Chapters Heat Wave (The Naughty-Bits Kind)
Day 1
It was the dog days of summer in Equestria and Big Macintosh was out in the apple orchards harvesting the fruit. It was times like these when the apple family made most of their bits for the year, as it was so hot around these times that ponies would pay nearly anything for refreshment. Cold apple cider and apple accessories were perfect for this kind of oppressive heat.
Big Mac trotted over to the barrel of water located just outside the barn and took a deep drink from the barrel, somehow managing to keep the sprig of wheat in his mouth as he did so. It was hard work he was doing, but it would pay off. Mac gazed out towards the rolling fields of apple trees. The trees had been in his family for generations, the whole farm had. They'd been there since Ponyville was founded and would probably be there for generations to come.
Mac cast his eyes towards his namesake fruit as he noticed something off in the distance. The trees had begun to shake. A Shaking not brought on by the wind, as there was no breeze to be found, but by some creature rushing through the orchard.
Great, timberwolves getting' ta the orchards 'gain , Mac thought to himself, ready to buck the critters off of his farmland. But as the rustling became nearer and nearer, he picked up on something he had not before. It was distant then, but it had since grown louder, shouting. The creature barreling through the orchard was shouting. Shouting something and sounding as panicked as panicked could be.
What in the tarnashion? 'haps them timberwolves gone and chased some pony up inta the fields , he thought to himself, getting ready to save some helpless pony.
Suddenly, bursting out through the treeline he came, cousin Braeburn. He dashed up to Macintosh and nearly collapsed at his hoofs.
“Mac, it's here! ah sweet Celestia, Mac. It's here!” He cried, sweat pouring down his features.
“Hmm?” Mac questioned, brief with his speech as always.
“The Heat!” Braeburn exclaimed, terror in his eyes.
Mac chuckled to himself. “Well, a'course it's here. It's been here. Summer, afta all”
Braeburn took his hat off, shaking “No Mac, it's not that kind of heat. IT'S NOT THAT KIND OF HEAT”
Mac looked at him flatly for a moment when it dawned on him. The sprig of wheat fell to the ground as his jaw dropped. He looked to Braeburn and searched his eyes. Could it be true? Could the heat have come this early? They weren't ready for the heat, THEY WEREN'T READY.
The mares of Ponyville had much planning to do for when heat came. Preparations such as spells being cast to prevent desires becoming to strong were placed on most mares, as well as sequestering stallions for the duration of the heat as an extra precaution. The heat coming this early was something Ponyville had never dealt with. Sure, being a few days early was fine, as preparations were made a week in advance, but this heat. This heat was three weeks early, nothing was prepared.
Mac turned his fearful eyes towards town. “May Celestia have mercy on'r souls.”
Braeburn looked up at Mac once more, “What're we gonna do, Mac?”
Mac tried to think of something, anything they could do. “ah dun know, cousin. Ya sure chose a rotten time ta visit,” Mac paused, “Cousin, howdya know that the heat's gone and started?”
Braeburn shook his head. “I was in town, helpin' AJ with the stand, as ah do and sud'ly she din' seem too right. Jus' looked at me all funny like. An' ah asked her if'n she was alright an' she said... welp. She said she'd be right as rain soon as she le's her rut me silly”
Mac blinked, then cleared his throat. “Now, ya sure it's heat? Ah mean are ya sure, ya sure? Maybe AJ just ain't right in the head!”
Braeburn shook his head, “Ah know a heat when ah see a heat. This wa'nt AJ jus' embracin' her heritage, this here was a heat. An' ah know ah saw that Noteworthy fellar gettin' all kinds a uncomftable when some mare tried'a grab hold'a his tail”
Mac trotted back and forth. “Nah that don't make a lick'a sense. A heat don' just set in all sudden like!”
“Well this one did!”
Mac stopped his pacing and sighed. “Well, if yer right, an' I hope you ain't, we're inna whole heap'a trouble. We ought to head inta town an' find out,” Mac turned to start walking to town when Braeburn jumped on his back, not slowing him down in the least.
“ARE YA OUTTA YA APPLE-PICKIN' MIND?! WE CAN'T GO DOWN THERE! I AIN'T READY TA BE A PAPPY,” Tears began to form at the corner of his eyes.
Mac shook Braeburn off and picked him up, bringing him face to face. “Ya ain't gonna be a pappy, not yet, ya ain't”
Mac dropped Braeburn and began his trot to town, not acknowledging Braeburn not moving.
Mac chuckled, “Ahm sure ahm right,” Mac said, ah hope.
They trotted down the dirt road together until they reached the town center, all had gone well so far. The strangest thing about it was that they had not seen a living creature the entire trip there. The walked to the Apple's farm stand to check on Applejack, who was nowhere to be seen. Mac and Braeburn had not spoke since they left the farm, Mac because of his naturally quiet self, Braeburn because of the fear in his heart. Mac looked around the area for any sign of life. Braeburn sided up against Mac.
“Ya see anythin'?” Braeburn asked in a near whisper.
Mac looked at the farm stand and then back to the rest of town. He shifted around the new sprig of wheat he picked on the way to town. “Nnnnope,” Mac said. Braeburn covered Mac's mouth with his hoofs. “Not so loud!” Braeburn whispered into Mac's ear, causing it to twitch. Mac looked at Braeburn, then pried the hoofs from his face. “Why?” He asked, Braeburn looked at him harshly, “They might hear us!” Braeburn whispered again.
“Who?” Mac asked.
“Maaaares,” Braeburn hissed.
Mac could not help but laugh. He laughed a hearty laugh that echoed in the seemingly empty town, reverberating off the storefronts. In the ensuing silence after his laughter, there was a rumble. A rumble that started off quiet and then became steadily louder, as it did with Braeburn not so long ago when yelling about the so-called 'Early Heat'. The rumbling became louder and louder, so loud that Braeburn had to hold his hoofs over his ears to keep them from hurting. As the two looked towards the rumbling, they saw a cloud of dust. It stopped no less than 100 yards from them, a hoofball field's length away.
As the dust settled down, they saw it. Dozens upon dozens of mares. The mares were of all pony kind, there were earth ponies, pegasi ponies and unicorn ponies, all standing together in a mass, there was even a griffin.
“Sweet apples and oranges,” Braeburn whispered to himself.
Mac cleared his throat as he looked out at the wave of mares in front of them. They watched as one mare daintily trotted towards them, stopping less than 20 yards from them. She was lavender mare with a darker man and a stripe of pink in it, she also bore a unicorn's horn and a pegasi's wings. It was Twilight Sparkle. She cleared her throat and spoke loudly enough so that Mac and Braeburn could hear her from the distance.
“Hello, Big Mac. Hello, Braeburn. I am representing the mare populace of Ponyville as a whole when I say that we have suddenly been struck by heat and we intend to copulate with you, as you are some of the few stallions in town!” She ended her statement with a cheery smile, which unnerved Braeburn in it's niceness after she calmly told them of their plans.
Mac cursed himself that Braeburn was right. He looked out at all the mares and realized that they all looked incredibly vicious and seductive at the same time. Some snarled, while some threw bedroom eyes towards the stallions.
Mac turned to Braeburn, “Ah am so sorry ah didn't listen to ya, we better run, cousin,” Mac said, before braking into a spring away from the crowd of mares. Braeburn had to take a moment to process that they were fleeing, but shot after Mac as fast as he could. From behind them, they heard Twilight, who is a rather capable orator, tell the other mares that they should go after them. The crowd of mares immediately charged after the two with cries of “Get them!” and “Come rut me!”.
They quickly made their way down the road towards the stallions, some unicorns casting spells at them to try and slow them down, none being too effective. Mac and Braeburn were terribly lucky that the effect of heat on mares causes unicorns to not be able to concentrate on casting magic, making it very difficult for them to use spells while in heat. The same went for pegasi, the heat causing them to have a great difficulty with flight, due to their wings being stiff.
The stallions made a sharp right to try and evade the mares, going down a short cut-through, then taking a left onto Mane Street. The looked around frantically for anywhere they could hide. Mac gestured with his head towards a small establishment. They bolted inside and hit the floor, hoping that they made it into there before the mares came out of the cut-through. They waited for a few moments, they heard the thunderous pounding of hooves going down the street and then a cacophony of questions all in the same light as “Where did they go?!”, They then heard Twilight Sparkle, the assumed leader of the mob telling the mares to search the stores.
Mac looked around quickly, seeing a bar. He pointed towards it and crawled over, not wanting to be seen through the windows. He crawled behind the bar and indicated that Braeburn should, too. As Mac turned the corner of the bar, he came face to face with another pony. Mac gasped, the pony quickly putting his hooves to Mac's mouth to stop him from crying out. Mac looked him up and down and upon realizing that he was also a stallion, relaxed momentarily. Braeburn looked at the strange stallion, “Who are you?” He whispered.
The pony looked between the two, “I am Hooves, the town doctor. And you are?” The three exchanged pleasantries as they hid. The introductions were cut short, though, as the front door crashed open. The sound of hooves on wood filled the bar as a group of mares trotted in. Mac could not see them, but he could certainly smell them.
“Not in here,” One gruffly said to another.
“Horseapple! We need to find those stallions pronto, I need to get my rut on, and quick!” Another one said.
There were a few more mares with them, but they had not spoke up. They trotted out of the bar and gave Twilight Sparkle the “all clear”. Out in the streets, they heard the menacing calls of, “Come out, come out, wherever you are! We won't bite ya! Well, hard!” There was a wave of sinister laughs from the lust-mad ponies. Once the “all-clear” from a few more groups of ponies was given, they continued their search down the road.
The three stallions let out sighs of relief. Doctor Hooves crawled over to the window and peered out, he stood up and stretched.
“We're all good, they've moved on. I am sure they'll come back this way eventually, though.”
“Yer right,” Braeburn said, “We ought to barricade the entrances!”
“Good idea!” Doctor Whooves said, starting to push tables and chairs to the door and windows.
Doctor Whooves was a light brown earth stallion with messy dark brown hair and an hourglass as his cutie mark. He motioned for Mac and Braeburn to help him. After a few minutes of moving tables and benches, they sat on the ground.
“We'll just have ta wait it out, ah reckon,” Mac said, rubbing his temples with his hooves.
“That might be a while,” Doctor Whooves said, “A mare in heat without any spells placed on them will be in heat for around 20 days,” He said grimly.
Braeburn took his hat off and fiddled with it in his hooves, “This'll be a long 20 days”
Heat Wave (The Naughty-Bits Kind)
Day 2 pt. 1
Things had gone downhill fast. The mares noticed the barricaded bar, prompting them to use a walleyed mare as a battering ram. The stallions had hoped that it would go unnoticed for a tad longer, but the crowd of horny mares (they were unicorns, you see) had come back for a second check through the establishments.
Now, mac was singlehoofedly (?) holding the door in place as Braeburn and Doctor Hooves held tables against the windows. A mind green hoof got through the window and began viciously pawing Braeburn in the general vicinity of his business parts, causing him to cry out in fear.
“What do we do?!” cried Braeburn.
The good doctor looked around quickly for a means of escape from his impending not-safe-for-foals activities. He looked towards the small staircase leading up to the second floor of the building, then to the door leading to the cellar of the bar. He made up his mind.
“Gentleponies, we need to go.”
Hooves suddenly bolted from the window down to the cellar, catching both Braeburn and Mac off guard. They both looked at each other. Mac turned his head to look at the source of the sound of shattering glass and splintering wood as a pristine white hoof bucked a hole right through the window frame that the doctor had been protecting. The hoof retracted and a white muzzle stuck through the gapping hole in the wall. “Give me your loins!” she screeched at them.
That solidified Mac's next action as he dropped the table from the door and followed after the doctor, leaping down the stairs. Braeburn stood stunned for a moment as the mares broke through the door.
“Eep!” yelped Braeburn as he tossed the small table at the mares, causing them to fall back. He galloped after the two, down the cellar stairs into the store room of the bar. Many barrels of cider and other alcoholic products lined the walls. He looked around frantically for his companions, them being nowhere to be seen. He cursed, but the naughty word was drowned out by the sudden appearance of Apple Bloom from an empty barrel, who shouted “Buy some apples!” before ducking back into her barrel, vanishing without a trace.
Terrified by the sound of the oncoming mares and confused by the sudden appearance and disappearance of his cousin, he decided to hide. Climbing into the barrel from whence Apple Bloom came, he grabbed the lid and put it onto the top of his hidey-hole, just in time as the mares descended the stairs, toppling over each other. They scattered, looking behind all the barrels and in every closet, never once thinking of searching inside the barrels.
“They aren't here!” one yelled.
“There!” one pointed a hoof at the open bulkhead leading outside from the basement. They all charged forward again, screaming. One mint green unicorn going so far as to stand on her hind legs, pointing and screeching like Donald Shet-er-land in 'Invasion of the Pony Snatchers'. They all exited the building in a violent manner, leaving Braeburn all alone in his barrel with his thoughts.
Sweet Celestia's salad bar, I'm all by mah self, he thought, they jus' left me here! Macintosh Apple, ya timberwolf faced son'va Diamon' dog! I'm all by mah lonesome, now. They'll 'member that ahm here an' come get me soon 'nough, jus' a matter'a time. Welp, best keep mah self occ-u-pied. Ah know! Howbouta joke? Ah love jokes. Le's see... ah got one. A stallion walks inta a bar. The bartender says “why the long face?” the stallion says, “the economy is rotten”! Golly, I sure do crack mah self up some times.
Elsewhere, Macintosh and Doctor Hooves were running at full speeds towards the library, knowing that the building was defended by magic, making it nearly impenetrable. Twilight Sparkle made it so after Rainbow Dash's excessive crashing through windows. It became known to Doctor Whooves after noticing that after every time the town got attacked, the tree would still be standing tall. Clearly, it was the work of magic. Magic, or a darn tough tree.
Mac hit the door face first, expecting to be able to charge straight into the library, but something was wrong. As Mac tried to walk off his new concussion, the doctor looked at the door. He stared at it for a few moments, trying to understand what the issue was. He reached down to the knob and found that it would not turn.
“Dear Celestia, we're locked out of the library!” The doctor cried.
“It's all over Mac, game over! GAME OVER MAC”
Mac looked at the three spinning Hooves-s. They galloped in circles, unsure of what to do. They had evaded the mares, but they would soon find them if they remained out in the open. Just as Hooves began to compose himself, the library door unlocked and swung open. A small purple and green dragon stood at the door.
“Sup?”
“Hello! I am the Doctor, this is my companion, Macintosh. We seek refuge in your library! Will you take us in?”
“huh?”
Macintosh stepped up to Spike. “Hey, Spike”
Spike smiled at Mac, “Hey, Mac, come on in, dude”
They all trotted inside, except for Spike, who more so waddled inside, closing the door behind him and locking it. They all sat around the table in the middle of the library on sofas, the one Mac sat on sagged violently under his weight. Spike brought some lemonade to the two stallions, who quickly drank them.
“Awesome you guys came over, I am so bored, Twilight said I can't let anybody into the library, not even her! But I can trust you, Mac.”
Mac nodded his head in agreement, “Eeyup!”
“So, any idea why everypony is acting all crazy?” Spike asked, clearly being too young to understand heat and sexual desires, Hooves thought.
Mac shook his head, “Heat,” he said.
Hooves sighed, knowing he would have to explain heat to Spike, and with it everything else to do with sexual reproduction. Also, possibly some laws put in place by Celestia, clearing a mare of any charges of unruly sexual conduct while they are in heat.
Spike went pale, “Sweet gems and the river Thames, I gotta get out of here!”
Hooves felt very confused. “Wait just a moment, young drake. You are aware of what heat is?”
“Of course! Twilight thinks I don't know about those magazines she keeps under her bed, but I do!”
Mac and Hooves shared a concerned look over Spike being exposed to the reading material of a lonely nerd.
“Well,” Hooves deciding to move the conversation forward, “that is why we are here, we need a place to 'lay low', as it were. Would it be acceptable if we were to do that? The three of us would be out of the way completely!” Hooves finished his request with a big smile. Mac was no longer listening to Hooves, as he was busy looking around for Braeburn. Mac came to a horrible realization. He tapped Hooves on the shoulder.
“Ey? What, Mac?”
“Uh... Where's mah cousin?
Hooves looked at him for a moment, then blanched. He looked towards the door, “Well,” he said shakily, “that sure chaffs my wheat. Better luck next time for him, ey?” He chuckled nervously. Mac looked at him flatly.
“We gotta go get'm,” He said firmly.
Hooves laughed at the ludicrous statement, “We can't go back out there!”
“We gotta go get'm,” He said again.
“Mac, we can not leave this building. Tree.”
Mac looked at him, somehow even flatter than before, “We. Gotta. Go. Get'm.”
“MAC. It is too late for him, but it isn't for us! We can be okay! We won't walk away from this with chaffing crotches! Braeburn is done for, mate. They are probably buggering the Bojangles out of him as we speak! And you want to just canter on into the manticore's den!? Mac, I like you. I like Braeburn, too. I am only thinking in our best interest, Mac. There are other stallions in town, too. If we start saving anybody who falls behind, then we'll be going out under cover of darkness and saving EVERY stallion!”
Mac's eyes lit up with inspiration as he stood from the sofa, it groaning in relief. He marched over to the door. He looked at Hooves, dead in the eye.
“Tha's exactly what we gonna do.”
Hooves's face dropped. He couldn't be serious. Spike jumped up from his seat and ran over to Mac.
“Yeah! Let's do it!”
Spike looked over to Hooves, “You coming, dude? Or am I gonna have to kick you outta my tree?”
Hooves looked at Spike, knowing he had no other options, he picked himself up from his seat and plodded over to the dragon and pony. Head hanging low, he conceded.
“Let's go then, shall we?”
Heat Wave (The Naughty-Bits Kind)
Day 2, Part 2
The motley crew subtly snuck out of the library, cartoonishly tip-hoofing their way to the nearest building. When they got to the building opposite the library, they pressed themselves flat against it, like spies sneaking. Mac and Hooves had concurred on the last place Braeburn had been seen by them was at the bar they were hiding in. They decided to sneak back into the bar, via the bulkhead used in their daring escape.
Getting to the bar involved stealthily sneaking past roving bands of mares in groups of 5. The mob had become more organized in the past few hours, likely by the guidance of Twilight Sparkle, but it was not overly difficult for them to sneak by, as the mares were not exactly on high alert. They were really just walking in groups, talking about how darned horny they were. This still required sneaking, nonetheless.
At one point, the were forced to use cardboard boxes to sneak across a particularly busy street, making the mares believe it was just a simple box crossing. The sneaking was not difficult, but it took time. If they simply galloped, they would have been to the bar in less than 5 minutes, but to avoid being jumped, they had to be mega-sneak.
As they approached the bar, they noticed that the bulkhead was still open, a good sign, perhaps. They sent Spike down to quietly check to see if any mares were down there.
Spike creeped up the steps and leapt behind a stack of empty barrels outside as another group of mares passed them. He turned to Mac and Hooves, who were also behind the barrels.
“The cellar is all clear,” they then quickly snuck down the steps. Mac then closed the bulkhead as quietly as he could, as to not alert the guard-mares. They then fanned out, quietly and efficiently searching the cellar. Finding nothing, they regrouped.
“He ain't here!”
“Where could he have gone?”
“I dun know, but he ain't here.”
Hooves checked upstairs to be sure nopony was there, either. He returned and gave them the all-clear. Mac deflated.
“Ah lost mah cousin...”
Spike jumped up and hugged his face, “It's okay dude, I'm sure we'll find him!”
Hooves nodded, “Right-o! For now, let's just get out of here before somepony finds us!”
Mac nodded, sadly. “Ah... Ah guess yer right.”
Hooves smiled brightly, “Come now, back to the library, we can use these barrels as a method of evading the fairer sex”
Hooves went over and popped the top off of a barrel. He found it to be filled with cider. He began pouring the cider down the drain in the center of the floor, his companions joining him in this. Mac emptied out his barrel with ease. Spike had to force it over with all his strength, using his legs as he pressed himself against the wall of the cellar. The barrel hit the ground, causing the top of the barrel to pop off. Spike walked around and peered into the barrel. He sighed and walked over to the wall to get another.
“Why'a getting' another barrel?” Mac asked, raising an eyebrow.
Spike shook his head, “some jerk is asleep in mine,” tipping another barrel over. Mac checked Spike's barrel to find Braeburn unconscious in it. Mac smiled and pulled him out of the barrel and shook him.
“Braeburn, wake up,” Mac said, gingerly.
Braeburn would not rouse, so Mac took his large hoof and brought it across Braeburn's face, causing him to regain consciousness and yelp at being smacked. Braeburn looked around, deliriously. It took him a few minutes to come back around, but when he did, he felt back to normal.
“Ah knew ya'll would come back fer me! Ah dun know how ah ended up all unconscious-like, musta laughed too hard at one'a my jokes, hehe,” Mac shook his head, knowing how terrible Braeburn's jokes were and how hilarious Braeburn thought they were.
Hooves decided to speak up. “I am certainly glad to find you unmolested, but we must go now. This area is not nearly safe,” Everypony (and one dragon) agreed. The continued with their barrel idea and rolled their way back to the library, narrowly avoiding crashing into a few mares more than a few times.
It took much less time than their first trek to the bar, but the journey back to the safe haven that was the library still took a good 20 minutes. When they finally arrived back at the library, the sun was beginning to set. Mac hoped that the night would bring some calm to the chaos outside, how wrong he was.
With night came the fighting, not amongst the hidden stallions of the library, but the mares. The mares could be heard outside shouting about who has the rights to go first when the stallions are captured. As the stallions continued to listen in secrecy, they became fearful of what would be done to them if they were to be found at this juncture. There was talk of the strongest getting to have their way first and then talk of fighting for the right began. Mac had been silently watching through the window of the library. Normally, he would have stopped such a fight, but this was not a normal time.
He watched intently as Rainbow Dash was confronted by Applejack, they were getting in each other's faces and it appeared as if it would soon be a fight. He then saw Twilight Sparkle march up to the two.
Good, somepony's gonna put a stop to this , Mac though, HE THOUGHT WRONG.
Twilight was suddenly punched right in the muzzle by Rainbow Dash. Twilight looked stunned, but suddenly, she tackled Dash and Applejack in turn tackled Twilight. Suddenly, all the mares that had congregated started duking it out, quickly joining the new factions of the renegade mares. There were hoofs flying and teeth being bucked clean out of mouths and at one point, kissing, but that ended quickly.
After a half hour of this, they had been divided. Lines had been drawn in the ground, separating the town into thirds, for each faction of the mares. They had already made banners and flags. Mares get a lot done when they are horny, I suppose.
Twilight was now the leader of a large group of mares, including Rarity, Mayor Mare, Cheerilee, the three Flower sisters, Octavia, Flitter and Bon-Bon, just to name a few. Their flags were purple, with a star in the center and a unicorn horn, pegasi wing and hoof crossed, showing unity, maybe. This would likely be the most level headed group of them all. Her faction was called 'The Faction Formed and Led by Princess Twilight Sparkle, Mistress of Science and Magic'. Twilight had decided on the name, as it got the point across quite well, she thought.
The next faction was that being led by Applejack. Her group included Colgate, Nurse Redheart, Carrot Top, Aloe and Vera, Blossomforth, Sparkler and an OC Pony. There were dozens more in her faction, as well. Their flag was red, green and yellow, probably picked by Applejack by them being colors of apples. On the flag was a depiction of one mare helping another up. This group would likely be the group to be the most efficient. Their group was called 'Faction of the Sisterhood'. Their creed was that they treat each other like family, similar to the motto of the popular Istallion restaurant chain.
The third and final faction was that being led by Rainbow Dash. Her group included Pinkie Pie, Cloudkicker, Cloudchaser, Lyra, Vinyl Scratch, Berry Punch and Ditzy Doo. Rainbow Dash probably had the smallest group, but barely. Rainbow Dash's flag was a cyan flag with a depiction of Tank the tortoise on it, with an explosion behind him. Dash, Lyra and Vinyl Scratch worked on it together. If it came to fighting, this group was likely to be the best suited. Dash also declared that they were “The best Party Faction of all time”. To this claim, Pinkie and Vinyl began a miniature party with confetti and sick beats. Their faction was called 'The Best One' by Rainbow.
From what Mac gleaned from all the yelling, the town was now split into three sectors, each faction controlling one. If a stallion is to be found in one sector, he belongs to the faction of that sector. This was law. Mac gulped at that.
The three groups had just begun to build barricades and walls to block out the other groups, Mac had a strong feeling that they'd be ready by tomorrow. Twilight's group had already gotten headbands made by Rarity, all of which were quite fashionable. The three factions had already renamed their territory as well, Ponyville no longer existed. There were the three territories. The Faction Formed and Led by Princess Twilight Sparkle, Mistress of Science and Magic's territory was called 'The Library', due to the library being part of their territory. The territory of The Faction of the Sisterhood was called 'Discord's Alley', some menacing to hopefully keep away the others. The final territory, the domain of The Best One was dubbed 'The Rainboom-dome: Enter at your own risk'.
After less than 48 hours, the town had devolved into factions and fighting, Mac marveled at it. He had seen enough and turned away, pulling down the shade to the window. He walked over to the other stallions who were on the second floor, in the library. He looked to Hooves, warily. Mac was unsure if he could trust Hooves, he who wished to abandon Braeburn for his won selfish safety. At the moment, Mac did not have a choice. He decided to make conversation, having become much more talkative since the pseudo-apocalypse of Ponyville.
“Howdy,” He said, sitting down with Spike and Hooves.
The two exchanged greetings with Mac. Mac eyed Braeburn out of the corner of his eye, avidly reading a book.
“Wha's he readin'?”
“The Celestial Bodies, I think Braeburn is going a bit nutty. He might go all religious on us,” Hooves said, rubbing his eyes with his hooves, “So, what is happening outside?”
Mac's eyes flicked to the window, “Welp, we ain't in Ponyville anymore”
Hooves sighed deeply, “Maybe we should, uh, barricade the front door, I doubt a lock will keep out a few hundred mares if they decide they want to come in.” Said the doctor, sounding like he was just talking to talk.
Spike shook his head, “Ya don't need to, there's magic on the library, nobody can come in, unless somebody who is already inside invites them in,” Spike said, smiling proudly. Suddenly, he jumped up and waddle ran out of the room. He came back moments later with a telescope.
“Tada!” He declared, presenting the telescope to the stallions.
“It's a telescope, bravo. What's it for?” Asked Hooves, clearly unimpressed.
Spike frowned, “For looking at what's going on outside, duh.”
“Oh... that actually is a good idea, sorry for the sarcasm,” Hooves apologized.
Spike smiled at him, “No worried, we're cool”
In the far corner of the room, Braeburn read 'The Celestial Bodies' to himself, every few minutes stopping to send a prayer to Celestia. Also with him was a copy of John Mareton's 'Paradise Trots' and Dante Alineighri's 'Tartarus'. Braeburn had suddenly felt the need to be a devout Celestian, so that perhaps Celestia would hear his prayer and come save him. Hopefully, she would not hear the cursing of her when he had spent a few hours in a barrel and had run out of jokes. He had also picked up eating the pages of the books when he was done with them. Full of fiber, he rationalized.
Macintosh had decided to try out the telescope, cantering over to the window with the telescope slung over his shoulder. He set it up very low to the ground, so that nopony could see it from outside. He looked out into the ruined Ponyville. The immediate area was destroyed and filled with lit torches and bonfires, giving it a very ominous, eerie feel. But beyond the destruction, out in the farther reaches of The Faction of The Sisterhood territory, there were buildings still perfectly intact, still candles burning in the window on the second floor of a home. The streets were littered with broken glass from some of the windows shattered from the searching, but besides that- Wait. Big Mac turned the telescope back to the burning candle in the window. He tried to see inside, but could not very well. He had kept his sights on the window for a solid five minutes when he saw it. A stallion slowly and stealthily snuck up to the window with a pair of binoculars, peering out into the destruction. From what Mac could tell, he had a light coat, blue probably and a shaggy mane. Were those a pair of wings he saw? Darn tootin', they were. He looked awfully familiar, Mac thought. He watched the pegasi scan the area, looking at 'The Library' territory for a long while. While he did so, he casually, while not taking his eyes off 'The Library' territory, began eating a pie. He would scan the area, then casually stuck the muzzle into the buy and began feverishly eating it, while still keeping his cool and watching the library.
That is when it happened, the pegasi suddenly took the binoculars away from his eyes, his mouth agape, causing a large chunk of pie to fall from his mouth back into the tin. Mac wondered what he was looking at. As he wondered, he noticed the pegasi smile. Mac then realized that it was him he had seen and they were making eye contact at that moment, even if through a telescope. The Pegasi then turned to speak to somepony. Two of them , Mac thought, two or more .
The stallion brought the binoculars back to his eyes, now Mac moved the telescope and smiled at him. Our next project , Mac thought to himself, considering the long distance.
Heat Wave (The Naughty-Bits Kind)
Day 3
“Fellas, there's at least 2 stallions out cross yonder stretch'n if we c'n get 'em here, we'll be one step closer'a safety. One'a 'em's a pegasus 'n could fly out fer help. Ah reckon we oughta go out there n' git 'em,” Mac finished his little speech with a nod and sitting back down onto the floor. The three others gapped at him, this wild idea even tearing Braeburn away from his books.
“Big Mac, that's kinda a really far way to go, and how are we supposed to get them back here? There are tons of mares out there that could get you guys good if they see you,” Spike said, unsure of Mac's plan.
Mac had considered waiting until the mares all go to sleep, but they have already begun sleeping in shifts, so there could always be a patrol out. Hooves took a turn observing the mares and they seem to switch off shifts. ¼ of the group sleeping at a time for a fourth of the day. All three factions seem to do this, keeping an eye on the opposing factions and possible stallion sightings. The members of the factions hated each other, except for the few mares who had become a bit more liberal during their heat who Mac and Hooves caught “Fraternizing” with the enemy when they thought nopony was looking. Goodness. Golly. Just, gee.
Anyway, waiting til they were asleep was not an option, so Spike's suggestion would have to do. This was the plan Braeburn really did not want to go through with. It would only work with him, though. The others were too masculine, not to say that Braeburn was not. Spike got the makeup that Twilight kept for who-knows-what occasions and generously applied it to Braeburn's face. After a few minutes, Braeburn had about a whole lipstick smeared onto his muzzle and mascara all over his eyes, he also wore the dress Twilight wore to The Grand Galloping Gala and a small purple bow in his hair.
They then sat him down and told him who he was.
“Alright, listen up, because I will only tell you once and you will only have one chance,” Doctor Hooves said, marching back and forth, “Your name is Priscilla Pop'n'lock. You will be wearing a dress, so they won't see your cutie mark. Your special talent is dancing. You are in heat, if they start asking you questions, respond with this, “Gee, I sure could go for some stallion intercourse right about now, amirite?” He said, imitating what he thought a mare sounded like. You will get in, add makeup and dresses to the two stallions we are getting. If there are more, which I doubt, you will all hide them under your dresses, disguise them as your big ol' booty, Do YOU UNDERSTAND ME?” Braeburn nodded, afraid to speak, “GOOD. The makeup does not have to be as good as yours, just something to get them by the mares, got it, Priscilla?”
'Priscilla' nodded, standing up. Braeburn turned and began walking to the door, “STOP. NO. WHAT IN TARTARUS DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING? You can NOT walk like that. You got to sway your hips. Show that you got da booty. Understood!?”
Braeburn nodded again and tried walking to the door, this time, exaggeratedly shaking his hips left and right with each step. Hooves nodded to himself, “perfect. You're ready, here is your saddlebag with your makeup and dresses. If worse comes to worse, there are condoms in there, too. You ready?”
“I... I guess so...,” Braeburn said, clearly not ready, “Good! Mac! The diversion!”
Macintosh, who was at the window, quietly slid it open. Spike tossed a book up in the air behind Mac, which he gave a strong buck. The book out of the library, breaking the glass of a small window pane across the street. Mac reared up on his hind legs, now wearing a floral shirt and his mane styled in a duck tail, “Lahk a glove!”
As the mares of 'The Library' searched the area for the source of the sound, Hooves quickly and quietly pushed Braeburn outside, locking the door behind him. Braeburn was now shaking something fierce. Mac watched from the window, oh no , he thought, he's freezin' up .
Braebun looked around, there were no mares in his vicinity. He dared to take a step, then another. Foal steps out the door, he thought, foal steps down the road.
Braeburn finally got moving, as he did he tried to casually canter down the road, looking very awkward. The mares had begun returning after finding nothing and he prayed to Celestia that they would not notice him.
“Hey, you!”
Oh puddin' pops
Braeburn stopped, “Yeah, you. What are you doing here?” Braeburn dared turn to look at who was yelling to him, it was the mare called Roseluck, one of the Flower sisters. Braeburn had to think quickly about his next course of action.
“Noooothin',” he said in an obnoxiously high voice.
“Nothing, eh? Are you from over in Discord's Alley or The Rainboom-Dome?”
Sweet Appleachia , He thought, they think I'm a mare!
“Ah just... came inta town, ahm new here! Yeah!” Braeburn felt quite proud of himself for coming up with an alibi so quickly.
“Well, terrific! Come on, I'll introduce you to the boss,” She said, gesturing with her hoof for him to follow her. Braeburn had no other option but to follow, they trotted down the road towards a large storefront that was once a store selling primarily quills and sofas. The mare rapped her hoof against the door. It opened a crack, revealing Rarity. Her face was covered with war paint and she wore a headband inscribed with the words 'Rut 'Em All'. She clearly does not take the heat too well.
“What do you want?” She hissed.
Roseluck looked nervously from Rarity to Braeburn, “Uh, I found a mare who just wandered into town, thought I should introduce her to the boss, ma'am”
Rarity looked at Braeburn, her eyebrows rose, “Dear sweet Celestia, what happened to your face, dear? Were you attacked by those ruffians of Rainbow Dash's?”
“Uh... eeyup! They were terrible!”
Rarity swung the door open, taking Braeburn by the hoof. They crossed the floor of the shop, to a door in the back. Rarity daintily knocked on the door with her hoof.
“Come in!”
They entered the back room, revealing Twilight Sparkle looking at maps and charts of the surrounding area. She was decked out in her magic tiara and a cloak, looking very menacing for something so nerdy.
“Twilight, dear, Roseluck found this poor mare who had wandered into town, she was brutalized by Rainbow Dash's goons! Isn't it just awful?”
Twilight quickly walked over to another map, one labeled 'Rainboom-Dome'. “Those dongs, I should have expected this. It's alright, miss, you're with us now. Rarity get, er, what's your name, miss?” She asked, never once looking at Braeburn.
“My name is Priscilla Poprocks,” Braeburn said quickly.
“Nice to meet you, I am Twilight Sparkle. Rarity, find a patrol to put Priscilla in. Nobody rides for free”
Rarity quickly brought Braeburn outside and hoofed him off to Cheerilee, who had become rather gruff in her heat. Cheerilee took Braeburn towards The Carousel Boutique, which was now where the patrols met and deployed. Cheerilee put Braeburn into a patrol that was being led by Bon-Bon. Their patrol was out around the border of 'The Library' territory, the closest Braeburn would get to their target.
“What was that?” Braeburn called, when they were as close as they would be to where Braeburn had to get to.
“What?” Asked a yellow mare with a blue mane.
“I heard something, it sounded like it had gonads! Over there!” Braeburn pointed, causing all 5 mares to go wide-eyed. Bon-Bon quickly looked around.
“Alright, split up and find him. Go!” The patrol suddenly dispersed, allowing Braeburn to dash away towards his destination. This involved Braeburn having to hop a small fence put in place by 'The Faction of The Sisterhood'. While Jumping it, he tore his dress, causing him to curse in applespeak, “Thunderation! Mah got'dern dress!”
Braeburn, by this time had completely lost sight of his patrol and was in Sisterhood territory. Back in 'The Library', Rarity was contemplating the newest member of their group. My word, that was one butch mare, She though, but what a fantastic dress she worse. As Rarity thought about the dress Priscilla wore, her eyes went wide with realization. That was Twilight's dress.
Rarity suddenly broke into a gallop to Twilight's command center. Barging straight in, she yelled “Who do you think you are, giving my dress I made you to some butch fillyfooler?!” Twilight jumped, she spun around, nearly causing her tiara to fall off.
“What are you talking about?!”
“Your dress. The one I made you for The Grand Galloping Gala. Priscilla was wearing it. How dare you .”
“Rarity, I gave nopony my dress, it is still in the library in my closet!”
Rarity felt very confused, was Twilight lying to her? Twilight was a terrible liar, so it was very unlikely.
“Well, maybe she stole it! That thief! We must find her and give her a savage talking to!”
Twilight went over to her friend and put a hoof on her shoulder, calming her. “Rarity, my dress is fine. It is in my closet. She could not have stolen it, anyway. The library is impenetrable until I remove the enchantment I put on it and there is no way anypony, including myself, can remove it until the heat is gone. And Spike certainly won't let any mares in, he knows what would happen.”
Rarity considered the facts, She is right, I am being silly. Spike wouldn't let any mares in, they would simply brutalize him . Rarity froze. Let no mares in. Mares. Holy rutting raincoats .
“We need to find Priscilla. Now.”
Withing minutes, the whole territory was on high alert for any cross dressers in beautiful gowns. They would not find one there, though as Braeburn had already escaped the territory and was at the door of his destination.
Knock, knock, knock.
He waited, nothing.
Knock, knock, knock.
Again, nothing.
He tried harder this time, KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK.
An obnoxiously high voice answered, “Nobody home but us chickens, bawk!” Braeburn stopped. He then heard a whisper, “really, you actually did that.”
KNOCK, BUCKING KNOCK, KNOCK.
“LET ME IN ALREADY, AH HAVE A DICK.”
The mail slot flipped open, a pair of gold eyes peered through the slot, “Prove it,” the stallion said incredulously. Another voice from inside said, “Thunderlane, no. Just open the door.”
The door swung open, revealing 2 pegasi stallions in defensive stances. Seeing Braeburn's makeup covered face, they shrunk back. Thunderlane even going so far as to gag. In the distance, Braeburn and the two stallions heard a commotion. Suddenly, there was a mare's voice, “WHO HAS A DICK?”
Braeburn lunged into the building, closing the door behind him. Thunderlane quickly went to the window, had they been seen? The mare who had yelled was Carrot Top, she was galloping around outside, looking for the source of the dick have-er. It was only a matter of minutes before all the mares in the territory knew that somebody had claimed having the downstairs mixup they wanted. A feverish search party was sent out, turning up nothing.
Ah don't think we'll be leavin' anytime soon , Braeburn thought.
Heat Wave (The Naughty-Bits Kind)
Day 4
Braeburn was right in his assumption that they would not be able to leave that night, the searches continued until the early hours of the morning. They quit their hunt, deciding that some mare from an opposing territory thought it would be funny to trick them into thinking there were males about.
Braeburn had been so emotionally exhausted from the events that transpired that he basically passed out on the floor half an hour after getting to the stallions holed up in the danger zone. Braeburn came to at about 2 in the morning. He wondered why they had not tried to rouse him, but when he yawned, he got his answer. An intense pain coursed through his face, causing him to yelp. His whole face throbbed in pain, he scrambled to his hooves. He galloped straight to the nearest mirror, gapping at the large bruise that covered the left side of his face. His entire jaw was swollen and he could hardly open it without whimpering in pain. The caked on makeup was still there, too, making him look like some battered boxer. He tried to curse, but it only resulted in pain and what sounded like “muffubupuh”
He plodded around the first floor of the house, looking for the gentlecolts who destroyed his face, not finding them, he went upstairs. They were seated near the window, the blue one looking out with a pair of large binoculars and sporting a bandage around his wing, the other leaning against the wall, looking bored. Braeburn stomped up to the stallions, clearing his throat.
The blue pegasi's ears perked up, “Hey, you're awake, that's aweSWEET CHEESE!” The stallion jumped back against the wall when he saw the mass of flesh that appeared to be some sort of a face. Thunderlane looked over to Braeburn and screamed, a high pitch scream that one would often associate with small fillies when confronted with Nightmare Moon. Thunderlane stared in horror at Braeburn's mangled muzzle, “We tried to wake him up too hard, Soarin! His face is applesauce!”
Hehe, Applesauce. But no time ta laugh about that now, Braeburn thought.
Soarin turned his head to the side and vomited, “My pie!” he cried, sadly looking at the vomit. He stuck his tongue out and inched closer to it, then thought better of it.
“Alright, what are we gonna do?” Thunderlane asked
“Wew habban bah tadah lububuhwuh,” Braeburn tried to say, flinching at the pain.
“Oh, right, your face. Let's get some ice on that.”
'Getting some ice on that' entailed having Braeburn sit in front of the icebox with his head inside, which for the most park was working. The swelling had gone down significantly and after washing the inches of makeup off his face, he did not look all too bad. The right side of his face was still significantly darker than the left and hurt like a mother when touched, but he could sufficiently talk.
“Welp, ow, ah think our next course o' action, ow, is ta somehow get back ta the library, ow. We got other stallions an' protection there, ouch. Here, any mare could just up an' walk in, y'all ain't got no barricades or nothin'!”
“We like to think that if we don't acknowledge it, nothing will happen,” Soarin said, matter-of-factly.
At that moment, they heard the front door smash open. Downstairs, 6 mares filed into the house. They were being led by the leader of that sector, Applejack. They all spread out and Applejack scanned the area, looking for be-cocked ponies. She pointed at one mare who was looking under a sofa.
“See what you did?” Thunderlane said, tsk-tsking Braeburn.
“You, check upstairs,” Applejack said to one of the mares, who saluted and trotted up the stairs.
The 3 stallions looked at each other, they then scattered. Thunderlane hid under a bed, Braeburn hid in the closet and Soarin hid behind the door leading into the room. The mare walked up to the door, pushing it open with a hoof. She looked around the room for any sign of life. As she looked to the bed, she noticed a tail poking out from the bottom of the bed, she smirked. She began casually cantering up to the bed.
“Oh no! It appears that there are no stallions up here! Darn my rotten luck, I guess I'll just have to–“
“Hoof Chop!”
Soarin's hoof chop hit the mare in the back of the head, knocking her out. She hit the ground with a 'Blerg'.
Applejack called from downstairs, “Everythin' alright up there, sugarcube?”
Soarin looked down at the unconscious mare.
Applejack stood at the base of the stairs, looking up through the open doorway. She heard the sound of hooves and from the side of the doorway, out poked the head of the mare who had went up there moments ago, her eyes closed.
“Oh yes, everything is just fine, nothing up here!” She said, somehow managing to say it without moving her mouth. Somehow, her voice had gotten much higher, too. Applejack blinked.
“Ifya say so!” Applejack said, walking away from the stairs, unbeknownst to the stallions and unconscious mare, she had quietly walked over to the rest of the mares.
In a harsh whispers, she said “There are stallions up there, ah can feel it in mah loins.”
They all looked back and forth, knowing what they had to do. They all began to whistle.
“Welp,” Applejack loudly said to nopony in particular, “Ah guess we'll be headin' out, then. We'll meetcha back at the center, ah s'ppose, seeee yaaaa” The mares all loudly stomped their hooves and progressively stomped them softer and softer, until they were standing still, silent.
Upstairs, Braeburn came out of the closet and Thunderlane crawled out from under the bed. Braeburn gathered them around and whispered, “ah'll go check ta see if it's clear”
They all nodded and Braeburn slowly descended the stairs, as he reached the bottom, he was suddenly jumped by sexually deprived mares who held him down as Applejack hogtied him.
“Applejack, stop, it's me, yah cousin Braeburn! Family don't go molestin' family!”
Applejack stuck her hoof in his mouth, silencing him, “Aw hush, it's prison rules, bitch,” With that, she threw Braeburn onto her back and trotted out of the house with him, the mares following her.
Soarin and Thunderlane watched this transpire with dropped jaws. After all was said and done and the mares were in the process of carrying Braeburn off, Soarin looked to Thunderlane.
“Is it clear or not?”
“You think we should g–“
“Nope.”
“You're probably right.”
“I'll miss the guy”
“Me too”
“Well, live and let live, I guess.”
“Yep.”
Back across town in the library, Doctor Hooves watched in silent shock. He had been surveilling Braeburn's progress for the last hour or so, nothing very interesting developing until now. He was thrown out of his shock by Mac tapping him on the shoulder.
“Howzit look?”
“Good! Fine, all is fine. Nothing new, really. Just normal not bad things that are all fine. Nothing to report,” Hooves forced a large smile. Mac shrugged and went back to his board game with Spike, they were playing Scrabble and Mac was still on his first turn.
Hooves sighed in relief, No way am I going out there into the thick of it to save that bumpkin. No way, Po-nay.
Soarin and Thunderlane were certainly torn up about Braeburn being swept away to certain fornication, but not so much as to risk their own hides to save him. They would follow with the original plan, though. Getting to the library.
Seeing as all the mares in Discord's Alley would definitely be wherever Applejack (and in turn Braeburn) would be, it would be relatively easy to escape the area and get to the library. They quickly packed their saddlebags, bringing only the essentials. Thunderlane packed a first aid kit and the binoculars, while Soarin packed a few pies and a scarf, in case it got cold.
They then silently slipped out of the house into the night. They quickly and silently made there way towards the library, it was a straight shot. They would be there within 2 minutes if they flew, but Soarin' wing was kerfuffled the previous day, so together, they crept through the darkness. Unnoticeable in the darkness, like tears in the rain, they reached the fence now separating the Discord's Alley from The Library. As they climbed over the fence a library patrol mare turned a corner, spotting the stallions.
The mare was Flitter, a pegasi. As soon as she knew that there were males near here, she broke into a sprint, charging surprisingly fast towards Soarin and Thunderlane. Thunderlane quickly pulled Soarin the rest of the way over the fence and unfolded his own wings. He lifted off the ground, ready to fly away, but looked back to Soarin, who's wing was still bandaged. Thunderlane quickly landed next to him and lowered himself towards the ground.
“Get on,” He said to Soarin, who quickly obliged. They lifted off the ground, unsteadily at first. Thunderlane groaned under the weight of another pony on him. I don't know why these mares think it's so great , he thought as he rose high off the ground. He then leaned forward, moving as fast as one could with their entire weight on their back. They were moving, but not fast enough to outrun/fly Flitter. They needed something else, something to stop her in her tracks.
“The pie!” Thunderlane said to himself. He turned his head to Soarin, “You need to hit her with a pie”
“What!? No way! These are my pies, they are all I have left!” He cried, clutching the saddlebag.
“It's the pie or your junk, dude”
Soarin looked terribly conflicted, but flipped his saddlebag open, nonetheless. He withdrew an apple pie and looked at it, then to the mare following them. A single tear rolled down his cheek as he brought the pie to his face and kissed it goodbye, passionately
“Goddess-speed, you bold baked good,” He said, letting it slip from his grasp.
The pie plummeted toward the ground, on a collision course with Flitter. She watched the pie get closer to her, “What in tartarus... Sweet dongs and Wobbegongs!”
The pie struck her square in the face, knocking her onto her back, her legs flailing wildly.
Soarin morned for his pie, “Do not go gentle into that good night,” he whispered as he shed silent tears.
The duo managed to fly the rest of the way to the library, staying out of sight the entire time. When they reached the library, they descended onto the balcony. Thunderlane tapped on the glass door.
Spike, who was in the middle of laying down his word in Scrabble, heard a hoof rapping on the balcony door, he quickly looked up, seeing it to be a stallion. He quickly jogged to the door, as he was too chunkers to run. He undid the latch and let them in, Thunderlane's legs giving out from under him.
Back from whence they came, a debate was about to begin.
When Applejack had brought Braeburn back to her ponies, he was thrown into a makeshift cage. The cage was placed next to a podium. Applejack stood behind the podium, now wearing a top hat. She flipped it off her head and held it in her hoof, rooting around inside of it. She pulled out a slip of paper, on it was her name.
“Well, looky here! Ah guess ah'll be the one to have mah way with 'em first!”
A rabble rose from the crowd about her picking her own name. Colgate climbed up behind the podium as well, taking the hat from Applejack. She pulled another slip of paper out, it also saying 'Applejack'. So did the next slip, and the next slip.
“I knew it! You are a terrible liar, Applejack. How could you cheat?”
“Aw, shucks. Y'all know it's prison rules!”
“Screw that, AJ. If you're gonna cheat, we might as well just fight for it!”
It? Braeburn thought
“If'n y'all wanna have ourselves a fight, then we'll have ourselves a fight!” Applejack yelled, cracking her neck.
Colgate got up in Applejack's face, “Fine. You. Me. Dawn. The field of battle!”
At that, the two separated; and with them, the whole crowd, not really worrying about when they would have a chance to copulate with their new prisoner.
As they dispersed, Braeburn sighed in relief. He was safe for one more night, but tomorrow, one way or another, he will be severely dehydrated. He would spend the next few hours sending prayers to the goddesses Celestia and Luna and the older gods who Braeburn knew little of, but the Necronomicon spoke of in volumes, another book he found in the library.
Braeburn would eventually doze off into an uneasy sleep, fearful of what (and who) would come.
Heat Wave (The Naughty-Bits Kind)
Day 5
The two new residents of the Ponyville library had passed out shortly after getting to the library, both from exhaustion, both physical and emotional. Mac had tried to rouse them, but to no avail. Mac was not one for getting too emotional, but knowing that his cousin was out in a metaphorical minefield (the mines looking suspiciously like genitalia), he was getting increasingly more worried with every passing minute. Soarin and Thunderlane did not awake until daylight, at which, they were immediately set upon by Mac, demanding answers as to where his cousin had vanished to.
The two were more than a bit afraid to talk to the hulking stallion, knowing that if they told him that they simply let the mares carry him off, they would probably never walk again. They both agreed to tell Mac a partial truth.
“On our way here, everything was going fine until, uh...”
“Attacked! By mares that were disguised as–“
“Lampposts! And we fought off as many as we could...”
“But there were too many”
“And your cousin sacrificed himself so we could get away.”
“That is what happened,” They concluded, nodding their heads in unison.
Mac at them both, knowing that he was being lied to, “Welp, let's go git 'em, then.”
It was Doctor Hooves turn to spout pony pies, “Weeeell, let's not get ahead of ourselves, Macintosh. I think it is a crying shame that Braeburn got got by those mares, but if we go on some suicide mission to try and rescue him, sure, it would be noble, but futile. So, I think it is best if we keep on keeping on, maybe get out of Ponyville, get out of dodge. Head to Canterlot, maybe. They aren't in heat, are they?”
This was something they had not previously considered, 'Is Ponyville the only place this is going on?' It was wholly possible that Canterlot, too was in heat. Perhaps all of Equestria. It would explain why Celestia was yet to descend upon a golden chariot to whisk the stallions out of harm's way.
Mac would have none of it, either way.
“Nah hold yer us, we ain't hangin' mah cousin out ta dry like that. He is mah kin and ah'll have none a' it! Ah'll go by mahself if ah gotta.”
Hooves quickly went to Mac's side, “Macintosh, I know you are full of emotions and I can understand that, but you must think rationally! What will them capturing you accomplish, huh?”
Mac scowled, He trotted down the stairs and Hooves followed, “Ahm goin' ta get mah cousin.”
“HOOF CHOP!”
“Wha–“
Mac's vision went black as he was struck unconscious by a well placed hoof chop to the back of the neck. Hooves did not want to get into the thick of it, he wanted neither for Mac, as well.
Back across the way, in a cage, Braeburn pined for his home. Ah never shoulda came out here, tha's fer sure, He thought, none-a this kinda craziness happened out in AAAAAAAAAAPPALOOSA!
In the distance, Braeburn heard the sounds of cheering. The mares were cheering on whoever they wanted to win the hoof fight between Applejack and Colgate. There were cheers and cried of dismay at lost bits and the 'ooh's that followed a particularly painful looking hit. Every mare in the area was at the fight, except for one mare who sat leaning against the disused podium, singing a song that sounded vaguely familiar to Braeburn
“Sometimes IIIIiiIIII fantasiiiiiize, when there's only mares around me and there is no dude to mount me–,” her song was cut off short as a rock landed on her head, knocking her out cold. At the abrupt end to the song, Braeburn looked up, seeing a hooded figure on a rooftop. The figure quickly descended a drainpipe, landing next to Braeburn's prison.
As Braeburn's guard went unconscious, Macintosh Apple had just regained his consciousness. He woke tied to the sofa, thick ropes wrapping around the sofa to keep him pinned. The stallions were afraid that he would be able to break through them easily, but they held.
“Nah, y'all let me outta here! I gotta go find Braeburn!”
Turning from the small huddle the stallions and dragon were in, Hooves turned to look at Mac, he sighed, “Macintosh, it has already been established, Braeburn is gone, we are moving on. We are discussing who else may be in town, of the male persuasion. If you would like to join us, you may.”
Mac harrumphed at Hooves, turning his head away to look at nothing in particular.
“Very well, we shall discuss this without you. Where were we, so, who do we know is in town?”
Thunderlane looked at a piece of paper in his hooves, spitting a quill out of his mouth, “There's Mac, Braeburn (who is gone, which is sad), Hooves, Thunderlane (me!), Soarin, Spike (he doesn't count, though), Noteworthy, Cranky Doodle Donkey, Mr. Cake (never mind, he is out of town), Filthy Rich, Davenport, Hugh Jelly, Snowflake and Caramel"
“Caramel ?” Braeburn asked, shocked to see him.
Caramel smiled at him, “Yeah, it's me! I saw you get brought into town, I had to save you.”
Braeburn smiled back at him, “Golly, a right kindly thing-a ya to do for somepony ya only've known for a few days!”
Caramel took the key from the mare, unlocking Braeburn's cage. He suddenly brought Braeburn into a hug, “It's the least I can do for the stallion I love,” he said.
Braeburn's eyes went wide, “Sorry, wut?”
Before he could react, Caramel kissed him full on the lips, not in a 'hey-brony-howya-doing-good-to-see-you-oh-you-got-something-on-your-lips kind of kiss, but a romantic, passionate kiss. Braeburn fell to his haunches and mumbled something to himself.
Caramel's ears twitched, “What was that, love?”
Braeburn wore a far away look in his eyes, “Tha's gay caramel”
Before the conversation had a chance to continue, the far away cheering began to get louder, not from more action, but because the crowd was moving. The fight must have ended and that meant one pony was coming back to start a sexscapade that would last until either all the mares in the area were satisfied or Braeburn died. Needless to say, they quickly got out of there, Caramel leading Braeburn into a small house. Caramel turned to a door and opened it, inside were coats and hats and other pony clothing that would not be worn anyway. He pushed them out of the way and rapped his hoof on the back of the closet. He waited a moment, then Braeburn saw a small slot slide open, revealing a pair of eyes, “Can you come in here?”
Caramel looked around behind him to ensure that there was nobody eavesdropping of the female variety. “I've got a wiener, let me in there,” he said, enunciating everything, making it sound obviously like some passphrase to allow him entrance. There was the sound of a lock clicking open and the back of the closet became a door, creaking open.
They both trotted up the hidden staircase, entering a room with a large wooden table in the center, on it was a map of Ponyville. Surrounding the table were three stallions and one donkey.
Caramel cleared his throat and gestured to each of the ponies (and donkeys) as he introduced them, “This is Cranky, Noteworthy, Davenport and Filthy Rich.”
Braeburn walked over to Noteworthy, shaking his hoof, “Good ta see ya didn't get got, thoughtya mighta when ah saw some mare grabbin' up on yer tail.”
Note worthy shuttered at the memory, “No, no I made it out of there, alright. Wasn't easy, but I did”
“Well, ahm glad ta see that ya did,” Braeburn turned to look at the other stallions, the one with the collar and tie on looking quite familiar, “Don't ah know you? Y'all buy zap apples from mah kin, dontcha?”
Filthy Rich smiled at him, “Indeed I do, my good man, my little Diamond Tiara just loves them ever so much,” he said, smiling when he thought of his daughter.
That made Braeburn think, he hadn't seen one colt or filly since the heat began, where had they all gone off to?
“uh, Mister Filthy, where is yer daughter?”
Filthy Rich thought for a moment, unsure, “Well, all the young ones were in school, so I would think that the school mare would have led them somewhere before taking off after the first stallion she saw, my best bet would be the town panic shelter. The mares have no interest in little ones, thank Celestia.”
Braeburn's eyebrows rose, “There is a panic shelter?”
“Of course, the town had it built after the first four times the town was destroyed,” he said, as if it should be obvious.
“Well, ah s'ppose that makes sense, where is it?”
“Under town hall, of course. The mares are probably guarding it, don't want little colts and fillies running around in this den of vice and misery, I would hope.”
With that, Braeburn lost interest. He looked to the map, seeing it had been drawn on to show how the town was now divided into. The area under the control of Rainbow Dash having been shaded black.
“Why's this here part all black like?” He asked, curiously.
Davenport, a light brown stallion with a slicked back chestnut mane stepped up to the map. Slamming his hoof down on the black area.
“That is a dead zone. Off limits. We stay out of there no matter what. We already lost a stallion in there going after another, we have not scouted out the area, we don't know what could be going on in there. You've seen the walls they've built, those bitches are high. The walls. Are quite high.”
In truth, Braeburn had not thought about it too much, but the walls of the 'Rainboom-Dome' had been built up rather high. He certainly had not seen into the area when taken by Applejack. From what he had heard from Davenport, it was not an area he wanted to visit any time soon.
“So, what's the plan, then? How ya wanna get outta here?”
The other stallions looked at each other, Cranky decided to speak up, “We aren't getting out of here, kid. We are staying put until this all blows over. There is no way to get out of here!”
Somewhere inside the Rainboom-Dome, Pinkie pulled a piano out of Hammerspace and played a dramatic sting.
In 'The Library', there had been an all out search through the area, turning up nothing stallion-wise, but a mare with a face full of apple pie had plenty to tell of two pegasi who she had seen crossing over from Discord's Alley. Since then, Twilight had been in her study, analyzing maps of Discord's Alley and reading back to herself a transcript of a description of the two stallions from the pied mare.
If I only had access to the town records , She thought, I could know who in town matches that description, but those total plot-points of Rainbow's would never let me have them. And could what Rarity said be true? Could they be in the library? Spike would never do that to me, but I can't know for sure.
Twilight decided that she had to know, she left her headquarters, a first for her in the last few days. She trotted to the library, preparing for what would happen. She knocked on the door, knowing it would be locked. She waited, soon she heard the sound of approaching feet-things.
“Who is it?” Spike called.
“Spike, it's Twilight, can you open the door, please?”
“No way, Twi. You're in heat, I don't want you anywhere near my biz.”
Oh Celestia , She thought, he knows that much about heat?
Spike looked back to the stallions in the library with him, them stopping their game of Uno to nervously watch Spike. They all shook their heads 'no', “Of course, Twilight, you said not to let anypony in here!”
“Do you promise, Spike?”
“Of course!”
I don't want to have to do this to you, Spike. You have given me no choice, “Do you... Pinkie Promise?”
Spike froze, he knew what would happen if he broke the Pinkie Promise. He looked back to the stallions in distress. They shrugged, not knowing what to do.
“Did you say.... Parchment Promise?”
“No, Spike. I said Pinkie Promise”
“Pancreas Promise?
“Pinkie Promise!”
“Patriot Promise?”
“PINKIE PROMISE,” she yelled into the door.
“PIN-code promise? Stay out of my bank account!”
“I. Said. PINKIE.”
“Pillion?”
“GHA. Fine, whatever. Eat some Lapis, it is good for hearing,” She said, before trotting away in a huff.
Spike sighed in relief, falling back onto his rump. The stallions all relaxed, Thunderlane playing a red 6. They all laughed together, celebrating their avoidance of the possible uncovering. With Celestia's help, they could hopefully stay there for another 15 days without having to deal with a siege. The only issue that was arising was a steadily increasing deficiency of food on the premises.
Mac was still tied to the sofa, finally beginning to feel weary of staying on the coach all day, “hey fellas, how about ya set me loose, ey?”
Thunderlane and Soarin looked between themselves while Hooves trotted over to him, eying him suspiciously, “And you have given up on your plan of going out there?”
Mac nodded as best he could.
Hooves suddenly had a bright smile on his face, “wonderful! Then join us in our game, I am destroying these chumps,” He said, laughing as he untied Macintosh. Mac rolled off the sofa. He stood up and stretched, his joints cracking and popping.
“The only chump 'round here is you. HOOF CHOP,” He yelled, chopping Hooves in the forehead.
Instead of knocking him unconscious with the chop, it sent his head rocketing into the floor, cracking the floorboard he hit, but he was unconscious, so mission accomplished, I suppose. The two un-assaulted stallions stared wide-eyed and drop-jawed at what they just witnessed. Spike shook his head, “Is it just me or is somebody always unconscious around here?”
Heat Wave (The Naughty-Bits Kind)
Day 6
There were now two different groups of hidden stallions. One in Discord's Alley and one in The Library. Discord's Alley's penis-bearing ponies had made Braeburn comfortable and allowed him to sleep through the rest of the day, knowing that he had narrowly escape a horrible fate. They managed to sleep as little as possible, sticking to 4 hours apiece. When he awoke, it took him a few moments to remember where he was and when he did, all the events of the previous day came flooding back to him. For some reason, the most prominent memory from the previous day was not him meeting new people or a daring escape, but being kissed by Caramel. Braeburn then remembered what Caramel had said moments before, He loves me? But imma stallion... that means...that Caramel is... a mare! He thought, slightly panicking, wait... mah brain's workin' again... he's one a them...he's one-a them colt-cuddlers! …Maybe if ah jus' ignore it it'll go away.
Although the makeshift bed Braeburn slept in was not the most comfortable thing he had ever felt, it was a whole lot better than running like his life depended on it. Braeburn could feel his brain developing scars with each passing day. Another hour or two in bed was well deserved, he felt. Hopefully, he would be able to ride out the rest of this damnable heat without having to go out into the hell that was outside. It was not as if it was a time he would have to wake up, it being so early in the morning.
All this passin' out can not be good for me
As he wiggled around to get comfortable, Cranky trotted into the small room that Braeburn was residing in.
“Alright Sleeping Beauty, time to go,” he called, pulling the thin blanket off of him.
Braeburn was on his hooves in moments, “Whoa, there pardner, wha's the rush?”
“Caramel springing you has made this place unsafe. We got to get out of here and to another hideout,” with that, Cranky left without waiting for a response.
Braeburn was in a whirl, he trotted into the main room. The table had been dismantled and the map was nowhere to be seen. The ponies who had taken up residence there were all packed and ready to go, Caramel donning his cloak and Noteworthy wearing a fedora. Filthy Rich's collar and tie were nowhere to be seen, wearing a saddlepack in it's stead.
Caramel smiled at Braeburn, “It's time to go!”
Braeburn was sure to keep a bit of distance from Caramel, “So, uh, where we goin' so early?”
“We are going to go patrolling for a new hideout, best time to do it, let's get a move on,” He said, turning to the staircase. The stallions trotted down the stairs one by one, climbing out of the closet and slipping out into the early morning.
!---~~~---~~~Itsa---~~~---~~~scene---~~~---~~~---~~~break---~~~---~~~!
Macintosh had spent the night planning. He had worked until only a few hours before sunrise planning a method of attack for how he would recover Braeburn. Mac had Spike look to see if there was a map to be found of the surrounding area and sure enough, there was. It was a bit dated, but still had most of the buildings that stood in their same locations. Mac marked up on the map the new items, including the walls and where belonged to whom and to where they could go, knowing them safe.
He also had worked out a very rough plan of attack, as he had no real knowledge of what they would find in Discord's Alley. He did not know how many mares were in the area, nor where Braeburn would be, but Braeburn was in there somewhere, and he would find him. He was in Discord's Alley, that was all Mac needed to know.
!---~~~---~~~another---~~~---~~~scene---~~~---~~~---~~~break?---~~~---~~~!
Braeburn was no longer in Discord's Alley; Caramel and company had spent a few hours of the morning stealthily navigating their way through the treacherous territory. They had evaded the observant eyes of Applejack through the use of disguise, agility and mustaches. Though they had not done it purposely, they had found their way into The Rainboom-Dome
While avoiding a particularly large patrol, they slipped into a three story building, hoping that they would go unnoticed. One mare had indeed noticed them sneak in, alerting the others, who quickly and ravenously followed them, gaining on them with ever moment. They soon reached the roof, with their pursuers nipping at their tails. It quickly turned into a standoff, the mares inching closer with lust in their eyes.
The mares burst into a sprint at the stallions, who in turn ran off the top of the building in a panic, flailing their limbs and screaming as they went over a high wall that was built behind the building.
As the stallions plummeted to the ground, the mares ran to the edge of the building, peering down at them. They lay strewn about the ground, like a foal's toys. One of the mares looked to the others, “Oh Tartarus, they're dead! We got to get out of here! I don't want to have to explain to Applejack that we killed the only guys around”
The mares all fled the scene of the crime, below, the dead ponies began to pick themselves off the ground and moaning about how much pain they were in.
Filthy Rich rolled off of Cranky Doodle, who remained on the ground, a continuous groan emanating deep from within him, “I think. I broke. my toupee,” he croaked, shakily rising from the ground, his toupee splitting in half on his head.
Caramel helped Noteworthy off the ground as he looked around the area. Upon seeing the high wall they had just thrown themselves over, a realization struck him. Mouth agape, he looked out onto the area. Many of the buildings had been torn apart for material to build the walls, leaving only the skeletons of houses and businesses, the floors the only surfaces remaining intact.
As the rest of the company collected themselves, they looked out to see where Caramel was looking. They all mimicked his face, understanding where they were. They also took note of the crudely drawn signs that read, 'We don't care, get with a mare,' followed by a smiley face.
Braeburn spoke, “Ah don't think we're in Ponyville anymore”
!---~~~---~~~meet single---~~~---~~~scene breaks---~~~---~~~---~~~in your area---~~~---~~~!
Mac had gathered his fellow stallions, the two of them who were unrestrained, at least. Hooves was still tied down, but awake. He wasn't too talkative, but he certainly was showing his distaste in Mac leaving to find Braeburn.
“I HATE THIS,” Hooves yelled, the same phrase he had been sporadically yelling for the past hour or so.
Mac sighed, “Ahm gonna hoof chop ya 'gain if ya don't stop with yer hee-hawin'”
That shut Hooves up rather quickly as Thunderlane and Soarin prepared to leave. They had both agreed to go with Mac, partially due to them being frightened of being hoof chopped by him. The main reason for their participation was the guilt they were feeling over letting Braeburn get captured.
“Spike, will ya watch him while we're out? We'll be back soon,” Mac said,
Spike, who was busying himself with a box of Frosted Fire Rubies, looked up. With a mouth full of gems, he said, “'ure 'hing”
The three stallions then put on some cloaks that Spike had fashioned them out of some curtains. At least Spike had picked up something from all that time he spent fawning over Rarity.
The newly-cloaked ponies then quietly left the Library.
Author's Note
Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears; I am sorry that this chapter is so short. And kinda poorly written. It was written as a last minute rush to give you guys one more chapter. AND I am sorry that I won't be able to publish any new chapters for a week, I will be without access to the internet. I will have my laptop, though, so I shall keep writing. Hopefully, I shall have a few new chapters I can dump when I get back.
Farewell! God knows when we shall meet again! (Next week)
Heat Wave (The Naughty-Bits Kind)
Day 7
Mac and company had left the library and braced themselves for the worst. Surprisingly, they managed to get through 'The Library' quite easily, almost as if all the mares were elsewhere. They managed to get through the area without seeing a single mare.
Mus' be the sneaky cloaks , Mac thought to himself.
The hard part came when they entered Discord's Alley. The patrols were upped and the mares were on high alert, searching everywhere they could. Mac and his fellows had to perform a few hoof chops to get their way through the territory, silently creeping towards the center of the area and into the proverbial lion's den.
They had reached the heart of Discord's Alley after a good half hour, expecting a den of sex and stallion-held misery. Their findings of no such events taking place puzzled them. Perhaps they had him locked up somewhere.
As Mac signaled for his cohorts to follow him, they overheard the sounds of conversation. They quickly scurried under a stage that had been used for public speakers back in the day, back in the day being a week ago. As they hid, Thunderlane noticed the opened cage next to the platform. Nudging Mac, he whispered as quietly as he could muster, “Maaaac, look at thiiiiis”
Mac was preoccupied, though. He was intently listening to the conversation of the mares passing by, a patrol of 5. They were speaking in hushed, nervous tones to each other.
“But what if we were quick to assume?”
“No way. We all saw them fall and we saw them all scattered on the ground like that. There is no way those stallions could be alive. Either way, we can't keep talking about this!”
“But Raindrop, we killed them! It is our fault they are dead! Do you know what happens to mares who kill stallions? They don't get laid, murder is usually a pretty big turn off!”
“I don't think they are dead. There would have been a big ruckus from those ponies of Rainbow Dash's if they found dead stallions in their area.”
“Fracas,” one of them said, the last audible part of the conversation that Mac could hear.
Mac looked to his companions, who were both intently staring at Macintosh. They were probably waiting to see what he would do next or where they'd have to go now.
Mac sighed and rubbed his temples with his hoofs, “Welp, we're headin' into the next terr'tory over”
Soarin looked uncertain, “Mac, you heard them, Braeburn could be crazy dead!”
“Ah don't care anymore. Le's jus' go find him. Don't care if he's live or not, we'll jus' get him.”
The other members of his company were beginning to have very strong worries about Mac, all this strain could not be good for him. He did not even seem to care when he found out his cousin (and others?) may be dead. But, rather than talk about it, they just followed Mac, afraid of what would happen if they were to call him out on it.
!---~~~---~~~stop.---~~~---~~~scene break.---~~~---~~~---~~~and listen.---~~~---~~~!
Back in the library, Twilight Sparkle was giving a speech. A speech on her certainty of betrayal by her very own assistant, Spike. She backed this up with many facts and statistics she had gathered over the past few days.
She spoke to her underlings over the stack of papers that was her speech, “In conclusion, as can be seen on page 128 in the handouts I have passed around that due to the uncertainty in Spike's voice and the avoidance of the Pinkie Promise by way of pretending he did not hear me, I am certain that what he says, that Spike is alone in the library, is to be false. From this and the facts presented on page 29 in the handout, we can gather that the only other creatures that could be in the library are stallions. This is why I prepose we siege the library and acquire said stallions. Though magically protected, the defense shield protecting the library should collapse with the combined force from every mare in the area. So, what do you say?”
Twilight looked out to the mares she was speaking to, most of whom had fallen asleep or lost interest after the first half hour. One mare, Rarity, stood up, trotted to the podium that Twilight stood at and spoke, “Hey, everypony! There are stallions at the library!”
The sleeping and bored mares suddenly came to attention as they tore from the seating area, like a brutal wave from the stormy sea. They charged towards the library, which came into view in moments. As they made their horny way, one of the occupants of the library heard something.
“What is that...?” Spike said, looking up from his comic book.
Doctor Hooves, still tied to the sofa, turned his head the best he could, “I don't hear anything.”
“No, no, I hear something. Sounds like thunder, ya hear it?”
Hooves listened for a moment, picking up on the increasingly loud rumble, “Oh yeah! I do! Huh, might be in for a spot of bad weather. You should untie me.”
Spike shook his head, “Sorry, dude. No can do,” Spike said, waddling over into the kitchen, opening the bottom cabinets.
“I'm gonna make something to eat, what do you want?”
“You mean I have a say in it?”
“Sure, I guess. I could ma-okay, this is so loud, what is with this noise?”
At that, the herd of mares slammed into the front of the library, causing the protective spell to burst like a bubble, shaking the library violently. The door smashed to pieces, splinters flying all over, the wave of mares pouring into the library.
Spike jumped, “AH! KEEP YOUR HOOVES OFF MY DRAKE GEMS,” He cried, pulling a pan out from the cabinet. He jumped into the pan, blowing fire into it, causing it to fly back up, engulfing him. Spike suddenly dematerialized into smoke, flying into the air and out the window.
Hooves stared in horror, unable to move (due to him being shocked, but also, he was tied town), looking at the dozens of mares staring back at him. He gulped. Then, they pounced on to sofa, the mare-mass swallowing it whole.
Over the roar of the mares, the pitiful cry from a stallion feebly rang out.
!---~~~---~~~Hello, is it---~~~---~~~scene breaks---~~~---~~~---~~~you're looking for?---~~~---~~~!
Braeburn's merry males had silently found shelter in a torn up house. The house was lacking a whole wall, but was still mostly intact, for the time being. The mares of the territory had been tearing apart homes and businesses to build up their great wall to keep out any intruders, using any materials they had to spare.
They constructed a ramshackle wall to keep out peeping toms, using floorboards from the upper level and a door. They did not have any amenities or beds, but they had shelter. They had tacked up the map against the new wall and plotted where they would go in silver marker, over the black.
Never once did Davenport stop grumbling about how they should not be there, “This is so bad. This is very freaking bad. We are in deep doo-doo, for sure. What are we doing going into there? We need to find a way out of here...”
Cranky Doodle Donkey had had about enough of his negative attitude, snapping at him, once again, “Will you SHUT UP!?”
Davenport promptly complied. Cranky was, as his name so elegantly put it, a cranky donkey. He had always been, and in situations with such astronomical levels of stress as this, he was not a nice donkey. He became as vicious as Nightmare Moon and quick to conflict.
Noteworthy put a hoof on Cranky's shoulder, pulling him into a hug, “Just hug it out,” he calmly said, “Just hug all the feelings out”
Cranky pushed him away, “I don't need your hugs.”
“Everypony needs hugs,” he said, matter-of-factly.
The stallions had decided to sleep for a few hours, getting as much sleep as they could. Sleep was a rather difficult thing to come by when you're always on guard. They all hunkered down in a large blanket that Filthy Rich had pulled from his saddle bag, not having enough room to pack bedding for every stallion.
They all laid down in a line, the order going: Filthy Rich, Noteworthy, Cranky, Caramel and Braeburn.
Braeburn had tried to not be next to Caramel, feeling a tad uncomfortable sleeping next to him, but sure as sugar, Caramel had trotted right over and plopped his self down next to Braeburn. The night had gone on mostly without incident. Mostly.
In the dead of night, Braeburn woke to find a pair of hooves wrapped around his chest and a head nuzzling up to him. The head and hooves belonging to none other than Caramel.
“Caramel. What are ya doin'...?”
“Shhh, let it happen.”
“Please let go of me.”
“Hold me closer tiny dancer”
“What?”
“Count the headlights on the highway”
“ah don't know what those are”
“I been 'fraid of changing 'cause I built my life around you”
“ah've known ya fer a few weeks.”
“I'm referencing something”
“Am ah asleep?”
“We are the music makers, we are the dreamers of dreams”
“Please stop.”
Heat Wave (The Naughty-Bits Kind)
Day 8
Braeburn awoke with a start. He quickly looked around, seeing everypony else was up and preparing to move.
Was last night a dream?
He turned his eyes to Caramel, remembering the odd scene in grainy black and white. He shivered at the memory. Not wanting to dwell on the subject, he rose from the ground, cracking his neck as he went. The ponies he was with were ready to go, and being without anything, he was too. They soon set out from their makeshift headquarters towards the center of the territory.
Noteworthy suddenly spoke up, “Why are we even heading into the heart of this place?”
Caramel abruptly stopped and looked at Noteworthy, “To get out friends, if you do not recall,” he said, a bit more caustically than necessary.
Braeburn remembered the two stallions he had heard about, never returning from the area they were now in, the thought of what might have happened to them frightening Braeburn.
Though they were all terribly nervous, they trotted onward. They had been rather stealthy so far, but they were yet to see a single mare since they entered the area, something seemed wrong.
Cranky turned to his fellow dudes, “Maybe they're dead?”
Filthy Rich shook his head, “I know it is good to be hopeful, but I doubt you can die of sexual depravation...”
“I say splitsies to scout the area,” Caramel said, nodding his head in agreement to what he just said.
“How splitsies?” Asked Noteworthy
Caramel looked as if he was in mad-deep contemplation, “Cranky, Filthy, Davenport and Noteworthy as one group and Braeburn and myself as a second group. Yes.”
“That is good splitsies,” said Noteworthy, approving of the groups.
Braeburn tried to concocts some reason for the group to remain together, or at least so Braeburn could be in a different group, Hmmm 'hapse ah could pretend ta twist mah ankle an' then we would have'ta stay tagether. Nah, maybe ah ought to ju – It was then that Braeburn realized that the groups had already split up and had been walking alone with Caramel for a few minutes, Well shiiiiiet. Guess tha's no backsies on the splitsies than. This ain't good, nuh-uh. Some creepy kinda gay biz is gonna go down, ah know it.
Braeburn flicked his eyes to Caramel, who was trotting next to him.
Ahm over reactin ', He though, he ain't gonna jus' try somethin' out here, that'd be crazy!
Braeburn flicked his eyes to Caramel once more, then sighed in relief. He was just being silly.
Caramel cleared his throat, “Ahem~ Make eyes at me all you want, but you should know we can't do anything out here! We're on a scouting mission, we can't just do that!”
“UM”
“Ah, who am I kidding, I can't say no to you!” He mock-cried, throwing himself against Braeburn, pressing him up against the nearest wall, his hot breath on Braeburn's neck, “I'm sorry we haven't been able to do any gay stuff, so much running, difficult to find the time for romance!”
“UM,” I AM UNCOMFORTABLE WITH THE SITUATION I AM IN.
“Oh, don't be coy, cowboy, you know you want this dude butt~”
Caramel reared up on his hind legs, placing one on each side of Braeburn's head, giving him nowhere to escape, “Why so quiet? Come here, I'll give you something to talk about,” He said, adding a wink. He then pulled Braeburn down onto the ground with him, landing right on top of Caramel.
As Braeburn tried to get up off the ground and Caramel, the second half of their scouting group turned the corner. The four stopped to stare at Braeburn, seemingly on top of Caramel with one hoof on each side of Caramel's head.
Filthy Rich was the first to speak up, “What is going on here!?”
Caramel scrambled out from under Braeburn, dusting himself off, “Ah, dude. Braeburn's trying to seduce me or something. He got all on top of me, like I'm some kinda colt-cuddler or something”
Noteworthy looked at Braeburn, “Dude, that is SO GAY.”
Davenport agreed, “Yep, pretty gay.”
Braeburn starred at them all in disbelief, I AM THE GAY ONE?
He sputtered, “But-Ah-nah!”
The others finally broke down laughing, wiping tears away and stomping their hoofs in amusement. All of this left Braeburn very confused.
“AHAHAHAHahahaaaaa! Wow, that went on for a while! That was a good one. That's enough I think, right guys?” Caramel asked, the others agreeing with him.
Braeburn looked back and forth between the four of them, “W....what!?”
“It's just something we do when we find somebody new, it's pretty funny, just a bit of hazing,” Filthy said, still smiling broadly.
Caramel shook his head, “Ah, I can't believe you thought I was gay”
“Eh, we didn't get him as good as Noteworthy,” Cranky said.
“True, true, it's gone much farther” Said Filthy.
“Oh yeah,” Caramel said, “Noteworthy actually sucked my dick!”
Noteworthy laughed, “Yeah, I totally did, they sure got me good! You shoulda seen the egg and other stuff on my face!”
Braeburn's brain had ceased functioning and, for the first time that day, he passed out.
!---~~~---~~~The Great---~~~---~~~American---~~~---~~~---~~~Scene Break---~~~---~~~!
Back at the wall, Mac and his two compatriots had found their way into The Rainboom Dome. Mac, still not giving a damn about anything anymore, it would seem, bucked his way in. He kicked off a metal sheet that was haphazardly nailed to the wall. The trio climbed through it and into the foreign land, marveling at how barren it looked.
Mac snorted, “Right, le's move.”
They moved for a short while before they spotted the makeshift HQ of their lost friend and company. They quickly and quietly snuck over, looking to see if there was anypony there. Seeing nothing, they relaxed.
Entering, the first thing they noticed was the map still tacked up. If this was still here, an invaluable item, then they must intent to come back this way. Mac studied the map, seeing the drawn paths and marked pieces.
“If they got got, they're probably at town hall, ah reckon,” Mac said. Without waiting for a response, he began towards town hall, Soarin and Thunderlane soon following.
Not worrying about sneaking or the like, Mac made it to town hall in a matter of minutes. He frustratedly plodded up the small stairs to the door, opened it and marched right in, Soarin and Thunderlane quickly followed him inside. All was dark, but in the darkness was a rustling, then a blur of pink. Suddenly, a voice from nowhere and everywhere said, “Surprise!”
As the lights flicked on, revealing dozens of mares, their collective vision went black as the pink mass screeched, “ YYYAAA –PUNCH IN THE FACE!” managing to hit all three in the face somehow, knocking them out.
!---~~~---~~~The Good---~~~---~~~The Bad---~~~---~~~---~~~The Scene Break---~~~---~~~!
Cranky had been stuck with carrying Braeburn's unconscious body, grumbling about it the entire time, “Ya know, I'm not your pack-mule.”
Noteworthy smiled at that, “Yes, but we can't carry him!”
Cranky frowned, “Well, Why not?”
“Because,” Davenport said, “We don't wanna”
Caramel had led the troupe through the area, not finding any inhabitants. They had lowered their guard, now entering different establishments, gathering up food and drink. They contemplated the whereabouts of their associates.
“Probably dead,” muttered Cranky, the others agreed, feeling disheartened from finding absolutely nothing.
“Well, we must keep looking!” Declared Caramel.
They split up into pairs, each searching one building. Caramel went with Filthy Rich and Davenport went with Cranky.
Davenport and Cranky, who was sporting a beautiful saddle that looked suspiciously like an unconscious Braeburn, entered a home. They split up, Davenport searching the first floor and Cranky searching the second.
As Cranky went through the few rooms on the second floor, he passed by a closet. When he did, he heard a quiet sound, hardly noticeable. His ear twitched at it and he turned towards the closet. As he reached for the knob, the door swung open and a small orange mass leapt at his face.
“HOOF TO THE FACE!” It cried, hitting Cranky in the muzzle.
He grunted and brought a hoof to his muzzle, rubbing it. He looked at the mass that had just attacked his face, it was a small orange filly with a purple mane.
“Jeez kid, that hurt.”
The filly looked at him, “Hey, you aren't one of those crazy ponies!”
“Yeah, what are you doing here?”
“Hiding from those crazy ponies,” She said, as if it should be obvious, which it kind of was.
“Well, you probably ought to come with us, I guess,” Cranky said, turning towards the door.
Cranky trotted down the stairs with the filly in tow, she sided up next to him, “So, what's your name? Mine's Scootaloo!”
“Cranky,” He grunted.
“So, what is with the crazy ponies?” She asked.
“Heat.”
“Why?”
“Because it happens once a year.”
“Why?”
“Because they gotta have foals”
“Why?”
“so there can keep being ponies”
“Why?”
“because Equestria needs ponies?”
“Why?”
“So we can control the weather and whatnot”
“Why?”
“Because the weather doesn't control it's self”
“Why?”
“Because clouds are inherently magical and can't be controlled by anything non-magical”
“Why?”
“Because they were created by the goddesses themselves”
“Why?”
“Because ponies needed rain to water their crops.”
“Why?”
“Because plants need water for photosynthesis”
“Why?”
“because photosynthesis is a cycle and without water, it would not work”
“Why?”
“because water is necessary for all life”
“Why?”
“because cells and junk”
“Why?”
“because they can't run off of apple juice and candy”
“Why?”
“because too much sugar”
“Why?”
“because if your body can't use all the sugar for energy, it turns to fat, for ponies at least.”
“Why?”
“because it doesn't have anywhere to go”
“Why?”
“because your body has a limit to how much sugar it can turn to energy”
“Why?”
“because ponies have limitations.”
“Why?”
“because if we didn't, we would destroy ourselves”
“Why?”
“because we wouldn't know how to use being limitless appropriately “
“Why?”
“because we have not evolved to have no limits to our bodies, so we just wouldn't, I dunno”
“Why?”
“because not enough time has passed for us to evolve? I dunno.”
“Why?”
“because time is linear.”
“Why?”
“because if it wasn't, all kinds of weird shit would happen.”
“Why?”
“'cause, uh, because if it could just go from 1000 years ago to now, we would have things from 1000 years ago now and nothing in the middle, making where the 1000 years ago end up non-existent. Yeah”
“Why?”
“because time has to pass for change to occur”
“Why?”
“because Punctuated Equilibrium is a load of garbage.”
“Why?”
“because a pony can't be one way for one generation then drastically different the next!”
“Why?”
“because nature wouldn't allow it.”
“Why?”
“BECAUSE. some things just can't happen.”
“Why?”
“Because some things can and some things can not.”
“Why?”
“BECAUSE IF THINGS THAT CAN NOT BE WERE TO BE, THEN THERE WOULD BE A TON OF SHIT WE DON'T WANT. OK?”
“Why?”
“Because if things that could not be were to suddenly be able to be, then anything could be, like, rocks with wings that tap-dance and that is impossible.”
“Why?”
“Because rocks are inanimate objects and can neither grow wings, nor tap-dance.”
“Why?”
“I just explained that.”
“Why?”
“BECAUSE YOU ASKED?”
“Why?”
“BECAUSE YOU ARE A NOSY LITTLE SHIT, I GUESS.”
“Why?”
“blame your parents.”
“Why?”
“genes?”
“I prefer chinos”
“what? Why?”
“this bit's gone on long enough,” Scootaloo said.
Cranky then realized that they had walked outside and down the road and into a new building to search by the time she had finished her questions. A very confused looking Davenport was with them.
!---~~~---~~~I just can't---~~~---~~~Get a break---~~~---~~~---~~~A SCENE Break---~~~---~~~!
Back at the library, an amethyst eye watched through a telescope as a small purple dragon ran for his life, and after him, a rumbling like thunder. (DUN. DUN. DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN)
Author's Note
Finally! I managed to finish a new chapter. There. Read it.
Q: Why did Braeburn pass out?
Heat Wave (The Naughty-Bits Kind)
This is totally a chapter
The characters continued to do what they were doing
Author's Note
I'm back, bitch
Heat Wave (The Naughty-Bits Kind)
Day 9 (previously unreleased)
Author's Note
Welp, what I expected would be a few weeks before I got back into writing has not changed. BUT I found that I had a draft of what would be the "Day 9" chapter. So I took a quick read through and fuck it. Here, have it. Maybe I will come back and edit it later, but maybe not.
Day 9 (previously unreleased)
Day 9
Big Mac's vision slowly came back to him. Everything was a blur, akin to an overexposed photograph. Slowly, he could feel his limbs again and his hearing came back to him, ringing. As he composed himself, he felt strange. He felt some odd feeling, like pressure pushing up against him, but not a physical pressure from a tangible object. He then recalled the feeling from his younger days that he spent climbing apple trees with his cousins.
Shit, ahm hangin' upside down, he thought, looking around. His vision was clear enough to tell that he was indeed hanging upside down. He had been hogtied and was now hanging by a rope. To his sides were Thunderlane and Soarin. Both were still unconscious, but Soarin had begun to stir. It was a few minutes before Soarin came to. When he did, he began to panic.
“Where are we?! Oh Celestia, what are they going to do to us?! Why can't I feel my fingers!?!”
“Calm down! We're gonna be just fine. I ain't gonna let anythin' happen to ya, alright?” Mac said, trying to stop his panicking.
Soarin, who was on the verge of hyperventilating, looked at him, “You promise? You promise you won't let anything happen to me?!”
Mac nodded, “Ah promise”
Soarin sighed and stopped his squirming. Mac breathed a sigh of relief and looked around. They were in a room that had been turned into a sort of dungeon, as ramshackle of one it may be. It seemed to be a cellar, presumably that of the town hall.
Mac's ears rose as he heard clattering. It was the pulling of chains. They listened for a minute before the door at the top of the stairs flung open. Light showed from upstairs and revealed a shadow. A very poofy shadow. It hopped down the stairs, revealing the pink mare. She spunkily trotted up to the three ponies with a wide smile on her face that stretched, quite literally, from ear to ear.
“Hiya!” She chirped, “It's me! Pinkie Pie! It was me in the last chapter who Judo-punched your faces! So, I'll be letting you know about what is happening later on in this chapter. Okay, so, it's like this, the mares and I are making everything nice for you fellas and we are going to bring you all up and do the mommy/daddy pants (or lack thereof) dance! It's going to be swell! We got a nice bottle of Chablis, some Barry White, it'll be awesome! So, I'll come back in a few minutes to get you colts and then we're going to ravish your genitals! Okie-dokie, be back before you can say “no means no!”
With that, Pinkie turned around and scampered up the stairs to continue preparation for the looming sexy time. Mac looked around the room for a way they could escape, spying nothing but a rather small window and the stairs leading to the mares that surely littered the upper level. Mac looked to the rope that tied him. He looked over to Soarin, as well.
“Ah've got an idea”
Soarin looked at him, smiling, “You do? That's great! What is it?”
“Eat the ropes,” He said, gesturing with his head to his bound hooves.
“...w-what?”
“Eat. These. Ropes. Bite through 'em.”
Soarin looked at him, dumbfounded, “I can't eat through ropes!”
Mac sighed heavily, “Sure ya can, just think they're somethin' else”
Soarin looked terribly unsure, “Like what?”
“How 'bout pie?”
Soarin's heart skipped a beat at the mention of pie. He swallowed hard and nodded. He could do this, “Alright, I'll try.”
Mac smiled brightly, “Thank ya, ah'm sure you can do it”
Soarin looked at the ropes binding Mac's hooves, they were pretty thick. Like, pretty thick. They were thick. Soarin began wiggling. As he wiggled, he began to swing, slightly. He continued to until he had a good bit of movement going. He then treated the situation like he was on a swing-set, leaning into it when he went towards Mac and leaning back when away. Soon, he was inches away from Mac's ropes. One last swing and he was there. He flew back, away from Mac, almost colliding with the wall. Then, in slow motion, he came back to Mac, leaning up and clenching his teeth down on his ropes. As he continued to swing back, Mac was pulled with him, stopping them both in the middle.
“Good job! Now all ya gotta do is get through these here ropes!”
Soarin began to chew the ropes, they were so frickin' thick. Like, damn those are some thick ropes. By far the thickest ropes that Soarin had ever chewed on. Soarin ground his teeth, beginning to fray the rope.
“Come on, ah believe in ya! It's just like pie. Real thick, dry pie.”
Soarin began to pull on the rope, which was firmly clenched between his molars. He tugged and bit down as hard as he could. The rope began to give to his stallion teeth. As it frayed even more, he quickened his pace, fiercely yanking at it, violently thrashing his head. The ropes strained and with one last grinding of his teeth and a twist, the ropes snapped.
Mac feel to the ground, landing with an thud. Mac struggled for a moment before he freed his limbs. He rose from the ground, sighing with relief. He then made quick work of freeing Soarin and then Thunderlane, who still managed to be unconscious.
Soarin went over to Thunderlane and gave him a hard hoofslap to the face, “YOU NEED. TO WAKE. UP.”
Thunderlane snorted and flailed his limps. He whipped his head around, “What is happening!?”
Mac cracked his neck and sighed. He looked around the room. How can we git outta here? The small window was indeed still too small for escaping through and the only other exit was the stairs. Ah guess any port inna storm. “Follow me”
Soarin and Thunderlane watched as Mac went up the stairs, turned around and bucked the cellar door off it's hinges, splintering the door frame. Soarin and Thunderlane both yelped and followed after Mac. The three entered the main floor and ran through the room screaming.
They charged past the bed with rose petals on it. They charged past the boombox playing “Can't Get Enough of Your Love, Babe”. They charged past the candle-lit dinner. As they neared a door, they ran through a small wire near the floor and a net came up from the ground, trapping them all. They squirmed around, trying to escape.
Pinkie ran up to the net, gesticulating grandly to the other mares, “See? I tooooold you this would come in handy!” She turned her attention to the stallions, “You should NOT have done that, that is just rude. We made everything all nice and then you try to leave!? Hurtful. Now we'll have to do this in the next chapter. PUNCH IN THE FACE.”
The punches hit all but one of them in the face. Expecting a punch in the face, Mac countered it by putting his hoof up. Pinkie's punch landing squarely in the middle of it. There was silence, then a crack. Mac's hoof split right down the middle. His jaw clenched as he made a whine that was far too high for him and then let out a scream that could wake the dead.
Pinkie shrank back, “Oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no”
Mac lifted himself up off the ground, gritting his teeth so hard that they threatened to crack. He threw the two unconscious companions onto his back and charged out of the building, dragging the net along with him with little regard for breaking anything. He crashed through the door, sending it splintering and charged down the stairs and into the night.
Pinkie watched the stallion as he fled. She then turned to the other mares in the room, dumbstruck at what had occurred.
“Don't worry. I'll bring 'em back.”
She was suddenly wearing sunglasses.
