A Black Belt in a Colorful Land

by NightWolf289

Rating: teen
Tags: Gore, Slice of Life, Human, Main 6, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Comedy, Romance, Derpy Hooves, Sex
Length: 54497

A martial artist wakes up in Equestria after suffering a concussion and he is not feeling the love... yet.

[ON HIATUS.]

Alexander is many things:
a skilled survivalist, good looking, and a Black Belt in Tae Kwon Do, just to name a few. However, Alexander is not a brony by any stretch of the imagination. When he stumbles upon a door-like object and takes a trip to Equestria he's not in the best of moods....

Now my new head pre-reader in charge of reading anything I write days before you get it! Sethi

Special thanks to Smurzek for catching those little grammatical errors that always manage to slip through my fingers...

Author Note
Criticism and reviews are welcome!

Published 2013-08-21 12:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2014-01-08 18:40:51 UTC

Prologue Part 2

Prologue Part 2

Ditzy Doo was late for work, again. When she finally opened her her eyes it was ten thirty in the morning, Ditzy was supposed to be at work by nine to pick up the mail for her route. So when she looked at the clock she didn't just jump out of bed, she jumped straight up using her wings and hitting her head on the ceiling. Ouch, that was stupid. Ditzy thought, as she lowered herself to the floor. She rubbed the top of her head trying to figure out if it was bad enough to be an excuse for coming in late, deciding it just might, she ran downstairs to get breakfast. Realizing she didn't have time for a full breakfast she grabbed a blueberry muffin while silently cursing her faulty alarm clock.

She grabbed her mailbags, her postal workers hat, and her muffin and flew out of her small house not even bothering to lock the door. I really wish I had a cloud house like Rainbow Dash. She thought, pulling her muffin out of her bag, But the thing, is building a cloud house, easy. Paying a unicorn to enchant the house so I can put items in it such as food or my clothes, impossible with my salary.

Between flying, wishing she had a cloud house, and unwrapping her muffin she didn't notice the fact that she was no longer flying toward town. Ditzy's askew eye noticed she was heading right for a cloud a second before she ran into it, dropping her muffin into the edge of the Everfree Forest, which was below her, thanks to her distracted flying.

After pulling her head out of the cloud she sat on top of it looking around in confusion, "Heeeere, muffin muffin, where are you?" She said, inspecting the cloud closely. Upon deciding it wasn't up in the cloud she jumped off the cloud diving toward the forest floor. When she got past the treetops she saw part of a creature holding something in its paw out of the corner of her eye as it quickly moved out of sight. "Ahhhhhhhhh!" she screamed, quickly flying above the treetops then making a perfectly straight line for her house. An unusual occurrence for Ponyville's resident klutz. If she hadn't been using all of the air in her lungs for flying she would have screamed the whole way home.

A few minutes of frantic flying later, Ditzy almost broke her door down in her haste to get in. Its a good thing I didn't lock my door this morning. She thought as she slammed the door shut and locked it before running upstairs and diving under her blankets. As she tried to calm her pounding heart she moaned, "Today is not a good day, I probably lost my job, lost my muffin, and nearly got eaten by a monster. Why does this always happen to me?"

Ditzy looked over to her nightstand to see if it was late enough for her boss to fire her for being late. After seeing what was on her nightstand, her heart, which had just seconds ago been beating furiously, nearly froze in her chest and her pupils shrank down to pinpricks. Ditzy stared dumbly at a note written in her own mouthwriting, her mind not comprehending the five simple words written there 'No work today, it's Saturday'. Ditzy slowly brought her face down into her pillow and let a mixture of noises that sounded like an angry yell crossed with a sigh of relief with a sprinkling of maniacal laughter.

After she had been lying in her bed for a few minutes Ditzy thought to herself, Now that I have ruined a perfectly good morning I suppose it is time to get a shower. At least it should help me relax a little bit before I continue on with my day. As she got up she arched her back and flared her wings trying to get rid of the kinks that had formed in her wing joints because of her hasty retreat from the Everfree Forest.

As she hopped down from her bed and headed toward her bathroom to get her shower she started thinking about how glad she was nopony had seen any part of her embarrassing morning. Except for that monster in the Everfree, Ditzy thought to herself as she blushed slightly from embarrassment, It probably wasn't even trying to eat me and I reacted like a foal. As she continued to think about the monster she finally realized what the monster was holding, "It took my muffin!" she exclaimed. "Which means it must love muffins too!" Ditzy squealed as she turned on the water for her shower.

Ditzy let the water gently massage her back and wings for a few minutes before she even got started with the soap. The shower was helping quite a bit and she could practically feel the mornings tension flowing down the drain.

Ditzy turned off the water and stepped out of the shower then shook herself side to side, getting rid of most of the water, but causing droplets to fly everywhere coating her entire bathroom in a misty spray. Oops, she thought, oh well, it should be dry by the time I get back, if not then I'll dry it off then, she decided, coming up with a plan for the afternoon.

As Ditzy walked downstairs to her kitchen she briefly wondered if her idea to see if the monster liked her muffins was a good one. When she got to the kitchen she sat down on the floor scrunched up her muzzle, stuck out her tongue, and started tapping her right hoof under her chin in one of the most adorable thinking poses a pony could make. Give the monster a muffin, don't give the monster a muffin, hmmmmm, She thought. Her eyes getting even more crooked due to the lack of concentration she was giving them. The odds of it being able to move faster than a pegasus are pretty low, and it didn't look like it could fly, she finally decided, so I'm going to give it an apology muffin for running away.

Ditzy grabbed another muffin out of her stash, this time a strawberry muffin. Looking at it and Ditzy realized she still hadn't eaten anything for breakfast, Or lunch, she thought to herself miserably, looking at the clock. She grabbed two blueberry muffins out of her pantry and promptly ate them, crumbs floating down to add themselves to the pile of muffin crumbs that had already coated the floor of her muffin pantry.

"Mmmmmmm, I make delicious muffins, there is no way the monster could ever resist them," Ditzy said as she walked out of her house and jumped into the sky making her way towards the Everfree in her usual flying method. Her usual flight method was a bit unusual, it was more like graceful falling punctuated by periods of powerful flapping with repeated left and right corrections, making for a rather unstable looking flight. Ditzy blamed her eyes for that, they made everything harder to do.

Upon reaching the Everfree Forest she sat down on the same cloud she had crashed into earlier, thankful that it hadn't been moved otherwise she might not have found the same place again. "Alright Ditzy don't get cold hooves now, you've already come this far, now just fly down there and put the muffin down next to where you found the monster, easy right?" muttered Ditzy, jumping off the cloud.

She quickly fluttered down to where the monster was earlier and placed the muffin gently on a conveniently placed rock then turned around and flew back up to her cloud to watch. Ditzy couldn't see too well past the treetops from her cloud but was certain she could tell if it was the monster and not just some regular forest creature. Ditzy settled down on the cloud, What a beautiful day, she thought to herself, even if don't see the monster again it was worth it to come out here. She started to hum a merry tune to pass the time.

A couple of hours later, just as Ditzy was about to give up and go home she saw some movement through the leaves. She watched her muffin intently, trying to get both her eyes to focus. She saw the blob of color through the leaves moving toward her muffin, then stop in front of it. Through a break in the leaf cover Ditzy soon saw the same limb that had been holding her other muffin reach out and take the one she had placed on the rock.

Ditzy quietly squealed and clopped her hooves together. It likes muffins! she thought taking off and flying toward her house. Once she was far enough away from Everfree she said to herself, "I'll give it another muffin tomorrow."

Upon arriving home she walked into her kitchen to start making extra muffins to try and befriend the creature. I can't call it a monster now that I know it likes muffins, so I will call it Creature until I know its name, she thought to herself as she started humming another tune to make the baking more enjoyable.

Author's Note

In case you are wondering I'm going to try and get the next chapter out in a week or two. It all depends on how much time I have to write and how fast my proofreader, NightWolf289 , works on my chapter.

Chapter 1: The Meeting

The Meeting

One Week Later...

Rainbow Dash was bored, so very bored. She had already exceeded her five minute attention span for boring things and was shifting on her hooves impatiently and fluttering her wing in irritation while she waited for everypony to gather in the town square. Mayor Mare was going to tell them about the monster even though they all already knew thanks to the gossip fountains scattered around town, such as Rarity, who were unable to keep their mouths shut on the matter. Twilight had said something about an, "Official compilation of information and decision on course of action," whatever the hay that means. I just want to go monster hunting.

"Is everypony here and can you all hear my voice?" the Mayor's voice, magically amplified thanks to Twilight who was standing next to the podium, echoed through the crowd. The Mayor's question was met with a sea of head nods, "Alright lets get started, take a seat please." As everypony sat down the Mayor started her speech, "You all know that some strange creature has been sighted in the Everfree Forest," somepony behind Dash stood and started to say something but was silenced by the Mayor. "Please keep all questions and comments to yourself, I will be available to answer all of your questions if you still have them after the meeting," the pony nodded and sat back down.

"So, I have gathered you all here to collect facts on the creature," she continued with emphasis on the word facts. "Everything you have not seen with your own eyes please do not add to our collection of information, this includes you Rarity," she said looking at Rarity, who was sitting next to Dash. Rarity responded with a ladylike "Himf" of insulted pride and a flick of her mane, however, Dash was close enough to see her slight blush. She remembered Rarity saying something about, "The. Absolute. Truth." before saying that it was taller than a house, completely invisible, and ate foals. Dash had watched and laughed as Twilight took that theory apart piece by piece with logic, starting with, "Why are there no foals missing?" and finishing with, "If it's invisible how has it been seen?"

"So will everypony with information on the creature please get in line in front of Twilight. Everypony else thank you for your time, you're free to go until next week when there will be an update on all we have found out." As the most of the crowd dispersed four ponies headed over to stand in front of Twilight, Fluttershy, a pegasus that Dash didn't know, Applejack, and Ditzy Doo. The pegasus is believable, so is Applejack since she is the Element of Honesty and all, and Fluttershy has hardly stopped crying all weak; all I had heard was "Angel" before she collapsed into tears again so she must have something, Dash thought, as Fluttershy finished talking to Twilight and walked away from her, but Ditzy?

Well maybe, Dash thought, smiling a bit meanly, when she crashed into a tree her eyes went even more crazy than usual and she saw it without even trying. Dash walked over to where Fluttershy was sitting and crying to herself a short distance away from Twilight, who was still talking to the pegasus and Applejack. Ditzy was nervously shifting on her hooves behind Applejack, her eyes even less focused than usual looking longingly toward the sky, almost looking like she would fly away any second.

Dash put a comforting wing around Fluttershy's shoulder and tried to calm down her friend, who at Dash's touch managed to stop openly sobbing and instead began sniffling.

"There, there," Dash said, going for calming but the words coming out awkward and scratchy. As soon as we find this monster I'm going to give it a piece of my mind, and probably a hoof to the face, for making Fluttershy cry this much, thought Dash, already assuming the monster was the cause of Fluttershy's unhappiness. As her shoulder was being used by Fluttershy to dry her face after the onslaught of tears, Dash watched Applejack walk off with the unnamed pegasus by her side, noticing Rarity's devious smile as she also watched the pair.

Dash saw Ditzy walk up to Twilight, almost tripping on her own hooves in the three short steps it took to get within talking distance of Twilight. Ditzy started talking to Twilight, whose mouth promptly fell open slightly as her eyes stared blankly at Ditzy, Twilight reached over with her magic to pick up a new scroll and started writing on it seemingly without conscious effort. What is Ditzy saying? thought Dash, as Twilight's face went through an interesting series of emotions, finally resting on what Dash decided was a combination of insatiable curiosity and simmering anger.

I have just got to hear what Ditzy is saying to get that kind of reaction from Twilight. Dash thought as she carefully extracted herself from Fluttershy's embrace. "Fluttershy, will you be okay if I go over to Twilight so I can hear what they are talking about?"

Fluttershy nodded dejectedly, then turned around and started walking home at a speed that Tank, her pet tortoise, would have put to shame even without his propeller.

Rarity, noticing Fluttershy's condition began walking her to her cottage while filling her ears with mindless babble designed to take her mind off of whatever had happened between her and Angel. Dash, seeing that Fluttershy was in good hooves, walked over to where Twilight and Ditzy were still talking.

"...fter a whole week of giving him muffins and trying to catch a glimpse of this, 'Creature' as you call it, you never once thought to tell anypony about it? Not even once?" Twilight's response was a less than satisfactory sheepish hoof twirl on the ground combined with a wing shrug. "So please explain why you ever thought trying to confront a potentially danger- "

"Now wait just a minute, Twilight, Creature isn't any danger because it likes muffins and if you like muffins then you can't be a bad pony." said Ditzy, stomping her foot lightly for emphases.

Twilight removed her hoof from the middle of her forehead as Dash laughed out loud, startling Ditzy who was unaware of her presence behind her.

"Ditzy, there are so many flaws in that statement that I don't even know where to start." sighed Twilight, "Rainbow, help me out here and please help me explain to Ditzy why going monst-" After a misaligned glare from Ditzy, Twilight continued, "-Creature hunting in the Everfree by herself is a bad idea when we hardly know anything about it."

"Well it likes muffins, it's really shy, it lives somewhere different every day, and it must be able to breathe fire because I just look for the smoke and I can find it. So there, I do know something about it, several somethings in fact."

"You know what, I give up," said Twilight, " I am unable to make you see reason, Ditzy."

"I'm glad you see it my way."

"Ditzy... never mind... Anyway, Rainbow, I'm glad you are here, I want to go with Ditzy to spy on 'Creature' tomorrow and I don't trust her to carry me up to the cloud." As if on cue Ditzy's left eye drifted off course and ended up looking straight up while she sheepishly turned her face away from them.

"I may not be the best of flyers, but I can fly well enough to be the mailmare, so no need to be mean, Twilight," responded Ditzy somewhat defensively.

"Sorry, Ditzy, I wasn't trying to be mean; but the simple truth is I am not confident enough in your flying ability to ask you to carry me to the cloud." The rephrased wording seemed to sooth Ditzy's feelings somewhat so Twilight continued, "So, Rainbow, do you think you would able to do that for me?"

"Yes!" Dash shouted, jumping into the air, before realizing she had said that out loud. Oops, totally not cool, she thought, fluttering back down, "I mean, sure, if I don't have anything better to do," she replied nonchalantly. Oh my gosh, yes! Finally, monster hunting after monster spying, that's like more than twenty percent cooler!

Twilight shook her hear at her friends antics, "Well, if you manage to 'clear your schedule' we will need to be at Ditzy's house by three in the afternoon so she can show us where Creature is, okay Rainbow?"

Dash was much too busy imagining herself heroically saving saving Twilight and Ditzy from a rampaging beast to answer with words so she just nodded distractedly.

"Great, well I'm off to start making my checklist for tomorrows encounter with Creature, I'll see you girls later." Dash just nodded again, still caught in her daydream of heroism.

"Okay, Twilight, see you after work!" Ditzy called out as she took to the skies, heading back to her house.

After beating up thousands of evil monsters and saving all of Ponyville single-hooved, Dash blinked a couple of times finally coming out of the dreamworld and looked around herself, "Where did everypony go?"

Author's Note

At the beginning of the chapters I'm going to write the amount of time between the newest chapter and the last one. I don't know about you but I dislike it when stories either leave it up to your imagination, don't tell you until halfway through the chapter, or even worse don't tell you until the next chapter.

Chapter 2: Surviving

Chapter 2: Surviving

That Evening...

I have been lost in this forest for a week, A whole frigging week and I haven't seen anything that tells where the heck I am. This forest looks more like a personal garden, albeit a huge one. All of the flora that I do recognize shouldn't be anywhere near other plants that I can see and the half I don't recognize doesn't look like anything I have ever seen before, thought Alex, as he walked back to his temporary campsite.

And what's even worse is that no one knows where I am so I have to keep moving and looking for a way out, or I'll just starve out here because I don't know if most the plants are safe to eat. Oh yeah, I almost forgot, someone knows exactly where I am and instead of rescuing me all they do is leave a muffin at my campsite before leaving me alone until the next day. The way my week has been going the next one will be drugged, why you ask? I have no idea, it's just a hunch, Alex continued, as he arrived at his campsite and placed the edible plants that he had found in his stick tent until he returned.

After Alex checked to make sure he still had his lighter, multi-tool, and pointed walking stick he had made with him, he put a few more branches on his fire before he left. He headed for the stream he had found earlier in the week and had been keeping track of as he tried to find his way out of the forest. There they are again, those patches of small, blue flowers that make me nervous just by sitting there. There are never any animal bites on them, so either they grow back every day, or all the animals know they are poisonous. Either way I don't want to find out what would happen if I were to eat them, though Alex, sidestepping the potential health hazard.

Upon reaching the stream Alex looked up through the tree and determined he still had three hours of daytime left, plenty of time to go fishing for dinner. He then picked up a rock next to him and started digging by the stream looking for a worm to use as bait for his walking stick which could also be used as a spear thanks to the sharpened tip. It took longer than he would have liked due to the gunshot wound in his left arm still causing him pain. At least it hasn't gotten infected, that would have been a death sentence out here, he thought, finally finding a worm and putting it on the tip of the spear. He put the worm and a small part of the spear into the water while he stood motionless on the stream bank but ready to launch the spear at any moment. And now comes the fun part, the waiting and hoping, especially the waiting.

About a half an hour later Alex was getting an arm cramp and a severe case of shoulder stiffness when finally. Yes, a fish! Alright now, don't screw this up. The fish came up to the bait and started circling it and nibbling on it. Almost, almost, just a little farther... and... All of the pent up energy in Alex's arm was suddenly released as he skewered the fish, the tip going inside the mouth of the fish and coming out the tail end, killing it instantly. Success! Now lets see what kind of fish I'm having for dinner, Alex thought as pulled the spear out of the water. Looks like a fish, he continued, sliding the fish off of the spear. Yup definitely a fish. And that looks like a problem.

On the opposite bank of the stream there was a wolf-like creature that looked like if is was standing next to him, Something I would very much like to avoid, its head would come up to his shoulders. Option one: back away slowly and quietly and hope it doesn't see me. The wolf seemed to not have heard him as it bent down to get a drink of water from the stream. Suddenly without any warning or discernible noise from Alex the wolf snapped its head up and looked directly at Alex. Option two: back away slowly and quietly and hope it doesn't come any closer. The wolf jumped across the stream easily, making a six foot jump from a standstill look easy, and advanced toward Alex. Option three: disregard first two options, figure out why it looks like it's made of wood, and kill it. I always did like option three.

As the wolf continued to close the distance Alex dropped the fish on the ground and backed away from it, hoping the wolf would take it and leave. Aaand of course it doesn't. The wolf had just stepped over the fish and began circling Alex warily. Alex pointed his spear directly at the beast as he counter circled it, both man and beast had their eyes locked on each others eyes, not breaking contact and scarcely even blinking. They were both moving around the same middle point, neither willing to be the first to give ground to his enemy and neither willing to be the first to attack the other.

They stayed like this for an indeterminate amount of time, the only sounds were the quiet gurgling of the stream, the soft squelch of boots and paws in the moist dirt, and the sound of Alex's own breathing in his ears. Alright, if it doesn't attack soon I will, because I need to get back to my campsite before dark. Quick review of known information, moves its joints like a wolf, acts like a wolf, it's bigger than a wolf, I'm sure as hell not going to check and see if tastes like a wolf, and from here seems to be made of wood... so its a... flying pig? Yeah, seems about right. As Alex was trying to figure out what exactly he was facing, the wolf leaped forward closing the distance almost instantly and diving in for the kill strike to Alex's neck.

Unfortunately for the wolf Alex was ready, sidestepping the lunge he used the blunt end of the spear in his right hand to smack the wolf in the back of the head as it dove past, stunning it slightly and causing it to land on its face not far from him. Alex used the extra time to run over to where it lay and stomped on both of its hind knees, grinding his boots into the wood causing them to break and critically wounding the creature. In response, the wolf reached back over its shoulder and bit into Alex's right forearm latching on with the death grip only animals that know they are dead have. Alex grimaced in pain as he reached into his pocket with his left hand and pulled out his lighter. I've broken boards with my fists before and it seems to be made out of wood so I hope this works... Letting out a yell of exertion and pain Alex punched his fist through the side of the wolf's skull and lit the lighter, a very difficult thing to do while your other arm is being mutilated by the teeth of said creature. The wolf howled in agony, letting go of Alex's arm, small flames shooting out of its eyes and mouth as it tried to crawl towards the stream. Alex quickly backed away from the dying creature, watching as it turned to ash barely a minute after being lit on fire.

Well, its a wolf, its made of wood, and it is flammable, which is probably why they haven't killed me in my sleep. I am glad I never put out my fire to save on lighter fluid, looks like that also saved my life. Alex, picked up his dropped spear and fish and started stumbling wearily toward his camp. However, he didn't make it very far before he tripped on an unseen root and landed face first in the small patch of blue flowers he had avoided earlier. So much for avoiding them but at least I didn't get any in my mouth, Alex thought, as he pushed himself to his feet and continued towards his camp.

Upon reaching his camp he collapsed into the ground by his fire and began to inspect his forearm, most of his forearm was covered in blood and more was leaking out slowly through the four holes on top of his arm and the two holes on the bottom. Alex tore a few stripes of cloth from his already tattered shirt and used them to bandage his arm. He used his left arm to clean the fish because even though the bullet wound still hurt, it was less painful than the wolf's bite. Alex began cooking the fish and placed some more firewood into the flames so that when he woke up the next morning the fire would still be burning. Well it looks like sunset is only a hour or so away so as soon as I eat my fish I will get to sleep, and hopefully I will get up in the morning.

Alex woke up, something was wrong. He looked around himself trying to see what had woken him. The moon is still fairly low, so it is probably around ten maybe ten thirty. As he looked down at his arms to check on his wounds he stared at them in shock before blinking and shaking his head a little. That's funny for a second there I could have sworn my hands were black and covered in fur... Must be my eyes playing tricks on me, everything will look better in the morning. After deciding there was no immediate danger Alex lay back down and fell asleep Everything will look different in the morning... he thought, Because tomorrow is a new day.

Author's Note

I will give you a hint his hands did not look like hooves...

Chapters are probably going to be written slower because of school but I will do my best, so don't be surprised (or mad) if they don't come out consistently.

Chapter 3: A New Day

Chapter 3: A New Day

The Next Day...

(Author's Note: Pony Units of Measurement: hoof=6 inches, tail length=4 hooves.)

Ditzy woke up earlier then usual, remembering that today she would have to lead Twilight and Rainbow to Creature. Why didn't I fly away when I had the chance? she thought, as she rolled around in her bed, And now Twilight is going to say Creature is dangerous and take him far away. Ditzy adopted a look of sadness at the thought of never meeting Creature face to face as she jumped out of bed and slowly fluttered down to her floor. I already told Twilight that he was safe but noooo, "Ditzy, you don't know anything so I'll have to come and take care of it for you." Ditzy kicked her frustration wall, a large, sturdy wooden board set up in her hallway by her bedroom door, and added to the many hoof prints already there.

I could have just said that I thought this was the line for muffins and nopony would have doubted me. But I figured if the Mayor asked I should probably answer. Why couldn't my eyes have been born normal, then everypony wouldn't tease me all the time and they might actually trust me to do things by myself, like meet Creature without a foalsitter. I don't know why they don't trust me, I can see perfectly fin- Ditzy's left eye was looking straight down so she did not see the obstruction in her path and hit the side of her head on the door frame of her kitchen. -Mostly fine, she thought, rubbing her head with with her hoof. But still, just because I can't control my left eye doesn't mean I'm retarded, she thought, as she reached in to her muffin pantry and pulled out two muffins, one for breakfast and one for lunch.

She put on her mailbags and put her lunch muffin in them and flew out the door as she started to eat the first muffin. Two minutes later she returned for her blue postal workers hat, So, it's going to be one of those days, she thought, putting her hat on her head. Mailbags, hat, and lunch, thought Ditzy, checking her equipment before flying out the door for the second time that morning. I hope that the rest of the day will be better that this morning and definitely not as bad as last Saturday, Ditzy shuddered at the memory as she landed on the doorstep of the Postal Office. She walked into the building and went over to where her mail was waiting and, thankful that it was already sorted into proper order, placed it in her mailbags. There is no point in delaying it any longer, time to get started. She sighed and walked out of the Post Office, knowing who would be waiting for her.

When Ditzy walked out of the door her eyes met an unfortunate sight, a light green earth pony with a midnight blue mane. Now normally, for any other pony this would be no cause for concern, Unfortunately I don't fall under the "everypony that he doesn't hate" category.

"Good morning, Ditzy, how are you doing today?" said the stallion, a wicked gleam in his eyes.

"I'm fine, thanks for asking," Ditzy responded warily, certain that he would start teasing her soon.

"Are you sure? You don't look so good, in fact it looks like you ran into a wall this morning," mocked Bane.

"Excuse me, but I have to get started on work." replied Ditzy taking to the skies, and thankful that he couldn't follow. His name isn't really Bane, but since he is the bane to my existence I think it's a perfect name, and I'm sure as hay not going to ask him what his real name is either.

"Don't forget your hat!" he called out.

She stopped in mid flight, hovering above the building and felt the top of her head for her hat, I could have sworn I didn't take it off in the Post Office...

Bane's harsh, mocking laughter rang out from below. "Catch you later, Ditzy!" he yelled, still laughing as he walked off.

Yup, just one of those days. she thought, flying over to the first mailbox on her route. Just one of those days...

At least the rest of my work day went better than this morning, thought Ditzy, as she put the last few letters into the last mailbox. As she started flying home she started thinking, I wonder how Creature is doing, I'm sure today is the day that instead of just a muffin waiting for it, I will be there holding the muffin and will introduce myself.

Wait a second, who is that on my doorstep? It looks like... Twilight and Rainbow? Right, I forgot had to take them with me... Ponyfeathers.

"Good afternoon, Twilight, and you too, Rainbow," said Ditzy, landing next to them.

"Good afternoon, Ditzy," responded Twilight, half way between normal talking and a whisper, "Dash somehow fell asleep in the six minutes we have been waiting here, "so once you are ready I'll wake her and we will leave."

"Sounds good, Twilight," said Ditzy quietly, as she walked past Twilight and into her house. She put her mailbags and hat into her living room, their usual place of residence. She retrieved her regular saddlebags from right next to where she put her postal uniform, and then walked over to her muffin pantry and filled it with muffins. Mission accomplished, she walked out of her house and almost crashed into the excited face of Twilight.

"Are you ready now?" Twilight asked enthusiastically. When Ditzy nodded she squealed with glee and shoved Dash yelling, "Wake up sleepy head! It's time to go!"

"Ouch, Twilight, you didn't have to be so rough," Dash groaned, as she got to her hooves after being shoved into the ground. Catching sight of Ditzy she asked, "Are we ready to go?"

"Of course, why do you think I woke you? Lead the way to discovery, Ditzy," Said Twilight.

"No," decided Ditzy.

"No...?" said Twilight, the smile of excitement frozen on her face as her eyes began to take on a crazed look.

"Not until you give me the ability to help decide what happens to Creature, because I know you will want to take it away for testing," said Ditzy putting her hoof down firmly both literally and figuratively.

"Yes, yes of course. As the discoverer of this new species you have quite a say in what happens to Creature. In fact, I filed the paperwork this morning. Now can we go?" Twilight was practically drooling at the prospect of seeing Creature.

"Yes, now we can go, Rainbow, grab Twilight and follow me," Ditzy responded.

"Finally!" shouted Rainbow, "Lets go monster hunting!"

"You mean Creature hunting," a one and a half eyed glare persuaded Rainbow to change her statement.

" I said Creature, of course I said Creature, why would I say monster?" said Rainbow, picking up Twilight in her hooves.

"That's what I thought you said," said Ditzy taking off and flying toward the cloud with Rainbow following close behind. Although, she was sure she heard Rainbow mutter "monster" under her breath when she thought she wouldn't be heard.

Upon arriving at the cloud Twilight cast her cloud-walking spell on herself before Rainbow set her down on the fluffy surface.

"Now what, Ditzy?" said Rainbow.

"Now we wait, and watch for black smoke."

"Like that smoke over there?" asked Twilight, looking through the binoculars she had thoughtfully decided to pack in her saddlebags.

"Yup, and now we just have to carefully, and slowly fly the cloud over on top of the smoke," replied Ditzy, as she started pushing the cloud in the direction of the smoke. Rainbow soon joined in as Twilight sat on top of the cloud mulling over her checklist while muttering to herself. When they pushed the cloud over the smoke and only a few feet above the treetops, Ditzy signaled for Rainbow to stop and flew on top of the cloud, Rainbow joining a second later.

"Now is usually when I fly down and put the muffin down there," said Ditzy, "But today I was going to give it to Creature by hoof.

"If you really think that's a good idea then Rainbow and I will fly down with you and keep out of sight but close enough to help if needed, does that sound okay Ditzy?" asked Twilight.

"Sounds good, just stay out of sight, I don't want to spook it," replied Ditzy, jumping off of the cloud and gliding down towards the smoke. Ditzy landed just out of sight of the smoke, she then slowly and nervously started walking towards it. She cautiously walked into a small clearing and found the source of the smoke, a small pile of burning sticks, the only other object in the clearing was a huge black boulder. That's funny, I've never seen a moving boulder before.

The boulder slowly turned its head around to face Ditzy followed by the rest what she now knew to be a body and fixed its piercing blue orbs on Ditzy's golden eyes. For once she managed to keep both her eyes locked on what she hoped were its eyes. Creature got to it hind legs slowly as Ditzy's eyes followed it up as it just kept getting taller and taller until it towered above her. When Creature had reached its full height of what Ditzy guessed was about four tail lengths tall she could finally get a good look at it for the first time.

Creature was covered head to, what appeared to be paws, in silky looking, glossy black fur, its legs were muscular but not overly so, however, the odd thing about its legs were its knees, they appeared to bend the wrong way. Creature is definitely a he, thought Ditzy, blushing slightly as her gaze traveled up past Creature's midsection, pointedly not stopping there to stare at the clearly defined muscle sitting slightly above... that. Creatures chest was at least a tail length and a half wide and just as muscular as the rest of him. His forelegs were shorter that his hind legs and they seemed to end in five long flexible claws, each about a hoof long. The weirdest thing about him was his head, it was just a featureless black oval that had no discernible features except for two sky blue orbs that appeared to shine with inner intelligence. I don't even know if those are eyes or not, but they have to be eyes, right?

Creature began to lumber forward, closing the distance between them rapidly with huge paw steps. As Creature closed in on her only one thought was on her mind, Biiiiiig... Creature is very... big... When Creature stopped in front of her, Ditzy pulled out a muffin from her saddlebag and held it up to him, glancing away as she uncomfortably noticed that Creatures "stallion equipment" was at her eye level not far away from her muzzle.

Creature knelt down on one knee and picked up the muffin Ditzy held in her hoof and held it up to its "eyes" inspecting it. Its knees seem quite good for that, Ditzy thought, apparently they are just different, not wrong.

Out of the corner of her eye Ditzy saw Dash flying toward Creature. "No! What are you doing?" she yelled.

Dash completely ignored Ditzy as she got right up in Creature's face and yelled, "What have you done with Angel!"

Creature did not take kindly to having the pegasus shoved in his face and responded with surprising speed for a giant. Creature grabbed Dash's head with his long claws and drove his head straight into Rainbow muzzle, he then threw her straight down and stood on her right wing, snapping the bone as he brought his leg down. Rainbow screamed in pain as her wing broke. Creature then looked at Ditzy warily while still standing on Dash's wing. Don't look at Creature, don't move toward Creature, don't even breathe toward Creature, Ditzy thought, slowly backing away.

Creature looked at her curiously, not noticing the tree branch floating behind him covered in a purple aura. The tree branch hardly made a sound when it hit the back of his head, but Creature certainly felt it and promptly fell forward onto the ground and didn't get up.

Ditzy cautiously advanced on the unconscious behemoth, while Twilight came out of hiding and went over to where Rainbow was lying. Twilight helped Rainbow to her hooves and they both walked over to where Ditzy was watching Creature.

"...I think we should put him in a cage for a little while, at least until we can trust him not to flip out like that," said Twilight after a few minutes.

Both mares were unable to formulate a verbal response, one was much too shocked by what had happened, and the other much too hurt, so they just nodded slowly.

Author's Note

So Alex in his Poison Joke form stands around eight feet tall with most ponies being around four feet tall (Slightly smaller for pegasi and slightly bigger for earth ponies)

p.s. Wrote this chapter while listening to the original Halo soundtrack LIKE A BOSS.

Chapter 4: Silence

Chapter 4: Silence

???...

Alex opened his featureless blue eyes and all he saw was darkness. Where am I? This doesn't look like the forest. And more importantly, how did I get here? The last thing I remember was sitting at my campfire trying to figure out how I wasn't already dead, with my whole lack of important facial features. I don't even think this body has to breath or eat for that matter, its kind of impossible with out a mouth or nose. I don't even have ears so three of my five senses just flew out the same window that my body did, at least it seems that my sight and touch sensitivity have been increased. In fact, I can still remember the small horse... Right, the horses, I remember them now. There was a small gray horse with a blond mane and odd misaligned golden eyes that tried to give a muffin to me. It almost looked like she was studying me as much as I was studying her, at least it looked like a she. I'm pretty sure I even saw her blush once or twice upon catching sight of my crotch, although that's scientifically impossible for a horse. Said the eight foot tall guy covered in smooth fur without a mouth, nose, or ears, who has recently killed a wolf made out of wood... This is officially the World of Flying Pigs, and horses apparently, he thought, remembering the second horse that had attacked him.

That one scares me. It was so colorful it hurt my eyes, it was like a rainbow had somehow crawled inside its mouth, died, and then exploded without hurting it. Alex shivered slightly, I wish I still had my clothes, it's cold in here, but I guess they are still riding on my other body. That thought feels really weird, but I bet it would be even weirder to say it out loud, if I could. I swear if I ever find the person who did this to me I'm going to kill him, slowly and- Alex's train of thought was interrupted by light spilling out of an opening doorway.

Alex quickly looked around himself trying to get his bearings before whoever was opening the door came in. I appear to be in a... prison cell? Yup, a tiny prison cell complete with its own silly little four foot long bed that only a six year old could sleep on. The steel bars look sturdy enough but the door in them is way too small for me to fit through, which leaves the question, how did they get me in here? He looked up at the ceiling to notice that it was only a few inches above his sitting form. Definitely not by conventional means, he decided.

As the beings who opened the door walked in Alex expected to finally see some people, at least some short ones. But alas, the World of Flying Pigs does not disappoint. In walked the two horses he had see earlier and an additional one. That is a purple unicorn, a freaking purple unicorn walking next to the flying color bomb and the gray one who tried to give me a muffin. Two of the horses stopped in front of Alex while the color bomb sat slightly behind them giving Alex the death glare. The unicorn stepped in front of the gray horse and appeared to start... talking? Great. Just great. I finally find another sentient being and I don't even have a mouth or ears to communicate with it. Oh... that probably means that the color bomb was just trying to talk to me. And now I feel bad for attacking it, thank you conscience.

Alex had been ignoring the unicorn so when the gray horse interrupted the now frustrated looking unicorn he looked at the gray horse with interest. He studied the horse as it slowly walked toward him and stood in front of his cell. Further study revealed that the horse had small wings tucked against its sides and a picture of bubbles on its ass. I have no what to think about that. The horse reached behind it and pulled out a muffin, then she held it up through the bars for Alex to grab. I might as well pick it up, thought Alex reaching for the muffin, its not like I can eat it but she definitely wants me to have it.

Alex picked up the muffin and held it up to his eyes inspecting it. Wait a second he thought his mind finally understanding. This muffin looks exactly like the ones I was getting in the forest, I bet she was the one who was giving them to me. He pointed at the muffin with his left hand before pointing at the gray horse while tilting his head questioningly hoping it would understand. The small horse nodded while smiling happily. That would look really creepy on any other animal but she somehow makes it look cute.

The small horse sat down and used it hoof to point at Alex while saying something slowly, it then pointed at her own ear and finally to her mouth. I guess that is her asking me if I can hear her, thought Alex, as he slowly shook his head side to side. I hope that still means no, the head shake is universal, right? The horse seemed to ponder this by tapping her hoof on her chin, sticking her tongue out, and having her left eye wander aimlessly. Wow, forget what I said about her smile, if that was cute then this is adorable.

The horse kept her pose for a few minutes before catching sight of Alex's bleeding forearm. It must have opened up while I was asleep. She turned to the unicorn and said something, the unicorn responded by nodding and walking out of the room then immediately returned, a white box with a red cross on it floating beside her. Remember, never question the laws of physics when in the World of Flying Pigs, Alex thought, it looks like I might get some medical treatment after all, if that box is what I think it is.

The small gray horse pointed at Alex then at his injured forearm before making a "bring it over here" motion. Alex nodded and put his arm through the bars so it could be easily accessible to the mare, At least I think that's what you call a female horse, and all of these horses look feminine so I'll go that. As the gray mare started inspecting his forearm he took the time to inspect the other two mares. The blue mare appeared lithe and athletic, much more than the other two and still hadn't let up the death glare since the last time he checked. The unicorn had a pencil and paper floating in front of her and appeared to be taking notes. So maybe they can read and write? Interesting, he thought, maybe we can communicate through paper later, that is if we speak the same language.

The gray mare finished wrapping the wolf bite making concerned looking faces at him. She patted his hand with a curiously soft hoof and stepped back showing she was done. Alex pulled his arm back inside his cell and brought it up to his eyes for inspection, Not half bad for an animal without hands... come to think of it how did she manage to wrap it? Whatever, I don't even want to think about it, it makes my head hurt. Alex nodded his thanks before putting his arm down, the mare responded by giving him another cute smile.

The unicorn must have spoken because both of the other mares looked at her before they all started walking towards the door that they had entered from. The gray mare was the last in line to leave, before exiting the room she turned around and waved at Alex, Alex responded with a small wave of his own. This caused the mare to break into a smile as she leaped off of her front hooves and clapped them together while fluttering her wings. The gray mare was still smiling as she exited the room closing the door and plunging Alex into darkness once more.

Alone once more, just me and my thoughts in a world of silence, Alex thought. However, I suppose I do deserve this for breaking that mares wing just for trying to talk to me, thought Alex, as he tried to get comfortable in his cramped cell.

At the very least they could have left a little bit of light for- Alex was interrupted by light spilling into the room once again, this time all he saw was the head of the gray mare as it quickly set down a candle inside the door before disappearing just as quickly.

I wonder...-Ah ha! I finally remembered what a horse with wings is called, a pegasus. Now what was I thinking about... Oh right, wondering why that pegasus is being so nice after I almost beat her friend into a pulp. Alex tried to yawn before remembering that he had no mouth. I'll figure it out when I wake up next, he thought, before getting as comfortable as he could and fell into a dreamless sleep.

Author's Note

I woke up at 4:30 this morning by accident so I had quite a bit of extra time today... So... Have a free bonus chapter.

Note to self: NEVER AGAIN will I try to write a story while listening to the Dead Space 1 soundtrack, I tried it for a fifteen minutes and found that I was writing faster and sloppier as the music built up in intensity. I finally said that it was making my writing too bad and switched back to Halo.

Chapter 5: Communication

Chapter 5: Communication

The Next Day...

Rainbow Dash was not a fan of Creature. Creature broke my wing and almost broke my muzzle just for trying to talk to him, what is there to like? Dash thought, as she trotted out of Fluttershy's house. I can't even fly up to my house, much less practice for the Wonderbolts until I heal. At least Fluttershy let me stay at her house, thought Dash, arriving at Ponyville. I really wish I could be flying right now, I don't know how earth ponies and unicorns can walk around constantly without dying of boredom.

Finally, thought Dash, upon arriving at the library, That took waaay longer then it should have. "Twilight! Open up!" she yelled, pounding her hoof on the door. Dash waited for all of three seconds before pounding on the door repeatedly, "Twiiiliiiight!" Dash heard movement on the other side of the door so she continued, "Open up! What's taking you so long?" As the door opened abruptly Dash fell down at Twilight's feet, a product of her vigorous knocking.

"Mornin', Dash," Twilight yawned, as Dash got to her hooves.

"Twilight, its afternoon not morning, and you look like you just got out of bed," remarked Dash, as she walked into the library.

"I stayed up late last night watching Creature, it appears he doesn't even have eyelids his eyes just turn black when he falls asleep," remarked Twilight, recovering some of her energy at the thought of Creature. "I'm going to go upstairs and freshen up before Rarity and Ditzy get here, just make yourself at home, I'll be back down soon," she said, walking up her stairs. "On second thought, I remember the horror stories that Fluttershy has told me about your living room, just behave yourself," she said, as she disappeared into her room.

My house isn't that bad... she thought, as she compared her house to Twilight's. Maybe my house could be a little cleaner. But what's the point anyway? The only visitor I get is Fluttershy, so its not like anypony will see how messy it is. Dash looked up at the door as she heard somepony speaking.

"Twilight, may I come in?" said a sophisticated sounding voice.

"Oh, and me too," said a not so sophisticated voice.

I bet that's Rarity and Ditzy, thought Dash, as she opened the library door. After seeing that it was indeed Rarity and Ditzy, Dash welcomed them inside saying,"Come on in, Twilight said she will be down in a minute and then we can take you downstairs to see Creature."

"Who is this, Creature?" said Rarity, "I think that is a horrible nickname to give anypony, no matter how they may look."

"You'll see when you meet him," said Dash, smiling and already imagining the look on Rarity's face when she saw him.

"Why is he living inside the prison cell built in Twilight's basement anyway? Terribly unsanitary place down there."

"That will also be answered by seeing him, Rarity," said Twilight, walking down the stairs to join the other three mares. "And for a fact it is not a prison cell, it is a large specimen cage for dangerous animals."

"I would also like to know why didn't you invite Applejack, Pinkie, or Fluttershy to join us, I'm sure they would have gladly accepted the invitation," said Rarity.

"We want to introduce Creature to new ponies slowly because he was the one who broke Dash's wing a couple of days ago and we don't want a repeat incident," responded Twilight.

"That, that... Hooligan!" exclaimed Rarity. "I'm going to give him a piece of my mind for acting in such a way to a lady!" she continued, running into the basement, completely ignoring the cries of warning that came from the other three mares. Ditzy, Rainbow, and Twilight looked at each other with identical looks of concern before galloping down the stairs. This is going to be good, thought Dash.

When the other mares joined Rarity in Creature's cell they found her sitting down and looking at the hulking figure that is Creature, with shock etched on every feature of her face.

That face is hilarious, thought Dash. "You should see the look on your face, Rarity! Priceless!" Dash laughed.

"A lady never shows astonishment, I was simply... intrigued greatly," responded Rarity, finally regaining control of her facial muscles.

"Right," said Dash, "And my wing isn't broken either."

"Ummmm, Twilight? Creature is sleeping, do you know how to wake him up?" asked Ditzy, noticing that Creature was asleep.

"No, I was hoping you would have an idea, considering you seem to know the most about him," responded Twilight, prompting Ditzy to adopt her customary thinking position.

Sleeping Creature? This I gotta see. Dash took a break from mocking Rarity and looked over to see Creature lying on its side with his back against the wall, using the bed's mattress as a pillow. Creatures hind legs and forelegs were bent at awkward looking angles and at some point during the night he had stuck them though the bars to give himself more room. "Hey, Twilight, what happened to Creature's bed?" Dash asked.

Twilight paled slightly as she caught sight of the mangled bed that had been shoved through the bars. "Rainbow, do you know how much force it would take to break the bed? I had the wood reinforced several times with magic so that this kind of thing wouldn't happen-"

"I figured out how I'm going to wake up Creature!" said Ditzy happily, interrupting Twilight and trotting up to Creature's forelegs.

Rarity, who had been following Twilight and Rainbow's conversation, called out, "Wait! Darling, I don't think that is such a good idea."

Unfortunately, Rarity's warning fell upon deaf ears, as Ditzy was much too excited over the prospect of spending time with Creature to listen to her.

The other three mares held their breath as Ditzy walked up to Creature's fore paw and poked it with her hoof. The paw twitched but nothing more, and the mares let out a collective sigh of relief. Ditzy poked it again, this time getting a much larger response. The paw did more than twitch, the paw wrapped its long, blunt claws around Ditzy's hoof and pulled her hoof through the bars, almost smashing her face into the cage. Ditzy let out a small "Eeep" of fear as Creature's eyes lit up, blazing with an inner fire. As Creature brought his face close to Ditzy's, Dash heard a *thump* as Rarity fainted.

Creature stayed this way for a few seconds before bringing his other paw up to Ditzy's head, she tried to avoid the paw by flinching away but the paw that held her hoof was too strong. Twilight and Rainbow could only watch in horror as the paw got closer and closer before it slowly and gently patted her head. Creature then released her hoof and sat up straight while pulling the rest of his limbs inside the cage..

*Thump* went Twilight who didn't have the stomach to watch such intensity. As Twilight had fallen her magical grip had been lost on her scroll and quill, sending them flying. Creature noticed these objects were no longer in use and motioned toward them intently. Ditzy walked over to where the objects were lying, she then picked them up with her mouth before turning to Creature and pointing at the items with her hoof. Creature responded by nodding slowly. What could he possibly want with those? Dash thought to herself, He doesn't have a mouth or a horn so it can't use them, can he? I wish Twilight was still awake, she is much better at this kind of egghead-y stuff, she would know.

Ditzy placed the scroll and quill in Creature's outstretched paw, the items seeming tiny when compared to something so big. Creature held the scroll in one paw and the quill in the other paw as he started to write. Or draw for that matter. After he finished he handed the scroll back to Ditzy who opened it and read it. "Rainbow you may want to read this," Ditzy said while smiling.

I wonder what it says, and how he can even write. Although, his claws did seem good at holding the quill, thought Dash, as she started walking over to Ditzy. However, Dash was too preoccupied by her thoughts and didn't see Rarity's hoof in her path. Dash tripped over Rarity's hoof and tried to use her wings to keep herself from hitting the ground, remembering too late that her right wing was broken. The resulting wing flaps from her left wing caused her to fly directly into the wall on her right, the combined pain of hitting her head as well as her broken wing pulled Dash into unconsciousness.

As Ditzy and Creature beheld the room of unconscious mares there was a simultaneous facehoof and facepaw.

Chapter 6: Communication Part 2

Chapter 6: Communication Part 2

A Minute of Silent Mocking Later...

(Authors Note: Bold letters are for notes being passed between Alex and the ponies.)

Ditzy removed the hoof from her forehead and saw Creature do the same with his paw. I hope Twilight has some more paper around here, she thought, as she looked at the note that Creature had written. The note read, "I have two questions for you. One, can you read this? And two, where are the flying pigs?" Ditzy looked around the room and found a small stack of paper and a pencil sitting on a shelf in the corner.

She picked up the items in her mouth before returning to in front of Creature. Ditzy sat down and got to work on her note.

"Sorry no flying pigs here, but I am. Hi, my name is Ditzy. What is your name?" she wrote. She sighed at her sloppy mouth writing before passing the note and some of the paper to Creature.

"Hello, Ditzy, though I doubt that is your real name, if you're going to lie about your name at least make it believable and not something stupid," wrote Creature.

"That really is my name, my full name is Ditzy Doo," she wrote, before looking down in embarrassment. Creature looked at her intently for a few moments before responding.

"Whatever, so 'Ditzy' where is my real body and when can I have it back?" wrote Creature.

"Real body? What are you talking about?" Ditzy wrote, recovering from the embarrassment of being made fun of, Again. "I never saw you when I was giving you my muffins, the first time I saw you, you looked like this."

"So those were your delicious muffin I got all week?" wrote Creature.

Ditzy nodded happily before writing, "Yes, I baked them myself, I'm glad you enjoyed them."

"They were the best muffins I have ever eaten. But anyways, back on track, if you don't know what happened to my body do you know someone who does?" wrote Creature.

"Yes, see Twilight over there? She should know what happened, she is the smartest pony in town." Ditzy wrote, smiling at the compliment to her baking.

"Which one is she and can you try and wake her for me?"

"Twilight is the purple one, just give me a second to figure out how to wake her." replied Ditzy.

Ditzy set down the pencil she had been holding and walked over to where Twilight was still lying. "Twilight..." Ditzy called softly. "Twilight... wake up," she called a little louder. Ditzy took a deep breath and leaned down, putting her mouth right next to Twilight's ear before yelling, "Twilight!" Twilight just let out a groan and rolled over on her other side. Well at least I got a response, so she should wake up soon, Ditzy thought, looking over her shoulder to see what Creature was doing. When she looked over she found him staring at her rump, Ditzy turned the rest of the way around effectively hiding herself from him.

Ditzy marched over to Creature's cage glaring at him the entire time. Just who does he think he is? Doing that to a mare, Ditzy thought, as she marched over. Ditzy sat down and wrote a note, hardly taking her eyes off Creature.

"Just what do you think you were doing!?" she wrote.

Creature took a moment, seeming to think before writing a response. He had better have a good excuse or I'll... I'll... something. Actually I don't think any excuse is a valid one, there had better be an apology on that paper, she thought, still glaring. Creature finished his note and gave it to Ditzy with an odd look in his eyes, she gave one last glare before snatching it away and reading it.

"If you must know I was looking at the tattoo on your ass. Although, if you like I could stare at your ass and have no problems doing so, it's a very nice one. And the way you wiggled it without even trying, when trying to wake up your friend, flawless. It was the perfect combination of cute and sexy."

As Ditzy read the note she blushed harder and harder, when she finished the note she was sputtering uncontrollably and could swear that her cheeks were so red that the back of her head was pink.

"I... but... you... we... my... that... but... I don't... why... Argggggh!" Ditzy collapsed on the ground, hiding her face from Creature by covering her head with her hooves. Somewhere in the back of my mind I know I secretly didn't hate that, nopony has really ever even bothered to look past my eyes and compliment me before. Even though it was a perverted compliment, it was still a compliment, from Creature no less! He chose to do that to me even though all of the other mares in the room are much prettier than me and- Ditzy was interrupted by Creature touching her shoulder with his paw and holding a note out with the other one. Ditzy was still blushing furiously but she sat up and read it after a nod of encouragement from Creature.

Creature wrote, "I apologize for making you so upset, that was not my intent. In all seriousness, you should have seen the look on your face! That was hilarious, I will never forget that face for as long as I live. Although... would you mind turning around wiggling one more time for me, please? I won't ask again."

"Buck off, pervert," Ditzy replied, walking out of the room while keeping her hips as straight as possible and tail firmly tucked between her legs.

Ditzy closed the door firmly behind her and leaned back against it trying to take long slow breaths in order to get her blush under control. After she no longer felt like she could use her cheeks as a stove she decided to go back inside the room. I should probably wake up Twilight because I know she will want to talk to Creature, thought Ditzy, mentally preparing herself to go back inside. Annnd, now, she thought, looking at the door handle. Annnd, now, she tried again, putting her hoof on the handle but not opening it. She sighed, then turned the handle and walked in.

Ditzy walked over to where Twilight was still lying and leaned down to Twilight's ear, this time keeping herself facing Creature so as to not provoke any more comments. "Twiiiiilight," she called softly, "Creature wants to talk to you about some-." Twilight jumped to her feet knocking Ditzy up and over and landing her on her back. Twilight practically teleported to in front Creature she was moving so fast and started talking faster then Ditzy could follow. Ditzy rolled to her hooves then stood up and turned around noticing that Creature was completely ignoring Twilight and was staring at her. She blushed realizing the comprising position she had been in and hoped that Creature wouldn't comment.

Creature, still ignoring Twilight, who for some reason hadn't noticed yet, motioned Ditzy over. I really hope he doesn't comment, I really hope he doesn't comment, I really, really hope he doesn't comment, she thought as she walked over, still blushing. When she reached the cage Creature's paw was waiting for her with a note, Ditzy took the note and after a minute of hesitation decided to read it, I hope I don't regret this.

"Thanks for the show, but do you do private ones? Don't get me wrong I think its kinky that you want to do that in public but if you came back later I'm sure it would be much more... enjoyable... for both of us."

No no no, not now, please please not now- *Pomf* "I cant take it anymore!" screamed Ditzy, as she ran from the room blushing and with her wings uncontrollably extended. Creature pounded his paw on the floor and pointed at her with his other paw as she left.

Twilight realized that she was being ignored when Ditzy screamed, she looked at Creature and asked, "What did you do to her?" Creature responded by tossing a note out of his cage and promptly laid down and fell asleep. Twilight picked up the note with her magic and read it to herself.

I broke the reality center of my mind when I insinuated to a small gray pegasus with a blond mane, crazy eyes and bubbles on her ass that I wanted to have sex with her, even if it was just to tease her. Wake me up with my real body and some strong beer in my hand and if she comes back later tonight, DON'T LET HER IN.

"What happened while I was unconscious!" yelled Twilight, at nopony in particular, as she started sifting the mess of notes on the floor trying to piece the conversion back together.

Twilight's shout woke up Rarity who slowly got to her hooves and looked around herself and noticed the awkward position of Rainbow's wing, "Darling, don't you think we should take Rainbow to the hospi-"

-tal."Rarity didn't have time to finish her sentence at the library because Twilight had teleported both her and Rainbow to the hospital without so much as looking at them. "I see, well we had better get your wing looked at," said Rarity as she carefully picked up Rainbow with her magic and set about looking for a doctor.

Author's Note

I'm not going to lie, this chapter was really fun to write.

Chapter 7: Reacquisition

Chapter 7: Reacquisition

Three Minutes After Ditzy Ran Out of the Library...

I guess I'm walking home tonight, Ditzy thought, glancing at her uncooperative wings proudly displaying themselves for the evening sky. I was hoping that my quick run would help, but it appears not, she continued, hopefully they will go down soon. I... just... I don't know what to think about what Creature said, she thought, as she clenched her teeth tighter around the incriminating notes she had gotten from Creature. Shivering as the cool breeze blew through her exposed wings she decided to run home for the last couple of minutes, hoping that nopony would happen to see her.

Upon arriving at her house she quickly walked inside and locked the door behind herself. I know what I need to do to help me relax, she thought to herself trotting up the stairs to her bedroom. Ditzy set the notes on her nightstand then walked out of her room and over to her frustration wall. After kicking the wall a dozen times she decided that was acceptable and headed to her shower. Ahhh... much better... between the excitement, the running, and the kicking it's no wonder I need a shower.

Ditzy enjoyed her cold shower, the cool water finally getting her wings to relax and return to their regular, controllable state. She muttered a few choice words about pegasus anatomy as she dried herself off with her towel and brushed her hair.

Still shivering from the cold shower she jumped into her bed and nestled down into the covers, seeking out the warmth they offered. She turned her head to glare at the innocent looking pieces of paper as she thought to herself, I deal with mean teasing every day, I don't like it but at least i know how to handle it. But this! It was more like flirting than anything else... "I don't know what I'm suppose to do about it," she said despondently, burying her head in her hooves. "Do I get mad? Do I hit him? Do I do it back to him? Do I ignore it? Do I ignore him? And worst of all... did I enjoy it?" she whispered to herself. She felt her wings flare underneath her covers as she reread the notes from Creature. She set the letters back on the nightstand and rolled over, facing away from the confusing words in the other direction. I'll figure it out later, she thought, as she closed her eyes and drifted off in to a restless sleep.

Ditzy woke up five minutes before her alarm would go off and turned it off. "Urgh... " Ditzy groaned as she rolled out of bed and fell onto the floor. She yawned as she got to her hooves and proceeded to walk slowly down the stairs and into her kitchen, stumbling sleepily every few steps. Ditzy went through the usual eat a muffin pack a muffin routine before grabbing her mailbags and postal hat and heading out the door.

She was half way to work when she realized that the reason why flying felt wrong was because she was wearing her mailbags on her head and her hat on her back. I need some coffee, she thought, seeing Sugarcube Corner below her she angled her wings downward towards the front door. I don't like the taste but at least it will wake me up in time for work.

After landing she expected to see Pinkie Pie greeting her as usual. That's funny Pinkie never fails to say hi to me whenever I land, I wonder what's different about today, Ditzy thought as she walked into the building. "Pinkie!" she called out.

Pinkie came out from inside the kitchen, but instead of her usual excitable self she seemed somewhat subdued. "Good morning, Ditzy," she said slowly and quietly.

"Morning, Pinkie, are you feeling alright today?" Ditzy replied.

"I'm... fine," said Pinkie, her hair deflating slightly.

"Sure you are," said Ditzy, looking at the clock, " and when I come back you are going to tell me exactly how fine you are."

"Okay... did you need something before you leave?" asked Pinkie.

"Just a small coffee," Ditzy replied, yawning slightly.

"Do you want the regular or the special?" asked Pinkie.

"I haven't tried the special yet, so I'll take a special please," said Ditzy.

"Sure thing, one special coming right up," said Pinkie, walking into the kitchen. She walked out a second later with Ditzy's coffee in her hoof.

Ditzy took her coffee from Pinkie and gave her four bits, "Thanks, Pinkie!" she called out, walking out the door and jumped into the air, continuing her flight to work. Ditzy gave a huge yawn, closing her eyes and started to fly even worse than usual, when she opened her eyes she saw a purple pegasus narrowly avoid her by swerving around her.

"Hey! Watch where you're going! At least try to not be a hazard for the rest of us," she yelled over her shoulder.

At least I have an excuse for almost crashing, I barely got any sleep last night. What's her excuse, temporary blindness? Ditzy thought, taking a sip of her coffee. This isn't half bad for coffee, she thought to herself, immediately feeling three time more awake. Spying the post office ahead she flew down to begin her day.

Ditzy was sitting outside the library's door, unsure if she should go in. Just remember, if I don't like what he is saying just don't read the letters, she thought, as she gave a firm nod and walked in. She didn't see anypony but she did see that the basement door was open and there was light coming from the doorway. She walked over to the doorway and yelled, "Twilight, are you down there?"

"Come on down, Ditzy!" Twilight yelled, seeming distracted.

Ditzy walked slowly down the stairs and took a few deep breaths before opening the door to Creature's room. Creature waved to her when he saw her and Ditzy hesitantly waved back.

"Awwww, isn't that sweet," cooed Rarity, who was standing next to Applejack a few feet away from where Twilight was engaged in furious conversation with Creature.

"Ah don't know, ah still don't trust 'im," replied Applejack, glancing at Creature warily. "Creature went an' put Rainbow ina hospital, not once mine you, but twice. Ah think tha-"

"To be fair," Rarity cut her off, "Ditzy said Creature never touched Rainbow the second time, that was her own fault. Rainbow even confirmed it... after a bit of persuading."

"Everypony come over here!" exclaimed Twilight, sounding very excited. As the other three mares gathered around Twilight she continued, "Last night Creature told me that he wanted me to wake him up with his real body so I thought to myself 'What is he talking about?' I decided to run a couple of magical scans on his body while he was sleeping and guess what?"

"Well I-" started Ditzy.

"He is under the influence of Poison Joke! That's not his real body at all!" Twilight continued, completely cutting her off. She held up a needle and syringe, "Now as soon I give this to him he is going to give himself the antidote and we will finally get to talk to Creature because he told me his real body has a mouth and ears!"

Uh-oh, thought Ditzy, glancing at Creature nervously, if he was able to get that kind of reaction from me yesterday with just paper, what is going to happen when he actually speaks...

Twilight held the syringe out to Creature who picked it up cautiously with his right hand. He brought it up to his eyes and inspected it for a few moments before carefully plunging it into his uninjured left foreleg. The ponies leaned forward slightly their attention focused completely upon Creature who had by now started to feel the potion take affect.

Creature started convulsing rapidly, bending a few of the metal bars of his cage when one of his limbs hit the metal at the right angle. After seeing this impressive show of strength all of the mares took a precautionary step backward, except for Twilight who stepped forward, her intelligence blinded by curiosity. Creatures skin started to take on a baggy look as his convulsions started to slow. His skin caught fire and began turning into smoke, obscuring him from view.

"Is that normal?" Ditzy asked Twilight, who had backed up to join the other mares.

"I don't know, all I know is that is the right antidote... Actually, he might be having an allergic reaction... I didn't think of that earlier... " said Twilight, as she stared off into the distance.

The sounds of Creature hitting the walls slowed down to a stop. Silence reigned as the mares awaited a reaction of some type.

"Ah think you did it Twi, you dun killed him," Applejack exclaimed quietly.

"But- but- but- but-" Twilight stuttered.

"Now lets not jump to any conclusions, darling. I'm sure he is perfectly alright and will introduce himself as soon as this awful smoke clears," said Rarity, while shooting an accusing glare at Applejack.

Ditzy was getting slightly nervous about Creatures lack of response so she called out towards the smoke, "Creature? Are you okay? Answer me please..."

Ditzy didn't have to wait long before her question was answered by a series of deep hacking coughs coming from inside the cage. Ditzy smiled as all of the mares let out a collective sigh of relief as the smoke dissipated, revealing Creature for the first time.

It was a bit hard to tell but it appeared that Creature had lost more than a tail length of height, it fact he hardly seemed to look much like he did before. Creature's hind legs seemed to end in some kind of heavy black boot, and his pants looked like a twenty-one year old foal had gone to town on them with a collection of green colors, although the finished effect was not unpleasing. His short sleeved shirt was a dark forest green shirt with black highlights all over it making the green look like it was slowly being eaten by the black, From what I can see of his foreleg his muscles are almost as big as they were before. The wound on his right foreleg was thankfully still bandaged regardless of the transformation, however, Ditzy noticed that part of his shirt was tied around the upper portion of his left foreleg, Did he get hurt there earlier?

Once again Creature's head was his most interesting feature, but this time it was because of his features, not his lack of them. He had a short black mane and scraggly beard that looked like it hadn't been touched in a while, his ears were small ovals that stuck out the side of his head and looked like they couldn't be used for much. His eyes had shrunk down to an unnaturally small size and were sitting slightly above a slightly crooked, short angular muzzle. His mouth was partially hidden by his beard and he kept it firmly closed so Ditzy was unable to see past his light pink lips.

Creature glanced down at himself and touched various portions of himself, seemingly reassured that his body wasn't going anywhere he finally looked up at the mares.

"So... where's my beer?" he asked in deep, hoarse voice.

Here, have some music that has absolutely no relation to the story! This is just one of he many songs I have in my "Story Writing Playlist." Enjoy.

Author's Note

Special thanks to everyone who liked/favorited this story, It has come a long way from the pathetic statistics it had originally.

Chapter 8.5: Night of Fashion

Chapter 8.5: Night of Fashion

After Being Smacked Painfully Against the Stairs, All of Them...

Applejack was being dragged out of the library towards Rarity's boutique. What have ah got myself into? she thought, as Rarity continued dragging her through the streets. "Rarity?" said Applejack, getting a little tired of being pulled around by magic.

"Yes, darling?" replied Rarity, not slowing.

"Yah know ahm the Element of Honesty an all, right?" said Applejack.

"How could I forget? But what does that have to do with anything even remotely relevant?"said Rarity, still dragging Applejack.

"Well, ya'll are yanking me around like a foal with a puppy, expecting me to go back on mah word or somethin'," said Applejack, still being dragged, "And mah legs work much faster than your magic."

"...Quite right, darling," said Rarity, relaxing her hold on Applejack.

"Thank ya, Rarity," Applejack said sarcastically, regaining her footing.

"Oh look, we are here already, that was fast," said Rarity, almost sprinting into the boutique.

For you maybe, because you wern't bein' dragged all the way here, thought Applejack, walking into the boutique. She was greeted with the sight of Rarity using her magic on just about every article of clothing or fabric in the workshop area.

"Do come in, darling, and stand right over here so we can get started," said Rarity, motioning to her small stage surrounded by mirrors.

"I'll be there in a minute," Applejack said, walking over to Rarity's hat rack. "Alright little guy, I know you're scared, 'cuz I am too," Applejack said, stroking Stetson, her hat.

"..." said Stetson.

"But I need you to stay here an' be safe, there's no tellin' what Rarity will do t' yah in this state," said Applejack.

"..." said Stetson.

"No, I don't know how long I'll be, ya just hafta be strong an' wait here," said Applejack, placing her hat on Rarity's hat rack.

"..." said Stetson.

"I promise I'll come back, you jus stay here and I'll come and get you after all of my dignity has been stripped away." said Applejack.

"..." said Stetson.

"Oh, Applllejaaaack...." Rarity called, from the whirlwind of clothing.

"..." said Stetson.

"I know she's really scary, but ah gave my word," Applejack said, petting her hat lovingly. She kissed the brim of her hat with tears in her eyes and whispered, "Wait for me," before turning around and walking toward the maelstrom of magnificence that is Rarity on fashion.

Hot damn, thought Stetson, Was it something I said?

Applejack walked onto Rarity's stage and was immediately shoved into a dress that could only be described as a large black bag covered in glitter.

"No, too baggy," Rarity muttered, "Baggy hasn't been in season for weeks now..."

Rarity pulled the huge dress off of Applejack and said, "Lets try this one on." She pulled a modest, blue gown that looked like it had been made from water and put it on Applejack. "No, no, no!" she said, seeming more than a little frustrated, "That just won't do."

"I don't think it looks bad, Rarity," said Applejack looking at herself in the mirror, "I even kinda like-"

"No," interrupted Rarity. "Its ugly, and do you know why?" she asked.

"Um... no?"

"Because, nopony else is wearing it," said Rarity, tossing the dress into some corner of the room.

Up next was a skimpy, purple spandex two piece, it was so snug that Applejack lost all feeling in her legs immediately after it was put on her.

"Ca... n't... bre...nee... air..." gasped out Applejack.

"Too sexy," muttered Rarity. "It makes you look like a walking pair of flanks..." she continued, tapping her hoof to her chin. "Or maybe its not sexy enough..."

"Hel... ple... air..." gasped Applejack, while turning blue on the face.

"I got it!" Rarity exclaimed, sliding the spandex off of Applejack with an audible *Pop.*

Applejack coughed and sputtered for a minute before she managed to get her breathing under control. Now how she managed to get that on me in the first place ah'll never know.

"Are you okay, darling?" Rarity asked, while glaring at the clothing floating around her, looking for an elusive item.

"Jus' peachy," she said sarcastically, wiping the spit from her lips.

"That's good," said Rarity, completely missing the sarcasm. "Ah, here it is!" she exclaimed.

"Rarity."

"Yes, Applejack?"

"That's a thong."

"Why yes, yes it is," said Rarity, floating the red, shiny, revealing garment closer. "Now just stand still..."

"I ain't wearin' no thong," said Applejack.

"But why?" Rarity whined. "Sexy is always in fashion!" she said, with a rather crazed look in her eyes.

"Ahm gonna be going now... so see y'all later," said Applejack, tuning around and starting to walk away slowly.

"Oh no you don't!" yelled Rarity. "You promised to model for me, and that's what you're going to do," said Rarity, as she wrapped her magic around Applejack's tail and started pulling her back to the stage.

"Somepony, anypony, help! Stetson, help me!" shouted Applejack, struggling futility against Rarity's magic.

"I'm going to make you so pretty, Applejack!" Rarity crackled. "Nopony will be able to withstand your beauty, and more importantly, I will make sure your look will be forever fashionable," Rarity's crazy laughter became a sultry purr by the end of her declaration.

"Help me Stet-mumph!" said Applejack, Rarity having tied a ribbon around her muzzle.

"Shhhhh...." said Rarity, levitating the thong closer. "You know I can't work with distractions," she whispered.

"Heelh," Applejack said through her nose. There goes my dignity, thought Applejack, as she felt Rarity slide the thong on.

"No! No! No!" Rarity screeched, ripping of the thong. "What was I thinking? Those won't be in style for months," she said, sounding depressed.

Applejack pulled the ribbon off her muzzle and said, "I need t' be gettin' home now, you know how it is. Havin' to wake up earliy for the farm an' all."

*Click* went the door, locking her in with Rarity.

"Oh, I don't think so... you're not going anywhere until I find a dress that always fashionable," purred Rarity, pulling out another dress.

"Horseapples," muttered Applejack, deciding that it wasn't worth breaking Rarity's door over, she turned around and subjected herself to another dissatisfying dress. At this rate ahm gonna be here till morning, Applejack thought, sincerely hoping it wouldn't take much longer but knowing that it would.

Sucks to be you! thought Stetson.

Author's Note

This chapter was inspired by PickleSurprise's comment.

Haha, seeing Rarity having a mental breakdown after hearing Fashion being talked down about to such a degree is awesome!:rainbowlaugh:

So blame him.
I couldn't get the idea out of my head and it helped with the Writers Block. PickleSuprise, this is, All. Your. Fault.

How do you fall asleep at night knowing that?

Chapter 9: Freedom

Chapter 9: Freedom

As Twilight Was Leaving Alex's Cell...

Rainbow Dash had her wing in a cast and it was standing straight up so it could heal properly. This is all Creature's fault, if he hadn't broken it in the first place then I wouldn't have hurt it again, she thought to herself, as she closed in on the library door and started knocking. As she was waiting for Twilight to answer the door she glanced back and thought, This is like having a permanent half-wingboner, so embarrassing. I should probably just walk around with both wings extended so other ponies won't think I'm "sexually impaired," curse you fur colored cast. She started knocking again, and heard movement behind the door, learning from her previous mistake she stopped knocking before Twilight opened the door.

"Good evening, Rainbow, what brings you here?" asked Twilight, after opening the door.

"Well, you know how I can't fly back up to my house, right?" said Dash.

"Yes, what does that have to do with why you're here?" Twilight asked.

"The doctor was impressed with you teleporting me from the library to the hospital and he said I could only leave the hospital if I slept here," she said. "Please, Twilight, you have to help me, I can't go back there," she asked with her best imitation of the Cutie Mark Crusader's pouty face.

Twilight sighed, "Of course you can stay here, Rainbow, just do one thing for me."

"What do you want me to do?" Dash asked warily.

"Never make that face again," said Twilight, stepping out of the way so Rainbow could walk into her house.

"Why? Because I'm too good at it?"

"Yes, actually. Your immaturity makes you quite good at it," said Twilight

"Ha! I knew it," said Dash, walking into the library. "...Hey, wait a second..."

"I'll be right back, wait there," said Twilight, quickly changing the subject by running upstairs. Twilight returned a moment later with a blanket and some pillows.

"Hey, Twilight," Dash said, looking around the library, "where is Spike? I haven't seen him in a while."

"He went into the Everfree Forest looking for gems a couple of days before we found Alexander," replied Twilight. "Actually... he was supposed to return today..." she muttered.

"Wait, wait, wait, back up. What's an Alexander?" asked Dash.

"Alexander is a who not a what. Do you remember Creature?" said Twilight, setting down the pillows on the floor and spreading out the blanket.

"It would be hard not too," said Dash, awkwardly gesturing to her broken wing with her hoof.

"Oh, right, but anyways, it turns out that Creature was actually a hyumen named Alexander under the influence of Poison Joke," said Twilight, looking impressed with herself for figuring it out.

"Where is it now?" asked Dash.

"Alexander is a he, not an it, and he is downstairs in my basement for now," said Twilight.

"I'm gonna break his face for breaking my wing," said Dash, marching for the basement door. However, before she got very far she started floating towards her temporary bed for the night.

"No, Dash. Bad. Alexander is sleeping now and you should be too, you need plenty of rest so your wing will heal faster," said Twilight, depositing Dash on the bed with her magic.

"But Twiiiliiight," Dash whined, "I wanna to punch him nooow.

"You can punch him tomorrow after he answers some questions, it will be interesting to see how he reacts to pain," said Twilight, turning off the lights and walking up to her bedroom.

Good, I'll teach him not to touch my wings again, thought Dash laying down on her stomach and placing her cheek on her pillow. She got as comfortable as she could before drifting off into a dreamless sleep...

*Click*

*Thump*

*Squeak*

"Whawazat?" Dash mumbled, the noises waking her slightly. She lifted her head from the puddle of drool it had been sitting in and looked towards the basement door blearily. Dash suddenly became fully awake as she saw what she assumed to be Alexander crawling out of the basement door. Alexander saw Dash looking at him and held a claw up to his lips. Wait, lips? That's new. Dash took a in huge breath of air, intending to call Twilight, who was a light sleeper, but never got the chance.

Alexander leaped forward and grabbed Dash's mane and pulled her head down into the pillow. Dash's eyes began to water because of the force being applied to her mane. It can't end like this, I'm Rainbow Dash, the coolest and most awesomest pegasus in Equestria. I'm supposed to die on some epic quest fighting some huge beast to give my friends time to escape, not suffocating in my own drool, thought Dash, as she struggled against Alexander's grip, only succeeding in making her head hurt more.

"Shhhhh, its okay, Rainbow," said Alexander calmingly, as he started running his other paw from her shoulders down her back to her hips. "The more you struggle the more it will hurt and neither of us want that," he said, repeating the motion.

Easy for you to say, you're not getting suffocated, and how does he know my name anyway? thought Dash, as she continued struggling.

"Just relax, Rainbow, and by morning you'll wake up and I'll have what I want," said Alexander, as he continued rubbing her back.

And what is it that you want? thought Dash, her movements slowing because she was running out of air.

"I promise I'm going to be as gentle as possible," he said, resting his paw on her hips and making small circular motions on her cutie mark with one of his claws, "but you might walk a little funny in the morning until-"

Dear Celestia, he's going to rape me, was Dash's last thought before she passed out.

Have another completely non-relevant song!

Well kind of relevant, I guess, song has lullaby in the name, Dash "fell asleep."

Author's Note

Sorry for the short chapter, but the cliffhanger opportunity was too good to pass up XD
Please don't hate me...
<><><>
But seriously, no one picked up on the U.S.G. Ishimura hint? Really? *Sniff* I feel so alone...

Chapter 10: Missing

Chapter 10: Missing

Several Hours Later, Morning...

Rainbow Dash slowly regained consciousness and was greeted with a massive headache, leg ache, back ache, wing ache, and a rather particular soreness. What happened last night? she thought, opening her eyes not even bothering to try and move yet. Blinking sleepily she thought to herself, Last night I... Hmmmm... Yesterday afternoon... I was at the hospital... He... said... Yes! he told me I could leave but... Right, he said I had to go to Twilight's house so if there was an emergency she could teleport me to the hospital... I walked to the library... Twilight invited me in... She got me some bed stuff... Then I went to sleep... then... Creature! No, wait, what did Twilight say...? Alexander! "Aluhesendr," she said with malice, or at least tried to. Why is there a rag in my mouth? she thought, trying to spit out the rag. Failing to do so she realized something, ...I remember a dream about Alexander... On second thought I don't think that was a dream... She suddenly began remembering some details of the "dream." "Twuhhit!" she yelled through the gag, as she got to her hooves. Dash promptly fell over thanks to braided pieces of her blanket tied around her legs. The ropes were tied around her fore hooves and hind hooves, hindering her movement and making it impossible to walk normally.

"Twuhhit!" she tried again hobbling toward the stairs to Twilight's room.

"I love it when you talk technical, " Twilight gigged quietly.

Say what? thought Dash, falling down again.

"You can put your test tube in my incubator any time," said Twilight, somehow managing to sound seductive while sleeping.

"Twuhhit!" she yelled, louder this time. What the hay is she talking about?

"Oh yes," she moaned, "tell me again how big it can expand when it gets hot..."

"Tuh-hgt!" she tried, That just sounds creepy.

"It's so big, I bet I could get plenty of samples out of it..." she moaned breathlessly.

Dash sighed in defeat and smacked her head on the floor. I guess I'll just have to wait until she finishes her perverted nerdy sex dream, and have to listen to every second of it. Celestia, why me?

"Ohhhh," moaned Twilight, "I should really taste your samples to make- Wha?- Who said that?" said Twilight, apparently hearing Dash's head hit the floor.

"Twuhhit! Drn heer!" she called with renewed vigor.

Dash saw a disheveled looking Twilight appear at the top of the stairs. "What happened!" she screeched, teleporting next to Dash, deciding the stairs were too slow.

Dash gave Twilight a cross looking stare, waiting for her to realize she couldn't respond with the gag in her mouth.

"Oh, right." she said sheepishly, as she undid the knots holding Dash's gag in place. "So, what happened?" she demanded.

Dash spit out the rag and glared at Twilight, "A little help with my hooves," she said, Honestly, do I have to spell it out for you?

Dash was suddenly thrown in the air as Twilight ripped of the ropes around her hooves and dumped her unceremoniously on the ground. Dash's legs were unprepared for the sudden usage and she face planted in front of Twilight. "Twilight! Not cool," she groaned as she got to her hooves.

"What. Happened. To. You." said Twilight, grabbing Dash's shoulders with her hooves and staring into her eyes.

"It was Alexander, he... he..." as Dash started saying the sentence, the full implications of what had happened finally took effect. "He- he- rap- used me," she sobbed out, tears leaking down her face.

Twilight's face softened and she pulled Rainbow into a hug, "Shhhhh... It's okay Rainbow."

"No it's not," sobbed Dash, as she felt a tingle run through her body.

"No really, it's okay," said Twilight, in an entirely different tone of voice, "You're completely fine, aside from the broken wing."

"What are you talking about?" Dash choked out, "It's not okay, I just got rap-"

"No you didn't, Rainbow, Alexander never laid a hoof on you," Twilight interjected, "I just magically scanned you and the results show you haven't had sex in the past twenty-four hours."

"So why am I sore?" asked Dash.

"According to the books I've read, that comes from not being able to move while tied up," Twilight replied with confidence.

"Oh..." said Rainbow, finally calmed down enough to stop crying. "Twilight?" Dash asked.

"Yes?"

"What does the spell do exactly?" Dash asked, wiping the tears from her face.

"It's a really cool spell I invented," said Twilight excitedly, "but for your sake I'll simplify the explanation. In essence, the spell tells me when somepony had sex and with who, within twenty-four hours.

"Why did you invent a spell to do that?" asked Dash, her innocent voice betrayed by the hard look in her eyes.

"Uhhhhhhhhh... A mare has to have her hobbies, right?" said Twilight, awkwardly rubbing her hoof behind her head.

"That's just sick."

"Its not like I tell anyone what I know," said Twilight, chuckling nervously, "That could be bad..."

"How many ponies have you used it on?" Dash asked with anger in her voice.

"Everypony, everyday, for almost a year now..." said Twilight, not looking Rainbow in the eye.

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...Well I'm going to take a shower now, and if I ever feel you use that spell on me again I'm gonna tell the entire town what you've been doing," said Dash, walking up the stairs.

Twilight's eyes widened. "You have my word, never again," she said, shivering slightly.

"And send a letter to our friends so we can round up a search party," said Dash, reaching the top of the stairs

"Consider it done, I'll give the letters to Ditzy for special delivery and tell her to join us in the forest after work. Oh, and I'll take a shower when you're done so I can freshen up before we go looking for Alexander, so make sure you don't trash the bathroom too much," said Twilight, as she started writing the letters.

"Yeah, I'll bet you need to clean yourself after that dream," muttered Dash, once she was out of earshot.

Dash and Twilight finished their showers and were sitting down in Twilight's kitchen waiting for everypony to arrive.

"Ummmmmmm, Dash?" asked Twilight hesitantly.

"Mumph?" said Dash, through a mouthful of hay sandwich.

"You won't tell any of our friends about my... hobby... will you?"

Rainbow swallowed her food before replying, "Only if you promise not to tell them about my 'reaction' this morning."

"Deal," they said simultaneously.

*Knock* *Knock*

"Spike!" shouted Twilight. "Can you... be here so you can open the door..." she finished, substantially quieter.

Rainbow sighed, "I'll get it." Dash walked over to the door and opened it, and was met with an unusual sight. What in the hay is going on here? I see Applejack in a pink, fur-tight, silk dress, Rarity with noticeable bags under her eyes chanting "Pretty Applejack," a depressed Pinkie Pie, and Fluttershy looks like she hasn't eaten anything in days. "Welcome everypony, come on in," is what she actually said, deciding nopony would appreciate her calling them imposters.

Twilight walked out the door and said, "Don't even bother coming inside, we are leaving now anyways so-"

Pinkie Pie went from depressed to crazed in a second and pounced on Twilight yelling, " Where is he?! Were is the new pony?!"

Twilight levitated Pinkie of off her saying, "We are going to find him today in the Everfree Forest, so the sooner we get moving the sooner you meet him."

*Poof* Went Pinkie's hair, returning itself, along with Pinkie, back to normal. "Yay!" she yelled, bouncing around on the outside wall of the library.

Wait, what? All of the mares stared open mouthed at the gravity defying abnormality. Twilight was the first to recover and shut the door to the library.

"Alright, everypony, lets find Alexander!" said Twilight, leading the way into the Everfree Forest.

"Help me," whispered Applejack, stumbling after Twilight, still not used to the constricting dress.

"Fashion is beautiful!" crackled Rarity, apparently not quite right in the head after being awake for Celestia knows how many hours.

"New pony!" screeched Pinkie Pie, as she tied Fluttershy's tail to her one wheeled bicycle and started pedaling away.

"..." said Fluttershy as she was being dragged backwards behind Pinkie.

Rainbow facehooved before following after her friends. I wish Ditzy was here, because then I would actually have somepony sane to talk to.

Author's Note

It appears I have come down with the terminal illness that is Writer's Block. Why is it terminal you ask? Because next chapter will probably be featuring Ditzy and Alex, I just can't write it right now. And because I just said that instead of keeping it to myself will make some of my readers very... "eager" for the next chapter.

Chapter 11: Escape

Chapter 11: Escape

Late Evening/Early Morning...

"-but you might walk a little funny in the morning until you get someone to untie your legs." Alex felt the fight ebb out of Rainbow Dash as he held her face into the pillow. I was really hoping that she wouldn't struggle, but then again I can't really blame her, I know I would have, thought Alex, as he cut strips of Rainbow's blanket into makeshift ropes with his knife. He tied her front legs and hind legs together before he finished by buy putting a gag in her mouth.

I just suffocated a mythological creature with a pillow and tied her up with a blanket... Alex suddenly realized the absurdity of his situation and had an almost overwhelming urge to plunge his knife into his neck and just end it. Get a grip, Alex, there's still a chance you can get home, right? he thought, folding up his knife and sliding it back into his pocket. He looked over at the unconscious mare and put his hand in front of her muzzle to make sure she was breathing. After feeling the air rush past his fingers a couple of times he was satisfied that she would be fine.

Alex turned his attention to the wall of books behind Rainbow Dash. Jeez, it must suck to be a kid here, Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, and worst of all Ditzy Doo. Can't these parents think of any actual names? And what's next, Pinkie Pie? That would just be sad.

Pinkie Pie shivered in her sleep and pulled her covers up to her chin. "I heard that, new pony," Pinkie murmured quietly. "You can't hide forever..."

Alex kept looking at the wall of books, hoping to find one to suit his needs. No, no, no, ew, no, definitely no. Ah, here they are. Alex found what he was looking for and pulled out a slim book by the name of, 'Ponyville: Maps and Other Assorted Information' and a slightly thicker one 'Know Your Plants: A Guide .' "Perfect," he said, tucking the books in his leg pocket.

After checking once again to make sure Rainbow was sleeping peacefully he decided it was time to leave. Alex slowly opened the door and peered out into the dark town. Seeing that no one was awake at this early hour, he eased himself out the door and walked into the night.

He found a small alley that had some easily readable street signs next to it, courtesy of a dimly glowing lantern. Alex pulled the book out of his pocket and opened it to a map, but not an ordinary one. You are here? Really? Like that's not a scam. To his surprise the small arrow was indeed exactly where he was, the street signs confirmed it. Out of curiosity he tried spinning in a circle and the arrow did the same. Alex inspected both sides of the page closely, Well what do you know... he thought, determining it was indeed a normal piece of paper. What was I thinking, he thought, face palming, This is the World of Flying Horses, Unicorns, and Ass Tattoos, logic need not apply. "Better get going before everything starts waking up," he muttered, following the arrow to the dark green blob marked 'Everfree Forest.'

Alex reached the edge of the forest by morning, the pre-dawn light slowly lighting up the sky. Ahhh, good to see you my old enemy. he thought, returning to the one place he had been trying to escape from for most of whenever he was in there. The days are all starting to blend together now... That reminds me, he thought, reaching down and picking up a small stick, roughly four inches long. He pulled out the blade on his multi-tool and cut a small notch in the side of the stick muttering, "Day one."

He placed both the tool and the stick in his pocket before looking at his magic map again. "Let's see here... Sweet Apple Acres? Sounds promising," he said, while setting off in the direction of the orchard.

Alex didn't want to venture too far into the forest in the fear of getting lost again. Not that there's much chance of that, unless I go off the boundary of the map. Alex decided to go into the forest just far enough so that he couldn't see the town, hoping that nothing would happen to stumble into him by walking into the forest. After looking at the map, he determined that there would have to to be some sneaking involved if he wanted to get any apples, seeing as the forest didn't come all the way up to the edge of the orchard.

All right, then, he thought, nearing the edge of the forest, Time to... "What the heck?" Alex looked down from his map to see a long, thin, blue snake with a green hexagon pattern on its back latched onto his shin, directly above his boot. Reacting quickly, he closed the book he was holding and smashed the binding into the snakes skull, killing it instantly but driving its fangs in a little deeper into his skin. Alex carefully extracted the fangs from his leg noticing the poison that dripped from them. He slowly sat down on the ground and buried his head in hands, his mind shutting down, unable to deal with the craziness of late. I'm running away from four foot tall multicolored horses with freaking tattoos on their butts. And what's up with this snake? Were they all out of pink with hearts on it? He just chuckled lowly and softly for a few moments trying and failing to wrap his mind around things it was refusing to understand.

Alex died. But not in the way most people think of death. Alex mentally retreated into the depths of his mind to do some heavy thinking, and let Alexander the Great, or Alex Two for short, take control for a while. Alex Two was almost a different person from Alex, hence the name.

Alex Two was an adrenalin fueled beast bent on survival that would do almost anything to insure that Alex survived, including not thinking about the horses that were probably chasing him. Alex Two had only reared his head in two situations, this being the third. The first one was when... Alex didn't think about much, and the second one was when Alex was out hiking with his buddy. A sudden rock slide had trapped his friend's arm in large boulders, destroying it completely, and knocking him unconscious. Alex Two awoke and had amputated his friends arm, then slung him over his shoulders, and carried him ten miles down the side of the mountain to the nearest hospital.

Alex Two stood up slowly and cracked his knuckles, "Time's ticking, no time for resting," he muttered. He picked up the dead snake and made a makeshift tourniquet out of it by tying it snugly around his shin. He wiped the snake's blood off of his book and opened it up to the map. He found what he was looking for, a small rectangle marked 'Ponyville Hospital.' "Target acquired," he said, ignoring the already extremely painful burning sensation radiating from the bite.

While Alex Two was determined, he wasn't crazy. He knew that venturing into town in broad daylight could pose some... interesting problems. Instead he set his sights on a run down looking house sitting on the outskirts of town. As he limped closer he could tell that it had been neglected for years. The roof was in a sorry state, paint was peeling everywhere, and the small deck had several loose boards. Perfect, he thought, the burning in his leg fueling his desire to get to the house.

Fortunately, the presumed back door was unlocked. Finally, something that went right for once, he thought, stepping inside. Inside was cleaner but not much better shape than the outside of the house. The back door opened up into a small kitchen, however, there wasn't much in the way of anything in the kitchen. There was just a single counter that had a couple of cabinets below it, a oven/stove combo at one side of the counter and a small pantry on the other side. The one doorway out of the kitchen led to an even smaller dinning room that only had a table with four chairs in it. Walking into the final room of the lower floor he found the living room. Inside the living room was a matching floral patterned chair and small sofa with a short bookcase in between them. On one side of the rectangular room sat the front door and to the other side sat a staircase.

This house is definitely abandoned, he thought, noticing the prevalent state of neglect and rather impressive lack of personal items. I don't really need to go up stairs, he thought, laying down on the couch with most of his legs sticking over the side of it. If I go up those stairs I'm just going to find more of the same, he thought, while getting comfortable. Here's hoping I wake up tonight, he thought, attempting and failing to suppress the unbearable agony burning in his veins. I only have about ten more hours until I can break into the hospital, great, he thought, closing his eyes and falling into a uneasy sleep.

Here, have some awesomeness that I recently found and somehow manage to write to.

There is a lyric version and two other slight variations, one for the Marine Corps and one for the Navy if you're interested.

Author's Note

Oh man, I managed to overcome my Writer's Block and you get some character development and some back story of Alex in the process. Sounds like a win/win to me.

Chapter 12: Homecoming

Chapter 12: Homecoming

The Same Day, Late Afternoon

Ditzy was heading to the Post Office to make yet another special delivery. Special deliveries really make my wings tired, she thought, returning for her last package she had to deliver for the day. She walked through the doorway and over to Merry Sunshine, her mail sorter and the only pony she would call her friend in the whole town. Merry Sunshine was, ironically, a black pegasus with a light blue, almost white mane and dark blue eyes.

"Hey, Merry, how's it going?" asked Ditzy, arriving at her desk.

"Not good, ponies are getting worse and worse at mouth writing," Merry replied, peering over the rims of her thin reading glasses.

"I think that's just your eyesight," Ditzy said cheerfully.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Did you actually need something?" said Merry, pretending to be insulted.

"Yup. You got that last package for me yet?" asked Ditzy.

"Right here," said Merry, pointing to a large box on her desk.

"Wow this is heavy, what's in here?" Ditzy groaned, picking up the package.

Merry gave her a look that clearly said, 'You expect me to know that? Really?'

"Fine, I'm leaving..." sighed Ditzy.

"Oh, before I forget. Do you want to get together for dinner tomorrow?" asked Merry.

"Hold on, let me check," said Ditzy, pretending to think about the offer. "Sure, tomorrow's one of my days off so just come over when you're done with work," replied Ditzy.

"Awesome!" exclaimed Merry quietly. "See you tomorrow night," she said returning to her work.

"See you later," Ditzy called out over her shoulder, heading back out of the Post Office.

Once outside Ditzy read the address on the package before attaching the straps hanging from her mailbags to the conveniently placed holes in each of the corners of the box. Ditzy struggled into the air, her already tired wings barely able to lift her and the package. At least the address isn't too far away, she thought, grunting under the weight of the package.

After clawing her way through the air for a few minutes she saw the house she was looking for and slowly glided down to the front step of said house. Ditzy unhooked herself from the package and landed beside it, breathing heavily. Last package, then I can go home, she thought, knocking on the door. She looked down as she heard hoof steps on the other side of the door. She heard the door open and read the name on the address out loud, "Package for Mr. Midnight Growth."

"Yes, that's me," came a familiar voice.

Oh no, thought Ditzy, looking up and seeing none other than Bane.

"Good evening, Ditzy," he said, grinning like his birthday had come early.

Ditzy reached into her bag and pulled out a small clipboard. "Pleesh sine heer, shir," she said, holding out the form and motioning to the dotted line with her hoof. Alright, lets just get this over with, she thought, hoping he wouldn't make it difficult for her.

"Oh I couldn't possible do that," he said, grinning evilly.

"An why ish tha shir?" she asked, still holding out the clipboard.

"Because you're holding it, I don't want to have to get that close to you," he said, with a hard look in his grass green eyes.

Ditzy could feel the tears in her eyes but she was determined not to cry in front of him, she gently set down the clipboard and took a few steps backward, "Is that better?" she asked.

"Acceptable," said Midnight, before writing his signature on the form. He picked up the clipboard and threw it at her hooves, "Oops, my bad, could you get that for me?" he said, opening the box.

Ditzy bent down and picked up the clipboard, dusted it off and put it in her mailbags. She saw Midnight pull a large rock out of the box and set it down next to him. All that work, for a rock? she thought, staring at the small boulder in shock.

Midnight saw her staring at the rock and said, "Oh, this? This is a rock I found in my backyard, and all I did was take it down to the Post Office and ask for it to be delivered by my favorite mailmare. I hope you didn't mine the extra effort."

"You..." Ditzy started angrily, before turning around and jumping into the air. However her wings had other ideas and had stiffened up after the strenuous flight. Ditzy wasn't even able to get one flap of her wings in before she face planted into the ground, sending bits of gravel flying everywhere.

"Good show, good show!" laughed Midnight, wiping tears of mirth from his eyes.

I guess I'm walking home from here, thought Ditzy, wiping tears from her eyes, however, she was unsure if they were caused by the physical or mental pain. Ditzy straightened her hat and slowly walked away hardly even noticing the blood dripping from several small cuts on her face, as Midnight's harsh laughter followed her until she was out of sight.

I have never been anything but nice to him, and this is what I get? I don't understand it, she thought, wiping at her muzzle. And what's just as bad as him is the fact that nopony has even asked if I was okay, she thought, as another pony walked past her without a second glance. She walked through town with her eyes downcast, I just hate that Bane can get to me like this, she thought, spying her house in the distance with her good eye.

She arrived at her house and sighed at the state of disrepair that she had let to get too. Not long now, she thought, remembering the small sack of bits she was saving for home renovations. Now I just have to find the time to be able to work on it, she thought, walking into her house. Muffin first, everything else, secondary, she thought tossing her mailbags and hat onto the living room floor. Without a backward glance she walked into her kitchen and immediately opened her muffin pantry and retrieved an emergency muffin, chocolate, chocolate chip.

That's just what I needed, she thought, savoring the delicious flavor of the muffin. She walked out of the kitchen and into the living room. Whaaaa...? she thought, opening her mouth wide enough that the bite of her precious muffin fell onto the floor. "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" she screamed at the top of her lungs. The object of her 'discomfort' was non other than Alexander sleeping on her sofa.

To her surprise Alexander didn't even budge, he just lay there, not moving. Ditzy took a few tentative steps closer and noticed that he didn't look so good. His skin had taken on a pale color and looked wet, and he had a snake tied around his left hind leg. Why does he have a snake tied around his leg? she thought, slowly walking closer.

Suddenly Alexander's eyes snapped open, "Who's there?" he said, looking over at her.

Uh-oh, she thought, seeing the rather large knife that he was pointing in her direction.

Chapter 13: Homecoming Part 2

Chapter 13: Homecoming Part 2

One Second Later...

"Well?" asked Alexander, looking over at her, or more specifically, over her head.

"It's me, Ditzy, don't you recognize me?" she said, taking a precautionary step backward.

He seemed to relax slightly after hearing her name but he still kept the knife pointed in her direction. "What are you doing here?" he asked, "Going to bring me back to my cell?"

"Well actually, I live here. So I could ask you the same thing," said Ditzy, noticing the way his eyes never seemed to focus on her face. That's funny, he always looked me in the eye before, well, except for when he was staring at my rump.

"You live here?" he asked, seeming slightly surprised. "You seem to have really let the place go."

Ditzy decided to try something and instead of answering, just nodded silently and side stepped a hoof to her left. Alexander's eyes didn't follow her as she moved, leading her one conclusion.

I should put this as delicately as possible. "Are you blind?" she asked. That could have come out better...

Alexander quickly shifted his eyes and knife to point at her again. "Whatever gave you that idea?" he asked.

She tapped the side of her head and said, "From one visually impaired to another, it's easy to tell."

"I'm fine," he said curtly.

"Are you sure? You don't look so good," Ditzy said, stepping a bit closer.

"I'm fine," he said, the knife shaking in his hand.

"Then why haven't you left yet?" she asked.

"Because It's comfortable here," he said, wiping the sweat from his brow.

"Can you even stand?" she asked, stepping closer to his hind leg noticing the wet looking spot on his pant leg below the snake.

"What are you talking about?" he said defensively.

"You haven't even moved the entire time we have been talking, and your pant leg is a brownish color," said Ditzy, stopping just out of knife range. I hope...

He chuckled quietly for a few minutes before responding, "You're very observant, you know that?"

"So, are you going to let me help you, or not?" she asked.

"And why would you help the 'evil monster' that has done nothing but damage things and mercilessly tease you?" he asked suspiciously.

"Because you're in my house, and everypony else who would help you is looking for you in the Everfree," she responded. I just remembered that Twilight wanted me to join her and her friends in the forest to look for Alexander, and it looks like that's not going to happen... Oops. "So can you please put the knife away? I'm not going to hurt you," she said soothingly.

"The knife stays, but you can take a look at my leg," said Alexander, placing the blade across his chest instead of pointing it at her.

Ditzy walked closer to his left hind leg, literally keeping an eye on the knife. She gently peeled back his pant leg to expose his leg and almost vomited at the sight of it.

"What happened?" she choked out.

"I got bit by this snake," he said, motioning to the snake tied around his leg. "So, how does it look, doc? Because it feels like it is on fire," he said, his smile looking more like a grimace than a smile.

"I... I'm not a doctor -or a hyuman specialist- but that doesn't look healthy..." she said, regretting her decision to help him.

"Describe it to me," he commanded.

"I don't know if I can..." she said, horrified at how disfigured his leg was.

"I can tell you how to treat it if you describe it to me. So describe it," he said forcefully.

"I... I'll try," said Ditzy, steeling herself. It's bad enough looking at it, but describing it will be even worse. "Well, here it goes... All of the skin around the bite for about three inches is... not there anymore, and your muscle is showing and twitching and bleeding blood everywhere, blood bleeding blood everywhe -murmph-" Ditzy ran out of the room clutching her muzzle in one hoof. She made it into kitchen just in time to throw up into the sink.

"Are you okay in there?" Alexander called out over the sound of her retching.

Ditzy rinsed the taste of vomit out if her mouth with water before responding. "I... I... think so," she said, shuddering with revulsion. She walked back into her living room to find that Alexander had still not moved. "I'm back," she said, not looking at the blood everywhere all over his leg and the floor and - No! Stop thinking about it you'll only make it worse.

"Better?" he asked.

"No," she replied truthfully.

He gave a short laugh and asked, "Then how is it when you bandaged my arm up earlier you didn't react like that?"

"That was a lot different, there was hardly anything to see because your fur covered it. But this... is... I don't even know. How aren't you crying, or something?"

He smiled grimly and said, "That is a very good question, isn't it? I'll need you to get a few items for me, can you do that?"

"I think so, what do you need me to get for you?" she asked.

"Are there any other complications that you didn't get to tell me before you lost your lunch?" he asked, seeming deep in thought.

"Nope, that's it," she said, closing her roving left eye that had ended up looking at Alexander's leg.

"In that case I'll need some: warm water, alcohol, a sterile cloth bigger than the hole in my skin, and a strip of cloth long enough to tie around my shin," he said, resting the back of his head against the foreleg rest of the couch.

"Got it," said Ditzy, running upstairs to her bathroom. Water, alcohol, bandage, cloth. Water, alcohol, bandage, cloth. She got a small bucket and filled it up with water from the tub faucet while she collected the other items. She had to make two trips but she got all of the requested items to her living room. "Done. What's next? she asked. I really hope I don't have to get close to his leg again...

"Now I need you to stand next to my leg and gently pour the water onto my leg, but not the wound."

Ponyfeathers. "Like this?" she asked, doing as instructed while looking at his injury as little as possible.

"Perfect," he said, wincing.

"Alright, now what?" she said, emptying the bucket and creating a huge bloody mess on the carpet.

"Now pour the alcohol directly on the wound," he said.

"How much?" she asked.

"All of it," he said without hesitation.

Dear Celestia he can't be serious. "Are you crazy!?" she exclaimed.

"Do it, or I will." he commanded.

Ditzy closed her eyes and slowly drenched Alexander's leg in the burning liquid. She could hear him groaning and hissing in pain but he didn't tell her to stop so she kept going until she could feel that the bottle was empty. "Now what?" she asked, her voice shaking.

"Put on the bandage," he grunted, still appearing to be in extreme pain.

"I couldn't find a bandage that big. Will this clean towel do?" she asked.

"Yes, yes, that's fine, just put it on and tie it tightly," he said, wincing as she tied the makeshift bandage down with one of her winter scarves.

"Good," he said, starting to sound groggy, "And now I need any extra blankets you have, otherwise I could go into shock from the blood loss and die anyway."

"After all that work?" she asked, incredulously.

"Yes. Now please, the blankets."

"Oh, right," she said running upstairs to her bedroom. She grabbed all the blankets from her bed and ran back downstairs. Extra blankets? Yeah, right. I wish.

She ran back down stairs and spread the blankets over Alexander. "Anything else?" she asked, sincerely hoping not. I didn't sign up for this! I thought he had a scratch or more Poison Joke or something not... this.

"Yes, I need you to talk to me for as long as possible before I fall asleep."

Wait what? "What do you need me to do?" Ditzy asked, more than mildly confused over the sudden shift from near surgery to conversation.

"Just keep talking with me. The longer I stay awake the better chance I have of waking up in the morning. But once I fall asleep you probably won't be able to wake me up, so either I'll wake up or be dead in the morning," he stated.

She shivered at the cold and emotionless tone before responding, "Okay then... Ummmmmm... I can see the snake is what caused your leg to get like that... But, how did you go blind?"

"It has to be from the snake, there is no other explanation. Apparently it has a highly acidic, blinding venom. My guess is that this snake of absurd colors would probably be a very effective hunter of large beasts," he said adjusting his blankets. "I gave up trying to explain how it happened before I started."

"Are you a doctor? Because you seem really smart." she asked.

He gave a grim smile before responding, "No, not a doctor. I'm just skilled in keeping myself alive," he said weakly. "And in order to do that, one has to know the body intimately," he said, with a suggestive wink aimed over her right shoulder.

"Why do you keep teasing me like that? Its not funny," said Ditzy, blushing slightly and stamping her hoof on the floor to accentuate her sentence.

"I just can't resist, your blush is just," -he yawned widely- "so freaking... adorable... I don't even have to see you to know you're blushing... And on the contrary, I find it quite funny..." Alexander closed his eyes and laid his head back. "Oh, by the way, Alex says thank you..."

Huh? That's not an answer. And who is this Alex? "Hello? Hello? Alexander?" I guess he fell asleep. I hope he was awake long enough to wake up in the morning, she thought, walking wearily up to her room and collapsing on her bed. It would be terrible if he didn't make... No! I won't think like that, he will wake up in the morning. She pulled her pillow out of its case and set it on the bed next to her. She then crawled into her pillowcase and curled up in a small bundle and started shivering from the horrors she had committed to Alexander's leg. "First Bane, and then Alexander. Why can't I just have normal days," she choked out, before crying herself to sleep.

Author's Note

I don't know about anyone else but I find the thought of Ditzy using a pillowcase as a sleeping bag really, really cute. Do you know if there is a picture of it somewhere out there?

Chapter 14: Searching

Chapter 14: Searching

The Same Day, Evening...

Rainbow Dash and her friends were wandering in the Everfree Forest, still. Ugh, this is so boring, I can't take it much longer. I could be doing important things like napping right now, instead of walking around on my aching hooves. Stupid Alexander just had to go and escape, didn't he.

"We'll look around for another hour or two, then we will make camp for the night," said Twilight, from in front of Dash.

She didn't just say what I thought she said, did she? No she couldn't have. "So we aren't even going to sleep inside tonight?" asked Dash.

"Of course we aren't. We still have all of tomorrow to spend walking back through the Everfree, even if we turned back now we wouldn't get home until midnight," said Twilight.

"Cheer up, Dash, it's not that bad," said Applejack, who had 'accidentally' tore her dress to shreds at some point, and it was now lying somewhere behind them. Several somewheres in fact.

Rarity had long since fallen asleep on Applejack's back and was snoring softly. I bet that when she wakes up she will be a little bit irritated at the loss of her dress, but more sane than this morning.

"See?" said Pinkie. "Even Rarity agrees we should have a sleepover in the forest."

"I wouldn't mind staying here tonight, I mean, if that's okay with you..." whispered Fluttershy. She was surrounded by dozens of small animals who seemed to know she was feeling depressed and had been trying to comfort her.

"But, where will we sleep? Nopony even brought pillows," Dash asked, slightly nervous about sleeping in the Everfree. Not that I would tell anypony.

"I've got that covered," said Twilight, smirking mischievously.

"Oh, oh, I've got this covered!" said Pinkie, leaping on top of a small stick.

"Ah don't think that's quite what she meant, sugar-," said Applejack.

"No, that's exactly what she meant," said Dash, cutting her off.

"Weeeee!" screamed Pinkie, jumping from object to object, saying "I've got this covered," every time she landed.

"Ummmmmm, girls?" whispered Fluttershy.

"Do you even know where we are going, Twilight?" asked Dash.

"Girls?" Fluttershy tried again, while looking up.

"Well, I was trying a spell I invented, but it seems I didn't study Alexander's genetic structure long enough to be able to track him. The spell just keeps going haywire, at one point it even told me he was in Ponyville."

"I think that-" said Fluttershy a little bit louder.

"So you mean to tell me that we are just walking around in the forest, without any idea where he went?" asked Dash.

"Well, yes. Do you have a better idea?" asked Twilight.

"Hey girls!" yelled Applejack.

"Huh?" said Twilight, Rainbow, and Pinkie in unison.

"Where is Fluttershy?" asked Applejack.

"Where did she go? She was right there not three seconds ago," said a mystified Twilight.

"She couldn't have gone far," said Dash, looking around. "Fluttershy! Where are you?!" she yelled.

"I'm right here," said a quiet voice from above them.

They all looked up to see Fluttershy slowly gliding down from the treetops with something in her hooves.

"I've got you covered," yelled Pinkie, intercepting Fluttershy in midair, and causing them both to crash into the ground. "That was fun!" she giggled, getting off of Fluttershy.

"Are you okay, sugar cube?" asked Applejack, somehow managing to lift her to her hooves while not disturbing Rarity.

Fluttershy opened her mouth and said, "Took you long enough to hear me," in a scratchy male voice.

What? Dash looked down, and standing next to Fluttershy's forelegs was Spike. Oh...

"Spike!" shouted Twilight, bowling Fluttershy out of the way in order to hug Spike. "I've missed you so much! No more going into the Everfree for you, young dragon."

"But, Twilight," whined Spike.

"No, Spike, I don't even know how you convinced me to let you come in here by yourself," said Twilight, placing Spike on her back. "But you are never coming back in here."

"Fine," groaned Spike. "It wasn't much fun anyways and I hardly found any gems..."

"Now go to sleep, you look tired. Tomorrow you can tell me exactly how you managed to get stuck that high in a tree," said Twilight sternly.

"Yes, Twilight," he mumbled, before falling asleep.

"Angel! You're alive!" came a sudden ear shattering screech.

Ow, my ears, thought Dash while she rubbed her ear with her hoof to try and make the ringing go away. The others were in similar states of pain, excluding Spike, who was still sleeping peacefully. The yell had even been loud enough to wake up Rarity from her 'beauty sleep.'

"Huh? What? Fashion?" mumbled Rarity.

"I'm so glad you're alive!" continued the voice.

Wait a second... Fluttershy? "What is it Fluttershy?" Dash asked, talking to Fluttershy's back a short distance away.

"I found Angel," she said without turning around.

"Do turn around so we can see the little dear," said Rarity, yawning discretely.

"Look at him, he's okay. Mommy little precious is okay," Fluttershy said, while turning around. "I'm so glad I found you, Angel," cooed Fluttershy softly, facing her friends. "When Mr. Bluebird told me that you weren't in any of your usual places I got worried. I was even more worried when you didn't come back at the end of the day like you always do. And I missed you so much, but I'm glad you're back now," she continued, stroking it like her life depended on it.

Dash leaned over to Applejack and whispered in her ear, "Do you think she realizes that she is holding a small rock that has moss on it?"

"Ah don't think so..." replied Applejack. "I mean, I talk to my hat sometimes, but that's only because it gets lonely workin' in the field all day. I think we get along quite nicely," she said petting her hat. That's kind of creepy...

"I... think this is a good time to set up camp now, don't you?" said Twilight.

Dash, Applejack, and Rarity just nodded, while Pinkie did who knows what off in the tree house.

Tree house?!Dash's mouth fell open as she looked at the giant tree house directly in front of her. But... how? It wasn't there a second ago. The tree house was a large pink rectangle wrapped around a thick tree. It had a dark blue roof, and window pane, and a warm orange door that seemed to be inviting them inside.

"Come on in to my 'Secret-Special-Emergency-Middle-Of-The-Everfree-Super-Secret-Sleepover-Clubhouse-Of-Awesome!" Pinkie shouted from the window, motioning to the retractable walkway. "Come on in! The water's fine!"

"Well ah'll be..." said Applejack, speaking for everypony.

"I do believe that the proper response to situations such as these would be, how do you say... 'roll with it,' isn't it?" said Rarity, walking up the stairs.

"Come on Angel time for bedtime," said Fluttershy, leading her rock up the stairs and leaving all of her real animals on the ground looking dejected.

"Ah'll be fine as long as Rarity doesn't try any funny business while ahm sleepin'," said Applejack, following Fluttershy into the large building.

"I don't think I have the necessary items to work on my designs here, so you are safe Applejack. However, I think our good friend Alexander's comment might have given me an idea..." Rarity muttered, walking through the door.

"Uh-oh. I call not model!" shouted Applejack, following Rarity into the tree house.

"Well this beats my idea..." muttered Twilight.

"Out of curiosity, what was your idea?" asked Dash as they walked up the stairs.

"Ummmmmmmm... cast a spell on us to turn us into trees or-" started Twilight.

"What!? Are you insane?!" Dash yelled.

"I estimated a eighty-nine percent survivability rate and I thought it would be an interesting experience. Or I memorized a animal repellent spell that is completely safe and guaranteed to keep the forest animals away from us for the whole night," said Twilight. "And its not like we couldn't make do without bedding."

"...You freak me out sometimes. You know that, right?" Dash said as the stairs retracted into the tree house with the help of Twilight's magic.

Author's Note

Just got my one hundred and first follower of my story today... (sniff) I'm so emotional right now...
Okay, not really. But seriously thanks for putting up with me.

Chapter 15: Awakening

Chapter 15: Awakening

The Next Day, Dawn...

Ditzy was roughly lifted out of her bed. What's going on? she thought waking up to the feeling of burly earth ponies carrying her out of her house. "What are you doing? Let me go!" she said trying to escape their clutches. She broke free but her victory was short lived as one of the stallions grabbed her hind leg in his teeth and slammed her down onto the street. Ditzy was bound and gagged while she looked pleadingly at the ponies surrounding her. Help me somepony! Won't somepony help me? Anypony? ...Please?

"Ugly," they hissed, "Horrid beast. Demon mare. She must be killed..."

Ditzy struggled in vain against the ropes, only succeeding in giving herself rope burn. Why do you hate me? There were tears leaking out of her eyes, her ugly crooked eyes.

The crowds parted to reveal Bane, holding a small blade in his jaws. He was smiling evilly as he walked forward through the ponies.

"Are you ready?" he asked.

She responded by shaking her head from side to side vigorously.

"Good. Let us begin," he said as all of the ponies stopped speaking and instead began to pound their hooves against the road in a slow beat.

Bane slowly walked closer as the ponies pounded their hooves faster and faster. Ditzy tried her best to shuffle away but was firmly immobilized by unicorn magic.

"I dmnt uhdursand whas haphanin," Ditzy choked out through the rope in her mouth, tears continuing to pour out of her eyes.

Bane stopped right in front of her and raised his knife. "We will cleanse what is unclean and destroy the unholy!" he yelled around the knife. Bane plunged the knife into her left eye and shook it around side to side, up and down, destroying her eye completely. Ditzy could feel the blade scraping against the inside of her eye socket as her blood coated Bane's face. She gave into the pain and fell into the welcoming abyss of unconsciousness.

"Ahhhhhhhhh!" screamed Ditzy, struggling to be free of her bonds. She was struggling and writhing, twisting and turning, but nothing was working. "Help me, plea-" Ditzy's pleas were silenced when she hit her head on the floor after falling out of her bed. Wait. Bed? Ditzy poked her head out of her 'bonds' to discover that she was still in her room. She crawled out of her pillowcase and stretched her joints, stiff from sleeping in such a confined area.

Ditzy shivered as she started remembering her terrifying dream. I have bad dreams all the time, especially about Bane... Mostly about Bane... Always about Bane... But never so vivid, she shuddered, or violent. What happened yesterday to trigger a dream so... bad? she thought, walking down her stairs into her living room.

On a hunch she looked over at her sofa, half not expecting to see anything out of the ordinary. Oh, I see... yeah that could trigger a dream like that, she thought, seeing Alexander and recalling the traumatic experience of fixing up his leg. She slowly walked over to him. "Are you awake?" Ditzy whispered. "Hello?" I guess he's still asleep. She looked at him carefully to determine if he was feeling better or not. I think he looks a little bit better. Maybe. But the towel is really really red, I wonder if I should change it? No, I had better leave it alone, he would have told me if I had to do anything else, wouldn't he? she thought walking into her kitchen to get some breakfast.

She grabbed a cinnamon muffin then walked out the door, remembering to lock it this time. She quickly flew over to Ponyville's library and let herself in, her muffin long since eaten on the trip. "Twilight?" she called. No answer. I guess she isn't back yet. She looked around for a few minutes until she found some paper and a pencil. She wrote:

Twilight,

Alaxandar is at my house. He is injured. Come over when you get this.

(Please help me, I don't know what to do!)

Ditzy Doo.

Ditzy placed the letter on the kitchen table, hoping it would be found sooner than later. She nodded in satisfaction and walked out of the door. She then jumped into the air and began flying home. I guess I woke up later than I thought, I probably should have checked my alarm clock, she thought, looking at the sun. She flew home at a much more leisurely pace than her trip to the library. I was really hoping that Twilight and her friends would be back by now. I'm not qualified to handle first contact with a new species. What am I supposed to do with him now? she thought, spying Bane below her. She failed to repress an involuntary shudder and flew higher, hoping he wouldn't look up.

Thankfully she reached her house without incident. She unlocked her door with the key she always kept under her doormat and walked inside. She noticed two things immediately: one Alexander was looking better, sort of... And two, he was lying face down on the floor. She almost rushed to his side but stopped a few hooves away, remembering his knife. "Hello? Alexander? Are you okay?" she called softly. "Alexander?" she called a bit louder, but not moving any closer. Should I get a doctor or a nurse? Is he okay? I just don't know what to do, she thought, stepping closer cautiously.

Alexander suddenly gave a huge gasp and looked around wildly, startling her in the process. "Wha? Who? Where? Oh, right. Snake. You. Here." he said, focusing his eyes on her.

"Ummm. Yeah, me. What were you doing on the floor?" Ditzy asked. She uncomfortably noted his eyes no longer seemed to be drifting around, instead they were locked on her one good eye.

"Would you believe me if I told you I was practicing my technique for licking the ground?" he asked.

"No."

"Darn. Well, what I was actually doing was trying to escape before you got back, nothing personal. But it appears that it is much easier said than done," he said, carefully climbing back onto her sofa. "I don't think I'll be going anywhere for a while, the venom seems to have taken a lot out of me." He started smiling, "Have you looked in the mirror recently?"

She had to mentally change gears before responding, "I don't think so... Why?"

He smiled wider, "I think you should."

"If you insist. I'll be right back, don't go anywhere," she said walking up the stairs. I wonder why he wants me to look in a mirror? Ditzy thought she heard him say something along the lines of, "I think you'll be longer than that," but she wasn't sure.

She walked to her bathroom and looked into her reflection. What looked back at her was not a pretty sight. Ditzy's mane was tangled and messy, with hairs sticking in all directions. Her eyes were red and puffy from crying herself to sleep and she had a line of dried drool on her chin. On top of all that she still had dried blood from yesterdays face plant on her forehead and cheeks. Oh... While Ditzy was not one to obsess over her appearance this was a bit extreme for anypony. She buried her head in her hooves, "Nothing ever works out for me," she moaned. "What is he going to think of me now?" she said, getting into her shower. He is a previously undiscovered sentient species and by some unfortunate stroke of luck, I am the role model for all of pony kind until Twilight gets back. "Why me?" she said sadly.

Ditzy finished her shower and made herself presentable before quickly running back down the stairs. "Pretend you didn't see that," she said after entering the living room.

"See what?" he asked, looking over at her.

She smiled gratefully, but before she could say anything he started talking again.

"You mean how horrible you looked before you went upstairs? And how bad your mane was, and how it looked like you had just got out of bed? The drool was a nice touch too."

Ditzy's smile faded and she started blushing slightly. I can't believe he saw me like that... Wait a second... Saw? "I thought you were blind," she said, pointing an accusing hoof at him.

"I think I'm recovering, but I still can't really see anything clearly and my vision is all blurry. The funny thing is, my eyes are burning like hell even though they weren't yesterday. Maybe I am resistant, or maybe the venom only blinds you for a day, and then burns for the rest of your life. I don't know and I don't understand it, but then again there's not much that's going on that I do understand. I'm I just going to sit here and be happy that it wasn't permanent," he said.

"That's... nice. How is your leg feeling? Do you need anything?" she asked him. Why couldn't his eyes have been feeling better yesterday, then I wouldn't have had to fix his leg up. Why does the universe hate me?

"My leg is feeling as good as can be expected. Although, I could really go for some food right now," he said licking his lips.

"I'll see what I can do about some lunch," she said walking into her kitchen. I'm really glad I don't have to do anything with his leg again, I don't think I could have kept my insides inside.

Eighteen muffins later. I really don't know where he's putting them. Alexander was finally showing signs of stopping after his nineteenth muffin.

"Ahhhhhhhhh..." he sighed. "Delicious. My compliments to the chef."

She looked sadly at the muffin wrappers lying everywhere. That was supposed to last me for two weeks... Now what am I going to have for lunch? I guess I'll have to make some more soon.

"I should be able to limp by tomorrow, so I'll be out of your hair... mane, whatever."

"What!? You're going to try and walk on that tomorrow? You're even crazier than I thought," she said, shaking her head in disbelief. I hope Twilight gets here before he tries to leave.

"On the contrary, I am much more crazy than you think, I'm just very good at hiding it," he said with an unnerving glint in his eye.

He's scary when he does that, Ditzy thought, stepping backward. "So... where are you from?" asked Ditzy, trying to dispel the awkwardness.

Alexander got a faraway look in he eyes, "I'm not from here and I don't belong here. That's all you need to know."

"What kind of answer is that?" Ditzy asked, even more confused than before she had asked him the question.

"The only kind you're getting," he replied.

"But if-"

*Knock* *Knock* *Knock*

Who could that be? "I'll be right back," she told Alexander. Ditzy walked over to her front door and opened it.

"How are you doing today?" asked Merry Sunshine. Oh, no. I forgot she was coming over after work. This could end badly... "Well aren't you going to invite me in for dinner?" she asked.

"This is kind of a bad time..." said Ditzy, trying her best to not sound awkward.

"Oh really? Does it have anything to do with the second voice I heard?" Merry asked.

"Nooooo..." said Ditzy, shuffling her hooves nervously.

"The sta-lli-on's voice I heard?" she said, smiling mischievously. "You simply have got to introduce me."

"No, no. Nothing like that. Nothing to see here. I just... something came up and I have to cancel," said Ditzy.

"Is he cute?" she asked, still smiling. "Did I interrupt anything? You told me you didn't have a coltfriend."

"I told you, there aren't any stallions in here," said Ditzy, blushing slightly. Well not strictly speaking anyway...

"Well if you're too shy to introduce me to your coltfriend, I'll just have to introduce myself," said Merry, gently pushing past Ditzy. Uh-oh. "Hello my name is... Ahhhhhhhhhhh!" screamed Merry. Ditzy closed her front door and smacked her forehead against it. Repeatedly.

Author's Note

I noticed I haven't posted any random music from my "Story Writing Playlist" in a while. Does anyone want me to keep doing that?

Chapter 16: Dinner

Chapter 16: Dinner

The Same Day, Day Two of Alex's Calendar Stick, One Second Later...

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" screamed the new arrival. You know, I was hoping that Ditzy wouldn't have invited her friend inside, Alex thought, sitting upright on the low sofa. The new pony was a black pegasus with a very light blue almost white mane and dark blue eyes. I guess I should introduce myself... Maybe, he thought, while the black pegasus continued screaming. Introductions could go one of several ways, and I hope it doesn't go the 'report monster to authorities' way. Alex cleared his throat, preparing himself to speak. The pegasus responded by rolling its eyes back into its head and fainting. "Yay, a horse that just can't contain its excitement over seeing me, I'm so very grateful," he sighed.

At this point Ditzy had stopped hitting herself on the door and turned around. "I'm so sorry about that, Merry can be a little bit excitable," she said, walking over to where 'Merry' was and began examining her. I swear I am going to find a freaking shotgun lying in the mud before a find a horse with a real name. Sigh, what I wouldn't do for a shotgun right now. Or even better, a way out of this hellhole. Ever since I got here It has been one unfortunate experience right into another. And to top it all off I have a huge hole in my leg trapping me in Ditzy's house for another couple days.

"Ummmmm... Yeah. I invited Merry over for dinner before I found you in my house... Please don't be mad..." she said, rubbing a hoof behind her head.

Alex sighed and facepalmed, "Why would I be mad at you? I'm plenty mad right now, raging in fact, just not at you."

"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked hesitantly.

"No, I need a different outlet. You've been nothing but nice to me and I don't really want to repay you by hurting you physically or mentally, my conscious would make it difficult," he said.

"That's nice of you," said Ditzy, giving him a small smile.

"Yeah, yeah, your welcome. Now what are we going to do about your friend here?" Alex asked.

"Shouldn't we just wait until she wakes up?" she asked.

"And miss out on the fun?" said Alex grinning.

"What do you mean?" she asked suspiciously.

"There are many enjoyable ways to wake up someone, the easiest is splashing them with cold water," he replied.

"Someone? Don't you mean somepony?" she asked.

You got to be kidding me, freaking somepony? I'm not even allowed to use real pronouns any more? Just kill me now. "Yes, Ditzy, I meant somepony," Alex sighed.

"So why would waking up Merry with cold water make her laugh?" Ditzy asked, somewhat confused.

"Who said she would find it funny?" replied Alex, grinning. "I would find it funny, not her."

"Hey, that's mean!" she said angrily.

"I just had the strangest dream..." groaned Merry.

Ditzy quickly stood in front of her blocking Alex from view. "What was your dream about?" she asked.

"I dreamed that there was a cute stallion who loved me and then we had sex... twice. He pretty good... And then there was a giant letter opener that chopped off his tail so he told me he didn't love me and ran away. Then there was a sandwich that was really really big and I ate it. Then I gave birth to the stallion that I had sex with... he wasn't happy about that... You were there too! Except you had a blue mane and a red body, also your cutie mark was a lamp and your eyes weren't crooked... Actually that might not have been you... And then there was a big tree that covered in oil so I licked it and found out it was actually maple syrup, it tasted really good. And then I had sex with the cute stallion again. And then I woke up," said Merry. "It was a really weird dream, but the stallion was cute."

I... well... yeah... and I thought I was crazy...

"...You dreamt all of that in like, three minutes?" asked Ditzy.

"I also dreamed of a creepy minotaur-like creature sitting in your living room, but I didn't think that was worth mentioning," she added.

"Merry, listen closely. I need you to stay calm while I introduce you to my... guest," said Ditzy.

Guest? That's a stretch if I ever heard one.

"Why would I need to stay calm?" Merry asked.

"He is... a bit unusual... Actually I have a good idea, why don't you close your eyes, Merry, and I will introduce the two of you," said Ditzy, moving out of the way after her friend closed her eyes. "You first, Merry."

"Ooooh, mysterious, I like it," she said, "Well, my name is Merry Sunshine and I work with Ditzy at the Post Office, nice to meet you Mr...."

"You may call me Alexander." Wow, Merry Sunshine? These names just make me want to murder small insects.

She giggled before replying, "You have such a deep voice. Ditzy, can I open my eyes now? I just have to see the stallion that goes with that voice."

"As long as you don't freak out or anything," said Ditzy, cringing slightly.

Merry opened her eyes and took in a deep breath, "Oh..." she exhaled. "So it wasn't a dream..." she mumbled.

"Afraid not, but believe me. I really wish I was dreaming," said Alex.

"And why is that?" asked Merry.

"Because I hate it here. I would really like to leave and pretend it never happened," said Alex.

"But what could you hate about Ponyville?" she exclaimed.

"Do you really want to know?" he replied angrily, raising his voice slightly.

"Actually I think I'll pass-" she started.

"Everything!" he shouted, cutting her off. "From your messed up names to the fact that I don't even know what universe I'm in anymore! Ever since I got here it's been one painful experience into another! I have been bitten by a wolf made out of wood and a snake that defies the laws of physics! I was even imprisoned in a cage barely bigger that I am, if that's not inhumane I don't know what is! Your purple unicorn friend can levitate things with her mind, if that doesn't brake the laws of gravity then what does?! Another thing, you're black and white, you're like a racial gene pool gone wrong! What's up with that? Rainbow is freaking made out of rainbows, and she's a pegasus! The only pegasus I've ever see before that was in a fantasy book! Everything I know to be true has been just ripped away in little over a week. Hell, I'm probably not even breathing oxygen anymore, Its probably condensed sunshine and happiness, because your entire world is the equivalent of being high! And the worst part is that none of this is your fault so being mad at you doesn't help me, unless I find out it is your fault. In which case..." Alex finally took notice of the effect he was having on the mares and drifted off into silence.

Merry had pressed herself up against the opposite wall and was crouched down with her ears laying flat against her head; she was visibly shivering. Ditzy had hidden herself behind the chair and all he could see of her was one tear filled eye and a laid back ear.

Alex rubbed his face with his hands and sighed, "It hasn't really been a good week..."

"I'll just be going now..." said Merry shakily.

Alex heard Merry and Ditzy whispering intently about something before he heard a pony, presumably Merry, run out the door.

I need to find way out of this place before I lose it for real, Alex thought, with his face still buried in his hands.

"Its alright... we all get cranky at times..." said Ditzy hesitantly, coming out of her hiding spot.

"That makes me feel better for venting my anger on you how?" Alex asked.

"Ummmmmmmmm..."

*Knock* *Knock* *Knock*

"I'll get it," said Ditzy, eager to have an interruption.

Why can't you just leave well enough alone and ignore it? Please? You don't have to answer the door every time someone knocks. Alex thought as Ditzy opened the door. "Come on. Can't I get a break, just once?" he sighed, after seeing an all too familiar purple unicorn in the doorway.

And then there was Pink...

Author's Note

I just came out with another story, check it out if you want. It's a oneshot that is absolutely nothing like this story, besides being written by me. You have been warned. Here's the link. It is doing pretty well so far, 34 likes and 2 dislikes. So most people who it interests are enjoying it. The story just needs some exposure.

Cross-story advertisement for the win!

Chapter 17: Dinner Part 2

Chapter 17: Dinner Part 2

The Same Day, Day Two of Alex's Calendar Stick, One Second Later...

Pink. Everywhere. It was up his nose, in his eyes, in his mouth. Choking. Blinding. His ears were being assaulted by a continuous stream of words. The voice was piercing his soul with its very pitch. Pink. Everywhere. It was all over him, everywhere he looked. It broke every semblance of Alex's personal space.

So he punched it.

He threw a right uppercut into the mass of Pink as he reached his left arm in front of him and grabbed onto the Pink. Alex literally had to peel it away from his face as he threw two more uppercuts into the Pink. He put more force into the fourth uppercut and felt something crack, causing the Pink to go limp. He threw it to the ground and whipped out his blade with his right hand. I am so glad right now that my knife is the spring assisted version. Alex got to his knees over the Pink and placed his left arm on it to hold it down as he raised his right hand above his head, knife held in inverted grip.

Alex was beginning his downward swing when he felt a sharp, agonizing pain from his snakebite; causing his vision to darken to almost black. He imbedded two of the five inches of his blade into the floor next to the Pink, such was the force of his strike. Alex fell forward onto the Pink yelling in pain, then rolled to the side, falling off the Pink and onto the floor. He clutched his shin to his chest and began rocking back and fourth slightly, trying and failing to quell the pain.

Alex's tunnel vision slowly expanded as the pain became more bearable. That. Really. Hurt. He became aware of a shouting match being held to his left. It sounded like "Ineewhpikyo! pikniasdommeekiepu! kanbeliveyowuddothat!" to his disoriented ears. No... actually, I think they are all shouting at me.

He looked to his left and saw a room full of angry mares. There was Shiny Dusk, Rainbow Flash, Apple... something, and Fashion Creep. ...Yes I know I suck at names. But in all fairness, they don't even have real names. There was also a new horse, a soft yellow pegasus with a gentle pink mane, it looked cute while obviously trying for mad. It has butterflies on its ass... If that isn't a girl I am going to break his wings then throw him off of the tallest cliff I can find. All of the horses looked sweaty and more than slightly worn out. Can horses even sweat? Shows how much I know about horses.

Butterflies and Fashion Creep bent down and began looking at the Pink, rolling and stretching it around. They unraveled the Pink enough to where Alex could recognize a head. Hmmm... Yes, that would explain why Dusk, Rainbow, and Applewhatever are still yelling at me. At this point Alex decided to finally put an effort into hearing what the mares were saying.

"-furthermore I... Were you even listening to us!?" shouted Dusk.

"No, not really. I was preoccupied with my leg, you wouldn't believe how much that hurt." Alex replied, still clutching his shin.

"Good, serves you right for breaking my wing," said Rainbow, grinning.

"Did you really have to kick him there, Rainbow? I saw it before I bandaged it up." Ditzy shuddered. "It wasn't pretty," she continued.

"Wait, you kicked my shin?" That would explain where the pain came from.

"Yep, and now we are almost even," said Rainbow. "We could be even more even if-"

"Quiet, Rainbow," said Dusk, cutting her off. "Alexander, you're coming with us, we need to get you back to the specimen cage," she said.

"No."

"Excuse me?" said Dusk, eyes widening. "But, you have to."

"You heard me. I. Said. No." Alex said, forcefully.

"You don't have a choice!" yelled Rainbow. "You are going back to your cage!"

"Oh, really?" said Alex, crossing his legs and sitting up straight.

At this point Fashion Creep and Butterflies had helped Pink to its feet... hooves. They were supporting Pink in between them and she didn't look so good. They all look like girls... I haven't even seen one male yet... I'm not quite sure if that's a good thing or not. All of the mares were lined up and nodded as one in response to his question, Pink excluded.

"So, I don't have any rights as a sentient being?" Alex asked. "None at all?"

"Of course not!" yelled Rainbow, while the others looked slightly confused and sheepish.

"So you are telling me I should go with you to your secret underground dungeon with no contact to any sort of authority while you all perform 'studies' on me?" Alex asked, giving the word 'studies' air quotes with his fingers.

"Yes," continued Rainbow.

"Sounds kinky, but I think I'll pass; bondage isn't really my style," replied Alex. He watched them carefully to gauge their reactions. Dusk grabbed a book from Ditzy's bookshelf to hide her blush. Rainbow appeared too angry to be affected by it. Appleass seemed to not quite get it, or her freckles were just good at hiding it. Pink was still not looking healthy and was breathing shallowly, and Fashion Creep was indignant. However, Butterflies was the best, she turned so red that even someone who was colorblind could see it.

*Pomf* Went her wings.

*Thump* Went her face.

Annnnnd jackpot. If I'm going to be trapped here for a while no one said I couldn't have a little fun.

"Fluttershy!" yelled Applewhatever, bending down to see if she was okay.

Okay, note to self. Ditzy gets a cute blush, Alex thought, looking over to where she was standing. And this 'Fluttershy' practically had a heart attack. Happy fun times while I plan my escape... And wait for my leg to heal.

"We are not going to do any thing of the sort. Who do you think we are?" asked Fashion Creep haughtily.

"I have no idea, that's the point," replied Alex.

"Well we ain't gonna leave you here with Ditzy, tha's not fair to her," said Applewhatever.

"She doesn't mind, does she?" said Alex looking over at Ditzy, standing by her sofa.

"Well... I... Ummmm... I guess if he wants to stay he can, I mean, I would rather he didn't," she said, looking nervously at Alex.

"Well its either here, or nowhere for me," said Alex. "Because I'm not going anywhere on this leg."

Fluttershy had finally recovered from her self-induced blush faint. "... .s... .... .l... ..e. ... ..d... ...u.. ...s.... ..d... a........... ..l..... ...p... ...e.. .....a.. ......m.... .....b... ...e.... ...u... ......o.." she mumbled.

"Uhhhhhh... Does she always do that?" asked Alex.

"Yes, it is a bad habit of hers," replied Fashion Creep. "What she asked was, 'Where is your home?' which I think is a very good question. We have been trying to force you to live somewhere when you obviously have a place of residence somewhere. So, where is it?"

"What I would like to know is why your pink friend is still here. She is obviously in pain and probably has a broken bone. And yet, you are standing here talking to me instead of taking her to a hospital. That doesn't give me a lot of confidence in being your caged acquaintance," Alex said, redirecting the conversation away from his home.

"To the Emergency Room!" yelled Dusk. Suddenly there was a bright flash of light and Dusk, the Pink Menace, and Applebuck disappeared. The other creatures seemed much less phased than Alex over the fact that three horses just died.

"I'm watching you Alexander," said Rainbow, pointing at her eye then at him with her hoof.

"Three of your friends just died and your concerned about that?" asked Alex. That seems a bit cold, even for a human.

"Huh?" she replied, seeming confused. "What is he talking about, Rarity?"

"You mean the flash of light?" asked Rarity.

Alex nodded. Darn it, I liked Fashion Creep better.

"Don't worry about that, darling, Twilight just teleported them to the hospital, not killed them. Once she gets back I sure she would love to explain it to you," replied Rarity.

"Teleporting is a myth, completely impossibly, and-" Alex was cut off by a scream.

"Blasphemy! Blasphemy! Get him Angel!" Fluttershy screeched, flinging a baseball sized rock towards his head.

Alex managed to get his uninjured forearm in place and blocked it, sending it bouncing back towards her. What the heck? Fluttershy snatched up the rock and scurried from the room, cackling with glee. Rainbow and Rarity looked at each other in astonishment.

"I'll get her," sighed Rainbow, running out the door after her.

"Well then, I best be going. Is there anything you require before I leave you in the capable hooves of Ms. Ditzy?" asked Rarity.

Alex looked down at the sorry excuses for clothing that he was wearing. "I could use some new clothes before I leave town," he said, rubbing his freshly bruised arm.

"I happen to be an accomplished seamstress, so I could do it. For a price," said Rarity.

"What kind of price are you talking about? I don't have any of whatever the local currency is," Alex said suspiciously.

"Silly Alexander, it's nothing you can't afford. Just a couple of hours of trying on some fashionable clothes," she said, smiling mischievously.

"How about Ditzy models for an entire day and I don't take my business elsewhere," replied Alex.

"Huh? said Ditzy, snapping out of her inner thoughts.

"Deal," said Rarity. "Just come over after work tomorrow, darling," she said to Ditzy.

"What?" said Ditzy.

"Now, to take your measurements," she said, producing a measuring tape from thin air.

Alex sat still while the small floating object ran around his torso and took his numbers. Then he stood up and hunched over while it did the same to his legs. He then went over to the sofa and sat down on it while Rarity looked at the measurements on her list.

"But..." said Ditzy.

"I want my clothes to resemble the ones I have on now, no exceptions," Alex said, giving her a stern look.

"Understood," she accepted, somewhat sadly. "Well I'm off, see you tomorrow Ditzy," Rarity sighed. "Maybe next time you can try on more fashionable clothes, Alexander," she said with a creepy glint in her eyes. "Ta-ta!" she exclaimed walking out the door.

"Huh?" said Ditzy.

"Hello? Ditzy?" asked Alex.

Hearing her name woke her from her stupor. "Did you just volunteer me for hours of dress up with Rarity?" she asked, voice betraying no emotion. "The best designer in Ponyville, and one of the best in all of Equestria. Who's clothes I have always wanted to try on, but was never able?"

"Yeah," replied Alex, shrugging. "I wasn't going to do it."

Ditzy's face appeared to be building pressure and her whole body was looking tense. Suddenly her face broke into a huge grin and she clapped her fore hooves together, fluttering her wings for balance. "Thank you so much!" she yelled excitedly. She promptly ran into the wall next to the staircase. "Ummmm, pretend you didn't see that," she muttered, blushing. Ditzy then ran up the stairs in the proper, non-face hitting way. "I get to try on pretty clothes, I get to try on pretty clothes, I get to try on pretty clothes," she sang from upstairs with a childlike glee.

"But what about dinner? I'm hungry and have some fresh pain to add to my already remarkable collection. I think I deserve at least a snack," muttered Alex, getting comfortable on his temporary bed.

Author's Note

I'm really going through a creative slump right now, I barely got this chapter out... I'll do my best to get the next chapter out as soon as I can but I'm not making any promises. I'm barely writing a paragraph every time I turn on my computer, sometimes just a sentence or two.

At least this chapter isn't too much of a cliffhanger, so I don't feel too bad for leaving you hanging for an indeterminate amount of time.

Chapter 18: Helping

Chapter 18: Helping

The Next Morning, Monday...

Dash woke up. Where am I? she thought, opening her eyes. Well I'm not in my cloud house, that's for sure. She looked around and recognized the inside of Fluttershy's cottage. She also realized she was in Fluttershy's bed. Lastly, she noticed that said yellow pegasus was using her as a blanket and was chewing softly on her uninjured wing. That last one was pretty gross.

Dash tried to get up without disturbing her, but Fluttershy just bit down harder and wrapped her hooves around her neck, trapping her even more. Dash sighed quietly as she got even comfier. I wouldn't have thought that was possible if somepony had asked me earlier. She thought back to the previous night and the events that led up to being used as a blanket...

"I'll get her," sighed Rainbow, running out the door after Fluttershy. She came out of the doorway and looked around, slightly confused. Where is Fluttershy? I was right behind her, and I don't move that slowly with my broken wing. "Fluttershy!" she yelled. Dash listened closely for a few seconds and heard what sounded like crying from above and behind her. Above me?

Dash turned around and looked up. "Fluttershy, what are you doing on Ditzy's roof?" she called out. Her inquiry was met with continued crying. And of course my wing has to be broken, Dash thought, eying the two story building.

"Go 'way," Fluttershy mumbled, still sobbing.

"Why should I?" asked Dash, still looking at the building.

"Peeez go 'way," Fluttershy mumbled.

"Not gonna happen," said Dash. She walked over to the wall of the house and placed both of her right hooves against the wall. She began furiously flapping her left wing while using her hooves to counter balance herself. She slowly walked up the wall using this method and eventually reached the top. She clambered up onto the roof and was unable to contain a victorious hoof pump at the conquering of her foe.

Dash carefully walked along the apex of the roof, keeping both her right hooves on one side and her left hooves on the other side. She walked over to where Fluttershy was sitting and sat down next to her.

"So, you wanna talk about that thing you did inside?" asked Dash, after a few minutes. "You know the whole 'losing your cool' thing. That thing you never do, that I didn't even think you could do."

Fluttershy pulled 'Angel' out of her mouth and responded, "I don't know... it's just... I... miss the real Angel, this rock just isn't the same." She threw the rock as hard as she could, a measly two tail lengths. The rock barely cleared the edge of the roof before plummeting to the ground. Fluttershy wrapped her fore hooves around herself and started rocking back and forth repeatedly. "I don't know what could have happened to him. All of the animals knew not to lay a paw on him and he was smart and he was young and, and, and..." she dissolved into tears once again.

"Hey... it's all right," said Dash awkwardly. "You shouldn't cry because... uhhhh... I'm awesome?" she said hesitantly. "And I'm sure Angel is too, so he'll be fine," she quickly added.

"Do you really think so?" Fluttershy asked, wiping her muzzle.

"...Yes...?" Dash asked. "But either way, would Angel want you to be sad like this?"

"No," she mumbled.

"What do you think he would want you to do?"

"He would want me to avenge him."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Calm down for a sec, there is no need for that," said Dash hurriedly, not liking where this was going.

"I have to find out who did this to my Angel," she said, with a determined glint in her eye.

"But I'm sure he... is... fine..." Dash drifted of into silence under the unwavering glare of Fluttershy. "No, he's probably not coming back after this long..." she said, her eyes downcast.

"I'm going to find the thing who did that to him and I'm gonna, gonna... 'onna... 'na... 'na..." she started crying again.

"It's okay," Dash attempted to coo.

"No, no it's not," she sniffled. "Angel is never coming back, he's gone, Rainbow Dash. I had him for as long as I have been living here. He was the best pet anypony could ask for. And, and, and, now that he's gone I don't even know what to do..."

"Why don't you go back to your house and get some rest?" said Dash, patting Fluttershy's back.

"I don't really want to... Because, ummmm, well..." Fluttershy.

"Why is that? Do you want my help with something?" asked Dash

She turned her adorable, tear filled eyes on Dash. "Please Dash, will you snuggle with me tonight?" she asked, her bottom lip quivering. "I don't want to be alone..."

Dash sighed a long resigned sigh, worthy of many sighing awards...

"MmmmMMmmmmmmm," moaned Fluttershy. "Angelnnghh... no... no... no... no... NO!" she screamed, opening her eyes and staring into Dash's face.

"You're... choking... meeeeee," squeaked out Dash, her windpipe in the process of being crushed by one scared, yellow pegasus hugging her neck with a death grip.

"Oh, I'm sorry Dash, I was having a really bad dream about Angel," said Fluttershy sadly, releasing her.

"It's cool," said Dash rubbing her neck. There was a bit of awkwardness while they both avoided each others gaze. "Let's not speak about this, for both our reputation's sake," said Dash, hopping down off of Fluttershy's bed. "Ever."

Fluttershy just nodded.

"...Well I'm going to go and..." Hmmm, I knew there was something I had to do today... "Check on Pinkie Pie, how about you?" asked Dash, after a minute of awkward standing and shuffling her hooves.

"You go on with out me, I'll stop by later," she said, hugging her pillow.

"I'll be seeing you, then. Bye Fluttershy," said Dash, escaping the awkwardness of Fluttershy's room.

"Hey, Fluttershy?" she asked, sticking her head back into the room. And you're already asleep again, wow. Now what am I going to have for breakfast? Dash thought, leaving Fluttershy alone and walking into her kitchen. I was going to ask her what she wanted me to eat for breakfa... There was an apple sitting on the counter, its deliciousness just waiting to be eaten by a hungry mare. Which I am. A heroic mare. Which I am. An awesome mare. Which I also am. And not Fluttershy. Which I am... Dash carefully looked around to make sure that nothing was watching her. She then grabbed the apple in her teeth and hurried out the door, not looking back. If she had, she would have seen a note under the apple that said, "Only for Angel, DO NOT EAT. p.s. I miss you."

Rainbow Dash arrived at the hospital, already having eaten the fresh apple. She walked into the building and to the front desk.

"Can I help you, Ms.?" asked the mare at the desk.

"I'm looking for my friend Pinkie Pie, can you tell me where she is?" said Dash.

"Just go down that hall, turn left and you can't miss it. Ms. Pie is in room 194," said the mare, pointing her in the right direction.

"Thanks," Dash called over her shoulder, already halfway down the hallway. She found the door marked 194 and walked in without knocking. What she saw nearly shattered her mind. Pinkie Pie was lying on the hospital bed passionately kissing a doctor. Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat...? she thought, her mouth falling open.

The doctor must have heard her because he opened his eyes and began blushing madly. He quickly pulled out of the kiss and stood up. "Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh... I'lllllll be going now. The patient's mouth is in excellent condition." he said, sprinting out the door.

"Oh, hey Dash," said Pinkie nonchalantly, as the door swung closed with a click. "How are you doing on this super special splendorific day?"

"But... you... he... kiss... not... couple..." sputtered Dash, her mind not fully comprehending what she just saw.

"Oh, oh, is this a game? Are we talking like caveponies?" said Pinkie, "Yes, me, him, kiss. What, you, need? You, visit, me? I, happy!" she said, smiling.

Dash finally managed to close her mouth before she started drooling on the floor. "What were you doing?!" she shouted.

"I was kissing him to help him feel better. He said he wasn't having a very good day," said Pinkie, dropping her ridiculous game idea. "And it worked too! He started feeling better right away!"

Dash facehooved, almost giving herself a black eye. "Pinkie, that's not what you do to make somepony feel better. Just do what you always do and throw a party or something."

"You're silly Dash, that's silly. I can't throw a party here, there isn't enough room. And my bed is in here, that would be just weird. Besides," said Pinkie, adopting a sad expression. "The doctor said it will hurt to laugh for at least a week or two..."

"Why is that?" asked Dash, her mind still not working at full speed.

Pinkie gestured to an almost invisible pink cast wrapped around her body. "Alexander broke one of my ribs, and now it hurts to breath, not to mention laugh, or cry, or cough, or pretty much anything else," she said sadly, her hair deflating slightly. "It's kind of my fault though, if I hadn't been so enthusiastic about meeting him this wouldn't have happened."

Dash was so mad at Alexander she could barely think straight. "He broke your rib?" she hissed out through clenched teeth. "And you are blaming yourself?!"

"Now Dash," Pinkie said, "Remember to brush your teeth after every meal."

Say wha?

"I can see some leftover apple in your teeth," said Pinkie, as she leaned closer to get a better look. "That apple was meant for somepony else, I hope whoever you took it from forgives you. I also know that Alexander is not a fish, and you are not a goat. But if you like we can elope after I reach the age of ninety. I also believe in popcorn, but not in corn fluff, or carrots. Carrots are nasty, I hate carrots. You know what I mean?"

"Sense make not!" shouted Dash. "...I mean, start making sense!"

"All I'm saying is cool off a little before you talk to Alexander," said Pinkie, nodding sagely.

"Good bye, Pinkie, I'll see you later," said Dash, leaving the room. Her mind in the process of exploding from so called 'Pinkie Logic.'

"Bye, Dashie!" said Pinkie, waving excitedly and wincing slightly.

Dash walked out of the hospital room to see a line of eight doctors lined up outside of Pinkie's room. They seemed to be rehearsing their sob stories and unhappy faces. Dash just shook her head and moved on. Regardless of what Pinkie said I'm still going to have a talk with Alexander today. Although, her mindless babbling may have had it's intended purpose, I no longer have a strong urge to kick his shin. Not as strong at least. He had no right to hurt me or Pinkie when all we were doing was talking to him... Or whatever you call Pinkie greetings.

Dash looked behind herself to see the first doctor walking into Pinkie's room, sobbing uncontrollably.

"Awwwww, are you having a bad day too..." Pinkie was saying, as Dash moved out of earshot.

She muttered, "Pinkie Pie, I will never understand you..."

Chapter 19: A Typical Day?

Chapter 19: A Typical Day?

The Same Day, Morning, Monday...

Ditzy woke up to the sound of her alarm clock ringing in her ears. "Ugggggh... fife mor minets..." she groaned, turning it off and silencing the room. She lazily poured herself out of her bed and stumbled towards the door. However, instead of going through the doorway, she tried to go through the door frame, due to just waking up and her left eye being crooked.

*Thunk*

"Well, least I'm more 'wake now," she mumbled, shaking her head. She corrected her mistake and walked through the doorway, heading to her bathroom. She got into her shower stall and closed the curtain behind her. I need a nice warm shower to ease me into the morning, she thought, reaching for the lever. She yawned and pulled the lever. "Ahhhhhhhhhhh!" she screamed, now realizing that she had grabbed the cold water lever. She quickly pulled the correct lever and sighed in contentment as the warm water fell on her. I should really label these levers, the paint wore off years ago and now I can't even tell which is which anymore. Especially when I'm tir-

*Bang*

"Huh?" said Ditzy, hearing a noise over the sounds of her showering.

*Thump*

She turned off the water and cautiously peeked her head out of the shower, listening intently.

*Squeak* Came the quiet, telltale sound of her back door opening.

She nervously stepped out of her shower stall and reached into the cupboard underneath her sink. She pulled out one of her 'secret weapons' and gripped it like her like depended on it. Ditzy's secret weapons were none other than muffins, but with a rather important feature. She had used concrete instead of flour in the batter by accident. My muffins were returned the day after I dropped them off at the orphanage, along with a rude letter. Now all of my muffins have to be screened before they are considered fit for pony consumption. I know exactly what went wrong that time. I just knew I should have put that bag of cement mix far away from the similar looking bag of baking flour.

She nosed her way out of the bathroom and carefully sneaked her way down the stairs, her sopping wet mane clinging to her like a... well... wet mane.

*Squeak* Went her back door again, causing Ditzy to jump slightly.

She heard something moving towards the living room from the dining room. She readied her muffin and prepared to strike at the intruder as soon as it walked around the corner. Ditzy saw something so she closed her eyes and threw her muffin as hard as she could at the intruder.

"Ouch," said a familiar sounding stallion's voice.

Ditzy opened her eyes and saw, to her horror, Alexander sitting on the floor. He was rubbing his ribcage with one paw and holding her muffin in the other. Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid. How could I forget about Alexander? she thought, feeling an embarrassed blush rising in her cheeks. "Heh, sorry about that... Don't be mad please," she said nervously, unconsciously drawing a small circle on the ground with her fore hoof.

"Is this... was this food at one point?" he asked, looking over at her then back at the muffin. Alexander quickly looked back at her again and said, "Is that a new look for you? I approve, guaranteed to reel in the stallions. Pretty damn sexy for a horse."

New look? Ditzy thought, looking around at herself. Her still wet fur hugged her body and accented her curves. "Oh... Um... You scared me and I didn't have time to dry myself off after my shower," she said pointing an accusing hoof at him, as she continued blushing. He's lying, no stallion could ever love me; my eye makes me too ugly, and I'm not even much of a looker not including my eye. "What were you doing outside anyway?"

Alexander crawled forward on his forelegs and hind leg, keeping his injured shin off the ground. "I have been here for over two days now. Its really not that hard to figure out, just think about it for a minute and it should come to you," he said, sitting down on her sofa.

"Uhhhhhhhhh... Because... you... like bunnies and want to pet them?" Ditzy asked more than said. "There is a large, friendly family of bunnies not too far from here."

"Yeah, you could say I love bunnies, rabbits, and most other small woodland creatures," he said, grinning.

"Me too! I love little animals and I always stop to say hi to some on my way to work-" Ditzy's eyes got very big all of a sudden. "Work..." she hissed. "I'm gonna be late!" she shouted. She slapped her hat on backwards and threw her mailbags on before rushing out the door, not even bothering to see if it closed behind her.

She jumped into the air and began flying to the Post Office. It seems that everyday is becoming 'one of those days' and it's really getting annoying, Ditzy thought, trying to adjust her hat and mailbags while flying and having minimal success. At least I should be dry by the time I get to work.

Ditzy was walking tiredly back to the Post Office after completing the last delivery. "Ugh..." she groaned. "Why do I always get the heavy packages? Oh, wait, I remember now; my boss doesn't like me."

She wearily pushed open the door and walked in. The post office was deserted except for Merry, sitting quietly at her desk. Ditzy walked over to her and gave her the customer's signature on the packing slip. She took the slip without even looking at Ditzy and went back to sorting the already sorted mail.

"Are you all right, Merry?" Ditzy asked.

The black pegasus didn't respond.

"Hey! Merry!" She tried louder.

"Hmmm?" hummed Merry without looking at her.

"Is there something wrong?" Ditzy asked.

"No, I'm fine," she mumbled.

"Come on, I know you better than that. I can tell that there is something bothering you," said Ditzy, putting her hooves on the desk.

Merry slowly looked up at her and peered over her reading glasses. "So, you want to know what's bothering me?"

Ditzy nodded.

Merry slowly took off her glasses, folded them up, and gently placed them on her desk. She sighed and rubbed at her temple with a hoof before responding. "I stayed up all night wondering if you were even going to show up for work today."

"But why? I have to come to work today," Ditzy said, slightly confused.

"Because, Ditzy," she sighed. "You had a three tail length tall monster in your house with a bad temper last night; I was worried he might do something to you in your sleep. The only thing that kept me from calling an entire battalion of Royal Guards on him is the fact that you already contacted the Elements. Also the fact that you threatened to tell Big Mac I stalk him a little in my free time, but that's beside the point."

"But he never laid a hoof on me, ever. He likes muffins too, so that means that he is a good pony. And today I found out that he loves small creatures, so what's not to like?" said Ditzy, feeling slightly guilty about keeping her friend up all night.

"No-no-no-no-no-no, stop right there. you are not getting attached to that... thing. Do you know anything else about it?" asked Merry.

"...Well he said he isn't from around here," said Ditzy after a moment.

"Look... Ditzy, I'm telling you; Alexander gives me the creeps. I don't like him, not one bit. I tried to put on a pleasant face when I first met him because you said he was your guest. But now I think you should dump him on the Elements, make him their problem," she said, determinedly.

"We already tried that and he said that he wasn't going anywhere on his hurt leg, especially not to that tiny cage," said Ditzy.

"Just... watch yourself, I don't trust him." said Merry, staring intently at Ditzy with her blue eyes.

"I will," said Ditzy, slightly unnerved by the intensity of her gaze.

"You're my friend and I don't know what I would do if something happened to you that I could have prevented," said Merry.

"I'll be fine, stop your worrying," Ditzy said calmingly. "Oh, sorry, Merry, but I have to go; I have an appointment with Rarity," said Ditzy happily, looking at the clock. "Besides, what's the worst that could happen?" she said over her shoulder, running out the door.

Merry just shook her head sadly.

*Knock* *Knock* *Knock*

"Rarity?" Ditzy called, knocking on the door. "Are you home?" There's a closed sign in the window but she told me to be here. "Rari-eep!" The door to the boutique was suddenly opened and Ditzy was pulled into the now open doorway by a blue glow.

"Hello, darling..." rasped a voice from a darkened corner of the shop as the light blue glow closed the door behind her.

"Hello, Rarity!" said Ditzy excitedly. "Well, I'm here now, do you want to get started?"

Rarity stepped into the light and daintily cleared her throat, returning her voice to normal. "Terribly sorry about that, darling, my throat is a little sore today," she said, "But it's nothing beyond what a little tea and honey can't handle."

"That's-good-so-can-we-get-started?" said Ditzy, slurring her words together in her excitement and bouncing in place slightly. Rarity's clothes! Rarity's clothes! Rarity's clothes! Rarity's clothes! Rarity's clothes! she chanted in her head, as Rarity led her over to the changing area.

"Alright, darling, just stand there and we'll get started," said Rarity. "I can't believe Alexander doesn't want to try on fashionable clothes," she mumbled to herself.

"So, what's first?" asked Ditzy. "What kind of dresses am I going to try on? Pink ones? Blue ones? Yellow ones?" she said excitedly.

"Well, I have been trying multiple ideas and hoping to strike gold, so to speak. And I think I have done it, I think I have made an absolutely beautiful collection of outfits that, while they may go out of style, will never stop being fabulous" she replied. "Let us start with this one, then we will move on to the others..." Rarity said, pulling out a shiny red object.

"Ummmm, Rarity?" said Ditzy shyly, beginning to blush. "That's a thong..."

"I know, darling; I know," she said with an impish grin. "This can't go out of style, sexy is always in style."

"B-but I'm not that kind of mare! I don't want stallions staring at my... uhhhhhh... you know... there." Especially not Alexander, I would never hear the end of it, Ditzy thought, slowly backing away from the offending piece of clothing.

"But, darling, you would look absolutely fabulous in it! You will look absolutely fabulous in it!" purred Rarity, stepping closer.

"Please, Rarity? Can't I just try on some normal clothes?" asked Ditzy, who at this point had run out of room and was backed into a corner.

"B-but w-why?" replied Rarity, tears forming in her eyes. "I thought you liked my clothes!" she said sadly.

Ditzy looked around quickly to make sure that nopony was watching them and that the shop really was deserted. "Rarity, I don't really want to wear a thong," she mumbled.

"I thought you would be different but now I can see that you're the same! You hate my clothes, you always have and always will!" Rarity wailed, not hearing her.

"Fine I'll wear it. But only if you stop crying," said Ditzy quietly.

"And you didn't even see any of my other 'regular clothes', as you call them. You just hate my designs, all of them! You're no better than Applejack." Rarity sat down and started to cry.

"Just give me the thong and stop crying!" yelled Ditzy. "Please!"

The tears disappeared from Rarity's eyes. "Well why didn't you say so earlier?" she asked with a satisfied smile. "Turn around and I'll put it on for you. Real models never put on their own clothes."

"But that's just... No! I'm going to put it on myself or not at all," said Ditzy, her blush returning.

Tears formed in Rarity's eyes.

Ditzy glanced toward the locked door of the boutique nervously. "Ummmmmm... I'm not really comfortable with this..."

Rarity started crying.

"It seems really weird and intimate and I don't really want to do it..."

Rarity's bottom lip started quivering.

Ditzy sighed in defeat and slowly turned around, looking over her shoulder.

Rarity's face immediately went back to a satisfied smirk. "It's for the best, darling, this is a very delicate garment and I don't want you damaging it. Now all I need you to do is lift you tail as high as you can so I can put on this masterpiece."

"No, no, no, no, no, no!" said Ditzy, "Absolutely not!"

"Darling, we are both mares here. There is nothing to be ashamed of; I won't judge. And anyways, customer confidentially is a specialty of mine. I've 'seen' all of my models and they haven't complained one bit," said Rarity, levitating the thong closer.

"No!" shouted Ditzy, turning around to face her.

Tears formed in Rarity eyes once again.

"I am terribly sorry how I acted earlier with the thong, darling. Very unladylike of me, I don't know what came over me. I hope you can forgive me. I should always respect the decisions of the customer," said Rarity dejectedly.

"It's okay, Rarity, we all make mistakes sometimes. Just please don't let it happen again," said a still blushing Ditzy.

Rarity nodded. "Well anyway, darling, here are Alexander's new clothes and an extra little surprise for you," she said, levitating a small pile of clothes over to Ditzy, who put it in her saddlebags. "Due to that whole 'thong incident', that will be forgotten as soon as you walk out the door, you only modeled a fraction of all the outfits that I had planned for tonight. Come over again sometime and we can work with the rest of these outfits," she said, motioning over to a clothes rack filled with dazzling dresses.

And more importantly, no thongs! "I would love that Rarity! I'm a huge fan of all your work, well, most of it," said Ditzy, smiling at the thought of being in a beautiful dress.

"Thank you for giving me a second chance, darling. Although, you should probably be getting home soon, before it get too dark outside. A lady should never be out by herself after dark," said Rarity, eying the evening sky.

"Thanks, Rarity, bye!" called Ditzy over her shoulder. Lady? I wish. thought Ditzy, jumping into the air and beginning her flight home.

Ditzy soon arrived at her house after an uneventful flight, only having almost crashed once. She walked into her house and dumped her saddlebags on the living room floor. She looked over at her sofa and saw a sleeping Alexander with a bowl of half-eaten soup on the floor by his head. He actually looks relaxed when he is sleeping, thought Ditzy, stepping closer to him. I wonder, what kind of soup is this? I don't remember having any soup in my kitchen... she thought, sniffing at the soup. It smells kind of weird. I should probably test it to see what kind of soup it is and if it went bad or something. Ditzy picked the bowl up in her hooves and took a large sip.

Author's Note

Yay! Longest chapter of this story so far! You're welcome.

I am still lacking in the creative juices necessary to update as often as I would like. (Insert sad face.)
On a positive note I came out with another short story. It isn't a one-shot but it will still be fairly short. Check it out if you like!
Facility 0013
It is, once again, nothing like this story.
But if you check it out I'll give you... a... some... uhhhhh... The words I wrote? I guess...

Chapter 20: Bored

Chapter 20: Bored

The Same Day, Day Three of Alexander's Calendar stick, Afternoon...

"I'm so bored," sighed Alexander, while lying down on the too small couch. "I take absolutely no joy in staring at this wall for another day while twiddling my thumbs. I could try contemplating the absurdity of my situation then descend into depression and insanity; so I think I'll pass. Although, if I am lucky then the door that brought me here can take me home. But I shouldn't think about that either because at the rate my leg is healing I won't be able to walk for weeks, at least without a crutch. And, even if I find the place that the door dumped me, there is no guarantee that the the door will be there again. So, once again, depression; I'll pass on that one too."

"Oh, I got it!" said Alex. "I'm going to talk to myself. And that ends in insanity as well... Once again, I'll pass." He felt his stomach rumble as it requested his daily lunch. He sighed as he got on his hands and foot in a three limbed crawl. He crawled his way into Ditzy's kitchen and began inspecting the available options for his lunch.

"No..." he said, ignoring a can labeled 'canned hay.' "Also no..." he said, passing over a jar that had 'fresh grass' written on it in sloppy letters. I see... he thought upon seeing the inside of an empty pantry that had a thick layer of what looks like... Bread crumbs? Or maybe... muffin crumbs? Damn, is this girl an addict or something? Having that many muffin crumbs means that you had quite a few muffins. I know firsthand how good they taste, but the amount of muffins that would have to be eaten to cause this many crumbs can't be healthy. He bent down and put his fingers into the mass of crumbs on the floor. They weren't even stale yet. That's kind of scary, Alex thought.

"Finally! Something edible." he said in relief, spying a carrot lying on the counter top. He carefully inspected it with his sight and smell. Seems fine, he thought, nibbling on the carrot. Better than fine actually. As a matter of fact, all of the food here tastes better than I remember it tasting on Earth, animals included. I wonder if its from the lack of advancement I've seen in their society. The absence of technology indicates a relatively new society, meaning that they haven't been farming the ground for as many years as humans have. Therefore, the ground should have more nutrients and vitamins in it making it taste better to my taste buds. Or it could be magic. It's probably magic. Either way, I don't really care.

Alex stuck the carrot between his teeth and exited Ditzy's house using his now preferred method of travel. Getting out of the door was a little tricky because even though he was short enough to go through it in his current posture he was still too wide. He managed it, but not without a bit of work and some grunting.

Once Alex was out of the house he was able to stand up, now that the ceiling wasn't a foot too short. He sighed in relief as his back cracked several times upon him straightening it. He hopped forward several times on his one good foot then sat down in the soft grass. He looked up at the once again cloudless sky and took a bite out of the carrot. I can't even look for shapes in the clouds, for some reason there aren't any. Come to think of it, I haven't even seen a cloud since I arrived. Clouds have to exist though, right? Alex thought, searching for anything even resembling a cloud. He turned around and looked at... whatever the unicorn called it town/village. I found a cloud! They do exist! Let's see here... That looks like... a house. Really looks like a house. A lot like a house. A crazy looking house with rainbows. I can see a door in the house too... I think that: I am either losing it or that is an actual house. I give up.

Alex laid out prone and closed his eyes. Well, crazy inhabitants aside, this place isn't so bad. The food tastes great, the grass is unrealistically soft, the animals don't know that they should run from me, and the food tastes great. This place would make a fortune as a resort. I'll just think of this as a vacation. As a matter of fact, this is my vacation, I was overdue for one anyway. Until I get home, I am officially on vacation, he thought as he laced his fingers underneath the back of his head. All I have to do is pretend that the talking horses don't exist and I'm good.

Alex woke up to the feeling of something hitting him repeatedly on the right side of his hip. He groggily flailed his arm in that direction and hit something soft and furry. He was immediately rewarded with a cry of anger. Cue crazy horses, stage left, he thought, his senses slowly reacquainting themselves with his surroundings.

"Hey! Wha was tha for?" cried an angry, scratchy, muffled voice.

Angry, scratchy, and muffled? Who do I know with a voice like that? More accurately, who do I wish I had the pleasure of never meeting but did anyways voice is that? Alex rubbed his eyes and slowly sat up. What greeted him was a rather angry looking pair of magenta attached to a grumpy blue face. Her broken wing was still standing straight up and her other was flared intimidatingly. She was holding a hoof up to her muzzle and glaring daggers at him. To put it simply, he couldn't take her seriously, at all.

"What was what for?" stalled Alex, still not quite awake.

"You hith my muzzle, noh cool," said Rainbow, still glaring at him.

Alex started chuckling, his chuckles soon led to full blown laughter.

"Whath's so funny?" she angrily demanded. "Shtop laughing at me!"

"You... This... Everything!" gasped Alex, still laughing. "I don't even care anymore!"

"I'm serious! Stop laughing!" she shouted, placing her fore hoof on the ground.

"That's what makes it even funnier," choked out Alex, still laughing for apparently no reason.

"Stop it before I start bucking you! Then we'll see who is laughing," said Rainbow, with a mildly maniacal grin.

"I just... I can't... You..." said Alex, finally able to get his senseless laughter under control. "I haven't... been awake long enough to take talking horses seriously yet," he said, still chuckling.

"For the last time, we are ponies not horses!" she replied angrily.

"And the difference is?"

"..." Rainbow froze with her mouth slightly open. "...Ask Twilight, she's better with that kinda stuff," she said after a moment. "Now stop trying to distract me. I came over here to ask you some questions and I won't leave until I get my answers," she said commandingly.

"I thought Twilight would be the one who would be asking all the que-"

"First question!" yelled Rainbow, cutting him off. "Why are you here? All you have done so far is hurt me, hurt Pinkie, and been a general nuisance to everypony."

"I... am on a long overdue vacation," said Alex, grinning slightly.

"Fine then, don't answer. Why did you hurt me and Pinkie?"

"Yes."

"Are you a danger to my friends?" she asked, seething in anger.

"Depends, does the pony swat the fly?"

Rainbow's eye twitched. "You're so infuriating!" she yelled, stomping her hoof into the ground. "Give me a straight answer!"

"I like vaginas," said Alex with an innocent smile.

All of the air left Rainbow's lungs in a quick huff; her mouth forgetting how to form words.

"Well, you asked for a straight answer. So now you know that I am one hundred percent strai-"

"I hate you," interrupted Rainbow, blushing lightly.

"You don't mean that. You just think you hate me," said Alex.

"No, I can say with complete certainty that I hate you." she said, getting her blush under control.

"Wow. I managed to make a magical talking pegasus with a rainbow for a mane hate me. I think I'm proud of mysel-"

"Shut up and answer me one question!" she roared. Because it was a female(ish) talking horse with the voice of a teen, the roar came out more like a shrieking mew that was mildly painful to Alex's ears. Rainbow rapidly closed the distance between their faces and put her hooves on top of his thighs to prevent him from moving away. "Just answer me one thing," she growled menacingly. "Will. You. Hurt. My. Friends. Again."

Alex sighed lightly blowing her mane slightly. He stared deep into her eyes and spoke with absolute sincerity, "I have never attacked any sentient being without good cause and I don't plan on starting now."

Rainbow stayed staring at him for another minute or two before finally getting off his lap and returning to a more normal conversing distance. "...I guess that will have to do," she said reluctantly after a short pause. "But remember, I'll be watching you closely."

"So you're a stalker now?" said Alex, stoking his beard. "Somehow I can't really put the two together and take it seriously."

Alex could literally hear her grinding her teeth from where he sat. "I don't have to take this anymore. I got an almost satisfying answer from you. I have better things I could be doing right now." Rainbow turned away from him and began walking back to the town.

"Come again! I enjoyed our conversation immensely!" Alex called after her. That went well. Now, once again, boredom. Alex sighed. I know what I could do. I might as well just because I can and should. Alex rolled over onto his stomach and tucked his wrists next to his ribcage. He placed his knuckles on the soft grass and hooked his injured leg over his uninjured one. He pushed his knuckles into the ground and his body rose up in an almost perfectly straight line. "One," he said calmly. He lowered himself until his nose touched the ground then repeated the motion. "Two, three, four, five..."

"Ninety-eight... ninety- nine... hundred," grunted Alex, significantly less calmly. One hundred push-ups and sit ups, I think that's good for now. I just wish I had a chin up bar- Is that... clapping? he looked over to his side and saw a small bunny softly applauding him. That can't be right, he thought, closing his eyes and shaking his head vigorously. When he opened them the bunny was still there but it was nibbling on a plant instead of clapping. Stupid talking horses, messing with my head. Where did I put that carrot? Alex thought, looking on the ground around him. Here it is, he thought as he picked up the half-eaten carrot and held it out towards the bunny.

Alex made a soft clucking noise to try drawing the bunny's attention, and it worked. The bunny locked its eyes on the carrot and began hopping over. It took the carrot from his hand and jumped on his lap, chomping away happily on the newly acquired snack.

"You are, in fact, a stupid bunny. And for that I thank you," said Alex, grabbing the bunny's body with one hand and its head with the other. He slowly twisted until he heard the telltale sound of its neck breaking. "Now, to make dinner," he said carrying the freshly dead bunny inside.

Alex placed the bunny in the sink and looked around until he found Ditzy's collection of kitchen knives. He picked a short, thin, and mostly sharp knife with an oddly shaped handle. I bet this fits perfectly in a horse mouth, he thought. "Ewww, that's nasty," he said, pausing and staring at the handle in his fist. He slit the bunny down the middle of its chest, careful not to slice the organs, and began pealing its skin off.

He picked the skeleton clean of the muscle and tossed the meat into a nearby pot. He added some water, whatever spices he could recognize, and the rest of the carrot. He turned on the heat and sat down to wait.

A short while later the soup finished cooking. Alex poured some of the soup into a too small bowl and grabbed a too small spoon to go with it. He carried it into the living room and sat down on the sofa. He took a small sip to test the flavor. The rest of the bowl followed a minute later. He refilled the bowl four more times but didn't finish the last bit of the final bowl.

"Not bad, not bad at all," said Alex, finishing his soup. I couldn't find all the spices I wanted but it was by no means terrible. I wonder when Ditzy will be back... I should just go to sleep again until she gets back. I still need the rest to help my body recover. Alex took one last mouthful of soup then laid down on the sofa. I can't help but think that there was something important that I was supposed to do...

*Huagh*

*Ouaugh*

*Pubth*

"What is this!? I never made anything this bad! Well, at least not recently..." came a familiar voice.

"Wha? Mad wha ba?" asked Alex groggily, waking from his slumber.

"This soup, it tastes terrible. And what are all of these slimy disgusting chunks?"

"Wait, you drank the soup I made?" he asked, hoping she wouldn't realize what those "slimy chunks" actually were. I may not know much about these "ponies" but I know they are probably vegetarians.

"I need to wash this taste out of my mouth, I'll be right back," Ditzy said, walking toward the kitchen.

Alex sat up and waited patiently for five minutes, then five more. "Are you okay?" he called.

Ditzy slowly walked around the corner, her cheeks completely wet because of the tears silently leaking out of her eyes. Without warning she flew into his chest and hugged him tightly. As if that was the signal, she suddenly let loose a loud wail that she continued with excessive sobbing.

I wonder what this is all about, Alex thought, awkwardly wrapping an arm around her shoulders and petting her mane gently with his other hand.

Ditzy stayed like that for fifteen minutes, sobbing uncontrollably and soaking Alex's shirt in the process. That gave Alex plenty of time to remember something important. I never cleaned up the bunny, its bloody carcase and organs are still lying in the sink... I don't think "oops" quite covers this. "Its okay, Ditzy. Just let it all out..." he cooed gently as he continued rubbing her mane.

Eventually her crying died down to sniffling. She cuddled closer to him and gave a shuddering sigh.

"Better?" Alex asked.

She gave a noncommittal head movement and whimpered slightly. "D-d... do you... k-know... what h-h-happened... in t-there?" she asked haltingly.

"I know exactly what happened in there, but you won't like the answer," sighed Alex.

"P-please... t-tell me."

"I guess you deserve to know the truth. The soup used to be that bunny," said Alex.

Ditzy didn't say anything but he could feel her tense up underneath his arms.

"The bunny used to be alive but I killed it for dinner. I am an omnivore, meaning I eat both plants and animals. I just forgot to clean up my mess after I was done."

Alex felt her pushing away from him so he released her. She kept her head down until she was sitting on the floor. She slowly looked up at him with a hard edge in her eyes that he hadn't seen there before. "Get out of my house," she said in a quiet voice full of steel. "Now."

"Would you at least like me to-"

"Now," she said again.

"Fine," said Alex, complying.

That also went well, he thought, standing outside Ditzy's house in the falling night. So much for a vacation. I hate vacations.

Chapter 21: Aftermath

Chapter 21: Aftermath

Monday, After Alexander Left...

Ditzy continued staring at the door long after Alexander left. She had to deliberately force herself to stop thinking about the events that had just taken place. An effort wasted because she still kept thinking about it, no matter how hard she tried not to. She slowly turned around and began dragging her hooves to the stairs. She felt completely exhausted from all of the emotional turmoil that had happened in the past few minutes.

I just... can't believe that happened, Ditzy thought, plodding wearily up the stairs. She stumbled into her room and fell face down on her bed. She couldn't forget the image of the bunny's lifeless eyes staring at her from a puddle of its own blood. She started crying silently into her pillow.

She turned over on her side and curled into a ball. She did her best to wipe the tears from her face and closed her eyes. She had the fleeting thought of how safe she had felt wrapped in Alexander's fore legs. Ditzy just shoved it to the back of her mind to deal with later.

Sleep did not come easily to Ditzy on this night. Her mind was running in circles around her head, replaying the events over and over again. It seemed like she had just fallen asleep when her alarm went off, ruining her barely achieved slumber.

*Knock* *Knock* *Knock*

"Are you in there, darling?!" called a voice loudly, piercing the fog of her grogginess.

It's too early for this much noise, Ditzy thought, opening her eyes one at a time. She turned off her alarm and sat up slowly, rubbing her eyes. She wearily got out of bed and stumbled down the stairs. She pointedly didn't look toward the kitchen and did her best to block out the slight smell that had permeated the lower floor of her house. "Who is it?" she mumbled through the door.

"Darling, you sound terrible! Is everything alright?" exclaimed the voice that Ditzy now recognized as Rarity.

Ditzy opened the door slowly. "What do you need, Rarity?" she asked.

Rarity froze upon seeing Ditzy's disheveled appearance and red, puffy eyes. "I think it's more a question of what you need, darling," she said, shivering involuntarily. "I came over to see how Alexander's clothes fit but I can see that I have a much more pressing need. Wait here, I'll be back in just one moment," she said. "Don't move a muscle!" Rarity called over her shoulder, trotting off towards the town.

Ditzy yawned, nodding slightly. But what about work? her subconscious reminded her. I'll get ready to go and if she gets back here before I leave then she does, and if not then I leave, she bartered with her mind. Deal, she responded.

Her extended shower time hadn't done much for her appearance but at least the tear stains had been washed off of her face. Her mane was still tangled, her eyes were still puffy, and her face lacked her usual joviality. Ditzy had her hat and mailbags equipped and ready for work when she heard more knocking on the door.

"It's me, Rarity! I have good news, darling!"

Ditzy walked over to the door and opened it. "What good news?" she asked.

"I managed to secure for you a paid vacation today," said a slightly tired looking Rarity with an unidentifiable white substance on her lips. "I had a little talk with your manager and was able to persuaded him that you weren't feeling well," she said licking the substance off of her lips. "I just love that method, it's really quite delicious," she mumbled to herself.

"...You got me a paid vacation? How?"

"Ladies work in mysterious ways..." Rarity said coyly with a wink. "So," she said, switching into business mode, "You can't be seen looking like that, no mare should. We are going to the spa for an all inclusive treatment and I will hear no arguments from you. Now take off your uniform and put this on so you can make it into town incognito," she said, levitating a simple lavender cloak with dull gold stitching over to Ditzy.

"I don't have the kind of bits for a trip to the spa!" exclaimed Ditzy. "That's my paycheck for the entire week!"

"My word, darling, you think I was going to make you pay for this?"

Ditzy nodded slowly.

"Darling, you have to understand something. The day I see a mare, any mare, looking as depressed and... unpolished... as you do right now is the day I sell the boutique and take up rock farming. Now, put this on and then you can tell me all about what happened to cause this when we get to the spa."

"Are you sure you want to do this, Rarity? I'm not really worth spending that many bits on just to make me look prettier."

"Don't. You. Dare. All mares deserve a visit to the spa at multiple points of their lives, money should always be substituted for pampering. And if you say those words again I will have no choice but to make an excessive amount of thongs and convince Twilight to teleport them onto you at the most inconvenient of times," said Rarity with absolute sincerity.

Ditzy just sighed and did as she was told.

"So, darling, I have been patiently waiting until now for you to come clean as to why you were looking as you were," said Rarity, sitting across from Ditzy in the relaxing hot tub. "We are completely alone, the masseuses are elsewhere and there are no other customers in the room." She leaned forward expectantly. "I want to know what happened," she whispered conspiratorially. "Did you break up with your coltfriend?"

"What? No, I don't, and didn't, have a coltfriend," said Ditzy shaking her head.

"Well then, what happened?"

"Something happened last night between Alexander and me," said Ditzy.

"Really?" said Rarity, cocking a quizzical eyebrow.

"But not like that!" said Ditzy quickly.

"I didn't say anything."

"The thing is... He said he's an onni- ommi- oum... he eats animals. And last night he killed a poor, helpless bunny; just so he could eat it! Even worse I found it in my sink when I got home. It was horrible..." Ditzy said, shivering.

"And then?" encouraged Rarity.

"I... well, kicked him out of my house. There was no way I was having an animal eating hyuman in my house while I slept," she said. "Merry was right, he is dangerous, I should go apologize to her," she mumbled.

Rarity was silent for a few minutes while she digested the information. "I think you might have made a mistake," she said. "Let me explain," she said, upon seeing Ditzy's shocked face. "Two things I have to ask though: did he say sorry and did he leave without struggle when you told him to leave?"

"I think he tried to before I cut him off and he just left when I got mad at him. Why do you want to know?" she said slowly, not understanding where this was going.

"While I agree that it sounds like a very traumatic experience, I think you might have overreacted. Think about it, where did he say he was from?" asked Rarity.

"...All I remember him saying is that he isn't from here and doesn't belong here," said Ditzy.

"Don't you think they have different customs there? I am something of an expert on manner, etiquette, and customs and I know that what one race might find pleasing the other might find offensive. For instance, did you know that in the Griffon Kingdom, eating meat a perfectly acceptable activity for the inhabitants," Rarity said. "And in the Minotaur Mountains it is a grave offense to walk past a friend without punching him in the abdomen. Even though Alexander didn't have the most civil of depositions he was by no means a senseless brute. And the fact that he left your house in the middle of the night with a badly hurt leg while offering no resistance speaks much for his character. He respected your authority more than his wants or needs. Quite noble when you think about it."

"You think I was the pony in the wrong? You weren't there! You didn't see the horrible things he did to that bunny! You didn't see him wrap his fore legs around me to comfort me then betray my trust by killing that bunny in the first place!" shouted Ditzy, getting slightly louder with each word. She quickly got to her hooves and practically screamed, "How can he like muffins and do that!?"

She panted heavily for a few minutes then slowly sunk back into the soothing water and mumbled, "I guess I got a bit excited... sorry..."

"It's perfectly alright, darling. Do you feel a bit better now?" Rarity asked.

"Yeah, a little bit..." Ditzy mumbled. "I do have a question though..." she said, raising her voice to normal speaking volumes.

"Yes?"

"How did you manage to convince my boss to give me a paid day off? He doesn't do that for anypony, especially not me."

"Can you keep a secret?" Rarity asked.

Ditzy nodded.

"Let's just say that no stallion can resist a seductive Rarity suggestively eating a frosted cupcake. Its the frosting that really gets them. I had you boss practically begging me to either leave or go to a more private room with him in less than twenty seconds. He was whining like a puppy within the first minute," said Rarity with a smirk. "It was a simple matter to ask him to give you a day off."

"Oh..."

"Now I want to ask you something," said Rarity. "Why would you take comfort in Alexander's fore legs when you were feeling upset? How scandalous! You barely know him," said Rarity, switching to gossip mode.

"I just needed somepony to hold me and he happened to be sitting there, that's it," said Ditzy, blushing slightly. "I'm not very good with blood... and stuff. A little bit is okay but no more than that."

"Understandable. Now then, are you ready for the massage of a lifetime?" said Rarity as she rang a small silver bell, signaling that they were done with the hot tub.

"I guess so," said Ditzy, as the spa's owners walked in the room.

"Mass-age time!" they cheered in unison.

Rarity and Ditzy were lead over to a pair of low, padded tables. After they laid down and got comfortable on the tables Aloe and Lotus began working. Ditzy felt a pair of hooves touch her shoulders, right below her neck.

"Careful!" said Ditzy, feeling uncomfortable instead of soothed by the gentle touches.

"Sister," Aloe called to her twin. "You have to feel this customer."

Lotus walked over and carefully put her hooves in the same place that Aloe had. "Have you had some stress recently?" she asked Ditzy, while Aloe traded places and began working on Rarity. "I have never felt anypony with a back this tight before."

"You could say my life is stressful and leave it at that," responded Ditzy.

"Have you ever been to a spa or a masseuse before?" Lotus asked, working her hooves down Ditzy back.

"No!" squealed Ditzy as Lotus pressed down on her cutie marks.

"Well... I have good news and bad news. The good news is I can loosen up your back; the bad news is it's going to hurt," said Lotus. "Brace yourself."

"But what if I don't-"

*Gaaak*

If feels like she is jumping on my back, thought Ditzy, peering around to see what she was actually doing. She is jumping on my back! "Stop! It! That! Hurts!" grunted Ditzy in time with the energetic jumps.

Lotus gave one last heave and jumped as high as she could. She landed with her hooves digging into four very particular places along Ditzy's back.

Ditzy's back gave one enormous cracking sound that caused her entire body to tense up then relax. She fell face down on the table and blacked out, smiling.

Ditzy woke up in her bed some time later, but something was different. Her face split into a huge grin. My back feels so good! I never even knew it could feel this good! She quickly jumped out of bed and ran to her bathroom, reveling in the way she felt. She looked in the mirror and saw a much prettier face than normal looking back at her.

Her mane had been washed and combed to the point of brilliance and it shone in the sunlight coming through the window. Her eyelashes had been touched up slightly and they looked fuller and longer than normal. Her eyes were no longer puffy and swollen and a little bit of blush was dusting to her cheeks. She could even see that a pale rose colored lipstick had been applied to her lips.

I actually kinda look good for once, she thought, inspecting herself in the mirror. She pouted slightly and changed the angle of her head to make sure she looked good from all angles. A small piece of paper propped in the corner of her mirror caught her attention. "To Ditzy," she read out loud. "I took the liberty of returning you to your house after you fell asleep. Lotus said that the reason you blacked out was because you were so relaxed that you couldn't stay awake. Enjoy your new look! Rarity. P.S. You don't have to worry about your sink I had somepony who owed me a favor take care of it."

Ditzy looked in the mirror and smiled. "I think I might be going back soon. I could get used to looking like this," she said. "Once I save up enough bits, of course." She sighed softly. "Now I just wish I had a coltfriend, or any stallion really, that I wanted to impress."

Chapter 22: Bad News

Chapter 22: Bad News

The Next Day, Tuesday, Morning…

“I can’t believe nopony wanted to come with me,” sighed Twilight, as she walked through the Everfree Forest. "Actually, I can believe it. Rarity had to make up for lost time after taking Ditzy to the spa yesterday. Rainbow is currently getting her cast off of her wing, thanks to the wonders of medicinal magic. Pinkie Pie is in the hospital as well with cracked and/or broken rib so she is out too. Applejack is busy working on her farm, as per usual. And Fluttershy, who would have been my first pick is-" she paused for a moment "-sad," she finished, not able to find a better word.

She walked alone in the wonderland of green as she followed the purple glow of her horn. At least I was able to refine the tracking spell, she thought, stepping over a tree root. I wonder why Alexander decided to return to the Everfree? If I remember correctly he said that he didn’t enjoy his stay here. Then again, we hardly know anything about him. He could have been lying or stretching the truth. The only things that we know for sure are not very helpful. He is an omnivore, his species is hyuman, his name is Alexander, he isn’t from here, and he doesn't belong here. I think the last one is the most unusual. Why would he say that? Rarity told me that Alexander said that to Ditzy. I’ll have to ask him some more questions when I talk to him.

As Twilight continued walking in the forest she called each plant or animal by its scientific name. “Hello, Danaus plexippus, how are you doing today?”

The colorful insect waved to her and flew away.

“Hello to you too, Tamiasciurus hudsonicus!” she called to the trees.

The fluffy tailed creature waved back from the branches of where it sat.

“Good day, Spizella passerina, it’s a wonderful day, isn’t it?” she said in the general direction of tweeting.

She heard a few chirps in response.

She stooped down and closely inspected something on the ground. “Hello, Taraxacum,” she whispered gently.

The object just waved in the breeze.

As she skipped along merrily she continued calling out names that her friends wouldn't understand. “Urocyon cinereoargenteus, Procyon lotor, Meleagris gallopavo, Melanerpes formicivorus, and Bubo virginianus! This is so much fun!” she giggled. “Whenever the rest of my friends are with me I can’t partake in the simple joy of calling things by their true names.” She did a little twirl in the air as she jumped over another tree root. She landed on one foreleg and hind leg with all the grace of a ballerina. Nailed it! she thought.

However, when she tried to put her hind leg down she placed it in an unseen patch of spiny plants. “Eeep!” she cried, leaping away from the offending plants. “Aah!” she yelled, the trajectory of her jump sending her face first into a tree. Twilight hit the tree with a loud thump that shook the entire tree and numbed her face. She stumbled around for a few seconds before tripping over the root that she had jumped over so gracefully not moments ago. She yelled again as she face-planted into the spiky plants that had ruined her morning. Well, at least nopony saw that, she thought, slowly getting to her hooves.

“Smooth, real smooth,” said a stallion’s voice. “Just like sandpaper on gravel.”

Ponyfeathers. Twilight looked around until she found the source of the voice. It was, in fact, Alexander. He was standing there with his forelegs crossed over his chest and a slight smirk on his face. He also seemed to have made a makeshift crutch out of a branch at some point and it was tucked under his left shoulder.

“What do you want?” he asked. “I figured no one would follow me in here.”

“Well, a couple of things actually,” replied Twilight, noting the way his pants almost seemed to blend in with the foliage. “Starting with a few questions.”

“You can ask but I’m busy, I doubt I will feel compelled to respond,” Alexander replied, turning around and limping away on his crutch.

Twilight cast a quick healing spell on her face to get rid of the worst of the scratches. She got to her hooves and rapidly caught up to his side. “Soooooooooooo…” she said, putting her questions in order of importance in her mind. “Why are you here? In the forest, I mean. There are plenty of better places to be and yet you came here, why?”

“My only chance of getting back home lies in the same way I got here,” he replied, bending over to pick up a few sticks.

“Where is home for you?” Twilight asked. “I have never seen anything like you before in all of my research.”

Alexander replied by ignoring her.

"What is the name of where you come from?" she asked.

Alexander replied by ignoring her.

“Fine then, how did you get here?” she tried.

Once again she was ignored as Alexander broke a large branch off of a tree.

“You know, if you tell me how you got here I might be able to send you back,” said Twilight enticingly. “Not to be boastful, but I am somewhat of a knowledgeable pony.”

They entered a small clearing with an even smaller campsite in it, complete with an already burning fire and tent made out of tree limbs and covered with moss for a roof. Alexander sat down by the fire and looked away from her. “...Fine,” he muttered after a few minutes of awkward silence, broken only by the crackling and popping of the fire. “I was brought here by a doorway of light. I thought it was a regular door but evidently not, because I woke up somewhere in this forest. I’m just going to wander around the forest until I find it again.”

“You came through that door and survived?!” squealed Twilight, her jaw dropping. “You need to tell me everything you remember for scientific recording! Just think of all of the new data…” she trailed off, drooling slightly.

“Do you know something about the door?” he asked.

“Yes, actually,” Twilight said, snapping out of her trance. “But not as much as I would like. There is only so much you can study about something of that nature without going through the portal.”

“Well, I have a life to get back to, so if you will just point me in the right direction I’ll be off,” Alexander said, standing up again.

“Uhhh… Ohhhh… How should I put this… The thing is… I have some good news and bad news. The good news is that I know exactly where the door will be when it reappears,” Twilight said gingerly.

“Really? Where?” he replied eagerly, looking over at her.

“Well, that’s the bad news. The door will reappear approximately one mile that way...” said Twilight, pointing over his head. “...In five hundred and thirteen years,” she finished with a wince.

He blinked for a minute then shook his head. “I don’t believe you,” he said.

“Would you believe these?” asked Twilight, summoning six books from the library and opening them to the the pages that reference the mysterious doorway of light. “Scientists have been studying it for five thousand years, ever since it appeared.” She levitated the books over to him and continued, “So unless your species can live to be… how ever old you are now plus five hundred and thirteen, then…”

Alexander carefully inspected each of the books. His eyes moving more and more frantically with every passing second. After he finished the last book he slowly sat down. “I still don’t believe you,” he said, shaking his head

“Why not?” asked Twilight. “I have no reason to lie to you. There is nothing that I could gain from lying. And more importantly, I proved it with evidence. Those books were not written by me, therefore, the six of them combined make a rather strong point.”

“I don’t believe you because I can’t. I just can’t comprehend the fact that I will never see anyone that I care about ever again,” said Alexander. “And the fact that I don’t trust your so called ‘proof’; you just created it out of thin air.”

“I wish I was that powerful,” said Twilight wistfully. “But the magical power required to create something out of nothing isn’t wielded by anypony. Not to mention the fact that it would be impossible to think of that many words to put onto the pages in the few seconds that I took to summon those from my library.”

“But-” started Alexander.

“Furthermore, the writing styles are all completely different in each of the books,” interrupted Twilight. “If I could emulate each of different authors with that degree of accuracy then I would have to be each of the authors,” she continued. “Anypony should know that. It doesn't matter who you are, logic dictates that it isn’t possible.”

Alexander’s expression became more and more depressed as she continued.

“In conclusion, the only option left is that I am telling the truth. And the truth is that the door will not reappear for five hundred and thirteen years,” she said.

“When you put it that way…” said Alexander.

“So, any more doubts that I can crush with logic?” she asked.

“I guess I’m stuck here,” said Alexander with finality.

“Don’t think it about like that. This is great! Now I can learn all about hyumans! Let’s start with the proper pronunciation of your species’ name because I’m pretty sure that you pronounced it differently than I did,” said Twilight tactfully. “After that I should get some samples including, but not limited to: skin, marrow, hair, tears, urine, sperm, blood, organs, bone, saliva, and feces. Then begins social integration and tests. Many tests. Information will have to be recorded in several books and added to dictionaries and the like. This will be so much fun! I just can’t wai-”

“You just don’t get it do you?” interrupted Alexander.

“Get what?” asked Twilight, slightly confused.

“I’m done. There is no point anymore. I have nothing to work for. No reason to continue.” He lay his head on the ground and began staring into the sky. “And that means I can do whatever I want.”

“Still not quite following,” said Twilight.

Alexander’s foreleg shot out toward her and he wrapped his flexible claws around her throat. “Do you feel that?” he asked, squeezing slightly.

Twilight nervously swallowed while nodding.

“The thing is, with a little squeeze, I could end you right now. The only consequence that I could have would be death or imprisonment, neither of which are seeming like bad ideas. I have no goals in life anymore. No way to see anyone I care about ever again. No way to have a family to pass my skills onto. I couldn’t even have any friends who are taller than my waist. There is nothing for me to work for. Think about it, imagine that everything that you have worked for, dreamed to come true, and ever cared about has been completely taken away. You don’t even have the decency to be surrounded by your own people. You are a stranger in a strange land; that is me. And I for one am going to live the rest of my meaningless days struggling to survive in a forest of crazy beasts and magical plants. And who knows, maybe the door will reappear early. That is the only chance I have.”

“Could you, ummmm…” started Twilight nervously.

“Fortunately for you I won't kill you,” he said, releasing her. “I don’t really have any desire to become a serial killer. Yet. Now get out of here before I decide it’s worth the effort.”

Twilight turned around and ran as fast as her legs could carry her. “Utinam logica falsa tuam philosophiam totam suffodiant!” she yelled over her shoulder, running for the library.

Author's Note

I like eating raw fish.

That is all.

Chapter 23: Fear Her

Chapter 23:

The Same Day, Tuesday, Afternoon…

“Oh yes!” moaned Rainbow Dash. “Harder,” she groaned. “Faster, she squealed. “Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!” she said, closing her eyes in ecstasy. “Don-n’t you dare s-stop now,” she stuttered.

“I’m not going to stop but you need to relax,” said the stallion.

“Lower! Harder!” cried Rainbow.

“If I go any harder than this it will start hurting,” replied the stallion. “You want to able to walk out of here today, don’t you?”

“But this feels so good, can’t you go just a little harder?” Rainbow asked, peering over her shoulder, lowering her ears, cutely scrunching her muzzle, and widening her eyes.

“I don’t know, that doesn't seem like a good idea. I might hurt you; you’re still quite sensitive,” he responded.

“Pleeeease,” she begged. “I need this!” she cried.

“Fine, just tell me if it starts hurting and I’ll stop,” said the stallion. He picked up speed with his ministrations as Rainbow moaned in response.

“You, have, no, idea, how, good, this, feels…” she grunted in time with her body’s movement.

“Actually I do,” he said over the sounds of her enjoyment. “I had this done to me not long ago.”

“OhOhhhOhhh…” replied Rainbow, her tongue lolling out of her mouth.

“I could turn on the vibrating function if you would like. Would you enjoy that?” asked the stallion.

“Oh yes!” moaned Rainbow.

“Remember, just tell me if anything starts hurting,” said the stallion.

Dash was unable to reply because of the drool leaking out of her open mouth.

The pleasurable moans continued for a few minutes, building in volume as the stallion touched various sensitive points along the mare.

“You’re good to go, Miss Dash,” said the stallion, removing the item from her.

“But-” she started.

He turned of the still vibrating wing massager and cut her off, “You were entitled to a twenty minute rehabilitation massage after getting the cast off of your wing. It has now been half an hour. The required time to properly stimulate muscle, increase blood flow, and relax your wing is only ten minutes because the cast was only on your wing for a short time. Although, if you want to come by my place later tonight I could massage a much more... delicate area for you,” he said with a suggestive grin.

“Ewww, no,” said Dash, pulling away from him and shaking her head. “You’re like, thirty years old or something! That’s just nasty. And don’t think I didn’t see you making out with Pinkie yesterday!”

“Hey! For your information, I’m twenty-five,” he said indignantly.

“Mmmmhuh. Right. And you also weren't making out with one of my best friends yesterday?” asked Dash with a raised eyebrow. Pervert.

“Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh… I’ll just... sign your release form now,” said the stallion. There was a moment of awkward silence while the doctor filled out the form. “Give this to the nurse at the front desk and you can exit the hospital,” he said, giving her the formal looking paper.

“Great, so when can I fly?” said Dash excitedly.

“Today, right after you leave the hospit-”

Dash was out the door before she heard the rest of the sentence.

“Just take it easy!” he yelled after her, as she ran down the hall. “You don’t want to…”

She literally threw the piece of paper into the attendant's face as she sprinted past the desk. She ignored the confused sputters coming from the mare as she closed in on her target. She blasted through the door in a whirlwind of speed, knocking over the wheelchair-ridden pony attempting to use the doors for their designed purpose.

“Crazy foal!” yelled the elderly stallion from the ground.

“Sorry!” yelled Dash, running through the sparse crowd and spreading her wings, rejoicing in the fact that she had two fully functional wings. She lept into the air and began forcefully and painfully flapping her wings. Wait, painfully?

Dash felt her right wing seize up slightly so she stopped flapping it and instead glided above the town. Stupid doctor, he could’ve told me my wing wasn’t going to be able to hold up to my awesome flying, thought Dash, feeling the pain recede as she relaxed her wing.

She glided around the town, reveling in the feeling of the wind in between her feathers. I missed this, she thought, closing her eyes and flapping her wings slightly to gain some more altitude.

I’m so glad that I’m out of that cast. I can’t imagine needing to wear that for any longer than I did. Dash opened her eyes and discovered that she had drifted slightly off of her intended course. Since Fluttershy’s cottage was almost directly below her she decided to visit her.

Dash angled her wings downward and gently spiraled toward the ground. At the last second, she folded her wings and transitioned seamlessly from flight to trotting. “Still not as awesome as a backflip,” she sighed.

The sound of glass shattering, tinkling and otherwise breaking came from the cottage.

Dash walked up to the door and pressed her ear against the wood. She heard the sounds of a pony’s muffled voice and some thumping coming from inside. She couldn’t make out any words but the the sound of Fluttershy whisper was completely unmistakable. “Hey, Fluttershy! Open up! Is everything okay in there?!” yelled Dash, pounding on the door.

Dash waited for a long moment of complete silence. No sounds came from the cottage.

Eventually she saw the door open slightly. A teal eye peered out of the small gap in between the doorframe and the door. “Yes?” Fluttershy asked quietly.

“Are you okay?” asked Dash. “I heard something breaking in there.”

“Oh yes, I’m fine,” said Fluttershy. “I was just having a little disagreement with something.”

Dash looked at her expectantly for a short while then asked, “Well, aren’t you going to invite me in?”

“Ummmmm… not really…” Fluttershy said, beginning to close the door.

Dash smacked her fore-hoof against the door to prevent it from closing. “And that just makes me want to come in even more,” she replied.

“Oh you but couldn’t possibly come in... because… I’m… not decent,” said Fluttershy in the most unbelievable and completely transparent tone of voice that a pony could possible make.

Dash looked at Fluttershy. Fluttershy looked at Dash. Dash stared at Fluttershy. Fluttershy stared at Dash. Dash said nothing. Fluttershy said nothing.

Fluttershy opened the door.

“So, what really made those nois…” started Dash. “Fluttershy? Why are you holding an axe?”

Fluttershy had a yellow hard hat on her head and was covered head to hoof in small wood chips. She had her hoof wrapped around an axe that was slung over her shoulder. “Oh, you see, the thing is, ummm, ahhhh, I…” mumbled Fluttershy.

“The thing is…?” encouraged Dash.

“Well, there was an apple on my counter that was only for Angel. And now it’s gone! He must be back! He just isn’t responding to me for some reason. I made sure to tell all of the animals not to eat it so that can’t be it… Do you know why he hasn’t responded to me?” asked Fluttershy with watery eyes.

“Oh,” said Dash, remembering the apple that she had eaten yesterday. “I do remember an apple on that counter yesterday. I also happen to know where it went.”

“Really? Where!?” shouted Fluttershy; or at least, whispered louder than usual.

“I never got to ask you what you wanted to have me eat for breakfast so… I just kinda ate the first thing I saw. And that happened to be the apple. I don’t mean to crush your hopes like that but it was me, not Angel, who ate the apple,” said Dash apologetically.

Fluttershy dropped the axe to the floor with a thud. “I see…”

“Yeah,” said Dash, rubbing the back of her mane with a forehoof.

“But that means he could still be alive, right?”

“...”

“...”

“Yes?” asked Dash.

“I knew it!” cried Fluttershy. “Do you want to come in?” she invited.

“Sure, that’s the reason I came over here anyway,” replied Dash.

Fluttershy opened the door the rest of the way and Dash froze in shock. The entire room was completely demolished. Floorboards were hacked and pulled off of the ground. The walls were sliced open and the insulating hay and support studs stood exposed. Couches were sawn in half and chairs were burnt. Broken glass littered the floor and all of the animal houses were cracked open like eggs, even the tiniest of bird houses. But by far the most unusual sight was that there were no animals in her view, none.

“...What…?” asked Dash, her mind moving slowly. “Exactly… happened… here…?”

“Oh that’s easy, I thought that Angel was in my house so I tried to find him,” said Fluttershy, jumping into the air and hovering over the mess toward her kitchen.

“Fluttershy. Look at me,” said Dash.

“Mmm?” she replied, facing Dash.

“This has gone too far. So I’m going to do this for your own good.”

“Do what?” she asked.

“Angel. Is. Dead.”

“But…”

“Stop right there!” yelled Dash. “He is dead! He will never come back! You need to move on! Destroying your own house because he only might be there? That isn’t healthy.”

Fluttershy stopped flapping her wings and slowly floated down to the floor, her head downcast. She sat down on the broken floor and said nothing.

“You need to get a grip,” said Dash softly. “The girls and I are here for you to help you and stuff, but you need to give up on Angel. He just isn’t coming back.”

Tears started pouring out of Fluttershy’s eyes and Dash could see her shoulders shaking with silent sobs.

“H-how do-o y-you kno-ow for s-sure?” she asked through her tears.

“Yesterday, Rarity told us that Alexander is an omni... eater, or something. He eats everything from plants to animals. Kinda like some of your animal friends. And then Twilight said that Angel’s approximate disappearance and Alexander’s approximate appearance are the same.” She also told me not to tell Fluttershy for any reason. But I think that she deserves to know.

“So… you think that Alexander… did... that… to… him…?” said Fluttershy, wiping her muzzle.

“That’s what Twilight said,” replied Dash. “But you would have to ask him yourself to get a straight answer."

Fluttershy was completely silent for a long time. Suddenly she pointed her head towards the ceiling and let loose a loud wail that sent shivers through Dash’s spine. The sound went on and on; her grief permeated every corner of the house.

After the long cry had ended, she lowered her head until her eyes leveled with Dash’s. Some ponies say that “The Stare” was a scary as Fluttershy could get. They were horribly mistaken. The look that Fluttershy gave Dash would haunt her for the rest of her life. It turned her legs to jelly, it wilted her hair, and it caused her bladder to “voice its opinion” all over the floor.

“Where is he!” demanded Fluttershy in a voice that could drive gods to their knees.

“T-t-twili-ght k-k-k-no-o-ows,” stuttered Dash, feeling the warm liquid leak down her back legs.

Fluttershy walked over the the axe lying next to Dash. She picked it up and tested the edge with her hoof. She nodded in satisfaction then slung it over her shoulder and flew out the door, making a perfectly straight line for the library.

What have I done...

Author's Note

You know... I treat the author's notes section of this story like a blog.
Guess what.
I don't care.
No one reads blogs. So anything that I actually want you to know I will continue to put here. It's not like it's against the rules anyway.

So on that note...
I came out with the third and final story of my Princesses and Nightmares trilogy. If you liked the first one (or two) then here is the link. 182,625 Days; Who Am I?
All of the stories happen at the same time/cover the same time period so you could start with this story if you want to.
I hope you enjoy it.
Or you could not. That works too.

Chapter 24: A Horse and an Axe

Chapter 24: A Horse and an Axe

The Same Day, Day Four of Alexander’s Calendar Stick, Early Evening…

Alex was lying down by the campfire. The sun was slowly setting and its golden glow was already hidden by the treetops. His eyes were closed and his breathing was slow while he listened to the sounds of the animals going about their lives.

He felt the heat from his fire slowly beginning to subside so -with his eyes still closed- he carefully placed a few more sticks on the fire to keep the blaze going.

He tried to keep calm while he battled with the thought that kept going around his mind. “What now?” he said, hoping that somehow saying the words out loud would make a difference. The thoughts just kept coming though. “Never again will I see my mother, my brother, my sister, or any of my friends.”

Alex rolled over onto his side and rested his head against his pillow, also know as a short log with some thick moss on it. “Just… stay calm, Alex. I’m sure everything will look better in the morning. The first of many pointless mor-” He just closed his mouth in mid-sentence so that he wouldn’t add to his already rising depression.

He shifted in place and tried to get comfortable, an extremely difficult task for anyone living in the wilderness. As he began to drift off he became aware of a disturbing phenomenon. The forest was completely silent.

Alex sat up straight and looked around. The forest was quickly getting dark because of the setting sun. Nothing… he thought, listening carefully.

He heard the sound of something moving towards him from the direction of the crazy horse place. Alex faced the direction of the sounds and shifted his balance to his uninjured leg.

Eventually he could hear what sounded like soft galloping. He picked up the stick he had been using as a crutch and held it in front of him like a bo staff. He tensely waited while the noise came closer and closer.

Without warning, a lion burst out of the foliage and tackled him to the ground. The lion stood over him with its forepaws on his shoulders. It looked at him with eyes filled with pure terror. Then, just as suddenly as it had appeared, it leapt off of Alex and disappeared into the forest. But not before Alex was able to see a pair of bat wings and a scorpion’s tail.

“Friggen mythological creature,” groaned Alex, getting back to his feet. He turned around and peered into the darkened trees, hoping to get a glimpse of the disappearing creature.

He had the thought that he should probably be afraid of whatever that beast was running from. I bet it’s right behind me. That’s how things work, right? Always look behind you, thought Alex, quickly looking behind him. Nothing.

“Hmmm… How usual...”

Alex felt a light breeze on his head. The cool air felt nice but there was a problem. This forest is too thick for a breeze, up until this point I haven’t felt so much as one puff of fresh air in here. So that means… Alex turned around again and was not disappointed this time.

“Hello, Alexander,” said the yellow pegasus sweetly, sitting by his fire.

“Your a quiet one, aren’t you?” Alex asked, noticing what looked like a wood axe glinting in the firelight.

“Can I ask you a question please?” she said, inspecting the axeblade.

“I guess,” said Alex, looking over his shoulder to make sure that whatever the lion thing was running from wasn’t sneaking up behind him.

“What do you eat?” she asked, locking her eyes on his.

“As I told your grey friend, I’m an omnivore, if it lives I’ll probably eat it. Most animals and many kinds of plants have made it into my mouth at one point or another,” he said.

“Hav-ve you e-ver eat-en a-a bun-ny?” she choked out, tears dripping from her eyes.

“Why do you ask?” Alex said, unsure if it would be a good idea to answer the question.

“Plea-se… jus-justt te-ll me…” she sobbed.

“Well you go away if I do?” asked Alex.

The pony nodded, still crying.

“Well, I ate one on the day I arrived and a few more since then, I think. The only reason I remember eating the first one was because it was using a carrot like a sword. There, will you leave me alone now?”

“Angel…” whispered the pony, closing her eyes and lowering her head.

“Now if you will excuse me, I have to worry about whatever that creature was running from.

“Do you mean the manticore?” she sniffed.

“If a manticore has the body of a lion, bat wings, and a scorpion's tail, then yes,” replied Alex.

“I know what he was running from…” she said quietly, stroking the axehead.

“In that case, would you mind telling me?” Alex asked. “I’d like to know what I could be up against.”

“Me...” she whispered, still not looking at him.

“Right… definitely running from the horrifying, yellow pegasus with a pink mane,” Alex said sarcastically.

Suddenly, her head shot up and her eyes locked on his. “Yes. Me,” she growled.

Those eyes… thought Alex, completely transfixed by the teal irises. He felt his legs weakening and his grip on the stick loosening because of the gaze. He was unable to do anything as the pegasus took to the air and slowly made her way over to him, the axe still in her hooves.

She stopped right in front of Alex and hovered at his eye-level. “This is for Angel. And all of the other animals you have eaten or might eat,” she hissed as she brought the axe above her head.

Alex was unable to respond or move because of the unnerving properties of the pony’s eyes. He felt like his head was both exploding and imploding while being beaten on. He tried to fight the pony’s glare but he couldn’t even blink.

However, as the pegasus brought down the axe, she made a crucial error. She closed her eyes.

As soon as her eyes closed, Alex felt his strength return. He immediately tightened his grip on the stick and thrust it upwards, angling it horizontally as he did so.

The stick met the axe right below the head, impacting the handle and damaging neither weapon.

The crack echoed throughout the night, scaring what few animals that hadn’t ran deeper into their holes.

The pony’s eyes snapped open, but Alex was not going to fall for that again. He kept his eyes off of her eyes and instead focused on her centermass. He yanked backward on his stick, causing the stick to catch on the axehead. The axe -and the pony hanging on to it- flew over his shoulder and landed behind him.

He quickly turned around and saw a low sweep coming at his knees from the right side. He hastily planted the stick in the ground and held it in the way of the axe’s path. The axe bounced off of the hard wood, but not before chipping the stick.

“You killed my little Angel!” screeched the yellow pony, sending diagonal attack after attack angling from his shoulder to his hip. There was hardly any variation in her strikes, she just hacked and hacked like she was cutting down a tree.

Alex blocked each consecutive attack, the stick vibrating violently with each blow. After five chops, he swung his injured leg backward. He then rapidly swung his leg forward -knee bent at a ninety degree angle- as the pony swung the axe back to prepare for another chop. His leg’s momentum pulled him forward and he slid to within striking distance. He drove his knee into the pony’s jaw with a dull clacking sound as he forcefully brought the stick down on the yellow hooves that were somehow grabbing the wooden handle.

The axe fell to the ground with a thud and the pony stumbled backward weakly.

Alex balanced carefully on his one good leg while he picked up the axe. He dropped the stick in favor of the bladed weapon and limped in for the kill.

The pony fell to the ground and started crying. “Why did it have to be Angel?” she sobbed. “Why?” She huddled herself into a ball and started rocking back and fourth. “Why Angel!” she wailed.

Alex stood over her shaking form and raised the axe.

“I just want my Angel back!” she yelled at nothing in particular. “Is that so wrong?!”

As Alex stood over her, he realized several things. I guess I don’t want to die yet. Not struggling at any point would have been the perfect opportunity to give up. Also, I don’t think she is emotionally stable. Which could be good or bad, depending on how you look at it. And most importantly, I referred to her as a pony.

“I friggen hate this place,” said Alex, swinging the axe downward with all his might.

The pony screamed and then fell silent.

Complete silence fell over the forest.

The blood spilled onto the earth.

The dying flesh quivered then fell motionless.

“Fluttershy?” called a different pony. “Twilight said that you would be somewhere around here…”

The rainbow-maned pegasus froze upon entering the clearing. Her gaze traveled between Alex, the bloody axe, and the motionless pony lying below him.

“I’m gonna kill you!” she screamed. “I’ll tear you limb from limb!”

I reiterate, I really, really, really friggen hate this place.

Author's Note

I was working on a little project that turned into a big project.
I almost gave my pre-reader a heart attack from cuteness.
Her suggested title of the story is: Puking Rainbows from D'awwws.
The actual name is I'm a Cat!
Check it out if you like. It was really fun to write and I hope you enjoy it.

Chapter 25: I Don't Even...

Chapter 25: I Don’t Even...

The Same Day, Day Four of Alexander’s Calendar Stick, Mid-Evening, One Second Later…

The yell had barely reached Alex’s ears before Rainbow-something began rocketing toward him. He left the axe buried in the ground and brought his arms in front of him.

Not a half second later, the pegasus smashed her hooves into his raised arms. Alex wobbled slightly and had to put some pressure on his injured leg, but was nonetheless able to keep his balance.

His arm quickly shot out, and his knuckles clipped Rainbow’s jaw. She spun around in the air twice then fell to the ground facing away from Alex. This is going to hurt, he thought as he watched her pick up her hind legs. He watched her legs move toward him almost in slow-motion, already wincing slightly in preparation for the expected pain.

Alex was not disappointed.

Rainbow’s buck was slightly off center, but because of that, even more painful. One of her hooves impacted Alex’s outer right thigh, while the other ended up in a much more tender area.

Unfortunately for Rainbow, the usually devastating attack left her in a rather exposed position with her rear in the air. Normally, it wouldn’t be a problem, and she would be fine. This was not normal. Alex, being rather experienced in taking pain was not immobilized by it. Hurt and angry, but not motionless.

Alex grunted in pain as he brought down his fist and returned the favor, hitting the pegasus right underneath her raised tail.

She squealed in pain and locked her legs out, hitting Alex in the exact same spot. It hurt much more the second time around.

Alex fell over on his side and curled up slightly, grunting in pain and clutching his aching crotch. Rainbow fell onto her stomach then quickly rolled to her side, also covering her aching crotch.

“I hate you,” she groaned.

“The feeling’s mutual,” he grunted.

“Why’d you do it?” Rainbow said, still wincing in pain.

“Do what?” Alex responded.

“Kill Fluttershy! What else would I ask?!” she shouted angrily, staring at Alex.

So that’s her name… “You actually think I would kill a mentally and emotionally distressed… being… if I could avoid it?”

“You broke my wing, suffocated me, broke Pinkies ribs, traumatized Ditzy, and buried an axe in Fluttershy!” she yelled, tears forming in her eyes. “What do you think!?”

“Hey! I had a legitimate reason for all those things-” Alex said, sitting up slowly and painfully.

“So you admit you killed her!” she shouted, standing up on shaking hooves.

“You didn’t let me finish. I was-”

“You don’t deserve to finish!” Rainbow yelled, jumping at him with the help of her wings.

Alex lazily locked out his arm and waited for her to run into it. She rammed her forehead into his palm, but her legs weren't long enough to reach him. She struggled in vain to hit him for a few seconds, waving her legs about wildly.

Alex grabbed her muzzle with his hand and roughly shoved her face into the dirt. He dragged her face along the ground until she was close to him.

“S...p…!” she yelled, getting a mouthful of whatever happened to be beneath her.

Alex placed his left elbow on her head and grabbed the base of her right wing. He then used his other hand to forcefully extend her wing; he wrapped his hand around the middle joint, forcibly squeezing it to prevent her from folding her wing.

Rainbow continued struggling so Alex put more weight on her head and slowly began bending her wing against the joint. “Remember what I said last time?” he asked. “Stop struggling, and it will stop hurting.”

“MmmmMMmmMmm!” came the angry, muffled reply. Rainbow just fought harder.

Alex slowly began applying more and more pressure to both her head and wing, forcing her face into the ground as well as providing pain to the back of her head and wing. “I can do this all day, but... I… uhhhhh… don’t think your friend has that long...” he said staring at the yellow pony.

“MMmmmMmmmM?” yelled Rainbow, slowing her struggles.

“See for yourself,” said Alex, lifting his weight off of her head and relaxing his grip on her wing.

Rainbow lifted her face out of the furrow that it had created and gave Alex a dirty look. She followed his gaze to Fluttershy, who was no longer lying motionless. Motionless would have been a much better sight than the one they were seeing.

“Oohhh baby…” moaned Fluttershy quietly, repeatedly thrusting her hips against a large tree.

“Uhhh… what?” asked Rainbow.

Fluttershy began kissing the bark, giggling quietly to herself.

“...Not quite what I was expecting…” said Alex slowly.

Rainbow let out a snicker, which let to a giggle, that led to laughter, that became full guffaws. She began pounding her hooves on the ground in her mirth.

Alex released the wing and watched her roll around, hardly seeming to breath. He looked between Rainbow, who was laughing so hard she was crying, and Fluttershy, who was grinding her hips against the bark while attempting to give the tree a French kiss. He couldn’t help but smile and shake his head slightly as she got her tongue stuck in the bark.

“You know I like it rough…” she moaned after getting her tongue free. “What’s that?” Fluttershy placed her ear against the tree, nodding and focusing her attention on Rainbow. “Ohhhhh, Dashieeeee!” she screeched. “It’s threesome time!”

Rainbow wasn’t laughing anymore. “Huh-wait-what!?” she yelled, quickly getting to her hooves.

“Me and Mister Tree are going to rape you senseless,” she said happily, as if wishing someone –Sorry, somepony. Frikin alternate dimensional pronouns– happy birthday.

“No, no, no, no, no, no, no, I’m fine,” said Rainbow, backing up slowly.

“But Mister Tree insists,” said Fluttershy, walking closer.

“But, uhhhhhhh... I… have-previous-plans-lose-my-virginity-and-they-don’t-include-a-tree!” she yelled, slurring her speech.

“Oh that’s okay, he doesn't mind; Mister Tree doesn't care what your plans were. He has wood all the time, and it’s our duty to be there for him as his personal playthings,” Fluttershy said, smiling and stepping closer. “It’s not like you have a choice anyway.” Her grin became unstable looking as she began sprinting for the nervously shifting pegasus.

“It’s not funny anymore!” yelled Rainbow, running away from her. “Fluttershy? Fluttershy! Snap out of it!” she yelled, circling the small clearing with the drooling yellow pegasus right behind her.

“There are no breaks on the rape train!” yelled Fluttershy.

“What does that even mean!?” asked Rainbow over her shoulder.

“Suck on his acorns!”

Alex lost any semblance of composure that he might have held. He started laughing uncontrollably as he watched the pegasi running in circles around him.

“What did you do to her?!” asked Rainbow.

“Noth-ing! But you have some pretty weird bugs around here!” he replied, laughing hysterically.

“Well, do something! We can’t leave her like this!” Rainbow yelled angrily.

“Come on, Dashie! It’ll be fun!”

“On the contrary, I don’t have to do anything,” snickered Alex.

“So help me I will–Get your hooves off me!” she shouted at Fluttershy. “I can’t carry her back with my healing wing, that you broke I’ll add. And she wouldn’t have even been out here if you weren’t. Any way I look at it’s your fault!”

“Your point?” asked Alex, still laughing as he watched them running around him.

“Do! Something! I don’t want to have sex with a tree!”

“You do something, I’m too busy watching,” replied Alex, calming down slightly but still smiling. “Anyways, I want to see some of that hot pony on tree action. I mean come on, who wouldn’t?”

“I hate you.”

“I know,” he laughed.

Fluttershy pounced on Rainbow and pinned her wings to her sides. “We’re ready to play… Are you ready to come?” she breathily asked, kissing up and down Rainbows neck.

“...This is wrong on so many levels…” she groaned. “What happened to her?”

“Hell if I know. A big black spider came and bit her on the neck. I killed it with the axe right after it did, but evidently some venom was injected into her,” he replied, still smiling in amusement. “...So why aren’t you doing anything again?” he asked as Fluttershy grabbed her tail in her mouth and began dragging her towards “Mister Tree”.

“Because it’s Fluttershy. She’s sickeningly sweet, astonishingly adorable, and all around shy. She is so gentle that she can pet the wings of a butterfly. I’m not going to risk hurting her.”

As if on cue, Fluttershy spanked Rainbow on her right buttcheek. “Show me dat plot!”

Rainbow leapt straight into the air, yelping uncontrollably. “Ahhhhhhhh!” she screamed. Upon landing, she spun around on her hooves and grabbed onto Fluttershy’s face with her forelegs. “What the buck are you do–” she began screeching.

Fluttershy rapidly closed the distance between them and kissed Rainbow, cutting her off. Alex could see the blush forming on her cheeks as the red contrasted with her blue coat. He also noted that her wings started opening more and more as the kiss continued.

“Awwww… That’s so sweet…” cooed Alex sarcastically.

Rainbow roughly shoved the mildly insane pegasus away from her. “Not a word,” she sputtered. “Not. A. Word.” She struggled with her half open wings for a second before leaving them alone. “You have no idea how hard it was to convince everypony I’m straight.”

“I won’t judge you.”

“But I’m not a–” she sputtered indignantly.

“I’m so sexy!” interrupted Fluttershy, passing out and falling over on her face. She began to snore quietly.

"..."

"..."

"..."

“It's official, I love that spider,” chuckled Alex. “While we’re speaking of it, what’s it called?”

“I’m not an egghead! How should I know?” she replied angrily.

“Rather an interesting name for a spider…” he murmured, stroking his beard.

“...I’m leaving now. Don’t follow me.” Rainbow grabbed Fluttershy’s pink tail and looked around at the darkened forest. She chose a direction and began walking backwards, dragging Fluttershy across the ground.

“Don’t you want to stay here for the night?” he asked. “You know, in the firelight where it’s safe?”

“I have to get Fluttershy to the hospital,” she replied through the tail.

“You know you’re going the wrong way, right?” Alex called.

“I’m the one and only Rainbow Dash, I always go the right way!” she yelled, already out of sight.

Alex shook his head. “Stupid horse…”

“I heard that!”

He heard the distinct sound of the wooden wolves howling in the distance.

Damn you conscious. Alex picked up a hefty stick out of the fire that was burning at one end. He stomped the fire into ash and followed the direction that the ponies had taken.

Author's Note

I just don't know what went wrong...
This was supposed to be a serious chapter... But then I got this crazy idea and I couldn't stop writing.
I'm so sorry! :fluttershbad:

Chapter 26: Out of the Forest

Chapter 26: Out of the Forest...

Night, Sometime After Leaving Alexander...

Rainbow Dash was dragging the unconscious, mentally depraved pegasus through the almost pitch black forest. The moon and the stars provided some illumination but nowhere near enough to counter the treacherous footing, if she was actually looking where she was going that is.

She stubbornly tugged backward, often running into trees and bushes. “Why… are you so... heavy?” she panted through Fluttershy’s tail. “If I was flying… I could carry you… no problem...”

“But Mister Tree,” Fluttershy protested sleepily, “I want to ride the pony…”

“Go back to bed, Fluttershy,” commanded Dash.

“What are we going to do in bed, Dashie?” asked Fluttershy slowly, her chin bouncing over a root.

“Nothing, go to sleep!” she yelled through the tail.

“So you want to sleep with me?” she asked, yawning and looking over her shoulder at Dash.

“...”

Fluttershy attempted—and somehow succeeded—to wiggle her hips seductively. “You know you want some of this,” she whispered.

“I… need to find that hospital,” Dash muttered to herself, closing her eyes and backing into another tree with a thud.

The tree growled.

Oh, come on! Really? Dash slowly opened her eyes. She let go of Fluttershy’s tail and turned around to face glowing yellow eyes several hooves above her own. Dash swallowed nervously and gently brushed off the wooden chest. “S-Sorry about that,” she murmured, averting her eyes.

The Timberwolf growled again, long and low; it didn’t take it’s eyes off Dash’s foreleg as it slowly traveled across its chest.

“I’ll just be going now…” she murmured, backing up carefully.

More growling came from behind her.

She turned around to see that two more Timberwolves had sneaked up behind her when she wasn’t looking.

Fluttershy rolled onto her back and spread open her legs. “My body is ready,” she whispered, staring at the closest Timberwolf with half lidded eyes.

In spite of their impending doom, Dash facehooved.

Two more wolves joined the others. Dash and Fluttershy were now surrounded on all sides by the growling beasts.

Dash flared her wings and made her decision. What use is trying to protect my injured wing from further harm if we die anyways? Bucking the wolf behind her, she leaped forward and wrapped her forelegs around Fluttershy. Pushing off the ground, she rocketed into the sky. She immediately felt an intense pain stemming from her tail. “Hey!” she yelped as tone of the Timberwolves continued yanking on her tail.

The wolf tensed it neck and pulled down rapidly and violently, causing Dash to slam into the ground. She lay there winded as the wolves closed in, their glowing eyes flickering hungrily. One of the wolves seemed to grin as it came closer to their helpless bodies.

“Sorry... I could...n’t do any...thing, Flutter...shy,” Dash wheezed, struggling—and failing—to get to her hooves.

“It’ssskay,” slurred Fluttershy, looking over at Dash. “Wee-can have good sexies in heavn...” She giggled, “I’m soooooo hiiiiiiiiiigh…”

Dash didn’t respond as the lead wolf opened its mouth wide. It leaned forward and forcefully bit into her wing, severing it completely. As if that was the signal to attack, the wolves went wild, tearing, pummeling, snapping, and shedding the pegasi apart. They ripped limbs, tore flesh, and chewed through one of Dash’s eyes, spilling blood across the forest floor.

“Stop!” yelled a voice.

Dash weakly looked up with her one remaining eye to see Alexander brandishing a torch. “Get out of here!” he yelled, swinging the fire around menacingly.

The wolves took one look at the fire and turned fled, their tails between their legs. The scampered off into the dark trees, whimpering softly

Alexander slowly walked over to her, inspecting her as he came. He stopped right in front her her and crouched down. He took one one of his paws and began stroking her ear softly with it. “How are you feeling?” he asked quietly.

She spat a bit of blood out of her mouth before responding. “Great,” she rasped. “Is Fluttershy okay?” she asked.

His eyes flicked over her shoulder. “More or less,” he replied. “But you’re worse than she is.”

“How bad is it?” she asked, a numb feeling spreading over her.

“Very bad,” he elaborated. “But, not knowing your anatomy, I can’t tell exactly how bad.”

“Think you can help me up?” she wheezed. “I can walk if you get me up.” She weakly began pushing herself to her hooves, slowly rising from the hard ground.

His eyes hardened. “No,” he stated.

“Wh—”

Alexander cut her off by shoving the burning torch deep into her throat. She tried to scream but all that came out was a soft whimper. Her spit began sizzling and her chest felt like it was on fire. Her one remaining eyes watered up and cried relentlessly down her cheek.

In the gentle moonlight she could see Alexander’s maniacal grin as the world slowly went black…

Dash jerked in place, opening her eyes quickly.

Immediately, Rainbow felt several things: a serious ache emanating from her hindquarters, a burning thirst in her mouth, and the feeling of soft fur nuzzling the side of her head and her ear.

She felt her lips crack as she opened them to try and speak. All that she managed to produce was a small croak. She looked at her ribs to see a pair of yellow forelegs wrapped around her midsection. A yellow face with a blissful expression on it nuzzled its way from the back of her head to her cheek. “Fluttershy,” is what she tried to say. “F…….h.” is what she actually said.

“Stupid heavy ponies,” groaned Alexander from below her. "I swear..."

Wait… Below? Dash looked down and saw treetops and the dawn sky, she looked up to see the ground and Alexander's legs. Looking “down” again, she saw the back of Alexander’s head. Both her and Fluttershy’s rumps were pointing towards the sky and their tails were twisted together and looped over his shoulder. They both bounced against his back as he walked with uneven steps.

“Down…” she whispered, finally wetting her mouth enough so she was able to get a word out.

“Huh? Took your sweet time waking up didn’t you?” said Alexander, unceremoniously lifting them off of his shoulder and setting them face first on the ground. “What did you eat yesterday? Too much?”

Dash lazily waved a hoof in his general direction, mumbling incoherently.

“That’s what I thought. You both need to lose a few pounds,” he grunted, sitting down in front of her. He set down his makeshift cane next to him and carefully massaged around the injury on his leg.

Dash eyed him, and the torch he was holding, warily and tried to shuffle away from him but only managed to cuddle closer to Fluttershy, who hugged her even more firmly and chewed on her ear.

“What?” he asked, noting her discomfort.

She shook her head, not wanting to tell him even if she could.

“Thirsty?” he asked.

Dash reluctantly nodded.

“Good.”

Her eyes widened as he stood up and walked closer.

“What?” he asked again.

She shook her head, not taking her eyes off of his face.

He bent down and slid his paws underneath Dash. Lifting her and Fluttershy upwards, he hugged them to his chest, grunting as he walked forward.

Dash struggled to see where they were going, but Fluttershy’s head was in the way. Instead, she concentrated on Alexander’s face, looking up and watching for that maniacal grin she remembered.

After a few more hobbling steps, he stopped. He looked down at Dash and smiled. “Hope you can swim,” he said cheerfully, letting go of them.

Dash didn’t have time to respond, before she could even look at him angrily, she hit the cool water. “Ahhhhh…” she sighed as the water soothed her aching backside. Opening her mouth, she drank large gulps of the fresh water, finally giving the much needed moisture to her mouth.

She felt something grab around her mane and pull her head out of the water. “You can swim, right?” asked Alexander.

“I’m Rainbow Dash! Of course I can you st—”

“Great.” He dunked her back under the water, cutting her off.

She broke the surface again, sputtering and coughing. “W-hat was th-at for?” she asked, giving him a dirty look.

“You were going to insult me, but quite honestly, I didn’t—and still don’t—want to hear it. I did just save your lives; I think I deserve at least a little respect.”

Dash put her forelegs on the edge on the deep pond and took a few seconds to digest the information. “Saved our lives?” she echoed, trying to remember what happened. Well, it definitely wasn’t a Timberwolf attack, I’ve seen how that plays out.

“Do you remember what happened last night?” he asked, cocking an eyebrow.

“...Yes. But… uhhhh… you should tell me to make sure that I know that you know, you know?”

“You don’t remember,” stated Alexander.

“Do too!” she replied indignantly.

“I’m all ears. Please, enlighten me.”

“There were… ummmmanticores. Yeah! Three Manticores. And I fought them off, but then you came and I had to save you. And then after I beat a five of those eight Hydras, you got hurt. And then I guarded you and Fluttershy from the ten angry dragons that were left with my hooves tied behind my back. And then I—”

“You ate poisonous berries and passed out five minutes after leaving my campsite,” he interjected.

The rest of the air left Dash’s lungs with a quiet huff.

“Didn’t anyone ever tell you not to eat the strange berries from the foreboding bush surrounded by unconscious animals inside the creepy forest at night?”

“...No,” mumbled Dash.

“Well then, I’m telling you now. Don’t eat the strange berries from the foreboding bush surrounded by unconscious animals inside the creepy forest at night,” stated Alexander. “It’s really a bad habit.”

“Fine…” she muttered, still not remembering the incident. “But—”

“Where’s Fluttershy?” he asked suddenly. “Did she ever come back up for air?”

“I don’t know…” said Dash looking around. She felt a pair of hooves on her cutie marks; the hooves made small, circular rubbing motions down her thighs and closer to her... more intimate regions, and Dash felt a pony’s body hug her from behind.

“I’m really wet right now…” whispered Fluttershy, slowly peeking her head above the water.

Well of course you’re wet, we’re in wate… that’s not what you… oh no… Dash quickly scrambled out of the water. “Stay away from me!” she yelled over her shoulder.

“But, Dashie!” protested Fluttershy.

“Yeah, Dashie, have some fun with your friend,” taunted Alexander.

“Stop it, Alexander!” she shouted. “Not helping!”

He stood up and motioned her closer as Fluttershy struggled to climb out of the pool of water. After a second of hesitation, she trotted over. “What?” she asked quickly.

Fluttershy finally managed to climb out of the water and walked closer, her eyes set solely on Dash.

Alexander stepped forward and pulled out a thick vine; he wrapped a loop of it around Fluttershy’s neck as she got within a hoof of Dash. He pulled the vine snug and nodded. “Now, we’re good. Ready to go?”

“What are you doing to Fluttershy?!” Dash screamed, stomping her hooves and flaring her wings, “She’s not a dog!”

“No, of course not. She a sex-crazed, mostly insane, probably high, possibly dying, pony with wings.”

“That’s no—”

“Do you want me to take off the leash?” he asked, giving her a bit of slack. She jerked forward and tried to kiss Dash but came a few inches short.

“Fine,” grunted Dash, shying away from her drooling lips

“Alright then, lead the way.”

“Why me?” asked Dash.

“Because it’s you she wants, she’ll follow if you lead,” said Alexander, straining slightly with the leash.

“No. You lead,” demanded Dash, crossing her forelegs in front of her.

“Are you sure?” Alexander gave Fluttershy a bit more slack, letting her get even closer to Dash.

“Fine!” yelled Dash, trotting off toward the town.

“Congratulations, you are actually going the right way this time,” said Alexander, tucking his stick under his arm even more firmly.

“I’m Rainbow Dash, I always go the right way—wait… what do you mean by that?” she asked looking over her shoulder.

“Nothing, carry on,” he replied.

“Just don’t let her get close to me, or you’ll regret it,” she commanded, staring into Alexander’s eyes.

“Got it,” he said, smiling and winking.

Dash shivered as she once again remembered the smile from her dream. She shrugged it off and faced forward, heading for the town once again.

The entire time, Fluttershy’s eyes never left Dash, and she struggled against the vine around her neck.

“See the ass?” enticed Alexander, pointing towards Rainbow’s swaying hips. “Come on, girl, see the ass? See the ass, girl?”

Fluttershy nodded rapidly.

“Go get it!” he urged, “Go get that sexy ass! If you catch it, you can have it,” he finished with a whisper.

Fluttershy nodded again and pulled at the vine, heading towards Dash.

The strange procession slowly made its way through the forest; in the lead was Dash, looking over her shoulder nervously every once in a while to make sure that Fluttershy didn’t get too close. Fluttershy was second, keeping her eyes glued to Dash’s backside and muttering to herself about something. And Alexander came last, keeping a firm hold on Fluttershy’s leash.

Dash could see the forest getting lighter in front of her. “I think we’re almost out!” she shouted, sprinting forward.

“My ass!” shouted Fluttershy. “Come back here!” She pulled as hard as she could and flapped her wings, almost pulling Alexander over.

“Wait, Dash! Walk slower!” he called, walking faster to keep up with the pegasus on his leash.

Dash broke free of the forest and immediately ran into purple.

“Gah!” screamed the purple.

“Twilight?” asked Dash.

“Dash?” asked Twilight.

Just then, Fluttershy burst through the foliage with Alexander close behind her.

Dash, Fluttershy, and Alexander stared at Twilight… and what looked like the entire town standing right behind her.

“Huh,” said Dash.

“Huh," agreed Alexander.

“Somepony get over here and mount me!” shouted Fluttershy.

The sound of stupefied expressions and wingboners echoed throughout the crowd.

Author's Note

Yay! More Fluttershy nonsense!

On another note: I can't help myself... self-promoting here is just too addictive. I'm sorry...
I came out with a new story that involves some Ditzy shipping.
Check it out if you like.

Chapter 27: Introductions

Chapter 27: Introductions

Wednesday, Mid-Morning, A Few Seconds of Awkward Staring Later…

Immediately, the sound on enraged females echoed through the crowd. Enraged females hitting sexually aroused males, that is.

“How could you?!”

*Smack*

“I thought what we had was special!”

*Thump*

“I can’t believe you!”

*Whap*

“How dare you!”

*Thunk*

“You're right, that is hot…. Take me right now….”

I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that… thought Ditzy, edging away from the offending couple.

Twilight had organized the town to form a search party this morning. When her friends didn’t return last night she grew more and more worried. Eventually, she roped almost everyone in the town–minus the foals–into starting a search party, though, Pinkie was sad that she wasn’t able to attend. I even got off of work today! Apparently, lost ponies take precedence over the post, Ditzy thought, smiling slightly. Which is good, because I was going to be late for work today anyway.

Ditzy looked at Alexander. He didn’t look too much different, but… there was something off about him. His skin seemed a bit shiny and pale. I know I’m no doctor, but that doesn’t look quite right, she thought. Last time I saw him I don’t remember his skin looking like that—

Snapping out of her trance, she found that Twilight was shouting at him. “...did you do to Fluttershy!” she screeched, rushing forward. Twilight started scanning Fluttershy with her horn, and she placed a foreleg in front of her mouth to check for breathing.

The crowd stared at Alexander.

“How is she?” asked Rainbow Dash, joining Twilight by Fluttershy’s body.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with her, so I can’t tell!” Twilight said frantically, checking her heartbeat and pulse in quick succession.

Alexander stared at the crowd.

“Alexander... Alexander!” Dash shouted. “What did you say bit her?”

“Hm?” Alexander didn’t break his concentration as he replied, “Oh, it was some big black spider.”

“Not helping! Did it have any distinguishing features? Or even better, do you have it with you?” Twilight quickly asked, gently rolling Fluttershy onto her back.

“Bring that thing with me? Are you crazy?” he stated, wiping a foreleg across his forehead. “I did not–and still don’t–want to end up like her.”

The crowd still didn’t take their eyes off of Alexander.

“Did you see the spider?” asked Twilight.

“No,” Dash shook her head. “Me and Alexander were banging each other up, and then when I looked up she was having sex with a tree!”

“So… you had an orgy… in the forest… with a tree, Fluttershy, and Alexander?” asked Twilight, glancing up at her friend.

“Sooooooo hoooot,” whispered the same mare from earlier.

“What? No! We were fighting!” said Dash, struggling not to blush. “I thought he had killed Fluttershy!”

“That was a terrible way to describe what happened,” he said, shaking his head slightly.

“Well, you do better!” Dash retorted.

Alexander’s eyes met Ditzy’s good eye. He lingered for a split-second before returning to his sweeps of the crowd; he gave no indication that he had even seen her.

“We…” Twilight facehooved.

“What?” asked Dash.

“The entire town is in front of me.”

“So?”

“Where’s the doctor?” Twilight shouted. “Get over here!”

A tan stallion in a white coat was roughly shoved out of the crowd. The mass of ponies shut behind him like a door. “H-hi,” he mumbled, taking a longing look back at the crowd.

“Help her!” said Dash, shoving him past Alexander and over to Fluttershy.

The stallion swallowed nervously and peered over his shoulder.

“What?” rumbled Alexander, meeting his gaze.

“Nothing!” shouted the doctor, turning away.

The crowd held its breath as the doctor examined Fluttershy. Except for the one couple who was breathing heavily; Ditzy tried her best to ignore them.

“A-and, uh, what are the, uh, symptoms?” he stuttered.

“She tried to have sex with Dash and a tree,” said Alexander.

“Totally not cool,” muttered Dash.

“A tree you say? Has F-fluttershy ever-r express-sed any particular… interest… in trees before?” the doctor asked, feeling her pulse.

“Not in this way!” said Twilight, wringing her hooves. “Though she did say that she wanted to be a tree once…”

The doctor nodded. “I know what happened to her, and we need to get her to the hospital. R-right away,” said the doctor. “Take her to the Emergency Room immediately!” he shouted at the crowd.

“What is it?” asked Twilight as two burly earth ponies rolled Fluttershy onto a stretcher and lifted her on their shoulders

“Well, the description of the creature that bit her—provided by this wonderful gentlestallion.” The doctor looked over his shoulder to see an unnerving smile on Alexander’s face. “Com-com-bined with the only sim-symptom can mean only one thing…” He looked back at Twilight and locked eyes with her. “College unicorns.”

“What?” asked Twilight.

“What?” echoed Dash.

The crowd was still silent, unsure of the new creature standing in front of them.

“You heard m-me,” said the doctor. “Take a b-bunch of young, stupid unicorns, s-school them in advanced m-magic, and don’t keep a close eye o-on them? That’s a recipe for that.” He pointed at the rapidly disappearing Fluttershy.

“And what exactly is that?” asked Alexander, causing the doctor to jump.

“W-w-well, uh...”

“Spit it out already!” shouted Dash.

The stallion took a deep breath and closed his eyes. “They created a spider who’s venom amplifies random fetishes you have—or might not have. But it usually uses an existing fetish. They wanted to explore the ‘Magic of Fetish’ without inhibitions.”

The implications of his words set in.

“So Fluttershy actually wants to have sex with me and ‘Mister Tree’?!” shouted Dash.

“It’s entirely possible,” answered the doctor, doing his best to forget exactly what was standing near him. Though, while he seemed to be concentrating on not concentrating on Alexander, he also seemed to be trying to figure out exactly what he was concentrating on not concentrating on.

“Thank you, you can go,” said Twilight.

The stallion nodded thankfully and rushed back into the crowd.

“So…” she said, looking out at the unblinking assembly.

The crowd hardly even breathed; Alexander began to take slow steps backward toward the forest.

“Hey, Twilight? Who is that behind you?” called out Ditzy. I hope this works.

“Thank you for asking!” said Twilight, grasping onto the sentence like she would a dusty, old tome. “This is Alexander!” she announced, proudly waving her forelegs at him. “He’s a bit new, so lets all give him a warm Ponyville welcome!”

Nopony said anything.

“And what is he?” she called out again.

“Alexander is a newly discovered, sentient species classified as a hyuman!” Twilight answered excitedly.

This is not going well.

“I think I’ll just be going now,” said Alexander, backing up further.

“But-but you can’t leave yet,” pleaded Twilight. “I haven't run any test—I mean, checked your overall health at the hospital.”

Alexander motioned Twilight closer and whispered in her ear.

“Come on, really?” said Dash, overhearing them. “Nuh-uh.”

He rolled his eyes and took a few long, limping strides closer to the crowd. He leaned down right in front of Ditzy and stared at her. “Boo.”

It’s the battle cry of the she-demon! Everypony for themselves!” screamed a mare from the horde, spreading panic like a wildfire.

Ponies ran everywhere, screaming hysterically; they ran into each other, the walls, the ground, and each other again. Carts were overturned, and doors were almost broken off their hinges as ponies occasionally took refuge in houses that were already occupied.

Within seconds, the entire area was completely bare. The only beings who remained were Applejack, Rarity, Twilight, Rainbow, Ditzy, and Alexander.

“Told you they were ready to panic,” said Alexander, straightening up.

“So they were…” said Twilight.

“Now, why’d you have to go an’ do that?” asked Applejack.

He replied by shrugging. “Why not? I’m just going back into the forest anyways.”

“No way!” shouted Rainbow. “You have to pay for what you did to Fluttershy!”

“And what did I do exactly?”

“...Give me a minute.”

“Under law one two eight five five nine three, section nine seven point four, I am hereby authorized to take all actions necessary–starting with diplomacy of course–to prevent another panic attack among the citizens of Ponyville. By proving that you cause panic, you fall under this category,” said Twilight.

“That was a new law Celestia implemented after the whole ‘Zecora Debacle’,” whispered Rarity in Ditzy’s ear.

“Say what?” asked Alexander.

“It means that—”

“Yeah, I know what it means. But why are you doing this to me? I just want to go back to my forest.”

“But, knowledge!” said Twilight, causing Ditzy to giggle quietly and Dash to shake her head. “I have to write a book on the study of you, the only hyuman in Equestria!”

“Well first of all it’s not ‘hyuman’ it’s human, stop saying it like it’s a disease. And second: no. I’m leaving, and you can’t stop me.”

“But…”

“Please?”

“No.”

“Can I scan you just once?”

Alexander paused. “Will you leave me alone for the rest of your natural life?”

“Do I have to?” she asked hesitantly.

“Only if you want your stupid scan,” answered Alexander.

“Fine…” Twilight sighed, lighting up her horn.

“Remove all articles of clothing please,” she said sadly.

Alexander turned around and started walking away.

“No, no, wait! Nevermind! You’re fine, just please stop moving,” she pleaded.

“You have one minute,” he said, stopping and facing her.

She started at the top of his head and slowly worked her way down.

“At least she was able to scan him once,” said Rarity to the other mares. “Hopefully she can get a decent bit of information out of it. Otherwise we’d never hear the end of it.”

“Probably still won’t,” muttered Dash.

“Are we even sure he’ll stay in the forest?” asked Applejack.

“Beats me,” said Dash, “but I’ll be glad if I never see him again.” She rubbed at her crotch as she spoke.

...Why is she...? I don’t even want to know.

Twilight let out a massive gasp. “Your leg is infected! To the hospital!” she screeched.

“Wait—”

Twilight and Alexander disappeared in an explosion of bright light.

“...Darn it,” said Rainbow.

“I suppose we should go an’ meet her there,” said Applejack.

“I agree, she may need help convincing Alexander that the teleport was necessary. Just imagine trying to get him through town on hoof!” Rarity shivered. “It would be like Zecora all over again, but worse.”

“Mind if I come along too?” asked Ditzy. It’s not like I have anything better to do.

“Not at all, darling.”

“What are you waiting for? Let’s go!” shouted Dash, sprinting for the hospital.

Applejack shrugged and ran after her.

“Let’s keep our pace at a much more reasonable one, shall we?” said Rarity, daintily trotting after her rambunctious friends.

“Sure,” said Ditzy, keeping step with her.

Author's Note

Hey everybody! I'm back! Hope you enjoyed the chapter.
It's been over a month since I wrote anything about this story, so please tell me if I derped up too badly.

Aside from that, I came out with another new story. Yay me!
Honesty and Lies
It's about Applejack.
I can't believe I wrote something about Applejack.
Though, I will give you a warning, it's [Sad] and [Dark].

Prologue

PROLOGUE

Alexander's opponent hit the mat, hard enough to render him unconscious if he had landed on his head. Jake groaned as he got himself to his feet. He looked unsteady but Alexander knew it was only a ploy to get him to drop his guard just enough for Jake to deliver one of his bone-crunching sidekicks he was so fond of.

"Even though I started first then convinced you start training all those years ago," said Jake as he wiped the sweat from his brow and swayed on his feet."You might be better than me. I didn't even see your knee."

"Well of course you didn't see my knee, otherwise why'd you end up on the floor?"

"Magic?"

"Right, magic," Alex shook his head and sighed.

Right as Alex's eyes moved the fraction of an inch required for a head shake Jake spun around sending the back of his heel in a wide horizontal arc toward Alex's head which Alex dodged by simply moving his head backward, Jake followed up with a jump sidekick, driving his heel into the center of Alex's chest causing all of the air to be pushed out of his lungs in order to absorb the impact. Alex took the sidekick grunting in pain then grabbed Jake's foot, sidestepping his leg and brought the point of his elbow into the center of Jake's thigh twice in quick succession before Jake was able to push Alex away. Before he could recover his balance and get both of his legs on the ground Alex placed a sidekick directly in the middle of Jake's other thigh, weakening both legs and following up with a sweep that Jake was unable to avoid or counter due to the weakened condition of his legs. Alex then crouched down to where Jake lay and after a second or two had Jake locked in an arm bar. At this point Jake knew it was all over, too much pressure on his arm like that would start tearing muscle. He tapped the mat to signify the end of the match.

"I'm done, you win this this time, Alex," said Jake in villainous sounding voice, "But I'll be back next week and then you will feel my wrath!"

"Sure I will," said Alex as he helped his friend to his feet. "You and what army?"

"The same one that you used to beat me"

Alex rolled his eyes as they walked over to their lockers and started removing their padding. Everything was silent for a few minutes except for the sound of two men breathing heavily after over one hour of sparring with no breaks. No words were required as they walked out of Jake's Dojo. After Jake locked the door they started walking down the sidewalk towards their houses.

"So, whats new with you?" said Alex, still wincing a little from Jake's well placed sidekick.

"Just same old, same old," Jake responded, "work, running the Dojo, you know, the usual. How about you?"

"Same here, minus the Dojo."

"Hey, what about your girlfriend, how is that working out?"

Alex gave an almost inaudible sigh before responding. "She broke up with me."

"Sorry to hear that, what happened?"

"She gave me an ultimatum and said, 'your martial arts or me,' said it was taking up too much of my time. Guess which one I chose."

"Sheesh, that's harsh. Well, this is my street, I'll see you later Alex." Jake said while turning down a side road.

"Yeah, I'll see you around Jake."

After Jake left Alex continued walking down the side walk towards his apartment. Due to it being sometime after nine o'clock the street he was walking was dark and devoid of life. Except for a man in a nondescript black hoodie and jeans, walking towards Alex. When he reached Alex he tapped on his shoulder from behind.

"Can you see them," said the man, "do you see the blue elephants?"

"What elephants?" Alex said turning around.

"They are everywhere," he whispered.

"Why don't you go home and get some rest." said Alex noticing the crazed look to his eyes.

"I'm so sorry," said the man sadly, pulling out a revolver, "if you can't see them then they already have you, and once they have you they don't let you go."

"I don't want any trouble," Alex said calmly, as you would to a rabid dog, while slowly backing towards the front door of his apartment building which is ironically only ten feet away. Barely any distance at all, unless there is a gun pointed at you, it could be a mile and it still wouldn't make much of a difference. Thought Alex.

"I will purge you of their influence! Prepare for your sacrifice of blood!" Screamed the man, spittle flying from his lips as he advanced unsteadily. "Be free!" He yelled, firing the gun repeatedly, every shot punctuated by another cry of "Be free!" or crazed laughter. After emptying the cylinder he threw the gun with surprising accuracy after missing four out of the five shots with the revolver.

The heavy piece of steel flew through the air, seemingly in slow motion, hitting Alex in the temple rendering him unconscious.

The man looked at what he had done, shrugged and walked over to the middle of the street and sat down. He then pulled out a large knife and started cutting his left forearm screaming, "Begone foul demons! Begone!" over and over, effectively distracting any rescue that would notice Alex lying in the darkness against the side of the building just a few yards away.

Wake up, check. Realize left arm has been shot, check. Have concussion, also check. Alex slowly started to open his eyes an immeasurable amount of time later. Not that made much of a difference because it was pitch black with just a sliver of the moon peeking above the door made of a warm golden light... Wait, I don't remember a door being there before. Alex thought, Oh well, never look a gift horse in the mouth, especially with a concussion. Alex got to his feet unsteadily, swearing under his breath when he tried to use his left arm to steady himself against the wall. He shuffled his way over to the door and upon reaching it called out softly, "Hello? I could use some help, mind if I come in?" After receiving no answer he shrugged, "If they didn't want company they would have closed their door." Alex walked through the door and disappeared in a flash of light, permanently blinding the two cockroaches who were watching him intently.

Alex woke up noticing three things immediately: his headache had subsided substantially, he was in a forest, and there was a rabbit sitting on his chest waving a carrot around at him like a fencer would a sword. The last one was by far the most strange. This is going to be a long day. He thought to himself, reaching slowly for the rabbit that was completely unaware of Alex's powerful hand sneaking up on him from behind. As Alex clenched his fist around the rabbit's neck it's eyes suddenly widened in fear. "I would say I'm sorry, except I'm not." Alex told the struggling creature as it slowly suffocated.

After Alex finished building a small fire with the lighter he always carried with him he placed the blade of his multi-tool in the fire knowing the next step would be extremely unpleasant. After he got the knife a hot as he could he bit down on a stick and got to work cauterizing the bullet wound. He silently screamed in agony and was unable to keep grunts of pain from escaping his lips as he held the knife to his arm and started sealing the wound. The bullet had gone straight through his arm missing the bone by about an inch and had pierced his tricep, which was both good and bad. Good because he didn't have to go digging around inside his arm muscle looking for the round, and bad because he had to cauterize both sides of his arm to prevent infection.

After completing the grisly task he muttered, "If there is a proper hospital around here close by I'm gonna be so ticked, and if not I'll thank myself later." As he started cooking the "fencing" rabbit that he had strangled earlier he realized how hungry he was, the rabbit had smelled good raw and now that he was cooking it, it smelled even better. He was unsure how long he had been unconscious, but he thought that more than a day seemed like a reasonable assumption, if his hunger was anything to go by.

Alex's small fire sputtered and died a few minutes after he finished eating the rabbit, however, he wasn't worried because it looked to be about mid morning. Unfortunately he couldn't be certain because somehow his cellphone was broken and his digital watch just kept jumping between midnight and noon. He was distracted from fiddling with his devices when something fell out of the sky landing in his lap...

Author's Note

I would appreciate (polite) reviews of all types so I can work on improving my writing because there is always room for improvement. As for continuing this story, that depends entirely on how many views/likes I get and how much hate mail I would get if I quit. Because if no one reads this story there is not much point to me writing it. Well, here it goes...
(Insert catchy underused battle cry!)

Chapter 8: Reacquisition Part 2

Chapter 8: Reacquisition Part 2

A Few Minutes Prior...

Alex was inspecting the syringe and contemplating his choices. I could either sit here trapped in this body hoping I don't starve to death, or I could take this concoction and hope it doesn't poison/maim/kill me. So its probably die or possibly die... great. Alex felt around for a vein before sliding the needle into his arm. He only had to wait for a few seconds before he could feel that something was wrong.

Alex lost control of his limbs and could feel them spazzing around the cage, he then felt one of the most particular sensations of all time. The feeling of air in between the layers of skin is an almost indescribable feeling, especially after the outer layer catches fire. Strangely enough this doesn't hurt as much as it should, Alex thought, slowly regaining control over his limbs as smoke pored from his burning skin. As all of the outer skin burned away he was finally able to quell his limbs. He lay there for a moment when he became aware of two things: the ability to open his mouth and the overwhelming desire to breathe

"...Are you okay?" he heard a concerned female voice say, "Answer me please..."

Alex took a deep gasping breath to respond and immediately started coughing uncontrollably. Gross, he thought, waving his hands around a little to try and help the smoke clear, I just breathed in what used to be my burning flesh. He sat up straight and crossed his legs, wishing that his prison was tall enough to stand up in, Curse you, four foot ceiling and close to six foot stature.

He patted his arms, legs, and torso to make sure nothing important had been burned away. Satisfied, he finally looked up at the horses.

"So... where's my beer?" he asked in deep, hoarse voice that had been unused for who knows how long.

The purple unicorn and the orange horse whispered to each other for a second then the orange one walked forward holding a large mug. The horse stopped in front of him and held out the mug.

"Howdy, ahm Appl-" it started with a feminine sounding voice.

"Thirsty," Alex said hoarsely, cutting her as he grabbed the mug from her outstretched hoof. He took a large sip of the beverage and swished it around in his mouth before swallowing it. "This isn't beer," he stated, looking at the liquid.

"No, actually it's-" the horse tried again.

"Better," said Alex cutting her off again and lifting the mug up to his lips. And holy crap do I mean that. This stuff is like an apple orchard stuffed inside a liquid, sprinkled with sugar and has just the right amount of bitterness to compensate the sugar, and I can even taste the alcohol in it. this is probably the best drink I have ever had the pleasure of tasting, he thought, noticing that the horse was looking a little confused. Probably because she doesn't know whether to be mad at me for interrupting her twice or pleased that I complimented the drink she gave me.

Alex finished the drink and abruptly slammed the mug down on the ground, causing all of the mares to jump slightly. "Ahhhhh..... much better," he sighed, leaning up against the back of his cell and closing his eyes to slits, deciding to find out how they would react and possibly learning something too.

"What jus happened?" asked the orange one. Sounds almost like a southern accent maybe?

"I don't quite know darling, but I think he fell asleep, and after such a traumatic experience I'm not surprised. Did you hear his voice, absolutely awful," said a voice so prim and proper that Alex had to struggle to keep from succumbing to an involuntary gag reflex.

"Yes, I agree," said Twilight, the mare who had been writing five letters at a time earlier today. And by the time I read half of one there were five more siting in my hand. All I managed to get from her was 'My name is Twilight, I'll make the antidote to the Poison Joke,' and 'Do you want to inject into yourself, or do you want me to do it?' to which I responded with a hastily scribbled 'I'll do it' before getting swamped with more letters. I only have one thing to say about her... Nnnnnnnnnnerd.

"He doesn't quite look like he's asleep," said 'Ditzy,' stepping closer. I still don't think that's her real name, no parent would be that mean to their child, would they? 'Ditzy' pulled a muffin out of the bags she wore around her waist and tossed it at Alex's torso asking, "Do you want a snack?" When the confectionery delight got close enough Alex's hand reached out and caught it. I probably should have faked being asleep longer but I just couldn't help myself, these muffins are just too damn good to let go to waste, he thought, taking a bite of the muffin.

"Congratulations, you caught me. Now let me out of here and I'll call it even, I'll leave and never come back," Alex said, after swallowing his bite of food.

"Yes, he talks!" squealed Twilight loudly, completely ignoring him, "I have so many questions... First one is-"

"Please, don't ever do that again," said Alex, rubbing his ear and checking his fingers to see if his ear was bleeding.

"Sorry," she said, not sounding sorry at all, "So, first question is what-"

"Do I like? Well, I don't like answering questions," Alex said, leaning forward intimidatingly, as Twilight took a step backward.

"Would jus stop cuttin off other ponies wh-" started the orange one.

"While they are still talking? Nope, to much fun, especially when I guess what they are going to say correctly," said Alex, causing the orange horse to frown in disapproval.

He smiled slightly as he leaned up against the back wall again and spoke, "I'll make you a deal, I'll answer four of your questions truthfully, one from each of you, then you answer four of mine, you can have the first one, deal?"

Twilight pulled a scroll out of nowhere and started looking through it, smiling larger than Alex thought was physically possible.

"Deal. First one... what is your name? Calling you Creature is starting to get irritating," asked Twilight.

"You may call me Alexander," he responded, while Ditzy poorly concealed a laugh with her hoof. "Just you wait, we'll see who's laughing by the time you leave." She paled visibly and looked away.

"My turn, I want to know the names of all the horses I have seen," said Alex.

"My name is Twilight Sparkle, and Rainbow Dash is the name of the pegasus that you stepped on," said the purple unicorn.

"My name is Rarity," said the white unicorn with a purple mane and tail, "and if you must know, we are ponies not horses."

"An mah name's Applejack," said the orange horse with a sand colored mane and tail wearing a cowboy hat.

"You already know my name," said the light gray pegasus with a sunny yellow mane and tail.

"Indulge me."

"My name is Ditzy Doo," she said shyly, turning her head away slightly.

"I believe it is my turn for a question. What are you wearing, darling? Your clothes are a crime against fashion, they are absolutely horrendous." Wow, not the question I was expecting at all.

"Fashion is a state of perpetual absurdity so ugly that people have to change it every six months, therefore, I wear what I like," responded Alex. Rarity's eyes went wide then she dramatically fainted over Applejack's back, who in turn rolled her eyes in exasperation.

"I would like to know where I am, specifics please," asked Alex, ignoring her antics completely.

"You are in the basement of Ponyville Library, Ponyville, Kingdom of the Twin Sisters, Equestria. Is that good enough for you?" said Twilight.

Alex was silent for a few minutes while he digested the information, I don't recognize any of that, and more importantly she didn't say Earth, I was hoping I was just in some uncharted jungle but if she's not lying, then...

"Mah turn, what do you call yourself?" asked Applejack.

"Do you mean my species?" Applejack nodded. "I am a human through and through, minus that whole body shifting thing. Speaking of which, how did that happen?" said Alex.

"Hyumen..." Applejack muttered to herself, "Interesting..."

"That's an easy one," said Twilight, responding to his question, "Did you happen to find some small blue plants in the forest?"

"Yes, actually, on the night before you found me," Alex said, frowning. How does she know that and what does that have to do with anything?

"That plant is a rather annoying practical joke waiting to happen. It magically alters your body structure, then creates a psychic link to your mind and it feeds off the frustration it causes you," said Twilight, sounding like she had memorized the dictionary entry and was quoting it.

"I see," said Alex, not understanding at all.

"My turn, my turn!" exclaimed Ditzy, bouncing in place slightly. "What your favorite kind of muffin?"

Again, not the question I was expecting but lets see if I can have a bit of fun with this... He leaned forward and said, "Any kind you want to make for me."

Ditzy smiled and blushed lightly while shyly twirling her front hoof on the floor. "Do you really mean that?" she asked.

"Of course I do, I would never lie about something as important as food. And my last question is for you, Ditzy, so listen close..." Ditzy leaned in, the compliment having effectively disarmed her. "What happened last night? I waited and waited but you never came for the show you promised and I've got plenty of poles in front of me..." Ditzy's blush immediately went from a gentle pink to a deep red hue.

"Oh, um, well, you see, I didn't, I wasn't..." she stuttered, trying to formulate a complete sentence.

So. Freaking. Cute. " You can make it up to me by stopping by later tonight, I promise I won't bite," said Alex grinning wolfishly, "Unless you want me too..."

*Pomf*

Ditzy let out a adorable squeak then ran out of the room.

Alex started laughing, great big heaving belly laughs. The kind of laughter one makes after not having a mouth for several days.

"What did ya'll say 't her?" asked Applejack, as she and Twilight looked at Alex with confusion written on their faces, evidently not having the conversation.

"Why would you say that about fashion?!" sobbed Rarity suddenly, standing upright, and began to cry into Applejack's shoulder.

"Lets git you home and you can make a nice an' purty dress, would that make you feel better?" asked Applejack. When this got no response she added, "An' if'n ya'll want me to I'll even model for-"

"Really? In that case, lets go!" said Rarity, as she dragged Applejack from the room, tears forgotten.

Twilight, Facepalmed? faceleged? facehooved? Lets go with the last one. facehooved and sighed, "What am I going to do with you, Alexander?"

"Sorry, you already asked your question for today," said Alex, lying down in his cell much more comfortably after losing two feet of height. He took a bite of the muffin he was still holding, "Come back tomorrow and maybe I'll answer some more questions."

"Yes, that whole fur burning and convulsions thing did look quite tiring, I'll leave you to your rest, have a good night."

"You too," he replied, finishing his muffin and closing his eyes.

"Just remember, all of my questions will be answered tomorrow," Twilight said, before shutting the door.

Crap, thought Alex, remembering the list she had earlier. Alex listened to her walking up the stairs, then waited a few extra minutes just to be sure she was gone and no one was going to return. And now it's time to get to work, he thought to himself, sitting up and pulling his multi-tool out of his pocket...

Author's Note

I'm not sure if I should add a Comedy tag to this story, what do you guys think? Yes? No? Go live in ditch and marry an earthworm while stabbing myself with a pencil?
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