The Hangover: Equestria Edition

by ToixStory

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Adventure, Pinkie Pie, Sex, Twilight Sparkle, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash
Length: 10188

It's like The Hangover, but with the Friendship is Magic cast.

Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, and Pinkie Pie travel to Las Pegas for a bachelorette party to celebrate their friend Rarity's impending marriage. However, after awakening from a long night of partying, Twilight, Rainbow, and Pinkie find they have no memory of the night before and must race against time and across Equestria's infamous city of sin to find Rarity so the wedding can occur.

Published 2012-03-06 20:54:02 UTC
Last updated 2012-03-06 20:54:02 UTC

The Hangover

Applejack angrily sat the phone back in its cradle. The casino said they hadn’t seen her friends since they checked out this morning. She was going to try the Flamingo again when the phone rang on its own accord; Applejack picked it up. “Hello?”

“Applejack?”

The orange pony rose from her plush seat in the Royal Princess Wedding Chapel, barely avoiding tipping over a pile of cupcakes. “Rainbow Dash, where in the hay have ya’ll been? Everpony’s been worried sick!”

“Yeah, listen,” Dash replied, pacing around the ruined delivery carriage. Twilight Sparkle and Pinkie Pie sat inside the vehicle, dazed and exhausted. The wind whipped sand around the pay phone, sitting beside the empty highway. “We bucked up.”

< o 0 o >

“Woohoo, Pegas, Las Pegas, baby!” Pinkie Pie yelled out the window to nopony in particular.

“It was so nice of the Cakes to let us borrow their delivery carriage,” Twilight said, her magic powering the vehicle in lieu of a driver. Rarity nodded in happy agreement as she carefully steered through the slower-moving, pony-drawn traffic.

“We’d be getting there so much faster if you let me drive,” Rainbow Dash said grumpily, her hooves crossed over her chest.

“Absolutely not!” Rarity replied, not taking her eyes off the road. “I promised Mr. Cake I would be the only one to drive his carriage.”

“Come on, you guys know I’m a great driver,” Rainbow argued.

Twilight laughed. “Yeah, just ask the owner of that bar in Manehattan.”

“Hey, those charges were dropped!”

Rarity laughed a little and said, “Be a dear and tell them, Pinkie.”

Pinkie Pie stuck her head back into the carriage, her mane sticking straight out from the side of her head from the wind. “Guys, this is the Cakes’s only carriage, if we hurt it, they will be super-duper mad at me!” Rainbow rolled her eyes and lay back in her seat.

“Ooh, look!” Pinkie cried a few minutes later. “There’s the city!”

* * *

As the small, bright-red carriage rose drove over the crest of a hill, Las Pegas came into view. The city itself was impressive, houses and businesses defiantly rising out the desert. That wasn’t what ponies came to the city for, however. What everypony came for was the Las Pegas Strip, the row of casinos, resorts, hotels, and every sort of odd and end that was situated just outside of the actual city limits of Las Pegas. In the heat of the day, the entire Strip seemed to sparkle like a thousand diamonds as light reflected off the windows of the many buildings. Rarity steered through the traffic on Las Pegas Boulevard, heading for their hotel. All four ponies gawked as they looked at the city around them.

Pinkie Pie cried, “Look!” as the Neighllagio’s famous water jets activated.

Their hotel, when they finally arrived, looked much different than the buildings around it. Whereas most of the casinos sought to style themselves after the unicorn designs of Canterlot Castle, this casino instead modeled itself after the ancient city of Pegasopolis. A valet team took their carriage away, leaving the four ponies with only their saddlebags. Well, three saddlebags and a saddlesatchel.

A blue-orange mare behind the lobby’s front desk greeted them, saying, “Welcome to Hurricane’s Palace! How may I help you?”

“Yeah, we have a reservation under Captain Dash,” the rainbow-maned flier said, approaching the desk.

“Dash, you’re Captain of the Ponyville weather team,” Twilight said.

“It still counts!” Rainbow Dash shot back. The mare behind the counter simply smiled and started flipping through her ledger book.

“Excuse me, is this hotel Pinkie Pie sense friendly?” Pinkie asked, looking around.

“What do you mean?” the secretary asked, her smile beginning to flake.

“I just saw something fall and I didn’t feel anything!” the exasperated pony cried, eliciting a few glances from other ponies in the lobby.

The orange-maned mare’s poker face fell as she said, “I’m sure your, uh, senses will return in your room.” She turned back to Rainbow and company and, changing the subject, told them, “Which will be a lovely two-bedroom suite, all the way up on the 12th floor!”

“You mean we have to share beds?” Rarity asked in horror.

“I call bunking with the bride!” Pinkie Pie cried at the same time, hugging the seamstress’s leg.

Rainbow Dash set her forehooves on the counter of the desk and leaned across. “Whoa there sister, we are not sharing beds!”

The flustered secretary looked down at her ledger and told them, “Well there is one villa available, but it’s 4200 for the night.”

“Is it awesome?” Pinkie asked, still hanging onto her friend’s leg.

“It’s pretty awesome,” the secretary assured them, her company’s smile returning to her face.

“We’ll take it,” Rainbow Dash told her. “Twilight, give her your card.”

“Uh, Dash, I can’t,” she replied.

“Here, we’ll just split it,” Rarity said, magically taking out a credit card of her own.

“No, are you crazy?” Rainbow Dash exclaimed. “This is your bachelorette party, it’s on us.” She tapped Twilight on her last word.

“You don’t understand,” Twilight explained, “Princess Celestia gave me this card; she checks my statements.”

At the utterance of the Princess’s name, the mare behind the desk hurriedly told them, “Well we don’t actually charge you until you check out; we just need the card on file. You girls can figure it out before you have to pay.” Rainbow Dash gestured with her eyes at Twilight, then at the secretary. The horned librarian sighed and placed her credit card on the desk, Princess Celestia’s symbol in the corner of the plastic.

The secretary thanked them and swiped the card, then handed it back to Twilight. “You’re all set, enjoy our stay,” she said.

“Did the real Commander Hurricane ever stay here?” Pinkie asked, looked around at all the ancient Pegasopolis-themed architecture and paintings. The secretary didn’t reply and instead handed Twilight the room key.

* * *

Stepping into the villa was like stepping into a different world for three of the ponies, a world of money and style. To Rarity, it was like walking into a hotel room.

“This place is great!” Pinkie cried, bouncing on one of the massive, princess-sized beds.

“So awesome!” Rainbow Dash agreed, her saddlebag already full of drinks from the mini fridge.

“Thank you, Twilight,” Rarity called from her room’s wardrobe.

“You’re welcome, Rarity.” Twilight gazed out the plate-glass windows of the room, looking out across the Las Pegas Strip. It was dark now, but the city was just as buzzing now as in the day; a thousand lights reflected off the glass.

“Alright ladies,” Dash said. “Pick a room and get cleaned up, let’s meet back here in 30 minutes.”

* * *

Rainbow Dash walked into the villa’s main room to find Twilight pacing in front of the windows, her mane wrapped in a towel. The outfit she was supposed to be wearing lay across a nearby chair, and she held the room’s phone in her hand.

“Yes, Princess, the ride to Trottingham was fine; we just got in, in fact.” She motioned for Dash to stay quiet while she talked. The Pegasus just rolled her eyes and sipped at a glass of, unfortunately nonalcoholic, apple cider.

“You’re right it is nice this time of year.” Twilight continued. “What are we going to do?” Pause. “Oh, we just might retire early, we’ve got a big day tomorrow!” She listened for a minute more and then said goodbye, hanging up the phone on its cradle.

“There is no way that’s healthy,” Rainbow Dash pointed out, lounging on one of the villa’s amazingly-soft chairs.

“She’s just looking out for me,” Twilight replied. She unwrapped her mane and let it flop around. “Like a mother.”

Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. “Twilight, you already have a mom.”

“Is she done talking to the warden yet?” Rarity asked as she walked into the room, Pinkie Pie in tow. Twilight rolled her eyes and looked away. Rarity had opted to wear a light evening dress for the occasion, and Pinkie had her satchel slung across her back.

“Honestly Pinkie,” Rarity said, “I don’t know how you can wear that atrocious thing in public.”

Pinkie PIe laughed and swung the satchel around her neck like a hula hoop. “Daring Do wears one,” she said. “Right Dashie?” Rainbow Dash just sighed and shook her head.

“So what are we doing first?” Rarity asked, breaking the silence. Rainbow Dash smirked and moved toward the door.

“Follow me, I’ll show you.”

An elevator ride later, they had arrived at the roof of the building. “Is this it?” Ponyville’s top dressmaker asked. Above the hotel was a patch of clouds, to complete the Pegasi look the hotel had been going for. Rainbow Dash flew up and gathered a batch of clouds while Twilight bathed them all in her magic. The top of the clouds held a far superior view of the city, and they all gathered on the edge to look.

“Simply beautiful,” Rarity said, her eyes twinkling as she watched the bustle down below. Pinkie Pie reached inside her satchel and brought out a bottle of apple-flavored whiskey.

“I brought this just in case,” she explained, somehow managing to speak with the glass container in her mouth. Twilight levitated the bottle from Pinkie Pie, and shot glasses from the mare’s bag.

“Apple Family Whiskey,” Rainbow Dash read from the label. “Hey Rarity, guess you’re going to have to get used to this stuff, eh?” The white unicorn shook her head and laughed, but quickly grew more serious.

Taking a, now-full, glass from Twilight, Rarity held it in the air. “Girls, I would like to propose a toast. Just a few short years ago, I was somewhat of loner, a herd of one, if you will. But, thanks to all my friends I can stand here today with you, ready to be married one day from tomorrow.” She smiled. “You three truly are the greatest friends a mare could ask for.” Four shot glasses clinked together.

* * *

The door shut, waking Pinkie Pie up. She groaned and sat up, blinking rapidly. The groans grew louder as she grabbed her head. Still, she managed to get to her feet and stumble, half-blind to the bathroom. She had never had to go so badly in her life! Pinkie had just sat down, however, when she noticed the bathroom hadn’t been empty when she walked in.

“Twilight!” she screamed as she ran out of the bathroom, tripping over Rainbow Dash.

Waking up, the rainbow-maned Pegasus rubbed her eyes and said, “Pinkie, what the buck are you talking about?” Her eyes widened as she looked around the villa, which might as well have been hit by one of her team’s most powerful tornadoes. It was possible not a single area of the room was clean.

“What happened last night?” she asked. “And why does my head hurt so much?”

Pinkie Pie, cowering behind the couch, only responded, “There’s something in the bathroom!”

“What are you talking about?” Rainbow Dash said, slowly walking toward the water closet and opening the door. “There’s nothing in-” She yelled and dashed out the bathroom as quickly as she could.

Panting, she said, “Why is there a bucking phoenix in the bathroom?!”

“A what?” Twilight asked, shaking her head as she walked over to them.

“There’s a full-grown phoenix in the bathroom!” Pinkie shouted, pushing Twilight toward the door. “You have to see it!”

“Pinkie, I don’t think I need to-” she began, but was stopped when she saw the intruder. Unlike with the two previous ponies, the phoenix didn’t squawk or flame up at Twilight, but instead crowed happily. “W-why is Philomeena in our bathroom?”

* * *

Twilight sat with her head between her hooves, trying not to move. Pinkie Pie tapped her on the shoulder.

“Are you okay?” she asked.

Twilight picked her head up groggily and replied, “Yes, Pinkie, I just feel a little light-headed.”

Pinkie giggled and pointed to Twilight’s head. “Of course you feel light-headed silly, your horn’s gone!” Twilight’s eyes shot open as she frantically grabbed her head, only to find hair and smooth skin.

“No, no, this isn’t happening!” From what she felt, there wasn’t even a single mark or abrasion on her head; it was like she had never even been a unicorn. Her eyes started to tear up until Rainbow Dash burst into the room.

“Rarity’s gone,” she stated, striking her hooves on the villa’s bar for finality. “I checked her room; everything in there is normal except for her.”

“Great,” Twilight said, “We’ve lost something else.”

“Hey, the earth pony look works for you,” Rainbow Dash said. “Though I don’t think the leg band is your style.”

Twilight looked down in confusion to see that, indeed, there was flowery-looking, stretchy band wrapped around her left foreleg. Normally, that would bother her, but today it was the least of her problems. “Do you think Rarity went downstairs to find something to eat?” she asked, putting her leg back down.

Rainbow Dash shrugged and was about to speak when all the three ponies heard a faint noise; it sounded like a foal crying. Wordlessly, they followed the sound until they came to a hall closet.

Opening the door, they found a young foal curled up on the floor, crying loudly.

“Twilight, there’s a foal in our closet,” Rainbow Dash stated, in shock. Pinkie Pie, however, was quick to pick the crying foal up into her hooves and gently rock him, cooing all along.

“Can we keep him?” she asked, eyes shining. “Pinkie, he’s a foal. He’s somepony’s child, not a pet.”

“I think I’ll name him George,” she replied happily.

* * *

Sitting at a poolside table, Twilight racked her brain to remember the night before.

“Okay, so we know Rarity was with us at the Hard Tom, right?” she asked. Pinkie Pie stopped pining over the baby for a second to shake her head yes.

“She was with us when we played craps at the Unicornian, and we drank at the Grand.”

Twilight was forced to use her mouth to hold a pen to write down their timeline; it was so uncivilized. “So we have a 12 hour period that we can’t remember, and we could have lost Rarity anytime in there.”

Pinkie Pie brushed the foal’s bright green coat and silvery mane. “I wonder if I could teach him to do tricks,” she mumbled under her breath.

“Don’t you take care of the Cakes’s foals everyday?” Twilight asked, but got no answer. Rainbow Dash returned to the table with a pair of sunglasses on her face.

“Want some carrot juice?” Twilight asked, sliding the glass over. Dash promptly threw up a little onto the ground.

“I’ll take that as a no.”

“Did you think of anything?”

Twilight shoved the notepad in front of her friend.

“That’s not much,” Rainbow Dash said at last, settling into a chair.

“It’s the best we’ve got,” Twilight replied, “But we still need somewhere to start.”

“Hey girls, what’s this?” Pinkie asked as she pulled out a small necklace from her satchel. On the necklace was a single charm, a pink flamingo.

“Pinkie, that’s a great idea; empty out your bag!” Twilight exclaimed. The satchel’s contents spilled onto the table, and the three ponies sorted through them.

“I’ve got a credit ticket from the Neighllagio,” Rainbow Dash said, “We’ve got an account there with 300 bits on it.” Twilight held up a valet ticket.

“Looks like we got back at 6:02 this morning.”

“Ugh, we drove?” Rainbow Dash asked, picking through casino chips and empty cans.

“We stayed somewhere else, too,” Pinkie said, holding up a sheet of paper encased in plastic.

“Let me see that,” Twilight said, snatching it away. “It says Rainbow Dash checked into the Puddinghead Memorial Hospital last night.”

“Are you okay?” Pinkie asked, trying to keep the foal from swallowing a playing card.

“Yes, Pinkie, I’m fine,” Rainbow Dash replied.

“This is good, this a lead,” Twilight said, starting to stuff everything back into Pinkie’s bag. “Come on, let’s go. The faster we start looking, the faster we’ll find Rarity.”

* * *

Dark clouds boomed above them as they waited for the valet to get their car.

“Clouds been going crazy all day,” a richly-dressed stallion said, making conversation. “I heard it’s really bad at the Neighllagio.”

“Why doesn’t the weather team just clear it up?” Rainbow Dash asked. The wealthy pony shrugged.

“Maybe they’re out of town.”

Twilight, meanwhile, was asking Pinkie Pie, “Do you really think we should spend more time taking the Cakes’s carriage?”

Pinkie, George strapped to her back with a foal’s carrier they had found, replied, “I’m sure they’ll be fine with it, it’s not like we have a choice.”

The valet chose that opportune moment arrive with their vehicle.

“Mr. Valet-guy?” Twilight asked. “I think you’ve got the wrong carriage.” The valet handed them the ticket from inside the vehicle, Twilight’s name clearly written.

“Sweet!” Rainbow Dash cried when she saw their new mode of transportation. Instead of the Cakes’s big, clunky delivery carriage, in front of them sat an Equestrian Royal Police Chariot. It’s gold sides shone in the light, and the interior had plump, maroon cushions.

“Shotgun!” Pinkie called as she hopped into the chariot. Twilight took the helm of the vehicle, and was ready to start it, when she remembered her horn. Slapping her forehead, she asked, “Rainbow Dash, you mind pulling?”

“Are you kidding?” she replied, “This, I can drive.”

* * *

“Official police business!” Rainbow Dash had been calling to everypony who looked up at them for the past half-hour. Most vehicles, even those pulled by Pegasi, weren’t allowed in the air due to traffic and security reasons; but the Royal Police had no such problem.

They arrived at the hospital, but Twilight could immediately see something was wrong. Other police chariots, these painted the more utilitarian black, were ringed around one part of the building.

“Set us down farther away,” Twilight ordered. Rainbow Dash complied, grumbling the whole time. Walking up to the crime scene, Twilight could see a small group of ponies gathered around a burned-out vehicle. On their backs they wore vests with three letters on them: CSI.

The area around the carriage was covered in slogans such as, “Anarchy in the EK!” and “Down with the Tyrant!” All written in Twilight’s hoofwriting, of course. An older, gray-maned stallion and a yellow mare approached them, CSI vests on their backs.

“This is a crime scene, ladies, I’m going to have to ask you to leave,” the mare said.

“Uh, sorry,” Twilight replied, “We were just here last night and wanted to see what happened.”

The stallion, his attention grasped, ordered, "Saddle, can you get me a statement from these three?"

The mare, Saddle, turned back to them and explained, "Somepony caught the medical director's car on fire and spray-painted the entire area; we're investigating if this was a deliberate attack on him, did you ladies happen to see anything that might help us?"

Rainbow Dash shook her head. "We don't remember anything from last night, only that I checked in here." She held up the hospital tag.

Saddle laughed, saying, "We get ponies like you from time to time, a little too much cider and you wake up with nothing but a hangover and bad dreams." Her brow furrowed when she looked at Twilight again, and approached her. Pointing to her leg, Saddle continued, "And if that's the case, you may want to have that looked at."

"What, why?" Twilight said, backing up. She clutched the hoof with the flower-band to her chest, like she was injured.

"That's a Trotmon wedding band, if you're wearing one of those, you just got hitched." "I-I got married?" Twilight cried. Saddle shrugged, but with sympathy in her eyes. "Look," she said. “Like I said, stuff like this happens around here from time to time. The only place in Las Pegas that does Trotmon weddings in Golden Belle's, and I can give you three the address if you want."

"What about your investigation?" Rainbow Dash asked, suspicion flavoring her voice.

Saddle laughed and shook a hoof in the Pegasus's direction. "Like I said, we get ponies like you all the time; you don't remember anything, and even if you did, your word wouldn't do anything for a judge anyways." She patted Twilight on the shoulder. "It'll be okay; now go on, get out of here."

"You're always too easy on the tourists," Saddle's boss said. She shrugged; she knew that he was right, but wasn’t going to start apologizing for it, certainly not after so long.

"Now, come on, Sarah, how about we go grab some breakfast?"

Saddle smiled and happily, and hungrily, agreed.

* * *

Golden Belle’s Marriage Chapel turned out to be even less glamorous than the worn-out sign by the highway made it out to be. Still, Golden Belle, the proprietor, seemed like a nice enough mare to Twilight.

“There’s the lucky mare!” she called as Twilight and her friends walked in.

“Right, that’s me,” Twilight answered.

Rainbow Dash trotted in behind her, grumbling about finding a parking spot. Pinkie Pie had refused to leave George back in the chariot, and so walked in last.

When she saw her, Golden Belle called out, “And the bride, too! Quite the first day, eh?” Twilight walked up to where Golden Belle stood, at the front of the small, chair-filled room that made up 90% of the building.

“Excuse me?” she asked.

“What, you don’t remember?” Golden Belle asked, laughing. “Of course, all four of you were pretty bucked up at the time.” She slapped her knee, then pointed from Pinkie Pie to Twilight.

“You two, you’re married!”

For the second time that day, Twilight’s jaw dropped. Inwardly, she screamed; this day was already too much for her.

“So you’re saying, we came here last night, and Pinkie and I...got married?” Golden Belle held up a color picture, showing her and Pinkie Pie drunkenly kissing at the front of the chapel, dressed in horribly-tacky, bright-blue gowns.

“This can’t be happening!” Twilight bemoaned, her hooves over her head.

Pinkie Pie had started flinging George up in the air, saying, “Here that George? You’ve got two mommies!” Rainbow Dash, worse, was rolling on the floor, laughing out loud.

“Real supportive, Dash,” Twilight growled.

Rainbow Dash, picking herself off the floor, replied, “Hey, I’m just trying to welcome you to the club.”

“At least you can remember your wedding,” Twilight said, then turned back to Golden Belle. “Is there any way we can get this annulled?” The ever-smiling mare almost looked hurt.

“I don’t like to do it, but I can get it annulled.”

“Great!” Twilight exclaimed, but Golden Belle held up a hoof.

“One catch, though,” she said. “This was a Trotmon wedding; a third party is required to perform the ceremony, as well to getting it annulled.”

“Alright, I’m here, and I agree to get it annulled,” Rainbow Dash said. “See, that wasn’t hard.”

Golden Belle grabbed another picture, this one a much larger print, and held it up for Twilight to see.

“Your third party wasn’t your Pegasus friend.” Twilight looked at the picture, first with puzzlement, then with horror.

“As if this day couldn’t get any worse...” Pinkie Pie walked up next to Twilight and looked at the picture too.

“Hey!” she cried, “It’s Trixie!”

* * *

Twilight found banging her horn-less head against the side of the police chariot to be oddly cathartic. Pinkie Pie was even more giddy before, walking back to the chariot with her satchel full of wedding “souvenirs.”

“Did you really the need the commemorative galoshes?” Twilight asked. “You don’t even wear galoshes.”

“Well, maybe I will,” Pinkie replied, getting into the chariot. “Besides, maybe you should be a little more supportive around our foal.”

Twilight had given up arguing, and went back to slowly breaking her head in half. Rainbow Dash stumbled back out of the shop, having taken full advantage of Golden Belle’s commemorative bottles of whiskey.

“Should you be driving?” Twilight asked when Rainbow Dash couldn’t seem to even strap herself to the chariot.

“You know I fly best when I’m a little buzzed,” she slurred.

Before she could get off the ground, however, a couple of burly stallions walked into the chapel’s parking lot.

“Where’s the money?” the bigger of the two yelled, brandishing a tire iron. The stallion next to him held a crowbar.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Twilight said, sounding much more brave than she felt.

“We know you know,” the big one said again, hitting his weapon against the side of the chariot.

“There’s a baby in here!” Pinkie yelled as George started to cry.

“Awe, too bad,” the littler enforcer mocked, moving around to the open backside of the chariot. “Why don’t I give him something to really cry about?”

Smoke poured from Pinkie’s nostrils and her eyes lit up like the flames of hell.

“Nopony threatens my foal!” she yelled, bucking the stallion in the face so hard it sent the burly idiot across the concrete parking lot.

“Go!” Twilight cried, the other stallion momentarily distracted. Rainbow Dash didn’t need any more encouragement and leaped into the air, soon leaving the wedding chapel far behind.

* * *

Golden Belle had given them the address to Trixie’s apartment, far outside the Strip and in the actual town of Las Pegas. Twilight knocked on the door, eliciting a cry of, “Just a minute!’ from the inside.

A short time later, the door swung open, and there stood Trixie, looking so much the same as when she had first come to Ponyville.

“Well if it isn’t Twilight Sparkle and her blushing bride,” the former traveling entertainer said. “Please, come in, come in!”

“I’m so sorry about this morning,” Trixie said. “I left to go get some coffee for us, but when I came back Houdini and the three of you were all gone!” She nuzzled the foal’s cheek, who gurgled happily. “I was so worried!” Her tone was lighter than her old magician’s inflection.

The edges of Pinkie’s hair had begun to straighten themselves as Trixie took the foal away from her.

“He’s yours?” she asked quietly.

Trixie shook her head. “He’s my little brother-in-law, he’s just staying with me for a few days.”

“He looked more like a George to me too,” Twilight said, placing a hoof on Pinkie Pie’s shaking shoulder.

“So we want to know, what happened last night?” Rainbow Dash asked. “And was Rarity with us?”

Trixie set some cups of tea on the table in front of the couch that the three of them were sitting on.

“What, were you too drunk to remember?” Trixie asked. “Of course Rarity was with you!”

“We’re just having a hard time...recalling anything that happened to us last night,” Rainbow Dash explained.

“Well, we all met up at my work,” Trixie began.

“Are you still an entertainer?” Twilight cut in.

Trixie’s smile was uneasy as she answered, “Of sorts.”

“Anyway,” she said, turning back to Rainbow Dash and continuing, “I had to pry those two off each other long enough to explain that you could get a Trotmon marriage in one day; being one myself I could represent them in the ceremony. They got married in about five minutes and got back to snogging, end of story.”

Twilight and Pinkie Pie scooted every-so-slightly apart.

“And you just let them?” Rainbow Dash asked, almost spilling her tea.

Trixie glared at Twilight. “When somepony keeps threatening to tell everypony about a certain incident in Ponyville, then one really has no choice.”

Twilight looked away and pretended to be profoundly interested in the floral curtains on the windows.

Rainbow Dash stood up and walked to where Trixie sat holding her brother. She sighed.

“We need your...help.” A flicker of a smile appeared on the entertainer’s lips.

“Can you agree to get this marriage annulled?”

Trixie laughed, flinging a hoof in the air.

“Oh, this is rich, isn’t it?” she said. “Your friends beg me for an hour to get married, and when they sober up they need my help again!”

After she calmed down a little, she told them, “Yes, Trixie will help, but only if-”

She was interrupted by her door crashing down, and a group of Pegasi guards swarming through the door.

* * *

“What took y’all so long to call, are you on the road yet?” Applejack asked when she picked up the phone.

“Well, about that...” Rainbow Dash answered. She was standing at the police station’s pay phone, attached via hoofcuff to Pinkie Pie. Twilight moped on a bench in the station’s holding room, also attached to Pinkie. In the afternoon, the holding room was pretty much empty, the only other pony in the room was some petty thief off in the corner of the large room, and of course the steely-eyed guard.

“We thought it would be a great idea if, instead of coming back all tired today, we drove back tomorrow, fresh and ready for the wedding,” Rainbow Dash explained.

“That makes sense, uh, ‘ah guess,” Applejack said, “But could I at least speak to Rarity?” Rainbow Dash’s eyes widened.

Nervously coughing, she explained, “Well, uh, we had this idea that we’re not supposed to, um, talk to each other’s spouses until tomorrow; you know, bachelorette party stuff.”

“Well, uh, okay, but are you sure-” Applejack replied, but Rainbow Dash was quick to cut her off.

“Yep, definitely sure, in fact, there’s Rarity now, she wants us to go swimming with her, bye!”

Applejack looked at the buzzing phone in her hoof. “Swimming?” she said aloud.

Rainbow Dash let out a sigh of relief as she hung up the phone.

“Does she suspect anything?” Twilight asked.

Rainbow Dash shrugged and said, “I don’t know, but as long as she doesn’t call before we can find Rarity.”

“Hey guys, look!” Pinkie Pie exclaimed holding up her, now hoofcuff-less, hooves.

“Uh, Pinkie Pie, how did you do that?” Twilight asked. Before the energetic party pony could answer, a large Pegasi policepony walked in and motioned for them to follow him. Pinkie Pie quickly clicked the hoofcuffs back in place.

* * *

They were told to sit on one side of a bare, steel table. The room they were in was made of bare concrete, and the only decoration was a one-way mirror on one wall. The door opened behind them and two policeponies walked in, one a stallion and the other a mare.

Taking their place across the table from the three Ponyvillites, the stallion stomped a hoof down on the table.

“So I bet you three think it’s real bucking funny to steal a police chariot, don’t you?”

“Well, you see...” Twilight began, but was interrupted by the policemare.

“Answer the colt’s question!” she shouted.

“No, we don’t think it’s funny,” Rainbow Dash replied.

“I thought it was a little funny,” Pinkie Pie piped up, to be elbowed in the ribs by both her friends. The two policeponies stared at them angrily.

“Honestly, we can’t remember anything from last night,” Rainbow Dash pleaded, tugging at her hoofcuffs.

“Oh, so you don’t remember taking the Lieutenant’s chariot and leaving your carriage behind with a note saying, ‘Fair trade’?” the mare asked.

“I’m, uh, guessing your the Lieutenant?” Twilight asked, looking at the stallion.

The Lieutenant glared at her, then turned back to Rainbow Dash.

“Lucky for you punks, you’ll be able to appear before Celestia on Monday to plead for your carriage back.”

“C-Celestia?” Twilight stammered. “We can’t wait until Monday!” Rainbow Dash said, her eyes pleading.

The policemare shrugged. “Not my problem.”

“Well, it would really be a shame if the Princess finds out that some of her policeponies let some tourists steal one of their chariots,” Pinkie Pie said.

The Lieutenant looked at her quizically, but didn’t stop her.

“Maybe we could work out some sort of deal?”

The policemare wrote something on a piece of paper and slid it over to the Lieutenant who started laughing.

Twilight and Rainbow Dash giggled nervously in return, while Pinkie Pie joined in wholeheartedly.

“I think we can make this work,” he said.

* * *

Standing in front of a paper target in a ballistics firing range was something Twilight had never thought she would have to do.

“Are you sure this is safe?” she called at the Lieutenant, who stood at the far end of the range, safely behind a barrier.

“Positive!” he yelled back. “We just need to show the trainees how to use these new, non-lethal magic guns! Since you three aren’t unicorns, it shouldn’t be that bad!”

“Wait!” Twilight exclaimed, but the gathered policeponies had all put on their noise-canceling headpohones. A block of dread formed in the pit of her stomach, and she fought to not just run out of the room, heedless to the consequences; it was only the thought of finding Rarity that kept her rooted in place.

Rainbow Dash was the first in the line. “Fire one!” somepony cried, and a blue bolt of magic shot across the range toward the Pegasus.

Rainbow Dash had been bracing herself, but it didn’t help much; she flew back into the target and lay on the ground, moaning.

Twilight was next. “Maybe we could talk about this,” she pleaded.

No such luck.

The Lieutenant yelled, “Fire two!” The shot caught Twilight in the chest, and suddenly it was like the whole of creation opened up before her; stars and planets and other insane images and thoughts rolled around her head. Somewhere, she was aware that she was laying on the ground, twitching.

Pinkie Pie was the last in line, and giggled when the beam of light hit her. Confused, the Lieutenant shot her again to the same effect. Angrily, he continued shooting. Shot after shot hit her, but she simply stood still, giggling louder with each bolt. The guns ran out of ammunition, and Pinkie still stood on hooves, giggling and asking for more.

“Must be defective,” the Lieutenant muttered as the younger policeponies around him burst into laughter. When shouting didn’t stop them, he angrily said into the intercom, “You three, get out of here, now.”

* * *

Twilight’s head was still spinning as she guided the Cakes’s delivery carriage down the empty, sand-swept highway, back from the impound lot. Rainbow Dash had agreed to pull again, luckily. They had all been surprised to find the carriage in comparatively good condition, considering what they had been expecting.

Pinkie Pie sat in silence in the back seat, her head down, which was just as well; they had found a used, double-sided “sword” in the backseat of the vehicle.

“You still doing okay?” Twilight called to Rainbow Dash, who had begun to slow down.

“I’m fine,” the pegasus called back, “But this carriage seems heavier than before.”

Twilight didn’t get a chance to answer before a knocking sound was heard; it was coming from the trunk.

“Did you hear that?” Twilight asked. “Hear what?” Pinkie replied. Twilight flicked to carriage’s reigns to get Rainbow to stop.

All three gathered around the trunk, where the bumps could be heard loud and clear.

“Think it’s Rarity?” Twilight asked.

“There’s only one way to find out,” Rainbow Dash said, opening the trunk.

Inside, instead of their fashioniesta friend, was a teenaged unicorn.

“You okay?” Pinkie Pie asked. The black-coated, green-maned colt looked up at them, blinking his eyes in the sun. Then, he smiled and lit up his horn, sending out a blast of magic that threw all three of the ponies across the sand. Laughing, he took off, heading towards the city and the Strip, his flamingo keycahin bouncing against his chest.

“Oh no you don’t!” Rainbow Dash cried, leaping into the air, but Twilight grabbed her by the tail.

“We don’t need to get into any more trouble than we’re already in!”

“What if he’s our next lead?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“We don’t know that,” Twilight replied, then sighed. “Look, let’s just try to make it back to the hotel and see if we can’t remember anything.”

“Fine,” Rainbow Dash said begrudgingly. “Just wish I could remember something, I mean, what did we do to make all this happen?”

Pinkie Pie, sitting on the ground beside the carriage, looked away, some of her curls straightening.

It didn’t go unnoticed, and Twilight asked, “Pinkie Pie, are you okay?”

“She said it was like the ultimate sugar rush,” the pink pony mumbled.

“What are you talking about?” Rainbow Dash asked, trotting up to where Twilight stood.

“Please don’t get mad guys,” Pinkie said, “But I may have put something in the Apple Whiskey.”

“You WHAT?” Rainbow Dash screeched. Pinkie Pie brought up her hooves to defend herself.

“A Pegasus came into Sugarcube Corner and told me that she had some pills that gave you a super duper sugar rush, and I thought it would go great with Rarity’s party.” “I can’t believe this!” Twilight said, pacing in the dust. “Because of you, we have no money, no memory, and no Rarity!”

Pinkie Pie looked down, more and more of her hair coming undone. Twilight watched, and felt a pang of guilt. She walked over and put a hoof on the party mare’s shoulder.

“Look, Pinkie, I’m sorry, we’re just frustrated; I’m sure you didn’t do it on purpose.”

“Hey, let’s just go back to the hotel, and we can figure out everything from there,” Rainbow Dash suggested.

Pinkie Pie nodded and Twilight helped her into the carriage while Rainbow Dash took her place at the head of the carriage. They sped off, back toward the city.

* * *

“Did we leave the music on?” Twilight asked as they stumbled back into the villa. The room was still a mess, but the sound was warbling from somewhere in the room.

“Well I know that I didn’t leave this song on,” Rainbow Dash muttered, hearing the familiar notes. Walking farther into the middle of the room, they were surprised to find two ponies: one a massive Pegasi, and the other a somewhat-familiar unicorn. The unicorn’s white coat was accented with a blonde mane, and a massive horn.

“What are you-” Twilight began, but was shushed by the bodyguard.

“This is my favorite part,” Prince Blue Blood explained. He sang along with the music, “In the rainbow factory...”

He motioned to the three of them for the chorus.

“Where fears and horrors come true?” they tentatively sang.

Blue Blood sang again, off key, “In the rainbow factory...”

“Where not a single soul gets through,” Pinkie Pie sang, disturbingly perfectly, which was met with a blast from the unicorn’s horn. Pinkie Pie once again flew across the room, impacting against a nearby door. Twilight ran to her side, helping the pink pony up.

“So you thought you could steal Celestia’s phoenix while she left it with me, did you?” the Prince asked in a haughty tone.

“We kind of don’t remember anything that happened last night,” Twilight tried to explain, but was shushed by Blue Blood.

“That was a rhetorical question.”

“Look, bub, we don’t care,’ Rainbow Dash said, stepping in front of Twilight and getting thoroughly into the Prince’s business. “We’ve had such bucking bad luck today, that it doesn’t matter any more. Just tell us what you need, or kill us, I don’t care.”

“Rainbow Dash,” Twilight hissed, “What are you doing?” Rainbow Dash turned around to face her.

“Look Twilight, I don’t care anymore, this day just keeps getting worse, and I’m fed up with it.” Pinkie Pie woozily picked herself off the floor and stumbled to stand with her friends.

Prince Blue Blood sighed.

“Look,” he said, “We both don’t want Celestia to know what happened to Philomeena, so if the three of you will drop the bird off at my mansion, I will pretend this never happened.”

The Prince and his bodyguard turned to go, stepping over the trash that was still strewn about.

“Wait, you mean we have to bring her?” Rainbow Dash asked.

The bodyguard laughed. “We’re not bringing a phoenix in the Fancypants.”

* * *

“I thought Philomeena liked you,” Rainbow Dash said as the carriage sped down Las Pegas Boulevard, lit up by magic lamps at night. Pinkie Pie had volunteered to pull the carriage in light of her recent actions.

“We have more of an...understanding,” Twilight said, keeping her eyes on the phoenix. “Without my horn, I can’t use magic, so Philomeena can’t recognize me unless I keep my eyes on her.”

“Sounds convenient,” Rainbow Dash said, slouching in her seat. The phoenix took up the entire back of the carriage, forcing the two mares to squeeze into the front.

“Ugh, this is boring,” she complained.

“You could sing a song,” Twilight suggested, only to be met with laughter.

“Yeah, like that would make sense.” She threw up her hooves in exasperation. “In fact, this whole thing doesn’t make sense! The whole losing our memory thing, just like in-”

“-Daring Do and the Quest for the Philosopher’s Stone,” Twilight finished.

“Yeah, like that.”

Twilight took her gaze off the phoenix for one second, causing it rock the car and heat up.

“Whoa!” she shouted, resuming her stare.

“Ugh, there’s no way we’ll make it there intact,” Rainbow Dash bemoaned. Suddenly, her head shot up.

“Hey Pinkie Pie,” she called out the carriage’s front window. “Do you still have any of those sugar rush pills?”

“Yeah, there’s a couple in my satchel,” the galloping Pinkie answered. “Why?”

“I’ll explain later,” Rainbow Dash answered, reaching under the seat for the saddlesatchel. Sure enough, a bottle containing two white pills was at the bottom.

“How are we going to get her to take them?” she asked.

Twilight, not turning around said, “Do you really think Pinkie would travel without something to eat?”

Sure enough, there was a mashed cupcake at the bottom of the bag. Rainbow Dash crushed the pills into the pastry and handed it to Twilight, who dangled it in front of the bird’s nose.

“Good Philomeena, just take the bai- I mean food.” The phoenix looked at Twilight quizically, but snapped the cupcake up just the same. Both ponies let out a breath they didn’t know they had been holding. The drug, worryingly, didn’t take long to take effect, knocking the bird out cold.

* * *

Blue Blood’s mansion was anything but opulent, Twilight gave him that much. Instead of a traditional unicorn style, the house was done up in the style of the Griffin Kingdom; a large complex centered around a minaret.

A small squad of bodyguards surrounded them as they shoved Philomeena onto a cart and into the mansion. The interior of the palace was just as extravagant as the outside, fitting for somepony like Blue Blood. A massive spire rose from the center of the room, around which a stairway wrapped.

Prince Blue Blood greeted them in the foyer, clapping his hooves together. “Wonderful, I see you have retrieved poor Philomeena.”

He scratched the bird on the top of its head.

“We’re really sorry about last night and we hope you will forgive us,” Twilight said.

“Yes, yes, whatever,” the Prince replied, his back still turned away. “Now that I have her pet back, I’m sure Princess Celestia would love to hear about what her favored student has been up to.”

Twilight’s eyes grew wide, and her heart skipped a beat, then another.

“Hey, you can’t do that!” Rainbow Dash yelled, restrained by two burly Pegasi.

“I can if I want, I’m a Prince,” Blue Blood sneered. “If turning you in will gain me favor with the Princess, then I will certainly hand you over.”

The Prince laughed while Twilight collapsed on the immaculately-shined tile floor, the weight of the day’s transgressions laying heavily up on her.

The guards began to drag her away when Pinkie spoke up in a sing-song voice, “I know somepony who won’t be very happy if you do this.” Blue Blood laughed and continued to walk back up the spire stairs.

“And just who would that pony be, hmm? Another social outcast from Ponyville? Perhaps a donkey?”

Pinkie laughed. “No silly, I’m talking about Rarity!” Blue Blood stopped in his tracks.

“Rarity’s with you?”

Pinkie Pie continued to guffaw. “Not right now, but she will be soon, and she would be so disappointed if you turned us in.”

His voice icily cold, Prince Blue Blood shouted, “Guards, release them! Make sure they leave here without harm!”

“But sir-” one of the Pegasi objected.

“Now!” the Prince shouted in returned, his voice echoing through the massive halls.

The guards shoved them out the front gate and into the carriage, where Rainbow Dash volunteered to drive, citing she need some night air to clear her head. Twilight was left with sitting in the back next to Pinkie, the space Philomeena occupied still charred and burned.

“What you did back there...thanks,” Twilight said once the carriage was back on the highway, headed back for Hurricane’s Palace.

“It’s no problem,” Pinkie replied, then giggled. “Anything for my wife.”

Twilight glared at her sourly, but eventually joined in on the laughter, and even let the pink party pony pull her into a hug.

“Hey, at least nothing else can go wrong,” Twilight said, a reassuring smile on her face. Pinkie gasped and scrambled away from Twilight, huddling in the corner of the carriage.

“You said those words!” she gasped.

“What are you talking about?” Twilight asked, scooting over to where her friend sat. “Nothing bad is going to happen just because I said that.” She put a reassuring hoof on her wife’s shoulder.

Then, whether or not Twilight’s outburst had any control over the universe or not, a giant, magically-propelled carriage blindsided them.

* * *

Rainbow Dash awoke strapped to the chair inside some sort of business office. She could see the Strip outside a large window, in front of which stood a large, oaken desk. A brown-coated, white-maned unicorn sat in a leather chair at the table. As the Pegasus mare’s head cleared better, she could see her two friends tied to seats beside hers.

“What’s the big idea?” she said indignantly.

The stallion chortled, banging a hoof on the desk, sending pencils and papers flying about. On his lapel was a brass flamingo pin.

“Oh that’s rich, that’s really rich!” He grew more serious. “You take out a 40,000 bit loan, refuse to pay it back, steal my son when I refuse to give you another, and now have the nerve to act high and mighty to me, Gray Baron?”

Baron shook his head. “You three must really be crazy.”

Rainbow Dash just rolled her eyes in response. “Look, buddy, we’ve had to give the same speech all day: the three of us have no idea what we did last night, and just want to try to find our friend.”

Twilight and Pinkie Pie seemed to be slowly waking up at that moment, looking around the same way Rainbow just had.

Gray Baron laughed again, patting his knee. “Well, you don’t have to worry about that; we already have your friend.” He pointed at the empty space on Twilight’s head. “And your friend’s horn.”

“Really?” Pinkie Pie cried, “That’s great! Can we have them back?”

“So cute, this one; so innocent,” Baron cooed. He pressed a button and the chair Pinkie was sitting gave her an electric shock. Pinkie Pie yelped and flew off the seat, hair smoking.

Baron laughing, said, “It’s funny because it was a random act of violence!”

“Hey, don’t do that!” Rainbow Dash cried, struggling against her restraints. Clearing his throat, Gray Baron placed his forehooves on the desk. “If you ever want to see your friend, or your horn, again, then you will need to repay your debt.”

“But how are we supposed to get 40,000 bits in one night?” Twilight asked.

The stallion shrugged. “I don’t know, I’m sure you’ll figure something out. Deliver the money to my men along the highway, out in the desert tomorrow morning, or else.” He had them thrown into the street, in front of the casino.

* * *

“Are you sure this plan will work?” Twilight asked as the group of four walked into the casino room of the Neighllagio.

“Of course it will,” Trixie responded, “Gambling is the only sure-fire way to make back your money by the end of the night.”

They’d gone to Trixie for advice, and her best idea was to turn their meager 300 bit credit into the debt money with a little bit of gambling. Of course, they also had to agree to give her anything else they won in exchange for her “expertise.”

The problem was, Twilight knew how to gamble, but to her knowledge hadn’t ever made any money.

“So where do we start?” Twilight asked, looking around, confused. Rainbow Dash shrugged while Trixie suggested Blackjack. Pinkie Pie, meanwhile, was happily bouncing around behind them.

“Fold, hit, red 12, hard four,” she rambled off.

“Pinkie, are you okay?” Twilight asked, approaching the bubbly mare.

“Twilight, my Pinkie Pie Sense, it’s back!” she exclaimed happily.

Rainbow Dash’s face lit up. “Are you guys thinking what I’m thinking?”

“That Pinkie Pie could use her powers to help us cheat at gambling and get all the money we need?” Trixie asked.

All three other ponies stared at her.

“What?” she asked. “It’s not like I’m going to guess something random and off-topic.”

* * *

“Top Line!” Pinkie cried, sitting at a roulette table. Sure enough, the ball landed in the slot marked 1. The stallion at the table slid some chips in Pinkie Pie’s direction.

“Mind if we join in?” Rainbow Dash asked, followed closely by Trixie.

They sat down across the table from Pinkie while Twilight kept her distance; watching for anything suspicious. Pinkie was getting ready to place another small, 100 bit, bet when she felt a tingle. It started in her right forehoof and moved up into her head. She gasped for air; this was a big one.

“I’d like to place 1000 bits on a straight-up, red 17, please,” Pinkie said.

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Twilight whispered in her ear from behind. Pinkie Pie nodded.

Rainbow Dash and Trixie lay down 50 bits on an outside bet, to keep it safe. Once the rest of the table had placed bets, the stallion working the table spun the wheel, and ball rolled round and round.

Pinkie Pie knew her sense had never been wrong, but was nervous all the same. The ball slowed down and came to a stop, teetering of 25 until it fell into 17.

“We have a winner!” the worker announced, sliding the chips over to Pinkie Pie.

“At 35 to 1 odds, that’s...40,000 bits!” Twilight exclaimed, hugging her wife from behind. “You did it Pinkie!”

Rainbow Dash, meanwhile, was busy shoving casino chips into a bag.

“Don’t count those chickens just yet girls,” Trixie advised. “Your friend’s bet seems to have attracted some attention.”

Sure enough, some burly Pegasi were walking towards their table right now.

“This doesn’t look good,” Twilight said.

“No duh!” Rainbow shouted. “How are we supposed to get out of here?”

“Maybe me and Twilight could, you know...” Pinkie began before an angry look from Twilight stopped her.

Trixie laughed and shook her head. “Amateurs.” She stepped between the oncoming guards and the girls. “Get out of here, I’ll distract them,” she ordered.

“But Trixie,” Twilight protested.

“Go!” They complied, sneaking over toward the doorway.

“Showtime,” The Great and Powerful Trixie said to herself. As the guards began to draw near the three Ponyville mares, she stood on a blackjack table and cried, “All of you, behold the awesome might and wonder of The Great and Powerful Trixie!”

Not since her Ponyville show had The Great and Powerful Trixie performed so spectacularly, much to the delight of the ponies below, and to the confusion of the guards.

Nopony noticed three inconspicuous ponies sneaking out the back.

* * *

“That was too close,” Rainbow Dash said. The sun had risen while they were in the casino, and it was sometime in the morning now. All three girls lay next to their beaten carriage, awaiting Gray Baron’s men. They had parked on the desert next to the highway, far out of the city.

Sure enough, an all-black carriage showed up a few minutes later. Two stallions got out, a squirming bag between them.

“Rarity!” Twilight cried, but was held back by Rainbow Dash.

“Wait,” she said.

The Wonderbolt turned toward the Baron’s ponies. “Give us our friend back, now.”

The faces of the two colts were emotionless. One of them replied, “Give us the money first.”

“No,” Rainbow Dash insisted, “Our friend first.”

The Baron’s guard was about to reply when Twilight cut in, “Why don’t we just hoof them to each other at the same time?”

Both parties looked at her, then nodded to each other. Rainbow Dash held up the bag, bits making a clinking noise inside.

“Uh, Dash, why do you have Trixie’s bag?” Twilight asked.

Rainbow Dash laughed. “You didn’t really think she would let us just walk away with our money did you?” She turned back to the Baron’s men and slowly walked over to them, her wings at the ready in case she needed to escape. “One,” she began.

“Two,” one of the stallions continued.

“Three,” they both said at the same time, tossing their packages toward each other.

Twilight and Pinkie Pie quickly galloped to join Rainbow Dash beside the squirming sack. They pulled it off to reveal...

“Derpy?” Rainbow Dash exclaimed, dumbfounded.

“Hey Rainbow Dash!” Ponyville’s infamous mailmare cried, wrapping her hooves around the surprised Pegasus.

“Where’s Rarity?” Twilight asked the guards, who were carefully counting the bits. “And who’s going to give me back my horn?”

“Oh, right,” the more-talkative stallion said, tossing a bag toward Twilight. The burlap sack landed at her feet, and when she shook it out, her horn lay on the sand. Twilight’s eyes bulged out of her head: her horn was on the ground in front of her. When she touched it, there was a bright flash of light and suddenly Twilight could feel the appendage was once again part of her.

The guards left as quickly as they had come, and Twilight walked back over to where Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash stood with Derpy.

“They never had Rarity,” Dash explained. “Gray Baron just grabbed Derpy as collateral.” Twilight sighed and shook her head.

“Sorry about the pills, Pinkie,” Derpy was explaining, her head down. “Sometimes I get confused...”

Pinkie Pie patted the mailmare on the head and smiled. “It’s alright, things didn’t turn out too bad.” Derpy smiled while Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes.

“I guess there’s only thing to do now,” she muttered, looking toward a pay phone sitting beside the highway.

* * *

Pinkie Pie and Twilight waited inside the carriage while Rainbow Dash called Applejack.

“Do you think Trixie is mad at us for taking the bits?” Pinkie asked.

Twilight smiled and shook her head. “Pinkie, they weren’t hers to begin with; besides, we left her with the 2,000 we had left over. That should be plenty.”

Twilight tapped a hoof to her chin, her eyes unfocused. “Though I guess she probably won’t be happy with us for a while.”

Pinkie Pie coughed and twiddled her hooves, looking away. “I, uh, guess that means we can’t get the marriage annulled for a little while longer.”

Twilight smiled and patted her friend, her wife, on the leg. “I guess you’re right.”

* * *

“Rainbow Dash, look!” Derpy cried for the fifth time in under two minutes.

“Derpy, could you calm down for a second; I’m trying to talk to Applejack!”

Applejack had been scarily silent as she listened to the explanation of what happened to bride-to-be. “...and that’s what we know so far,” Rainbow Dash concluded.

“That’s it?” Applejack yelled on the other end. “Y’all manage to lose the bride on her wedding day and now you can’t find her?”

“Well, when you put it that way...” Dash began, but was again interrupted by Derpy.

“C’mon Rainbow Dash, look! You gotta see this!”

“Fine,” Rainbow Dash muttered. She turned around so the mailmare would leave her alone. Derpy was pointing to the skies above the Neighllagio, currently taken up by a large cloud system. "That's great Derpy," she said. Rainbow Dash began to turn away when she remembered what that stallion had said about the weather team.

She looked again, and saw the clouds over Hurricane’s Place were gone. That could only mean...

“Applejack, forget everything that I just said, the ceremony is still on!” Rainbow Dash shouted into the phone.

“What’re you talkin’ about?” Applejack started, but was cut off when her friend hung up the phone. “Is everything alright?” Fluttershy asked, peaking her head into the dressing room.

“I don’t rightly know,” Applejack replied.

* * *

With Derpy to help, the carriage was quick to make the trip from the desert to the sky above the Neigllagio, no-fly rules or not.

“Keep an eye out for her!” Rainbow Dash commanded.

They flew in circles above the cumulus blanket until Pinkie cried, “There she is!”

They landed the carriage next to their sun-baked friend. Twilight quickly cast her cloudwalking spell as Pinkie Pie jumped out of the carriage, heedless to the cloud floor below.

“Are you okay?” she asked as she picked Rarity up in her arms. Their overly-dramatic friend threw a hoof to her, now tanned, forehead.

“It was just dreadful, I’ve been up here all day, worrying if my friends were alright.” Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, and Twilight looked at each other, then burst into laughter. Derpy joined in and, after a moment, so did Rarity.

* * *

The two-hour flight to Canterlot had been exhausting, and the battered carriage was starting to sag in the air when Derpy and Rainbow Dash set down outside the Royal Princess Wedding Chapel. Twilight had tried to get her magic to control the vehicle, but was still too weak to make much more than a spark.

When they landed, Applejack ran out to greet them, custom-made bridal gown already on. Rarity had only allowed Applejack to pick the venue only if she could make the dresses; not that she wasn’t impressed by the choice of location.

The two nuzzled before Applejack asked, “Now just what in tarnation happened to y’all?”

The three ponies all shuffled their feet and tried to look away from the apple bucker’s stern glare.

“Long story?” Twilight suggested.

Applejack’s eyebrow rose as Derpy shouted, “Whatever happens in Pegas, stays in Pegas!”

* * *

Newly married, Applejack and Rarity lounged at an outdoor table alongside their friends. They had rented out the nearby hotel for the night for them and all their friends so they didn’t need to rush home again; the other guests, including Princess Celestia herself, had long since gone home. The Princess had been quite...surprised about what had happened, but proud when her student stood up to defend her actions.

Now Pinkie Pie and Twilight sat next to each other, both sipping drinks, while Rainbow Dash tried to keep her squirming foal in her lap; no easy task with Soarin busy picking at the last of the scraps over at the desert table.

“And Philomeena was in the bathroom?” Applejack asked, laughing uproarusly. “Shucks, it just don’t get any better than that.”

“Yeah, it was really...great,” Twilight said, trying to smile.

“It’s too bad we can’t remember what happened during the night,” Rarity said after a moment. “I bet those tales would be worth hearing.” She set her hooves down on the table over Applejack’s and sighed.

“Hey guys, look what I found!” Derpy said, walking over to their table. While everpony had changed out of their wedding clothes, the mailmare still wore her bubble-and-muffin-themed gown. In her mouth she held a camera.

“It was under the seat in the carriage,” she explained

“My magically magical camera!” Pinkie cried, jumping up to get it from the bobble-eyed mare.

“You brought a camera?” Rainbow Dash asked. Pinkie’s hair flopped up and down as she looked at the magic screen on the back.

“I must have taken pictures when we were all crazy in the head,” she explained.

“Should we look?” Twilight asked, walking up behind Pinkie. The others joined her, all crowding to see the camera’s small preview screen.

“Just once, then we delete them all,” Rainbow Dash proposed. They all agreed, and Pinkie flipped to the first picture.

“Hey Twilight, I didn’t know you were that flexible,” Rainbow Dash said.

“Oh Celestia,” Twilight groaned.