Crack Shipping: Trixie and the wheel

by CosmicAfro

Rating: teen
Tags: Original Character, Trixie, Comedy, Sex, Random, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other, Romance
Length: 6904

Trixie has intercourse with a wheel after fighting off a dangerous, savage beast.

Warnings: Sexual references, Trixie being used one hundred and eighty-four times, a rim job, and puns. If you’re here for serious romance, you’ve failed to read the title.

Wheels make fake promises, wheels love and leave, and wheels will break your heart. Wheels will lend an ear, be your best friend, and always roll with the punches. There are an infinite amount of sides to a wheel for every emotion there is a three-sixty of it. There is a story of a young mare who loved and lost and never remembered it, of thieves who wished to steal away her lover. This is that story. This is the short but tragic story of Trixie…

And Rollando.

Pre-read by: Taranasaurus0.0

Published 2013-08-12 21:50:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-08-14 21:59:33 UTC

Part one: A Spoken Tale

Trixie remembers how it all began. Trixie… wasn’t on her best legs at the time. She had been called a fool, a failure, and she was run out of every town. Trixie is willing to admit part of it might have been her fault. Inconceivable, right? Trixie having a fault? Maybe other than her horn being one length shorter than most unicorn mares but that never stopped Trixie from being the most amazing magician of all time! Or it… didn’t, for a while.

Trixie sighs.

If Trixie- if I can be honest, I wear the hat so nopony will notice that short length.

She removes her hat, placing it next to her on the log and stares longingly into the flame.

Trixie finds it incredible and unfair how such a minor difference in length can affect a mare so much. Trixie had a long, strong horn from birth. Trixie’s magic was prodigious. But as it would turn out, her horn would not grow much into her size, leaving her to be incredibly underwhelming. But if Trixie ever hears you telling someone this, she will have you shoved into a box filled with pheromone cologne and shipped to harpy country!

Trixie’s getting off-topic.

Trixie was in her wagon which had been defaced by some hooligans. The graffiti was to serve as a permanent reminder; to them it was how I was a farce, but to me it was a small scribble on a long list of reasons why I wanted to exact revenge on a certain mare. It was raining and the dirt road was almost impossible to traverse. Trixie was out in an open plane with nothing but the grass and sky to keep me company, and Trixie realized she’d have to wait for the rain to subside before she could continue.

One of Trixie’s wheels had been stuck in the mud so Trixie had to put on her poncho and climb out to push it. I wished I had two fools to assist me with my every need as I did in Ponyville. But, Trixie managed. She pushed it out onto the road’s side- until Trixie slipped and rammed her head against the back wall on her way down. In Trixie’s final stream of consciousness, she climbed under the wagon where the grass was thick and collapsed.

Trixie eyes you, waiting for you to say something.

Yes, Trixie will let you say it.

No, go ahead, say it. Trixie knows you love puns.

Ok, fine, Trixie will say it. Trixie took a dirt nap.

She rolls her eyes as you don’t even chuckle at the joke.

Tsk. I suppose it’s only funny when you make the joke?

No, don’t say it; Trixie doesn’t want to hear it from you. Where was Trixie? Right. Trixie awoke from under her vehicle. The rain had let up and it looked passable to travel. The ground did not work wonders like Trixie’s bed could so she felt sore and stiff. Trixie also had a horrible throbbing headache. She climbed inside and fetched a bottle of herbal medicine. It helped, a little. Upon inspecting herself in her caravan’s mirror, Trixie screamed at the lump on her forehead. Trixie thought she was going to have to wear her hat a lot lower for a while.

She levitates a stick off the ground and a marshmallow out of the bag, putting them both together. She hovers the white puff over the flame.

I don’t normally eat such things. They’re too chewy. But if I’ve heard the stories correctly, they taste much better after being cooked on an open flame.

She pauses for a minute, focusing intently on cooking the treat properly for the first time. It browns over and she yelps as the tip catches fire for a brief moment, surprising her and sending her over the back of the log. Her cooked marshmallow flies off the stick and splats on the tip of her horn. She looks at you and blushes, embarrassed.

Trixie meant to do that.

Oh, don’t give me that look. Of course Trixie did- fine, Trixie was surprised. Are you happy?

Cute? That was not cute! Trixie does not do cute! Trixie is a grown mare, she does things beautifully! Thank you… though. Trixie has not received a compliment in a long time.

She scrapes off the marshmallow and discards it, grabbing another from the bag. Confident that this time she’ll succeed, she continues with her tale.

The rest of the day was boring. It was spent traveling an open road and Trixie did not see one other traveler. Trixie began to wonder if perhaps she had gone the wrong way and was heading into dangerous territory. Those feelings were soon put to rest as the tips of buildings peered over a distant hill.

Trixie had but one problem. She was running low on food and water. Her previous flop- She makes air quotes with her hooves -in the last town did not earn her many bits so she could not buy as much. Trixie checked her map and found a small stream was nearby to the west. She turned her cart into the open and followed her compass down a slight incline in the open plane.

When Trixie got there, she found something interesting in the water. It was a wooden wheel with a peculiar set of carvings around the edges.

I wonder who it was too, Rollando.

She slyly winks.

It was clear to Trixie somepony had put much time into the carvings, giving the wheel a story of its own. In the middle of this crystal clear stream was this wheel sticking out of the water. It looked very strong and durable; Trixie couldn’t believe her luck. Curiosity got the best of Trixie and she waded in the water, approaching it. She did what any unicorn would do and attempted to pull it out with her magic. It seemed rooted in place as half of it was in the dirt.

I scraped the bottom for a while, hoping to dislodge some of the dirt holding it in. When it began to tilt, Trixie knew it was ready to be pried out. Trixie suddenly felt the ground shake beneath her. The water trembled and turned dirty as the soil rose. Tiny spikes began to lift out of the ground. Trixie only barely saw them in time. It was an Aqueous Fly Trap, and a big one at that.

With Trixie’s amazing speed and skill, Trixie leaped out of the water!

She begins to mimic the scene by balancing on the log, looking down at the ground like it was the stream.

The Aqueous Fly trap rose out of the stream an entire three feet above Trixie’s head and spat out the dirt. Trixie was held in place by fear for one moment, she admits, as she realized it was a purple Aqueous Fly Trap, the third most dangerous kind. They were known for their violent behavior and their loud ROARS!

It’s long, slender purple tongue threw the object Trixie so desired right at her. She caught it in a quick-fire levitation spell. Its tongue lashed at me like a whip and I used the wheel as a shield. Whap! Whip! Wham! Trixie blocked it with ease! Whippam! Wham! Slap after slap its terrible tongue lashed at Trixie. The beast roared with its mighty plant jaws, furious it was not able to capture the Great and Powerful Trixie.

But the battle was not over just yet. The Aqueous had one other plan in mind. In a sneaky maneuver, it wrapped its tongue around her only source of defense once more and in… a moment of foolishness, Trixie forgot to stop her levitation. Trixi-

Oh, right. When a unicorn is levitating something -she pops the marshmallow she had been cooking into her mouth- fe fware buh coughbughin oh you cawn move ught. Uhm! Feeze are fuuy good! Ah, Trixie knows she’s going to have another of those! So, Trixie was thrown into the air, right into the monster’s jaws. With a loud clasp, it closed them shut, leaving Trixie trapped in the darkness. An odd gurgling sound was coming from inside there and Trixie did not want to find out what that meant. Trixie tried to move, but something slimy was holding her leg. It was the tongue! It was pulling her deeper into the beast, ready to be swallowed whole!

Trixie bashed the wheel against the tongue but it would not let go. It was strong. Trixie was desperate… so she bent down and bit the tongue. Trixie was expecting it to be thicker so imagine Trixie’s surprise when she bit straight through. She didn’t stop for a moment, she didn’t have time to. If Trixie knew anything about Aqueous, it was that they eat fast. Trixie ran blindly in the darkness, holding the wheel out in front of her and hit the wall of teeth. The beast opened its mouth for a moment from the pain, but it was not wide enough for her to squeeze through.

Trixie swung the wheel against the teeth, but they would not budge. Helplessly, Trixie swung it against every tooth until one budged. It was loose! With primal fury, blood pumping, she bashed that tooth with her wooden shield like a mad mare, determined not to become some plant’s breakfast. The being yelped and screamed until it came completely out. Trixie jumped through the hole and onto the riverbank below.

The great and powerful mare rolled in the dirt, coming to an eventual stop. As the beast riled around, flailing its upper body savagely, Trixie picked up the tooth and charged towards the stem. Its tongue once more tried to grab me, but Trixie evaded it. The tip of her makeshift knife plunged into the stem and a spray of green goop went into her eyes. Trixie blindly continued to drag it down the middle until finally reaching the bottom. Trixie plunged her tooth into the middle and forced it all the way through, pulling it through the side to cut the overgrown weed down.

It took one final breath and then collapsed in the river.

Huffing and puffing, as one might after such a horrific encounter, Trixie dunked her body into the deepest part of the river to clear the plant’s… blood off of Trixie. It was… unpleasant smelling, like roses in garbage. When she exited the water, she felt something wiggling against her leg and saw it was the tongue, still grabbing on.

I didn’t notice it before, but it left a strange but not unpleasant taste in my mouth. It was technically a plant… and I was low on provisions…

Well what else would you have done?

Trixie did what she had to. Yes, Trixie harvested Aqueous Fly Trap tongue and whatever else she thought she could cook.

Actually, it tasted fine. Didn’t get sick either. Purple Aqua tongue isn’t half bad. If it wasn’t so dangerous to come by, it could be a good meal.

Don’t give me that look.

S-stop it! What do you mean how can something so cute d- Don’t you dare get on Trixie’s nerves!

She throws a molten marshmallow at you, but it misses.

The nerve. Trixie outta… but she won’t. Trixie knows better. After all, Trixie does owe you her life.

What a day it’s been. Trixie is glad you were strong, there to defend her.

Not like you had much choice? Well, being captive to an Aqueous F-

Oh, the shield business. Trixie apologizes for that too. Besides, that plant didn’t lash out anything you couldn’t handle.

Rollando?

Rollando, are you ok?

Do not try to lie to me, I know-

Rollando! You should have told me you were hurt! A splintered leg this entire time! Here, come with me , I’ll fetch you some bandages.

Hurts that much, huh? Here, I will carry you to my caravan.

What!? What’s wrong!

Trixie’s levitation is hurting you? Trixie… is the one who caused this? Not the plant. I see.

Ok. Ok. Trixie will carry you then. Herk. You… are… heavier than… Trixie… thought.

No, but… Trixie supposes… you could… lose a few.

Yes, I suppose… Trixie’s magic is… just that strong.

Ok, down easy, Rollando.

Fwoomp.

Of course Trixie knew it’d be easier to pull the caravan to you. She wanted- no, nevermind that. Prop yourself up against the caravan, Trixie will be back in one moment.

The sound of a creaky cabinet door opening and bottles being shuffled around echoes through the cabin. Trixie is out of rags!? This can’t be! Trixie stocked up last town. Her searching continues. Horn Pokers, Trixie really is out. It is silent for a moment, the only sounds keeping the air company being the cackle of the low fire. A ripping of cloth echo is made obvious. Trixie walks back out, carrying a purple and starlit scrap in her mouth.

Stay still.

Yes, Trixie knows what this is. She can always find a new cloak.

No, don’t apologize to Trixie, she caused this. Stay still, please.

One more wrap an-AHHH! Trixie falls over as the wheel rolls a bit, sending her face into the rim.

Trixie pulls back, covering a hoof with her mouth. Trixie is sorry! She didn’t mean it!

She suddenly becomes forceful, becoming almost face to face with you. Listen here, you tell no one that Trixie kissed you.

Why!? You don’t get to know why!

Trixie just thinks it’s not proper.

She sighs. Do you really want to know what’s going on? Trixie supposes she cannot deny you that, considering all she’s done to you today. Ok. Trixie… She mumbles the rest.

Trixie said she- She whispers the rest.

I haven’t kissed anypony before! OKAY!?

Is that all!? This is a sensitive issue for Trixie! She’s a grown mare and-

That was… your first too?

You were saving it for a special someone?

T-Trixie does not know what to say.

I-uh…She blushes profusely. Okay.

She leans down and props you up. So, uh, how did Trixie do it the first time? Like… this? Peck.

Agreed, even better the second time.

I- you’re right. That wouldn’t be decent of Trixie.

She stands up proper. Trixie thinks she should head in for the night.

Do you have any place to sleep then, Rollando?

The log? Trixie looks inside of her caravan for a brief moment. One moment.

Shuffling noises come from inside. Trixie walks back out with a pillow and a white blanket. Trixie always has spares. Are you sure you want to sleep there?

Very well. Herk. Here… we… are… eugh.

She levitates the pillow behind your head and the blanket over most of your body. Sleep well, Rollando. I’ll fetch more firewood in the morning. She leans in for a quick, unexpected peck.

She walks back to her caravan, flanks swaying a bit more than usual and she has an odd skip in her step.

And so concludes part one.

He’s the wheel who rolls with the punches.
He is always well spoken.
He is every mare’s turn around in a bad life.
He is…
Rollando.

Author's Note

Enjoy crack shipping? Here, have a short story about shipping the Friendship Express and the Train Tunnel to Canterlot.

The other parts will be out shortly depending on when I get off work this evening. That does mean it's completely written, I want to make you want it. I do not, however, wanta fanta.

That theme song is now in your head.

Part two: Rimming

Three figures individually draped with a black cloak approached the edge of the stream. In unison, they gasped at the sight they beheld. There, barely seen in the crescent moon’s soft glow, was their Aqueous Fly Trap.

The one on the very left ran through the water. “N-no! No no! He’s been destroyed! Mutilated! Assassinated! Murdered!” He rested his front hooves on the creature’s no longer moving head. “Wh-what? Why does he feel so… open? So soft?” He lifted the jaw and immediately let go as he caught a horrific sight.

“What is it, Synonym?” the middle figure asked.

“He’s been… harvested! Some savage beast has removed the beast’s tongue and some of its meat!” He buried his face into his hooves, bawling over the plant. “But the cuts are so smooth, it has to have been a knife, a blade, even a deft claw…”

The figure on the right approached the carcass and followed its body down the stream until he reached the stem, torn asunder. “There was struggle. It was quick. I am sorry.”

The figure in the middle bowed his head. “Synonym, it’s done. Your plant was a good one, we caught travelers without lifting a hoof with him. We can give him a proper burial, but first we should find the thing that did this to him.” He waded through the water and rested a hoof on Synonym’s shoulder. “He’d want that.”

Synonym quit his sniffling and raised his head, slowly. “You’re right,” he replied, wiping his nose, “he-he would want us to do that.”

The figure in the middle turned his attention to the figure examining the stem. “Triad.”

“What is it?”

“Do you see any tracks?”

He watched Triad walk around both sides of the stream until he stopped. “I found tracks. They go forward. Drenched with sap.”

With an uplifting voice and inherent sense of optimism, the middle figure stated, “That’s our guy, Synonym. Whoever did this couldn’t have gotten far.” Noticing that his partner seemed distant, he continued, “Remember the time he spit on you with that sap?”

Triad laughed. “He went nuts!”

The middle figure laughed. “Heh, yeah, you did. All we have to do is follow those tracks and look for a crazy person who smells like a pile of compost.”

Synonym put hoof to hoof with an audible smack. “Right, Triad, lead the way! Let’s find this guy and return the favor, doctor’s orders for his just deserts. Make him reap what he sowed the day he harvested my plant.”

The middle figure turned his buddy around out of the water and walked alongside him. “Easy man, this guy took down a purple Aqueous Fly Trap, we need to learn a bit about him first.” They nodded their heads and faced Triad who was waiting for them on the side of the stream. “Lead the way, Triad.”

“This way, please.”

~~~

Rollando?

Rollando.

Don’t ignore Trixie. Wake up, Rollando.

Five more minutes? Fine, you can stay here if that’s what you want. Trixie needs to continue moving on.

Trixie thought it was obvious why she woke you up. She wants you to come with her.

Really.

She rolls her eyes. Don’t be too grateful for Trixie. Anypony in their right mind wouldn’t abandon someone like you.

Yes, yes, ok. Oh, before Trixie forgets, she made you some breakfast. It’s some of the plant provisions. She scoots a plate forward that has a pile of freshly cooked plant carcass. You’ll need your strength to come back if you want that wound to heal.

Don’t give me that look, Trixie knows it smells strange. Try a bite. Trixie promises its safe.

Rollando, take a bite. Trixie worked all morning to prepare you this food.

Rollando.

She levitates a fork with some of the breakfast hanging off the end. Are you going to be this rude to the mare who saved your life?

Didn’t ask- Trixie saved you from that vicious plant, mends your wound, gives you shelter, and feeds you breakfast! Take a bite of the food, Rollando.

Take. A. Bite.

Nopony tells Trixie no! Eat. The. Plant.

Trixie is becoming very frustrated! TAKE. A. B-

She stops the fork just centimeters away from the wheel. What did you just say?

I… Trixie… why didn’t you say so before? Tr-

Rollando, Trixie- She rests a hoof on the upper left of the rim which accidentally causes it to roll over to the other side.

Please, face Trixie.

Trixie didn’t think it’d be cannibalism, you being a wooden wheel…

It. Trixie. Uh. Well.

Rollando, please talk to Trixie.

A long, tense silence.

Tri- I understand. I would be upset if somepony made me eat equestrian meats.

I know I stopped saying Trixie. This is serious.

E-even if you do-

F-fine. Trixie will keep saying Trixie. Trixie rests her hoof on the rim, getting it to flip back over once more. Will that make you happy?

Trixie is glad, she did not mean to do such a thing. Trixie supposes that when she told you she harvested that plant…

Trixie is glad you understand ponies eat plants. She understands how… strange that must be.

The wraps her hooves around the wheel. I know we’ve just met, Rollando, but you are the nicest person I have ever met.

A quick cheek peck.

Oh, sorry, Trixie did not mean to rest on your wound.

She coyly grins.

Trixie knows a way to make that feel all better.

~~~

“They stop here,” Triad said, looking down at the dirt road. Shortly following behind were his companions.

The rightmost pony kicked a hoof into the ground, raising a cloud of dust. “C’mon, it can’t just end, cease, terminate-.”

“Synonym, calm down,” he replied, nudging him in the shoulder. “Look over there.”

Synonym looked up and at first was greeted to the rising sun but his eyes soon caught wisps of smoke in the air that still held a discernible line from their origin. In the far distance were the tips of buildings and even closer was a caravan near a large boulder off of the road.

“See?” his friend rested a hoof on his shoulder, “I told you we’d find this guy. Looks like he’s awake though, we should do some recon behind that boulder, stay out of his line of sight.”

The trio nodded and began to tiptoe to the rock.

“Is this ruffian floraphobe working out?” Synonym whispered, moving closer to Triad.

“Floraphobe isn’t real,” he replied, a hidden but implied frown marking his face.

“It’s not like you always speak in three,” he hissed.

“But I do.”

“Hey,” their leader whisper-shouted. “Can it you two. But,” he continued, quieting his voice further, “I think maybe he’s working out or something. And he sounds…”

“Kind of feminine?” Triad finished.

“It’s not entirely uncommon for male ponies to have a high voice pitch.”

They neared the rock and pressed up against it. The middle cloaked figure nodded. “Definitely a gal. Whatever workout she’s doing, it’s got to be a powerful set or something. She’s grunting up a storm.”

Triad looked around the side and then lurched back over behind cover, pulling his hood further down over his already unseen face. “She’s not training.”

“What?” the other two asked in unison.

“She’s not… training.”

Mmmmmmmmmmn!

Synonym looked over on the right while the leader looked over the top.

“Holy Tartarus…”

~~~

You wonder if there was a serpent in her family as her slender tongue pushes harder against your rim. Her endurance is incredible, not losing lip-lock for even a moment, breathing heavily from her nose as she tries to absorb every last moment. Her eyes open for a second with a mischievous allure. Soft, angelic pecks run down your spoke as she nears your center. You try to shift, but her hooves hold you in place against the log. You couldn’t move even if you wanted to (which you don’t).

Teasingly, she comes back up to your rim and meets you once more.

Rollando… Trixie wants something from you, more than anything else in the world. Her eyes drift down and then come back up, her eyes betraying that she was going to get it either way.

She pushes a hoof up against the rim. Shhh, don’t speak. Trixie knows. She’s ready…

Her mouth trails down to your center. She eyes it hungrily, her mouth practically begging for it with every panting breath. Without warning, her tongue rolls around your axel rod slot with unbridled enthusiasm.

~~~

“That’s something else,” Triad whispered, adjusting the collar on his cloak. He hid himself behind the stone and faced his companions. “What’s next, Flicker?” Synonym shared his attitude and turned to their leader.

“I guess we let her, uh…”

“Finish, orgasm, find ecstasy, reach sexual nirvana…”

He shook his head and rested it into a hoof. “Yeah, any of those. Then we rob her blind. She’s doing us a favor being so close to town. We should do the right thing and help her deliver her supplies.”

They all stood idly behind the rock for a brief period of time, exchanging unseen glances. After a series of shrugs, they all clambered up the boulder and got a view of their target.

And what a view; it was truly something else.

~~~

Give it to Trixie! Give it to her! Her legs wrap around you as best as they can, forcing you up against her.

Uhh!

Uhh!

Ohh yeah!

Yes! Trixie wants it!

Mmmn!

Oh! Oh! Yes! Yes! H-harder!

Ooooh… Oh Rollando… whatever you’re doing down there, don’t stop. Dooooon’t….

Her legs lose their grip a bit, rolling you slightly up against her soft folds.

Rollando…

Rollando!

Tr-Trixie can’t much more!

Her legs completely lose grip for a split moment.

Uhn! N-No! Don’t stop!

Yes, Trixie wants it!

I- I wanna…

Trixie wants to!

Yes! Yes!

Uhh!

Uhh!

UN!

AHHH!

ROLLANDOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Oh horsefeathers!

She collapses while lying on her back, arms and legs sprawled out lazily. You fall on top of her gently and she wraps one hoof around you, bringing your rim to her face.

Ohh Rollando, that was… everything Trixie imagined it to be. And more. You certainly… had a lot more.

I feel so… lightheaded. Please, join me in Trixie’s bed.

You don’t object.

Oh, Rollando… you have such a way with words.

And so concludes part two.
As the final part rolls into place,
so shall another and shall complete the rotation from love to loss.
It is a natural part of the cycle,
And nobody knows the circle of romance better than…
Rollando!

Part three/ final: Treading Trixie

Triad nodded to his fellow thieves who returned his gesture, readying their assault. It was going to be a simple operation. Weave through the tall grass to eliminate making too much noise, delicately pick the lock that was presumably on the caravan door, drop some extra potent sleeping powder on the victim inside and then ransack the place. They’d even take the wheel she’d recently fornicated with to leave the poor thing with absolutely nothing.

It wasn’t their fault she was an easy target right now. She must have been exhausted after her fight with the Aqueous Fly Trap and her fight with her own urges, there wasn’t going to be a better time to strike.

They circled around it, equidistant from one another and closed in like hungry sharks. Triad would tap his hoof three times softly on the ground. Flicker would approach the door and remove his hood to use his horn properly. He would get to work, cracking any basic lock in a matter of moments.

That part had succeeded. The lock did click and the door did open. So came fatal error number one in the shape of a blue pony clenching a sharp tooth in her mouth, pouncing on the intruder savagely.

With great force, Flicker instinctively bucked the mare off of him, sending his orange legs straight into her stomach. “What in Tartarus!?”

Trixie, as they heard her scream earlier, snarled. “Did you three think you could just sneak up on the Great and Powerful Trixie? Did you not think she’d have her home protected!?”

The leader threw off his cloak. His eyes caught sight of a lingering blue aura on the door handle and he groaned internally. “Of course, an alarm lock spell. Haven’t had to search for that in a while thanks to Synonym’s plant,” he thought.

Synonym and Triad pulled out daggers from underneath their robes and then threw them off. They both fluttered their wings. Triad began to hover, strapping the dagger to his right hoof which almost blended in with his grey coat. Synonym seemed to be prepared, lifting his one wing in front of him that was plated with metal across the feathers, creating a formidable shield. Flicker readied his horn.

“Don’t make us hurt you,” Synonym spoke from behind his barrier. “We’ll even let you keep the van.”

“As if Trixie would ever just let some gang of thugs rob her willingly,” she remarked, levitating her makeshift weapon for a moment to spit in his direction. “If you really think Trixie’s going to go down so easily, you’re going to find you’re dead wrong.”

“I wouldn’t expect any less from the lass who took down my buddy’s carnivorous plant friend, Allan.”

“Poor, poor Allan.”

Trixie cocked an eyebrow. “That was you!?”

Flicker rolled his eyes. “Of course. Travelers stop by that stream all the time. That wheel of yours, or… Rollando as you affectionately called it, was actually part of the last group and it just didn’t get… digested.”

Her eyes became seething with rage, losing any semblance of being a regular pony. “You lie! Rollando was trapped there!”

“Rollando is a hoofin’ wheel! He couldn’t lie to you any further than you could throw him.”

The pegasus popped his head up from behind his wall. “Hey, you were listening to me about those phrases.”

“Not now you thesaurus with legs.”

The blue mare turned her attention to each pony around her. Flicker could recognize the movements, her eyes following the exact patterns of attacks. Those subtle, flickering movements he had come to know about his friends. Her eyes trailed to Synonym’s nub and his slightly crooked back leg covered in scars that peered through his blue fur.

Next he noticed how she lingered on Triad’s dagger, likely guessing the length and reach of his attacks. He wasn’t sure if she saw his abnormal wing flap speeds, designed to snap into motion for a quick burst of speed. Triad wasn’t much for endurance though. He couldn’t keep anything up for more than three minutes.

Their eyes met and he saw his horns’ reflection in her eyes. It was just a matter of which hoof moved first. If it was her front left only, it would be an assault on Synonym first. He would raise his shield but falter backwards as he put stress on his leg. He’d swipe his wing, sending her backwards just enough for Triad to burst in and knock her sideways, possibly sending a slice up her torso.

If it was Triad first, he’d simply move out of the way, but that would be the perfect chance to see what the mare was capable of magic wise. He could use that brief moment of time to deduce how to act next.

If it was him, it would be more or less the same thing but with a whole lot of sparks and fire. With grass this dry, it would be easy to overwhelm her. Maybe after the sap drained off, she’d join them. It was how he recruited Synonym after his fight nearly two years ago.

Without warning, Trixie plunged the tooth into the ground and her horn flashed, sending a puff of smoke up from where she stood. The smoke enshrouded them and then was quickly dissipated by the soft breezes moving across the earth. All that was left was the tooth.

“She’s vanished! Disappeared! Evaporated!”

“Don’t let your guard down!” He looked over his shoulders and watched the movement of the grass. “It wasn’t a teleport spell, I know that much.”

“Where is she?”

The tooth floated in mid-air, covered in blue magic. It lunged at Flicker who deftly jumped out of the way, but not before it immediately came back and ran the tip across his right side, drawing a line of blood out of him. Instinctually, he spat short licks of flame out of his horn at the wound, temporarily sealing the wound.

The weapon floated for a moment, as if thinking. Without warning, it lunged at Triad. With great precision, he parried the oncoming blows. With a steady rhythm of three, he would block three times and then duck or dodge.

On the ninth successful block, the tooth cut along the strap of the dagger. His eyes went wide as his weapon stuck itself into the dirt just below him as the floating dagger charged at his face. Synonym jumped in between them, raising his shield in front of them both and pulling Triad to the ground, forming a dome of metal feathers around the two.

“Thanks a lot.”

“You got it.”

“That’s my bit.”

Flicker scanned the immediate vicinity. He couldn’t see any odd patches of grass that weren’t moving nor any blue glowing.
“Any time now, Flicker!” Synonym yelled, moving his shield around them as the blade attempted to strike from every which way.

“I’m thinking!” He aimed his horn at the dagger and attempted to seize it from the mastermind. It was a good trick, he’d have to admit. If she didn’t run the fang up his side earlier, maybe he would have let her live long enough to tell him. His magic struggled to gain control, aiming to grab any surface on the tooth he could; however, it was oil in his hooves and it simply kept slipping through.

His ear twitched and focused to his right. The caravan! He ran to the open door and wasn’t the least bit surprised when he saw his target. Trixie scowled at him. It that moment, Synonym clamped the steel feathers around the weapon, snaring it in his shield. She pulled with her magic as hard as she could, but she may have well been trying to move a mountain with a teaspoon in one scoop.

Flicker covered his nose when the appalling stench of the Aqueous fluid invaded his nose. She’s covered in it! He raised an eyebrow deviously. That also means it hasn’t worn off yet. Trixie leapt at the unicorn but was laughably tossed aside with a simple levitation spell. He pulled out the wheel she had… dealt with… and held it in front of him as the mare stood up, ready for another attack. “Stop, or the wheel gets it.”

~~~

As if you could hurt Rollando! She drags a hoof in the dirt. Rollando is the strongest person I know, he could steamroll you in an instant!

The stupid “thinks he’s better than Trixie” thief was about to say something, but stopped when he saw her face expression change wildly.

A what, Rollando? Confession?

…

You are WHAT!? Trixie dropped her rear into the dirt, emotionally defeated. Working with them this entire time, leading them to me!?

But… Rollando. I thought what we shared was special… and then you just come out and LIE to ME!?

Minotaur fists! How can you say what we had was real when you say something like this to Trixie!?

E-every word? You really meant it?

Even the first kiss?

She glared at the other two who shared unsure glances at one another.

S-so this is just it then? This is how you’re going to leave Trixie to hang out with these- these miscreants!? Misfits!?

“Hooligans? Morons? Deft R-“ The offending voice was slapped shut by another.

Come with you!? Why would Trixie ever want to come with you? How do I even know-

It’s easy to know Trixie is so pretty. Smooth talking won’t get you anywhere this time, Rollando.

Well, Trixie is strong.

A-and Trixie is a good leader.

Oh stop it, you’re just saying that to Trixie.

You really mean it, Rollando?

A happy life… together. Trixie… Trixie would like that very m- suddenly, everything goes dark.

~~~

The young mare fell limp to the ground. Triad’s hoof held itself in mid-air where he had knocked her aside the head and frowned. “I had enough.”

Flicker but down the wheel and sighed. “That was certainly entertaining,” he said, stepping over the now silent, smooth-talker Rollando. “What do we do now?”

Triad pointed to the nearby river. “We clean up.”

Synonym let go of the fang in his wing and caught it with his hoof. “This mare’s trouble. Even if we did convince her to join us, for how long would she stay?”

“Not very long,” Triad replied, tucking away his wings properly. He turned around and scooped his dagger out of the ground with his teeth and the strap forlorn in the grass a few feet away. He placed both back into an internal pocket of his cloak and then wrapped it around his body once more. Synonym followed the same, hiding away his steel shield.

“Synonym, you remember anything from when you went under the sap?”

He looked up. “No, not a thing.”

“Good.” Flicker looked at the caravan and the wheel. He magically hoisted the wheel up and into the mare’s home and then strapped himself to the front. He unwound the strap of cloth around the no-longer-Rollando and let it fly away in the calm breeze. “We’re going to get this back to the river where the Aqueous fly trap was and pretend nothing even happened. Oh, and we’re not going to loot this one. If she ever found out it was us-“

“Say no more,” the trio of words pony agreed.

A few hours later…

“Hey, hey are you ok? Miss? Miss?” A hoof prodded into Trixie’s side. At first she did not want to let the comfort of sleep slip so easily after what felt like a long rest, but she quickly realized the implications of a hoof prodding her side and jumped awake.

“Who are you!” she yelled, looking at three travelers with very concerned faces. His two friends in cloaks with their hoods down.

“We saw you lying down near the river bed next to this giant plant husk. We pulled you out and you’ve been asleep for a while. You looked ok but we thought we should wait until you woke up, just to make sure.” He looked at the plant with surprise. “Did you take this thing down?”

“Yes, Trixie did after it attacked me. Though… after I was almost swallowed it’s kind of fuzzy from there. Trixie supposes she probably doesn’t want to remember what happened after that.”

It was odd, but one of his companions frowned very hard at her from saying that. It was a stark contrast of unhappiness compared to his blue fur. She went for a response but was interrupted by the orange stallion in front of her. “Well, we’re just glad you’re ok. I didn’t have a towel so you can just keep my black cloak.”

She looked down at the ground and noticed the object he was talking about. “Oh, thank you. That’s very kind.” She looked over at her caravan and saw a wheel resting on it. It had a large crack running up the side. “To think, Trixie dived in to save this piece of junk.”

The trio watched in horror as the wheel was tossed back into the stream, making a large splash. Their eyes trailed of what was left of it until it sank out of view.

“Well, thank you. Can Trixie offer you three anything for helping fellow travelers? She’s a bit low on provisions but perhaps we could travel back into town together? I assume that’s where you’re headed?”

They exchanged glances before shaking their heads at one another. “Well, I do have to admit, I did go inside your caravan. The creature somehow wasn’t dead and it managed to get me good across the side. I, uh, used your cape for some rags. I’m very, very sorry about that.”

Trixie sighed. “I suppose that can’t be helped, I don’t think I stocked up on rags in the last town. A cloak for a cape, sounds like a fair trade to Trixie.” She eyed the burnt wound. “Healed that yourself, did you?”

“That noticeable?”

Trixie rolled her eyes. “Hold on.” She went inside and some shuffling noises were heard followed by the clinking of bottles and a cabinet door. She walked back outside, levitating a small bottle filled with a white cream. “This should help.”

The grey stallion walked up and placed a fair amount of bits in her hoof. “For the medicine.”

She shrugged and gracefully accepted it. “Thank you.” With a huff and a smile creeping on her face, she said, “Definitely enough to buy a new cape and some food.”

“We’ll be going now. The sun’s setting and we should get to town now. We don’t have a caravan like yours so-“

“Trixie understands. If you’re available, please come see Trixie’s next show! She’s been working on a new disappearing trick.”

The orange stallion smiled. “Sounds fun, I’d like that.”

And so ends our tale of Rollando.
As he dies-a-meter- underwater
He does not forget the radius of his thoughts
And how formulaic his love life must have been.
But he is strong, he will return himself to the earth.
He was, is, and always will be…
Rollando.