Lipo

by SanityCheck8080

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash
Length: 5567

Stories without the letter i.

Rainbow Dash does several things, such as fighting monsters, leading middle-of-the-night chases, having existential crises (crisises? crisi?), going shopping and eating lunch. All without the letter i.

Inspired by Gadsby, and not at all by Anthem.

This story is meant to be read aloud, and if you do not do so, you are doing it wrong.

Published 2013-09-14 14:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-09-14 14:10:01 UTC

A

Dash was annoyed. Her pals were known to push her around, to try to change her to perfect models she had no want to change to. Her latest flaw: a lack of concern for others. An abundance of worry about herself. To be told such a statement by a bookkeeper who spent all of her moments secluded anyway was just salt to the wound. She was fed up. Her chums couldn't accept the fact that she could do what no other pony could, take talent to new reaches, use her speed to start a golden age. They would only hold her down, and that was unacceptable. She would need to talk to them, one by one.

She would start at her buddy Applejack. Thus far, she had been unable to get the thought through her fat skull that, though to treat others' concerns as more urgent was all well and good, to advance progress on ones own hopes and dreams was a fundamental part of the fundamental need to trudge through, day to day. Should a pony want to go on under the sky of a world such as the one they were all a part of, no harm would be done to advance her own name, by whatever means she chooses. Thus, the one-faced talk began.

"Many accept my supposed future of Wonderbolts fame to be a stretch. My dreams are hopeless? Does such a fact make a cyan pegasus, one who sports a colored mane, useless to a town such as our own? A world such as our own? Do my plans not match those who own houses that are enclosed by our towns' supposed walls, those who relate towards me? A query made that has no answer. A pony that dreams useless dreams, hopes worthless hopes, at least by others' standards, had no recluse except for the thoughts that flutter around her own head. As long as flutter has been spoken..."

Dash walked away, Applejack left hopelessly confused as to what was meant by the monologue she had just then been subjected to. What would compel her comrade to suddenly lash out, mouth open to reveal salty tongue, and let loose a rage of meagerness? She felt a talk among her group could sort problems out, and went to search for such a group.

At the same moment, Dash set foot upon the welcome mat of the cottage that happened to belong to Fluttershy. Fluttershy, who had heard three knocks on the door, went to see to cause of the ruckus. As she opened the door, she was nearly trampled by the pony who had entered her home, only to flop down on the couch. Upon a poll as to what the problem was, Dash launched her second rant of the day.

"You care for the creatures that grace our land, yet you have parts of the day you use to share the company of those around you. How?"

At that, Fluttershys' head began to reel, as she was unprepared for such a concern to be brought upon her. What had just been asked? After a judgement was made to take a note from the one known as Laymen, she translated to the smudge less senseless "How do you have moments for yourself?" A good ponder on Dashs' part. The answer was easy: She had not much to do for her creatures, due to them and the power they possessed to fend for themselves. Such a lack of dependence 24/7 left her some slots that events of her own could be placed onto.

Before she could put the thought to language, Dash was out the door, as she had not seen reason to lay down and let the world come to her. Fluttershy was not much put off by such rudeness, as she was often exposed to antsy-ness from the very pony who had just dropped by. She chuckled to herself and closed the door after the blue form, on her way to start to feed the creatures.

Dash went now from the cottage to a large tree, used as both a house, and a place to keep books, to seek a purple pony. A bubbly baker wouldn't do any good to yell at for several reasons, and she assumed a craftspony would agree on her new found outlook, due to her equal rank of "useless" anyway. All that was left was the source of her problems. Her journey was cut to a halt halfway, thanks to a pony that saw reason to waltz up to her.

"Before you get words out of your mouth, allow me to say there were unforeseen results of my thrust of knowledge upon you."

Cut off from rant number three, Dash was stunned, but let the lavender mare speak her thoughts.

"There was no reason for me to push the thought that you cared about nopony but yourself, and sorry does not start to tell how bad a thought close to that makes me feel. You would save everypony when such a need surfaces, not a doubt to fly by your head. You are brave and courageous when others need you most. The Wonderbolts could soon be graced by another costume, and countless more fans, not to exclude myself. Once more, nopony could be more sorry than me."

Dash was not wary to embrace her ex-naysayer, and found reason to squeeze: she was accepted once more. She soon found out that Applejack had shared her strange back-and-forth that was not at all a back-and-forth, only to cause the mare that had a coat created by the presence of red and blue to feel at fault. She had sought out Dash soon after the chat she and Applejack shared, only to see that same mare had come to converse at her.

All was perfect on Dashs' planet. Her supporters trusted her now, and her wanted job had value. She would save the world when she had to, but would also enjoy a nap every now and then. Such was the way of one that was selfless, or should be, to know that though others come on the chart before you, you are on the chart after them. That was all Dash could hope to know.

E

Dash was scared. She had been to the doctor before, but not the sort that stood over her, seemed to have a need to observe her. Judge her. Dash could see every pore on her face, every crease no doubt earned from the successful torture of another patron. Dash was at the eye doctor.

"How you see should not be taken as a joke. To have blurry eyes earns you the rewards of a fall down a deep hole, or onto a structure not yet completed. A fatal wound could be very probable, and very much so for a pegasus such as yourself." Blah blah blah. She had no use for glasses. They would just get bothersome. She gave up currency to the pony at the counter, then went on her way.

She had some chores to complete. Up front, a walk to the store was mandatory. She checked the paper that had her needed objects scrawled on. She looked at the many rows of grocery bag stuffers. Vegetables and healthy stuff that comes from trees. Dash had no eagerness to contemplate trees, so she moved on. Shampoo. She glanced up and pronounced her mane to be clean enough, and went further down the paper. She had a half full bag of turtle food (the alternate brand seemed not to be real, and she was the only one who knew what he ate anyway) at home already, so good there. Garden tools...

Forget that. She grabbed some Ramen Noodles and checked out, content at the slam of the unneeded metal cart as she added one to the rows of them, ready for new shoppers.

On her way out she saw Applebloom and company. The frown that adorned the face of none other than Scootaloo turned around at a glance of Dash. After manes had been ruffled, she went on her way, her mood enhanced greatly after her moment among the young three. The sun of a royal pegasus who also donned a horn began to set at that moment. Home was Dashs' next stop.

One word to represent Dashs' house: comfy. No wonder, as clouds made up all parts. There were perks to have to come home to a house above all else. Excellent panorama, cool breezes, not one pesky pony next door. She had only fallen once, and was able to catch herself pretty fast and fly back up. Other than the embarrassment, no harm was done. After what she thought to be an elegant chow of noodles eaten by use of a spork, she yawned. Droopy eyes caused the bed to reckon to her, to call "Dash! Dash! Look at these warm blankets, these soft lumps of feathers to lay your head on! Come to me!". Sleep sounded good. She went to bed.

Dash wasn't one of those select few that could wake up no problem. After an extended groan that went on for a couple dozen seconds, there was a poof as she rolled out of bed and smacked down on to the cloud floor. There she lay for several moments before the prospect of breakfast brought her to her hooves. Haycakes topped by syrup would do just great. Her tongue danced across her mouth.

Breakfast was uneventful, except for when she knocked her coffee onto the floor. Dropped cups here were very bad news, as color could blotch the snow hued clouds. She usually was not one to have coffee early anyway, so such an event could have turned her off of the stuff forever, had she cared about a dark spot on the floor. Fortunately, such a spot concerned her not.

She wondered what was on the agenda today. Her head drew a blank. To celebrate her apparently empty schedule, she resolved to go and fly. So she went.

The breeze felt awesome, as breezes tend to do, and she loved every second of her escapade from her supposed cell on the ground, and even her house. She had today off, she was thankful for, and had plans to spend her break well. To her, that meant she would be concerned by absolutely not one event. Just fly. Just follow the flow.

On second thought, her speed was a tad overdone let her to relax. Her travel speed was faster than any cart had ever gone, let alone a pony on hoof. Presently, she grazed the treetops of the Everfree forest. She would have to go up to prevent a crash.

Much better. Among the clouds, any worry starts to float away. She slowed down to nearly a halt, and watched the clouds, comparable to the ocean, below her. She became amazed by the way they rocked back and forth, not a care under the sun. What a joy. She felt sorry for those of the earth and those who sported a horn. They would never truly feel the oxygen heavy stuff touch feathers. They would never learn that a clouds' taste does not resemble cotton candy at all. Actually, that was an advantage. Let them dream.

Break ends here, Dash settled, and resolved to try some stunts. Loop-the-loop, Chandelle, Combat Spread, Pugachev's Cobra, Barrel Roll. The usual. All went smoothly. Then the clouds started to pour. She wasn't covered by water (she was above the clouds, after all), but she would be challenged should she want to get down. Or she could just stay up here as long as the storm went on. Nah.

One battered hoof and several bandages later, she was at her house. Success! Sort of. Well, she wasn't dead, so that was a good status. At least she'd learned a valuable lesson about... Uhhhhhh. Always carry an umbrella? That sounded good to her. The clock read one forty seven. Good enough moment to take a nap as any! At that, she flopped down onto the couch, not even bothered enough to get to the bed. After a nasty thought about bedbugs, and a lullaby sang only to herself, she fell asleep.

O

"Have you heard the story of the Geldan? An awful monster that one. Thousands of eyes, sharp claws, row upon row of fangs. Fangs that could drop your blood supply to zero, before you even have a chance to scream. You're dead before you even know what got you."

Dash observed the shocked faces before her. The corners of her mouth went up. She had gotten the wanted effect. "Thankfully for all of us, he only attacks those who have not heard the legend. We're all safe." Everypony seemed to relax. Nervous glances towards the woods around them ceased. A good ghost story was fun, but all of them planned to sleep later as far as she knew, so she would let them off easy.

"That has to be the worst ghost story that has ever reached my ears." Came from one part of the oval.

"Booooo. Lame." Came from another.

They were all seated around a blaze, and several of them, by use of a branch grasped by both hooves, roasted marshmallows. The tents were set down around them. There were many around the blaze: Dash and her numerous usual followers, plus three younger faces. Several of the group had camped before, so everypony expected all to go well, or at least better than last attempt. Not that the last attempt wasn't an absolute adventure, but everypony had hopes for a calmer event. Also, there were more of them now, so hopefully nopony would be left out.

When you exclude new found fear of feral Geldans probable feast upon loved ones, all was well. Almost. There were protests of many an upset belly stuffed full of marshmallows, and a wounded hoof or two from the nature walk before. Other than that, and a nasty rash, perfect.

The fun overtook the protests though, and several more got a chance to tell her ghost tale. There was one about a pony who had a hook where her horn should have been. Another about a pegasus who offers to fly a wanderer, only to get- Hold on...

Murdered!

After some screams and some laughs, and even a handful of songs (one about what mark one could get to adorn her flank, another about royalty, and yet another about a spell that could turn a pony to a skunk), there was a general consensus the moment had come to "rap upon the hay". All headed towards her relevant tent (that, all together, by the way, made another oval around the blaze), the prospect of shut-eye a powerful spell.

Dash had the good fortune to not share the company of tent mates that would snore. On account of the long day before her, she fell asleep the fastest of all those around her, her bag for sleep more comfortable than she would have thought.

She needed to run. She had no clue what from, but she had to stay on the move, or she would be gotten. Gobbled. Eaten. Her dazed state could lose her seconds, so she attempted to concentrate. She tested her power to fly, but no luck there. Her feathers seemed almost glued together. She could not get off the ground. Her worst fears had come to pass.

She was okay on her hooves (as she had come to know through several ordeals she would rather not have gone through), but would have preferred the route of the sky any day. She was headed forward only at a moderate speed, barely a canter. She would be more comfortable at a trot, but the area around her prevented such a speed.

She was currently on the run at the most dangerous part of a desert-forest. That made no sense, she knew, but the ground was covered by sand, and trees sprang up around her. Blunders nearly threw her down. She had to weave through to have any chance to save herself.

Darkness was everywhere too. Her eyes would not work properly, nearly the cause of many a mess up. The sky was pure black, not a star to see. Lunas' moon had the power to reveal her way, but sadly, that too was nowhere to be seen. Dash had a low supply of hope left. What was she even on the run from? She demanded not to uncover the mystery, too full of fear, but had accepted that fact that to know her enemy would hand her an advantage.

She turned around to face her attacker, when a new threat reared an ugly face: the lack of ground to hold her up. She had taken a great tumble. She should have taken heed the words of the eye doctor! She once more analyzed her feathered appendages, once more unsuccessful. After a scan to her what surrounded her, she found no platform of any sort, just empty space all around her, and, she assumed, the ground below. She curled up and prepared for the worse. She had no reason to let out a last breath just yet, and covered her more necessary body parts (heart, lungs, etc.) by use of her hooves. Ten feet. Seven feet. Four feet. Two feet. One-

Dash shot up, covered by sweat, choked by pants and wheezes. A dream. A scary dream at that! She took a second to calm down, then glanced about her tent. None had woken. She heard not a peep, except for several snores from next door. She tested the before useless organs, to see that, to her glee, they worked! She started a small happy dance, then stopped, to ensure the restful slumber of those around her. Just a dream.

Haunted no longer by see-through hunter, nor Geldan, she mentally elected to go back to sleep. After she found room to jot down a mental note to go back to the eye doctor, she placed her head along the hard rocks below, made softer by the presence of her bag for sleep, and fell atop an unhalted sleep.

U

Dash was flustered. None of the others would pay her any thought. They swore they were the butt end of an elaborate prank. Dash wasn't about the be the mare who called wolf, so she grabbed the one that happened to stand the closest (Applejack), and started to drag her.

"You're the one that supports honesty! Let my honest words enter through your ears and rattle around your skull! My eyes told the truth! Such a creature does roam those forests, and my eyes caught a glance! An awful beast! Shares the looks of a pony, except for the lack of flesh and fur, and the round second head sprouted from the back! Not to exclude the red flame where the eye should be! Yes, you heard correctly. Lone eye!" She closed one eye as an example. Then she opened that one and closed the other.

Applejack pushed the crazed pony off of her and brushed herself off. "Honesty has uses, but a theory can't be labeled as the truth. My memory shows not one pony who has never declared to see an object that was not really there." At the confused faces of the others, she added "You could just be crazy."

"Hey!"

"Hadn't meant for that to come out that way."

"Guys, calm down." the purple-maned spell-caster hushed. "A story such as the one Dash here told wasn't completely unreasonable. A creature who dons such grotesque features has a presence among the pages of several of my books. Such a creature can be called a Nuckelavee."

"Nuckle-what-ee?

"Nuckelavee. Such a creature has been rumored to destroy crops and cattle and such. My books gave the the overtone that every story was just that: a story. Though should Dash's story have any truth, they could be wrong. Tales are often more accurate then they let on."

"Okay, let's humor her and go hunt some monsters. When we don't see anypony, and we won't see anypony, my score goes up by ten."

"What?"

"Let's just go. Where was the creature anyway?"

"Everfree."

The group walked through the trees, watchful for any unwelcome guests to the party. Dash was unhappy, as the trek brought back many a bad memory of a fake chase, led not even by the moon. The search had yet to show any results, but Dash knew. They would come across the area soon.

"So how exactly was the creature seen by you anyway?"

"Well, the weather seemed good to fly-"

"One of the few events you seem to be capable of."

"What was that supposed to mean?!"

"Settle down, you two. Geez, Applejack, you seem unusually callous today."

"Anyway, my muscles ached, so a break was urgently needed, and maybe also a snack. Around here was my target to land when the beast came at me, faster than any earth pony known. Me, and my enormous smartness-"

'Smartness?"

"Shut up! Me and my extreme acumen settled on... um... a clever retreat! That sounds good! So then, my acute judgement told me to return to the town and educate my fellow townsfolk on such a probable threat." She beamed hopefully.

"So you ran away?"

"No! Ugh! At the moment-" She was halted by the sound of hoofsteps through the leaves. The rumble made sounded not of a regular pony.

"What was that?"

"Hopefully not-"

Dash was once more delayed as a ghastly face appeared through the trees. Then another. The lower one seemed have a mouth that screamed eternally. The upper one had an appearance that was onerous to express. There was no creature that looked comparable. As Dash had expressed, the beasts' eye seemed to glow, tantamount to a red blaze. Due to the lack of flesh, one could see the black blood as the stuff coursed through the yellow passageways. The scene was assuredly nasty.

The mares were not averse to bolt, and boy, how they bolted.

They were gone before a heart could beat. The only goal on any agenda was to get away. All of them could hear the creature- the Nuckelavee- on the hunt to the rear. The monster seemed to fell trees as the space between them was closed.

Dash refused to fly for several reasons. She wouldn't be a jerk and abandon her group. Also, she was so rattled she doubted she could even leave the ground. Though when somepony would ask, her settlement was made out of loyalty and bravery.

"What do we do?!"

"Uhhhh, let me ponder that."

They narrowly dodged the Nuckelavees' grasp as the creature lunged forward. They somehow managed to go even faster, numerous records probably shattered by the mad dash to anywhere but that very spot.

"Any day now!"

"Oh, the data just came back to me! The book told me Nuckelavees don't enjoy water that moves."

"To the stream then!"

They all panted and wheezed. They ducked as trees appeared to be pulled out of the ground and tossed at them.

"For real? Trees? Come on!"

Just a few more steps... Closer... Closer...

They all crossed the stream at once, then proceeded to flop over. They rolled and tumbled, and eventually settled, an event that caused a heap of pony after pony to form. After they found themselves untangled, they looked at each other. Then they looked down at themselves. Other than a rogue scratch or scrape, they were unharmed. A mutual exhale of new found safety was shared.

"Well," Dash began, "Looks to me that we got another reason to steer clear of the Everfree."

The rest nodded, then began to head back to town.

Every So Often, Y

Dash was bored. Her heart thudded, an occurrence that rattled her chest. She was also on edge. So far, the day had been unusually normal, and had excluded the danger of some of her recent adventures, such as deadly falls or savage beasts. She would have thought a day off from marvelous feats would be fun, but boy, was she wrong.

The usual crowd had come together for an outdoor lunch, blankets and baskets and all. The day was wonderful, as the sun managed to peek around the few clouds and shower golden rays upon the faces of those below. A cool breeze blew gently across the meadow where the foodstuffs they had brought were placed, the temperature just perfect. There was a chorus of soft tweets from the treetops above them.

Dash hated all of that. What was the purpose of an excellent day such as today, when you couldn't use the breeze as a harness, to push yourself faster through the sky? Today owned the best weather they'd had for years (totally not a hyperbole), so why be wasteful and lounge around on the ground? There were ants all over the place, and the grass was somewhat damp from the bad weather of yesterday.

Also, she wanted to test out her new glasses. She would rarely wear them around others, of course. But when she was alone, just out for a fly, as the bumps of land passed below her, she would play a game of sorts. She would place her glasses over her eyes, and attempt to spot objects below. She would see how long would go by before she spotted a cow, or a pond, or a cactus, or even a pony. By use of her new sort-of laser eyes, she could see so much farther than ever before! Oh, wow. She sounded comparable to a salespony.

There were so many other tasks she could have completed, too, had she not been burdened by the duty of a party of sorts. She could have... done her laundry! Well, that would have only taken several moments (she had few clothes, after all). She could have... cleaned her plates! Well, actually, the ones she used were paper. There was probably some chore that could have been completed, any chore, had she not attended the dumb bash. She could have even shampooed her mane! Actually that would have bored her.

So yes, Dash wanted to fly away and leave her company, sure to leave a cloud of dust after her. Was that what happened? No. She stayed put. The factors weren't exactly the same as a monster attack, but she felt bound to stay by her crew nonetheless. She would seem to be a jerk, should she just take off out of nowhere. She was hungry, anyway.

She wolfed down a bowl of potato salad, two watermelon wedges, and a cob of corn. She then proceeded to wash the food down by use of a cup of lemonade. Then another. She had no concern for the bugs that had marched onto the blanket. The others stared at her.

"What?" she asked, mouth full of grapes, mostly green, except for one purple one that had somehow snuck through.

"The rest of us haven't even started, and you just ate half the food."

"No way that was half! My stomach hasn't even argued yet!"

The rest laughed, and began to chow down on assorted snacks. Dash was elated when a huge cake was pulled out of the basket. There were three flavors: Carrot, strawberry, and succulent, succulent red velvet. Dash was on her fourth chunk when she began to query: Why? Why have a monarchy when the leader would never succumb to death? What would the town do when a flood happened?

She went on to name query after query, each one more goofy than the last. What has Fluttershy used as food for the meat-eaters all along? Why were doorknobs created? Who does the research for math textbooks? What was the purpose of souls? Was she even ever really awake?!

"Yo, Dash. You okay? You seemed to blank out there. Your eyes just stared at space."

She thought about that. Was she okay? She seemed to have a lot more problems and errors and mess-ups recently than what she usually had. Or was she always that bad? She groaned wordlessly. At least others cared enough to ask. That made her feel a tad better.

She thought about every other occupant of town. They all had real jobs. They prepared food, they made houses, sold goods. What was she good for? She could fly fast. She could make a day somewhat less awful when she moved the clouds. Maybe that was enough. She assumed at least one pony cared about the weather. Actually, weather was useful! The plants use the sun and water to grow, and clouds affected the amount of those plants got! How had that not occurred to her before? She took off her glasses and began to clean them suddenly.

"Yeah. Hunky-dory." She grabbed another lump of cake and choked the wad down, her glasses once more on her face. "See?" She got an unsure look. She began a search for more desserts, eager to lose her spot as the central focus.

"Okay then. Carry on."

Dash flashed a fake happy look, and managed to complete the event sans catastrophe. She had learned a valuable lesson. You shouldn't go on free of wonder, but rather embrace your subjects of ponder. She now knew how you could change your whole demeanor, should you ask yourself, every so often, why?

Thoughts of happy days and monsters and shampoo and marshmallows and mares who have your back made a pretty dance through her head as she ate yet another fragment of cake. Cake that she and her pals would share. Together.

Extra

Name:
Date:

Review Questions:

Please answer in full sentences, or points will be taken off.

In chapter 4, Dash describes the eye of the Nuckelavee as "tantamount to a red blaze." What other similes can you find? How about metaphors?

Is Dash a static character or a dynamic character? In what ways does she show character development throughout the story? Provide examples.

Self worth is an important theme throughout the story. In what ways do you help around your home? Your community?

What is the setting of the story? When does it take place? Provide specific examples.

With a partner, create a Venn diagram comparing any two chapters. Provide at least five answers per category.

In chapter 5, Dash asks herself a series of questions. How are these questions symbolic? Can you find any other examples of symbolism in chapter 5?

Several times, Dash refuses to abandon her friends, such as in chapter 4 and chapter 5. What qualities does Dash show in these cases?

Dash decides not to go see Rarity and Pinkie Pie in chapter 1. Why do you think she does this?

Dash being unable to use her wings is a recurring event, such as in chapter 3 and chapter 5. How do you think this makes Dash feel? Have you ever had a similar experience?

Based solely on chapter 2, do you think Dash feels lonely? Why or why not?

Dashs' eyesight comes up commonly in the story, such as in chapter 2, chapter 3 and chapter 5. What do you think this represents?

Dash decides she envies unicorns and earth ponies for being unable to fly, as shown in the quote "Let them dream." Do you agree with this statement?

When faced with a terrible monster, Dash and her friends run away. Is this how you would have reacted? Why or why not?

In paragraph form, describe Dashs' relationship with any two of her friends. Be sure to describe how she feels about these friends, using quotes from their interactions.

14.If you could ask Dash any question, what would it be and why?

Can you find an example of exposition? Would the story be difficult to understand without it? Use specific examples.

In chapter 4, Twilight Sparkle claims that "Tales are often more accurate then they let on." Do you agree? In what cases were stories more accurate then they seemed?

What would you want to see in a squeal? What details were left out that you would like to see elaborated on?

In chapter 4, Dash claims she wasn't about the be "the mare who called wolf." What do you think this an allusion to?

Multiple times throughout the story Dash refers to those around her as "chums", "pals", and even "comrades", but never as friends. Why do you think this is? What does this show about Dash?

In chapter 4, Dash uses the word "acumen". Based on the how the word was used, what do you think the definition of this word is?

Does Dash show qualities of a responsible house owner in chapter 2? Use context clues to help you out.

In chapter three, what clues did the author provide that Dash was experiencing a nightmare? Did you predict this?

What would you like to see in a prequel?

Summarize this story in two sentences.

Did you thoroughly enjoy this story? Would you recommend it to a friend? Why or why not?