The Sad Truth About Humans in Equestria

by Mad Hatter

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Princess Celestia, Human, Twilight Sparkle, Princess Luna, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark
Length: 1565

At the Princess Celestia School for Gifted Unicorns, Princess Twilight Sparkle gives a demonstration on opening ways to other worlds.

At the Princess Celestia School for Gifted Unicorns, Princess Twilight Sparkle gives a demonstration on opening ways to other worlds.

Origionally wasn't going to go out of my way to mention this, but it's a black humor fic. The point is to poke fun at the HiE genre.

Published 2013-08-14 17:10:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-08-14 17:10:02 UTC

Summoning

Princess Twilight Sparkle concentrated will all her might, beads of sweat visibly matting her fur. The visible glow of her horn grew to such a tremendous radius that it was nearly as big as her physical body. Princess Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns – That prestigious school where all the greatest minds and personal students of Princess Celestia had studied – was the site of this event that radiated energy felt by unicorns within half the city. The student body stared on in rapt attention as a fissure within not only the air, but reality itself, coalesced and solidified at the edges. Barely before the tear finished becoming a completely physical presence in the world, a sort of smoke began to escape from the edges. Soon the view of it was obscured by the magical runoff entirely. An odd thrumming sound permeated the air for a few moments behind the opaque screen, followed by a flash of light as the ethereal construct collapsed into itself. Twilight turned towards to class from the direction of it as it happened, sure in it's result.

“As you can see, no matter how powerful a unicorn's magic is, there is not enough ambient magic in the radius to support a portal to another world. Even a princess cannot do it – and even if we could the drawing out of such an immense amount of magic would likely be harmful to the world for pulling so much energy out at one time. And that's counting if you were to use so much of your personal energy that the casting would leave you comatose after the attempt.”

Various students' magical auras flared to life as quills scratched along paper. Some carried a visible look of disappointment as they wrote the cliff notes to a collective dissertation on the impossibility of summoning extra-planar species to Equestria.

Off in the distance, in a small house in the town of Ponyville, a mint-green unicorn known as Lyra Heartstrings lets go of her instrument and bursts into tears. A bothered Bon Bon rushed to her side.

A young mare raised a hoof. "Yes, Berry Pinch?" Twilight recalled seeing her as a mere filly in Ponyville. A somewhat late arrival to the school, she was recommended by Rarity once her mixture of art and magic became apparent. Perhaps due to her father Ponet, whom resided in Canterlot for work after Rarity's work brought attention on the small town due to her dresses. Though Twilight was both curious and concerned about her recent cutie mark of a green faerie.

Berry's eyes lit up at the respective attention from a princess, and stalled for a brief moment. Soon she collected her thoughts and posited her question. "It looks like you, erm, almost did it. With just your own power I mean. Would it be possible to successfully cast the spell if you and the other princesses combined powers?" She thought for a moment and added: "With an alicorn's reserves of magical energy, it shouldn't pull too much ambient magic, not enough to worry about anyway."

Twilight put a hoof to her muzzle and thought on this new course of action. "It is theoretically possible, I suppose. But such an idea needs more research. Unicorns have been combining their powers to focus them since before the rise of Princesses Celestia and Luna, but it hasn't been practiced in centuries. I'll ask them if they're willing and have the time to join me for another attempt at some point in the future. As it stands, this is all the time I have for today. Are there any more questions?"

Nopony else raised a hoof. Some of the other unicorns smiled at Berry Pinch. Stumping Princess Twilight (Temporarily at least) was no mean feat, and even the more established Canterlot unicorns – Some who had resented Berry for her 'backwater town' manner of speaking and jealousy of being invited by an Element – gave their grudging respect.

With that, Twilight left, deep in thought and aiming to see Celestia and Luna about the development. The teacher resumed her state of command, and ended class for the day.

“Celestia, do you have a moment?” Twilight asked as she approached Princess Celestia in her chambers. For anypony else this would have been a lamentable breach of protocol, but the former personal student and good friend was always welcome in her abode.

“Yes Twilight, what can I help with?”

“Well, a student asked something that needs additional research. It's true that I did seem very close to successfully opening a portal to another world” She said with pride reflecting the immensity of the feat, failed though it was. “But what would happen if you, Luna, and I were to focus our powers together? Do you think that would be enough to actually do it?”

A gentle smile graced the sun diarch's muzzle as she looked on her protégé. “Were it anypony else I highly doubt it. However, as the Element of Magic, perhaps you could handle the amount of magic it would take. That's why unicorns rarely focus their power as a group in this day and age, as you know. So few can direct that much magic. Very well, I shall contact Luna and prepare some space in our schedules. You rest for the moment – You drained an immense amount of yourself attempting it, though you might not feel it yet.”

Twilight barely suppressed her urge to jump in circles as she did upon first entering Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns. She immediately went to Princess Luna to repeat the story. “We - I see. You wish to display our combined powers to discover if such a gate may be opened beyond the writings of fiction. Though I have some apprehensions on the matter, we shall see transpires.” Luna did take to the modern speech pattern quickly after Nightmare Night, though catching her off-guard occasionally resulted in a slip.

The idea of a joint experiment with her former mentor and her sister made Twilight's sleep difficult that night.

Over a month later, Class was called to the school's auditorium on the subject.

Twilight, Celestia, and Luna all took the stage in front of the class – Most of which who were elated to see all three princesses there solely for their edification.

The three stepped forward in unison. Celestia spoke before the crowd on behalf of them. “It has come to our attention that a student here (As if the gargantuan smile on Berry Pinch's face could make it anypony else) has created a theory that requires testing. A test that likely only we could perform. So, since you all already have knowledge of how we are going to do it, let us begin!”

They arranged themselves in a quarter-circle, simultaneously focused on a single point in the room a few meters away. Their respective magical auras flared to life and grew as the fracture in their world grew and solidified as it did before. The gateway retained its edges this time, and flickered to life. A window into this other realm shifted and warped. It appeared to contain an entire world at first, but quickly focused, until it's telescopic eye stabilized on what seems to be a space between two large buildings. The students looked on in amazement as a wind blew in from the space to the room they were in. It blew away small beads of sweat from all three of the casters, proving that it was incredibly taxing even for the most adept magicians in existence together. The shift in reality occasionally blinked slightly, shifting imperceptibly. A nearly hairless, bipedal creature approached and looked towards the other side. It took a few steps forward with apprehension. The wind proved to be going in the opposite direction on the other side, as the human attempted to brace itself. Within moments it lost the battle, skidding towards and through the window as the shifting way flickered in on itself again. The trio looked on in horror as the being flew through the gate, hitting the ground. Then half of it kept moving forward as blood and organs bridged the gap of it's body. It was bisected from the flicker of the portal. They released their magic at once, letting the portal collapse on itself in a flash like the first example given by Twilight along.

The human with the tan skin and nonexistent coat gasped once before the blood loss costed it it's life. All in attendance was fixed on the shocking display.

Twilight, Celestia, and Luna panted from the exertion and nightmarish scene before them.

“By Celestia...” muttered Twilight.
“Tirak's abyss!” exclaimed Luna.
Celestia remained quiet, contemplating what to do after the gruesome outcome.

The three alicorns looked at each other and nodded. Twilight delivered the news to her class for the day. “By royal decree, all further attempts at creating portals to other worlds, or otherwise bringing extra-planar creatures to Equestria, is hereby banned!”

She looked sheepishly between the body and the student body. “...Councilors will be made available to assist you in dealing with this... incident. Class dismissed.”

Back in Ponyville, a magically-crafted knot braced itself at the left ear of Lyra Heartstrings. The mute form of Bon Bon merely stared at the sight. The sight a meter from the floor of the house.