Spiked Berry Punch

by Strange Harmony

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Bon-Bon, Dinky Hooves, Romance, Derpy Hooves, Slice of Life, Berry Punch, Lyra, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 2186

She has an addiction, it's drinking. This time her friends are tired of her drunk acts and want to put a stop to it. How will they do it? Who knows? Who cares? I don't even think Berry Punch does.

Berry Punch is Ponyvilles town drunk who goes a little overboard when she drinks. Just about everypony in Ponyville is sick of her, but Bon Bon, Lyra and Derpy are the only ones willing to help. Why? Because no one else wants to deal with her! Join Berry Punch on her alcoholic journey to push drinking out of her life and probably find love in ponyville... Most likely not...but who knows? You don't, neither do I!
(Warning! Some profanity may be used!)

Published 2013-08-25 21:20:02 UTC
Last updated 2014-05-16 05:24:10 UTC

Since I'm a drunk, I think I'll get some help

“Derpy Hooves stood beside a sleeping Berry Punch, who was obviously exhausted from a get together last night. That or she was drunk as hell. Derpy stood there in her mail mare uniform, looking beautiful as usual with her cute bag and all, and questioned Berry Punch's life. How had her life been overcome by an addiction such as drinking? Who will save this precious mare from drinking herself to death? Maybe she will turn to her friends for help, for they are the only ones that can help her overcome this bad hab-”

“Derpy?!” Berry Punch hollered.

The voice made Derpy jump, causing her to bump into the dresser and knock items from it all over the floor. She quickly glanced at Berry Punch from over her shoulder and then back at the mirror. “She has awoken and she seems angry, but at what? Most likely not because I broke her window trying to get inside.”

“You did what?! Why?!" She shook her head in confusion, giving herself a terrible migraine. "Ow! N-nevermind, What the hell are you even doing here at this hour? It’s like 5 A.M.!” Berry said angrily, starting to get up from her bed.

Derpy grabbed something from in front of the mirror and turned toward her friend, concealing the item behind her back. “Uh... I’m just trying to set the scene for the story.” She said as she looked around the room with a nervous smile, not knowing what to do.

“What story?” Berry asked looking toward Derpy, she spotted what she was hiding behind her back through the mirror. “Is that a camera Derpy? What are you film-?”

“Porn!” Derpy interrupted. "I-I mean uh..." As quick as possible, Derpy put the camera in her bag and swung the room door open but tripped over herself and slammed her face into the hard, wooden floor before even taking a step from where she was standing. Flapping her wings, she got up quickly and ran down the hall, bumping into everything on the way out. Berry heard her front door open and slam closed again. A few seconds passed before she even moved a muscle.

“She looked around her room, thinking about what had just happened. How the mysterious mare had broken into her home.”

"What the?" She looked around her room from her bed but found nopony. "I’m going crazy...” she got up and walked to her dresser where Derpy stood.

"What a way to wake up in the morning. A crazy pony filming you while you sleep and a splitting headache." She opened the first drawer and pulled out a green container that read, "Wine Pills."

“Berry Punch opened the container and shook out one, two pills."

Berry was starting to feel uneasy, that voice was faint but she could hear it clearly. "Is that me?" She asked herself. "Probably my mind playing tricks on me again, maybe I should lay off the wine..." She said, actually thinking if it'd be a good idea.

"Ha! Maybe not." she said as she walked down the hall, into the kitchen.

"She walked to the kitchen where she pulled a bottle of wine and a glass from a cabinet.” The voice said with a snicker.

Berry's ears perked up and she set the glass and bottle down. “Now I know that's not me. Who the hell...?” She looked around once more and spotted a camera at the corner of her broken window. “Derpy! Get the hell out of here!”

Derpy peeked into the window once more and met with Berry’s angry gaze. Berry grabbed the bottle of wine, tossed it at the window and missed the broken portion causing the rest to shatter and startle Derpy. Before Berry could do anything else, derpy took off down the road and ascended into the air where she almost immediately collided with another unaware mail mare carrying a box. They both spiraled out of Berry Punch’s sight, the contents of the box flying everywhere. The boxes contents? More boxes. Berry heard a loud "CLANK!". Hopefully that was a bounce house. Berry thought as she tried to get a better look from her window because she couldn't see a thing, and the sounds continued, signaling that the crash was causing more damage. When the commotion finally died down after a long paragraph of words, all that could be heard were ponies' angry yells.

“Holy crap.” Berry said to herself laughing. “Well, back to bed I go.” She walked back to the counter and pulled another wine bottle from the cabinet. She returned to her wine glass and filled it to the rim with wine that smelled solely of alcohol and not even a hint of grapes. She set the two pills down besides the filled glass and drank whatever was left in the bottle of wine. "Oh sweet Celestia, that's good." She threw the bottle in the trash, then went back to finish her glass of wine.

Without even a wash, she set the glass back in the cabinet and went back to her room, completely forgetting about the pills. She closed the door behind her and laid back in her bed, getting comfortable as she covered herself once more. She couldn't help but wonder how crazy the morning had started. How Derpy had caused so much damage in so little time and how she was being watched while she was sleeping. Scratch that, filmed. She rolled over so she was facing the wall now.

“I have a feeling this morning is only the beginning...” She said with a sigh as she finally drifted off to sleep.

_________________________________________________________________________________________

        "So she broke into your house?" Bon Bon asked from across the coffee table.

"Yeah, but that's not the worst part." Berry responded, looking around. "Bon Bon, she was filming something in my room,  something about setting the scene." She continued to look around until she was sure Derpy wasn't around.

"Huh, I've never heard of Derpy really doing anything bad. Boy, if she would've broken into mine and Lyra's house and tried to film us sleeping she'd be in for some hot, steamy mare-on-mare-"

"Alright!" Berry interrupted slightly disgusted. "I don't wanna hear about a sex life that isn't my own, and I usually only hear mine from a policepony." Berry sighed, "Where's our coffee? We've been sitting here for a good fifteen minutes!"

"What the? Berry, we didn't order anything, and you don't seem like somepony who would drink coffee."

"Well why the hell not?" Berry said with a wine bottle in her hoof.

Bon Bon sighed, "I'm gonna go find Lyra, we need to discuss more important matters." She got up from her stool.

"Like what?" Berry questioned.

"You'll see, are you coming?" Bon Bon asked, a little irritated.

"I guess so. I mean, what else have I got to do?" Berry said with a shrug.

Drink yourself to death maybe? Bon Bon thought to herself.

The two mares got up and walked outside. The view was beautiful, flowers were blooming and the wind carried the smell of fruits and vegetables through the air. Everything seemed pretty lively outside, ponies walking down the streets, buying from stands, stallions pulling carriages with big crates on the back. Anypony could see today was a busy day.

Berry took a deep breath, taking in all the sweet aromas, "Ahh... feels like I haven't been outside in forever."

"Well, yeah I can see why. I mean, the story did start inside of your house." Bon Bon responded.

"What story?" Berry snapped at her.

"Yeah! What story?" Bon Bon looked away nervously. "Anyways, let's find Lyra. She's probably at the park doin' her thing." They walked down the road leading away from the coffee shop, taking turns at corners and sightseeing around Ponyville before eventually reaching the park. There, Berry and Bon Bon spotted Lyra, sitting how a pony shouldn't.

"How can she sit like that?" Berry asked, "it doesn't seem comfortable."

Bon Bon began walking toward Lyra and she motioned for Berry to follow. "Lyra's into these otherworldly creatures, I think they're called, "Hoomans" or something like that, but they seem kinda cool. She's been doing some research and apparently that's how they sit."

As they approached, Lyra turned her head and met with the sight of her two friends. "Hey girls!" She got up from her seat and met Bon Bon with a kiss that was long enough to make anypony feel uncomfortable, including Berry. She looked away until Lyra eventually backed away from her marefriend. "Where have you ponies been all morning?"

"Talking," Berry responded, "Derpy broke into the my house earlier this morning."

"She did what? No way!" Lyra exclaimed, shocked. "Why would she do that?"

"Actually, Lyra, honey, sweetie."  Bon Bon interrupted. "What did we talk about this morning?"

"How the Author was gonna write a stor-"

"No, not that!" Bon Bon shouted, startling the mares accompanying her. "Ahem... heheh sorry girls, I meant the other thing Lyra."

"Oh, ok." She turned to Berry, "Berry, we talked it over this morning and me and Bon here wanna help you quit drinking."

"Yeah... no." She turned and began to walk away.

"Berry, come on!" Bon Bon pleaded and walked ahead of her. Lyra followed. "We just wanna help you, and as far as me and Lyra know, we're the only ones that wanna help. Berry, even Derpy wants to help."

"We've tried this before, what makes you think it'll work now?" Berry responded angrily. She brushed passed the pair and continued walking.

"It's because you don't want to give it up Berry," Lyra stepped in front her, stopping her again, "we want you to give it up, why don't you? Don't you hate waking up every morning with a nasty hangover? Do you like waking up every morning not knowing what happened the night before?"

"It's none of your business what I do with my life, I'm doing fine on my own!" Berry moved to the side and Lyra followed, stopping her once more.

"Are you Berry? I want you to think long and hard about what I just asked you. Are you?" Tears building up, Lyra moved in closer to hug her friend. "We care about you more than you think and we want nothing more than to live a life where we won't have to lose a friend or a loved one. What happens if one morning you just don't wake up...?" The tears began to flow from her eyes. She let go of Berry and went to hug Bon Bon, hoping for some comfort.

Bon Bon held her and looked Berry Punch in her eyes, holding a gaze of sorrow that filled her and her companion, "You have to see that this poison is ruining your life and it's killing you. Nopony here in Ponyville wants to have to bury you." She patted Lyra's back, hoping to stop her tears.

"Girls, I'm branded the town drunk, the one who's always a trouble maker and a pony who's life doesn't matter. Do you really expect me to believe that?" Berry lowered her head, tears building in her eyes as well. Up until now, she never once thought of the mistakes she was making in her life. Never once did she think about how horrible her life was playing out since the day she started drinking. Reality was slapping her right in the face.

With a hoof Bon Bon raised Berry's head until their gaze met once more, "Remember when you, Lyra, Derpy, Dinky, and I went to the coronation of Princess Twilight Sparkle? Remember how she reminded us of all the things she overcame with magic of friendship?"

"Yeah..." Berry said with her voice breaking, trying her best to hold back tears as her lip began to tremble.

"Well," Bon Bon said, wiping Lyra's tears. "she needed the help of magical necklaces and five friends. You might not have magic artifacts or that many friends but what you do have is Lyra, Derpy, and me. And you know what? That's all you need." Berry joined in on the hug and held her friends close. "Now how about we push that crap out of your life and help you get back on track, hmm?"

"Yeah... alright." Berry responded wiping her tears. The group let go of one another and took a step back, gathering their composure. "I'm gonna try to kick this habit again, not for myself, but for everyone around me this time. You girls and Derpy mean the world to me."

"No," Lyra said with a smile, "this time you will kick this habit."

"Soon you'll be the happiest mare in all of Equestria!" Bon Bon smiled.

"Thanks girls." Berry smiled at her two friends and thanked Celestia for blessing her with them. She couldn't think of a day where her friends hadn't been there with her, including Derpy. She knew she couldn't live without them.

"Well, you know what they say," Berry said, gathering her friends and holding them close.

"Friendship is Magic..."

Where to begin...

Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.