Stupid Ponies

by Snuggly

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Human, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1168

When a human travels to Ponyland, he finds that all of Equestrias' inhabitants are about as smart as normal Earth ponies.

A humans' dream of traveling Equestria has finally come to fruition, but his dream soon turns into a full blown nightmare, when he finds that the there isn't an intelligent creature to converse with for miles. His sanity runs out.

Published 2013-08-12 04:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-08-12 04:00:02 UTC

This Isn't Happening

Twas another bright, illustrious day in Equestria and life was going absolutely swimmingly for all of its inhabitants, as they trotted through the streets of their beloved little town without a care in the world. Fighting had ceased across all corners of the globe, the princess of the night had finally made it back home and all of the pastel ponies were more then content with where they were in their happy little lives.

So happy, in fact that no one took notice of the loud pop that could be heard in the distance, which could have been heard to those who listened for it. The only casualty of this loud, headache inducing noise was the bear that had been rudely torn away from his slumber and forced to leave his cave, lest the bright light consume him in it's colorful wrath.

Luckily for the bright light, or rather what was in the bright ball of light, the bear left or he would've been quite the easy meal for that disgruntled beast. I say he because this scrawny little man is a he and he does not belong in this colorful little world of Equestria.

How he got here will be explained in due time, but that isn't important at the moment. What was important was that he was finally getting a bearing on his surroundings.

With curious brown eyes, Equestria's first human began to examine the dark cave with curiosity and a hint of dread. The dull gray walls, lit only by the light pouring in through the large cave mouth, were the only clue to his current location as he hesitantly stumbled out of the rocky cave and into the sunlight.

This has to be the right place. he thought, as he examined his new, cartoonish surroundings. Indeed this world was lacking in detail, but that could mean just about anything. The sun burning in a sea of blue overhead could belong to any just about any cartoon world, ranging from shows like Pokemon and Tom and Jerry to a horrible, anime tentacle movie with th- The point is that he's in a cartoon, but he doesn't know if he's in the right.

With no clue as to his current location, our hero was left with no choice, but to stumble down the rocky hill and walk along the conveniently placed road until he could finally make it to his destination.

After trudging down the dirt path for what seemed like hours, the trees that surrounded him soon began to thin out and he was  met with a sight that had him beyond giddy and ecstatic. It was Ponyville! With a girly little giggle, our human heros' steady walk turned into a full blown sprint, as he darted toward the unsuspecting town, his muscular arms ready to the first pony he saw.

Hoping over rocks and jumping over the oblivious cows that blocked his path, he finally made it to the city gates and came to a complete stop.

Guarding the doors to home of his favorite ponies, were two white stallions. I know what you're thinking. "Yo dumb writer guy! This better not be the part where he is befriended by the first few ponies he runs into!" Sadly this is not the case.

Rather than two burly stallions, standing at the ready, he was met with two adorably small ponies, both of which were gnawing on the hilt of their spears with reckless abandon. Instead of the eyes that he had seen in the TV show, these ponies' eyes consisted of giant balls of color, clearly lacking pupils or.....Anything else for that matter. Just big balls of pure color. Both of these ponies happened to have blue eyes, glistening as they sat in heaps of pure white fur, their armor laying on the ground covered in saliva and dirt after being discarded by the stallions.

The first pony that the human truly noticed didn't seem to care about the newest arrival, as his big blue eyes stayed glued to his delicious spear, his teeth digging into the spit covered  weapon as he reveled in its woody taste. His companion, however, was immediately aware of the newest arrival, as he promptly flung the to the ground and leapt up on all fours.

"H-hi?" Our hero said, half greeting them half asking, as he came under the scrutiny of the more adventurous pony on the right side of the gate.

In a display of aggression and anger, the adventurous ponys' tongue lolled out adorably as he trotted over to our hero and promptly began sniffing him. Obviously, to make sure that he was unarmed, of course. With cute little sniffs, the angry little pony inspected the humans' arms, legs, and much to the humans' discomfort, his crotch.

Uncomfortable at the sudden attention he was receiving from this....Thing, the human simply stood as still as he could, hoping that the pony would simply stop sniffing him and say something....Anything, in fact. Sadly, this never happened. After the pony had thoroughly sniffed the human to his hearts content, he began to lick the humans' arm with his, pink tongue. Obviously, to greet the human as is pony tradition.

"Okay then...." Pushing the pony away with a black hand, the human passed by to the two, white ponies and made his way to the large wooden gates of Ponyville, dreading the horrors that lay on the other side. With a heavy sigh and dread filling his heart, he pushed the mighty doors open with ease and stumbled into the town.

Much to his dismay, his previous experience with the guards was nothing compared to what he was seeing before his very eyes. Ponies of all shapes and sizes strewn across the ground in heaps of fur and color, leaving the human flabbergasted at what he was seeing. Rather than joyful ponies talking among one another, they were all either simply laying on the ground doing nothing, or having odd slap fights in the middle of the dirt roads.

"That's it! I'm out!"

___________________________________________

With an angry sigh Kevin Durant the fifty-seventh took off his million dollar, virtual reality helmet and flung it to the ground.

"What a useless piece of shit!" he roared, as he marched out of his room, plans of blowing away Japan with an anti-matter bomb burning in his mind.

"Those bastards will pay!"

_________________________________________________

"And THAT is how Nirn was created!" M'aiq exclaimed, the table of drunken nords promptly cheering and clapping as he finished his glorious tale.

"Amazing!" One nord cheered

"Incredible!" Yelled another.

"So, my fellow brothers and sisters, we shall worship our newest goddess and bring glory and honor to her name! Let all of Skyrim tremble under her adorable might! Let us sings songs of her wonderful exploits and her death defying adventures! Together, we shall show Tamriel TRUE power!"

Retail Price: 1,000$ not including Tax and the cost for the complimentary Fluttershy action figure, which isn't complimentary.