Why Ponies Shouldn't Talk

"Um, what's your name?" asks Derpy.

"My name is Mark, Mark Wallburge."

Derpy giggles. "That's a funny name."

"Um, yeah? Around here it's a pretty normal name."

"Where I'm from," Derpy says, "ponies have names like Dazzle Flash, or Burst Fire, not Mark. What does that even mean?"

"Well, I'm not a pony." I thought she would have figured that out just by looking at me.

"Hmm..." Derpy inspects me. I feel a bit sheepish while she looks at me. It's not that I don't mind the attention. It's just, she's a girl and I don't talk to many girls; in fact, I don't talk to anybody since my friend moved away. Wait, did I say Derpy is a girl? I have to get these thoughts out of my head. She's a pony, nothing more. But then, why do I feel so nervous around her? "Hey, Mark?"

"Huh, yeah?"

"You've been staring at me for a while." I don't know if there's something off with the lighting in the room or if I'm just seeing things, but it looks like Derpy is blushing.

"Um, sorry. I was lost in thought. How's your head?" I stand back and sit down on the opposite couch.

"Better," says Derpy. "Um, I never told you my name."

"Oh, I know who you are."

"Really? How?"

"I... uh." Uh-oh, now what? I can't tell her she's a fictional character in my world. Who knows how she'll react? "Um, the Doctor told me."

Derpy gasps. "You spoke to the Doctor? Where is he by the way? Is he hurt?"

Double uh-oh, how can I be so stupid? Derpy is really close to Doctor Whooves. I would have been better telling her she is a made-up character in a show. "Um, never mind, just tell me your name."

"What? But you just said you knew my name."

"I-I meant to say--"

"What happened to the Doctor?" Derpy's eyes tear up. She knows I'm hiding something from her and she's expecting to hear the worst.

"I... um... how's your head?" Yeah, I suck at talking to people, I mean ponies, I mean... I don't know what I mean anymore.

Derpy steps off the couch and walks towards me. "Mark, please tell me." Her voice quivers at what I might say. Her tone is so innocent, so scared of what really happened. I don't think I can break it to her. I think my own eyes water up, but I can't tell because my heart is beating so fast; it's monotonous rhythm drowns out all my other feelings. Derpy sees a tear fall down my cheek. "He's dead, isn't he?"

Am I crying? These are ponies, not meant to be real. Can it be I actually feel something for them? I don't want to see Derpy cry just like I don't want to see a close friend cry. I may have only known Derpy for a couple of hours--most of which she was unconscious--but I see her in the show. I feel like that's enough to make her seem real. Good story telling can make any character seem real, even though they're just pixels moving on a screen or words scribbled on a page.

I look at my feet. Next to my shoes, I see Derpy's hooves and some water drops falling next to them. I glance up at the ceiling thinking the rain outside damaged the roof and is leaking in, but all I see is a flawless, white ceiling. I hear Derpy sobbing, still waiting for a response although my actions are the ones that give away the answer. I really want to comfort Derpy, put my hand on her head, stroke her mane, tell her that everything is okay, but I don't, I can't. As she breaks down, so do I. Her grief is contagious. It hits me like an arrow piercing my heart.

Derpy collapses on the floor, staining it with her tears. I look at her, my own tears joining hers. "Um--" I rub my eyes "--I can help you get home, back to Equestria. Doctor Whooves left some blueprints for a teleporter."

Derpy continues crying as if she doesn't hear me. I don't blame her. The shock of losing someone close to you can render you lifeless. I felt it when my only friend moved away. He didn't die, so I can only assume what Derpy feels right now is ten times worse than what I felt. What can make her feel better? I don't know. I never knew how to cheer someone up when they're this down. What makes me feel better?

I look at my DVR. Even in the worse of days, there is one thing that makes me feel like it's all okay. It got me through the loss of my friend and many things after. I reach for the TV remote and turn it on. The screen flashes blues as it waits for further orders. I turn on the DVR and flip through the episodes I have on there. Finding my favorite one, I set it to play.

Pinkie Pie jumps onto the screen. She puts on sweat bands and a head band as if she's going to run a marathon. She goes about stretching and practicing some facial expressions. Derpy's ears perk up and she looks at the TV. I think it's working; Derpy isn't sobbing anymore though her eyes are still watery. A thought makes me realize what I did is the right thing. If Derpy sees how much she misses Equestria, then maybe she'll actually want to go back.

Back in the show, Pinkie tries her best to make the baby Cakes laugh, but she fails, the two foals thinking she's just plain weird. Out of breath, Pinkie Pie sits down, landing on some metal jacks. The sudden jolt sends her flying to a ceiling fan. She spins and spins around the fan. It rejects her by tossing her into a pile of toys. Pound Cake and Pumpkin Cake finally laugh. Seeing she did what she hoped to accomplish, Pinkie Pie says," Nailed it," and the opening begins to play.