Doctor, Derpy, and Family Episode 1 (pilot): What's a Dalek
What’s a Dalek?
Joshua Denoncourt
The Doctor trotted around the TARDIS frantically, pulling different switches and pressing random buttons, occasionally slamming his hoof on the control panel. “It can’t be!” the Doctor said to himself, “Not here, they can’t be here!”
“What Doctor?” the grey Pegasus asked confused. She was still trying to get used to time travel, this was only her third adventure with the Doctor, and she was still learning the ropes.
The doctor went over to the mare and put his hooves on her shoulders, “Ditzy, what we are about to do is possibly the most dangerous thing we’ve done so far. I will leave the TARDIS first to make sure everything is ok, and I will come back to get you once I know everything is safe. Remember, if you hear a scratchy electronic voice, run.”
“Why?” Ditzy asked.
“Because Daleks are killing machines. That’s there only purpose, to hate and destroy everything that isn’t a Dalek.”
The engine of the TARDIS roared as it came to a stop. The Doctor turned to Ditzy and gave her his sonic screwdriver, “It does anything but wood.” He turned around and left. He had parked the Tardis on the top of a hill outside Ponyville he walked into town and saw that there was some sort of festival going on. All the ponies wore costumes and had bags of candy. This must be Nightmare Night that he had heard about. “Well I must be quite the stand out.” He thought to himself, “Ahh I doubt I’ll raise any suspicion.”
He was wrong, everypony gave him weird looks and some of the younger ones even ran away from him. “That’s weird.” He said to himself, “It’s not like it’s a sacred ritual, so why-” he was cut off when a hoof wrapped around his mouth and pulled him into an alley. He was surprised to see he was confronted by, himself. Well not really him, one of his past generations, his third to be exact. He was a blue unicorn with a white mane and had an angry look on his face.
“Are you crazy, or does my memory really get that bad?” the third said.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. But shouldn’t this be causing a paradox?”
“Long story, but I built a short range Paradox Machine. Anyways you shouldn’t be walking around where everypony can see you.”
“And why not then?”
“Because of this.” The third used his magic to pull some papers from his pockets. The tenth looked and saw a picture of Ditzy with the caption “Grey Mailmare still missing after one year” the next was a picture of the TARDIS, and the third was a wanted poster with the tenth’s face on it, reward; ninety bits.
“What? That’s outrageous! I’m worth at least ninety-five bits.” The tenth said.
The third face hoofed and said, “You don’t get it do you? You are wanted for Ponynapping Ditzy Doo.”
“Oh…Oh dear. Ditzy!” the tenth ran off towards the TARDIS followed by the third. “Ditzy we have a problem!” the tenth screamed when he entered the TARDIS.
“My stars!” said the third, “You've redecorated.”
“Um, Doctor. Who’s he?” Ditzy asked.
“Um, Ditzy meet myself, myself meet Ditzy.”
“You can just call me the third.”
“What?” Ditzy said.
“You didn't explain regeneration to her yet?” said the third.
“Well I was hoping not to run into that dilemma for a while. Um Ditzy, Timelords have the power to regenerate if they are dying; it’s like an almost perfect way of cheating death.”
“I am his third incarnation.”
“And I’m the tenth.”
“Ok…I think I get It.” said Ditzy.
The two doctors looked at each other and said telepathically “that was easier than usual.”
“So what’s the problem?” asked Ditzy.
“Well when we met and you came with me I may not have brought you home for a while, well I say a while I mean a year but that’s not important. You are considered a missing pony, and I’m your ponynapper.” Explained the tenth.
“Oh…well I’m sure if I go down there and explain the situation, then everypony will feel better.” Said Ditzy.
“When there’s a Dalek around, you don’t want to start preaching about a Timelord.” The tenth said.
“What?” said the third, “I didn't pick anything up on my radar.”
“Well I did, so an explanation is out of the question.”
“How about we use Nightmare Night as an excuse to disguise ourselves?” suggested the third.
“Bloody brilliant! To the wardrobe!”
In the end, the tenth wore a gas mask with a white jump suit. The third chose the guise of a steam punk. Ditzy wore a mask that hid her eyes, and had nothing on it, (it was basically a one-way window to hide her eyes) and a big maroon robe that covered the rest of her body.
“I feel stupid…” Ditzy said.
“Look at me! I've got bloody gears on my hat!” snapped the third.
“Let’s just calm down and look for the Dalek. Oh and I would like my sonic screwdriver back Ditzy.”
“Ok.” Ditzy gave the doctor his sonic screwdriver back.
As they were about to leave the TARDIS the tenth let out a big “Allons-y!” and they were off.
“Where is the signal coming from?” asked the third.
“Looks like…that abandoned house over there with all the police tape and do not enter signs. Great decorations for Nightmare Night.” The tenth said.
“That’s my house.” Ditzy said. “Why is it so empty?”
“Well like I said earlier you've been missing for about a year, give or take a few months…”
“Oh…hey look it’s Dinky and Amethyst, my daughters.” Ditzy said excitedly, “He- mph”
“Don’t draw attention to yourself, remember you are considered a missing mare.” The third said and lowered his hoof from Ditzy’s mouth.
“Oh, yeah…” Ditzy said. “Sorry.”
“Now we just need to sneak in where nopony will see us.”
“Follow me.” Said Ditzy, “I know that house inside and out.” They walked down an alley and Ditzy pushed a brick on the wall of the house. The brick moved and revealed a pass code panel. Ditzy typed in a simple word, “Muffin”. The light glowed green and the wall moved to reveal a door. “Now I just need to…darn I lost my key. But you can use your sonic screwdriver and…”
“It doesn't do wood.” The two doctors replied simultaneously.
“Well then,” said the tenth, “looks like we’re going to have to muscle our way in.” the tenth backed up and charged the door and broke it down.
“There, now that we’re in we can take these blasted costumes off.” The third said. They all seemed happy about that and quickly disrobed.
The tenth still had his green tie and the third still had his red jacket. Ditzy looked at them funny, “No wonder you were so uncomfortable, wearing stuff under your costume.”
“Anyway, we all need to be on highest alert, the Dalek could be anywhere in this house.” Said the tenth, “Third, you check the basement, Ditzy and I will check upstairs.”
“I don’t think that will be necessary.” Said the third.
“It’s right behind me isn't it?” said the tenth.
“EXTERMINATE!” the electronic voice answered his question.
The three ducked just in time to doge a blue laser. “Run!” screamed the tenth. The three ran out of the gaping, flaming hole left in the side of the house by the laser.
“Where are we running?” asked Ditzy.
“Away!” Replied the tenth.
“And now,” said Mayor Mare, “a moment of silence for our missing Ditzy Doo.” All was silent until there was the sound of hooves running on stone path, “Who is that?” the Mayor raised her head, as did the rest of the crowd as three ponies, a brown earth pony, a grey Pegasus, and a blue unicorn ran past. Wait a grey Pegasus?
“Hi guys, long time no see. Not enough time to explain. Run for your lives.” The grey Pegasus said with an unmistakable voice.
The crowd sat and stared as the three ponies ran past. “Ditzy what did I say about drawing attention?”
“Well you’re the one who attracted that Darlek or whatever it’s called.”
The conversation faded as the ponies ran farther away. Then a weird robot that looked almost like a giant salt shaker was chasing them screaming “EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE!”
“I have an idea.” Said Ditzy. Before the doctors could ask the grey Pegasus had flown off.
“Well we have two options,” said the third “We can wait for her here like sitting ducks, or we could keep running.”
“EXTERMINATE!” a blue laser singed the top of the tenth’s mane.
“Right,” said the third, “keep running.”
After about a minute they heard a clank and steam. They looked back to see Ditzy standing on top of a smoking, dented Dalek. She wore a smile you could see a mile, and she said, “Please hold your applause.”
“How did you do that?” asked the tenth.
“I took out the battery.” She said.
“Um…Daleks don’t have batteries.” Said the tenth.
“Then what’s this?” Ditzy asked holding a cylindrical piece of metal.
“That’s the…um...” the tenth put on his reading glasses and took a step or two closer, “That’s the main wire it looks like. Which means…”
“Ditzy get away from there!” yelled the third.
Ditzy shot up into the air mere seconds before the dalek exploded.
“Right, that keeps the Dalek from self-destructing…” mumbled the tenth. “Well that’s one problem solved now we only need to worry about-”
“Mommy!” shouted a tiny voice, and a little purple-grey unicorn with a yellow mane jumped onto Ditzy’s back. “I was so worried about you, and Amethyst said you were OK, but how can you be OK if you never came back from work?”
“Mom, get away from that pony.” Another older purple unicorn walked up to Ditzy. She glared at the tenth and her horn glowed.
“Now I can explain…” said the tenth. However he was cut off by a magic blast hitting his face, “Over 950 years and I have never been blasted by magic. I've been slapped but that was by the girl’s mother, not her daughter.” He got up and turned his head side to side. “OK to be perfectly honest I probably had that coming to me.”
Other ponies started gathering around and most of the unicorns had glowing horns.
“Stop!” yelled Ditzy Doo. “He’s my friend!” everypony stopped, “His name is the Doctor. He has a time machine that can travel across the universe. I've seen many wonderful things.”
There was a long silence. “But what about us mommy?” asked little Dinky Doo.
“You can come with us if you want. Right Doctor?”
“Well, usually I don’t travel with large groups…” said the tenth who was then nudged by the third, “But I can always make exceptions.”
“See?” said Ditzy, “You and Amethyst can come along.”
“Yea! Did you hear that sis? We get to go on an adventure!”
Amethyst just looked at her mother in disgust and turned away. “Yeah, I heard.”
“Muffin, what’s wrong?” asked Ditzy.
“You just expect us to pick up and drop everything we’re doing just so we can go with you and your stallionfriend to who knows where?”
“He’s not my stallionfriend!” Ditzy replied blushing.
“And it’s not a question of where, it’s a question of when.” Replied the tenth.
“I still don’t want to go. Do you know who had to take care of Dinky when you mysteriously disappeared? I had to! I am sick of having to be responsible for when you mess up! You’re not even my real mom! I wish I had stayed at the orphanage!” Burst out Amethyst.
Ditzy had tears forming in her eyes, “You don’t mean that do you?”
“No.” replied Amethyst, “I just missed you so much!” the two crying mares ran to each other and hugged.
“So will you come with us?” asked Ditzy.
“Yes, because we’re a family. And family sticks together.”
“Well…” said the third, “I don’t mean to ruin the mood, but I’m afraid I must be off.”
“Where to?” asked the tenth.
“Just think or does my memory get that bad?”
“I’m just pulling your leg. But here’s some advice, the emperor likes his tea hot.” Said the tenth.
“I’ll try to remember that.” Said the third.
“But you won’t, I know I didn’t.” replied the tenth. The two doctors looked at each other and let out a laugh.
When the Doctor showed Amethyst and Dinky into the TARDIS their eyes widened and their jaws dropped. “It’s…” Amethyst started.
“Smaller on the outside.” Finished Dinky.
“You really are your mother’s daughter.” The doctor said, remembering her first reaction to the TARDIS interior.
“Well of course I am!” said Dinky.
“I know.” Said the doctor, “Ditzy,”
“Yes?”
“What was the name that blue Pegasus called you, ‘Derpy’?”
“Um…yeah. It’s sort of a nick name.”
“Well I like it. Flows off the tongue a lot easier than Ditzy. Mind if I call you that?”
“Sure, that’s fine.”
“Well then. Now that everything is in order, where to now?”
“I want to see the future!” said Dinky, jumping up and down.
“How far ahead?”
“One-hundred years!” she squealed.
“Ah, you can do better than that!”
“One-thousand years!”
“Come on girl, think big!”
“One-bagillion years!”
“That’s more like it!” the doctor ran to the control panel, hit a few switches, pressed a few buttons, and the engine started to whir. “Now then…Allons-y!”
