She's a Rover, Seldom Sober.

by Flutterguy89

Rating: teen
Tags: Slice of Life, Applejack, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Comedy, Rarity, Romance, Fluttershy
Length: 3005

It's hard cider season and Rainbow seems to be over indulging, but could the cyan speedster have an ulterior motive?

Rainbow Dash loves a good cider, and she seems to love a good hard cider even more. More to the point, Rainbow seems to be enjoying her hard cider a bit more than usual lately. In fact, her near single minded determination to get plastered has raised more than a few brows.

Follow along as Dash wanders the streets of Ponyville in a drunken stupor and discover why she has been hitting bottle with such fervency .

((Inspired by lack of sleep and Great Big Sea's "I'm a Rover"))

Published 2013-08-14 04:40:03 UTC
Last updated 2013-08-14 04:40:03 UTC

She's a Rover, Seldom Sober.

She’s a Rover, Seldom Sober

‘Why is it always raining when I’m drunk. Bet Twilight’s behind it, somehow. That freaky-deaky magic stuff she does could totally conjure up storms! Yeah, I bet she does it to make sure I don’t fly home, I mean sure I’m drunk but I’m not drunk enough to fly in a thunderstorm. Yeah, drunk, not suicidal… I mean I’m drunk but I’m not drunk enough to fly in a thun- …Wait, wait, I did that already…’

Down the main street of Ponyville stumbled the one, the only, the incredibly blitzed Rainbow Dash. Hard cider season –not to be confused with the small batch centric family affair that the Apples hosted – had begun, and for Rainbow at least, there were traditions that needed to be upheld. Traditions in this case could be more accurately defined as Rainbow drinking non-stop from the moment the cider cart rolled into town until she could count the lateness of the hour on a single hoof. She couldn’t remember how the tradition had begun, but then again she couldn’t remember a lot of things at the moment.

Despite her determination to make a complete foal of herself, her friends refused to abandon Dash in her hours of need, be they glamorous triumphs of friendship over evil’s attempts at dominion over Equestria…. or holding her mane back while what had down her gullet refused to stay put. Tonight was trending towards the latter. Trailing behind the prismatic mare were the two of her five best friends who had drawn the short straws for babysitting the over-indulged pegasus.

“… What I’m saying is that perhaps we should speak to her about this bizarre pattern of behavior,” Rarity spoke to her counterpart, though her attention was clearly elsewhere. Her sapphire blue eyes were glued to the cobblestones of the street, careful to avoid each and every puddle or slick of mud. Her horn was aglow as she used a trifle of magic to hold a large, fashionably patterned umbrella aloft over her head. Of course she would spare the occasional glance to make sure Rainbow wasn’t staring slack-jawed at the rainclouds or choking on her tongue, but one did no simply walk into a rainstorm without proper attention paid to one’s appearance.

“That ain’t the trouble I’m havin’ with it, sugarcube,” Applejack drawled, paying about as much attention to the mud on her hooves or the rain beating on her hat as an elephant might pay to an amoeba. “Trouble is you ain’t just talkin’ about speakin’ to her. What you’re talkin’ about doin’ is to take her private problems an’ make a big ol’ show of it. ‘Sides she only does this a couple times a year.”

“A couple times too many if you ask me,” Rarity replied with an upturned muzzle. “I mean honestly Applejack, we may all have our moments of having a few too many, but it’s as if she walks into the bar with the explicit intention of getting blackout drunk. You can’t tell me you find that sort of behavior tolerable.”

Applejack rolled her eyes, yet still made sure to keep at least one eye on Rainbow at all times who was currently drunkenly tittering at shrubbery. Unfortunately the resulting ocular acrobatics caused Applejack’s bright green eyes to momentarily freeze in an expression that was more characteristic of a certain grey mail-mare than the apple farmer. The cowpony shook her head violently attempting to realign her gaze. “Uhhh… remind me never to that again…” She said to herself as the world slowly spun back into focus.

“It’s simple just desserts for your snark, darling,” Rarity replied without so much as batting a lash in her direction.

Meanwhile Rainbow had begun to attempt to tap dance in a series of puddles, before she remembered that ponies tended to have special shoes to tap dance. She frowned, having believed for certain that her new idea of splashy tap dancing would have revolutionized the art form. No, not just the world of tap dance but also the world of normal dance too! Or maybe just the entire world of… of worldliness!

“Why do you think she does it?” Applejack asked earnestly, staring quizzically at the cyan speedster. “I mean, if’n you’re right about her walkin’ into the bar with a purpose, why in Equestria would she put herself through this?”

“I’m sure only Rainbow could answer that,” Rarity said with a dignified nod.

The mare in question was now singing loudly and off key.

“Well I don’ think she is exactly fit for a much of a coherent explanation right now,” Applejack deadpanned. “C’mon Rares, you’re always goin’ off about your abilities as the town’s premier gossip, what have your… I donno… sources told you?”

“Well, well, Applejack darling…. is Ponyville’s most honest, dependable, trustworthy pony stooping the level of common gossip?” Rarity queried with a wry grin.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m debasing myself,” Applejack sighed, “Now stow the smugness and tell me already.”

“Well,” Rarity pulled alongside the cowpony and leaned in, dropping her voice, “I have heard one thing…”

“Yes?” Applejack asked, her voice revealing plainly her annoyance at Rarity ceremonious demeanor.

“Well, I heard it from Bon Bon, who had spoken to Cloudchaser who heard it from Flitter,” Rarity whispered excitedly, “Apparently every year Rainbow hits the bottle because it’s another year in which she’s failed to obtain her goal of becoming a Wonderbolt!”

The pair both turned to see Rainbow who now appeared to be staring somberly into a pool of water, scrutinizing her own reflection.

“I don’ know…” Applejack said skeptically, “Sure, she can be a tad unstable from time to time. Hospital break-ins aside, she isn’t the type to drown her sorrows like that… least that’s not the Rainbow I know.”

“Yes but darling think of it this way, each year that passes is another year less she’d have on the tour, not to mention the fact that as she gets older it becomes harder to secure a spot on the team.” Rarity’s voice grew steadily more and more dramatic. “Granted she’s still very young now, but think of the relentless march of time, weighing down on her soul, slowly grinding her dreams into the dust failure!”

Rarity placed a hoof over her brow, looking as stricken as can be. Applejack rolled her eyes yet again, making sure NOT to twist her ocular nerve this time.

“I still say it’s a stretch,” Applejack replied, pursing her lips slightly. “I mean just look at her,” Applejack waved a hoof in Dash’s direction, “Does she look like she’s the type to just up and drown herself in booze ‘cause things ain’t going along as smooth as she might like.”

And so Rarity did look up from her hooves to study Rainbow… or tried to, but Rainbow was nowhere to be seen.

“Oh horse-chips,” Applejack swore, “We lost her.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A pebble bounced off of Fluttershy’s window, yet there was no response from the slumbering yellow pegasus within. Another pebble bounced off the pane, and another. Then a few acorns.

*CRACK*

A small rock smashed into the window, shattering the glass.

“DRAGONS!” Screeched a high pitched, half-asleep voice as Fluttershy bolted upright in her bed.

“Woah, where?” Slurred a voice from just outside the window.

Fluttershy gathered her wits, reality slowly coalescing around her. She knew that voice, and more over she knew what time of year it was.

Fluttershy sighed, yet on her lips was a smile. She got out of bed, and trotted over to the window, “Good morning Rainbow.”

“What’re you talkin’ about,” The simultaneously sloshed and soaked Rainbow Dash, “It’s not morning, its night.” The cyan mare waved her hoof at the surrounding darkness, “See. No sunshine, that means it’s still night.”

Fluttershy shook her head, the small smile on her lips growing wider.

“Yes Rainbow, I see.” She said softly, “I’m guessing you’d like to come on up?”

“It’s raining, I can’t fly home,” Rainbow said simply, though with a bit of a sheepish smile.

Fluttershy waved her up, and moved away from the window just as a soaking wet, rainbow blur shot through it.

“Sorry about the window,” Rainbow said once she got her hooves under her, though she was swaying slightly. “I can totally pay for that… or fix it or something…”

“Thank you, Rainbow,” Fluttershy said closing the shutter over the broken window, the sound of the storm outside fading away. She turned towards her friend but was immediately caught in a drunken embrace, her face forcibly buried in dripping wet cyan fur.

“I’m sooooo sorry Flutter-butter,” Rainbow said, slurring heavily, as she ran her muddy hooves through Fluttershy’s mane. “Oh no! I’m so sorry, I just keep doing everything wrong.”

Fluttershy peeled herself away from her friend, brushing some of the dirt from her mane. “It’s okay Rainbow, really,” she spoke in a soft loving manner, as if comforting an upset foal, “But let’s get you, cleaned up okay.”

“Awesome!” Rainbow said excitedly, “Do you still have the extra bubbly kind of shampoo that smells like… like whatever pretty flowers your mane smells like!”

“Yes Rainbow, I know how much you like it,” Fluttershy replied as she led Rainbow into the bathroom. She couldn’t help but smile at her childlike excitement.

Fluttershy waited on the other side of the curtain, while Rainbow showered. She hummed a little tune as she listened to make sure Rainbow wasn’t going to harm herself. Sure enough, Rainbow did eventually slip, a loud bang sounding from inside the tub.

Rainbow swore fluently under her breath as she returned to her hooves.

“Are you okay, Dash?” Fluttershy asked tentatively peaking around the shower curtain.

“Yeah,” Rainbow replied, her voice a little shaky, “Can’t quite balance and shampoo at the same time…”

“It’s no problem, Rainbow,” the timid pegasus replied warmly, “Would you like some help?”

Dash nodded, passing Fluttershy the little bottle of shampoo. Fluttershy took it with a caring smile, and set about washing her friend’s mane. She hummed a little tune she had learned from friendly pair of songbirds, and ran her hooves tenderly though her multi colored mane.

Rainbow sighed happily. Her eyes shut, she melted into Fluttershy’s hooves. A big goofy grin formed on her lips. “You are like so awesome at this…” Rainbow said happily.
Fluttershy simply smiled to herself.

A short time later, a suddenly very tired, yet meticulously clean Rainbow Dash was snoring away in Fluttershy’s bed.

The yellow pegasus pulled the blankets up over her friend’s sleeping form. Then, after she was certain Rainbow was deep asleep, she leaned in a planted a kiss on Rainbow’s forehead.

“Sleep tight Dashie~ ”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sunlight, chief among Tartarus’s black spawn, shown through the windows of the cottage. Then, as always, came its partner in villainy: the noises. It was like the screeching of a million, million tiny hooves across equally as many miniature blackboards. After a moment Rainbow Dash realized that the sounds that were assaulting her ear drums were not the screeching of a demonic choir, but bird song; and there was only one place in Ponyville where one could hear such exquisite bird song from the pillowed comfort of a matress.

With this realization a wave of happiness washed over her. Despite the fact that her body felt she had just gone twelve rounds with a minotaur and her stomach felt as though the mere thought of cider would make her toss its contents onto the floor, Rainbow Dash smiled.

As her eyes began to adjust to the light she saw a canary yellow pegasus float over towards the bed on gently fluttering wings, carrying a breakfast tray in her hooves. “Good morning Rainbow, I have some nice dry toast and weak tea for you.”

Dash croaked out her thanks, unable to wipe the smile from her lips.

Fluttershy placed the tray in front of Rainbow on the bed and sat herself on the edge of the bed. Rainbow began to immediately dig in, knowing from experience that Fluttershy’s offerings never failed to soothe her upset stomach.

“Rainbow…” She began slowly, her wide teal eyes showing concern, “I think we need to talk.”

“Mmmph?” Rainbow replied, spraying a few as she did.

“This makes almost a dozen times now,” She said, and though her voice was quiet it was still determined. “Rainbow… I know you like to have a good time, but I’m worried about you.”

Rainbow slowly swallowed her mouthful of toast. “It’s okay ‘shy, I mean, I’m okay. Nothing to worry about.”

“It is though,” Fluttershy said, looking very serious. “Why Rainbow? Why do you keep doing this to yourself?”

Rainbow’s eyes darted away from her, instead focusing intently on her plate.

“…and why do you always end up here?” Fluttershy added softly. She worried that it sounded terribly conceited to think there was a reason for it, but after it happened five times she knew for sure there had to be a reason… and now after eleven incidents she had to know why.

“Couldn’t fly home…” Rainbow offered weakly, still not looking at her.

“Rarity and Applejack were with you last night, or at least they were supposed to be. Why not stay with one of them?” Fluttershy asked earnestly.

“I… uh…” Rainbow stammered trying to think fast.

“Rainbow, what aren’t you telling me?”

Dash sighed, realizing that as much as she wished it, the charade couldn’t continue. It had been weighing on her more and more recently, and though she always succeeded in getting what she wanted social and physical strain was beginning to manifest. Her actions hadn’t gone unnoticed, she knew. There were rumors and whispered that had begun to chink away at her reputation, bit by bit. Above that, however, she felt that she was being dishonest with her oldest friend, and that was something she just couldn’t live with much longer.

Slowly lifting her head she met Fluttershy’s gaze, her voice sound as soft and quiet as the yellow mare’s, “… I like it when you take care of me….”

Fluttershy froze, unable to believe what she had just heard, “What…. what do you mean by that?”

“It’s just… the first time this happened, you took me home from the bar…. made sure I was cared for… and then I woke up here, in your bed, and you fussed over me, made me feel better.” Rainbow felt guilt gather about her shoulders like a lead cloak. “The first few times I wasn’t trying to end up here, I just got drunk and remembered how nice it had been… and so I wandered here… and then I guess I just started to do it on purpose…”

“Rainbow…” Fluttershy whispered, looking at her friend as though seeing her for the first time.

“I know, it’s pretty messed up,” Rainbow admitted, “I shouldn’t have kept doing it. I was hurting myself just so that you’d make me feel better… I mean that’s like grade ‘A’ nut ball stuff… but there’s just something about you Fluttershy… the way you take care of anypony and anything that need your help, and yet you’re never brusque or jaded… you just handle it all with this sort of…. grace...”

Fluttershy’s heart whirled with emotions. After a few moments of silence, during which Rainbow appeared to become increasingly miserable, Fluttershy spoke up. “Do you think… you’d want to … I mean if you weren’t drinking…?”

“What?” Rainbow said, obviously confused by the question.

“Would you like me to… take care of you sometime…when you aren’t drinking?” Fluttershy said, her cheeks tinted slightly pink.

Rainbow stared at her, her mind working on overdrive. “Wait a second…. Fluttershy… did you just find Equestria’s weirdest way to ask me out?”

The pink maned pony simply nodded.

Rainbow thought for a minute… okay more like a second. “Sure! Are you kidding me!? That’s awesome! Oh my gosh! I think if nothing else, my liver just fell in love with you. But where is all this coming from?”

“Well… I guess I’ve always admired you Rainbow. You’re strong and brave and daring, but more than that you are a good friend. You look at me and you don’t write me off as a nervous wreck. You challenge me to be better, and help me achieve it,” Fluttershy took a deep breath and sighed, “…and to be honest… I like taking care of you like this. It lets me express feeling that I’ve had for you for such a long time. I get to be close to you, make you feel better… It’s really a nice feeling…”

Rainbow simply stared at her, the headache, soreness and nausea all taking a back seat to growing feeling of warmth welling up in her heart. She had felt terrible for making herself a burden to Fluttershy, for taking secret pleasure in her fussing over her, and now… now it was all pointless. Fluttershy would have done it for her all along; all she had needed to do was speak up.
She knew she should feel angry at herself at the futility of it all, or for the damage she had done both to her body and reputation, or for the trials she had put her friends through. Yet, she just felt so triumphantly happy.

“Wow… that is just… just awesome!” Rainbow found herself saying excitedly. “Okay so uh, what do say, next Friday, six? Dinner, movie, walk through park?” Rainbow giggled a bit. “Feels weird to be making plans when I’m already in your bed.”

“Sounds wonderful, Rainbow,” Fluttershy said, giggling along with her.

Rainbow positively beamed, and so did Fluttershy. It wasn’t exactly a story book start to a romance. Yet in the end, both mares were simply just happy to have a shot at relationship free of pretense.

Hey, it might make a fun story to tell their foals one day…

Author's Note

A random one-shot written on an insomnia kick. Enjoy.