My Little Raptor

I watched as my body went into the castle, guards moving aside for 'Prophet'. Why the fuck are we here?

"Because we are." Prophet said, his helmet blocking his voice.

Well that's all fine and dandy, but could you be a little more...I dunno...CLEAR?!

"Just shut up."

It's my body, I do what I want.

"For the time being, it's my body, now shut the fuck up!" Prophet said, irritated.

I sighed, and saw a strange door. Prophet opened it to show a closet.

"Password?" A female voice said, making us look at the camera.

"Open the fucking door or I'll tear it fucking down!" Prophet said, his voice distorted through the helmet.

We waited a few seconds.

"C-c-close enough." The voice said, full of fear.

The wall opened to show a couple of suited ponies and humans walking around.

Okay, one, FUCKING AWESOME! Two, why are we here?

"Wait a goddamn minute and I'll tell you."

We started to walk down a hall, then passed a human with a hazmat suit.

"A thousand years ago, before Luna became NightMare Moon, she established a base under Canterlot."

A pair of hazmat troopers saluted, causing Prophet to nod. They opened the door, and Prophet continued.

"We found out that creatures have been appearing randomly, from other time lines. Earth's past, present, and future have opened here before Equestria had cave ponies."

We entered a room with a couple of humans in lab coats, and a Tarbosaurus walked over us. I marvelled at the sight.

"Twilight wasn't the cause of the portals that enter both our and Equestria's world."

Just a few days ago, we discovered a human, named Terry, was, and nabbed the info we were looking for. Turns out he knew a buddy of yours."

I grimaced as I saw Luna and Celestia looking at a anomaly. However, this was growing bigger. And it was outside of Equestria's atmosphere.

"That buddy disappeared, and we found out he was working on a project called 'ADE', and we-"

I suddenly spoke up, controlling my mouth, my voice distorted, and gaining the attention of Luna and Celestia.

"Anomaly, Destiny, Equestria."

"What are thou talking about?" Luna asked, causing me to move my legs.

"ADE. It's name means Anomaly Destined for Equestria."

I hope you know what you're talking about. Prophet said in my mind.

Celestia and Luna looked at me in confusion.

I sighed. "Don't you get it? He has who knows how many armies back there! They aren't just capturing dinosaurs. They want what has never been theirs."

I suddenly pointed at Luna and Celestia.

"You two can control the moon and sun. If they somehow get that power, it won't be pretty. And they want Equestria! My world is over populated, and imagine; Millions upon millions of humans, with the same intent as this guy, coming to Equestria with technology that is advanced. Add in a few million Equestrian rebellious enough to fight back, and you got yourself a problem. Total. Orbital. Annihilation."

Ponies, humans, and dinosaurs stared at me.

"I know what this guy is after. He wants to rule this world. With who knows how many armies he's got back there, he could do it. Without a fucking problem."

"So what do we do, Prophet?"

"Prophet's not here right now. But I am. Anyway, I need to-Oof!"

Okay Luna, squeezing me a little to hard!

"Shit!"

"Sorry!" Luna said, dropping me.

I got up, towering over her.

"I know how to stop this guy." I said, catching everyone's attention.

I raised my hand and pointed at the Anomaly.

"Go right to the source."

I then looked at Celestia and Luna.

"There are things that bump in the night." I said, before Prophet took control.

"We bump back."

I walked towards the barracks, Dart talking at the back of my mind.

I mean, in some way, you may have been born from me using more than ten percent of my brain. It makes sense.

Uh-huh.

How else do you explain your reflexes? If you're using maybe twelve percent of my brain, then you'd be able to use powers men only dream of.

Well, I'm their worst nightmare.

I then looked in the room to see six familiar ponies. Shit, it's them.

Let me talk to them!

No.

"Maybe we could ask this droid! Excuse me!" Twilight said, trying to attract my attention.

I ignored them and walked past. I looked in my locker, a bunch of balloons popping out. I gave a unamused stare at Pinkie, who blushed heavily. I looked inside.

No.

No.

Hey, I wondered where I put that.

No. No. No.

...

This'll do.

I pulled out my chain gun, putting it on my shoulder. They stared at the massive object, probably impressed I could lift the heavy thing with one hand.

I then walked past them, clearly unamused before RD flew in front of me, face to face.

Face to helmet.

Not this again! Seriously, we had this conversation not ten minutes ago!

Just sayin'.

Shut the fuck up.

"Hey you! Robo-boy!"

I looked her straight in the eye.

"We wanna talk to you!"

I then stared her down, a distorted growl coming from my helmet. "Get out of my way, you prissy little pony."

"We just wanna talk!" RD said, angry.

"Well, I can tell you right now, that you can shove that talk up your ass." I said, towering over her.

I started to walk away, content.

THUMP

I turned around, dropping the chain gun. It fell to the floor, leaving a dent. I looked down to see RD readying another rock, when I grabbed her throat.

My Energy Blade activated. I pulled my arm out, aiming for a quick kill.

STOP!

I stopped, my blade centimeters from RD's magenta eyes.

STOP!

I watched as Prophet stopped the blade, inches from RD's eyes.

I pulled my arm back.

What are you doing? Let me do my job!

And let me do mine.

Suddenly, the Energy Blade sizzled out of existence, and I put my arm back.

"You know, sometimes you're a pain in the ass."

RD looked at me with confusion.

"You really are...Gay pride."

RD looked at me with wide eyes.

Let me do it!

No. You've had your fun.

Suddenly, a blur tackled me.

"Dart! OhmiCelestia, he'saliveandwell! And a 'hooman' too!" Pinkie said, sitting on my chest.

"Pinkie, it's pronounced 'Human', not 'hooman'. Also, yes, I'm alive." I said, hugging her tightly.

SMACK

OW! SHIT! "WHAT THE FUCK, RAINBOW?!"

"That's for almost killing me."

My mask retracted to show my face.

"That wasn't my fault! I stopped him-"

RD suddenly kissed my cheek, blushing.

She just kissed me.

I felt heat rise to my cheeks.

"That's for not killing me."

"Do I get a prize whenever I don't kill you?" I asked, jokingly, making her blush.

"Don't get used to it, bucker."

I then noticed everyone staring, and smiled.

"I don't look that bad. I might need to shave though." I said, putting a hand to my cheek to feel a stubble.

"You look...different." Twilight said, examining me.

Suddenly my phone went off. My ringtone, only the best sone ever, was playing.

"AMERICA! FUCK YEAH! COMIN' AGAIN TO SAVE THE MUTHA FUCKIN' DAY, YEAH! AMERICA-"

I took the call.

"Your friendly neighbourhood Velociraptor speaking."

"Listen to me, and listen good."

My eyes went wide, making the others look at me.

"I know who you are, 1337. I know where you live, and I know your strengths and weaknesses. I want you to know that you will see Equestria burn to the ground. But, I will not be the one to burn it. It'll be you."

"Listen here and listen good. I may not know who you are. I may not know where you are, what you do, and who you team up with. I made a promise that I'd hunt you down and rip your fucking spine out. I don't care if you have the best damn army in the fucking world. I don't care if you want me. But you crossed the line when you threatened my home, my friends and family! Now, your on the top of my shitlist! You better pray to God, and Celestia that your death will be quick and painless. But I assure you-"

My mask went over my face.

"You messed with the wrong fucking guy."

I ended that call, and looked at Twilight.

"Tell Celestia and Luna to meet me in the briefing room in ten minutes."

I then turned and picked up the chain gun, putting it on my shoulder.

"Shit's about to get real."