My Little Auditor: Madness is Combat

by BlazingShadowBrony

Rating: mature
Tags: Random, Discord, Gore, Princess Celestia, Crossover, Main 6, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Other, Adventure
Length: 1617

Hank J. Wimbleton gets thrown into Equestria when the Sheriff activates the Improbability Drive.

Hank J. Wimbleton was just trying to kill the Sheriff, again, but whatever he did, it sent him and all of Nevada at the time to a colorful world of Friendship.

They've never experienced the Madness.

They've never seen the horrors of it.

But, then again, what choice do they have?

Madness Combat, Hank and all other Madness characters belong to Krinkles
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic belong to Lauren Faust and Hasbro

Author's Note: I'm sorry, I couldn't resist. This will be most likely more gory than Cupcakes. Ponies were not harmed during the making of this fic, but I cannot guarantee ponies won't be harmed in the fic.

Published 2012-03-02 22:04:02 UTC
Last updated 2012-03-02 22:04:02 UTC

Hank J. Wimbleton: My Little Avenger

Chapter 1

These are strange times indeed...all of Nevada disappeared after a madman tried to kill the sheriff. Now they are somewhere else entirely.

Somewhere in Neighvada...

The only one who didn't black out during the statewide transportation was a mysterious man, his eyes a solid red, who cursed and kicked the improbability drive, causing it to quickly shutdown and restart. This caused a violent tremor to shake the man off his feet and land on his face. He let loose a large wad of curse words and got back up, his red eyes seemingly getting brighter. He sat down in front of a computer screen and pressed some keys. The screen came to life as he opened a couple windows and messed with them, making sure all ties with the secondary drive were severed, as to keep the primary one from being destroyed. He set the cameras up again to watch his improbability drive work it's magic on Hank.

Hank suddenly came to, and it was as if he zoned out or something. He suddenly realized that more enemies were coming for him. He turned to see one grunt literally fly out of the door and hit the camera, but he was unharmed...for now. Hank lifted the gun in his hand and shot at his enemies. He kept killing, even as the room that was on the ground floor started cutting itself in half, and the half he entered from fell away. Then that clown he killed the last time he went after the sheriff appeared with a jet-pack and a M60. Hank acted quickly, he grabbed a corpse and blocked the shots the clown fired. When the clown ran out of ammo he fled, and Hank dropped his meat-shield and ran to the edge of the room to fire his gun at the strange clown. He looked up towards the sky, but the clown was nowhere to be seen. Then, all of the sudden, Hank felt someone push him over the edge. When Hank landed on the, oh so soft pavement, he saw the clown had pushed him. Hank was on the street with only one weapon and the sun was rising, illuminating the sky filled with...falling sperm whales? Okay, that was bad. The improbability drive must have been activated, and now all of Nevada was affected. He readied himself for the oncoming wave of enemies, and shot.

Twilight couldn't believe her eyes. A whole town appeared out of nowhere, and brought with it an early, sun filled, sky full of falling sperm whales.
"Huh!? But I...I don't get it." She managed to say, her mane partially frizzed from this new source of stress.

"What's going on?" Spike asked, his eyes full of worry, when he suddenly belched out his signature green flame. The flame hovered in front of Twilight, before it swirled magically into a letter. Knowing it was from the princess, Twilight used her magic to hold the letter as she opened it and read it aloud,

"To My Faithful Student,

It has probably come to your attention that strange things are happening tonight, or rather this morning. Me and my sister originally thought it was Discord causing all of this. But we watched as he broke out of his stone prison just as surprised as we were.
He is heading over to help you figure this out, but until then try to refrane from using your magic too much. As this strange phenomenon is canceling out my control over levitation spells.
Please stay safe Twilight Sparkle.

Princess Celestia"

"Yes as much as I'd like to say I caused this, it wasn't." Discord said, having arrived behind everypony and making all but Pinkie jump. "I am quite miffed at this turn of events."

Twilight, having sported a few more strands of her mane sticking out, calmed herself before asking a question on everypony's mind, "Why help us Discord? Why not just join forces with, whatever is causing this?" Twilight was instantly startled as Discord wrapped his lion arm around her neck, from literally nowhere and fully appeared next to her.

"Hahaha!" Discord laughed, "Twilight, my dear. If they are causing this, I want to know how, and before you ask about why I don't know..." The draconequis looked sullen, almost like he was broken, "Whatever or whoever is causing this, is also messing with my magic."

Twilight let her eye twich, "But you were just using it...weren't you?"

"Yes. But that, and floating, are about the extent of what I can do Twilight Sparkle," the spirit of disharmony said as if he was annoyed, before snapping his eagle talons and causing a cotton candy cloud to come to him. At first it seemed fine, until Discord tried to take a chunk out of it. As soon as Discord barely touched it, the cloud exploded violently, leaving a very angry spirit of chaos with a blackened face. "Do you see what I mean? Anything touched by my magic, and then me, will explode!" Discord floated idley as Pinkie, with a worried look, put her hoof on his tail. He turned to her and kept his miffed look on as she looked at him like she was about to cry with worry. Discord's face shifted to one of sadness, then joy as he picked Pinkie up with his tail.

Twilight turned away from the draconequis and looked at the town that ha appeared in much the same way as Discord. Out of thin air, and seemingly taking as much space as it could within the field. Twilight was thinking where to go first, when all of the sudden the sun, which had grown a face when it rose, grew a body and opened it's eyes. Then it dropped out of the sky into the town below, disappearing from view. Then only a few short seconds later, the unspeakable happened.

____________

Hank saw it, but he barely believed it.

The sun itself dropped out of the sky to kill him. Hesitant that it was really the sun, Hank grabbed the warning sign nearby and brandished it. He swiped at the sun-man a couple times, causing him/it to fall on his/its back. Not wasting time so he/it could get up, he slammed the warning sign down on his/its face, killing him/it instantly. Hank nearly impaled himself on the sign when the sky turned black due to the lack of a sun. But Hank didn't have time to try and save the sun or anything stupid like that, because the clown came back. This time, the clown didn't have a weapon so he foolishly tried to fist fight the already angered Hank. It ended when Hank impaled him into the giant marshmallow, that fell during his previous fight, with the warning sign he used to kill the long-gone sun. Looking around, he decided to at least go towards the area the most reinforcements came from, as it was his only lead.

Tricky the Clown, your work is not done here yet.
That was all the clown heard before he was pulled away from the darkness by, what felt like, a jolt of electricity coursing through his very soul. He woke up still impaled into the marshmallow. He took a quick look at his green skin and grabbed the warning sign.

It was payback time.

___________________

"THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE! THAT MAKES NO SCIENTIFIC SENSE, WHATSOEVER!" Twilight screamed, her mane now a horrible frizzy mess. It reminded Rainbow Dash of that time the Parasprites tried to eat Ponyville.

The sky blacked out, but not one object was bathed in darkness. Not even Discord could do that with his magic, as was evident by the shocked look on his face. Discord then quickly shook himself out of his stupor and spoke, "Well, I think the source of the problem is obviously in that town. What say you, Twilight Sparkle?"

Twilight, who was still shaken up by the sudden black sky, only nodded her head.

All of the mane 6 and Discord went down the hill they were currently on and ran into the town. Spike had gone to warn the ponies of Ponyville of what happened.

This was recorded in Equestrian history as 'The Blackout'.

To be continued...

Author's note: I am twisted ain't I? Hehehe!

Let the Madness Begin

Worlds will collide. Worlds that never should have met, are about to.

Somewhere in Nevada...

The Sheriff was shaking like a blender on high. Hank was coming for him and without the Improbability Drive he was going to die. He looked at the scruffy face of Jesus before pressing the button. In that moment, everything flashed and seemed to twist.

The Sheriff's thoughts were a lot like, This is it. I've doomed us all. At least Hank won't kill me.

Hank J. Wimbleton looked into the camera lens as it focused on him, knowing that the Sheriff was on the other side. He took a quick look at all his bloody enemies and wondered for only a milisecond how many more were going to die. But he then wondered why there was a bright light and why was he feeling all weird. Then, he blacked out.

Twilight marveled at the sight of the many falling stars in the sky along with her friends. No pony expected the show to be cut off by a bright light in the middle of the field below them.

"What in tarnashin?" Applejack exclaimed.

"What in the name of Celestia?" Twilight almost cowered as the light encompassed the entire field before them.

This was recorded in Equestrian history as the Night of Blinding Madness.