drain alicorn magic, and if he gets it, there will be no force in Equestria capable of stopping him."

"So do you have a plan to protect yourselves from him?"

"Yes. Luna, Cadence and I are going to channel our magic into Twilight, so that Tirek will be unable to steal it from us. I do not believe he is aware of her ascension, and she may be able to escape his clutches."

Jack sighed with frustration; this appeared to be a no-win scenario. "It's not an endgame, but it will work for the moment. I need to get back to base and get things moving, can you do without me for one more day?" He quickly twisted, sat up and launched himself out of his bed, only to stumble awkwardly on legs that had not seen use in a while. Celestia caught him with telekinetic magic.

"You are in no condition to fight; I'm going to evacuate you to Canterlot."

"Not so fast..." Leaning back against his bed, Jack flicked a switch on the side of his tablet, allowing a compartment on the side to open and a long glass tube to fall into his palm. Inside was a phosphorescent-green liquid, and each end was capped with metal. "Before I asked Rainbow Dash to bring me this, I instructed my computer to make a few modifications. I don't believe in unnecessary vulnerability." Twisting open one of the caps, he revealed a needle's point, before jabbing into his forearm and injecting. "This is the steroid I'm sure the nurse told you about." Both of them were well aware of the risk of returning to the chemical Jack had just kicked an arguable addiction to, but the strength he was feeling spoke for itself.

"I know, I know, it's dangerous and stupid, but I don't have time to recover. Here's our strategy: proceed with your plan. When Tirek arrives in Ponyville, I'll engage him as soon as possible. If I beat him, great. If not, I'll be sure to buy you some time on the way down."

And so events continued. As the Princesses of Equestria bestowed their combined magical power onto the youngest of them, Jack sprinted to his cabin, letting every muscle surge back to life. By the time Tirek had reached Canterlot, surveillance drones had returned to the air. They picked him up as he made his way to Ponyville, and monitored his every move. Loading and arming every weapon and prepping every vehicle took time, though, even for Jack's advanced automated system, and in between coordinating battle-plans for his armada he found he could only watch as Discord betrayed his friends into Tirek's hands. It was painful, but Jack knew it would be suicide to show his hand before he was ready.

It was surprising, though not entirely unexpected, to see Tirek betray Discord in turn. But this was the last Jack could see of the situation, as the fleet was ready; now he needed to prepare himself. The neurostim injection from the hospital was still in full effect, but he strapped two smaller syringes into his belt for good measure. Combing through his personal armory, he picked out every tool and weapon he thought would serve him best. No possibility was off the table...

Blow after overpowered blow collided as Twilight and Tirek dueled in the Everfree. This was no showy battle of technique, but absolute war, a question of who could bring the most raw magical power to bear against the other; the combined powers of the sun, moon, love and friendship against the innate magical power of all of ponykind, with some chaos magic stirred in for good measure. Every charge, every blast sowed further destruction, as these two titans shrugged off attacks capable of felling mountains. In the aftermath of a crater-making beam collision, there was a mutual pause to catch their breath.

"It appears we are at an impasse..."

"Not quite!"

A new voice came from the sky, modulated but recognizable. Following it was the roar of energy thrusters and a flying, armored humanoid. Bringing his legs in under him, Jack cut the power to his flight systems and dropped to the ground, between Twilight and Tirek. He was encased in shadowy-silver plate armor, red-tinged white energy running along it from the core at his chest like exposed veins. Another human would've called the suit an Iron Man knockoff, which wasn't all that far from the mark, actually, but Equestria had yet to see the likes of Tony Stark. Besides, knockoff implied lower quality. This suit was all kinds of improvement on the original.

"Twilight, run for it! I'll hold him off!"

She beat a hasty airborne retreat, while Tirek laughed arrogantly. "You think you can defeat me?"

"Maybe, maybe not, but I'm dying to find out."

With a jet-powered assist, Jack leapt up to the level of Tirek's head and hit him square between the eyes with a repulsor blast. As he cried out in shock and clutched at his face, Jack soared skyward, settling into a holding pattern well out of his enemy's reach. Energy beams then rained down from above, striking Tirek on every side as he swatted blindly. But when his eyes opened, he saw and locked onto Jack immediately, smiting him out of the air with a burst of magical power. Jack stabilized as he fell, landing on both feet and with one hand out to form a tripod. He then ran forward, leaping up to dropkick Tirek in the chest, and his boot thrusters fired on impact to add even more force to the hit.

The jet force threw Jack away, but he landed on his feet once more, faced the centaur and let loose a relentless barrage of repulsor fire. Tirek brought his massive arms up to absorb most of the shots, before charging forward like they weren't even hitting. He reached out and grabbed Jack with one hand, lifting him up and crushing him at the same time. But the armored warrior brought his left hand up, and a panel on his forearm popped out, then slid forward. A fiery blast erupted from the nozzle on its front edge, scorching Tirek and forcing him to let go. As Jack took flight, Tirek wiped away the flames with a cleansing wave of magic.

"Haha! You are crafty, little man! If you surrender now, I just might let you live to tell the story!"

"How about no?"

Bringing his palms up and together at an angle, Jack fired off two simultaneous energy blasts. On collision with each other, they produced a brilliant flare of light, like he was holding a miniature sun between his hands. With the monster distracted, he made a jet-leap retreat, then took steady footing and opened up his right shoulder in the front. From it shot a powerful micromissile, which hit Tirek square in the chest and exploded, kicking up smoke and dust. But as this cloud began to dissipate, Jack lost sight of Tirek, at least until he came straight at him with a punishing right haymaker. There was enough of an uppercut in it to send him flying, deep into the Everfree.

"Now then, where was I?"

Twilight, who had been watching from the clouds, swooped down to attack. She let off another magical energy blast, which Tirek deflected with a force-field.

"Yes, Princess Twilight! How about a trade?"

Above his head suddenly materialized a ring of bubbles, each containing one of the Mane 5, as well as Spike and Discord.

"Your friends, for all the alicorn magic in Equestria!"

Realizing what might happen, everypony began pleading with Twilight not to give in for their sake. Indeed, it would've been illogical to do so. But Twilight Sparkle was the Princess of Friendship, and sometimes friendship didn't make sense. "Deal." Tirek snapped his fingers, and the bubbles popped, releasing the Mane 5 and Spike. "All of my friends."

Tirek chortled. "Even after he's betrayed you, you still call him friend? Pitiful. But as you wish, Princess." The last bubble burst, allowing Discord to crawl away. "Now it's your turn."

With agonizing guilt, Twilight presented herself before him, allowing him to bleed her dry of every bit of magic she had been entrusted with. She was barely able to stand as it was finished.

"Hahaha! Nothing in Equestria can stand against me now!" But Tirek cut himself short to hear the returning shriek of repulsor-jets. "Unfinished business..."

Jack touched down more slowly this time, armor scuffed up but otherwise none the worse for wear. "You didn't think I would be beaten that easily, did you?" His voice had an electronic stammer to it, but bringing up both palms and loosing a barrage of energy blasts spoke for itself. Tirek took each shot without flinching, advancing steadily under fire.

"You should've taken my offer, mortal."

Blasting magic from his horns, he shot out one of Jack's gauntlets, causing him to stagger sideways. And without skipping a beat, Tirek reached out, wrapped Jack's head inside his massive palm, and squeezed. The armor suddenly became very limp, and as he let go, it collapsed, helmet literally flattened into two dimensions. Imagining a human body inside, it was a gruesome image.

"No! Jack!" screamed Twilight, and the Mane 6 hugged each other tight, their last hope having seemingly been snuffed out. But suddenly, Jack rolled over, onto his stomach, and climbed back to his feet. A mechanical hand reached up, as several fastenings around the neck popped loose, and ripped off the mutilated helmet. There was nothing underneath.

"WHAT?!"

"Do you really think I'd be stupid enough to attack you head-on?"

This was the same voice, though far quieter and more natural-sounding than before. It also came from above, revealing that while Tirek had been fighting an empty suit of armor, a freshly-refurbished V22 Osprey had taken position over the Everfree. Its rear bay door hung open, and on the edge sat Jack in the flesh, tapping away at his tablet computer. "Remember that trick, Applejack?" The headless warrior backed away, then spun quickly around, wrapping its arms around the tight-knit group of ponies (and not-ponies). And with the revving of a spatiotemporal rip engine, they were all warped away to the relative safety of Jack's cabin.

"Alright, Tirek, it's just you and me!"

The Osprey's bay door closed up, it rotated in place, and deployed both weapons and P.A. system. The shout of angry electric guitars echoed down, only to find itself fighting for aural dominance with incoming energy-jet turbines. The Osprey made an aerial sidestep, getting out of the way of an A-10 Warthog which strafed the hell out of Tirek with rockets and minigun fire. He cried out, bringing up a shield to protect himself, but as he dropped it to counterattack, he found himself under attack by the Osprey's nose-mounted cannon and missile batteries. This was added to by the staccato of turret-fire from the belly, forcing him to restore his force-field.

The Osprey was soon joined by a Comanche attack helicopter, laying down a second stream of continuous fire as the A-10 came around for another pass. But as it came overhead, the centaur was able to channel a blast of magic through his shield, cooking off an unfired missile on its wing and blowing the whole assembly off the craft. It spiraled away and down into the forest, finding oblivion as it experienced uncontrolled flight into terrain. Jack frantically sent the Comanche to orbit around his foe and create a 360-degree field of fire, forcing Tirek to divide his attention.

"Impudent fool!"

He launched another beam attack, targeting Jack's command craft, but just before it reached the fuselage its tip exploded perpendicularly, having collided with a dark red energy shield. And if that weren't bad news enough, the cavalry had arrived. Over the forest flew a veritable swarm of drones, spreading out and encircling Tirek as they arrived. Some, more sleek and jetlike, fired missile upon missile as they flew about him, while others, equipped with vertical-tilt turbines, came to a hover and opened up with high-caliber machine guns. As each projectile was shot, reverse-engineered replicator technology produced another to take its place. And on the ground, a convoy of Humvees broke through the treeline and charged ahead. In their wake followed less rough-and-tumble ground vehicles, Aston Martins, BMWs, Jaguars, all incredibly out of place in the rough-edged military chaos. But regardless of make or model, each one took its place around Tirek and deployed every weapon in its arsenal.

The Mane 6 and company materialized in Jack's front room, along with their automaton guardian. As they picked themselves up from what had been dirt and was now area rug, the suit walked into the nearby elevator, presumably to go get itself a new head. "Jack saved us," observed Rarity, "and now he's alone against Tirek!"

Discord couldn't help but feel that this was entirely his fault, and though he knew it was actually closer to 75%, that quarter of not-guilt didn't really do much for him. "I was such a fool..." he muttered mournfully. "I used to have friendship and magic, but then I sold out one for the other, and now I've lost them both." For once in his very long life, all facades had fallen away and he was completely earnest, a broken and bleeding soul too pained to lie.

"Princess Twilight, you gave me my freedom when I had given you every reason not to. Without my powers, there's not much I can offer you in return, but there is this." He pulled the triangular medallion from his neck, and offered it to her in an open paw. "Tirek lied to me when he said this represented his loyalty and our friendship, but when I tell you it is a token of my gratitude for your compassion and kindness, I am telling the truth. I will never be so foolish again..."

Twilight took the trinket from him, but as she held it up to inspect, noticed a very familiar almost-rainbow shimmer. "This has to be the last key!"

"Key?"

"We've got to get back to the Tree of Harmony!" Rainbow Dash exclaimed. "It could be our only chance to beat Tirek!"

The audiovisual intensity of Jack's all-out assault on Trixie seemed like absolutely nothing compared to what had developed now. The streams of glaringly bright tracer rounds were starting to blend together, a massive circular wave of sustained fire. Missiles would get lost in the radiance, only to reappear upon detonation, blasting smoke and metal shards against Tirek's shield.

Raining spent brass from its three-barrel autocannon, the Comanche attack chopper backed away to avoid turbulence. It was literally at the peak of its offensive capability, no weapon left to deploy, short of kamikaziing into its target.

A pack of quadrotor drones continued to scramble about in the air, guns locked on Tirek no matter where they went. Precision computerized guidance allowed them to nearly clip wings while still maintaining stable flight.

On the ground, a green Jaguar XKR had deployed a minigun from its rear compartment, as well as missiles concealed behind the grille and inside the doors. But these were almost inconsequential compared to the rockets being launched next door, from the heavy-duty SAM turret mounted on the roof of a desert-camo Humvee.

Altogether, it was almost too much for Jack to keep track of. But thankfully, he had programmed the AI with enough sense to know what "fire everything" meant. Without ammunition to be immediately concerned about, he wondered which would burn out first: the replicators, the guns or the vehicles themselves. Tirek, however, was not going to give him the chance to find out.

"ENOUGH!"

He reached up with both arms, producing a starburst of magic from between his horns. It expanded outward, knocking back whatever it hit and downing most of the drone swarm. This also exposed one of the biggest weaknesses of Jack's fleet: its complexity. In most situations, a high-caliber machine gun would only need a few seconds' fire to decimate a target, and missile batteries would be used sparingly, to say nothing of being emptied and reloaded multiple times. Suffice to say, each vehicle was being put under a ridiculous degree of stress, and Tirek's attack was enough to trigger the failure of numerous already-weakened systems. Though the Osprey's energy-shield dampened the attack considerably, Jack still realized its effect through the vehicles' digital telemetry.

"Christ, mass systems failure!.. Anything not already out of the game is about to be if we try to attack again." He punched in a few commands to his tablet, signaling every craft still mobile to retreat; all he had left now was the endgame. And as he looked out across the western horizon, he saw the first move of that game arriving now.

"Attaaack! For the glory of Hookclaw!"

Tirek turned to face the new voice, which belonged to the leader of a group of flying figures coming in over the Everfree. He had drained everypony in Equestria of their magic, what pegasi could be left to oppose him? But they weren't pegasi, they were griffons, and the nomadic warrior variety no less. They swarmed down on him, hitting and running with all manner of exotic blades as he swatted at them madly. "I will massacre you!"

Back in the Osprey, Jack sent one more command; increase aggression. He then pulled a lever to open up the rear door, and flipped a switch to reveal a spool of rappelling cable from the floor. Meanwhile, Tirek had telepathically ripped the Hookclaw warriors off and was holding them aloft, ready for draining. But he was interrupted by a volley of MP7 fire from Jack, descending on a line from the back of the Osprey. Kamran took advantage of this distraction to thrash himself free, and as Jack reloaded, the ascended griffon prince flung himself onto Tirek, clawing violently at his face. But the centaur quickly reached up and pulled him off, crushing his ribcage in his grip before flinging him down and trampling him underhoof.

Pulling on the rappelling line overhead to bring his feet down, Jack rattled off another clip one-handed. Undeterred, Tirek quickly sucked the life-force out of the remaining griffons, then returned his attention to his main enemy. But in that time, a silver Aston Martin Vanquish had pulled up, and Jack had landed not on the ground, but on its roof. He unclipped from his line, ducked into the open sunroof, and the car promptly sped away.

"You cannot escape me!"

The Vanquish roared back down the path it had arrived by, with Tirek tearing up the forest in hot pursuit. Though the massive beast probably had an incredible running speed, the numerous obstacles he was forced to smash through made it a struggle to keep up with the unimpeded supercar. Now comfortable in the driver's seat, Jack was about to engage the active camouflage system when he stopped himself. No, need Tirek to follow me, need him to see me... It was a good thing he had, because coming along the same path from the opposite direction, the Mane 6 and Discord would've found it exponentially harder to get out of the way of an invisible car.

After a short, relatively uneventful chase through the Everfree (the Vanquish's weapons systems were all offline), Jack saw its edge approaching; his base was less than a minute away at this speed. "Computer, open the hangar doors!"

"Hangar doors open."

"Great, now engage all perimeter defenses, lock onto pursuing hostile!"

As they approached, even more miniguns and missile batteries emerged from all manner of concealment. Some were built into the cabin, others hidden under holographic vegetation, and others just popped out of the ground. They opened fire as soon as Tirek was in range, but he smited each one down with a fiery magical beam in a matter of seconds. Now in attack mode, he launched another such beam at Jack's Aston Martin. It was much less effective, thanks to a familiar dark-red energy shield. That was really starting to become annoying.

Jack jumped the path and offroaded to the back of his cabin, finding the hangar doors to indeed be open. They had left a massive chasm where the ground once was, opening up underground facilities to the evening sunlight. Knowing he didn't have time for the platform, he floored the Vanquish's accelerator and jumped over to the passenger seat. The British car promptly plummeted over the edge, into the empty hangar below, at which point Jack hit another button inside the central console. Almost in slow-motion, the canopy above him was swept back, and the seat below shot out, flinging him clear of the soon-to-be wreck. Though tumbling and skidding across the hangar floor was not a pleasant experience, it certainly beat the faceplant (or hood-plant, you might call it) the Vanquish had endured. Dammit, that was one of my favorites!

Tirek reached the edge of the opening, spotting the crashed vehicle and Jack below. Jumping down, he began to charge magic for what was sure to be the killing blow. "Now you die, and Equestria shall be mine!" Jack stood up to face him, arms spread open like he was truly ready to meet his maker.

"What about my last words?"

"There is nothing you can say that would have any meaning to me."

"Humor me."

"...Very well. As a respected adversary, I will honor that final request. What are your last words?"

"Oh, nothing too terribly interesting. Just activate Code Omega-Null, password 'Sound of Drums'!"

Suddenly, every light in the hangar went red, and a painfully loud klaxon alarm rang. Startled, Tirek swooped forward, snatching Jack up and holding him at eye-level. "What have you done?!"

"My tech is powered by a high-yield nuclear fusion reactor, just one floor down from here. Code Omega-Null will cause it to experience catastrophic meltdown, by a process I honestly do not remember at all. But I do know that it will make a very. Big. Boom. Even you won't survive it."

"You underestimate my power!"

"Maybe, but even if you don't die the fallout will spread across Equestria. And then, even if the radiation poisoning doesn't kill you, you'll have nothing but a barren, dead wasteland to rule over."

Tirek realized Jack was completely serious, and for the first time in a very long time he was frightened. "You don't dare, you'll be killed too!"

"I know. Omega-Null, the end, nothing left." There was a cold, suicidal determination in his voice, which was quickly taken over by devil-may-care cavalierism. "But all bad things must end, I suppose." Suddenly, the klaxon ended, replaced by the appropriate Motley Crue guitar riffs. "Oh yeah, this is the countdown! When this song ends, we all go up in flames. Sorry, I was a bit loopy when I made Code Omega-Null."

You saw this coming like a freight train, you motherfuckers saw the writing on the wall...

Enraged, Tirek squeezed even harder, though Jack seemed not to notice. "Tell me how to stop it!"

"Give up. Restore all the magic you've stolen, every last drop, and I will abort the countdown. That's the deal, big boy, take it or leave it."

Tirek glared bullets at Jack, but he just smirked back, as though even in defeat he had still managed to win. After a few seconds, Tirek hurled him away in frustration, sending him crashing into a workbench.

"I will survive. Better to rule a wasteland than go back to Tartarus in chains."

All bad things must end, all bad things must die, even the devil's gotta pay for his crimes...

The monster turned to pull himself out of the hangar, while Jack brushed the table's contents off him and stood up, only to pick up some of those same contents, inspired. "Hey, Tirek!" As Tirek looked back, he saw a small metal disc flying right at him. Chuckling to himself, he shot it down with a beam of magic, only for it to explode in his face. The ensuing concussion and smoke concealed from him a grapnel line soaring over his shoulder and wedging itself into the edge of the retracted overhead door. A second later, Jack winched up the cable at incredible speed, catapulting onto his enemy.

"Gotcha!"

Crawling about Tirek's neck with gymnastic agility, he kicked and punched at whatever vulnerable area was in range. But familiar with this style of attack after dealing with the griffons, Tirek pulled him off telekinetically before he could get in more than a few blows.

"Enough! You have been a thorn in my side for far too long! Now I end you!"

It's been one hell of a ride, it's been one hell of a night, it's been a damn good life, this ain't farewell, it's goodbye.

But just as he said this, the evening sunlight behind him became very intense, not to mention polychromatic. Six familiar, but now rainbow-colored (and very marketable) ponies appeared above; the Mane 6 had mega-evolved. "How is this possible?! You have no magic!"

"You're wrong, Tirek! I may have given you my alicorn magic, but I carry within me the most powerful magic of all!" Twilight replied, before firing down a beam of pure white energy which enveloped Tirek and stripped away, layer by layer, his absorbed power. While all this 'friendship is magic' hokiness was going on, Jack had ducked away to a computer console and was proceeding through the lengthy disarmament sequence for Code Omega-Null. All the while he gratefully pondered just how he had managed to not die, and when he hit the final key to stop the fusion meltdown, the lighting returned to normal but the music did not stop. Chuckling at this error in his programming, he hummed along, only to burst out laughing at the delicious irony of the song's last words.

All bad things must die!

And then Jack promptly collapsed and blacked out.

Cleanup from this turn of events was going to be hell. Although the Tree of Harmony had seen fit to replace Twilight's library with a massive crystal treehouse-palace, it showed no such courtesy to Jack's battered fleet of drones, aircraft and fancy cars. So after a day or two of obligatory bed-rest, it fell to him to recover and repair every asset he had deployed. While most had been able to retreat when the order was given and were being restored in the garage, some unlucky few were still left in that clearing in the Everfree. That was where Jack was, wiring up wreckage to be airlifted out by the Osprey. It was quiet, dull work, waiting for the assault-craft-turned-cargo-crane to make its round trip, but almost on cue, he spotted the Mane 6 coming down the pathway to ease his boredom.

"Hello, girls! I'm afraid you couldn't have picked a less interesting occasion to visit."

"Oh, we don't mind!" Pinkie beamed. "We just came to keep you company!"

"Besides, the movers are quite busy inside that new castle of ours, so it seemed like the perfect chance for a quick excursion," Rarity chimed in.

"Well, I've got time to kill until the Osprey comes back, why not?"

"What exactly is it you're doing out here?" asked Twilight.

"After battling Tirek, some of my cars and aircraft took damage that kept them from returning themselves to base." He picked up the multi-barrel assembly of his Jaguar's minigun, which had been torn loose by the magical blast, and placed it carefully in the passenger seat. "So I'm using the Osprey to airlift them out of here. And here it comes now!"

The girls noticed the growing whupwhupwhup of propellers, and looked up to see Jack's favorite aircraft overhead. It did an aerial u-turn, then lowered a winch cable down. The bottom section was actually four separate cables, and as they touched the ground and slacked out, Jack took one over to the far corner of the Jaguar. Going down to his knees, then onto his back, he magnetically locked it onto the underbelly, slid out and stood up.

"It's important to hook these cables in just the right place..." he told them (and himself, to a degree) as he repeated the process, "so that the strongest sections of the frame are bearing the weight. Otherwise, one might just pull whatever it's attached to loose, increasing the strain on the other three. And if they all come loose..."

"Splat," Rainbow Dash finished.

"Exactly. And now that this last one's in, we should be set to go." Jack gripped the connector that brought all four lines together, and pressed a button on its side. In response, the slack was pulled out and the winch began to retract, lifting the Jaguar slowly but surely. The pace increased shortly, but this was due to the Osprey itself gaining altitude, and soon the two were well above the Everfree treeline and flew out of sight. Jack wandered about the site, stepping carefully over the wreckage of drones.

"I'm not sure what to do about these, since they're a bit too small to airlift. But apart from them and that Humvee, I think..." He poked his head around the truck he had just referenced, expecting either another damaged sports car or empty flatland. What he found was neither of those. "Oh my God..."

There were at least five of them. They just laid in the dirt, tribal tattoos adorning their dry, pale-grey skin. Roughly-hewn iron bracers and leather necklaces holding arrowheads and animal teeth hung loosely, several sizes too large for the withered flesh they covered. Feathers were already beginning to fall off; soon, the bodies would decompose, leaving only skeletal remains. Something hit Jack at that moment, like a truck he had somehow forgotten to step out of the way of. The girls followed him to see what he had found, although a part of his mind was desperately urging him not to let them.

"Yes, very unpleasant. Without proper magic to drain, it appears Tirek simply sucked the life right out of them instead. Quite an odd coincidence, though, that these griffons would show up and attack, just as he had you on the proverbial rrrropes."

This r-trilling voice was a new one, belonging to a small pegasus with a Panama hat and question-mark-handled umbrella. As the seven of them looked his way with surprise, he pushed off the tree he had been leaning against and strolled over, nonchalantly.

"Ah, Doctor," Jack replied, with a bittersweet taste to his words. "Where were you when we didn't need you?"

"Discord marooned me and my fellow selves in a time loop," Seven answered irately. "And he could only release us when he had his magic back."

Twilight interrupted their passive-aggressive standoff. "Jack, how did these griffons end up here? They haven't tried to invade Equestrian soil in decades!"

"Yes, Hookclaw griffons are a very proud race, and just as xenophobic. Even I would've found it difficult to persuade them into an alliance. How did you manage to succeed?"

Jack realized another truth would have to come out. He stepped over to the particulary battered corpse of Kamran, their leader, and reached down, feeling around his head for a wound that would've just healed by the time the griffon died. Locating it, he drew a knife, then made a quick, deep cut. He pulled from inside a small metal tubule, no thicker than a pencil or longer than his pinkie. In short, around the same size as a bullet.

"With this, Doctor." But he pocketed the implement and cut himself short to begin attaching cables to the Humvee. "Meet me back at the cabin." He then hooked in the last line, pressed the button and climbed quickly into the driver's seat, shutting the door just as it left the ground.

An Osprey ride and a TARDIS trip later, they reconvened in Jack's garage, where the wreckage of the Vanquish had long since been tidied up and the floor was once again filled with fast, powerful vehicles. Jack himself was busy working at a computer workstation, some odds and ends collected on the desk beside him. Seven led the Mane 6 out of the police box, getting his bearings and then finding Jack. "You were saying?' the Doctor beckoned as they approached. Jack held up two familiar black books in response.

"The Rani left quite a thick pile of notes here, Doctor. Some of her developments were far too complex for even me to understand, but others were just simple enough to reverse-engineer. Like this." He set the books down and picked up the bloodstained capsule. "Implanted near the brain, it secretes chemicals that stimulate the production of certain hormones."

"Creating emotions that shouldn't be there," Seven noted with contempt. "How very Rani."

Jack continued regardless, emotionally shut down. "Would-be conquerors of Equestria focus on subduing ponykind almost exclusively, so I decided to look for reinforcements elsewhere. My surveillance drones picked up on the tribe's situation, and I decided to use it to my advantage. It was almost cliche: Kamran was all too eager to invade Equestria, only held back by his pacifist father, the tribe leader. I stuck the implant in him, then... removed his father from the picture, so that Kamran could inherit his role. With a spike in chemicals to elevate his aggression and pride, I could count on him to charge into Equestria, ready for battle. Manipulating him from there would've been child's play."

Twilight and her friends were awestruck and frightened at such cruelty. "Jack..." she stammered, "...how could you?"

"They died so I could defeat..." He tried to finish, but the words would not come; in fact, the only thing that was coming to him was an emotional trainwreck he had been fighting off since he found the bodies. "Tir... Tir... Oh my God, I-I...I killed him." Shock, fear, sorrow and shame were all running thick now, as the Doctor was the only one still able to maintain stoicism. "I killed him, so I could send them to their deaths... I made them all die for me." Jack's breaths were becoming short and choppy, as he turned back to the desk and buried his head in his arms, before pounding it with a grunt of frustrated rage.

"Go to him," whispered Seven to the Mane 6. "If you are his friends, now is the time to show it." And go to him they did, swamping him in a massive group hug of shared tears and forgiveness. Whatever had been done, whatever the future brought, they would get through it together. He thanked them as he stood back up, then eyed the Doctor. "But there's still a loose end or two to tie up." Jack drew his iPhone and began to tap in commands, over a period of about fifteen seconds. He then pocketed it, and picked up the Rani's notes files and the hypercube from the desk.

"I believe these are better off in your hooves, Doctor." He handed the books to Seven, who tucked them safely under his wing. "And this. You know what to do with it?"

"Are you sure about this, Jack?"

"Completely." He handed the hypercube over as well. Seven tipped his hat to the mares, then returned to his TARDIS.

"Good to see you all again. Another time, perhaps."

And with a closed door and a vworpvworpvworp, he was gone.

"...and the human, Jack West. Yes, I shall find his death particularly gratifying."

The cracked old voice slithered over every syllable, relishing the ideas it articulated. And deep in the bowels of Tartarus, those ideas were what Tirek lived on. He nursed them and let them fester, dreaming and scheming of his eventual, inevitable revenge. Figuring out how to escape would take time, yes, but that did not concern him. If there were two things he had in abundance, they were hatred and time.

Unfortunately for Tirek, he had not taken any of that time to notice the four black studs that had been attached around his upper torso. In fact, he only realized they were there when an indicator light on one of the front two discs began to blink red. That blinking meant the disc was receiving a long-range activation signal, marking the target of a space-time rip engine. And as that engine fired, it opened a portal between the studs.

In a cell deep in the pits of Tartarus sat Tirek. Well, Tirek, minus a large cubic chunk of everything between the shoulders, head included.

Seven's TARDIS drifted through the Time Vortex, aimless. But then the Doctor started fiddling with the controls, looking for a particular time and place. He didn't begin to fly the TARDIS in, though; instead, he took a look at the coordinates, and compared them with the hypercube's. They were a perfect match. But in light of what he had just seen, a second guess was almost obligatory.

"Sometimes, in the name of the greater good, sacrifices must be made," the Time Lord declared resolutely. On the scanner, he could see his predecessor and eventually successor guarding the door of a log cabin, mouthing off to each other animatedly. He checked to be sure the shields were up, then opened the doors of the TARDIS. Holding up the hypercube, he brought his hoof down and let it float in front of him, before pushing it out with the point of his umbrella. He closed the door and checked the scanner again. There it was, right at Jack's front door, ready to be received.

It began and ended with that cube.

Dazzled

"Yeah, Broken Crown Halo is definitely one of my favorites. They took everything they did right in Dark Adrenaline and kicked it up to the next level."

Behind the counter at a second-hand music store, a perky-goth cashier evaluated the top few selections of a customer's sizable stack of CDs. Lacuna Coil was one of her personal favorites, so she jumped on it first as she rang them up. But the rest, well... The place was known for its variety, sure, but this was something else. Lecrae's Anomaly, on top of New Jersey by Bon Jovi, with the latest Red album, Of Beauty and Rage, beneath.

"Wish I could tell you more about the rest, but..."

"No, no, it's fine, my tastes are all over the place. But that's what I like about this place, the selection. Puts Target and Best Buy to shame, I'll tell you that."

He pulled a leather wallet from his windbreaker, and from that a credit card to pay with. She swiped it, only to watch the transaction go through at incredible speed, especially for their low-budget computer system. Handing the man his card back, she cut the stack of CDs up into small groups and began to bag them. Too bad she didn't earn commission, she would've made bank off this guy!

"That, and it's close to home," he added as he grabbed the bag and started toward the door. "Well, thanks for your help, have a nice day!" The man stepped outside, walked to his black Hummer H3, then jumped in and started up the engine.

A soccer mom having a particularly unpleasant morning trudged along in the parking lot, looking for that elusive opening in the sea of cars. But when she took a second look at the row to her right, she saw a conveniently-located space just waiting for her. Pulling her Suburban in with downright joy, she put it in park, then wondered to herself: wasn't there a Hummer here before?

The suspension took a jolt as the Hummer's wheels dropped to the hangar floor. The rip engine always brought him back an inch or so too high, but still, better too high than too low. Jack stepped out, combing through his new acquisitions with delight. While they were uploaded to the computer, he could unload the bulk order of groceries from the trunk.

"Jack! Hey, Jack! There you are!"

Unloading groceries would have to wait, apparently.

"Pinkie, what are you doing down here?"

"Looking for you, of course! Whatcha got there?"

"Just some new music from home, nothing too terribly interesting. But what do you need?"

"Oh, it's not me who needs you, it's Twilight! She says she wanted your help with something."

Guilt and self-doubt ripped into him. "Are you sure? I mean, sure, I'd be happy to, but after what happened with Tirek..."

"Oh, phooey on that! It's a brand new day in Equestria, and the past is gone forever. Besides, I promised you a villain song, and I'm going to deliver on that promise!"

What? How did she...? Oh wait. It's Pinkie, of course she'd know.

"What the hay, you talked me into it. Computer, rip these CDs for me, and take care of the groceries as usual, please and thank you." Jack moved to his central computer and began typing in orders. "Let me just program the rip engine for another trip..." As the calculations went through, he pulled each disc from its case and fed them one-by-one into a slot on the control panel. Pinkie was already at his side, ready for the trip. "That's that, and... here, we, go!"

A portal opened beneath them, and they fell through to the crystal floor of Twilight's throne room. Well, at least Jack hit the crystal floor. Pinkie, on the other hoof, made it to the crystal ceiling. "Whoops! Got my directions mixed up again." A quick personal gravity inversion brought her back down to earth. Around them stood the rest of the mildly-confused Mane 6.

"Jack! Glad you could make it," greeted Twilight.

"Sure, it's about time I got out for some fresh air. Now then, what have you got for me?" Jack clapped his hands together and steepled them, almost ravenous for a new challenge.

"I got a message from Sunset Shimmer, it appears we're needed back at Canterlot High."

"Remind me to pack my genetic stabilizer. What's the situation?"

"I was just telling everypony else, it looks like we're dealing with sirens..."

Having gone back home to pack, Jack arrived just as Twilight powered up her magitech creation. A mission briefing later, the group assembled in front of the mirror gateway. He was sporting a new look, a black leather jacket over olive-green undershirt, and dark blue jeans beneath. With a voluminous black backpack slung over his shoulder, he certainly looked ready.

"Do you have your genetic stabilizer, Jack?" Twilight asked. Pulling his right arm out of his jacket, Jack showed off his new design; instead of the circuit-board sandwich, this one was a band of synthetic fabric going around his bicep, with four long, half-oval pods spaced equidistantly around it. Their metal shells were rimmed with blue fluorescent light.

"Thanks to the Rani's tutelage, rebuilding this thing turned out to be a breeze. No more big scary nails or exposed wiring."

"And thanks to the spell I rigged up, now we can go through the portal as we please."

"Perfect. I may want to come back later, pick up supplies depending on what we find. But for now, I suppose I'm ready as I'll ever be."

And with a quick sharing of farewells and good-lucks, Jack, Twilight and Spike made for the portal. "So this is a battle of the bands, you said?.."

The Humane 6 (Sunset Shimmer now included) had gathered at the base of the statue in front of CHS, hoping their message had made it through. Each was dealing with boredom in their own way, but as friends, they were unified in that boredom. And they were unified in excitement when Twilight and Spike came charging through the portal at breakneck pace. "Twilight!" But they were also unified in shock and fear when Jack stepped through behind her, far more controlled.

"It's the Master!" Sunset shouted. "Twilight, the Master followed you through the portal!"

"I got him!" Rainbow Dash charged and leapt up into a flying kick. Barely having time to recognize that he had been misidentified, and that the wardrobe change was indeed for nothing, Jack reacted to the attack on instinct. Locking his right arm out, he met Dash's heel with his palm, seeming to hold her in midair for a split-second. He then threw her backwards and to the ground, losing his icy-fury expression as the blood-red color faded from his eyes.

"I'm afraid we weren't properly introduced after our last encounter, but I am not the Master. At least, not anymore."

"This is Jack West, he's a friend from Equestria," Twilight affirmed, stepping to his side. "Remember, I told you about how the Master had taken over his body." They nodded, with unequal levels of understanding, but indeed remembering Twilight's older gentleman friend who liked to live dangerously.

"Glad to know I made such a memorable first impression."

"I can relate," Sunset replied quietly, with just a hint of bitterness.

"But anyway," Twilight continued, "yes, we're back, and I'm afraid I have some bad news about those girls."

"Quick, to the Shake Shack!" declared Pinkie, to the rest of the group's surprise. "What? Bad news always goes down better with a good milkshake, right?"

"Yes, well, it's been a pleasure, ladies," Jack interrupted, sensing it was time for him to fly. "I'm going to go inside and try to ingratiate myself with the faculty. I'm obviously too old to pass for a high school student, but a charming young teacher? A much easier stretch of the imagination, wouldn't you say?"

"Oh, most certainly," replied Rarity dreamily, somewhat charmed herself. But she was able to snap herself out of it before anyone else caught on. "There's a social tonight for all the bands competing, in the gym at 6. We can meet you there."

"Sounds like a plan. Oh, and just to keep up with naming conventions, I'll be going by Jack of All Trades, cool? Good. See you then." And spinning on his heels, Jack made for the front doors, eyeing their newly-replaced locks with a chuckle.

Jack strolled down the halls of Canterlot High with his usual own-the-place confidence, exploiting the natural human aversion to making trouble; if he acted like he belonged here, no one would question him. His mind, however, did not reflect his body language, as a million questions ran through his head. Passing as a teacher had been his plan for a cover when he first visited this world, but things happened too fast and he never needed to break it out. Precious details of the story were still left unfilled.

Teacher of what, exactly? Have to teach something particular, some subject. Where am I from? Let's see, Canterlot High School, so there must be common ground with Equestria's geography, that's good. Can't say I'm from Canterlot, they'll expect me to have local knowledge, pick somewhere else. Hmm...Fillydelphia, yeah, keep it simple. How long have I been here? Mmm, a year, yes, a year. Not old enough they'd expect to have met me by now, but any sooner and they'd be suspicious. Got to

"Excuse me, I don't believe I've seen you around here. Are you a teacher?"

Oh crap, it's Celestia! Just run with it, stay calm and confident.

"Yes, actually, name's Jack of All Trades. I teach shop."

"I didn't know Canterlot High had shop classes. Do you teach anything else?"

"Yes, um, computer science, and a bit of engineering."

Principal Celestia was hesitant, on the edge between acceptance and suspicion. All she needed now was a good shove in the right direction. "I feel like I've seen you somewhere, but I just can't put my finger on it. Do you do anything else?"

What else do teachers do? Hmm... Coaching! Yes, extracurriculars add depth!

"I'm a coach for the Canterlot High swim team."

"Canterlot High doesn't have a swimming pool," Celestia deadpanned.

Crap. Couldn't have seen that one coming. But you know, Jack West was so smart and so slick, he thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick. "Final project for my shop class! I'm giving bonus points to the student with the highest high-dive. We're practicing off-campus until it's ready."

Celestia gave him an odd look for such a convenient explanation, but it settled into a pleasant expression shortly after. "Well, good luck to your shop class, and to the swim team. I'll have to come out to a meet sometime." Her voice was an unnervingly calm monotone; ironically, now Jack was the suspicious one. That really should've come crashing down on me at several different points, but she was so easy to persuade. Too easy, in fact.

The next few hours passed uneventfully, as Jack explored the school and gained a sense of what was where. His favorite stop in the self-guided tour was the science wing, where a lab near the end of the hall was still taped off and boarded up. Ahh, memories. But otherwise, it was simply observing and collating information, along with making a few introductions to curious staff members. He arrived at the band social fashionably late, switching from location-study to people-watching. The hostility between groups was very thinly veiled, and honestly excessive for a high school battle of the bands; must be the sirens, then.

The next sight that caught his eye was the Humane 7, with Spike in tow, gathered in the center of the room. Jack started to wade through the crowd to reach them, but he saw Twilight's attention go to three other girls entering the party. They were certainly over-dressed, and at least half of their body composition had to be their massive hairstyles. Twilight started to talk to the others, causing the group to shift around and giving Jack reason to pause. What was she doing? Spike and Sunset Shimmer backed away, and before Jack could say or do anything the rest of them took hands.

"There isn't going to be a battle of the bands!" Twilight declared proudly. "We're going to make sure of that!" What?! They're just going to have at it, right now? Part of Jack felt snubbed for not having been at least consulted, but the rest of him was getting a bad feeling about the entire situation. It reeked of too quick, too easy. Something was going to go wrong.

"Alright, girls, let's do this! Friendship is magic!"

Jack didn't know what he expected. Maybe the same magical rainbow vortex that had spelled the end of the Master, maybe not. But at least, when the whole thing turned out to be a dud, he wasn't quite as shocked as his friends. The awkwardness of the moment was almost overpowering.

"Talk about throwing down the gauntlet! This group is obviously serious about winning!"

That was the leader of the three odd-looking girls from before talking; definitely a siren, based on how easily she bred even more hatred from the situation. Beyond a facepalm, and sharing empathically in his friends' collective embarassment, Jack suddenly felt a flash of rage. These witches had to be dealt with, and if the magic of friendship wasn't going to do it, he had something under his jacket, over his left breast pocket that would. It would be so easy, just pop, pop, pop, get out of there and close the portal! Problem solved, easy as that! No, no, Twilight wouldn't approve of that. No lethal force, give her time to figure this out and she would get it right. With subdued frustration, he pulled out his phone and started snapping pictures of the three. Observe and collate, Jack, observe and collate. At least make something worthwhile out of this fiasco.

"It doesn't make any sense! I should have been able to create the spark that would help us break their spell. That's how it worked before!"

Jack caught up with the girls on the steps of a side entrance to the building, as they tried to figure out just what had gone wrong. He was smart enough not to immediately broach the subject.

"So those were the Dazzlings in there? Those three with the crazy hair?"

"Yes," answered Sunset Shimmer. "Adagio Dazzle, the one who spoke up, is their leader, Aria Blaze is the snarky purple-and-green one, and Sonata Dusk is the ditzy blue one."

"Hmm, with names like those, they're dead ringers for dark musicians. Remind me of the Hex Girls."

"Who?"

"Another band, similar style, doubt you'd know them. Anyway, what are we going to do about these three?"

Twilight and Sunset resumed their conversation about magic and music, with the rest of them listening along intently. When Twilight was inadvertently welcomed into the Rainbooms as a new member, Jack shifted over to the steps, taking a seat next to Sunset Shimmer. As a reformed villain, he was definitely interested in making her acquaintance.

"Guess we can start the 'Not in the Band' club, eh?"

"You want to be a Rainboom?" she asked in mock-surprise.

"Oh, of course not. It never goes well for token guys in all-girl pop bands. Besides, I'm not particularly proficient at any instrument, and my vocal talents probably wouldn't agree with their style of music. You?"

"I'm pretty good on guitar, and I guess I can sing as well as the next girl. Did a solo act at last year's showcase, actually."

"Nice. We may not be Dazzling-beating caliber, but maybe we can have a jam session or something when this is all over."

But the rest of the group's conversation had turned to the possibility of a slumber party, which sucked Sunset Shimmer back in. Jack simply understood it meant he had somewhere to bunk down for the night, instead of going back through the portal or stowing away somewhere inside CHS. Digging around inside his backpack, he pulled out a ball of synthetic fabric labeled ENO, and followed the group toward Pinkie's house.

Apart from sharing the pizza, Jack left the others to their girl-time while he hung out in the back yard. He had strung his hammock up between two trees, and wrapped in a forest-camo poncho liner with headphones on and tablet in hand, he built a digital file for his newest enemies. As the one least magically in-tune, the job fell to him to come up with a magic-free backup plan should Twilight's counter-spell fail. They use their magic to influence and control others, then feed off their hatred. I've heard of the hypno-music schtick before, but never actually had to go up against it. Nothing I can't do, though, music has power to it, no reason I can't just turn that power back on them. But how?

As Twilight and Sunset ended their late-night conversation and snack run, Twilight went back to her notebook, hoping for a visit from some magical, musical muse. Sunset elected to go back to the living room, in case there was any leftover pizza to be had. But only seconds after she managed to get her hands on an untouched piece of pepperoni, a small flash of light came through the windows from the backyard, no bigger than a pen-light. It appeared to be some sort of signal. Wolfing down what was left of the slice, she slid open the back door and walked over to Jack's hammock.

"Hey, what's up, fellow night-owl?"

"Working, trying to come up with a plan of my own in case Twilight's doesn't do the trick."

"Cool, how can I help?"

"You said you heard the Dazzlings singing in the cafeteria the other day; tell me about their music. What were they singing, what did it sound like?"

"You know, it's funny, their song basically was nothing but how they wanted to have a battle of the bands. There was all these lines about 'Me and you, you and me, why don't we see who is better?'"

"So subtlety isn't their strong suit?"

"Exactly. You just had to listen to their words to know that something bad was going on."

"Very interesting. Well, that gives me an idea or two, thank you." Jack suddenly rolled out of his hammock, pulling off the poncho-liner and slipping his hiking shoes on.

"No problem... what's up now?" She followed as he walked toward the house, very confused.

"Going back to the portal, I need to make a supply run." As he jumped over the wood fence, he stopped to sit at the top and look back. "Don't worry, I'll be back before dawn."

Jack woke up late the next morning to find the girls had vacated Pinkie's place, going out to Applejack's farm for some day-of band practice. The note left on the back door for his convenience included a map, but with less than two hours until check-in for the battle, it just didn't make sense to try and drive out there. Spreading out his poncho liner on the grass and unpacking his gear onto it, he began to pick and choose just what he would need for his part in the day's events.

The Rainbooms should have that counter-spell ready, let them do their job and play it. I just need to be sure they get the chance to.

Jack started with the basics: iPhone, wallet, keys and Walther P99. He loaded it with a clip of taser-dart ammunition, then slid another magazine full of hollow-points into a leather sleeve beneath the holster, and a silencer below that. His attention then went to his jacket, sliding a spybug surveillance drone (the kind Celestia had destroyed in her throne room) into one pocket, and funneled numerous flashbang pellets into the other. These ones were from a special batch he had made the night before, with both the flash and the bang toned down, and some carbon-black powder for smoke effects in their place. In short, instant pyrotechnics. He then spread the sleeves out; on the bottom of each was a velcro-attached hidden flap running from cuff to elbow, and each flap was lined with three compacted razor-discs. Quite literally, tricks up my sleeve. The rest of it was pretty basic: Leatherman multitool and laser pen in his back pocket, watch with built-in grappling hook, et cetera.

That should take care of me for the day; I can improvise around anything else. Oh wait, the backup plan! Pulling a small drawstring pouch from his backpack, Jack looked inside to find an input wire and small, curved metal chip, then cinched it up tight and pocketed it. He then dumped the rest of his gear back into his backpack, then hung it from the handlebars of the motorcycle he had brought in, which leaned against the inside of the wooden fence. Now to get to the school and find a nice, dark place to watch the show.

The Rainbooms, Sunset Shimmer and Spike burst into the gymnasium, desperately afraid of being late. Much to their relief, they weren't, and Principal Celestia checked them in with her usual good cheer. Twilight scanned about the room, finding almost the entire student body already present. That included the Dazzlings, and somehow just a look at them managed to capture their incredible levels of passive-aggressiveness. But as Pinkie wheeled in her drum kit, Sunset got a text from an unfamiliar number. It was a picture of them as they entered the gym, obviously taken from a very high angle; it was almost top-down. Included was the caption:

Got the high ground covered

What? Who could... Oh, wait. When she thought about it a bit, who else could it be?

Jack?

At your service

Well, at least there's someone looking out for us.

Unfortunately, Sunset had forgotten that that 'someone' was very prone to boredom. Decidedly unimpressed by MC Snips and DJ Snazzy Snails, Jack had taken to field-stripping and reassembling his handgun to pass the time, occasionally looking down to check on his friends. Each time they proved to be just fine, and each act proved to be just as uninteresting as the last. No Rainbooms, no Dazzlings, not even the Glam-Rock Crusaders. Otherwise known as nothing worth my time. Spybug will get it if anything weird goes down, I just need to remove the trigger guard from...

'Shake Your Tail' was certainly more upbeat and well-played than the numbers preceding it, so when Jack heard the first verse start up, he recognized the music and looked down to see the Rainbooms on stage. They were playing well, everything seemed to be fine, though Rarity's tassels stood out a bit compared to the others' street clothes. Wait, the counter-spell is... a song they'd already written? Maybe Sunset could sort that part out for him.

This is the counter-spell?

Twilight needed more time to write it, so they're stalling until the next round

Good to know

Well, it was a change in plans, but if Twilight needed more time, nothing much Wait, who's that? Jack spotted a group of figures who had joined him in the rafters; it looked like Photo Finish and her bandmates. Crap, this can't be good. Hurriedly working to reassemble his gun, he swore at himself for not catching them sooner. The Walther was back in one piece shortly, and as Jack screwed the silencer onto the barrel, he took aim at them, only to stop when he saw what exactly Photo Finish was doing. The tassels on Rarity's sleeves had been caught by two magnets suspended from above, and now Photo Finish was yanking her around like some cheap marionette, making da magicks by interfering with the rest of the group's performance.

There is so much wrong with the physics of this situation. But with a better plan in mind, Jack sheathed his P99. He then brought his left arm up, reached into its hidden pocket and drew a razor-disc. Flicking the wings open in his right hand, he made a banking throw from the left shoulder. The disc spun quietly through the air, curving left and slicing through both ropes before sticking itself to the wall by the pointy end. Photo Finish felt the sudden loss of tension as Rarity got back to playing, took one look at Jack and realized the proverbial jig was up. The three of them quickly made a break for the nearest ladder.

"Oh no you don't!" Thinking quickly, Jack dropped to a knee, drew his P99 and fired. The pigtailed girl at the front of the trio took a dart to the knee, the discharge of electricity bringing her down and causing the other two to trip and fall on top of her. Before he could move to apprehend them properly, his phone buzzed.

What's going on up there?

Photo Finish tried to pull a Dick Dastardly on us

?

She cheated. Under control now

Thx

Is something up with the lights?

What was she...? And then he saw them. MC Snips and DJ Snazzy Snails had also come up to the catwalk, and were fooling around with one of the spotlights, giggling all the while. Jack looked to the stage to see that Fluttershy was practically being chased by the beam. Those scumbags... Drawing and taking a two-handed grip, he fired straight at the light. Though its angle was not conducive to the dart causing an explosive blowout, it did short the thing out, and what voltage was left threw Snails back into the railing. And in the time it took Snips to respond, Jack had already drawn another disc from his sleeve.

"That's whack, dawg." His nasally voice registered the appropriate level of fear for what was coming; the disc beamed him right in the forehead, knocking the poser out cold. It bounced up as he went down, and Jack sprinted along the walkway, then used the railings as support to dropkick the recovering Snails, before catching the disc as it came back downward. He then turned his attention back to Photo Finish's group; she and her ponytailed friend had managed to disentangle themselves, and were once again trying to escape down the ladder. This angered Jack very much. With a cursory glance at the rope-and-pulley rigging overhead, he gave his disc another throw, and shortly after a very heavy sandbag came down on the bandmate's head, eliciting a yelp of pain. Suddenly, Photo Finish turned, shouted something very angry in very thick German that Jack could not for the life of him hope to understand, and charged.

You little fool... As soon as the photographer got within an arm's reach of him, Jack held up his right hand, freezing her in her tracks. His fingers were hooked forward, like he was ready to claw her to pieces, and his face once again bore that snarl of controlled fury. Scared right out of her wits, to say nothing of her counter-attack, Photo Finish tried to turn and run, but none of her muscles responded. She was held in place, absolutely unable to move, at least until Jack gave her the forehand face-slap of her life. As she recoiled, he brought up his left arm and twisted the bezel on his watch. A small grappling piton emerged from one side, and he quickly yanked it out to reveal a thin wire trailing between it and the watch. Jack wrapped it twice around Photo Finish's waist before tying it back into itself with a quick knot. Recovered, she attempted to grapple with him, but he shoved her away, hand to face. This next part was going to be tricky.

Relatively speaking, 'Shake Your Tail' finished on a high note. Although Rarity had magnets dangling from her arms and Twilight's throat still hurt from coughing up confetti, they made it through more or less in one piece, which Rainbow Dash had already assigned herself the credit for. But just as the Principals started to applaud politely, the moment's spotlight was stolen by Photo Finish, screaming as she fell from the rafters. She managed to stop just before hitting the judges' table, to everyone's surprise, until suddenly she was yanked back up, and Jack descended behind her. He touched down at the front of the stage with much more grace, before driving his left hand down hard. The cable he had descended upon snapped loose and retracted into his watch swiftly, and Photo Finish dropped on the same trajectory as before with yet another scream, this time taking out the judges' table entirely.

Celestia appeared unmoved by the whole turn of events. "Could someone please get us a new table?"

"Whatever he was doing, at least Jack was trying to help us not look like complete idiots!" shouted Applejack. Though a potential crisis had been averted through the intervention of their guardian fallen-angel, the ensuing argument and blamecasting had not.

"You know as well as I do I was not to blame for this!" Rarity replied, holding up the magnets to make a point. "This was sabotage! The confetti cannon, on the other hand..."

"Oh, so now it's my fault!" sneered Pinkie. "Excuse me for trying to have some fun!"

Twilight, who normally held herself above these kind of disputes, simply couldn't let that one by. "Yes, because choking on a bit of tissue paper midway through the song really is my idea of a good time! And speaking of bad ideas..." But she was cut off by an amplified tapping on Principal Celestia's microphone.

"With Photo Finish and the Snapshots now unable to perform for medical reasons..." Rarity smirked a bitch had it coming kind of smirk, unable to help herself. "...our roster now has a vacancy. This would give the Dogs of War a bye for the first round, unless someone else would like to fill in the opening."

"Yes, that would be me!" The shout came from surprisingly close to the Humane 7, and they looked around to see that, even more surprisingly, it had come from Jack. "You don't object to faculty participating, given the circumstances, do you?"

Celestia raise an eyebrow of really?, but looked to Adagio in the stands before saying anything. "Miss Dazzle, this competition was your idea, what is your opinion?"

"Why not? The more the merrier!" Adagio replied haughtily, in that faux-friendly tone she had practically trademarked. Sonata snickered uncontrollably, while Aria just maintained her devious smile.

"Very well. Jack of All Trades will be taking Photo Finish and the Snapshots' position in the Battle of the Bands! Who else will be performing with you?"

"Solo act, Principal Celestia, though I do have background music I'd like hooked into the speakers."

"What should I put down for your band name?"

"...'West of Eden' will do." Jack turned to walk backstage, approaching the rest of the group and their shocked expressions.

"Jack, what are you doing?" asked Sunset.

"This is the backup plan!" he whispered back. "Now we have two shots at winning Battle of the Bands instead of one."

"What plan?" demanded Twilight. "You just going up there and singing won't do anything! You don't have any magic, Jack!"

"Sunset, remember what you told me about the Dazzlings, how they just sang what they wanted people to do and they did it?" He was dumping out his pockets, hiding any unneeded equipment away behind an amplifier. What stayed were the phone, the drawstring pouch and his small pool of marble-sized flashbang charges.

"Yeah, so?"

"So, they were telegraphing their message. What if I just do the same thing, but with a message so twisted up in imagery and wordplay it seems like complete nonsense? They'll try to find meaning in a song they don't understand, and the shock to their subconscious might just snap them out of the spell the Dazzlings have them under." He split the pool of marbles into two handfuls, then dumped them into his front jean pockets.

"...That actually might work." Twilight admitted

"Now performing, in place of Photo Finish and the Snapshots, West of Eden!"

"Well, that's my cue!"

"But, Jack," Rainbow Dash felt obliged to ask, "can you even sing?"

He pulled the silver chip from his bag and pressed it against his throat, where it stuck. "Now I can!" After plugging his phone into the soundboard backstage and cuing up the song he needed, Jack rolled his shoulders back, took a deep breath, and cut loose. This was going to be fun.

Practically strutting onstage to the bouncy opening guitar riff, Jack snatched the mic from the stand like it belonged to him. "Say my name and his in the same breath, I dare you to say they taste the same." He danced about as he sang, imagining with delight how these little high-schoolers would take their first exposure to the enigmatic musical phenomenon known as Fall Out Boy. But this is just the first verse, not time to bust out anything too out-there. Just establish stage presence. "These friends, they don't love you, they just love the hotel suites, now!"

Jack hit the first chorus with cockiness and gusto, his handy neck-mounted chip keeping him in pitch. "I don't care what you think, as long as it's about me! The best of us can find happiness in misery." Oh, how confusing this must be to them! They should be glad I didn't pull out Headfirst Slide Into Cooperstown On A Bad Bet... But now that the chorus was ending, it was time to step it up, put a real point on what he was saying. Looking out into the crowd, he saw that past the shock of hearing pop-punk for the first time, the audience was giving him a combination of bored and disdainful looks; he was the competition, after all. So what harm was there in livening things up a bit?

"Well take a chance, let your body get a tolerance, I'm not a chance, put a heat wave in your pants." Bonus points for innuendo! Jack marched in time with the drums, off the stage and into the crowd. His first victim was Diamond Tiara: exploiting a great vertical advantage, he stared her down, then flicked her tiara off with a brush of his fingertips. A playful pat on the head concluded her humiliation, as Jack moved on to dispatch his own brand of social justice. Trixie made it easy for him; with her iconic hat pulled down to her nose, a gentle shove was all it took to put her on her back. Using a wide arm-swing to get the Illusions out of the way, he stepped over her body as the second chorus began, then made for his last target: Flash Sentry. The wannabe rock star was practicing his shoegazing, trying his best to look unconcerned by the spectacle. So Jack put two fingers to Flash's chin, bringing his head up to face him with a smug grin between phrases. Then, flattening his palm and flicking from the wrist, he gave the kid an infuriating double bitch-slap.

"I don't care what you think, as long as it's about me!" Time to drive the point home. Leaving Flash steaming with rage, Jack located the Dazzlings in the stands and took aim at Adagio with an accusatory pointed finger. Satisfied that he had their attention, he spread his arms out at his sides, calling the Dazzlings out with the same here-I-am gesture he had given Tirek. She just smiled back conceitedly, even though such a direct challenge against her was concerning. This one was different...

Jack weaved through the stunned crowd during the musical interlude, slipping back on-stage after hitting a few switches to kill the lighting. Only center stage was left illuminated, and that was exactly where he went, nocking the microphone back into its stand and calming things down. He repeated the first line of the chorus, with the intensity building every time. Now hands-free, Jack dug into his pockets, and sandwiched two flashbang pellets under each thumb in preparation. The audience clearly wasn't going to be friendly enough for the call-and-response section to work, so he just sang the former and left the latter to Pete Wentz on the backing track. At least, until the last punctuated "I! Don't! Care!" The music toned down for the chorus to return, but Jack compensated for that.

"I..." His left hand drew up to his right shoulder, then shot out diagonally in the opposite direction. This triggered a micro-explosion of light and sound, and a rolling wave of smoke in the same direction.

"...don't..." The right hand did the same diagonal throw, and a similar burst occurred on the opposite side of the stage.

"...care..." Now both hands came up at the wrist, then snapped back down, resulting in a double-shot of flashbang right at Jack's feet. "...what you think, as long as it's about me! The best of us can find happiness in misery!" Now he had wrenched his hands onto the mic, screaming at the crowd with utter vocal fury. But something told him he was standing on a trap-door, which the Great and R-Trilling Trixie was about to trigger. Well, can't have that, now can we? Jack quickly bounced into a much wider stance, feet landing just outside the treacherous flooring as it opened downward, and he kept singing like nothing had happened. But reaching into his right pocket, he pulled out another flashbang pellet, then hurled it at Trixie without even looking; its concussive thunderclap practically threw her away from the lever.

Straining his vocal cords as far as they could go, Jack charged into the final chorus, bringing the mic stand with him as he stepped back from the opening. He briefly toyed with the idea of bending the thing over his knee, as a final act of social deviance, but elected not to, since he still needed both hands free for his finisher. Extending the short-i sound in "misery" to a ridiculous but necessary length, he pulled every flashbang he could get a hold of from his pockets, cupping them in both hands. And on the powerful finishing guitar note, he hurled them out into the gym, creating a momentary fireworks display and slightly longer-lasting panic in the crowd.

Principals Celestia and Luna took down notes apathetically. In the wings, Twilight was giving Jack an obligatory lecture for his edginess and provocative antics (even if this Alicorn Amulet-less Trixie had it coming). And Sonata was getting very worried.

"Why did he call us out like that? I thought they all loved us here, I thought they'd do whatever we said!"

"Like you're even worth listening to," Aria scoffed.

"Be quiet!" interrupted Adagio, as per usual. "There seems to be a new player in our little game. He claims to be a teacher, but the company he keeps suggests otherwise." She pointed a finger at him and the Humane 7, having a spirited conversation.

"Then who is he?" asked Aria.

"My guess? He's from Equestria just like Twilight Sparkle. Probably her bodyguard, based on that little stunt he pulled with Photo Finish."

"What do we do?" Sonata begged panickedly, imagining herself as the next one to take an involuntary stage-dive from the rafters.

"What we always do, Sonata." All Adagio got in response was a shrug and a blank look. "We sing! West of Eden can fall under our sway just as easily as the others did. Now come on, we're almost up." She beckoned to the others, stepping down from the bleachers and toward the stage.

Just as Flash was about to really tell Twilight off for standing in the way of his band, Jack stepped into the hall from backstage, having collected and reorganized his other tools. "Oh, I'm sorry, did I not hit you hard enough the first time?" This was enough to send Flash storming off, cheek (and pride) still stinging. Jack hung back as the Rainbooms continued to search for a practice space, only to notice Sunset Shimmer had hung back with him. Not only that, but as Principal Celestia announced Trixie and the Illusions, the Dazzlings approached from the other end of the hallway.

"Well, well, if it isn't Canterlot High's least wanted," Adagio mocked.

"You're never gonna get away with this," replied Sunset.

"Why? Because you didn't? We know all about you, Sunset Shimmer, you've got quite the reputation.."

This seemed like a good place to cut in. "What about me?"

"You certainly aren't as well-known as Sunset, Jack of All Trades, but then again the henchman never is."

Well, they've certainly pieced more together than I had expected. But she said 'Jack of All Trades', not 'Master', so there must be gaps missing.

"I've changed! I'm in a much better place now!" Sunset hastily rebutted, causing Jack a mental cringe. No, no, don't get defensive, that's exactly what they want!

"Waiting in the wings while your friends have all the fun?" chimed in Aria. Adagio was about to follow up, but Jack interrupted once again. "Ooh, look, I've still got one!" He had pulled a small marble from his pocket, examining it in a delighted, Doctor-esque fashion. This called Adagio's mind back to his rousing performance of "I Don't Care", and she switched targets. "You had some pretty bold moves out there, Jack. Too bad it couldn't cover up for you being completely out of your depth. You don't belong on a stage any more than she does!"

Jack stared back at her for a few moments, very seriously, like he needed a moment to really process what she had said. She smirked, assuming she had really gotten through with that one. At least, she thought that until he burst out into a spasm of uncontrollable laughter. It lasted a few seconds, until Jack caught his breath and took his composure back. "You really didn't think this through, did you?"

"Didn't we?" Adagio responded with contempt.

"Nope! See, if you really know that much about us, you'd know how much better we were at this than you. When Sunset here took hold of the Element of Magic, she literally snapped her fingers and had the entire student body under her complete control. You've had, what, three days? And you really haven't done anything more than stir them up against each other." Jack's voice was still cheery, almost amiable, but that belied a definite sense of menace in his tone. Sunset, on the other hand, was visibly affected at the mention of her past.

"Hey, none of that!" Jack turned to her encouragingly, with a trust me on this wink. "You impressed me last time! You may have been bad, but you were good at it! Unlike them..."

"We can hear you!" objected Sonata obliviously.

"No kidding! And as for me, I didn't go by Jack of All Trades back then. No, if you really know me, you'd know I was usually referred to as the Master." The word came off his lips with relish, even pride, like he preferred the title. "Wasn't completely me, sure, but oh boy, I was bad! You can't see past the walls of this school; I was looking to conquer all of time and space!" Crimson had returned to his eyes as he raved triumphantly. "And do you know the best part? The Elements of Harmony beat both of us! So before you go talking a big game, remember you're not just facing them, but them and their two most dangerous enemies. Personally, I don't like your odds."

Adagio rolled her eyes calmly. "Are you done?"

"Oh dear me, I've been monologuing, haven't I? Don't worry, almost done. Now then, if you remember my performance, which by the way I enjoyed very much myself, so I really could care less what the critics say..." He held up the marble again. "...You'll remember what this little guy does. If it hits the ground, you will be blinded and deafened, if only for a moment, and in that moment I'll show you just how much fun I can have back here in the wings." The implication was obvious, forcing the Dazzlings to acknowledge their own physical vulnerability. Until the marble went back in Jack's pocket.

"But please, keep going. Build yourself up as high as you'd like, because in the end it's just that much farther to fall. And you will fall." He stepped to the side of the hall, bowing and beckoning them onward. "Now then, I believe you're on." All that Adagio could think of to take back the situation was her customary smirk, and even that wasn't entirely convincing. She walked past them toward the stage, followed by a scowling Aria, and Sonata, who was obviously somewhat shell-shocked.

Jack turned back to Sunset and smiled. "Well, that was fun. Let's go see them play!" He strolled off, rather pleased with himself, but she did not share his calm. The way he complimented her villainy, and reveled in his own; it wasn't just to throw the Dazzlings, he was proud of it. And she thought back to the gym with grave concern. He says he's on our side, but the way he acted on stage... There were too many similarities between Jack of All Trades and the Master for Sunset to ignore. But still, she reminded herself, he had warmed up to her almost immediately, unlike most, and with him around she didn't feel like an outlier in the group. At least, not the only outlier. He deserved a chance, but still... Who is this man?

Standing alone in the audience, Jack watched the Dazzlings take the stage. As Sunset came to join him, the music started up, seemingly of its own accord. "Oh woah-oh, oh woah-oh, you didn't know that you fell, oh woah-oh, oh woah-oh, now that you're under our spell." Well, they get no points for subtlety. But they are pretty catchy... Jack winced involuntarily. No, not again! There was a voice in his head that wasn't his own, background chatter behind his thoughts that he couldn't drive out for more than a moment. But unlike the Master's influence, these voices were feminine, and far more simple. Instead of snippets about drums and hatred and glory, all he could pick out them saying were single words, along the lines of adore, follow, and, most concerning, submit. Jack's first instinct was to get the hell out of there, the obvious physical solution to a mental problem. But his conscious self restrained him, refusing to show weakness in the face of the enemy. Come on, Jack, he told himself, block it out! You beat the Master, you can beat them! These sirens have nothing on a Time Lord!

That confidence seemed to suppress the new voice's murmur, but a third voice was rising to take its place. No, not a third voice, just his own, but with much more force behind it. Yes, I did! I beat the Master! He doesn't even deserve the title, now that I've mastered him; I just might co-opt it. And who are these impudent fools to challenge me? Wow... Must be the confidence talking, he decided. But his confidence had more to say. Them and their paltry 'battle of the bands'... Ha! This is no battle! With the music and technology at my disposal, I could easily run roughshod over every band at Canterlot High! And just to show the Dazzlings exactly who they've had the misfortune of coming up against, I think that is exactly what I shall do!

To Adagio's great surprise, by the end of the song Jack had regained his composure, and was giving her a self-assured, venomous grin.

With the Glam-Rock Crusaders finishing up the final round, the principals posted the results only minutes later. Of course, the Rainbooms, Dazzlings and West of Eden had advanced, drumming out some of the more generic bands. The Rainbooms were still trying to come up with a counterspell in an empty classroom, so it fell to Sunset to report the good (if expected) news.

"Who do we get to thrash in Round 2?" asked Rainbow Dash.

"Bulk Biceps and his violin... I think we can safely call this one locked up. What about the counter-spell?"

Twilight forced out a few awkward laughs. "Yeah, not so locked up..."

"Don't worry, you have plenty of time before the finals!"

"What about Jack?" asked Fluttershy.

"Oh, um, yes, he made it too. Actually, Twilight, I wanted to ask you about him..."

"What's up?"

"It's just..." Sunset struggled to find the right phrasing. "After his performance, we ran into the Dazzlings backstage. They tried to harass us, but Jack completely lost it on them."

"He can be rather verbose, especially if he feels challenged," Twilight noted matter-of-factly.

"That's not it, it felt like he was, well... lecturing them on being villains. He brought up the whole Master thing, but it was almost like he was bragging about it. And for how far he went during that song..."

"I see..."

"Yeah, Twi, that was botherin' me too," Applejack interrupted. "Of course we trust you, but how much do you trust him?"

This forced Twilight to think for quite a long moment. Sunset was right, Jack had gone overboard with the stage antics during his performance, and what she had just told her was even more troubling. But it did ring of what he had done to himself to beat Tirek, and even through all of that he had proved his heart was in the right place. And this was the same Jack who had put his life on the line to protect them from Trixie, Discord, and the Master...

"His methods may be extreme, but he's always fought for what's right, and I trust he's doing that now. When the Dazzlings are beaten, I'm sure he'll..."

"Up next, West of Eden," echoed down the hall. All of them started, but Sunset made it to the classroom door first, stopping the others.

"You keep practicing, I'll keep Jack in check." They nodded at her confidently, but as she paced down the hall to the gymnasium, she realized that keeping Jack in check was much easier said than done.

"West of Eden, it has been requested that you not leave the stage during your performance.... West of Eden? West of Eden, you're on..." Celestia asked the empty stage, then the crowd, receiving no response. What? He's not here? Sunset was relieved: maybe Jack had decided not to go on with this crazy back-up plan of his. But much to her surprise, that possibility was shot down by a rapid-fire volley of piano notes. But where's Jack? That question would be answered a few high-pitched power chords later.

"Fear me, you lords and lady preachers! I descend upon your earth from the skies..."

Suddenly, two spotlights cut through the open air above the student body, intersecting to illuminate Jack. His arms were out to his sides in a semi-sacrilegious manner, and he hovered down toward the stage like he was riding some invisible escalator. But as he descended, Sunset saw why: thin wires at his wrists and back connected him to three small quadrotor drones. After touchdown on the lip of the stage, the wires came loose and they flew away, allowing Jack to turn and face the stunned crowd.

"I command your very souls, you unbelievers!" He turned his palms up, and from them shot solid blue flames of energy. "Bring before me what is mine! The Seven Seas of Rhye!"

Sunset shivered. This is not good.

"What exactly is this plan of yours, Jack? And how does it justify a stunt like that?" Twilight was tired of being the trusting one while her "friend" and his ego trip ran rampant about Canterlot High, putting numerous high school students in the hospital in the process.

"Haven't we been over this? I'm going to blow the Dazzlings out of the water by winning the Battle of the Bands, thus breaking their hold on the school. My subconscious static idea didn't work, but I'm on track to take on the Dazzlings in the semi-finals; if I can keep them out of the finals, they won't get another chance to sing, and you can play your counterspell unopposed."

"Jack, the Dazzlings feed on negative emotion! All you're doing is stirring the pot, getting everyone even more riled up and giving them more power!"

"So what? No matter how much power they have, they don't have any sway over us! The Dazzlings have influence because they are confident and charismatic; if I'm going to fight that influence, I need to be even more confident, beat them at their own game. That's basic psychology, Twilight."

Oh, that tears it, he's lecturing me now! "Basic psychology doesn't excuse you acting like an arrogant jerk and a downright... villain!" She struggled to use the word, and it clearly had an impact on him. Jack narrowed his gaze, then turned and stormed away from the Humane 7. Light from the windows of the darkened hallway played off his jacket as he departed.

"If you don't like my methods, I'm more than comfortable working alone." But Sunset wasn't quite as ready to give up, running up and grabbing him by the collar. "Jack, wait, we can..." And with a savage cry, he spun on the ball of his left foot, left arm raised up with fingers clawed out, each digit tense enough it looked like it might snap. A tinge of crimson had formed about his hand as Sunset was violently thrown backward into the others. His eyes followed her, and the glow vanished as his mind computed exactly what had just happened. Hand balling up into a tight fist as it came back to his side, he sighed in frustration, then turned away once more.

"Never played well with others..." Jack muttered as he walked off, his walk soon becoming a run.

The rest of the competition was permeated by a sense of utter dread.

That night, after a halfhearted second-round performance of Friendship Through the Ages, the Rainbooms returned to Pinkie's place, only to find Jack had cleared out. As concerned as they were, they understood that chasing after him would be pointless, and so the band returned to their rut. Twilight continued to shake behind her mask of confidence (and Spike's endless braggadocio) as she tried to dream up a musical counterspell. But no matter what ear-splitting melody she put before the band, Rainbow Dash always managed to twist it into an epic guitar number, bringing out her Equestrian magic almost on cue every time. Relegated to a background role as far as the actual music was concerned, Rarity checked out, mentally designing wardrobes instead of playing her keytar. Both of these factors aroused the ire of Applejack, who was all too happy to make something of them every chance she got, while Fluttershy, Pinkie and Sunset tried to stay out of the crossfire.

"I said I, don't, care, doot-do-do, dat da da da-about me..." Improvising where she couldn't remember the words, Sonata sang that catchy song from the first round to herself as she and the others walked back to their apartment in East Canterlot. She had been doing it since they left the school, and a seventh chorus was more than enough to push Adagio over the edge. "Enough!"

"What?! It's not my fault that song's so catchy, it's stuck in my brain!"

"If you actually had one," Aria groaned, causing Adagio to stop and glare at both of them. "If you two don't shut up, I swear I'm going to..." A proper threat eluded her. Aria grinned sadistically, unable to resist the chance to egg her sister on. "What?"

"Aaargh... just give it a rest between you, okay? We have much more important issues to be worried about."

"You mean West of Eden? We got him during the second round, remember?"

"Oh yes, yes, we got him," Adagio replied sarcastically, "which is why he spent most of our song shooting an evil eye at me! Didn't you smell the magic on him?"

"So what? He's from Equestria, of course he'll have magic on him."

"Ooh ooh, I smelt it, I smelt it!" Sonata piped up with delight.

"And did it smell like the Rainbooms?" Adagio asked condescendingly, to which Sonata furrowed her brow in thought, then frowned.

"Not really... Theirs is more sweet, his was like habanero spicy!"

"Exactly. Something is protecting him from our power, but it's not ordinary Equestrian magic. No, he's worlds away from the Rainbooms. At least we know where we stand with them; he, on the other hand, is a wild card."

"So what do we do, huh? It's not like we can turn him on himself!" Sonata was once again imagining the many cartoony, over-the-top ways this devil in human form could end her. Right now, he was twirling his mustache and cackling as he tied her to the railroad tracks.

"No, no, him being alone is a weak point for us. And we can't get Principal Celestia to force him out, he'll just come back anyway, rules or not..." Ideas cycled through Adagio's mind. "Aha!"

"What?" asked Aria.

"We have two sources of Equestrian magic to deal with, right? So why fight them both, when we could let them fight each other..."

Having beat out ~~Brad~~ Flash Sentry's band through nothing if not sheer force of showmanship, Jack had found himself a spot in the semifinals, going head-to-head with the Dazzlings before the Rainbooms and Illusions faced off. While the sirens had performed an upbeat little number about "It" being "the Pop", he was fine-tuning a Gibson Flying-V guitar he had acquired since the last round. True, he had told Sunset he couldn't play an instrument, and at the time that was true. But he had recently had a stroke of inspiration for a way to top Seven Seas of Rhye, and it required him playing a guitar. So he went back to Equestria, made some upgrades to his vocal chip, then downloaded to it a crash-course in guitar-playing, along with the chords of the song he had in mind.

When he took the stage, to very little applause, Jack plugged in his guitar, wired up his music and began.

"Hurry, we can't let him go on!"

Twilight was sprinting through the halls of Canterlot High, the rest of the Humane 7 close in tow. Realizing the semifinals had already started while they were practicing, they made a desperate rush to the gym.

"Even if he's got his own plan, even if he thinks we're wrong, we can't let Jack keep feeding the Dazzlings!"

"After his last two performances," Sunset thought aloud, "this one will probably be..."

Eerily quiet. As they burst through the back doors, they were stunned to find Jack strumming calmly on a stool, eliciting little reaction from the crowd. Except the Dazzlings, of course, who were just as surprised as the Rainbooms. "If I leave here tomorrow, would you still remember me?..." Jack's battle song to take on the Dazzlings was a ballad? It was absolutely logic-defying, and if the other students weren't so stupified by competitive fervor, they would no doubt be equally shocked. Mystified, the Humane 7 stood by and let Jack play. Maybe he had been listening to them after all...

"Cause I'm as free as a bird now, and this bird you cannot change."

As Jack launched into the second verse, Rainbow Dash stepped forward and edged toward Twilight. "Think this is some kind of trick? Y'know, calm before the storm?" Twilight took a moment to consider this. "I honestly don't know. It could be, but at the same time..."

But Sunset, who was standing on the other side of Twilight, had noticed something, and stepped forward to join in their little conference. "Hey, look at the guitar he's using..." Dash quickly glanced at the stage, then nodded in affirmation. Twilight, however, was not so quick to pick up. "What about it?"

Rainbow pointed to the Flying-V. "That's definitely not the kind of guitar you play ballads with, Twilight." And almost in response, the second chorus picked up speed and energy, as Jack stood up from his perch. "Lord help me, I can't cha-a-a-ange! Looord, I can't change, won't you fly free, bird?" Then the shredding came very hard and very fast.

"Calm before the storm," Twilight repeated. Now the crowd was drawing toward the stage, mystified. Even Sunset looked on with a subdued smile, hiding the fact that she was impressed by his skill. But then she noticed how rambunctious the students were getting, jostling and shoving each other around. Flash grabbed Trixie by the shoulder and pushed her aside to move closer, only for Trixie to come back from behind, grab his left shoulder with both hands, and fling him to the ground before taking his place. While Jack was still simply playing onstage, rocking out with passion visible in his hands, he seemed to be soaking it up.

And as a particularly rapid-fire riff began, the first punch was thrown. Like they had just been given a green light to cause mayhem, the others followed suit, turning a tight-packed concert crowd into a chaotic brawl.

"Ahhh-ah-ahh, ahh-ah-ahh," the Dazzlings murmured, attempting to feed from their relatively safe spot up in the bleachers. "What?" Adagio cried in shock, "Where is their negative energy?" Her sisters could do little more than shake their heads in reply. "Look at all that hatred! Look how vicious they are, this should be like a banquet for us!"

"Maybe... maybe someone's getting to it before we are?" Sonata volunteered meekly, pointing at Jack.

Soon, the original battle lines were forgotten, as students bounced about, trading blows with whomever they encountered. "Oh my..." Twilight was stunned speechless.

"Reckon we should exit stage left, sugarcube!" Applejack was already making for the back doors.

"No, look!"

Suddenly, Jack's fingertips left his guitar, which rose up to float in front of him. Each string was tinged in scarlet as it plucked itself, never missing a note. Meanwhile, Jack rolled his shoulders back and dropped his arms, letting his leather jacket slide off smoothly. Beneath he wore a simple dark-grey sleeveless shirt, but on his arm was a familiar black metal band, with a blood-red diamond at the center of a phoenix-like crest.

"The Alicorn Amulet," Sunset whispered, utterly stunned.

"You know about the..." Twilight started to ask.

"Of course! I spent some time looking for it myself."

"We have to get it off him!" Suddenly, Twilight was off, ducking through the chaos as she made a break for the stage. Rainbow Dash wasn't far behind, and Sunset followed her. Jack had taken his Flying-V back, and was charged with the power of the Amulet as he played, still shredding with incredible intensity.

Twilight had to leap over a sliding body before contorting her way around a football player who had tried to tackle her. In close pursuit, Rainbow Dash had the reflexes and presence of mind to duck, unwilling to impede a flying nerd on his way out the gymnasium window. And in the confusion, Sunset ran into a punk chick who had particularly gotten on her nerves ever since they'd met. She threw a punch, which Sunset nearly sidestepped before throwing her out of the way by her face. It was then she saw Twilight clambering up onto the stage, rushing Jack headlong.

"Stop, Jack! Don't do this!"

He didn't even acknowledge her, strumming furiously, until a telekinetic force hit the lever Trixie had been stationed at in Round 1, opening a trapdoor for Twilight to stumble right into. Fortunately, her hands caught the edge of the opening, and Rainbow Dash was already on her way to make the save. Sunset, on the other hand, saw an opening and made for Jack from the side, eyes scanning for trapdoors in her path and seeing none. She jumped at him, but only bounced off a crimson-red force field as he played on. By the time she was back on her feet, she saw Dash pull Twilight up and out of the pit, then made her way to them.

"Come on, there's nothing we can do for Jack! We need to get out of here before this riot gets any worse."

In the crowds, Principals Celestia and Luna were calmly dodging every attack sent their way, crippling any assailants with efficient, precise strikes. Bulk Biceps used their table as a battering ram to knock Snips and Snails off their feet, then pin them to the ground with him on top. And having popped a window at the top of the bleachers, the Dazzlings were crawling out, abandoning the festivities entirely.

"He's sucking them dry of their hatred and anger before we even have a chance!" Adagio noted with disgust.

"How original," Aria replied.

Twilight, Rainbow and Sunset weaved back through the pandemonium, helping each other dodge blows and bodies. They scrambled out to find Applejack holding the rear door open, by which all four of them escaped the gym.

When all was said and done, and every student of CHS (minus a few) lay bruised on the floor, Jack sat back down on his stool, smiling contently. Celestia and Luna, who had survived more or less intact, dusted themselves off and returned to their judging table (or at least where said table used to be).

"So... how did I do?"

"So the one who finally found the Alicorn Amulet was your world's Trixie? Wow, that smarts." Sunset Shimmer had just finished recounting her own attempts to locate the artifact, shortly before her falling-out with Princess Celestia.

"She used it to try to get revenge on me and Ponyville," Twilight replied, "then Jack took it from her. He said he was going to lock it down in his vault, but I guess he must've taken it for himself." The Humane 7 had made a panicked, hasty escape to Pinkie's place, with no idea how to handle both the Dazzlings and a corrupted Jack West. Now the two resident experts on Equestrian magic were trying to figure the situation out, as the others followed along quietly.

"But Jack doesn't have any magic, how can he use the Amulet at all?"

"It's got to be this world. We know it has strange effects on magical artifacts, so maybe coming through the portal unlocked its power for him. It would also explain why it's only now started to affect his personality."

"When I left the Princess, we weren't even sure the Amulet existed. Are all the rumors about it true?"

"I expect so." Twilight turned to open up to the rest of the group. "The Alicorn Amulet can amplify a unicorn's magic to incredible levels, but at the same time it makes its user more arrogant and aggressive. And it can only be taken off if the user is willing to give it up."

"So how do we get it off of him?" Fluttershy asked.

"That... is a good question."

Sunset thought for a moment. "How did you get Trixie of all people to part with it willingly?"

"Well, we didn't. Jack had a gun with him that fired these dart-things, and each one he hit Trixie with gave her a powerful electric shock. The way he explained it, there was so much voltage running through her that she lost consciousness, and the Amulet couldn't tell it was attached to something with a brain at all, so it just came off."

"But," Sunset asked hesitantly, "wouldn't that have killed her?"

"It almost did," answered Twilight, "but Jack used his last shock dart to defibrillate her heart. Even then, he said we got lucky."

Rarity was either the first to draw a conclusion, or the first to speak it aloud. "So you're saying that the only way we can separate him and this Alicorn Amulet is to...?"

Suddenly, a banjo ringtone cut into the tense moment. Applejack pulled out her phone, flipped it open and put it to her ear, smiling sheepishly. "Uh, hey Big Mac... yeah... mmhmm... gotcha, thanks for the heads-up." She closed her phone and pocketed it again. "Big Mac said they've cleaned up the gym, and they're goin' on with the semifinals. We oughta get moving, we're due up in less than an hour!" The girls scurried into action, finding and tuning their instruments in preparation, except for Sunset. She was still stirring over the idea that in order to save Canterlot High, they might have to kill Jack...

Spybug, Mark V, online Commence full system bootup Full bootup complete Commence system tests Optical resolution test Pass Audio pickup test Pass Mobility and navigation test Pass Coutermeasures test Pass Wireless transmitter test Pass All tests complete Ready to receive commands

At this point, the spybug received a standing "observe and transmit" order, and as Jack flipped it over and lowered it through an opening in the metal-grate platform, a more advanced AI subroutine took over. Its six legs magnetically grabbed hold of the underside of the grating, and it scuttled off toward the stage. He pulled out his iPhone, and soon the screen was relaying a live feed from the bug's forward-mounted navigational camera. A few seconds later, it paused, locked itself in place, and with the silent uncovering of a much larger lens on the top of its body, it switched to a much higher-resolution image. This camera then trained itself and its accompanying directional microphone on the stage. Wish I could get hi-def audio, but it appears I've misplaced my headphones. Oh well. He could hear just fine from his perch anyway.

"And that was Trixie and the Illusions, performing, for the third time, Tricks Up My Sleeve. Next up, the Rainbooms..." As Celestia transitioned between the acts, Jack zoomed in on the wings to see Trixie and Rainbow Dash arguing. Ahh, such fierce rivalry, so much pride, so much contempt. Absolutely delicious... Then, with a puff of smoke, Trixie pulled a not-quite-disappearing act, which he couldn't help but laugh at. Leave it to the professionals, kid. Then the Rainbooms took the stage, but Jack's eyes were held on Sunset.

"I'll be here! Just... watching..."

Her forlorn look tugged at him in a way he wasn't used to being tugged at. But those thoughts were banished by the ensuing startup of a boisterous surf-rock beat. "Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Awesome as I wanna be!" Center-stage was Rainbow Dash, shredding like it was nobody's business. She certainly exuded confidence, but lacked any sense of showmanship; even the song title was almost vulgar in its obvious braggadocio. Nowhere near my level. He watched with a smirk as Dash pranced about the stage, seemingly going out of her way to annoy her bandmates. But then the guitar solo was where it really got interesting.

All lights went front and center, converging on Rainbow Dash at the expense of anything (or anyone) else on stage. Suddenly, the camera picked up glare near her ears; it's supposed to automatically filter that out, what's wrong? But through the white glow he could see what looked like... turquoise pony ears? Equestrian magic! But then this spectacle was interrupted by the sudden appearance of a wild Sunset Shimmer, who used Tackle on Rainbow Dash. It was super-effective; Dash collided with Twilight, who fell back like a domino into Rarity's keytar. This sent her face-down toward the stage, and her boot up into Applejack's base, sending it careering into the air. From whence it landed, neck first, in one of Pinkie's tom-toms. This startled poor Fluttershy into silence before screaming and running off, and brought the song to a complete stop. Oh dear. What a contrived coincidence.

"Now that's the bad girl we love to hate!"

The awkward silence was broken by Flash Sentry, leading the crowd in harassing Sunset Shimmer. Jack watched her startled expression, then as she started to stammer an explanation, only to realize it was no use and walk off-stage in shame. Why, that little fuck. Jack started typing.

Close surveillance lens Complete Drop attack subroutine activated Target located Proceed at full mobility Proceed Proceed Overhead proximity confirmed Drop trajectory projected Accuracy test Pass Redundant accuracy test Pass Deploy countermeasures Complete Commence drop

The device plummeted from the rafters, landing right in Flash's mess of blue hair. "Aughh!" This manly cry of courage drew the attention from Sunset Shimmer to him, and even she paused to see what was going on. And in the time it took for all eyes to be on him, the spybug crawled down the back of his head and pressed its underbelly against his neck. This forced three small, electrically-charged barbs into his flesh, as Flash felt the spybug's bite. But then another subroutine was activated, and the bug, hanging off its victim's neck by the prongs, wrapped its legs around his jugular and began to squeeze. Flash collapsed to the floor, too preoccupied by the electric shock to try and pull the thing off his throat as it strangled him. Fortunately for him, quick-thinking Sunset Shimmer was there with her large, insulated leather boots, and she used one of them to crush the spybug and kick it away.

"Still love to hate me?"

She shot him a quick look of disgust, before transferring it up to the rafters, then walking away through the stunned crowd.

Before the final round that night, the Humane 7 had retreated to Pinkie's place, hoping to salvage their dignity before going to the amphitheater to get ready for the main event. Sunset had tried to explain what had happened with Flash Sentry and the spybug, but the others were too caught up in their own concerns to give her the time of day. As Twilight frantically pored over her counterspell notes and the others recharged their batteries and did some individual practice, Sunset went out to the backyard, in hope of some fresh air. She knew it was a slim chance that Jack had left his hammock behind, but she went to the trees where he had been set up anyway. No hammock.

"Oh, Jack, why did you have to... Hello there..."

As she slumped back against one of the trees and sat down, her eyes caught something in the grass nearby. It was a pair of black over-ear headphones, sitting on top of what she then discovered was a tablet computer. Jack's tablet, to be precise. Hope suddenly welled up, as she flipped open the cover, only to find it was passcode-locked. Well, so much for that... Unless... Sunset saw that while there was very little she could do without unlocking the tablet, she did have some control over the music Jack had been listening to. The screen showed he was just at the end of "Free Bird" by some singer she'd never heard of named Lynyrd Skynyrd.

"No way, it can't be!"

Sunset turned the volume to a safely low level, then put on the headphones, skipped back 30 seconds into the song and hit play. Sure enough, she recognized the same howling riff he had been playing as she escaped the gym earlier that day.

"Hey, Sunset! What're you doing?"

Her listening session was interrupted by the appearance of Rainbow Dash at the patio door. "I found something of Jack's! Maybe we can use it to find a way to help him!"

Rainbow Dash had barely been paying attention when they had discussed the Alicorn Amulet earlier, and it was evident she did not grasp the threat posed by someone of his capabilities possessing an artifact of that much power and malevolence. "Yeah, well could you maybe do something more useful, like get the sound equipment at the amphitheater ready for us?"

An argument would've been useless. "Uh, sure, I'll do that here in a little while."

Satisfied if not entirely pleased, Rainbow Dash went back inside. Practically hiding behind the tree now, Sunset put the headphones back on and skipped to the next track.

"Music is at the heart of this problem. Maybe it's also at the heart of the solution."

"Oh, what is this feeling of power and drive? Dat-da-da-da, I feel alive..." Jack half-hummed, half-sung as he combed through electrical wiring and circuitry, doing a final check on his work. Finding everything as he wanted it, he withdrew his head from the subwoofer and pressed the side of the thing back into place, before telekinetically screwing it on tight again.

"How did I know I'd find you here?"

Eyes glaring red at the unexpected interruption, Jack turned to face the stairs to the amphitheater stage, only to see Sunset Shimmer approaching. His anger faded quickly, and his voice held its usual amiability. "Oh, come now, you didn't think I would just let them force me out of the competition, did you? It's obvious the Dazzlings had unfair sway in the judgement process; I'm just evening the odds."

"By?"

"I'm glad you asked. Take a look at this!" He pulled a small circuitboard out of his pocket, wires hanging from two sides. "It's an input override chip. Each speaker has a wireless receiver that connects to the stage mics; by piggybacking off of their transmission, I can signal these chips remotely. When they're activated, anything that's going to come through these speakers has to be transmitted through them, on a frequency of my choosing..."

"...Giving you complete control over the sound system at the flick of a switch," Sunset finished. She had enough technical aptitude to understand what he had explained, and she had to admit it was clever. "Clever. And you just happened to have these chips lying around?"

He chuckled. "No, actually I had to visit another science lab, cannibalize another computer or two. At least I didn't blow it up this time."

"Jack, we have to talk. I found this..." She approached and held up his tablet.

"There it is! I've been looking for it all..."

"Not that it will do you any good, West of Eden!" The interruption came from the other side of the stage, and Jack turned to see Trixie and her backup band. Crimson suddenly took his eyes, as an instinct not his own came over him. "I presume you are also here to eliminate the Rainbooms and take their place in the finals. But that place belongs to the Great and Powerful Trrrixie! You cannot be allowed to interfere!"

"You!" Jack suddenly declared, in a booming, I-am-Legion-like voice, cutting off Trixie before she could actually do anything. "You displease us! All of our power, all of our majesty at your disposal, and all you could think of was petty revenge!" He was two feet above the stage now, bathed in blood-red energy. "You were not worthy to wield our might! Such folly must not go unpunished!"

With telekinetic force, the Illusions were thrown clear of the stage, skidding across the grass before turning and fleeing for their lives. Trixie, however, was held immobile, and with a wave of Jack's hand she was drawn up to his level. Sunset was absolutely terrified; everything he was at that moment reminded her of what she had become when she was at her worst. A raging he-demon, as it were. He was about to clamp his open palm shut, a signal of the unimaginably painful suffering he meant to cause Trixie, when Sunset called out to him.

"Jack! Stop this!"

He craned his neck to face her, looking slightly confused. Then, with another wave of his hand, he hurled Trixie toward the cheap seats and descended. The aura of dark magic was gone, as was his deathly glare, like the entire incident had never happened. "I'm sorry, what were we talking about?" he answered, in the most amicable voice possible.

"Ugh, if you want something done right..." Yet another interruption from stage-right. Jack turned, only to find the Dazzlings waiting for him this time. Adagio stood where Trixie had once been, with Aria and Sonata behind her. "Aria!" she called out, and the siren yanked on a lever at the side of the stage. Suddenly, the bottom dropped out from beneath Jack and Sunset and they plummeted into darkness below. Twisting and landing face-first, Jack was momentarily stunned; more fortunately, Sunset fell backwards, landing on her rear.

"Sorry, but feeding on negative energy is our thing!" Adagio was crouched at the edge of the pit, looking down. "Nothing personal, we just couldn't let you stand in our way." Sonata then waltzed over, imitating her sister's pose.

"Too bad, so sad! Bye bye!"

Adagio then pointed to Aria, and the trap doors sealed up even more quickly than they had opened.

"I hope Sunset's ready for us, I wanna get everything I can out of this before we go on tonight!" Rainbow Dash, guitar hanging from her shoulder, led the group as they approached the CHS outdoor amphitheater.

"It's more important that we know the counterspell," Applejack chided, "ain't that right, Twilight?"

"Uhh, yeah, sure!" she replied nervously.

"Rainbooms?" Just as they had reached the pavilion gates, three young men had appeared in front of them, all of grey skin and various heights. The smallest was the one who had spoken.

"Yeah, we're the Rainbooms," Rainbow Dash replied.

"We're here to escort you to your dressing rooms." His tone was dull and unexcited, almost unnervingly so. "Dressing rooms?!" Rarity cried with excitement.

"Umm, okay. Thanks, I guess." Dash was hesitant about this whole thing; she wanted to be on stage getting ready, not in some frou-frou dressing room. But these were the guys who had helped Rarity move her Baby Grand when they were just starting, so she supposed she could trust them, right?

As they walked across a field toward the nearby football stadium, none to the Rainbooms noticed their escorts' green-tinged eyes.

As soon as he was decently conscious, Jack's first reaction was to snap back. He was about to punch straight through the trap doors and go find himself some revenge, except that someone else caught his attention first. "Jack!" Sunset Shimmer called out to him, calmly but forcefully. He stood up and looked to her; the whole room was bathed in the red glow of the Alicorn Amulet, exposed on his arm. In the tinted light, he could see her standing at the side of the room, next to two cylinders of what was presumably propane, fuel for the pyrotechnics. She looked panicked.

"Sunset, what are you doing?"

"Jack, you need to take off the Alicorn Amulet."

"What? Why? I'm going to use the Amulet to get us out of here!"

"And then what? Get your revenge on the Dazzlings? Like you were about to do to Trixie?"

"It's not like that, Sunset, I have this thing under control..."

"No you don't, Jack, no you don't!" Sunset was practically in tears. "That's what it wants you to think, when really it's controlling you! I know, because that's what the Element of Magic felt like! Remember that?!"

It was then that Jack saw there was another source of light in the room, albeit a small one; a single flame, near the top of the propane canister, seeming to come from Sunset Shimmer's hand. "Sunset, what are you doing with that lighter?" Now his voice was very quiet, almost meek.

"If I twist this valve," she stammered, "the flame jet will kill you in seconds. Twilight said that the Amulet can't work if the brain of the user doesn't work; that's how you got it off Trixie, wasn't it? And I don't think your brain works if you're dead."

Any kind of meekness disappeared from Jack's voice, and the glow took over his eyes again; now she was talking to the Amulet. "A good plan. But what if I were to put up a force field, like this?" He smiled scornfully, as a translucent barrier of red surrounded him. But Sunset was unfazed.

"To keep the fire out, your force field would have to be airtight. But your host still needs to breathe, doesn't he? The second it comes down for a breath of fresh air, I twist the valve."

His smile faded, and the barrier came down. "I could rip the device from your hands."

"I've got a spare, and don't even try to find it; if I feel it move at all, I turn on the gas."

He frowned. This isn't working. There's surely some option she can't counter, but perhaps another approach... "That flame jet would be very, very hot and consume a very large amount of oxygen, even more so if I catch on fire myself. And in a sealed room like this... Do you intend to survive killing me?"

"Not at all," Sunset replied adamantly, much to his surprise.

"You.. you would kill yourself, just to defeat me?"

"Absolutely. I know just what you're capable of, and I know how important it is, to both Canterlot High and Equestria, that you don't walk out of here wearing that Amulet."

There was something touching about that, something that drew enough emotion in Jack to break the Amulet's hold on him. His face contorted in pain. "Don't do it, Sunset! I can fight it, but it's not worth your life!"

But Sunset did not answer. Instead, she reached over to his tablet, which she had set on top of a speaker after they fell, and tapped play on the screen. A slow piano melody played, and she quietly sang along when the words began. "You spend your life in a dream, that you can't escape, 'cause you live your life in a coma, you're never awake."

To her great surprise and hidden elation, he answered back, "If you'd open your eyes, then maybe you'd see what's at stake. You're sleeping, you're sleeping..."

Then the beat picked up in tempo and intensity; Sunset did her best to follow along, but it really was all Jack now. His mind had gripped onto this song, and there was no way he was letting go. "You make a lotta money and you live in a mansion and pretty much got everything that you could ever imagine. But you feel like even though you got everything in the world, you got nothing so what you do then is you start going backwards..."

She had never seen anything like it before. It was a far cry from his crowd-displeasing turn at pop-punk and even further from his theatrical classic rock performances. All that was moving was his mouth, and it was spitting words with sincere, honest fury. It was something to behold.

"So you put everything that you have into what you do, hoping that one day maybe you don't have to feel like you're empty. But as you get older a lot of weight on your shoulders is getting heavy, then you look back and you start to regret things."

The chorus came around quickly, and Sunset jumped in there for as long as she could, trying to offer support. But she knew full well that she couldn't feel Jack's catharsis for him, and so she receded for the second verse and let him have at it.

"You wake up in the morning, but you feel like you never got up and go to work, and you feelin' like you ain't got a purpose. And you're tryin' to get motivated but everything you do turns into a mess, like you ain't nothing but worthless."

Singing was starting to give way to screaming. A fire of pure passion was welling up within, and try as it might, the Alicorn Amulet simply could not suppress it.

"And, yo, you look around, a lot of these other people you lookin' at, to you, you describe as perfect. So you point a finger at God and tell him to do his job and fix your life up 'cause NOTHING IS WORKING!"

With those words, the whole room shook. Sunset wondered if they could even feel it on the stage above. "And you might try to hide and make it seem like it's nothing, but really you feel like everything is crashing around you. And you develop a problem in trustin' in other people which later became an issue that would mentally pound you! You only get one life, but every time you look into yours, you feel like all you ever see are mistakes! And the problem and the reason you could never move forward in life is because you were never awake!"

And at that point, some kind of electromagnetic interference caused the tablet to go silent. The glow from the Amulet ended abruptly, and with Sunset's lighter long since put out, the room was plunged into darkness.

"Wake up."

There was a clink of metal as the Alicorn Amulet hit the ground, followed by the thud of a body. Sunset herself quickly went the same way, collapsing in relief and exhaustion.

"Let us out!" Rainbow Dash hurled herself against the door again, but only succeeded in injuring her back.

"I knew this wasn't a dressing room the moment we set foot in here!" Rarity decreed. "What dressing room smells like... ughh, used gym shorts?"

"The wrong kind," answered Applejack, "and will ya quit bellyaching? We're not getting through that door, and nopony can hear us anyhow!"

Dash listened through the door to the music from the amphitheater. "Yeah, thanks to Trixie! Guess what song she's playing? I'll give you a hint: the only one she knows!"

"At least she probably got to write it," muttered Fluttershy.

"What was that?" Dash demanded. And so it continued, the arguing, bickering and back-biting, with sides taken and lines drawn in every argument, only to be redrawn as new issues arose. This served as a wonderful pre-show refreshment for the Dazzlings, who were confident everyone not in their power was out of the picture.

Jack awoke to the hum and gentle yellow glow of maintenance lights, which Sunset had managed to find the switch for. As soon as he stirred, she rushed to his side, helping him roll onto his back and sit up. "Jack, thank goodness, you..."

He put a finger to her lips. "Thank you. There's a lot of my past I don't admit to, and a lot of it involves a me far different from the me you know. But that song, it, it spoke to who I used to be." After a bit of stretching and limbering up, he was back on his feet. "We need to get out of here, don't we?"

She nodded. "I can hear Trixie performing above us, so it looks like the only way out is through there." She pointed at a wooden door on the other side of the room.

"Trixie? That means they must've gotten to the Rainbooms too..." Jack was already attacking the lock with his knife, using the tip as a makeshift screwdriver. With the top two screws removed, he grabbed the faceplate and ripped the bottom two clean out. Pulling apart the internal mechanism of the thing was child's play from there, and the door swung free seconds later. "Let's go!"

"We need to find the others!" Sunset advised, but Jack had already vaulted onto a backstage platform above them and retrieved his Flying V from a guitar rack. Jumping back down, he handed it to her. "Here, we might need this later." As they ran toward the open field to get their bearings, they saw a small purple creature approaching at breakneck pace.

"Jack, Sunset, come quickly! The girls are trapped!"

"Lead the way, Spike!" Sunset replied. He brought them to the door of a building beneath the bleachers of the CHS football stadium, which had a chair wedged under it. Jack quickly un-wedged it, only to find the door was also locked.

"Look out, girls, I'm coming in! On three, one, two..." With a solid kick, he powered through the lock and the door flung open.

"Yes!" cheered Rainbow Dash, "Now we can play!"

"We?" Applejack challenged. "I thought you were talking about going on as a solo act?"

"Listen!" Sunset quickly forced her way inside, where all of them could see her. "This is exactly what the Dazzlings want, to drive you all apart so you can't threaten them! That's why they locked me and Jack up; they couldn't turn Jack against himself as a solo act, and they knew I would see what they were trying to do." It was clear her experience beneath the stage had invigorated her confidence.

"I didn't want to say anything before because I didn't think it was my place, me being me and all. But you can't let little things fester, or they'll turn into big things. You've got to see the other person's side of things, then work it out together, like friends! That's the only way the Rainbooms will survive, and it's the only way we'll beat the Dazzlings: together, as friends!"

After a brief pause, Rainbow Dash noted, "Well, it is our band."

Jack left them to their friendship moment, while he tried to figure out a next move. He found it in the form of a pale girl with blue hair, grooving along to the beat of her headphones and clearly not under the sirens' influence. Now there's a natural immunity for you. "Hey, excuse me!" He somehow managed to get her attention, and she stopped her music. "We're trying to fight the Dazzlings, can you help us?"

She nodded enthusiastically, pointed to a small hill just before the entrance to the amphitheater, then ran toward the parking lot.

"Ooo-kay. See you there, then."

After a few costume changes, having told the Humane 7 about the girl he met, and finding out from them that she was Vinyl Scratch, the most musically in-tune girl in the school, Jack led them in a sprint to the hill where he hoped they were going to meet her.

"Jack, are you sure you're free of the Amulet's influence?" Twilight asked. In response, he showed her his bare arm, where the artifact had once been.

"Absolutely. Sunset and I had a friendship moment of our own, which we can tell you about later. In fact, I owe all of you an explanation, which can also wait until later. For now, priority one is stop the Dazzlings." They reached the top of the bluff; which overlooked the crowd; the Dazzlings were already in full stride with their final number.

"Our time is nowww, your time is running out..."

"How are we supposed to play over them from up here?" Rainbow Dash wondered aloud, and was answered by two honks from behind. Vinyl drove her car up to them, put it in park, and in a Transformers-esque sequence, turned it into a stationary DJ booth and bass cannon. "Yowza!" Pinkie exclaimed.

Jack pulled a bundle of AV cables from the side. "Quick, plug in. It's your show now, Rainbooms!" He then jumped up to where Vinyl was, leaning in over the edge of her DJ booth. After whispering a string of numbers to her, he instructed "Transmit all their sound on that frequency, as well as through your own hardware. When the time comes, I'll pump us into the stage speakers."

"Feel the wave of sound, as it crashes down! You can't turn away, we'll make you want to stay!"

Jack and Sunset weaved throughout the group, checking everyone's connections before stepping back to either side to let the Rainbooms play.

"Oh-whoa-oh oh oh, I've got the music in me! Oh-whoa-oh oh oh! Don't need to hear a crowd cheering out my name, I didn't come here seeking infamy or fame. The one and only thing, that I am here to bring is the music, is the music, is the music in my soul!"

Their interruption turned the crowd away from the sirens, and as they finished the first verse, the Rainbooms had their Equestrian magic on full display. But the Dazzlings were not going to give up without a fight.

"What we have in store, all we want and more. We will break on through, now it's time to finish you!"

This brought the crowd's attention back to them, and with a brief soundwave connecting their amulets, each of the sirens' eyes glowed red. The music, correspondingly, got very heavy and intense, as Adagio, Aria and Sonata channeled their power to create energy avatars of their true, serpentine forms. These creatures swarmed towards the Rainbooms, encircling them, but the girls kept playing; Vinyl turned up the volume, launching polychromatic waves of sound at their enemies. Rarity, Fluttershy and Twilight even managed to summon en masse manifestations of their Equestrian cutie marks, then launch them at each of the sirens.

"Whoa-oh-whoa-ohhhhh!" Adagio was the first to strike back, countering Twilight's starburst with a blast of blood-red soundwaves. "Ahhhhh!" Her sisters then joined in with dark, almost operatic voices, overwhelming the Rainbooms with a single, combined attack. Realizing what was going on, Jack dropped to a knee, drew his P99 and opened fire on the serpents, albeit to no effect. Even together, the girls could not withstand their attack, and it forced them to the ground, but not before flinging Twilight's microphone clear of the group. And landing it right at Jack's feet.

He picked it up, realizing what had to be done, then nodded at Twilight to affirm that he was going to do it. He then looked at Rainbow Dash, and with an angled nod pointed her attention to Sunset Shimmer, who had his Flying-V in her hands. Taking the hint, Dash unplugged and tossed her AV cable to her. He then looked to Sunset herself, with an expression that affirmed that he needed her help on this one. He flicked a rudimentary switch in his pocket, activating his override chips, then mouthed to her: "It's My Life". Sunset hit twin power chords, followed by a lighter melody, then repeated.

"This ain't a song for the broken-hearted, no silent prayer for the faith departed. I ain't gonna be just a face in the crowd, you're gonna hear my voice when I shout it out loud!"

Though he lacked any drones or pyrotechnics, Jack hammered into the lyrics, and his confidence spread to Sunset as they launched into the chorus together with gusto.

"It's my life, and it's now or never; I ain't gonna live forever! I just wanna live like I'm alive, it's my life. My heart is like an open highway, like Frankie said I did it my way! I just wanna live like I'm alive, cause it's! My! Life!"

Then Vinyl changed up the beat, and sensing what was happening, Jack tossed the mic to Sunset. Setting the guitar down, she threw off her leather jacket and took center stage (or center hill, you might say).

"You're never gonna bring me down, you're never gonna break this part of me! My friends are here to bring me round, not singing just for popularity!"

Now the Rainbooms were back on their feet, ready to play, and Twilight and Sunset joined together to share vocals.

"We're here to let you know, that we won't let it go, our music is a bomb and it's about to blow! And you can try to fight, but we have got the light of friendship on our side!"

The siren avatars charged, but the beat was only getting louder and stronger. Jack quickly realized that Vinyl had sampled Sunset's guitar-playing from before, and was working it into the mix, so he joined Sunset and Twilight around the mic for what promised to be an epic mashup.

"Got the music in our hearts, it's my life! Here to blow this thing apart, it's my life! And together, we will never be afraid of the dark! My heart is like the open highway, like Frankie said, I did it my way! As the music/I just wanna, of our friendship/live like I'm, survives/alive! It's my life!"

The trio released a blast of rainbow energy that broke the Dazzlings' hold on the student body. But as they finished this chorus, Sunset was lifted up into the air, and suddenly gained pony ears and elongated, mane-like hair; it was what Jack would later go on to call her 'Anthro' form. They repeated the chorus, and the newly expanded Rainbooms supplied the magic of friendship while Jack supplied the hard rock. The seven of them fired magical energy up into the clouds, which began to swirl rapidly before sprouting wings. Eventually, this ball grew into a majestic turquoise alicorn, an energy avatar much like the sirens'. But at the climax of the second chorus, it fired a beam of energy down from on high, vaporizing the serpents and destroying the Dazzlings' gems.

As the music came down, the three of them tried to repeat their own chorus, evidently in a desperate bid to regain control. But this time, they appeared to have been struck remarkably tone-deaf, and were run off the stage. Jack let the girls make for the stage while he stayed behind, then took out the small switch device from his pocket, flipped it back, and crushed it in his palm. "Well, that went better than I expected."

The next time they met was at the portal the next morning, where Jack delivered his promised explanation, more to Twilight than anyone else. "So when I was preparing to fight Tirek, I was looking for any possible advantage I could get. I had hoped that using the Alicorn Amulet might give me some rudimentary magical abilities, or at least protect me from the magic Tirek had stolen."

"But that didn't work, did it?"

"Well, in a way it did. The most I could really use it for was force fields, which I guess was just the Amulet protecting itself. But once that ordeal was over, I never got around to taking it off. And once we came here, it was like some kind of barrier was lifted, and it really started to work for me."

"But it also started to affect your mind, as well."

"Exactly." He handed Twilight the Alicorn Amulet, which was now protected inside a small glass-top case. "I'd feel better if you were to hold onto it, Twilight. Probably best for everyone."

"Sure wish you could stay longer," offered Applejack, changing the subject.

"Me too," Twilight answered. "But I have responsibilities in Equestria that I have to get back to. Its citizens need me. But now, I can go through the portal whenever I need to. This isn't goodbye. It's just goodbye 'til next time." She looked to Spike. "Ready?"

"Ready!" he replied enthusiastically. The two of the stepped through the portal; Jack was close behind, but Sunset stopped him.

"Jack, you'll be coming back too, right?"

"Of course. It's nice to be around other humans for a change, and besides, you still need a token male bandmate, don't you?" And with a wry smile, he slipped into the portal and back to Equestria.

"But, but, but you were depowered!" Snips stammered.

"Yeah, we saw it! You sounded awful!" followed Snails. The two of them had been leaving the concert, on their way home to East Canterlot, when they were snatched and dragged into an alley. Surrounding them were three girls in drab-colored hoodies.

"Awful, were we?" answered one of them, while the others hummed melodically in the background. "Maybe just a bit too awful?" All this elicited were blank, confused looks. "Ugh, it's called a wounded-gazelle gambit, you idiots."

One of the others piped up sarcastically, "Did you really think we'd just forget how to sing?"

"We're sirens, singing is what we do!" chimed in the third one, much more perky than the others. Then they went back to humming that enchanting little melody, and their leader spoke again.

"Those gems were like batteries for us; without them, our power is limited, but not gone entirely. They'll reforge themselves eventually. But in the meantime..." She smirked.

"No one at Canterlot High would believe we're any kind of threat anymore, so they won't be looking for us, nor will they suspect that we aren't finished with them yet. But they have seen our faces; that's where you boys come in. We've got a little... project for you."

"Project..." Snips murmured, enthralled by their charms. "Sounds fun..." echoed Snails.

"Oh yes, I'm sure you'll simply adore it." And with that, three sinister laughs swept through the alleyway and out into the streets of an unsuspecting city.

I Like My Mares Well-Done Pt. 3

Jack hoisted the horned Mare-Do-Well over his shoulder, and watched Dash grab the other's cape in her teeth and begin dragging her along. He lead her back down the street they had just chased their captors down, apprehensive at the job of unmasking. He broke the mildly-intimidating silence with a blunt statement of fact, if nothing else just to ease the mood.

"You know I don't know a single person, err, pony around here, aside from you, so whoever these three turn out to be, you'll have to explain them to me."

She simply nodded back at him, as if she already knew a very large explanation would be in order. As they brought their quarries down the road, a crowd of followers from the parade grounds had formed in front of them. They broke where he walked, gasping in astonishment at such a foreign creature (relatively speaking). Their gasps changed to scorns as Rainbow Dash passed by, less confused as angered for their hero having been bested. Escaping the mass on the opposite end, Jack finally found the alley where he had hung up the other Mare-Do-Well. He could tell it from a ways away, because he could hear a voice yelling out with what he would call a pronounced Texas twang.

"Lemme down from here! Somepony get me down! I ain't nopony's dirty laundry!"

As he and Dash turned the corner, she suddenly fell silent. He set his Mare-Do-Well down directly below her, and Dash let go of the cape of hers.

"Wait here. I'll be right back. Stay clear of her."

At this, Jack scrambled up a nearby gutter pipe onto the roof. He hurried over to the chimney column, and pressed a button on his grapnel gun. It detached, then retracted itself and clattered to the rooftop, and on cue, he could hear a loud thud back at street-level. Resheathing the gun in his bandolier, he slid back down the pipe to find three Mare-Do-Wells on the ground, Dash practically standing guard over them, and a crowd of spectators at the near end of the alleyway. He nodded to her, and they both reached down to the masks of the vigilante trio. Dash's face was virtually smeared with triumph, and he could see a twinge of vengeance in her eyes as well. Despite this, her voice was icy cold.

"The game's over, Mare-Do-Well. You lost. It's time to end this charade, once and for all. Jack, shall we do the honors?"

"Indeed, Rainbow."

They both yanked off the masks of each Mare-Do-Well, revealing three very different faces beneath. Jack found an orange-faced, freckled blonde pony beneath his left hand, and a purple unicorn beneath his right. Rainbow Dash was staring on at an unexplainably giddy pink pony with curly hair to match. Dash's expression changed to one of pure shock, though all Jack could elicit was vague recollection.

"P...P...Pinkie? Twilight? Applejack? You're all Mare-Do-Well?"

The names jogged Jack's memories, and details on these three came flowing back into his mind. This, however, was not enough to distract him from the bluish glow his peripheral vision had spotted at the opposite end of the alley. It was difficult to make out in the darkness, but he had been in enough set-up scenarios to know it meant trouble. Thinking quickly, he drew and hurled a razor-disc from his wrist, and it flew imperceptibly through the air, embedding itself in the brick wall with a metallic clang. This drew Dash's attention, and she stared down the alleyway to find an ivory unicorn and yellow, pink-maned pegasus. The razor-disc had stuck in the wall directly above them, and they were both frozen in their tracks with fear.

"Rarity? Fluttershy? What are you doing here?"

Sensing the impracticality of fleeing, both of them stepped into the light towards the group. Rarity spoke first.

"Darn me, I knew that teleportation spell wouldn't work! We should have just left while we had the chance! That's what I told you, Fluttershy..."

Dash cleared her throat deliberately, breaking Rarity's focus from her aside and back to the matter at hand.

"Ah, yes, well... Fluttershy and I were... umm...it's kind of hard to... Twilight, be a dear and explain this to Rainbow and her friend. By the way, what are you, anyway?"

The gasps, strange looks, and bewildered questions, though not unexpected, were starting to get on Jack's nerves.

"A human being, thank you very much."

Rainbow was too fuming to notice this last exchange.

"Yes, Twilight, please explain why three ponies I thought were my best friends have been masquerading as the vigilante who has thus far ruined my life."

Twilight Sparkle, for once in her life, was speechless. She could do nothing but glance between the others, finally settling her gaze on Applejack.

"Tell her, Twi."

"Rainbow, there's no easy to say this, so I'll be direct. We've been playing Mare-Do-Well the entire time. We would each take up the costume at different times so nopony would suspect us. Pinkie's Pinkie Sense would tell us when a disaster was going to happen, and one of us would suit up and go make the rescue. Sometimes there was more than one of us at once."

Rainbow Dash already knew where this was going.

"Like at the dam. I'm guessing fixing the dam was your job, Twilight, then the flyover was done by Fluttershy. Rarity, I assume that means you were a part of this, too. Am I right?"

At the mention of her name, and reminder of her role, Fluttershy broke down sobbing. Rarity was able to answer for both of them, though.

"Entirely, dear. You guessed them both right, but I was never actually Mare-Do-Well. I just designed the costumes; I think they turned out very well, don't you? Stylish, but also functional, and very durable, I might add. I just may send the..."

A glare from Dash was all that was necessary to silence her. Twilight, however, was not finished.

"But I think we're ignoring the real issue here, girls. Rainbow Dash, what are you doing with a human in Equestria? I thought they were only myths, old mares' tales from ancient times. But here you have a real, living one! This is a breakthrough in so many fields! I must write..."

She had gotten up, and all the while was eying Jack up and down, occassionally moving his arms and legs interestedly. This annoyed him to no end.

"Do you mind? This human is not here to be studied, for your information."

She had been put off from her obsession with knowledge, comparable to Rarity's for fashion. She looked at the ground, almost pouting at having been denied an in-depth examination. Rainbow was, once again, disinterested in this line of questioning, and still focused on the matter concerning her.

"No, Twilight. The real issue is not Jack. It's you. I can understand you all wanting to be heroes, too, and the cape-and-cowl was an interesting touch. But every time you showed up, I ended up with egg on my face. I don't think it's a coincidence. Please, enlighten me."

"Yes, Rainbow. It wasn't coincidence we were stealing your rescues. But if you didn't notice, the fame that came with your heroics kind of went to your head."

"Twi's right, you were getting quite a bit high-horsed there."

"Yeah, you were being a Braggy McBraggerpants. I know I used that line in the other Mare-Do-Well fic, but I like it, so I'm gonna use it anyway."

No one could help but cock an eyebrow at Pinkie, but the disruption was momentary; Rainbow quickly broke the silence.

"Alright, I'll give you that. I was being a little bit too boastful about it. But why go to all this? Just to teach me a lesson? All you needed to do was tell me, and I could've fixed it right there. I don't get you at all."

"Well, that would've been too short, and a big hero epic makes for a better episode plot."

Once again, cue group eyebrow-cock at Pinkie. Twilight was close behind with the sensible answer.

"We didn't think you'd listen. It might have worked for a day, but we didn't think you'd actually change with something so small. We..."

Rainbow quickly cut her off, voice now thawed out into a fire of rage.

"You didn't really try, did you? Quit sugarcoating it, Twilight. You betrayed me, all of you. I'm not sure if you really wanted to teach me a lesson, or if you were just jealous, or whatever the real reason was, but you've done nothing but cause me pain ever since Mare-Do-Well showed up. No amount of petty justification can change that. You upstaged me and embarrassed me on a grand scale, made me the laughingstock of Ponyville. I don't care what you intended, but that's what you've done; I hope you're happy with it."

Jack, still acting as a bystander, could feel the emotion she was emmanating. He knew the feelings betrayal brought, hatred most of all, through many painful memories he wouldn't care to relive. He also knew he didn't know enough about their friendship (if it could be called that anymore) to intervene. Until Dash made a move, he would stay back and let her vent. Twilight, it appeared, could not empathize as well as he could.

"Rainbow, please, we never meant to hurt you..."

"Well you did! You hurt me a lot, Twilight. In fact, all of you hurt me, worse than ever before. The five ponies I always thought I could go to when something like this came up, and it turns out they've been working against me the entire time! Five of you, and it never occurred to one of you that that would hurt?"

Twilight could tell her words would mean nothing, and slowly backed towards the others, head hung low in shame. Pinkie's smile was also gone, and her hair straightening by the minute. Rarity comforted Applejack, as they both realized the fallout of their actions far too late. Fluttershy was on the edge of tears, curled up in a ball on the pavement. Rainbow, having turned away from them, could do nothing but scowl at the wall, until finally working up the courage to speak. The chill had returned to her voice, and its curtness hinted to Jack something was about to happen.

"I don't know what to think right now. I need time to clear my head, away from all of this. But loyalty only works both ways. I hope you know that."

With these last lines, she leapt into the air and flew up, into the falling twilight. Opposite her flight path, a shimmering ray of sunlight cut through the darkness. One could barely make out the form of a chariot emerging from the beam. With the mare of the hour gone, all eyes fell towards Jack, Twilight's in particular.

"I'm sure the princess will have more than a few things to talk to you about."

"Unfortunately, I don't plan to be around to discuss them with her. Give the princess my regards. I have a friend I need to visit."

Slipping a small pellet from his belt to the ground, he disappeared in an instantaneous cloud of smoke. Unseen by anyone else, he had climbed back to the rooftops. He once again began bounding across the skyline, in the last direction he had seen Rainbow Dash fly.

He knew too well that if there was ever a time someone like her needed a friend, it was now.