Everyday was always the same for her. The ponies whispered as she passed them on the dirt roads of Ponyville. She would pretended that she couldn't hear the whispers and taunts. The harsh words like "Freak", "Weirdo", and that R word that seemed to roll off their tongues without a second thought. They didn't even know her name but felt the need to do this to her. She would wipe the tears from her eyes as she walked down the streets pretending that the words didn't slice like knives, or sting like bees. Ponies tried to avoid her on the streets like she had a contagious disease. Foals snickered at her crossed eyes because they thought it ment she was stupid, they didn't know she couldn't help it.
She felt so alone among the jabs and sneers. No pony was ever there to help her hold her head high. No pony to stand by her side and take away the pain.
She left the town earlier then normal that day, desperate to get away. She was tired of all of this pain the others felt they needed to cause her, because she wasn't broken enough already.
She walked home alone dragging her hooves in the dirt along the way. The ponies stuck their tongues out at her and snickered. She hung her head in shame trying not to listen but today was different. Today the taunts seemed more real, they made sense..... Maybe she was a freak. Maybe these ponies were right, if she really was as stupid as they said, then she really wouldn't know if she was a weirdo or not...
She walked into her dark empty house her head hanging, the sight of her large plush blue couch and warm fire place that normally made her want to curl up with a book and forget the day did nothing to comfort her. She walked right past the livingroom and into her kitchen. The small room was lined with oak cupboards filled to the brim with food and seasonings, she always ate alone but she tried her best to eat like she was out. It made her feel like she was out being social.
She walked towards the highest cabinet and flew herself up so she was eye level with it. She shifted through pill bottles and potions until she came across a small orange bottle nestled in the back corner of the cabinet. Her just incase medicine. She hovered for a second on unsteady wings trying her best to grab the orange bottle of pills in the back of the cupboard. She hovered for a moment and grabbed the pills in her mouth before crashing to the ground. She landed roughly on her side and a shot of pain traveled up her back.
"I just don't know what went wrong..." She murmured as she pushed to herself off the ground and gently rubbed a lump forming on the top of her head.
She retrieved the bottle from across the room and waltzed over to the sink and picked out a semi-clean glass. She carefully filled the glass up with cold water from the tap before outstretching her wing and setting the glass and bottle of pills on top of it. Gently balancing the glass and pills on one out stretched wing as she climbed up the stairs to her bedroom loft. She reached her loft room and set the pills and glass on a table next to her bed.
Her room had pale white walls and a large bookshelf in one corner. On the left wall was her bed, covered in pillows and a soft purple comforter. There was a round blue throw rug in the centre of the room. Each wall had a port hole sized window to let in some natural light.
She took the the small bottle in her hoof and gave it a tentative little shake. The little pills inside rattled quietly against the sides of the bottle. She sat on the bed and rolled the pill bottle along the purple bedsheet. Her mind wrestling with the thoughts of how to fix things. She didn't want to suffer anymore, and everyday was a new challenge with the people in this town.
A feeling like water flooding into her throat, made her pause. Maybe this was a good idea. Maybe now she won't be a bother to everyone anymore.
She emptied the bottle of pills onto the bed and counted them. Thirty-six pills in total, all perfect little white spheres laying in a pile on her bed. She used her wing to carefully cup the cold glass of water next to her. She brought the glass close to her face as she examined the cold clear glass. Drops of condensation slowly rolled down the side, the kind that little filly's and colt's would imagine races for on rainy days. This thought brought her some comfort as she picked up the first pill and swallowed it with a sip of water.
At that point she realized this was the right thing. No more suffering, no more loneliness, no more screwing up. No one would be mad at her anymore, no one could be disappointed with her screw ups. A sad smile came across her face as she downed another two pills. Thirty- three more to go. She tried to let her mind go blank as she downed the next three, maybe there is such thing as paradise. A land were she could fly with clouds of cotton candy, and the trees don't grow fruit, they grew muffins. That would be her paradise.
Five more pills down. She looked out her window and saw ponies walking casually down the street. Outside of the window there were pacts three or four friends laughing and smiling together. Maybe in this paradise she'd have friends, people who didn't think she was weird or a freak. Friends who would love her as much as she wanted to love them.
Four more pills in. All she ever really wanted was to love someone. No one ever wanted to get close enough to her so she could love them. The grey Pegasus felt her eyes well up with tears. She squinted her eyes shut and tried to block out her tears. There would be someone there. She didn't need to be lonely right now. She wouldn't be for long.
Seven more pills gone, and her mind started to blank slowly. She could feel a cold grip wrap around her that sent chills down her spine. Only a little while and she would be in paradise.
She swallowed three more pills. And wondered what it would be like to have someone love her. Her heart felt like it had been made into swiss cheese. A hole for every harsh word. She was surprised her heart could even function when it was this broken. Only fourteen pills left.
She took a deep breath and swallowed four more. Her limbs were becoming numb and she found it hard to keep her eyes open. She didn't worry about leaving a note. No one would miss her, they probably wouldn't even notice she was gone.
She smiled at nothing in peticular and returned her gaze outside. The sun was setting over the rooftops and the groups of ponies were still flooding around the streets.
"One day..." She murmured to herself as she swallowed another five.
The water in her glass was dwindling and she swallowed two more. Her eyes filled with tears at the realization she might really be alone forever. What if there's no one to love her where she is going. What if its worse then this place here. What if she was more alone then ever. She wrapped herself in her purple comforter and pulled her hind legs up to her chest tears streaming down her face.
"I don't want to be alone anymore..." She cried softly to herself as she swallowed another pill.
Her head started to hurt as her sadness took hold. All the words and the snickers. All the pain these ponies caused her and all because they wanted a good laugh.
She swallowed the last two and curled up on her side. Tears running down her face matting her fur in dark steaks. The pain felt like a hole had been ripped out her chest, and everyday she had to go along and live with it. But not anymore.
Her mind went blank slowly as her eyelids started to drop. Her mind started to slip as she slipped into a final blackness and her pain finally stopped.
I don't have to be alone anymore...
Author's Note
Thanks to all who read this! Its my first publish so any feed back would be really apreciated!
