Welcome to Ponyville -- Now GO HOME!

by Mike the Red

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Slice of Life, Human, Alternate Universe
Length: 4954

OC Amethyst Shadow encounters human visitors to Equestria -- and tries to discourage them from staying or meeting the Mane Six.

Alternate Universe Spin-off sequel to "Children of Chaos."

It has been a few years since Amethyst Shadow was welcomed to Ponyville, but there is a new threat – Humans have been making their way in sometimes rather odd fashion to Equestria. How this has happened is quite mysterious, so the dark purple unicorn has been tasked with encountering them, engaging them in discussion, and ultimately returning them to their respective home worlds.

Usually, there's no trouble. Sometimes, there is.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-08-22 04:29:37 UTC

Oh No, Not Another One!

     It was Twilight who woke Amethyst Shadow from her slumber this morning, though in a rather hurried matter.

     "Ammy, my magic senses have detected a disturbance -- somewhere between my house and Fluttershy's cottage -- I think we have another human visitor!  Wake up!  Please!" the librarian practically shouted at her housemate, trying desperately to roust her from her bed.

     "Mmm, c'mon, Twi, give me a little more time, please," the dark purple mare muttered in her half-sleep state before she turned over onto her other side and pulled the cover over her head with her magic.

     "Ammy!  A HUMAN is coming!  Wake up!" Twilight shouted, using her magic to amplify her voice, and forcefully nudging the purple mare until she finally flipped the cover off almost angrily in frustration.

      "They never pick a decent time to show up, do they?  Okay, Twi, I'm on it," grumbled Amethyst.  She rose from the bed to her hooves and magicked her mane and tail into some semblance of order before heading down the stairs and out the front door of the Golden Oaks Library, which had been her home for the past four years.  She and Twilight had built up a strong friendship, sharing the duties and responsibilities of the library.

     -------------------------------------

     About two years ago, humans started turning up in Equestria, and Princess Celestia had become rather concerned by their sudden appearance.  Initially, she was content to welcome new visitors to her realm, but when one human decided to become violent and express his frustration through the use of violence against her little ponies, she decided to create an expulsion force, appointing ponies in various locations throughout all Equestria to deal with human visitors.  Amethyst Shadow had been the perfect candidate for this job in Ponyville, owing to her past life as a human.

     "You should be able to connect with them far better than any of my little ponies can," the Solar Princess had told her.  "So I hereby request you return them as soon as they arrive to their worlds, wherever those may be.  I desire no more human visitors, no matter how benevolent they may appear."

     The purple mare was taught the spell needed to return the unwanted visitors and tasked with intercepting them before they caused trouble.

     ----------------------------

     Amethyst trotted leisurely towards Fluttershy's cottage and spotted her quarry relatively quickly.  A rather lanky tan-skinned human with dark brown hair was approaching, a smile plastered on his face when he caught sight of the purple mare.  He quickened his pace, eager to meet her.  She frowned in response, narrowing her eyes and lowering her ears.  Her horn started glowing ever so faintly with a pale red aura.  She was too far away from him to hear him, but she saw his mouth turn into a circle as he mouthed the word, "Whoa."

     "Halt, human!  What brings you here?" she asked sternly, attempting to give her voice an air of authority.  He had slowed his pace a little, but still managed to come close enough to hear her clearly.

      "Where's Twilight?  I tried to say hi to Fluttershy, but she panicked," he said, expressing puzzlement.

      "You have no business being here.  Where did you come from?  And NO, you may not visit Twilight!" she stated, maintaining an icy chill to her voice.

      "But, but, I just got here!" he protested.

      "And now you're leaving," she replied flatly, lighting her horn to ready the spell.  He was enveloped in her pale blue aura and disappeared, but not before he asked, "Why?"

     Satisfied with her work, she turned around and trotted back to the library.  The early morning sunlight cast a soft glow to the town, though the purple mare couldn't care less about that.  She was still tired and was determined to get a little more sleep before breakfast.  She entered the library, closing the door behind her and trudged back up the stairs to the guest room, which had now become hers.

     "Come on, Ammy, breakfast is waiting!" Spike called from the kitchen.  The purple mare groaned audibly, knowing she wasn't going to get any more sleep until that night.  She trudged into the kitchen, Twilight and Spike already sitting at the table and eating their food.

     "I take it you sent him back," the lavender mare mused.  "That didn't take long!"

     "I have no patience for these humans any more.  More than 50 of them have come here during the past two years -- I have no idea how it started happening.  Have you had any luck locating the source of the problem?"

     "I've gone through every book I can find on the subject, Ammy -- I have talked with Princess Celestia about it and she doesn't seem to have any answers, either.  I'm afraid to find out who's really responsible for this, but until then, I guess you have to keep sending them back," Twilight replied, grinning sheepishly.

     "Ugh!  I was afraid you'd say that, Twi.  I've half a mind to start toying with them, though her Majesty wouldn't approve of that.  I used to talk to them longer, to find out a little more about each one -- but their stories are almost always the same!  They either made a wish, or they created some device, they found a genie, they found a magic book, they --"

     "I've heard this too many times.  I remember the first one you brought here -- he went all ga-ga over me and I had to magically restrain him.  Perhaps I should send a letter to Princess Celestia to see if we can send a stronger message to those humans who seem bent on coming here."

     "I hope she gives me a little more latitude to deal with them ... more effectively," the purple mare mused, flashing a mischievous grin.

Night Visitor

     The rest of the day continued uneventfully -- truthfully, humans didn't show up all that frequently, but they had a tendency to arrive in bunches, with relatively lengthy stretches of time before another wave of them would arrive.  Amethyst had dreaded the appearance of another human, as it meant there would be more to come.  They had a brief discussion over dinner on possible strategies.

     "How many more are going to come this time?  The last time we had a stretch of human visitors, it was one right after another -- fourteen times!  I thought we'd be done with them by now," the purple mare complained loudly.

     "I don't know, Ammy.  The Princess is working on this problem as well, but we haven't made any progress.  I'd be tempted to ask Discord, but ... I don't want to deal with him," the lavender mare mused, practically shuddering upon mentioning the dragonequus by name.

     "Hmm, you may be right.  I might have to go have a talk with him myself," the purple mare said pensively.  She seemed to strike a thoughtful pose as she rubbed her chin with her right forehoof.

      "I'd be careful about that, Ammy.  You never know what he might do."  The librarian seemed to cringe at the thought that her housemate would contemplate the idea of talking to the God of Chaos, despite the fact that the purple mare had faced him down before and showed no fear of him.

      "Well, I'll give it some consideration, Twi.  I think if anypony might have an answer, it'd be him, though I doubt he'd have anything constructive to do about it -- and if he's responsible for opening a portal to allow them to visit, well ... I'd hate to be in his hooves or feet or whatever it is he walks around on."

      "Your power is no match for his!  Ammy, why do you say these things?" asked a flabbergasted Twilight.

      "Relax, Twi, I'm just going to lecture him on such foolishness," the purple mare chuckled.  "Jeez, you act like he's some kind of god or something."

      "But he IS, Ammy!  Have you any idea of what he can really do?"

      "I know full well his capabilities, Twi.  I won't threaten him -- that'd be very foolish on my part.  I just want some answers, that's all.  I don't know how much I can trust him, though -- I wonder how EJ and Stephanie would react to seeing him."

     "Oh, Ammy.  You know he's not their real father -- you told me the sperm donor was a royal guardspony."

     "Yeah, but he was their surrogate father -- he took them out of my arms after I gave birth to both of them.  I'm still quite bitter about that, Twi -- and that's another issue I'd like to bring up with him."

      "You told me it was somepony pretending to be him!  What's he going to think, being accused of tricking you into having foals for him?"

      The purple mare hung her head.  "Yeah, I know.  This Discord isn't the same as the one I ran into on my home world.  Even so, the appearance is virtually identical.  I don't know how well connected he is to his counterparts across dimensional barriers or whatnot, but I think, as far as my son and daughter are concerned, his appearance might make them happy."

      Twilight chuckled at the irony.  "I'd be curious to see his reaction to them cheerfully cantering up to him," she mused.

      The purple mare laughed softly at the idea.  "I'm pretty sure he'd be shocked at first, but then maybe he has a soft spot -- I don't know.  They still think he's their father, though.  Then again, he might get upset over it, so I doubt bringing them with me would be all that helpful.  I'll have to sleep on that for the time being."

      "If you're going to talk to Discord, at least be very careful, Ammy," the librarian cautioned.

      "Indeed I will, Twi.  Good-night, I'm going to get some rest," the purple mare stated, yawning a little before trotting upstairs to her room.  Twilight stayed up a bit later, getting caught up on some of her reading, though she silently pondered the problem that was plaguing Equestria.  She re-read a certain book on humans for the sixteenth time, hoping that she might have overlooked a key detail which might unlock the solution to the problem.  A few hours later, she trotted off to bed herself, her dragon assistant already having gone to bed about the same time Amethyst had done so.

      -------------------------------------------

     It was during the middle of the night that another human visitor arrived in Ponyville, but this time the visitor had arrived in Twilight's bed.  Loud screaming coming from the librarian's room awoke Amethyst with a start.  She rose to her hooves quickly and entered the room, turning on the lights, and was shocked by what she saw: a dark-skinned female human who bore a very strong resemblance to a woman the purple mare had once known when she was a human.

     Twilight, the female human, and Spike took turns shouting "AAAAAHH!" at each other, causing Amethyst to shake her head and chuckle at the irony of the situation.

     "Brenda?  How did you get here?" the purple mare asked.  All three of them stopped shouting and stood in stunned silence.

     "How do you know who I am?  What are you?  Where am I?" asked the dark-skinned woman.

     "Amethyst -- you KNOW this human?" asked Twilight.

     "Why'd she show up here in Twilight's room?" asked Spike.

     "One at a time, Twi, Spike, Brenda.  If you must know, Brenda, I was once married to you in a past life," the dark purple mare grinned.  "Twi, she was my wife -- a looong time ago.  Spike, your guess is as good as mine.  Humans have a very annoying tendency to show up in random areas when they're sent or travel here.  Brenda, you have landed in Equestria, more specifically, Ponyville.  The fact that you landed in Twilight's room is extremely disconcerting."

     "I don't know you!  How the Hell do you claim to be married to me?" asked a flabbergasted Brenda.

     "My story is long and convoluted, Brenda, and I don't really have time to tell you all the details.  Is your husband's name Michael Walker?" the purple mare asked.

    "I never married him!  We've been living together for more than 20 years!  Don't tell me you used to be him!"

    "Yeah, it's true.  That was quite a long time ago -- about nine years or so, if I'm not mistaken."

     "But ... you're ... female?  How did you ..."

     "Princess Celestia did this for me about four years ago.  I've been living with Twilight here for those four years."

     "But that doesn't make nine years," mused Brenda.

     "The first four or five years I spent living in a copy of Twilight's body and had a couple of foals," the purple mare responded.

     "You mean you had ... babies?!" Brenda asked incredulously.

     "Ammy, are you going to send her back home?" asked Spike.  "She's making me a little nervous."

     "Spike, I need to talk to her a bit longer.  I haven't seen her in about nine years, so I hope you might understand my reluctance to return her so soon."  Twilight was taking notes while this exchange between the purple mare and the woman was taking place.

     "Don't mind me, I'm just taking notes," grinned Twilight.

     "So what are you?  You didn't answer me!"

     "I'm a pony -- more specifically, a unicorn.  So is Twilight over here," the purple mare stated, pointing her right forehoof at the librarian.  "Spike is a dragon, though he's still in the very early stages of his life.  Hey, Spike, how long is it going to take before you reach full maturity as a dragon?"

     "Princess Celestia said it might be a hundred years or so," the little drake replied.  "I'll keep on growing as long as I live and that may be as many as forty centuries!"

     "I didn't think dragons lived that long," Brenda mused.

     "How long do you think we live?" he asked, showing a little surprise.

     "I dunno -- a thousand years, perhaps?' she replied, though her words underscored her uncertainty.

     "But even a thousand years is a long time," Twilight noted.  "We ponies don't live that long -- only Alicorns do, and there are only three of them that I know of -- Princess Celestia, Princess Luna, and Princess Cadance."

     "I'm still curious to know how you got here, Brenda," the purple mare stated flatly.

     "I'd like to know how it happened, too!  Last night, I laid down to sleep, then I found myself here!  I wanna go back home!"

     "Ammy, I'm curious to know more about her," the librarian mused.

     "I can fill you in on some of those details, Twi.  I will grant her wish and send her back home."

     "It's nice to know you're good for something," Brenda stated somewhat sarcastically.

     "On second thought, maybe we can let her stay so you can get some information from her," Amethyst responded, her words taking on an icy tone.

     "Look, please just send me back home -- okay?  I don't wanna spend any more time here than I have to!"

     "Ammy, wait!  Let me talk to her for awhile!"

     "Twi, there's nothing you need to know from her -- she needs to go back home, and that's where I'm sending her now."  The purple mare lit her horn and enveloped the dark-skinned woman in a pale blue aura and teleported her back to her home world.  "Look, Twi, I'm sorry.  There's too much baggage between me and her, and I'm not in the mood to have her hanging around here.  Besides, I've been charged with returning them and frankly, she spent too much time here for my taste.  Add to that, I need to get some more sleep -- and so do you!" the purple mare grinned, then turned tail and returned to her bed.

     "Ammy, I'm going to ask you a lot of questions about her!  We're going to spend tomorrow talking about her!" the librarian called through her closed door.  Spike had already curled back up in his basket and fallen asleep.

Another Violent One

     There was a very loud "whooshing" noise that roared off in the distance, which caused Amethyst to gaze at the sky to determine its path.  There seemed to be a dark-colored ball-shaped object of undetermined size as it arced towards the Everfree, smashing through several trees and skidding to a stop.  It left burning debris in its path on the ground, the trees surrounding it having been bent and broken, charred, or otherwise still on fire.  The dark purple mare galloped quickly to investigate, and noticing some trees on fire quickly summoned some rain clouds to douse the flames.  A hatch seemed to open from the top of the nearly black sphere and an odd bipedal creature exited, though whether or not it was a human was another question entirely.

     He was clad in an over-sized black space-suit, covering his entire body except for his head, the garb matching the ship's exterior.  He wore a face plated helmet, making it difficult to ascertain his intent.  An odd sounding beeping came from somewhere and a language unfamiliar to Amethyst was being spoken by male and female voices.

He must have remote communication with a home base somewhere, the purple mare thought.  I wonder what his intentions are.  She cast a language translation spell in order to understand what this being was saying and what he was being told.

     "Atmospheric readings show optimum composition.  I should be able to remove my helmet and breathe normally," stated the male voice.

     "Be prepared for anything -- suggest you defray plans of conquest until further hostile threat is confirmed," came the female voice.  Amethyst frowned in disapproval and used a language conversion spell on the being, who interpreted it immediately as an attack.  He readied a weapon closely resembling a military assault rifle.

     "You!  Halt your attack immediately!" he shouted.  He leveled his weapon, aiming it directly at her.  Without further hesitation, he squeezed the trigger, unleashing a hail of bullets, which impacted the ground where she had been standing.  She had teleported directly behind him and turned his weapon from metal into wood, rendering it useless.

     "You must immediately stop your hostility!" she shouted at him.  "I cast a language translation spell on you so you could understand my speech!"

     He whirled around to see her standing about ten feet behind him and readied a knife-blade from his glove, which she immediately transmuted into wood.  "What are you?  How are you able to do this?" he asked, examining what had happened to his weapons.

     "I am a unicorn and I can wield magic.  Your hostility is unwelcome in Equestria.  I don't care who or what you are, but I am going to send you back whence you came," she replied, enveloping him in her purple aura, casting the return teleportation spell on him.  His form flickered a few times but for some strange reason, the spell failed.  He removed his helmet and grinned at the dark purple mare.

     "My turn now," he chuckled as he readied another weapon, only to stare at it in shock when it too was turned into wood.  "Stop doing that!  Let me kill you properly!" he shouted.

     "I don't understand why my attempt to return you failed.  I will have to contact Princess Celestia about this," she mused softly, refusing to address him with her comment.  She faced him as he approached her slowly, the suit impeding swift movement.  "You are hereby ordered to cease and desist from further hostility.  If I cannot return you to your home world peacefully, I have authorization to use lethal force against you.  You can either surrender peacefully, or we can do this the hard way."

     He refused to answer her demand and removed his suit.  He too was a human, standing nearly six feet tall.  He appeared to be a lightly tan-skinned man about 30 years old, his jet-black hair close-cropped to his head and shaved to the skin along the sides and back.  His eyes were a steely blueish-grey and very narrow, looking somewhat beady.  He showed about three days growth of beard stubble and Amethyst could detect faint traces of alcohol on his breath as her sense of smell was that keen.  His form was somewhat slender with a some muscular development, though his body was mostly covered with a black skin-suit as well.  He took a fighting stance to ready himself against any attack she might use against him.

     "Well, soldier?  What's it going to be?" she asked, her voice showing great irritation.  "I have more important things to do today than deal with more human intruders."

     "I am Podgorny Sarovich from Almaty, Kazakhstan!  I have been sent to conquer this land!  I will not be stopped!"

     "You have been sent from the greatest county in the world?  Princess Celestia would be highly amused," the purple mare chuckled.  "Be that as it may, I cannot allow anyone to besiege this land with plans of conquest."

     "I will bring more with me!  We will take this land as our own!  You and all your kind must die!" he shouted, glaring angrily at the unicorn.  He was quickly enveloped in a blue aura and hit with a freezing spell.

     "You will wait here while I contact Princess Celestia.  I'm sure she's going to be quite upset with you," the mare responded.  "Why it is you resist my teleport spell befuddles me."  The mare teleported to the Library to meet up with Twilight.  The librarian was puzzled by her housemate's worried expression.

     "What's wrong, Ammy?  Did you deal with that human?"

     "He resisted my teleport spell -- I can't seem to return him to his home world.  I need to contact Princess Celestia about this."

     "Spike!  Take a letter!"

     "Right on it, Twi.  Shoot!" the dragon exclaimed cheerfully.  Twilight dictated a letter detailing the human's arrival and Amethyst's subsequent attempt to return him, an attempt which proved futile, and requesting the Alicorn's assistance with the issue.  Within moments of Spike sending the letter via his dragon breath, the Solar Princess teleported to meet them.

     "Amethyst, where is this human who resisted your spell?  This is most unusual," the Alicorn mused.

     "Your Majesty, he is not far from the Everfree -- his spaceship landed there.  He exited his vehicle and attempted to shoot me with a weapon which fires metal projectiles at a very high rate of speed.  I tried to teleport him back to his home world, but ended up subduing him when that attempt failed."

     "I can sense his location.  Twilight, I would appreciate you joining us for this little visit.  This should be somewhat amusing."

     "Princess, I believe I have seen more humans in the past few years than I ever want to see again," the librarian complained.  "They hold no interest for me anymore."

     "Twilight, my faithful student, I implore you to accompany us.  I shall show you how I deal with those who resist us," the Alicorn grinned.  "I give you permission to follow my example.  These humans have become quite bothersome, so I feel confident in trusting your judgement of them.  If they give you trouble, you are entitled to show them no mercy.  Their numbers, from what I've been told, are virtually endless."

     The lavender unicorn gave a slight smile upon hearing this and joined her housemate along with the Alicorn as she teleported the three of them to the human's location.  He was still under the effect of the freeze spell, though it was beginning to show signs of wearing off.

     "How long did you freeze him for?" asked Twilight.

     "Fifteen minutes -- I figured that would be enough time to get Princess Celestia's advice or assistance to deal with him properly.  He says he's from some place called Kazakhstan, so he speaks a foreign tongue.  I suggest you use a language translation spell, though I have already cast one on myself and him as well.  Oh, his name is Podgorny, by the way."

    "What a strange name," mused Celestia.

     "With humans, there are many who have strange names," the dark purple mare chuckled.

     "When I get my hands on you --" Podgorny grumbled.

     "You will do nothing, human," the Alicorn said sharply.  "You are here with hostile intent -- we have no tolerance for those who desire to conquer our land.  You will leave now."  Celestia lit her horn and enveloped the man with her golden aura.  He flinched upon experiencing this, then his body flickered a couple of times, though he remained resistant to her attempt to teleport him.  "Your resistance is troublesome, human.  You tempt fate with your continued intransigence."

     "I don't know what you're trying to do to me, but it's not going to work!  I have come on behalf of my people in Kazakhstan to claim a new land for them!  I have been specially trained to deal with many things, though I never thought I'd be targeted with colorful plasma attacks!" he shouted.

     "I am Princess Celestia of Equestria, the ruler of this land.  Your persistence gives me pause, though I am tempted to rid this land of your presence another way.  The needs of your people do not concern me and your continued efforts to attempt conquest are most unwelcome."

     Podgorny glared at the Alicorn, his stern expression speaking volumes of his contempt for her.  Though he no longer had weapons on him, he had enough martial arts training to defend himself if physically attacked.  "You say this land is called Equestria?  My ship's computers must have malfunctioned.  You refer to me as a human, as though you've never seen them before," he said, his anger tempered by curiosity.

     "We have dealt with humans before, Podgorny.  We no longer welcome them in Equestria.  We attempted to return you to your home world, though my attempt and the earlier attempt by Amethyst Shadow failed.  We wish to know how it is you resist our attempts to peacefully return you failed," Celestia mused.

     "I have no home world to return to," the man said, a tinge of sadness to his words.  "I was placed in a state of suspended animation many centuries ago, my ship's computers maintaining my metabolism and health for the journey.  I have no idea of exactly how long ago it was, though the information I was able to gather before my ship lost its power was that I had been traveling for more than a hundred thousand years."

     The three equines stood slack-jawed at this information.  "Then why do you have plans of conquest if you claim to have more people who can follow you?" asked Amethyst.

     "I was bluffing.  I was trying to scare you into surrendering to me," he said flatly.

     The Alicorn smiled a little wider at his comment, though Twilight and Amethyst frowned in disapproval.  "Surely you realize, Podgorny, that we have the upper hoof here.  Your weapons cannot harm us, you have no home world to return to, you have no friends -- I suggest you drop your hostile attitude, or we may send you to another human home world and let them deal with you appropriately."

     He hung his head sadly.  "I knew it was a dangerous mission -- I knew I would be leaving friends and family behind -- I felt I had nothing left to live for which is why I volunteered for the mission.  I was told my family would be compensated for my sacrifice.  I was 19 years old when I volunteered, and I have aged about 10 years during my stasis.  I was told my metabolism would be stopped, not slowed to 10,000 years per year of stasis," he complained.  "Now I'm here in some strange land full of talking ... equines of some sort, and not in the place I was meant to conquer.  What am I supposed to do?"

     "Your Majesty, his ship is in the Everfree -- perhaps we could find some answers by examining it, or having him get some information.  If nothing else, perhaps we can use our magic to repair his ship and send him on his way," Amethyst mused.

      "You can repair my ship?" he asked incredulously.  "I would be eternally grateful if you did so!"

      "So long as you promise not to return to our world and act in peace from here on out, we'll gladly repair your ship and send you on your way," the Solar Princess stated.  The man smiled and turned around, running towards his ship.  The others followed him at a slow trot and arrived at the landing site shortly.  Twilight expressed great interest in the vessel, wanting to inspect the inside as well as the outside.  Celestia pondered its appearance and presence, using her magic to examine it.

     "Your ship appears to have suffered only minimal damage," Celestia mused.  The man disappeared into the interior of the ship, having picked up his over-suit and thrown it inside.  Some beeping noises were heard and the ship powered up for a moment before the last of the emergency battery back-up died.  He clambered back out the top.

     "Um, I need all the batteries recharged -- the nuclear fusion reactor has run out of fuel as well," he noted glumly.  "I'll never make it to my destination like this."

     "Very well then, Podgorny.  This shall be done for you.  Good luck," the Alicorn stated, enveloping his ship with her aura, recharging the batteries and replenishing the fuel for the fusion reactor.  The ship powered up immediately, bringing a big smile to his face.

     "Thank you so much -- I will have the ship place me back into stasis for the next journey.  Here's to the future!" he shouted before disappearing back into his ship, the hatch sealing itself shut.  The ship floated into the sky, then disappeared extremely swiftly.

      "I wanted to learn so much about him and now he's gone," Twilight said dejectedly.  "He was very interesting."

      "I guess even those with hostile intentions are not always bad," Amethyst mused.

      "Thank you for bringing some levity to my day, Amethyst.  I shall be off now," Celestia stated before teleporting back to the castle.  The two unicorns made their way back to the Library so they could have lunch.