When Life Gives You Lemongrab
Twilight Sparkle
Beep. Beep. Beep.
I groaned inwardly as the haze of sleep receded from my mind. I thrashed about to free myself of the several sheets and blankets I had become ensnared in, like a terrified fly struggling against the grasp of a spider's web. Finally managing to kick the covers away, I swung my forelegs over the edge of the bed and sighed.
Another early morning in Ponyville. It seemed like mere minutes since I had collided with my mattress as I surrendered to my weariness, and now it was time to get up, make myself look presentable to the public, and commence another enthralling day of re-shelving books. Oh joy.
My clouded gaze drifted to the arms of my traditional alarm clock as I struggled to register the correct time. It was 7:30 am, the same time I, Twilight Sparkle, awaken every day. That gives me exactly a half hour to prepare for the busy day ahead. I staggered to my hooves and made my way to the bathroom. The reflection of a tired unicorn was an expected sight.
My mane lay in complete disarray, purple and pink strands stuck out at odd angles and one of my bangs was wavy and stuck up atop my head. Dark circles hung under my lavender eyes, joined by smudges of mascara I had neglected to wash off the night before. I was a complete and utter mess. My post-bed features would be something Discord might applaud. Unkempt was a word that came to mind.
My magic lifted a green toothbrush from a rusted holder, as well as a tube of toothpaste. The purple aura unscrewed the lid with ease, squeezing just enough of the minty white gunk onto the brush. It went to work on my teeth, replacing the taste of stale coffee and last night's dinner with a delightful peppermint. I lifted my hairbrush to my mane, the magic working through it with clockwork strokes. I smiled with satisfaction as it began to smooth out, restoring me to the pony that everyone knew me as. Resting the brush on the side of the sink, I gave a splash of cold water to my face. There. Just enough to snap me out of any lingering sleepiness. A cloth to the area surrounding my eyes cleared the mascara, only to be replaced as I ran the brush through my eyelashes.
Perfect. I was once again Twilight Sparkle. I trotted cheerily down the stairs, noting that I had at least fifteen minutes to eat my breakfast before show time. My nostrils were instantly greeted by the delicious aroma of what I believe to be... hmm, hay bacon and eggs? My suspicions were confirmed as I entered the kitchen.
Spike stood atop a wooden stool, which allowed him to be level with the stove. He wore an apron and clutched a spatula in his clawed hand. Three strips of hay (otherwise known as hay bacon) and two freshly cracked eggs were sizzling to perfection in a metal pan.
"That looks delicious!" I commented, pressing my muzzle in for another sniff of the breakfast. Spike opened his mouth to reply, but his words were interrupted by a loud knock at the door. We exchanged glances briefly before I made my way to the door. The knocking came again, more rapid and even louder than before. "Hold your horses!" I cried as I galloped to the door, opening it a crack.
"I'm sorry, but the library doesn't open for another ten minutes." I said. A noise that resembled that of a tea kettle's whistle sounded from the impatient visitor.
"I, the Earl of Lemongrab, have traveled for days from the distant land of Ooo. I seek the aid of one they call 'Twilight Sparkle'. Is she here?" he asked. His voice was odd, it was scratchy and sounded like he was constantly whining like some spoiled brat. I had never heard of Lemongrab, nor a that there was a neighboring land called Ooo. Nonetheless, he claimed he was an Earl, and I felt obliged to allow him in.
I let the door swing open with a long creak of complaint came from the aged hinges. What I saw before me took me entirely by surprise. I stifled a scream, instead allowing a quiet 'eep' to escape my lips.
Before me stood a tall, lanky creature. He stood on two thin legs. He had no coat, nor a mane. His head resembled a large lemon standing on it's edge, pockmarked with tiny lemon dimples. He stared at me with two unblinking eyes, one on either side of his incredibly long, pointed nose. I could see where 'Lemongrab' came into this equation. He wore a grey suit adorned with nothing but a green sash with a lemon badge pinned to it. In a loop in his sash hung a sword.
"Hello.." Lemongrab said with the faintest of smiles, extending a yellow hand to shake. I offered up my hoof. "Are you Twilight Sparkle? The one I have searched for?"
"Erm... yes! Yes, I am Twilight. Pleased to make your acquaintance, sir." I found myself stuttering, and before I knew it, I had invited the creature inside. He took a sheepish step in, absorbing his surroundings with the occasional nod of his head. I studied him as his gaze meandered about the library. It seemed that with each new thing he saw, he uttered a quiet 'hmm' to himself. Interesting reaction. "Can I get you anything, Mr. Lemongrab?"
"No."
"Okaaay. Well, how about we sit down and you can tell me what you need help with." I offered as I settled down on the sofa.
"I need to learn about something." he replied blandly, taking a seat beside me.
"Really? Why, that's simple! I've got so many wonderful books you can read. What do you need to know? History or math? Perhaps spell-casting? Potions? Ooh, I've got this particularly informative book on potions you might like -"
"Friendship." Lemongrab interrupted. "I hear it is nice. I want to learn the art of friendship." My mouth opened, but words failed to come out as they jammed in my throat. There were no books on friendship. There was the definition of friendship in the dictionary, but I sincerely doubt that it might offer any assistance.
"I-I'm very sorry. I'm awfully busy, and there is just so much I need to do around the library. I really don't have time to teach you everything-"
"Please?" he persisted.
"I - well, okay." I sighed. "I'll help you."
When Life Gives You Lemongrab
Pinkie Pie
I hummed an upbeat tune, bouncing along the streets of Ponyville. The streets were bustling to the brim with local townsponies out for their daily stroll through the market, greeted with the sights and aromas of deliciously fresh legumes ripe and ready for eating. Mr. Cake had sent me on a mission for some carrots, which he needs to complete his infamous carrot cake.
The booth was in sight, just beyond a crowd of ponies fighting their way through in every which direction. I drew a deep breath and plunged head-first into the sea of shoppers, wincing as I received several elbows or bumps as |I jostled my way through. It would be worth it! Mr. Cake promised me the first slice if I ran this errand for him. I could feel myself salivate at the very thought of that rich texture, that creamy home-made carrot frosting, the perfect dash of salt to bring out the flavor -- Pinkie! Get a hold of yourself!
I made my escape and galloped to the booth. A stout mare with a few streaks of white running through her strawberry blonde mane. She gave me a kind smile as I scanned through the several bundles of carrots. When you're a baker, you train your eye to spot things no other pony would detect; you can tell when there is just enough flour, perhaps a dash too much of a spice... but in this case, it was the length and plumpness of each carrot in their consecutive bundle.
Settling on a decent group of carrots, I tossed a couple bits onto the counter and skipped off.
Hmm. I couldn't help but wonder why everypony was staring at me so funny... it appeared as if they were terrified of me. A few screams here and there, and ponies scattered around me, galloping away as fast as they could. It hit me, they weren't staring at me. They were staring behind me.
Before I even had the chance to turn my head, I felt a hoof on my shoulder spin me around.
"Pinkie! It's me, Twilight." the mare said.
"Hey, Twilight. What'sh up?" I managed through my mouth full of carrots. Twilight gave me a solemn look.
"Okay, Pinkie Pie. I'm going to show you something and don't scream or run away." Twilight pressed her hoof against my chest, narrowing her eyes at me. "And don't pull the same thing you did with Luna on Nightmare Night. Got that?" I blinked. It wasn't often that Twilight used such a stern tone with me.
"Okie dokie lokie!" I nodded, unfazed by her serious intentions. Twilight nodded and turned her head away, waving a hoof to some abandoned booth.
"You can come out now, Lemongrab!" she called. Who in the hay is Lemongrab? That doesn't sound like anypony I know. He must be new! Oh my goodness!
Indeed, he was not anything like I expected. He certainly wasn't like anypony I knew. He wasn't a pony at all! He stood on two slim legs, wore a weird grey suit with a sash, and had the head of an overgrown lemon with a long, pointed nose. He strode towards me until he and Twilight were side-by-side.
He said in a scratchy and sort of annoying voice (and that is saying something, because someponies find my voice annoying! Can you believe it?), "Hello. Twilight Sparkle tells me you are the one who can show me how to experience 'fun'." It took me a moment to fully process his words. A moment passed before I nodded my head.
"Yupperoo! That'd be me, Pinkie Pie! My talents include party-planning, making sweets, singing and song-writing and partying hard! And you are?" I beamed, every talent I described was accompanied by a vigorous action. Twilight rolled her eyes and gave me a knowing smile. The lemon man simply stared at me with unblinking eyes, his lips curved into a perpetually disapproving frown.
"I am the Earl of Lemongrab, co-ruler of the lemon people in the land of Ooo." he stated, still fixing his gaze on me. I blinked in confusion, as if clearing my vision would produce more clarity in what I'd heard. Lemon people? Ooo? It sounded like gibberish. And not even the kind of gibberish I understand!
"Earl of huh-what?"
"Here, let me clear things up," Twilight said, nonchalantly kicking a pebble aside before she continued. "Lemongrab here travelled all this way in search of me. Apparently he needs me to teach him the magic of friendship, So I thought: what better way to show him then for all my friends to give them a lesson on their individual Element of Harmony." Twilight grinned, but it soon faded to be replaced by an uneasy smile. "I would start things off, but the library needs me. Could you take him for the day?"
Without a moment's hesitation, I chimed in, "I'd be more than happy to, Twi! I have the weekend off except for this one errand I'm running, and then I'm free to hang out with him!" The purple unicorn gave me a grateful smile and turned the other way.
"Thanks a bunch Pinkie! Just drop him off at the library when you're done." she called back as she trotted away. I shouted back as I waved my hoof, watching as the silhouette of Twilight turned vanished behind a cluster of houses.
Lemongrab was the first to speak among the two of us, saying he was excited to learn the art of fun. Otherwise, the trip home was rather short and silent. We soon arrived at Sugarcube Corner, the lively decorations and mouth-watering goodies on display were always a welcome sight. I trotted in, Lemongrab walking by my side. Mrs. Cake was sitting at the counter, flipping through some romance novel. She was so enthralled by this book, in fact, that she hardly noticed when the jingle of the bell at the door rang. Ahem. I cleared my throat, loudly enough to jar Mrs. Cake from her reverie. She glanced up, a sheepish smile on her face.
"Oh, hi, Pinkie!" she greeted quickly, hurriedly turning her attention back to her story. She hadn't even noticed the tall, walking lemon creature enter her bakery and make his way up the stairs to my room.
* * *
"Okay, Lemongrab, sir," I began, addressing the Earl that sat with his legs crossed on my carpeted floor. "Let's throw us a party! That'll be a great way to learn about fun! Okie dokie lokie?"
"Okie... dokie... lokie...." Lemongrab agreed, struggling with my odd choice of words.
I admit, he wasn't the most cooperative person. He was so darn serious, always surveying his surroundings with an unimpressed frown. Nevertheless, he was helpful. He seemed to really like lists -- much like Twilight -- so I gave him the job of checking off the endless column of decorations and food we would need to really send this party off with a bang.
"Streamers?" he muttered, to which I nodded vigorously and pointed to the thin pink and blue strips of paper draped from the ceiling. He scribbled a checkmark into the box beside the words, the faintest smile gracing and hen fading from his lips in a matter of a second. His eyes wondered down to the next component of our welcome party. "Glitter...?" he said, narrowing his eyes. "Why do you need 'glitter'? That seems unnecessary."
I giggled briefly before replying, "Sometimes, life is just full of unnecessary but fun things. If everything in life was just mandatory, life wouldn't be that exciting." Lemongrab's eyes widened and his jaw dropped, revealing a lemony tongue. The pen clattered to the floor noisily, rolling off beneath my bed.
"It... all makes sense." he mumbled before touching a finger gingerly to the corners of his smile. "Is this what fun feels like, Pink One?"
* * *
I eyed the analog clock rested on my wall, listening to the drone of clicks and tick-tocks as the minutes faded away. One more minute and it would be eight o' clock: time for the party to start. Ever since we had finished preparing, Lemongrab had refused to budge from his spot near the door downstairs.
"Okay, I'll bite... what are you doing?" I asked as I trotted down the stairs, doing a spin around the banister before joining him at his post.
"Waiting for the guests." he grunted. "It is almost party time." As soon as he had finished hid sentence, a loud rapping came from the door. Lemongrab just stared at me, frozen stock-still as the knock came again.
"Well?" I said, urging him on with a tilt of my head. "Answer it! It's a guest."
"What if I do it wrong?" he inquired, genuinely worried. This received a facehoof.
"Look," I sighed, my cheery tone of voice vanishing for a moment. "there is no wrong way to answer a door -- except to NOT answer it. Ergo, you're doing it wrong." Lemongrab gave me onhe final pleading look before he gently grasped the door knob and pulled the door open, revealing a familiar mare with a marshmallow-white coat and a purple mane curled to perfection. She batted her lashes, peering out from beneath a monstrous yet fashionable new chapeau, which sported two tall peacock feathers.
"Rarity!" I exclaimed, pulling her into a hug. She beamed as she stepped into the house.
"Pinkie Pie! How good it is to see you! I cannot even begin to explain how I've been missing your delightful soirees of late." Rarity greeted, pouting and placing a hood dramatically to her forehead as she recounted the dreadful shortage of well-deserved partying.
I nodded with understanding. "Yeah, I promise I won't go that long without a party ever again! Life was starting to get... boring!" I gasped. A glimpse of the tip of a yellow nose reminded me of the surprise guest, whom stood awkwardly behind the open door, not daring to reveal himself until welcomed. "Oh! And this..." I chimed and I pulled Lemongrab out from his hiding place, "is the Earl of Lemongrab, from Ooo."
Rarity blinked her eyes, which had grown as large as saucers at the sight of this creature. "Oh." she managed through her shock. "I see. And why is he here?" she asked as she plastered on a fake smile.
"I am here to learn about the magic of -" Lemongrab paused, glimpsing down to a word written in permanent marker on his hand. He read it aloud. "Friendship."
"Oh?" Rarity's eyes glistened, not unlike how they wound when she had one of her infamous 'eureka' moments. "Why, how ever are you doing that?" I stifled a knowing smile. This was just like Rarity, chatting up the guests, mingling, perhaps convincing them to spare some of their precious time so they can model for her.
"The Elements of Harmony." he said rather bluntly. "Pink One is teaching me about Laughter."
"I'm Pinkie Pie!" I corrected.
"I don't know who will show me the other ones..."
"Well, darling. I would be simply delighted if you dropped by my boutique tomorrow at noon. Perhaps we could discuss Generosity over some tea? Oh, and I picked up the most scrumptious scones you will ever taste. I had received some previously from my mother, but..." Rarity trailed off. "Well, the poor darling can't cook to save her life."
As the two chatted, I answered the door several times as the guests slowly but surely arrived. Twilight Sparkle stood at the door, a surprised grin on her face as she saw Lemongrab happily talking away. Rainbow Dash soon arrived, followed by Fluttershy, whom let out a faint cry for help when she saw Lemongrab. Applejack arrived a short while after, apologizing profusely and blaming 'that darned escaped sheep' for her tardiness.
Each friend took a moment or two to adjust to the new presence of a talking lemon creature, but soon they joined him as he helped himself to the punch and freshly-baked brownies I had prepared. I took a moment to congratulate myself on my success. Job well-done, Pinkie! He's actually having fun.
My satisfied reverie was broken by a shrill cry.
"UNACCEPTABLE!" Lemongrab screamed, flailing his limbs at a very startled Rainbow Dash. "This behaviour is UNACCEPTABLE! THREE MINUTES DUNGEON!" The room fell silent, save for his shrieks. Twilight shot me a concerned glance. I trotted slowly to Lemongrab's side, placing a hoof on his arm. He pulled away, rubbing his arm like I had burned him.
"What did I do?" Rainbow yelped. "I was just dancing..."
"EXACTLY! It was not the time to dance. 8:30 is the time to dance. It is 8:24. 3 minutes dungeon for your ignorance of party rules." Lemongrab explained, his temper clearly boiling in his throat. I tried not to laugh, and a quick glance around the room proved my friends were doing the same. All this fuss over 'dancing'? Rainbow Dash chortled aloud.
"Ha! You had me for a second! You're funny, dude." she snickered, getting up from her shrinking position. Twilight glared at Rainbow, whispering a quick 'shut up. He's serious.'. Lemongrab's eyes narrowed, his lips pursed. He released a noise that I struggle to place into letters. Something like a 'mmmmyeaaaaayyh.' Before anyone in the room could lunge forward to stop him, the lemon had grabbed the cyan Pegasus by her mane and was slowly dragging the struggling mare to a corner in the room. He set her down and took out a permanent marker, presumably the same one he had used to write notes on friendship with, and began to write on the corner of the wall. I stared in horror as my bedroom wall was desecrated. Mrs. and Mr. Cake would kill me if they found this!
In thick, bold letters, the word read: DUNGEON. He had made the corner a dungeon. He then turned to the sniffling Rainbow Dash, whom was still rubbing her sore head.
"3 minutes dungeon. You may come out in 3 minutes." he warned, holding up three long fingers to the Pegasus. Rainbow nodded vigorously, shrinking into the corner with a pathetic squeak that could give Fluttershy a run for her money.
When Life Gives You Lemongrab
Rarity
I squinted against the glare of sunlight which filtered in through the curtains. Holding a beautifully manicured hoof to shield myself, I used the other to prop myself up. It had indeed been a restful sleep, which became more and more evident as I surveyed the mess I had made of my bed; the quilt was completely tossed aside, and was now crumpled in a heaping mess at the foot of my bed, the sheets were crinkled and twisted around me, and the pillow had a sizeable dent where my head had been.
I stretched, feeling a yawn rise in my chest. "Good morning, Opalescence. " I chimed to the lump resting in a corner of her kitty bed. The only thing discerning the cat from a lump of snow was the cute little bow that encircled a lock of her coat. The feline opened a single eye to glare at me before curling up once more.
I rolled my eyes and swung my legs over the edge of the mattress, blindly fumbling about with my hooves for my pink slippers. I entered my private bathroom, flicked on the light switch and gazed with bleary eyes at the mess of a pony in the mirror. I chuckled at myself. Everything about me was a complete disaster. "I don't know how you do it, Rarity." I sighed as I raised the brush to my chaotic coiffure, gently smoothing out the knots and frizz.
Knock. Knock. Knock.
Angrily, I let the brush plummet to the granite countertop with a clatter. Was I expecting somepony? I pondered this as I made my way groggily down the steps to the main floor of the boutique. My parents weren't dropping Sweetie Belle of until next week, right? I opened the door a crack, sticking one of my sparkling sapphire eyes out.
"Oh, Lemongrab. It's just you." I smiled, opening the door wider. He seemed to hesitate before stepping in. I was a tad shocked as I heard his first words to me.
"Is there a dungeon?" he questioned, though I had noted that he had a tendency to state everything as though it were fact.
"Why, Lemongrab! That is hardly a way to greet your host." I gasped, shaking my head in mock disapproval. Lemongrab blinked his eyes at me, casting me a steely stare.
"Fine." he mumbled. "Hello, Rarity. How are you?"
"Why, I'm -"
"Where's the dungeon?" I stared at him for a good long minute, hoping my eyes had the capability of translating how much disdain I had for this lemon rat right now. When he showed no signs of joking, nor any form of apology, I harrumphed and stomped across the room. A manicured hoof pointed to the bathroom.
"Dungeon." I nearly snarled. Lemongrab smiled with triumph.
"Hmm." he said cheerily. "This castle is..." he began, glancing around the boutique approvingly. "acceptable."
"Why, thank you. That was a very generous compliment." I then continued to pretend I hadn't meant to use that word to lead us on the right track. "Oh! And speaking of generosity, shall we get on with our lesson?" Lemongrab nodded in compliance, and I delightedly went to fetch a tablecloth and tea set. After all, I had the most dreadful of cravings for some tea. I returned and spread it out on the table, along with a perfect amount of sugar cubes and cream in their respective containers. My hooves smoothed out the white tablecloth, pausing to caress the beautifully embroidered roses that adorned the sheet.
"There." I said with a satisfied smile. "I shall prepare the tea, what flavour would you care for? I have White, Black, Oolong, Ceylon, Green, Chamomile, Chamomile with mint, Sleepy Time, Earl Grey, Lemon, Herbal, and Ginseng." I finished short of breath.
"Hmm... Oolong." he said contentedly, continuing to look around the spacious area.
"Perfect. I'll have some Lemon." I smiled, but soon my heart sank. "Oops! I mean, I'll have what you're having." My cheeks flushed a brilliant rose, which was still clearly visible beneath my white coat. I gave a smile so meek I seriously considered teaching Fluttershy some pointers. I quickly hustled myself into the kitchen to evade Lemongrab's perpetual glare. About ten minutes of waiting passed before the tea kettle began to scream like a cat having its tail trampled. "Ah, thar she blows." I beamed as I plopped an Oolong teabag into each of our cups and stirred it gently with a teaspoon.
"Your tea, monsieur." I said, placing the cup upon his saucer and the pot in the center. One of the many things Twilight and I have in common is that we both have OCD, while hers is much more... advanced than mine. Besides my inspiration room filled with organized chaos, I simply cannot have anything too obvious out of place. The teapot always goes in the middle. Always. Sweetie Belle and I both knew this was law in the Carousel Boutique. Twilight, on the other hoof, would flip out if she didn't hold her monthly 'book reorganization festival'. She added the 'festival' so she could trick Spike.
"So, Lemongrab. I heard you have a brother?"
"Yes." he replied, taking a sip of his steaming tea.
"So, how about we roleplay! I will be your brother. You two are similar, yes?"
"Very." he agreed.
"Good, good." I nodded. "Now let's begin. I'm your brother. You are you. This sugar cube..." I said, picking up a single lump of sugar with my magic and plopping it on the table, "is your favorite object." Lemongrab's eyes widened, nearing the size of the saucer that rested beneath his teacup. He turned his attention to the cube, and ensued to stare unblinkingly at it for some time. I couldn't help but stare as well, as if his interest in this sugar cube gave it newfound value.
I groaned. "Okay, okay. 'Hey Lemongrab.'" I said in my best imitation of his voice. "How are you? Oh! Is that our favorite object you are playing with? Can I have it?"
"No." the lemon deadpanned, eyes still transfixed upon the almighty lump of sugar. I groaned.
"Lemongrab!" I cried, breaking character. "The thing about generosity is giving. Sometimes, the most rewarding thing is to think about others before yourself." Lemongrab blinked, looking up at me in awe as if I had just broken some curse cast upon him by the sugar cube.
"Ooooh." he said, his mouth still forming an 'o' long after he had finished. "That's how you do it." The room fell silent for a moment, and I hardly noticed him pick up the little sugar cube and give it to me. I smiled, thanked him and ate the sugar cube.
Big. Mistake.
Lemongrab stared at the table where the delightful bonbon had just been a moment before, his lip trembling as if he were about to cry. I reached out to place a hoof on his shoulder, but withdrew in shock as he smacked it away and rose so quickly from his seat that the chair fell over.
"YOU!" he cried in a shrill voice, wagging a spindly finger at me. "YOU ATE LEMON SWEETS!" he cried.
"Lemon... who?"
"YOU ATE MY FAVORITE THING!" he screamed, raising his hands to his bulbous head as if he were trying to tear out chunks of imaginary hair. I trembled in my seat.
"Ooh... that? Sorry! So dreadfully sorry!" I blubbered. The lemon did not relent.
"BROTHER! ONLY OOOONE!" Before I could react, Lemongrab had ceased me and held me over his mouth. His jaw resembled that of a snake preparing to eat. I instantly began screaming. I let out a scream so shrill, so ear-splitting, that even Lemongrab halted for a moment to recover from the shock.
"I'm not your brother!" I cried through a break in my horrified shrieks.
That is when the door swung open, slamming against the door stop with gusto. In the doorframe stood a very shocked Twilight Sparkle, her horn fired up with a purple aura.
