Ultimate Lesbian Wrestling Championship

“Hellooo Equestria, it is the one and only Discord here bringing you with the First Annual  ULTIMATE LESBIAN WRESTLING CHAMPIONSHIP! I’m here with my special guest Hoiety Toilety, how’re you feeling tonight Hoiety?”

“Oh my, Discord. If you weren’t such a fashionable wreck, I might actually lay one of my glamorous hooves on your... hide. Tonight I’m feeling a little frisky, I heard there were promises of a fashion paradise my eyes have never conceived before. Your thoughts?” Hoity Toity, fashion extraordinaire, waved an casual hoof toward Discord. The two commenters were currently sitting in the announcer’s box, complete with mics and headphones.

“Oh you fine sir, your snarkiness is almost as extreme as your blatant homosexuality! Speaking of being gay, we’d like to welcome you to the First Annual ULTIMATE LESBIAN WRESTLING CHAMPIONSHIP!” Discord repeated, shouting and awakening the spirit within the crowd.

The packed stadium cheered loudly in response, shaking the floor. The arena itself was covered in illusionary stone, cast by Princess Celestia herself, to hide the secret within. The entire coliseum, being the size of the Canterlot Castle, was modeled after classical Romane  architecture, complete with marble engravings and statues and located just outside Ponyville’s boundaries. Mares were packed in the benches, and the open top allowed several pegasi to take watch upon their favorite clouds. In front of the audience at all angles and above were illusionary screens, to project and magnify the action for those hard of sight. Most of the audience were female, several of the less desirable males were turned down in favor of the mares’ comfort. Tonight was for the lesbians.

Princess Celestia watched with smug eyes upon her subjects as she sat in the royal box with her fellow princess Cadance and Luna. Both had somewhat amused expressions as they watched the spectacle.

Hoity holds his ears in agony, the shout next to him combined with the applause ruptured his hearing. Feeling belittled, he turns toward Discord and rebuttals with a snark. “Homosexuality? What gave it away? The fashionable talent or the well-groomed mane? Please continue, my complex commentorrr.” Hoity drawled his last ‘r’ quite classily.

“No, it was the fact that you flame with the intensity of a thousand suns.”

“How quaint.”

“Yes; filly foolers, carpet chewers, and mare munchers alike will all compete for the world’s greatest prize. A one night stand with the Princess of the Night herself!” Discord threw his hands up, a gleeful look on his face as the crowd’s ecstatic cheer threatened to shake the coliseum apart. Princess Luna blushed in her royal seat, squirming awkwardly as thousands of eyes lay upon her. Princess Celestia untucked a wing and wrapped her around her sister while Cadence gave her a light nuzzle.

“Ah yes, Princess Luna. Ethereal mane, midnight blue coat, enticing regalia... if I didn’t fear banishment, I’d say her fashion sense was oh so a thousand years ago,” Hoity says with an air of disdain in his voice.

 “She also placed Number 1 in Playcolt’s best flanks edition.”

“I said her fashion. Not that quite edible piece of cutie marks she’s got there.”

“While we’re on the topic of Luna’s hiney, we should introduce the mares fighting for it. Shall you do the honors?” Discord gestured to Hoity to take the lead.

“As dismal as your appearance may be, you do have the occasional diamond in that trough you call ‘manners’. But before we do that, we must explain the rules. As you shall see, each contestant is fully clothed. Fashionably so, as designed and themed by Ponyville’s finest, Rarity Belle, with the finest materials in order to... entice the other.” Hoity licks his lips greedily.  “The goal is to strip the other sexual warrior, driving her to the edge, and force her to relinquish those deliciou-vital fluids. The first rule is: No direct pain shall be inflicted. This is to ensure the enjoyment of the contestants, and to level the playing field against stronger opponents.”

“That is unless they want it of course.” Discord gave a teasing wink.

“After laying my eyes upon those soft flanks, I must say some of them were begging for it. Would you like to take it away, my chaotic colleague?”

“Yes, the competitors may only pleasure each other with their selves. Not foreign objects allowed, regardless how hilarious they may be.” At this, Discord holds up a rubber chick and twisted its head toward its hen parts.

“And as tedious as it may sound, clothing may not be directly teared off with the exception of teeth. Not only does this save precious fabric, but allows these desperate fillies to tease each other relentlessly. However, saying that, this does not allow magic to be used in its stead. Magic, and by extension flying, is banned at all times to ensure a level playing field for all races.”

“There will be a main tournament and in between rounds there will be exhibition matches. The first mare to get off loses, and the winner moves on to the next opponent. The last mare standing moves on to the next round!”

“Speaking of mares, only two are allowed in the special arenas for the event. That’s right ladies, arenas. If one of our silly fillies pins down another, this is wrestling, her victim cannot hold onto her clothes. She may actively resist the hold, but she cannot hold onto her clothing. And our last rule is... Discord I believe this one is more up your alley. Mind if I join in?” Hoity winks at Discord playfully.

 “At any given time, a contestant can break the rules for thirty seconds. That includes kinky spells, or a phallic shaped item. The contestant can only use this one time however, and must choose carefully!”

“Well everypony, that concludes our rules for tonight. Discord, before we introduce our first pair of brave, delicious, sweaty, and ultimately satisfying warriors, anything you hope to see?” Hoity licked his lips in anticipation and gazed up toward his colleague.

“Let’s just say, I hope the janitor drowns.”

“He won’t be the only one drowning, Cock Sheath.” Hoity wiggled his eyebrows at Discord, throwing subtlety out the window.

“Well, we’re certainly find out won’t we? Join us as we welcome our contestants for the first match of the night.”

“Very well, Mister Discord.” Hoity tears off his fashionable glasses. “Ahem. Did we do a volume check? Good. HELLO PONYVILLE!! I HOPE ALL YOUR BOTTLED UP EMOTIONS AND BROKEN HEARTS ERUPT TONIGHT AS WE WATCH TWO FINE-ASS MARES GET. IT. ONNNN! MY HEAD CAN HANDLE THE FASHION, BUT IT TAKES TWO TO WATCH THESE GIRLS.Now for the introduction. In this corner... um Discord? Why are you quivering? Anyway, in this corner we have THE ONE, THE ONLY, THE QUITE FASHIONABLE RARITY BELLE! Element of Generosity, she’s bound to give the crowd quite a show! Stitch your eyes upon that marshmallow flank as you stomp for our glorious fashionista! Alright Discord, would you like the honors?”

“Certainly. In this corner we have the Red Headed Wonderer! The Champion of Flower Power! MS. ROSELUCK!!”

“Who shall prevail in this contest of fertility? Will it be our lucky petaled seductress? Or will be it be our fashionista fatale? Find out tonight in the ULTIMATE LESBIAN WRESTLING CHAMPIONSHIP. Oh my Discord, can you spare a cough drop? Saliva will do just as well.”

“This is going to be a long night.”

“Only if we time it right.” Hoity Toity gave Discord a flirtatious wink.