School Daze

Since the fire was in the school, the fire department went all out. They brought every able bodied firefighter (I didn’t know any cause I didn’t care.) My peers were mumbling about the new arrivals mainly because this holdup that I made was the most exciting thing that had happened to the town since Twilight Sparkle ascended to princesshood. All I thought was that it was racist. You never heard of earth ponies ascending.

The system was rigged.

I was snapped out of my reverie when Pipsqueak, of all ponies, asked if I was going to let them in. He finally had lost that shell shocked expression that he had woken up with and looked resigned to his fate. Let me be frank here: No matter what you might have read. . .nothing in that room was what it seemed, We all held secrets. Even the high and mighty Diamond Tiara. I still feel bad at what happened to her, but that’s karma.

I calmly answered the stallion. “Nope. They came for a fire. And that is outside this room. Whatever happens, happens.” He shut up after that.

“Babs. you shut your locker?” Berry Pinch asked. She was currently nursing a bottle of wine that she had pulled out of her saddlebags. ‘I knew that she carried a bottle today.’ She had been my locker neighbor until, well, you know. . . At least she was not a bitch to me. But she had the whole alcoholic shit going down and so I tried to keep away from her. The stallions didn’t mind all that much. I saw their stares at her flank and her curvaceous body. I could be jealous; she might be dead. Especially after those gryphons imposed martial law.

I nodded at Berry. She had this kind of blissful drunk smile. “I guessed so. That fire’s probably out. No oxygen and all that.”

We just turned and watched the commotion. Educational Conduct was being his old plothole self. His face was red with effort as he yelled at the firemen to put out the fire. Head Case was nearby acting like a wimp. The huddle that those stallions di reminded me of Friday nights; those days where our school rallied around the glorious pastime known as hoof ball. Now some gathered for the fun of it, some gathered because they were part of the team, and some gathered for the sex, drugs, and music that gave that awkward phase of teenage sex maniac- a release. A little nozzle that could be loosened to let off steam and anger. A ticking time bomb. I was one of those and I got fucked in the plot one too many times. But that is the educational system for you. Mediocrity and favoritism ruled.

Finally the football huddle broke and Head Case booked it inside like a hoof ball player trying for a touchdown. He was rushing towards the double doors like a colt ready to fuck a mare for the first time. I could hear it now. The beautiful view the stallion has and the view of the mare being in Tartarus for months on end because they didn’t use protection.

And I broke out of my rant because stupid Twist was crying like a bitch. “I wanna go home” she cried.

“Shut up, Peppermint.” I used her nickname, Little Peppermint Twist- the four-eyed snitch that ruined all the kids fun. We even made a game out of calling her names. Kids are some heartless bastards. But adults think that us kids are angels. It comes with being an adorable kid I guess. I could have committed murder and would have got off scot-free when I was younger.

Now the fire chief was yelling in his gigantic bullhorn that he pulled out from somewhere. ‘Because of this situation. . .suggest that all. . .school is cancelled for. . .’ Woo hoo. I just got our entire school day cancelled because I had a moment of clarity. ‘Sorry for the inconvenience this causes for any Cloudsdale residents. . .school is cancelled.’

Some of the teachers waved my schoolmates off/ The crowd scattered. Pegasi flew away with their buddies ready to tell the wacky news about the school’ earth ponies hoofed it out of the danger zone; and the unicorns fucking disapparated back home. I knew that this crowd was only the beginning. Royal Guards were going to kill me sooner or later. That’s what they learned to do ever since the last Gryphus conflict. Our nice benevolent ruler was a hypocrite. She let her guards do this in hopes of maintaining harmony and happiness throughout the land. Load of shit. . .all I think is that she’s cracking under paranoia.

Snails rose his hand. “Uh, is it okay to do some homework?”

“Yes. If you want.” Everypony laughed at that. Our class was bonding over my holdup of the school. Nopony, if given the chance, wants to do homework. It sucks all loads of plot. “If you want, smoke for all I care.”

Some grabbed for their smokes. Silver Spoon grabbed hers out and slowly lit it with a flick of her lighter. She had distanced herself from Diamond Tiara since the gray mare had been humiliated when her old friend had dumped a few gallons of chicken blood on her. They still hated each other. Everypony had forgotten what had caused the incident but I bet that Silvy would tell us when I implemented show and tell. She widened her legs to show her readiness to mate with any number of horny stallions.

“Oh and you can move anywhere you want. Sit with your friends. I don’t care. Just don’t try to leave. “ Some ponies moved but most stayed in their seats. I forgot that Cheerilee had been a terrible teacher. She let anypony sit with their friends and never broke them up, even if they were disrupting the entire class.

There was that noise again. The noise that had started it all. . .that buzz of the intercom. “Hello.” Yep. That was my shrink come to check on me. “Please answer.”

“What?” I said.

“Who’s that?”

“Babs Seed.”

Nothing for a while. He was composing himself for the coming battle of wills. “What have you done?”

I laughed. “I guess I’m gonna go to the loony bin.”

Silence. Long period of just hearing the breathing of my neighborhood shrink trying to deal with a commotion that he couldn’t control. I was at the controls and I was ready to mess with him. I shook my head at Diamond Tiara. She got the fucking hint.

“Hello, Dr. Case?”

“Who’s that?”

“Diamond Tiara, Sir. Babs is holding us hostage and Cheerilee’s dead. I think Time Turner is dead too.”

“Fifty points. Complete headshot.” I chuckled. I had a sick sense of humor ever since those parents tried to ban video games in Ponyville. Violence is a mindset. It is not given to you by a game. You choose to act of the impulse. I could say that all the violence was caused by craptastic parenting. But I already knew that.

Berry Pinch giggled again. Celestia, she must be drunk.

“Diamond?”

“Yeah?” Tiara sounded like she was the ringleader of this circus act, I knew that she had the school ready to kill for her because she was a supplier of necessary goods. I wondered if there was a connection between the administration and her. There might have been because the principal was reading a dirty mag when I walked in on him. The problem was that there had been a ordinance by the town to ban such material in the school. Diamond Tiara was the winner then because it gave her the monopoly of filth. Not Filth, as in my god. . .but little f filth. Debauchery, corruption, and all the little devils that the good hearted ponies of this town tried to crush under their hooves.

“Who’s in the classroom besides you and Babs?”

I spoke up. “I’ll call the roll.” So I did. Besides the screech of anger that Twist gave me, my class was a good little conformist lot. “Everypony is fucking here.” Looking back, I was wrong. They weren’t all there. Everypony in that room was corruptible and had part of was I had. The Dark Thing was in their hearts. I heard that Diamond Tiara finally got out of the mental hospital. . .I stay in because of what I did. I am a martyr. I bet I am the boogeyman that parents tell bad children about to scare them shitless. I am a butcher of two ponies and I scarred Diamond so bad that she still has nightmares. Just that I wasn’t. My classmates turned on her. . .but that is coming up.

“Babs? Will you let them go?”

“Nope, we haven’t had our show and tell session.”

I knew he was sweating on the other end. He was so used to unlocking the mental deficiencies of insanity that when he met his match- he didn’t know what to do. My Dark Thing crawled back out of my brain. Hallucination or not, it was a calming friend. Now the doctors say that it was just a misfiring of my neural insides. . .a kind of bad corruption that had affected my life for the worse. I still think its there somewhere in my brain ready to crawl out with its tentacles and wrap them around a pony’s head and twist until I feel like me again.

I saw it crawl inside the intercom and pass through the magical wiring, I saw it reach its talons through the skull of Head Case and he slumped dead on the other end. I grinned like a maniac as I knew what to do. He was another obstacle that I had to crush to get further on my quest to getting it on.

“What?”

“I mean fuck off.” Applebloom stared at me in surprise.

“Miss Seed-”

“Call me Babs.”

“No.”

I held my hoof towards my class and prayed. I prayed that this thing would work. “If you don’t call me Babs, I am going to shoot everypony in here until you drag me out of here.”

Dead silence. “Babs?”

Snips and Snails were hiding their goofy grins that plastered their faces. Others in the class were ready to bust a gut from the sheer stupidity of this. I really loved my class right then and there. They were showing their true colors; their psyches were beginning to escape from their cages of normalcy. Everypony was like little old me. We had a barrelful of laughs at the expense of the administration. “I’ll call you Case. That okay Case?”

Silence fell across the intercom. I waited for an answer.

“When will they leave?”

Across the lawn, the real backup appeared. Royal Guards landed on the lawn and surrounded the school. To my surprise, Princess Twilight Motherfucking Sparkle’s brother stepped out of the golden chariot and stomped over to the makeshift bunker. ‘Great, the head honcho is coming to take me away.’ His stupid red coat uniform was a giant target that I could hit if I was blind.

“Did you hear me?”

“Yeah, who called the Guards?”

“The principal.” That piece of shit. “More are going to come when we tell them exactly what’s going on. They’ll shoot you dead if you make a move they don’t like.Just surrender.”

“Case. Tell those plotheads that if they even dream of moving near this school. . .if they even try to shoot magical shit up in this room- I will go completely insane and take down as many ponies I can until I am dead. Get your bastard self out there and tell that Captain that I am pulling the strings not you. Not anypony. Just me.”

“Why are you doing this?” He finally sounded like his age. An old stallion that had hoped to never see what real crazy was. He just wanted to drug up the problem students or lobotomize the crazy right out of the enlightened ones. The ones that tried to tell the truth about everything. Colors beyond colors, shapes beyond shapes, times beyond time. . .things that normal brains couldn’t comprehend.

“I have no idea,” I shrugged. “but it sure beats saddle raids. It probably doesn’t even affect you. So get your flank out there and tell those higher ups what I said.”

He sighed. “I guess I lose.”

“Yeah you do. I don’t like you at all, Head Case. You probably know this shit already but you haven’t cared at all until now. I am free of your meddling. I am out of your files of insanity. You got that? You can’t lock up my files and forget about me once I leave the system. I am free. HAVE YOU FUCKING GOT THAT?” My eyes were bugging out of my head and I could only scream out my frustration at my headfucker.

“Yes.” He was fuming on the other end.

“No you don’t. You and all these crazy ponies are gonna learn from my book of tricks. Discord was a great influence on this town. Fun, fun, fun. You are going to learn how a real mind fuck will work and I will laugh all the way to the funny farm while I do it.”

“You are insane, Miss Seed.”

“No you think I am insane, Babs. Say it correctly or I will shoot the most annoying ones first.”

“You are insane, Babs.” Dead voice on the other end. I smiled as I knew he was under my spell. If he came back on anytime soon I was going to crush him beyond recognition. Progress report: I won.

“You got some getting it on to do, Case. Now get out and tell them.”

He wanted to say more but he clicked off his end. My classmates started talking in hushed whispers about what just happened. I saw they were all staring blankly at what I would do next. Unspoken rule number who the fuck cares: Don’t talk back to a teacher no matter what. I shattered that rule like King Sombra crushed the Crystal Ponies under his rule. I was the master of my destiny now and I floated on air. I wondered what they were going to learn today; what was I going to learn today? Our classmates were probably listening on their radios and whatnot, but in our little class we were still learning.

I rapped my killing machine on the desk and they died down. They were staring at me like I grew wings and a horn and became an alicorn princess. “Well I guess the shit has hit the fan. I thin we have to start show and tell.”

“Private conversation about what happened?” Featherweight asked. Featherweight’s name was a joke. He was built like a mountain. If I was straight, I would so want to fuck him. But I wasn’t so it was just a fantasy of mine. “you better turn off the intercom.”

Diamond Tiara stared daggers into him. “You idiot.” Featherweight just smiled knowingly at the prissy pink mare. I just shrugged and turned the lever from two way conversation to one way. I sat back down.

“You know Diamond, I was going to turn that off. You didn’t have to be a killjoy.” Tiara just smiled sweetly back. The bitch was probably thinking about ripping out my jugular with her teeth. But I knew I could just shoot her in the head. The speed of a bullet made it impossible to catch using magic. Even if she could slow it down I would then shoot her again.

I began to talk to all of my classmates. “I may be off my rocker but I would shoot anypony for talking about what we are going to discuss. Is there anypony here that thinks I will randomly murder them?” A few ponies looked up but nopony said anything. “I am not going to. We are just going to mess with the adults.”

“Yeah, whore, you sure messed with Cheerilee.” Diamond Tiara yet again. Okay, so maybe I should revise my list of annoying classmates that I want to brutally murder. Number one: Diamond Tiara. Moving to number two: Twist. Good job, brain continue being that crazy ass self of yours.

“Good question, DT. I had to. She and Time Turner were just casualties of misplaced anger. I was forced to shoot them. All will be made clear once we start our little group therapy session.”

Sweetie Belle raised her hand. She was the class president and she had a set of pipes on her that rivaled the likes of Sapphire Shores. Nice mental image. Sapphire Shores, Scootaloo, and Sweetie menage a trois. Mmm. Now that’s a good way to get off. Oops gotta actually care about this.

“When can we go?”

“I dunno. Later.”

“But Rarity will kill me for being late!”

Scootaloo laughed. “Your sister is so uptight that she’ll be happy to get you out of her mane for a few hours.” Sweetie Belle stared at her marefriend. Lover’s quarrel, bitches. Oh Celestia!

Applebloom shushed her friends. Laughed rang out through the entire class. Except for one. Diamond Tiara just had that little smile that unnerved me just enough to want to put a bullet in her brain. She was playing her own game. Why did he want this to end? A trophy? No, too tacky. Undying love from the town? Nice, but her family could just pay ponies to love them. Her profile was a quiet one, always staying in the shadows and controlling minds with favors. She was the only mare I knew to drop out of cheerleading by not giving a fuck- but she held secrets that I wanted to probe into. Her reasoning for quitting was just that it wasn’t her style. I respected that part of her but there was something lurking in her mind.

“Are you crazy?” Rumble asked.

“I might be. Anypony who kills another out of rage is in my book. I fit the bill.”

“Maybe you should get help.” I just looked at Rumble like he was stupid. Silver Spoon cut in.

“And have Head Case ask her about her sex life? I had to go last year and all he did was look between my legs and drool. It was really creepy.”

“Not that you’ve had any.” Diamond was on the attack. I just sat and watched.

“Bitch please. I’ve had more sex than you.” Diamond growled and began to rise out of her seat. I just pointed the gun at her and she slumped in her chair.Silver Spoon grinned and crushed her cigarette under her hoof.

Outside, even more guards were coming. They converged on the place like bees on a flower. Shining Armor must have wanted to go home and screw his succubus wife. I looked to see if I was true. He just had a nervous sway from one hoof to another. It was annoying.

“Is this because you beat up Theoretical Proof?”

“How should I know? If I knew I wouldn’t be doing this?” I yelled at nopony in particular but they got the hint.

Applebloom of all ponies spoke up. “Its your parents.” DT and I both tensed up. “Its always the parents.” Applebloom surprised me. She wasn’t a pony that normally talked in class. She usually just took a lot of notes and studied hard. She only spoke when she had to; she relied on her natural intelligence to be good at tests. She had started working at the Acres a few years ago and her body radiated that strength that years of hard work gave a pony. She could have gone to Canterlot U but she was stuck in a life that she disliked as much as me. We had swapped dreams once when we were little. She wanted to be an inventor while I wanted to be a. . .I don’t remember what I wanted to be. Maybe the shock therapies have fucked with my past a bit. Sometimes I have dreams where I didn’t kill Time Turner and Cheerilee and those are fantastic because my cousin and her family would let me be part of their life and I was happy. Then I wake up.

“My parents” I wanted to tell them about the hunting trip and my father’s words about the Buffalo Ear Job but that was too gruesome for the moment.

I looked at Tiara and I hit the jackpot. She was staring at Bloom so hard that she could have caught ablaze on just the stare alone. She was ready to pounce. All her muscles were tensed and she dragged a pencil in a groove in her desk made by a pat student. I saw her pencil break in fury. Show and tell was ready to begin.

“That’s what I read at least.” Applebloom was not paying attention at all. “Of course. . .” She then noticed that nopony else was talking and she trailed off in fear of looking too smart. My cousin never did like to brag. She looked at the floor and began to whisper something.

“My parents” I saw the tent that the hunting trip began in, I saw my father’s disembodied head laughing at my failure, I saw the tight tent straps. (My father loved a tight strap on a tent. It was just one of his order rules. I fell into his box titled Mistakes.)

I hadn’t talked about any of this with Head Case. I wanted to vent. I wanted to help. . .Diamond with her problems. She was as wound up as me and I was ready to blow. I knew that she didn’t want to be here It was too late for me, but it wasn’t for her.

Story time. Time to get it on.