Thursday, January 24th, 1003 A.B

I believed that the events of last Saturday evening could never be matched in personal, actual unpleasantness and unease, but today’s occurrences have certainly corrected my false assumption.

As for what occurred the following morning four days before, since I had spent the entire night awake trying to motivate myself into performing more tests, I was able to attend to Spike when he first awoke. My poor assistant was terrified when he burst through the door that lead to my laboratory and upon sighting me, he practically dived down the stairs to wrap my chest into an embrace. After spending a few minutes to calm him down, I questioned Spike about what I already knew what had frightened him and, showing him my uninjured hoof, was able to convince the young drake that what had happened the last night was merely a nightmare.

As for what had transpired in the days that followed, I was visited by not one, but two visions in those five days. As I am unable to determine that any sort of development in the Itch occurred, I have chose not to write them down in this journal, as it would be a waste of time and ink (though I have to add that I doubt I’ll ever look at a watermelon in the same way ever again). This decision is based off the fact that the two hallucinations only differ cosmetically from Saturday’s; though the who, where, and when are all different, the fact that they “died” by my own hoof still remains, along with the Itch’s ravaging inferno, the sadistic pleasure, and, unfortunately, the freezing needles.

Every time, just as the Itch was nearly sated, those piercing, hypothermic knives stabbed remorselessly into my skin, hacking away my muscles and gouging holes into my bones. It infuriates me! What have I done to deserve such pain? No, I know why. The reason is there, in every vision, in every brutal, uncalled for death. Are they some sort of subconscious, conscience-based attack, punishing me for such ghastly thoughts and thrills? No, that can’t be it! If the needles were of such design, then should they not occur after I have returned to reality, accompanying my guilt and doubt? They must be of some other purpose, some other machination, be it biological, magical, or psychological. But what? I haven’t the slightest clue as to what it is! I’m completely in the dark!

And what a perfect description that is! ‘Cluelessness’ encompasses my entire efforts on delving into the mystery of the Itch! I haven’t been able to identify a single etiology, prognosis, or remedy despite the fact that I have performed 186 chemical, thauma-neurological, and psychoanalytic tests upon myself! Any kind of theory I have on the Itch is just half-baked conjecture at best! I’ve got nothing! Nothing aside from a near-constant state of anxiety and self-disgust, and now, thanks to Ponyville’s ever-so-productive rumor mill, I also have the curious and questioning glances and outright stares to face whenever I leave my home!

And of course, such glances would turn into questions when a certain polychromatic pegasus becomes involved, which is the entire reason behind these most recent of unfortunate transpirings…

*****

Today had begun like any other: wake up, bargain with the sun for a few more minutes of rest, try to go back to sleep, give up, get up, prepare breakfast, wake up Spike, eat breakfast, and spend the next hour preparing the library to open and then spend the rest of the day handling library affairs or trying to sneak in some experiments during slow hours. Unfortunately, this schedule was interrupted a quarter past 3 o’ clock by Rainbow Dash bursting through a window and colliding into the opposite wall, managing to knock down a few bookcases worth of books from their proper placements. As I had long ago become accustom to Dash’s impromptu and abrupt arrivals, I simply began to place the unfortunate tomes back where they belonged while Dash regained her senses on the wooden floor.

“Ugh, did anypony get the license number of that train?” She asked woozily, placing a hoof on her head.

“Good afternoon to you too, Rainbow,” I told her, momentarily looking her way before returning to my work. “Is there a specific reason as to why you chose my window as an entry point, or shall I have to give you another lecture on the history and purpose of doorways?”

“Ah! No need for that Twi! I can remember all twenty-five points and thirty-three sub-thingies on doors just fine, thanks!” She stated, her grogginess immediately evaporating as she lifted herself from the floor.

“They’re called subpoints, Dash,” I corrected her, moving past her alert form as I continued reshelving books, “now, what do you need help with? You do know that the next installment in the Daring Doo series is still 5 months away, correct?”

“Of course I do!” She began, “I’m just, y’know, flying by to ask what’s up?”

“Nothing much, just reshelving books,” I answered dryly as I heard her wingbeats from behind.

“Yeah! Well, s-speaking of books,” Dash spoke out from behind me, “I-I always did kind of think how much you like books really cool.”

Her statement alone was enough to make me halt in placing the book I held in my magic back in its proper place. In my mind, I recalled the multitude of times Rainbow had directly or indirectly insinuated my personal enjoyment of literature to be outside of society’s (or at least her own) social norms. One of her most preferred methods of doing so being to bestow upon me the ‘honorable’ title of “egghead.” But what had really gave me pause was the tone of Dash’s voice. The athlete’s usual bravado was still there, but it was now accompanied by what almost seemed to be a sliver of nervousness. And was that a stutter I had heard?

Mentally shrugging, I placed the book onto the shelf and returned to my work around the library. I opted to just respond with a simple “uh-huh.”

“N-no, really!” Dash persisted, following behind me, “it’s really cool how you… um… read so fast! Yeah!”

‘So that’s her game, huh?’ I thought, determining her poor attempts at flattery to be just another form of prank she was pulling. I spared a moment to turn my head to the side to give her a deadpanned glance of disbelief before continuing to shelve my mistreated literature.

“Uh-huh.”

“Seriously Twi, you’re, like, the grandmaster of librarians or something!” She landed, continuing unassuaged.

“Uh-huh.”

“I mean it! I can’t believe-”

“Listen, Dash,” I interrupted her, turning around to speak to her directly. “I appreciate flattery as much as the next pony, but I don’t have to be Applejack to tell that you’re up to something.” At that, the athlete immediately began to look uncomfortable. Obviously having struck the matter on the head, I continued, “Ah, so there is a hidden reason for this surprise bout of cajolery. Well, are you setting me up for some prank you and Pinkie have planned?”

“What? No! Pinkie and I haven’t planned anything!” Dash objected, backing up nervously.

“Oh? So it’s just you then?” I pressed on, following her step-by-step.

“No! I’m not doing anything!” She repeated, beginning sound indignant as her face started to heat up.

“Sure, Dash. And you were at Rarity’s earlier getting a dress too, weren’t you?”

“No I was- Grah!” Rainbow yelled out, aggravated, she stopped backing up, and met me in the middle of the library’s main room, “fine! You wanna know the reason why I came here? I came here to try to get you out of the library later today so we could go to the Sideways Cleft later tonight!”

“The music club?” I asked, confused, “why would we go there?”

“Because you’re always so cooped up in here busy working on whatever and it’s honestly about time you took a break!” She answered, throwing her forehooves frustratedly in the air while using her wings to keep balanced. “We haven’t even seen each other in almost a week!”

“That’s not true…” I began, but realized that Dash was right: the last time we had interacted was on the Friday that she and the other girls had taken off time to spend with me, almost a week ago.

Noticing my pause, Dash interjected, “I’m right, see! And, believe it or not, I actually visited three times this week to see you, but every time Spike told me that you were down in the basement, working on some kind of experiment!” At this point, she was now hovering a few feet in the air above my head, forcing me to crane my neck in order to look at her, giving her the dominant position in the argument. “And what are you even doing down there so much, anyway? Huh?”

“That’s none of your concern!” I rebuffed her, wishing to keep the manner of my experiments privy to only myself.

“I think it does!” She argued, sweeping down to my level to poke me roughly in the chest with her hoof. “If it’s something so important that you shun your own friends for it, where I have to flatter your fat flank just to try to ask you to go with me somewhere, then I should at least be allowed to know what it is!”

Aggravated, I reared back from her hoof and jabbed her with my own, “you don’t have to flatter my “fat” anywhere to ask me anything!”

“Really!” Dash commented, flying out of my reach, “then will you go with me to the Sideways Cleft later?”

“No! I’m busy!” I yelled up at her.

“See!” She shouted back down, “you’re always “busy” with whatever’s going on down there! So spill it! What do you not want to tell me?”

“It’s private!” I almost screamed in anger. Feeling my face heat up out of fury, I tried to calm myself down, but met little success in chipping away the anger that had been building up since the moment Rainbow had entered the library. “So why don’t you mind your own business!”

“I’m your friend, so it is my business!” Dash retorted, “and you know what? I think it has something to do with those hallucinations you’ve been having!”

At her words, I froze. ‘How could she have known? How did she figure that out? What does she know?’ I thought as Dash took advantage of my momentary silence.

“Aha!” She yelled in triumph, spotting the caught expression on my face, “so they do have something to do with whatever’s going on downstairs!”

“No they do not! Now why don’t you mind your own business!” I repeated, now desperate to get her out of my vicinity.

“Not gonna happen!” She returned, diving to the floor and landing in front of me, “so give me some answers already!”

“And I told you, the hallucinations have nothing-” I began, but stopped when I felt a horrid, itching sensation plant itself upon my spine. The Itch had returned to tear apart my body once again.

“Well?” Dash persisted, “I can wait all day if I have to!”

“Listen, Rainbow, maybe we can talk about this later?” I asked as I began to back away from her and towards the entrance to my laboratory.

“I told you Twi, “not gonna happen,”” Dash answered, following after me step-by-step, “so don’t try to weasel out of answering me.”

“Dash, I promise, I will tell you,” I told her, growing more desperate to get away from her presence with each step. “Just not now,” I add as I felt myself bump into the door leading to the downstairs’ staircase.

“Yeah, sure.” Dash deadpanned, stopping in front of me, “and Princess Celestia can pass up a slice of cake. So spill it, Twi. What are those visions, and why are they happening?”

“Um, well, you see-” I break off, twisting around as I use my magic to open the door, “sorrytellyoulaterbye!” I hurled over my shoulder, crossing the threshold and swinging the door closed behind me.

Unfortunately, before I could fully close the door, Dash rammed against it and sent it flying open. Flung by momentum, she crashed into me and sent us both tumbling down the stairs before landing the two of us in a tangled heap at the bottom. Lifting myself off of the dazed pegasus, I made my retreat into one of the corners of the library and sat down. Hunched over, with my gaze fixed upon the blank walls, I hoped that if I couldn’t see anypony, I wouldn’t be able to imagine them dying. By now the Itch had grown into its full fury, and was tormenting my entire being with curved claws and jagged talons, and there was little I could do to combat it other than sit there, trembling in the corner.

I must have been a truly sorry sight to look upon, for the longest time Dash didn’t say a single word. Eventually, I heard her making her way towards me, and I felt her hoof touch gently upon my shoulder.

“Twilight? Please, tell me what’s wrong. I’m worried,” she spoke, her entire auditory demeanor changed from anger to concern in only a few moments.

“Please, just let me be,” I begged, not turning around to meet her. “Just let me wait it out here, please.”

“”Wait it out?”” Dash repeated, sounding confused, “oh! Are you having a panic attack Twi?”

Not even able to verbally lie under the extreme strain the Itch was assailing upon me, I instead just physically fibbed by giving her a shaky nod in response.

“Oh, um, well, do you want me to leave you alone right now?” She asked, only to receive another nod, “um, I guess I’ll be flying out n-Ow!”

At the sound of her pained yelp, I felt a pleasant tug pull on my body, lifting the Itch from my beleaguered form for a moment. I wanted to turn around, to relieve myself from my torment, but I knew that if I did so, I would doom Dash to an imaginary, but painful death, one brought about by my own hooves. What kind of friend would I be then? One who prioritizes her own pleasure over the well being of her friends? But, try as I might, I couldn’t help but turn my head around to see what had caused my friend pain.

What I saw was Dash standing before me, a pained expression adorning her face as she gingerly held her left wing out from her side. Noticing that I had left my solitude in the corner, she addressed me, “I think I may have twisted it or something on the way down.” She explained, wincing as she tried to move it.

I didn’t bother replying, I just sat there and basked in the relief that her pain provided me from the Itch. With each wince, each tinge of pain that radiated off of her I felt a ripple of pleasure spread across me, soaking into my skin and dousing the fire of the Itch. But those ripples weren’t enough. I could feel the Itch surging beneath those miniscule pulses of pleasure, nearly about to burst forth in a fiery eruption of pain and agony. I saw Rainbow beginning to make her way to the stairway, and knew that I had to act.

As my prey made her way up the stairs, I set to work silently behind her. I knew that she was extremely fit, and, despite what some ponies think, she’s not lazy at all. The reason for which Dash is seen resting around so much is because she spends so much time exercising and training for the Wonderbolts. Mindful that even with a damaged wing, Dash would be difficult to contain, I prepared my trap.

By the time Dash had reached the top of the stairs, I had completed my preparations. As she moved towards the door, I prepared myself for what I was about to do.

“Hey, Dash?” I called out, attempting to sound as pitiful as I could.

The polychromatic mare had not been anticipating my voice, as her ears perked up and swiveled in my direction quite rapidly. Turning around, she looked at me with an unsure gaze, “yeah, Twi?”

“C-can you come down, p-please?” I asked, purposefully stuttering a few words.

Dash responded with a simple affirmative, and began to make her way back down the stairs. She approached my sitting form and stopped in front of me, asking me why I had called her back down when I had told her to leave in the first place.

“I-I’m sorry, Rainbow,” I begin, lowering my face so she wouldn’t be able to see the expression of expectant glee adorning it. “I-I’m just so s-scared… These attacks, they just make everything so much harder for me. Ponies look at me like I’m a freak, Spike is constantly worried about me, and now I can’t even interact with one of my friends without causing a problem… I just… can’t take it much longer…”

Though I was unable to see her face, I heard Rainbow’s softened expression in her voice, “oh, Twi… I’m so sorry. I never thought of it that way,” she moved closer to me, “d-do you want a hug, or something?”

‘Perfect!’ I thought as I gave her a nod and held out my forehooves. Like a fly landing on a carnivorous plant, Dash planted herself in my embrace and wrapped her hooves around my body. As I did the same, I levitated a solid bar of iron I had transmuted from a metal trolley behind her back, our position hiding the telltale glow coming from my horn from my victim’s sight. I squeezed the mare tightly as the heavy pole hovered right above her upper spinal column.

“Thank you, Dash. You really are loyal to a fault,” I whispered to her, and bashed the bar onto her spine with all the force I could muster. I couldn’t help but grin savagely when I heard a sickening snap originate from the mare in my embrace and the scream of absolute pain that accompanied it. And ohh, my eyeballs nearly rolled up into my head as I was graced by the surge of cleansing euphoria that accompanied her cry. By the time her scream had ended - and, unfortunately, the pleasure with it - we were both panting out breaths, I from pleasure, and she, from pain.

‘Just as it should be,’ I thought as I pulled the now unmoving pegasus from me with my hooves and was met with her terrified visage.

“T-Twi? What’s going on?” She stuttered out, looking the most afraid I have ever seen her, “I… I can’t feel my wings… my wings...”

Holding out her motionless body with my hooves, I turned her head to the side with my magic and showed her the iron pipe, saying, “there, there, Dashie. No need to worry. Auntie Twilight is going to take very good care of you, aren’t we?”

“Twilight… what’s going on? Why can’t I move my wings?” Dash repeated, “what does that pipe have to do with anything?”

“Wow, you really are thick, huh?” I stated, dropping the faux caregiver act as I turned Dash’s head back towards me. “Here, let me spell things out for you. I, Twilight Sparkle, used this iron pipe as a means to incapacitate you, Rainbow Dash, primarily by smashing it into your back and snapping your spinal chord, leaving you a paralyzed cripple. There, did that clear things up for you or do I need to make pictures as well?”

“Twi… N-no, you couldn’t have…” Rainbow trailed off and continued to mutter off something of the like. I would have responded with a biting comment, but any words I had were silenced by the silent roar of the Itch as it unleashed even greater torment of my body. I looked at the ragdoll of a pony I held in my trembling forehooves I decided that I had wasted enough precious time already.

As I lifted her up in my magic, Dash looked at my with fright filled eyes, “Twilight, what are you doing to me?”

“Just shut up Dash,” I told her, grabbing the metal rod with my forehooves as I balanced myself on my two hind legs. Readying myself as I positioned my victim in front of me, I quipped, “now, make like a piñata... and break.”

“Twi-” Rainbow began, but her terrified voice was cut off by an iron rod making contact with her ribs, eliciting a scream of pain from the immobile mare and a satisfying crack from her torso. I swung again and again, beating down upon my victim mercilessly, each successive hit bringing more and more pleasure rushing through my body. Sometimes I missed my target, only to cause myself to fall down from the pole’s momentum, but I was always quick to scramble up again to deliver even heavier blows upon her body, giggling madly all the while. I struck everywhere I could reach: her hooves, breaking them with each blow; her wings, now only bloody, twisted remains of her once-powerful appendages; her back, breaking it even more with every hit; her ribs, issuing snapping sounds with each impact; her stomach, causing the pegasus to choke up the bile-infused remains of her lunch; everywhere but her head. I wouldn’t strike there out of fear of hitting too hard and accidentally killing my victim prematurely. I couldn’t bear the thought of parting with the ecstasy that her screams brought me. It felt too good to stop, it felt too good to go all the way. I could have gone on like that for ages, just beating her into a crimson pulp with my blood-stained bar over and over again.

By the time that I had stopped to catch my breath, Rainbow almost was a crimson paste, her hide soaked with blood, beaten raw and then some. Her hooves and wings were bent in unnatural directions, torn and soaking red like the rest of her body. Now, when I said I was afraid of hitting her head due to the chance of a hard blow killing her, I never said that I didn’t place a couple ‘light’ blows here and there. Her right eye was a bruised, blackened mess; blood dripped from her swollen-shut eyelids, rolling down her cheek like red, glistening tears. Her left ear was a crimson stump, I having completely torn most of it off with a well-placed shot. When no further strikes came, Dash opened her one good eye slowly and looked down at me with terror in her eyes. A pang of satisfaction ran through me when I beheld those terrified, trembling magenta orbs.

Grinning viciously up at her, I spoke, “what’s wrong Dash? I thought you were almost as big a party animal as Pinkie. Aren’t you enjoying the fun?”

“P-please, Tw-Twi… Just let me go,” Rainbow pleaded, beginning to sob, “it hurts…”

“Aww, what’s wrong?” I mocked, pouting, “can’t the fastest mare in all of Equestria handle a few boo-boos?”

“Please! I-I promise I won’t tell anypony,” the mare almost wailed, “j-just let me g-go! I promise!”

Getting back on all fours, I put a hoof to my chin and replied, “hmm, well, I guess I could allow you to leave…” I paused, watching her eye fill up with hope, “as long as you promise to come back for another session.”

“A-another wh-what?” She stuttered, her breath hitched.

“Didn’t you hear me? I said, another session,” I informed her, “I think this is something we both could grow to enjoy. I think we should give these little personal arrangements enough time to determine that. Unless…” I paused for dramatic effect, “you would rather they just end right here.”

“Of course I want this to end!” Rainbow shouted, pathetically straining her neck, the only part of her body she could move now. “Just let me go!”

“Well, since you insist, at least allow me to show you to the door!” I yelled and released her from my magic. Spinning around, I released Dash from my hold and bucked her with all my might. She flew back, struck the bottom of the stairs with a heavy thud, and laid there limp and unmoving. Grabbing the iron rod with my magic, I walked leisurely over to the stairs and stood over the splayed-out pegasus. I looked down at her bruised and tear-stained face as she sobbed hopelessly, trying to avoid making eye contact with me.

“J-just leave me a-alone,” she pleaded, not a trace of the confident mare I knew to be found, “just g-go, y-you monster.”

I stared down at her for an indeterminate time, just absorbing the sight of a mare completely broken in spirit. It was to no wonder, taking into consideration how much of her self-confidence relied upon her physical abilities, and now that she couldn’t move a single muscle underneath her neck, that she would revert to a despairing shell of her former self. Despite the fact that Dash was one of my closest friends, one who had been by my side for countless dangers and perils, I couldn’t force myself to feel the barest trace of sympathy or concern for her physical and mental wellbeing. Neither could I detect within any existence of opposing emotions either. Neither disgust nor hate nor sadistic satisfaction could I feel for her. Instead, I only discern a sense of disinterest in the crippled pegasus. It was strange, as if any caring I might have felt towards her was dulled and numbed in the face of a prevailing apathy.

But why should I have felt anything for her? She had fulfilled her use. I could no longer feel the Itch tearing apart my spine, the ecstasy I derived from her pain had ensured that. My victim was no longer of any use to me, so why should I waste any precious emotions on her useless form? Silently, without a word, I began to ascend the stairs, the iron rod still held in my magic, as I planned to leave it at the door frame for later ease of access. With the sounds of my victim’s sobs behind me, I reached the door to the main room, and was about to place down the metal pole, when I suddenly felt a cold, stabbing pain pierce my hide. I froze where I was as I felt freezing needles thrust deep into my body, pumping their chilly toxicants into my bloodstream and turning my veins to ice.

As my body began to freeze over, I looked around the room in panic as the edges of my vision slowly darkened and perished from view. ‘I can’t die! I’m not supposed to die!’ I screamed inside my head as I looked around the room for means to save myself. Soon, I spotted Rainbow Dash still spread across the stairs below me, and became aware of a way to save myself.

‘If I wish to not die, then what I need do is insure that my death is replaced by another’s,’ I thought as I slowly descended the stairs on hypothermic hooves. ‘She must die in order for me to live, there is no better way for it to be.’

I knew Dash had heard me approach, by how her ears swiveled to address my approaching hoofsteps, but she chose to refrain from acknowledging my presence as I stopped and loomed over her head. Soon enough, though, my heavy, labored breathing created enough curiosity within her that she looked up to stare with dull, lifeless eyes at my silhouetted face.

“I told you to get out,” she informed me, her tone no longer the fearful stutter of a few moments before, but was now held within it a despaired, empty sound that resonated within my head, her words buzzing madly behind my eyes. Dash’s eyes widened when I responded by raising the iron rod high above our heads, the only sound coming from me being my hurried pants.

“What are you-” Was all she managed to get out before the metal pole was jammed into her mouth and stabbed through the back of her throat, filling her mouth with her own blood. The paralyzed mare began to gag on the sudden blockage of her breath, sending syrupy, crimson bubbles bursting forth out of her mouth and splattering the sky-blue fur around her muzzle red. I grunted in dissatisfaction as I pulled out the red-painted rod from the crimson orifice that held it and readied the pole for a second strike. As she choked on her own blood, Dash looked up at me with tormented, questioning eyes, and then I sent the rod straight through her left magenta iris. I think I might have felt the rod meet slight resistance as I pushed it through what I assume to be her brain, but I’m not sure, as at that time I all my sensory perception was swept away in a tidal wave of euphoria.

Like all of the other times, the pleasure was absolute, at the forefront of my every thought and perception. Not a single strand of my tail was absent from the ecstasy that encased my being, and oh, by Faust, did I revel in that wonderful cocoon of feeling. But, unfortunately, all good things come to an end, for I soon felt myself slowly slipping from that blissful whiteness. It was then, as I came to, that I felt a cold, wet slap fall upon my face, shocking me into a full state of awareness.

Standing in front of me, I beheld Rainbow Dash, holding what appeared to be a flat-bottom flask that once held a clear liquid. Brining a hoof up to my face, I wiped away a bit of the dampness that now resided there.

“Twilight! You’re okay!” The polychromatic mare proclaimed, her face bursting into a relieved grin, “I was worried there for a while! You must’ve been having a panic attack!”

As I was about to respond, I began to feel a small burning sensation in my eyes. Looking at the flask in her hooves, I queried as to what she was doing with it.

“Oh, this?” Dash paused, looking at the glass container in her hooves, “well, since you wouldn’t do anything no matter what I did, I looked around for some water. It’s a good thing I found some in this flask, or else I would’ve had to rush upstairs to get some from the kitchen and leave you alone down here!”

With the burning in my eyes increasing in intensity, I roughly grabbed the flask from Dash’s hooves and read the small paper label on the side. My breathing hitched as I realized what she had thrown on me was anything but water.

“Dash! This isn’t water!” I shouted at her, tears obscuring my pain-filled vision, “this is Sodium Hypochlorite!”

“Huh?” She grunted obliviously.

“Bleach!” I yelled, dropping the flask where it was and rushing over to where the emergency shower I had installed laid. Pulling the metal chain, I raised my gaze upward as chilly water rained down from above, washing the painful chemical from my coat and eyes. I stood there, allowing myself to be completely soaked, until finally the water tank that supplied the the shower became empty. Turning around, I found myself face to face the cause of my most recent torment. She grinned sheepishly under my undoubtedly bloodshot and unamused gaze, and was soon going to say some form of inadequate apology, but I was not about to have that.

“Get. Out,” I growled, glaring at Rainbow, silently daring her to say something. Unfortunately, the pegasus was unable to understand my non-verbal cues, and once again tried to apologize for what just happened.

“I said get out!” I screamed at her, no longer trying to restrain my rage, “I don’t want to see your sorry face ever again!”

“B-but-”

“Get out, get out, get out!” I interrupted her, pointing my hoof at the doorway behind us.

“I’m sor-” Dash started and she began to back up towards the stairs.

“NOW!” I screamed at the top of my lungs, prompting Dash into making a hasty retreat out of the laboratory. Huffing in aggravation when I heard the front door to the library slam shut, I ascended the stairs and changed the library’s sign to closed, deciding to spend the rest of my afternoon trying to calm down, though I had little success. Spike came home a few hours later from helping out Rarity with acquiring gems, and though he noticed my negative temperament, he was smart enough not to ask me about it. We ate a silent and short dinner and he went to bed, exhausted from his day’s expenditures. Though I too was fatigued, I returned to my laboratory and removed this journal from its safe and began to transcribe today’s events onto these pages.

*****

The first thing I have to say is: Damn that flashy, flat-hoofed skank! My eyes are still stinging even now! How stupid can you be to think that any clear liquid you find in a laboratory is going to be water? It makes it even worse when the flask was obviously labeled “Sodium Hypoclorite!” Anypony knows that water is Dihydrogen Monoxide! How does she not? The girl even works with rainclouds, for crying out loud!

I should’ve known from the moment Dash entered my library that nothing good was going to occur. She was acting strange the entire time, trying to flatter me just so I would go to some cheap bar so we could ‘catch up.’ She probably just wanted somepony to drag her drunk plot home later. But I have got to hoof it to her, Dash sure knows how to sweet talk. My heart was just aflutter when she called me “fat!” Who does that dumb winger think she’s calling fat, huh? I may be rounded in some areas, but I am nowhere near to having a “fat flank,” as that muscled minx put it. What does that hyped-up jock expect me to do? Chug down raw eggs for breakfast like her? I should have thrown her out then and there, but how in Tartarus was I to know that she was going to give me a bleach bath later?

Honestly, I’m glad that Dash was in the hallucination! I don’t care if it was imaginary, but I sure did enjoy beating her senseless, watching her scream in pain, and releasing her to see the winger realize her own helplessness. Faust, it felt good! And then, while I’m enjoying the ecstasy I get from ending her miserable existence, she goes and splashes bleach in my face! Bleach! In! My! Face!

I’m tempted to go out and find Dash right now and teach her a lesson she’ll never forget. Maybe I should break that dumb feather-brain’s wings in half! Douse me in bleach, will she? I’ll tear them right out of her sockets! I’ll-

Oh dear Faust, what am I saying? Why would I do such things to Rainbow? She’s one of my best friends! It’s not like she meant to pour bleach on me, it was an accident! And here I am, contemplating hurting my friend just because of a mistake? What kind of pony am I?

Why do I think like this after every vision? Is it some sort of residual sadism remaining from the hallucinations? I don’t know, I’m just not sure of anything anymore! And how long shall this sadism remain mere thoughts flitting about my head? Will I enact them, work upon them? When will fantasy begin to bleed over into reality? Am I destined to become the maniac in my daydreams? A monster who delights in the pain of others, is that my future? Dash said it herself: “monster.” Is that what I am?

Oh dear Faust I hope not. I don’t want to be a bad pony, but I’m just not sure how long it is until I am one.

Goodnight and signing off,

Twilight Sparkle

Author's Note

Firstly, I apologize to all of the Rainbow Dash fans. This chapter wasn't anything personal, just business.
Secondly, thanks for reading, liking, favoriting, hating, and all of the rest, I guess.
Au revoir,
The Fruity Cousin