It all started when Applejack, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, and Rainbow Dash received a summons to attend HRH Princess Twilight Sparkle in Canterlot as soon as possible. Despite the rather urgent tone of the summons, and the fact that the guards sent to pick them up insisted they were needed immediately and had to depart at once, none of them were particularly concerned. After all, ever since Twilight had become royalty and named them her consorts she called on them to attend her on a nightly basis…and sometimes before the sun was even down…several times a day. If it weren’t for the fact that they all had lives and jobs back in Ponyville, they’d probably have moved to Canterlot with Twilight permanently by now so that they could be on call whenever she required them for…companionship.
So, seeing this as nothing more than a standard evening, Twilight’s five beloved friends grabbed the supplies they’d probably need for the night’s events before getting into the waiting sky chariot. Applejack brought several lengths of rope, Rarity a variety of costumes, Fluttershy a rather shocking and scandalous collection of…toys, Pinkie an even more shocking and scandalous collection of…toys as well as a healthy amount of cake batter and chocolate sauce that was destined to never be used to bake anything, and Rainbow Dash brought a pair of sunglasses and some magazines. What shenanigans the six friends would get up to with this somewhat eclectic array of materials is probably better left unsaid. Or unimagined. (Too late for that, though, am I right?)
The first inkling that there might be more to this summons than a standard ‘extremely intimate get-together’ was the sad and pitying looks many of the servants gave them as they were led through the corridors of Canterlot Castle and the rather loud wails and sobs they could hear the closer they got to Twilight’s private wing. “Oh no…did something happen to Twilight?!” Fluttershy asked in alarm.
“The poor dear’s probably just exhausted from all the work it takes to run a country and had a bit of a breakdown from all the demands on her from those awful and ungrateful nobles and bureaucrats who don’t appreciate all she’s sacrificing for their sakes,” Rarity said sympathetically. She grinned lasciviously. “Which means it’s up to us to help her get back in the proper spirit, isn’t it?”
“Ah don’t know…that don’t sound like no crying from exhaustion to me,” Applejack said with a frown, who knew from experience. (Not from her, of course, but sometimes Big Mac succumbed to the stress from the tough life of apple farming and needed a few hours in his room with his dolls—and sometimes Cheerilee—before he was feeling normal again.)
Pinkie nodded rapidly. “Yeah, it sounds like somepony very important to her just died!” Pinkie also knew this from experience. Her father had sounded just like that when his pet rock, Rocky’s mother, was broken. Pinkie had made sure to give the beloved chunk of granite the funnest funeral she could possibly conceive. She still didn’t quite understand why her father had been so upset at her for the balloons and marching band and clowns and fireworks, or why she was banned from ever hosting a funeral or wake ever again. Everyone was always so miserable at those things; clearly they needed a proper party planner like her to put smiles back on their faces! After all, it’s not like the deceased would want them to be sad, right?
Their eyes widened in horror at this. Urgently, Rarity turned to the guard leading them to Twilight’s quarters and said, “Has something happened to Her Majesty’s parents?! Or Prince Shining Armor? Or my dear Spikey-wikey?!”
“Or one of her favorite fictional heroes?!” Pinkie gasped in horror. “I sobbed for days when Professor Dimple Door died in the sixth book of Hairy Potter…”
Fluttershy broke down in tears at this. “P-p-p-poor Professor Dimple Door!” she bawled. “It was s-s-s-soooo saaaaad! And it turned out that he was dying all along…and Professor Snake was really a good guy the whole time! And he did it all for love of Hairy’s mother…who would never love him back…why do authors have to be s-s-so mean to their characters? It’s not fair at all!”
Rainbow gave Pinkie an annoyed look as she put a wing protectively around the weeping Pegasus, pulling her close to her side. “Nice going, Pinkie.”
“No problem!” the pink earth pony said obliviously.
“Nopony has died,” the guard said brusquely, careful not to look at the girls following him. Whether it was because he was afraid that if he gazed too long upon his mistress’s harem he’d be gelded or for some other reason was unclear. “Not yet, anyway.”
This did little to alleviate the girls’ worries. “What are you talking about?!” Rainbow demanded, still hugging the sobbing Fluttershy.
“Has somepony gotten sick or hurt?” Applejack asked in concern.
“Do we have to go to an epic quest to a distant land to find an extremely rare and magical cure, facing all sorts of incredible dangers and ancient evils along the way instead of just going to the local pharmacy or hospital instead, which common sense would dictate?” Pinkie asked.
“It…is nothing like that,” the guard said elusively. “You shall see when you get there.” The girls exchanged worried looks. Now they were even more concerned.
Soon enough, they reached the door to Twilight’s chambers, a grand double door with her Cutie Mark emblazoned on it, a pair of guards in livery matching the newest princess’s coat with her Cutie Mark for a crest on the front standing at attention outside of it, their usually impassive faces somewhat grim and saddened by the weeping that could be heard from behind the doors. “This is as far as I may go,” their escort said, finally turning to look at them. “I hope that you may restore our Princess’s mood…and not make it worse.”
“What are you implying?!” Rainbow snarled, bristling indignantly. “We’d never make Twilight cry!”
“What about the time when-“ Pinkie started.
“Not willingly!” Rainbow said.
“Or when we-“ Fluttershy started.
“From something other than happiness, okay?!” the Pegasus said in exasperation.
“I pray you are correct,” the guard said solemnly. “Twilightspeed, all of you.” With that, he departed.
More nervous than ever, the girls passed the guards and knocked on the door. The sobbing broke off and, with a sniffle, a rather hoarse Twilight called, “C-come in!” from inside. The girls exchanged worried looks. She sounded like a wreck.
Without preamble, they pushed open the doors and entered Twilight’s room.
The suite was palatial (since it was in a palace, after all) and truly befitting royalty. The walls and carpet were done up to match Twilight’s colors and the ceiling was a magnificent representation of the night sky with twinkling diamonds for stars and constellations resembling Twilight’s Cutie Mark as well as those of her friends forming the centerpiece, magical crystals shaped like Twilight’s Cutie Mark floating around the room and bathing everything in a soft lavender-white glow. Pictures of her friends and family lined the walls in between dozens of floor-to-ceiling bookshelves crammed with texts both old and new, with even more books that couldn’t fit on the shelves lying in piles and stacks numbering in the hundreds all across the floor. A writing desk covered in framed pictures of her loved ones and paperwork that reached to the ceiling sat in one corner, a pair of glass doors against the back wall opened onto a balcony with a giant telescope for stargazing mounted on it, and doors leading to other areas of the suite—including private bedchambers for her friends, which were rarely used since they usually shared the Princess’s own bed—were scattered here and there.
Twilight, her mane, coat, and feathers all messed up and in disarray, her eyes red with tears, and her royal regalia strewn about the floor lay in a disheveled heap on the massive four-poster canopy bed in the middle of the room that all of them were especially familiar with by now, a worried Spike standing nearby. When she saw her beloved friends, Twilight glanced up from the framed picture she’d been cradling of the six of them taken at the party celebrating her coronation and her muzzle creased into a smile while a look of purest sorrow and regret filled her eyes. “Oh, girls,” she rasped. “I’m…I’m so happy you’re here. I want to spend as much time as I can with you, before…before…” She burst into tears again.
Dropping all the things they’d brought to ‘play’ with, the girls rushed over to the bed and wrapped themselves around Twilight, pressing their bodies against hers and bombarding her with their warmth and affection. “Before what, Twilight?” Rarity asked in alarm. “Is something going to happen?”
“Do you have to go somewhere really really far away for some big diplomatic mission or epic quest or something?” Pinkie asked worriedly.
“N-no,” Twilight whimpered. “It’s not me who’s going anywhere…it’s you! All of you! I’m going to miss you the most, Pinkie,” she said, kissing the pink pony, much to her delight.
Applejack snorted. “That’s a load’a hogwash, Twi. We ain’t goin’ anywhere!”
“Yes you are! All of you!” Twilight wailed. “To somewhere I can never follow! I’m going to miss you the most, Applejack,” she said, kissing the farmer, much to her delight.
“We’re going somewhere?! Oh no! But I haven’t packed properly!” Fluttershy said anxiously, glancing at her saddlebag, filled with…very, very inappropriate things. “I’m not ready! Nopony told me about this! I-I don’t want to go! I still have so much to do at home! So many animals to take care of and feed a-and-”
“Nopony wants to go, Fluttershy,” Twilight said despondently. “But we all do, sooner or later. Except me. All of you are going away, and I’ll never see you again! I’m going to miss you the most…” She kissed the Pegasus, much to her delight.
“That’s preposterous!” Rarity declared. “I have no intention of going anywhere, Twilight! Not without you!”
“It can’t be helped, girls…it’s inevitable…” Twilight sniveled. “I’m going to miss you the most, Rarity,” she said, kissing the unicorn, much to her delight.
“Can’t we just cancel our travel plans? Or miss our train accidentally-on purpose?” Pinkie asked.
“No, Pinkie, you can’t! Because you’re not going to somewhere that can be reached by train, or boat, or hoof, or airship, or wings, or even by teleportation!” Twilight said.
The girls exchanged confused looks. “Then…how are we getting there?” asked a dumbfounded Rainbow Dash.
“You’re going to DIE!” Twilight declared. “I’m going to miss you the most, Rainbow,” she said, kissing the Pegasus, much to her delight.
The other four ponies gasped. Rainbow would have too, but she was still locking lips with Twilight. “We’re going to die?!” Fluttershy squealed, on the verge of passing out.
“Well, that’s silly! Where would we have to go to that would require us to die?” Pinkie asked.
“The afterlife!” Twilight said.
Pinkie scratched her head with a hoof. “Why are we going to the afterlife? Is there some meanie there causing trouble?”
“’Cause if there is, we’ll whup his flank but good!” Applejack said.
Pinkie giggled. “Hehehe, you said ‘butt!’” Applejack blushed.
“No, Applejack, you’re not going to the afterlife to fight a villain…you’re going to the afterlife because you’re going to die! All of you! Except for me!” Twilight bawled.
“…Wait. WAIT! You…you’re saying we’re going to die?!” Rarity screamed.
“YES!” Twilight cried. “I…I just got the news today from Celestia. You, all of you…are going to die!”
Fluttershy’s eyes rolled back in her head and she fainted. “No way!” Rainbow gasped.
“Yes way!” Twilight moaned. “And nothing can be done. You’re all going to die!”
“We’ll see about that,” Applejack said, narrowing her eyes in determination.
“Yes, you will…when you die, and I’ll be left behind!” Twilight wept, nuzzling them all desperately, as if trying to take in as
much of them as she could before they inevitably left her forever.
“Princess Celestia really said that?” Rarity asked, getting worried.
“Uh-huh!” Twilight said, nodding miserably.
“When?! How much more time do we have?!” Rainbow Dash asked.
“Yeah, if I’m going to throw a ‘We’re all Gonna Die!’ party, I need a timeframe so I can get everything set up and have everyone invited before we croak!” Pinkie agreed.
Twilight’s eyes watered. “You’re going to die…”
Spike rolled his eyes. “Here we go…”
“In seventy to ninety years, minimum!” Twilight cried.
Everyone stared at her. Even Fluttershy woke up, blinking in confusion. “What,” Applejack said finally.
“Well, assuming you die of old age, given the average lifespan of a pony. Though it might be more like ten years in Rainbow Dash’s case, given her incredibly high-risk lifestyle,” Twilight amended. “And less than one for Pinkie Pie given her diet.”
“Wait, what?” said the confused Rainbow Dash.
“ACK! DIET!” Pinkie screamed in terror upon hearing her mortal fear…the ‘d’ word.
“I…think you need to back up, darling,” said the confused Rarity. “Princess Celestia said that we’re going to die…in seventy to ninety years, minimum?”
“Or ten,” said an annoyed Rainbow Dash.
“Or less than one!” Pinkie said brightly.
“Yes! Well…no, not exactly…” Twilight admitted.
The other five (and Spike) sighed in unison. “Twilight,” Applejack said gently. “What precisely did Princess Celestia tell you?”
Blinking back tears, Twilight looked up at the farmer, lip quivering. “She…she took me aside earlier today and told me that, now that I’m a Princess, I’m going to live forever.”
There was a beat. “Well, that’s wonderful!” Rarity said delightedly.
“Yeah, though we kind of all saw it coming a mile away,” Rainbow said. “I mean, all alicorn Princesses are immortal, everypony knows that.”
“Oh boy! Now I get to throw a ‘Twilight’s Immortal’ party!” Pinkie said excitedly. “Totally different from the ‘Twilight’s an alicorn’ party or the ‘Twilight’s just gotten coronated and is a Princess now’ party!”
Twilight looked at her friends and lovers in horror. “What?! No! It’s not wonderful at all! It’s terrible!”
They looked at her like she was crazy. Which, admittedly, she was occasionally. “…I don’t get it,” said the confused Fluttershy.
“Yeah Twi, what’s so wrong with living forever?” Applejack asked.
“What’s wrong? What’s wrong?! EVERYTHING’S WRONG!” Twilight shouted. “I’m going to live forever…and you aren’t! You’re all going to grow old and die! And…and when you do...I’ll be all ALO-O-O-O-ONE!” She burst into tears, horn lighting up as she used her magic to envelop her pony friends in her grip and press them against her in a psychokinetic hug.
“You know, I’ll still be here,” Spike said. “Dragon. No known upper age limit.”
“All aloooooooooooone!” Twilight cried.
“And then there’s Princess Celestia, Princess Cadance, Princess Luna…” Spike pointed out.
“All alooooooooooooooooooooooooone!” Twilight cried.
“Oh, and don’t forget me,” Discord said as he walked across the ceiling wearing a tutu, a bunny slipper, a high-heeled shoe, a top hat, clown makeup, hoop earrings, and an upside-down mustache while twirling a Neighponese umbrella in his left nostril.
“Yeah, and Discord,” Spike said.
“ALL! A! LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE!” Twilight screamed in the Royal Canterlot Voice.
Spike rolled his eyes. “Sheesh, and I thought Rarity was the drama queen.”
“What was that?!” Rarity asked, looking up.
“Nothing, my love!” Spike said. Satisfied, Rarity turned her attention back to the wailing alicorn.
“You do know she’s now completely off-limits since she’s with your mom/sister/slave-owner, right?” Discord whispered very loudly into Spike’s ear through a trumpet.
“I know,” Spike grunted.
“And I’m pretty sure there’s some law that if you touch or even look at a member of the royal harem the wrong way, you can get gelded and/or executed,” Discord said. “Or did they repeal that law? I haven’t looked. Mainly because laws are boring. I don’t understand how you people can stand them.”
“I know,” Spike grunted.
“Just checking,” Discord said. He cheerfully entered the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind him. A moment later, the shower could be heard running, accompanied by Discord singing painfully off-key. (His name’s Discord. What, you expected him to be good at music?)
“Oh, Twilight, you don’t have to worry,” Fluttershy said gently through clenched teeth due to how tightly her bones were being squeezed by Twilight’s magic.
“Yeah, we aren’t going to die anytime soon!” Rainbow Dash said.
“Yes dear, we’ll never leave you,” Rarity agreed.
“Never ever ever!” Pinkie said.
“You ain’t got nothin’ to worry about, sugarcube,” Applejack promised.
Sniffling, Twilight looked up, a familiar gleam of madness in her eyes. “You’re right…I don’t! Don’t worry girls, I promise I’ll spend the rest of your lives looking for a way to keep you by my side!”
“Uh, Twilight-“ Rainbow Dash started.
“There’s always aging spells! Those are now easily within my power to perform,” Twilight said.
“Twilight-“ Fluttershy started.
“Or necromancy! I’ll reanimate you after you die and use magic to keep you from being disgusting rotting corpses! You’ll be a little cold and lack a pulse, but I’m sure we can work around that!” Twilight said.
“Twilight-“ Pinkie tried to say.
“Or alchemy! I’ll build you perfect undying bodies, then cut out your brains and stick them inside!” Twilight said.
“Twilight-“ Rarity began.
“Oh, there are so many possibilities! I hardly know where to start!” Twilight said excitedly. “But I have to start right away. After all, just because your bodies will naturally die in seventy to ninety years—or ten, or less than one—doesn’t mean I have time to sit around! Why, you could drop dead at any moment from sickness, or an accident, or an assassination attempt! Which is why I’m going to have to strip you of your titles as Bearers of the Elements of Harmony and defenders of the realm and imprison you in a pleasure dungeon/laboratory I’ll have constructed deep beneath the castle for the rest of your natural lives so I can make sure you’re always nearby and far away from anything that might hurt you. You’ll never be able to see your homes or families again, of course, but it’s a small price to pay to keep you safe and loved!”
“Twilight!” Applejack said, aghast.
“I’ll need to talk to the other Princesses to find replacements for you, of course. Don’t worry, your families will all be generously compensated and want for nothing ever again. I’m afraid we’ll have to be careful about our lovemaking for the next several years until I find a way to make you immortal that’ll work, though, so I don’t have to worry about any of you getting a heart attack from overexertion or anything like that-“ Twilight continued obliviously.
“TWILIGHT!” they all yelled.
Twilight blinked. “Yes, girls?”
“Twilight, none of that is necessary!” Rarity said in exasperation.
“Which is a good thing, because that was kind of getting creepy near the end,” said the disturbed Rainbow.
“I don’t know, the dungeon imprisonment thing didn’t sound so bad,” Fluttershy said dreamily, wings extended. The others stared at her for a moment, but declined to comment.
Twilight was confused. “Not necessary? But…but why…” She gasped and started tearing up again. “You…you don’t want to be with me anymore?!”
“What?! No! Nononono! No way!” Rainbow protested.
Pinkie nodded rapidly, mane flying all over the place. “We love you, Twilight, and that’s never going to change!”
“Then you have to see why I need to use forbidden magic to bind your souls to mine for all eternity so we can be together forever!” Twilight said somewhat manically.
Applejack sighed. “No, sugarcube. That ain’t necessary, because, you see…we’re already immortal.”
There was a pause. “What?” Twilight said.
“Okay, I didn’t see that coming,” Spike said.
“I did!” Discord said, poking his head out of a nearby mirror. Strangely, the sounds of terrible singing in the shower could still be heard.
“We’re all immortal,” Applejack repeated.
Rarity nodded. “We have been for some time, already.”
“You…you’re lying,” Twilight said, glaring at her friends angrily. “You’re…you’re just trying to make me feel better! Or play some kind of cruel joke on me!”
Pinkie shook her head. “Nuh-uh! We’d never lie about something like this, Twilight!”
“Not ever,” Fluttershy agreed.
“Yeah, it wouldn’t even make a good prank,” Rainbow said. “Where’s the punchline?”
“We really are immortal, dear,” Rarity said gently, stroking Twilight’s mane and trying to make it somewhat more presentable. “All of us.”
“But…but how?” Twilight whispered in disbelief.
Applejack smiled. “When ah was just a little filly, ah got lost in the Everfree and accidentally ate one o’ them legendary golden apples of the Hesperides.”
“The apples of the Hesperides?!” Twilight cried incredulously. “But that’s impossible! They’re just a myth! And guarded by a dragon!”
Spike perked up at this. “A dragon?”
“Correction, was guarded by a dragon,” Applejack said with a grin. “He ran off as soon as ah gave him a taste of Bucky McGillicuddy and Kicks McGee.”
“Oh,” Spike said in disappointment.
“Applejack, that’s incredible!” Twilight said eagerly. “Not just because it means you’ll never die on me, but because if that tree is now unguarded, we could use its fruit to benefit all of Equestria!”
“Er…sorry, Twi, but ah got no clue where that tree is now,” Applejack apologized. “Ah was lost, remember? And it wasn’t exactly easy to find my way back home, either.”
“Oh,” Twilight said in disappointment. “Well…what about the rest of you?”
“I bathe in blood generously donated by Spikey-wikey twice a week at the spa to retain my youthful beauty and gain draconic resilience and longevity,” Rarity said cheerfully.
“Anything for you, milady,” Spike said adoringly.
Twilight blinked. “Wait, what?”
“Okay, that’s kind of disturbing, even for me,” said a repulsed Discord.
“I accidentally ingested part of the phoenix feather Philomena gave me a while back, so now I have a phoenix flame burning within me. Whenever I die I’ll be reborn in fire,” Fluttershy said.
“Cool,” Spike said. He sighed. “I miss Peewee…”
“That’s nice, but what was that about Spike’s blood?” Twilight asked in concern.
“They poured too much liquid rainbow into my mold when they were making me at the foal factory,” Rainbow Dash said, rubbing her rainbow-colored mane. “When I first performed a Sonic Rainboom, it catalyzed the excess rainbow in my bloodstream, slowly beginning to convert it into pure Spectra. My second Rainboom finished the process, so now I’ve got pure rainbow juice flowing through me; make me as undying as light itself.”
“Doesn’t light go out? Like, a lot?” Spike asked. “And it’s not like rainbows last that long, anyway…” Rainbow glared at him in annoyance.
“Rarity, did you say something about bathing in Spike’s blood?!” Twilight asked in alarm.
“And I’m actually a non-Euclidean entity older than time itself that only chooses to look like a pony because I feel like it, and causality has no effect on me if I don’t want it too,” Pinkie said happily.
“Wait, what?” Twilight asked, forgetting about Rarity’s disturbing claim in light of this new information.
“Don’t worry, I don’t intend to destroy the world or eat anypony’s souls. I feed off happiness instead, which is why I make so much of it everywhere I go!” Pinkie said.
“I…what?” Twilight said, dumbfounded.
“In any case, for one reason or another, we ain’t going anywhere, sugarcube,” Applejack assured Twilight, nuzzling her cheek. “We’re here to stay. Forever.”
“Forever and ever and ever!” Pinkie said, nibbling on Twilight’s ear, which just happened to be one of her more erogenous zones.
Trying her best to keep her focus and not give in to the urge to ravish the pink pony and the others then and there from the absolutely delightful stimulation Pinkie was providing her, Twilight managed to gasp out, “But-but why…why did you never tell me?”
“Because before now, we were worried that you were going to die on us,” Fluttershy said, preening Twilight’s rather erect wing, causing it to stiffen further.
“I was positive that with all the magic in you, you were already immortal, but the others weren’t so sure,” Rainbow said, preening Twilight’s other wing.
“So we never told you, because we were afraid for the same reason you were just a moment ago…we feared you might die, and we would live on, and we didn’t want to burden you with that knowledge. Not just yet, anyways,” Rarity said, brushing Twilight’s mane.
“So you can imagine how happy we were when you became a Princess,” Applejack said as she massaged Twilight’s very tense back muscles, reducing her to putty in her hooves with a sensual moan of ecstasy. “And then we knew for absolute certainty we’d be together forever.”
“Then…why didn’t you tell me after I ascended?” Twilight asked, steadily losing control of her inhibitions under the loving ministrations of her friends.
Applejack blushed at that and looked away. “Well, sugarcube, no offense, but…when we’re all around you it’s hard to think of anything but pleasuring you as best we can.”
“Stupid alicorn pheromones and your unimaginably sexy good looks,” Rainbow said, not sounding the least bit upset.
“Then as your Princess, I can inform you right now that I am very pleased,” Twilight purred, finally giving into her Princess-sized libido. “But it’s not enough. I command you to ‘attend’ me. Now.”
“Yer wish is my command, Yer Highness,” Applejack said, leaning forward to give Twilight a kiss. Then Pinkie kissed her, then Fluttershy, then Rarity, and then Rainbow Dash. And then they started doing a lot more than kissing.
“Welp, that’s my cue to leave,” Spike said, turning tail and marching to the door.
“Aw, but they just started the good part!” Discord said, recording everything on his video camera.
“Don’t care!” Spike said, leaving the suite and slamming the door behind him.
Discord shrugged. “His loss.” Grinning, he continued filming. If this didn’t make him an Internet celebrity, nothing would!
A moment later, the singing stopped, the noise from the shower cut off, and the bathroom door swung open, steam wafting out as a very damp Luna trotted out, her mane and lower body wrapped in towels. She blinked when she saw her surroundings and the orgy going on in front of her. “This isn’t my bedroom,” she said after a moment.
Discord whistled nonchalantly and quickly disappeared.
Author's Note
The idea for this story came to me because I'm a little tired of all the sad and depressing, "OMG I'm immortal and all alone" stories out there. While many of them are written quite well, all the angst gets tiring after a while, hence why I decided to go the other way and make something silly and happy. I think it worked, don't you?
