The Collective Works of Edgar Allan Pony

by Red Glare

Rating: teen
Tags: Dark
Length: 2581

Just some ponyfied versions of Poe stories

Ever pick up a book and go "What the hell does this shit mean?" Well, I have. Recently in fact. I've come across a book that had some pretty interesting stories in them. The only Problem was that the short stories were written in am older English and each sentence took a bit of thinking to figure out. I thought to myself, "Myself," i said, "why not just rewrite the stories in more modern English. Why not make the stories ponyfied while you're at it!" I did just that and here's the result. The works of author Edgar Allan Poe modernized for a new generation and ponyfied. Enjoy!

(Stories originally by Edgar Allan Poe. Modified by Red Glare)

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-02-27 00:44:01 UTC

The Masque of Red Death

The "Red Death" had been destroying Equestria for a long time. No disease had ever been so deadly, or disgusting. Blood was it's symbol-The crimson and horror of blood.  The first symptoms were harsh pain and sudden dizziness. Then the victim would bleed out of their pores, staining their coat. The blood stains on the body, mostly on the face, were the signal for the victim to be shut out from the help and sympathy of his fellow villagers. The final part of the process was seizures and death, the two happening within no more than thirty minutes of each other.

But Prince Blueblood was happy, fearless and had no worry at all. Even when half of his kingdom had died, he called together a thousand Canterlot ponies from the Stallions and Mares of his royal court, and with these ponies locked himself ,and them, away in one of his castles. The castle was large and luxurious, which was how the prince wanted it to be. A huge wall with massive iron gates surrounded the outside of the castle. The castle also had a lot of extra goods to make the new residents feel comfortable. All of these things were meant for the guests to feel safe from the disease. What was happening outside of the castle walls didn't matter to those inside. In the meantime it was useless to feel bad or to think of the plague outside. Prince Blueblood gave all his guests everything he could from the best wine to the best food to the best musicians in Equestria. All of these things were in the Castle, safely away from the "Red Death."

After five or six months of keeping to himself, and while the disease killed more and more ponies, Prince Blueblood decided to hold a party for his thousand friends. A party that was so luxurious, no party before, or after, would come close to matching it.

"Pffffft, I could throw a better party," Pinke Pie said.

"Quiet Pinkie Pie. You're interrupting the story! Please continue Red Glare."

"Thank you Twilight. Anyway, Like I was saying..."

The Ball was an incredible sight, but first you need to understand the castle layout before I describe the party itself. There were seven rooms. Well, actually, suites would be a better term. Each suite had sliding doors opining up the passage to the next suite.  The strange part of the whole layout, was each door led to a hallway that had a sharp turn every 35 feet, give or take 5 feet. Each room had 3 stain glass windows looking out into these halls. The color of the window was different for each room, changing to match the color of the decor each suite had. For example, the first room was furnished completely in blue and had vivid blue stain glass windows.The second room was purple and had purple windows. The third room was entirely green. The fourth was orange, the fifth was white and the sixth was violet. The seventh suite was covered in all black, and was the only room to not have the windows a matching color. For the seventh room, the windows were a dark red. There were no light sources inside the suites. The only light come from the hallways, through the stain glass windows. This made each room look as though every thing and everyone in them where the same color. In the black room. The windows caused everything to appear the color of blood. Very few, if any, party goers went into this room for that reason.

It was in the black room that there was a big ebony grandfather clock. It's pendulum swung back and forth with a low, heavy, monotonous clang and at the top of each hour, the clock bellowed a tone loud enough to wake the dead it would seem. The noise was so uniquely terrifying that each time the clock chimed, the musicians stopped playing to listen. This cause all the dancing party goers to stop and pay heed as well. The ringing was so cryptic that even the most happy-go-lucky pony would turn pale. But when the clock was finished with its frightening solo, the music started again and the ponies started dancing and the happy-go-luckys' color returned. The party resumed as if nothing had happened, until the top of the next hour, when the clock sung again.

But despite the plague, the black room and the clock the atmosphere of the party was happy and bright. It seemed like a dream. An oasis in the middle of the desert. A safe haven for those who were hiding. But then the clock chimed again and the dream became a nightmare, the oasis dried up, and the safe haven was discovered. But once the clock had finished it's quick statement (quick because it was one in the morning, therefore only one chime) the dream resumed, the oasis refilled and a new safe haven was found. The windows cast their glow on the party goers through out  the castle. The suites , excluding the black one, were full of ponies who were having the time of their life. The suites beat with the heart of life.

After the short interruption of the clock, though, the party goers in the first, blue room noticed a figure standing in the middle of the merriment. The colt wore a mask, like many others at the party. The odd thing about this new stallion was he wore all black ans a black cape. Word spread of the new guest at a buzz at first. The initial reaction was surprise, but that eventually turned into fear, horror and disgust.Taking into account how hectic the party was, you can gather how not any pony could cause such a reaction. The pony was tall and thin. His mask was made to look like a corpse. Even a trained professional wouldn't be able to tell the difference between the mask and a real dead person upon close examination. The whole thing would have went unnoticed but the party ponies, if on the mask, the mysterious colt hadn't made the face to look like that of someone who died of the Red Death.

When Prince Blueblood saw this specter of a new guest, the prince made his way through the crowd to he stallion. At first, when Blueblood saw the stallion, he shivered. But after that, the prince was filled with rage. "Who dares-" the prince said, "-who dares to insult me with this garbage. Guards! Seize and unmask him! Later today we hang him from the castle wall!" Those words echoed through out the castle so every mare and stallion heard. Just then the crowd began to part and the guards rushed in. The stallion was still until a guard tried to grab him. Only then did the unwelcome guest take off in a full gallop. He ran through the castle at a break neck pace, the prince close behind. The chase continued into the final room: the black room. The intruder was cornered but, for a moment, the Prince was frozen by fear. Once the fear subsided, Prince Blueblood moved towards the masked stallion. The Prince drew his dagger but froze once again. This was followed by a blood curling scream, as Prince Blueblood fell to the floor dead, blood stains on his face. As the guards filed into the black suite, they saw the masked stallion, standing on his hind legs inside the grandfather clock. The clock started its deep song again, and with it spread panic, as it was now clear the Red Death had broken through the walls of the safe haven. Slowly, all the party goers, once happy and joyful, perished at the hands of the Red Death.

"The end," I whispered blowing out the candle I was holding to enhance the atmosphere of my story and letting the inside of the library go dark. I followed that action with my best evil laugh. The mane six all gave a scream of terror as Twilight lit up the room with her horn. By now I was laughing so hard I was crying. "I got you six good! hahahahahahah!"

"Ah-ah wasn't scared," said Applejack, standing up from behind her hiding place that is Rainbow Dash.

"Not scared huh?" I said, "Well I got a lot more where that came from..."

The Cask of Amontillado Part 1

"Good evening ladies," I said as I walked into the library, out of the rain.

"Howdy Red Glare," Applejack said as the eyes of the six mares already partying fell upon me.

"Hey hey AJ," I said trying to funny, "still scared from my last story?"

"Ah wasn't scared, I was just alil jumpy s'all."

"Not scared you say, well gather round girls, Its time for another story," I said taking a seat in front of the fire place, "This one is called The Cask of Amontillado." I said. Then I cleared my throat and began after the mane six had gathered around. "I took the-"

"WAIT!" Pinkie Pie screamed, "I? As in first person I? Is this about you?!?"

"No Pinkie, the story is told by a pony named Montresor." I said. Then I started once more. "I took the-"

"Hang on a second. Is any of this going to be true?" Rainbow Dash interrupted.

Annoyed, I replied, "Yes! A lot of it most likely. Can I tell it now please?"

On cue, all six of the mares before me made a zipping motion over their mouths. "Good as I was saying...for the third time..."

I took the many wrong doings of Fortunato as best as I could, but when he turned to insults, I swore revenge. If you knew me well, you could guess that I never let on any sign of the fact I was plotting against him. I knew in my mind that eventually, I would get revenge. The only problem was how severe the revenge would be. I wasn't going to just take my revenge, but take revenge in the worst way possible. I was taught from a young age that the only way to right a wrong was to punish the wrong-doer. And the fact that the target of retaliation had no idea of what was coming made the revenge all the sweeter.

You need to get the fact that Fortunato had no reason to suspect anything. I continued, as was my plan, to smile at my "friend" every time I saw him. Fortunato had no idea that my smile, though, was because of my thinking of his destruction.

Fortunato had a soft spot for fine wine it turned out, but in all other areas of expertise he said he had, he was a fake. Fortunato took every possible chance he could get to show off his knowledge. Few ponies loved...well...anything as much as Fortunato loved wine. In that respect we were the same-I was also knowledgeable in that particular area.

Celestia's sun was setting one day during the hectic carnival season when I bumped into my friend Fortunato. He greeted me very warmly because he was so drunk. He was dressed up like a joker who would work as entertainment in Celestia's royal court. On his head he war a jester's hat, bells and all. I was so happy that everything was perfectly set for my scheme, that I almost forgot to stop shaking Fortunato's hoof. I said "Hello there Fortunato! So good to see you!"

"Ahhhh Montresor, how nice to see you too," Fortunato mumbled due to his current stage of drunkenness.

"I'm happy that I ran into you Fortunato. I bought a barrel of Amontillado. You know, the wine? Anyway, I bought a barrel of Amontillado. Well, it appears to be Amontillado."

"Amontillado?" Fortunato said, his eyes lighting up at the mention of his favorite wine, "How? And an entire barrel? Impossible! And during the carnival season!"

"I do have my doubts friend. But, like you said, Amontillado during carnival is such a rare find I jumped all over the deal."

"Amontillado!"

"I think it is anyway."

"Amontillado!"

"I'd like to be 100% sure."

"Amontillado!"

"Yes, yes Fortunato, Amontillado. I was hoping that I could get you to verify if the wine really is Amontillado or not, but I see that you're busy. I'll just go ask Luchesi. He 'll know for sure."

"Luchesi wouldn't know. He can't tell Amontillado from Sherry," Fortunato said with a laugh. I joined in as well to get that little bit more on Fortunato's good side.

"I see friend," I said recovering from my fake laughter, "but understand Fortunato, that some ponies say Luchesi was as knowledgeable than you as far as wine goes."

"No way that's true. I'm the stallion who'll help you out Montresor. Let's get moving."

"Where?" I asked?

"To your family catacombs of course. I know that's were you keep you wine. I know because one night at one of your fabulous parties Montresor, I slipped down there to pocket a bottle or two myself!" At that point Fortunato was sent into a fit of wild laughter. This time it was impossible for me to fake laugh. I was doing all I could from killing this son-of-a-bitch on the spot he stood.

At this point I noticed Twilight raising her hoof and said, "Yes Twilight? You have a question?"

She asked, "What exactly is a catacomb again?"

"Its an underground cave system used by wealthy families along time ago to hold their dead ancestors," I replied.

"Ok, then why the buck would someone keep wine in a place like that?!?" Twilight then asked again, eager to learn.

"Because it was cool (temperature wise) down their. It was a way to keep wine cool because back then there was no such thing as refrigerators," I answered, "Can I continue now?"

Twi shook her head and I continued

I struggled to fake sympathy and said, "I could't ask you to do that Fortunato. You seem busy and Luchesi-"

"Nonsense! I'm not busy. Lets go."

"Well then what about your cold Fortunato? I heard it was very bad and getting worse. The catacombs are damp and covered in mold."

"Forget about the cold. It isn't anything to bad. Besides, I want some of that Amontillado. Now for the third time lets go already. I'm not getting any younger now am I!"

With that Fortunato took my foreleg and started on his way to my house, pulling me behind him. I went along with the ride as to not appear too eager. Everything was going according to plan...

Rarity yawned. At that I looked at the clock and saw it was late. "That seems like a good place to stop for tonight," I announced to the six mares gathered around me, hanging on every word. My statement was met by various awwwwwwwwwwwwww's and whining from the girls. "Come on now ladies, a good cliffhanger never killed anyone. Besides I'm a sleepy pony. Let's hit the sack and we'll finish tomorrow. Deal?" All six mares nodded in agreement and the seven of us took our places in our sleeping bags and went to sleep for the night.

(Achievement Unlocked: Hang Time

Preform your First Cliffhanger)

[But in all seriousness I'm beat. If you liked the first part of this story then keep a lookout for part 2, coming soon. Goodnight Everypony!]