Excerpts from "The Life and Teachings of Starswirl the Bearded"

by Rustled Pages

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Other, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 2361

Just what sage words of wisdom did Starswirl leave behind for the ponies that followed? Read and find out!

Many stories reference Starswirl the Bearded as a wise pony, but nopony has ever sat down and recounted his life. I intend to do so. This will be less of a coherent story and more of a place that others can come to get some great ideas for writing Starswirl into their own story and maybe even enjoy the tale along the way.

[Warning] This probably won't ever get a "complete" tag. It will probably just keep getting updated as my muse strikes.

Published 2013-12-23 04:20:03 UTC
Last updated 2014-01-29 02:20:04 UTC

Never Stop Learning

Potentia est infinita scientia;
“The power of knowledge is infinite.”
-Starswirl the Bearded

Starswirl the Bearded was a profound believer in learning. So much so that he would spend a large amount of his earning as a Royal Archmage towards funding scholarships and establishing of institutions of learning. At a press conference one reporter asked why he did so he replied, “My dear it is simply good business. I am investing in the future, and no business has as much potential payoff as that.” When asked to clarify he took all the gathered reporters down to the newly created Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns. He pointed towards the gathered young unicorns eating lunch outside and stated, “You see that, that is our future. These young fillies and colts will grow up to become tomorrow’s leaders. Why should we not ensure that they have the best education that Equestria can offer?”

Starswirl considered himself to be an eternal student. Even after he completed his tutelage under Princess Celestia herself, he would constantly refer to himself as “still learning”. He taught many a disciple, and each and every one of them has stated that he never referred to himself as a teacher. He insisted that they refer to him as “my fellow student” and treated them much the same. In fact, many professors and teachers would walk into class that day only to find Starswirl himself seated amongst their students. One of the few ponies who were lucky enough to be gifted with a longstanding friendship with Starswirl the Bearded was Dr. Rustled Pages, widely considered one of the greatest contributors towards modern educational practices. In an interview for this biography, he recounted how he came to know Starswirl the Bearded.

POV: Rustled Pages
The door was imposing. Well, not the door itself, but the thought of what was behind it. Frankly it scared Rustled Pages so bad that only by pure will did he not bolt down the hallway away from it.

Ok Rustled, get ahold of yourself. You are a professor at one of the most prestigious universities ever. In there is a group of students just waiting for you!

“I know that.” Rustled Pages muttered to himself. He had given himself this exact motivational speech last night. Twice! Rustled Pages sighed.

I’m just stalling. Mother always said I could do anything I set my mind to. Time to pony up!
He took a deep breath and pushed open the door. The students, who had been chattering lightly until then, fell silent as soon as he stepped through the doorway.

Well, this couldn’t get much worse. Ok, stay calm, just walk in, write your name on the board, and then turn around. Just like the practice. So thinking, he took another deep breath and strode toward the chalkboard. Pulling out some chalk from his saddlebags in his teeth, he proceeded to write his name on the board. Turning around to place his chalk on the podium he scanned the crowd.

“Hello class, my name is Professor Rustled Pages, I will be your professor for MT 452: Magical Field Theory and Modern Application.” He picked the chalk in his teeth to start writing.

Ok, that didn’t go so bad. See, this isn’t nearly as bad as I fea- Before he could even finish the thought, his eyes homed in on a very distinct hat. The chalk dropped to the ground and broke into several pieces as his mouth fell open.

Oh sweet Celestia is that the Archmage?! I just had to say that didn’t I? My sisters always said that I would jinx myself saying things like that. I wish I had listened. What do I do? What do I do? Maybe he’s been sent in to review me? But it’s only my first day! That’s so unfair. As his thoughts quibbled back and forth, Starswirl the Bearded, Archmage of Celestia’s Court, stood up and stated, “Oh, don’t mind me. I’m just sitting in on the lecture. Pretend I’m not here if it helps.”

“Pretend I’m not here” he says. As if anyone could forget the presence of THE most gifted unicorn magus in history.
Rustled Pages gulped, then winced at the taste of chalk. Quickly he grabbed a bottle of water from his saddlebag and placed it on his lectern. He took a gulp to clear the chalk from his mouth, and then cleared his throat.

“Erhm. Well, um… hi. I'm your professor, as I've already stated. I just graduated from the Princess Platinum University with a Doctoral Degree in Thaumatic Field Dynamics. You may call me Professor Pages or Dr. Pages, or even just Professor if you like. I’m new here on campus, and I've never really taught a course before, but hopefully we can all get through this together. That said, I have your syllabi here,” he heaved one of his saddlebags onto the podium, and pulled out a stack of papers, “Please come forward and get one. The topics we will be discussing are listed on the front, and your homework assignments are on the back.”

As the students approached one at a time, Rustled Pages checked them off the attendance roster. Last to grab a syllabus was Starswirl himself. As he took the syllabus in his distinct magic field, he leaned in and whispered, “Don’t be so nervous. You’re doing just fine.” That said, he strolled back to his seat at the rear of the class.

Rustled Pages took a deep breath, procured another piece of chalk from his saddlebag, good thing I packed more than one, and proceeded to write the days topics on the board.

The next great upset in Rustled Page’s life happened around the time that Starswirl fought the Red Dragon Kagrendar. Once again, Dr. Rustled Pages tells his story.

Three Months into the Class:

Rustled Pages quite liked the routine he had fallen into. The students were quite happy to help him out, and everyone turned in their homework on time, even (much to Rustled Pages' chagrin) Starswirl himself. The only thing that bothered him was that Starswirl had been absent from his class for several days now.

Of course, I can’t expect the Archmage to stick around for my class. He must have more important things to do. Still, I thought that we were getting to be such good friends. We even had lunch last week. Of course, that was before a courier arrived with a message from the Princess and he had to rush off. I wonder if that had anything to do with his absence.

Rustled Pages sighed to himself, and pushed open the door. Scanning the room as he had the past few days for that distinctive cap that would signal that his friend was present. Seeing no sign of him, he trotted up to the podium and started taking attendance. Forty minutes into his lecture something odd happened.

“So as you can see, if you add one times ten to the thirty-sixth thaums to the spinward southern point we get a reaction that-“

Starswirl burst into the room. Quite literally. In a blast of shining white light, Starswirl the Bearded appeared in the middle of the classroom. His coat showed several burn marks where his robe seemed to have been torn away. His mane was tangled with dirt, twigs, and sweat. His hat, still on top of his head, seemed to have a small flickering blue flame burning merrily at the tip.

“Sorry I’m late professor. I teleported here directly from the battle.”

“Battle? Starswirl whatever are you talking about? And your hat is on fire.”

“It is?” Starswirl yanked the hat off his head and started swatting at the flames, “Blasted dragon!”

“D-d-d-draagon?!” Rustled Pages exclaimed. The whole class devolved into a deluge of whispers and mutterings which quickly escalated into loud conversations as people clambered to talk over each other.

“Quiet! Quiet!” As the professor tried to settle the class down, Starswirl patted down his robes. Reaching into one of the voluminous inside pockets, his hoof came out the other side.

“Oh dear. Professor, it seems that I have…misplaced my essay.”

Rustled Pages just stared blankly at him. Well of course his essay wasn’t on him. If it had been, it was probably burnt up
in all that dragonfire. Or more sensibly, it was left at his home before he left for battle. However, a mischievous twinkle entered Rustled Pages’ eyes.

“Well, that won’t do at all. Flashily teleporting into to room, disrupting my class, coming here in such a disheveled state, and then not even turning in your essay? Can anyone tell me the suitable punishment for disruption of class?”

“Detention” called out one student in the front row.

“Well there you have it Mr. Starswirl. Detention it is.” The class burst into laughter, and after a few moments, the Archmage’s raucous laughter burst forth as well. After a good laugh, Rustled Pages turned back to the board and continued the lecture while Starswirl quietly borrowed a quill and some parchment from a classmate. Later that evening, as Rustled Pages was sitting in his office grading papers, he heard a knock at the door. Starswirl himself entered and requested his detention assignment.

Oh sweet Celestia he thought I was serious. His brain seemed to shut down and he tried to stutter out something along the lines of it being a school policy to hand out detention and to not take it too seriously.
“I mean, normally I would assign a student an essay or something similar but like I said…” He devolved into ramblings which Starswirl seemed to pick up the overall meaning of because he nodded and smiled to Rustled Pages. With a “Good day!” he was out the door before Rustled Pages could gather his faculties together.

A week passed, and the detention had almost faded completely from Rustled Pages’ mind when he was summoned to the dean’s office. The Dean! And there is Starswirl, sitting and chatting nonchalantly with the Dean and the Superintendent of Schools. Rustled Pages felt his heart stutter and his face turn pale as a sheet. The dean invited him to sit down and he was sure that he was going to be fired.

For Celestia's sake I gave the Archmage detention. What had I been thinking? Starswirl passed him a few sheets of parchment (which he was sure was his pinkslip). Numbly skimming the document, it turned out to be a report on the delinquency policy of the university.

“Now that everyone is here why don’t you tell us this idea of yours Starswirl?” Asked the Dean.

“Yes yes. As you may or may not know, I have been regularly attending Professor Pages' class for several months now and due to some rather amusing circumstances I was assigned a report on school policies.I was so intrigued by the subject that after I finished the report I kept digging and digging. The more I read, the more I was intrigued, and so I read more. Before long it turns out that I ended up writing this,” At this statement, he pulled out a truly massive stack of pages, “I ended up doing an entire dissertation without even intending to. None the less, I have found quite a few things that I think we can change…” The words seemed to fade out for Rustled Pages. His gaze kept switching between the essay in his lap and the towering dissertation on the desk in front of him. He just stared dumbfounded as words like “reassignment”, “resource allocation”, and “restructure” were tossed around in the same tone that one might discuss the weather with friends at lunch. He managed to snap out of his stupor just in time to hear Starswirl wind down with, “…and so, you must see that there is a great deal of potential to this idea, and we should implement it for the good of the students as soon as possible.”

The superintendent spoke up, “You do bring up some valid points, and while the suggestions you have put forth are a bit demanding, with you leading the project we will surely succeed.”

A twinkle appeared in Starswirl’s eyes “Oh dear me, I couldn’t possibly do this. I am far too busy to do it at the current time. If only there was a capable pony in the room who could spearhead this project.” His gaze turned towards Rustled Pages.
“Me?!” He exclaimed.

“Well if you are so eager to volunteer I shant stand in your way.”

“But I-“

“And there you have it. I present you the new Head of Educational Reform, Doctor Rustled Pages.”

“But I-“

“Well that settles it then.” Exclaimed the Dean, who proceeded to shake hooves with the superintendent and Starswirl. He pulled out a check and scribbled something on it. “Here’s your first month’s pay in advance. And talk to my secretary about moving you into a bigger office than that tiny thing you’re in now.”

Before Rustled Pages could even get a word in edgewise, everyone was up and shaking hooves and he was ushered out of the office with the check in his mouth and the door closed behind him. As he stared at the check, he felt his heart skip a few beats for the second time that day.

Sweet Celestia I didn't think money could be counted that high! I've never seen so many zeros on this side of the decimal in…. ever! Taking a calming breath, he started towards his office with a silly grin on his face.
Mother always said I could do anything I set my mind to. She hasn't been wrong yet!

Doctor Rustled Pages later went on to completely reform the educational system. Scholars attribute the majority of the modern educational system’s format to the joint work between him and Starswirl the Bearded.

Author's Note

Well, how was it? Leave some comments and any suggestions. I have a few more ideas for some chapter titles but nothing too solid just yet. If the community shows enough interest I will continue.