Brad Makes Love To His Car

by ABagOVicodin

Rating: mature
Tags: Comedy, Random, Sex, Flash Sentry, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Human, Romance
Length: 3268

Brad loves his car... a lot... enough to make love to it.

Approved by Alexstrazsa.

Brad's car is sexy. She's got the shield cutie mark on the front and heated seats in the back. The only problem is that Brad loves his car... a little too much.

Enough to give it a name? Yes.
Enough to dump Sunset Shimmer for it? Yes.
Enough to make love to it? ... Read and find out.

Published 2013-08-19 17:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-08-19 17:40:01 UTC

Brad Loves His Car

As the garage door slowly closed behind him, Brad let out a sigh of relief and turned off his car. Another day of classes, school drama, and a band rehearsal that was cancelled due to someone not showing up... again. After all of this, and the lack of sleep that plagued him throughout the day, he felt worn out, like a tire rubbed dry after too many miles on the road. Now that he was home, he just wanted to pop on cruise control and relax.

Brad opened his car door and stepped out before closing it behind him. He stretched his arms to the ceiling as he groaned out, feeling a few bones pop back into place from sitting for so long. Cerulean eyes looked down to his car and he placed a hand on top of the hood. His girlfriend might be manipulative, his band might be unreliable, and the teachers might hate him, but at least he had his car.

Brad rested his head on the car hood while he closed his eyes. “Mmm... Hottie... you never let me down,” he mumbled as he pressed himself against the car door, his pants rubbing against the door handle while his hands trailed up and down the car’s frame, feeling every inch and curve of the metal. He squirmed a little bit and rubbed his lap against the door handle, feeling his dick harden and press up underneath it. After eight hours of sitting out in the sun, the heat had absorbed into the metal, giving Brad the gift of a hotter car, and in turn, a hotter vicegrip. Brad could immediately feel this as he slid his member up into the handle, the heat combining with his jeans to create a denim prison of warmth and pleasure.

Brad moaned out and winced slightly as he pulled back from the door, his cock clipping against the handle with his retreat as if the car didn’t want him to leave. Brad knew this and he smirked as he placed his hands on the window.

“Ooh... you’re a nippy little thing aren’cha?” he asked the car. “Oh... shh... it’s okay... I don’t have anything else to do today... I’ll spend all my time with you...”

Brad lowered his head to the window and planted his lips on the glass, closing his eyes as his tongue lapped against the glass. He pulled back from the window and stared at it as his drool slowly slid down the smooth, transparent surface until it reached the edge and out of sight, as if the car was saving it for later. He looked over at the hood and he sidestepped around the car, rubbing his cock against the metal while his hands slid to the left until they were resting atop the hood.

“Oh baby... I know you like to look your best for me... but you have to let me see.”

The car remained unmoving as Brad lifted the hood and looked down at the beautiful maze of metal and wiring. It was a myriad of incomprehensible parts all in the inside, forming a whole that Brad was ready to spend his entire life coddling and loving. He ran his hand along the warm parts, picking up minute amounts of oil and dirt before he unscrewed the cap to the water container and looked inside. She was completely full, wet, and ready.

Brad screwed the cap back on and smiled as he closed the hood, running his hands along the ocean blue shield that was emblazoned in the center, a lightning bolt splitting the shield into two. He rubbed his hands on his pants and gasped when he realized that his jeans now had black imprints of his hands on them. They were now too dirty to wear...

Brad walked back over to the driver’s side door and whispered into the car’s radio antenna. “You want me don’t you?” He slid a hand down underneath the door handle. “I want you too... it’s been so fucking long.”

The car didn’t respond.

Brad sighed and pulled back from the antenna as he opened the car door and sat in the driver’s seat. He rested his head on the steering wheel as his eyes began to water.

“I know... I know... I made a mistake. Sunset Shimmer tricked me... but I know the truth now.” Brad dug through his pockets for his key and slowly fit the key into the waiting ignition. His pants began to grow even tighter as he leaned back against the seat. “I only have love for you... Hottie. If you could find it within your heart to forgive me...”

Brad turned the key, starting the car. The car revved in response at finally being awoken and Brad gasped before he wiped a tear from his eye, smiling at his car’s forgiveness.

“Thank you... I love you too... Hottie,” He twisted at the waist to run his hands against the hot leather. He pressed his forehead against the seat, letting the heat burn into his skin while he seethed and shuddered in lust. His cock was at full mast in his jeans, practically begging to be released from its precum-soaked prison. However, Brad knew that he couldn’t give his lover her prize right away. She had to work for it, beg for it, ring his horn while he rung hers.

Brad smirked as he grabbed onto the steering wheel with one hand while another snaked down the side of his chair, where a plethora of knobs and switches were hidden from plain view. You always had to search if you wanted to find their sweet spot...

Brad pulled one of the switches and looked in the rear view mirror as he heard the trunk open. He laughed lightly and reached in between the two front seats and clicked open the console, where a box of tissues and lubricant were safely nested inside, hiding beneath a sweater that Brad wore during the winter.

“You’ve just got all the little spots that you want me to open, don’tcha?”

Brad leaned back against the chair and sighed as he placed a hand on his jeans, rubbing over the increasingly wet bulge.

“I bet you want it just as much as I want to give it to you. Don’t worry, you’ll get it, baby. You just have to wait a little bit.”

Brad stepped out of the car and slid his hands along the frame as he walked towards the open trunk, forming a clean line with his hands on the metal while the dirt collected everywhere else. He rubbed the grime between his fingers but didn’t say anything as he stood in front of the trunk. The color drained from his face as he realized who was inside. His guitar, in all of its splendorous and multi-capable beauty was witnessing what he was doing, and was able to hear every word of it.

“W-wait!” Brad immediately said as he shifted himself in his jeans, placing one hand over the damp spot in his lap while the other shifted his boner upwards in order to flatten the bulge. “It isn’t what it looks like!”

Both the guitar and the car remained unmoving, unable to reply to Brad and his lack of monogamous practices. He picked up his guitar and tried to strum a chord, only to hear a screech that made his eye twitch. The guitar wasn’t tuned properly, probably because it was too angry to work correctly for him. While he was inside of the car, enjoying himself and trying to love what he had, his guitar was in the trunk, probably preparing what she would say when he finally found out that she was spying on him. With leaking eyes, Brad threw his guitar back in the trunk and pointed at it menacingly.

“Don’t you play those games with me, Chordelia! We were through the moment you grew jealous of my new car and made me lose the talent show! We have been through for a year now! Move on!”

The guitar landed on its front, so naturally, it faced away from Brad in a mixture of shame and anger. Brad crossed his arms and scoffed.

“Figures that you wouldn’t want to say anything when I proved you right. I gave you your chance, Chordelia. We’re just friends. You’re still an amazing guitar, but I can’t have you holding me back when I’m trying to move on. Sunset Shimmer was bad enough. I can’t have you making it worse.”

Brad waited for some kind of response, but upon getting none, he sighed and placed a dirty hand on the trunk lid. He looked down at his guitar and then back at the rear view mirror, part of his new lover, the one that was no doubt waiting for him to continue. Her lubricated engine was no doubt getting dry if he was having ex-guitarfriend problems right in front of her. Nothing dried up a pussy quicker than paying for the date and clingy exes.

Brad slammed the trunk and walked to the back seat. He opened the door and laid back against the leather, feeling the heat burn into every inch of his body as he rolled onto his stomach. As his dick rubbed up against the center seat belt strap, he looked back to the key in the ignition and smiled.

“I turn you on and you’re already begging for me?” he asked as he climbed over the console and into the front seat. With a soft press on the gas pedal, his car revved in response, providing him with all of the feedback that he wanted. One, two, three cries for him, followed by the air conditioning turning on with a dial twist. Brad grabbed the seat belt above his shoulder and pulled it underneath his shirt, letting the metal scorch his flesh as he slowly glided the buckle up, bringing his shirt with it. Once the buckle reached his lips, Brad licked the metal and sucked on it for a moment before it was wrenched from his grasp, throwing his shirt out of the open window and leaving his bare skin under constant fire from the hot leather.

Brad growled and smirked. “Already grabbing at my clothes, eh? You must really want me,” Brad leaned against the steering wheel and gasped out, his nipples hardening under the heat of the wheel. Every part of the car was hot, since everything from the brake pedals to the ceiling was painted black. That was just how he liked it, and Brad wouldn’t have his lover any other way.

Brad shuffled into the passenger seat and tilted the seat back as he worked off his pants. He eyed the dashboard in front of him, the ingrained alert warning him that this part of the dashboard housed one of the airbags for the car. He contemplated crashing the car into the wall in front of him so that he could use the airbag on his dick, but hurting his lover just for one fetish that he didn’t even know he would like was beneath him. Plus, he could always save it for when he got in a real car crash. The airbag would deflate after being used and he could use the fabric of the bag to bust a nut while he waited for the tow truck to arrive.

Instead, Brad turned the dial to the heat and shifted one of the fans down to his lap, groaning out as he turned up the speed. Constant waves of heat were assaulting his dick, bathing it in a fire of air while he tugged his pants down to his ankles, revealing the last layer that got in the way of him and his car giving him a blowdry-job.

He slid down his boxers and immediately groaned as the hot air wafted over his throbbing cock, instantly warming up the bead of precum on his head. He shifted to the side and wiped his cock head on the leather, watching his musk and fluids imprint themselves on the passenger seat, much like a dog imprints its territory with its smell. For now, Brad was a dog, and that wasn’t just because his tongue hung outside his mouth in a complete disregard for etiquette or shame. No, he was going to mark his territory, even if it meant coating his car in his jizz.

The car cooed in response to Brad’s foreplay as he slid back into the front seat and grabbed onto the steering wheel. His cock stood straight up, almost touching the wheel due to its impressive length before he chuckled. His right hand slid into the console, grabbing the lubricant and a box of condoms that was hidden underneath the tissues. After some use of teeth and a few strokes to stay alive, Brad fitted the condom on his cock and grabbed the lubricant with his free hand while the left opened the car door and hung it ajar.

Brad kicked off his shoes and let his pants and boxers fall down as he walked to the trunk. He kicked off the last of his clothing before he sank to his knees and smiled. Brad’s cock throbbed as he inhaled the musk of the car, desperate to be shoved into the hot and metal confines of his lover’s hole. The heat of the fossil fuels combining with the brain-damaging musk of the exhaust made it feel like he was in Heaven, where the dinosaurs that made his gas were giving him a blowjob to remind him of their existence. And this was only the beginning.

With shaking hands, Brad grabbed onto the corner of the car and straightened his back, guiding his cock to the heat that attempted to give him first degree burns, but was not painful enough to force him to pull back. Inch after inch, Brad came closer, until the full force of the heat was assaulting his cock in ways that would make Darwin give up on the lad. However, this lad wasn’t going to give up. He was going to fuck his car, and he was going to like it.

With one thrust, Brad buried half of his cock into the exhaust pipe and instantly screamed out in pain. Not counting the white hot metal that scorched and would probably melt his cock if he wasn’t used to this, the exhaust pipe was tighter than he remembered. It felt like fucking an overheated laptop fan. He immediately pulled back until merely the exhaust fumes held his cock under siege. As if being given her wind back, the car sputtered and shot out its built up exhaust, gagging and choking. Brad smirked and wiped off the exhaust coat on his cock before he chuckled, drool sliding down his cheeks and onto the ground.

“I still haven’t gotten rid of that gag reflex yet?” he asked his love as he shuffled closer to the pipe. He looked down at the floor where his half-full bottle of lubricant stood, waiting to be given clearance to help Brad with his job. Judging by how much he endured the heat just to fill up his love, it might as well be a job. Brad rolled his eyes slightly at his car as he opened the bottle of lube and covered his entire hand in the stuff. After wiping the outside of his hand on the inside of the pipe and his palm on his cock, he was all but ready to give his car the fucking of a lifetime.

Brad grabbed onto the rear bumper and growled as he slapped the car’s license plate, leaving a hand print of lube. “You little bitch. I’ll show you to gag when I’m fucking you!”

Brad yelled as he stroked himself back to hardness and then thrusted forward, aiming right for the lubricated hole. With the lube, his cock fit inside her as if she was custom made. Every inch that sank into the metal spread the lube nice and thin along her walls like the right kind of jelly on a sandwich. A cock sandwich.

Brad groaned lasciviously as his balls slapped against the tail pipe, putting the truck nuts that douchebags hung on their cars to shame. He pulled halfway out of the pipe, only to slam back into it once more. He began to create a rhythm as the car cooed its pleasure. It chugged and held back its gagging for Brad, but couldn’t help the air that desperately needed to escape. Brad held back, grunting as he pulled his cock back until merely half of him was inside, lube dripping off of his balls and making its mark on the tailpipe opening.

Again and again Brad slammed into the metal, feeling it conform to his shape like a good little bitch. Brad slapped the bumper again, voicing his pleasure as he began putting all of his weight into it, fucking his lover’s tailpipe with the ferocity of a thousand suns.

“Yeah, you like it in the tailpipe, don’t you?” Brad growled as he bit down on the car metal, tearing off paint as he slobbered on the new paint job. “You like it there, you little slut. I’ll give you what you want.”

The car frame rocked back and forth along with Brad’s body as he pushed against it with a thrust and pulled it back into position when he retreated. As the seconds of tail pipe heat fucking turned into minutes, Brad was quickly losing his composure. His cock throbbed and shot precum onto the metal, mixing with the undried lube to create another layer of fluid that would no doubt be backing up his love for months. As he felt the last of his composure leave him, Brad moaned out and gripped his car.

“I’m gonna cum... Hottie... Inside or outside?” he asked, hoping for the former.

Upon getting no response, he growled for the last time and came. Rope after rope of hot cum shot into the exhaust pipe, taking the condom with it as the cum pushed back the car’s air. Brad bucked in and out of the conjoined metal a few times to ride out his orgasm. He pulled out of Hottie and stood up as he gripped what was left of his cock and gave it a few pumps. One more rope of cum shot onto the back window, where it was instantly cleaned by the windshield wipers. Brad sighed in relief and trailed his hand along the car frame as he walked around the car to pick up his clothes and lube.

Brad sat down in the driver’s seat and leaned forward to kiss the steering wheel, adoration in his eyes as he reached a hand towards the key in her ignition.

“Thank you... baby,” Brad mumbled as he turned the key right, shutting off Hottie for the time being. “I’ll be back for you bright and early tomorrow, you sexy little thing, you.”

Brad stood up and closed the driver’s seat door, smiling as he walked towards the door that lead to the hallway of his house. Unfortunately, since the car was on and the garage was closed the entire time that Brad was making love, the buildup of carbon monoxide was too much. The cum filled condom dropped out of Hottie’s tailpipe right as Brad collapsed at the door, dead.

And thus ends the tale of Brad fucking his car.

Author's Note

I don't even know.