Starswirl's Lost Biography

by Biplane

Rating: everyone
Tags: Original Character, Adventure, Princess Celestia, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other, Princess Luna
Length: 2399

An untitled book, written by an unknown pegasus, is discovered by Twilight, buried deep in the Canterlot archives. It contains much of the life story of the reclusive Starswirl the Bearded, one of her heroes.

The book doesn't look like much. It's ancient, but the craft is simple, hoof-made. The ink is faded to near-illegibility. There is nothing on the cover, save the name of its one-time owner.

Twilight almost passes it by. Next to ancient, massive tomes with impressive gold leaf and jewel studded covers on the shelves of the deepest section of the Canterlot archives, it is so unassuming. But on a whim, she opens it. Inside, Twilight is surprised to discover, is one of the most complete records of the life of Starswirl the Bearded, her personal hero. It is recorded in his own words, by a pegasus who has been forgotten to history, save for this humble, remarkable record.

This is Twilight's transposition of the contents.

Published 2013-08-14 17:30:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-08-14 17:30:02 UTC

Starswirl and the Guard

Starswirl, still growling and grumbling to himself, picked up the tome in his telekinesis and made to leave the library.

Not looking in front of him, he bumped into the guard pony by the door. By my beard, is there anywhere these meatheads aren't guarding?!

"Why don't you watch where you're going?!" Starswirl growled. When he picked himself up and dusted himself and the book off (not necessarily in that order), he saw that this particular guard pony was a pegasus, but more than that, he saw that this was perhaps the scrawniest, skinniest guard pony Starswirl had ever seen. His armor was comically large on him, and he seemed incapable of keeping his spear point up straight as it waved this way and that like a leaf in the wind.

"Hi! You must be Starswirl the Bearded!"

"And you must be new around here." Most ponies knew by now to leave Starswirl alone.

"I am! First day, actually! It's so great to meet you!" Starswirl knew from experience that it was never great to meet him.

"Ugh. You want some rainbows with that sunshine?"

"Haha wow! It's true what they told me: you are kind of crabby!"

Crabby, was it? Wow. This little fellow was bold. "What's your name, Cadet?"

"Kickball, sir! And it's uh... Private, actually, not Cad-"

"Kickball?"

"Yes sir?!"

"You're an idiot."

Kickball smiled. "Yes sir, of course, sir! They told me you'd say that, sir! I hope I see you around!"

Was there no fazing this colt? Most ponies would have talked back at him or walked away by now. This Kickball was certainly... unique. "Yeah, sure whatever. Places to be," Starswirl paused for a moment, weighing something in his mind, "But I guess you're not all that bad... for an idiot, kid." Starswirl left, walking down the hallway; grumbling, muttering, and reading the whole way.

Kickball positively beamed. The other guards would never believe him when he told them that Starswirl, of all ponies, had nearly given him a backhooved semi-compliment!

. . .

A couple days later, Starswirl was in his lab, a dark, dusty room with stone walls, stone floors, and wooden tables laden with all variety of books and alchemical apparatuses. It was located in an isolated tower of Canterlot Castle, and it suited him perfectly: it was cold, old, and was more used to books than visitors.

Starswirl was presently mixing a magical reagent. It was delicate work that required concentration, precision, and above all, quiet. In fact, Starswirl placed quiet above a great many things in terms of value.

Tipping the vial, ever so slightly.

Slightly.

He watched carefully as the dark purple liquid started to run down the tube, towards the mouth. Too fast. He tilted it back ever so very slightly, until, just as the liquid reached the mouth, and the first drop was about to fall...

"Sir!" said a loud, enthusiastic young voice from right behind him.

"Gah!" cried Starswirl, dropping the vial on the table and shattering it. He turned, his eye twitching. Ah. It was Cadet Kickball. Celestia generally frowned upon tearing ponies apart, but Starswirl silently wondered if an exception could be made.

"Hi, sir! It's me, sir! Private Kickball, sir!"

"Delightful," his tone made it abundantly clear that it was in fact anything but "delightful." "What are you doing in here?" he said, annoyance seething from his impatient voice.

"I was told to tell you that they've grounded the northbound carriages to Unicornia Castle due to snows. Princess Celestia thought you would like to know."

Most ponies who had been experienced in Starswirl's ways would have delivered the message via a slip of paper under his door silently, and walked away. It was almost standard procedure at this point. A new pony in the castle might even knock, if they didn't know any better. But not in years had a pony ever decided to deliver a message by opening his laboratory door, and walking up behind him. This Kickball was such... such an idiot.

"I expected that was the case. Now why did you feel the need to walk into my laboratory and destroy my experiment to tell me? I admit, I'm simply not used to imbecility of that level."

Kickball rubbed the back of his neck with his non-spear-holding forehoof in an embarrassed gesture, grinning sheepishly. "Yeah. I was just... curious."

"You were curious." Starswirl said evenly.

"Yeah. I'm sorry about your experiment, I just wanted to see what you were doing. Looked interesting!"

"Oh, it was interesting. It was fascinating, in fact. And now it's gone, and I will have to start it all over again."

"What was that purple stuff?" asked Kickball suddenly.

Starswirl growled. The impertinence of this one!

Kickball just smiled back expectantly.

"...Oil of amethyst," Starswirl finally said grumpily, just to break the silence.

"Like the gem?"

"Like the...?! No, you fool! The flower! How would you get oil from a gem?! Squeeze it?!"

"Oh, no sir, I don't think that would actually work, sir! Not that you don't know better than I do, sir!"

Starswirl stared for a moment. He blinked. He put his hoof to his face and shook his head slowly back and forth.

"So is it true you were Princess Celestia's student?" inquired Kickball, apropos of nothing. "Uh... sir, that is," he corrected himself.

Starswirl was floored. He had never seen a pony this dense before; A pony this incapable of taking a very, very unsubtle hint. He decided to decrease his subtlety further still.

"You insipid little maniac. I do not wish to be interrogated. I do not wish to chat. I do not wish to have my experiments interrupted. I wish to be left alone!"

"Oh, of course, sir!" said Kickball, smiling.

He stood there, unmoving.

"...Get out!" Starswirl finally tried.

"Oh. Oh! Okay, sir!" Kickball said, before turning and, blessedly, making his way towards the door.

He stopped. Dear Celestia, why did he stop?!

"It's just... I was wondering about the windigoes," he said over his shoulder.

"OUT!" Starswirl roared.

"Okay sir! Another time, sir!" and he was, thank Celestia, finally gone.

Relieved, Starswirl turned back to his experiments, starting over. However, after several minutes' work, he found himself slightly... distracted. He wasn't sure quite what to make of it. It was almost as if, for the first time in a long time, it was actually... too quiet.

"...Idiot," muttered Starswirl, finally deciding who to blame for this annoying new development.

. . .

Dear Clover,

How are your studies progressing?

Is everything going well?

It must be cold in Unicornia this year.

I am sorry I couldn’t make it. I was looking forward to seeing what you’ve learned since I saw you last.

...I miss you, my faithful student.

Sitting in the most well-lit corner of his lab (which wasn’t saying much), growling in frustration, Starswirl angrily crossed off another line on his letter. Writing was easy for him, he had personally published no less than a dozen books on magical theory and spellcraft in his time, but writing personal letters? That was very, very difficult for the gruff pony.

Clover the Clever had been, once upon a long time ago, his student, just as he himself had once been Celestia’s. It had happened quite by accident, but it was one of the high points of his long life. Seeing the improvement she had made under his tutelage, and on her own, was like watching his child grow up, or so he imagined.

Since the carriage flights to Unicornia were grounded due to the snows for the forseeable future, he had decided to send a letter to his old protege instead. But he couldn’t find the right tone. No matter what he wrote, it felt wrong. How precisely did one express sincere interest in the life and learnings of what was the closest thing one had to a friend, without seeming either too stiff and formal, or too... honest?

“Somepony special?” said a voice from immediately behind him. The voice was at a normal volume, but in the contemplative stillness of Starswirl’s writing corner, it sounded like an explosion.

“GAH!” Starswirl said, jumping. He slammed his forehooves over the letter, trying to hide what he’d been writing. He didn’t even have to look to identify the interloper. “CADET. WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN HERE?!” he roared. And seriously, how did he sneak up so quietly, wearing all that loose-fitting armor?

“Private, sir. Private Kickball.”

“Whatever. Kickball. I am seriously considering justifying that name of yours right now.”

A pensive look crossed Kickball’s face. “Huh?”

“Never mind, Cadet. I assume you have some important reason for invading my privacy, you impossible fool?”

“Yep!” said Kickball, smiling.

“...” Starswirl waited expectantly.

“...” Kickball kept smiling.

“...WELL WHAT IS IT?!” if impatience was something you could drown in, then Starswirl would have been flooding the city.

“Well, I was hoping I could ask you-”

“No.”

“But I’m just curious-”

“And I’m just busy.”

“Maybe I could help you with your letter? Then you could tell me some of your stories?”

“Absolutely not! I do not want nor need help with my personal correspondence, and I do not need some kind of... biographer!”

“Okay, fair points, sir. Two counterpoints: one: yes you do need help with your letter, you’ve written five lines and the only thing not crossed off is the word ‘Clover,’ and two: if there is anypony who does need a biographer, surely it is one of the most important ponies living? Regardless, I’m no biographer, I’m just curious, sir, that's all. You know more about magic than anypony alive, possibly including the Princesses, you had a hoof in the Unification of Equestria, you helped dispel the windigoes, you’ve travelled all over, and you know more about the Princesses than any other pony. How can I not be curious, sir?”

Starswirl was taken aback. He was taken quite a bit aback, in point of fact. Honest interest in his past was something he had tried to discourage, and he had been so successful at it for so long, that he was starting to realize he had forgotten why he had in the first place. Also, as a scholar, he grudgingly had to admit that curiosity was a trait he admired, not that Cadet Kickball needed to hear that. “I... I take back what I said. You’re not an idiot, Cadet.”

Kickball smiled broadly.

“You’re still annoying, though. Complete pain in my...” Starswirl sighed. “Fine. How about a little bit at a time, though? My whole life story is a bit much for one sitting. And the letter comes first”

Kickball produced a fresh sheet of parchment from his saddlebag.

. . .

Dear Clover,

I’m writing this with the help of the intrepidCadetPrivate Kickball, so if the tone is a bit different from my usual letters, I hope it doesn’t startle too badly. ~~Startle? Really? I don’t think she’s going to keel over from shock!~~Quiet, Idiot! Wait... why am I writing this down?!

Firstly, I hope to hear back from you soon. I’m excited to hear what you’ve learned since last we spoke, as I always enjoy seeing how your studies are coming along. I hope everything is going well for you in Unicornia. The snows are heavy this year, they say (though you and I know that they are nothing compared to what we’ve seen!), and I’m afraid that it looks like I won’t be visiting anytime soon.

The Princesses are well, and Celestia is particularly pleased with how well you’ve managed to accommodate all of the pegasus and earth ponies who have moved north. If only Hurricane was that good at organizing! ~~Hahahahahaha!~~ Apparently, Kickball knows Hurricane. Apologies.

Luna had expressed an interest in forming a school of magic, and asked me if I would be interested in organizing that. I declined. However, if there were some other pony interested... well, but I suppose you have your hooves full up there. Don’t worry, I didn’t volunteer you. ~~I’ll do it!~~Shut up.

~~I miss you, my faithful student. My friend.~~Why did you write that?!

...I do miss you.

I hope to see you someday soon,

Starswirl ~~(the Bearded?)~~No titles!

. . .

Starswirl appraised the letter with a scowl. He appraised everything with a scowl. “Well. It’s not perfect, but... I suppose it will do.”

It was the greatest letter he had ever written. Cadet Kickball didn't need to know that.

Author's Note

Hey everypony!
First of all, sorry for jumping into this before finishing Cauldron Club! I'm still working on it, I Pinkie promise! This one just kind of let itself get written, and I thought, "Hey, why not post it?" I'm actually working on three stories simultaneously (with at least 2 more in the wings), and some days it's easier to write one more than the others. Not sure when we'll see the next part of this one (trying to focus on Cauldron Club when I can), but I'm already started on it, so maybe it won't be all that long!

Secondly, I'm not really sure why I've decided to make "Starswirl" one word, instead of "Star Swirl," which makes more sense. I just like it better this way, sort of like "Applejack" instead of "Apple Jack." Anyway! It's kind of an indefensible choice, so I won't defend it! I just hope you don't mind too much. I also like to imagine everypony is speaking in "Old Equestrian," a la Luna from Luna Eclipsed, but since that would probably get in the way more than anything, consider this a "translated to modern" edition.

Thirdly, I honestly have no idea if there is any significance to Kickball's name, or really even how I settled on it, it just sort of seems to fit him!

Fourthly, if you read my story, thank you very much! If you read and thumbs'd up my story, double thanks! If you read, thumbs'd up and commented, triple thanks! And if you read, thumbs'd up, commented and favorited my story, then shine forever in the glory that is you, for you have achieved awesomeness! And if you followed me, well, you have transcended the awesomeness threshold. Pretty sure you've fulfilled some kind of prophecy somewhere. I promise I'll try my best to justify your interest!

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