What do I do?
What do we do?
It’s a question which I ask myself often now, practically every single day. As bleak as things may have gotten, I still cling onto a glimmer of hope. I still tell myself that everything will be alright. Because really, what else is there to do?
As I look outside, I try to envision what everything used to look like. Any day of the week the skies would be a crisp blue, the grass a cool green, other flowers and plants creating a wondrous palette of color which delighted the eye.
I won’t lie, those days are sorely missed. But even now I cling on to the memories of the good times, the carefree days when we lived and didn’t have to worry about the next day. How I miss those times…
Even more, I miss you.
Where did you go?
Where did the energy, the brashness, and the awesomeness of the pony I love most disappear to?
I could always expect you to be in a positive mood, always able to get me out of the dumps when things were bleak, or to cheer me up when my experiments went afoul. You were the beam of light which lit me up aflame, and even now you still do.
But this flame has been dying. It’s been dying for years.
Just like our world has slowly died.
I can still see the headline in the newspaper the day I had read it. Scientists had discovered a breakthrough in energy resources, claiming that color could be used as a natural and essentially pollution free fuel source.
At first the idea seemed skeptical for me. Merely a part of the electromagnetic spectrum, I didn’t understand how color could be used for energy. Even now, I still don’t fully understand how they did it.
But ponies approved of the idea.
And so they began to use color as an energy source. Within a year, color became the number one energy source, and the whole idea of a color revolution came to fruition.
It was heralded as nature’s savior, as a way for all of the world to go green. Eventually, our skepticism died down, and even we were supporters of the movement.
Everything was perfect.
Everything… until a side effect became evident.
We were walking through town, when we noticed a single lone flower nestled in the ground between two rocks. The flower seemed relatively normal at first glance, until you looked at its appearance.
Gray.
The flower was gray and lacking any sort of color.
I had dismissed it as nothing significant, and didn’t connect it to the color revolution at all.
Unfortunately that was a mistake of grand proportions. Soon, we were racing towards the city, but more specifically to see Princess Celestia.
I’ll never forget the sight of when the two massive wood carved doors opened. She coule barely speak, was devoid of any color, and weakened to a point neither of us had ever witnessed before. She was still running things even in her state of health, but told me that she had no idea what had happened.
She entrusted me to find out the cause.
I entrusted myself to find the cause and solution.
The scientists who created the machines which converted the color into useable energy had done specifically what they set out to do. However, they forgot a crucial step in the process. They had a hypothesis, variables, an experiment, and results, the full scientific method one would say. But they failed to properly look at the data at hand. Knowing the machine worked was enough for them, even if it meant harming the population for their fame.
I set out to discover a cure, while around me everything began to lose brightness and color. You stood next to me the entire time, fear evident in your expression as we both imagined a world without any color.
Every book read, every spell tested, produced an identical failure each time. We spent hours upon days in my basement trying every combination I could think of, but to no avail. That glimmer of hope I once held, was starting to fade with every waking hour.
But that flame never died. We never died. When I was up to 20 straight hours in my own personal research hell, I would look over at you, and suddenly gain the inspiration to continue and tough it out. Your Rainbow mane and tail made me remember how much color meant to me and you. They gave me hope, enough for me to rise up and believe that I could fix this, that I could win this battle.
Soon, it became not just about knowing if I could win, I set out to make sure I won. My determination nearly got the best of me as I slowly started to burn out, coming to grips with reality. Reality was pouring small amounts of water onto my flame, slowly weakening it down to a point of no return. Reality was telling me that there was nothing I could do.
And my realization of this didn’t come until that fateful day. It has been around a year ago since then?
The memory remains one of my most vivid. Some say that the bad memories are the ones people remember better than others, and I’m liable to agree with these ponies.
You woke up that day, weakened to a state I had never seen you in before. The color was completely gone from your upper body, your torso was a color which couldn’t even be called one. Your perfect rainbow mane was rainbow no longer, to our very eyes all we could see was colorless locks. The only remaining color you had was confined to one wing, and by then even that was starting to fade.
I recall this as I watch you from across the room. Your color wasn’t the only thing stolen from you that day.
You lost your smile.
And we lost Rainbow Dash.
Physically we didn’t as here you sit today, eyes glazed over with a look of nothingness, a blank stare at your own reflection in the window before you. The sun was setting, our world going from day to night yet again, but at this point didn’t it all seem like night?
Those were your own words.
Every once in a while I’ll head back downstairs to look at the mess of papers and test tubes, thinking about trying yet again, starting up the search for the cure. But every time I think about it, I abandon the idea instantly. The amount of hope and desire for actually finding said cure just isn’t enough for me anymore. And really, the project was a colossal failure.
I wish I could do something about it. I wish I knew how to solve this, for you, for me... for us.
I wish the color came back.
What is color?
It seems like such a simple question. But what is the right answer?
You could say red, yellow, blue, green, purple, and orange. But what about the hundreds and hundreds of colors made from these hues?
You can put symbolism into colors. Take the color red for instance. Red is the universal color of love. Its why ponies give their special someponies roses, to signify their love for one another. But is that all color is?
So what is color?
I don’t know.
I pride myself in knowing so much, when in reality I know very little. We have something as simple as color, and I simply cannot define it.
But I do know that color is something which could get you to smile again. And although the project of bringing back color was mainly a failure, it did have one positive.
Sitting on the table before me which I sit at, is a small glass prism. It seems like a nice little table weight or something, but in fact, it is much more than that.
All my research, all of the countless nights of no sleep had given me only this singular thing to call an accomplishment. Within this prism was a feather, specifically a cyan feather. The spell I had cast on the prism had worked to keep the feather preserved within the prism, color and all.
It remains the only item of color we had left.
But it showed that it was possible to save the color, however, it wasn’t a cure. Instead, it was as if I put the feather in suspended animation.
When I first accomplished this, I remember you looking at the prism every single day. You tried to encourage me that a cure was possible, and I could see that soft glow of optimism still hidden beneath those eyes. I can’t anymore though. Any light in your eyes seems to be turned off for good at this point.
The colorlessness didn’t just impact us. It made the entire world go into turmoil. Productivity decreased in all forms especially that of necessities. Food production went to record lows, and overall health caused hospitals and clinics to become overcrowded to the point where many ponies were denied.
Soon prices on every single everyday item increased, forcing me to spread out what little money we had, only buying what we absolutely needed.
But even that was trivial in nature.
I remember losing my violet hue not too long after you finally lost the last of your cyan color. Thankfully I still had magic to use, although it was much less powerful. Gone were spells like teleportation, and I was relegated to simple spells like levitation.
Yet I considered that trivial as well.
All in all, I couldn’t feel sorry for myself with you around me like you were. I didn’t lose much of who I was when the color left. No matter what, I would continue to be Twilight Sparkle, and there was no stopping that.
But when your color left, for a reason I never understood, you stopped being Rainbow Dash. Rarely did you even speak to a soul anymore, choosing to wallow in depression and sadness, which wasn’t evident on the outside. But I knew very well that was the case.
It’s been weeks since I’ve even seen you fly.
But today was also significant in its own right however. As much as I loved you, I don’t think I could live with you how you are right now. The lack of emotion kills me inside, it eats me alive that no matter how I tried, yet you seem to stay in an emotionless state of affairs.
I can’t live like this.
It sounds painfully selfish, and I know it is. But I have done nothing but love you since day one. If you won’t show me love back, then there isn’t any reason for me to stay with you anymore is there? As much as I would hate to leave you alone, my heart is telling me I just might have to.
What would happen if I left you alone? I don’t like to think about it. Truthfully, I would always come and check up on you, but in terms of being around all the time? That would end.
I stare once more back at that prism on the table, attempting to form words in my mouth in what I want to say to you. I stumble on the right choice of words, naturally it happens in pressured situations. Only this time there is nopony behind this. The only one who is putting pressure on what I’ll say is me.
Why was it so difficult to talk to you now? You were one of my best friends, somepony I could come to for anything I needed a second word on. It may not be always the best word, but it worked to always comfort me.
Besides, you’re the only one I still talk to now…
I walk over and take a seat beside you, looking out the same window you continue to stare through. I can see the Everfree from here, a place we all used to fear. Now, we fear the rest of the world just as much. It makes me wonder just what you’re looking at all this time. Or were you just watching?
Watching the world go by…
Rainbow Dash hated to do that.
“You know, just watching the world go by was something I thought you always hated.”
She turns to look at me, and I don’t light up in the slightest, staring deep into her eyes. I only noticed that even my voice sounds dry and raspy from lack of use, but that fails to really capture your attention.
“Ponies change…”
“But why..?”
She has no answer for that question. Truth be told, neither do I. I didn’t expect her to try and respond.
We sit by that window for what seems like hours, it could have only been minutes but at this point I don’t really care about the time anymore.
“Why did you have to change?”
What a stupid and redundant question. Of course nopony would really know the answer to that.
Surprisingly she looked up at me, and I could see the faint glimmer of hurt flash beneath those lifeless eyes. There was also a sense of pity there as she seemed to analyze me from the top down, looking within my soul. I tried to stay balanced, but the fact that I’ve now started to sweat and my hoof is tapping against the cold dried wood is giving away how I truly feel. Because right now I’m scared again, scared of somepony I used to be so comfortable around.
Without hesitation however, she directs her attention right back towards the window, the frames of some buildings being the only visible things in the darkness.
This Rainbow Dash, was not the one I grew to love.
I hated this Rainbow Dash.
“I don’t…”
“I hate what you’ve become.”
The way I said it, with almost a snarl, got her complete attention as she stood up and looked before me. I had no intention of even saying that, yet it came out with such authority where I was even surprised.
It was only now that I finally noticed just how weakened she was. Her wings had lost many feathers, and seemed to be failing in growing replacements. The once toned athletic body she had was long a distant memory, her muscles seemed feeble at best. Overall her whole frame was frail, a stark reminder of where we were now.
But the way she was looking at me now, the way she was holding herself up in front of me, was showing hints of her old self.
At this point I was standing up before her, and realized that there was no turning back now.
“This Rainbow Dash is not who I came to love. At this point, you’re the only one I even bother talking to anymore. You’re the only one I care about.” All of this, every word was true, and I continued to pour out my heart, hoping that something would spark inside her, something to finally wake her up. “Right now, it’s hard to call you alive. I considered leaving you, because honestly, would you even notice?"
I stood my ground, borrowing an old quality of brashness from her. I was still afraid, and there was no hiding that at this point, but I thought I could at least make it less obvious.
She was standing as close to me as she had in a long time. Our noses were nearly touching as I stared into her eyes. The depression seemed to have been replaced by overwhelming anger and sadness, each of which were vying for control. I was praying that the anger lost, for even with her weakened state Rainbow probably was stronger than I was and could hurt me if she wanted.
Would she? Would… could our Rainbow do such a thing?
I feel a sharp blow strike be on the side of my muzzle, a searing pain filling my face instantly. Within seconds I’m sitting on the floor, still staring at up at her, refusing to break eye contact. I could feel a copper taste start to invade my mouth, but thought nothing of it.
I hadn’t averted my gaze, and before I know it she’s pulled me in as close as possible. Our faces come together nearly knocking the wind out of me before I notice our lips meeting.
Wait… our lips are meeting?
She’s kissing me!
I finally break out of my trance and return the favor, melting into her hooves as our tongues do a dynamic dance. My body feels like it’s on fire, and I can feel a small wetness start to stain my cheek.
Tears?
They’re probably mine, as Rainbow would never cry. I only realize that she is softly sobbing intermittently as we kiss, and those tear stains are from those once emotionless eyes. They are her tears, something I haven’t seen in a long time.
We end up breaking apart due to oxygen needs, but I’m already feeling better than I have in many months. It’s as if the weakness has disappeared, replaced with a slowly increasing beacon of hope, hope in that everything will be alright.
I look to her and see her liquid filled eyes nearly begging me to stay, pleading with me not to leave her all alone with her thoughts.
The question she finally asks is one that isn’t expected.
“What do you want to do?”
I nearly broke into tears right there. Here she was, wallowed in deep sadness and depression over a colorless disease zapping her of strength and ability, barely alive in the mental aspect of the term. Yet after all this, she still wanted me to do what I thought was best, what I deemed fit. Her loyalty to keeping me okay was astounding.
But was what best for me?
Am I taking advantage of a broken pony? Am I using her merely so I wasn’t alone myself?
Surely I couldn’t leave her alone, not with the kinds of thoughts she might have been thinking. Alone with her own thoughts, Rainbow Dash would be no more. Nopony could live alone like this.
It made my decision so much easier.
She watched as I slowly walked over to the table, picking up the prism in my hoof and giving it a good look over. With one swift motion, I smashed it onto the ground, shattering the glass instantly into thousands of miniature sized shards. The feather floated out of the mess, gently twirling until it settled on the floor. We watched as the feather faded, its bright cyan color disappearing into oblivion.
I looked back at her, a smile forming on my face for the first time I can remember. And although it might have been small, I could sense her smile returning too, even if she didn’t notice it.
We met in an embrace as I breathed a response of "I'll stay" into her ear, stroking her back as she gently did with mine. I let my own head nuzzle into her neck, content on never moving from this soft and warm spot.
This is what love is.
…At least that is what I tell myself.
And even in this colorless world, a world stricken with pain, depression, and hardship, there are little seeds of hope that are planted every day. These can grow with time, and soon massive trees filled with optimism arise, giving everypony a sense of something to admire. It acts like a little something to help them through the tough times.
Maybe I won’t ever see the old Rainbow Dash ever again. I surely won’t ever see her Rainbow mane.
But I can live with that.
As I look back on the shattered remains of the prism, I feel a calm content feeling. What I feel is the last remnant of the past leaving us, saying goodbye as it drifts away into nothing.
Because droning on the past is not how we lived.
Rainbow Dash was never one to dwell in the past, and neither was I.
But now we have something to live for. I’ll be there with Rainbow every step of the way, through bad times and good, no matter if she really wants me there or not. I’ll love her unconditionally till the dawn of time, even if I never might know if she truly loves me back. I’ll support her through every single experience and event that hits us, whether it hurts us or makes us stronger.
We’ve built the bridges before, and even though they’ve been burned down, who say we can’t build them back? With her in my life, perhaps we will be alright.
Together, maybe we can bring little color back into the world.
Author's Note
Inspiration for this was my favorite story Wonderbolt by Wovenword. This similar idea of color is also what I'm using for another story of mine.
Hope you enjoyed it, and like always, comment and I'll give you a cookie!
Cheers,
DJRD
