A Pair Born From Chaos

by John the Dragon

Rating: mature
Tags: Alternate Universe, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Spike, Comedy, Other, Romance, Sex, Discord, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life
Length: 6290

Discord, with Spike's help, tries to reform his mad daughter, Eris.

Takes place right after "Keep Calm and Flutter On."

Discord has seen the light of friendship... and wants his daughter to see it too. With the help of his second friend, Spike, he hopes to change his child to the good side.

But Eris hates the concept of friendship and using her powers for "good." And she really hates the ponies that changed her beloved father.

Spike x Eris.

Edited by Christian2400

Published 2013-08-22 01:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-09-23 02:19:29 UTC

Second Friend

“Go on Discord… Say it.” Fluttershy poked the reformed chaos incarnate in the arm.

Discord groaned, “fine,” he sighed, he really didn't want to say it. “… friendship is magic.”

Pinkie jumped up and down, “ah, ah! he said it!”

Fluttershy giggled, “see? He can be a real sweetheart once you get to know him.” Dash scratched her head.

“Get to know him? You two have only been together for five hours. How can you get to know somepony in that short amount of time?”

Princess Celestia stepped up, “you make a good point Rainbow Dash; all of you will have the chance of getting to know Discord as an individual; not as bringer of destruction… If any of you want to.” Her normal confident tone turned slightly sheepish.

Discord turned around and gave the seven of them his biggest smile ever, hoping they would give him a chance - only Fluttershy stepped up. Discord happy smile instantly changed into a big frown. “So you ponies still don't want to give me a chance? I thought you preach friendship like it’s the gospel of… well, me!”

Twilight rubbed the back of her head, “I would love to Discord; but the princess has given me so much work to complete.”

“No I didn't; In fact, I don't plan on giving you anything for a while.”

Twilight blinked, then gave a defeated sighed, “Discord... I normally would try to give you a chance… but you’ve done so many bad things… It’s hard to trust you.” All of the rest of the elements agreed.

Spike on the other hand thought about the draconequus proposition; ‘hmm… he seems to mean well, plus he never did anything to me directly, so I can't hold that against him.’ Spike stepped up, “I’ll try to get to know you better.”

Princess Celestia beamed, “Spike, would you really give him a chance?”

The dragon shrugged, “yeah, I might as well, I have nothing better to do anyway.”

Fluttershy wrapped Spike into a big hug, “Oh thank you Spike; I’m sure Discord would be glad to have the best dragon friend ever!”

Spike blushed, “Oh stop it! I’m not that great… But seriously, don't stop.”

“Spike, thats enough,” both Twilight and princess Celestia said this.

Spike got out of Fluttershys hug, “ok ok, geez,” he faced the massive creature before him, ‘I never really realized how huge Discord actually was.’

“So… What do you want to do?” Discord grabbed Spike and tucked the baby dragon under his talon and disappeared.

‘Well, now that’s out of the way, I must say goodbye for now; I need to inform Luna and the nobles of Discords reforming being successful.” Celestia gave Twilight a Hug and departed back to Canterlot in her golden chariot. ‘I hope those two can get along… I know Spike could never see Discord as a father to him; with Jargon awaking in a year from his hundred year slumber. But maybe Discord could teach him more about dragons or something.’

Twilight waited until the princess was gone, “almost there… almost… gone!” She then proceeded to freak out. “Oh no! Discord took Spike and I have no idea where they went! They could be drinking, or doing something illegal… he could have his way with Spike if he wanted to!”

“Twilight calm down; Discord would never do those… things.” Fluttershy lightly blushed.

“Shy’s right Twilight, Disord is reformed now- who now? They could be having the time of their lives! Isn't Discord Spikes first male friend?” Pinkie put her hoof under her chin and assumed a thinking position

Applejack shook her head, “He’s pretty chummy with Big Mac; him and cousin Braeburn got along pretty well while in Appleloosla.”

“So that's three guy friends!” Pinkie chirped.

Twilight sighed and looked into the distance, “Spike… don't do anything I wouldn't do.”

-

“Huh? Where am I?” Spike swished his head back and forth; he was floating in space. ‘Oh mamma! He’s trying to suffocate me!’ Spike held in his few remain breaths, trying to conserve his oxygen.

Discord pulled a comfy chair from nowhere and sat down, “Spike, you need to calm down, you're not going to die in my personal space.”

‘What does his personal space mean?’ Spike shook his head rapidly. “Nph! Ipm napt woin fat! ( Nope! I’m not doing that!) “

Discord crossed his arms, “Hmph! I thought you trusted me.”

Spike remembered his words from earlier, inwardly he sighed and inhaled. “Hey! I can breathe!”

“Of course you can little dragon… now,” Discord summoned some hard apple cider. “Would you like a drink?”

Spike looked perplexed; he heard how good the Apple family’s hard cider is from Twilight and her friends. “I don't know…” He squeezed his tail between his claws, “I’m not old enough to drink yet.” Discord placed a jug in front of him.

“Spike… how old are you?”

“I’m 18, why?”

“Good, that’s old enough for me,” He grabbed his claw and placed the mug in his palm. “Now drink; I always was wondering why a dragon was hanging around with ponies in the first place.”

“Oh, you wanna know about me? Well… My dad has been asleep for the past 98 years. He and Celestia were good friends, so he entrusted me to her.”

“Whos your father Spike?”

“Jargon th-” Discord put a claw on Spikes mouth.

“Jargon is your father? Is he a big black and purple dragon?” Spike nodded. Discord removed his claw, “So that bastard is still alive… After all this time.”

Spike’s eyes widened, “you knew my dad? could you tell me about him?”

Discord pointed to his one long tooth, “Do you know why I only have one long fang? Because your damn dad punched me in the face and knocked out the other one. During the battle Celestia and Luna had with me… Your father was on their side; the first dragon to ever like ponies. He was the first creature to ever inflict physical damage on my body... And the only one at that.”

“So… Can't you just heal?”

Discord shrugged, “before I had the chance, I was imprisoned in stone. After a thousand plus years with only one fang, I got used to it.”

Spike took a swig of the cider, “Mhm! this is good; why didn't Twilight ever let me have a sip before?”

“Because ponies now nothing about dragons… Including that they have a high tolerance for alcohol. You could drink a whole barrel and not even feel buzzed.”

Spike took Discords words to heart and chugged the whole mug down in an instant. He wiped his mouth of the excess foam. “You're right, I don't even feel buzzed. You sure do know a lot about dragons, don't you Discord?”

He chuckled, “Spike, I’m part dragon; I think I’d know a thing or two about them. I would be happy to answer any of your questions.”

Spike had to think for a second, ‘what could I ask… Why am I still so small? Or don't have wings? Or maybe...’

“Do most dragons return to normal after a greed growth?”

Discord smile changed into a frown, “How do you know about that? i thought you don't associate with dragons.”

“Because last year, I destroyed Ponyville while on a rampage; but I changed back to normal. I told the teenage dragons during the migration this, but they didn't believe me.”

“That’s because Spike… When a dragon becomes a monster from greed, he is stuck that way forever; there is no going back to normal.”

Spike looked shocked at the draconequus words, “b-bu-buts that’s not possible; what makes me so special that I can do what other dragons can't do?”

Discord shrugged, “I have no idea; did you do something before you transformed?”

‘What did i do? I got a pimpin hat from Cheerilee, took Lickity Splits ball, got called a pet by that damn doctor.’ Spike growled at that memory, ‘got my birthday cupcake from the cakes, had my party and…”

“I gave Rarity my fire ruby; could that have been the reason? I did like her back then.”

He raised a brow, “You don't like her anymore? What happened?”

“I guess it was just a crush… and I finally got over it.”

“Hmm, I see.” ‘This is a very interesting dragon; to do something not even his father could accomplish… And at such a young age.’ “Well Spike, do you have any questions to ask me?”

“Uhmm… What are you? How did you come into being? Are you a god or something?”

“First question: I am a draconequus. Second question: I was born. Third question: no, I am not a god, I’m a spirit.”

Spike raised a brow, “what's the difference?”

“I cannot be killed by mortals, sickness, or accidents; but I am not omnipotent, the elements of harmony are a clear indication of that. Plus there used to be other draconequus just like me.”

“Really? who? when?” Spikes interests were peaked yet again.

“... I’d rather not talk about it.” Discord said in a gloomy state.

Spike knew he shouldn't press on with this topic, so he changed it, “why did you take over Equestria a thousand years ago?”

“Because I was bored and I felt like it.” Discord stated this like it was a fact… because it was.

Spike went Slack-jaw for a minute. “You took over a country… because you were bored?”

Discord waved his finger in front of Spike, “don't forget; and I felt like it.”

“Geez man! What’s wrong with you? Are you crazy or something?!”

“... Yes, I am quite insane; I thought this was common knowledge.”

‘This guy is crazy! Ok Spike, you're not here to delve into the mind of a reformed sociopath. You’re here to be his friend… Maybe I should ask him...’

“So… you ever had a special somepony before?”

Discard nodded, “Yup; I just hope she’ll take me back.”

“Huh? Shouldn't she be, I don't know, dead?”

He shook his head, “nope, she is immortal; just like me.”

Spike had to think. ‘Who could it be? She must have been around 1000 years ago.’ Spike came to a realization, ‘please don't be my mom.’

“Luna?” ‘please say yes.’ Discord shaked his head. “Queen Chrysalis?”

“Who is that…? Oh! that changeling queen, that tried to take over Equestria. No, it’s not her.”

‘Buck!’ “Celestia?”

Discord was standing behind a prize corner, “Bingo! You win a prize! What do you want?”

Spike drank the rest of his cider, “... Another refill ASAP.”

“Are you not happy your new friend use to date your mom?”

“No! I'm not! What could my mom possibly see in you?!” Discord wiggled his fingers in Spikes face. “I don't under… Screw you and fill up my drink… I need to go home and lay down for a while.”

“Ok second friend; I’ll see you later.” Discord filled up his cup and sent Spike back to the Library.

‘I had no idea mom was in a relationship with Discord. I need to ask her about this later, but right now...’

Spike downed the rest of the delicious brew, “Ahh! That’s some good ass shit man.”

“Spike! Watch your tongue mister!” Twilight came down the stairs with a worried and upset look on her face. “Where were you? You’ve been gone for two days. I had the whole town looking for you; but for some reason, princess Celestia didn't seem worried, so I called her crazy!”

“Twilight; are you ok? There is no possible way I was gone for two days! I've probably been away for thirty minutes at the most.”

“Oh yeah?” Twilight levitated the calendar and placed it in Spikes hand, “look at the date.”

Spike scoffed but looked- his eyes bulged out of his head; it was indeed two days after the reforming. “But how is that possible? I swear Twilight, when Discord took me to his space, it honestly felt like thirty minutes.”

“Mh-Hm… Wait.” Twilight looked inside of Spikes mug and sniffed it, “hard cider?! Spike, have you been drinking?” Spike nodded. ‘Oh no! One of the three things I predicted happened… What about the other two?’ “Did Discord have you do anything illegal besides drinking?”

“No Twilight, what's up with all these questions?”

She put her hoof on his lips and went down to his eye-level. “Did he… “ She gulped, “have his way with you?”

Spike looked disgusted, “no he didn't, why would you even think that?”

“Well,” she rubbed the back of her neck, “he was in prison for a long time… he might have wanted you to toss his salad.”

Spike scratched his head, “what does that mean?”

Twilight shook her head, “never mind about that.” She levitated him and placed Spike on her back, “come on, we need to tell the town that your back.”

-

Discord returned to the Canterlot royal palace; everything seemed fine, the guards looked normal, the castle wasn't in disarray; heck the sun was still in the air. ‘Hmm Celestia isn't as emotional as she used to be. I thought if her son disappeared for two whole days, she’d go ballistic… guess I was wrong.’

Discord walked up to the castle; the guards blocked him… He then walked through the guards, literally. The two guards went wide-eyed and turned around to look inside for the draconequus, but he was already gone.
“How did he do that?”

“I Don't know… and I’m not going to find out.”

Discord went into the throne room; Celestia was sitting on her throne reading a scroll. “Hey Celly! I’m back!” Discord teleported right next to Celestia, “You know what? I'm proud of you. The old Celestia would have gone crazy if I took her kid.”

Celestia finally removed herself from the scroll and looked at Discord, “Yes… I would have went crazy, I probably would have had the elements sealed you when you were caught. The only reason why you aren't in stone is because you’re reformed now… And I trust you.”

“Aww… You trust me.” Discord batted his eyelashes.

“Yes I do; so did you and Spike get along?”

“Oh yes we did,” Discord pulled out a big scoreboard with Spike and the elements faces on it. Fluttershy and Spike had a big red X’s over their faces. “Spike is officially now my second friend… Only five more to go!”

The princess smiled, “that's good, and did you talk about anything?”

“Yes we did, tell me Celestia, how come Spike was able to change back after destroying Ponyville? no other dragon in history has been able to do that.”

Celestia blinked, and then shrugged, “pony upbringing?”

“That’s your answer?” Celestia nodded. Discard sighed, “Well, I was quite surprised about that strange news. Oh and i told about,” Discord wrapped himself around Celestia and put his claw under her chin, “us.”

“... How did he take it?”

“At first he seemed surprised and weirded out. He asked me what his mother could see in me; so I wiggled my fingers in his face.”

Celestia blushed, “you do have the magic fingers Discord.”

The draconequus grew a sly grin, “Oh you know I do, baby.” He snapped his fingers and teleported him and Celestia to her chambers. Discord jumped on her bed with a “Whee!”

Discord made himself comfortable, then beckoned Celestia with a finger. “Now then Celestia, you raise the sun… Let’s see if you can raise something else.”

They fucked. For like… two hours. When you just get out of prison; this is what you do.

Celestia was in a sex induced coma; her eyes were glazed over, tongue lolled out of her mouth, her legs would twitch ever so often. Discord was fine; he was lightly sweating, but overall? He was perfectly fine. “Hey Celestia… I was thinking… could you free my daughter?”

It took Celestia a few seconds to respond, “nooo,” she hissed.

He pouted, “why not? if I can change; than so can she.”

Celestia sighed and rubbed her temples ”Discord, she was never like you; you never hated ponies… she does. There is no way Fluttershy can reform her like she did with you.”

“True, Fluttershy couldn't change Eris… but I know somedragon who could.”

Celestia’s eyes widened, “you don't mean Spike…do you?” Discord nodded. She then jumped out of the bed with wobbly knees, “There is no way in tartarus she is going anywhere near Spike!” She bellowed in his face.

“Celly calm down, did you forget? I'm here, and if you remember correctly; Eris was always daddy’s little destroyer. If you release her and she sees how I changed, I'm sure she would give reforming a chance.”

“Yes that is true, but must it be Spike? He doesn't know anything about her, heck; neither do Twilight and her friends.”

Discord nodded, “Don't worry, I’ll help him out. Besides, you should remember that she liked dragons.”

Celestia snarled, “Yes… as pets!”

“Pssh, that was one time and she said she was sorry.” Discord got out of the bed and went to Celestia's balcony and looked in the direction of the statue garden. “I bet she’s lonely… She's been trapped in stone all this time… Awake at the. Celestia… You have no way of comprehending how that feels.”

“... I don't like it; but if Spike agrees to this… I’ll tell the Twilight and her friends to release her.” Discord was about to pounce on Celestia, but she stopped him, “you just make sure to keep your daughter in check; or she’s going to be sealed again.”

“Oh thank you Celly, I'm sure Eris will be tickled pink to be free again… I need to tell her the good news.” Discord kissed Celestia on the lips before teleporting to the garden. He went straight to his daughter’s statue.

Eris looked extremely anger with a hardened look on her face. She seemed like she was about to attack something before she was sealed.

“Hi Sweetie’ I bet you heard the news, I’m somewhat good now.”

“...”

Discord put his hands in front of him, “I know, I know; me changing is a big thing for a girl to take. But I do have some good news. I just talked Celestia into freeing you as well! All you need to do is try to change as well.”

“...”

He growled, “Don't you use that tone with me missy; you will change and you’re going to like it!” he stomped his foot on the ground, making large cracks in the process.

“...”

“Good girl,” He cleared his throat, “now… I know how much you liked dragons, and it just so happened that my second friend is a dragon. Celestia is asking him if he would help reform you, but don't worry, I’ll help out too.” Discord placed his talon on his daughters face. “Eris… Please give this a chance; I can't bear the thought of living a happy life while… You're trapped forever.” Discord kissed Eris’s cold forehead and disappeared.

Inside the statue; Eris was crying, “Oh daddy,” she said in between sobs. “What have these ponies done to you?”

dad-stealer

While Discord was giving Celestia the D.

“So… Did anything else happen while I was gone?” Spike asked as he bounced on Twilight's back. They were currently heading towards Carousel Boutique to inform Rarity of Spike’s return.

“Hmm; Well, Cadance came up to tell us about the Equestrian Games. She said she would like the Elements to help welcome the chairman of the games to the Crystal Empire. Cadance really wants to host the games for the crystal ponies to boost their spirits; since most of them are still traumatized from King Sombra.”

Spike nodded, “That would make sense; but what about me? Can I come too?”

Twilight shook her head, “No Spike, Cadance didn't invite you.”

Spike blinked twice, “What do you mean she didn't invite me? I saved her empire from Sombra: If I didn't go with you; you'd probably still be in front of that darn door right now.” 'I knew I should have eaten that damn heart, it looked so delicious.'

The unicorn shrugged, “I don't know why either Spike.”

“Is she punishing me for what happened to Shining at his bachelor party?” Spike covered his mouth with his hands to prevent another slip of the tongue. The unicorn stopped walking and levitated Spike in front of her.

“What happened to Shining, Spike?”

“Umm… I’m not supposed to say; bro code, ya know?” he chuckled.

Twilight growled slightly, “Spike, If Cadance already knows… Then that means Shining told her what happened.”

'There is no way Shining told his wife about his… Incident; she would beat his flank.' “Sorry Twilight, but I can't tell you. Even if Shining did tell, I won't break my promise.”

She was about to object; but she saw the look in his eyes, ‘He’s serious; he isn't going to tell me.’ “Ok Spike, I’ll drop it.” ‘I'll just ask Cadance when I see her.’

Spike visibly relaxed, “thanks Twilight - can you put me down now?”

“Oh!” She laughed sheepishly and placed him on the ground. “Sorry about that.”

“It’s fine Twilight; let’s just drop it and go to Rarity’s.”

“You sure seem happy to go to Rarity’s house… I thought you said you were over her?”

“I am, but you know how Rarity acts. When something drastic happens, she pulls out her couch and yells,” Spike laid on the ground in the exact same position as Rarity does. “The. Worst. Possible. Thing!”

“How dare you!” Rarity spat right behind him, she walked around to snarl at him face to face. "We have spent two whole days trying to find you Spike! And I find you here; making fun of me! I... thought we were friends... I even got you a brand new ice pack." Rarity did indeed have an ice pack for Spike; she levitated it into his claws.

"Uhh... what's this for?"

"Well, yesterday, Twilight had this strange premonition about you and Discord. She said he... " Spike wrapped his hand around her muzzle.

The dragon pinched his nose. "Ok Twilight... You need help, like; you need to be admitted to a mental health facility kind of help. Are the other going to be doing this too?"

Twilight gave a nervous chuckle, "maybe."

Spike sighed and released his grip on Rarity, "sorry about that; I just need to make this clear... nothing happened what so ever. Discord just told me some things about him and vice versa.”

“Oh, okay,” she rubbed her muzzle, “I don't know why you had to squeeze my muzzle though.”

“Because you wouldn't have stopped talking if I didn't.”

Rarity blinked a few times, turned, and stuck her nose in the air. “I won't say you're right.” The fashionista opened her eyes and lowered her head, she looked down at the baby dragon… and moved in for a bone crushing hug, “but I am glad my little Spikey - Wikey is back!” She cooed while running her hoof back and forth between his top spike.

Spike lightly blushed; he didn't like Rarity that way anymore, but the mare was hot and hugging him. What dragon wouldn't blush?

“Thanks Rarity; It’s good to be back, I just hope the others did not lose their minds like the town.”

Twilight’s ears twitched, ‘I didn't tell the town, Ponyville is still looking for Spike!’ “Umm, Rarity? Could you take Spike with you to tell the other? I,” The lilac mare scuffed her hoof on the ground, looking at said hoof in the process, “...forgot to tell the town about his return… they might still be looking for him.”

“Of course Twilight,” Rarity shooed Twilight away with her hoof, “you go tell the town; besides, I haven't had any time with my Spikey - Wikey in a long time.”

Twilight gave a slight smile and nodded, “thanks Rarity, I know I can trust you… unlike some dragon who participates in underage drinking.” Twilight smirked and walked away; she could hear Spikes jaw literally hitting the ground and Rarity gasping loudly.

The alabaster unicorn lowered her head to Spike’s level, a deep frown etched into her face, “you've been drinking?! Spike! You know you shouldn't be doing that!”

“B-b-but… it was some...good ass shit man…” Spike whispered.

Rarity blinked twice and turned her head so that her ear was facing him, “what did you just say Spike? Because, I thought I heard you say some… ‘Good ass shit?’ Did I hear you correctly… because a gentledrake like yourself would never use such vulgar language like that around a lady; right?” Rarity turned her head back, batting her eyelashes, "and you should know that I am not a man.” ‘Duckface.’

'Oh man, that duckface always did get me.' “You must be hearing things Rarity, I would never use such crude language around a lady.” Spike gave a nervous grin.

Rarity smiled, “good, but that still doesn't explain why you were drinking; I knew that… beast would be a bad influence on you. He’s so unpredictable and chaotic.”

Spike made a bemused expression, “yeah, the spirit of disharmony and chaos is chaotic. You don't say?”

“Spike, I’m just worried about your health; you're still a baby dragon, who knows what pony alcohol can do to you.”

“You don't have to worry about that Rarity; Discord told me that pony drinks don't affect dragons that much; even baby dragons. I could drink a whole barrel of apple cider and feel just fine.”

“Oh, well then, I guess it's ok. But you still shouldn't be doing it.”

Spike waved his tiny claw, “don't worry Rarity; I’ll only do it in the privacy of my own… basket.”

Rarity giggled, “Yes, you can drink all of your illegal drinks at the foot of Twilight’s bed-” she pointed her hoof at his chest, “at night.”

Spike chuckled, “yeah I could do that huh? But come on Rarity; I bet the others are worried sick about me.” Spike started walking in the direction of Sugarcube corner- at least he thought he was moving, Rarity had him in her magical grip.

She brought Spike to her and placed him on her back, “while you were gone, Twilight taught me a teleportation spell; that way, I could look for you much quickly than anypony else. I haven't actually done it yet, and this is a fine chance to try!”

Spike raised a brow, “are you sure? When Twilight first did it, her mane was really messed up.”

“Normally that would freak me out; but last night, I figured out
a way to teleport while keeping my mane, coat, and tail as flawless as ever.” Rarity’s horn began charging up…

“Well that's good for you; but what about m-” Spike couldn't finish; Rarity had teleported both of them to Sugarcube corner. In an instant, both of them were outside the bakery. Rarity was perfectly fine: mane was still bouncy and shiny; her coat was still pure white like the driven snow.

Rarity used her hoof to bounce a hair curl up and down, she checked over her body, making sure absolutely nothing was on her. “Good! Not a speck of dirt…” Rarity sniffed the air, “but what is that burning smell?” She looked around to see if anything was on fire, “I don't see anything that would be the source of the odor; Spike, do you smell something burning?”

“Yeah- ME!”

Rarity turned around to see that Spike was no longer on her back; instead he was in the dirt face first; with burnt scales and smoke coming off of his body. “Oh my!” Rarity levitated Spike out of the dirt and placed him gently on the ground: The little dragon was covered in… dirt!

“I tried to warn you! When unicorns teleport with me; my body is always charred!” Spike shook himself like a dog; creating a small cloud of dirt in the process. After a few seconds, Spike stopped shaking and opened his eyes: He couldn't find Rarity anywhere, but he was clean again. “Huh? Where’d ya go Rarity?”

“Over here!” Spike turned to the direction of the bakery; Rarity was inside, yelling from an opened window. “I saw that cloud of dirt you produced coming in my direction; so I ran in Sugarcube Corner to avoid it,” The unicorn beckoned him with her hoof; telling him to come inside. Spike blinked and shrugged going inside as well.

The baby dragon walked through the doors and was instantly hit with the aroma of fresh baked goods; cupcakes, cookies, and brownies were cooked by the dozens. The smell was so overbearing, so intoxicating; Spike could feel his glucose levels increasing from the sweet smell. “Yup, I now have diabeetus.” Spike walked over to Rarity’s table and jumped into the seat. “So, have you seen Pinkie yet? … Or the Cakes?”

Rarity shook her head, “They must be in the back." The instant those words left Rarity's lips, the back door for the bakery bust open: Pinkie came trotting out with a cake on top of her head.

The pink pony placed the cake on Spike and Rarities table. "Welcome back Spike! How was your time with Discord?"

'At least she didn't ask about that.' "It was fine Pinks; I just wish he would have told me I would have been gone for so long. But, what is this cake for?"

Pinkie giggled, "silly it’s for you: your 'you can't have my booty' cake.”

Spike looked at the cake; sure enough, there was a picture of him saying those exact same words in a speech bubble. The baby dragon gave a dejected sigh, "I would normally be upset with this... but this cake looks too good to resist; do you have a knife?”
“Sure!” Pinkie lifting up a floor tile and pulled out a large cake cutting knife. “I have knives all over Equestria: In case of a knife shortage.” She place the sharp blade in Spike’s claws.

‘Because you stole them all.’ “Thanks Pinkie.” Spike cut the cake into eight individual slices: Spike ate four all at once, shoving the pastries into his mouth. Rarity placed a piece in her magic and ate it daintily, Pinkie did the exact same thing Spike did with the last three.

“Hmm, I sure make a mean cake! So Spike, did you find out about Celestia and Discord being together?” Spike and Rarity spat out there cakes at the same time, hitting each other in the face.

“How did you know about that?!” Spike yelled.

Pinkie gave Spike a noogie, “Silly Spikey; you never noticed the bedroom eyes the princess was giving Discord? The sway in her hips?” Pinkie wiggled her own hips.

Rarity was having an inner crisis: She was hearing juicy gossip about the princess and an ancient spirit being together, on the other hand; she was covered in mushy, chewed up cake mixed with dragon saliva. ‘Come on Rarity, you might never hear about this again! You need to hear this… at least for a few more minutes.’ The unicorn was sitting patiently; her hoof was tapping on the tiles in an agitated fashion.

Spike raised a brow, “why would I look at Celestia like that?”

Mr. Cake poked his head from the double doors. “Duh! Because she’s hot!”

“What did you just say?!” Mrs. Cake screams from the back, she sounded very upset.

Mr. Cake facehoofed from his own stupidity; The yellow stallion started sweating slightly. ‘If I don't give a good excuse, Cup will make me sleep on… the couch!’ “Um, um; nothing baby!”

“Yes you did Mr. Cake; you said, ‘duh! cause she’s hot!' Did you forget already?” Pinkie just screwed him over big time, and she didn't even know it.

Mrs. Cake pulled her husband by the ear with her hoof. (Earth pony magic.) “I knew you said that! Your Flank is going on the couch!”

"Damn it, damn it, damn it!" The baker stomped a hoof for each 'damn it.' Mrs. Cake pulled her husband upstairs to get his things and put his ass on the couch.

"Geez Pinkie; you didn't need to put the man in the doghouse."

"What do you mean by that Spike? The Cakes don't have a dog, so why would they have a doghouse?"

Spike facepalmed and chuckled, "never mind about that Pinkie. And to answer your earlier question; the reason I didn't look at Celestia like that is because she is my mother."

"YOUR MOTHER?!" Rarity bellowed, causing some of the chewed up cake that was sitting on her mane to fall on her lower lip. Rarity gasped at the mushy sensation; this gasp caused her to swallow the dragon spit cake. "Sweet Celestia! It got in my mouth!!" Rarity bolted from the table and ran into the bathroom.

Both Spike and Pinkie shrugged unanimously. ”So... Celestia is your mom?" Spike nodded, "so does that make you a prince?"

"Technically, I am a prince, but I don't want that title. I just want a normal life... as normal as a dragon living in a pony nation can get."

"Does the princess know anything about your birth parents?"

"My birth mom? She doesn't. But her and my dad go way back; when he had to take his hundred year nap, he entrusted my egg with Celestia."

While Spike and Pinkie were talking, neither one of them noticed that Rarity had returned: her mane and face was mushy cake free. “So Spike, do you personally know your father?”

“AHH!” Both Spike and Pinkie yelled simultaneously; Spike fell out of his chair and hit his head on the floor.

“Oww,” Spike rubbed the back of his head, “why did you sneak up on us like that Rarity?”

Rarity giggled, “I’m sorry Spike; I didn't know that you hadn't… noticed me.” Rarity levitated Spike back into his seat, “now, tell us about your dad.”

“Well, I don't know much about him: His name is Jargon, he’s been asleep for 98 years and is resting in the Everfree Forest. He and my mom go way back. So she let him stay there.” Spike looked at the clock, “dang! It’s already 11:00!” Spike slammed his head on the table.

“What's a matter? Do you have something to do today?” Asked Pinkie.

Spike nodded, “yeah: Sleep! I’ve been up for two days, so that means, I’ve missed 36 hours of sleep!” Spike patted his cheeks with his claws, “a dragon needs his beauty rest after all.”

“I concur; Twilight had us up all night, and I definitely need my rest more than you Spike. If you will excuse us Pinkie, we need to inform the off-”

“No need to Rarity, Twilight don told the whole town bout the little feller comin’ back.” Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, and Twilight came into the bakery.

“Yeah… It probably was dumb of me to send you out with Rarity after all; since I could have just told everypony myself in a quickly fashion.” Twilight rubbed the back of her head and gave a sheepish grin.

“I’m glad you didn't Twi, because I ate some delicious ‘you can't have my booty cake.’”

The four mares raised brows at the same time, “you can't have my booty cake? So your ass is still… tight?” Said Rainbow Dash, trying and failing, to hold in her giggles.

Spike’s happy face turned quickly into a frown, “yes Dash, my ass is ok. What's up with everypony asking if my ass is fine? That shit is getting annoying.” Spike mumbled under his breath.

Twilight’s ears twitched, she gave the baby dragon an angry glare. “Spike! You have a language problem! From now on, you aren't hanging around Discord anymore; he really is a bad influence on you.”

“No he’s not Twi, in fact, he’s a cool dude.”

“Yeah! He’s even dating princess Celestia!” Pinkie yelled loudly.

The other elements looked completely shocked at this revelation.

“Oh my.”

‘Rainbow derp.’

“Golly.”

Twilight fainted.

-

When Discord walked away from Eris.

The draconequus continued to cry for her forsaken father; in the infinite space that is her mind, Eris rolled around screaming and crying her eyes out. 'How is this possible? Daddy taught me almost everything; how to rule, do magic, break the laws of physics, and even cook! We spent five thousand years as father and daughter causing chaos and destruction across the world; bending nations and weaker species to our wills.”

Eris rubbed her soaked face with her claws, a slight growl escaped her lips, “I bet that damn mare is the cause of it, daddy always did have a thing for the younger females, flaunting her three thousand year old flank in his face.” She slammed her hands on the ground, making large cracks that, as soon as they appeared, faded away. “I should have killed her a long time ago, and her mentally distraught sister. First she frees my pet, fucks my dad… and puts us in jail?! Then after a-a-a fucking day; she completely changes daddy to the good side?! The side of friendship? FRIENDSHIP?!"

Eris spat on the floor, “her cunt must be an element of harmony: the element of whoring!” Eris rose from the ground, a look of pure evil and building rage burned in her eyes. “When I get my hands on her, and all those who did this to daddy… they will pray to their gods for a merciful death… and one shall ignore their pleas."

Author's Note

Hey... my bad bout not updating this earlier. I had some... black guy things to do. Enjoy! Chapter three will come a lot quicker!