Really Big, Extra Zesty Equestria

by irt3hshazbot

Rating: everyone
Tags: Slice of Life, Romance, Comedy
Length: 1678

Follow Biggs Idea and Zesty Twist as they trek across Equestria in search of a place to call home. Thrills, spills, and never-ending hijinks await the unlikely pair as they bump snout-first into all kinds of pony celebrities!

Join Biggs Idea, a bumbling inventor down on his luck, and Zesty Twist, an amateur chef aiming for stardom, as these two unlikely companions travel the world of Equestria in search of a new home. Along the way they'll meet many familiar faces, including Princess Twilight Sparkle, Pinkie Pie, and the gang! They'll also befriend a cacophony of new faces, such as Stump the one-eyed Donkey, Simple Thing the foal wonder, and much, much more! However, life isn't all cherry cobbler and peanuts as the two must learn that friendship is more than the sum of your differences. Will they find a place to make all their dreams come true, or are these two wayward wanderers doomed to go their separate ways?

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-08-20 21:40:29 UTC

First Stop: Ponyville!

First Stop: Ponyville!

The sun rose amid a faded blanket of stars. Clouds parted as the birds began to stir in their nests one after another. A single, solitary squirrel popped his head out of a knothole, rubbing his eyes at the early morning light. A gentle breeze whispered across the grass and trees, carrying with it the sweet scent of morning dew. Somewhere, somepony was playing the William Tell Overture without the slightest hint of irony.

Just then, something began to stir from beyond the hills...

Rattle! Creak! Rattle! Clank! Any creature still sleeping that fateful morn was soon roused by a very rude awakening.

Rattle! Creak! Rattle! Clank!Down the road and around the bend, a solitary cart was approaching the glen.

Rattle! Creak! Rattle! Clank!

Pulling this unhappy cart were a pair of ponies as different as could be. On the left was a tall unicorn with a dark green complexion and clashing orange hair. Adorning his flank was a light bulb with a gear-shaped filament. He was in an argument with the filly to his left, a short, red-furred, red-maned southern belle with a sprig of mint and a lemon half for a cutie mark. Whenever one of them talked, the cart would swerve as one leaned towards the other, creating parallel serpentine ruts in the road behind them. All the while, a cracked and sorry-looking wheel wobbled on a broken axle, adding to the cacophony with an urgent rattle.

Rattle! Creak! Rattle! Clank!

"This is all yer fault!" The red-haired filly exclaimed in a thick, southern drawl.

"The only one to blame here is you!" replied the ginger stallion with a dignified huff.

The two of them were nose to nose now, drawing a dangerous groan from the frame of the already-distressed cart. After glaring at each other for a few seconds, they both turned away in unison, huffing with distaste at the stubborness of the other.

"It doesn't really matter whose fault it is, as long as somepony apologizes." The tall stallion remarked as he brushed his mane out of his face.

The short red mare snorted and turned her nose up. "Ah'm waitin'..." Several seconds passed in silence before the two of them returned to their staring contest, growling between their teeth. All the while, the wheel wobbled ever worse...

Rattle!

Creeeeaaak!

Rattle!

Clankety-clank!

Eventually the bickering pair managed to crest the last hill overlooking a small, quiet town on the edge of the forest. The early morning light cast long, heavy shadows over the sleepy town as a few early-risers started their days. A large, cupcake-shaped house began to emit a column of steam as the ponies within fired up their ovens. Over in the market, ponies began setting up stalls and laying out their wares. In the distance, a single owl glided on silent wings to a giant treehouse, where it vanished inside an open window. Of course, our intrepid duo noticed none of these things as they were too busy glaring at each other.

"Apologize!"

"No, you apologize!"

"Stubborn mare!"

"Stupid stallion!"

"Silly filly!"

Rattle-rattle creeeeeeeaak! Rattle-rattle Clank!

"Ah've seen cabbages with better heads than you!"

"Is that your face or your flank? With a puss that sour, I couldn't tell the difference!"

"If ya'll spent half as much time doin' real work as ya did buildin' useless junk, we might'a been there by now insteaded'a lollygaggin' around waitin' fer ya to pull yer own weight!"

"Well when's the last time your cooking has ever done anything but cost us money? Newsflash: my 'useless junk' pays the bills around here!"

Rattle-rattle creeeaak!

"I aint never sayin' sorry ta tha likes of you!"

Rattle-rattle CLANK!

"Finally, we agree on something!"

Rattle-rattle-rattle-rattle-CRASH!!!

Finally, after a heroic effort, the broken axle just couldn't take anymore. With a noise like crashing thunder the wheel snapped off, causing the cart and all its contents to come cascading down the hill. The feuding ponies, caught off guard by this sudden turn of events, had no choice but to tumble with their broken cart as it went rolling down the hill, scattering pots, pans, tools, and other personal belongings all across the hillside. Head over hooves they fell, unable to escape their harnesses, until the slope ended and everything still attached to the cart came to a sudden and complete stop.

Dinner plates and clockwork gears rolled across the ground past the wreckage. With a great deal of moaning and grunting, one red head popped out above the mess. "Dagnabbit! This is all yer fault!" With a rustle and a clamor the green stallion forced his way to the top of the pile. "My fault? You're the one who didn't watch where she was going!" The two of them seemed about to strangle eachother when suddenly they stopped and glanced toward the road.

While they bickered, an audience had gathered on the edge of town. At the head of the crowd was an unusual purple unicorn... or perhaps it was a pegasus? "Are you two okay? You're not hurt, are you?" The two ponies babbled as they began to extricate themselves from debris.

"Wuh-well ya see-"

"-terrible misunderstanding-"

"-Ah aint never, that is, we-"

"-horrible time getting here-"

"-nothin goin', aint nothin'-"

"-such a lovely day, isn't it?"

The purple pega-corn shook her head in confusion as she tried to keep up, until finally she shouted "ENOUGH! One at a time, please!" The two ponies blushed as they glanced at the ground, silent. Then the green stallion spoke spoke up: "My name is Biggs Idea, a machinist, engineer, and all around genius, My unsightly... companion is called Zesty Twist." The red pony growled and shot Biggs a dirty look. "We were just passing through, you see, when we had a bit of an, ah, accident." At this Biggs returned the dirty look. Zesty rolled her eyes and said "We need to find someplace to fix our cart, if'n ya'll can help us out we'd be mighty grateful." The purple uni-sus bowed her head. "My name is Twilight Sparkle, and on behalf of everyone I'd like to welcome you to our humble little town of Ponyville. I'm sure we'll be able to help you with..." Her voice trailed off as frantic screaming began to echo in the distance, growing steadily louder.

[size=5]"W[/size][size=6]A[/size][size=7]A[/size][size=8]A[/size][size=9]A[/size]AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIT! WAITWAITWAITWAITWAIT WAIT!!!"

Suddenly, racing ahead of an enormous collumn of dust kicked up in her frantic wake, a pink, frazzle-haired pony came charging straight toward Biggs and Zesty. Every pony gathered there calmly stepped aside to clear a path as Twilight sighed. "Right on cue. You two better brace yourselves." Biggs and Zesty glanced nervously at each other, both wondering if this wasn't a good time to run and hide. Before they could finish the thought they were enveloped in a cloud of dust as the pink pony came to a screeching halt.

Out of breath but unable to curb her enthusiasm, the pink pony began to speak between fits of coughing and gasping for air. "Gasp! Twilight why- Wheeze! Didn't you tell- COUGH! me there were- Pant! new ponies in town?" Twilight looked concerned as she replied "I thought you'd still be in bed, and I didn't want to wake you. Pinkie, are you okay? You look a little pale..." The aptly named Pinkie began to bounce as she spoke "Of course I'm okay! I'm super-duper-fantastic! What's even better..." And suddenly she stopped bouncing, growing gravely serious as she leaned in close to Twilight, coming snout to snout. Just then she burst into a huge grin and exclaimed "Is letting me greet the new ponies with my special 'Welcome to Ponyville' song!" Twilight held up a hoof and said "It's okay Pinkie, I don't think that's necessary, we have a lot of work to do-" Unfortunately the energetic pony's mind was already made up. "Don't worry, this won't take long!"

Before anyone else could object she vanished out of sight, only to reappear with a small cart covered in musical instruments and balloons. "One! Two! Three! Four!" On her count an obnoxiously catchy tune began blaring out of the various instruments as Pinkie danced and sang.

"Welcome welcome welcome

A fine welcome to you!

Welcome welcome welcome

I say how do you do?

Welcome welcome welcome

I say hip hip hurray!

Welcome welcome welcome

To Ponyville today!"

She ended her performance on a high note, forelegs spread wide in welcome as she slid across the ground on her hind legs. Silence followed when she said "Wait for it...." Without warning confetti was blasted out of the cart by air cannons as a cake came flying out of a miniature oven, splattering Biggs in the face. Zesty pointed and laughed as Biggs growled, wiping mulched cake from his face. Pinkie giggled and exclaimed "Well! That's it! Time to go make my rounds!" With that she turned and began bouncing away. "Tootles!"

The show now finished, the crowd dispersed as everypony returned to their morning activities. Twilight smirked and said "Please excuse my friend. She's very... enthusiastic" Zesty continued to snicker as Biggs flung a chunk of cake at her. "Is there someplace I can get cleaned up?" Twilight nodded. "My friend Rarity should be able to help you out. She lives right over there." She gestured toward a small, carousel-shaped boutique. "As for your cart, I'm sure the Apple family would be glad to fix it for you." At this Zesty jumped and exclaimed "Apple family? Not that apple family? I aint seen that bunch in a donkey's age! How they doin'?" Twilight pointed with a hoof and replied "You can ask them yourself. They own that apple orchard just down the road-" Before she could finish Zesty took off down the road, shouting "Thank you!" behind her as she ran. Biggs huffed "She's been waiting this whole trip for somepony who speaks her language. Too much 'y'all' and 'tarnation' for my tastes." Twilight nodded knowingly. "Anyway, let's get you cleaned up. I'll send for someone to help you with  your stuff."