Twilight Sparkle waved to her departing friends from the door of her tree house as they headed to their respective homes. The night was clear and fresh, so they would have at least have the moonlight to guide them. She smiled as she watched them trotting down the snow-laden streets, the biting cold hardly fazing them. Their cheery singing kept their bodies and hearts warm, which seemed very appropriate, being it was Hearth's Warming Eve. Above her other friends, Twilight could hear Pinkie Pie lustily singing her best soprano for every solo verse. Her cries echoed through the darkened streets, a racket loud enough to raise the dead. A few perturbed ponies poked their heads out of their windows angrily.
"Do you have any idea what time it is??" Twilight heard one particularly upset pony shriek.
"It's time for verse two!" came Pinkie's cheery reply.
Chuckling to herself, Twilight turned back inside to face the mess left over from the party. Of course, Pinkie had insisted on having the Hearth's Warming Eve party in the library. She found the concept of a Hearth's Warming Eve Tree within another tree utterly amusing.
"A tree inside a tree?? C'mon! Who else gets to do that??" Pinkie had said in trying to convince Twilight to use the library for the party.
"Yeah, I guess I'm pretty lucky," Twilight had replied, rolling her eyes.
"I know, right? Oh! We could even have presents inside presents! And cupcakes inside cupcakes, and punch inside punch! Wait, how would that work?"
Twilight sighed heavily, wondering how Pinkie had roped her into this. She stared around at the colorfully strewn streamers, the punch stains on the rug, and empty packages inside other packages. She pushed wrapping paper and packages halfheartedly into a pile in the middle of the floor with her hoof, taking mental notes on who created the bigger mess. Pinkie Pie most definitely sealed first place with her modified party cannon, which had shot miniature cannons in the spirit of a "things-within-things" party. Twilight had been assured by Pinkie that the mini-cannons were edible, and the stains they left would come out of most fabrics. Not oddly, neither of these things reassured Twilight in the slightest. Rarity had certainly "wrapped up" second place with her excessive wrapping job on every present. Her gaudy bows, ribbons, and wrappings littered the floor like something out of a decorator's nightmare. Rainbow Dash and Applejack tied for third place with the aftermath of their cider chug competition, leaving empty cups strewn about the table and floor. As they had neared the end of their competition, they dropped all the rules, and simply went with "who will pass out first." Though both had laid into the cider barrel without mercy, neither one gave in. Both ended up leaving more cider on the floor than in their mouths. Twilight sighed again as she eyed the bizarre assortment of unfinished party food on the table. Somehow, Pinkie had managed to make her treats fit with the "things-within-things" theme. The product was not altogether the most appetizing. As if to emphasize this point, Spike suddenly emerged from the restroom, groaning in agony.
"Ugh," he moaned, "I think Pinkie put something weird in those cupcakes."
"Yeah, other cupcakes," smirked Twilight.
"I can't believe I was able to put down ten of those things!" burped Spike.
"Ten??" exclaimed Twilight. "We may need to pump your stomach!"
"Come on *urp* Twilight, they weren't that bad," said Spike, visibly struggling to keep his balance with his distended belly. "Pinkie put a lot of effort into *burp* those cupcakes."
"She put a lot of something into those....those things, and 'effort' is not the word I'd use for it." She looked over the buffet table, which was still seething with "food." Upon noticing Pinkie's abomination that was meant to be a fruit-cake, she felt her gag reflex attempt to void her bowels in protest. With great effort, she resisted the urge to vomit which would do no good, simply adding another mess to the floor. "Ugh! How are we supposed to dispose of these safely!? Burning them would pollute the atmosphere, and if we buried them they'd surely seep into the water table!" The thought of these repercussions sent a shudder down her spine.
"I say, *urp* leave it until tomorrow. This mess isn't going anywhere."
"Yes, and that's what I'm afraid of, Spike! One does not simply leave this mess alone!"
"I think you're over-estimating the decay rate on these things, Twilight," replied Spike sarcastically. "Their half-life shouldn't be much longer than-" A gurgling noise from Spike's stomach rudely interrupted their discourse. "Ugh, 'scuse me *burp* for one second, please?" said Spike, a claw over his mouth.
Twilight began tapping her hoof impatiently while Spike was in the restroom, still appalled by the sizable mess around her. The more she surveyed, the more appalled and impressed she became. Each time she looked, she could find something new she had not noticed in the morass before. It looked like PInkie had sunk two points in the wastebasket with her candy-cannon-spewing party cannon. Pinkie obviously wasn't aiming for points though, unless the high score meant burying the Self-Help section beneath her sugary cannons. And how in Equestria did Pinkie manage to get hoof prints on the undersides of the bookshelves?? Her horrific revelations were interrupted by a slam from the bathroom door, hailing the return of Spike. He stepped out with a sigh of relief.
"I think the storm has passed," he said as he let out his breath.
"Good," nodded Twilight, "because we need to start cleaning up after this storm." She gestured to the library in general, to which Spike responded with another painful groan and made an action as if to faint.
"Really? Tonight? I'm still not feeling too great! I'm still recovering from...." he gestured over his shoulder to the restroom.
"Oh, sweet Celestia!" grimaced Twilight, the stench suddenly hitting her. "You can start cleaning up whatever you left in there! Don't you know how to flush??"
"It seemed too much for the small pipes to handle!" pleaded Spike. "I figured I'd just let it sit and break up-"
"Aah-ah! I don't need to know!" interrupted Twilight, covering her nose and ears simultaneously. "Just clean it up, whatever it takes!"
While Spike plodded off to meet his grim fate, Twilight began scouring the floor for trash, or rather began scouring the trash for floor. "Of course two packages!" she grumbled to herself. "Two packages for every present! Why not another tree house even, to make another mess in! Honestly! Pinkie Pie and her cockamamie....hello! What's this?" Twilight was stooped over beneath the far side of the Hearth's Warming Eve Tree when she discovered an unopened package addressed to her. She smiled as she turned it over in her hooves, for she had held enough books to know what this present contained. "Hmm, odd," she thought, turning over the brightly wrapped package. "There's no way to tell who it's from." Her curiosity piqued, she tore through the wrapping excitedly while carefully ensuring the condition of its contents was not damaged. Within she found a letter addressed to her in elaborate gold ink, and, of course, a book. Carefully placing the latter on the floor, she opened the letter and began to read aloud.
"My faithful student, Twilight Sparkle,
This gift I give you for Hearth's Warming Eve has been of great use to me for many years. I am certain it is something that you will be able to use as well. A warm and heartfelt Hearth's Warming Eve to you!
You're mentor and friend,
Princess Celestia"
"Whad izzit?" asked Spike, entering the room with a clothespin on his snout, carrying a plunger and a very disagreeable odor. "Whad did yoo gedd?"
Twilight showed the book proudly to Spike, who slumped in disappointment.
"A book?" said Spike, removing the clothespin from his nose, "We've got hundreds of those already. You get books from your friends and family each birthday and holiday! You've gotten eleven, now twelve, from this Hearth's Warming Eve alone! That might be a new record...."
Twilight paid him no heed, as she was already nose-deep in the new book. She looked up with a grin. "Ha! You'll never guess what this is!" she said, waggling the book in front of Spike's face.
Spike merely rolled his eyes and shrugged. "Is it Princess Celestia's Guide to Rump-Kissing: Volume Three?"
"What?? No, Spike! Why would she give me that??"
"Rats. I really hoped her next volume was out," Spike said with a sigh. "I guess you're right then, Twilight. I'll never guess what it is."
"It's titled, Essentials for Castle Cleanliness, and it outlines autonomous enchantments for cleaning implements!" Twilight was positively bursting with excitement at the utter practicality of this wonderful gift.
"You know, Twilight, you may be the only pony I know that could get so excited over a book about chores."
"Funny, isn't it?" said Twilight, once again ignoring Spike. "It's like Princess Celestia knew that I would need this book for just this purpose!"
"Well, she may have known about the party at least," said Spike as he scratched his chin. "I seem to recall seeing her name on Pinkie's guest list, underneath the C's."
Twilight continued to peruse the chapters of her new book, her exuberance building with each new spell. "This is fantastic! It has spells for mopping, sweeping, dusting, polishing, weeding, pruning, plumbing..."
"Does this mean no more bathroom cleaning?" said Spike, excitedly dropping his plunger.
Twilight peered over the pages with a raised eyebrow. "You haven't finished yet, Spike?"
"I'm almost done," he replied, "I just need to-" he was interrupted by another low growl from his stomach. He doubled over in pain, clutching his tumultuous tummy. "Ugh. Maybe we should just board up the bathroom for a day or so after I'm through, huh?"
Twilight shook her head and sighed heavily. "Cupcakes will be kept under lock and key hereafter!" she groaned, "As far as the bathroom goes, we may need something more drastic."
Spike furrowed his brow with a grumble. "Drastic" typically translated to "give-Spike-double-chores-during-nap-time," and he had an extra-relaxing nap planned the next day. He quickly devised an alternate method that would spare his precious resting period. "What if we just give it a Code 7? I've never pressed that button before anyway."
Twilight eyed Spike severely. "You know, 'Code 7' is only employed during extreme magic-related disasters."
"Oh," said Spike glumly, "I guess I wouldn't rank this quite a Code 7. Maybe more of a Code 4?"
"Precisely," said Twilight, turning back to her new book. "And what better way to employ Code 4 than with some new magic?"
Spike hesitated, now wondering if his nap still took precedence. "Didn't the last Code 4 set the library on fire?"
"Hey, It was an accident!" retorted Twilight with a huff. "Besides, it removed the wasp nest, didn't it?"
"Well, that, and half of the History section, but whatever you say. I'll get a bucket of water ready," said Spike rushing to the closet.
Twilight rolled her eyes and continued to scan the pages of her book. "Hmmm, let's see here...P...P...P....aha! Plungers, page 174!" Turning to the desired page, she reviewed the spell inscribed there. She screwed her face up in concentration as she stared at the plunger lying on the floor. A purple aura surrounded it and it was lifted from the ground. The hapless plunger began to twist and contort as Twilight focused her effort on applying the enchantment to it. The aura surrounding it became a bright and constant luminous essence. The contortions became more and more severe; it was a marvel the plunger didn't break from its own convulsions. Suddenly, there was a loud CRACK, followed by a brief flash of white light that filled the library with sudden agitation. Twilight was forced to shield her eyes from the light with her forehoof. Spike entered the room with his bucket of water just as the flash went off. He was so startled that he dropped the bucket, spilling water all over the floor.
"Gah! Wha-? Hit the duck! Er...Deck and cover! Stop, drop, and roll!" Spike cried as he leaped to the floor, covering his head with his claws.
Twilight lowered her hoof to see if her spell had taken the desired effect. "Spike! Get up and take a look at this!" she said, beaming radiantly.
Cautiously, Spike peaked out from between a space in his claws and sighed with relief. "Whew, no scorch marks or craters. Now, what is it I should be looking at?"
No longer basked in purple aura, the plunger stood erect before the two of them, hovering a foot above the ground.
"It's been enchanted with an autonomous cleaning spell!" Twilight pronounced. "You can command it to do whatever chores you want, relating to it's purpose of course, and it will do them for you!"
Spike narrowed his eyes and stroked his chin. "Hmmm, command? So, I could just say 'clean the toilet,' and-"
No sooner had the words escaped his lips did the plunger zip off towards the bathroom, clipping the door as it did. A moment later, squelching and sloshing noises could be heard through the door. Twilight gave a little squee of delight at the instant success of her spell. Spike gagged in disgust.
"Ugh, you wouldn't be so giddy if you knew what that thing is sloshing around in."
"Spike!" she said, again not noticing his statement, "gather as many cleaning implements as you can here! We're going to need several brooms, mops, dusters, and sponges if we are to clean this mess up tonight!"
Saluting smartly, Spike rushed off to gather implements from throughout the library.
"We are going to make this place sparkle, or my name isn't Twilight Sparkle!"
******
Discord couldn't help but give a small chuckle at Twilight's decisive statement. "We are going to make this place sparkle, or my name isn't Twilight Sparkle!" he said to himself in a mocking high-pitched voice. Teasing charades were one of his favorite pastimes, second only to extreme Airborne Artichoke Croquette.
"Oh dear!" he continued as he put his claws to his cheeks, feigning horror in his Twilight-impression, "Somepony has alphabetized the books by title instead of author! Who would have the gall to do such a thing??" He doubled over in laughter, nearly falling from his miniature throne of ice he had situated on the windowsill. Upon regaining himself, he looked on into the library with a mixture of amusement and disgust at the display unfolding before him. Within, Twilight and Spike were scattering willy-nilly in their vain attempt to clean the library. "Such a lovely plethora of plastered pastries," sighed Discord with a hint of longing. "Twilight has such a sickening disparagement of the finer disasters in life! I'm so glad my book is going to somepony who needs it." Absently, Discord began tossing about the snow-globe that was meant to be Twilight's gift from the princess. Celestia has such a drab imagination. His gift was infinitely better.
"I admit, adding the chapter about plunger enchantments may have been a tad cruel," he thought tapping his chin pensively. "Ah, who am I trying to kid?" he said with a grin. He could tell that this was going to be more fun than the Rubber Band Fiasco of '87. Though rubber tubas were wonderful in their own respect, to watch Twilight Sparkle cast the spells Discord himself had engineered would be nothing short of a spectacle.
"A show as promising as this needs a theater audience!" he said, quickly accommodating his statement by creating multiples of himself in the windowsill, with proportional amphitheater to seat the masses. He grabbed a bag of popcorn from a copy passing down the aisle and kicked his feet up on the seat in front of him. "Shhph!" he mumbled at his noisy selves between mouthfuls of popcorn, "the lights are dimming! Itsth sthtarting!"
