A Pesky Problem for the Premier Pink Party Pony

by Iron Brony Esquire

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, DJ P0N-3, Princess Luna, Comedy, Adventure, Pinkie Pie
Length: 4503

Pinkie Pie's quest to be the perfect party pony leads her to the discovery of an ancient Canterlot secret.

Pinkie Pie has always been the greatest party planner and thrower of her generation. But when a missing date in a calendar reveals that the birthday of none other than Princess Luna has been overlooked and has been for over one thousand years, Pinkie takes it upon herself to give Luna the best birthday that anypony has ever had. This simple pledge will take Pinkie Pie on a quest against the clock and an ancient secret that upholds the balance of Equestria.
[img]http://i14.photobucket.com/albums/a331/brittmcgee/MLP%20Minecraft/TLSOA_zps2aa17c49.png[/img]

Published 2013-08-20 01:40:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-10-16 14:07:48 UTC

The Missing Date

“I’m here, Pinkie!” A voice shouted from below Pinkie’s room, breaking her usually absent concentration.

“Oh, good! Glad you could make it, Twilight,” Pinkie said, clearly relieved. “My door’s unlocked, come upstairs.” The sound of hoofbeats grew slowly louder as Twilight ascended the stairs. She opened the door, slowly gasping at what she saw inside Pinkie’s room. Pinkie Pie, the number one party pony of Ponyville, had an unusually clean room, despite her messy habits and strange ability to produce confetti and glitter from out of nowhere. Today proved a rare exception to this rule.

“Pinkie… your room… What’s wrong with your room? It’s all covered in… what exactly are those things, Pinkie?” Twilight gestured to the various papers covered in messy haphazard markings, markings which Twilight could make neither heads nor tails of.

Pinkie’s face appeared upside down within inches of Twilight’s. “These are my party calendars, all of my party calendars. I have everything here. Not just birthdays, but everything. Every event I know anything about for the next... well, ever, and I add more stuff every day.”

“So… what exactly did you want me for?” Twilight asked quietly, still somewhat shocked from the unusual state of Pinkie’s room.

“Well…” Pinkie took a deep breath. “I know exactly seventy-four thousand eighty-eight ponies, but look at my birthday list!" She lifted a large roll of parchment and unrolled it in a circle around Twilight. “There are only seventy-four thousand eighty-seven dates listed on it, which means somepony I know isn’t getting a Pinkie Party for their birthday and I have no idea who it is! That means somepony is going to have a dull, boring, partyless birthday. They’re going to be so sad and it’s going to be all my fault!” Pinkie started panting while her eyes and ears drooped sadly.

“Relax, Pinkie,” Twilight said reassuringly. “I’m sure you just miscounted or something.” Twilight glanced over at Pinkie’s birthday list and winced at the writing. “I can’t say that would surprise me, you have really bad hoof writing. This looks like it was written by somepony who has never used a quill before.” As an effort to be kind to her friend, Twilight resisted the urge to start snickering at Pinkie’s situation, which, to Twilight, seemed like a simple case of disorganization and not an actual lost date.

Pinkie slumped down further and poked idly at the nearest sheet of paper. “I had to hold two cakes in each hoof while I made the list, so I had to hold the quill in my mouth. Let’s see you laugh when you’re the one who needs to write something down in a totally new way for the first time in your life and somepony makes fun of you.” Pinkie looked on the verge of tears. “And I didn’t miscount, I checked each paper one hundred times before I asked you to come here, and I managed to check a few more before you came, so there is definitely something missing. I just have my friends list on a different scroll from my birthday list, so it would take me forever to find out who I’m missing.”

Twilight put a hoof around her friend. “Alright, Pinkie,” she said calmly. “I think I have an answer for you. All I have to do is send a letter to the princess and ask her for a census of Equestria with everypony’s date of birth attached. We just compare it to your list of friends an—“

“That’s it, Twilight! That’s it!” Pinkie sprang up from the floor and skipped excitedly over to a particularly well kept sheet of paper resting above her bed. “The Princess!”

“What are you talking about, Pinkie Pie?”

Pinkie grabbed the sheet from the wall and bounced over to Twilight. The paper was titled “Best Friends” and had a list of about twelve names, Twilight’s included. “Look at this, Twilight: this list has all of my best friends and...” She flipped the paper over. “All of the Princesses that I know.” She gestured to three names that were on the back of the sheet. “But... if you look here...” She flipped the paper over again and gestured to a completely new list titled Birthdays. “See, your name is here and here’s Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Fluttershy, Spike, Princess Celestia, and Princess Cadence. Do you see what’s missing?”

Twilight shook her head trying to deal with witnessing Pinkie Pie showing her three pages from a single piece of paper. Whether from her own incredible perception or some strange Pinkie magic, Twilight suddenly realized there was indeed a vital piece of Pinkie’s list that was missing or never there in the first place. “Princess Luna?” She said curiously.

“Exactly!” Pinkie started to jump up and down. “Oh, this is gonna be sooo easy. All I gotta do is find Celestia and ask her when Luna’s Birthday is, then… Oh my gosh, then I get to throw her a really super cool awesome totally amazing stupendous Happy-Birthday-Princess-Luna-Surprise-Party! Oh, She’s gonna love it sooo much, there’s gonna be dancing and games and cake and streamers and balloons an—“ Twilight put her hoof over Pinkie’s mouth, reducing the rest of her speech to one long incomprehensible grunt. Once Pinkie was done, she jumped away from Twilight and began to excitedly pack a small bag with… miscellaneous Pinkie Pie items.

“Now where are you going in such a hurry?” asked Twilight.

“No time, Twilight!” Pinkie said with an enormous smile. “I can’t keep the readers waiting, I’ve gotta be in Canterlot by tomorrow.”

“Wait! Readers? What readers? You aren’t writing a book.” Twilight was thoroughly confused, though that was to be expected when dealing with Pinkie Pie.

“I’ll tell you later!” Pinkie’s voice trailed off as she ran in the direction of the train station.

Twilight blinked, still somewhat confused as to what Pinkie was up to. “Doesn’t she realize I could just send a letter to the princess and this would be sorted out in minutes?” Twilight facehoofed and shook her head.

“I do, Silly-Billy, but I betcha that it’s a super secret, or else I would already know,” a voice spoke from behind Twilight. Twilight turned around to see none other than Pinkie Pie, or at least her face in a mirror.

“How did you?... Oh, never mind, I don’t wanna know.” Twilight looked at Pinkie expectedly.

“So I think the only way for me to find out Luna’s super secret birthday is to go to Canterlot and find out in person. I just need one more thing...” Pinkie’s fore-hoof came out from the mirror and picked up a ticket lying on the small vanity the mirror was built into, eliciting a loud gasp from Twilight. "I gotta go now, bye.” Twilight blinked and Pinkie was gone.

“Okaaay,” Twilight said to herself slowly. “I’m going to go take a hot shower and see if I can’t wash the crazy from my head.”

A Canterlot Conspiracy

Pinkie arrived in Canterlot the next morning, just before sunrise, to find the center of town completely filled with ponies. They were gathered in a circle around a small ring of unicorn guards, dressed in their usual armour, each one armed with a golden bugle. Pinkie decided to take a closer look at the center of everypony to see what all the commotion was about, but it didn’t take her very long to find out. Standing tall and proudly at the dead center of the gathering was a large pole adorned at the top with what looked like a large half circle decorated with sun rays. Pinkie’s eyes widened and her ears perked up. “Oh my goodness, it’s the Summer Sun Celebration! I can’t believe I almost missed it.” Pinkie stood in the crowd excitedly. She had never seen a successful Summer Sun Celebration in person before. Last year’s celebration in Ponyville was cut short by the return of Nightmare Moon and subsequently Princess Luna. “Well, it’s not like her birthday is today,” Pinkie said softly to herself just as the royal guards sounded their bugles to mark the arrival of Celestia. “I’m sure it will be fine if I wait until after the sun rises to investigate.”

*****

“Celestia.” Pinkie said, trying to get Celestia’s attention away from somepony. “Celestia! I need to ask you something!”

“...So that it why this year’s budget has a ten percent decrease in weather management spending.” Celestia looked suspiciously at the mare in front of her. “Now, young lady… why are you asking me about the new budget? You should be celebrating. After all, this is the first Summer Sun Celebration since Princess Luna was returned to us.”

“Celestiaaa!” Pinkie called again.

“So go! Play some games, have some fun.” Celestia gave a silly grin, that one couldn’t help but say yes to.

The mare simply nodded and smiled. “By your orders, princess,” she said looking around. “I guess the pi--” The mare suddenly found herself in a pile of garbage several meters away as Pinkie Pie, who had had enough of waiting, smashed into her, knocking her out of the way.

“Hi, princess!” Pinkie said excitedly. “I need to ask you something.”

“Pinkie Pie!” Celestia chided. “You just tackled… my apologies, what was your name again, miss?”

From the garbage pile, a brilliant yellow unicorn mare slowly emerged. She shook her head in confusion. “How… whoah I-- how should I know where the castle of P.F.U.D.O.R is?” She looked at Celestia in confusion, her eyes were shaking and she looked about ready to fall over.

“Your name, miss.” Celestia said, ignoring the odd comment. “I was asking for your name.”

“Oh! I--I I kn-kn--know this one. Yeah, I definitely know that, its umm, its… hmm… Right! Its Enko… Enko Lament? Yeah! That’s definitely it.” Enko was dazed and completely wall-eyed, but promptly shook her head and walked away.

“Where are you going, miss?” Celestia asked. “You should be seeing a doctor in case of a head wound.”

“No time for that now, princess,” Enko said. “I’ve got to find the castle.”

“It’s right there.” Celestia pointed to Canterlot Castle.

“Not that castle,” Enko said matter-of-factly. “The Castle of P.F.U.D.O.R! The one you just asked me to look for.”

“I didn--”

“She’s gone, Princess,” Pinkie said calmly. “Now that she’s gone, could I ask you a question? Oh, but first - happy birthday! I’d throw you a party, but since it’s today and the Summer Sun Celebration is like a giant party… well, you get the idea… any way can I ask you a question now? I mean other than this one?”

“Certainly.”

“When is Princess Luna’s Birthday?” Pinkie asked innocently.

“Well, Pinkie, it-- wait, what?” Celestia asked.

“When is Princess Luna’s Birthday?” Pinkie replied more excitedly.

“I… umm… Oh look, a party!” Celestia pointed behind Pinkie.

“Where?” Pinkie turned her head around only to see that there was nothing but a wall behind her. “Hey… there’s no-- Princess? Where’d ya go?”

*****

Celestia was not happy. She had just locked herself in her throne room in an attempt to avoid Pinkie Pie. “Of all the questions she had to ask me…” Celestia face hoofed. “Why that question?”

“Why not?” a voice replied from behind Celestia. Celestia turned around to see none other than Pinkie Pie standing directly behind her.

Celestia gasped and teleported away on reflex. The only problem is she suddenly found herself in some obscure corner of Canterlot and had completely lost her bearings.

Perfect. Even I have no idea where I am. There’s no way that she can find me n--

“Hi!” Pinkie said as she rounded a corner, apparently out of breath. “I almost lost you that time, you’re good at this game.”

Celestia took to the air, nearly hitting a guard tower as she rose and jetted out of Canterlot towards the mountain trails that led up to it. In her haste, Celestia nearly crash landed at the base of a small waterfall but managed to slow her descent just before actually hitting it, though not before getting sprayed.

I have to be rid of her by now. Celestia let out a sigh when she wasn’t immediately interrupted and laid down next to an old knotted tree in hopes of drying off.

“Hi again!” Pinkie Pie’s face poked out from a burrow in the tree.

Celestia teleported again, this time all the way to Trottingham. Okay… that should do it, I’ve been meaning to visit anyway and Trottingham has no resident party po-- “Oh, come on!”

On the other side of the large cobblestone road that Celestia had teleported to was Pinkie Pie. She was still smiling widely and and bouncing about.

“How…?” Celestia said. “How did you get here so fast?”

Pinkie shrugged. “That’s easy,” she said pulling out a map. “I just fast traveled. See?” She gestured to a point on her map marked Trottingham. “This was fun! We should play again sometime, but first we have to throw Luna a super happy-birthday-Luna surprise party!”

“What do you-- you know what? Nevermind, I don’t want to know. What I would like to know is why you chased me half-way across Equestria just to find out Luna’s birthday… something that I obviously don’t want to tell you?”

“Because my calendar had a missing date,” Pinkie said plainly. “So I called over Twilight to help me find it but she thought that I just hadn’t counted right ‘cause I had to write the whole thing with my mouth so it was really messy, but then I said--”

“Pinkie Pie?” Celestia interrupted calmly, though bearing a slight hint of annoyance. “I would appreciate it if you could get to the point, please?”

“Oh... Okay, then. So the missing birthday turns out to be Princess Luna’s! So I packed my bag and came to Canterlot as soon as I could, even though Twilight was all like ‘we can just send Celestia a letter and it will only take a minute.’ But I thought that the reason I didn’t already know was ‘cause her birthday is a super-duper secret and I could only find out when it is if I came to you in person, soooo…. Here I am!” Pinkie smiled at Celestia ecstatically, an expression that was only returned by a solemn, guilty visage from Celestia.

“I’m very sorry, Pinkie Pie,” Celestia began, sincerely. “I’m afraid that I cannot help you.” Celestia looked awkwardly at the ground.

Pinkie looked shocked. Why wouldn’t Celestia be able to tell her when something as simple, yet important as Luna’s birthday was? “Bu-But why?”

“Because, Pinkie,” Celestia said in sickly calm voice, as if trying to keep a nearby bird from hearing her. “You are right. It is a secret, but for reasons that I cannot say, it is a secret that I cannot tell you. Not. Ever. Do you understand?” Celestia’s face was still pleasant, but possessed an air of seriousness that even Pinkie couldn’t tune out.

Pinkie hung her head in defeat. “Oh, okay... I won’t ask you about it anymore.” She let out a depressed sigh.

Celestia smiled and gave a satisfied nod. “Very well, Pinkie Pie. Now is there anything else you need?”

Pinkie shook her head sadly. “I guess you have a super important visit here to get back to, so I’ll… I’ll just go.” Pinkie pulled out her map again and pointed to a point marked Canterlot. Suddenly she became perfectly still and unresponsive to Celestia who was now trying to see if she was okay.

“Pinkie Pie? Are you alright?” Celestia looked around to see if anypony else besides her noticed and was shocked to see that the residents of Trottingham were completely unphased by the strange behaviour, as if it was commonplace to them. “Pinkie, what’s wr--” Celestia looked back at Pinkie only to see that she had disappeared.

*****

Pinkie Pie wandered aimlessly through the castle courtyard mumbling to herself in confusion. I can’t not give Luna a party, that’s just silly. “I’ve got to think of something else,” she finally said softly. “So… What to do…? Well… I guess I could…”

“Ask the one pony other than Celestia who definitely knows?” a voice inside her head inquired.

Pinkie Pie’s eyes widened as a smile erupted from her face. “That’s brilliant!” she yelled excitedly. “But wait a moment.”

“Yes?” the voice replied.

“Who else but Celestia would know?”

“Princess Luna, silly! Sheesh, I’m just a voice inside your head and even I know that Luna definitely knows her own birthday. I mean, come on, Pinkie Pie, this is easy!”

“Oh yeah, her.” Pinkie Pie skipped back to the castle and began her search for Luna.

*****

“Not in here either,” Pinkie said for the six hundredth time, whether out of desperation, ignorance, or some other Pinkie reason, she had decided to search through the bags of some stallion who was on his way home from shopping.

“I say, miss, are you quite alright?” he asked as Pinkie was shoving her face into the last of his bags.

Pinkie shot from the bag. “Not in this one either!” she said angrily, she then turned to the stallion and asked him, “Hey. You haven't seen Princess Luna have you?”

“I can’t say I ha-- Wait. You mean to tell me you were searching through my bags… for Princess Luna?”

“Mhmm.” Pinkie Pie nodded.

Dumbfounded, the stallion shook his head, as if trying to shake off a hallucination. Failing that, he switched to what seemed to be the only sensible option. “I’m sorry, miss, I’m afraid we haven’t been formally introduced. My name is Fancypants. Might I ask your name?” He smiled at her awkwardly.

Pinkie Pie jumped out from underneath him. “Not there, either,” she said sadly. She froze in place for a moment and then, once again, turned to face Fancypants. “Oh.. I’m Pinkie Pie. I’m sorry I can’t stay and talk, talking and making new friends is fun and Pinkie Pie loves to have fun! But right now I have got to find Princess Luna and ask her--” Pinkie’s face warped shut and her cheeks bulged out. “I have to ask her something, so I gotta go.”

“Excuse me, miss!” Fancypants yelled as she trotted away.

“Yes?” She hopped back to him.

“Might I suggest looking for the princess at the castle?”

Pinkie grinned sheepishly. “That’s what I thought, but I couldn’t find her.”

“Well… there is every chance that she might have simply been sleeping when you were there. It is almost sunset now. Why don’t you go and look for her now?” Fancypants blinked and all that was left of Pinkie was disturbed dust.

He looked around for her and then, once satisfied she was gone, let out an enormous sigh of relief. “That was… interesting? Perhaps I should head home early. I suddenly feel the need to take a bath.”

*****

“Well, so much for that idea,” Pinkie moaned after yet another hour of fruitless searching. “I thought for sure I would have seen her by now” Pinkie sighed. “I guess I might just have to wait till tomorrow to find out.” Pinkie yawned loudly as she rested against the castle wall. “Maybe that’s for the best, I didn’t sleep on the way over here, and even I need to sleep--”

“Is it that time already, my sister?”

…

Pinkie twirled around and smashed her face against the small window that had been previously obscured by her back. The window appeared to be the only source of light for the small room that Pinkie was now staring into. The room contained a small table and two chairs but was otherwise undecorated. For Pinkie, the most important detail of the room was that it contained both of the royal sisters, who were presently engaged in a conversation.

“Yes Luna, it is time for you to raise your moon. I would do so quickly; the royal cooks have prepared quite the feast for you tonight.” Celestia smiled sweetly at Luna.

“Very well, then. I shall go at once. Thank you for retrieving me and have a good night,” Luna said curtly.

“You as well, Luna. Oh, one more thing.”

Luna turned her head back toward Celestia. “Yes, sister?”

“Happy Birthday.”

Luna frowned and let out a sigh. “And to you as well, my sister.” Luna quickly made her way from the room and out of sight. Celestia looked at the floor sadly.

“I truly wish that there was another way, Luna,” she spoke softly. “But I can think of no way for us to share this day without risking the balance of Equestria. Think of the questions that they might ask or the assumptions they would make. I hope that you continue to understand.” Celestia spent a few more moments staring at the floor, collected herself, and followed Luna up the stairs.

Pinkie could not believe what she was hearing. She felt like somepony was shaking her, but nopony else was there. “Th-th-they h-h-have the s-same b-b-birthday?!” Pinkie looked at the window in shock until I far worse reality crept into her mind. “No! But that means… I-I m-missed Luna’s birthday?” An audible pop sounded from Pinkie, followed by the sound of squeaky, rushing air as her mane found itself completely straight. “I missed Luna’s birthday! No! It… it’s not fair, I can’t miss Luna’s birthday, ‘cuz that means… She didn’t… She didn’t get a party! Oh I. I…” Pinkie screamed and wailed as she ran aimlessly into the night, paying no heed to her direction or her surroundings.

Everypony who saw Pinkie Pie that night, every stallion, mare, and foal, regardless of how they felt about her or how well they knew her, all looked on in sadness, even the ones that she carelessly knocked out of the way didn’t have the heart to be angry at such a beautiful and wounded pony because they knew that somewhere in Equestria, a terrible tragedy had occurred.

*****

“Pinkie Pie?” Twilight knocked on Pinkie Pie’s room door. “Are you okay? You haven't come out in days. Can I come in?” The wailing from inside only increased by Twilight’s words, so she decided that unlike the last five times she had tried to get in she would forgo politeness and simply open the door.

The room was back to its surprisingly clean state, with the exception of the overflowing waste-paper basket, filled with far too many spent tissues. Pinkie was on her bed, face buried in her pillow, her mane still completely flat.

“Pinkie Pie,” Twilight said sternly. “I know you want to be alone right now, but your friends are worried about you and we don’t even know whats wrong so we can’t do anything to fix it.” Twilight moved to stroke Pinkie’s mane when Pinkie latched herself to Twilight in a hug.

“I failed, Twilight,” Pinkie whispered, her sniffling rapidly crescendoing to a wail. “I missed Luna’s Birthday, I missed one of my friend’s birthdays!”

Twilight looked at Pinkie’s writhing, sobbing mass in confusion. “Missed it? Are you sure?”

“You don’t understand, Twilight,” Pinkie said in a panicked gaspy whisper. “I heard them talking, I know when Luna’s birthday is. And… and I know that I missed it because…” Pinkie took another deep wheezing breath. “Because it’s the same day! They both have the same birthday!”

Twilight’s eyes widened. “How is that even possible? Everypony knows that Celestia is the older sister. They can’t share a birthday.”

Pinkie glared at Twilight. “Why is that even important to you? Forget your stupid historical accuracy, they were probably just born a few years apart but on the same day or something. What’s important is that Luna has been going all this time without getting a birthday party, and even though I found out.” Pinkie let out another sigh. “I was too late,” she said hopelessly.

“Well, Pinkie, I think I have a solution for you.” Twilight said proudly.

Pinkie looked up hopefully. “You… you do?”

“Yes I do. I’ve known you for a while now, right, Pinkie?”

Pinkie nodded. “Mhmm.”

“And in that time, you have always been the number one party pony of Ponyville. You are always throwing a party for somepony or other even for ponies you’ve never met, but you aren’t perfect, so you’re bound to make mistakes. I know you, though, and there’s no way that you will let a mistake go uncorrected, not even a little one and certainly not one like this. So I think that you need to stop crying about the party that you missed and start thinking about the party that you are going to throw for her next year. I mean… you are going to throw her a birthday party next year to make up for this one… riightt?”

Pinkie sprang up from her bed and looked at Twilight, a smile crept onto her face. A loud pop sounded from Pinkie as her mane regained its usual composure. “You’re right! I can’t do anything about the past, but next year. I Pinkie promise that next year I will give Luna the best Pinkie party ever!” Pinkie pulled out a sheet of paper from… somewhere and began mumbling to herself as she wrote untold things onto it. Twilight looked at her curiously, sighed, smiled, and then walked carefully out of the room satisfied at another friendship problem solved. “Wait!” Pinkie chirped, interrupting Twilight’s thoughts.

“Yes, Pinkie Pie?”

“I know that you wanna write a super cool friendship letter to the princess about how you solved a super hard friendship problem, but…”

“But what, Pinkie?” Twilight cocked her head in confusion. Obviously she was going to write a letter to Celestia, but what did it matter to Pinkie?

“You can’t. You can't write this letter because Celestia will know that I know Luna’s birthday, and then she’ll tell Luna and then Luna will know and the surprise party will be ruined!” Pinkie gave Twilight the most serious stare she could muster. It was a stare that nopony would even believe Pinkie Pie capable of, but there it was and Twilight couldn’t help but listen. “Twilight. This party has to be a surprise party, the ultimate surprise party, a surprise party that everypony in equestria will be at. So please, Twilight, don’t tell Celestia.”

Twilight had seen Pinkie Pie do countless unimaginable things: she watched her defy the very laws of nature, she saw her outrun Rainbow Dash, but never, never did she think that she would see Pinkie Pie calm. “Alright, Pinkie,” she acquiesced. “I won’t send a letter to Celestia.”

Pinkie began to grin. “You mean it?”

“Yes, Pinkie, for you. I will keep this a secret.”

Pinkie beamed. “Oh, thank you so much, Twilight! This is going to be the greatest surprise party ever! Isn’t this exciting? Are you excited?....” Twilight left the room with an even bigger smile than earlier, though curious what Pinkie meant when she said ‘ultimate surprise party’.”