It will all be over soon, Princess

by Luna-tic Scientist

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Human, Adventure, Princess Celestia
Length: 6480

Princess Celestia makes a visit to a new world, Earth, to cement peaceful relations. Unfortunately, even when you are as experienced as the goddess of the sun, it's the little things that can trip you up.

First contact. Not just with a new world, but with a world in a whole new universe. Initial negotiations go well, so Princess Celestia makes a visit to this 'Earth' to cement peaceful relations. Unfortunately, even when you are as experienced as the goddess of the sun, it's the little things that can trip you up.

Preread and edited by Noe Carrier. SPOILERS IN COMMENTS!
Russian translation: Все это скоро закончится, принцесса by Smikey

Published 2013-08-11 21:50:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-08-11 21:50:02 UTC

It will all be over soon, Princess

It will all be over soon, Princess
by Luna-tic Scientist

The straps dug into the top of Celestia’s muzzle, little patches of discomfort where the metal fittings pressed into her flesh. Standing on trembling legs and only prevented from falling down by the smooth walls that pressed close to her flanks, her head was tied to a padded platform, the straps tight enough that even twitching wasn’t an option. Indistinct shapes moved around her; the light was bright, but whatever she’d been given had done something to her eyes and they wouldn’t focus on anything further than the end of her muzzle.

I trusted them, she thought, and now they’re going to... The thought tailed off into the fuzz that seemed to fill her mind, tears welling up in her eyes as she tried to remember what had led up to this moment.

===

Princess Celestia sat up straight in the throne room. What was that? An odd tickle, a sensation of something moving within the skin of reality, coming from the place where she controlled the sun.

“--Cloudsdale is exerting an undue stress on the farmlands it is stationed above, so I am petitioning for the regular--“

Celestia abruptly stood up, her sudden movement cutting off the earth pony’s rambling request like he’d been gagged. Her head snapped to the left, catching the eye of her equerry, Silver Scroll. “Court is closed, reschedule all appointments as appropriate.” He nodded curtly and started calling out orders to the rest of her staff. She bowed her head low, getting her eye line to the same level as the suddenly nervous petitioner. “I’m sorry, my little pony, a matter of state. Silver Scroll will put you at the head of the line when the Court reconvenes.”

“T-thank you, Princess,” he said, looking relieved that it wasn’t something he’d done.

Celestia had already backed away; raising her wings she leapt over the heads of the rest of the Court in her haste to leave the room.

===

“I felt it too,” Luna said, pacing the length of the secluded meeting chamber. “It felt like Discord, but he left our realm years ago.”

Celestia found herself nodding; Luna was correct, but there was something odd, the taste wasn’t quite right for chaos magic. “He always did claim we’d be bored without him; funny that he bored of us first.”

“I don’t think it is him; to return he’d need to break our wards, and they are still intact...”

“True,” Celestia said as her sister trailed off, a troubled look on her face. “What do you think we should do?”

“Investigate. Equestria should be prepared if there are other things like Discord.”

===

It wasn’t Discord. Luna and Celestia met at one of their ancient circles, deep within the mountain range to the west of Canterlot. Luna arrived first, clearing the platform of snow and ice with an irresistible blast of magic. Celestia circled the flat-topped mountain, its peak sheared off and shaped to a perfect disk. Arcane patterns and symbols, deeply engraved and inset with metal, shone as bright and clean as the day they had been forged.

Celestia came to a four hoofed landing next to her sister. “Just like the olden days, just the two of us, no guards or hangers-on.” Her smile faltered at Luna’s unreadable expression.

“I remember the last time you used this circle.”

Celestia flinched. How could I have forgotten? “Sorry, it’s been over a thousand years, I should have remembered. Let’s use one of the others.”

“Considerably less for me.” Her head came up, staring back at Celestia. “No, this is the best one. I’ll be alright -- and it would be nice for it to be like it was.”

Smiling warmly, Celestia folded one wing over her slightly smaller sister, resting her head against the other’s neck. “Good, let’s see if this thing still works.”

===

She’d not exercised this much magic since being forced to banish the Nightmare; on that day she’d taken the concentrated power of the sun and used the Elements to forge it into a weapon against her own sister. She had saved everypony from that madness, so long ago that it was all legend unless you knew where to look. That was one of the reasons all the mountains near here were so rounded; the waste heat from the battle had made them slump and sag like wax.

It felt good to do this, stretching... and humbling. She was a thousand years out of practice, while for Luna it had been less than a decade. None of her skills and strength had diminished while she was imprisoned within the moon. It dawned on Celestia that she’d been really lucky she hadn’t decided to fight the Nightmare a second time around.

The magic curled and concentrated, opening into a wide, flat disk of darkness. Within that disk was a scattering of stars and a globe, only lit as a slim crescent. A dusting of lights marked the dark side, arranged in patches and clusters.

It was a world, a populated world.

===

Things went quickly from that point. The world -- the whole universe -- was different, even the natural laws didn’t really match up. What the Princesses had felt was an unintended side effect of an experiment being run by a collection of nation states, although to repeat something that could be done by the two goddesses required a circle of machinery far bigger than any Equestrian city.

They had attempted contact, but their arrival had caused an uproar, and the Princesses had closed the connection for fear of triggering a war. The real surprise had come some months later when a hole had opened in a patch of farmland, disgorging a complex wheeled machine. A farmer working the field had found the thing -- it had ceased working almost immediately, the mechanisms controlling the device a victim to the differing physical laws on this side of the membrane.

None of that mattered; on the side of the vehicle was a gold plaque covered in increasingly complex diagrams. Much of it was impossible to decipher, but one thing was clear. It was a greeting and a request, no, a plea, to get in contact again.

===

Scientists and contact specialists from both sides came first, carefully feeling their way past the language barrier. The ‘humans’, as they called themselves, were a kind of hairless, big brained ape, at least as smart as a pony. The contact produced revelations: there was no magic on the other side, but they did have a fearsomely advanced technology, no doubt as a compensation for their lack of arcane power.

The first actual exchange was... interesting. They knew that most human technology failed in Equestria -- the sensitive electronics just didn’t work -- and that magic did the same, as demonstrated by a crystal levitation drive test rig. They also knew that living creatures changed when they crossed over; a caged parasprite became a fat, fuzzy locust, although it returned to its natural form when returned to Equestria.

A volunteer was selected, one from each side. Spiral Dancer, a pale green unicorn, had gone over from Equestria. She’d lost all but the stub of her horn and become distinctly fuzzy, coat retaining most of her colour and thickening considerably. Her cutie mark had faded to just a bare outline, almost invisible amid the extra fur. Spiral could still talk -- even if her voice sounded strange through her now greatly elongated muzzle -- but her magic was reduced to a shadow of its former strength.

The human underwent a more extreme change; he gained a lot of fur and a long curving tail. Celestia always remembered the look of fascination on his face when he saw it. He too could talk, and had retained full manual dexterity, even though his fingers were a bit stubbier.

Humans were remarkably similar to ponies; both side lived, loved and occasionally fought. They’d had their black times, just like Equestria. Celestia thought they’d done very well, considering their tribal political systems and lack of magic; if they’d have worked together as well as ponies, they would probably have far outstripped them. What did concern the Princess a little was the vast number of them; the global population of Equestria was around five hundred million, including gryphons, zebra and the other races.

There were easily ten times that many humans, some packed at densities no pony could tolerate.

===

The portal was difficult to hold open, requiring both Princesses for anything more than a few minutes -- the human machine, what they called the ‘Large Hadron Collider’, had been badly damaged when they’d sent their probe. They were working on it feverously, but it might take years to repair.

They established a presence on each side of the membrane. On the other side, this ‘Earth’, it was a remote island in the tropics, in Equestria a high valley distant from populated areas and impossible to quickly leave without flight. Celestia had given the task of protecting their world to Luna; the Moon Princess still had a streak of paranoia left over from when she was the Nightmare. This, combined with her undiminished skill in battlemagic, made her the perfect pony for the job. She spent weeks seeding the surrounding mountains with enchantments of great power, ready for whatever the humans might try.

Celestia had no doubt that the other side was similarly protected.

===

The cultural exchange was immensely valuable. Although technological or thaumic devices didn’t work outside their ‘home’ universes, ideas were still of great value. Equestrian art was wildly popular on Earth; human music similarly so for ponies, especially after the design of high fidelity mechanical playback systems.

The state visit was Celestia’s idea. The human leaders seemed reluctant to visit Equestria -- this she put down to their more severe morphological changes, or that there was so many of them, and world peace seemed a fragile thing over on Earth. She would hold a summit on the Embassy Island, as it was being called.

An open invitation went out, calling for any ponies that would be willing to represent Equestria at her side. Thousands applied, and over the next few weeks the long list was whittled down to the most suitable scientists, artists, diplomats and industrialists. This task had been entrusted to Twilight, who hadn't put herself on the list for fear of being accused of bias. Celestia had smiled at that, then gently suggested that it would be a wonderful opportunity to study the workings of friendship across species bounds. Equestria's youngest Princess had lost most of her hard learned composure at that point, bouncing around the meeting chamber in little fluttering leaps.

It took many more months to organise, now mostly due to scheduling delays on the human end -- so many leaders to meet -- but the day finally came. To a great fanfare and celebration, Celestia and her entourage stepped through the portal, leaving Luna in charge of Equestria for the next week.

Behind her the portal winked out.

===

This is just as bad as the Grand Galloping Gala, Celestia thought as she greeted yet another human in a dark suit. Do they really wear this much clothing all the time? Cooling breezes made the temperature tolerable, but the place was built to Equestrian plans and had no active air conditioning. Celestia felt a twinge of guilt at that, while feeling glad she’d opted for nothing more than her normal regalia.

She’d been taken on a tour of the island; the place was beautiful, a real garden spot that reminded her of some of the gentler parts of the Everfree. The natural wonders couldn’t disguise the distant ships that ringed the place; dark angular things like floating cities that were the human version of Luna’s wards. The military briefing she’d received had been faintly horrifying -- the sheer amount of effort that went into preparing for wars that they, apparently, all claimed not to want.

Despite the wonder she felt at this new world, all the strangeness seemed to be getting to her; Celestia felt oddly on edge the whole time, as if she was just waiting for something to leap out of those trees. Sudden movements made her twitchy, something that proved acutely embarrassing when a glimpse of grey fur sent her -- and the Equestrian half of the tour group -- galloping off down the path, much to the confusion of the guides.

The creature had been something akin to a squirrel -- she had known it was harmless, but her body had overridden her mind, triggering an unwelcome flight reflex. Throughout the rest of the walk she guarded against this impulse, gradually learning to control the startle response and maintain the placid exterior she was famous for.

Her body was oddly similar on this side; unlike the rest of her staff she didn’t have the ‘Shetland pony’ look -- she’d been shown images, and the likeness was startling -- but retained her greater size, although her normally ethereal mane had returned to the plain pink she’d had before her ascension. A few surreptitious flaps had confirmed that her wings were now purely decorative, fanning the leaves without lifting her off the ground. Her magic was almost completely gone. ‘Almost’ was a relative term, of course, as Celestia was far more powerful than any normal unicorn. She retained enough to signal Luna to open the portal early, if required, and could lift small objects at close range.

It became her party trick; she'd been advised that the normal Equestrian 'nuzzle' was a little too intimate for many human cultures, so decided to use her magic to greet each dignitary. Celestia used the opportunity to keep trying her power, like a foal who'd just lost her front teeth will keep probing the empty space with her tongue. This world obviously had some arcane power, but the patterns were faint and distorted; to somepony like Celestia, for whom magic was as natural as breathing, this was incredibly frustrating. She could almost feel this world's sun, but it was like trying to open a badly made lock with an ill fitting key.

The ‘magic handshake’ seemed to impress the humans a lot, but what really seemed to amaze them was when she greeted each leader in his or her own language. Celestia had smiled at this; it had taken a bit of work, but many of the human languages were very similar -- they even had a few with a similar tonal structure to native Equestrian -- and she was glad it had been worth the effort.

===

The meal was fascinating, a mixture of human and pony dishes -- with concessions for earthly teeth and Equestrian vegetarianism. The organizers skilfully mixed up the two groups of guests, interspacing human chairs with the elevated platforms they’d designed for the much shorter stature of the average Equestrian. Celestia, of course, had no need of such things, and was tall enough to look any of the humans in the eye.

She passed the time after the main course by chatting with a representative from a nation state called China, using the human’s own tongue of Mandarin, something that caused some annoyance to the other diners, at least until she started to translate back and forth between the various other native languages of her immediate neighbours. This surprised them so much -- they’d all come to the conclusion that she only knew the greetings -- that they started to make a game of it, each human trying to stump the Princess with the most obscure language they knew. They finally got her with a dialect from sub-Saharan Africa, but even that didn’t last long, as she started to build a vocabulary with astounding speed after a few examples allowed her to cross-reference to languages she did know.

The sweet course finally arrived, something that Celestia had been looking forward to sampling. She’d been alive for a very long time; long enough to exhaust any Equestrian chief’s inventiveness where it came to dessert. Probably worth it just for this, she thought with a smile, catching Twilight's eye and winking as she lifted the spoon to her mouth. Celestia only had a chance to take a single mouthful -- something light and fluffy, flavoured with fruits that had no analogue on her own world -- when she felt a twinge in her head, an ache that bloomed into agony so fast that it could only have been poison.

The pain was so bad that she staggered away from her place at the table, knocking plates and cups to the floor in a cascade of splintered ceramic and glass. The rest was a haze; ponies and humans milling around in confusion, the feeling of hands -- not hooves, hands! -- holding her, guiding her away from the shocked, staring faces.

She collapsed in one of the adjoining chambers, surrounded by voices raised in anger and distress, all incomprehensible. Something stung her at the throat, forcing the pain back. The agony was still there, like lightning filling a distant storm cloud, but her mind was also clouded and her mouth refused to work when she tried to speak. What have they given me? she thought, trying to shake off the fingers that probed her head and mouth.

More hands on her, many more, rolling her from one side to another while straps were run under her belly. There was the clanking of chains and she was lifted beneath some sort of hoist, hooves scrabbling as she tried to escape. Vision blurring, Celestia tried to pull her fragmented mind together. They were ready for this, she thought, this was planned!

The voices of ponies, full of fear. Humans shouting orders in mangled Equestrian. Hard hands holding her head still, while someone gently prised back one of her eyelids. Light, the brightness of her sun, but a cold blue-white flared, leaving her dazzled. A smell, a mixture of oil, metal and fireworks, something she’d smelt on several of the humans around her, the ones that didn’t eat, just watched the crowd with eyes like those of her Guard.

“Goddammit, what did you give her? She mustn't be allowed to fall asleep!” Human, English, very angry. Another human voice answered, too muffled to understand. “Idiot, I know what she looks like, but she’s not a horse!”

The words registered, the anger and urgency in the tone penetrating her hazy mind. I have been foalnapped, Celestia thought, lulled by lies and captured by these aliens. Why are they doing this to me?

The Equestrian voices were cut off like they’d been shut behind a heavy door. Movement, her body swaying on its chains as the hoist was pushed down a corridor and out into the open. A harsh mechanical whine, then the ground lifted beneath her hooves and she was swung into a comfortable darkness, the gentle feeling of straw tickling her fetlocks.

The roar of a motor, not the comforting hiss-chuff of a steam engine, but the full throated dragon’s bellow of a heavy human vehicle. The only sense left to her was hearing, so her brain latched on to any slight sound under the mechanical growl, ears twitching forwards.

“--raction team approaching control point, what is the status on the surgical un--“

A pause, undoubtedly for a reply.

“--ger that, ETA one five mike. Expediti--”

The vehicle accelerated again, the engine noise redoubling, causing Celestia to pendulum in her harness. The extra motion added to her confusion and her mind wandered again.

===

The vehicle stopped, the silence immediately broken by booted feet on gravel. Light blazed as the doors were flung open, and Celestia was surrounded by black clad humans, grabbing hold of her harness and her person, pulling her out of the vehicle. The same high pitched whine, this time accompanied by a sinking feeling, then painfully loud shouted instructions and a rush of motion as she was pushed into a building.

Inside was sterile and white, but had an unfinished look, like it was something made in a hurry. In the middle of the room was a frame of bright steel, festooned with straps, extra parts still being added by frantically working humans. More humans, these ones in shiny white one piece clothes and holding metal tools, waving them forwards.

Celestia, mind cleared a little by the motion and fresh air, stared fixedly at the framework. They are altering it to fit me, she thought dully, they want to hold me still while they... The thought faded as her memories drifted off into the dark places of her past.

The storming of Discord’s fortress, all those millennia ago, back when the world was young. The terrible things they had found in the chambers beneath it. Machines and devices for the destruct testing of a body and the mind it contained; concentrated viciousness fuelled by ponies under the influence of the Lord of Chaos.

She knew something of the human’s history, knew they carried their own darkness with them. How much worse will things be, aided by their technical sophistication? How much more will they be able to do once they realise how fast I heal?

The harness creaked and relaxed, leaving Celestia standing there on splayed legs, head and wings drooping as she gasped for breath. Humans pushed her towards the frame and, lost in the memory, she took one hesitant step, then another. Something cold touched her flank, then there was the loud, high speed zip of some hand-held tool down near her hooves, and the previously flexible framework suddenly became rigid.

The situation suddenly snapped into clarity for a moment and she panicked, rearing up and striking out with hooves, wings and teeth. Her hind legs left the ground, lashing out with all the power of the big muscles of her hips. She struck something yielding, the softness of a body folding up under the impact.

There was more shouting, pain from her wings as many hands grabbed them; one, then two ropes around her neck. It became impossible to buck; there was just too much weight holding her down. Under the prodding of her frantic mind, her scattered traces of magic congealed and she suddenly had control, the faint, distorted patterns of this world popping into focus despite the confusion and the drugs. For the first time since she arrived, colour swept along her mane and tail, the pink hair changing back to the pastel aurora she had on her own world. A golden light bloomed over her horn, a heatless rush of flame that overpowered even the room’s harsh lighting.

Still struggling to free her body, her mind took the power, reached for the patterns and twisted.

One of the figures in white abruptly flew backwards, striking the wall hard enough that it didn’t rise quickly. Two others joined the first, their hands ripped away from her body and tumbling helplessly across the floor under the influence of her magic. The shouting in the room immediately took on a panicked tone, and Celestia found her own voice amid the rage and adrenalin flooding her system. “I am Celestia,” she screamed at a volume that could only be matched by a jet engine, “Sol Invictus, and you will not treat me like anima--“

Something buzzed at her throat, blue electrical arcs flashing against her fur, and all her muscles stopped responding. There was no pain, but her mind fuzzed in time with the pulses of current, thought blurring and taking her magic with it. “My sister will come for me,” she muttered through lips made thick and clumsy, “if I can use my magic here, then so can she. She is stronger than I, and will pull your moon from the sky and end you all in fire and darkness.”

===

Awareness, when it returned, was patchy.

The world seemed distant, the already faint underlying patterns vanishing into chaos and noise. She had been secured to the framework, the thin looking struts augmented by thick walls of something translucent, so she stood within a narrow stall that came halfway up her flanks. Wide woven straps looped around her torso from chest to belly; they allowed breath, but no other movement, forward or back. Someone had placed a bridle over her head, more straps connecting it to the framework and the platform under her muzzle.

Fingers covered in a green, rubber tasting material probed her lips, pulling them back to examine her teeth, which she kept shut in the only rebellion available to her.

“Come on you old nag, don’t make this harder than it has to be.”

The voice came from an older human, and seemed to be said with a kindness at odds with her situation. He enjoys his work, she thought, a good choice. There were a few like him in Equestria, individuals with no social conscience or empathy for the pain of others; one of Discord’s long running gifts to them all.

“Get me a pair of number three retractors please,” he murmured, still probing her teeth. Something curved was pushed through her lips on either side of her mouth, the tips pressing against the soft section of gum between molar and incisor. There was pressure and she couldn’t help but open her mouth.

“There we go, perfect.”

Devices attached to the bridle were hooked over her upper and lower front teeth, screws were turned and her mouth was opened so wide that her jaw muscles creaked. More lights, these ones directed down her throat. The figure with the kind voice stepped forward, coming into focus for the first time. Celestia blinked and tried to speak, but that option was long past.

They will do their work and then ask me questions. If I don’t answer they will do other things until I do. Memories of what she’d seen in those brutal chambers flooded her mind, the reason for all this suddenly becoming obvious. Celestia tried to suppress a whinny of distress, not for herself, but for the rest of Equestria. Luna, they want our world, want to know how to bypass your wards.

She couldn’t see his face past reflections off the transparent shield over his head, but even if she could, all her attention was focused on what he held. It was a boxy blue thing with a shaft the length of his arm emerging from the top, terminating in something that glittered as if sharp. His gloved hands moved, adjusting a black cable emerging from the underside, then he twisted a control. The tip blurred as it spun at high speed, the room filling with a harsh whine.

I am Celestia, Sol Invictus, and you will get nothing from me.

He examined the tip, then let it still. “I’m sorry it’s come to this, Your Highness, but we have no choice.” He tilted the machine forwards, lining it up with her open mouth, the tip leaving her visual field. “It will all be over soon, Princess.”

Luna, my precious Luna, be strong without me, Celestia thought, as the cool metal slid into her mouth.

===

When Celestia awoke, the pain in her head was gone. Not only didn’t it hurt, but she felt good, the kind of good that normally only came with the application of certain hard to find fungi from deep in the Everfree. It was all she could do to avoid bursting into a fit of the giggles.

“Princess? How are you feeling?”

Celestia looked at the purple pony with the star-shaped outline on each hip. The young mare had a look of intense worry on her face and was fluttering her wings nervously, a habit she’d only picked up recently. Her eyes travelled to the centre of the mare’s forehead and the tiny horn. “Twilight!” she said brightly. “Why the long face?”

Celestia dissolved into laughter, while Twilight sighed and rolled her eyes.

===

Celestia drifted into consciousness, awoken by the lights flickering through the window. She stared into the night, ears twitching at the long, low rumbles and thumps, all out of synchronisation with the flashes. From a distant hilltop arose a string of lights, like a line of fireflies, arching and twisting in some strange dance. The little dots must have struck something in the dark, because there was a sudden, brilliant flash that cast stark shadows against the wall. A few seconds later there was a drawn out rumble of sound, like from a thunderstorm on the horizon.

“Why is somepony setting off fireworks at this hour?” she grumbled, the words distorted by a yawn.

A figure standing by the window, unnoticed until now, turned, head cocked. “I’m sorry, Princess, I didn’t mean to wake you.” Short and obviously fuzzy, even in the uncertain light, the pony clumsily pulled a curtain across the window with her teeth, muttering something that Celestia didn’t catch.

The pony walked over and settled at her side, her wings fluttering a little before being spread over Celestia’s back like a mother pegasus would for her foal; the difference in their relative sizes should have made for an odd experience, but somehow she still felt protected.

“You should try and get back to sleep.”

The voice was familiar, but a wave of weariness swept through her, taking with it any thought of conversation. Princess Celestia fell back into a deep and peaceful sleep, lulled by the presence of a pony she knew and trusted.

===

Early morning light streamed in through a crack in the curtain. Climbing up off the sleeping pad, back arched and legs stiff as she stretched each in turn, Celestia poked her muzzle through the gap and stared out of the window. Her eyes widened and then narrowed, mind working through the implications of the scene. Where there had been a neat lawn was a collection of human vehicles, slab sided things coloured a flat, uninteresting green.

In between the vehicles somepony -- somebody? -- had dug crude earthworks, each a small pit with a rammed earth wall in front of it. Each little fortification held a few humans and a pony, one of her Guard. It was obvious that the humans were from some organised force; each wore what could only be a uniform, more dull green covered in irregular black and brown blotches.

As she watched, one of the humans, a tall individual with skin as black as charcoal, held up a thick tube almost the length of the Guard he was showing it to, tapping various parts with his finger. The thing was obviously heavy, the human resting it against his knee as the explanation was extended by the pony's questions. Finally the Guard nodded, then gestured to the armour covering his flank. The other humans in the pit started to laugh, but the one with the tube looked thoughtful, then put the device down and started to rummage through the equipment packs neatly stacked against the wall. A few moments later he walked over to the Guard, gesturing to his suddenly interested colleagues.

Within minutes, the soldiers had rigged a harness to hold the tube, slinging it along one of the pony's flanks. "That's not going to work," Celestia murmured, fascinated by the scene, "he'll need to balance it." The Guard must have said the same thing, because the human started to attach a second tube to the other side. The pony trotted in place for a moment, then nodded and said something to the soldier, who reacted with surprise, then shrugged. He raised a small box to his mouth-- a radio, Celestia thought --then they all waited until another two humans came running over with...

Is that a machine gun? Celestia wracked her still fuzzy mind for details of the military briefing, while the device was added to the makeshift harness, long strings of brassy cylinders connecting it to a box on the other flank. Finally the assembly was complete, and the Guard turned and jumped out of the pit, much to the surprise of the humans. Celestia grinned; by the amount of effort it had taken the humans to lift all the stuff, they had obviously not grasped exactly how strong the average pony was. More words were exchanged, then the Guard proceeded to demonstrate to the soldiers; galloping, wheeling, jumping and bucking, all while carrying the improvised weapon harness.

The faint sound of laughter, not mocking, but delighted, penetrated the sealed window. We are not so different, Celestia thought as she let the curtain fall back into place, I think this can really work. Something tickled at the back of her mind, the feeling of a dream that has been forgotten upon waking. I wonder what happened to cause all of this?

There was a polite knock at the door, then Twilight entered the room. "Oh! I didn't realise you were awake, Princess. How are you feeling?" The young mare trotted forwards, head craning from side to side as she examined Celestia.

You're never going to stop calling me that, even in private, are you, Twilight? Celestia thought with an imperceptible roll of her eyes. "A bit stiff, my faithful student. I had the strangest dream, I was at the--" Celestia broke off when Twilight coughed, a look of embarrassment on her face.

"Ah, yes. About that..."

===

It was a good thing fur could hide a blush. “I remember kicking...?”

“You did,” Twilight said gravely, “two broken ribs, and another with a broken arm where you threw her into a wall.”

Celestia winced. “I will apologise in person, of course.”

“Then there were the perforated eardrums -- that’s the first time I’ve heard you use the Royal Canterlot voice--“ Twilight paused as Celestia drew her wings up to cover her face.

“Don’t stop,” Celestia said, her voice muffled. ”I need to hear all of it.”

Twilight cleared her throat. “It was at that point you declared war on the humans. At least, that’s how they interpreted what you said.”

There was a groan from under the shield of feathers. “I can see how they might reach that conclusion.”

“They understand, it was, after all, partly their fault. If they hadn’t given you the wrong painkiller then rushed you off without me...” Twilight sighed, settling her wings. “...but time was of the essence, apparently.”

"I'm never going to leave the castle again." The feathers lowered and Celestia lifted her head. "Why was I alone -- what happened to my guards?"

"They panicked, all of them. By the time they got organised again you'd been driven away." Twilight looked uncomfortable, her ears drooping. "They weren't alone; I ran too. Looks like the changes run deeper than more fur and a longer muzzle."

Celestia remembered her own reaction to the squirrel and sighed. "And I really did want to give the humans a good impression. Instead we'll be remembered as panicky animals."

"I wouldn't be too worried, Princess, I think some good will come of it; apparently your impromptu display of magical strength surprised them, and they are really eager to make sure our worlds are tied together in peace." Twilight's eyes flicked to one side, towards the door, as if somepony -- someone? -- was waiting behind it. "Really eager. I've been offered some very favourable terms by their United Nations." Here she lowered her voice to a whisper. "It looks like the humans had a bit of a panic themselves, after news of your magic leaked out."

Celestia frowned, puzzled, then understanding dawned as she recalled the lights and distant thunder from her confused awakening the night before. Too far out for fireworks, she thought, but about right for those metal ships. "They are not as united as they want us to believe, are they?"

"No, Princess. Part of the perimeter fleet tried to launch an attack on the island. The rest of them stopped it. There were casualties; at least two of the vessels were sunk."

Celestia shivered; she'd seen the size of those things -- how many hundreds of the humans had perished because of this misunderstanding? Even while her heart went out to the friends and families of the lost, the part of her that was a thousand year old diplomat came to the fore, filing the information away for the negotiations that would follow. It would be hard to get a better insight into their nature.

“Do you know what happened to me?”

There was a gleam in Twilight’s eyes and she launched into what she loved the most, lecturing. “We don’t really understand how the cross universe morphic changes manifest, but best theory is that a minor toothache was transformed into a full-blown septic abscess, which burst at the start of the sweet course. Why it took that long I...”

Celestia let the words roll through her, mind wandering. A toothache, she thought, all that for a toothache. That’s it, no more cake for me. That made her pause, because above all else she was an honest mare. Not in this world, anyway.

THE END.

Author's Note

All thanks to NoeCarrier for editing this thing; very little of it is his fault.
Check out his Ninety-nine Nectars of Princess Luna, a slightly dark comedy where a newly alicorned Twilight must hunt down the booze of the Goddesses if she is ever to get drunk again, following the discovery that her divine biology is unaffected by the usual stuff.

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How this story came about:
This fic had a strange genesis. There are horses in fields and paddocks on my way to work, including a Shetland pony. She's a friendly mare with Applejack's colours, and the softest fur I've ever felt on a horse. Early one morning I noticed she had blood on her muzzle, and her jaw appeared loose.

This, obviously, was quite distressing; there was no way I could walk away and assume that everything would be alright -- not knowing would haunt me for years. I managed to locate one of the farm staff and explained my concerns, he said he'd take a look. I don't trust easily, so made a point of checking on the pony every morning.

Two days later, the same farm worker stopped me as I was walking past (I'll always remember that; it was freezing cold and he had a small dog tucked inside his coat), and explained that the pony was teething, losing her first set of incisors.

This experience did wonders for my faith in humanity, and out of interest I did some research, which led me to the photo I'm using for cover art, and thus this fic. It's funny how things turn out.