The Conversion Bureau: Yellowstone

by Anonsi

Rating: teen
Tags: Adventure, Alternate Universe, Twilight Sparkle, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 41996

A more or less lighthearted adventure with Twilight Sparkle and OCs. Sort of violent.

Description: Two years after the camps opened up, the Western Territories of the USA are nearly vacant. It is once more a frontier, ripe for exploration and settlement. On bequest of Princess Celestia, Twilight Sparkle is to experience the human world by joining a family of Pony Settlers on their journey out West. It's Dangerous to go alone however, so in an act of good will, the US government is sending someone to make sure no harm befalls the ponies.

Published 2011-10-06 04:18:55 UTC
Last updated 2012-05-31 18:44:39 UTC

Yellowstone: Part 2

Conversion Bureau Off-Shoot
Based on Blaze’s original idea
Might not follow his world’s rules, but Meh, it’s just a fan-fic of a fan-fic.
By: Anonsi (Who loves you, I guess)

Yellowstone
Part 2:
In with the New

The Ford began moving with a lurch, as if it had not been activated in at least a week. As much as Twilight hated the pollution these things caused, she marveled at the concept. A machine that moved fast enough to make land travel a simple chore, and could carry a load far greater than any pony could. Applejack would no doubt love to have something like this.

Despite herself, Twilight couldn’t help but occasionally glance over at her human ‘partner’ every time he stopped the car to let pedestrians cross the street. She felt the need to converse with him. Even though she had just met him, she just wanted to talk. It could be about anything: the weather, why he carried weapons, what he thought of the mission they were on, or if he HAD killed more people than even she suspected. Anything would be preferably than sitting in silence.

“So Agent Hawk,” she started, “what do you think of this mission? Pretty exciting to be going so far west, right? I hear there are many interesting landmarks and natural wonders to visit!” Twilight smiled up at him and did her best to sound genuine in her excitement.

The sunglasses kept Twilight from reading his eyes for any expression or emotion, but he responded quickly, which led Twilight to believe he had been through this conversation in his mind many times before. “I would sincerely discourage hoping to get any excitement out of this little excursion. Now a days, out west, a little ‘excitement’ can get you killed. And quite frankly Ms. Sparkle, I am in no particular rush to get shot, stabbed, mauled, or eaten alive this week.” Hawk turned to face Twilight, “Not to dampen the mood or anything.”

Twilight looked disheartened, to say the least, and concluded that now was an excellent time to figure out what kind of man she was working with. If the west was as dangerous as they say, she’d at least make friends with her escort. “Sounds…rough out there, you think we’ll be safe enough with just you and me?” unable to hide a small tremble of fear in her voice.

Hawk smiled, picking up on the unsteady tone in her question, “Don’t worry, the train goes directly to Yellowstone, nonstop. It’ll take more than a few marauders and ill-tempered moose to cause us any trouble.” He again glanced at Twilight, “This’ll be over before you know it, and then you can get back to being an awkward shut in, working tirelessly to turn sheep into cattle.”

Twilight’s face darkened at the last comment. “What do you mean by that Agent Hawk?”

“Oh, nothing.”

“Do you not like what we ponies are doing here Agent Hawk?” she continued, eyes scrutinizing his features.

“Far from it Ms. Sprinkle, I don’t think the human race has ever been so well off or as free as it is now.” His face and tone were deadpan.

“Then why haven’t you gone to be ponified?”

His smirk returned, “Because I like having these.” His thumbs started to twirl in circles.

Twilight, unconvinced, continued to probe, “That cannot be why you are staying in such a…” what was a nice way of putting it, “…rough state of existence.”

“Are you kidding? Check this out.” He took his hands off the wheel and meshed his fingers together, thumbs facing each other. They then began spinning in opposite directions. “Pretty neat huh?”

Unfortunately, Twilight was distracted from the amazing feat by a concern she was all too pleased to voice, “WHY ARE YOU TAKING YOUR HANDS OFF THE WHEEL!?” She put her front hooves on the dash board, gazing out the window as the car began to swerve.

“Hey are you watching? This was a rare talent when it was just us humans on the earth, and by now I’m pretty sure I’m the only one who can do it.”

“ohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh”

Hawk sighed and put his hands on the wheel, taking back control of the vehicle and narrowly avoiding a small stack of empty trash cans. “No one appreciates my talents.”

Twilight decided it would be best to hold off on questions until they were out of the car, and spent the rest of the trip nose deep in her book. ‘Celestia preserve me, I’m under the protection of a maniac.’

They spent the rest of the trip in silence, Twilight only occasionally looking up from her book to make sure there were still driving on road. Eventually she put her book down and closed her eyes. ‘I wish Applejack or Rainbow Dash were here, I’d at least be able to have a laugh or two with them. Not to mention feel safer.’

“We’re here,” said Hawk gesturing out the front window. Twilight gazed on a structure that resembled a large, old, stone building that seemed more to fit as a palace than a simple train station. Hawk parked the car in front of the building’s steps. Twilight noted that no other cars were present.

Hawk reached behind him and grabbed his black duffel bag. Twilight, with a shimmer from her horn, did likewise with her own pack. As the two exited the car, the doors to the train station swung open, and a tanned man with smooth black hair and a well groomed moustache began walking towards them with a wide smile. He wore only black, but not in a way that seemed intimidating, but more stylish and loose. At his side hung what appeared to be a sword.

“Well, look who got here on time for once!” said the man, his accent was unlike anything Twilight had ever heard.

Hawk looked up, and frowned to an almost ridiculous degree, “Zorro,” Hawk said with exaggerated disdain, removing his sunglasses in a slow, dramatic motion.

Moments passed in silence before the two exploded into laughter and embraced into a hug. Twilight felt relieved that this ‘Zorro’ was evidently a friend. After more laughs, Zorro finally acknowledged the small unicorn, “Hola pequeña,” he gave her a swift and fluid bow, adding a small flourish with his hand to boot.

Twilight didn’t know what he said, but it sure sounded nice. “Hello…um…Mr. Zorro, my name is Twilight Sparkle.” She gave a small bow of her own.

“I know who you are Miss Twilight, I was briefed on the mission by the good Agent Hawk, but I enjoy hearing you say you name. You speak with such…grace. I am looking forward to working together with you, and listening to whatever other sounds may dance from your mouth.”

Twilight couldn’t help but blush. She had never thought humans could be charming.

“Neither man nor beast is safe from you…” Hawk said as he walked past them with his bag, eyes rolling in great arcs. He called back to them, “Don’t be too impressed with him Twilight, he’s dropped that line on at least fifty other girls. He’s sort of a one trick pony!” Hawk laughed deeply as he continued up the stairs.

Zorro merely grinned, and turned to follow. Twilight, after wiping away a dumb grin that had somehow gotten onto her face, she trotted after the two. About halfway up the stairs, she finally gathered the nerve to ask, “Are you coming with us Mr. Zorro? I was under the impression that the human government was only sending one of their Agents.”

Zorro had arrived at the door to the station and held it open for her. “The government is indeed only sending one agent, niña. I however am here on request of my old friend,” he paused to look at Agent Hawk, “I owe him that much.” Twilight moved through with an appreciative nod to Zorro for the small courtesy.

“Yeah, thanks for that by the way. But regardless Z, why are you carrying around that antique? I mean come on,” Hawk replied from inside the station.

Zorro looked hurt, “An antique? My poor, deluded friend,” he chided, “bullets are becoming more and more of a rarity than humans every passing day,” he looked to his hip, and then back to Hawk, “Fencing is making a comeback my friend. Soon it will be that revolver that is the ‘antique.’”

With a grunt, Hawk turned towards Twilight, “Come on Sprinkles, the train awaits, and from what I hear, she’s a beauty.”

Twilight rolled her eyes, “If you’re calling me that to be funny, I’ll have you know it lost its luster when I was in kinder garden.”

Zorro chuckled to himself as all three of them proceeded towards into the station. The building was empty save for the three of them, and the echoing of their footsteps left Twilight with a curious thought, ‘What was this place like in its prime? It seems like such a waste not to use it.’

They all passed through two large double doors, which opened up into a great hall, with two sets of tracks. On the one closest to them, a gleaming four sectioned train sat waiting. It was not at all like the ones in Equestria, far from them in fact. This train was sleek, smooth, and hovered a foot above the rails. Twilight’s eyes widened, and stood somewhat flabbergasted. “How is it floating? I thought humans didn’t have magic!” She stared at Hawk expecting some sort of explanation.

Hawk looked down to her, pride obviously fueling his grin. “Very true my erstwhile equine escort, we do not possess magic in the way you Equestians do, we use something I think is far more powerful. Science.” He paused to read her expression, which showed an obvious desire to debate the previous statement, but before she could Hawk continued, “The Magna Rail is suspended by a magnetic field that allows it to hover, as you can clearly see, but it can only do so above metal. So we will be limited to keeping it on the train tracks.”

“Is it fast?” inquired Twilight.

“Is cruising at two hundred and fifty miles per hour fast?”

“Is it?”

Hawk looked down, “Yes Twilight. It’s fast. It’ll get us to Yellowstone in about eight hours.”

“Eight hours?! But according to my map, Yellowstone is in…,” Twilight took out her map of the United States and looked for the territory that she marked with an ‘X’, “Why-Om-ing, and the distance from there to here is nearly the length of Equestria twice over!”

“And that’s why we’re taking the Magna-Rail, which if my report read right, comes with a lounge, sleeping quarters, and a five star kitchen.”

“And something special for you my friend, that the President installed himself,” added Zorro.

Hawk looked like a foal on Hearths Warming Eve, but before he could ask what it was a young feminine voice shouted, “Look Mama! Humans!”

Twilight, Zorro, and Hawk each turned, and saw a family of four Earth Ponies, each standing with their mouths agape and eyes wide. Other than the mother, a yellow coated mare with a forest green mane with a blooming flower as her cutie mark, and the father, a brown stallion with green mane, with a single tree as his mark, were two fillies. The younger of which was cowering behind her father while the older seemed to be fidgeting with excitement.

The mother addressed Twilight first, “Hello there darlin’, you must be our escort!” Her smile was almost as infectious as Pinkie’s. “We are just honored to meet y’all!”

The older of the two fillies, a spry little thing with a yellow coat and unkempt brown mane and an open book for a cutie mark, pranced towards Hawk. “Woooooooooow! You’re so tall! I heard humans were tall, but wow!” she said, her face giddy with obvious excitement.

“Busy Bee!” the mother called, “Get back here young filly!” Twilight detected a small twinge of fear and panic in her voice. She understood though, considering all the rumors about the brutal and savage humans that were probably circling around the towns and cities of Equestria.

“But Mama, I wanna see if he has fangs like Scootaloo said they did!” pouted Busy Bee.

The mother gave the filly a glare that only mothers could. “Right now Bee.”

As she trotted back to her mother’s side, the father stepped forward, “Sorry ‘bout the youngin’, she follows gossip and rumors like a fish follows a river, but she means well enough,” said the stallion with a big smile, “. I’m Tall Leaf, and this here is the rest of the Garden family.”

“The missus,” he said gesturing towards his wife, “is Morning Dew, you’ve met Busy Bee, and this little darlin,” he looked at the meek looking filly behind him, “is Merry Gold. Come on and say hello to the nice unicorn honey.”

A meek little pony with a white coat and golden mane, but no cutie mark, stepped out from behind Tall Leaf. With a nervous glance towards the humans, Merry Gold trotted towards Twilight, “Hello Ma’am.” She quickly retreated back behind her father and looked out from between his legs.

Twilight giggled a little, ‘She is just adorable!’ she said to herself. “Well then Garden Family, welcome to the human lands, my name is Twilight Sparkle, and these two men,” she made sure not to use the ‘gentle’ prefix for honesty’s sake, “are Agent Hawk, and his friend Zorro.” Hawk gave a tip of his hat and Zorro did a small, respectful bow. “They will be our protection against any unforeseen complications.”

“Like cannibals? Scootaloo told me that humans sometimes eat each other when they can’t find anything else to chomp into!” Busy Bee exclaimed.

Merry Gold scrunched up her face in disgust, “Ewww! Bee that’s gross!”

“Busy Bee! That’s morbid!” cried the mother, dragging the filly next to her, as a similar look of disdain as Merry Gold’s crossed her face.

“Let’s hope we avoid such unpleasantries,” continued Twilight, who was also feeling a bit queasy after that last comment. ‘How did Scootaloo get THAT thought running through her head? Maybe I should tell AJ about this when I get back.’

“All right,” Hawk finally spoke, “Let’s get this circus on the train already. Zorro, if you could please show the horses to their stables I’ll go get the train ready to go.”

“Horses?” said Morning Dew raising an eyebrow. Turning her head towards Twilight she asked, “He does know we are ponies right? Not hor-“

“He knows,” interrupted Twilight, a cold stare watching Hawk enter the Magna Rail.

Zorro clapped his hands together and with a big friendly smile said, “Now, my little ponies, let us board the train, please watch your step.” His voice was calm and friendly, and the Garden family followed him in with Twilight bringing up the rear.

The entrance led directly into the lounge area, which seemed to have two halves. One housed an elegant arrangement of chairs and couches around a coffee table, with a luscious rug on the floor, what seemed to be a wooden wardrobe with marvelous carvings depicting the sun over a lion on the wall, and from the ceiling hung a wide-screen television. The other half had two long couches that went along the walls, and between them was another rug, which was more coarse than the other one.

Zorro pointed to a door at the end of the section saying, “The beds are through there my friends. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I must make sure Hawk doesn’t harm any of the controls.” Zorro then went through the door at the head of the section, which he closed behind him. The ponies pushed through the door in the rear of the section, which read “Beds” over it. The sleeping cart had four alcoves on each wall, and each alcove had a bunk and a window, plus a little light bulb for late night reading.

Tall Leaf approached the closest bed, his eyes widening in amazement, “Mercy! Lookit the size of these beds! We could fit half the extended family in one of these!”

“Ooh!” cried Busy Bee, “Dibs on this one! C’mon Merry we can share this one!”

“Okay!” replied Merry Gold, who seemed much more at ease away from the human agents.

“You can share my bed handsome,” Morning Dew cooed to Tall Leaf.

A blissful smile appeared on his face, “Yes Ma’am!” The two fillies made grossed out faces, and then proceeded to suffer from a giggle fit.

Twilight picked out a bed for herself and began to organize it to her liking. Then she delicately climbed onto it, taking in its cave like atmosphere. The beds were soft, like the kind of soft Twilight always imagined cloud beds would feel. ‘Amazing how such savage beings can make something so comfy.’ Twilight’s sudden, and rather judgemental, thoughts surprised her, ‘Well that wasn’t a nice thing to say.’ She shook her head to clear her mind of such thoughts. She noticed the rest of the family was finished settling in, and were beginning to move into the lounge.

Following suit, Twilight entered the lounge section and found a spot on an equally comfy couch next to Morning Dew, who was admiring the furniture’s comfort as much as Twilight.

The door to the outside slid shut by itself with a hiss, and a green light above the door to the front of the train lit up.

“This is your captain speaking,” Hawk’s voice came, seemingly from nowhere, “I hope you’re ready, because here we go!” The train lurched forward.

“Hold on to your butts!” Busy Bee exclaimed, far more excited than any other pony present.

And with that, the Magna Rail shot out of the station at sixty miles per hour, and climbing.

Continue? Hell yeah!
When? Who knows?
Next chapter’s title?
Journey to the West.
Ballin’.

Yellowstone: Part 3

Conversion Bureau Off-Shoot
Based on Blaze’s original idea
Might not follow his world’s rules, but Meh, it’s just a fan-fic of a fan-fic.
By: Anonsi (Why am I still doing this? Oh right, cowboys and Zorro.)

Yellowstone
Part 3:
Journey to the West

Within minutes, the Magna Rail was well away from the city outskirts and moving gracefully at nearly two hundred and fifty six miles per hour. As Twilight stared out the window, she could hardly believe that something could move this fast. Well, other than Rainbow Dash of course.

It was then that Agent Hawk came through the door that led to the cockpit, grumbling about something while carrying his large black duffel bag. He moved through the lounge and past the ponies with little regard, but making sure not to step on any hooves. The Garden Family made sure not to make eye contact. He entered the sleeping cart, threw his bag into the alcove above the one the two fillies were to be sharing and returned to the lounge.

He moved towards the wardrobe and opened it up, revealing rows of books. Twilight eyes lit up and she immediately trotted over next to him.

“How marvelous!” She looked over at Hawk, “I’ve always wondered what it would be like to read another culture’s literature!” She gazed at the books longingly, practically mesmerized by them.

“Can you can even read it?” Hawk asked. “And if you can, are you sure you want to?”

“Oh yes, I’ve had to become quite familiar with the human alphabet. Reports and things demand it.” She gave Hawk a smile, “And I’ve heard quite a few good things about human books from the people that came through the ponification camps.”

“Well alright,” Hawk faced the small library, “Take your pick.” Hawk pulled out a book with a green cover and gold inlay from the shelf bearing the title ‘Unforgiven. By: Clint Eastwood.’ Hawk then went to the half of the lounge that was barren of any ponies, laid down on one of the couches that lined the walls, and began reading.

Twilight was more excited than she thought she should have been. She now had access to new books, exotic books, books that she could never get in Equestria. She scanned the rows reading each title with delight.

‘The Song of Roland.’ ‘100 Mystery Stories.’ ‘The Three Musketeers.’ ‘King James Holy Bible.’ ‘The Maltese Falcon.’ ‘Fahrenheit 451.’

The list went on and on of possible choices, Twilight could barely decide which one to take first. Eventually she saw one that caught her eye. It was a rather large book that looked like the kind of heavy reading Twilight so enjoyed: ‘Tales of The Round Table.’ She trotted back to where the other ponies were relaxing and talking to each other. She sat down next to Morning Dew, who was busy nuzzling her husband and talking about their new lives in Yellowstone. Twilight shifted in place until she had a comfy little space and began reading as Morning Dew began singing softly to her enamoured husband.

“I’m gonna do it Merry Gold,” whispered Busy Bee to her sister, making sure her mother didn’t hear.

Merry Gold gave a concerned look, “But Mama doesn’t want you talkin to ‘em! She says they’re dangerous!”

“I know,” replied the elder sister with a smile, “but I’m not afraid to ask ‘em questions! And Mama always told us to never be afraid of asking questions didn’t she?”

“Well yeah,” Merry Gold couldn’t argue with logic like that, and just gave a plaintive look that seemed to beg her sister to reconsider.

Making sure her mother was distracted, Busy Bee hopped off the spot on the couch she had been sharing with her sister and trotted over to where Agent Hawk was as silently as she could. He was laying down with his back resting against a corner, reading quietly. Busy Bee leapt onto the couch and sat at his feet. Hawk lowered his book enough to peer at her over the edge of the cover, only to see the smiling face of the young filly.

“Can I ask you a question Mr. Hawk?”

The man rolled his eyes and closed his book on one of his fingers, sighing heavily through his nose.

Busy Bee looked elated, “Do humans have fangs?”

Hawk took a free index finger and lifted his top lip, showing off his canines. The young filly’s eyes narrowed her eyes in an attempt to see them. Seeing the young pony unable to make out his teeth, Hawk changed position and leaned forward, making sure she could see everything.

“Huh…They’re smaller than Scootaloo said they were. Whatever. Can I ask another question?”

Hawk leaned back into his previous position and grunted.

“Is it true humans can crush each other’s skulls with one hand?” she asked as she leaned forward with an eager curiosity.

Hawk looked at his free hand and made it into an open, claw like shape. He shook his head, “A man’s? No.” He reached over to Busy Bee and put his hand on her head. She was shaking, and her smile was replaced with a nervous, upward stare. “Maybe a filly’s.” Hawk smiled and ruffled her mane a little. Afterwards he returned his hand back to his lap. Busy Bee’s smile also returned, with a slight giggle to accompany it.

“I thought you humans were supposed to be scary! Scootaloo is such a fibber.” She changed her face to show mock anger and softly stomped her hooves near Hawk’s feet.

Hawk once more leveled his book in between their faces. “We are scary. Especially when we’re angry.”

“Do your eyes turn red and your faces get all messed up?” she asked, once again giving a curious stare.

“Nah, we keep our same old faces, but they look different.”

“What’s that mean?”

“If you ever see an angry human, you’ll know.”

Morning Dew looked up from her husband, who had fallen asleep while she had sung to him, and noticed that both the fillies were no longer in sight.

“Busy Bee?” she asked, panic quickly entering her voice, “Merry Gold?”

She trotted off the couch and saw Busy Bee sitting by Agent Hawk’s feet, asking question after question about this and that. Merry Gold was curled up on the floor next to where the couch met the floor, out of sight of both the human and older sister, listening intently but to afraid to reveal herself. But when Merry Gold saw her mother seeing them, she gave a small squeak.

Morning Dew, fear obvious in her features, slowly walked towards the still unaware Busy Bee. Hawk shot her a glance from behind his book, stopping her dead in her tracks. It wasn’t a mean look, just one that took notice of her, but all the same it made the mother’s heart skip a beat.

Hawk smiled at Morning Dew and then spoke to Busy Bee, “Your Mom is standing behind you, looking like she’s seen a monster or something.”

Busy Bee’s face looked like she’d been caught doing some foul crime. She slowly turned around, “Heeeeeey Mom…what’s up?”

After regaining her composure, and giving Hawk a weak smile back, she addressed both her children, “Girls, please, don’t sneak off like that again, and stop bothering Agent Hawk by askin him all the questions in the whole world.”

“Oh he doesn’t mind Mama! I think he likes answering questions,” the elder sister countered, “Don’t ya Mr. Hawk?”

Hawk gave a neutral kind of shrug. He reached into his pocket and removed an engraved silver pocket watch and gave a sigh. They’d only been traveling for thirty minutes.

“Who wants to watch some great ol’ human cinema?” he asked loud enough for even Twilight to notice. He got up, avoided stepping on Merry Gold, and walked towards the wardrobe as the fretful mother pony gave him a wide berth. Busy Bee hopped down after him, and Merry Gold followed her sister with Morning Dew giving them very relieved, but mildly disappointed, looks.

Twilight had been thoroughly enjoying the beginning of the book she was reading, but she was most interested in reading about the five knightly virtues that were the central theme of the whole piece:

‘A knight must speak nothing but the truth.’

‘A knight must defend the weak and helpless from evil, even at the cost of his own life.’

‘A knight must be loyal, not only to his king and his homeland, but must keep sacred his vows lest they lead to evil.’

‘A knight must be humble before God and his fellows, be they man or woman, and generous to those in need.’

‘A knight must show mercy to those who he has defeated and shun acts of cruelty, even in times of war and battle.’

Twilight was amazed that these ancient words from, not only a time of darkness and death in human history but also a culture completely separate from her own, resembled the Elements of Harmony so closely. Sure there was nothing that blatantly resembled the Element of Laughter, but ‘defending the weak from evil’ is something that laughing can do, as her friend Pinkie Pie can certainly attest to. ‘It’s like humanity had all the ingredients to be just like Equestria...but they were missing something.’ Twilight pondered the innumerable possibilities.

But when she was interrupted by Hawk’s suggestion of a film, she grew excited and put a magical bookmark on the current page before closing the tome. She had once made friends with a ponified human, Kurt she thought his name was, who had told her that a series of films known as ‘Star Wars’ was a masterpiece of science fiction. Although war was not her favorite subject matter, she had been wanting to look into human film craft. Hawk bent down in front of the wardrobe and opened a small, hard to notice, drawer.

“Okay, what are you all in the mood for?” He asked his charges, facing them with a grin.

“I’ve heard very good things about Star Wars,” said Twilight. Then she remembered more of her conversation with Kurt and added, “…but only the originals.” She smiled, priding herself on remembering what seemed like an important detail.

Hawk nodded in approval, “Good, but is there anything else you heard about these films?” he added.

Twilight strained he memory, “Uhhhh…”

‘There was something else important to mention…Think Twilight…THINK!’

“Han shot first?” She recalled Kurt saying that often.

Hawk gave an approving nod and a big smile, “You’ve learned much young Twilight, and as such we shall begin where all should. A New Hope.” And with that he gestured for the rest of the ponies to take spots on the comfy couch. The parents of the garden family looked at each other in confusion, while the fillies could barely contain themselves in their excitement. He then began the movie, which appeared on the large flat screen television which hung from the ceiling.

“Twilight,” he said, “if you would be so kind as to read them the opening crawl, I’ll go prepare some popcorn.” Twilight nodded and Hawk disappeared into the sleeping cart. The movie began and Twilight read the words in a particularly dramatic voice, much to the amusement of the little ones. Hawk came back just as the crawl was finishing and placed a large bowl of popcorn on the coffee table in front of the ponies. He then walked towards the cockpit.

“Aren’t you gonna watch it with us?” asked Busy Bee.

“Nah, I’ve gotta keep Zorro company,” Hawk replied, “he can get terribly lonesome.”

With that, Hawk disappeared and the movie began, lowering the camera on a dusty orange planet…

* * *

After four hours, the ponies had finally finished ‘The Empire Strikes Back’ and were taking the time in between movie changes to take care of certain bodily functions, while also using the opportunity to stretch their legs. Twilight was enamored with the films. Sure it was weird at first, watching non-pony actors on screen, but by the time the films had introduced the character of Obi-Wan, she was over it. Of course her favorite character was Yoda, if only for his surprising amount of wisdom.

It was fascinating how many parallels she could draw between ‘The Force’ and the nature of magic that she herself had seen. For instance, the ‘Dark Side’ was based on anger, fear, and aggression, the exact things that had turned Princess Luna into Nightmare Moon so long ago. Everything the little green creature said about The Force seemed to factor into some aspect of magic, from its use in day to day life and what times to use it against something that might be threatening her.

Of course the fillies loved it, and were busy pretending to fight with those laser sword things they had. Though the parents were a bit concerned about all the violence and death, they gasped right along with every other pony when Vader revealed the truth about him and Luke. All in all, Twilight couldn’t wait for the conclusion and eagerly waited in her spot on the couch.

Hawk was busy putting the next film into the player, getting an earful from the fillies about the parts they liked the most. All Hawk could do was smile. Twilight was extremely pleased that everything was going better than she expected, but also a little ashamed that she had judged humans so harshly before. She kept her mentor’s warning in mind of course, that humans were savage compared to Ponies, ‘But maybe,’ thought Twilight, ‘maybe the Princess just got a bad first impression?’

Suddenly Zorro’s voiced blared from unseen speakers, “Sorry to interrupt the marathon Hawk, but you need to see something up here.”

Hawk grimaced. Twilight knew that probably meant something bad. Fortunately she didn’t have to ask to come along as Zorro added, “You’d best come up here too Miss Sparkle.” With a concerned look from Tall Leaf, which was mirrored by Morning Dew, Twilight simply nodded and trotted towards the cockpit.

Once within, she was joined by Hawk, who wore a concerned expression. “Is it bad Z?” he asked.

“Very,” replied Zorro, not looking away from a glowing monitor. “Satellites are picking up a massive pressure drop about fifty miles ahead of us, and the Six Tribes Weather Service has issued a Watch notice.” Zorro looked over his shoulder, “The Super Cell is dropping it down within fifty meters of the tracks, and it is going to be very, very big.”

Twilight spoke up, confused, “Wait, so what is the problem? What’s going on Hawk?” She looked to Hawk, who looked at her in disbelief.

“You can’t seriously tell me you don’t have tornadoes in Equestria.” His tone almost sounded astonished.

“Well, we have twisters, but they aren’t that big of a problem. They’re mostly out in the desert, and don’t get that big.” Twilight felt like she wasn’t completely understanding why the two, allegedly ferocious killers, were giving her such astonished looks.

“Twilight,” said Hawk, his tone harsh, “Tornadoes in the human world, are like the wrath of God ripping and tearing the very Earth apart. The one that could be forming right now could very easily level an entire city.” He looked to Zorro, “Get this tin can in reverse and to a safe distance, and if you spot a cave or something tell me. If that thing comes for us we need shelter that’s a bit more stable than this thing.” He moved to leave the cockpit before adding, “Let’s hope we’re all still alive when that thing dissipates. I’d hate to not finish that marathon.” As he left to inform the Garden Family about the potential disaster, Twilight had a hurt expression on her face, which Zorro immediately addressed while pulling a lever that slowed the train to a crawl. Rain began pattering the windshield.

“You look like someone just broke your heart dear niña.” Zorro chuckled a bit, trying to lighten the mood.

Twilight composed herself, “Is it really as bad as Hawk said? It can’t be that terrible, can it?” She was convinced that something like Hawk had described had to be made up.

Zorro looked for the right words before stating in an all too honest tone, “Hawk is not wrong to be worried. Even if it avoids us and the Magna Rail, the tracks will more than likely be destroyed, unless, by some miracle, they are too well engraved into the earth to move.” He looked at Twilight, a smile breaking his serious face. “Do not worry though, soon we will be far from harm’s way. We’ll just have to trek a thousand or so miles to Yellowstone on foot. No problem.” He returned to the controls and pulled the lever back even further, moving the train into reverse.

“Yeah,” said Twilight, “No problem for a pegasus maybe.” She wasn’t looking forward to the prospect of walking half the way to a place that was already far enough away that no pony would believe her if she told them that she had traversed it in a day. She began trotting back into the lounge, where worried voices were talking. The sky had grown dark.

‘How far away had Zorro said it was? Fifty miles? Whatever this thing is it can’t be that big.’ Twilight tried to imagine the human’s measurements, and compared it to a what she imagined a ‘Human Tornado’ would look like. The image she conceived was as big as Canterlot, and was a swirling funnel of dust, like she’d seen that one time she went to Appleloosa. She grew concerned when she imagined Princess Celestia being sucked up and blown away by the enormous cloud.

Before Twilight could continue thinking, she noticed that the Garden Family had moved into the sleeping area and were being shown the emergency straps hidden under the mattresses that could buckle together to restrain a man, or pony, from flying off of it. Hawk was doing a good job of explaining how to adjust and loosen the straps, and made sure to say, “Just in case,” about three times. Morning Dew was giving him her full attention, and Tall Leaf was busy comforting his daughters who were curled together in their bed, looks of fear staining all their faces.

The Magna Rail made a sudden stop, making the world inside the vehicle very quiet, so that now the rain hitting the roof of the train was the only audible sound. The pitter-patter of the rain only heightened the atmosphere of tension that had formed. No one spoke, and hardly anyone could be heard breathing. Even Hawk looked wary of the unexpected stop, but eventually resumed his instruction to the passengers. Twilight moved into the sleeping cart and climbed into her alcove, locating the straps that Hawk had been going over. She brought out the straps with little effort thanks to her magic, and then she listened to the sound of the rain.

Pitter-patter, pitter-patter, pitter-patter, pitter-patter, Thunk.

‘Thunk?’ Twilight looked at Hawk. Hawk looked at Twilight. Something heavy had hit the roof of the train. The unicorn looked out the window. It wasn’t yet evening, but it was so dark, she could barely see anything.

Thunk.

Everypony was looking at the roof now. What was making that noise? Then, whatever was on the roof fell off and passed by Twilight’s view. It was what appeared to be a cow. It wasn’t moving. She felt a sudden sickness come over her, and rolled down the curtain for her window.

Zorro was making his way towards the sleeping cart. As he entered he pushed a button on the wall that closed the door which made a hissing sound as it closed. They were now sealed in a pressurized space.

“Better strap yourselves down. It’s coming for us,” Twilight could see the fear in his face, but he kept his tone confident for the sake of the others present.

“Damn that thing is fast! Son of a gun must really want one of us dead,” said Hawk, turning to Zorro, “You didn’t sleep with its daughter did you?” Hawk paused for effect.

The lewd comment sent both men into tizzy of giggles and laughs, while Tall Leaf and Morning Dew grew concerned that they were in the care of two men who thought dying might be funny.

Hawk began strapping in the other ponies, while Zorro began locking down luggage and equipment. Twilight herself started going through spells in her head that could protect them if need be, which seemed all the more likely as a noise arose outside that sounded like the very air was screaming. It was a scream that was getting louder by the second.

Hawk and Zorro dove into bunks for themselves after making sure everypony else was secure, and quickly strapped themselves.

The screaming was now at an almost deafening level. The fillies began to cry. The parents were trying to shout comforting phrases at them. Twilight clenched her eyes shut unable to stop herself from thinking she’d never see her friends again.

“Hey Sprinkles!” called Hawk over the din.

Momentarily surprised, Twilight called back. It wasn’t any real word. She was too terrified think of one when she felt the train begin to shudder around her. What came out resembled an, “EH?” only it had more terror in it.

“Ever rolled down a hill in a barrel before?”

An odd question for a time like this. Her response was as much a question as an answer, “No!?”

Hawk began to chuckle, “Well then, this should offer some ‘excitement’ for you!” He began to laugh maniacally. Zorro was whispering something in that language of his.

‘Celestia preserve me.’

The Magna Rail came free of the rails and was lifted up into the swirling funnel cloud.

Tornadoes?!
Oh shit!
Next up: Where the Wild things are.
I’ll keep going until I reach the End![
Or until I get waylaid by reality!
Or someone calls me names to make me stop!

Yellowstone: Part 4

Conversion Bureau Off-Shoot
Based on Blaze’s original idea
Might not follow his world’s rules, but Meh, it’s just a fan-fic of a fan-fic.
By: Anonsi (What’s that? You want more film and book references?)

Yellowstone
Part 4:
Where the Wild Things Are

Twilight had come to a monumental decision: the next time Princess Celestia asked her to leave her home to go on some quest to parts unknown, she would very politely, and with all due respect, tell her graceful monarch to go sit on her horn and spin for a while.

Twilight could barely hear herself think over all the screaming going on around her: Tall Leaf and Morning Dew were screaming, Busy Bee and Merry Gold were screaming, the very air was screaming, and last but not least, Twilight was screaming. The only ones not screaming were the humans. They had their teeth clenched and kept their bodies stiff, awaiting for the inevitable time when the Magna Rail would be reacquainted with the ground.

‘Use your magic!’ Twilight kept repeating in her head. ‘What spell? What Spell!’ Teleportation would do no good. She needed to concentrate on a place she could see or a familiar area for that to work, and right now she didn’t even know which way was up.

‘We’re all gonna die! Oh Celestia I don’t want to die! I haven’t even kissed my first stallion! What about telekinesis? Maybe I could disrupt the tornado’s spin? Size matters not, right? That’s what Yoda said right?’

Twilight reopened her eyes, and saw nothing but darkness outside. She only heard the sound of the howling winds and the other debris crashing into the section of train, which would no doubt be their tomb if Twilight couldn’t do this. Closing her eyes once more, she focused on the storm and reached out with her magic. She reached out beyond the confines of the walls and felt the storm with an immaterial hand fashioned of pure will.

It was like putting a hoof into a raging river, and her concentration almost wavered from its chaotic movements. Twilight focused, solidifying her thoughts on the task at hand and began to grab hold of the very air.

It wasn’t working, as Twilight should have expected. It was impossible to get a hold of the wind, as Dash would have been first to tell her. Twilight released her telekinetic hand, once again contemplating her friends. Eventually her thoughts turned to her ageless mentor, Celestia, and all she had learned from her. She remembered being taught the workings of magic, and some of the more basic principles of science, like how boats worked and how a Pegasus could fly.

A loud “THWUNK” from a tree denting the wall gave Twilight inspiration.

If she couldn’t grab the wind, she would grab onto what the wind was holding. Everything, big or small left a wake in the wind, like how everything leaves a wake in water. So Twilight just needed to make everything else caught in the tornado spin the opposite direction, the resulting air resistance should cancel out the Tornado. Either that or the debris would just get ripped to shreds by the wind, but despite that possibility she had a very good feeling about this plan.

‘Size matters not. Size matters not. Size matters not. Size matters not. Size matters not.’

With renewed vigor, Twilight once more reached out with her mind. She gripped a tree, then a few dozen more, and then a wide variety of wooden planks and steel rails that were once the track. She found the hardest thing to grab hold of the innumerable specks of dust and dirt that flew at near incalculable speeds, but she eventually held them all the same. Finally she took hold of the Magna Rail, possibly the largest and heaviest thing in this cyclone of death.

Her horn was glowing enough to light even the darkest storm, and the others present opened their eyes to see what could only be described as a pony with a fountain of light on its forehead.

With a scream of desperate defiance to a storm fueled by malice, she forced everything in the storm to spin the way she wanted. The force of exertion nearly knocked her out then and there, but she continued to push against the whirlwind with everything she had, spinning what she took from the cyclone faster and faster.

Within seconds, the tornado was disrupted, and lost much of its previous bluster. The howling winds grew quiet, and Twilight released her hold on all the objects under her power. All except the Magna Rail that is. She gave the train a soft and careful descent towards the now, much calmer, earth below.

After touching down, Twilight gave into exhaustion and passed out.

* * *

From the aching pain in her head, Twilight knew she was alive. She had trouble opening her eyes, but she knew from the cool breeze moving across her face that she was outside. She heard the buzzing of bees around her, and she felt the hard earth and soft grass that she was laying on. She breathed in the smell of wildflowers and dirt. With a slight moan, she opened her eyes to the world around her.

It was a sunny day, the skies were blue as they could be with a dozen or so fluffy clouds over head. Before her was a vista of wide open fields and hills that went far off into the distance, covered in rich golden grass and dotted with the occasional tree. Twilight rested in a comfortable bit of shade under an old maple tree with sprawling limbs and wide leaves atop a hill. She had to remind herself that she wasn’t in Equestria several times.

“Good morning sunshine!”

Twilight spun around to see Morning Dew sitting next to her, making two circlets out of flowers and grass. The wreckage of the train was downhill, resting peacefully in the midday sun.

Twilight was still groggy, but was able to ask, “How long have I been out?”

“Oh, for about a whole day. We were very worried after that miracle you pulled, but when you started talking in your sleep we knew you’d wake up.” Morning Dew’s smile was like bottled sunshine and filled with the kind of love that the unicorn recognized being on her own mother’s face.

Twilight did not know she talked while she slept, and was curious what was on her subconscious mind. With a slight, curious smile she asked, “Did I say anything interesting at least?”

Morning Dew giggled, “Well most of it was nonsense, but…” She blushed.

‘Uh oh.’

“…something tells me that this, ‘Big Mac’ fella would love to ‘buck your apple orchard’ anytime.”

If dying from embarrassment were possible, Twilight would have keeled over then and there. She looked down at her hooves and tried to think of some sort of explanation, as if she’d done something wrong.

“OH! Um…yeah…Big Mac is a…Ummm…brother of a friend and he’s…well…BIG! And you see he…it…I don’t really know him that well and…” Twilight knew she was sputtering, but couldn’t stop.

A reassuring nod and smile came from the older mare, “No need to worry Miss Twilight, Mr. Hawk promised not to tell anypony back east about it. Why when he heard it he didn’t so much as grin he was so worried about you. And it’s nothing to be ashamed of besides, why when Tall Leaf and I were young I…”

“HAWK KNOWS?!” Twilight liked Hawk, but he was a human, and she heard from a reliable fashion minded unicorn that humans were incorrigible gossips.

As if she summoned a vile phantom, “What do I know? Twilight? Is that you?” Hawk and the fillies crested the hill and made their way towards the two.

“Miss Twilight!” both fillies shouted as they galloped towards her. “I’m so glad you woke up! Busy Bee was crying she was so worried!” said Merry Gold as she gave Twilight a hug with her neck.

Busy Bee snorted, “I was not! And even if I was, you were the one thinkin’ we was all dead!”

Twilight rolled her eyes for what seemed like the millionth time since yesterday begun. With a small clearing of her throat, Morning Dew caught the two squabbling fillies, and presented them with the floral circlets. The two sisters instantly forgot all about their argument and began to run towards the ruins of the Magna Rail with their new flowery crowns.

“Well then,” said Morning Dew, who stood up, “I’d best go help my husband with the salvaging. He’s always puts too much weight on his back.” She trotted down the hill after the fillies, calling to them to stay close.

Hawk finally spoke, “That was some stunt you pulled back there Sprinkles.” Twilight looked him over before responding. He had buttoned his over shirt, and now wore a long brown duster coat over it.

“Well,” Twilight looked back towards the train, “judge me not by my size Agent Hawk.” They both proceeded to laugh it up for a good few minutes before Zorro exited the wreckage. He now sported a black poncho made from what appeared to be wool, and a black wide brim hat that was much stiffer than Hawk’s. When Zorro saw Twilight awake, his expression brightened considerably.

“My dear niña! It is good to see you up and about! I was getting quite jealous of Agent Hawk constantly being by your side!” Twilight blushed slightly.

Hawk called out to him, “What’s the damage Z?”

“My diagnosis? You have abandonment issues.”

Hawk sighed, “To the train Z.”

Zorro put a hand to his hip and another to his chin, “The only thing I got working was the GPS. And, my you’ll never guess where we ended up my friend!”

“Canada?”

Zorro chuckled and replied, “Close amigo! We’re about four miles away from the town of Ten Sleep Wyoming!”

Hawk beamed. “Son of a bit…” he glanced at Twilight, “…gun! That tornado took us far! Right kind of it, if not for the whole trying to kill us part, eh Twilight?”

She was checking her map for the town of Ten Sleep. When she found it. She couldn’t believe the math. The tornado had moved them nearly a thousand miles in less than ten minutes. She didn’t question it though. She was tired, her head hurt, and a town meant a soft bed to rest on. “Let’s just go Mr. Hawk. We still need to get to Yellowstone after all. And with that Magnet Train out of commission, it’s gonna be a long walk.” They were halfway down the hill before Twilight remembered something. “And Agent Hawk...”

“Yeah Sprinkles?”

“If you tell anypony about what I said while I was asleep, I’ll turn you into a newt.”

* * *

They entered to edge of the town of Ten Sleep in the evening, when the sun loomed just above the horizon, and the sky had turned pink and orange. All the ponies took a minute to admire the sunset while the humans seem preoccupied surveying the town with binoculars. Twilight savored the moment of silence, as the last hour or so of walking, Busy Bee had been questioning Agent Hawk unceasingly.

Morning Dew gave a sing-song like sigh before saying, “Simply beautiful. Celestia must be watching over us.”

Zorro looked up from what he was doing, “Let us hope so señora, the town of Ten Sleep lies abandoned and it’s overgrown with vegetation,” he got up and walked towards the ponies, “it is likely that newer, and less friendly, residents have moved in.”

“Like cannibals?” inquired Busy Bee.

Hawk stood up, “Let’s hope not. If Zorro tastes half as good as he talks he won’t last the night.”

* * *

The town was deathly quiet and there was no sign of life. Rows of houses and other buildings looked dark and empty. There were hardly any cars on the sidewalks or driveways, and the grass in the yards had grown wildly out of control.

“Where is everypony?” asked Tall Leaf.

“Gone,” replied Hawk, “at some point or another, everyone in town either left or died.”

Merry Gold looked nervous, “So it’s a…” she gulped, “…ghost town?” She gazed at the long shadows and empty houses, some of which had their doors wide open, as if inviting them to enter.

Zorro was first to assuage her fears, “Do not worry little one, there aren’t any actual ghosts. We are safe from the dead.”

“That’s reassuring,” said Twilight.

Within minutes, Hawk had found a house he deemed, “Adequate,” and soon after Twilight was experiencing de ja vu. Hawk had gone to the front door and knocked three times. When there was no reply, Hawk turned to the rest of the group, shrugged, and kicked the door in. The entirety of the Garden Family jumped. As Hawk entered the house, his large black duffel bag in tow, Zorro gestured to the ponies to follow.

Tall Leaf hesitated, “Miss Twilight,” he said, “isn’t this illegal?”

“Don’t worry,” replied Twilight straight faced, “he is the law.”

Twilight moved into the door and gave a smile to Zorro as she passed by. He returned it and then looked to Tall Leaf who still stood in the waning light. With a shake of his head, Tall Leaf entered the house mumbling, “This is ridiculous. Simply ridiculous.”

Night had fallen, and with a final look around, Zorro walked into the house and closed the door as best he could. Hawk had extracted an electric lamp from his bag and laid it on the coffee table in what was once the living room. Soft blue couches sat around the table, slanted towards the T.V. on the wall, and most of the seats were occupied by ponies. Morning Dew was currently humming a song to her children as much as herself and her husband.

Hawk moved an ornate armoire in front of the front door, blocking it and preventing it from opening. He then made a series of odd hand gestures to Zorro, who nodded and began searching the house.

After a short time, Zorro returned and declared, “Clear.”

Hawk, smiling wide, opened his duffel bag and said, “Dinner time!” He passed around bottles of water and Zorro passed around the food.

The ponies were given pony meal packs, something the humans had made years ago for the pony on the go. They came in little sectioned off trays and were sealed in plastic. The meals included carrots, small cucumbers, grass, some oats, dandelions, three cubes of sugar, and a box of apple juice. Even though she could taste the lack of freshness, Twilight delighted in the meal. Meanwhile, Hawk and Zorro had what seemed to be plastic bags that had the letters “M.R.E.” emblazoned on them.

“Get anything good Z?” asked Hawk.

“Chicken soup, and you?”

“Beef stroganoff.”

Twilight didn’t want to think about what they did to the poor chickens and cows in order to fit them into those little bags.

After dinner and everyone found a spot to settle, Twilight made her own small globe of light which hovered around her horn, much to the amazement of the two fillies. The house was only one floor, and she could see not only the kitchen from where she was sitting, but also the hallway which must have led to the bath and bed rooms. It was remarkable how neat and tidy everything was, and horrifying that everything had just been left behind. The couches, the rug, the table, even the pictures on the walls had not been touched in some time. It was like sitting in a tomb.

Twilight saw a picture on the wall of the human family who must have lived here previously, and she trotted closer to get a better look. It was a father, mother, and beautiful little girl all smiling on a sunny day under a familiar looking maple tree tree.

‘They look so happy. I thought humans hated their lives so much and that was why they all were so ready to be ponified. But why would they abandon this? This isn’t so bad.’

Twilight entered the kitchen for curiosity’s sake. There was a sliding door to the back yard and moon light illuminated a tire swing which hung from an old, unkempt looking tree. The fridge was immediately next to the entrance, so she looked at the calendar that was magnetized to its side. It was from two years ago. There was only one day circled for the entire month, the day Twilight remembered as the day the camps opened. She flipped through the calendar’s earlier entries, and it was pretty run of the mill: doctor’s appointment, dentist, Tiffany’s birthday party (bring gift!). But after the day the camps opened, there was nothing. No plans at all.

The lack of future plans really disturbed Twilight, as she continued her tour of the house. Hawk and Zorro were in the living room talking with Tall Leaf and the others. Busy Bee wasn’t taking her eyes off of Hawk. Twilight chuckled at the thought that maybe she wasn’t the only one with a secret crush.

She passed the bathroom, the master bedroom which was in disarray, and finally arrived at a door with a wooden plaque hanging from a nail. It read, “Julie’s Room.” Twilight had to know whose old life she be spending the night in.

With a push, the door opened revealing a room so pink, Pinkie Pie would have perfect camouflage. There were teddy bears and dolls lining the walls, all neatly put into their place, and on the comfy looking bed was a book. It was the little girl’s diary.

‘Dare I?’ she asked herself as she hesitantly approached the book. Her curiosity could not be contained, she had to know. After checking to make sure no one was around, she magically lifted the book to her and opened it, turning to the last entry. It coincided with the camp’s opening day.

‘Dear Diary,

I don’t want to be a pony, but mom and dad say life will be better that way. They said I wouldn’t have to live in a mean world, or pay for other grown ups problems. I like ponies, but I don’t want to be a pony. I like being me and Miss Megan said to be happy with who I was and I am. But mom and dad aren’t so I guess they will be happy if we are ponies. I want them to be happy, so I will be a pony for them. I will miss Tiffany and Miss Megan. I hope they recognize me if I see them again.

Goodbye Diary.’

Twilight closed the book, and drew it close with her magic. She felt something wrong had happened in this place. She returned to the living room with a dour expression. Zorro was staring out the window, looking for something, and Morning Dew was cuddled up next to Tall Leaf. Both of them had fallen asleep on the couch. Hawk was on the opposite couch entertaining the endless supply of questions the fillies seemed to have.

“And…do humans really have machines that let them fly?” Busy Bee’s voice was strained as she struggled to stay awake.

“Eeyup.”

“I’d like to…to fly…one…zzzzzzzz,” Merry Gold had fallen asleep next to her sister, who in turn curled close to her and followed suit.

“Good night,” she said.

Hawk replied in a tired, but tender voice, “Good night Busy Bee.”

With that, the two fillies fell asleep, and Hawk rolled his head towards Twilight. Quietly he said to her, “They’re just like cats: cute as heck when they’re asleep, but they makes it impossible for you to move or get comfy.”

“It is rather precious amigo,” said Zorro from his watch, “I do not think I’ve ever seen you so...” Zorro strained his mind for the right word.

“Cuddly?” offered Twilight.

Zorro nodded and smiled, “Si, cuddly fits well.”

Hawk simply replied, “Whatever,” and looked at the book that Twilight had in her magic’s grasp, “Find something interesting Sprinkles?”

Twilight hung her head a bit before asking, “Hawk, do you know why so many humans got ponified?”

Hawk furrowed his brow, “I can’t speak for all of ‘em, but if I had to guess, I’d say they were thinking that their lives would be better as tiny horses.”

Twilight wasn’t satisfied, “WHY would they think that though? Have you seen this house? It’s absolutely lovely! Us ponies thought that humans lived in misery and squalor, but…” she trailed off looking towards the picture of the family. “…but this family didn’t. So why?”

Hawk gave a sigh through his nose, “I dunno, maybe they were tired of paying taxes, or getting sick, or living in fear that some accident would hurt their loved ones. It’s impossible to say Twilight. They did what humans have always done: take the option that makes their lives easier. So this family abandoned their old lives for a chance at a better one.”

Twilight put the book into her saddlebag, a frown spreading over her face.

‘You can’t steal something that someone has abandoned.’

She laid her head down onto her saddlebags, lost in thought. They were more comfortable than she thought however, as weariness eventually took over and she fell asleep without a sound.

* * *

It was near midnight when the howling started and awoke Twilight from her deep sleep. She stared up in a half awake state, wondering what all the noise going on outside, but she soon recognized it as the baying of some hungry predators. She looked towards the window and saw Zorro looking out the window, not moving an inch.

“What is it?” Twilight asked the man, concern heavy in her voice.

He didn’t look away from the window, “Feral dogs. Around maybe…twenty? They’ve been circling the block for two hours. I think they finally decided what to do with us.” Zorro chuckled a bit.

Twilight however, was worried. Celestia had mentioned beasts from human lands, and she did not like the word ‘feral’ one bit. “What do you think they are going to do?”

“They are going to attack this little house and eat us up. Please niña, go wake everyone. I’m afraid Hawk may have been right about how delicious I am.” Zorro was absolutely calm as opposed to Twilight who was beginning to panic.

The unicorn decided to wake Hawk up first, as it was officially his job to protect the group. He was asleep on the couch, with two little fillies sleeping soundly, curled up close to him. One of his arms lay over top the both of them, almost like he was protecting them even while asleep. Twilight nudged him with her hoof. He blinked his eyes open, and mumbled something about a donkey before asking, “What’s wrong?”

“Zorro says twenty feral dogs are going to attack us!” Twilight was trying to whisper, but her voice was thick with panic. She had never had to defend herself from wild dogs before, and wolves never left the Everfree Forest.

Hawk rolled off the couch, waking the fillies up who blinked and mumbled, trying to go back to sleep. Even in her panicked state, Twilight let out a small d’aww when Busy Bee gave a small noise and curled tighter as Hawk’s body heat left the couch. Hawk was less enthralled by it, and seemed to show signs of worry. He moved to the window, and replaced Zorro who was currently stirring Morning Dew and Tall Leaf from their slumber.

There was another round of howling, which quickly sobered the Garden family from their sleep.

“What’s going on? Hawk, what’s makin all that racket?” Tall Leaf was wide awake and stretching his legs out.

“You’re about to find out,” Hawk turned to the group, “Alright, Zorro, you and Twilight cover the back door, me and Tall Leaf will make sure they don’t push through the front. Morning Dew, take the fillies and go into one of the rooms back there and barricade yourself and the others inside.”

Without hesitation Morning Dew took hold of her children, her voice being as calm as possible. “Come on darlings, double time. Hoof it! Come on!” She trotted the two into the hallway and moved them into Julie’s Room.

“Mom? What’s going on? What’s all that noise?” Busy Bee was terrified, and looked back as she walked, “Isn’t daddy coming with us?”

Twilight’s stomach felt like a pit, and fear was starting to eat away at her. Hawk however was sifting through his bag, and with an “Ah-ha!” he extracted a hunting rifle and a bandolier of ammo. Zorro had drawn his sword, a thin blade with a slight curve, and slowly chopped at the air. No doubt warming up for what was to come.

“Alright, Tall Leaf, if one of their heads comes into view, buck it up. Now, you have to hit to kill, alright? If you don’t they’ll just keep coming.” Tall Leaf gave a vacant stare, but blinked out of it and nodded.

“R-right. Hit to…” he gulped, “…kill.” Hawk gave him a pat on his neck and moved into position at the window.

“Well little one,” said Zorro to Twilight, “shall we?” His smile was somewhat comforting, but Twilight was still barely keeping it together.

They entered the kitchen and looked through the sliding doors that separated the house from the back yard. There were seven dogs prowling, looking at them, licking their lips while moonlight reflected off their eyes, making them seem like little, glowing, yellow discs. Three of them were sniffing at the base of the door, and then got on their hind legs and began to scratch on the glass. Twilight heard similar noises from the front of the house.

‘Think of a spell think of a spell think of a spell.’ Twilight’s mind raced at what to cast. It was difficult to concentrate with all the scratching and howling the dogs were making. Zorro stood next to her. He had slung the front of his poncho over his shoulder revealing his sword arm, “Stay calm, niña. I’ll keep them at bay. You concentrate on scaring them off.” With a nod and sudden feeling of calm, Twilight thought things out.

“You might want to cover your eyes Mr. Zorro.”

Then the attack began. All at once every dog Twilight could see charged the doors, and with a loud BANG, smashed into them. They doors shattered and Twilight enacted her spell. A magnificent blast of light erupted forth from every orifice in the room. Zorro moved his arm over his eyes just in time to avoid being blinded, but the dogs were less successful. Blind and confused, they yelped and whined, running wild in random directions and crashing into just about everything in the kitchen.

“Ha ha! Well done my darling!” Zorro cheered patting Twilight on the back, “Let us show these dogs the way out.”

Several booming sounds came from the front, followed be an equal number of yelps and shouts. “HA! Another one bites the dust!” Hawk’s voice was almost gleeful. Twilight glanced back and saw Tall Leaf bucking a snout that had wedged it’s way between the door. She saw Hawk with the rifle taking aim and firing at the dogs that were assaulting the front. When she faced forward again there was the maw of a feral mastiff rushing towards her, murder glowing in its eyes. Time moved slower, and Twilight opened her mouth to scream, but nothing came out.

A quick flash of steel passed between her and the dog, and after an instant, the creature was on the ground with blood flowing from a wound across its face. The warm red liquid spilled out from it and all over the floor as the dog twitched to the ground.

Twilight’s scream finally caught up with her.

Hawk looked back, “Twilight?!” He was about to stand up to make sure she was all right when a large rottweiler jumped through the window and attempted to snap is jaws around Hawk’s neck. The hound’s bite missed, but it did knock the man onto the ground, where it continued to go for his throat. Tall Leaf was bracing himself against the door, and looked on in terror as Hawk grappled with the wild dog. Hoping the armoire could hold the pack at bay long enough he rushed over to the dog and bucked him as hard as he could.

There was a snapping sound and the dog flew a good two feet off of Hawk, landing with a whimper. The man breathed a sigh of relief, stood up, removed his revolver, and shot the dog through the head, causing blood to spray over the carpet. “Thanks,” was all Hawk said before retaking his position and resuming his shooting.

Tall Leaf stared at the dead dog for what seemed a long while. Its leg twitched, and Tall Leaf began to feel very sick.

Twilight had stopped screaming and watched as the blood from the dog slowly spread towards her. She meanwhile was backing up to avoid stepping in it. Zorro was slashing at any dog that got close with such speed and grace, Twilight could swear that he was dancing instead of killing.

The dogs she had blinded lay strewn about the kitchen, cuts and stab wounds across their bodies. She looked outside and saw other dogs prowling, but keeping their distance. Their looks of hunger now shifted to looks of fear. Fear of the human who stood amongst their dead, with no signs of exhaustion or fatigue.

The dogs hung their heads in defeat and ran off into the darkness. Hawk had stopped firing his rifle, and Zorro gave a small bow to the retreating dogs. They had driven them off.

“Tall Leaf,” said Hawk, “Go to your family, and wait there with them. Don’t come out until me or Zorro come to get you, alright?”

“Right,” he responded in a shaky voice, eyes never leaving the dead dog in the room.

Hawk continued, “Twilight, you can go with him if you want, me and Zorro are going to clean up the bodies so the kids don’t have to see.”

After a moment of thought, Twilight shook her head, “No, it’s alright, I’ll help.” ‘It would go faster with my magic,’ she thought.

Twilight started in the kitchen, where pools of blood had spread almost everywhere. Putting her mind on the task on hand, she levitated the bodies out the door and into the back yard. When they rose, blood dripped off of them, and Twilight had to avert her eyes, else she might have thrown up.

Afterwards she went out through the front, past a wet red spot in the middle of the room. The bodies of no less than eight dogs littered the street, all of them had one hole through either their heads, or hearts. Hawk and Zorro were carrying the bodies behind the house, and using her telekinesis, Twilight lifted the remaining ones and followed them.

Twilight laid the bodies out in rows, and tried not to look at them. Every time she did, she would see something that made her stomach turn inside out. Whether it be a collar with the dog’s name tag on it, or just the dead faces of the poor mutts, she would grow sick.

“What do you want to do with them?” asked Zorro.

Hawk replied in a tired voice, “Well, leaving them here would make a feast for scavengers, but it might take a while for them to show up. We could bury them, I guess, give the worms something to work with.”

“We should bury them,” said Twilight. She didn’t want to have to see the bodies ever again.

“Right,” said Hawk, giving a look of concern towards Twilight, “got a spell for moving earth?”

As a matter of fact, Twilight did. She first used it to help Applejack irrigate her apple orchard. How she wished to be back there right now, away from this scene. A glow emanated from her horn, as the dirt beneath the dogs displaced itself, and buried the corpses.

Once they were all properly buried, Hawk and Zorro went inside to get the others. Twilight remained in the moonlight, and had a moment of silence. She could only think of the lives she had helped to end, she wanted to say something, but couldn’t manage it, so she thought it instead.

‘I’m sorry.’

* * *

The morning came, and Twilight had barely gotten back to sleep before the sun came out and woke her. Last night seemed like just a nightmare until she left the master bedroom and saw the red stain in the living room. Grimacing, she went through the recently opened front door and took a few deep sighs, trying hard to suppress the memories of last night. Hawk and Zorro’s voices could be heard coming from the garage, and the sound of a car starting broke the silence of dawn. An open roof jeep drove out onto the street followed by a smiling Zorro. Hawk was at the wheel and he parked it in front of the house.

Leaning out the side Hawk smiled at Twilight, “Need a ride little lady?”

Twilight stared at him for time, processing his smile. He wasn’t bothered by what happened last night. He gave no sign of regret or pain for the lives he took. She eventually gave a weak smile back and said, “Yes, thank you Agent Hawk.” Her voice lacked any kind of emotion.

The Garden family came out of the house, somewhat blurry eyed. The fillies’ eyes revealed that they had been crying last night, and Busy Bee was eerily silent. Zorro and Hawk helped them all into the car, while an awkward silence dominated the air between the humans and the ponies. The back of the car became filled with ponies and Hawk’s duffel bag. Zorro took the front seat and Hawk the driver’s position.

Zorro looked at Hawk, who looked back at him. Hawk gave a heavy sigh, and then eyed the ponies. The Garden family was huddled together, staying close to Tall Leaf. Twilight was apart from the others and was staring off into the distance, her mind wandering. Hawk faced forward.

“I think we could all go for some breakfast.”

“What do you have in mind?” asked Zorro.

“Chateau Minuit?” Hawk replied, grinning.

Zorro place a hand on the side of his head, “Madre de mierda,” he sighed.

Hawk laughed, “Watch your language young man, or you’ll get no ice cream.”

“Ice cream?” Busy Bee’s sad face had disappeared completely, and Merry Gold’s was following right along. “I love ice cream!” said both in tandem. They then began listing off what flavors were their favorites and which ones they wished for.

Twilight had snapped back to reality, and concluded that eating ice cream was an idea she could get behind. After all, Pinkie Pie had always given her some in the past when she was, as Pinkie described, “a sad Mc-Sad-y face,” and it cheered her up.

Hawk smiled at Zorro like he had just won a bet, “Well then, shall we play some music?” Hawk turned on the radio, and adjusted the station. After a moment or two of static, he found what he was searching for as a voice spoke from the radio.

“…ey hey hey! It’s me Jim Carter, the bringer of all the good music that you love! It’s time for some news and then some tunes. First up is some news about our little pony friends, taken straight from the mouth of the president. Seems that the first family of settlers is moving out to Yellowstone with a full blown US Marshal for an escort, and possibly the slickest train I’ve ever seen. If you all are listening, then good luck to ya. Here’s a little ditty called Day by Day, sung by the one, the only, Dorris Day. Safe travels friends.”

And with that, melodious tune sprang forth from the radio. They ponies were enamoured with it, and let the lyrics wash over them. Morning Dew in particular was listening intently, always ready to learn a new song.

The car drove away from the house, away from the dead dogs, and Twilight let out a sigh of relief. Every moment they spent getting close to Yellowstone was another moment closer to going home. She drifted off again, this time thinking about transferring back to her old home in Ponyville, back to where things weren’t so violent.

‘Where I won’t have to see dead dogs.’

Death in a MLP Fiction?
Well it is a western!
Allegedly.
Part Five coming in a Week!
Maybe!
I’m no good with deadlines!

Yellowstone: Part 5

Conversion Bureau Off-Shoot
Based on Blaze’s original idea
Might not follow his world’s rules, but Meh, it’s just a fan-fic of a fan-fic.
By: Anonsi (Writer’s block is bound to hit any second now)

Yellowstone
Part 5:
Den of Vipers

“Are we there yet?”

The morning was passing quickly, and the knot in Twilight’s stomach had changed from one of guilt to one of hunger. It might have been rude, but she could barely think when she was hungry.

“We’ll get there when we get there!” Hawk replied a bit annoyed, but Twilight could tell he didn’t mind her asking. He was as cheerful as anypony she had ever seen for some reason.

“So Hawk,” Tall Leaf interjected, hoping to calm everyone’s stomachs with conversation, “what’s this ‘Shat-toe Min-wee’ like?”

Zorro answered, “Well my friend, it all depends on when you go. Sometimes it is a paradise within a storm, other times it’s like…”

“Getting punched in the jaw and thrown out the door because you made a few too many passes at the owner?” Hawk interrupted, chuckling to himself.

Zorro nodded and laughed, “Yes, it can be like that.”

Tall Leaf looked to Twilight and his family, giving a slightly defeated sigh. “Great,” he said, “another exciting opportunity to get into trouble.”

Twilight’s stomach growled loud enough to gain the attention of Merry Gold, go struggled to contain a giggle. Twilight was less enthused, especially seeing as how the wind was ruining her already unkempt hair. If Rarity was here, she might have had a breakdown about all the dust and messy manes.

‘And the blood.’

Twilight shook her head. She was having trouble suppressing the memory of the previous night and all of its gruesome details. It worried her to think she might never be able to look at another dog again without the image of it bleeding to death on a floor.

“We’re here!” came Hawk’s voice from the front. Twilight and the others all snapped out of their own minds and focused on the big building coming up on the horizon.

It was one of the largest wooden buildings Twilight had ever seen. It was an inn if ever there was one, with dark blue paint that had worn with age. As they got closer, Twilight thought she could discern painted stars lining the door and the many windows. The structure looked like a barn with another one stuck in its side. Together they made a massive ‘T’.

The jeep glided to a stop in the vacant parking lot. The front door of the establishment had a large circular window above it that was lined with silver paint. Twilight’s stomach growled again, louder than last time, possibly angry that it had been neglected for so long.

“Can we eat something now?” she asked.

With a nod, Hawk began to help the passengers out and onto the hot asphalt, which had dry weeds sticking up through the cracks. Busy Bee and Merry Gold ran ahead of the group, mouths watering at the idea of sweet, delicious ice cream. They pushed the double doors open and gazed inside with awe. Busy Bee and Merry Gold looked at each other, and then trotted playfully back to the car.

Busy Bee did an anxious little dance in front of Morning Dew, “C’mon Mom, hurry up! I’m starving!”

Hawk and Zorro were still busy unloading the parents from the car. Tall Leaf was having difficulties with his seat belt. Twilight’s stomach groaned loudly, gaining looks from the others.

“Go on,” said Morning Dew, “We’ll catch up.”

Twilight gave a bashful smile as she pranced over the hot ground and opened the doors with her magic. Her eyes widened at what she saw within.

“Oh,” Twilight breathed, “Luna would love this…”

Inside was a large open room, with the space between the doors and the bar on the far wall filled with tables. The walls painted with a large mural of happy people dancing and singing at a lantern lit festival while stars twinkled above them. There was a staircase on the leftmost wall that led up to a balcony, which itself had a door leading to a hallway. A chandelier hung from the ceiling, and from it hung glittering tin stars.

At the bar, a human woman was busily cleaning the counter top with her back facing Twilight. This human was shorter than Hawk, but she was about the same age if Twilight guessed right. She had blond hair tied in a pony tail by a red bow. From what Twilight could tell from where she stood, the woman had a brown leather vest over an orange over shirt, with its sleeves rolled up and front buttoned. Her shirt was tucked into dusty old blue jeans and the legs of the pants disappeared into worn leather cowboy boots.

‘It’s rude to lurk in doorways dear,’ Rarity’s voice echoed in Twilight’s head. The unicorn decided now was as good as time as any for introductions, “Excuse me miss!”

“Just a second Ma’am, I’m almost finished.” The woman’s voice was strong, but gentle and comforting to hear.

Still, Twilight’s stomach was grumbling quite a lot. “I’d just like to get something to eat. I haven’t eaten anything all morning.”

“Okay, okay. I’ll finish this later I guess.” She moved behind the bar and bent down looking for something. “So, what’ll it be?” the sound of clinking bottles could be heard from behind the bar.

Twilight thought for a moment, deciding to opt for a healthier breakfast than ice cream.

“Daisies if you please,” Twilight responded cheerfully. ‘Finally, something good to eat,’ she thought.

The woman behind the bar laughed, “Daisies? What are you some sort of…” she raised her head from behind the bar finally getting a look at her customer, her blue eyes widening, “…pony?”

Twilight did a polite curtsy, and was honestly surprised at the human’s own amazement at seeing her. She had thought that all humans had seen at least one pony by now.

“Wait here,” said the woman, who walked up the staircase and disappeared into a hallway. Outside Twilight could hear Morning Dew giving Tall Leaf advice to get out of his seat belt, while Hawk, Zorro, and the fillies all laughed their tails off. Twilight chuckled to herself as she found a comfortable looking table.

The human woman emerged from the balcony hallway hefting a heavy looking flower box in her hands. Twilight’s jaw dropped and she couldn’t stop from drooling at what had to be the most beautiful assortment of flowers she had ever seen. The woman placed the box on the table with a thunk, and wiped her hands clean of the soil on her jeans.

“Hope that’s acceptable miss. I don’t think I have any daisies.” She said, unable to contain a smile.

Twilight licked her lips at the bouquet buffet, “My name’s Twilight, and believe me, it’s perfect.”

Finally, the Garden family and the other humans entered the building, Tall Leaf looking quite embarrassed. When the ponies saw what Twilight had at her table, they rushed over and took seats at the Table around her.

“Oh Twilight, you are such a darling buying this feast for everyone!” said Morning Dew biting the petals off a rather lovely looking posy. “Busy Bee, Merry Gold, thank Miss Twilight.”

The fillies removed their heads from a thick patch of tulips, “Thank you Miss Twilight!” they said in tandem before returning to the flowers. Tall Leaf gave a small sigh as he found a flower for himself to chew on.

Fortunately for Twilight, who only gave a small grunt as she devoured a daffodil, there were plenty of flowers and assorted greenery in the box for the entire group to share, though she did worry about the price. A meal like this would run for about forty or so bits in Equestria, and Twilight only brought fifteen, operating under the assumption that she wouldn’t have to use this much.

The humans just watched the ponies dig into their meal. The woman had a look that seemed to regard their eating as cute, Hawk looked a bit discontented at the ravenous consumption of the flowers, and Zorro just stared away from the woman.

“So Megan,” said Hawk, breaking his gaze away from the ponies and towards the woman, “how’re things?”

The woman, Megan, looked at him, her face going neutral, “Oh fine. Between you and the tumble weed, this makes you my first customers all month.” She leaned forward, staring at Zorro for a moment before frowning. “I hope that your friend won’t be making a ruckus like last time.”

Zorro coughed, and Twilight, between chews, thought she saw him blush ever so slightly.

Megan then put her hands on her hips, and turned her frown on Hawk, “And why are YOU galavanting around with a family of ponies? I thought that Joseph was sending his best agent to guard them.”

The entire Garden family was looking up from their meal, when Busy Bee, in a somewhat defensive tone, said, “Hawk is the best Ma’am! He’s the biggest, strongest human I know!” Merry Gold followed up with a “Yeah! And he saved our daddy’s life from wild dogs!”

Megan looked at Hawk with a grin, who just shrugged and replied, “Hey, they think Zorro is the handsomest human on the planet.” Upon saying this, all three humans burst into laughter.

Wiping tears from her eyes Megan moved towards the bar, “Alright fine. I guess seeing as how you’re the biggest and strongest you’ve earned some whiskey.” Megan got behind the bar and looked to the ponies, “Are any of you gentle ponies thirsty? I can whip up some tea real quick, and I think I have some soda somewhere.”

Twilight cleared her throat, “I would love some of whatever you have Ms. Megan.” Upon saying the name, Twilight’s mind seemed to explode with thoughts, ‘Miss Megan? From the diary? Could it be the same person? Should I ask?’ Twilight decided that, after weighing the possible implications, she would wait to ask Megan if she once knew a little girl named Julie.

Tall Leaf and Morning Dew decided to share a cup of tea, much to the playful disgust of their children, who instead chose soda. Megan just smiled and got to work, while Hawk and Zorro sat down at the ponies’ table.

“Mr. Hawk?” Busy Bee said, leading into another Q and A session.

Sighing, Hawk replied, “Yes Busy Bee?”

The filly asked in complete seriousness, “What’s wisskey? Can I have some?”

Hawk and Zorro exchanged smiles, and Twilight heard Megan snort out a laugh from behind the bar.

“I dunno,” answered Hawk, “Whiskey is best drunk with friends, so maybe if everyone drinks.”

“Hawk!” Megan called, slightly aghast, but mostly amused.

Twilight gave a confused glance at Zorro, who only gave a wry smile back. Celestia had told Twilight to never pass up an opportunity to experience new things with friends, and she was curious about humanity’s, non-carnivorous, foods.

“I’ll try some!” called Twilight, who glanced at Morning Dew and Tall Leaf, who nodded and spoke, “Us too!” Busy Bee looked at Merry Gold, and gave a small squeal of excitement. Merry Gold also looked excited, and she tapped her front hooves in anticipation.

Megan just shook her head, “Alright.” She fetched eight glasses from behind the bar and Hawk moved adjacent chairs around their table until there were enough for everypony there. Then Megan brought out a bottle with three “X’s” on it and poured its contents into the eight tiny glasses. “Whenever you’re ready,” she said, “we all drink at once.” Twilight looked at Megan’s smile. It was the same smile as a mischievous child, and though wary of such smiles, Twilight lifted the small glass to her lips.

“Hold onto your butts,” said Hawk, mimicking Twilight. Everypony and every human counted to three in their heads, and in one gulp, drank from their glasses.

Every pony fell out of their chairs either, gasping, spitting, feeling their eyes cross, or laughing like there was no tomorrow. Twilight herself, after the initial burning sensation, couldn’t tell if the room was spinning, or if it was just her eyes. The humans’ laughter was undeniably the most earnest laughter she had ever heard from the species.

After a brief period of being on her back looking at the ceiling spin, Twilight felt her head recover from the shot of whiskey, which was more like one of Applejack’s famous apple-bucks, except Twilight’s face was the tree. Standing up straight, with only one moment of staggering, Twilight saw Zorro leaning over the table, Hawk with a hand on Zorro’s shoulder and the other on his side, and Megan on the floor clutching her sides as if in pain. They were laughing so hard, they were gasping for air. Twilight furrowed her brow at the realization that she had just been pranked.

Morning Dew was on her side with a hoof rubbing the side of her head, moaning slightly, while Tall Leaf was sitting on his hindquarters, his head swaying. The two fillies were on the floor, out cold. The humans were beginning to quiet down and even started to form words, before a hiccup escaped Twilight’s lips, which sent them into another long bout of giggles and gasps.

A little embarrassed, Twilight was relieved when the teakettle started to shout, as Megan pulled herself up from the floor and began preparing the tea. Hawk walked over to the unconscious fillies and picked them up. They were so small compared to him that he held both in his arms. It looked rather sweet from Twilight’s viewpoint.

Through the dying chortles and chuckles, Hawk managed to say, “Megan, I’m going to put these two in the room at the end of the hall. Is that okay?”

“Sure,” said Megan, pulling keys from her jeans, chucking them to Zorro, who caught them with no effort. “Go help him out Z.”

The two departed upstairs, exchanging the occasional laugh. The remaining ponies all took their seats around the table, as Megan began serving tea: a cup for Twilight, another for the Garden family parents, one for Megan, and two more for the others on their return.

“Well,” started Morning Dew, “that was an experience. Do you humans actually drink that…stuff?”

Megan gave a bright smile, her freckles only reminding Twilight more of her friend Applejack, “We sure do, but as Hawk said, only with friends.” She sipped her tea, “Or when you want to knock ponies on their flanks.” Everyone gave a good hearted laugh as they began conversing over tea.

* * *

Evening seemed to sneak up on Twilight, and the last rays from the sun were painting the sky into another beautiful memory that she would cherish. As flat and dusty as this land was, it was beautiful, and she was glad that she came on this little excursion. The complementary bath didn’t hurt her mood either of course. Twilight even got to learn something about human bathing habits. When she first entered the bathroom, Hawk was in the bathtub, and when he noticed her he went red as a beet and told her to get out and wait her turn.

Looking back on it though, Twilight did think it was rather silly. She had no qualms about bathing with other ponies in the room. ‘Maybe humans just like bathing alone?’ Twilight gave a small, refreshed sigh as she moved downstairs. There was still something she needed to take care of before preparing for bed.

Twilight had learned much about the human woman during breakfast. Megan had two horses out back which Twilight got to meet, named T.J. and Buttercup. Twilight was amazed by their size, the two horses were far larger than the ones in Equestria. Apparently, as Hawk told it, humans and horses have been inseparable since before recorded history. Twilight took note of it and planned to write a report about how humans and the other animals of the Human Lands co-existed. She also planned on writing many other reports as well, like the similarities of the ancient Knight’s Code and the Elements of Harmony, or an explanation of magic based on the description Yoda and Obi-Wan gave about the Force.

Megan was at the table they all sat at hours ago wiping off the soil from the flower box, which had been moved some time ago. Megan looked up as Twilight approached, “Well hey there sugar cube! Can I help you with something? Finding your room all in order?”

Twilight felt a smile grow across her face when Megan said ‘sugar cube.’ It lacked the accent of Applejack, but it still made Twilight feel like she was with her old friend again. “Everything is fine Ms. Megan, I was just wondering what we owe you for all of this hospitality.”

“Oh you don’t owe me anything, this is all coming out of your Princess’s piggy bank.”

Twilight was relieved, and then mortified. “Ohmygosh! How much did we spend? Was it a lot?” Twilight moved to the table and put her hooves on her temples. ‘That feast must be at least thirty bits, and the tea is about six, and was the whiskey free? Oh no no no no…’

Megan but a hand on Twilight’s head and said, “All of twenty five dollars: two for the seeds, three for the tea leaves, and twenty for the rooms and baths. In bits however, it’d be about four for the whole thing.”

Twilight stared at her in disbelief. “No way.”

Megan gave a bemused smile, “Yes way. I’m sure your nation’s economy is safe and sound.” She turned and walked to the bar.

A wave of relief washed over Twilight, clearing the air for another question that had been on her mind, “Megan, were you ever a teacher?”

Megan looked at her. “For four whole years, before those camps of yours opened up. Why do you ask?”

Twilight went to her saddlebags, which still lay on the floor next to the table, and extracted the diary. “This belonged to a girl named Julie.” Twilight levitated it over to Megan, who put her hands over her mouth as her eyes began to water.

Megan reached out and grabbed it and opened to first page, and tears started rolling down her face. “Oh Julie-bean,” she said as she went from page to page. After reaching the final entry, Megan had to sit down and close the book. After a few moments of tears, she finally looked back at Twilight, wiping her face of any moisture, “Thank you for showing me this. It’s good to have some closure.”

Twilight stepped next to Megan and did her best to comfort her, “I’m sorry if I brought up bad memories.”

“Far from it,” replied Megan giving a weak laugh, “Julie was one of the sweetest little girls I’ve ever met.” the woman looked off into the distance, her eyes still wet, “God, she would always wear the cutest little bonnet to class every day, and she was so smart, and funny, and…” Megan buried her face into one of her hands, “When she laughed, I swear to God the world got brighter.”

It was a long while before either of them spoke, and several times Twilight wanted to leave Megan alone with her thoughts, but real friends always offer a shoulder to cry on. At least that’s what Applejack told her when Spike and Applebloom accidentally broke Rarity’s prize vase and Rarity went to AJ for support.

Almost without warning Megan gave Twilight a strong hug, and held her tight. “Thank you Twilight,” she said moving back, “I think you should hold onto this.” She held out the diary to Twilight, who began to shake her head but Megan insisted, “I already have memories from my time spent with Julie, and I probably won’t ever see her again. You take this, and if you ever see her again, tell her I said hi, and that I love her.”

Twilight nodded. “I’ll do what I can.” Granted, she couldn’t do much, but Twilight added the task to her mental to-do list none the less.

“How about some wine?” suggested Megan, again wiping any moisture from her face as she stood up.

Wine was something Twilight was familiar with. She and her friends shared a bottle on all their birthdays. “I would love some,” she replied with a graceful nod.

Twilight hadn’t seen Hawk for at least an hour, but she didn’t mind. She had spent her time with her new friend Megan, who was as good natured as Applejack and seemed to have more stories to tell than Twilight had books in her library. Twilight loved every minute of being with her, and for a while, she even forgot that she was talking with a human. It was just her and her new friend Megan. Laughing at each other’s bad jokes and telling their own stories of the good old days.

Morning Dew and Tall Leaf were making their way down from the balcony, both of them looking somewhat ruffled. Tall Leaf was nuzzling his wife’s neck as she hummed sweet music into his ear. Twilight and Megan, warm and fuzzy from the wine, exchanged glances, and then smiled. No question what the loving couple just finished doing in a room they have all to themselves, away from any prying ears. Megan and Twilight started snickering before offering the couple a few glasses of wine.

‘Why do humans need to change? They’re fine the way they are!’ thought Twilight.

A distant memory arose in the back of Twilight’s mind, one from when ponies first met humanity. “Twilight,” her mentor had said, pain heavy in her voice, “These creatures are so savage. They cause cause such pain to each other and the world around them, they live in misery and fear. We cannot stand by any longer. We have to save them and this planet which they have wounded so grievously, before they destroy everything.”

‘But Princess,’ Twilight remembered asking her, ‘They can’t be all bad!’

“I am sure they aren’t my student, but that hardly means they are all good.”

* * *

A long hour later, another car drove into the parking lot. It sounded like it was filled with a lot of people, and Megan’s face darkened as she got up from the table, “Excuse me a moment.” She moved behind the bar with an urgent quickness to her step.

Six men walked through the door, all of them had a gun. Three of them had bandannas over their faces and long coats over their bodies, each of them carrying a shotgun. The lead man was clean shaven, and wore a hat much like Hawk’s. He wore a black shirt with its top three buttons undone, revealing a necklace that had a snake’s skull as its centerpiece. His face was wrinkled and a wicked scar came down from his ear to his mouth. At his side hung a revolver.

The man to his left, who was larger, balder, and fatter but not so much that it would be a liability, had no facial hair at all, but instead wore the most vile smile Twilight had ever seen. He had a stained plain blue shirt on that was too small for his girth and suspender pants that only barely reached his ankles. In his hand was an AK-47.

The third man wore a poncho much like Zorro’s, except it had a diamond design, and a wide brim hat of his own that covered most of his face with shadows. He had boots with spurs on his feet, and a Bowie knife in his hands, which he was fiddling with as he entered.

“Boa, get her,” said the lead man, pointing at Twilight, his voice was soft, but intimidating none the less. The fat one, with a disgusting sort of chuckle, moved towards the young unicorn.

The sound of a gun cocking rang out, “Don’t you touch her you son of a bitch,” Megan called out from behind the bar, now holding a Winchester Repeater that was pointed at the fat man’s head.

Twilight moved back toward Megan, her horn glowing as she readied a spell to bind the strange men. Tall Leaf stood in front of his wife and lowered his head, ready to charge at the possible threat. Morning Dew shrunk behind her husband with a scared look on her face.

The lead man had drawn and fired his revolver at Megan faster than Twilight could blink. One second he was just standing there with a cruel looking smile on his face, the next he had his gun in his hand, its barrel smoking. Megan had fallen down behind the bar, without any sound other than scream and a thump.

The fat one moved again towards Twilight. “Come ‘ere honey!” his voice was guttural, “come to me baby!”

Twilight released her spell and bound his arms and legs together. “What the fu-!?” was all he was able to get out before his face crashed onto the ground.

The lead man sighed and gave the order to the rest of the men. The one in the poncho moved for Tall Leaf, who sent a buck his way, but failed to connect as the man deftly dodged to the side and punched the stallion in the side of the head. Tall Leaf found himself on the floor with a boot on his neck as the man in the poncho lifted Morning Dew into the air by her neck and slammed her onto the table. Within moments he held his bowie knife to her throat, discouraging any squirming she might have attempted..

Twilight panicked as three men in bandanas approached her, each leveling their guns at her.

With a bang, the middle one’s head tuned on its side in a sharp and sudden movement. A spray of red erupting from the wound drew Twilight’s attention. On the balcony stood Hawk, who was fully clothed with his revolver in his hand and an expression on his face that Twilight could only describe as of pure hate.

Hawk pointed his gun at the lead man, “Cottonmouth!”

Cottonmouth looked up, smiling, “Hawk! It’s been too long since we last saw each other. Has it really been all of four years?”

“Let go of the ponies.” Hawk’s voice was dripping with contempt. “Now.”

“Of course last time we saw one another, I was putting a bullet into your back.” Cottonmouth chuckled, “And I’m sorry, but I need that little pony. You see I got big plans for her, but her friends…” he gestured to the man in the poncho, “Well Diamondback isn’t known for his gentle touch. In fact he’s right clumsy with that knife sometimes.” Cottonmouth’s eyes narrowed, “So unless you want that pretty yellow one to see how clumsy he can be, I suggest you drop that gun.”

Twilight began to focus on a blinding spell, like she used on those dogs. She was trying her best to stay calm and not give in to fear, but when two hostile humans were pointing their guns at her, she got anxious. When her horn began to glow, one of the men struck her in the side of the head with the butt of his gun. She wasn’t unconscious, but she was dazed and on the floor.

Hawk’s eyes went wide as he immediately shot the man who struck her, giving the attacker’s throat a new hole from which he bled profusely while gasping for air. Cottonmouth, as quick as Hawk shot his gun, shot at Hawk. Fortunately, Hawk was fast, and with a knee-jerk reaction, avoided the bullet.

“Not another move Agent Hawk. You fire another round and the pretty yellow one dies.”

From Twilight’s position on the ground she saw Megan, a hand was over a deep red spot on her shoulder. She was clenching her teeth, and tears were rolling from her eyes. Megan saw Twilight, and saw the bloody bruise on the unicorn’s head. With her good hand, Megan began reaching for her repeater.

Hawk was shaking all over, and after five very long seconds, dropped his revolver. It hit the floor with a clack. “Whatever you’re planning, you won’t get away with it. I will kill you.”

Cottonmouth let out a laugh, “That’s where you’re wrong Hawk. You won’t be around to stop me. See this time, I’m gonna shoot you in the heart.” Cottonmouth raised his gun, “Not that you got one…”

Cottonmouth fired his gun.

Hawk fell to the floor.

Twilight wanted to scream, but her head was still too blurry to even think. All she could do was to let out a groan, “…Hawk…Megan…”

The magic bindings on Boa released themselves. “About God damn time!” he said, his vile grin returning. He walked over to Twilight, who was struggling to focus. “Oooooh…darlin’ you don’t look so good. C’mere baby…come to Boa…” when he picked Twilight up, she felt him slide his hand between her legs. It was only for a moment, but it left a lasting feeling. If not for the blow from earlier, she would have screamed in protest or slung lightning at him, but all she could do was give a weak cry.

Cottonmouth holstered his gun, “Grab those two Diamondback, we’ll need them. And Boa…” he turned to his fat subordinate, “Keep your hands to yourself till this is over with. I don’t need you or my little friend here distracted. Understand?”

Boa frowned, like a child being denied a cookie, “Even that one?” he asked pointing to Morning Dew, who along with her husband, was being dragged by their throats outside.

“Yes. Now put her in the car. You can play with them till they’re dead AFTER I got what I want from ‘em.”

Boa’s face made a disgusting smile, “Oh good…that’s good.” He stroked Twilight’s mane.

The strangers shoved the ponies into an old army truck that had a canvas covering of the back. Cottonmouth and Diamondback got in back with the ponies, and Boa moved up front to the driver’s position. The last man with the bandana gave a quick look around before moving to leave. Boa started the truck. The bandit walked through the front door.

A loud bang rang out and a small hole exploded in the bandit’s leg. Cottonmouth gave the order to drive off as Megan emerged from the Chateau Minuit and holding the Winchester with her good hand, glaring as she watched the truck drive away faster than she could follow. She looked at the car Hawk had used to get here and saw its tires were slashed. She spat blood out of her mouth and walked over to the downed bandit, who was lying on the ground gripping the new wound in his upper leg.

Megan stood over him scowling. He looked up and spit at her, in some weak attempt at defiance. She brought her boot down on his head, causing his vision to go black.

To Be Continued…
Hawk’s been shot?!
Ponies have been kidnapped?!
Zorro didn’t help?!
Boa does what to ponies?!
All these questions and more may or may not be answered.
It all depends on how my free time looks.

Yellowstone: Part 6

Conversion Bureau Off-Shoot
Based on Blaze’s original idea
Might not follow his world’s rules, but Meh, it’s just a fan-fic of a fan-fic.
By: Anonsi (Let’s see if I can NOT make this GRIMDARK)

Yellowstone
Part 6:
The Hawk and the Serpent

Hawk got up from his bed as he heard a car pull into the parking lot. He had been relaxing with his friend Zorro and the two pony fillies after a nice bath and some wine, and he had been hoping to have an evening of answering any questions Busy Bee and Merry Gold might come up with. Those plans were dashed when he saw the old army truck roll up. Four armed men hopped out of the back, two came out of the front. Hawk recognized the man coming out of the passenger’s seat immediately.

“Zorro, stay here and whatever happens, keep those two safe.”

Zorro stood up from his bed and tried to hide the concern in his voice, “Come to me niñas.” He scooped up the now very confused fillies and placed them on the bed behind him. “Hawk, what is it?”

“Yeah Mr. Hawk,” asked Bee, “what’s going on?” She gave a sudden look of fright and asked another question, “Is it more wild dogs?!”

Hawk hastily extracted and donned a kevlar jacket from his black duffel bag. There were a few things in this bag he would have liked to bring, but those took time to prepare, and time was not on his side. He covered the vest with his over shirt and duster. He glanced at his friend, and then to the fillies. They looked terrified. So was he to be honest, but he had people to protect so fear wasn’t an option right now.

Hawk answered Zorro’s question with one word, “Cottonmouth.” Zorro nodded and pulled the fillies in closer.

They all heard Megan’s voice from downstairs, “Don’t you touch her you son of a bitch!”

Drawing his revolver Hawk moved out of the room and down the hallway. There was a gun shot. Moving at a run, Hawk reached the balcony overlooking a scene he had hoped never to see, especially on this trip. Two out of three ponies were hostages, Megan was bleeding behind the bar, and three men were advancing on the last pony. Hawk should have shot at Cottonmouth. He knew he should have shot at Cottonmouth, but he didn’t. Hawk took aim at the lead man advancing on Twilight and fired.

Everything after that happened in a blur that ended up with Cottonmouth shooting him in the chest. A great many thoughts raced through his head at first, mostly berating his choice of targets, but eventually there was one that stuck. Hawk was on the ground and his vision was going black, the only thought was one of anger at his failure. In his head, one angry thought kept repeating: ‘NO! GET UP! GET UP AND KILL THEM! KILL THEM ALL!’

* * *

Zorro came into the hallway when he saw the army truck leave. The gunshots had worried him enough, but the fact that it was the bandits getting away made him fear the worst. He couldn’t stop the fillies from following him even if he wanted to, and he truly wish he could if only to spare them from the sights they were about to see.

What Zorro saw first was the body of his friend Hawk, lying on the balcony, bleeding. Busy Bee let out a scream of terror. Rushing over to Hawk’s body, Zorro examined the wound with intense focus. He looked for a pulse and smiled beyond measure when he found one. It was slow, but there, and that was enough.

“Hawk!” Zorro shouted, trying to stir his friend. Merry Gold stood next to him sobbing, while Busy Bee stood on his other side, crying aloud, “Is he okay? Is he gonna be okay?!” tears making small puddles on the ground.

Megan’s voice came from outside, “Zorro! Are the fillies safe?”

Zorro hefted Hawk’s body over his shoulders, responding “Yes Megan, they are safe, but Hawk needs surgery immediately!” Zorro carried Hawk down the stairs and placed him onto the closest table as gently as he could.

Megan entered, dragging a man in behind her with her good arm and flung him onto the floor. “Is he going to make it Z?”

“Maybe. The bullet only just stopped at his heart, though it went through a rib and the kevlar to get there. He should live. Hawk bears a charmed life after all.”

Megan gazed at the fillies who stood on the balcony looking down. Busy Bee and Merry Gold were just staring at the carnage left by the humans. They looked confused and scared, unsure of what was taking place. Merry Gold asked on behalf of Busy Bee, who was far too choked up, “Is Mr. Hawk going to be okay?”

Megan gave them a smile, “You bet. It’ll take more than a bullet to down this hawk.” Megan desperately wanted to believe that, but she had seen men die from less. She did her best to not show any signs of distress. Her shoulder began to hurt again.

“Megan, I need another hand in here,” said Zorro. Megan leaned forward, wincing in pain, and laid her good hand onto Hawk’s.

* * *

The operation seemed like it took an eternity, but eventually Zorro had patched Hawk up the best he could. Megan only having only one good arm slowed matters down, but to the surprise of both humans, Merry Gold came forward to help. More surprising was that she seemed to have a talent for it, remembering even the slightest details and movements almost instantly. When it came time to treat Megan’s wound, Zorro swore Merry Gold could probably have done it herself.

With bloody hands and hooves, the three took to the many chairs that lay strewn over the floor. Busy Bee and Merry Gold sat by Hawk’s side curled up together, and did not seem ready to leave it anytime soon. Zorro and Megan sat a bit of a way off, sharing a bottle of some kind of booze. The label had long ago worn off, and Megan couldn’t remember what it was previously.

Zorro and Megan regarded the man Megan had captured, who was now tied to a chair next to the bar. Zorro had given him the Sherlock Holmes treatment and tried to get an idea where Cottonmouth’s lair might be based on observation alone. Unfortunately, all Zorro got from the attempt was that where ever it was, it was dusty, and a dusty area in the mid west was rather common.

“…geh…t… up” moaned Hawk.

The fillies’ ears perked up and smiles exploded onto their faces. “Mr. Hawk!” shouted Busy Bee, “Megan, Zorro! Mr. Hawk is waking up!”

Hawk opened his eyes. “Where…?”

Zorro moved over his friend, “Amigo! You’re alive!” Zorro put his hand onto Hawk’s and gave it a squeeze. Megan also stood next to the wounded man, and though she didn’t say anything, her tears and smile spoke volumes.

Hawk continued, his tone void of all emotion, “Cottonmouth. Where is Cottonmouth?”

Zorro gave a small sigh, “We do not know yet, but we have one of his men. I was thinking that with the right persuasion he would talk.”

Hawk began to sit up, “Where is he?”

“Over there, tied up. He’s unconscious,” Megan gave a small laugh, “guess I hit him too hard.”

Hawk got up with a grunt, much to the discouragement of Megan and Zorro. The fillies were awestruck however. After all, Hawk was back. He and Zorro would save their parents from the bad humans. Not even guns could stop him.

Hawk lurched towards the bound man, “Well. I’d say it’s time to rise and shine.” Hawk unsheathed his knife.

It was then Busy Bee really saw his face. Saw it wasn’t the Hawk she knew standing there before them. Sure he looked the same and had the same face, but his eyes were all wrong. They were darker, more menacing, and the air around him lost that comforting aura Busy Bee had come to know. It was instead replaced with something cold. With every second of this realization, the filly’s joy faded and was replaced with a growing unease. Without question, he looked angry.

“Busy Bee. Merry Gold. Go to your room with Megan.” Hawk’s voice was cold and sharp, and demanded obedience. The two fillies left without a word, neither of them dared to look back. Megan followed them as fast as she could, and closed the door to the fillies’ room. She sat on the bed with them, trying to think of ways to assuage their fears.

“Miss Megan,” started Busy Bee, “What’s wrong with Hawk?”

Megan gazed at the small pony, debating whether to tell the truth. “Hawk is very…” she was never any good at lying, “…protective. If someone or something hurts the people he cares about, he gets very angry.” Somehow, the news that Hawk cared about them didn’t comfort the two fillies. Their thoughts had recalled the movies they had watched on the train. They were worried that Hawk was turning towards the Dark Side.

Downstairs, Hawk had begun to wake up the unconscious prisoner. Smelling salts proved effective enough, and the prisoner was well awake within a minute or two. The prisoner looked up, and stared at Hawk defiantly. Hawk began his interrogation by pinning the man’s hand to the bar with his knife. The man let loose a scream that chilled everyone to the bone. Everyone save Hawk, who only scowled harder.

Hawk drew close to the man, looking him dead in the eye, “You are going to tell me everything about Cottonmouth’s whereabouts, and what his plans are.”

* * *

It was dawn when Twilight opened her eyes. Her head still hurt, but at least now she could think somewhat straight. As far as she could tell, she was in an old iron jail cell, in an old wooden building, no doubt in some old human town. Across from her in another cell were Morning Dew and Tall Leaf. Both seemed no worse for wear, though it looked like they both had done an awful lot of crying during the night. Outside the cells, there was a door to her right that led outside, and to her left was a desk beneath a barred window.

Cottonmouth was sitting at the desk, his boots propped up on it. The one called Diamondback stood behind him. Diamondback’s hat had made his face too shadowy to make out, but Twilight could tell he was looking at her, and it was not a kind look.

Cottonmouth spoke, “Finally, she’s conscious.” He stood up and walked in front of Twilight’s cage, Diamondback following close behind.

Twilight rose to her hooves, albeit wobbly, if for no other reason than to not show weakness to her captor. “Why have you kidnapped us?” she asked, the words barely audible.

“Because,” said Cottonmouth, “I need your help with a little favor.”

Twilight was taken a bit off guard with that statement, “Why in the name of all that is good would I help you?”

“Because if you don’t, or if you fail to do what I ask,” his face came level with hers, “I’ll let Boa have his way with that pretty mare over yonder. He’ll do things to her. Vile things that should only exist in nightmares. And I’ll make you watch every second of it. Every wicked, depraved second. She’ll beg to die before it’s over, but it’ll only get worse. That’s why I know you’ll help me, because you ponies can’t stand to see another one of your own suffer.”

Twilight looked on the human with horror. What scared her most was that her was absolutely right. She couldn’t let Morning Dew or Tall Leaf suffer even if helping them meant helping Cottonmouth. Twilight lowered her head, “I…I’ll help, just please don’t hurt us. What do you want from me?”

A grin grew across Cottonmouth’s face. His reply was cold, “Listen good: all I need you to do is make some of that ponification potion you all use in those camps, but with a little added condition.” He leaned against the bars, “Leave out that bit that takes away all the bad in a man. If you do this for me, you all go free.”

Twilight was stunned. “That’s it?” she asked surprised, “You kidnapped us, threatened us with torture, and killed other humans for that?!”

“Yes, simple as that. That is if you make it right. Now, we got an understanding?” He locked eyes with Twilight’s, sending a shiver down her spine.

Twilight knew there was something bigger at work in that man’s head, but she dared not show any defiance. Not yet anyway. “I’ll need some ingredients.”

Diamondback threw a notepad and pencil into Twilight’s cell. Cottonmouth stood up straight, saying, “Then you’d best make a shopping list. You have three days before I make good on that, ‘threat’ Miss Twilight. Do not try any of that magic of yours either. If you do, the husband starts losing body parts.”

Cottonmouth left, leaving Diamondback with the ponies, leaning on the desk. Morning Dew began to cry all over again, and Tall Leaf was doing his best to comfort her, but he was tearing up too.

Twilight began scrawling the names of ingredients she would need, tears from her own eyes dropping onto the paper. She looked out the window above the desk and saw a tree. In the tree was a hawk, and in its beak was a dead snake. Her tears stopped flowing, and a warmth started to fill her.

A tiny fire of hope arose in Twilight, ‘A good omen if ever I saw one.’

* * *

It had taken an hour, a couple of threats and Zorro’s good cop routine, but Hawk had managed to extract the location of Cottonmouth’s lair from the prisoner, a Mr. Henry “Copperhead” Sweets. A ghost town from back during the gold rush, named Sweet Water. Hawk also learned that Cottonmouth had seventeen other men, not counting his lieutenants, a private jet hidden somewhere that was fueled and ready to transport him anywhere in the country, sub machine guns and shotguns out the ass and a mountain of ammo. Doing a frontal assault was not the ideal plan.

“Anything else I should know about Cottonmouth, Henry?” Hawk loomed over him, holding his revolver against the prisoner’s head. “Like what he wanted with the unicorn?”

The prisoner stammered, blood loss from his pinned hand taking its toll, “He…he only said he needed…Needed it for the potion they make. The ponification...That’s all I know I swear! Please let me go…please!”

Hawk began to squeeze the trigger. Zorro however, placed his hand on his partner’s shoulder, which gave Hawk pause long enough for him to reconsider. Hawk knocked the prisoner unconscious with a swift punch to the face. His chest gave out another painful stab.

After moving the prisoner into the back room, Zorro treated his wounds, much to Hawk’s displeasure. “Hawk,” said Zorro before he had left the room, “don’t lose focus on me. You coming close to that edge that I’ve seen a lot of men fall off of. I would rather not see you become a murderer.”

Hawk considered the words, but only replied with a grunt. He walked into the main hall, and saw Megan on the balcony, shaking her head. “Did you have to make him bleed all over the bar? I have to clean that you know.” She gave a weak smile in an attempt to lighten the mood, and the sides of Hawk’s mouth did crack into an ever so small grin, if only for a second.

“Megan,” he said, “get three coffins ready. It’s time we reunited Cottonmouth with his boys.”

Megan gave him quite a look, like he had asked her to give him the moon. “You ask for the damndest things Hawk.”

Hawk just walked into the back room, and then through the back door and into the stable where Megan kept her two horses. T.J. and Buttercup stood waiting, and looked at Hawk as he entered. T.J. was an older golden-brown mare with white spots on her flanks and one right between her eyes, whereas Buttercup was a completely black stallion whose youth made him strong. Hopefully strong enough to cart three coffins and a wagon by himself.

Zorro walked in, carrying Hawk’s duffel bag. “So amigo, who are the three coffins for?” he said, picking up a saddle. “Cottonmouth and his two friends I hope.”

Hawk put his hand over his heart, wincing, “Nah. One’s for me.

* * *

In the time after Cottonmouth had left, Twilight had noticed several things about their guard Diamondback. He never moved, he never blinked, and he never spoke. He just watched. Until Boa entered the room that is.

Twilight saw Diamondback give a disgusted look as the fatter man approached with three plates of day old cabbage. ‘Edible but hardly appetizing,’ thought Twilight. Tall Leaf and Morning Dew both leaned away from Boa as he passed. Boa blew Morning Dew a kiss which made Twilight want to vomit, a sentiment which Diamondback seemed to share.

“It’s noon sweethearts, that means you get to eat! You’ve got to keep your strength up after all,” he eyed both Twilight and Morning Dew, “don’t want to be weak for all the fun we’ll be having later.” He turned to Diamondback, vile grin dissipating, “Your shift is over, these lovelies are under my watch now.”

In an instant Diamondback had slammed Boa’s head onto the desk and put his knife in the fat man’s face. “I seem to recall,” Diamondback’s voice was scratchy and stern, “Cottonmouth said that you weren’t to come within fifty feet of those things.” He inched the knife close to Boa’s eye, “Gave orders to kill you if you had a problem with that. And you know me Boa,” the knife point danced over Boa’s cheek, “I do so love following orders.”

After quieting a panicked breath with a gulp, Boa finally gave out a few weak chuckles, “O-okay Diamondback, you’ve made your point. I got it. I’ll be patient just like the boss said to be. I’m going now.” Diamondback let him up, and Boa walked out the door looking back nervously, scowling every so often.

When he was gone, Diamondback slid the plates of food through the bars with his foot, and then returned to his position. Morning Dew looked up at him after he resumed his waiting. “Thank you,” she said, again lowering her head to her meal. His face did not move an inch, and his eyes didn’t flicker with the acknowledgement that she had said anything.

Twilight began her own meal going over what she had learned so far today. ‘One, Diamondback does not like Boa. Two, lunch comes at noon. Three, Diamondback doesn’t seem to care what happens to us, he just follows orders like a soldier ant or something…’ She looked out the window again, the hawk had left, but there was a feather in the tree that it had left behind, which was enough to keep that little fire of hope alive. ‘…I can work with this, I just have to think. What would a clever pony do? Or hay, what would a deceitful human do?’

Twilight got an idea, but it involved Morning Dew and she wouldn’t like it. In fact, Twilight was pretty sure that no pony would like it.

* * *

Busy Bee was getting impatient, anxious, and a whole lot of other adjectives that meant she wanted to do something other than sit in a room and wait. “Where are they?” she asked, “When are they gonna save mom and dad?”

Merry Gold lay on the bed, “I don’t know, but I hope it’s soon. I miss mom’s songs, and dad’s dumb looks he gives her.”

“Even if they are gross!” said Busy Bee beginning to laugh. Despite herself, Merry Gold joined in with a giggle as sweet as a bird’s song. It was the first real laugh either of them had since last night, and it was well received. It made it seem like everything was going to be fine.

“Now that is a sound I like hearing,” Zorro’s voice came from the door. His face showed equal signs of bemusement and worry.

“Zorro! Are you and Hawk going to get our parents now?” Busy Bee’s hopeful smile was almost more than the swordsman could bear.

“Soon little one,” he crouched down to one knee, “Hawk, Megan, and I are all going to get them back. We have a plan, and your two’s job in it is to help Megan.” He gave a look like he didn’t agree with what he just said, but he said it, and the fillies almost exploded with joy.

Busy Bee was beyond excited to know she would be helping to save her parents. They were bound to succeed now, she thought, nothing could stop her from getting her parents back. Not even getting shot would stop her. She’d be just like Hawk: brave and unstoppable, ignoring bullets like they were nothing.

Hawk, meanwhile, was barely able to stand. That bullet had done quite a number on him and without something to focus his hate on, his adrenaline rush was wearing off and made the pain in his chest all the more intense. It was past noon and Hawk’s plan was coming together. Zorro would be working his ass off to get those coffins ready, and Megan was busy bringing out an old horse drawn wagon.

Hawk had busied himself by going over the contents of his duffel bag. When everything was all laid out like this, he tended to question if he was paranoid, or compensating for something. He shook his head, concluding that he was just prepared. Of course having three handguns, two magnums, three rifles, one high powered sniper rifle, a collapsible RPG launcher, a couple pounds of C-4, a fold-up crossbow, a hundred feet of rope with grappling hook, twelve sticks of dynamite, an assault rifle, an auto shotgun, a double barreled sawed-off shotgun, and a enough ammo to keep each weapon well fed for an entire minute of non-stop firing, did seem a little overkill.

“Son of a bitch,” said Megan as Hawk placed a small flame thrower on the ground next to the rest of his armory, “Do I get any of these?”

Hawk turned, trying to block out the pain, “Is the wagon ready?”

Megan gave Hawk a dry look, “Yes, and Buttercup is hitched to the front of it.” Megan began walking around Hawk, “Why are we bringing the little ones Hawk? They don’t need to see this.”

Hawk was silent for a bit before saying, “Because they were going to follow us out there whether we wanted them or not. It’s just how these Equestrian ponies are I guess, especially the kids.” He sat on a large wooden box, “They just have to help. Even if we don’t want them to.”

Megan gave a thoughtful nod. “C’mon,” she said, “Zorro’s earning his keep today. He made lunch.” She left for the bar room, leaving Hawk alone.

‘First lunch…’ Hawk thought to himself, moving towards the bar, ‘ ...and then, revenge.’

To be Continued.
Next chapter: Shit goes down
Gunfights, swashbuckling, explosions, and cute little ponies!
Seriously though, next chapter’s delivering the action I promised
If it doesn’t I’m going to be very cross
And let’s see if you guys can figure out the plans
Place your bets!

Yellowstone: Part 7

Conversion Bureau Off-Shoot
Based on Blaze’s original idea
Might not follow his world’s rules, but Meh, it’s just a fan-fic of a fan-fic.
By: Anonsi (It’s almost over!)

Yellowstone
Part 7:
Judgment Day

When night fell, two armed men came into the jail where Twilight, Morning Dew, and Tall Leaf were being kept under the watchful eye of Diamondback. Their warden had not moved since morning and had not spoken except when he confronted Boa. If not for the fact that he blinked once every hour or so, Twilight would have believed him to be made out of wax.

A bandit walked over to him and said, “Boss is back sir, and he wants the unicorn in his office.”

Without a sound, Diamondback reached around behind himself and withdrew old iron keys as he moved towards Twilight’s cage. With a loud clatter he unlocked the cell door, and in a voice that seemed to be dripping with venom, simply said, “Move.”

Twilight shuffled out with her head lowered, and took a long glance at the parents of the Garden family. Their expressions showcased a certain hopelessness that gave her a sense of unease. Twilight was then escorted outside by the two unnamed bandits, one in front and one behind, while Diamondback went back to his previous position at the desk.

Outside it was cold and dark, with oil lanterns signifying the few buildings that were inhabited. The buildings themselves reminded Twilight of Appleloosa, except older, and much less friendly. Scanning all she could in her march, she discovered that the layout of this town was remarkably similar to the Equestrian frontier village.

There was a large building with swinging doors and a lot of noise within, ‘That must be the saloon,’ thought Twilight, squinting in the darkness for any other obvious landmarks she could use later. ‘Bell tower, the jail of course...’ The convoy approached a building at the end of the main street which seemed larger than the other buildings, except for the saloon. ‘Mayor’s office perhaps? Why are all these buildings so far apart? It makes my whole plan a bit more complicated than it needs to be.’

As the trio approached the front door, it opened to reveal Boa , who stood grinning at Twilight. She experienced a very uncomfortable shiver down her spine, with the simultaneous urge to puke.

“Well howdy doo,” said Boa swaying a pistol about as he spoke, “I’ll take her from here boys.”

The guard in back hit Twilight’s flank with the butt of his gun, “Go on. Get moving.”

Twilight’s hooves felt like lead. ‘This is it Twilight. Let’s hope Boa is as stupid as he is ugly and wicked.’ She moved forward, her head slightly higher than previously. As she passed Boa, she heard him lick his lips, and used every ounce of her willpower not to cringe.

The interior of what was indeed the mayor’s office and home was lavishly decorated with fine rugs, oil lanterns and Twilight could hear music being played from somewhere in the house. The lobby was large, and had four possible escape routes. The front door, the huge stairway that led to the second floor, and hallways on either side of the lobby.

Boa closed the front door and moved behind Twilight, “This way honey pot.” He pointed his gun to the door on the left of the room. He then gestured for Twilight to go first saying, “Go on sweetie, don’t be scared, I’ll be right behind you.”

‘Oh Celestia, I am going to have nightmares over this.’ Twilight gulped down her fear and enacted step one of her plan. “Thank you Mr. Boa. I feel much better in the presence of a Big, Strong, man like you.” Twilight tried to coat every word of that sentence with whatever feminine charm she had picked up from Rarity. ‘Now to see if my guess was right.’

Boa leaned his head in close to Twilight’s, while placing his free hand on Twilight’s flank. “Well ain’t that the nicest thing I heard all day.” His breath was awful, but the mare was able to give a shaky smile.

“Why, Morning Dew thinks that you should be the one giving that Diamondback orders. You’re obviously stronger than him, and she thinks you have so much more…” Twilight gulped down some vomit, “…charisma.”

After a small silence, he looked down slightly, mumbling to himself, “…I won’t need to be stronger than him if I put a bullet in him…” The hand on Twilight’s hindquarters gave a slap to her flank, eliciting a surprised noise from the unicorn. “Can’t keep the boss man waiting any longer darlin’. But don’t you fret, we’ll be together real soon.” He pointed at the door again with his gun hand, and Twilight moved towards it with as much swiftness as she could without breaking into a gallop.

‘I am never doing that again.’

The door opened slowly, revealing a fully equipped chemistry lab with boxes on the far wall. There was even a large cauldron in the center of the room. Cottonmouth was sitting in a comfortable looking chair, where he sat fiddling with the snake skull of his necklace.

“Come into my den Miss Twilight. I got you your materials, now you make me my potion. Then you and your friends all get to leave.”

He was obviously lying, and Twilight gave a slight grunt as she moved towards the materials these bandits had no doubt killed for. “I still don’t see why you want me to do this for you. It doesn’t make any sense.”

Cottonmouth let out a small laugh under his breath, “Tell you what. You get done fast enough, and I might tell you what all this is about.”

Not the answer she was hoping for, but it was enough to get her curious. Twilight set her mind to the task at hand. In reality, making the potion wouldn’t take long at all, but Cottonmouth didn’t know that. And every second she could stall this crook would be worth it. She knew Hawk would be coming for her, and he would need the time to prepare.

* * *

Zorro sat at the front of a wagon steering the stallion, Buttercup. Zorro never knew why Megan named the poor boy that, but despite his name, the horse was fierce and powerful. The three coffins in the back of the wagon weren’t top quality, but they would serve their purpose in Hawk’s plan. Zorro just hoped it worked.

Megan rode up next to Zorro on T.J. who also carried two saddle bags, with a sleeping filly in each.

“We should be there by sunrise. Hopefully Cottonmouth lets his boys sleep in,” Megan said, eying the coffins with worry.

Zorro smirked at the thought, “And I hope you are a good shot with that new toy Hawk gave you.” Zorro pointed at the sniper rifle holstered on the side of T.J.

Megan returned the comment with a smile, “And I hope you can still use that sword of yours. It might be embarrassing if it turned out you were all talk.”

They both allowed themselves a small laugh in order to quiet their nerves. They were walking into a bad situation and they knew it. The fillies were a great help squashing the fear Zorro and Megan had felt. They had the unwavering belief that everything would be fine, just like in the cartoons, and despite it all, Zorro believed it right along with them.

* * *

Twilight had stalled for about four hours. ‘Long enough,’ she thought. “There. Now we let it sit overnight, and it’ll be ready for the enchantment.Then you can let me and my friends go.” The large cauldron next to her bubbled with boiling water and tea leaves. Twilight considered taking a sip of possibly the most delicious brew of Sweet Honey Apple tea she had ever made, but decided against it.

Cottonmouth let out a tired sigh, “Only if it does what I want. And why don’t you just cast the enchantment now?”

Twilight gave a neutral look, “The ritual dictates that the enchantment must be cast when the brew is hit by the first rays of morning.” It didn’t of course, but it should buy enough time for her plan to go through.

Cottonmouth frowned, “But why?”

“It’s magic. That’s just how it works.” Twilight retorted, ‘I don’t have to explain manure, especially to him.’

With a scowl Cottonmouth snapped his fingers twice, and Boa entered the room. “Escort the unicorn to her cell.”

“With absolute pleasure sir!” Boa gave a bowed slightly, gesturing for Twilight to come to him while he pointed his gun at her with his other hand. How could she refuse that charm?

When they left the manor, Boa slowed his pace and got behind Twilight. She kept walking, trying to quicken her pace without it being too noticeable. She could only guess at what Boa was doing behind her, but everything she thought of made her sick.

To her great amazement, Twilight was actually relieved when she caught sight of Diamondback, standing on the porch of the jail. At least Boa couldn’t touch her now, but she still needed to proceed to step two of her plan.

“Oh Mr. Boa,” Twilight cooed softly, “Would you be so kind to bring breakfast to us early? For the sake of Morning Dew? She’d be so grateful, that I’d bet she’d be liable to do anything to thank you for it.” ‘I hate this plan. I really, really, hate this plan.’

Boa didn’t respond, but she did hear him give a hum that sounded like he accepted. As they approached, Diamondback stood to the side of the door. Boa was about to give Twilight a spank on her rump, but Diamondback’s glare reminded him of Cottonmouth’s orders. With that, Diamondback led Twilight to her cell across from the couple, who were asleep. Twilight also had to get some rest, so she found a comfy enough place on the floor to lay down.

If everything went according to plan tomorrow morning, Boa and Diamondback would get into a fight, and Twilight would teleport herself and the other two ponies to safety. True she didn’t have a plan to live out on the plains and prairies, but she knew Hawk would be along soon. He was the best after all.

‘Tomorrow is going to be an exciting day,’ she thought as sleep overtook her.

* * *

It was before sunrise when Twilight was nudged awake by a boot. Her bleary eyes focused on Diamondback’s scowl.

“Move,” he said, his tone as venomous as ever.

As much as Twilight was disgusted to admit, she really wanted Boa to show up right now. ‘Oh no. Oh no, no, no. Show up you monster!’ Twilight dragged her hooves as she walked out of the cage, ‘C’mon! Where are you? Did he see through the lie? Was it not convincing?’

Twilight’s slowness earned her a kick to the rump from Diamondback, “Move faster.”

Twilight quickened her pace slightly, gazing at Morning Dew. She and her husband were watching her go, their eyes full of fear and concern. Twilight could only respond with a pained look of her own towards Morning Dew. ‘This is not good. Not good at all.’

The main street was deserted except for a few patrolling guards. Diamondback seemed to be the one escorting her to the mansion today, which bothered Twilight immensely. If he wasn’t in the jail, then Twilight had practically thrown Morning Dew into the lion’s mouth. Her mind raced at possible ways to fix this problem. She was drawing a blank as she and her captor grew nearer to the mansion.

Boa opened the front door, arms gesturing for the pair to enter, “Come on Diamondback. Cottonmouth is getting antsy.” Boa blew a kiss towards Twilight as she passed.

Twilight entered the mansion followed by Diamondback. The unicorn breathed a sigh of relief when Boa closed the door and pursued them. At least the fat man would be with her instead of alone with Morning Dew. Twilight was brought into Cottonmouth’s den, where he and three other goons stood waiting. Cottonmouth had a box on his chair that was making tweeting noises.

Cottonmouth stepped forward, looking tired and frustrated, “Almost sunrise little one. Better hope you made this elixir right, or you and your friends are gonna suffer like never before.”

‘I won’t let that happen. I can’t let that happen. I just hope Hawk is on his way…’ thought Twilight, her mind focusing onto the present task. She approached the cauldron and regarded it with tired eyes. The water was boiling, and the tea leaves she had put into it had long since sank to the bottom.

The contents didn’t matter of course. The water they handed out at the ponification camps was just water with grape flavoring and a powerful sleeping drug in it. The actual work came from the enchantment that was placed on the water. The reason the subject needed to be asleep was because the transformation process from human to pony was not a painless one.

Twilight’s thoughts drifted to the first day a human was turned into a pony. She was there, in the lab with the human doctors and pony magicians. Even the Princesses were there. The human’s name was Cathy Barnes, or something similar. Twilight heard that she had a condition known among humans as ‘battle fatigue.’

Twilight remembered that Cathy had come to, ‘get rid of the nightmares,’ and to stop the pain. When the test started, and the transformation began, Twilight remembered closing her eyes as Cathy’s body started to rearrange itself. She remembered Cathy’s screams, and the sound of bones snapping to fit the new body. By the end though, Cathy was fine. She was weak from the experience, but she had become happy, and couldn’t stop saying ‘thank you’ to every pony there. No pony was pleased with what had happened, but that was how the spell worked. All they could do was offer a remission from the pain.

“Here it comes,” Cottonmouth’s words interrupted Twilight’s trip down memory lane.

As she prepared to cast the enchantment, she considered throwing in a sleep spell out of habit, but eventually came to the conclusion, ‘Nah.’

The tip of her horn glowed with violet light as the sun peeked out from behind distant hills, and its rays cascaded down the main street and in through the windows. Twilight released the spell, and the water sparkled for a few seconds, like fireflies were caught inside the boiling waters, before dissipating completely.

Twilight felt that her time had run out, and now would be the moment to get out of town. “There’s your ponification potion, and I hope you’re satisfied. Now can you please release me and my friends?”

Cottonmouth regarded the brew, then looked at Twilight and gave a cold glare, “When we know it works. That was the deal. Anaconda, you’re up.” One of the goons stepped forward and grabbed a small glass from a cabinet.

Anaconda dunked the cup into the cauldron and took a drink. After two seconds of nothing, he dropped the glass onto the floor. It bounced off the wood and rolled towards the door. The man gripped his sides and moaned in agony as one of his legs bent at an odd angle with a snap, sending him to the ground.

Twilight couldn’t look, but all the humans seemed to be watching intently. Cottonmouth even seemed to be smiling. Anaconda was beginning to shrink in size and began to grow gray fur from his skin as his hair color turned into a deep shade of black. His hands balled up into fists, and skin grew over his fingers and knuckles which began cracked and broke into what would soon be hooves.

After a minute of screams and crunching noises, Anaconda now stood at Twilight’s height with a gray coat, black mane, and a storm cloud as his cutie-mark. Cottonmouth stepped forward, “Can you move?” he asked. Anaconda took a few practice steps and nodded.

Cottonmouth reached for the box on his chair that had tweeting noises coming from it. He opened it up to reveal three newborn chicks. He dumped them on the floor with a simple instruction to Anaconda, “Kill them.”

“What?!” screamed Twilight, “Why? They’re just chicks! Please don’t-!” Tears were already forming in her eyes, but when she looked at Cottonmouth, he just gave her a cruel smile.

Twilight shouted something as Anaconda hoofed one into the fire that kept the pot boiling, and proceeded to crush the other two underneath his front hooves. All that was left was a mess of feathers and red.

Cottonmouth nodded his approval, “Good work Miss Twilight. It seems your spell has left Anaconda with his love of killing small animals. You’ve kept your end of the bargain, so I guess I should reward you for your hard work while my boys clean up this little…” he glanced at the red and yellow stains, “…mess.” With a few quick gestures he motioned for the pot of tainted ponification water to be moved elsewhere, and for all but Boa and Diamondback to leave.

Cottonmouth sat in his chair, looking at Twilight who stood silent, tears running down her cheeks. “You must be thinking, ‘why’?” he said, “Am I right? Why go to such trouble?” His wicked smile returned, “Power, pure and simple. You see it’s hard for an outlaw like myself to make a living in the civilized world, with all these U.S. Marshals and ponies running around. Things are getting to orderly for me to run a business.” He gazed out the window, squinting, “You see I need there to be a certain amount of misery and chaos to operate to sell my fine wares. I was making a killing before you four legged freaks showed up. The cities were teeming with people ready to buy the poison I peddled, but that damn princess of yours showed up and ruined everything.”

He again faced Twilight, looking her in the eye with malice, “So I went out west. Less people. Less police. Less hassle. Less money too. But then I heard about those potions that turned men into abominations like you, and I thought to myself, ‘Would that change anything into a pony?’” Cottonmouth’s gaze turned darker, and his words colder, “So I snuck into one of those camps, and stole some of that potion. I gave it to my dog, and sure enough, he turned into a pony.” He began to laugh to himself while he spoke, “Most retarded one I ever saw too. Damn thing thought it was still a dog. But it gave me an idea.”

Cottonmouth looked at to the two stains on the floor, smiling, “You see, this potion of yours seems to only turn things into one of three things: your normal freaks, like those two I’ve got in the jail right now, horned ones like you, and those winged ones. I figure that anything that isn’t one of those three is vulnerable to this potion. So I would use it to turn that Immortal Sun Goddess of yours into a mere mortal, and fill her veins with so much poison that she’d bleed green.” Twilight reeled at the thought, that one human could be so insane as to want to kill the mare that wanted nothing more than to save humanity from itself.

“Of course I couldn’t get close to her,” Cottonmouth continued, “And if I took the form of one of you things via the potion at one of your camps, I would not want to kill her. So I needed an assassin that was pony in shape, but a killer at heart.” He pointed at Twilight and gave her a big smile, “An assassin you provided. Tomorrow, during the debate between the…” Cottonmouth rolled his eyes, “…Human Liberation Front and your beloved princess, Anaconda will slip her the poisoned drink and turn into a simple pony. Then my very best poison will kill her in front of millions worldwide. When that sister of hers sees her sibling’s corpse fall on that stage, why I suspect she will blame the HLF and cause an inter species incident.” Cottonmouth clapped his hands together, “A war will start in all of its glory, and all of its horror.”

Twilight was flabbergasted. “You’re completely insane. What makes you think they won’t find out it was you who did this?”

Cottonmouth gave a thoughtful stare at the unicorn, “Because I know that the young princess Luna has some,” he twirled his hand in the air, “Baggage. Baggage that makes her into a monster of vengeance and hate. A monster that will blindly kill hundreds of thousands of humans for what they did to her sister. But thanks to you, in the chaos of this coming war, not only will I not be human. I’ll be a four legged freak like you, but still be able to gget rich from selling arms and drugs to the inevitable human resistance.” He smirked to his lieutenants, “Though I wonder if ponies can get off on cocaine?”

“But that’s hardly your problem,” he said as he pulled his pistol from its holster and pointing it towards Twilight, “My sources tell me that you are that divine bitch’s star student, so in case things go south you are going to stay with me as my star hostage.”

Twilight knew that nothing she could say would help her situation, and talking about the other two might get them killed. Or worse. So Twilight remained silent, and gave Cottonmouth the most hate filled glare she could muster.

“Boss!” came a voice from outside, “BOSS!”

“Diamondback, go see what that idiot’s up to.” Diamondback left the room without a word, leaving the door open.

Twilight was left with nothing but her thoughts, ‘This is insane. Why are they like this? What happened to make them like this? Oh Celestia I couldn’t save Morning Dew or Tall Leaf. I can’t save you.’ Her head lowered as she began to sob, ‘I can’t save myself.’

“A wagon just showed up. Says he’s an arms dealer that just got some good swag from an abandoned military depot. Says he can get us more, if the money is right. I put him in the barn under guard.” Diamondback looked at Cottonmouth through the door, who nodded. Diamondback then proceeded out to the barn.

Cottonmouth chuckled, saying, “Sometimes I think I’m just too lucky. By the way Boa,” he said to the fat man, “We won’t be needing those other two. Go have fun with them.” Boa’s face spread into a devious smile as he nearly skipped out the room towards the jail, leaving Cottonmouth alone with Twilight. She just looked at the two stains on the floor, sobbing every so often. “Might as well get comfy,” said her captor, “Won’t be long now until the world as you know it changes.”

* * *

Boa entered the jail, key in hand to the cell with the two ponies. His excitement was extraordinary, and his patience was thin as is. The two ponies looked up, and Tall Leaf stood above his wife to defend her. He seemed to know what was coming.

“Hey there sweet stuff, I don’t think me an’ you have been acquainted quite yet.” He licked his lips as he fumbled with the lock. As he opened the door, Tall Leaf charged him, but Boa gave him a backhand to the face with enough force to send the stallion down to the floor stunned. Morning Dew screamed as the fat man grabbed her mane and dragged her out of the cell. Boa merely giggled to himself “Yes! That’s it! I like it more when they struggle!”

He shut the cell door, locking Tall Leaf inside and unable to help. Boa brought Morning Dew over to the desk and threw her onto of it, keeping her head pinned so she couldn’t raise it or look away from the wall. His grip prevented her from bucking at him, leaving her with the grim realization that all she could do was scream.

“That’s what I want to hear! Shout it out for that husband of yours to hear!” Boa began to chortle as he began to slide off his overalls, making Morning Dew cry even louder. “Oh darlin’,” moaned Boa, “when I’m through with you, your ass is gonna be red and bloody!”

*click* “So will that wall when I’m through with you.”

Boa turned to see the business end of a double barreled sawed-off shotgun. All he could get out was, “FU-” before Hawk pulled the trigger for both barrels.

* * *

Zorro stood behind four of the bandits, his hand on his cleverly concealed sword, waiting for Hawk’s signal. So far the plan was going well enough: Hawk had snuck out of his coffin while Zorro distracted the guards with the dog and pony show that was his introduction as a weapon salesman. The guards were currently browsing the fine selection of ammo and equipment that were held in the other two coffins, and all Zorro had to do was make sure to be behind them when the shots started going off.

The man known as Diamondback entered the barn and gave Zorro the once over. Zorro did much the same. After a second or two, Diamondback moved through the four goons and began looking at the equipment.

There was a boom from somewhere in the town. ‘And that must be Hawk,’ Thought Zorro. He drew his sword, and cut down three of the five unsuspecting bandits before they even thought to look up. The Fourth looked at Zorro with surprise while reaching for his gun, but Zorro gave him a quick stab through the heart before his hand touched his pistol.

Diamondback was not as unprepared as Zorro had hoped. Without hesitation, Diamondback rolled away from him, and at some point and from somewhere, drew not only a Bowie knife, but a curved cavalry sword with a snake’s rattle tied to the hilt.

Zorro threw the front of his poncho over his shoulder, taking a defensive stance and cocking an eyebrow. “Huh,” he said, “two swords.” Diamondback began to circle, rattling the hilt. “This will be exciting.”

* * *

Morning Dew was shuttering terribly as she watched little pieces of Boa’s skull slide down the wall in a mix of blood and brains. She was currently experiencing a few emotions, chief among them was relief, shock, and heart pounding terror.

“Dear Celestia! Morning Dew! Morning Dew are you alright?!” Tall Leaf called in a panic. Hawk had crouched over the now headless body of Boa and retrieved the keys. After releasing Tall Leaf from his cell, the colt dashed to his still shaking wife and immediately began comforting her. Hawk moved to the door and threw a brick of some sort of putty out of it.

“Don’t worry darling. Shh, shhhh…” cooed Tall Leaf, avoiding stepping on Boa.

“H-he was going t-to…” stuttered Morning Dew looking at the bits of Boa in her mane.

Hawk extracted a remote from a pocket of his coat and clicked a button. A very loud explosion came from outside accompanied by the several screams. Hawk dashed next to the ponies, “Morning Dew, Tall Leaf, we have a small window of time where I can get you to safety. Your children are waiting for you.”

Morning Dew’s head turned quickly and she locked eyes with Hawk, “My fillies? They’re here? Where?!”

Hawk glanced out the door and pulled out his revolver, “They are with Megan.” A shot rang out from outside and a bandit flew to the ground from a sudden impact to his chest. One of the others called out “SNIPER!”

Hawk turned back to Morning Dew, “They’re safe. Now come away from the wall.” He pulled a small cube of putty out of his coat, placed pins in it, and stuck it to the wall of the jail. The three of them moved away from the wall as Hawk pressed another button, causing the wall to explode. After letting the ringing in their ears go away, Hawk pointed at a far hill, “Run to there and do not stop or turn around!”

Tall Leaf nudged Morning Dew up and they pair ran through the new hole in the wall, and before he left, he gave Hawk a grateful nod. Hawk returned it with a tip of the hat.

* * *

Twilight’s ears perked up as she thought she heard thunder.

Cottonmouth’s face flashed with worry, “That sounded like a shotgun. You six!” he yelled at the men in the lobby, “Go to the barn and make sure nobody’s being stupid.”

They all replied with a nod and dashed out the door with rifles and shotguns. Twilight stopped crying as a smile somehow spread over her face. Hawk was here to save them. She knew he would come. Cottonmouth looked out the window, his revolver drawn, and ignoring Twilight.

‘Now’s my chance!’ Twilight focused on the tree she had seen outside her cell window, the one where she saw the hawk. Magic danced up her horn as she felt the familiar surge of power. With a flash of light, she was outside the jail’s back wall next to the tree. No sooner had she appeared, a giant explosion rocked the earth and made her tumble to the ground.

‘That must be Hawk.’ She dashed into the alley between the jail and another rundown house, and beheld a small crater as well as three of those six men that were sent out.

The other three were beginning to stand and recuperate their senses. The first one to do so began charging towards the jail, but a loud bang sent him down to the ground. One of the others shouted, “SNIPER!” and took cover inside a nearby building. Twilight spotted Diamondback running into the saloon. More masked bandits were breaking the windows and sticking the barrels of their guns out of them.

Another explosion came from behind her. Curious, Twilight ran back behind the jail and saw Morning Dew and Tall Leaf making a mad dash for a far hill. She decided to investigate the smoking hole they came from, and there stood Hawk, his back turned to her.

Her face beamed with excitement, “HAWK!”

He looked at her with a face of mild surprise which changed to the biggest smile Twilight had ever seen on a human. Before she could say how much she missed him, he already had his arms around her in a solid hug.

“Thank God your safe,” he said burying his head against Twilight’s neck. Twilight was beginning to blush as her eyes watered, but Hawk pulled away, his face serious, “Run to that hill and stay with Megan. Me and Zorro have this under control.”

Shots started to sound out from the saloon, and another couple came from the hill.

Twilight looked Hawk in his eyes, and saw that they weren’t the same as when he had just seen her. They were more menacing. They looked like they were full of hate and fury. But Twilight was not deterred.

“No Hawk,” she put her hoof down, “I have to stop Cottonmouth. He’s planning to kill Princess Celestia and if he succeeds it’ll be my fault. I need to help stop him.”

Hawk made a face. “Fine. Just keep your head down.”

Twilight beamed up at him, and gave a determined grin, “Don’t worry Hawk, you have the Element of Magic by your side!”

Hawk chuckled, and for a moment Twilight saw his eyes go back to the way they were before. “And you have a force of nature by yours.”

* * *

Diamondback and Zorro were still sizing each other up and circling in the middle of the barn. Diamondback kept rattling the hilt of his sword, and it was making Zorro anxious. It was distracting to say the least, but he assumed that was the point. Zorro took notice of his and his opponent’s positions.

“I hate to point this out, but you have given me an opening,” said Zorro, a grin spreading over his face. Diamondback’s eyebrow twitched. “The front door.” Zorro dashed out into the street towards the saloon as fast as he could.

Zorro could tell just by looking that he couldn’t take Diamondback on in a level playing field, so he would need to get creative. Diamondback threw his bowie knife at the retreating man, and sent it flying straight for Zorro’s back.

Fortunately an explosion to Zorro’s left shook the earth beneath his feet and caused him to trip, sending the knife flying far above him. Zorro got up quickly and saw the tower of dust rising from the street. “That must be Hawk.” Rattling was coming from behind him, and Zorro didn’t need to look to know who it was, so he continued running into the saloon.

Bursting through the doors Zorro only had a second to take in his surroundings. It was almost like a set from a movie: there was the bar to his left, an open area filled with tables, a stage to the right, stairs on the far wall that led to a balcony above the bar, and a chandelier above the tables. The sound of breaking glass could be heard from upstairs.

Wasting no more time as the rattling drew near, Zorro jump-stepped onto one of the tables and turned to face his attacker. Diamondback had picked up his knife and entered the saloon, blood lust in his eyes.

Zorro just gave a wave of his sword, “I have the high ground. Maybe you should surrender?”

Diamondback answered with a slash from his sword towards Zorro’s ankles. Zorro jumped to the next table and readied himself. Diamondback hopped onto the table Zorro just left. Both tables were shaky, making it difficult to get solid footing. Just what Zorro was hoping for.

Diamondback continued with his offense with a slash from above, which Zorro deflected and countered with a stab to the chest. But Diamondback blocked with his knife and sent Zorro’s attack away at an awkward angle, sending his own sword for Zorro’s neck.

Zorro wouldn’t have been able to get his sword up in time, so he ducked the swing and jumped to another table, getting a little closer to the stairs. He stood, adjusted his hat, and renewed his defensive stance.

This time it was Diamond back who smiled, shaking his rattle, “Having fun amigo?”

Zorro looked at him in the eye, and he saw the wanton lust for murder in them. Zorro smiled anyway and said, “Si.”

Diamondback jumped to a closer table and sent a wild swings to Zorro’s left side. More quick deflections from Zorro sent Diamondback’s sword out of his hand. It soared over the bar and landed with a rattle.

“Y tú amigo?”

Diamondback sneered, and the two swordsmen stood at a standstill. Someone outside called out, “SNIPER!”

Zorro lunged his sword towards Diamondback’s heart, but a knife smacked the tip away, and Diamondback’s free hand gripped Zorro’s arm and pulled him off of his table. Shots began to ring out from upstairs.

Zorro hit the floor hard with his back, but was able to keep his sword in his hand. Diamondback jumped off his table and landed on the bar. He jumped down and retrieved his rattling cavalry sword. In these precious few seconds, Zorro had rolled to his feet and was making his way to the staircase.

Diamondback leapt over the bar and began to pursue, reaching Zorro just as he got to the stairs. Zorro turned and began to back up the staircase while Diamondback stalked closer, rattling his sword the entire time. Zorro eyed around for anything that could help, something that could help even things up weapon wise. On the wall he spotted something: a coiled leather bull whip hanging from a nail.

“This’ll do.” Zorro plucked it from the wall with his free hand, but kept it coiled. It wouldn’t do him much good on the stairs.

Diamondback sent two more slashes at Zorro in rapid succession, and were easily blocked by Zorro’s own sword. But every time Zorro sent a stab or slash to counter, Diamondback blocked it with his knife. Diamondback charged up the few stairs between him and his enemy, trying to get in close enough for his knife. Apparently he was getting tired of Zorro blocking all his attacks too.

Zorro wouldn’t be able to cut him down in time to avoid getting a stab himself, so he leapt over the guard rail, choosing instead to cling to the banister of the stairs. Diamondback ran past him and when he stopped, he looked around in mild confusion before seeing where his opponent had gotten.

With a sick smile, he approached Zorro, “Well, maybe I should use that whip to hang you while we’re up here.” He raised his sword to slash at Zorro’s hands, “Or maybe I should just watch you fall.”

Zorro did some quick measurements, “I think I’ll fall.” Zorro jumped off from the railing and lashed out the whip towards the chandelier. It wrapped around the ceiling ornament beautifully, and Zorro used it to swing onto the balcony above the bar. When he landed, Diamondback looked confused and angry. Zorro just blew him a kiss and ran into a nearby room, where four goons had taken up firing positions.

When they noticed Zorro, they turned and fired, but Zorro jumped into a roll towards them, and the bullets went high blasting out the wooden door frame. Zorro rolled to his feet and slashed one of them across the chest and another he stabbed in the heart. The other two tried to reposition their shots, but were cut short as their heads gained new holes in their foreheads; a gift from Megan, which Zorro needed to thank her for later. Diamondback soon appeared in the doorway and was bearing down on Zorro fast.

Without missing a beat, Zorro jumped out the window and landed on the roof of the saloon’s porch. Keeping his momentum he ran for the lower building to his right which, thankfully, was close enough to jump to. He leapt the alley between the buildings and made a very ungraceful landing on the slanted roof, causing him to slip and slide down. Before he went over the edge completely, Zorro stuck out his legs and braced himself against the wall of the saloon. He ended up with everything below the shoulders perilously hanging above they alley, while supporting himself with his legs and shoulders.

Diamondback was hot on his heels and landed his jump, keeping his footing. Turning around, once again having a gloating expression cover his face, walked slowly down the incline, once again rattling his sword. Zorro’s heart was pounding as certain death approached, while beneath him lay almost certain death.

‘Maybe we should fall. We’d survive the fall right? Yes, but we might get our legs broken wouldn’t we? Hijo de tu puta madre!’

Zorro looked below where his legs were on the saloon wall, seeing a window between his feet. In its reflection was another window. Above him stood Diamondback, who was laughing as he sent a downward slash at him. With a great deal of effort, Zorro raised his sword up and the blocked the attack. Diamondback was playing with him, but Zorro didn’t mind as it meant he wasn’t paying as much attention.

Zorro twisted around onto his stomach and released his feet from the saloon wall. He slid over the edge and gripped onto it firmly with his hands, swinging into the building below him through the window and leaving Diamondback on the roof.

“That’ll buy me some time to think of something,” Zorro breathed out, and finally acknowledged the sound of gunfire going off everywhere. “Why did Hawk get to save the ponies? I wanted to save the ponies, not fight Mr. Sword Guy.” He left the bedroom he had recently arrived in and made sure to prop something against the door as he shut it. “I thought I was the only sword guy.”

Zorro looked around his current building, and saw that it was in fact, as small church. He currently stood on a balcony overlooking the pews. Plenty of hiding spots.

It wasn’t long before Diamondback kicked the door open from the room Zorro had entered through. Both blades stood at the ready, and Diamondback looked around warily. He had never been in this building and wasn’t familiar with the layout or all the little nooks and crannies that came with it.

The orange light of the early morning streamed through the windows giving poor illumination to the dusty hall of the church. A squeak of floorboards came from downstairs, and Diamondback moved swiftly.

He descended the nearby spiraling staircase down to the ground floor, where he stood in front of the double doors of the entrance. There was no sign that anyone had been in this place for years. Diamondback proceeded to walk up the aisle, glancing down each row of pews. There was a creak of wood from behind the large wooden crucifix.

“Think God will save you from me?” called Diamondback as he began shaking his rattle. “Maybe you haven’t noticed, but the only gods around these days are those two sisters…” he drew closer to the cross, which emitted more sounds of creaking floorboards the nearer he got. “…except that soon there’s only going to one of those little freaks flying around. But I wouldn’t to worry about it too much if I were you...” Diamondback arrived at the cross not noticing that the creaking had stopped, “...you’re not going to see anything past today anyway.” He swung his sword around to strike at whatever was behind the crucifix, but hit only air.

There was a whistling sound before Diamondback felt something sink into his back and stick out of his chest. Staggering, he turned slowly, dropping his knife and sword, and saw Zorro a dozen feet away. It looked like he had just thrown something. Diamondback’s vision went dark and he fell to the floor with a gasp.

Zorro walked over to Diamondback’s body and withdrew his sword from it. Zorro made the sign of the cross saying, “Vaya con dios.”

* * *

Hawk and Twilight stepped out onto the street, Hawk with his revolver drawn and Twilight preparing her magic. The bandits in the upper floor of the saloon began to open fire on them, but Twilight had something ready for them. A magic shield formed a dome around her and Hawk, causing the bullets that hit it to bounce off harmlessly.

The two bandits on street level peeked from their cover and took shots at her and Hawk, much to the same effect. Before they ducked back into cover however, two loud shots from the hill dropped both of them. Twilight grimaced. She still wasn’t used to seeing such wanton death.

“Twilight, where is Cottonmouth?” asked Hawk as he eyed at the windows of the saloon.

Twilight looked to the mayor’s mansion, “He was in there when I teleported out.” Hawk began running to the doors of the mansion, revolver ready, and Twilight charged alongside him. “When I get my hooves on that man I’m going to...” ‘Do what? Kill him?’

They arrived at the doors of the mansion as the shield spell began to fade away. Hawk kicked in the doors. On the other side were two bandits and a gray pony who held a knife in his mouth. The bandits opened fire with sub-machine guns, sending a deadly spray of bullets at Hawk and Twilight. Both unicorn and man ducked out of the doorway and took cover.

“I think I can blind them with a spell!” Twilight shouted over the noise.

Hawk remained silent, listening. After a few moments, the noise stopped and was replaced with tiny clicks. Hawk reentered the doorway and shot both men in the head, sending the contents of their skulls all over the place. Anaconda charged with the knife in his mouth, but Hawk quickly took it from him, spun it around, and stabbed the dark pony in his neck.

“If you wanted to be a killer,” Hawk said into his ear, “You should have stayed a human.” Hawk kicked Anaconda’s body across the floor where he landed in a bloody heap.

Twilight finally entered, surveying the carnage Hawk had left. More gunshots echoed from outside, but the mansion was far too quiet. Twilight pointed to the door that led to Cottonmouth’s den with her hoof, “That way.”

Hawk stepped in first, this time with a degree of caution. It was dark inside, and there were no signs of life. Only the two red and yellow stains on the carpet were clearly visible, illuminated by a thin ray of light entering through the heavy curtains. Twilight gagged upon seeing them again as Hawk began looking for a light switch.

Another bandit came at Hawk from the side with a knife drawn, stabbing Hawk in the side forcing him to drop his revolver. Hawk let go a cry of pain as he grabbed his attacker and threw him into the window, ripping the old curtains and filling the room with daylight. The bandit bounced back slashing at Hawk’s face, but he swung to wide and Hawk gave him a head butt to the face. With no hesitation, Hawk placed his thumbs into the attacker’s eyes and began to squeeze.

Twilight cast a bolt of force into the attacker’s hand and sent the knife flying to the far side of the room thinking that would be enough to stop the fight, but Hawk continued. She looked on in horror as blood leaked from where the bandit’s eyes used to be.

“Hawk!” screamed Twilight. She didn’t want to see Hawk be this savage. She didn’t want him to be like them. “HAWK!”

Hawk blinked, and registered what he was doing. He placed his hands on the bandit’s chin and the back of his head, giving a sharp twist. The resulting snap of the bandit’s neck and thud of his body hitting the ground made the pit in Twilight’s stomach grow deeper. She would never get used to this, and by Celestia she hoped she never would.

Hawk put his hand on his side. It was still bleeding profusely. He recovered his revolver and made his way towards Cottonmouth’s chair. His hands were covered with blood and he began coughing. His stride was becoming weaker. For the first time since this entire thing began, Twilight believed Hawk would die.

She hardened her face, ‘Not while I’m here.’

Twilight ran to his side and inspected the wound, “Don’t move, this looks really bad, I’m going to have to fix it up.” Hawk grunted his disapproval, but Twilight would have none of it, “It won’t take long, my friend Rarity taught me how heal wounds with magic, and while I might not be able to sew wounds together like she can, I can at least stop you from dying.”

Either because of blood loss or acceptance, Hawk sat in Cottonmouth’s chair and let Twilight work. Her horn glowed violet, and a thousand tiny pinpricks of light shot out onto the gaping wound. The lights left tiny threads behind them, and as they passed over Hawk’s wound, they started pulling it closed. After a few moments of this, several of them landed over the currently sealed wound and made threads that resembled stitches in a doll.

“There,” said Twilight, “It will still hurt. But it won’t bleed.”

“Good enough,” replied Hawk, standing up with a loud groan. “You weren’t kidding about the whole hurting thing.”

Twilight remained serious, “No time for complaining Hawk. We need to stop Cottonmouth before he gets away with that corrupted ponification potion.”

Hawk gave a nod, “Now if I was a dirty, rotten, snake, I would be…”

“Let me handle this,” interrupted Twilight. She had just the spell for this.

Twilight’s horn glowed as she cast a locate spell, something Spike had told her a thousand times that she needed. Twilight knew it wouldn’t work on living creatures, as it was usually reserved for books or keys and other inanimate objects, but she was looking for the Cottonmouth’s revolver. There was no doubt that he would hold onto that thing like it was gold. The spell went off and Twilight’s irises began to shimmer.

She closed her eyes and saw the world much differently than before. It was black and the objects around her, like the floor and walls and Hawk, were nothing but outlines drawn with thin, glowing, white lines. She looked around this new world, and seeing nothing to the left or right or above, she looked down. Below her, in what could only be a basement, a marvelous rainbow of colors shined in the shape of a gun. It was moving quickly into a tunnel. Twilight concentrated, trying to see what the gun saw, and was rewarded with a vision of the entire escape tunnel.

“Hawk,” Twilight said finally, “He’s moving through an escape tunnel, and it will lead him down to the other end of the main street.” She looked up at him with a wide smile, “We can catch him.”

Hawk returned her smile with one of his own. “Then we had better not keep his judgment waiting.”

The two moved out the door as fast as Hawk could manage and proceeded down the street. As they passed by an old church, the doors swung open and Zorro walked out, a bit surprised to see them. Zorro gave them a grin and looked them over.

“Still standing amigo?” said Zorro, eyeing Hawk’s side.

“Barely,” replied Hawk, “How’d things go on your end?”

Zorro looked back into the church, Twilight noticed a body slumped over inside, “About as well as you could expect.” Zorro turned his gaze to Twilight, “And you niña, are you all right?”

Twilight had to think about it. She was physically fine, but some of the images from the last few days were all blurred together, and a lot of them she would rather forget. Eventually she settled on an answer, “About as fine as one can be after traveling with you two.”

Zorro let out a laugh, but Hawk’s face remained neutral as he stated, “Come on you two. This isn’t over yet.” Hawk began to walk down the street, the sun’s light illuminating his face. Twilight and Zorro both grew serious, and walked on either side of Hawk. The swordsman on his left, and the unicorn on his right. Together, they walked down the street, side by side, approaching an old withered tree.

A large rock that was laying among the tree’s roots moved, revealing a hole. From the hole crawled Cottonmouth, who carried on his back a metal thermos.

“Cottonmouth,” called Hawk, “stand and face justice.”

Cottonmouth spun on his heels, and glared at Hawk, his eyes burning with hate. He hovered his hand over his revolver, “Why Hawk, you just won’t stay dead. Apparently I should have aimed for the head.”

“There are a lot of things people should do Cottonmouth,” Hawk replied, his hand hovering over his own gun, “You should start praying.” Twilight was getting ready to blast Cottonmouth with a bolt of energy before Hawk spoke again, “Twilight. Zorro. Step away.” Twilight was about to protest, but Zorro gave her a look that seemed to say it had to be this way, like it was some ancient rite. She hesitated, but complied with the request.

The two gunslingers spent a long time staring at each other. The sun beat down, the wind blew, and they waited. They waited for something that Twilight could not detect, like some kind of sign that she just didn’t see. It was unbearable, like the world was just holding its breath. She looked at Hawk, the human who she now saw as one of her dearest friends, standing bloody and barely breathing, about to face off against a human she had come to associate with all that was wrong in the world. The cruelty and malice that Twilight had seen in Nightmare Moon seemed so petty now compared to what Cottonmouth did, as if the Mare of Darkness was just throwing a temper tantrum. Now all Twilight could think of was going home, and getting away from all this death.

The wind stopped and it was over in an instant.

The unicorn jumped in surprise as dirt from the bullet’s impact splashed next to her. Hawk had shot first and struck Cottonmouth in the arm, sending the bandit to the ground and his shot an bit down from its intended target. Cottonmouth grunted in pain and rolled on the ground, reaching for his gun. Hawk placed his boot on top of the hand, making sure the bandit wouldn’t reach his weapon. This act gained him a scornful glare from Cottonmouth’s hate filled eyes. Hawk pointed his gun at the downed man’s head.

“You wanna kill me law-man?!” Cottonmouth shouted, “Go ahead! I know how much you like killing! I know that you’re a murdering son of bitch, just like me! I know who are behind that damn name of yours! You have no place in the new society those freaks are building for themselves!” Cottonmouth began to wheeze as Hawk pulled back the hammer on his revolver, “You…you won’t have a purpose in this world after they’re done with it…won’t be no one left…to kill...” Cottonmouth began hacking and coughing as blood entered the back of his throat.

“That’s where you’re wrong Cottonmouth,” Hawk said, his voice cold and sharp, “As long as there’s scum like you, my place will be putting a gun to their head and pulling the trigger.” Cottonmouth spat at Hawk. Hawk pulled down the trigger. Twilight winced.

Bang.

Cottonmouth didn’t move anymore, and Hawk holstered his revolver. He turned around and looked at Twilight and Zorro. “I think it’s time we got to Yellowstone. We are really late.” With that, Hawk collapsed onto the ground.

* * *

Twilight sat next to the coffin that held Hawk’s body as the wagon moved ahead in its steady pace. The coffin’s lid was closed so the sun wouldn’t hit him. Their entire group sat in silence, either not wanting to speak, or just being to tired to be able to talk. Twilight surveyed her traveling companions, looking at each one for a long time.

Zorro was driving the wagon, which was being pulled by Buttercup, the stallion that looked strong enough to move a mountain. T.J. was walking next to the massive stallion, making sure to stay close. Megan was leaning against the back of the driver’s chair. She was dirty, wounded, and looked exhausted, a feeling that Twilight shared all too much.

Tall Leaf was on the left of Hawk’s coffin, resting his head on it, and had Morning Dew wrapped in his hooves. Morning Dew had gotten over the red specks that now dotted her all over, and began singing “Day by Day,” the song she’d only heard once, yet committed to memory. She sang so softly and beautifully that it was like a lullaby, and Twilight wanted nothing more than to rest, but couldn’t bring herself to. The two fillies lay curled against their mother. Megan said that when they saw their parents running from the jail, she had to restrain them they were so excited. Merry Gold was fast asleep, but Busy Bee wasn’t taking her eyes off of Hawk’s coffin.

“Miss Twilight?” asked Busy Bee, eyes not leaving the large box.

Twilight responded as calmly as she could, “Yes?”

“Is Hawk going to be okay?” her tone was quivering slightly.

Twilight hesitated and looked at the coffin, “Yes Busy Bee. He’s just…sleeping.”

Busy Bee stood up and Morning Dew stopped singing. “May-Maybe we can wake him up with a kiss. Just like in those old mare’s tales.” The filly pushed open the lid of the coffin, and before anyone could protest, gave Hawk a kiss on his lips.

Twilight swore her heart stopped, and it took a few more seconds of watching her daughter kissing Hawk before Morning Dew screamed, “Busy Bee! Get away from him!”

“But Mom! Hawk has to get up!” Busy Bee cried back.

A groan came from the coffin. “Well, service has certainly improved since the last time I rode in this thing,” came Hawk’s groggy voice. “And, do I taste…honey on my lips?”

Busy Bee’s face blushed immensely, and proceeded to have a giggle fit. Morning Dew was feeling rather embarrassed at her daughter’s behavior, where as Tall Leaf was mortified.

“I’m so sorry for my daughter Mr. Hawk,” said Morning Dew, “She was just very worried and…well she’s very affectionate.”

“No need to apologize ma’am. Usually it’s Zorro getting kissed by lovely young girls. I’ll take whatever I can get.” Hawk gave as big a smile as he could. Megan just shook her head, failing to repress a smile of her own. Zorro couldn’t stop laughing. “Hey Sprinkles,” called Hawk.

Twilight looked over the edge of the coffin at Hawk, his hat was covering all but his lips. “Yes Casanova?” she said in a bemused way.

Hawk’s face grew serious under the brim of his hat, and he shifted his weight around anxiously, “This may seem like a wired request, but… I was wondering if you could do something for me.” Hawk moved his hat and looked at Twilight, scanning her features.

Twilight’s cheeks began to blush. ‘Oh my. Does he want me to kiss him? I mean I wouldn’t mind if he asked me to. I mean I like him, but not like that. Or do I? Oh my, oh my, oh my...’ Twilight calmed her mind and cleared her throat, “S-sure Hawk! Ask anything.”

Hawk took a big gulp, “Who’s Big Mac, and what did you mean by you want him to ‘buck your apples?’” Hawk’s grin widened and Twilight’s face turned deep red.

In a surprise that caught everyone off guard, Twilight didn’t close the coffin lid on Hawk’s face, but instead began, “W-well, Big Mac is the brother of one of my best friends, Applejack. As his name implies, he’s big and, well, he’s also red. He works on his family’s apple farm. As for that second part…” Twilight lowered her head next to Hawk’s ear, and whispered something to him. Morning Dew put her hooves over Busy Bee’s ears. After Twilight was done, she moved her head back and smiled at Hawk. “Satisfied?” she asked.

Hawk sat up, and looked at Twilight, “Yes, and by the way you describe it, Big Mac will be too.”

Twilight blushed again, but nodded in acceptance of Hawk’s comment. “Good,” she said, “I’m glad I was able to answer your question.”

Zorro finally interjected, “All right all right, this isn’t the Love Boat. We’ll reach Yellowstone in an hour, so make sure everyone has everything.”

“Finally,” said Tall Leaf, letting out a long kept huff. Busy Bee was already asking Hawk what Twilight whispered to him and if he’d like another kiss. Tall Leaf just shook his head and wished to get to Yellowstone as soon as possible.

* * *

The cabin was rather nice. It was large for a family of ponies, had a fantastic view of the mountain range, the trees around it were filled with birds that sang lovely songs, and there was a stream just down the hill.

The inside was sparsely decorated, but that just meant that the family had more places to put old mementos and future memories. There were only two bedrooms with human sized beds, which was frankly more than necessary, and the living room came equipped with a couch, T.V., and DVD player.

The fillies were the first to explore the place, as they rushed in like a spring wind as soon as the door opened. The Garden family fell in love with it instantly, and invited the humans to spend the night as their guests, in an impromptu house warming party. Naturally, being tired, bloody, and yearning for showers, they accepted.

After everyone and everypony was bathed, refreshed, and free of the grime of the past two days, Hawk made a phone call.

“Hello, this is Agent Hawk. Is Joseph there?” the reply was mumbled, “Okay I’ll hold.” Hawk looked at the group he had traveled with over the past week while he waited. They were assembling on or around the couch, for tonight they were going to finish the original trilogy of Star Wars. All the ponies were extremely excited. Hawk saw Twilight pull out a note pad and quill from her saddle bags.

“This is the President. Hawk? Is that really you?” the phone said.

“Who else calls themselves ‘Hawk’ Joey? Anyway, I’ve arrived at Yellowstone, and the ponies are safe.”

“You know you’re about five days behind schedule right?”

Hawk let out a sigh, “We got delayed by a tornado, wild dogs, and get this: Cottonmouth’s gang of vipers.”

The man on the other side of the phone spat out whatever he was drinking, “WHAT? How are you still alive?!”

“I’m charmed remember? But anyway, if you could send a transport or something to this location tomorrow, that would be swell.”

The phone sighed, “Yeah yeah yeah. Oh, before I forget, you didn’t cuss in front of them did you?”

“No sir.”

“Good.”

“And sir? Make sure that transport can hold two full grown horses please.”

Another sigh came from the phone, “Why?”

Hawk gave a smug reply, “Doing a favor for a friend. Thanks Joe, have a good night.” Hawk hung up the phone and took a seat on the couch next to Megan and Morning Dew, who was lying on Tall Leaf. Twilight was on the carpet, and was ready with her quill and paper, to take notes for her paper on human-equestrian similarities. Zorro had claimed the recliner in the room, and was not moving for anyone. As soon as Hawk got comfortable, the two fillies just ran in from their bedroom and lept onto the couch. Busy Bee was getting as close to him as possible, while Merry Gold decided to curl up next to Megan.

Hawk picked up the remote and pushed “Play.”

To be wrapped up in the Epilogue!
Holy hell! Could I cram more one liners in there?
Signs point to yes.
But it’s almost over, and soon I’ll be free to do other stuff!
Epilogue soon fellow Bronies!

Yellowstone: Epilogue

Conversion Bureau Off-Shoot
Based on Blaze’s original idea
Might not follow his world’s rules, but Meh, it’s just a fan-fic of a fan-fic.
By: Anonsi (Time to wrap this up, the end is near!)

Yellowstone
Epilogue
No Place like Home

The morning came, and Twilight had to wrestle herself from her bed. She had opted to sleep in the master bedroom with the rest of the Garden family, and the warmth she felt from the others was hard to break away from. She raised her head and looked over her bedmates. Tall Leaf and Morning Dew were as always inseparable, and Merry Gold was nestled among their legs. The only one missing was Busy Bee, but Twilight didn’t have to think too hard about where she might be.

Hopping off the bed, eyes still mostly shut, Twilight moved into the room next door where the humans slept. Megan and Hawk had taken the beds for themselves, leaving Zorro the couch. The decision making process went along the lines of that they were wounded and Zorro didn’t have a scratch on him, so he got the couch. And there, curled up in the crook of Hawk’s arm, was Busy Bee, snoozing peacefully.

Twilight couldn’t help but let go an “Awww…”

Twilight suddenly smelled something sweet from the kitchen. It smelled like breakfast. Still half dazed, Twilight sauntered into the kitchen to find Zorro in his loose black shirt preparing some pancakes. Zorro noticed her and gave a smile with a tired grunt.

Twilight gave a grunt back and took a seat at the large wooden table feeling much better than she thought she should. It was surreal to her, that yesterday she had seen such awful killing and death, but today the world seemed just fine and dandy. Almost like it never even happened, but Twilight knew better. She still saw the chicks under Anaconda’s hoof, and heard the crunch as the hoof came down.

“Do you like blueberries in your pancakes niña?” Zorro finally broke the silence.

Twilight gave a small, pleasant, moan, “They’re my favorite.” She rested her head on the table, considering going back to sleep. Before she could, a plate holding a stack of the best looking pancakes she’d ever seen lay in front of her. The succulent smell filling her nostrils, Twilight’s mouth watered immediately as she counted the blue specs that dotted the delicious pastries.

Zorro also slid a small bowl of apple juice across the table to her, “And here is something to wash it down with.” He gave her a smirk and resumed filling out more plates, humming a tune Twilight thought was rather catchy.

Twilight hovered utensils over to her and began to dig in, savoring each bite. After gulping down the first fork full, she let out a ‘Yum’ sound. “These are the best pancakes I’ve ever had,” she said definitively.

Megan entered, fully dressed, but still tying her pony-tail off with her red bow, “They should be. It’s his mother’s recipe, and that lady knew her pancakes.” Megan walked to the fridge and poured herself a glass of apple juice and took a plate Zorro had put to the side of the others. Afterward she sat down and began eating.

After Twilight finished, she walked to the sink and began using her magic to wash them, humming a similar tune to Zorro’s. A question popped into Twilight’s head all of the sudden, and before she knew it, she was already asking it. “Megan, are you and Zorro…together?”

Megan’s response was lightning fast, “No.” Her tone gave Twilight a hint to not proceed down this line of questioning.

Zorro just laughed a bit, “Why do you ask little one? Seeing if I’m free for your own romantic pursuits?”

Twilight blushed, “Oh no! Nothing like that, I was just curious, and…and-” Twilight stumbled looking for some way to get off this subject, and was relieved to see Morning Dew, Tall Leaf, and Merry Gold enter the kitchen. “OH LOOK! It’s the Garden family! Hello Garden Family! Zorro made pancakes!”

Merry Gold’s face lit up from its drowsy state, “I love pancakes!” She galloped over to the chair and hopped onto it, and nearly squealed when Zorro placed a stack of warm pancakes in front of her.

Tall Leaf looked around, and under the table, “Has anypony seen Busy Bee?”

Megan raised her hand and then pointed to her and Hawk’s room. “Last I saw she was sleeping soundly next to Hawk. It was the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.”

Tall Leaf exchanged glances with his wife, before letting out a sigh. “I think Bee is going to have a tough time saying goodbye darlin’.” Morning Dew gave a sullen nod and took another bite of the pancakes. Tall Leaf walked off to the human’s room and returned a minute or so later, a very sleepy filly on his back.

A few more minutes passed in silence as the Garden family ate their breakfast, and each one giving satisfied moans after they finished. Hawk stood at the door, fully dressed and holding his black duffel bag. “Zorro, Megan, Twilight, pick up is in an hour. Let’s get ready.” Hawk took a glass of juice and downed it with one gulp.

Zorro and Megan disappeared into their respective sleeping quarters and began packing. Hawk went outside and began to load the wagon, with some help from Twilight’s magic. Outside, most the Garden family had gathered to say their farewells. Busy Bee however, was missing from the scene, but faint sobs could be heard from the filly’s bedroom.

Merry Gold and Morning Dew both gave Twilight a hug and told her to stay safe. Morning Dew presented Twilight with a small circlet made of flowers and the unicorn placed it on her head with pride. As for Hawk, Morning Dew and Tall Leaf gave their unending gratitude for protecting them and their family. Zorro and Megan exited the cabin and were treated in much the same way. Merry Gold gave Megan a flower circlet, and the human placed it upon her head with glee.

After the wagon was loaded up, and Buttercup fastened to the front, a small hiccup drew everyone’s attention to the front door. Busy Bee had obviously been crying inside, and she ran to Hawk, nuzzling his legs.

“Do you have to go Mr. Hawk?” Busy Bee leaned against his legs, looking him in the eyes. Her own were big and watery, making it difficult to not bend down and give her a big hug.

Hawk, against his better judgment, did it anyway saying, “Yes Busy Bee, I do. Twilight needs to go back to New York, and I still have a job to do,” as he squeezed her close to his heart.

“But what if we get in trouble? Or what if…” she buried her head against his chest, “…what if I miss you?” Busy Bee looked like she was about to start crying all over again.

Hawk put her down in front of him and gave her a small kiss on the forehead. “The Six Tribes’ rangers will keep you safe from now on. And if you miss me…” Hawk reached into a pocket of his coat and extracted a silver disk. It had the image of a hawk on it and what seemed to be a dent from a bullet, “…just hold this close.”

Busy Bee marveled at it and gingerly took it out of Hawk’s hand. She gazed up at him holding back tears and nodded.

Twilight and Megan’s eyes grew watery, but they held their silence.

After all was said and done, the Garden family stood in front of their new home, rays of light streaming in through the trees giving a majestic ambiance beneath the canopy. Twilight swore that, as Hawk had walked to join her and the other humans, she saw a tear roll down his face. She didn’t say anything though, as she thought it was sweet.

“Stay safe now!” cried Morning Dew, “And come back any time!”

“Yeah! Come back anytime!” added Merry Gold, jumping gleefully.

Tall Leaf and Busy Bee just smiled and waved, which Twilight, Hawk, Zorro, and Megan all returned with waves and smiles of their own while they rode away down the forest path. T.J. walked alongside Buttercup at a leisurely pace.

They rode a long time in silence, until they came to an open clearing. Once there, Twilight heard what sounded like a thumping noise. Eventually a large, dark, tube looking thing descended over the canopy, landing a short distance away. It was much larger than what Twilight had expected, and looked like it could hold two cars instead of two horses. After it landed, and the wind softened enough for the group to approach, a ramp lowered from the back.

From it walked a human woman in a jumpsuit and a pilot’s helmet. “Captain Samantha Barnes reporting for pick-up duty Agent Hawk. Welcome aboard.”

“Thank you captain,” said Hawk dismounting the wagon and unfastening Buttercup.

Cpt. Barnes helped the group load their bags and horses onto the transport helicopter with such efficiency and speed, that Twilight began to consider if Captain Barnes might want a job as a library assistant. Twilight shook the thought from her head, remembering how Spike reacted the last time she hired new help.

After everything was loaded and locked down, the humans all sat on benches that lined the walls of the vehicle, and Twilight lied down next to them. She was tired, and thought of her friends back at the bureau, and all the things she wanted to tell them about.

The beats of the helicopter blades where hypnotic; Twilight fell asleep within minutes of takeoff. She dreamt of her library in Ponyville and of how much she missed her friends, eventually drifting to Sweet Apple Acres where a big red stallion was bucking trees, waiting for her. In the chopper, Hawk looked at his companions as Twilight started moaning in her sleep.

Hawk put his coat over Twilight like a blanket and said, “This is getting awkward.”

***

“…And that’s what it’s like ta’ live in Equestria! Any questions?” Applejack had just finished her fourth orientation speech this week, and she was hoping none of the humans would take her up on her request. It was fun the first time, but they always asked the same questions.

“Do we get to choose what kind of pony we become?” No, it’s random.

“Will we already have cutie marks?” Yes, unless you’re young, then you’ll have to work for it.

“How do you do stuff without hands?” Magic, mostly.

“Do you know you’re name is a drink?” Yes.

After about five more minutes of the same questions Applejack had heard before, the orientation ended and the auditorium emptied. She let out a groan as she walked back to her temporary office. It used to be Twilight’s, but she had left Applejack in charge while she was away. On the way there, Applejack heard a loud thrumming noise from somewhere outside, but she was too tired to really care.

Applejack opened to door to ‘her’ office and beheld the room. It was not the same, immaculately sorted room she had stepped into on the day Twilight had departed. Stacks of unsorted papers and documents lay strewn all over the place, and the waste bin was overflowing with balled up pieces of paper and old candy wrappers. On the desk was a computer that lay dormant.

Applejack let out a sigh as she walked behind the desk and gazed at the blank screen of the monitor. Two days ago, Applejack had walked in on Rainbow Dash doing something on it, and the next thing the farmer pony knew, Dash had sent a hoof into the power switch with such force that it broke the darn thing. Dash had flown out the window before Applejack could make heads or tails of what just happened, leaving the confused earth pony with a broken computer.

When confronted about it later, the Pegasus only said, “I wasn’t doing anything bad on it! You just surprised me!” while her blue face turned a deep red. Applejack knew when a pony was covering something up, but even a pony without the Element of Honesty could tell what Rainbow Dash was doing was something most considered naughty.

So Applejack, who was just beginning to get the hang of using the keyboard and mouse, now had to sort almost a hundred or more documents by hoof. She let out another big sigh through her nose. “I really wish Twilight would just come back already.”

As if she was waiting for that exact phrase, Pinkie Pie bounded into the room, her face beaming brighter than her usual smile. “OHMYGOSH APPLEJACK! Guess What?!”

Applejack grew hopeful that Twilight had finally come back, “What is it sugar-cube? Is Twilight back?” Her voice was expectant, and quite honestly, had a pleading tone to it.

Pinkie Pie rapidly shook her head from side to side, “No silly filly! More humans are here! And they must have made the BEST ENTRANCE EVER!”

Applejack let her head sink back onto the desk. “Oh,” she said disheartened.

“Yeah!” continued Pinkie, “They just came outta the sky with a big helicopter and landed out in the parking lot! Oh it was so loud, and I could hear beats on the wind and I felt like I could make a song about it, so I did! Here let me-”

Applejack raised her eyebrow, “A heli-what now?”

Pinkie moved her face in close to Applejack’s, “It’s a human flying machine! Like that thinga-ma-jig I built that one time to follow Rainbow Dash that one time that meanie-pants Gilda was in town!” The pink pony stuck out her arms and began to spin, “WOO! WOO! WOO!” After a few seconds she fell to the floor, dizzy and laughing. Applejack rolled her eyes and got moving to the door. Anything was better than just sitting her looking at the dead monitor.

The two ponies walked calmly to the bureau’s lobby, passing by the dormitories where human heads were poking out of their rooms looking confused. Once there, they saw a tall man in a long leather coat and wide brim hat standing at the reception desk talking to the wall-eyed pony known as Ditzy Doo. The other humans in the lobby were giving him odd looks, and generally avoiding him. One of Ditzy’s eyes landed on Applejack, and the winged mare gave a relieved expression.

“There she is sir! The current head muffin in the oven!” said Ditzy smiling wide.

The human cocked an eyebrow at Ditzy, and then turned to Applejack, taking note of her hat. “Applejack, right?”

Applejack nodded, looking out the front windows at the helicopter with earnest confusion. “Yes I am, but what’s with all this racket?”

“My name is Agent Hawk. Come with me.” With that he moved to the door and held it open for Applejack and Pinkie, who bounced merrily up to the human.

“What’s that thing?” asked Pinkie, looking at Hawk’s revolver.

“A noise maker,” he said bluntly.

“Oooooh…I love noise makers!” marveled the pink earth pony.

Applejack pushed Pinkie out the door, “Come on sugar cube. Let’s see what this is all about.”

As soon as Applejack and Pinkie went outside, they saw a small violet, and slightly flustered, unicorn descending the loading ramp. Before Twilight knew they were even there, she was dog piled by Applejack and Pinkie Pie resulting in a big group hug.

* * *

Once inside and resituated in her room, Twilight flopped on her bed. All she needed to do now was to wait for Pinkie’s inevitable party to start, and she could begin to wrap up her day. Considering the state of her office however, she was not in any particular rush to get back to the normal tedium of life in the bureau. She had only glanced over the room for a second or two before deeming it ‘not worth it.’

The door to her room swung open and a small purple dragon rushed up to her, leapt onto the bed, and landed a great big hug around her neck.

“Twilight!” Spike yelled, not withholding any enthusiasm.

“Spike!” Twilight was thrilled to see her assistant, and she squeezed him close to her. It had been too long since they had seen each other face to face. Or it felt that way at least.

“Oh gosh I’ve missed you! It’s been soooo boring around here without you around. I nearly went insane without you telling me to pick stuff up!” He looked up and stared at Twilight with a serious face, “And before you ask, I had nothing to do with what happened to your computer.”

Twilight’s smile changed to one of concern, “What happened to my computer?”

Before Spike could answer, he belched out a cloud of fire and smoke. The cloud twisted and spun itself into the form of a scroll, which plopped down onto the bed. Twilight wasted no time in unfurling the scroll and reading aloud the immaculate writing of the Princess.

“My dear Twilight Sparkle,

It fills me with great joy to hear that you have returned from human lands safely. I was worried beyond measure when the human President told me that your train never arrived at its destination. He reassured me to remain calm however, as he was certain his guardian would never fail in completing a task.

But that is neither here nor there, and we can discuss your adventure when I come by to visit this evening. Expect me around four o’clock.

Your loving mentor, and friend,
Celestia

P.S. Did you see my debate with the HLF? How do you think I did? I’m pleased to say things went well with them, and their leadership tells me that they have lost much of the animosity they once felt towards us, and that they hope to live in harmony with us from now on. See you soon.”

Twilight looked at the clock on her wall. It read “3:54.” Twilight bounded out of her bed dropping Spike on his rump, she grabbed a comb with her magic and began brushing her mane and tail with such haste, Rainbow Dash’s head would spin. “Spike, go tell everypony that the Princess is on her way here! And go now!”

The baby dragon dashed out of the room and Twilight could hear Rarity gasp as she heard the news, followed by a series of crashes and a “What am I going to wear on such short notice?!” from down the hall.

Within minutes, Twilight and Rarity were standing in the front lobby, both looking nervous. Twilight because her idol and surrogate mother would arrive at any moment, and Rarity because she was couldn’t remember if she had all the accoutrements to her most recent gown. The lobby was filled with ponies and humans who wanted to meet the mythical princess in the flesh.

Megan and Applejack sat in a corner exchanging stories with each other. Twilight looked at them side by side and thought she saw a resemblance between the two, but her thoughts were interrupted by the blaring of trumpets. Outside landed four white Pegasus guard ponies in golden armor, and after rushing to the entrance and opening the door, four more royal guards flew to the ground, pulling a magnificent chariot behind them. In it sat a divine figure that seemed to glow with all the warmth of spring and summer.

Princess Celestia stepped down from the chariot and entered the main lobby of the Bureau. All the ponies present bowed and the humans cheered. Twilight stepped forward into view of her mentor. They both smiled widely as Celestia leaned over to nuzzle the side of Twilight’s head, causing the young mare to giggle.

“It’s so good to see you again Princess,” said Twilight, basking in the presence of her teacher.

Celestia looked around the room smiling, and then back to Twilight, “And it is good to see you, my most treasured pupil. I have been looking forward to seeing you again actually. My week has been just awful not knowing if you were safe or not.”

Twilight just kept up that dumb smile, “Oh don’t worry Princess, the human agents were more than capable of keeping us safe.”

Celestia beamed at the news, “Well if it’s all right, I’d like to meet them and give them my thanks in person.”

“Right this way!” Twilight was more than happy to let Celestia meet her new friends. She just hoped she didn’t have to get into the messy details of the journey.

Twilight led the group of ponies and humans to the auditorium where Pinkie had set up a wonderful looking party. Rainbow Dash was boasting at Hawk, while Zorro was stabbing apples out of the air with his sword, much to the amusement of Pinkie.

“And then there was the time I won the best young flyer’s competition by doing a sonic rainboom.” Dash was floating next to Hawk looking very proud of herself. Hawk was sitting with a thousand yard stare nodding his head, saying “That’s nice.”

When Celestia and Twilight entered, the two agents stopped what they were doing and moved to approach the goddess, while the ponies they were talking to trotted close behind them.

Celestia regarded Hawk and Zorro, and gave a small bow of her head, “Thank you for keeping Twilight safe. She means a great deal to me.” Twilight almost fainted when she heard her idol say such kind words, but maintained her composure.

Hawk gave a respectful bow of his own, “No problem your highness. Twilight is a capable young mare, and we wouldn’t have completed out journey without her.”

“I didn’t do that much,” Twilight chimed in, blushing under Hawk’s praise.

Celestia smiled at her student’s modesty, continuing, “And what are your names, so that I may remember you for your service?”

Zorro removed his hat and made a sweeping bow, “Don Zorro De la Vega, but most just call me Zorro, your majesty.”

Hawk glanced at Zorro and shook his head. “I am Agent Hawk, at your service. And over there…” Hawk pointed to Megan, “…is Megan, who must be the best sniper this side of the prime meridian. I don’t think she’s ever told me her last name though.”

Megan walked out of the crowd rolling her eyes in great arcs, and formally greeted the Princess. “Hello your highness.”

“You know,” said Zorro, “She never told me her last name either.” Both Hawk and Zorro shrugged, earning a few chortles from the crowd.

Celestia let a grin cross her face, “Well then, Hawk, Zorro, and Megan, I thank you from the bottom of my being. Now,” she said looking around the crowd, “how about we get this party started, hmm?” This elicited a great cheer as the crowd surged into the auditorium. Celestia looked at Twilight who seemed to be in a blissful haze, “Well then Twilight. Let’s catch up with your new friends, and maybe you can tell me what you’ve learned while in human lands.”

Twilight snapped out of her happy coma and replied, “Oh! Yes of course!” The group found a cozy spot to sit and chat. For the rest of the night Twilight told Celestia and her friends about her to entire trip to Yellowstone and back, Hawk filling in any blanks that she left unfilled. Twilight left out the part with the chicks, for Fluttershy’s sake, and Hawk left out the parts that involved Big Mac for Twilight’s.

* * *

After the party, and subsequent cleanup, Twilight found herself going through her saddlebags, putting things she had taken with her back into their proper place. Then she came to two books she had not originally brought with her. One was a thick tome about knights, the other a pink diary. Regarding both fondly, she placed them both onto her bookshelf.

“Twilight,” came her teacher’s voice, “I’m about to go.” Celestia peeked her head into Twilight’s room, a habit she had developed while Twilight lived with her in the castle.

After a brief moment of reminiscing, Twilight said, “Thank you so much for coming, it felt really good catching up with you.” With that, Twilight gave the Princess another hug and began to escort her to the front entrance.

“You’ve had quite a week my student,” Celestia said after a while, “what do you think of the human’s now that you have been among them in their world?”

Twilight reflected on what she had seen, finally coming up with an answer she thought would suffice. “Humans are harsh creatures, but they have to be because their world is harsh and dangerous. Sometimes in their pursuit to survive, they cross each other, and most times they make friends and can work together, but other times it doesn’t work out and they feel that they have to fight. They are mostly good, I think, but sometimes they just plain old turn bad, like Cottonmouth, and live to cause other humans misery.” Twilight paused, looking to see if the Princess was satisfied.

Celestia nodded, and gave Twilight a smile, “I think that is a good analysis Twilight, if a bit brief. But I am glad you have learned something about this new world.”

They entered the lobby, and the dying rays of sunset streamed in through the doors. Hawk was saluting Captain Barnes. The woman walked outside to her awaiting transport, and shortly thereafter took off and flew away. The pegasi had to move inside not to be blown off their hooves.

“Well I guess it’s my turn,” said Celestia, summoning her guards to her, “Stay well Twilight Sparkle.” She leaned over and gave Twilight a kiss on the forehead. The room exploded with ‘Aaaaaaw’s. Celestia and Twilight didn’t mind though, as they thought it was cute as well. With that, Celestia departed the lobby and mounted her carriage and with a few last looks at her student, took off.

Hawk and Zorro were assembling their bags while Megan stood next to Applejack, helping where she could. Megan was going to stay a while, as it turned out. Apparently T.J. was pregnant with Buttercup’s foal and was due in a month or two. Fluttershy was extremely excited about the news, and had already begun assembling an acceptable place for the new foal. Megan would become Fluttershy’s helper in the meantime, and help out Applejack with any of her tasks.

Zorro finally zipped up the last few bags and placed them over his shoulders, and began to walk to the exit. Twilight looked at Zorro as he moved past her, carrying Hawk’s duffel bag. “So long niña, I hope that our paths will cross again one day.”

“I do too Mr. Zorro. It was an honor having you with us, and I’m glad you came,” replied Twilight. The two exchange bows and Zorro walked out of the door.

Hawk stepped forward next, and the two spent a long time looking at each other. Hawk knelt down, putting him on eye level with Twilight. “Well Sprinkles, it seems this is goodbye. At least for now anyway, so you be sure not to get kidnapped by anything. I don’t think I’d survive another rescue mission.”

Twilight gave out a laugh, replying, “Yeah well, maybe you should retire and settle down somewhere. Maybe a nice cabin out west,” Twilight doused her next words with as much of a childish and mocking tone she could, “maybe out near Busy Bee~.”

Hawk laughed, “That’s a low blow Twilight.”

“I owed you for that stunt you pulled on the wagon,” Twilight leaned in and whispered in his ear, “about the whole Big Mac thing.” Applejack perked her ears thinking she heard something. But Megan quickly caught her attention again with a story about her father’s apple orchard.

“Fair enough,” Hawk coughed, and reached into his pockets again, “I have a going away present for you.” He presented Twilight with the Star Wars Original Trilogy DVD Box Set. “Every group of friends need these. And you have a lot of friends who haven’t seen this, if I remember right.”

Twilight lifted the movies with her magic and placed them next to her on the floor. “Thank you Hawk,” she said blushing at the gift, “and now I think I owe you something for rescuing me.” Before Hawk could ask what it was, or say it wasn’t necessary, Twilight gave him a small, quick, peck on the lips. Looking very bashful, Twilight looked down at her hooves. Hawk just chuckled a bit.

Hawk gave Twilight a big, strong, hug and then stood up. “So long Sprinkles. I think it’s about time I hit the dusty trail. See you later.” He turned and walked out the door to where Zorro stood waiting next to two motorcycles he had found. Hawk mounted his, and Zorro followed suit. After a few moments, the two men drove off down the street, and into the sunset.

As he left, memories began to resurface. Memories of empty and desolate streets filled only with wild dogs howling in the dead of night, yearning for blood. Memories of screaming winds that could rip the earth asunder with its rage, and a deep, terrible darkness that made Twilight shudder. Memories of cruel men, with sick pleasures and corrupt minds working against all that Twilight held dear. All of these memories floated in and out of her subconscious. It was almost unbearable to think she might have to live with these images in her head for the rest of her life.

But fortunately, Hawk had given her a way to distract herself from these images; A way for her to escape her memories.

Twilight sighed and looked at Applejack and Megan, who smiled back at her, both of them giggling like fillies on the first day of school. Twilight let her face give a big smile. She picked up the films Hawk had given her and raised them above her head.

“Who wants to watch a movie?”

***The End***

Yellowstone: Bonus Chapter

By: Anonsi (!)
Yellowstone
After the Credits Scene:
Out from the Darkness

President Joseph walked into the conference room of the white house. He had called for an emergency meeting between him, his top agents, and Celestia herself. This was all her fault after all.

Agent Dimitri snapped a salute, “Sir!”

“At ease Dimitri” said the president, returning the salute. “Who’s here?”

Dimitri looked at his watch, “So far? Agents Hawk and Zorro have arrived, albeit two hours behind schedule.”

President Joseph nodded his head. “Where’s the horse?”

“On her vay sir.”

Joseph sighed, “Alright, bring in those two.”

Dimitri gave a crisp salute and moved to the double doors, opening them and giving a wave. Hawk and Zorro entered the conference room with a confident swagger.

“Yo Joe,” said Hawk, “What’s going on?”

President Joseph had long ago learned to ignore Hawk’s informal view of things, and motioned for the two to sit down. Joseph was impressed they stopped the assassination attempt by Cottonmouth before it even started, and destroyed the corrupt potion to boot. They were the top two agents for a reason after all, but Joseph feared their next assignment would not go so well.

Joseph picked up a remote from the table. With one button he revealed a large television, and with another he turned it on. On it glowed a satellite map of a storm cell from about a week ago. Hawk and Zorro recognized the coordinates immediately.

“Mr. President?” asked Zorro, slightly concerned.

“Dimitri. Is the Princess here yet?” asked the president.

Dimitri again checked his watch, “Yes sir. She has just arrived.” Without missing a beat, Dimitri opened the double doors again, this time revealing the divine form of Celestia.

Her face beamed when she saw Hawk and Zorro, “Well this is a pleasant surprise, meeting again so soon!” Hawk and Zorro waved at her as she moved to an open space at the table and sat down on her haunches. “Now Mr. President,” said Celestia in her calm tone, “Why have you summoned us here?”

Joseph turned around, his expression grave. “Magic has been leaking out of Equestria Princess, and it is causing a great many problems.”

Celestia gave him a stern look, “What do you mean?”

The president continued, “This is the tornado that derailed the Magna Rail during Agent Hawk’s recent escort mission. It appeared almost without warning, and was able to travel at remarkable speeds. Speeds fast enough to catch the Magna Rail in full reverse.” Joseph clicked another button, and a new scene appeared on the screen, this time with a wider view. It showed two very similar dark clouds, one where the Magna Rail was picked up, and the other near the town of Ten Sleep.

“Meanwhile, nearly a thousand miles away, an identical tornado was raging across Wyoming. Look closely at the center of these two storms.” He clicked another button, and magnified the center of both tornadoes. In the center of both of them was half of the Magna Rail.

Hawk rubbed his forehead in disbelief, and Zorro looked confused. Celestia was starting to put some pieces together inside of her head, but she didn’t want to admit anything yet. She had to be sure first.

“You see Princess,” Joseph went on, “That tornado was a vortex, that transported the team more than one thousand miles away in under one minute. I can assure you, this is not a natural occurring phenomenon of the Midwest. Hawk, Zorro, and your student Twilight Sparkle, all traveled through a worm hole. I believe the source of this event stems from this...” He clicked another slide into existence, this time it was a picture of Equestria, but through a lens filter that showed the magical bubble that surrounded it. There seemed to be a gash in its side, and an alarming amount magic seemed to be flowing out of it.

Celestia’s eyes widened. “How did this happen? I didn’t feel the enchantment break! I would have felt a tremor if something this huge had happened to the barrier!”

Hawk raised his hand, “Can we go back through old satellite photos and apply the magic filter? Maybe find out when this thing tore open?”

Joseph replied, clicking the next slide, “We can, and have.” The date was the same day as the summer solstice, the longest day of the year. Celestia’s expression turned into one of horror as she counted the years.

“That’s the day my sister came back from her banishment. The day Twilight used the Elements of Harmony to save her…”

Joseph nodded, having been briefed on the whole ordeal with the Mare of Darkness, “It is our belief, Princess, that in the time between Nightmare Moon’s release and subsequent defeat, your protective shield was damaged. The probable cause is that you were not there to rebuff its potency, which is what you do every year on the day of your Summer Sun Celebration, if I am not mistaken. It is because you missed that year that this crack formed.” He paused letting it all sink in for those assembled.

“We also believe, that if not for this breach, you ponies would not have needed to leave Equestria. It is probable that this opening flows two ways. The inherent magic of your homeland flows out, while the pollution of our cities flowed in, thus causing you to take action, and leaving us the position we are in today.”

Zorro raised his hand, “Other than tornadoes that can cut down on travel time, what possible consequences could come from this?”

Joseph took a deep breath, and presented Hawk and Zorro with folders. “In the town of Sleepy Hollow, a scarce one hundred and twenty three miles outside of New York City limits, there are stories of a ‘Headless Horseman’ who rides at night, and is said to kill all he finds on his nightly ride, and take their heads to replace his own.”

Hawk looked up, “Sir, with all due respect, that was a myth, and that town doesn’t even exist.”

“Three counts of murder say different Agent Hawk.” Joseph clicked a new slide, it showed a small town and surrounding farmland. The magic filter revealed that the place glowed rich with the magical essence of Equestria. “The town of Sleepy Hollow manifested approximately seven days ago, and with it, so did the horseman. The victims include a ponified married couple who thought it was a tourist attraction, and a lost hiker who was looking for a place to sleep. Their heads could not be located.”

Celestia looked at the president in disbelief, “Are you saying that the magic that is leaking out of my homeland is summoning monsters from story books?”

President Joseph sighed, “Yes, and unfortunately, no.” He clicked to the next slide, “There is evidence to suggest magical infusion of the landscape has been going on for years. Things became more frequent when you ponies arrived on our shores, but at the time we didn’t have the resources to see what was going on.”

“Egypt, Giza. There have been numerous reports of chanting coming from underneath the pyramids. All personnel sent to investigate have not returned. Currently the police have sealed off the entrances and exits, but the chanting persists.” The filter revealed more magic surrounding the pyramid.

He clicked to another slide, “Athens, Greece. Two weeks ago. The winner of the ‘Miss Athens’ Beauty Pageant started speaking in verse with a voice not her own and predicted every event of your little trip.” He pointed to Hawk, who began to look very closely at the files in his folder.

“And this,” Joseph clicked to a new slide showing Yellowstone National Park, the filter revealing that the area was saturated with magic. Hawk grew tense. “This is an area you should be familiar with. The day after you left, Six Tribes officials sent me reports of seeing strange creatures in the forest, darting between trees. An account from a small boy in the area said that they were a tribe of sasquatch. If not for everything else, I would have dismissed it.”

“So what do we do?” asked Hawk, sounding concerned.

Celestia cleared her throat. “Well first, the hole in the barrier must be sealed, so no more magic will escape from Equestria and conjure anymore of these nightmares.” She gave a small chuckle, and in an apologetic tone said “It seems we were polluting your world as much as you, ours.”

The President gave her a forgiving look, “Don’t worry about the past Princess. Just get that breach resealed. That will give us a finite amount of problems to deal with.” Celestia nodded, her eyes thanking the president for his forgiveness.

“So where do we come in Joe?” asked Hawk.

Zorro finished reading the folder in front of him, “I can guess amigo.”

President Joseph put his hands behind his back. “The infusion of magic back into our world has caused curses and creatures from the ancient days of myth and legend to resurface. You two are to spearhead the elimination of all hostile paranormal entities, and protect the innocent. I’m giving you whatever support you need for this. And Princess,” Celestia gave him a determined look, “we will need the aid of magic in the defense of the innocent humans and ponies that exist outside of Equestria.”

Celestia stood up, “You have my full cooperation Joseph.”

Zorro stood, “And you have my sword!”

Hawk followed suit, “And my guns!”

Dimitri chimed in, “And my axe!”

The members of the board room looked at Dimitri with queer expressions.

“Vhat? I specialize in close quarters combat vith axes and shotguns.”

Joseph just shook his head, “Then let’s not waste any time. Hawk, Zorro…” he gave Dimitri a look, “…Dimitri. Your first assignment is to deal with the event at Sleepy Hollow. Your helicopter transport leaves in an hour.”

All three agents snapped a salute and rushed off down the hallway, Hawk calling dibs on shotgun. Celestia gave a resolute nod to the President and practically galloped out of a nearby window.

Joseph sighed and looked out into the night sky. “Things are getting exciting again, aren’t they?”

To be continued?
Why would I want to do that?
Why would I want to write an episodic series of gothic monster fighting adventures
Involving a cowboy, Zorro, and a Russian guy who uses axes and shotguns
That may have more wackey hijinks with Twilight Sparkle?
That just sounds silly.

Yellowstone: Part 1

Conversion Bureau Off-Shoot
Based on Blaze’s original idea
Might not follow his world’s rules, but Meh, it’s just a fan-fic of a fan-fic.
By: Anonsi (like Anansi the Spider. Get it? I thought it was clever)

Yellowstone
Part 1:
Out with the Old

Two years have passed since the camps opened up, and in that time more than half the human population in the United States have shed their old skins for a new pony body and the promise of paradise on Earth. Though many have been transformed, the Equestrian ponies and human converts have remained primarily on the East Coast, leaving the mid-west and onwards abandoned, ripe for resettlement. The six remaining Native American tribes have moved into the many of the major cites of the abandoned territories and have formed a new nation in hopes of preserving their culture.

With no one to maintain them, many settlements have become ghost towns ravaged by the elements. Now they lay dormant and empty, save for some that serve as lairs to wild beasts and escaped Equestrian monsters. Nature herself seems to have begun reclaiming some of the land taken from her.

As the dwindling human authorities left more and more territories to fend for themselves, wild outlaws seeking riches and power make this new frontier as dangerous as ever. The only semblance of law are the Agents of the dying human governments, who have denied ponification for one reason or another. Whether it be for honor, duty, or glory, these men and women are the only defense for the now expanding pony populace.

The Western Frontier has been reborn.

***

Twilight Sparkle was reading over some figures in her private office at the New York Conversion Bureau, which was the largest and most efficient one on the planet. A fact that gave her some small feeling of personal pride. She looked at the digital clock that came with the office and saw it read 4:37 AM. She released a sigh that seemed to not only express her weariness, but also her frustration. The figures she was researching were a mix of new lists of human ponification candidates and news reports of violence against ponified individuals by a radical group known as the Human Liberation Front. The numbers we staggering, and were counted in the hundreds. No pony had died yet (thank Celestia), but this was still getting out of hand.

“So many,” she said. “How can a race of creatures as violent as them live and thrive? It just doesn’t make any sense.” She decided now was as good a time as any to go to her room at the bureau, at least there she could think from the comfort of a bed. She promptly stood up and walked towards the door making sure the lights were off, a habit she had needed to get used to, as human light switches tended to not have ponies in mind. As she left, her thoughts returned to the actions of the human species of late.

“I mean, really! They burn and pillage the planet for…Celestia knows what, and then act surprised when they find themselves on the brink of extinction!” She passed the dormitories which were mostly unoccupied. It could easily be refilled, daily even, if not for the mandate to wait for everyone on the hall to be ponified first. This existed to build camaraderie amongst the occupants, and discourage any doubts about the process being completely safe. As she continued, she found a door that read:

“AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY.”

“Well, this is me.”

She gave a tired sigh and pushed the door open, revealing yet another hallway. She came to a fork and took a left into the staff dorms wherein was her temporary home. “It’s like they just hate the world...” a slight pause when she came to her room. “…but that’s just absurd. I mean, it’s not like the planet has been trying to kill them or anything.” She pushed open the door and entered her room, and with as much grace as a falling cinder-block, collapsed onto her bed.

***

“TWIIIII-LIIIIIGHT!” rang a voice from outside her room, “Wakey-wakey! Time to rise-y and shiny!”

Twilight rolled over in her bed, looking at the clock on her wall, which showed the time at 9 AM precisely. She could only grimace and groan as she rolled onto her stomach, and prepared to leave the warm comfort of her bed.

“C’mon Twilight! You’re gonna be late for ornamentation, and you are never late so I was worried that you were sick and then I thought that maybe one of the cupcakes I gave you was bad so I...”

It was at this point that Twilight, with little more than an exasperated sigh, magically opened her door to the bouncing pink earth pony that was eagerly waiting to help Twilight welcome the new ponyfication subjects at today’s orientation. She hopped, skipped, and practically jumped next to Twilight’s bed. The pure and infectious grin she always wore was shining particularly bright today.

“Oh golly Twilight, you look awful! Did you get any sleep? I didn’t sleep well once and I was a nappy-napperson ALL DAY! I fell asleep at one of my own parties! I was so embare…”

“Pinkie,” Twilight interrupted.

“Yes Twilight?” replied Pinkie expectantly.

“Could you please be quiet for like…ten minutes,” the unicorn pleaded slightly, her bloodshot eyes barely able to focus on her pinker than pink friend.

“Mmm Hmmm!” agreed the pink pony, making a gesture of zipping her lips together.

Twilight shifted out of bed and telekinetically picked up a comb from her bedside table. She walked over to a mirror that hung on a wall and began brushing her purple-with-a-strand-of-pink mane. It was an absolute mess, with wild locks going every which-way. Twilight concluded on getting a net or something to keep her mane in line.

“MM MMMM!” hummed Pinkie to Twilight.

“What is it Pinkie?” Twilight asked sleepily as she turned to stare at her friend.

Pinkie had her lips clamped shut around a pile of letters, one of which bearing the royal seal of Princess Celestia. A sudden feeling of dread washed over Twilight when she saw the scroll. Usually, she only got missives from the Princess via Spike and those were usually just to check up on her. For one to be hand delivered like this, Twilight couldn’t shake the feeling that some emergency had presented itself. Her thinking immediately turned towards thoughts of Spike being hurt, or worse.

“Pinkie, could you inform Applejack that I won’t be able to do this morning’s orientation?”

“Mmm MMMM MMmmm Mmm!” Pinkie hummed, lips still firmly closed.

“Thank you,” replied Twilight, slightly bemused despite her worried feelings about the letter. When Pinkie bounced merrily out of the room, Twilight opened the letter with her magic and read her mentor’s unquestionably beautiful handwriting,

“My dearest student, Twilight

As you know, we are planning to not only expand into the human world, but begin healing it from the wounds they inflicted upon it. I am most pleased to announce that the first family of settlers is scheduled to leave in two days for Yellowstone, a nature preserve that the family will be at the forefront of maintaining. I am having you accompany them as I am afraid that you have not left the Ponification Center since your arrival, and it’s high time you explored this new world.

The Human President has also warned me of the possible danger to both you and the family however, and informed me that he is sending his best guardian to escort you safely to your destination. The President has assured me that, although unorthodox, this guardian is fiercely loyal and will die to protect those under his care. Please be careful my student, and always remember the human world is not the same as Equestria. It may not have beasts that equal those of your homeland in size or strength, but they more than make up for it in ferocity.

Your eternally proud mentor,
Celestia.

P.S. Wish me luck with the debate this week, as the Human Liberation Front will be my opponents. I hope you can see it, if not in body, then perhaps via a television somepony will be kind enough to share with you."

“Oh that wasn’t so bad,” Twilight said to herself. “I thought someone had died, but-” Then she re-read it. ‘Oh no’ thought Twilight. ‘Oh no no no no no no…’

***

Her two days of preparation passed by faster than Twilight had anticipated, and she couldn’t help feel as though she was constantly forgetting some crucial piece of equipment. So while in front of the compound waiting for this human ‘Guardian’ character amongst a field of abandoned cars, she decided to run through her mental list:

‘Okay,’ thought Twilight, ‘checklist. Okay, so friends: Applejack is in charge, Pinkie and Dash are doing reception, Rarity is ponifying, and Fluttershy is…Fluttershying. Right! Good! Now gear: food, money (Dollars and Bits), flashlight with 4 sets of extra batteries, a comb, a blanket and pillow for camping, a canteen and-’

“Hey!”

‘-do I need those apples? AJ said they were good for anything but I-’

“HEY.”

Twilight nearly jumped out of her skin. She was so deep in thought that she hadn’t noticed the tall figure that stood before her. “Oh my goodness I’m sorry!” Twilight tried to rearrange herself to look a bit more graceful in front of her surprise guest, but only aided in making embarrassing movements and silly faces.

“Are you Twilight Sprinkle?” the man asked, his face showing signs of mild amusement.

“It’s Twilight Sparkle, and yes I am.” She replied, finally taking in the man who was to escort her and a Pony family halfway across a continent three times the size of Equestria.

He stood at six feet seven inches (Human measurements were so odd), and wore nothing that resembled a uniform. Instead he sported a wide brim leather hat, no doubt made from the skin of some poor cow, a red plaid over shirt with the sleeves rolled up and chest unbuttoned with a plain white t-shirt underneath, dark blue jeans covering his legs with sturdy looking boots on his feet, fingerless gloves over his hands, and a revolver and knife at either side of his hips. Twilight felt intimidated to say the least, if by nothing else than his height.

“I thought human agents wore fancy suits,” Twilight said with a tinge of curiosity in her voice.

“Yeah,” he replied looking to one side, like some far off thing had caught his interest, “well when the whole world is going to hell in a hand basket, dress codes aren’t as enforced as they used to be.” He paused and looked up thoughtfully for a moment, “I think they said dressing casual would frighten you wee horses less.”

Twilight frowned a bit before letting a forgiving grin cross her face, “We’re ponies, not horses, though you’re not the first one to say that, or call me Twilight Sprinkle for that matter!”

She chuckled weakly hoping to ease the tension she felt from conversing with this human that, she assumed, had probably killed more of his own kind than she had years in her life. He gave only a weak smile back, but soon simply stared at her patiently, like he was determining in what way he should respond or silently judging her. It gave the small unicorn an uncomfortable feeling.

After an awkward minute of silence he finally spoke, “Anyway, we have to get going. The settlers are meeting us at the train station in about two or so hours.” He walked over to one of the parked cars in the lot, reached inside and pulled out a large black duffel bag, its contents clunking and clanking together. Twilight was glad to see that the human at least came prepared for travel, but wondered why he would remove his luggage from his car. She remembered being told by one of her ponified friends that humans normally only owned one vehicle, but she didn’t dwell on it, as he walked to another car and opened it, throwing his luggage in. “C’mon, this one has a near full tank. Pretty good considering it’s a Ford,” he said to Twilight with a light chuckle, who moved awkwardly towards the passenger’s seat.

“Is there a reason you own two cars?” asked Twilight after she deposited her luggage in the back seat and assumed her position within the vehicle.

“I don’t. This car belongs to a…” he rifled through the glove compartment and found a wallet, opened it up and read, “…Jericho Lukowittz. Some name huh? I always liked the name Jericho.” He smiled to himself more than to Twilight, who was less enthused about the news.

“WHAT!?” Twilight shouted. Her shock was almost palpable, “You’re STEALING this thing!?”

“No,” he replied with a stern look, “you can’t steal something someone has abandoned. This car and hundreds of others in this lot are up for grabs as far as the law is concerned.”

“But…” even though he had a point, the idea that she might be stealing did not sit right with Twilight, “well…If you’re sure this is alright. But if a policepony stops us I’m telling the truth! I mean the law is the law after all!”

“I am the law,” he countered, a dumb grin spreading across his face like he was expecting her to pick up on some joke, but Twilight just stared back with a slightly worried expression. With a sigh he continued, “Whatever. You may call me Agent Hawk.” He extended a hand to the young mare. She reached out with a hoof and he gripped it firmly.

“I am…honored Mr. Hawk,” Twilight half lied. Though he seemed like everything Twilight imagined when she thought of wild and lawless humans, she was somewhat flattered that he was there to protect her.

They shook on it. After releasing the mare’s hoof, he then began adjusting the driver’s position to his liking, and from a pocket on his over shirt he extracted sunglasses that covered his vision completely. Twilight couldn’t make out his eyes beneath them, but she decided that was probably for the best, as she would feel rather nervous if she knew he was constantly watching her. This way she could at least pretend he wasn’t. She magically drew forth a book she was reading during the days before this particular experience. It was entitled, ‘An Egghead’s guide to Road Trips.’

“Groovy,” said Hawk as he started the engine and began driving.

To be continued?
Probably.
I wouldn’t leave a story just hanging there.
Unless no one reads it.
Then I would abandon it and eat ice cream.
Sweet…non-judgmental Ice Cream.

Another Bonus Thing!

Yellowstone: The d20 System
By: Anonsi (Who saw this coming? I didn't)

A great many of you are probably wondering, "What is going on here? I thought Anonsi updated Yellowstone!" Well, in a way, I did. BEHOLD!

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1z6M9sy06392pNgekqioNThoO1aab3tTCRDQ6h90neBs/edit#bookmark=id.mjie4yifzhjb

That, dear friends, leads to a Google Document file of The Conversion Bureau: Yellowstone RPG Setting and Rules. No, your eyes are not attempting to deceive you in some sort of terrible optic coup, this exists. I have made these rules for your enjoyment, and to entertain anyone that has been finding themselves without a good chuckle for sometime. (I'm also trying to be manlier than Krass, which is very hard to do.)

Is this worth the digital paper it's printed on? Probably not, but I did it for fun so I doubt that really matters