Celestia and Luna: Sour Notes

by Crash Jet

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Luna, Comedy, Random, Princess Celestia
Length: 4023

Two sisters wage a war of a lyrical kind as they battle for musical dominance.

The peace of Canterlot has been shattered by song. A war within the walls of the castle that will be fought by two immortal sisters. Armed with only their record players and their voices, which one will triumph and will one will fold?

A/N: This story has already more or less been planned out and will be a three part series. Updates will come as chapters are completed. Enjoy!

Published 2012-02-23 07:24:02 UTC
Last updated 2012-02-23 07:24:02 UTC

Round One

Being a Princess of the Night had its advantages. One such crucial perk was that while the day was so full of busywork, meetings with politicians, and mountains of paperwork, the night had a much reduced amount of all three. Princess Luna had deducted that the reason for that was all the ponies who brought those tasks were now asleep, so she was freed from those responsibilities.

However, there was a huge disadvantage to being that same princess. Occasionally, Luna would be plagued by a terrible, heartless monster that seemed intent on making her suffer. The monster’s name, boredom.

While the work-bringers were asleep, the fun-bringers were doing the same. Yet Luna was wide awake the entire time they slept. She was left with a nearly empty castle, her only company being the stoic Royal Guards who seemed more resolved to defending the castle from non-existent dangers rather than entertaining the alicorn with a pleasant chat or game. Not to mention her sister, Princess Celestia, was usually deep in her sleep at this hour and Luna would have hated to disturb her rest just because of boredom. Luna felt that there was no way to escape the monotony of her event-less nights.

That was before Luna discovered her.

She remembered that day clearly. Luna was attempting to rummage for a midday snack from the royal kitchen, something sweet to snack on before she returned to her slumber, when she heard a beautiful voice coming from one of the servant’s quarters. A voice that filled Luna with so much joy and intrigue that she practically broke the door down just to see who the owner of such a melodious tone was. The servant inside, after getting over the shock of an alicorn barging into her room, introduced the voice-bearer to Luna.

Luna had fallen in love that day. And that love brought her several other beautiful voice-bearers that she would have visit her almost every night from that point on.

Luna was cooped up in her bedroom, making all the final preparations for that night’s visitor. Her balcony glass doors locked and curtains drawn shut, she was sure it would be just her and her guest for that night. Her room was in perfect condition, not a stray item was left lying on the floor. She would have hated to experience such a special night with a mess. Her final task was to decide with whom this night would be spent with.

She chose the one she first got well acquainted with. Yes, her.

Luna’s horn glowed as she levitated a record from off of her nightstand. She smiled at it warmly, knowing the fun that was about to come. Gracefully, it floated over to the waiting record player against the wall. Every last second building up to the moment drove Luna mad. She took a deep breath and used her magic to lower the record player’s needle onto the vinyl. The initial scratch was just enough to get the princess to perk up in excitement.

After two loud trumpet notes, what followed was the voice Luna adored. The voice of none other than Gloria Estafawn. “Come on! Shake your body, baby! Do that conga! I know you can’t control yourself any longer! Come on! Shake your body, baby! Do that conga! I know you can’t control yourself any longer!”

Luna was already shaking her entire body to the tropical beat that followed the first set of lyrics. She let out a huge smile as the bongos started to play, raising a fore hoof over her head as her rear ones danced to the music. “Come on! Shake your body, baby! Do that conga! I know you can’t control yourself any longer! Feel the rhythm of the music getting stronger! Don’t you fight it ‘til you tried it, do that conga beat!”

After a while, she started to smoothly sway her head from side to side, her entire body under the music’s control. Thinking for a moment, she looked over at her bed and used her magic to pull an over-sized teddy bear to her. She took the bear’s arms in her hooves and started to dance with it. She popped up atop her rear hooves and engaged in a slow swing dance with the stuffed toy, spinning it all around her in joyful glee. Again, she used her magic to prop it onto her back, making sure it held on tight while she started to form a one pony-one toy conga line.

She knew that one of her favorite parts of the song would be coming up, and she was not about to miss her chance.

“Everypony!” She started to sing along, matching the exact timing of Gloria Estafawn. “Gather ‘round now. Let your body feel the heat!” She spun a turn and caught the bear in her fore hooves, holding it close as she continued to dance. “Don’t you worry… if you can’t dance. Let the music move your feet!”

“It’s the rhythm… of the island. And like sugar cane, so sweet!” She tossed the bear back onto her bed and dropped back to all four hooves, kicking each one out to the beats. “If you want to… do the conga… you’ve got to listen to the beat!” She started banging her fore hooves down against the floor as the steel drums played in the background, doing her best to match each beat.

She stopped just as the next lyric was about to begin, taking a deep breath. “Come on! Shake your body, baby! Do that conga! I know you can’t control yourself any longer! Feel the rhythm of the music getting stronger! Don’t you fight it ‘til you tried, do that conga beat!”

In the bedroom right next to Luna’s, an annoyed white alicorn was trying in vain to drown out the thunderous singing disturbing her slumber. She knew right away that it was, yet again, her sister singing in the Royal Canterlot Voice. Despite pressing her hooves against her ears as tight as she could, somehow Princess Celestia could still hear the vocal pony in the next room.

“Feel the fire! Of desire! As you dance the night away!” Celestia rolled over in bed, sticking her head under her pillow and holding it down. Again, it did nothing to quiet the racket. “’Cause tonight we’re! Gonna party! ‘Til we see the break of day!”

Celestia sat up from under her pillow, a clearly agitated scowl on her face. “Better get your…! …self together! And hold on to what you got!” Her horn started to glow as two small earplugs floated into her ears and wedged themselves deep inside. “Once the music…! Hits your system!” The sun princess smiled slightly. The singing was now a dull whisper in her ears, something that she could easily sleep through. She laid her head back down atop her pillow. “There’s no way you’re gonna stop!”

“Ow!” Celestia shot up again after hearing Luna’s excited outburst. The ear plugs literally ricocheted themselves out of Celestia’s unfortunate ears, proving to be no match against the moon princess’ tone. Luna must have cranked up the volume on the record player too, because Celestia could hear the music as clearly as if it was playing in her own room. That coupled with the sound of Luna’s hooves tapping against the floor made sleeping soundly at that point an impossible feat.

As the song’s fast-paced piano started to play, Celestia rolled over and tried to drown out the noise with her pillow once again. It must have not worked because the intoxicating beat was causing her royal rump to shake along with the music.

It could be said that the rhythm was doing something to her pony butt.

Celestia eventually climbed out of bed, the weariness showing in her eyes. She wished she could have said this was the first time Luna’s singing had kept her up at night, but it was quickly becoming a nightly ritual. She knew her younger sister would never admit to her private singing and dancing out of fear of ridicule, but when she was singing in the Royal Canterlot Voice and dancing as noisily as she did, Celestia was surprised the citizens of Ponyville weren’t complaining about the racket.

Celestia would have hated to expose her knowledge of Luna’s guilty little pleasure to her sister, at least on any other night. But enough was enough for the monarch. Surely a Princess of the Day deserved at least one good night’s rest after a stressful day of redundant tasks, meetings with blabber-mouthed politicians, and endless stacks of papers to sign.

“Come on! Shake your body, baby! Do that conga!” Celestia marched herself out of her bedroom, determined to cease the infernal racket from the room next door. “I know you can’t control yourself any longer!” She looked over at her sister’s bedroom door, seeing that it was practically bouncing off its hinges thanks to the inhabitant’s lack of volume control. “Feel the rhythm of the music getting stronger!” After a short, and half-angered walk, Celestia was standing before the door. “Don’t you fight it ‘til you tried, do that conga beat!”

Celestia lifted a hoof as to politely knock on Luna’s door. However, before her hoof could make contact, the music abruptly stopped. Puzzled, Celestia pressed an ear against the door, careful not to make a sound. She heard no music, no dancing, and no singing. Just complete silence. She smiled as she pulled away and started the trip back to her room. Perhaps Luna had grown tired of singing and dancing and decided to stop it for the night. Maybe Celestia could get back to her dream of eating the world’s largest chocolate éclair.

“Come on! Shake your body, baby! Do that conga!” Celestia’s eyes widened as the music and Luna’s singing resumed. “I know you can’t control yourself any longer!” Celestia raced back to Luna’s door as fast as she could. “Come on! Shake your body, baby! Do that-“ The music ended once again when she made it to the door. Regardless, Celestia gave it a few calm knocks with her hoof.

The door creaked open and Luna peeked her head out. She immediately gave her sister a cute smile, despite the clearly un-amused look she was greeted with. Luna tilted her head slightly, feigning curiosity as to why Celestia was still awake at that hour.

The white alicorn pointed an accusing hoof at Luna’s soundless record player. She watched as the younger pony glanced at the offending device, then back at her. Luna kept up her innocent smile and shook her head, her horn glowing as a book was thrust close to Celestia’s face. Celestia quirked an eyebrow at the book, unconvinced.

Luna trotted to a small rug in the center of the room, carrying the book along with her magic. After she set it down and opened it to a random page, she sat herself down and began to silently read it.

Celestia watched Luna for a few moments longer, until she smiled slightly and shut the door. While it was a foalish attempt to her secret hidden, the sun princess figured that maybe Luna wouldn’t play any more Conga for the night. She began to walk back to her room as she suppressed a yawn.

“Come on! Shake your body, baby! Do that conga!” Celestia’s ears stood up straight once she heard the music and singing begin once again. She gnashed her teeth tightly as she ran back to Luna’s door. “I know you can’t control yourself any long-“ Celestia opted not to knock and instead barged right inside. She saw Luna still sitting on the floor with her smile and reading the same book from earlier. The room was utterly quiet.

Celestia looked around, bewildered over how quickly Luna was able to bring all the noise to a halt. With a sheepish grin, she exited the room and shut the door. Immediately, her smile dropped into a suspicious frown. She kept her eyes on the door and backed away slowly.

“Come on! Shake your body, baby! Do that conga!” Celestia’s eyes narrowed as her horn glowed. In an instant, she teleported herself to Luna’s balcony outside the castle. “I know you can’t-“ Celestia practically threw herself against one of the glass doors, peeking in through a very narrow gap between the closed curtains.

Again, she saw a tranquil Luna, still giving all her attention to her book. No music or sound whatsoever. Celestia backed away in stunned awe. Just how serious was this pony to keep this secret to herself? Shaking her head slightly, Celestia turned away from the door, closing her eyes in frustration.

“Come on! Shake your body, baby! Do that-“ Without wasting a moment, Celestia immediately teleported from the balcony, this time popping up from underneath Luna’s bed sheets. Luna was still reading. The music was still off. The room was still quiet.

Celestia blinked in disbelief, her face showing her disappointment. The sun princess must have been, at the most, a millisecond too late. Having given up, she used her magic once again, teleporting herself out of Luna’s room.

Luna took a glance over at her bed, seeing that her elder sister was gone. With a sly smirk, she levitated the book back to its place on her shelf and trotted over to her record player. With a tiny bit of magic, the needle was lowered and the music boomed once again.

“Come on! Shake your body, baby! Do that conga!” She propped up on her rear hooves and started dancing again, singing in full volume. Now that her sister was going to leave her alone for the night, she could focus on singing and dancing the rest of the night away. In her mind, her secret was safe for at least one more night.

Celestia, meanwhile, was back in her bedroom, eye twitching as she heard the racket in the next room. “I know you can’t control yourself any longer!” She flopped back on top of her bed, her red and baggy eyes refusing to shut. “Come on! Shake your body, baby! Do that conga!” She wasn’t looking forward to another sleepless night, but thanks to her stubborn sister, she would have to endure. “I know you can’t control yourself any longer! Ow!”

It was the next morning, just after Luna lowered the moon to end the night and Celestia, with some struggle, raised the sun to bring in the daylight. A more accepted ritual of the two princesses was to share breakfast time with one another, and despite wanting to go back to bed to catch up on some much needed sleep, Celestia would never skip that time spent with Luna.

A shaky coffee mug floated up to Celestia mouth. The princess herself seemed to be a nothing more than a mess of nerves. She took a sip of the brew, savoring its warmth and bitter taste. It may not have been a desired taste for her, but with the state she was in, she wanted to drink all the caffeine she could get.

“Munch…munch…munch…”

Celestia’s startled eyes shot across the table to the source of the irritating chewing sound. Sitting at the other end of the large banquet table was Luna, happily eating away at a small bowl of cereal. She seemed to be unaware of her loud chewing, or the cold glare she was receiving from her sister. She paused from her eating and looked over at Celestia, giving her a warm smile.

Celestia dropped her stare and forced a large, plastic smile for Luna. Maybe she was a bit agitated over the events of last night, but she wasn’t about to show her frustration during a peaceful meal.

Luna lowered her spoon into the now empty bowl, having finished her breakfast. She gave a yawn and walked over to Celestia, giving her a quick nuzzle before trotting off for bed. The bounce in her step no doubt the result of the fun she had just last night.

As Celestia watched her sister leave the dining hall, her smile dropped into an annoyed scowl. To think that after ruining her night of sleep, Luna would be allowed to just go off to bed like that. Celestia took another sip of coffee as she started to think up a way to put an end to this nightly disturbance once and for all.

Confront Luna over her habit more directly? No, Celestia would never want to embarrass her sister like that. Banish her record player to the moon? A bit extreme, she thought to herself. It would break Luna’s heart to lose what she surely considered to be such a precious thing. Build a whole new castle just outside of Luna’s Royal Canterlot Voice range? Celestia kept that in the back of her mind as a possible ‘plan B.’

Suddenly, Celestia formed a smirk across her face. It would be the perfect way to show Luna just how much suffering she had caused the sun princess. If Luna won’t admit to her addiction, then perhaps a dose of her own medicine was in order.

Late afternoon, the time when Celestia was certain that Luna would be deep in her slumber. That was something she intended to change. Celestia scanned through her long ignored music collection, trying to find the perfect song for today’s mission. After looking at a few records and giving them each a disapproving headshake, she finally found the album she was going to attack with.

She had a very familiar relationship with this song. As ashamed as she was to admit it, the tune in question was her self-described ‘theme song’ for a good number of years. While it was tragic that it was going to be used for a more ‘malicious’ purpose, Celestia knew it had to be done. Her horn glowed as the record was freed from its sleeve and carefully placed atop her record player. Celestia took a step back, making sure to face the wall that had Luna’s room on the other side of it. After a moment, the needle was lowered and the song began.

A peppy drum beat filled the room, the sound making Celestia bob her head up and down. Soon, the lyrics followed and the princess began to sing along. “Ow!” The melody that followed was enough to get Celestia’s hooves moving. “I used to think maybe you loved me, now baby I’m sure!” The music made Celestia’s heart all a flutter, as her memories of singing the song started to return. “Now every time I go for the mailbox, gotta hold myself down!” She brought her fore hooves to her chest, closing her eyes as she crooned. “’Cause I just can’t wait ‘til you write me, you’re coming around!”

“I’m walking on sunshine! Whoah!” She brought her hooves back to the floor and started rocking her body to the beat. “I’m walking on sunshine! Whoah!” She flapped her wings and floated just a foot above the ground, executing a graceful airborne twirl. “I’m walking on sunshine! Whoah!” She landed back on the floor and belted out in a loud voice. “And don’t it feel ~good!”

It didn’t take long for Luna to awaken as she laid in her bed. She rubbed an eye gently with a hoof and looked over at her wall. “Hey! Alright now! And don’t it feel go~od!” Luna winced in pain a little, covering her poor ears. She may not have known the song, or the singer, but she knew the voice butchering it. Celestia’s tone was all wrong, she was louder than needed to be at parts of the song, and her voice cracked at impossibly high pitches. While it was true that Celestia had a lovely speaking voice, her singing voice sounded like a parrot with a nasty head cold.

“I used to think may~be you lov~ed me, now I know that it’s tr~ue!” Luna shook her head furiously, praying that the torture would end. “And I don't want to spe~nd all my life, just a~wait~ing for yo~ou!” She plopped her head back atop her pillow, closing her eyes tightly and keeping her ears held close. “Now I don't want you back for the week~end, not back for a da~ay! No no ~no!” She started to grind her teeth tightly, the piercing sound somehow still assaulting her eardrums. “I said, ba~by! I just want you back and I want you to st~ay~!”

*Crack!*

Luna’s eyes popped open as she glanced over at her nightstand. What was once a half filled glass of water was reduced to a mess of wet glass shards. “Whoa yeah! I’m walking’ on sunshine! Wooa~oh!” Luna jumped out of bed and, with a very irritated expression on her face, proceeded towards the door.

“I’m walking’ on sunshine! Wooa~oh! I’m walking’ on sunshine! Wooa~oh! And do~n’t it fe~el good! Hey~!”

Luna swung her door wide open, wincing a little as it hit the stone wall. “Alright no~ow! And don’t~ it feel good~!” Luna would worry about the damage another time. Her main focus at that moment was to put an end to Celestia’s tone-deafness and get back to sleep. “Yeah! Oh ye~ah! And don’t it fe~el good!”

Luna made it to Celestia’s door and firmly knocked on it. After a few moments, she tried to twist the doorknob and open the door herself. However, her sister had locked it. Frustrated, Luna knocked again, this time with more force. Again, there was no answer. Giving up any regal grace she had left, she began to pound furiously with both fore hooves, mentally begging for Celestia to finally let her in.

“Walking on sunshine…” Celestia grinned as she heard the frantic raps against her door. She ignored the sounds and continued to dance to the music. “Walking on sunshine…” Her horn glowed as the volume control on the record player went up much higher. “I feel alive! I feel a love! I feel a love that’s really real!”

“I feel alive! I feel a love! I feel a love that’s really real!” Luna stopped attacking the door to catch her breath for a moment. After a few moments, the annoyed look returned to her face. She remembered that she was a magic-blessed alicorn after all. In a flash, Luna teleported herself right into Celestia’s room, now standing behind the still jamming pony.

Luna walked over and tapped Celestia’s back a few times, trying to get her attention. “I’m on sunshine, baby, oh !” Seeing that her first attempt was ignored, Luna tapped her even harder, eyes hinting a bit of anger. “I’m on sunshine, baby, oh!”

Celestia closed her eyes and turned to face her younger sister, shouting the next lyric right into the moon princess’s face. “I’m walk~ing on sun~shine! Whoa~oh!”

Luna was knocked back from the force of Celestia’s voice and hit the floor with a thud. She desperately covered her ears and lowered her head to the ground. She had just been struck down by the Royal Canterlot Voice Crack.

“I’m walk~ing on sun~shine! Whoa~oh!” Celestia turned away and continued to swing her hooves to the music. “I’m walk~ing on sun~shine! Whoa~oh! And don’t it ~feel good!”

Luna lower lip quivered slightly as she realized her attempt to silence her sister had failed. “Hey! Alright now! And don’t it fe~el good!” Shaking her head dejectedly, Luna teleported herself back to her bed. “I say it! I say it! I say it again now! And don’t it feel go~od!” Luna sat up against her headboard; fore hooves crossed and face in a pout. “Whoa~oa! Yeah now! And don’t it feel good!” A small aluminum waste bin floated over to Luna and, after dumping out its crumpled paper contents, placed itself over her head. “Now don’t it! Don’t it! Don’t it! Don’t it! Don’t it! And don’t it fe~el~ go~od!” Luna began to steadily strike the waste bin with her hoof; the loud, dull sound it made was, in her mind, much more soothing than Celestia’s singing.