Something for Everyone

by Wireless

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Slice of Life
Length: 5541

A collection of fics based on "30-minute story" prompts

Much as I like "30-minute story" prompts, I always end up wanting more time to expand on the story I write, and just more time to play with the idea in general. So this is a collection of short little ficlets based on the prompts but which I have worked on for more than 30 minutes.

Also I'm not doing the prompts in order.

Also, I'm not posting them to the 30-minute story tumblr (apart from the few I submitted, like, a year ago)

So, basically, they have nothing to do with the concept of a 30-minute story at all. And frankly, I'm not even going to try to put a genre on all this as a whole, so "random slice-of-life", as unhelpful as it is, is about the best you're going to get.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-11-25 15:43:02 UTC

Prompt 249: It's Game Day!

"So, why are you such an Armoury fanatic?"

It was a fair question, considering that it was aimed at Twilight Sparkle. Rainbow Dash and Applejack hadn't expected to see any of their circle of friends at the viewing party for the HA Cup final, but there was Twilight decked out in the Armoury's red and white, complete with a scarf with a little ballista sewn on. Rarity was similarly unexpected, but at least she had the good manners to look characteristically out of place and confused. As she had explained to an incredulous Applejack, she was there on some kind of bet with the Lotus twins - she had to watch an entire hoofball game to win a free mud bath. Fluttershy, meanwhile, had stayed away to avoid any sort of confrontation between rival fans, and who knew where Pinkie might be?

"Well, my brother's in the Guard."

At this Rainbow Dash and Applejack nodded understandingly, but Rarity decided that she needed a little more clarification. She was rapidly discovering that this hoofball lark was more complex than she had thought. Who knew that matters of politics could get dragged into something as simple as a few stallions bucking a ball up and down a field? "I'm sorry, but what does that have to do with anything?"

"There are two rules to keep in mind," began Twilight. "The first is that if you are in the Guard, you support the Armoury. That's it. No questions, no objections, no exceptions, if you are in the Guard you support the Armoury." The original armoury team had been made up of the blacksmiths and carpenters who constructed the guard's artillery, so it only seemed fair to support them in return.

"And the second rule?"

"If you have family in the Guard, you'd darn well better support the Armoury or else the dinner table will get uncomfortably frosty. I watched a game with my brother out of sheer curiosity, and from then on I got a little hooked." It had been a short road from that experimental game to team-coloured face-paint and complete kits, both home and away.

Rainbow Dash chuckled. "There's a similar thing in Cloudsdale. The Flying Squad all support Cloud City, and the Weather Factory are for Cloud United."

Rarity raised another hoof. "But if there are two teams for Cloudsdale, how can one claim to be united?"

"Well they dress in black and they always win, so I assume the name's part of their pact with Nightmare Moon. Why else would their fans be called the Black Nights?"

"I see" lied Rarity. "Applejack, whose, ah, kit is that you're wearing?"

"Princess' Park Rangers. Even if we lose this game, second place in the HA will be the best we've done in years, so I won't be going away too disappointed." She'd try not to be, at any rate. She knew deep down inside that beating the Armoury was unrealistic at best, but if they could...

"You seem awfully cheerful for a fan of a team with what seems to be an undesirable track record."

"Ah, half the fun of bein' a fan comes from griping when your team goes wrong. Ain't that right, Twilight? How many new players have the Armoury signed this year?" Her tone indicated that she was already well aware of the answer to that question, and that it was an answer that she found very amusing indeed.

Twilight smiled so sourly that it may have been a grimace. "One young foreign midfielder, of course. Same as every year." She knew the Zebra was talented, and based on the few interviews she could find he seemed a nice enough colt. It was just a shame nopony had thought to buy, say, one of the defenders they so desperately needed.

"And Rainbow, darling, what team do you favour?"

"Of these two? Neither, I'm just here for the game. My boys got knocked out earlier on."

"And who are your boys?"

Rainbow gestured at Twilight. "I'd, uh, kind of prefer not to say."

"She supports Trottenham Hotspur", declared Applejack. If she was being perfectly honest (and she generally was), she would have to admit that bringing Rainbow's secret passion out into the open like that was very good fun.

That got Twilight's attention. She turned to Rainbow Dash with a hammed-up glare. "We are no longer friends, you gold-hoarding ass!" This seemed an odd statement indeed, coming from the pony who had so recently upbraided Rarity for her own anti-donkey bias. And the idea of donkeys as gold-pinching money grubbers was a stereotype so baseless and mean-spirited that Rarity herself had never subscribed to it, and indeed had looked down on ponies who did.

And, more to the point, Rainbow Dash quite clearly was not a donkey. For one thing, the tail was completely different.

Rainbow pointed a similarly overacted hoof at Twilight in a show of accusation so grand that it nearly tipped her off-balance. "I may be a burro, but you are the puppet of a filthy Prenchman!"

At this point Rarity decided to give up. Rainbow was a donkey, Twilight was a minion of Prance - time to stop trying to follow the sports fans and their sports things and just wait for the game itself to start. At least then she could pretend to understand the rules.

Prompt 256: Celestia Remembers

Canterlot Castle is an enormous collection of buildings. It is easier than one might think to get totally lost within its halls and corridors, even to go from one building to another without knowing it. But, if one knows precisely where one is going and what one is looking for, one can find a gallery of exquisite works of art. Every work in the gallery represents someone Celestia has loved, in one way or another.

The gallery itself is beautiful, even if one leaves out the works it contains. It is a long, light, airy room of white marble with details picked out in silver and a dark purple, and decorative fluted columns studded along the walls. The works within are almost all portraits. Portraits of stallions, mostly, with a generous dose of mares dotted throughout. Representations of ponies abound, of course, but there are more than a few dragons, and other creatures besides - ancient things, nameless things, things which to a mortal eye would sooner inspire terror and disgust than love and affection. Although Celestia resembles a pony, in truth she is not and her tastes in men (and other things) reflects this.

A statuette of a bulbous thing that looks like a cross between a gorilla, a dragon and an octopus squats in one corner. The base of the statue is covered in writing in a script so strange that it hurts to read, and nopony is entirely certain what stone has been used in the carving. Celestia always gazes at it fondly, but its light coating of dust speaks for the way the maids don't like to get too close to it if they can help it.

There is a painting that is pitch black, apart from a few white specks. The worrying thing is that the specks never seem to stay in the same place between viewings.

An eight-sided blue diamond shape hovers on a plinth. The maids aren't entirely certain how it's hovering, because the unicorns among their number swear it has never been enchanted in any way, and the pegasi know instinctively that it's heavier than air. As for the earth pony maids, they simply feel that it is foreign. Something about it, according to them, just does not fit with Equestria. They say it's like how you can tell a tourist in Canterlot from a pony who's lived there all her life just by looking at the two.

Sometimes the diamond sings.

But of course, not all the objets d'art in the gallery are so unusual. There are stallions and mares sitting calmly, clearly posed for a portrait that will take a long time. There are dragons rearing up, or flying, or even sleeping on their hoards. There are a few paintings of stallions striking those dramatic poses that they think look bold and daring but most mares find a little silly. There are even a few photographs, expertly taken and timed to perfection.

A stallion in a suit and hat sits behind his desk as slits of light fall across his face in a black and white portrait.

Another stallion is photographed standing upon the deck of a mighty wooden ship, preparing to explore new lands and bring friendship to their inhabitants. His mane flows behind him in the wind, and it's so impressive and stirring that one can pretend not to notice one of his crew pulling a silly face at the camera in the background.

A mare makes a disgusted face, having just taken a sip of something it turns out she didn't like. There is another picture of her - a sketch - hanging next to the photograph. It didn't seem fair to show her like that without displaying her at her best to make up for it.

Sometimes Celestia likes to visit this gallery. Not very often, it is true. Usually once every few years, and often less frequently than that - it has been known for Ponies to be born, live full and interesting lives and die in comfort without Celestia ever setting hoof in her personal gallery. It has, conversely, been known for 10 new paintings to be added in as many years.

When she walks there, she walks alone. There are not even guards outside the door, for they know better than to risk disturbing their liege when she is in her gallery. What is within is hers and hers alone.

Now, what may surprise you about Celestia and her gallery (especially if you are a fan of pulpy romances of the more depressing and melodramatic school) is that she does not cry. She does not curse cruel fate, or bemoan death's greed, or set her blood to flowing over the floor. Instead, she smiles. She smiles to remember the time she shared with her lost loves, and she smiles at the thought that if there turns out to be some kind of afterlife, they have joined together there. She's even willing to forgive them for all the gossiping and griping that is sure to go on in such a gathering.

Even for the gossip that is actually true.

And so Celestia walks her gallery, and remembers, and smiles. Not very often, nor for very long, but enough. And that is how Celestia would describe her romances, if she were to speak of them - perhaps not long, but time enough for happiness.

Promp 253: Prophecies Can Be Kind of Stupid

"Long ago, in a distant land...I, Luna! Shapeshifting Mistress of Darkness! Unleashed an UNSPEAKABLE evil..."

"Can you please skip to the part we don't know already?" Applejack may as well have let the air out of a balloon. Luna seemed to shrink before the bearers of the elements' very eyes as she changed from an inky mass towering over them into the bubbly (if slightly morbid) princess they all knew and loved.

Luna cleared her throat. "Yes, well, erm, I was getting to that part."

Rainbow Dash raised her hoof. "Is it the part where you explain why there's a freaking Samareai hacking up the garden?" Her friends all nodded their agreement. Given the circumstances, it was a very pertinent question.

The Princess of the Night nodded, ignoring Dash's foul language. "It's really quite a long story. But the gist of it", she explained as her glamours started to reweave themselves, "is that this foolish Samareai warrior, wielding a magic sword, stepped forth to oppose me. Before the final blow was struck, I TORE open a portal in time and sent her into the future - WHERE MY EVIL IS LAW!" With this bellow, she swelled to a mighty size - larger even than Nightmare Moon had been - and became a vision of terror. Black pitch flowed over her blue coat. Her loving eyes gained slitted pupils and stared at Pinkie with a hunger that could destroy nations. Her smiling mouth gained fangs, long and horrible to behold, dripping with venom from within her cruel smirk. The raiments of her office were twisted and corrupted, spikes growing from places that were simply impractical. In all, it was a timely reminder of just what a fearsome enemy Luna had been back in her night.

This met with six spectacularly blank stares.

"At least, that was the idea. Why she's ended up here, I haven't the foggiest." The vision of unholy terror shrugged, and picked up her coffee.

The six blank stares continued - or, rather five of them did. Pinkie was trying her very hardest to keep it up, though, so nopony would really hold it against her if she was the weak link. The utterly dead silence stretched on, until it was punctured by the muffled sound of their unexpected guest slicing Cadance's favourite shrubbery to pieces.

Prompt 48: Once Upon a Time There Was a Dragon

Fizzle sat on the storyteller's rock and looked down at Spike. "Once upon a time", he began, "there was a Dragon. Her name was Tiamat, and she was the first and the mightiest of all chromatic dragons. You owe your scales to her, as I owe mine and every dragon here is the same. The king of the Dragons at that time was named Bahamut, and he had ruled for 4,000 years. Though he had been a good king, it was widely thought that he had grown too set in his ways, too mindful of strict rules and strange moral codes. In her ambition Tiamat decided that she would usurp King Bahamut's throne and steal his crown, and rule the Dragons in the way they had been ruled since time immemorial."

Spike stared up at him, rapt. Fizzle had been one of the quieter dragons in Garble's gang, but one mention of wanting to know more about history had brought out the apprentice storyteller in the white dragon. Even as he spoke, his voice was changing. He left behind the slang of his daily life and his story took on the cadence of myth learned off by heart.

"Now, Tiamat was wise and cunning, as any storyteller will tell you, and she knew that she couldn't challenge Bahamut to open combat without preparing for it first. She thought and she thought and she planned and she planned, and eventually she realised just how she could defeat Bahamut."

"How?" Asked Spike. Fizzle smirked, filled with the glee of the storyteller whose audience has just asked precisely the right question.

"It was simple, and beautiful in its simplicity, as all of Tiamat's plans were once she looked at the problem the right way. Why fight Bahamut alone? One on One, he would surely best her, but if she brought back-up, she would prove the victor. And so Tiamat decided that she would take to herself a husband."

"Who was her husband?"

"His name was Dagon. He lived miles underneath the Sea, in a palace made of coral. Tiamat and Dagon took to each other, and did all that husband and wife do, and in time Tiamat was with eggs. King Bahamut saw this and he was pleased, because he had been concerned about Tiamat's ambition and thought that motherhood might make her settle down and take life more calmly. And for a while it seemed to. Tiamat gave birth, and again and again and in the fullness of time the three generations of her children were all full grown."

"So that's what, 500 years?"

The mysticism dropped from Fizzle's voice, and he was once again an adolescent who could only do maths if it promised not to get too complicated. "Uh, yeah, assuming Tiamat and Dagon left a little time in between clutches. Maybe more like 600? Anyway, in the fullness of time the three generations of her children were all full grown. One day Tiamat and Dagon invited King Bahamut to their home for dinner, and when he had eaten his fill Tiamat, Dagon and their three generations of children took their chance and struck. Taken by surprise, Bahamut was defeated utterly. He fled this land for parts unknown, never to be seen again. When Tiamat openly declared her victory and coronation, and made Dagon her king, the other metallic dragons followed their leader. And as Queen of all Dragons, Tiamat did away with Bahamut's many laws and ruled the Dragons in the way they were always intended to be ruled. And since that day, all of the dragons in the world have been descendants of Tiamat and Dagon."

"Every last one? Even me?"

"Including you, kid. Dragons like you and me, who live on the land, we take more after our sacred mother, and the Sea Serpents have more of the blood of Dagon in them, but we all come from the same parents. And we can all learn a lesson from this, as we can from every tale of Tiamat: Though your enemy may be too powerful for you to destroy head on, if you are cunning and patient in time you will win. With careful thought, you can defeat anyone."

Some small part of Spike, a part he was barely conscious of, reflected that Twilight's morals generally didn't involve destruction and betrayal. But another part, louder in its insistency, was concerned only with learning more about Tiamat, and about what he was meant to be.

Prompt 36: There Are More Things in Heaven and Earth...

Twilight tried not to slip into panic as she waited for Princess Celestia. She told herself that just because she had been called to the castle did not necessarily mean that something had gone horribly wrong. It was not certain - yet - that a horrible disaster was befalling Equestria, or some twist of fate would take her new-found princesshood from her. It was entirely possible that instead of giving her a stress-induced heart attack, today would be nice and calm and lovely. Celestia (she really did have to get into the habit of calling her by name now) probably just wanted to chat. She wouldn't get hauled before a committee of ponies with jobs she'd never heard of to be scrutinised and judged, she would just have a chat. Over tea. Nice, calming, relaxing tea, never steer you wrong, all is right in the world-

"Her Majesty will see you now."

Never mind that PANIC PANIC PANIC PANIC

***

Princess Celestia looked up from her book (a romance, and if she was perfectly honest not a particularly highbrow one either) to greet the newly crowned princess Twilight, who was flanked by rather more guards than she thought strictly necessary. "Oh good, you made it without any trouble. Tea?"

She pretended not to notice Twilight doing her best to contain a nervous twitch. "No, Pr-Celestia, even. No trouble at all. Though I will have a cup, please."

"Well, I'm glad to hear that." She motioned to her guards almost imperceptibly, and they turned and left the room. "To tell you the truth, what I'm about to tell you will probably come as quite a surprise - though not the kind of surprise I'm sure you're suspecting." As she spoke, she poured Twilight a cup of chamomile and passed it over.

"So it's not that an ancient evil has resurfaced and once more threatens all of creation?"

Celestia giggled. "Am I so predictable? No, it's nothing like that. It's difficult for me to know where to begin explaining this, but I'll start with the events immediately preceding your ascension. You will recall that you spent some time in a strange, ethereal place." She had been meaning to give a name to that place for some time now, she remembered. Oh well, one of these days something suitable would occur to somepony.

"Yes. If I'm perfectly honest, I thought I might be dead." As soon as the word left her mouth, she distracted herself with her tea, as if that might change the topic for her.

Celestia could only blink. Whatever she had been expecting, it most certainly was not that. "Dead?" The word sounded strange in her mouth, as though she were tasting something she encountered but rarely.

"I've read theories about a so-called realm of perfect forms, where the ideal prototypes of all things reside, and where living beings go after they leave the living world. I thought perhaps I'd gone there. It came as something of a surprise, I must say."

"I can imagine. Well, to the best of my knowledge no such place exists - although obviously, being alive, I'm not really in a position to judge." She gave a shrug. "In any case, where you actually were was no kind of afterlife, although you should probably keep the idea in mind. It will help to explain what I mean."

"Whatever it is, it certainly must be complicated. I've never known you to take this long to reach a point."

"You're right, I'm dithering. So, in the interests of being brief: when you vanished from your library, you went to another plane of existence." She wished there was some other way of saying it, some less blunt way of changing Twilight's entire perception of the world. But as Twilight had pointed out she was meandering, and she feared that she might meander all day if she gave herself the opportunity.

"Another...as in, another world?"

"Not just world. That was its own little self-contained universe, separate from ours but connected to it."

"Another universe? How can there be another universe? Uni means One, for Faust's sake!"

"First afterlives, now Faust? You are in a spiritual mood."

Twilight waved a hoof dismissively. "Well, Fluttershy's been on a bit of a religious revival kick recently. It may have rubbed off on me."

"Do I predict a letter in my near future?"

"Possibly, but I don't think things have gotten that bad yet. Fluttershy's taking everything a bit far, and Applejack has been a little upset by it all, but things may calm down on their own."

"I live in hope. Still, I'm sure you can see why I thought you'd be surprised by what I had to tell you. It's not every day a pony learns that there are multiple universes." Twilight was right, she decided. Making the word universe a plural really was awkward. It just seemed to be another of those cases where nobody could think of a better alternative.

"You say multiple. Does that mean there are more than two?"

"Precisely. How many there are in total I don't know, and I don't think anyone does, but there are certainly more heavens and earths than are dreamt of in the philosophy of your average pony."

"Then do any of the other universes have people in them?" Twilight seemed almost embarrassed to be asking the question. Perhaps, thought Celestia, it reminded her a little too much of the bizarre theories about space aliens and suchlike that one occasionally heard floating around.

"Yes, quite a few of them do." She sipped her slowly cooling tea. "I notice you didn't ask about ponies specifically."

"Well, you just told me there was more than one universe. I don't think I can afford to make assumptions right now."

"A very wise way of looking at the world. Twilight, I must say that you're taking this with all of the scientific dignity and grace that I could hope. You really are the best student I could ask for." Internally she chided herself for once again attempting to change the topic. She wondered vaguely why she was so reluctant to discuss this particular subject. Certainly there was nothing shameful about walking the planes.

"That's very kind of you to say. So if there are other worlds, and other people...is it possible for people to travel between them? Without being vapourised, I mean. I think I'd like to avoid that if at all possible."

"Entirely understandable. It is indeed possible for individuals to travel between worlds, though such people are born only very rarely. One in one million sentient beings has the potential to have the potential to travel between the planes. You, Twilight, happen to be one of that infinitesimally small number. The ability - the spark, as it is often known - only manifests itself under supreme magical or emotional circumstances."

"And I happened to be in both at once. So at the same time as I became an alicorn - wait! Are the two connected?" Twilight cast her eyes around for a notebook and quill, only to be disappointed.

"Yes, in a way. The ability to walk the planes is linked to powerful magics, old magics, and when these are awakened in a pony they change the body into a more fitting form. I was once an earth pony, though that was a long time ago."

"In that case, I can reach only one logical conclusion. You didn't call me here alone just to tell me about all of this in theory. You called me here to teach me how to move between worlds."

"Precisely. As a Princess of Equestria, it is vital that you know all you can of the wider world - and it certainly doesn't get much wider than this."

"Then where will we go? How will we even know where we're going?"

"As it happens, I am scheduled to spend this afternoon at a kind of summit of people like us. We have all been around for some time, and in our travels we have found that we share common interests and goals. Once in a very long while, we all get together -or as many of us as possible, at any rate - and we discuss the multiverse and what is happening in it. This year, my good friend Sorin Markov will be playing host to us at Castle Markov atop Mount Markov, surrounded by Markov Forest. He is, it must be said, rather fond of the sound of his own name." Twilight giggled. "It used to be a rather horrid place, in my opinion - a very LUNA place, if you catch my meaning - but from what I've heard it's been brightened up wonderfully in recent years. The fellow who informed me mentioned something about a woman's touch, though I'm not sure exactly who he was referring to." Sorin certainly had not struck her as the marrying type.

"Well then, what good will I be to a summit of strange people and creatures? Why should they care a fig about some second-rate politician who joined their number by accident?"

"Oh Twilight, don't speak of yourself so. We planeswalkers are few and far between, and even if you're hard on yourself I'm sure the others will love to meet you. Nobody ever deliberately becomes a planeswalker. Almost nobody, at any rate, and most of the few who try end up failing. At least, I hope Yawgmoth failed. If I'm honest, I'm not 100% clear on the details. Time manipulation, you know, wonderful stuff but it makes keeping the facts straight an utter nightmare."

"Even if they do like me, what purpose do I have being there? In fact, if there are a thousand worlds or whatever it ends up being, is Equestria itself all that important to them? Is it even important at all, if there's another world out there with other people and other princesses and everything else?" Twilight looked as close to absolute dejection as Celestia had ever seen.

"Well, for example, it's been long enough since the last one that none of them yet know that Luna has returned to us. As she too is a planeswalker, they will all be eager to hear of her return. In fact, she's off in some nether realm or another right now, looking for some old tutor she used to know. I'm sure they all have news that is equally monumentous, though it may not be so happy." Her pupil seemed to have perked up just a little at the reminder of Luna's wondrous return and all that it had entailed. In truth, she was holding off the post-awakening existential crisis far better than Celestia had done at her age. She lifted Twilight's chin with a hoof, and looked her straight in the eye. "Twilight, I would be honoured if you would accompany me to this summit. I can think of no greater pleasure than introducing you to my other friends. I can imagine no more perfect joy than bringing my greatest student into a new field of study, and I am certain beyond all doubt that you will excel."

"You're unbelievable, Celestia. You've taught me darn near all I've ever learned, you're the wisest and most loving pony I've ever met, you're revealing the great secrets of existence to me...and yet YOU think that I am doing you honour. Of course I'll go. I wouldn't miss it for the world, or any other."

Celestia could only smile. She hooked one of her forelegs around one of Twilight's and, with a surprisingly unladylike grunt, conjured up a portal of swirling magical energy. White, blue, black, red and green spiraled into each other, and Twilight could almost have sworn that she could feel pure energy sparking off of it. Celestia turned to her with a bow, and said "Shall we?"

Twilight giggled and returned the bow. "We shall." They stepped into the portal together, though what happened when they stepped out the other side is a story for another time.

Prompt 346: Coming of Age

It was a beautiful day in Ponyville park, and three ponies in particular were discussing Scootaloo's recent summons to Cloudsdale for a year's service in whatever branch of government she chose. "I must say, Fluttershy, you're just about the last pony I imagined would support conscription."

"It's not conscription, it's public service. That's quite an important difference."

"Exactly!" interrupted Rainbow Dash, as was her habit. "Nopony's saying Scootaloo has to join the military! She can do whatever she wants for her year."

"I guess I just don't get these pegasus customs, then."

Rainbow Dash realised that she might never get an opportunity like this again. "Would you like to know more?" she asked. In response, Fluttershy giggled. "Heh. I always wanted to say that." Fluttershy nodded through the tale end of her giggling.

"OK, can we start with that? Because, speaking of not getting things..."

"Oh, it's a joke about the posters they put up to advertise everything you can do your national service in. Like, uh, they say things like 'Join the civil engineering corps! Let your work stand tall for years to come! Would you like to know more?'" This time, a few of the other pegasi in earshot chorused the last line. "And the pony they get for the posters always looks like they're either the biggest dweeb you can imagine, or bored out of their mind."

Fluttershy picked up the explanation. "And it's important to consider that Scootaloo can do her year of service and never be in any danger at all. I spent my year doing paperwork, for example. You know, making sure the gendarmerie got enough uniforms and supplies and things. It was really quite relaxing."

Rainbow Dash cocked her head. "You were in the commissariat? I always assumed you went for the ambulance service."

Fluttershy blushed. "Uh, don't tell anypony, but I actually kind of flunked pony biology. They don't let you in anything like that if you're not already partway trained for it. Oh, but, uh, my maths scores were good enough that the commissariat would take me, and it seemed like a nice helpful way of spending my year. I got to wear this cute hat, as well. It had a little visor on it and everything."

"Fluttershy, I hate to be the one to break this to you, but in the gendarmerie we all thought your hats made you look like a bunch of dorks."

"Oh, I know that. Whenever anypony said it to our face, we'd forget to issue them soap for a month, to teach them good manners."

"Wow. We all thought you guys were just incompetent."

"And if anypony said that, they went without for two months."

"Well, apart from a soap shortage, what can Scootaloo expect to get out of this?"

"Eh. Right to vote, right to own her own house, that kind of thing. You know, citizen stuff."

"You mean she isn't a citizen already, on account of having been born there?"

"Nope. First you get your cutie mark, then you do your year of service, then you're a citizen. Because..." Twilight could hear all the pegasi in the park drawing breath "Service guarantees citizenship!"

Fluttershy giggled again. "You know, we really ought to explain these things more often. I didn't think I'd ever get to use that old cornball."