Chapters Abstract Helps Kyo Date Gilda
Chapter 2-Kyo Kusagani: Gilda's Biggest Fan
Chapter 2-Kyo Kusagani: Gilda's Biggest Fan
Oh, is it my turn now? Hey, whoever’s reading this! It’s your old pal Kyo! My buddy Abstract’s introduced me already, so there’s not a whole lot to tell that he hasn’t. There is one big thing he hasn’t gotten to yet: the love of my life, Gilda the Griffon, a.k.a. the coolest creature in existence.
I can remember every detail of the day I first met her. I was invited along with the rest of Ponyville to a party the local party pony Pinkie Pie was throwing for Gilda. I had no idea who this “Gilda” chick was at the time, but I figured, hey, free party, why not? That’s the great thing about having a pony like Pinkie around: she’s willing to throw parties for any reason at all. Anyway, I was at the food table stuffing my face when I saw the most amazing creature I had ever seen in my life: an eagle-headed lion with wings that had an awesome hairstyle and purple flame-things around her eyes. What’s more, she had this incredible too-cool-to-care attitude that really caught my heart. I just stood there for a few minutes, staring, uncertain if what I was seeing was real. Eventually, she roared and called out the ponies for being total lame-os, and after arguing with the local daredevil Rainbow Dash she stormed out.
I was smitten. Never before had I seen a creature with such attitude, and it really clicked with me. I had always thought the ponies were a little too sweet for my tastes, which is why I didn’t associate with many ponies apart from Abstract. So when this non-pony raged and deemed the ponies too lame for her, I felt this special connection, like finally, someone in this world feels the same way I do! I knew then that she was “the one” and I had to get to know her. After standing in awe for a few more seconds, I snapped to action and rushed out the door after her, shouting, “Wait! I’m your biggest fan! COME BACK!”
But it was too late. She was gone.
Ever since that fateful day, I’ve been searching for my beloved Gilda and any info I could get on her. So far, I’ve found out that she used to be best friends with Rainbow Dash, she had gone to Junior Speedsters camp with her, she was a real troublemaker (just my type), and she was originally from a country outside of Equestria. However, she turned out to be more elusive than I had imagined. No one knew where she was, and the few who had seen her at some point weren’t interested in finding out. She had no other friends that I could find, and I couldn’t find any trace of her family in Equestria. I had been about ready to visit the Griffon Empire and try my luck there when, about two years after I had first seen her, our paths finally crossed again. Well, sort of.
I was in my house when I happened to glance out my window and see the griffon of my dreams flying in the distance with the recently crowned Princess Twilight Sparkle, with another pony in a wizard’s hat and cape running after her. My curiosity burned like my stomach after eating too much spicy food, but as luck would have it, I had done just that, and I was in the bathroom at the time, feeling the burn, both from what I had eaten and from not being able to pursue my beloved. There was at least one silver lining: a solid lead. Once I was up to it, I could just find out from Princess Twilight where she had gone with Gilda and where I could find her, and I could be by her side at last!
If only I had the courage to actually talk to Princess Twilight.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think she’s secretly evil or anything like some of the crazy conspiracy nuts do. It’s just that I tend to get all stage-frighty whenever I’m in front of somepony important like, say, a princess or a game developer. So I spent the rest of the day and the next morning practicing my gaming skills to try and calm my anxiety. Too bad my skills were kinda off that day, so it didn’t help much. Once Abstract dropped by that afternoon, though, I felt a lot better, cause I had somepony that could help me out and do what I couldn’t do, like his awesome thought cloud superpower. I don’t care what Abstract says, it’s a superpower!
So after I told Abstract about my second sighting of Gilda, I finished with, “So yeah, not exactly how I wanted to see Gilda again, but who cares? I know how I can find her now! We just need to ask Princess Twilight!” I then gave a pleading look to him and asked sweetly, “Could you do it for me?”
“Me?” he responded in surprise, “Why me?”
“Come on, you know I can’t talk to royalty!” I replied anxiously, “Remember when Celestia visited Ponyville for that tea party? She asked me where the restroom was and I tried to tell her, but my brain froze and I lost my cool and all I could do was stutter ‘daadabubadoo’! That’s not a location, that’s a cartoon catch phrase! I can’t afford to make a fool out of myself in front of the princess that knows where I can find the love of my life! I need a wingman to act as my go-between, even if he doesn’t have any actual wings! Pleeeeeeeeease?”
“Okay, okay!” Abstract relented, his hooves raised placatingly, “I’ll go talk to her and see if she knows anything.”
“Woo!” I cheered, giving him a hug, “You’re the best, Abstract!”
“No prob, Kyo,” he said with a smile. I let him go and he got up from the couch, saying, “Well, wish me luck!”
“Wait!” I interjected, “One more thing.”
“Sure, what is it?”
“Could you make an image of me making out with Gilda one more time?” I asked with an embarrassed smile on my face.
He sighed and said teasingly, “Alright, you horny featherbrain.” He lit up his horn and a thought cloud formed that had within it my favorite image of me and Gilda holding each other tightly, my lips and her beak joined together in a…party of…kissing? Eh, I dunno where I was going with that metaphor. Anyway, one of the great perks about having Abstract as a friend is that I can have him play almost any sort of movie I want. Of course, he’s limited by his imagination; it still looks a little awkward the way he imagines the mouth-to-beak kissing. Also, he refuses to use his power to imagine anything X-Rated: nothing beyond kissing for me. Still, he’s willing to let me enjoy my Gilda-related fantasies, something most ponies would probably find annoying and/or creepy. But Abstract understands, and that’s why he rocks.
Oh, there’s one thing I want to say before I continue. Ponies have been confused by what my cutie mark is supposed to be, so I’d like to set the record straight. The symbol on my flank is the Neighponese symbol for “Eastern”, which represents my love of their culture. Someday I hope to get enough money to be able to go abroad and visit Neighpon and get to see the culture up close. Theoretically, I could just visit it now cause I can fly and stuff, but I’d still need money to be able to buy what I want and need and experience things, plus I’m not good with long-distance flying.
But enough about that. Soon, I would get the chance to meet the griffon of my dreams that I had Abstract illustrate countless times and make them a reality!
End of Part 2
Author's Note
I'm planning on switching perspectives every chapter, with Abstract narrating the odd chapters and Kyo narrating the even chapters. The Kyo chapters will have blue text to make them easier to distinguish. Hope you don't mind!http://circuitsense.deviantart.com/art/Art-Request-KyoKusagani1999-Massage-363208039
Abstract Helps Kyo Date Gilda
Chapter 3-Sidetracked By ScramJet
After I finished showing Kyo his favorite fantasy, I set off to find Princess Twilight Sparkle and ask her about her flight with Gilda. Fortunately, I knew Twilight fairly well; she was a fan of my thought columns and she was intrigued by my special ability, so I’d visit sometimes to read and discuss and be examined and such. Her becoming an alicorn princess came as a surprise to me, but she had assured everypony that she was still the same pony, so I wasn’t nervous. Too bad Kyo couldn’t see it that way. Oh well.
I could see Twilight’s signature tree library a couple of blocks away. I picked up the pace, determined to get the info I needed as fast as I could. Nothing would get in the way of my quest to help my friend. Nothing in all of-
“BOOM!”
I cried out and dropped to the ground in terror, my ears overwhelmed with an intense booming noise. At first I was afraid that a bomb had gone off nearby, but when the noise continued, I realized that it was simply a really loud sound system coming from the house to my right. I stood up, using my magic to fold my ears into my head to reduce the noise I heard, and walked over to the front door and knocked loudly, shouting, “Excuse me, could you turn down your music, please?!”
There was no answer. Evidently, the music was too loud for the occupants to hear anything else.
“EXCUSE ME!” I bellowed, banging on the door, “YOUR MUSIC IS TOO LOUD!”
Still no answer. I groaned in frustration, unsure what to do, until suddenly, an idea came to me. I went up to the window and conjured up a thought image of a bright blinking neon sign saying, “YOU HAVE A VISITOR”. After about ten seconds, I saw the front door open and a light gray unicorn with an orange mane poke his head outside. I saw him mouth something, but I couldn’t make it out. I quickly changed the image sign to say, “I CAN’T HEAR YOU.” He seemed to get the message and signaled something to somepony inside, and the music cut off shortly afterward.
His lips moved again, but my ears were ringing so harshly that I still couldn’t hear him. I changed the sign again to read, “MY EARS ARE RINGING.” He nodded and lit up his horn, and a second later, my ears popped and the ringing went away. “Whoa!” I yelped in surprise.
“Can you hear me now?” the unicorn asked me.
“Yeah, I can hear you,” I responded.
“Good,” he said, “I was saying, what was that light show you were doing?”
“Oh, that’s just a unique ability I have,” I explained, “I can use my magic to make images of what I’m thinking.”
“Wow, that’s pretty cool,” the unicorn remarked.
“Thanks!” I said, “Now, what was that spell you used?”
“Oh, that was a spell to restore hearing,” he answered, “It really comes in handy for me cause I really like loud music.”
“Heh, I can tell,” I snarked.
“Yeah, I guess that was a little too loud, huh?” he said abashedly, “Sorry, I just got this new sound system installed and I really wanted to try it out.”
“I understand,” I replied, “Have you thought about soundproofing?”
“Yeah, don’t worry, I have a guy for that coming over,” he assured me.
“Good to hear,” I said, “Oh, I’m sorry, I forgot to introduce myself. My name’s Abstract Thought, what’s yours?” I asked, holding out my hoof.
“ScramJet,” he answered, giving me a hoofbump. It was then I noticed that he had black, metallic-looking wings attached to his back.
“Whoa, you’re an alicorn?!” I blurted in astonishment.
“Well, not a natural one,” he explained, flapping his metallic wings with a slight mechanical creak, “I had these implanted in me a while back.”
“Wow,” I breathed, touching the wings with my hoof, “Can you fly with them? And can you feel anything touch them?”
“Yeah, I can fly with them,” he said, “And no, I can’t feel anything that touches them. I still don’t like them being touched, though.”
“Oh, sorry,” I apologized, retracting my hoof, “Where’d you get the wings from and why?”
ScramJet gave me a serious look and said in a grave tone, “That, my friend, is a very long and detailed story. Do you think you are prepared to hear it?”
My curiosity burned, but I knew I couldn’t stay too long or Kyo would never let me hear the end of it. Plus, ScramJet was kinda creeping me out at that moment. “Uh, maybe later,” I replied hesitantly.
He sighed and said sulkily, “No one ever wants to hear my wing story.”
“Well, I didn’t say I never wanted to-“
“Hey, you wanna see my new sound system?” he interrupted.
“Uh, sure,” I said in surprise.
“Alright, come in and I’ll show you,” he offered, stepping inside his house and gesturing me to follow him inside. I nodded and went in after him. As I tailed him, I noticed his cutie mark, which looked like a speaker with a trail of fire emitting from it.
“Hey, what’s your cutie mark mean?” I asked him.
“I dunno, but isn’t it the coolest cutie mark you’ve ever seen?” he responded with a grin.
“It’s definitely one of a kind,” I replied.
“I sure hope so.” We entered the living room and he gestured to the wall, saying dramatically, “Behold, my ultimate subwoofer supreme!”
I stared at the sight before me. The whole wall was filled with speakers, some as big as my head, with a turntable and music player visible to the side.
“Wow, that’s, uh, quite a big sound system,” I stated numbly.
“I know, right?!” ScramJet gushed, “The pony who sold it to me said that it could literally bring down the house at max volume! Not that I’d want to, of course, but the idea that I could, doesn’t it get you excited?!”
“Uh, I guess,” I replied nervously.
“I now have the best sound system in Ponyville!” he declared with a grin, “In fact, I invited some DJ friends of mine over so they could hear it in action! They’re over there if you want to meet them!”
He gestured to two ponies talking to each other by the music player, one of them a white unicorn with an electric blue mane and purple shades and the other a pale Earth pony with a long dark green mane, a dark purple jacket, and purple goggles. ScramJet called out to them, “Hey Vinyl, Rex, mind if I show the sound system to my buddy Abstract here?”
“Sure, dude, the more the merrier!” the unicorn said jovially, “I know the perfect jam he could listen to!”
“You got to play the last jam,” the other pony retorted, “It’s my turn now.”
“Fine, go ahead, Rex,” the unicorn griped, “it’s not like he’s my friend or anything.”
The other pony left the living room silently, rolling his eyes, and the unicorn turned her attention to me.
“So, you’re SJ’s new buddy?” she asked me, lifting her shades and looking at me skeptically, “I never expected him to hang with the nerdy type.”
“Nice to meet you too,” I replied snarkily, “I’m Abstract Thought, and who might you be?”
“You’re kidding, right?” ScramJet asked incredulously, “You’ve never heard of Vinyl Scratch, THE hottest DJ in Equestria?!”
“Sorry, I don’t listen to a lot of DJ music,” I apologized.
“Wow, dude, you’ve been missing out!” ScramJet burst out, “Vinyl, you gotta play your latest hit for him!”
“Aw yeah!” Vinyl cheered, stepping in front of the turntable and placing a couple of records on it, “Alright, nerd boy, prepare to have your mind and ears blown!”
“Hey!” the other pony called out from another room, “I thought we agreed…”
“Sorry, SJ’s orders!” Vinyl called back as she started up the player.
“Uh, guys,” I said nervous, “You’re sure this won’t be too-“
My words were cut off as an explosion of noise erupted from the wall of speakers in front of me, causing me to stumble onto the ground. Panicking, I hastily got to my hooves and ran out the door shakily.
ScramJet facehoofed and groaned, “Dang it, Vinyl, I told you never to play it that loud when you show it off. Not everyone like music as loud as I do.”
Vinyl shrugged and said, “Yeah, whatever, I won’t next time.”
“Yeah, I haven’t heard that before,” ScramJet said sarcastically.
I ran blindly around Ponyville, not in my right mind from being startled like that. I knew it was rude for me to just leave without even saying goodbye, but well, you tend to not think straight when you’re in a panic. I was barely even thinking about anything until I crashed into someone and we both fell to the ground.
“Ow, geez, I’m so sorry I crashed into you like that!” I groaned in embarrassment.
“Don’t worry, it’s perfectly fine,” the pony assured me, “Are you alright?”
“Yeah, I’m fine, no cuts or anything,” I replied, standing up and turning to face the pony, who was none other than the pony I was looking for earlier.
“Twilight?”
Well, that was convenient.
End of Part 3
Author's Note
Just to make things clear, ScramJet is the OC of another friend of mine named Subwoofer Hero who requested that I put him in my fic. I admit this part doesn't have a whole lot of relevance to the plot, but he was eager for me to use his OC, and I didn't have any other plans for Chapter 3 at the time, so...
Abstract Helps Kyo Date Gilda
Don’t worry, readers, I didn’t just laze about and play games all day while Abstract did all the work for me. I had done plenty of that yesterday. No, I went out to prepare my ace in the hole, the one thing that was sure to win over Gilda:
I was going to learn how to give her a massage.
I knew Gilda wasn’t the type who was into the more mushy stuff like poems or love songs or junk like that, so that was out. I also knew that showing off my collection of video games and talent at them wouldn’t get me a girl, especially since it didn’t work on the last girl I had a crush on three years ago. However, I did know that people loved massages, and what better incentive for Gilda to stay with me than so that she could have her own personal massager willing to do whatever it takes to make her happy? After all, isn’t that what love is?
So I headed over to the one place where I knew I could find somepony with massage skills to share: the spa.
I entered the spa building, went up to the front desk, and asked the lady there, “Excuse me, who can I talk to about learning how to massage?”
“You want to learn how to massage?” the lady said in surprise, “I don’t believe anypony’s requested that before.”
“Please! True love is at stake here!” I urged, “Could you please make it happen?”
“Okay, well, I’ll see who’s willing,” the lady said, “Excuse me a moment.” She got up and went to the back, leaving me alone. I went to a chair, picked up one of the magazines on the nearby table, and leafed through it absentmindedly. Nothing really caught my interest, just gossip about celebrities and junk like that. I couldn’t help but think that the spa would have more customers if it had magazines about stuff that ponies would actually be interested in, like video games or extreme griffons. Maybe I could talk to the spa ponies about it after my lessons.
“Excuse me,” the lady said, interrupting my thoughts, “Lotus Blossom is free to see you.”
“Ok, thanks!” I put the magazine back and walked toward the back. “By the way, have you ever thought about expanding your collection of magazines?” I added.
“Sorry, but I’m not responsible for what magazines are in the lobby,” the lady explained.
“Oh, no worries,” I responded, “I can deal with that after I’m done with my lessons. Don’t miss me too much!” With that, I left and entered the massage room.
“Hello, Kyo, is it?” an attractive blue pony with straight pink hair and a white headband and neckband standing by the entrance asked me. I had to admit, if I hadn’t already pledged myself to Gilda, I’d be sorely tempted to put the moves on her. Oh well, her loss.
“Hello, I am Lotus Blossom,” the pony greeted, “You wanted to learn how to massage?”
“Yep!” I replied eagerly, “It’s for a very special lady.”
“Ah, say no more!” Lotus said in a heartfelt tone, “I’d be happy to teach you the ways of massaging.”
“Alright!” I cheered, “So how will this work? You’ve got someone I could practice on?”
“Well, I don’t have any spare staff, and I can’t let you practice on customers,” Lotus admitted, “but I’m free to let you practice on me.”
“Really? You’d let me touch you intimately?” I asked in surprise.
Lotus winced and responded, “Only if you promise never to phrase it like that again.”
I smiled sheepishly and said, “Will do.”
I sat in front of Lotus, who was lying on a massaging table with her hooves outstretched, which I stared at nervously.
“So, uh, where do I start?” I asked her.
“Let’s start with the hooves,” Lotus offered, “Pick a hoof to massage.”
“Uh, okay,” I said, grabbing one of her hooves with my front hooves.
“Now,” she instructed, “rub my hoof firmly but gently.”
“Okay.” I pressed my hooves against hers and rubbed them roughly.
“Ah! Not so rough,” she chided me.
“Whoops!” I yelped, easing the pressure of my hooves, “Sorry, but you’re kinda sending mixed signals with ‘firmly’ and ‘gently’; they don’t exactly mean the same thing.”
“It’s okay; this is the sort of thing that requires practice to truly understand,” she reassured me, “Just keep it at that pressure.”
“Okay.” I massaged her hoof in a circular motion, being careful not to apply too much pressure. “How’s this?”
“Oh, that’s definitely an improvement,” she said with a content sigh, “Now, try to feel for tense muscles and focus on them.”
“Alright.” I moved my hooves around her hoof, searching awkwardly for some tense muscles on her hoof, but nothing felt different to me. “Sorry, I don’t feel anything tense.”
“Don’t feel bad, Kyo,” Lotus assured me, “I do both yoga and pilates every day to keep my muscles loose. Why don’t you try my back now?”
“Okay.” I went up in front of her back and stared at it. “So, now what?”
“Now, step onto my back,” she instructed.
“Uh, what?” I asked in surprise, “Are you sure that’s safe?”
“Excuse me, who is the teacher here?” Lotus retorted.
“Uh, you?”
“Exactly. So just trust me and follow my instructions.”
“Fine.” I climbed onto the table. “You want me to step on with all of my hooves?”
“Yes, all of them,” Lotus confirmed.
“Alright.” Slowly, I placed all of my hooves on her back. “I’m not hurting you, am I?”
“No, you’re doing quite well,” she assured me, “Now, lift up and press down your hooves one at a time.”
“Okay.” I lifted my hooves and placed them back down on her back uncertainly. “Like this?”
“Oh, yes, very good!” she replied, “Just keep doing that!”
“Alright!” I cheered as I continued my massage. This is great! I’m a natural at this! If I use these moves, Gilda will have to fall for me! I was so happy that I got carried away and danced a little on Lotus’s back, until I heard a cracking sound.
“Aah! My back!” Lotus cried out.
“Oh, dear Celestia!” I burst out in panic, massaging frantically, “It’s okay! I can fix this!”
“Agh! Get off of me!” Lotus yelled.
“Okay, okay!” I quickly hopped off of Lotus and turned to her, meeting her pained expression with an embarrassed smile.
“So, I guess this means a massage from you is out of the question, huh?”
End of Part 4
Abstract Helps Kyo Date Gilda
The world certainly works in mysterious ways at times. Who would have thought that being sidetracked by ScramJet’s insane sound system would end up leading me to the very pony I wanted to talk to? I wonder if Kyo or Twilight ever had any experiences like that.
“Oh, hello, Abstract,” Twilight said, smiling as she recognized me, “I didn’t expect to bump into you like this. Or, well, the other way around,” she added with a giggle.
“Oh, yeah, sorry about that,” I replied with a grimace.
“Again, it’s perfectly fine,” Twilight reassured me, “I’ve gotten used to sudden collisions thanks to Pinkie and Rainbow. Where were you off to in such a hurry, anyway?”
“Well, I was looking for you,” I explained to her, “but then I was startled by this guy’s sound system and, well, I sort of panicked. Didn’t expect to run into you out here.”
“Well, I was on my way to Sugarcube Corner to help set up Cake Day, but I can spare some time to talk with you,” Twilight said, “So, what did you want to see me about?”
“Well,” I started, “I heard that yesterday, you flew off somewhere with a griffon named Gilda.”
“Ah, that,” Twilight recalled, “I was flying to the Crystal Empire to try and get some answers on the Crystal Heart Spell, and Gilda and Trixie decided to tag along.”
“Hold on a minute, Trixie?” I interrupted, “You mean that magician who took over Ponyville? What was she doing there?”
“Well, I found her and Gilda pulling a prank together on Sweet Apple Acres,” Twilight explained, “and when Gilda went with me to the Crystal Empire, Trixie tagged along as well.”
“Wait, Gilda and Trixie are hanging out now?!” I burst out in surprise, “How did that happen? What do they even have in common? Does Gilda take part in Trixie’s tricks, like pulling a rabbit out of her hat, except it’s a griffon?”
“Abstract, I don’t know!” Twilight responded, “I didn’t talk with them much, and I pretty much forgot about them after I found the spell I was after. I think they left the Crystal Empire when their show didn’t go over so well there.”
I sighed and asked, “So you don’t know where Gilda is now?”
“I’m afraid not,” Twilight said with a remorseful look on her face, “Sorry, Abstract.”
“It’s okay, Twilight,” I reassured her, “Just be glad you didn’t have to give the bad news to Kyo personally. Seeing him moon over Gilda is not a pretty scene.”
“Wait, what are you talking about with Kyo?”
“Oh, right, I guess I forgot to mention why I wanted to know about Gilda in the first place,” I realized, “I don’t know if I told you this, but my friend Kyo-”
“Hey, Twilight!” My explanation was interrupted as a rainbow-maned pegasus, who I recognized as ace flyer and Element of Loyalty Rainbow Dash, flew up to us and said, “Charge Forth just challenged me to a stunt contest and I need a judge! You up for it?”
“Sure, Rainbow, just let me finish talking to Abstract here,” Twilight responded.
“Abstract?” Rainbow said, “Isn’t he the guy that writes that egghead newspaper column you like so much?”
“Nice to hear that my work’s being appreciated,” I snarked, “I was just asking Twilight about Gilda, but she didn’t…”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa, Gilda?!” Rainbow interjected, “Why do you want to find out about her?!”
“Well, it’s not for me,” I explained, “it’s for my friend Kyo.”
“Who?”
“This guy,” I said as I activated my magic and showed a thought image of Kyo.
“Oh, him,” Rainbow groaned, “You would not believe how many times that pony has pestered me about Gilda.”
“Trust me, I would,” I told her sympathetically, “But if you had any clue where to find her, I promise he’d stop badgering you about her.”
“Look,” Rainbow said, “Even if I could help him find Gilda, he’s wasting his time. She doesn’t care about anypony but herself, and she’d just break his heart. I wouldn’t want that to happen to him, even if he does annoy the hay out of me.”
“But didn’t you two use to be best friends?” I asked her, “Surely you must have seen a heart somewhere beneath her gruff exterior.”
“We were friends,” Rainbow recalled bitterly, “at least while we were at Junior Speedsters, and I was really hoping that she would get along with all my newer friends, but when she wasn’t hanging out with me, she was being a big bully to everyone in Ponyville! And when I called her out on her bullying, she acted like it was my fault for not being cool enough for her! What kind of friend does that?!”
“Well, if she was always like that, than why’d you hang out with her in the first place?”
“Hey, what are you saying, that I was a bully too?!” Rainbow snapped, “You’ve got some nerve!”
Oh, great. There I go again, running my mouth and saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. Curiosity killed the cat, as they say. Why they say it killed a cat as opposed to some other animal, I couldn’t tell you. Not that it matters now.
“Rainbow, I’m sure that’s not what Abstract…” Twilight began.
“Stay out of this, Twilight!” Rainbow growled, “You know what, I’m outta here. Have fun with your new friend.” She then turned and started to take off.
“Rainbow, wait!” I shouted after her.
She screeched to a halt and shouted back, “What?!”
I sighed and said, “Listen, I know that you’re not exactly happy with how Gilda turned out, and I know that Kyo could do better. It’s just that, Kyo’s my best friend, and I just want to do what I can to make him happy. If that means hooking him up with a bully of a griffon, then so be it. I understand if you don’t approve, but please don’t think less of me for trying to help my friend. Good day.” With that, I started back toward Kyo’s house, my eyes downcast and my spirits low. How could I break the news gently to him? Maybe I could distract him with a new video game. Now, what hasn’t he played yet? Wow, that will take some thought.
“Hey, wait up!” Rainbow flew in front of me and said hesitantly, “I…heard Gilda and Trixie say something about trying their luck in Appleloosa. If you’re lucky, you can catch up with them there before they leave again.”
“Really? That’s great!” I exclaimed, my mood brightening immediately, “Thanks, Rainbow Dash!”
“Yeah, yeah, just make sure you let me know if she causes any trouble for her little fanboy, and I’ll be there to give her the old one-two!” Rainbow replied, boxing the air with her front hooves.
I gave her a grin and said, “Will do.”
Twilight giggled and chimed in, “I’m glad to see you two are getting along now. Maybe you’ll be willing to take a look at his column with me later?”
“Don’t push your luck, Twi,” Rainbow responded with a scowl, prompting another giggle from Twilight.
“Hey Dash!” a dark blue pegasus called out, “You coming or what?”
“Be right there, Charge!” Rainbow yelled back, then said to us, “Sorry, gotta go. You ready to judge, Twi?”
“I sure am!” Twilight responded, “See you later, Abstract!” With that, the two of them flew off.
“See ya!” I called after them, and then trotted off to Kyo’s house, this time with my spirits soaring. Who would have thought that such a temperamental pony would be the embodiment of loyalty? The world works in mysterious ways, indeed.
Now I just had to work out how we could visit Appleloosa in the middle of my work period.
End of Part 5
Abstract Helps Kyo Date Gilda
Chapter 6-Food for Thought
Well, that spa lesson was a bust. As if weren’t bad enough that I got carried away and injured the lovely spa lady, I had to pay extra for compensation and I never got the chance to convince the spa to add more magazines to its collection. Just great. What if I screwed up like that with Gilda? She might tear me limb from limb, or worse, not want to be my girlfriend!
I trudged back home with a figurative raincloud over my head. Shame there wasn’t a literal raincloud up there; the last time one was there, I took it for myself and kept it as a spare for when the shower was broken. Being a pegasus rocks! Too bad it couldn’t cheer me up now. Oh well, maybe video games could.
My train of thought was derailed when I saw Abstract standing outside my house, looking around restlessly. As soon as he saw me approaching, he smiled and trotted over to me. “Yo, Kyo! How’d your massage lesson go?”
“Uh, well,” I stammered, “it went, uh, I certainly learned a lesson I’ll never forget.” I flashed him what I hoped was a convincing fake smile.
Abstract gave me a hard look. “You screwed up, didn’t you?”
Dang it, how is he so observant? That’s one of the disadvantages of having such a smart friend; you can’t hide anything from him.
“Well, I might have accidentally broken a bone or two on the pony I was practicing my massaging on,” I admitted, “but other than that, of course not! Sheesh, you could stand to trust me a little more.”
“Um, okay…” he said, eyebrow raised. “Anyway, I have some news that’s sure to cheer you up!”
“Is it insurance against possible lawsuits made by ponies you may have injured?” I inquired. “Uh, not that I’d need that for any reason!” I added, placing my fake smile on my face again.
“Uh, no, it’s better.” A grin spread across Abstract’s face as he announced: “I found out where Gilda went!”
“Wha – really?!” I burst out in excitement. “Where?!”
“I got word that Gilda and Trixie had recently left the Crystal Empire and were headed to Appleloosa to try their luck there!”
“Appleloosa! Yes!” I squealed. “Wait, where’s Appleloosa?”
“It’s a settlement in the desert,” he explained, “It’s about a day away by train.”
“Ooh, the desert? How exotic,” I replied.
“Yeah, so, I was gonna go get train tickets and work out a deal with my boss so I can go with you,” he informed me.
“You’re coming with me?” I asked in surprise.
“Well, sure!” he affirmed with a smile, “What kind of friend would I be if I wasn’t there to support you in getting the griffon of your dreams? Plus, I’ve always wanted to travel, and this would be the perfect opportunity!”
“Aw, thanks! You’re the best friend a guy could ask for!” I exclaimed as I gave Abstract a tight hug.
“Ooh! Easy, Kyo, you wouldn’t want to break any more bones, would you?” he said in a strained voice.
“Oh, sorry!” I released him and trotted into the house. “I’m just so excited! There’s so much to do, so much to look forward to! I gotta get ready!” I dashed into the kitchen and started rummaging through the fridge for the goods.
“What are you doing in the kitchen?” I heard Abstract ask from the living room.
“Oh, I’m just getting some food I had prepared for my first romantic dinner with her,” I replied as I dug out some containers from the back. “See? I’ve got some breadsticks for the appetizer, some steak and potatoes for our entrée, some cola for the drink,” I then went to a cupboard and pulled out a box of Gilda’s favorite treats, “and for dessert, some vanilla lemon drops!”
“Mmm, sounds good!” Abstract said as he entered the kitchen. “Wait, what’s steak?”
“Oh, it’s, uh, a special griffon delicacy!” I answered nervously.
“Ooh, now that sounds exotic! Let me see!”
“Uh, you don’t wanna see that!” I yelped as I moved in front of the plastic container the steak was in. “It’s not that interesting, really!”
“Oh, come on,” he replied dismissively as he used his magic to levitate the container to him. Dang, I always forget about that! “I’m sure it’s quite…”
His voice trailed off and his pupils shrunk as he saw the contents of the container.
“Kyo…”
“Yeah?”
“I…is that…MEAT?!”
“Uh…kinda,” I admitted.
“Oh, dear Celestia!” he cried out, dropping the container in disgust. Fortunately, I was able to grab the container before it hit the floor and spilled anything.
“Hey, careful with that!”
“Kyo! What is wrong with you?!” he snapped. “Serving dead animal?! What is wrong with you?!” As he spoke, he generated an image of roadkill on a plate with an apple in his mouth. I wanted to laugh so badly, but I didn’t think he’d take it well; I don’t think he was making the image on purpose to get a laugh out of me.
“Look, I find it gross too, but griffons are fond of meat, and I really want to get on Gilda’s good side!” I explained frantically, “I can’t let a little thing like enjoying eating the flesh of animals get in the way of that! You can understand, right?”
“Well…I suppose if you think it’s necessary,” he said reluctantly.
“Thanks, A.T.” I sighed with relief. “Don’t worry, I’m not gonna eat any myself. Heck, I felt like barfing several times when I cooked the steak over a year ago, but I knew I couldn’t give up! My love with Gilda depended on it!”
Abstract giggled at my dramatic display. “You’re certainly devoted.” He suddenly frowned. “Wait a second, did you say ‘over a year ago’?”
“Yep!” I said proudly. “I’ve had the meal prepared all that time, waiting for when I could share it with my beloved!”
“And you weren’t worried that the food would spoil or anything after all that time?” he questioned, looking sickened again.
“Abstract, they were in tightly sealed plastic containers all that time,” I groaned, “The store clerk said that they were guaranteed to keep my food fresh or my money back. Now would you quit worrying? I’ve got it all figured out, trust me!”
“Well, whatever you think is best,” he conceded, “I’m gonna go take care of train tickets and getting time out of town. See ya in a bit!”
“Okay, see ya!” As Abstract left, I headed upstairs to take a shower and make sure I was lookin’ good for my beloved Gilda. Tomorrow I’d finally get to see her, make my moves, and make her mine!
End of Part 6
Abstract Helps Kyo Date Gilda
First things first: I had to negotiate some free time from my boss, Paper Pusher, so I could accompany Kyo on his quest for love. I could have always feigned sickness, but that would be dishonest, not to mention it’d leave me dry on sick days in case I actually got sick. No, I decided I would prefer to use the opportunity to travel to my advantage.
Upon leaving Kyo’s house, I headed straight for the newspaper building where I worked. As I entered the building, the secretary, a pink mare with a red mane, noticed me and said, “Oh, hello Abstract. I thought you were done for today.”
“Hello, Gilly Flower,” I responded. “I just wanted to talk to Paper Pusher about something. Is he free?”
“He should be. I’ll let him know you wish to see him.” Gilly buzzed the intercom on her desk and said, “Mr. Thought is here to see you, sir.”
“Alright, send him in,” a gruff voice on the other end answered.
“Mr. Pusher will see you now,” Gilly informed me.
“Okay, thanks Gilly!” I gave her a friendly smile as I walked over to my boss’s office. I soon came to a door with Paper Pusher, Chief Editor written on it. Okay, you can do this, Abstract. You’ve never requested a favor from the boss before, so he should be open to your request. Just be polite and friendly, and above all, don’t say anything stupid. I took a deep breath and knocked on the door.
“Come in.” I opened the door and saw a sandy brown pony with a graying mane sitting behind a desk with papers strewn all over it. “Ah, Abstract. What brings you to my office outside of your work hours?”
“Hello, Mr. Pusher,” I said as I stepped into his office. “I came here because I would like to make a request, if that’s okay with you.”
“That would depend on the request, of course,” he pointed out. “What did you have in mind?”
I cleared my throat and began, “Well, have you heard of Appleloosa?”
“Sure, it’s that settlement in the desert that was almost overrun by buffalo, right?”
“Well, I don’t think the situation was quite like that,” I offered.
“Perhaps, but it certainly makes for a better story,” he responded with a smirk.
“Heh, I guess,” I giggled. “Speaking of which, I was thinking that I could, uh, go to Appleloosa and interview some of the buffalo myself and, you know, learn more about them and their culture, as well as how they’re getting along with the settler ponies at this point. I’m sure there are plenty of interesting facts about them that would make a good story.”
“Hmm, an article showing the inside story of a little known culture?” the boss pondered, rubbing his chin with his hoof. “Sounds interesting. But out of curiosity, why the sudden interest in buffalo?”
Oh, horse apples. “Well, uh,” I stammered, racking my brains to try and think of something. As I searched through my thoughts, I suddenly recalled some old Western movie Kyo and I had seen some time ago; specifically, I thought about a scene where buffalo swarmed and attacked a house for no good reason. I didn’t exactly find that respectful to the buffalo, but Kyo didn’t really care about the unfortunate implications and was just excited by the action. The memory of the movie distracted my thinking until the boss chimed in, “Ah, you saw Horse Drawn Horses ? That’s my favorite Western!”
“What are you…” I started, until I suddenly realized that my magic was activated. Oh, why did my thought magic have to activate now? Wait, maybe I can use that to my advantage! “Uh, yeah! Mine too! Once I saw it, I knew I had to learn all I could about what real cowponies and buffalo were like!”
The boss laughed heartily at that. “That’s the kind of attitude I like to hear! Alright, Abstract, I’ll give you two days paid leave so you can go to Appleloosa. Just make sure you remember to write an article based on what you learned there.”
“Will do, sir!” I replied, a bright smile on my face.
“Attaboy, son!” he said. “Now get outta here before I forget where I put those letters that the mayor sent me!”
“Okay, have a good day, sir!” With that, I left the office, spirits high. On my way out of the building, I bid farewell to Gilly Flower and heard the boss swear loudly. I could hardly believe how well that went! I just hoped that things continued to go well, for Kyo’s sake more than mine. I mean, I like Kyo a lot, but there’s no denying that he tends to leap before he looks, so to speak. If Kyo didn’t watch his mouth, meeting Gilda probably wouldn’t end well for him.
“What do you want?”
“Gilda I love you you’re so hot can I make out with you?!”
*SLASH!*
Yeah, there was no way Kyo was talking to her without a little practice.
End of Part 7
Abstract Helps Kyo Date Gilda
Chapter 8-Destination: Appleloosa
Chapter 8-Destination: Appleloosa
Well, everything was set. I’d showered, dressed (well, put on my signature headband; hey, it’s not like ponies wear clothes most of the time anyway), packed everything I’d need (food, water, games for the ride there, deodorant, breath mints, spare headbands, etc.), relieved myself (I didn’t know if trains had bathrooms, and I didn’t want to find out the hard way), and was on my way to meet Abstract at the train station. Abstract, being the smarty-pants he is, had already taken care of that stuff for himself before telling me it was time to get ready. The train station was in sight when I heard a voice call out, “Hey, hold up!”
I turned my head toward the voice and saw none other than Rainbow Dash, the second coolest creature alive (no offense, Dash), flying up to me. “Yo, Dash!” I greeted her brightly. “I’d love to stay and hang with you, but I’ve got a certain griffon to meet!”
“Yeah, I heard,” Dash replied with a scowl. Sheesh, why does she seem so grumpy all the time? She then sighed and said, “Look, I just wanted to tell you to be careful. I know Gilda better than anypony, and trust me when I say that just cause you love her doesn’t mean she’s gonna love you back.”
“Ooh, speaking from experience, are we?” I asked slyly.
“Ugh, what is it with you and your crazy idea about me crushing on her?!” she snapped.
“Okay, okay!” I said quickly, my hooves raised in surrender. “Geez, I was just teasing; no need to get so worked up about it. Unless it’s true,” I couldn’t help but add. I could just imagine Abstract facehoofing from my smartassery (though not as well as he could, of course).
Dash sighed again and said with forced calm, “Listen, even though you annoy the hay outta me, I don’t want to see you get hurt. I just want you to keep in mind the possibility of crashing and burning. What if you blow it with Gilda and she wants nothing to do with you? What then?”
“Well…” my voice caught in my throat. I didn’t think much about the chance of failing to win Gilda’s heart, mostly cause it made my heart ache to even consider it, but I couldn’t deny that the possibility was there. “I…I don’t know,” I admitted softly. “If things…didn’t work out with Gilda…I suppose I could learn to be happy anyway as long as Abstract was there to support me and stuff.”
“Now that’s what I want to hear,” Dash said with a smile. “It’s the same attitude I have; no matter how badly I might mess up, I can always count on my friends.”
I smiled back. “Thanks, Dash.”
“Don’t sweat it, kid,” she replied, giving me a hoofbump. I stood there in silence for a few seconds, taking in what just happened. Rainbow Dash gave me a hoofbump! I was now officially cool!
My daze was broken by the sound of a train whistle. “Oh, gotta go!” I yelped, flying quickly to the station (but making sure to remember my luggage).
“Good luck with your crazy love journey!” Dash called out to me. I spotted Abstract standing in front of a train, fidgeting frantically, and flew toward the train, shouting, “Hey Abstract sorry for the hold up I’m ready let’s go!” I dashed inside, threw my ticket at the conductor, and set my bags down at a nearby table. Abstract quickly followed suit just before the doors closed.
“Well, you certainly cut it close,” he noted as we sat down.
“Yeah, sorry about that,” I said with an apologetic grimace. “I would have been here sooner, but Rainbow Dash herself came up to me to wish me good luck! I couldn’t just ignore her!”
“It’s okay, Kyo,” Abstract assured me with a smile. “I’ve been held up by distractions a few times myself. Besides, even if you did miss the train, you still could have caught up thanks to your wings.”
“Oh yeah!” I realized. “Wings are the best, aren’t they?” I flapped my feathery appendages a few times out of appreciation. Sometimes, I couldn’t help but feel bad for all the non-winged ponies out there; I couldn’t imagine how it’d feel to be grounded all the time (not that I haven’t been grounded a few times myself).
“I dunno, horns are pretty sweet as well,” he rebutted, tapping his own glowing horn with a hoof. Come to think of it, it would be awesome if I could use magic, especially if I knew some unique magic like Abstract did. I wonder: would my gaming skills be even better with magic? Probably; magic can do anything, after all.
“Heh, good point,” I conceded. “I wonder how Earth ponies get by without wings or horns.
“It’s hard for me to imagine doing so myself,” he responded, “but of course, the Earth ponies have a lot more experience living without horns or wings than we do, and they seem to do just fine without them. Heck, they probably have trouble imagining what it’s like having something extra. It’s all about perspective, I guess.”
“Yeah, that makes sense.” I looked at my hooves and said, “I wonder what it’d be like to have claws like griffons do. Could you imagine having fingers?”
“I could try.” Using his thought magic, Abstract created an image of himself holding his arms in front of them, except they had fingers at the ends of them instead of hooves. Frankly, the image he conjured freaked me out a bit. He seemed to feel the same way, as he quickly shut off the image and said, “Eh, I’ll just stick with hooves. They’ve worked out pretty well for me so far.”
“Sounds good to me.”
We sat a few minutes in silence, watching the scenery pass by as the train chugged along. Eventually, Abstract broke the silence with, “You know, this is the first time I’ve traveled anywhere since I moved to Ponyville. I’m pretty excited.”
“Yeah, I know the feeling,” I replied, “I’ve traveled a few times to cities that were hosting video game tournaments, but nowhere quite like Appleloosa. Hey, did you know that in Neighpon, the trains often get so crowded that they need ponies to push the passengers in so they can all fit?”
“Dang, I couldn’t imagine that being worth the train ride.”
“Yet another reason why wings rock,” I bragged again with a grin.
Abstract giggled. “You got me there.”
After another short round of silence, he said, “So Kyo, I was thinking, before we get to Appleloosa, perhaps it’d be a good idea for you to practice talking to Gilda so you don’t make a fool of yourself or anything when you actually meet her. I’m not saying you’re going to, of course, I just…”
“It’s okay, I get what you’re saying,” I interrupted, a nervous feeling rising in my gut again. “I think a little practice would be a good idea too. You know, just to make sure the ol’ Kyo charm hasn’t gotten rusty or anything,” I added, trying to brush off my insecurities with a short laugh.
“Alright, that’s good to hear,” he responded with an encouraging smile. “You want to get started now?”
“Sure, why not?” I decided. “Too bad we don’t have a real Gilda to practice on or anything.”
“No, but we have the next best thing.” With that, Abstract conjured up an image of Gilda’s beautiful mug, her expression proud and indifferent and her sharp, golden eyes staring into my soul. Dear Celestia, just seeing a simulation of her face got me all worked up! How would I be able to handle the real deal? Steeling myself, I gulped and took a deep breath.
“Uh, hey there, beautiful!” I greeted in as suave a voice as I could in my nervous state.
“Ugh, what do you want?” Abstract responded in a grumpy tone while the Gilda head pantomimed his words.
“No.”
“Excuse me?”
“I’m sorry, but Gilda doesn’t sound like that!” I griped, “Her voice is higher, but not too much higher, and it’s got a too-cool-to-care punk tone, like the outlaw girl Levy in that anime I showed you last week, remember? It’s the voice of an angel, is what I’m getting at!”
“Sorry if my voice isn’t angelic enough for your tastes,” he said sarcastically, not bothering to move image Gilda’s beak this time. “Look, I’m sorry, but my magic can only generate visuals, not voices, so until you meet Gilda in person, this is the best you’ve got.”
“I know, I shouldn’t be so picky,” I said. “Sorry, Abstract.”
“It’s cool.”
“Still, could you at least try and sound more like her? For me?” I gave him what I’ve heard others call ‘puppy dog eyes’, an expression that didn’t make a lot of sense to me, as I have yet to meet a puppy whose eyes are bigger than the average pony’s. But whatever, as long as it works.
“Alright, fine,” he relented. “And while I’m at it, I’d like to suggest that you not open up with a come-on like ‘hey, beautiful’ or anything like that. No offense to you or anything, it’s just that some people tend to, well, not react well to romantic advances so early on, especially people who are rough around the edges like Gilda.”
“Ah, so you want me to ease into the romantic stuff with Gilda?”
“Exactly!” Abstract gave me an encouraging smile.
“Okay, I can do that.” I cleared my throat and suggested, “How about, ‘Hey there, sup?’”
“Playing cool and aloof, eh?” Abstract commented. “Sounds more appropriate for Gilda.”
“Awesome!” I cheered. “Uh, I mean, awesome,” I repeated in a nonchalant tone.
Abstract giggled and said, “Alright, so, from the top?”
“Sure.” I took another deep breath and greeted in my most too-cool-to-care voice, “Hey there, sup?”
“What do you want?” asked image Gilda in what Abstract clearly meant to be his best interpretation of her voice. It was a little painful, to be honest, but I decided not to bother him about it lest he get upset and refuse to help me any more.
“Just wanted the chance to talk with someone who’s actually cool for a change,” I responded coolly.
“Well, ya came to the right griffon,” image Gilda replied, a proud smile appearing on her beak.
Yes, I’m in! “So I was thinking, maybe you’d like to ditch this pop stand and make out or something?”
“Kyo!” Abstract snapped in his normal voice.
Oops. “Sorry, sorry! Got a little excited there.”
“It’s okay,” he said with a sigh. “Just try to contain yourself until you know Gilda reciprocates your interest, alright?”
“Alright, I’ll do my best,” I assured him.
“Good to hear.” Another encouraging smile from Abstract. “From the top?”
End of Part 8
Abstract Helps Kyo Date Gilda
Chapter 9-Train of Thought
Kyo and I had spent about an hour working on improving his people skills so he could get on Gilda’s good side. Unfortunately, Kyo, being the enthusiastic romantic he is, couldn’t help but bring in romance a little too fast, with recurring comments involving her beauty, making out, and getting married and having hippogriff children slipping out frequently. Eventually, my horn grew tired and I shut off my magic, causing the image of Gilda I had been generating to dissipate.
“Hey, don’t go! I meant what I said about your flank in a good way!” Kyo burst out. “Why’d you shut off Gilda, A.T.?”
“Sorry, Kyo,” I replied wearily. “I’m just tired from using my magic for so long. Why don’t we take a break for a little bit?”
“Alright,” he said dejectedly, eyes cast downward. “I know I keep coming on too strong, but I just can’t help myself when it comes to Gilda! I just get swept up in how awesomely amazing she is and I want to pour my heart out to her and scream her name to the heavens!” He then turned his gaze to the ceiling, took a deep breath, and screamed, “GILLLLLLDAAAAAAAA!”
“Will you be quiet over there?!” a voice from the next car called out.
“Sorry!” Kyo called back. His head fell onto the table and he sighed, “See what I mean? I’m doomed to make a fool of myself no matter what.”
“Come on, don’t say that,” I told him, a reassuring smile on my face. “Your enthusiasm may not be such a turn-off with her. Heck, it’s one of the reasons I like you so much!”
“Yeah, but Gilda’s a lot cooler than you,” he responded. “No offense.”
“None taken,” I assured him. “Though, are you sure Gilda’s so much cooler than me? I don’t recall her having glasses as stylish as mine,” I joked, lowering my specs and peering over them.
Kyo giggled and said, “Gilda with glasses like yours? That’d be a sight to see.”
“No kidding,” I chuckled, generating at image of Gilda wearing my glasses, her eyes beadier than normal.
Kyo burst into laughter at that, and I followed suit. It’s true when they say that laughter is contagious. Pinkie Pie, being the Element of Laughter, probably knew that better than anyone, hence her constant attempts to spread it around, even to grumps like Gilda. Too bad Gilda was unwilling to join in when she had the chance, or Kyo might have an easier time with her.
When our laughter cooled down, Kyo sighed happily and said, “Thanks, Abstract. I needed that.”
“Anytime, Kyo,” I replied with a smile. “Except right now for a little bit, cause my horn’s feeling kinda sore,” I added, rubbing my horn with my hoof. Contrary to what some people might believe, horns aren’t extra-sensitive or anything like that; in fact, they can barely feel any touch due to being made of keratin and not having many nerve cells. Just to set the record straight.
“Heh, gotcha,” Kyo responded. “You know what? I’m not too worried about my social skills, cause even if I say something stupid to Gilda, I still have some an awesome meal and massage to win her over with. Speaking of which, would you mind if I practiced my massage skills on you?”
“Actually, yes, I would mind,” I replied curtly.
“Huh?” Kyo said in confusion. “What’s wrong with me massaging you?”
“I just don’t feel comfortable with a guy giving me a massage, alright?” I snapped.
“Come on, please?” Kyo begged me. “The massage could very well make or break the date, and I need all the practice I can get!”
“Look, practicing on me wouldn’t help much anyway,” I informed him. “Even if you could perfectly massage a pony, griffons have different bone and muscle structures, plus you’d have to be careful with their wing area.”
Kyo stared. “…Oh, BUCK ME!”
“Kyo, calm down!” I said quickly. “It’s not so bad.”
“Yes it is!” he retorted. “I’ve only practiced on an Earth pony, and that didn’t go over so well! I don’t even want to think how badly I’ll screw up with a griffon! I’m gonna be the laughingstock of the griffon community, I just know it!”
Way to go, Abstract. Yet another comment of yours made things worse. And I thought Kyo’s people skills needed work. “Kyo, listen to me!” I beseeched him. “You can still give a good massage as long as you don’t do it recklessly! Just be slow and careful and you should be able to work out where you should and shouldn’t massage!”
“Or worse, I’ll become a wanted criminal and hordes of griffon mercenaries will be on the hunt for me!” Kyo ranted on, oblivious to my words. “I’d never be able to hide from them! I’ve never even won a game of hide-and-seek! I might as well just turn myself into them now and save them the trouble!”
I could tell that Kyo was too deep in panic to listen to reason; my only hope was to distract him from his predicament somehow. My mind raced for a solution, until one finally came to me.
“Hey, wanna play some Street Brawler 3D?”
Kyo’s tirade ground to an abrupt halt and he said, “Sure, sounds good!”
Oh, Kyo, I thought with an inward chuckle. Never change.
The train ride was pretty uneventful for the rest of the day. We played games, ate, practiced talking to Gilda a little more, and then went to sleep when it got dark out. I hope you can forgive my lack of detail during this period; it’s just that I kinda want to get to the good stuff, and I don’t want to drag this out any more than I have to. With that said, let’s fast forward to the next morning, just before we arrive at Appleloosa.
I opened my eyes and yawned to greet the new day. The sun had already risen a fair amount, which I guessed indicated it was around 9:00. Feeling well rested, I got up to do my morning stretches.
“Morning, Abstract,” a nearby voice mumbled.
“Oh, good morning, Kyo,” I replied as I arched my back. “Sleep well?”
“Not really,” Kyo admitted with a yawn.
“Oh, sorry to hear that,” I said with concern. “Nervous about meeting Gilda?”
“Like you wouldn’t believe,” he groaned as he rubbed his eyes with his hooves. “I had an awful dream where I met Gilda and it was a total disaster cause I was naked!”
“Kyo, we’re always naked,” I deadpanned.
“Well, naked in my case meaning ‘without my headband’,” he clarified. “You feel naked without your glasses, don’t you?”
“Yeah, cause I need them to see.”
“Exactly! It’s the same deal with me! Uh, minus the part about needing it to see.” There was a short awkward pause, which was then broken by Kyo clearing his throat. “Anyway, then I had another dream where I met Gilda and it turned out she was actually a stallion cosplayer with a griffon fetish.” Kyo shivered at that thought. “That made it hard for me to get back to sleep.”
“I can imagine,” I said, wincing in sympathy.
“Well, that and I was distracted by your dream,” he added offhoovedly.
“My dream?” I asked, nonplussed. “What, did Princess Luna visit you and show you my dream?”
“No, but I could see you making a thought image while you were sleeping,” he explained. “It was pretty entertaining, actually. Never expected you to dream of yourself as a superhero.”
I could feel my face getting hot. Thankfully, since I was already red, my blush would be rather hard to notice. “I…display my dreams while I’m asleep?”
“Apparently so,” Kyo responded with a shrug. “I thought you knew about it.”
“Nope, it’s news to me,” I said, fidgeting in embarrassment. “I never had any sleepovers, and if my parents were aware of it, they never thought to tell me. Though it would explain why my horn always feels a little sore every morning when I wake up. I just assumed that was normal for a unicorn.”
“Well, either way, your dream was real cool,” he told me with a grin. “I wish I was lucky enough to have a dream like that last night.”
“Heh, thanks,” I replied, simply feeling more embarrassed by Kyo’s praise of my dream. “Kyo, do you think you could…not look at any more of my dreams? I’d rather have those remain personal, even though that may be easier said than done in my case.”
“It’s cool, I understand,” he assured me. “Heck, I’d have been horrified if you saw my dreams.”
“Same here,” I said with a grimace.
“So yeah, don’t worry, I’ll respect your privacy.”
“Thanks.” I gave him a grateful smile.
“No prob.” Another awkward pause. “So anyway, once your dream ended, I fell asleep again and had the freakiest dream yet.”
“Freakier than the cosplayer dream?”
“Oh, yeah,” Kyo said with a shiver. “I was a doll, or should I say action figure, and so was Gilda, and someone was playing with us, having us enact various scenes that always ended in us kissing. I might have been able to enjoy the kissing if either of us wasn’t a doll, er, action figure.”
“Yeesh, that does sound freaky,” I replied, grimacing again.
“Yeah, and that wasn’t even the freakiest part,” he recalled. “From what I could tell, the person playing with Gilda and me in that dream…was you.”
“Me?!” I yelped. I certainly didn’t see that coming.
“Yeah, I don’t get it either.” Kyo shook his head rapidly, perhaps trying to shake the bad dreams out of memory. “So yeah, not the most restful night I’ve ever had.”
“Wow, that definitely sucks,” I said in sympathy.
“Tell me about it,” he groaned.
“Want a hug?” I offered, my forelimbs spread open.
“Sure, that’d be nice.”
After a comforting hug, I said, “Come on, we’d better get ready for Appleloosa. It probably won’t be long before we’re there, and we still haven’t eaten breakfast.”
Kyo’s stomach growled at the mention of breakfast. “Ooh, yeah, some food will probably help my nerves.”
“That’s the spirit!” I beamed.
We spent the next half hour or so eating breakfast and preparing for our arrival. It wasn’t long before we could see a settlement come into view. This had to be Appleloosa, the town where we could find Western apple farmers, herds of buffalo, and, if Kyo was lucky, the griffon of his dreams.
End of Part 9
Abstract Helps Kyo Date Gilda
Chapter 10-The Griffon of My Dreams
After a long and nerve-wracking train ride, we were finally here! Appleloosa! What a funny name for the city of my fated meeting with my beloved!
As soon as the train doors opened, I noticed one thing in particular about our destination, more so than the buildings that looked straight out of a Western, the orchard of apple trees over to the left, or even the out-of-place purple circus tent sticking out from somewhere in the back:
The intense desert heat.
“Deep fried griffons!” I cried out as I felt the sudden rise in temperature around me. “So…HOT!”
“Well, we are in the middle of a desert,” Abstract pointed out, though I could tell the heat bothered him as well.
“Ugh, why couldn’t Gilda have stayed in the Crystal Empire?” I whined as I flapped my wings quickly in an attempt to cool down. “At least there wouldn’t be any risk of burning to a crisp there!”
“Who knows? Maybe that could one of the things you and Gilda could talk about,” he offered.
“Aw yeah, I have so much I wanna talk about with her!” I said excitedly, my wings flapping even faster from adrenaline.
“I can just imagine,” he replied with a grin. “Let’s just hope she hasn’t flown the coop before we got here.”
“Yeah…let’s hope…” I said, my excitement turning into dread. Dang it, Abstract, why do you have to be such a buzz kill?
We walked into town, our luggage in tow. As we looked around, two things occurred to me: 1. We didn’t have anyplace we could leave our luggage, and 2. The town seemed almost deserted (pun possibly intended). I really hoped we hadn’t stumbled into a ghost town by accident, especially if it was a literal ghost town, cause I really wasn’t in the mood for horror. I was about to talk to Abstract about the lack of ponies when I heard a voice call out, “Howdy, newcomers!”
“AAH, GHOST COWBOY!” I screamed as I quickly ducked behind Abstract for protection. Hey, don’t judge me; I had ghosts on my mind, and I can’t fight worth a feather unless there’s a controller involved.
“Ghost?! Where?!” the voice cried in alarm. “Huh…I don’t see anythin’.”
After stammering gibberish for a few seconds at the situation, Abstract cleared his throat and said, “Uh, please excuse my friend, sir; he has a bit of an overactive imagination.”
I peeked over Abstract and saw a yellow stallion with a light orange mane and an apple cutie mark dressed in cowboy duds. He didn’t look like a ghost at all; in fact, he looked like a real hunk. He still wasn’t as hot as Gilda, though, so don’t get any ideas. “Yeah, my bad,” I chimed in.
“Aw, it’s nothin’!” the cowboy said, perking up surprising quickly. “I’m just glad to be able to welcome you to AAAAAPPLELOOSA!” He hollered the last word in a way that suggested he got a real kick out of it. “My name’s Braeburn! Who might you fellas be?”
“I’m Abstract Thought. Nice to meet you.”
“Name’s Kyo Kusagani! Same here!”
“Well, it’s nice to meet you too, Abstract Thought and Kyo Ku…Kuso… whatever you just said!” Breaburn replied jovially. “Now, what brings you to this fine town?”
“I’m here to find the love of my life,” I answered in a dreamy tone.
“And I’m here to interview the buffalo for an article I’m writing,” Abstract added. “Do you know where we can find them?”
“Well, your timin’ couldn’t be better!” Braeburn said. “Chief Thunderhooves and his tribe are visiting us at the moment. You should be able to find them over by that big tent over yonder, where some magician’s settin’ up a magic show that’s got everyone real excited, ‘specially since there’s not a whole lot of excitement round here most of the time.”
“Great! Thanks!” Abstract said with a grin.
“Not a problem,” Braeburn replied modestly. He then turned to me and asked, “Now as for this love of yours, what can ya tell me about her?”
“Well, uh,” I began uncertainly, “do you know what a griffon is? Half eagle, half lion, all awesome?”
“Now that you mention it,” Braeburn said, putting a hoof to his chin, “I do believe I’ve seen a creature like that over by the tent. Figured she was an attraction or somethin’.”
“You better believe she is!” I cried out excitedly. “Come on, Abstract!” With that, I grabbed Abstract’s hoof and flew like a flash towards the tent, ignoring his panicked screaming. In hindsight, it probably wasn’t the brightest idea to just fly off without taking our luggage or even saying goodbye to that nice cowboy, but at the time, there was only one thing on my mind: She’s here, she’s here, SHE’S HERE!
I skidded to a stop when the entire tent came into view. There was a large crowd of cowponies and buffalo, and at the center of the crowd’s attention, standing by the entrance to the tent, was none other than HER! Gilda the gloriously gorgeous griffon herself, just as beautiful and awesome as I remember her! She was standing upright on a crate and advertising for the show in her incredible voice! I didn’t even pay much attention to what she was saying; I was too enraptured by being in her presence again at last!
I don’t know how long I drooled over her before I saw a cloud drift into my vision, snapping me out of my stupor. “Hey! Where’d Gilda go?!”
“Now that I have your attention,” Abstract said as he got rid of his thought cloud, “I was going to suggest you go up and introduce yourself to Gilda instead of just staring at her all day.”
“Y-yeah…” I was suddenly feeling a little queasy. “I just…need to get my mojo flowing!” I laughed and plastered a confident grin on my face that even I knew was phony as all get out.
“Kyo, listen to me,” Abstract told me in a serious tone, putting a reassuring hoof on my shoulder. “I know you’re nervous about talking to Gilda, but I want you to know that you have nothing to worry about. You’re the coolest, nicest and funniest pony I know, and Gilda would be lucky to have a boyfriend as awesome as you. Just be yourself, and if Gilda’s half as awesome as you say she is, she’ll appreciate you just the way you are!”
I could feel my nerves ease up from Abstract’s words of confidence. “You’re right, A.T.!” I declared with a more sincere grin. “I’ve been preparing for this moment for over a year! I can do this! I can win Gilda’s heart!”
“That’s it! That’s the right attitude!” Abstract cheered. “Now get over there and sweep her off her feet!”
“I will!” I whooped. I turned to make my way to Gilda, but first I turned back to Abstract and said softly, “Thanks, man.”
“Anytime, bro,” Abstract replied with a smile.
I turned back to face Gilda. “Alright,” I said under my breath, “here goes everything!” After taking a deep breath, I made my way through the crowd toward the griffon of my dreams. It wasn’t until I got trapped behind a couple of buffalo (which are pretty huge, by the way) that it occurred to me that I could simply fly over the crowd. So I did just that, landing in front of Gilda with a flourish. “Hey there, sup?” I greeted nonchalantly, just like I practiced.
“Huh?!” Gilda stared at me in surprise for a few seconds, while I stood there thinking, Oh dear Celestia she’s looking right at me! She then narrowed her amazing eyes at me and asked, “What do you want?” Wow, that was some freaky precognition on Abstract’s part. Maybe his thought cloud ability isn’t his only superpower.
“I, uh…” Come on, brain, don’t go blank on me now! “I…just wanted a chance to hang with you,” I finished coolly. Nice.
“I’m busy,” Gilda said curtly.
“Come on, please?” I cried, my cool façade slipping. “I’m a huge fan of yours! I came out here just so I could meet you!”
Gilda stopped short at that comment. “A fan?” she said with a tone of disbelief. “Are you serious?”
I went into full fanboy mode at that moment. “Totally serious!” I gushed. “You’re the single coolest creature I’ve ever met! Your look, your attitude, everything about you is just…pure badass!”
“Heh, tell me something I don’t know,” Gilda said nonchalantly, though I could see a small grin appear on her face. Yes! I’m getting to her!
“Well, how about this?” I offered. “I’ve prepared a scrumptious lunch for two, and it’d be awesome if you joined me!” I added in a whisper, “It includes meat.”
I could see Gilda drool a little at the mention of meat. Perfect play! She turned toward the tent and yelled, “Hey Trix, I’m gonna hang with a fan of mine! I’ll see ya later!”
“What?!” A blue unicorn in a wizard’s hat and cape I recognized as the pony that was with Gilda and Twilight the other day poked her head outside the tent, looking pretty steamed, and not just from the heat. “You can’t just leave! Trixie is about to start her show!”
“You’ll be fine!” Gilda assured her. “You’ve done plenty of shows without me!”
“Yes, but to leave me for a simple fanboy?!” Trixie seethed.
“Hey! Who are you calling simple?!” I snapped.
“Hey, you’re the one who gets all the fans!” Gilda said gruffly. “Why can’t I have one for a change?!”
Trixie breathed deeply, her eyes clenched shut. “Fine,” she relented. “You two have your fun. Trixie has a crowd to please!” With that, she flourished her cape and trotted back inside the tent.
Gilda muttered something under her breath that I didn’t catch, then turned to me and asked, “So, where’s this food you mentioned?”
“I’ve got it all prepared in town,” I told her, not wanting to mention it was still in a suitcase I left in the middle of the street. “Ready to chow down?”
“You know it!” Gilda said eagerly.
“Alright, let’s go!” I took off into the air, with Gilda flying beside me. “My name’s Kyo Kusagani, by the way.”
“Kill a goose and what now?” Gilda asked with a frown.
“Uh, just call me Kyo.”
“Kyo? Eh, not the weirdest name I ever heard,” Gilda decided with a shrug.
I nodded, turning forward to hide the excited grin I was trying to suppress. I can’t believe it! Gilda wants to hang out with me! This is a dream come true! The urge to grin faded quickly with worry. I just hope it doesn’t become a nightmare…
End of Part 10
Abstract Helps Kyo Date Gilda
Chapter 11-Buffalo and a Show
As I headed into the tent with the rest of the crowd, I could overhear Kyo’s conversation with Gilda and see the two of them fly off together. I couldn’t help but feel a bit giddy about Kyo actually getting along with Gilda after fawning over her for so long; it felt so surreal. It looked like the trip would be a success for him, assuming nothing went wrong during their date, of course. Now I just had to fulfill my purpose for coming here.
I could see numerous buffalo amongst the ponies, including one with a headdress of feathers that I assumed to be the chief (and I really hoped that I was correct in that assumption, or else I’d likely come off as a species-ist). However, he was all the way at the front, and I didn’t think I’d be able to get to him while the tent was packed. Hopefully he’d be free after the show. In the meantime, I went up to the nearest buffalo and tapped him on the side. “Um, excuse me?”
The buffalo turned to me and said, “Oh, hello! You’re a new face! What’s your name?”
“Abstract Thought. Yours?”
“Cardinal Wing.” He beamed at me and exclaimed, “Aren’t you excited?! A real live magician, performing here! I’ve never seen magic before! Maybe the Great and Powerful Trixie could teach me to do magic of my own!”
“Yeah…maybe…” I replied with a falsely enthusiastic grin. I didn’t have the heart to tell him that ponies could only perform magic with a unicorn horn. Somehow, I doubted Trixie would sugarcoat it for him. “So anyway, uh, I’m here to learn more about the buffalo. Do you think I could ask you and your chief some questions about your culture?”
“Sure, no problem!” he responded. “Just wait till Trixie’s done! I don’t want to miss a second of her magic!” At that moment, a drum roll started playing, prompting the excited buffalo to quickly say, “Shh, shh! It’s starting!”
“Fillies, gentlecolts, and buffalo!,” a voice declared as a spotlight shone on the curtain. “Here to dazzle you and bring some wonder and spectacle to your otherwise dreary lives…”
“Hey!” Cardinal griped.
“… is a sorceress who’s traveled far and wide to master the arcane arts,” the voice continued, undaunted, “and share them with those who choose to believe! Prepare yourselves for the one, the only, Great and Powerful Trrrrrrixie!” With that highly dramatic intro out of the way, the curtain opened in a flash and mist poured out from the stage, revealing a blue unicorn wearing a purple hat and cape, both studded with stars, with a diamond (or cubic zirconium, more likely) clasp in the center of her neck.
The crowd around me cheered upon her arrival, but I didn’t feel inclined to applaud with them, knowing what Trixie had done before. While I wasn’t in Ponyville for her disastrous debut there, I was there for her infamously dark return when she took over the town with the help of an evil artifact that was mercifully absent on her person now. Needless to say, I wasn’t exactly happy to see her again.
“Thank you, thank you!” Trixie said with a smug grin. “And now…prepare to be amazed!”
“Wasn’t that the most amazing thing you’ve ever seen?!” Cardinal asked as we left the tent together.
“Yeah, sure,” I replied dismissively. The show was spectacular to look at, but that was all it was: spectacle. I didn’t see any of the advanced magic Twilight knew how to do, just stage magic. (Though I guess her cloud-forming spell was pretty impressive). Sadly, my new buffalo pal was too naïve to tell the difference.
“I mean, I never knew magic could be so…so…magical!” he gushed, oblivious to my lack of enthusiasm. “Especially with Trixie’s reenactment of her defeat of that Ursa Major! I don’t even know what that is, but it must have been a real monster to beat! Just imagine what I could do with that kind of power!”
“Uh-huh.” I decided not to go down that road of imagination, partly because I didn’t know him well enough to have a good idea, but mainly because I didn’t want to risk leaking my thoughts for him to see. Instead, I decided to change the topic. “Hey so, do you think I could meet with your chief now?”
“Oh, right, that!” he recalled. “Sure, no problem! I’ll take you to him right now!”
“Great, thanks!” I beamed. This trip was going rather smoothly for both Kyo and I so far. I was worried there’d be more friction between buffalo and ponies due to the whole incident between them from before, but thankfully they seemed willing to let bygones be bygones. Come to think of it, Equestria in general appeared to be big on forgiveness, considering how Luna and freaking Discord were forgiven and allowed to live free after they were defeated. That would certainly explain why Trixie never went to jail or anything.
Anyway, Cardinal led me to the buffalo in the feathery headdress I had seen earlier, who was having a conversation with a smaller, female-looking buffalo I presumed to be his daughter.
“…I am simply pointing out that that magician’s ability to create clouds would be useful for droughts,” the chief was saying.
“I agree, but can we really trust her?” the daughter rebutted. “She may be a trickster who preys on the gullible; plus, we don’t know if her clouds can make rain or not.”
“I’m pretty sure she is a trickster, personally,” I interjected, causing the two buffalo to turn and stare at me.
“…And you are?” the daughter asked, nonplussed.
“Oh, sorry, I’m Abstract Thought,” I responded. “I was hoping I could speak with the chief.”
“I am Chief Thunderhooves,” the chief greeted, “and this is my daughter Little Strongheart.”
“Nice to meet you two!” I said with a friendly smile.
“Nice to meet you!” Little Strongheart returned. “What did you want to see my father about?”
“He wants to learn more about our culture,” Cardinal explained.
“Yeah, what he said,” I added.
“It’s wonderful to see ponies take an interest in our culture,” Chief Thunderhooves replied proudly.
“Glad you think so!” I levitated a notepad and quill from my bag. “So, uh, you don’t mind if I ask you some questions for an article about you, do you?”
The chief approached me and narrowed his eyes at me. “You don’t plan to use your article to slander my tribe, do you?” he asked me sternly.
I couldn’t help but think, Buffalo are a lot bigger when they’re in your face. “O-of course not!” I assured him with a placating smile.
He glowered at me for a few seconds, until he suddenly smiled and said, “Well then, I’d be happy to answer any questions you have!”
“Uh, great!” I responded, feeling a sort of emotional whiplash. As the chief backed up, I saw Little Strongheart facehoof and then give me an apologetic grimace. I gave her a shrug in response.
“So, what do you want to know?” the chief asked.
“…And that’s where we get the feathers for our headdresses from,” Chief Thunderhooves concluded.
“Wow, that’s amazing!” I breathed. “I never imagined the eagles would be so generous!”
“Yeah, but sometimes the favors they want you to do for them can get pretty ridiculous,” Cardinal Wing chimed in. “I remember one time I had to pre-chew worms for an eagle’s babies.” He stuck his tongue out in disgust. “Bleh, I can still taste them!”
“Hey, you got off lucky,” Little Strongheart objected. “When the babies were still eggs, I was expected to sit on them to keep them warm while the eagle went on vacation! And I couldn’t just have some other buffalo do it for me because the eagle was afraid they’d squish the eggs!”
“Rest assured, my daughter, you were more fortunate than I was,” Chief Thunderhooves declared. “For the eagle to have eggs in the first place, I had to–”
“Whoa, too much information!” I burst out, trying with all my might to mentally scrub the image that came to mind from my brain. The buffalo stared at me for a long moment.
“…find her a male eagle for her to mate with,” the chief finished in an unsettled tone.
I sighed in relief. “Oh, is that all? Sorry, I thought you meant…” I paused quickly, just realizing what I was going to say.
“…Yes?” the chief implored.
I broke out into a sweat. “Uhhhhh…” Come on, I need a distraction! Think of a distraction! For some reason, that led me to think of a buffalo in a ballerina tutu dancing with an eagle. I’m not sure where I got the first part of that image from, but it seemed strangely familiar, like I’d seen it before in real life. Before I could dwell on that further, I heard the chief laugh uproariously.
“You have quite the sense of humor, little pony,” he commended me.
Gah, stupid leaky thoughts! I quickly grinned and said, “Uh, thanks! I aim to please!”
“Whoa!” I turned and saw Cardinal gazing in awe at my thought image. “You’re a magician, too?!”
“Uh, not exactly,” I replied, rubbing the back of my neck with my hoof embarrassedly. “You see, all unicorns are capable of magic, but some are better at it than others. Most unicorns do little more than levitate objects with their magic, though some can learn unique spells and stuff. This is my special talent: the ability to create images of what I’m thinking.”
“Wow!” Cardinal burst out. “You have to teach me!”
“Yeah, about that…” I cleared my throat and nervously adjusted my glasses. “You see, only unicorns can…”
“Excuse me!” I turned to my other side and saw Trixie trotting up to us. Wow, I never thought I’d be glad to see you. “I wish to speak with you alone.”
Cardinal gasped and squealed, “You’re going to give me private magic lessons?! Oh, thank you so much!”
Trixie stared at the giddy buffalo for a few seconds before bursting into laughter. She laughed for what felt like ages, even falling on the ground and pounding it with her hooves. I glanced at Cardinal and mouthed at him, I think that means no, which sank his spirits rather quickly. Eventually, she pulled herself together and breathed, “Thank you, I needed a good laugh.” She then turned to face me and said, “You. Come with me.”
“Me?” I asked in surprise. “What’s so special about me?”
“Oh, you’ll find out in due time,” she answered teasingly. “Now come along; Trixie does not like to be kept waiting.” With that, she walked back to the tent.
I sighed and said to the buffalo, “Sorry, I better see what she wants. We can continue the interview after this, right?”
“Of course,” Chief Thunderhooves affirmed.
“No problem,” Little Strongheart added.
“Mm-hmm,” Cardinal Wing whimpered.
“Oh, and Cardinal?”
“Yeah?”
I walked up to the tearful buffalo and gave him as big a hug as I could, which noticeably took him by surprise. “Don’t let Trixie get to you; she’s just a jerk,” I told him comfortingly. “You don’t want to learn magic from a bad teacher. Trust me.”
“I guess,” Cardinal muttered. “Thanks for the hug.”
“Anytime.”
“Ahem!” I heard from behind me.
“Coming!” I shouted back. What a killjoy. I let go and quickly said, “Sorry, talk to ya later!” before trotting toward the tent. I came up to Trixie who was standing by the entrance and tapping her hoof impatiently. “Alright, what did you want me for?”
“Where did you learn that spell?” she demanded in a hushed tone.
“You mean my thought image ability?” I asked.
“Yes! Exactly!” Trixie hissed dramatically. “With a spell like that, my storytelling would know no limits!”
Yeah, like you couldn’t tell stories without a spell like mine. “Sorry, but I don’t know if it’s a spell you can learn exactly.”
“And what is that supposed to mean?” she snapped.
“Okay, how do I explain this…” I began while tapping a hoof to my head. “Well, uh, to be honest, Trixie, I don’t know how I’m able to do that. I’ve just had that ability ever since I could use magic. Not even Twilight knows how to do it, and considering what a magic whiz she is–”
“Yes, yes, enough about Twilight,” Trixie said curtly. “Why don’t we discuss this further inside?”
“Um, okay.” I followed Trixie inside the currently otherwise empty tent, uncertain of what she had in mind, although I had a feeling she planned to extort me in some way. Hopefully she was enough of a wimp that if she tried to use force, I could surprise attack her into submission long enough to clear out.
Eventually, Trixie stopped when we were behind the curtain on stage and told me, “Now, I have a proposition for you.”
“What kind of proposition?” I asked skeptically.
“You assist me with my next show in a couple of hours–secretly, of course–and I will pay you 10% of today’s profits!” She gave me a smirk, seeming confident that she had made an offer I wouldn’t want to refuse. “How does that sound?”
Trixie wanting my help for her stage shows? That was certainly an unexpected development. “Uh, I dunno,” I replied. “I’ve never used my magic for a show before. To be honest, I feel a bit embarrassed when I share my thoughts using my magic.”
“That’s the beauty of it, though!” she enthused. “You don’t have to expose yourself at all! I shall take all of the credit, while you stay backstage and help me dazzle the audience in secret! It’s the perfect plan!”
“Yes, except for the part where you take credit for someone else’s hard work,” I retorted sharply. “I may not be a showmare like you, but I have some dignity. You want to impress the crowd, do it with your own talents, not mine. Good day.” With that, I turned on my heels and started to canter off.
“Wait!” I turned back to face Trixie. Wow, she must be insecure. “What if Trixie were to sweeten the deal by, say, offering 25% of today’s profits?”
“And you’ll give me credit?” I added.
“I’ll say you helped inspire the act at the end of the show,” she rebutted.
“…Fine.”
“Excellent!” Trixie exclaimed. “We have a lot of work to do to prepare for my next big act! Come along, lackey!” With that, she grabbed my hoof with her magic and dragged me backstage.
I can’t believe I’m letting myself get dragged into this, I thought wearily. And I thought this was going to be a simple trip. What a fool I am.
End of Part 11
Abstract Helps Kyo Date Gilda
Chapter 12-A Dweeb's Dinner
Thank Celestia! Our suitcases were still where I left them! The cowboy from earlier seemed to have lost interest, though, as he wasn’t there anymore. Oh well, at least he didn’t steal our stuff.
As I landed next to my suitcase, I heard my beloved ask, “Hey, what are you doing?”
“Getting our lunch,” I replied matter-of-factly as I dug around in my suitcase for the plastic food containers.
“Wait, you mean it’s not fresh?” Gilda snapped.
“No, but I did my best to prepare it to perfection!” I assured her, showing the containers and the food inside them as proof. “Plus, these containers are refrigerated and hermetically sealed, so the food is still as fresh as it was the day I cooked it!”
Gilda narrowed her eyes and peered into the clear container that held the steak. Eventually she shrugged and decided, “Eh, as long as you’ve got meat. So, where are we gonna chow down?”
Oops. Didn’t think of that.
“Uhh…” My eyes quickly roamed the town, searching for the one building guaranteed to be in any self-respecting cowpony town that would be the perfect venue for our lunch date.
“Ooh look, a saloon!” I pointed at a building that looked a whole lot like the one in that Western movie I remember watching ages ago. Seriously, it’s like the builders went out of their way to make Appleloosa look like every Western movie town ever. “I’m sure they’d be willing to let us eat there! Look good to you?”
“I guess," she said with a shrug.
“Alright, let’s go!” With that, I flew over to the saloon with our food and drink in tow. I peered over the saloon doors and saw that the place was empty except for a stallion behind the bar. Perfect, we’d have some privacy for our little date! I flew through the swinging doors and cried, “Howdy, my good man, I’m here for – ah!” I noticed too late that I had gotten my tail caught in the swinging doors after they swung back, causing me to stumble forward and drop the containers and soda bottle I was holding. “Oh, ponyfeathers!”
“Ugh! You dropped the food?!” I heard Gilda screech from behind me.
“No no no, it’s okay!” I stammered as I rushed to pick up the containers I dropped, which were thankfully still sealed tight. “See? Nothing spilled! The food’s still good! We can still eat, right?” I gave Gilda a pleading smile.
Gilda stared at me a moment, and then said, “Whatever.” Oh, she has such a way with words!
“Alright, let’s eat!” With that, I put the containers and bottle on a table near the window. “Hold on, I’m gonna try and get some plates and utensils.”
“Okay,” Gilda responded, “while you do that, I’m gonna go take a leak.” She then turned to the stallion at the bar and shouted, “Hey, barkeep! Where’s the bathroom?”
The barkeep turned his attention away from a bottle he was holding and answered, “Er, there’s an outhouse jus’ outside.”
Gilda sighed and walked outside, grumbling something under her breath. Ooh, to think that I’ll be able to use a toilet that Gilda just used! That’s not creepy, is it? Eh, moving on.
It occurred to me that Gilda might not like the meat if it wasn’t warmed up, so I put the steak container on my back and walked over to the barkeep. “Excuse me,” I asked him, “do you have any plates and utensils my lady and I can borrow?”
“Mm-hmm, there’s some in the kitchen in the back,” the barkeep said as he poured some of the liquid in a bottle into a nearby bucket.
“Cool, thanks!” I replied. “And, uh, just out of curiosity, you have a stove back there, right?”
“Mm-hmm,” he answered, pouring part of another bottle into the bucket. “An’ if you burn down my saloon with it, yer payin’ for it, in bits and beatin’s.”
I gulped loudly at that overhanging threat. I knew neither my body nor my bank account could take that kind of damage. “I hear ya loud and clear,” I responded with a nervous smile. I walked to the nearby doorway in the back and entered the kitchen, which had most of the various kitchen you’d expect, except more old-timey and no refrigerator. Oh, and the stove looked different than any I’ve used before. That could be a bit of a problem.
“Hey, uh, saloon guy!” I called as I turned over the steak container and plopped the meat on the oven. “How does this thing work?”
I heard the guy swear something Western-y in the other room, then he walked in and barked, “Fer land’s sake, what’re ya doin’, messin’ with my stove?!”
“Sorry, I just need to warm something up for my date with Gilda!” I informed him. “It shouldn’t take too long.”
“Jus’ what is so gol-dang important that…” His words trailed away as he saw what was on the stove.
“Okay, I know this looks bad…” I began.
“GAAH!” The barkeep stumbled away and galloped out of the store, shouting, “HELP! CANNIBAL!”
…Well, that could have gone better. I didn’t want to risk burning the place down, so it looks like we were having cold steak for lunch. Well, lukewarm steak, considering it’s been out of the fridge for about a day.
Oh well, at least it wasn’t too hard finding the plates and utensils. Hopefully lunch would go more smoothly.
“Lunch is served!” I announced as Gilda walked back into the saloon. I had the table all set up, with plates, forks, knives, napkins, glasses, all that jazz. I would have added a small vase of flowers if we weren’t in the middle of a nearly barren desert. And if the saloon had a vase. Eh, beggars can’t be choosers.
“What’s up with the barkeep?” she asked me. “He’s freaking out over some cannibal or something?”
“Meh, cowponies are weird,” I said with a dismissive wave of my hoof. I then pulled her chair back and said, “After you, my lady.”
Gilda grunted and sat down without a word. Normally I’d complain about not getting so much as a thank-you, but considering it was Gilda, a griffon who was too cool to be polite, I was willing to let it slide. After pouring some soda into both our glasses, I sat down in my chair and declared, “Alright, let’s dig in!”
“You don’t have to tell me twice!” Gilda squawked before she picked up the steak with her claws and gobbled it down ravenously. Wow, griffons sure do love their meat. You’d think she was starving to death from the way she attacked that steak. I stared in awe and disgust (at the meat, not Gilda), too mesmerized to eat anything myself. I decided to break the ice with, “So…good steak?”
“Oh, you have no idea how long it’s been since I’ve had cooked meat!” Gilda gushed as she tore through her steak. “You wouldn’t believe how uptight ponies are about eating other animals!”
“Heh, yeah,” I scoffed with a nervous grin. “Ponies are the worst.”
Gilda chuckled at that, which got me grinning more giddily. “You’re the first pony I’ve ever met who’s okay with meat! That automatically makes you cool!”
Gilda called me cool?! If this is a dream, I thought, please don’t let me wake up.
“Heh, well, ya know,” I stammered, a blush growing on my face. “It’s no big deal, anything for my love, I mean, ah, coolest creature ever!”
Gilda finished most of the steak before placing the rest of it on her plate, leaning back on her chair, and giving a great big burp. Dang, I wish I could burp like her. “Ugh, it doesn’t taste so good the second time around,” she groaned. “You sure you cooked this right?”
“Yeah, I’m pretty sure I did,” I replied. “I followed the instructions, at least.”
“Eh, it’s okay, I guess,” Gilda relented. “You are a pony; it makes sense that you wouldn’t be so hot with cooking meat. Still better than anything I’ve had in ages, though.”
“Thanks!” I beamed. “I do my best.”
“Here.” Gilda pushed her plate to me. “It’s your steak; you might as well try some.”
I could feel my face grow pale. It was hard enough for me to cook a piece of animal; eating one was a different story. “Eh-heh, thanks for the offer,” I said awkwardly, “but, well, I made this steak for you, you should have the whole thing.”
“Hey, what kind of griffon would I be if I didn’t share?” Gilda insisted. “Besides, I kinda feel like having some potatoes now.” She grabbed a potato from the container and took a bite from it. “C’mon, tick a bit,” she mumbled through a mouth full of potato.
Sheesh, Gilda had to pick the worst time to be extra nice. She’s lucky she’s so perfect in every way. Well, it looks like I’m gonna be a cannibal after all.
“Okay, uh, I might as well have a…little bite.” Anxiously, I grabbed my fork and knife and cut off a little piece of steak. I raised the steak to my muzzle and paused as the scent of meat entered my nostrils. Oh, Celestia, why?! “Alright.” I gulped nervously. “Bottoms up!” With that, I opened my mouth and slowly moved my fork closer until I could feel the piece of meat pass between my lips. Steeling myself as best I could, I closed my mouth and took a hesitant bite.
Alright, so I, an herbivore, have just eaten a piece of another animal. Now, I don’t want you to freak out about what I have to say next: it tasted awesome. I know, it was totally sick and disgusting and I’ll never cook another piece of meat as long as I live (unless Gilda convinces me otherwise), but I just couldn’t help myself! It was so unlike anything I’ve had before, and it got my taste buds all excited and ready to party…or something. Anyway, that’s why I ended up chowing down like a maniac on the rest of the steak. Yep, I’m a monster now. Or a griffon. Either way, I’m no longer the cute and cuddly pony I used to be.
Gilda stopped eating and gave an impressed whistle through her beak. “Dang! I thought you were just faking your love of meat, but it looks like you’re the real deal!”
I took a big swig of soda to calm the queasiness I felt in my stomach and boasted, “Hey, I’m Kyo Kusagani! I’m the reigning Street Brawler champ back home! You better believe I’m the real deal!” I pounded a hoof on the table and unleashed a mighty burp of my own. Okay, my burp was kinda puny compared to hers, but hey, it felt mighty.
Gilda laughed at my display of bravado, hopefully more out of respect than mockery. “Hey, that reminds me,” she asked as I grabbed a potato of my own. “What’s the deal with your name? Kyo Whateveryousaid?”
“Kusagani.”
“Whatever.”
“Well, believe it or not, there’s quite a bit of history behind my name.” I took a big bite of potato and washed it down with some soda before I continued. “You ever hear of the legend of the Kusanagi blade?”
“Can’t say I have,” Gilda replied.
“Well, it’s an old Neighponese legend about a sword that could control the wind,” I explained. “According to legend, an eight-headed serpent was ravaging the land and had eaten all of a family’s daughters except for one. A god named Susaphone agreed to help the daughter slay the serpent in exchange for her hoof in marriage. She accepted, and after he slayed the beast, he discovered a mysterious blade in one of the serpent’s tails. Generations later, this blade was given as a gift to the great warrior Yamato Stew. He discovered the sword’s wind-controlling powers when trying to cut some grass that have been set on fire by foes he was fighting. Thus, he dubbed the sword Kusanagi-no-Tsurugi, or the “Grass Cutting Sword.” Not the most badass nickname, admittedly, but it sure sounds cool in Neighponese!”
Gilda had finished her potato by that point and was now licking her claws. “Hmm, that’s not a bad story,” Gilda admitted. “So you’re saying you’re a descendant of the warrior you mentioned?”
“Well, not exactly,” I continued, awkwardly rubbing the back of my neck. “I’m actually a descendant of a guy who made a knockoff sword called the Kusagani blade. He sold it to a royal family and got filthy rich, at least until his scam was exposed when the prince used the sword in battle and got killed when it failed to control so much as a breeze. The guy had to leave the country when he was found out, and he eventually made it to Equestria, where he was able to live peacefully without being identified for his scam.” I cleared my throat and finished my glass of soda. “So yeah, that’s where my last name comes from.”
“Let me get this straight,” Gilda inquired with a raised eyebrow. “You’re named after a fake version of a legendary sword made by some conman who’s related to you?”
“I know, not the best thing to be named after…” I began sheepishly.
My words were interrupted by Gilda guffawing and slapping a talon on the table. “Haha, I love it! I wish I’d thought of a scam like that!”
“Heh, thanks!” I replied with a grin. Wow, Gilda was the first person who reacted so positively to that part of the story! Everyone else I had told it to found it a bit of a letdown. Guess Gilda prefers bad boys to heroes. Duly noted.
“Say, maybe you help me come up with a scam,” Gilda suggested with a smirk. “You know, cause you might have inherited some of your ancestor’s conning skills.”
“Gee, I’m flattered,” I answered, a blush growing on my face. “I’d love to help you out, but sadly, the last time I tried to con someone was when I cheated on a math test, and, well, that didn’t go so well.”
“I see,” Gilda said coolly.
Oh, ponyfeathers, I’m losing her! I need to get on her sweet side fast! I quickly grabbed the tin I had brought, pulled off the lid, and burst out, “Hey, here’s some vanilla lemon drops, your favorite!”
“Aw, sweet!” Gilda cried before grabbing a bunch of drops from the tin. She had brought one to her mouth when she stopped short and asked suspiciously, “Hey, how did you know vanilla lemon drops are my favorite? Have you been stalking me?”
“What?! No, of course not!” I exclaimed. “What do I look like, some kind of obsessed creep?” Uh, don’t answer that, I wanted to add, but I was afraid that’d just land me in hotter water, and I certainly didn’t need to get any hotter while I was in the middle of a freakin’ desert. “No, it was just, uh, a lucky guess! I really like them, and I was hoping you would too!”
Gilda scowled at me for a long moment before she decided, “Just don’t give me any reason to think you know anything…personal, if you get my drift. You got that?”
“O-of course!” I assured her. “I can totally respect your privacy!” Sheesh, why is my stomach so queasy? I quickly grabbed some vanilla lemon drops and stuffed them in my mouth. “So, ho’d yo mit Trishie?” I asked her with my mouth full.
“How’d I meet Trixie?” Gilda parroted. After a nod from me, she explained, “Well, a couple of months ago, I was chilling at a bar and happened to sit next to her while I ordered my drink. I got annoyed by her being all melodramatic, so I told her to knock it off. She didn’t take that well, and we got into an argument. Before things could get nasty, she happened to mention that she had been humiliated thanks to an insufferable pony earlier. That got me to mention that something similar had happened to me, and next thing you know, we’re bonding over the ponies that screwed us over.”
“Wow, that sounds like an interesting way to start a friendship,” I remarked.
“Heh, no kidding. So after a night of drinking and hanging out, we decided to travel together and…” Gilda suddenly groaned and put a talon to her stomach. “Ugh, are you sure nothing’s wrong with the meat you cooked?”
“Yes, I’m sure!” I insisted. “It was fresh when I got it, and I’ve kept it fresh for over a year!”
“A year?!” Gilda snapped. “You idiot! You’re not supposed to keep meat that long! Otherwise it’ll go…bad…” Gilda pressed her talons onto her beak and flew like a dash outside. A couple of seconds later, I could hear the sounds of retching outside. Well, f-word.
“…Gilda?” I called. “You doing alright?”
“What do you think?!” Gilda barked from outside before going back to throwing up.
“Just checking!” I shouted back. A second later, I felt the need to upchuck too. I rushed outside and headed to the outhouse where I could see Gilda’s awesome rump sticking out. “Make way!” I yelled as I flew up to the toilet and lost my lunch inside it.
Yep, I’m definitely never cooking meat again.
End of Part 12
Abstract Helps Kyo Date Gilda
“Okay, enlighten me, Trixie,” I requested as I sat in a chair in a dressing room in the back of the tent. “What exactly do you want me to do for you?”
“It’s simple, my dear Anthrax,” Trixie began.
“Abstract.”
“Whatever.” She waved a hoof dismissively before continuing her explanation. “You shall use your magical thoughts to add a little…pizzazz!” She punctuated that last word with a sweep of her hoof and a colorful spark of magic. I had a feeling she’d be doing a lot of that sort of thing. Joy.
“What sort of pizzazz?” I pressed, unimpressed.
“Well, do you know what an Ursa Major looks like?” Trixie asked.
“Not a clue,” I answered frankly.
“No matter,” she continued without missing a beat, barring a quick dismayed yet somehow relieved look that she attempted to mask. “There are endless possibilities with that ability of yours! Conjure up the most fearsome creature you can imagine, and I shall vanquish it with ease!”
I raised an eyebrow at that. “Defeat a fake monster? Is that really the best method you can think of to impress your fans?”
“Excuse me, it’s a perfect method!” Trixie said haughtily. “If Trixie can prove to her viewers that she is capable of slaying a mighty beast, then there shall be no doubters of my magical prowess!”
“Magical prowess you don’t have,” I finished bluntly.
“Can you imagine a mighty beast or not?!” Trixie snapped.
“Alright, alright! Let me think…” With my magic activated, I imagined the biggest beast I’ve seen personally: a huge purple dragon with green spines roaring and towering over the town like something out of a Neighponese monster movie. It was big in my mind, but apparently it didn’t translate so well to my magic.
“You call that a mighty beast?!” Trixie scoffed. “It’s barely taller than I am!”
“Sorry, Trixie, this is the first time I’ve imagined anything so large with my magic,” I said, while the dragon in my mind stopped roaring and assumed an indignant look on its face. “Besides, I don’t think the size is the big issue here.”
“And what gives you that idea?” she demanded.
“All my thought images are surrounded by this cloudy border,” I explained while the image dragon gestured to the border in question. “So even if I can create a life-sized image of a dragon, it’ll still be obvious that it’s an illusion.”
Trixie went bug-eyed at that realization, followed by a hoof to the face. “Ugh, unbelievable!” she griped. “I find a stallion with the perfect spell to aid my performance, only to find out he can’t even use it properly!”
“Well, excuse me for not studying to be a magician like you, Your Highness!” I retorted sarcastically while imagining the dragon raising a finger and thrusting it in her direction. Sheesh, with an attitude like that, it’s no wonder she went crazy evil when she didn’t get her way. I took a deep breath, turned off my magic, and continued with forced calm, “So, it looks like the ‘monster-slayer’ approach is out.”
“Perhaps,” Trixie conceded, a thoughtful look on her face until it lit up with inspiration. “Unless…”
Oh dear. “Unless what?” I asked warily.
“Seeing as your images are surrounded in a sort of cloud,” Trixie said while pacing excitedly, “the thought occurred to me: why not have the monster you imagine be made of cloud itself?”
“A cloud monster?” I deadpanned with a scowl. “Oh yes, I’m sure the audience will be terrified of clouds.”
“Honestly, for a pony named Alabaster Thought, you’re sorely lacking in imagination,” Trixie berated me with her nose turned upwards like the ponies in Canterlot are fond of doing, at least from what I’ve heard.
“Abstract Thought,” I hissed.
“Whatever!” Trixie went back to her fervent pacing and gesturing. “I am not talking about some white and fluffy pillow with teeth! I’m talking about a dark and sinister fog with menacing flashes and tendrils! An eldritch creature the likes of which those yokels have never seen the likes of before! Its presence shall strike fear into everypony who lays their eyes on it…except me of course,” she added matter-of-factly before returning to her melodramatic spiel. “The crowd will be brought to their knees in awe and admiration as they see this fearsome creature vanquished by my hoof with nary a sweat drawn! My reputation will soar to the heavens! I will be beloved throughout Equestria! I might even get my own blockbuster movie, with me playing the star role, of course!” She then suddenly shifted from boastful to doleful and pressed, “Surely it’s not too much to ask for you to look into your heart and support my dream, is it?” She gave me a tearful frown, quivering lip and all.
Geez, does she see her life as one big play or something? I met her gaze with a long stare for a few seconds before replying with a sigh, “Sure, I suppose it’d be fun to imagine something like that, at least.”
“Excellent!” Trixie cried, quickly returning to her regular hammy self. “Now, we have a lot of work to do to prepare for the next show, and when I say ‘we’, I mean you, of course, since I already know exactly what I’m going to do!”
“I’m sure you do,” I said dryly. “Alright, let me try and see if I’ve got the sort of creature in mind you were talking about.” With that, I activated my magic and dug around in my imagination until I found it, the very creature that would be perfect for the sorceress before me…
…A white and fluffy pillow with an evil expression and sharp teeth.
“I suppose you think you’re a real comedian, don’t you?” Trixie seethed as I laughed at the expression on her face, like she could crack a nut with how tightly her teeth were ground together.
“Relax, Trixie, I was just kidding,” I assured her through my chuckling. Not wanting to aggravate her further (yet), I shut off the magic and quickly composed myself. “Alright, I’m done. Let’s get to business, shall we?”
Trixie took a deep breath to calm herself, then put on her game face and said with a smirk, “Yes, let’s!”
“No, no, no!” Trixie barked in that shrill voice that had grown more and more insufferable the more I heard it. “For the last time, the flashes are supposed to be blood red, not scarlet! And the tendrils are all wrong! They need to be longer and thinner! Honestly, can’t you get anything right?!”
I groaned loudly, partly due to pain growing in my horn due to it using magic for so long at once. “Trixie, you really think the audience is gonna make a fuss over these details?” I implored for what felt like the fifth time so far. “As long as they believe the monster’s real, and they get an awesome fight scene out of the deal, that’s good enough, right?”
“Oh, Absent Thought,” Trixie chided me as though I was an ignorant colt (surprise, surprise), “this is why you’re the assistant and I’m the performer.”
I couldn’t tell if “Absent Thought” was another case of her forgetting my name or if she had done that deliberately as an insult, but either way, I was tired of correcting her, so I decided to let that slide. I was about to make a rebuttal when I heard a growing roar of voices outside.
“My next show!” Trixie burst out. “Trixie must get them warmed up!” She trotted to the door and added, just before she left, “Wait to the side and when I mention how unlikely it is that the creature will appear, you summon the best imitation you can!” With that, she left.
I shut off my thought image and rubbed my sore horn, wincing. This show better turn one hay of a profit. I then grabbed a bottle of apple juice from Trixie’s cooler and took a big swig. Trixie had told me they were off limits to anyone but her, but screw it, she’s been nothing but condescending to me, so consider it a karma fine or something. I didn’t want my horn to hurt any more than it had to, so I carried the bottle in my right front hoof. Of course, it was tricky walking to the curtain using only three legs, but whatever. I came over to the side of the stage just as Trixie was getting started. A few simple tricks to get the audience pumped, and then it was fake monster story time.
“Fillies and gentlecolts, I have faced many exotic creatures in my travels,” she narrated in her typical dramatic manner, “but none quite like…the Cumulonimbeast!” She let loose a couple of fireworks spells to create a starry image of the beast in question.
I heard the crowd go “oooooh” at that, while I had to resist the urge to facehoof. I’m not sure if the pause was for dramatic effect or she needed time to come up with a name, but either way, she could have done a lot better. Then again, considering some of the official names for real creatures out there, maybe I can’t really fault her. At least not this time. But I digress.
“I can still remember the night it happened clear as day,” Trixie continued. “I was wondering across the Foal Mountains when I noticed storm clouds rapidly gathering, despite the forecast calling for a clear evening. Imagine my astonishment when the clouds started flashing blood red…” Trixie cast a surreptitious look my way at that point, a look I responded to with a roll of the eyes. Dear Celestia, can she let anything go? “…and cloudy tendrils started extending from the dark mass!” With that, a bright flash and a sound like lightning sent the crowd into fervor. Can’t resist a little flashy punctuation, can you?
Blah, blah, blah, fictional battle reenactment, I kinda tuned out at that point. Honestly, the methods she supposedly used to defeat the Cumulo-whatsit were suspiciously similar to the methods unicorns use to defuse and clear away storm clouds, at least from what I’ve read. Of course, since they were no other unicorns around but me, the audience was none the wiser. Figures.
“…of course, it’s unlikely that such a creature would appear around these parts…or is it?”
Oh cripes, that was my cue! Lighting up my horn with a wince, I conjured the image I had spent the last hour or so envisioning and revising and had it start to drift in from behind the curtains into the front stage. I still didn’t know how to deal with the light red outline surrounding it, but fortunately no one seemed to notice, especially with the blood red flashes (as though I was supposed to be familiar with the exact shade of red blood was) distracting them.
“Dear Celestia, can this be?!” Trixie exclaimed with a feigned air of surprise. “Another cumulonimbeast?! Here to avenge its fallen comrade, perhaps?” She got herself in a battle-ready position as the cloud image started to get its tendrils out. “Foolish monster!” she shouted. “You dare to challenge the Great and Powerful Trixie, knowing full well that she vanquished your brethren before, with ease, with style, with undeniably mesmerizing–”
I couldn’t resist. I had one of the cloud tendrils lash out and whip the tip of the nose. It didn’t hurt her, being an image and all, but it caused her to flinch and the audience to gasp, killing two birds in one stone (which is a rather strange expression and come on now is not the time to go off on a tangent). Trixie gave me a quick glare, then focused on the cloud creature before her. “So be it!” she bellowed as she lit up her horn and fired a spell into the center of the cloudy image.
At that moment, it occurred to me that we never really got to rehearse how exactly the cloud image would react to Trixie’s spells. Thank you, Trixie, for focusing solely on making the monster look exactly the way you wanted it. I was so caught up in this revelation that I forgot to have the cloud thing react to the spell, leaving it exactly the same as earlier. Oops.
Trixie was visibly nonplussed and a tad irritated at the lack of reaction, but she bravely attempted to save face. “Uh, so you failed to heed Trixie’s warning shot, eh?” she cried. “Very well, then, no more mercy! Or else,” she added with a low hiss. This time she charged up an even more impressive-looking burst of magic and shot it with gusto into the cloud beast.
I wasn’t sure what sort of reaction Trixie wanted from the Cumulo-whatsit, so I decided to play it safe and go completely over the top with it. I had the thing recoil, writhe, flash every color of the rainbow, flail everywhere, implode, and finally explode for good measure. A soundless explosion at that; how realistic is that?
Everyone stared silently at that spectacle for a few seconds, and then the crowd went wild. Wow, guess over-the-top death scenes aren’t hokey when it comes to monsters. Naturally, Trixie acted like that was just the way she planned it. “Thank you, thank you!” she said proudly. “It’s all in a day’s work for the Great and Powerful Trixie!”
“Woo, Trixie,” I muttered sarcastically under my breath.
With my part in her performance done and unaccredited, I decided to close my eyes for a few minutes and tune the rest of her show out. As I sat there, I wondered how Kyo’s date with Gilda was going. Lucky him; at least he’s enjoying his time with Gilda. I suddenly stared imagining what their children might look like if they had any; I’ve never seen a hippogriff, so my imagined blends of pony and griffon were somewhat rough and misshapen, not to mention I imagined them fighting each other over whose turn it was to play on the JoyBoy, with Kyo frantically trying to calm them down and Gilda just watching and laughing at the whole thing. I couldn’t help but giggle at that mental image.
I suddenly noticed that the noise of the crowd had become less enthusiastic. I opened my eyes and noticed, of course, my thought magic was still on. Mega oops.
“Now, uh, Trixie can explain…” she began anxiously.
“Look! It’s coming from that pony backstage!” a cowpony shouted and pointed.
Trixie’s face turned as pale as her hair. “Ah, uh, how dare you pull such a trick on the Great and Powerful Trixie!” she burst out. “Get out of my sight before I destroy you!”
I could tell the crowd didn’t buy it, judging from the boos and demands for refunds that were emanating from them. I decided to hightail it from there in case they were steamed at me, too. As I slipped out from the back, I felt a tackle from behind and fell to the ground.
“YOU!” I heard Trixie rage. “What were you thinking, exposing yourself like that?!”
I did a double take at the way she phrased that. “Uh, excuse me?”
“Don’t play dumb!” she shrieked. “Everything was perfect until you made that image completely unrelated to my show!”
“I didn’t mean for that to happen!” I protested. “I swear, it just leaked out!”
“Oh-ho, is that so?” Trixie trotted to my front and faced me with a glare that was almost half as impressive as Fluttershy’s. “You know what I think? I think you deliberately set yourself up so you could ruin my reputation even more than it already was!” Her horn then glowed and I felt my body constrict and rise into the air. “Well, if you think Trixie is just going to let you get away with that,” she continued with a chilling dark tone, “you’re even more brain dead than I thought.”
Oh crap, I should have expected this sort of reaction from the tyrant of Ponyville, I thought as I started to sweat bullets (not literally, of course). And yeesh, even when she’s threatening me, she’s gotta use petty insults.
“Let him go, you trickster!” a voice called from behind me. I recognized the voice as Little Strongheart’s, but I couldn’t turn my head to see.
“Hah! You’re rather confident for a magic-less rat,” Trixie scoffed. “I’d think twice before trying any funny business, lest you want something to happen to your friend here.” With that, she turned me over so I was upside down and facing Little Strongheart, who was standing in front of the exit I had taken. I could feel the blood rushing to my head, but fortunately nothing worse, at least not yet.
“You may thing you have the advantage here,” Little Strongheart said in a tone of authority, “but consider who you will have to deal with if you harm Abstract any further.”
At that moment, Chief Thunderhooves and Cardinal Wing stood beside Little Strongheart, and I could see other buffalo gathering from the sides of the tents from my peripheral vision. It looked like at least the whole tribe was here, and they did not look happy. I just wish I could have seen the look on Trixie’s face at that moment.
“So, ‘Great and Powerful Trixie’,” Little Strongheart challenged with a steely glare that made Trixie’s look pathetic, “are you truly strong enough to take on our tribe?”
I heard a squeak from Trixie and then I felt myself drop and hit my head on the ground. Ow. “U-Uh…” I heard a stammering voice say, “T-Trixie will of course be happy to uh, refund anypony, er, buffalo, who was dissatisfied with…look, a moose!”
I saw the buffalo quickly turn their heads, and then I heard a poof of smoke and the galloping of hooves, followed shortly afterwards by the quaking charge of buffalos, leading to vibrations that gave me a headache pretty quickly. Also, I think my horn got buried in the dirt from the fall somehow. And I never got paid. Oh well, at least Trixie got her just desserts.
Only the three buffalo in my sights remained. After a few seconds, Cardinal Wing spoke up. “So…she was a total fraud?”
“Pretty much, yeah,” I confirmed.
Chief Thunderhooves turned to Little Strongheart and said, “Daughter, I am sorry I didn’t heed your concerns about the trickster.”
“It’s okay, father,” she assured him with a smile. “I can’t blame you for being astounded by her magic. She was certainly convincing, at least up till the end.” She then turned to me with a glare. “You, on the other hoof, willingly aided her in her trickery. That cannot be so easily forgiven.”
“I know,” I admitted with a sigh. “I only did it cause Trixie offered me a quarter of the profits. I shouldn’t have let her sucker me into this. If there’s any way I can make it up to you, please let me know.”
Little Strongheart gave me a critical look, until she eventually asked, “Is your horn stuck in the ground?”
“Let me check…” I tried to push myself up and out of the ground, but to no avail. “Yep, I’m stuck.”
“I see,” she replied as she rubbed her chin with her hoof in thought. Why does that look make me nervous? “Well, Abstract, I have decided to forgive you, and even let you continue the interview with us, on one condition.”
“Great! What’s the condition?”
“You must remain stuck in the ground until the interview is over,” she concluded with a smirk. Chief Thunderhooves and Cardinal Wing giggled at that.
Oh dear. I was feeling light headed already. Kyo’s definitely luckier than me.
End of Part 13
Abstract Helps Kyo Date Gilda
Chapter 14-The Eagle Has Landed
After what felt like ages, Gilda and I had finally emptied our stomachs of the apparently tainted meat and were now reclining against the outhouse, trying to get our energy back. There was a tense silence between the two of us, and I wasn’t sure what to do next. I decided to be bold and surreptitiously move my hoof on top of Gilda’s talon in hopes that she’d be touched and forget any hard feelings she may have had about me accidentally food poisoning her. Yeah, I’m not a smart pony.
“Don’t touch me!” Gilda snapped, quickly moving her claw away from me. “You and your stupid rotten meat! You’ve got to be the dumbest cook I’ve ever met!”
“Hey, I’ve never cooked meat before!” I said defensively. “I learned how to do it just for you! I was hoping you’d like it!”
“Yeah, sure, who wouldn’t like puking your guts out in a stinking outhouse?!” Gilda retorted.
“Hey, at least you got to share that moment with someone who loves you, right?” I offered with a winning smile. Definitely not a smart pony.
“Ugh!” Gilda quickly took to the air, still looking somewhat strained from lack of energy. “You’re an even bigger creep than I could have imagined! I am so done with this crap!”
I suddenly felt like I might throw up again, despite throwing up everything I had earlier. What? She’s leaving?! NO! I can’t lose my beloved Gilda! There’s gotta be some way to salvage this! “NO, WAIT!” I shouted just as Gilda started to fly off.
“What?!” she barked back.
“Please don’t go! I can make this up to you, I swear!” I said frantically. “I can…I can give you a massage!”
Gilda raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms at that. “A massage? You’re kidding, right?”
“No, seriously!” I assured her. “I learned how from the best masseuse in Ponyville! And the lessons are a lot fresher in my mind than our lunch was!” I decided not to mention the broken bones that resulted from those lessons.
“No. You’ve done more than enough,” Gilda growled.
“Come on, when was the last time you had a massage?” I coaxed her. “Just lying down, feeling all your worries melt away as your muscles are rubbed in just the right way to eliminate the tension? Just relaxing with nothing in the world but you and that massage, feeling yourself drift away…” By that point, my voice had become soft and I was lying on the ground, eyes drooped nearly shut. Heck, I wondered if I had hypnotized myself or something.
Gilda glowered at me for what felt like forever, until she finally slapped a talon to her face and said, “I must be out of my feathering mind…Fine, I’ll let you massage me or whatever, but if you mess me up in any way…” She held up a claw threateningly to illustrate her point.
“Oh, thank you thank you thank you!” I cheered as I flew up to her. “Don’t worry, I promise it’ll be the best massage you ever had!”
Sigh…I always have to shoot my mouth off, don’t I?
Here it was. The moment of truth. The do-or-die moment. I was sitting on a cloud high in the sky with Gilda’s hind feet in front of me. Wow, they’re even more amazing up close! The lovely griffon herself was reclining against a tall cloud she had set up as a backrest with her claws behind her head. Okay, you can do this, you can do this…you can’t do this. But you have to! Everything depends on it! But you know you’ll just mess everything up…and why am I arguing with myself? Am I losing my mind?
“Well? You gonna massage me or not?” Gilda demanded, her eyes boring into me. Judging me.
“Yes, yes, I’m getting prepped, don’t worry!” I said quickly. I took a deep breath and wiped my brow. Alright, no more horsing around! Time to be a stallion and win over my love! ...Or die trying! Gulp… Feeling as though everything was going in slow motion, I reached out my hooves and gingerly touched her feet. Wow, I can’t believe I’m actually touching Gilda’s feet! Ooh, they’re so soft! Why can’t I have feet like hers? …Focus, featherbrain, focus! I applied a little pressure to her feet and began rubbing, trying to feel for tense muscles, which was a little tricky due to the pads on her feet. Her feet were certainly a lot different from the hooves I was used to. They even had toes! What exactly was the point of toes, again?
Gilda’s voice broke my thoughts. “Mmm, not bad for a creature with hooves,” she said coolly.
I released the breath I didn’t know I was holding. “Thanks!” I replied with a beam. “If you don’t mind me asking, why do you have toes?”
Gilda raised an eyebrow at that. “Because we were born with them?” she answered in an annoyed tone. “I dunno, I’m no animal expert.”
“Eh, me neither,” I said with a shrug. “Nature’s weird.”
“You got that right,” Gilda chimed in. “Now get back to work; my dogs are barking.”
“What dogs?” I asked. “I don’t hear anything.”
“It’s an expression, lamebrain,” Gilda groaned. “It means my feet are aching for more massaging.”
“Oops! Sorry,” I replied with an awkward grin. Geez, why do I have to be such a dork?
I continued massaging Gilda’s feet for a good minute or so. As I rubbed the bottom area just below her toes, I could hear Gilda sigh in contentment and see a smile start to appear on the edges of her…beak lips or whatever. Yes! I knew massaging was the way to a woman’s heart!
Gilda eventually broke the silence with, “Alright, I think my feet are good now. How about you get started on my back?”
My smile fell and I started breaking into a sweat (well, more of a sweat than usual, considering how hot it still was outside). “Uh, you sure you want that? Back massages are kinda overrated anyway. Foot massages for the win!”
Gilda responded by shoving me back with her foot, leaning forward and lying on her stomach, glaring up at me. “Back. Now,” she growled.
Back. Broken. Earlier. I gulped and stammered, “A-as you wish, Your Awesomeness!”
I walked around and positioned myself over Gilda’s back. Hmm, I can’t help but notice I’m in the perfect position to…No! Bad Kyo! Now’s not the time for dirty thoughts! Well…here goes everything. I carefully placed my front hooves on her back next to her wings, quickly stroked one of her wings (I couldn’t resist), and firmly but gently (somehow) rubbed in search of tense muscles. Fortunately, it was a lot easier with Gilda, as I could definitely feel the tightness in some areas. Clearly it’s been a while since this fine lady was pampered. I decided to first focus on the taut muscles between her wings. As I massaged there, I heard Gilda give an even greater sigh than before.
“Ooh, yeah, that’s the spot!” Gilda moaned dreamily. “Keep it coming!”
No dirty thoughts, damn it! “Yes ma’am!” I continued kneading the muscles between her wings, taking extra care not to fracture any of the bones that connected her wings. I felt like some kind of muscle surgeon or something, except I didn’t have to cut anyone open or anything, thankfully. When I felt satisfied that her muscles there were nice and loose, I started to go lower. I treated a couple of tense areas in the lower middle, then a particularly tense area on her left side. At that point, I heard some sort of rumbling coming from her. I was confused for a little while, even concerned that I’d broken her somehow, until it occurred to me:
Is…is she purring?! Huh. Looks like her technically part-cat side is showing.
As my massaging continued, I noticed something else about Gilda I had never seen before: she was…calm. I mean, don’t get me wrong, she’s beautiful when she’s angry and aloof, but it was a rare sight to see her so serene. I really wanted to cuddle her right then and there, and so I did, all the while under the cover of massaging both her sides at once. Thankfully, she didn’t seem to notice.
I then continued massaging even lower, around her waist. At that point, I was poised with a serious dilemma: to massage her butt, or not to massage her butt? The temptation was just too strong to resist, so I did it. I touched griffon booty. And it was awesome. Well, at least until I hear Gilda murmur, “Touch me there again and you’re dead meat.” Oh well.
I decided to end with a nice, simple neck massage (I wasn’t going to chance a four-hooved massage after what happened with Lotus). As I kneaded the knots there, I muttered in her, uh, earhole, “Sorry about my slip of the hooves earlier.”
“Mmm, whatever,” Gilda replied. “You’re certainly a lot better at this than I expected.”
“Heh, that probably wouldn’t have been too hard for me to accomplish,” I remarked, which got a nice soft giggle out of Gilda. After a few more seconds of massaging, I hesitantly asked, “So, uh, would you say this makes up for, uh, you know, what happened earlier?”
No response.
“Gilda?”
Still nothing. For a moment I was anxious that Gilda was giving me the silent treatment for bringing up the bad lunch mishap, until I heard her start to snore. Oh! I guess I should pat myself on the back for getting Gilda to sleep by massaging…assuming I can do that, at least. I suddenly felt a big yawn burst out of me. Come to think of it, it’s been a tiring day for me too. I might as well get some shut-eye while Gilda is getting some…
And so I lied down next to Gilda, snuggled up against her and the cloud beneath me, and felt my eyelids droop…
“Hey!”
“Gah!” I awoke with a start to see Gilda leaning against the cloud wall again. “Oh, uh, hey Gilda! Thanks for waking me, I was having such a freaky dream–“
“Yeah, whatever,” Gilda interrupted. “I just wanted to tell you a few things before I go.”
“Wha–go?”
“Yeah, what’d you expect? That I’d hang out with you forever?” she retorted. “I’m a busy griffon, after all.”
“It’s cool, I understand,” I replied in as aloof a tone as I could muster. “So what’d you want to tell me?”
“Okay, first,” she said, holding up a claw, “never snuggle against me while I’m asleep again. Got it?”
“Got it,” I responded with a grimace. “Sorry.”
“Second,” she added, holding up another claw, “I ate all the vanilla lemon drops while you were asleep. Deal with it.”
“No worries,” I said with a casual wave of my hoof.
“And third…” She held up a third claw and said, with a sigh, “Even though your meat nearly killed me, I gotta admit…I had a good time.”
I felt a grin grow across my face at that comment. “R-really?”
“Yeah.” She stood up and walked up to me. “After all the crap I’ve gotten in recent years, finding somepony who actually appreciates how cool I am and is willing to do so much for me…it’s nice.” She gave me a smile that I would treasure forever. “Not to mention that awesome massage you gave me!”
“Heh, well, only the best for my awesome griffon!” I replied brightly. “So…would you ever want to hang out with me again sometime?”
“Sure, why not?” she answered with a nonchalant shrug. “It might be a while before we ever meet again, but if I’m ever in the neighborhood…” She paused to lick a claw with her tongue and affectionately touched my cheek with her claw. “…Give me a call.”
My face flushed as I put a hoof to my wet cheek. I am never washing this spot again. “Y-you got it, Gilda!”
“Alright, gotta fly.” She took to the air and headed back to the tent down below. “Catch ya later, Kyo!” she called back with a wave.
I was too stunned to do anything other than wave numbly back and admire Gilda’s diminishing form as much as I could, like a butterfly with claws and a beak flying off into the sunset. Or something. Either way, I could hardly believe how well my date with Gilda had gone. She likes me, she likes me, SHE LIKES ME!
“WOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOO!” With a burst of manic energy, I leapt into the air and soared across the sky. I haven’t felt so much desire to just fly around whooping like a crazed fanboy since I completed my first bullet hell. Heck, that was a cakewalk compared to today, but I did it! I won over the griffon of my dreams! I didn’t care how ridiculous I came across as; I had to share my joy with the world! Not to mention the awesome best friend who made all this possible!
Speaking of which, I wonder what he’s been up to all this time. Probably nothing too exciting. I mean, there’s only so much excitement you can get in a desert town anyway, right?
End of Part 14
Abstract Helps Kyo Date Gilda
Whew, what a day. I traveled with my best friend to a desert town, helped him find his sweetheart there, met up with the buffalo, learned about their culture, got dragged into helping an egotistical magician with her magic show, screwed up, got my horn buried in the ground, and had to spend about an hour in that uncomfortable position while I finished talking with the buffalo. All in all, it was…interesting to say the least. At least I was able to make some new friends and get the material I needed for my article. Now I just had to find Kyo and we could go home. Hopefully I wouldn’t have to comfort a heartbroken Kyo; it’d just tear me up seeing him suffer so.
While wandering the town in search of Kyo, I came across our suitcases still sitting in the middle of the street. Weird how no one touched it all this time. Are all the ponies here so morally upright that it never occurs to any of them to take anypony else’s stuff that’s lying around, or are our suitcases just unattractive to thieves? That interesting train of thought was derailed when I heard a high-pitched noise growing louder. I didn’t have much time to wonder about it and look around for its source before I felt myself get squeezed and lifted off the ground.
“A.T., A.T.!” Kyo shouted as he flew up into the air and squeezed the life out of me. “I did it, I did it! She likes me, she likes me, SHE LIKES ME! Thank you thank you thank you so much! You’re the best friend a pony could ask for!”
“A-anytime,” I gasped. “C-could you not hold me so tight, please?”
“Oh, sorry!” Kyo grimaced and loosened his hold on me. “I’m just so happy! Gilda actually called me cool! She even rubbed her spit on my cheek! Look!” He turned his right cheek at me and got it uncomfortably close to my face. “Actual griffon spit!”
I winced and said, “Uh, no offense, Kyo, but I’m not turned on by Gilda’s spit like you are.” I looked away and noticed with alarm how far above the ground we were. “GAH!” I cried as I wrapped my forelimbs around Kyo. “Hold me tighter!”
Kyo giggled and hugged me tightly as he fluttered down to the ground. “Thanks for helping my dream come true, A.T.,” he said warmly.
“Anything for you, Kyo,” I responded with a smile as I felt my hooves touch the ground. Oh, I missed you, ground. As we released each other, I asked, “So, Kyo, ready to go home?”
“You know it!” Kyo answered with a beam. “I can’t wait to get back to where there’s air conditioning and power for my games!” He flew up to his suitcase and grabbed it by the handle. “Let’s go!”
“Alright!” I chimed in as I grabbed mine with my magic.
“Wait!” I turned in the direction of the voice and saw Cardinal Wing galloping towards us. “I want to come with you!”
“What, really?” I asked in surprise.
Kyo stared. “…And you are?”
“Oh, I’m Cardinal Wing!” the buffalo greeted. “I’m a friend of Abstract’s!”
“Oh, well, nice to meet you!” Kyo said. “I’ve never really met a buffalo before! What are they like?”
“I’ll show you the interview on the train,” I interjected. “So, you want to come with us to Ponyville? I thought you were happy here!”
“I am, it’s just…” Cardinal rubbed his hoof on the dirt bashfully. “I really want to learn more about magic! When I saw Trixie’s performance, I was so amazed! It was like nothing I’ve ever seen! You can’t imagine how devastated I was to find out it was just a trick.”
I felt the temptation to make a snarky comment about the word trick and Trixie, but I figured that wouldn’t exactly be comforting to poor Cardinal, so I instead said, “Yeah, I’m really sorry I tried to help the illusion.”
“It’s fine,” Cardinal insisted. “At least you show everyone what a fake she was.”
“Yeah, accidentally,” I replied flatly.
“Uh, what exactly did I miss when I was on my date?” Kyo asked in confusion.
“Tell ya later,” Cardinal and I both said in unison. Huh, spooky.
“Anyway,” Cardinal continued, “I really want to see what real pony magic is like! I can’t even imagine what sort of things magic is really capable of!”
“Pretty much everything, really,” I admitted nonchalantly.
“What he said,” Kyo added.
“So what do you say?” Cardinal asked. “Can I come with you? Please?” He gave us the biggest “puppy dog eyes” he could muster, though considering buffalo eyes weren’t nearly as big as pony eyes, it wasn’t very impressive. Still, it was pretty funny to see.
Although I was happy that I had made a new friend who was eager to hang out in Ponyville with me and Kyo, I couldn’t help but wonder what Cardinal would do for living conditions and such. Were there even any houses that could fit someone the size of a buffalo? Not to mention, how would he make money? I’m not entirely sure how the stuff he did for his tribe would translate to a suburban environment. I decided it’d be best to discuss it with Kyo. Turning to him, I asked, “Hey Kyo, do you think that…”
“Of course it’d be alright!” Kyo exclaimed. “Any friend of Abstract’s is a friend of mine!” Oh Kyo. Way to think with your heart as usual.
Cardinal made a squealing sound that sounded like the kind Kyo made when he was excited, only deeper, and stomped on the ground excitedly. “Oh, this is so exciting!” he shouted. “Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go!” With that, he broke into a gallop and charged off into the distance behind me. Good thing he didn’t hug me, or I probably wouldn’t live to tell the tale.
I turned to where he had run off and called, “Hey, Cardinal! Do you even know where you’re going?”
I saw him skid to a halt, and then he turned back and called back, “Uhh, maybe you should lead the way?”
Kyo and I giggled at that. Oh, I can tell this guy is going to be a lot of fun to have in Ponyville.
We had gotten on the next train back to Ponyville and were now just relaxing. Well, when I say “we”, I meant Kyo and me. Cardinal Wing had tried getting onto the train earlier, but he couldn’t fit through the door and even tilted the train due to how heavy he was. While it certainly made me laugh at the time, it really didn’t help my concerns with him literally fitting in, so to speak. Anyway, he decided to just run along with the train the whole way. He assured us it would be okay; all that long-distance herd running he did for buffalo tradition had given him plenty of stamina. Well, whatever works for him, I guess.
Kyo and I spent the first hour or so sharing our individual experiences in Appleloosa. I was impressed by how Kyo handled his date for the most part; even when he screwed up, he put forth an admirable effort to make things right. It was good to hear that Gilda had a somewhat soft side beneath her rough exterior; guess Rainbow Dash wasn’t totally off the mark about her after all. Kyo was impressed by my story as well, though he was clearly more interested in the magic show part than any of the buffalo culture stuff. Maybe if I had been studying griffon culture instead, that’d get Kyo’s attention.
The rest of the train ride was pretty uneventful for the most part. We talked, played games, napped…pretty boring really, especially considering it was the second day-long train ride in less than two days. Seriously, there’s gotta be a faster way to travel. Oh well, I’ll worry about it next time I go traveling.
Later that day, as we ate dinner (which included hash browns, an interesting dish that I really don’t get enough of back home), Kyo asked me, “Hey, A.T.?”
“Yeah?” I responded with my mouth full. Classy.
Kyo gave a long sigh. “You think I’ll ever see Gilda again?”
I swallowed. “I’m not sure,” I admitted. “I mean, Gilda didn’t leave you any sort of way to contact her easily, did she?”
“Not really,” Kyo replied. “Is there even such a thing, though?”
“I don’t think so,” I said. “The most convenient contact method I’ve ever seen is Spike’s magic mailing fire stuff, and that’s not exactly common.”
Kyo gave another sigh and rested his head on his hoof. “Seriously, there needs to something that lets ponies talk to each other over long distances more easily,” he griped. “Maybe some sort of portable device like the JoyBoy, except designed for long distance communication. That’d make keeping in touch with Gilda a lot easier, I bet.”
“Kyo,” I responded, “sometimes you just come up with the craziest ideas.”
“Hey!” Cardinal called from beside the train window. “Would you mind tossing some food my way? I’m pretty hungry.”
“Sure thing!” I levitated everything that was still on my plate (I had already had my fill), moved it out the window, and lowered it to Cardinal’s mouth, which chomped on it heartily.
“Mmm, delicious!” Cardinal said with a smile.
“Thanks!” I replied. “How’re you holding up?”
“Doing well!” he assured me. “Nothing I haven’t done before…all day…and night…” His smile became noticeably strained at that point.
An awkward silence arrived for a few seconds, before it was broken by Kyo saying, “So anyway, uh, even if I never see Gilda again, I’m still glad I got the chance to meet her. And if I could do everything over again, I wouldn’t change a thing.” He gave me a calm smile, which turned into a pained grimace as he added, “Well, except maybe eating that steak. My stomach’s still feeling the burn from that!”
I couldn’t help but giggle at that. A little insensitive, perhaps, but come on; his whole adventure was pretty funny. I guess mine was too, when I think about it. After all, at the end of the day, when you’ve gone through an ordeal and yet came out alright in the end, what can you do but look back and laugh?
The next day, we finally arrived at Ponyville. Home sweet home! Appleloosa was interesting, but it can’t compare to our quirky little ville of ponies. As the train slowed to a stop, I heard Cardinal pant from outside, “Are…are we finally here?”
“Yep, we’re here,” I replied with a smile. “Welcome to Ponyville!”
“Alright!” he gasped as he slowed to a crawl. “I’m so excited…so much magic to see…so many oppor…tuni…” All of a sudden, he collapsed onto the ground and fell asleep, snoring loudly. Heh, guess his welcome party will have to wait till later.
“So…what will we do about the furball?” Kyo asked.
“Eh, we’ll figure it out later,” I decided. “Let him get his rest for now.” I stood up and stretched my legs before grabbing my bags with my magic. “Shall we?”
“Sounds good!” Kyo grabbed his bags and flew out leisurely, and I followed suit. As we stepped out of the station, he asked me, “So, you in the mood for some Princess Fighter? I’m really in a griffon sort of mood, and I can’t wait to dominate with Grizelda!”
“Heh, we’ll see about that!” I replied playfully. As we headed to Kyo’s house to get our game on (with a quick stop at my place to drop off my luggage), I felt myself dwell on everything that had happened. It’s amazing how everything turned out the way it did. I can’t help but wonder: was this all predetermined? Was Kyo meant to win over Gilda’s heart the way he did? Was I meant to interact with the buffalo and end up ruining Trixie’s reputation again? Is there truly a grand force making us all go down the paths we take? Did that whole botched spell Twilight did just before becoming an alicorn mess with that force, or was that the force’s plan all along? Is there any way to outsmart it, or is every thought I think just playing into its plans? Do I even want to go against my destiny? …Yeesh, my head hurts from all this thinking. Hopefully some video games with Kyo will take care of that.
So anyway, we had just come up to Kyo’s house and opened the front door when…
“SURPRISE!”
“AAH!” Kyo and I jumped back in alarm, with Kyo managing quite the distance thanks to his wings.
“Happy Kyo-Dated-A-Griffon-Even-Though-She-Was-A-Big-Meanie Day!” Pinkie Pie cheered from inside. As I calmed down, I noticed that at least half the town was in the living room, which was pretty impressive considering it wasn’t all that big, especially with all the game stuff in there. But then, considering Pinkie Pie put it together, I’m not going to bother questioning her about that. Besides, there was a more pressing question that needed to be answered.
“Wait…a surprise party for Kyo’s date?” I asked as I stepped back inside. “How did you find out about that?”
Pinkie’s smile twisted into a grimace. “Weeeeellllll…I was pranking with Dashie yesterday when she happened to mention dealing with some crazy lovesick pony, and I kinda sorta pestered her about it even though she told me over and over that she didn’t wanna talk about it, but then she did and told me about Kyo and his super huge crush on that meanie Gilda, and I really wanted to throw a party for him, cause whether he got lucky or got dumped, a party makes everything better!” There was a pause where Pinkie surprising (or not) didn’t need to take a breath of air after that energetic rambling, which was then followed up with, “Sooooooo…how did the date go?”
“It went great!” Kyo shouted from right behind me, causing me to leap forward with a yelp. Seriously, how’d me manage to sneak up on me like that?! “Gilda and I are totally an item now,” he added in the coolest manner he could muster, arousing a chorus of cheers and whoops (along with a few boos and groans).
“WOOHOO!” Pinkie exclaimed with a spring into the air. “This calls for some party music! And here to get this party started is DJ ScramJet!” She gestured to the sound mixer, which had none other than the metal-winged unicorn from earlier behind it.
“Alright,” ScramJet said as he readied the mixer. “This is my first finished song, so I hope you guys like it! And don’t worry, Abstract, I won’t play it too loud this time.”
“Oh, uh, thanks!” I replied.
With that, ScramJet got his music started (which was pretty decent, especially for his first song) and the ponies started dancing. Kyo buzzed over to the refreshment table and started hurriedly filling a plate with chips and sweets. Chuckling, I went over to get some food myself. There was quite a spread of nourishment, as was normal for a Pinkie party. I wasn’t quite sure where to start.
“Try the muffins!” a gray mare next to me suggested as she grabbed a muffin for herself and took a big bite. “Mmm!”
I looked at the muffins on the table, which were grain-colored with some white and dark brown specs on it. With a shrug, I grabbed a muffin for myself and took a bite. “Mmm!” I echoed as my taste buds were filled with the sensation of chocolate, cream cheese, and…muffin. It was a strange combination, but it somehow worked. “This is amazing! Who made these?”
“I did!” the gray pony answered between bites of muffin.
“Wow, really?” I asked in astonishment. “How’d you get so good?”
“Hehe, if there’s one thing I know, it’s muffins!” she replied with a chipper smile.
I couldn’t help but giggle along with her. There was something about her cheerfulness that was just so infectious. Or maybe it was her comically misaligned eyes. I wondered what the deal with that was, but I decided not to bring it up in case it was a sensitive issue. “Hey, so, uh, I can’t help but think I’ve seen you around town, but I never learned your name,” I said.
“Oh, you can call me Derpy!” the pony greeted. “And what’s your name?”
“Oh, uh, it’s Abstract Thought, but you can call me A.T. for short,” I replied. “So, Derpy, huh? That’s an interesting name, for sure.”
“Hehe, thanks!” Derpy giggled, prompting me to giggle with her again. Seriously, there’s just something about her giggling. “So, I heard you helped Kyo get together with Gilda, huh?”
“Heh, well,” I said as I rubbed the back of my neck bashfully, “I just helped him find her; the charm was all his.”
I suddenly felt myself get pulled into a nice, cuddly embrace. “That was so sweet of you to do for your friend!” Derpy gushed.
I felt myself grow warmer under her embrace. “Heh, uh, well, you know, eh…” I think I stammered like an idiot for about half a minute before Derpy let me go with a giggle.
“Well, I gotta go to the little filly’s room,” she told me. “Don’t have too much without me!” She then flew off down the hall that led to the bathroom, and I heard a crashing noise come from there. “Oops, my bad!”
Well, that was certainly a pleasant surprise. Getting a hug from a cute mare for helping my friend? Feels like a good destiny to me! I didn’t even realize I was still staring in the direction she had left under I heard Kyo whisper in my ear, “Checking out your new girlfriend?”
“Whoa, hey!” I cried with a start as I turned to meet Kyo. “She’s not my girlfriend! I just met her! That’s a little early to declare the love of your life, wouldn’t you say?”
Kyo raised an eyebrow at that.
“Oh, right, of course,” I realized with a slap to my head. “Look who I’m talking to.”
“You got that right!” Kyo replied with a grin. “So, you want to join me for some games? I’m thinking a little 4-player action is just what I need to celebrate!”
I gave Kyo a hoofbump and matched his grin with one of my own. “Game on!”
So yeah, that’s the story of how I helped Kyo date Gilda. Among other things… Anyway, I hope you enjoyed our little tale! It’ll certainly be one I’ll never forget, and I’m sure he feels the same way. There are plenty more stories I could tell, but I’ll save them for another time. Until then, my name is Abstract Thought, and it’s been a pleasure!
The End
Abstract Helps Kyo Date Gilda
Oh good, you’re still here! While I have your attention, I might as well wrap up this story with something awesome and unexpected!
It was a late night of solo gaming. I was trying to get a higher score on bullet hell Radiant Firefly, and I was doing pretty well despite having lost all but one of my lives pretty early on. It was the last level, and I was in the zone! I was dodging every shot, shooting every enemy, mastering the score system! I was so sure I was going to set a new record!
…Or I would have if there hadn’t been a knock on my door at the worst possible moment, throwing me off and causing me to get hit by a stray bullet.
“GYAAAAAAAH!” I was so close! I started rambling an impressive collection of swears, and I might have continued for like an hour if I hadn’t heard another knock at the door. Oh, right, Sir Madam Interruptus wants something from me. I stormed over to the door (not literally, of course–though that would have been cool to do) and threw open the door, saying, “What do you waaaaaaaaaa…”
Alright, now I knew I was dreaming. How else could I explain Gilda herself standing right outside my front door? Seriously, do I have a griffon magnet somewhere on me? Or has she been stalking me since I started to leave Appleloosa? My mind was too numb to puzzle that one out, and I was reduce to stammering gibberish in her presence. Smooth.
“Heh, nice to see you haven’t forgotten me,” Gilda said snarkily. “So, yeah, I was thinking I could crash at your place for a while. Not cause of any money troubles or anything, of course; I just feel like it. That cool with you?”
I could only muster a stunned, “Aaaghaghaghuuuuuuh…”
“I’ll take that as a yes.” She quickly walked past me and closed the door behind her, which somewhat snapped me out of my daze. Her gaze was drawn to the TV that was still on, displaying my shameful 2nd place performance. “Huh, haven’t seen a TV in ages,” she remarked.
“H-how did you even find me?” I asked breathlessly.
“Oh, I asked around,” she replied casually as she plopped onto the couch and started flipping through the channels with the remote. I would have objected, but hey, it was Gilda; I would have let her eat my video games if it made her happy.
“So, uh,” I said as I walked up next to her, “can I get you anything?”
“Yeah, you got any sweets?” Gilda asked, her talon continuing to press the channel up button. “I could really use something sweet right about now.”
I was tempted to recommend some kisses from yours truly, but I had a feeling she wouldn’t react too well to that. Instead, I replied with, “Sure, no problem! Let me just check what I have!” I took off to the kitchen and rummaged around in the drawers and such, eventually managing to find some chocolate chip cookies, some oatmeal raisin cookies (why did I even have those?), a few vanilla lemon drops that had leaked out of the bag I had brought for her, and a slice of cake left over from the party that I had been saving for myself, but again, Gilda. Gathering all of them so she could have a choice (or a buffet), I flew back into the living room, saying, “Alright, here’s all the sweet stuff I have! Hope you like…”
My voice trailed off as I noticed that Gilda had fallen asleep on the couch, still sitting upright with the TV on some gardening channel for some reason. I stared at her for a little while, watching her belly go up and down as she snored and drooled a bit. Is it creepy that I’m watching her sleep? Of course not, she’s my girlfriend! It’s not creepy when it’s your girlfriend, right? …Well, anyway, I eventually decided to put down the sweets and head to bed myself. There’d be plenty of time to work out this new arrangement with Gilda, anyway. All I knew is that my life was going to be a lot more interesting from that point on.
…Oh, and I ate the last slice of cake before I went to bed. Sorry, Gilda, but there are some things I’m not ready to sacrifice just yet!
The End (Again)
Author's Note
And that's it for Abstract Helps Kyo Date Gilda! I hope you enjoyed it!
Abstract Helps Kyo Date Gilda
Chapter 1-Abstract Thought: An Introduction
Chapter 1-Abstract Thought: An Introduction
Abstract Helps Kyo Date Gilda by Abstract Thought
Hello, there! How should I best introduce myself? I guess I’ll start with the basics. My name is Abstract Thought, but you can call me Abstract. I have a red body, a blue mane, and green eyes that I wear glasses over. My cutie mark is a thought cloud, which represents my special talent of thinking. I’m always thinking about something, whether it’s the nature of the universe or whatever mundane thing happens to catch my interest. Whenever I get curious about something, which is practically all the time, I like to ask questions. A lot of questions. It’s rather telling that right after getting my cutie mark, I was asking everyone around me everything I could think of regarding my cutie mark, the circumstances that led to me getting it, and cutie marks in general. My habit of ask first, consider feelings later has gotten me in trouble more than a few times. Despite this, I find it easy to make friends; I’m friendly to just about everypony and I rarely have a mean thing to say to others.
I work as a writer for the local newspaper, where I write a “thought column” every day that basically involves me writing my thoughts on various things and offering discussion among those who read them. It’s not a lucrative job, but it pays well enough for me to have a stable funding for a modest house.
I’ve always had a bit of a unique special ability: the ability to make images of what I’m thinking using my magic. Sort of like thought clouds brought to life, you know? It really helps when ponies don’t know what I’m talking about, plus it’s a great way to entertain others, like I can make little movies for others to see. However, it’s not perfect; sometimes, I create images even when I don’t mean to, usually when I’m deep in thought or excited emotionally. Imagine how you’d feel having to be mindful of what you think for risk of others seeing it when you don’t want them to. It just goes to show how little I understand how the world around me works. Like, how come I have this ability and others don’t? Is it cause my parents named me Abstract Thought? How did they know I’d be such a thoughtful pony? Come to think of it, how do so many ponies have names that match up with what they are like and/or what they do for a living? Does everypony have subconscious premonition or something? How can we learn to use it more consciously?
Sorry, I got off track there. See what I mean about me asking a lot of questions? Sometimes I don’t know when to stop! I wonder how those who hear all those questions at once learn to deal with them. Oh well, a thought for another time.
So, yeah, my life generally isn’t very exciting. I’m not much of an adventure seeker or anything. However, there was one crazy episode I remember experiencing recently that had to do with my best friend Kyo. Would you like to know the details? I’ll assume yes cause it’d be hard to respond to a person that you’re reading about through a story.
So anyway, it started like this…
It had been a good day at work. I had written and submitted an article to Ponyville Daily where I speculated on why some ponies had the same cutie marks as other ponies (my theory was that whatever magical force makes cutie marks finds it difficult to make unique cutie marks for everypony, so sometimes it phones it in and just uses duplicates for ponies with vaguely similar talents). I rarely had any reason to stick around the newspaper office after my daily column was done, so I decided to head over to my best friend’s house and hang out with him.
I arrived at an unassuming two-story house and knocked on the front door. “Just a sec!” a voice called from the other side. After about ten seconds, the voice said, “Okay, I’m coming!” and I heard hoofsteps scurry toward the door. The door then opened and I was greeted by a blue pegasus with a brown mane, brown eyes, and a white band tied around his head. “Abstract, hey!” he cried jovially, “Glad to see you stopped by!”
“Kyoooooo!” I responded as I gave him a hoofbump, “How’s it going?”
“It’s going good!” Kyo replied, “Sorry for the wait, I was in the middle of a combo when you knocked, and I had to make sure I nailed the winning blow!”
“It’s alright,” I reassured him, “I know how much focus fighting games can take.”
“Yeah, they’re such a rush, aren’t they?” Kyo said excitedly, “How about we stop standing here and play a match together?”
“Sounds good to me!” I declared as I entered his humble abode.
Kyo is quite the character. He’s been fond of video games and Neighponese culture ever since he was a colt. He likes fighting and shooting games most of all, and he’s been practicing them to the point that he can make a living out of playing at video game tournaments (well, that and financial support from his parents). He also gets excited about cool things and people with cool attitudes, especially a certain griffon…but I’ll get to that later.
I first met Kyo in the market several months ago. I was hoping to get some peppers for a pasta recipe I wanted to make, but none of the vendors there seemed to know what peppers were. I used my thought magic to show them images of the peppers I needed as I saw them in the cookbook, only for the vendors to respond that they didn’t have anything that looked like what I was showing them. Apparently peppers were rare in this part of Equestria. I was about to head home in resignation when I saw a blue pegasus fly up to me excitedly.
“Hey, hold up a sec!” the pegasus called out. He landed next to me and said, “Is it just me, or did you just use comic book powers?”
“Huh?” I said in surprise, “What comic book?”
“I could have sworn I saw a thought cloud over your head like in comic books,” the pegasus replied, “but I guess it was just my imagination playing tricks on me. That happens sometimes.”
“Oh, that!” I realized, “No, that wasn’t your imagination. It’s just a spell I know how to use. Take a look.” I then lit up my horn and thought up an image of the pony standing before me.
“Whoa, that’s me!” the pegasus exclaimed, “Hey, can you make me do what I’m doing now?” he asked, waving his right forehoof in front of me.
“Uh, sure,” I said, willing the thought pony to imitate the real one like a mirror image and wave its left forehoof.
“That is so cool!” the pegasus gushed, hopping up and down as his thought counterpart did likewise, “How do you do that?”
“To tell the truth, I’m not really sure,” I admitted, “I just activate my magic while thinking about something, and I project an image. That’s it, really.”
“Weird,” the pegasus said as he stuck out his tongue and made funny faces.
“Yeah, I guess that’s just one of Equestria’s many mysteries, huh?” I replied, “Can I stop now?”
“Aw, fine,” the pegasus sighed. I stopped my magic and the thought bubble faded away.
I giggled and said, “My name’s Abstract Thought. What’s yours?”
“I’m Kyo,” the pegasus responded, “Kyo Kusagani.”
“Keyo…Koosa…gon-y?” I asked in confusion, “What kind of name is that?”
“Well, what kind of name is Abstract Thought?” Kyo retorted.
“Fair enough,” I conceded.
“Hey, you wanna hang out at my place?” Kyo offered.
“Sure!” I answered, “Just let me put my groceries away and I’ll see you there.”
“Okay, see ya!”
I returned to my house feeling pleased. A new friend was definitely a fair trade-off for some peppers. I had just finished put my groceries on the kitchen table when I heard a knock on my front door. I walked to the door and opened it to find Kyo standing there saying, “Hey, Abstract!”
“Kyo?” I said in surprise, “I thought we agreed to meet at your place.”
“We did,” Kyo explained, “but I just realized that you don’t know where my place is, so I decided to stalk you so I could tell you.”
“Uh, stalk?” I asked with a raised eyebrow.
“Oops,” he responded sheepishly, “that was a poor choice of words.”
I giggled again and said, “You’re pretty funny. I’m really looking forward to hanging out with you.”
“Sweet!” Kyo cheered, “Come on, I’ll show you where I live.”
And that’s how it all started. Starting that day, he’d frequently invite me over to hang out and play some video games at his house. (I never invited him to my house because there wasn’t much there apart from books and papers and such.) Today, we were playing a game of Fighting Princess Zilch 3, in which two players played as various princesses and beat each other up. Kyo’s fighter of choice was Princess Grizelda, the griffon princess, while I didn’t really have a favorite and just chose various characters to experiment. He was a much better player than I was, as he had a lot of practice and I could never get the hang of fighting games, but I still found it fun to play them with him. After I lost for the third time that day, Kyo said, “Hey Abstract, I just remembered something important I wanted to tell you!”
“Sure, what is it?” I asked, turning to him.
“The most awesome thing happened to me yesterday!” he cried excitedly.
“Really? What was it?”
“I saw her!”
“Her? You mean…”
“Gilda…” he moaned, a dreamy smile on his face.
End of Part 1
Author's Note
Here's my latest story in the works. I hope you enjoy it!
