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Fluttershy had always been good with animals.
Ever since she first discovered her Cutie Mark, the pegasus had been talented in the art of conversing with animals, and remarkably gifted in terms of relating to them. But caring for them?
That had taken practice. Practice, love, and patience.
Fluttershy spent the majority of her life looking after the little (and sometimes, not so little) critters that wandered the Equestrian countryside. Creatures of many sorts, of many sizes, and from many places found their way to her eventually, and she gave each of them the same amount of compassion she would anypony else. However, there were none she loved more so than her particular favorite, a faithful friend that had relied upon her for nearly his entire existence.
Then again, there were times when Angel could be a royal pain in the flank.
Regardless, Fluttershy loved her little Angel with all her might, and held him close to her heart. That only made it all the more difficult the day that he died.
Her friends had been there for her, of course; but they didn’t feel the same level of pain that she did. Fluttershy began to develop an inkling of doubt if they even felt any empathy at all, from the looks they gave her as she silently cried, pouring in dirt atop the little fashioned coffin she’d made for the aged bunny. Angel had been with her his entire life; he had been her housemate, her occasional motivation to get out of bed in the morning.
Her baby.
Not even Twilight had understood her agony at burying her little Angel bunny. If anything, she seemed angry over her comparison of Angel to Spike. She just felt so strangely lost without his company, and it gnawed at her constantly.
For what felt like forever, Fluttershy simply wandered around her cottage.
Twilight even came back, eventually. Even though it had been weeks later, and she only talked about certain stages of grief, Twilight came back for a little while. The unicorn sat and talked with her for hours on end, but it felt like she was only speaking at Fluttershy.
Fluttershy quickly found that she didn’t even want to talk anymore.
She wanted Angel back.
And so, ‘Princess’ Twilight Sparkle left her alone once again.
It was these events that floundered through Fluttershy’s mind as she sat against the little window, peering up at the stars. Maybe Angel was in a better place now; up there, with the multitude of warm, dancing lights. Instead of lying stiff in the cold, unforgiving ground.
Fluttershy shook her head, butter-yellow ears flapping against her head slightly as she did so. She was determined to take Pinkie Pie’s advice on some of the matters, at least; she wouldn’t let herself become overwhelmed by despair, and thoughts like those were definitely misery-inducing. Besides, what would Angel think if he found her loafing around, wallowing in pity?
A soft smile tugged at the edges of her lips, knowing precisely the racket he’d make. Of course, his absence only made her heartache grow. Not like that stopped her from fondly brushing over her many memories of her beloved companion, though. The twinkle of a shooting star passed deep in the inky blackness of the sky, whizzing happily along as it vanished into the night. It didn’t seem fair, to Fluttershy. She’d just lost her friend; her Angel, her bunny, her baby. And yet, the night seemed so clear and calm in contrast to her whirlwind of emotions.
The world won’t stop for one little bunny, Fluttershy thought sadly, watching the sky through the window. Her quiet breath occasionally fogged against the glass, and the thought reoccurred to her that she should probably try to sleep.
She wouldn’t sleep.
Fluttershy didn’t even have to leave the window to know that was the case; she’d had difficulty sleeping since Angel’s death, and it didn’t matter how tired she was. She didn’t want to sleep.
She wanted Angel back.
Shaking her head once again, she focused solely on the twinkling glow above. The stars sang silently as they danced beyond Luna’s full moon, giving the night an eerie, beautiful tranquility.
Fluttershy left her perch against the window with some trepidation, sighing as she left her empty home. Perhaps a walk would clear her mind. Right at that moment, she’d have given just about anything for a clear mind to sleep with. Instead, the night offered only a gentle tickle of cool breeze across her muzzle and the whisper of silence against her ears.
Instead of walking, Fluttershy merely stood in her open doorway for several long, quiet moments. She closed her eyes, taking in a deep breath of the surprisingly refreshing wind. It smelled of dew and midnight leaves, of damp bark and earthy soil. A growing, pleasant, healthy smell that reminisced of life, full and hearty.
True, Angel was gone now – but that didn’t mean everything else was gone as well. Life in general would continue, whether Fluttershy wanted it to or not. Despite her sorrow, she refused to linger over death any longer. She wouldn’t forget her little bunny; not by any means, no matter what. But she couldn’t allow herself to trudge any deeper into melancholy.
See? Fluttershy said to herself with a sad little forced optimistic grin. A nice walk DOES do a pony good. One step out the door and you’re already-
And just like that, the hot tears flooded back. Fluttershy slammed the wooden door behind her quite a bit more forcefully than she’d intended to, fighting back her urge to cry anymore. She wouldn’t cry – she couldn’t, shouldn’t. Shoving herself forward, Fluttershy took off at a brisk trot around the cottage. Once, twice, seven times... she eventually lost count, and even then her heart still threatened to fight against her will once more.
Determinedly, Fluttershy began huffing down the trail and over the cobblestone bridge, already feeling her muscles ache from the exertion of keeping up her pace. She briefly wished that she could have been more like her friend Rainbow Dash; so strong, always in top shape and very athletic. She never seemed to have a problem keeping up a trot.
That’s what happens when you sit around moping, Fluttershy thought to herself quietly as she continued her slightly dreary march down the moonlight dirt path. Getting out of shape, and you’re actually surprised by it. Shame on you, Fluttershy.
It didn’t take long before her legs burned with the rhythmic pumping of her legs, her wings occasionally rustling as she tried to keep them in position. She could have simply flown, but on a night this clear, Fluttershy wanted to appreciate it from the ground.
She didn’t know how long she trotted forward.
Eventually, she lost track of time. Minutes felt like hours, and the bright blanket of the full moon nestled softly atop the field of long, swaying grass she’d eventually arrived at. Fluttershy silently cursed herself for coming to the yawning expanse of turf in the first place. It reminded her of the first time she’d found Angel, of how he’d roll in the grass lethargically after a lunch that should have been enough for four ponies. Fluttershy affectionately recalled the time she’d gone cloud watching with him on a lazy day, and woven a tiny little green hat out of grass for him.
And using nothing but hooves, grass hats could take a long time to make.
Angel might have been gone, and it might have hurt terribly at his passing, but he could still make her smile in a way that nopony else could when he tried dancing with that little hat and using a twig as a cane.
Tired, aching, and sniffling a little in the breeze. A tiny, forlorn smile pulling at her lips through the pitiful sobs she fought back – this was how Philomena found her.
Fluttershy hadn’t even noticed the phoenix’s arrival, at first.
For several quiet minutes, she struggled with keeping herself in check so that she wouldn’t walk home miserable. It was Fluttershy’s firm belief that nopony should go to sleep unhappy, and she was unwavering in her attempt to feel better before she tried to sleep again.
She jumped a little in surprise as she glanced at the flickering light before her, silently reprimanding herself for not noticing sooner.
“H-hullo, Philomena.” The pegasus cleared her throat, quickly wiping away her tears. Her eyes had grown itchy, and she fought the urge to wipe them as she blinked furiously. “I... erhem. I didn’t see you there.” She cleared her throat with a forced smile, uncomfortably noting that the phoenix simply stood in front of her. Still, silent, and stalwart as the earth itself, Philomena cocked her head as she stared. Her bright, nearly flaming eyes burned with an intensity that almost frightened Fluttershy.
“U-um… what… what brings you all the way out here, at this time of night?” Fluttershy asked inquisitively. It was a decent question; the phoenix was a long way from Canterlot and away from Princess Celestia. It seemed like such an odd coincidence for the two of them to meet in the vacant, grassy meadow.
Philomena said nothing, of course. The fiery bird merely tilted her head even further, gazing so deeply into Fluttershy’s eyes that she’d have sworn her soul itself had just been laid bare before the blazing harbinger of rebirth. Suddenly fearful that Philomena was silently gauging her reaction, Fluttershy instinctively cringed away. A little sadly, the phoenix regarded her with a blank expression that could have been anything from confusion to pity.
“I… I’m sorry for bothering you…” Fluttershy stuttered ashamedly, cowering behind her pink curtain of mane in an attempt to become invisible. "It’s really none of my business. I’ll just-"
Philomena promptly burst into the air with a wild shriek, a loud piercing scream that echoed throughout the enclave. Her voice carried with it the wail of a hundred thousand cries, a hollow and mournful cry that shook Fluttershy to the bone. It was a long, shrill and penetrating call, a weeping outburst that belied a sympathy that the poor befuddled pegasus simply could not comprehend.
Shaking, frightened, and all but terrified completely out of her wits, Fluttershy cowered beneath her forehooves as her wings clamped so tightly to her sides that she was beginning to lose feeling in the downy tips.
For a split second, she wondered if the phoenix planned to assault her.
Horrifying, jarring thoughts of fiery talons and angry, jabbing beaks only made her shake even more; at least, until she realized that Philomena was balancing gracefully in the air before her. Uncertainly, Fluttershy peered up at the majestic bird. Before long, her natural curiosity overwhelmed her unnecessary fear, as it always did when she was confronted by an animal she wasn’t completely familiar with. Fluttershy even felt a little silly for thinking that the phoenix meant any harm – but, then again, that disturbingly loud scream from the bird had jolted her.
She spent a long minute, simply extending a hoof out to the phoenix. A sign of kindheartedness, a symbol of trust that she displayed toward the levitating bird.
Perhaps that had been her fatal mistake.
Perhaps, had she not offered her hoof in a gentle exhibition of friendship, things might have turned out differently.
Philomena whisked forward, darting a mere few inches away from Fluttershy’s face. A single trail of blistering flame left the phoenix’s wingtips, ignited by a solitary magmatic spark, carried between them by an unseen wind. The blazing trail of fire rippled onto Fluttershy’s hoof, and she almost leapt away in shock. However, instead of burning her, as she’d expected, the warm trickle of heat flowed into her hoof with a bright, blinding intensity. For a single moment, the pegasus experienced a glowing warmth that flooded into the entirety of her being with so much ferocity that she felt as if her mane were going to catch fire.
As quickly as the feeling had come, it was gone.
She stood shakily, breathless at the peculiar spectacle that Philomena had initiated. The phoenix merely preened herself absentmindedly, as if nothing had even occurred. Confused and baffled, Fluttershy attempted to make sense of the situation; no sooner had she attempted to, however, that Celestia’s companion flittered away elegantly into the air, swooping with a glittering trail of ash behind her as she flew into the distance.
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Fluttershy dreamt as if caught up in a fever.
Twisting, bizarre dreams of the demented sort; strange and peculiar nightmares that left her tossing fitfully, dreams of rest and awakening.
That night, Fluttershy dreamed of shadows and flame.
Author's Note
Currently undergoing a redux for improvement.
A special thanks to the people who managed to get something through my thick skull.
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Burning.
Shadows, monsters in the dark – burning, burning forever!
Fluttershy awoke in a cold sweat, shaking her head forcefully to clear the vicious nightmares from her head. Her breathing was heavy, and she gripped fitfully at her sheets as the morning sunlight began trickling ever so slowly over the horizon.
Just a dream.
Of course, it had only been a dream; Fluttershy berated herself as she crawled blearily out of bed, rubbing her tired eyes. Only a bad dream, nothing more. Those occurred more frequently since Angel had passed. She rubbed her eyes once again, the side of her hoof pushing against her lids as she willed the dancing spots away.
Fluttershy stifled a yawn as she set about her morning rituals, the silence of her home growing deafening. Thankfully, the chatter of birds outside heralding the rising sun was there to fill the emptiness, as Fluttershy wasn’t making any noise of her own. As she stood a bit absentmindedly in the kitchen, it vaguely occurred to her that she wasn’t even thinking very loudly.
At least, until the flittering and chipper tune of the birds reminded her precisely of what had happened the night before.
… How did I get back to my bed? She wondered, pondering the peculiar event. She remembered crying a lot the night before, and taking a walk… and… something about grass hats?
No. No, that wasn’t right. The birds-
Burning.
Fluttershy forced her breathing to remain steady, wings trembling. Philomena. The phoenix had… done something to her. That mad, dancing magical spark that had singed her very soul… and then what?
Vague memories of stumbling awkwardly home, collapsing in exhaustion into the bed. Feverish dreams, and incoherent thoughts. It was worse than the one time she’d agreed to Rainbow Dash’s constant pestering, divulging in a night of ‘getting blitzed’.
Oh, that was an uncomfortable awakening. She would never be able to look any of the Wonderbolts in the eyes again. Not that she was much good at maintaining eye contact before, so maybe it wouldn’t make much difference.
Pottering about with a little more forced enthusiasm, Fluttershy turned her thoughts deliberately away from the reason her home felt so empty time and again. Every time a memory of her little Angel bunny arose, she’d force her attention to something else.
She wouldn’t cry anymore; she wasn’t a little filly, and even though it hurt so much to be separated from Angel, she knew it would happen eventually. Besides, what good could she be to anypony if she just sat around moping?
“Coffee,” Fluttershy reminded herself aloud. “Silly Fluttershy. Get your head on straight, will you?” Talking to herself. Now she was talking to herself.
She shook her head a little as she carried the wooden water bucket to the pump outside, to fill it with the crystal clear reserves. However, no sooner had she pushed down on the rusty handle that it groaned mightily, and stuck in place.
Fluttershy stared at the blunt bit of metal for a moment, mentally kicking herself. She should have gotten it fixed last week, of course; she’d planned to. However, she’d found her enthusiasm to do anything at all waning drastically since she’d lost Angel, and that was not a good sign. She couldn’t keep sitting around with her hoof up her flank, after all. With a grunt of determination that was rather unbecoming of her, Fluttershy pushed down on the rusted pump handle as hard as she could.
The handle stuck fast.
Narrowing her eyes in agitation, the pegasus let out a puff of air, and pushed her mane from her face. She wouldn’t give in now – that coffee was the stuff of life, after all. With a mighty heave, Fluttershy changed directions in her efforts and yanked upwards with all her might on the rusted handle; and, inch by inch, the handle began to move. Feeling rather proud of herself, she repositioned herself so that she could gain better leverage over the handle, straining again and again as the pump slowly gave way.
However, so caught up in her machinations of obtaining water from the begrudging pump that Fluttershy didn’t even notice when the handle began to groan… and bend…
Eventually, as Fluttershy jerked upwards, the handle snapped violently in half with a loud crack! and splintered, leaving the poor surprised pegasus flailing her wings as she fell forward.
Directly onto the jagged end of the handle.
“Yo, Flutters!” Rainbow Dash stuck her head in through the window, calling the name of her friend. “You in there?”
Fluttershy leapt in her seat, nearly knocking over her full cup of steaming coffee.
She couldn’t even bring herself to drink it.
Her trembling hooves gripped the mug tightly, the warmth seeping into her. She shook her head for the millionth time, clearing her throat.
“I-I’m in here, Dashie,” she replied croakily, feeling each reverberation in her vocal chords.
It didn’t even seem possible.
At this point, she shouldn’t even have vocal chords.
For what felt like an eternity, she’d lain writhing in agony next to the pump. Unable to scream, even though she tried as the darkness began seeping in. To the jagged offender, she’d lost such an amount of blood that it didn’t seem logical; however, just like her fur, it had all washed away into the grass so neatly.
She’d died.
“You okay?”
Fluttershy jumped again, this time knocking over her coffee. She watched it splatter over the table and onto the floor, and for a split second, she felt a little numb and expected it to be red.
“Fine!” the pegasus said much too loudly, cringing at the sound of her own voice. “I-I’m fine, Dash.” Fluttershy said shakily, swiftly doing her best to clean up the mess. Rainbow made to help her, but Fluttershy flinched and backed away from her.
“… Flutters, what in the world has gotten into you?” Rainbow Dash asked softly, a hint of concern lining her voice. The hurt expression on her face didn’t help.
A rusty piece of metal, that’s what, the sardonic part of her brain answered dryly, but she bit her lip.
“I-I-I’m sorry,” Fluttershy apologized quietly, dropping the coffee-stained towels into the sink. “I’m… having a rough morning.” She hated the lie that passed her lips, but what else was she supposed to say? There was no way in Tartarus that her friend would believe such an outrageous thing.
Yeah, Dashie. I bled to death about five or six minutes ago.
You died?
I got better.
She shook the imaginary conversation away, ridiculing it. No, at best Rainbow Dash would think she was out of her mind. At best.
“… Fluttershy?” the cyan blue hoof resting on her shoulder implied that her friend deeply wished to convey the level of compassion she wished, but was physically impossible. “You know you can talk to me about anything. Right?”
And right then, the butter yellow pegasus almost told her everything. Almost.
“Come on, Flutters. You’ve got to get over your pet.”
Fluttershy felt like part of her collapsed, her courage failing her. Of course, Rainbow thought it was about Angel.
Ironically enough, Angel was just about the furthest thing from her mind right then. An odd sense of guilt suddenly plagued her, as if she’d nearly forgotten him on purpose.
Taking a deep, quivering breath, Fluttershy forced the muscles in her face upwards.
“You’re absolutely right,” she agreed much too enthusiastically to sound genuine, although her friend didn’t seem to be catching on. “I think what I really need is to get out more.”
“That’s the spirit!” Rainbow Dash grinned ecstatically, clapping the pegasus roughly on the back. “I know just the thing to take your mind off all that trouble,” she nodded thoughtfully as she guided Fluttershy through the doorway.
“Hoofball?” Fluttershy guessed without much zeal.
“Nope.”
A little caught off guard, Fluttershy continued to list sports and other sorts of athletic activities, and Dash turned them all down one by one. If she didn’t know any better, she’d say her friend was growing more excited with each ‘no’.
“… Water polo?” Fluttershy asked, her curiosity finally tugging at her.
“Nah. You and me? We’re just going sightseeing today.”
“… Sightseeing.” She deadpanned, although she was thoroughly surprised by it.
“Yeah!” Dash nodded fervently, her grin widening. “I know this great spot – it’s a pain in the keister to get to, though.”
“Is… is that so,” Fluttershy said uncertainly as Dash suddenly pounced into the air, wind billowing behind her as she took off.
“Aw, it’s not so hard,” she replied, waiting impatiently for the pegasus to follow. “Besides; what doesn’t kill ya only makes you stronger, right?”
Fluttershy had no idea why that sentiment left such a foreboding feeling in the pit of her stomach.
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Author's Note
I'm so glad to be back to writing this.
