-- Colt in the Rain--
By: DarkAura89
Why?
Why does it hurt so much?
Just outside of Ponyville, Thunderlane sat underneath the overcast skies as the rain fell down upon him. He hadn’t moved from his spot in an hour. He just sat there, crying, his tears masked by water streaming down his face.
Did... did she ever love me? Was I just some meaningless ‘fun’ to her? If she never cared for me, why did she just keep stringing me along?
Where did it all go so wrong?
I didn’t make the cut.
It had been six hours since the end of the Wonderbolt Academy, and Thunderlane had found himself sitting at a bar shortly after the closing ceremonies. He hadn’t made the cut, but then again, nopony else had. Most of the cadets took it all in stride as they realized that they didn’t quite measure up this time, but he was taking this latest failure in his life harder than the others. When everyone else decided to hit the town to celebrate making it through the Academy without getting kicked out, he found himself tagging along.
Part of the reason Thunderlane had gone to the Academy was to get his mind off a recent breakup with his ex, Cloudchaser. He didn’t expect her to show up there as well though, so he had been constantly reminded of his unresolved feelings for her every day. If he was honest with himself, it hurt like Tartarus to see her happy and the fact that he’d performed so poorly at the Academy didn’t help either.
“Hey, what’s got ya down, stud?”
Thunderlane knew that voice. It had been responsible for more than a few bad memories over the last week. He turned his head over his shoulder to take a look at the pony talking to him. As he met her amber eyes, he sighed a bit, recalling how this one pony had caused him so much trouble.
“What do you want, Lightning Dust? Can’t you see I’m not in the mood to put up with your horse apples right now?”
“What? You gonna tell me that just ‘cuz you don’t make the cut, you’re gonna drink away the pain?” She strode up to him, placing a hoof on his shoulder as he turned fully to face her. “I thought you were more of a stallion than that, Thunderlane. I had you pegged as a winner. Somepony who knew how to handle himself like a big colt, not some little foal looking for mommy just ‘cuz he fell down.”
Thunderlane batted away her hoof as he turned around and went back to his drink. “Not that it’s any of your damn business, but that’s only part of the reason I’m here.” He sighed a bit as he pointed a hoof in Cloudchaser’s direction, refusing to look at her. “My ex just happened to show up at the Academy. We broke up not even a week ago, and I was hoping I could just... you know... get away. Instead,” he turned his head again to face Lighting Dust, “I get to see her every day for a week. I get to see her having fun, flirting with other ponies, and moving on.”
Thunderlane suddenly slammed a hoof into the bar, making his drink jump slightly from the impact, “But I’m still not over her! I thought she loved me! Then I find out she’s seeing somepony else behind my back and she has the nerve to dump me! That two bit whorse cheats on me, and I don’t even get to dump her!” Thunderlane turned fully to face a startled Lighting, “So, pardon me if I just wanna sit here and drink ‘till I can’t even remember my own bucking name. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a half finished drink and a bag of bits that’ll go a long way towards helping me reach that goal.”
Thunderlane could hear Lightning start to walk away as he went back to his drink, but she suddenly stopped after only a few steps. “Ya know, I’d never lead a colt on like that. If the romance is dead, I’d just tell him straight out and let him go.” She turned around and slowly worked her way back to Thunderlane. When she got to the bar, she sat down and ordered a drink. “I know we didn’t get off on the best hoof, and I’d like to apologize for that.” She turned to stare at him, but he refused to meet her gaze, choosing to focus on his drink instead. “If it’s worth anything, I’m sorry you had to find out that way. I’ve been cheated on before. It hurts like Tartarus.”
They sat in silence, Thunderlane sipping at his drink while Lightning slowly enjoyed hers. Thunderlane, unable to take it anymore, broke the silence first. “Why are you doing this? Why do you even care? I’m just some random pony you met at the Wonderbolt Academy that you’re never gonna see again after tonight. Why not just go enjoy yourself? I was perfectly fine with drinking alone before you showed up.” He sighed and turned to face Lightning, “Celestia knows I wouldn’t blame you for leaving. I’m so pathetic. Even my fillyfriend left-”
He was cut off by a slap to the face from a cyan hoof. He met Lightning’s gaze, holding a hoof up to the spot she’d hit, rubbing it, as he recovered. “Don’t you ever talk like that. You’re not pathetic. You’re not worthless. You’re perfect as is and your ex is an idiot for cheating on you.” Thunderlane could see her eyes glowing with an anger from an old wound that never fully healed, and for a moment, he felt that maybe somepony else truly got him. They sat there for a bit, Thunderlane staring into her deep amber eyes, looking for something while she stared back into his golden ones. All the noise in the bar seemed to fade away into nothingness as they got lost in each other’s gaze. Then it happened.
They kissed.
Lightning suddenly rushed in and met Thunderlane’s lips. It wasn’t a passionate kiss, but there was a spark there, and it ended just as quickly as it began. Thunderlane’s eyes widened as Lightning looked away and coughed, both of them blushing slightly.
She kissed me! She BUCKING kissed me! He couldn’t stop thinking about it, and words refused to form. Instead, he sat there babbling to himself while Lightning looked anywhere but at him.
“I... but you... I didn’t... what were you... huh?” Thunderlane stammered out loud, his thoughts spilling from his mouth in an attempt to get some answers. He sputtered, gasping for air while trying to understand what had just happened. Lightning couldn’t bring herself to look at him. Instead, she just stared at her hooves, a light crimson still tinting her cheeks.
Finally finding some traction, Thunderlane managed to form a coherenet thought. “You kissed me. Why? Why would you want to-”
He was cut off again, this time as a cyan hoof pressed gently against his lips. “I told you. NEVER talk about yourself like that. You’re a wonderful pony, and anypony would be lucky to have you.” She hung her head and her posture slumped a bit as she mumbled below her breath more to herself than anypony else, “But Celestia knows I’m not that lucky...”
Thunderlane couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Was this the same pony who had been so confident not even a day ago? Looking at her now, she seemed so fragile and unsure of herself. Is it all just a mask? Is all that bravado just an act? As he stared at her, a thought struck him. Hey, what’ve I got to lose?
He kissed her.
Lightning Dust’s eyes said it all. In them, there was shock, doubt, fear, and uncertainty. But there was also hope. He could feel a familiar warmth creeping up his cheeks as he continued to hold the kiss long after they both realized what was going on, and to his surprise he could feel her starting to press into the kiss.
She’s kissing me back!
They broke apart, blushing and trying to look anywhere but at each other. “You know,” Thunderlane started, “if I’m not allowed to talk about myself like that, you’re not either. Why don’t you stay a while? Have another drink, next one’s on me.” He coughed slightly, looking up to meet Lightning’s gaze.
“I thought you didn’t want me here?” she said slyly with a coy grin forming on her face.
“I changed my mind. ‘sides, sounds like you could use a good drink almost as much as me.”
It was perfect. Thunderlane thought to himself. She got me. She knew how much it hurt to lose somepony you gave your heart to.
So why did she have to leave?
It had been another hour since she had left, and he still hadn’t moved an inch, nor had the tears stopped. Ponies had passed by, and while some had stared, none had said anything. He knew it would be getting dark in a few more hours, but he didn’t care. Right now, he just wanted to be alone with his memories.
Thunderlane was humming to himself again.
It had been a week since he had started dating Lightning Dust. That night in the bar, they’d hit it off and started hanging out more often. It was nice having somepony to talk with about his breakup. In the two months after the Academy, they’d gotten to know each other a bit better and she’d helped him work past his break-up. She’d even moved to Ponyville to take on a job as a weather pony. Thunderlane hadn’t been sure why at first, and every time he asked she’d just said there was nothing left for her in Cloudsdale, so she figured a fresh start would do her good. Then, last week while they were out bowling Thunderlane suddenly got an idea.
It was a typical Wednesday night at the bowling alley. The only ponies there were the usual crowd and a few couples out for a midweek date night. Thunderlane and Lightning Dust had been hanging out a few times a week over the past two months since the Wonderbolt Academy, and it was thanks in part to Lightning that Thunderlane was finally starting to move past his break-up.
“Hey, Dusty,” Thunderlane looked over to the cyan and orange pegasus he’d gotten to know a little better over the last few weeks as she turned towards him, “I was wondering, you wanna go out for dinner this Saturday?”
“I told you not to call me that!” Lightning whined as Thunderlane laughed to himself. “But yeah, that sounds like fun. You got a place in mind?”
“Yeah. How about that nice bistro? You know, that one I told you about that serves that fantastic pasta.”
“Sounds good. I’ll meet you there around 7, how’s that sound?”
Thunderlane blushed a bit as he continued. “Actually Light, I was thinking I’d swing by your place and pick you up if that’s okay.”
Lightning’s eyes widened a little as she realized what he was implying. “You mean, like a date?”
“Yeah. That is, if that’s fine with you.” He looked down at his hooves, shuffling them a bit. “I mean... well... I...”
Thunderlane’s eyes widened as Lightning lunged at him and her lips met his in a quick kiss giving him all the answer he needed. “I’d love that.”
Their date at the bistro had gone well, so they had made plans for a weekend picnic in the park. As he flew around, he caught a glimpse of his the cyan and orange mare out of the corner of his eye by the lake, and flew over to her. She was already waiting for him and had the area all set up. “Hey Light.” He gave her a little peck on the lips as he landed next to her, “Missed you.”
“Missed you too Thundy.” Lightning hugged her coltfriend as she settled in next to him, content to lean against him as they ate. “I hope you like the spot. Thought a view of the lake would be nice around sunset.”
“Yeah, it is. I used to come here all the time as a colt and watch the sunset, then stick around and just stare at the stars.” Thunderlane sighed as he remembered the last time he was here. “You know, the last pony who was here with me was my ex. Celestia only knows what was going through her mind when she was here with me.” Thunderlane caught the look Lightning was giving him. “Sorry. It’s just... this place is special to me and it has a lot of memories that go with it. Both good and bad.”
“It’s okay. I know it still hurts. I’m still not quite over my last break up either, and I don’t know if I ever will be.” Lightning wiggled her way closer to Thunderlane as he wrapped a wing around her. “I never thought I’d find somepony who got it. How much it hurts to be cheated on and how much it sucks to be left wondering if it’s just because you’re not good enough...” She felt his wing tighten with the last line, and tilted her head to smile at him. “But I met you, and for that, I’m grateful. I’ve got a pony who loves me and who gets me. I couldn’t ask for more.”
They fell into a comfortable silence after that as they ate their meal and just watched as the sun set over the lake, its brilliant reds and oranges mirrored in the water’s pristine surface. Soon night was upon them and the stars came out in all their beauty followed by Luna’s moon. As the two ponies sat by the lake, illuminated only by the light of the pale orb, they gazed up at the stars, both feeling content. Lightning inched forward and placed a light kiss on Thunderlane’s cheek, giggling to herself lightly at her coltfriend’s light blush.
“You know, Lightning, I never thought I’d be doing this again. After my last relationship ended, it just felt almost kind of like all the light had just disappeared,” he shifted his gaze upwards to the stars, Lightning mirroring the gesture, “It was almost as if all the stars and the moon had vanished from the night and all I was left with was the cold, empty darkness.”
“Yeah... I think I know what you mean. I just felt so alone. Even when I was surrounded by ponies, none of them seemed to care or notice. It felt like I was just sitting alone in the dark and the world just kept moving by me.”
Both Thunderlane and Lightning sat up, their attention still focused on the night sky. Thunderlane shifted his gaze to Lightning for just a second, his gaze falling upon the stars reflected in her amber eyes, and he froze, entranced by the mare sitting next to him. He could feel a familiar heat rising in his cheeks as he continued to stare, and was only broken from his stupor by the sound of Lightning’s voice.
“Equestria to Thunderlane, whacha lookin’ at? Do I have some food stuck in my teeth?”
“Celestia, you’re beautiful...” he sighed.
Lightning blushed a bit at the unexpected compliment. “Shouldn’t you be staring at the stars and not me?”
Thunderlane blinked a bit, only now starting to realize that he’d not only been staring at her for so long, but that he’d also just said his last thought out loud. A furious blush rose to his cheeks as he stammered and tried to excuse himself. “I... but... then... your eyes-”
He was cut off by a cyan hoof pressing against his mouth. “It’s a good thing you’re easy to tease, otherwise I’d never see all that cute stammering you do when you’re flustered.” She kissed him lightly on the lips to punctuate her point. “I don’t mind you staring.”
“And it’s a good thing you’re so cute, otherwise I’d never let you get away with teasing me.”
Now it was Lightning’s turn to be caught off guard. She stammered a bit as she tried to form a thought. “Y-you... but I’m not...” she stopped as she realized what Thunderlane was doing and collected her thoughts a bit before continuing. “I guess we’ve got that in common. We each think the other’s pretty cute when they’re a blushing, stammering mess.”
They shared a light laugh before returning their gaze to the stars. Lightning leaned up against Thunderlane, and Thunderlane wrapped a wing around her, pulling her in tight to keep her warm against the steadily cooling night air. They sat in silence for a bit, enjoying the view and the company.
I haven’t felt like this since it ended with Cloudchaser. He had felt like this for a while, but something about the conversation today and the moment they were sharing now just made it all the more obvious. Well, I guess I’ve taken a few chances up till now and they’ve paid off... so, what’s one more? He could feel his heart start to race and his mouth drying up as he thought about what the next words to leave his mouth were going to be. He gave Lightning a quick peck on the cheek and returned his gaze to the sky.
“I love you Lightning Dust.”
Time seemed to slow down for Thunderlane. His heart seemed to be racing at a mile a minute and he could feel himself breaking out into a cold sweat. What if she doesn’t say she loves me back? What if she just doesn’t feel that way about me yet? What if she thinks I’m too needy and breaks up with me? What if-
“I love you too Thunderlane.”
That’s all he’d wanted to hear. She loves me. I can’t believe she feels the same way!
In that one instant, all of the negative thoughts vanished, dispelled like fog by the morning sun. He turned and notice Lightning was already staring at him, a smile upon her face illuminated by the moonlight. They met each other in a kiss; not one of fiery passion, but one of a more romantic nature. It seemed to last forever, and when it ended both ponies sighed contentedly.
I am loved.
Did she ever love me? Or was I just the rebound pony she used to get over her last coltfirend? I feel so stupid!
Thunderlane slammed a hoof into the ground leaving a hole in the muddy road and sending mud flying in all directions. It was only an hour or so away from sunset now, and the rain hadn’t let up once since she left, not that he cared. He didn’t know if word had gotten out that he was out there crying, or if ponies just saw him on their way through and avoided him, but he was grateful they just left him alone.
As he started to sink back into his memories, he was vaguely aware that another pony was walking down the road towards him, though he couldn’t tell who it was, nor did he really care.
“I’m sorry, Thunderlane. I just don’t love you anymore.”
Six words. Six little words had shattered Thunderlane’s life. Six words was all it took to turn the once happy-go-lucky stallion into a blubbering mess. He stared at Lightning Dust as they stood in the middle of the road, unable to process the words she had just said; their full impact not quite sinking in.
They were on their way to the lake again today. They had been going out for five months now, and Thunderlane felt he had finally gotten past Cloudchaser breaking up with him. He had thought everything was going well, that life was finally looking up, and that they were both happy.
He was apparently wrong.
“Light, what... what are you saying?” He was barely in control of his breathing and he could feel the tears starting to form on the edges of his eyes. His legs were shaking and threatening to buckle under him.
“I’m saying I think we need to break up Thunderlane. Remember at the bar when we first met? I told you that if I ever didn’t love the pony I was with, I’d just tell them. I don’t want to string you along or hurt you Thundy. I love you, but I’m not in love with you.”
“Why?”
“I just haven’t felt-”
“Why?” It was a simple question, spoken in barely a whisper, but loud enough to cut Lightning off. “Why? Why why why why why why why?” Thunderlane’s voice had risen to a shout near the end as his legs buckled and sunk down to the ground, laying in the road as the tears began to fall.
“Thunderlane... you’ve gotta understand... I just don’t feel the same way about you as I did when we were first going out. I still consider you a close friend, but I just can’t see us ever being together long term.”
“I thought you loved me. I thought you got me. You, of all ponies, know how much it hurt last time this happened.” He slammed a hoof into the ground in anger. “Am I not good enough for you?” He leveled an accusing glare at Lightning. “What’s wrong with me that no pony wants to stay with me? Why will no pony love me?” Thunderlane cried out as his tears started to fall faster, his body starting to shake from the sobs. “Why does everypony I love leave me? Why?” His breath became ragged as he continued to cry, not caring who saw. He let his head hang, his chin resting against the moist earth below him. “It’s just not fair,” he mumbled to himself under his breath. “It’s just not fair...”
Lightning Dust tried to place a reassuring hoof on Thunderlane’s back, but he batted it away. “Thunderlane, I thought I told you never to talk about yourself like that.”
“Why do you even care?” he spat at her under his tears, the venom in his words seeming to almost burn her as she recoiled away from him while looking at her hoof. “You don’t love me. Nopony does. I’m just a worthless pony who’s unlovable and unwanted.”
Lightning was shocked by the tone of his words. “I really do love you Thundlane, but like I said, I’m just not in love with you. I still want to be your friend.”
“Oh, that’s nice.” He chuckled to himself, though there was no joy in the sound. Just hearing it caused a chill to run down Lightning’s spine. “That’s just bucking great! Bucking break my heart, then stick around to remind me of it every day. That sounds wonderful. ‘Hey Light, nice new coltfriend ya got there. Bet he’s better than me in every way. How’ve I been? Oh, you know. Alone. Sad. Pathetic. Worthless. The usual.’”
The harshness of his words almost was enough to drive Lightning to tears, but she held fast against his accusations. “I wouldn’t do that and you know it.”
“Yeah, right. Just like I thought you’d never break my heart.” The tears were still streaming down his eyes. “But we both know how well that worked out.” The words cut like a knife and Lightning started to feel a small trickle of tears run down her face. “I trusted you. You knew how much this relationship meant to me. If you weren’t gonna take it seriously, you should have just let me drink in peace that day. It would have been far kinder than breaking my heart.”
“Thunderlane!” she cried, “Why can’t you see I’m doing this to avoid hurt you? I don’t want to lead you on in a romance that’s dead. I don’t want you to keep investing feelings that you’ll never get back.” She sighed a bit as she hung her head and continued, “I know at one point I really, truly did love you, but whether that was real or just me happy that some pony actually had those kinds of feelings for me, I’m not sure.”
“Oh?” he sneered, “And that’s suppose to make it better how? I would have rather had my wings broken in a crash then have to deal with this pain again. It hurts. It just bucking hurts so much.” He leveled another accusing glare at Lightning. “And the worst part is seeing you right now. You’re not in any pain. You knew this was coming. You had time to deal with this relationship being over and prepare. I didn’t. Right now I just want to see you in as much pain as I’m in. It just bucking hurts so much, and not seeing you hurting just makes it worse.” He let his head slowly sink back down as he let his words sink in.
Again, the venom in his words had felt like it had been spat upon her heart. It felt like his words were eating away at her and leaving her empty. Her tears started flowing freely now. She stammered as she spoke in between the tears. “Thunderlane... t-this hurts me too. I-I never wanted to hurt you. Honest. B-but I just couldn’t k-keep lying t-to myself. I-I see you c-crying, and I... it just b-breaks my heart.” She tried again to lay a comforting hoof on Thunderlane’s back, and again it was swatted away.
“Go.”
One simple word, snarled under Thunderlane’s breath and just barely audible to Lightning. She tried to clarify what he meant. “W-wha-”
“GET THE BUCK OUT OF MY SIGHT! I don’t want to see you again. Just leave me alone.”
“STOP ACTING SO STUBBORN!” Lightning slapped him across the face in frustration. She was sick of him not listening to anything she was saying.
Thunderlane slowly lifted his head and leveled his gaze at her. “That didn’t hurt nearly as much as you breaking my heart. Glad to know you’ll kick a colt when he’s down though. Really makes my day all that much better.” His tear filled gaze seemed to kill any fighting spirit left in her. “Now, just do me one last kindness and get out of my sight. Seeing you right now is only making the pain worse. Just... please... leave me alone.” His head sunk down into the mud this time, caking to his face and matting his fur.
With any fire she had to try to talk some sense into the colt killed by his last words, Lightning slowly stood up and started walking back to town silently. She stopped after a few feet and turned her head to look one last time at Thunderlane as he sat in the road, crying. “When you calm down some, I’ll be waiting. I know it’s gonna hurt, but if I lose my friendship with you over this, it’s just not gonna sit right with me. I’m not giving up on you Thunderlane. Not now, not ever.”
And with her promise spoken, Lightning took wing and flew back to Ponyville leaving Thunderlane just as he wanted to be: alone.
She never really loved me. I’m so stupid for ever thinking she cared. I’m pathetic. Recalling his recent conversation, Thunderlane knew he was a bit hard on Lightning, but he didn’t care. It hurt like Tartarus, and that’s all he cared about right now. It was finally sunset, and he still hadn’t moved, though he had finally stopped crying. As he sat there in the silence as the sun set and the rain continued to fall, he was aware there was a pony sitting behind him; probably the one from earlier.
“Hey, listen,” he started, “I’m fine. Just leave me alone. I don’t need anypony’s help, and I don’t want it either. I’m just a pathetic excuse for a pony who doesn’t deserve anypony’s time. It’s better for us both if you just go now and get on with your life.”
He could hear the pony behind him stir slightly, and he could hear a shuffle of wings, but they didn’t move from their spot or say anything. Thunderlane didn’t have the patience to deal with some random pony trying to insert themself into his life now, and he found it quite annoying that anypony would even consider bugging somepony else at a time like this. “Listen, I’m worthless. No pony wants anything to do with me, so I’ll forgive you if you leave,” he started, hoping to get the oblivious pony to leave, “Tartarus, my marefriend just broke up with me, so some random pony just watching me cry in the middle of the road leaving’s not gonna make my day any worse.”
Thunderlane sat there in the rain, listening in silence for some kind of sound that let him know the offending pony had gotten the message and decided to leave. He heard them get up and ruffle their wings a bit, and he was happy that he could finally go back to being alone with his thoughts. However, he heard hoofsteps getting closer until it sounded like they were right behind him. Suddenly, he found himself wrapped up as the mystery pony hugged him.
“What the buck?! I said leave me alone, not hug me!” He squirmed as he tried to get free of the mystery pony, although in his current position he couldn’t really manage to shrug them off.
“Funny,” the pony hugging him said, “all I heard was ‘The pony I love just broke my heart and I’m hurting. I need a hug and someone who cares about me to listen to how I’m feeling.’”
“Raindrops?” Thunderlane choked out, “What are you doing here?”
“Rainbow said she saw you sitting in the road crying, and when you didn’t move for an hour she got a bit worried. So, she came to me and asked if I could help you out.”
Thunderlane grumbled to himself, cursing his bad luck under his breath. “Well, I’m fine. I don’t need anypony checking up on worthless old me. Nope. Both the marefriends I’ve had left me, so why should you care. Yeah, you’re a friend, but it’s not like this is your problem. It’s not like you should care that I’m unlovable.”
Raindrops winced a bit, and though Thunderlane couldn’t see it from where he was laying, he felt it. “I do care, and I don’t think you’re any of those things.” She hugged him tighter despite his groaning protests. “I think you’re a caring pony who gives his all to those he loves. I think it’s kind of nice that there’s still ponies out there that are willing to risk so much for love.” She leaned in closer, putting her mouth close to his ear and speaking in a tone just above a whisper, “I think it’s sweet.”
Thunderlane could feel the tears forming in his eyes again. “Then tell me why. Why can’t I find love? I’ve had two failed relationships in a row. Why does nopony seem to love me?” His voice cracked and he started trembling as he broke down again, “I just want to know why...”
They sat there like that in the rain. Thunderlane sobbing softly while Raindrops kept hugging him tightly and refusing to let go. At some point Thunderlane drifted off into sleep and let his dreams of happier times past ease the pain of the present. For him, it was better to be living in a world of dreams filled with memories of happier times past than to be living in the present filled with pain and loneliness.
Thunderlane awoke in the morning to beams of sunlight passing through his window and falling onto his face. Guess they cleared the storm out overnight. Doesn’t seem right somehow though...
Lost in his musings, he didn’t notice as Raindrops came into the room and set down some breakfast next to his bed. As she was just about out the door, Thunderlane finally noticed her. “Hey! How did you get in here Raindrops? And how did I get home? Last thing I remember, I was still sitting in the road...” He drifted off as the memory of yesterday’s events slowly started to worm it’s way back into the forefront of his mind.
“Oh, that’s easy.” She replied cheerfully with a smile, “I carried you home after you passed out and made sure you got into bed. I didn’t think you should be alone if you woke up, so I decided to stay here to keep an eye on you.”
I feel so horrible. Thunderlane thought to himself. Raindrops wasted her evening on me. The last thing I wanted was for somepony else to waste their time on me. I’m not worth it...
“Why? I would have been fine. It’s not like I’m going to do anything stupid. I’m probably just gonna sit around all day and sleep anyway.”
“Oh? Why’s that?”
“Because at least in my dreams I’ve got someone who cares. Not like I can say that about my life anymore. My marefreind’s gone, and she ain’t coming back.” He couldn’t hide the twinge of bitterness in his voice at that last thought.
Raindrops shook her head. “How many times do I have to tell you? You’re not alone. You have friends who care. And you really need to stop trying to convince yourself you’re worthless.” She trotted back into the room and over to him, a surprised look on his face. “I could see it in your eyes that you were thinking that I wasted my time on you. I did what I did because I wanted to. You’re a fantastic pony and I wish you’d stop saying that kind of stuff about yourself.” She sat down next to him on the bed as she continued. "As for why I stayed... I knew you weren’t going to do anything stupid, but I wanted to be here in case you wanted somepony to talk to.” She leaned closer to Thunderlane and wrapped her forehooves around him in a tight hug.
Thunderlane whimpered weakly as he leaned into the hug slightly. “Fine. I don’t care. Do what you want, just leave me alone.” He broke the hug and reached over and grabbed the cereal Raindrops had brought in and set to work on eating his breakfast. They remained in silence as Thunderlane ate. Raindrops walked around the room quietly while he ate, trying her best to just give him space.
After finishing his breakfast, Thunderlane looked around the room and noticed Raindrops staring at a photo of him from when he was back in Ponyville Elementary. He sat there, wondering to himself why that photo caught her attention out of all the ones in his room. He didn’t have to wonder long though as Raindrops broke the silence after picking up that he was done eating.
“It’s because it reminds me of good times,” she said without turning around. “Back then, you were just the happy-go-lucky colt everyone wanted to be friends with, and I was the shy filly that always played by herself.” She turned around to face him, and he noticed a tear rolling down her cheek.
“You know,” she started, “I used to have the biggest crush on you.” She blushed a bit and looked away before gathering her thoughts and continuing. “Every day I used to watch you on the playground and in the classroom, and every day I always used to hope you’d come up to me and say ‘hi’.” Another tear rolled down her cheek as she continued on. “When you started dating Cloudchaser, I saw she made you happy, so I told myself that as long as you were happy, I was happy. Then, she cheated on you.” Raindrops got up and stretched her wings as she started slowly walking back towards Thunderlane.
“I was so angry. Here was one of the few ponies I had made friends with in school, and a pony who was making you happy, and she had the nerve to cheat on you. That two bit whorse cheated... on you!” She stopped and sat back down, only a few feet from the bed now. Thunderlane could clearly make out the tears running down her cheeks.
“Then, I thought about you. I thought about what you must be feeling and how much that had to hurt.” She stopped for a bit, sniffling. “Seeing you hurt made me sad, so I thought I’d give you a helping hoof. I found the information on the Wonderbolt’s Academy and gave it to you. I figured getting away would do you some good. Stupid Cloudchaser had to go though. I can’t imagine how painful it was seeing her again so soon.” Raindrops got back up and continued her slow pace towards the bed, tears falling on the floor along the way making barely audible plops as they hit the floor.
“Then you met Lightning Dust. She seemed to get you and make you happy, but I think she wasn’t ready for a relationship yet. I was hoping I was wrong, but when I heard you were laying in the street crying yesterday... I just knew...” Raindrops had finally reached Thunderlane at his bed. She sat down next to him again and buried her face in his short mane, crying quietly. “I saw you there, and my heart broke. Seeing you like that... it hurt.”
There room was quiet except for the occasional sniffle and sob coming from Raindrops. Eventually she collected herself enough to continue. “I guess what I’m trying to say is, I never got over my crush. I still think you’re a wonderful pony, and all I’ve ever wanted was to see you happy. Every time I’ve seen you get hurt, it hurt me.” She wrapped her hooves around him and hugged him tightly. “All I’ve ever wanted was to be a part of your life. I know you’re still trying to get over this, but I’d really appreciate it if you’d let me help.” Thunderlane could feel the tears dripping onto the back of his neck as Raindrops continued to cry. “Just... please... let me help you. I don’t want to see you hurting anymore.”
Thunderlane, finally getting over his shock, wrapped his hooves and his wings around Raindrops, returning her hug. “I never knew...” He softly ran a hoof through her mane. “Why didn’t you say anything?”
“I was afraid. Afraid you’d say ‘no’. Afraid you’d avoid me. Afraid you’d tell me you never wanted to see me again. I didn’t want to get hurt, but,” she chuckled weakly to herself, “I guess that didn’t work out.”
Thunderlane continued to gently run a hoof through Raindrops’ mane to try to calm her down, and he spoke quietly, almost in whisper, to her. “It’s okay Drops. It’ll be okay. I’ll get through this. Don’t cry for me. Please Drops... not for me.”
“If not for you,” she sniffled a bit and tightened her hug, “then for who?”
“Drops...”
They sat there, Thunderlane trying to calm Raindrops down as she continued to hug him and cry into his mane. Eventually she calmed down enough to continue. “I’m fine. I’m fine now.” She chuckled a bit to herself lightly, her voice a bit hoarse from the crying, “I’m such a mess. I’m supposed to be here trying to help you feel better and all I can do is cry and probably make you feel even worse. I’m sorry Thunderlane. I shouldn’t have dumped all my issues on you.”
Thunderlane tightened his hug a bit. “It’s fine Drops. It actually feels kinda... good... to know there’s somepony out there who doesn’t think I’m a complete screw up or think I’m unlovable.” He pushed her back slightly and noticed how puffy and red her eyes had gotten. He smiled at her as he continued, “Hearing that really helped, Drops. I can’t say I’m going to be ready for any kind of relationship for a while, but when I am... I hope you’ll still feel the same way.”
“I’ve waited for seven years for you Thunderlane, I can wait a few more. I love you, and no matter what you do or what you say, that’s not going to change. Until then, I’ll be there for you. If you need somepony to lean on, I’ll be there. You’re not alone Thunderlane,” she hugged him tightly before backing out a bit to meet his gaze again, “and you’re certainly not unlovable,” she placed a kiss on his forehead and blushed slightly, unable to look away, “‘cuz I love you.”
That last gesture having pushed him over the edge, Thunderlane pulled Raindrops back in for a hug, burying his face into her mane and crying softly. The two ponies just sat there, content with each other’s company. One trying to mend a broken heart, and the other content to have finally spoken it. As the sun continued its trek across the sky, the clouds from yesterday had gone, and in their place was a new sunny day.
Somepony loves me. ME. Thunderlane smiled to himself even while crying. I can do this.
Raindrops leaned closer Thunderlane, whispering softly into his ear. “I need you in my life”
I am not useless.
“You are one of the smartest ponies I know.”
I am not stupid.
“And you’re so kind.”
I am not pathetic.
“I believe you’ll get over this. I have faith in you.”
I am not hopeless.
“I love you, Thunderlane. I always will.”
I amloved.
Author's Note
Well, here it is: my second published story. I've been sitting on this one for a while waiting for something, but hopefully it was worth the wait. Huge thanks to my prereaders again, and especially to ChaoticHarmony. He's been a great friend for over a year, and it was him who inspired me to get into writing.
