While Discord was giving Celestia the D.

“So… Did anything else happen while I was gone?” Spike asked as he bounced on Twilight's back. They were currently heading towards Carousel Boutique to inform Rarity of Spike’s return.

“Hmm; Well, Cadance came up to tell us about the Equestrian Games. She said she would like the Elements to help welcome the chairman of the games to the Crystal Empire. Cadance really wants to host the games for the crystal ponies to boost their spirits; since most of them are still traumatized from King Sombra.”

Spike nodded, “That would make sense; but what about me? Can I come too?”

Twilight shook her head, “No Spike, Cadance didn't invite you.”

Spike blinked twice, “What do you mean she didn't invite me? I saved her empire from Sombra: If I didn't go with you; you'd probably still be in front of that darn door right now.” 'I knew I should have eaten that damn heart, it looked so delicious.'

The unicorn shrugged, “I don't know why either Spike.”

“Is she punishing me for what happened to Shining at his bachelor party?” Spike covered his mouth with his hands to prevent another slip of the tongue. The unicorn stopped walking and levitated Spike in front of her.

“What happened to Shining, Spike?”

“Umm… I’m not supposed to say; bro code, ya know?” he chuckled.

Twilight growled slightly, “Spike, If Cadance already knows… Then that means Shining told her what happened.”

'There is no way Shining told his wife about his… Incident; she would beat his flank.' “Sorry Twilight, but I can't tell you. Even if Shining did tell, I won't break my promise.”

She was about to object; but she saw the look in his eyes, ‘He’s serious; he isn't going to tell me.’ “Ok Spike, I’ll drop it.” ‘I'll just ask Cadance when I see her.’

Spike visibly relaxed, “thanks Twilight - can you put me down now?”

“Oh!” She laughed sheepishly and placed him on the ground. “Sorry about that.”

“It’s fine Twilight; let’s just drop it and go to Rarity’s.”

“You sure seem happy to go to Rarity’s house… I thought you said you were over her?”

“I am, but you know how Rarity acts. When something drastic happens, she pulls out her couch and yells,” Spike laid on the ground in the exact same position as Rarity does. “The. Worst. Possible. Thing!”

“How dare you!” Rarity spat right behind him, she walked around to snarl at him face to face. "We have spent two whole days trying to find you Spike! And I find you here; making fun of me! I... thought we were friends... I even got you a brand new ice pack." Rarity did indeed have an ice pack for Spike; she levitated it into his claws.

"Uhh... what's this for?"

"Well, yesterday, Twilight had this strange premonition about you and Discord. She said he... " Spike wrapped his hand around her muzzle.

The dragon pinched his nose. "Ok Twilight... You need help, like; you need to be admitted to a mental health facility kind of help. Are the other going to be doing this too?"

Twilight gave a nervous chuckle, "maybe."

Spike sighed and released his grip on Rarity, "sorry about that; I just need to make this clear... nothing happened what so ever. Discord just told me some things about him and vice versa.”

“Oh, okay,” she rubbed her muzzle, “I don't know why you had to squeeze my muzzle though.”

“Because you wouldn't have stopped talking if I didn't.”

Rarity blinked a few times, turned, and stuck her nose in the air. “I won't say you're right.” The fashionista opened her eyes and lowered her head, she looked down at the baby dragon… and moved in for a bone crushing hug, “but I am glad my little Spikey - Wikey is back!” She cooed while running her hoof back and forth between his top spike.

Spike lightly blushed; he didn't like Rarity that way anymore, but the mare was hot and hugging him. What dragon wouldn't blush?

“Thanks Rarity; It’s good to be back, I just hope the others did not lose their minds like the town.”

Twilight’s ears twitched, ‘I didn't tell the town, Ponyville is still looking for Spike!’ “Umm, Rarity? Could you take Spike with you to tell the other? I,” The lilac mare scuffed her hoof on the ground, looking at said hoof in the process, “...forgot to tell the town about his return… they might still be looking for him.”

“Of course Twilight,” Rarity shooed Twilight away with her hoof, “you go tell the town; besides, I haven't had any time with my Spikey - Wikey in a long time.”

Twilight gave a slight smile and nodded, “thanks Rarity, I know I can trust you… unlike some dragon who participates in underage drinking.” Twilight smirked and walked away; she could hear Spikes jaw literally hitting the ground and Rarity gasping loudly.

The alabaster unicorn lowered her head to Spike’s level, a deep frown etched into her face, “you've been drinking?! Spike! You know you shouldn't be doing that!”

“B-b-but… it was some...good ass shit man…” Spike whispered.

Rarity blinked twice and turned her head so that her ear was facing him, “what did you just say Spike? Because, I thought I heard you say some… ‘Good ass shit?’ Did I hear you correctly… because a gentledrake like yourself would never use such vulgar language like that around a lady; right?” Rarity turned her head back, batting her eyelashes, "and you should know that I am not a man.” ‘Duckface.’

'Oh man, that duckface always did get me.' “You must be hearing things Rarity, I would never use such crude language around a lady.” Spike gave a nervous grin.

Rarity smiled, “good, but that still doesn't explain why you were drinking; I knew that… beast would be a bad influence on you. He’s so unpredictable and chaotic.”

Spike made a bemused expression, “yeah, the spirit of disharmony and chaos is chaotic. You don't say?”

“Spike, I’m just worried about your health; you're still a baby dragon, who knows what pony alcohol can do to you.”

“You don't have to worry about that Rarity; Discord told me that pony drinks don't affect dragons that much; even baby dragons. I could drink a whole barrel of apple cider and feel just fine.”

“Oh, well then, I guess it's ok. But you still shouldn't be doing it.”

Spike waved his tiny claw, “don't worry Rarity; I’ll only do it in the privacy of my own… basket.”

Rarity giggled, “Yes, you can drink all of your illegal drinks at the foot of Twilight’s bed-” she pointed her hoof at his chest, “at night.”

Spike chuckled, “yeah I could do that huh? But come on Rarity; I bet the others are worried sick about me.” Spike started walking in the direction of Sugarcube corner- at least he thought he was moving, Rarity had him in her magical grip.

She brought Spike to her and placed him on her back, “while you were gone, Twilight taught me a teleportation spell; that way, I could look for you much quickly than anypony else. I haven't actually done it yet, and this is a fine chance to try!”

Spike raised a brow, “are you sure? When Twilight first did it, her mane was really messed up.”

“Normally that would freak me out; but last night, I figured out
a way to teleport while keeping my mane, coat, and tail as flawless as ever.” Rarity’s horn began charging up…

“Well that's good for you; but what about m-” Spike couldn't finish; Rarity had teleported both of them to Sugarcube corner. In an instant, both of them were outside the bakery. Rarity was perfectly fine: mane was still bouncy and shiny; her coat was still pure white like the driven snow.

Rarity used her hoof to bounce a hair curl up and down, she checked over her body, making sure absolutely nothing was on her. “Good! Not a speck of dirt…” Rarity sniffed the air, “but what is that burning smell?” She looked around to see if anything was on fire, “I don't see anything that would be the source of the odor; Spike, do you smell something burning?”

“Yeah- ME!”

Rarity turned around to see that Spike was no longer on her back; instead he was in the dirt face first; with burnt scales and smoke coming off of his body. “Oh my!” Rarity levitated Spike out of the dirt and placed him gently on the ground: The little dragon was covered in… dirt!

“I tried to warn you! When unicorns teleport with me; my body is always charred!” Spike shook himself like a dog; creating a small cloud of dirt in the process. After a few seconds, Spike stopped shaking and opened his eyes: He couldn't find Rarity anywhere, but he was clean again. “Huh? Where’d ya go Rarity?”

“Over here!” Spike turned to the direction of the bakery; Rarity was inside, yelling from an opened window. “I saw that cloud of dirt you produced coming in my direction; so I ran in Sugarcube Corner to avoid it,” The unicorn beckoned him with her hoof; telling him to come inside. Spike blinked and shrugged going inside as well.

The baby dragon walked through the doors and was instantly hit with the aroma of fresh baked goods; cupcakes, cookies, and brownies were cooked by the dozens. The smell was so overbearing, so intoxicating; Spike could feel his glucose levels increasing from the sweet smell. “Yup, I now have diabeetus.” Spike walked over to Rarity’s table and jumped into the seat. “So, have you seen Pinkie yet? … Or the Cakes?”

Rarity shook her head, “They must be in the back." The instant those words left Rarity's lips, the back door for the bakery bust open: Pinkie came trotting out with a cake on top of her head.

The pink pony placed the cake on Spike and Rarities table. "Welcome back Spike! How was your time with Discord?"

'At least she didn't ask about that.' "It was fine Pinks; I just wish he would have told me I would have been gone for so long. But, what is this cake for?"

Pinkie giggled, "silly it’s for you: your 'you can't have my booty' cake.”

Spike looked at the cake; sure enough, there was a picture of him saying those exact same words in a speech bubble. The baby dragon gave a dejected sigh, "I would normally be upset with this... but this cake looks too good to resist; do you have a knife?”
“Sure!” Pinkie lifting up a floor tile and pulled out a large cake cutting knife. “I have knives all over Equestria: In case of a knife shortage.” She place the sharp blade in Spike’s claws.

‘Because you stole them all.’ “Thanks Pinkie.” Spike cut the cake into eight individual slices: Spike ate four all at once, shoving the pastries into his mouth. Rarity placed a piece in her magic and ate it daintily, Pinkie did the exact same thing Spike did with the last three.

“Hmm, I sure make a mean cake! So Spike, did you find out about Celestia and Discord being together?” Spike and Rarity spat out there cakes at the same time, hitting each other in the face.

“How did you know about that?!” Spike yelled.

Pinkie gave Spike a noogie, “Silly Spikey; you never noticed the bedroom eyes the princess was giving Discord? The sway in her hips?” Pinkie wiggled her own hips.

Rarity was having an inner crisis: She was hearing juicy gossip about the princess and an ancient spirit being together, on the other hand; she was covered in mushy, chewed up cake mixed with dragon saliva. ‘Come on Rarity, you might never hear about this again! You need to hear this… at least for a few more minutes.’ The unicorn was sitting patiently; her hoof was tapping on the tiles in an agitated fashion.

Spike raised a brow, “why would I look at Celestia like that?”

Mr. Cake poked his head from the double doors. “Duh! Because she’s hot!”

“What did you just say?!” Mrs. Cake screams from the back, she sounded very upset.

Mr. Cake facehoofed from his own stupidity; The yellow stallion started sweating slightly. ‘If I don't give a good excuse, Cup will make me sleep on… the couch!’ “Um, um; nothing baby!”

“Yes you did Mr. Cake; you said, ‘duh! cause she’s hot!' Did you forget already?” Pinkie just screwed him over big time, and she didn't even know it.

Mrs. Cake pulled her husband by the ear with her hoof. (Earth pony magic.) “I knew you said that! Your Flank is going on the couch!”

"Damn it, damn it, damn it!" The baker stomped a hoof for each 'damn it.' Mrs. Cake pulled her husband upstairs to get his things and put his ass on the couch.

"Geez Pinkie; you didn't need to put the man in the doghouse."

"What do you mean by that Spike? The Cakes don't have a dog, so why would they have a doghouse?"

Spike facepalmed and chuckled, "never mind about that Pinkie. And to answer your earlier question; the reason I didn't look at Celestia like that is because she is my mother."

"YOUR MOTHER?!" Rarity bellowed, causing some of the chewed up cake that was sitting on her mane to fall on her lower lip. Rarity gasped at the mushy sensation; this gasp caused her to swallow the dragon spit cake. "Sweet Celestia! It got in my mouth!!" Rarity bolted from the table and ran into the bathroom.

Both Spike and Pinkie shrugged unanimously. ”So... Celestia is your mom?" Spike nodded, "so does that make you a prince?"

"Technically, I am a prince, but I don't want that title. I just want a normal life... as normal as a dragon living in a pony nation can get."

"Does the princess know anything about your birth parents?"

"My birth mom? She doesn't. But her and my dad go way back; when he had to take his hundred year nap, he entrusted my egg with Celestia."

While Spike and Pinkie were talking, neither one of them noticed that Rarity had returned: her mane and face was mushy cake free. “So Spike, do you personally know your father?”

“AHH!” Both Spike and Pinkie yelled simultaneously; Spike fell out of his chair and hit his head on the floor.

“Oww,” Spike rubbed the back of his head, “why did you sneak up on us like that Rarity?”

Rarity giggled, “I’m sorry Spike; I didn't know that you hadn't… noticed me.” Rarity levitated Spike back into his seat, “now, tell us about your dad.”

“Well, I don't know much about him: His name is Jargon, he’s been asleep for 98 years and is resting in the Everfree Forest. He and my mom go way back. So she let him stay there.” Spike looked at the clock, “dang! It’s already 11:00!” Spike slammed his head on the table.

“What's a matter? Do you have something to do today?” Asked Pinkie.

Spike nodded, “yeah: Sleep! I’ve been up for two days, so that means, I’ve missed 36 hours of sleep!” Spike patted his cheeks with his claws, “a dragon needs his beauty rest after all.”

“I concur; Twilight had us up all night, and I definitely need my rest more than you Spike. If you will excuse us Pinkie, we need to inform the off-”

“No need to Rarity, Twilight don told the whole town bout the little feller comin’ back.” Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, and Twilight came into the bakery.

“Yeah… It probably was dumb of me to send you out with Rarity after all; since I could have just told everypony myself in a quickly fashion.” Twilight rubbed the back of her head and gave a sheepish grin.

“I’m glad you didn't Twi, because I ate some delicious ‘you can't have my booty cake.’”

The four mares raised brows at the same time, “you can't have my booty cake? So your ass is still… tight?” Said Rainbow Dash, trying and failing, to hold in her giggles.

Spike’s happy face turned quickly into a frown, “yes Dash, my ass is ok. What's up with everypony asking if my ass is fine? That shit is getting annoying.” Spike mumbled under his breath.

Twilight’s ears twitched, she gave the baby dragon an angry glare. “Spike! You have a language problem! From now on, you aren't hanging around Discord anymore; he really is a bad influence on you.”

“No he’s not Twi, in fact, he’s a cool dude.”

“Yeah! He’s even dating princess Celestia!” Pinkie yelled loudly.

The other elements looked completely shocked at this revelation.

“Oh my.”

‘Rainbow derp.’

“Golly.”

Twilight fainted.

-

When Discord walked away from Eris.

The draconequus continued to cry for her forsaken father; in the infinite space that is her mind, Eris rolled around screaming and crying her eyes out. 'How is this possible? Daddy taught me almost everything; how to rule, do magic, break the laws of physics, and even cook! We spent five thousand years as father and daughter causing chaos and destruction across the world; bending nations and weaker species to our wills.”

Eris rubbed her soaked face with her claws, a slight growl escaped her lips, “I bet that damn mare is the cause of it, daddy always did have a thing for the younger females, flaunting her three thousand year old flank in his face.” She slammed her hands on the ground, making large cracks that, as soon as they appeared, faded away. “I should have killed her a long time ago, and her mentally distraught sister. First she frees my pet, fucks my dad… and puts us in jail?! Then after a-a-a fucking day; she completely changes daddy to the good side?! The side of friendship? FRIENDSHIP?!"

Eris spat on the floor, “her cunt must be an element of harmony: the element of whoring!” Eris rose from the ground, a look of pure evil and building rage burned in her eyes. “When I get my hands on her, and all those who did this to daddy… they will pray to their gods for a merciful death… and one shall ignore their pleas."

Author's Note

Hey... my bad bout not updating this earlier. I had some... black guy things to do. Enjoy! Chapter three will come a lot quicker!