Discord Does Something Relatively Inharmonious

by Pnakotic

Rating: everyone
Tags: Princess Luna, Comedy, Fluttershy, Princess Celestia, Discord, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1825

Becoming fearful of Princess Celestia Discord decides he needs to take action. What exactly that action will be is unclear.

Becoming fearful of Princess Celestia, Discord decides he needs to take action. What exactly that action will be is unclear.

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Published 2013-08-08 22:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-08-08 22:30:01 UTC

Chapter 1

Three months after Discord’s reformation…

So I’ve been free for a few months now and I have to say living so harmoniously (harmonically? Whatever) with these ponies has proven to be beneficial, mainly in the form of not being consciously trapped in stone, if not insatiably boring. Sure I have my own room in the castle, one in the lower levels without any windows. This is probably due to the fact that dearest Celestia doesn’t want a passing pegasus to be distraught by the sight of me, not that I would want anypony peeking at me showering anyway.

I suppose that’s what I get for saying “wherever” when asked where I’d like to stay, and besides if you think of it in relation to the rest of Equestria the lower levels of Canterlot Castle are well above the upper levels of most places. Another benefit to this room is that it’s deemed a “rule-free” zone, as Celestia put it, in it I can do whatever I want so long as it stays contained within said room. This is hardly a limitation because with a little chaos magic the room is as big or small as I desire, though lately I’ve been inclined to shy away from small confined spaces, being trapped in stone tends to make one a bit claustrophobic.

Anyway, the point is that I’m comfortable, befriended (relatively), not encased in stone and other adjectives that most ponies ultimately strive to be associated with, oh and I’m also afraid. Yes, for the third time in my long life I can appropriately call myself afraid. The first time was well the second time I was turned to stone by those house-alarm-turned-jewelry those princesses are so attracted to. The second was when I was when I was completely in control of a situation. I had finally thwarted that aforementioned jewelry and their bearers only to be stopped by my own fear of losing somepony whom I considered a friend, my first mind you. Finally, we come to the present, I am afraid once again and it is unlike the previous two times. Now I feel a sort of despair, which is a subset of fear I suppose, at my current situation. Celestia had said shortly before my third release from my stony prison that she had use for me or more specifically my magic.

She was incredibly vague by what she meant, and hasn’t mentioned it since then, which is all the more troubling. So here I am waiting like a prisoner for a sentence, except the jury decided to scamper off without reaching a verdict. Thus I sit waiting for Celestia to call on me knowing that I am unable to refuse her, and it troubles me to no end not knowing what the hay it is that she wants. If she’d just tell me what she wanted I’d be fine, or at least better off, though I still dislike being controlled so by her. But there really isn’t much I can do about it, I mean she could always find a way to turn me back to stone or worse (I haven’t quite figured out what’s worse but I’m working on it).

To top it all off I’ve been having strange dreams lately. Not the normal strange, some are dark, some are comical, though most are both. This isn’t necessarily unusual except for the fact that in all of these dreams I’m no longer in control of them, you see usually I’m very much a lucid dreamer, completely in control, now though it seems like I’m just there for the ride. Maybe I should see a shrink, though I doubt being called insane for the seven thousand thirty fourth time wouldn’t do much for me. Maybe I should just get out for some air, perhaps pop in on my favorite yellow pegasus and make sure that brat of a bunny isn’t taking advantage of her too much. Yeah that sounds like a good idea, so with a snap of my fingers I vanish from my room-turned-labyrinth and reappear outside of a familiar looking cottage.

I knock at the door so as to not startle the ever timid Fluttershy, and also it’s the gentledraconequus thing to do, or so I’ve been told at least. Despite my effort I still hear the startled squeak and the rustling of hooves as she timidly answers the door. The frightened look on her face changes to one of surprise then happiness upon seeing me. “Oh, hi Discord, um… how are you today?” She greets meekly.

“Hello Fluttershy, sorry to pop in so unexpectedly it’s just that I was troubled and wanted to see a good friend of mine.” I answered putting on my most convincing smile.

“Oh it’s no trouble at all,” she replies, “I wasn’t doing much right now anyway, I’ve just finished feeding all the critters their lunches so I’m free for a little bit anyway.” She smiles kindly inviting me inside and after preparing some tea which I accepted gratefully we discussed the worries I’ve been having as well as some of the dreams I’ve been having. I spared her the gory details of the dreams as well as the more… intimate scenes involved (those were weird anyway so I figured they were irrelevant).

After concluding my thoughts and allowing her some time to think Fluttershy spoke again, “Well I might not be the bravest pony,” oh really? “But I know that if you ignore this problem you’re only going to end up making this worse, for yourself and everypony. So I think you should talk to Princess Celestia, she’s not as cruel as you think she is and I’m sure she’d be able to clear up what she meant.” She looked at me with that cut through my defenses like a hot knife through cabbage.

It didn’t last though, “Celestia not cruel!?” I said, returning to my senses, “This is the pony that turned me into a conscious rock for a millennium as well as banishing her sister then imprisoning her in the place that she banished her to!” She winced at that last part, I’m not sure why, “No no no, this cannot be done peacefully, there is only one solution!” Fluttershy looked at me in a mix of worry and horror, realizing I was shouting I lowered my voice and picked up Fluttershy in a hug. “Fear not my dear, I have a plan.”

I teleport back to Canterlot leaving Fluttershy safely behind in her cottage, this could get messy. As I teleport I hear her voice, barely a whisper saying, “Oh… dear…”

As I return I take note of the time, it’s approaching dinner so the princesses should be sitting down comfortably just about now. This is perfect, I’ll catch both of them off guard and they’ll be completely at my mercy, of which there’ll be none. I approach the royal dining room and push aside the guards, I’m not sure why Celestia still employs these featherbrains they’re completely useless for protection. Pressing on I slam open the doors, catching both princesses off guard as I expected, then I slam the doors shut and seal them behind me to ensure I am not interrupted. “This has gone on long enough Celestia, Tyrant of the Sun, I declare war!” I shout, stomping my foot down for emphasis.

The battle raged for hours, with blows taken on each side, finally events came to a halt as I towered over Celestia triumphant. Her once pristine coat was now stained red by the dark fluid; a few drops fell from her mouth joining the pool beneath her. Her body sagged before, with a final gasp, she collapsed completely. “Victory is mine, mwahahaha!” I shouted. I was cut short as I noticed a few droplets hitting the floor beneath me. Looking down I placed my paw on my chest which came back a dark blue, shortly thereafter my body betrayed me as I swayed and collapsed beside Celestia. The pool of blueberry filling mixed with the cherry which covered Celestia.

As we looked up we beheld Luna devouring another pie before proclaiming, “BEHOLD I HAVE CONQUERED! BOW BEFORE ME MORTALS FOR I AM THE PRINCESS OF SUGARY DELIGHTS!!!” Ok so maybe the pie eating/throwing war was not the best plan, but how was I supposed to know both princesses could eat so much… or throw so hard.

Celestia looked at me and asked, “Truce?”

“Truce.” I replied.

Gathering the remaining pies from the table with her magic as I conjured more of them we dove at Luna flinging a total of thirty pies at her. “TIS A COUP! A CO-” Was all she managed to say before the pies hit their mark.

With Luna momentarily occupied Celestia turned to me, “So what exactly made you decide to storm in here in the first place, or did you just want to have fun.” My mood sunk quickly with her question.

“Well… I just was… concerned with what you meant by wanting to reform me so you could use my magic, I was worried what you might want to do to me.”

Celestia sighed, “I should have been more honest with you Discord. I didn’t really want to reform you so I could make you into a weapon. I wanted to reform you so you didn’t need to be trapped in stone for the safety of others. What I really wanted was for you to be happy.”

“Oh…” Oh. I probably should have thought of that. “Well I feel stupid now.”

Celestia wrapped a foreleg around me in a hug; it was a rather cute moment. “REVENGE!” And during that cute moment Luna sprung from the pile of pie she had been covered in with two additional pies in her magical aura.

The, now silly, fight quickly devolved into a game of who could hit who with the most pie. Alliances were forged and broken and battles were fought but such is the way of the world. Or at least it was until…

“Stop right there Discord!” Twilight Sparkle barged through the door wings flared, the other five elements behind her. I noticed that Fluttershy had a particularly sad frown on her face, it occurred to me that maybe she had misunderstood my intentions. “You won’t get away with…” I’m fairly certain Twilight’s train of thought was broken when she beheld Celestia frozen wide eyed shoving a pie into Luna’s face, I’m also fairly certain I may have just hit myself in the face with another pie.

“Truce?” I asked looking to the royal sisters.

“Truce.” They agreed in chorus. Behind the bearers of the Elements of Harmony the door was closed and sealed shut.

And battle was joined once again.

Author's Note

A short story I wrote because I was bored/the thought of it amused me, not much else to say about it.